1
Morning, Bayzo!
Fuck.
Hey,Lana!
'Sup Scabs?
Might have
something big brewin'!
Tell me!
I can't talk about it.
I don't wanna jinx it.
I love you, Tina Warden.
I love you more!
- Nuh-uh.
- Uh-huh!
Hey!
Hey, would you listen to me?
No, I have wasted enough time.
You don't know what
you're talking about,
you bloody philistine!
I can't live
like this anymore!
You'll see!
One day my paintings are
gonna be worth millions.
All units, we have
a 211 in progress
on Lankershim and Hesby.
Shots fired,
repeat, shots fired.
All I'm saying is
that all the CEOs
that bankrupted this country
should have went to prison.
Hang the greedy
cocksuckers in Times Square.
Make a day of it.
Jake on the river.
Fin spot.
All in.
Speaking of greedy bastards.
I'm low stacked.
Gotta make a move.
I call your bluffing ass.
I think not, sucker.
Trip nines.
Jack high flush.
You lucky prick,
you chased down
a flush with all my betting?
I had a feeling, daddy-o.
All night long you've
been knocking out
guys catching river cards.
That's the way
it goes, kemosabe.
Congratulations, Trevor.
What the hell
happened to your TV?
Threw it out.
Can't stand your
network TV crap.
It's really depressing.
Then what the hell do you do?
Read, paint, think.
Can't blame you with
the shit we put out.
Yeah, shit you
can't even get on.
Blow me!
Hey, hey, hey,
what are you doing?
What are you doing?
I'm just seeing if the whore's
got any action going tonight.
I don't want her
seeing you, mate.
You said she likes it.
I don't need any
more headaches, okay?
She's been
wanting to bang you.
You're free now, right?
Out, out, out, out.
Give me a shout the next
time she puts on another show.
Don't cut off your ear,
Van Gogh, Nancy will be back.
No, no, no.
Take it, you hosted
and bought booze.
Thanks man.
What about me?
You're uber flush.
Yeah, fucking funny.
I got an eight cent
residual check today.
I'm broke.
I drive deadbeat pool riders.
Then Why'd you play?
Because I thought
I was gonna win.
You think that every time.
Yeah, because normally
I do, every time.
Not tonight.
Yeah, because you had
a shoe horse up your ass.
You beat bees
chasm' a gut shot,
hammered chip catching
a boat on a river,
and knocked out
mudcap with quads!
Take it and stop your crying.
Love you, brother.
I had a nice time
tonight, Ciaran.
Don't let it get you
down, Nancy loves you.
You don't want her back.
Don't say that.
No offense, but
I never liked her.
She was a safety from day one.
They're all the same.
They love you when you're
20, oh, you're so talented,
you hit 25 still struggling,
they get anxious.
But you cross 30
and haven't made it,
they hit the bricks just
like that bitch Beth
did to me with the
fucking WB-gan.
Two years, glad to
see you're over it.
Yeah, all they want
in the end is security,
and she'll turn you into a fucking
tax accountant to get it.
Don't you call her.
I'm not.
I see that look.
Oh, baby, please come back
to me.
I'm not, alright?
Fuck her!
That's right!
Fuck her, fuck 'em all!
We're artists,
that's what we do.
Let's go, Mister Romance.
Uh-huh.
Fucking piece of shit.
Baby, please come back.
You know how much I love you.
I love you.
No, no I'm not drunk.
I'm not drunk.
I can't, what?
I can't hear, there's
something going on.
I can't even hear
what you're saying.
Nancy?
Nancy?
Nancy?
Bitch.
Oh baby, you know
what daddy likes
Oh, great.
Just my luck.
Please tell me
you didn't call.
No, of course not.
Good man.
I left a few brews.
Hey, what was with
the choppers earlier?
Ah, bank robbery.
B of A on Lankershim.
Cops have been
searching for hours,
but you'd know that
if you had a TV.
Ah, gracias.
Hello, belle.
Holy shit!
Wow.
Please tell me
you're not punking me.
Oh, it's real.
I was up all night counting it.
How much?
$650,000.
That's some serious cabbage.
Fuck yeah, can I?
No, no, don't touch it!
I just wanna smell it.
Ciaran?
Oh, smells like victory.
Okay, put it back.
They never returned, huh?
Unless they did
between the two hours
of sleep that I
got this morning.
No one saw you?
Don't think so.
What are you gonna do?
I don't know.
What do you mean
you don't know?
Okay, calm down.
There's probably gonna
be a good reward.
Are you nuts?
He can't keep it.
Of course he can.
He'd go to prison.
Yeah, what about all those
cocksuckers that robbed
the country that you're
always bitching about?
This is different.
How?
I'm not getting into this.
Fuck B of A.
Ciaran.
I don't know, man.
The feds are gonna
be looking for it.
Let them.
He didn't steal it, those
loser gang-bangers did.
And they're gonna
be coming back.
Great!
Hopefully they get caught.
And when they
do, they're gonna
tell them where they
put it and the feds
are gonna be all
over this place.
They're never gonna believe
two loser gang-bangers,
and even if they did, he
doesn't know anything.
His girlfriend just dumped him
and he was passed out drunk,
just like any normal guy
would be, end of story.
They're gonna be questioning
everyone in the complex.
They'll be monitoring bank
accounts, tapping lines.
Come on!
Trust me, feds
don't take losing
this amount of money lightly.
They'll do whatever it takes.
So, he hides it and
lays low for a while.
It's not that simple.
There's a million
ways to get caught.
Not too mention karma.
Oh, fuck karma.
Maybe God wanted us to have it.
Ever think of that?
You asked for my two
cents and I gave it to you.
Ciaran, don't be stupid.
Okay, okay!
My head is killing me.
This can change
our lives, Ciaran.
What do you mean, ours?
Well you wouldn't have
found it if it wasn't for me.
Oh yeah, how's that?
Well I told you
about the robbery.
I saw them stash it.
Before or after I came over.
Before.
Then how come you
didn't say anything then?
I was freaked out, alright?
It's not every day I
find this kind of money.
Seemed pretty calm to me.
Okay, let's not do this.
He found it and that's it!
Hmm.
What?
Stop!
Fine.
Okay, I gotta think this over.
You'll do the right thing.
Let's go.
Whatever you do, don't turn
in that fucking money, Ciaran.
As long as you play it
cool, you can beat 'em.
And you can get a thousand
hotter chicks than Nancy.
Look at this fucking clown.
Ah!
Carry on.
Abracadabra!
For you.
Oh, thank you so much!
My pleasure.
Ah!
Bet you didn't see
that trick coming,
you fucking Hou-dimwit.
You're disgusting!
I'm gonna go tell Adele!
Oh yeah, run to your
mommy, you little bitch!
Yo, what the fuck?
Where the bags at?
It's not here, dawg!
Look.
- Son of a bitch. Shit.
- Come on, come on.
I wanna suck your cock.
You picked the wrong
dude to mess with.
Yeah, too bad for you, hombre.
Don't you guys have pads?
Pads are for pussies!
Right, Scabs?
No, you gotta have pads.
I miss my family
in Dublin, man.
It's been three years.
They're going through
a rough time, too.
I understand, but--
I was thinking I could
just send them a few grand.
Turn in the rest.
You don't think they'd know?
Come on, banks lie about
this shit all the time.
They probably reported
two million stolen.
I wouldn't put it past them.
I'm sure they'll be
happy just to get it back.
Relax.
It's Owen.
Hell, What's going on?
Not much.
I got a birthday gift for you.
My birthday's
not for two weeks.
I thought you could use
this now that you're single.
Betsy's been good to me.
Had her custom made
after Beth left.
You sick bastard.
I'm ain't touching
that nasty thing.
Come on.
Man gets lonely, Nurse Rachet.
She gives pretty good head, too.
Oh hey, Trev.
What's up?
Nothing, just came by
to see how he was doing.
Oh.
Those gang-bangers
came back last night
looking for the money.
What'd they do?
Nothing Owen, they
just took off pissed.
Beautiful!
Last thief is the best thief.
Hey, I'm not a thief, alright?
It's just an expression
where I come from.
How come you guys
didn't call me?
I'm right across the hall.
He didn't call
me, I just came by.
Oh, so it's a coincidence?
Meaning?
Nothing.
You take a look at them?
No, it was too dark.
Fuck 'em, should have
called the cops on 'em.
Yeah, that's all I need.
Well, I didn't hear about
it on the news anyway.
Doesn't mean it's over.
Its L.A., there's a
bank robbery every day.
I think it's stupid
to turn in the money.
I say you hide it and lay
low till things blow over.
I don't know.
Well I do, alright?
They could get killed
in a shoot out.
Anything's possible.
I just think it's
stupid to turn it in.
We've all struggled for years
and what do we have
to show for it?
You're right.
You're fucking
right, I'm right!
It's up to you, Ciaran.
I know, I know.
Look, how 'bout you
give me a few C-notes,
and I'll go break 'em in
some joints in Hollywood?
No, they could be marked.
Just as a test.
Look, I don't think
it's a good idea.
Fine.
Continue painting,
you continue writing
great scripts no one ever buys,
and I'll continue
auditioning for shit
because that's all
they ever make.
And we'll all continue
living like fucking animals!
Jesus!
Stay the fuck away from me.
Give me the money.
What are you
guys talking about?
Give us the fucking
money and we'll go!
Stay away from me!
Shit.
Hola, Humberto.
Buenos dias, Ciaran.
Keep everyone
back, I don't want
anything to mess
up the forensics.
10-4, detective.
Hey Lana, do you know
what's going on here?
Some woman was
murdered next door.
Do you know which condo?
In the back, I think.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Oh, fuck, fuck.
Jesus Christ,.
Stay away from her, we'll let
handle this.
Where's McNutty, he
calling off again?
Fuck...
Look, now's not a
good time, alright?
Oh, hi.
Don't have time for what?
I didn't think it was you.
You don't seem too
thrilled to see me.
It's great to see
you, hon, honestly.
Uh, aren't you
gonna invite me in?
I was just gonna
go get some cigs.
Are you hiding
someone in here?
No.
What's going on?
Nothing.
Okay, a few days ago you
were begging me to come back,
and now you're not
even happy to see me.
I thought it was Owen.
Oh, great, that loser.
He's just going through a
rough time, like we all are.
Okay, he was born ignorant,
and has been losing
ground ever since.
Not too mention he
is a bottom-feeding,
broke, alcoholic Lyft driver.
Uben
Okay, that's even worse.
They don't even tip.
Anything else?
I care about you,
Ciaran, I really do.
You're smart and you're
funny, you're so talented.
I just can't stand by and watch
your friends drag
you down with them.
No, they're not, they're not.
Alright, I'm sorry.
Hey, I love you.
Honey, honey, honey, honey.
What?
Now's not a good time.
What?
What's this?
I'm going on a fishing
trip just to clear my head.
Mm.
And who's the other bag for?
Trevor.
He gave the other one to Hanika.
Hmm.
Would you please get
the fuck out of our lives!
We get that all the time.
Yeah, but usually we're
in their lives, first.
lam so sorry, I thought
it was someone else.
I am Detective Dark, this
is my partner, McNutty.
Don't go there.
We need to ask the
tenant a few questions.
That'd be me.
May we?
Please.
Thanks.
What's going on?
Woman next door was murdered.
We just need to
ask a few basics.
Murdered?
Yeah, it happens
occasionally in L.A.
Oh, my God.
I'll talk to you
later, honey, okay?
- Are you sure?
- Yeah, I'm gonna be fine.
- Okay, call me later.
- I will. I will.
You got yourself a
real charmer there.
Uh, we had a little
fight, you know.
Painter, huh?
Yeah, trying.
Aren't we all.
Kinda dark.
I have my days.
Don't we all.
The woman murdered
was directly
across from your window here.
So I heard.
From who?
A neighbor, Lana.
What's up with the bags?
We were gonna
take a little trip.
You know, Nancy had to work
so that's why we fought.
Every single time, huh?
You see anything?
No, I got drunk
after the fight,
and then I passed out around 10.
Hmm, 10.
What time was she--
Right about that time.
Yeah.
Must have been a
real sicko to have
done that to that girl, hmm?
Worst I've ever seen.
Gut the hell out of her.
Wow.
Let me ask you, why did
you hide when I saw you?
Oh, no, I wasn't hiding.
Nancy was at the door.
Hmm.
Did you hear any
screaming or anything?
No, sorry.
See any suspicious characters
in the neighborhood last night?
Uh, no.
Although, there was a few
police helicopters
the other night.
Oh, that was the
NoHo bank robbery.
- Is that what it was?
- Here's my card.
Call me if you
have any questions.
- Yeah.
- Sure thing.
Go easy on the
sauce, kid, huh?
No matter what it is, they're
not worth it, trust me.
This guy's a drunk.
Yeah.
Just odd, I couldn't figure
out what the accent was.
Whether it was English, Irish,
Welsh, something, whatever.
It's not him.
We'll see.
Here, drink this.
Oh man, this is bad.
You know, I feel so terrible.
Just relax.
Take it easy.
That poor girl.
She was a ho!
Look, I'm just saying, it
goes with the territory.
They killed her!
Nobody deserves
to die like that!
You don't know
that they did it.
She was banging ever low
life john in the valley.
Any one of those twisted
fucks could have done it.
I mean, look at the
Craigslist guy.
He could be right.
They saw her, the
next day she's dead!
That's all my fault!
I just think
you're overreacting.
Owen's probably right.
It could just be a coincidence.
Don't be so hard on yourself.
I gotta think.
Okay, get some rest.
Call me later.
I'm right across the way.
Don't do anything stupid.
Would you just relax?
He wouldn't have even found
that money if it wasn't for me!
Alright, just calm down!
This is our big ticket out!
- Yeah, okay.
- Alright, and change our lives!
Alright, please.
Hanika needs to just
be out of the picture.
Stop, stop.
But you don't hang out
with the boys anymore.
Any card!
Fuck off, Ming, alright!
Sorry.
Fucking Duck.
Hey Duck!
Duck, it's one in
the fucking morning!
Oh, that early?
Yeah, turn it down, mate.
Hey, go fuck yourself, Ciaran.
Hey, one of these days I'm
gonna kick your fucking ass!
Well, why not do
it right now, huh?
You're outta here,
you fucking asshole.
Yeah, good luck,
painter pussy.
This fucking place.
Hey,Scabs!
Scabs, can you give
it a break, mate?
Oh, how you doin', Ciaran?
Fuck off.
This fucking place!
That fucker's crazy.
I can't take it anymore.
I'll talk to him again.
No, that's it, I'm leaving.
Consider this my 30 day notice!
Either he goes or I go.
Hola.
I'm looking for the manager.
That's me.
I'm here to see the
junior one bedroom.
$950, first and last.
The living room has
brand new carpets
and Cesar Romero
used to live here.
Do you have anything
on the other side?
Not till next month.
It's one bedroom.
Which apartment?
24, right across the way.
He's been with us for years.
NoHo Pizza Boys,
order for Ming.
I didn't order no pizza.
Hey, hey, hey,
what are you doing?
Hey, where's the
money, magic man?
What are you talking about?
Don't play games with us,
where's the fucking money?
I don't know what the
hell you're talking about!
- Then why are you moving?
- Huh?
Why are you moving?
That crazy Duck!
That's why you're moving?
Don't steal all my money!
Give me my money!
McNUTTY: So have you been living
in this apartment for a while?
I mean, in this complex?
Okay.
Alright.
- Thank you so much.
- Yeah.
Sorry!
Right on cue, fuck my life.
I'll be right there.
Morning detectives.
Not for some of us.
I prefer my coffee black.
Yeah, sorry about that.
I got freaked out seeing
the dead magician.
May we?
Yeah, yeah, please.
Let me get you a napkin.
That'd be alright.
You know the guy?
Who?
The murdered magician.
Ah, ah, no, no.
He kept to himself, you know.
He was very quiet.
I bet he wasn't
quiet last night.
His name was
Ming the Magician.
He worked at the Magic Mansion.
You ever speak to him?
No, I saw him in the
washroom once in a while,
but he never said a word.
He have any friends?
Not that I know of.
You know, he was kind
of a weird loner.
You hear anything?
I was sound
asleep, and I heard
this rumbling
sound so I woke up.
But it stopped and
I fell back asleep.
Guy's getting brutally
murdered right next door,
and you go back to sleep?
I thought it was an
earthquake, man, you know?
It's tragic.
It coulda been me.
Why's that?
Someone want you dead?
Oh no, of course not.
Why do you got blood
dripping from your hands?
Oh, I found this rabbit.
That would be evidence.
It came hopping out, and so
I felt bad for it, you know?
You ever take care
of a rabbit before?
No.
My daughters had one.
It died of heat stroke in
the back yard last summer.
- Still haven't gotten over it.
- Let's not get off track here.
It's astounding to me that
you didn't hear a thing.
Sorry.
You boozin' again?
Oh, no, I was sober as a...
I was sober.
Hmm.
You have my number.
What about the rabbit?
Keep it for now.
And it doesn't like carrots,
contrary to what
most people believe.
Cabbage.
And keep it out
of the direct sun, hmm?
Hey, hey, that's
mine, that's mine.
You.
Hey, give it to me.
No, screw.
Give it to me!
Screw you, get lost!
Fine, you want
money, you want money?
How's five bucks, huh?
Five bucks.
Alright, 10.
There you go.
It was Duck.
Duck!
Duck.
Fucker!
It was Duck.
What?
Duck.
- What?
- Duck.
He had it in for the magician.
I'm lost here.
He hates everybody.
They're deaf.
- Oh. Oh.
- Oh, okay.
Really.
Really?
Uh-huh, wow.
Uh-huh.
- Wow.
- What's she saying?
Oh, I haven't got a clue, man.
I don't sign.
Old bastard!
Oh, Duck!
They think Duck did it.
Yeah.
Who's he?
Goth maggot.
Right!
Okay, well here's my card if
you two remember, never mind.
Yeah, I did it.
Arrest me now.
I'm Detective Dark, this
is my partner McNutty.
Don't go there.
What's your name?
Duck.
Duck.
Hey, you were the
guy who had that
reality show a few
years ago, huh?
Goth World.
1.5 million viewers.
My daughters hated you.
Yeah, well that's their loss.
Okay, what's your real name?
Yeah, I don't give that out.
Maybe you'd like to take a
ride up to North Hollywood.
Aren't we already
in North Hollywood?
Hey, what the fuck are you
section eight deadbeats
laughing about?
Maybe you want me to take away
your food stamp card, Ducky?
Listen, prick, if you
don't start cooperating
I'm gonna fuck you
up this side of NoHo.
Yeah, that doesn't
even make sense.
He's got ya there.
It makes sense to me.
That's all you should
be concerned about.
Oh.
Now what's your real name?
Felix, Felix Rain.
Oh, see that wasn't so
hard, now was it, Felix?
Where were you
last night, Felix?
I was here, just
chillin' with my posse.
And you didn't hear that poor
bastard getting
brutally murdered?
We were playing the
new MMA game for Xbox.
It can get pretty loud.
I'm gonna make
this clear to you
in case you don't already know.
I don't like you.
That's not a good thing
to have on your rsum.
If you had a fucking
clue what one was.
That's weird, cause he
usually loves everyone.
Thanks, man.
What's with the rabbit?
Long story.
Come on in.
What a fucking nightmare.
So you think it was them?
I don't know.
I took a Valium to help me sleep
and the next morning I wake up,
they're carting off
the dead magician.
Wow.
Well you'll be safe here.
I'm so stressed, man.
Look, Hanika's
getting groceries.
She'll come back we'll
have a nice dinner.
Relax.
I thought she went back.
A possible au
pair job came up,
so she decided to
stay a few extra days.
I know she's not the
brightest bulb, alright,
but she takes care of business.
And you know, the next
thing I know I own a rabbit.
That's bizarre, dude.
Tell me about it.
I mean, I can
understand killing a mime.
Yeah, well--
I dated one once.
He'd be like...
I'd be like, yeah, I
fucking hate you too!
You know?
And he'd be like...
I mean, have you
ever blown a mime?
Not that I can recall.
Well, I'd be down
there doing the business
and he'd just be sitting
there with a shit eating grin.
Not one word.
I'd be like, a little
moaning for the effort, dude.
Right?
Right, babe?
Well, thanks for taking me in.
Oh, it's our pleasure.
I mean, murder can
be a real downer.
Yes, it can, Hanika.
Fuck, shit.
Fuck.
Shit.
We're so glad we could help.
Thanks, you're
really something.
Thank you.
You fucking told her.
What?
She came into my room last
night looking for the money.
No way.
Unbelievable.
I had a few drinks.
She's from Prague.
She doesn't know anyone.
Ciaran.
Shit.
What the fuck?
How's it going?
That fucker, Trevor,
told his chick.
I begged him to
cancel that Czech!
The crazy bitch comes
crawling into my room last night
like a Czech fucking commando
looking for the money.
I told you not to trust him!
No, you didn't.
Well, I meant to.
I mean, he's a nice guy
and all, but I don't know
what he's doing with
this ditch Czech bitch.
She blew him one time at
Circus Douche Soleil, and--
And I come home
and find that my
balcony door has
been jimmied open.
No shit.
You think it was them?
I hope not.
Wow.
Did you see anyone
snooping around last night?
No, I didn't
know you were gone.
I gotta hide this money good.
Oh, you took it with you?
Why do you think that?
I'm just assuming.
Was it you?
What? No!
Let me see your shoes.
- Why?
- Come on, man, let me see it.
Let me see.
Okay, okay, I'm sorry.
Oh, you motherfucker!
I was just gonna take a few
grand to produce this play.
You'd risk my life
for a fucking play?
It has a great
part in it for me!
Nancy's right.
You are a piece of shit.
No, the hell with her!
You wouldn't have any of
this if it wasn't for me.
Bullshit, man.
You crossed the line.
- No, no, look!
- Get out!
I'm trying to
do something here.
We finally have a
chance to be somebody!
- Get out!
- Ciaran, please.
- Get the hell out. Get out!
- Please, listen to me, please!
Get the hell out!
Get the hell outta here,
you stupid Czech bitch!
I have no money.
What am I supposed to do!
Go blow your mime.
Oh, fuck it.
Fucking shit.
What's up, Owen?
What's up with him?
Fruit ass.
Can I help you?
Yeah, I saw your
ad on Craigslist.
Said you were looking
for a maintenance man?
What can you do?
Painting, patching, stucco,
plumbing, uh, light electrical.
We only pay minimum.
Okay.
Like, yeah, perfect.
Tomorrow, 9 a.m.,
no drugs, no alcohol.
Nope, nada.
You won't be disappointed.
These Santa Anas, huh?
Okay, make believe
I'm the bad guy
and I'm coming at you, okay?
And I'm gonna take a punch.
What you gotta do
is you gotta snap
-your head back like this, okay?
- Okay.
- And you sell it.
- Right.
-Okay.
-Okay.
Bam, sell it.
Got it? Alright.
What the hell, Scabs?
Are you okay?
He forgot to sell it.
NANCY". Ciaran, call me
right away, please.
Hey, it's Trevor,
call me when you can.
I'm sorry, pal.
Come on, pick up.
Where the hell have you been?
I told you, fishing.
Why didn't you pick up?
There's no reception in
the Kern River, you know that.
Oh my God, I'm just so
glad that you're okay.
I saw on the news that there
was another murder here.
Yeah, I'm fine.
You have got to
get out of here.
North Hollywood is not
a safe place anymore.
Nothing's ever
happened in years.
Well, look, I
talked to my father,
and he said he could get you
in at his accounting firm.
Accounting?
Yeah.
You'll make great money.
Come on, Ciaran, it would
give us some security.
You never believed in me.
Of course, I did.
It's not gonna work.
What?
What do you mean?
It's over.
You're dumping me?
I just can't give
you what you want.
Three years and that's it?
Look, if I walk out
that door right now,
lam never coming back.
I'm sorry, I'm
sorry, I'm sorry.
Hey, bravo!
Yeah, you flag
kissing faggots suck!
I'm gonna kick your goth punk
ass before I throw you out!
Well good luck with that.
My Uncle Oscar will put all
you freaks out in the street.
Why don't you go
back in your cave
with your rap listening
rodent friends?
Yeah, it's called music,
you fucking dinosaur!
No, this is music.
Okay.
Yeah, and don't
think I didn't hear
you rattin' me out, Scabbies.
Hey, I don't give a shit.
You're dead, you
fake stunt douchebag.
Ah, fake, huh?
Come on, let's see
about fake, huh?
Oh, you haven't got the balls.
Oh, fuck you, buddy!
Easy Scabs.
Dream on, you never-has-been.
Yeah, has-been? What have
you been doing lately?
Some of that stupid
reality show, huh?
Oh, so stupid, in fact,
CBS is tailoring a
sitcom around me, huh?
Huh, you wish.
Tune in this fall, bitch.
In the meantime, you can
suck the Duck's puck.
Yeah, you're all a bunch
of smagmasucking losers!
Screw him, man.
He doesn't know nothing.
He doesn't know what
he's talking about.
No question, screw him.
I mean, I doubled
Stallone in Judge Dredd,
Arnold in Last Action Hero,
and Willis in Hudson Hawk.
Classic flick, Scabs.
Listen, the fireworks
are gonna start
any minute now, alright, Scabs?
Don't let him ruin your Fourth.
You would have
killed him, Scabs.
You're damn right.
What's shakin', Lana?
I just got cast in the
new Tchaikovsky ballet.
Oh, congrats!
What's he like to work with?
I don't know, I
haven't met him yet.
Oh.
What's going on with
that big action movie?
Shh!
We don't talk about it,
we don't wanna jinx it.
Okay.
Well let me know if
they need a dancer.
I thought you were busy?
Well, I don't know if
this Russian guy's a flake.
What's going on with Owen?
Oh, he's acting a
little weird lately.
He's strung out on something.
He's always strung out.
Happy birthday, America.
What's up, Owen?
Besides your dick.
Why won't you ever
have sex with me?
Because I can't stomach you.
Oh, right.
But I will give you
a shoulder to cry on.
You can't touch me.
Fucking Ciaran.
Yeah, where is Ciaran?
Why is he not at the party?
Mr. Greedy McPrick.
What's going on?
I can't say, like some rats.
God help me.
Hey, Ciaran.
I'm sorry to bother you so
late, I ran out of sugar.
At two in the morning?
Yeah, that magician's murder
really has me frightened.
I heard like it was a
blood bath in there.
I thought maybe a soothing cup
of chamomile might
help me sleep.
Okay, well, I gave up
sugar a couple of years ago.
Let me see what I can find.
Merci.
First that poor girl
next door, and now this?
Really gives me the
creeps that some
serial killer might
be on the loose.
Yeah, it's really scary.
Ah, here we go.
How's your, uh,
how's your painting going?
It's good.
Good.
I heard you and Nancy broke up.
We're still talking.
That's nice.
Good.
whoops!
Sorry.
It's okay.
A little sugar never
hurt anyone, right?
Uh, well you have your sugar.
Thank you so much.
You're a life saver.
What are neighbors for?
If you ever need to vent,
or talk, just give me a knock.
I always think it's
healthy for a man
to have a woman's point of view.
Fucker.
God, no wonder she left him.
I mean, I've worked
with all the best,
Hal Needham, Dar Robinson.
Wow.
Yeah, I taught
Dar all his stunts.
I mean, I even came up with that
high fall gag in
Sharky's Machine.
Get outta Burbank!
I mean, he got all the
credit, but it was all me.
I mean, I woulda done it myself,
except I threw my
back out doubling
Rutger Hauer 'm Blade Runner.
Runner!
So what are you
still doing here?
Well, my ex got
the Pacoima estate.
So I'm just hanging out here
biding my time until
my ship comes in.
And she's come in, boys.
How big, like
just a little hint?
Well it's big, but I
can't really talk about it.
Oh, no, no, no,
come on, Scabs!
You're gonna learn from
the master in the big time.
Alright, what I will say is that
you're looking at the
stunt coordinator.
You're kidding!
No, Scabs never kids.
That's awesome!
And I'm taking
you guys with me.
Really?
It's like Titanic, dos.
Could I be the propeller guy?
I don't think he made it.
Closed captioning for tonight's
Los Angles Philharmonic
provided by Dolby.
- Come on, motherfucker.
- Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Get his ass.
Where are you going, huh?
- Stuntman, huh?
- Where are you goin', huh?
Wanna go somewhere, huh?
Come here.
Hey, I'll teach
you how to fly.
Yeah.
Ciaran, open up.
Leave me alone.
It's important!
Suck my big Irish balls!
Scabs is dead.
Scabs,huh?
Oh, man, what happened?
I don't know.
I was watering my
plants and I found him.
- I can't believe it.
- Oh shit.
Yeah, he's dead, man.
Yeah, it stinks.
Let me guess,
boating accident.
This is the place
where I found him
when I was watering my buds.
Who are you?
Adele, the manager.
His unit was ransacked.
What's his name?
Randall Dumbrowski, but
everybody called him Scabs.
I don't get it.
He worked non-union.
Nobody leave.
That means you, pal.
Hey, go fuck yourself.
Who's he?
Bayzo, you don't
wanna go there.
And why's that?
He hasn't been the same since
the Ringling clown tragedy.
at
the end of Die Hard.
No, no, the cliff
jump in Butch Cassidy.
No, no.
Oh, my God!
No way.
No, no, it can't be!
Scabs does that
high-dive in his sleep.
He was murdered.
Oh.
I love you so much!
Oh, I love you!
The bastard did it!
Murderer!
Murderer!
Your lips around
my cock completes me!
I really hate that guy.
This isn't good,
this isn't good.
At least we won't get woken up
by him pounding on
that stupid heavy bag.
Have a little
respect, would ya?
What? I was just looking
at the bright side.
Right, go down there and
find out what's going on.
Okay.
Don't say anything stupid.
Alright, Jesus.
And my hands around
your throat completes me.
Touch me, I'll sue your ass.
Where were you,
playing Xbox again?
That deaf bitch doesn't know
what the hell she's
talking about.
I wasn't even here.
I was with my girl, Ganya,
chillin' at her place all night.
Ganya-rhea.
Where'd you dredge her up?
The line at four
o'clock in the morning
for the Twilight Saga?
Right, the same time you
were in line at Walmart
waiting on your new
leisure suit sale, huh?
Anything else to say?
I didn't think so, huh?
I'm gonna sue your ass!
Look, I got witnesses
here, alright!
Anybody see anything?
No.
No.
You got Marilyn
Manson over here,
and we got a dozen witnesses
who ain't seen nada.
Good luck with Larry H. Parker.
- Are you okay, baby?
- Sit down!
Fuck you guys.-
I'm sorry, I had
enough of that asshole.
You're lucky he's an idiot.
What the hell's going on?
Is this a serial killer?
Why aren't you arresting him!
Everybody just
calm down, relax.
You relax.
I haven't had two
vacancies since
Vanilla Ice and Lindsay
Lohan were thrown out!
Maybe this is just random.
It could be a coincidence.
Random, really?
The magician, Scabs,
and the girl next door?
Duck had it out for him.
We're avenging!
Yeah, nobody kills the
master and gets away with it.
Who are you?
I'm Arlo, and this
is my brother, Duane.
We're stuntmen.
Scabs was teaching us.
And he was the
greatest stuntman.
Either of you
two see anything?
No.
They don't even live here.
Take a hike,
Simon and Garfunkel.
Take that skanky
bed mattress with you!
Okay, once again, did
anyone see anything?
No.
Who's gonna protect us?
We're gonna have a squad
car monitor the complex.
Just keep your doors
locked and report
any suspicious activity, okay?
Hey, at least we won't have
to sleep on the floor anymore.
True that.
Hey, is Ciaran alright?
Because I haven't seen him
come out in a couple days.
He's just laying low, painting.
Listen, about the other night.
Oh, you don't
have to thank me.
I wasn't.
Oh.
I was buzzed, I was
scared, that's all it was,
so just don't get
the wrong idea, okay?
I didn't say
anything stupid, did I?
Mm, everything that comes out
of your mouth is kind of stupid.
Oh, right.
I just meant,
nevermind, forget it.
I already did.
Hey, well, look, I'm in
tonight if you're free, maybe?
Fuck off.
I'll take that as a maybe.
Motherfucker,
where'd you hide it?
Come on, come on, come on.
Where is it, where is it?
Ciaran.
Ciaran, it's me, Owen.
Oh, shit.
Open up!
What the fuck.
What's he talkin' about?
You motherfucker!
What are you doing?
I bagged you!
When?
I just saw you
leaving my apartment!
I was just knocking
on your door,
I swear to God, but
you didn't answer!
You're full of shit, man!
I'm not, I'm not.
What the hell?
I can't leave for
two fucking minutes.
What happened?
Don't play that
stupid game with me.
You know damn well!
Know what?
You were just in my apartment!
I wasn't, I swear.
How'd ya get in?
I was just knocking
at your door.
- Give me the key.
- What key?
The master!
I don't have one, only Adele
and the maintenance guy do.
Humberto would never come into
my apartment if I wasn't there.
Where have you been?
He quit three days ago,
they have some new guy.
New guy?
Yeah, Humberto wasn't
too keen on sweeping up
brain matter for
eight bucks an hour.
But you'd know that
if you ever came out.
What's he look like?
Like they all do.
Shit.
What, you think
he's one of them?
Could be.
Please tell me he
didn't find the money.
- No.
- Thank God.
Let me check him out.
How?
I'll bring him over
to fix something.
See if he knows what he's doing.
No, it's not a good idea.
Well, how else
we gonna know?
What's it gonna prove
if he can't fix something?
I'll feel him out.
I'm an actor, I know
how to do this shit.
Oh!
Hola, my friend.
This thing broke and I tried
to fix it, as you can see.
But I'm no plumber.
Yeah, I'll take a look.
Thanks.
So, what's your name?
Eduardo.
Oh.
You're new here, right?
Si.
Been a lot of crazy stuff
happening around
here lately, huh?
You got to school for that?
My father, he was a plumber.
Me too, my old
man was a drunk.
Yeah, it's broken.
What do they call that thing?
It's an elbow drain.
That's what it is.
I'm gonna have to
order you a new one.
It's gonna take a
few days, though.
Days?
Yeah, gotta get
Oscar to approve.
You know the owners.
Right.
Well, thanks Emilio.
Eduardo.
Right, well, mucho
gracias, amigo.
Shit.
Wow, Mercury Marauder.
Now that's a bad ass car.
Bad ass.
Eduardo knew his business.
I'm sorry for choking you.
Nah, what are friends for?
Care for a brew?
No, I gotta stay
sharp tonight.
You know, you really
shoulda brought that money.
It's safe.
What if they come
through the balcony?
They'd never find it.
Your place ain't that big.
Who said it's even there?
- Where'd you--
- Don't.
Don't even ask.
Did you spend any?
Not a dime.
Well you should at
least buy something nice.
You know, splurge a little.
That raises a
red flag, you know?
Them or the cops see me
buying shit, I'm dead.
Nah, they got a hard on
for that jerk off, Duck.
Better him than me.
What?
Oh, that'd be too sick.
I like sick.
What?
Oh, my God, I told
you, the dude was heavy.
Welcome to the CBS family.
Awesome!
Hear that boys?
Dawn of a new Duck Dynasty!
I told you to be careful.
It's heavy.
Fuck you guys.-
This is our lovely pool.
The laundry room
is right out back.
It has all the amenities.
New tiles, new carpets,
Paul Muni once lived here.
And we're within walking
distance of the subway.
Oh my God!
Fight!
Let's go, Chubs.
Yo, you're being a
bitch, somebody drink.
Stop hitting me!
FUCK you!
Come on!
Rear naked show.
Rear naked show.
Come on!
Choke you out, Chubs,
chokin' you out, bitch!
Oh, you like that?
You like that?
Tap out, baby, tap out!
Tap out of it, losers!
Hey, the Manson
followers are Ieavin'.
Alright, I'm gonna do
another walk through.
Alright.
All units, officer
down at Vineland and Victory.
Repeat, officer down
at Vineland and Victory.
McNUTTY: Just got a call,
Jake, let's go!
Hey, hey, what are you
doing? You can't come in here!
Hey, hey, what--
Alright folks, show's over.
You said you would protect us.
We're doing the
best we can, ma'am.
Your best?
This is insane!
I'm outta here!
I told you it wasn't him.
Yeah, we got taken.
Thinkin' the painter?
Who else?
He'll slip up.
They always do.
Here's the mop, the water.
Clean up the blood,
put in a fresh carpet.
You must be the new guy.
I'm Ciaran.
Speak English?
Eduardo.
It's nice to
meet you, Eduardo.
Don't you hate it when people
don't remove their lint, huh?
Yes, it's always bad when
people don't do the right thing.
You ain't got a lot of laundry.
Yeah, I save it up
for the week days.
You know, when it's not so busy.
You're very smart.
I don't know about that.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Have a nice one, yeah?
I'll see you later.
Watch out, man!
Where'd you get this?
- That's mine!
- Where'd you get this?
- Where'd you get this?
- Fuck you!
I swear to God, I
will blow your head off!
Where'd you get this bag?
Where'd you get this?
Where'd you get this?
FUCK you!
- Where'd you get this bag?
- That's mine!
Where'd you get
this shit, hmm?
Where'd you get this shit?
Afternoon, Detectives.
You mind?
Kinda busy right now.
This'll just take a minute.
So how's the rabbit?
Good.
Yeah, he's out on the balcony.
He's got plenty
of water, cabbage.
Good.
You going somewhere?
Weekend getaway
with the honey.
I thought you two broke up.
We made up,
that's why the trip.
Where you going?
Nancy's surprising me.
You never know with her.
It could be Big
Bear, the desert.
Oh, that's sweet.
Marcie never did that
for me, the bitch.
You didn't like this Duck
guy very much, did you?
No, no, everyone hated him.
Hmm, can't imagine why.
Who's taking
care of the rabbit?
Neighbor.
Trained?
Alright, already!
Oh come on, I was just sayin',
that rabbit is one
of God's creations.
So you have no idea
why this is happening?
Not a clue.
When do you leave?
- Tomorrow morning.
- Okay.
Well, we'll be staked
up here tonight.
In case it makes
you feel any better.
Yeah, it certainly does.
Keep your doors locked.
You can count on it, thanks.
I have your number.
And we have yours.
Shit.
Got you now, motherfucker!
What's that sound?
What the fuck?
- Come on, man.
- Oh, shit!
Shit, come on,
come on, let's go!
L.A.P.D., get
on the ground now!
Oh shit!
Ow, my ass!
Motherfucker shot me in my ass!
Yeah, just because I'm black.
Get the fuck off me, bitch!
Easy boys.
Have a nice night.
Looks like this is
what they were after.
That's a lot of cabbage.
Oh, fucking great.
Take him home with you.
Sure, I like rabbits.
Take him home with you.
Yeah, it looks
like he cleared out.
Where you going with that?
Evidence.
I still think it was
that sick Gacy clown fuck.
Forget it, Jake, it's NoHo.
You don't fuck with the deaf.
This is our lovely pool.
I'm a part time makeup
artist and Chet's a musician.
Hi.
Oh, huh.
What kind of music do you play?
Uh, heavy metal?
Oh, he's the lead drummer.
Percussions,
babe, precussions.
Oh right, sorry.
Oh, you're gonna
love this place.
Buddy Rich used to live here.
Who's he?
Perhaps they saw
the show tonight.
No, perhaps they saw
the show tonight.
Perhaps they saw
the show tonight.
A Mane?
Could you do me a favor?
Could you do me a favor?
Hope all is well, Trev.
Having a grand
time with me clan.
Be back soon.
You and Owen take
care of my paintings.
Someday they're gonna
be worth millions.
F.U., B of A.
Cheers, Ciaran.
That fuckin' Mick.