PATRIK, AGE 1.5
Based on a play by
MICHAEL DRUKER
Hello!
- I'm Jan.
- Gran Skoogh.
I'm Lennart Ljung,
the chairman of the association.
This is my wife, Louise.
We're at number 25.
Would you like something to drink?
- Monica?
- Welcome to the neighbourhood.
- Monica's my wife.
- And where's the little woman?
- Won't your wife be coming?
Yes... Well...
Here he comes.
This is Sven, my husband.
- Hi, I'm Sven.
- Welcome to the neighbourhood.
I'm Urban Adler. I'm the
Neighbourhood Watch representative.
- Are you familiar with the Watch?
- Not really...
Well, we all pitch in to prevent
break-ins and vandalism...
- Sounds good.
- It is. Would you like some decals?
- Sorry, we were expecting a family.
- That's right. Sven has a daughter.
She's almost 16, and we're hoping
she'll spend more time with us.
You can never tell, at that age.
- And...
- We're adopting a child.
We just got cleared by the authorities,
so we're waiting for our child.
But that's... absolutely wonderful!
Soon it will be our turn...
I can hardly believe it.
I can't believe I'm doing it.
I hated it the first time around.
- I'm only joking.
- You'd better be!
- I thought we'd thrown that crap out.
- They're genuine Lindbergs.
- Stig Lindberg.
- They're still ugly.
We agreed to get rid
of unnecessary stuff.
Stop it!
Welcome.
- Good to see you.
- Back off!
- We're see to see Dad's house.
- We have, so let's leave already.
Hello...
Nice. Cool outfit.
- Does this door lead out?
- Yes, into the garden.
- It's pretty big.
- Christ, you'll need a gardener.
I'm glad you came along.
I hope you'll spend time here
once the baby's arrived.
- Aren't you excited?
- Embarrassing is what it is!
- We were going to go for pine...
- I must say I'm surprised.
I never expected you to try
the home and a family thing again.
Have you shown her the nursery?
We'll have to put up new wallpaper.
We're thinking of a pastel shade,
yellow or turquoise.
- And one of those borders...
- Friezes.
The crib goes there,
and a rocking horse...
And a mobile over the crib.
And a music box.
And a "baby watch",
to monitor our child at all times.
I can see you...
But actually, all you need is love.
- Let go of me!
- Please wait here.
We've sent on our approval
to the organization,
but I would to update you
on the present circumstances.
Unfortunately, no countries
are willing to provide a child.
- What?
- We've been cleared.
At present, no countries are willing
to accept homosexual parents.
There's nothing I can do about that.
If there aren't any foreign children,
what about Swedish children?
A Swedish kid would be fine...
I mean, I don't mind
if the kid's Swedish or Danish...
Well, maybe not Danish...
I'll see what I can do,
but don't expect too much.
Just look at this!
What will people think if we can't
even take care of our garden?!
Bye, Daddy!
- Hey... Want a ride?
- That's all right, it's not far.
How do you feel?
Nervous?
Oh... No, not particularly.
- You'll do just fine.
- I know...
I hope you'll enjoy
working here, Doctor.
- Is this your first position?
- Yes...
It will be nice to have
a man around the place again.
- It's been a while since Doctor...
-...Svinhufvud ("Swine head").
The name suited him.
I understand that the position
has been vacant for some time.
And this is Nurse Irja,
our District Nurse.
She could certainly
use a little relief.
Yes?
Thank you.
Your first patient
is scheduled for 9:15.
Everything seems to be fine.
Oh, no murmurs or anything?
- Nothing abnormal?
- Not at all.
Listen, you see...
I have to go a lot.
At night and at work...
I have to leave meetings
and rush to the bathroom. Well...
That can be due to several reasons,
but I'll check your prostate grand.
- Or you can take a blood test.
- Thank you.
- Maybe we should get a dog.
- A dog?
I mean, we have Isabell,
and you like dogs...
It's not that we won't have a child,
we'll just have a dog as well.
- Hello!
- Hi...
- Everything fine?
- Sure...
- Just let me know if you need a hand.
- We're fine.
- Excuse me, your mailbox is...
- Sorry about that.
Thanks.
Sven!
A child... A child of our own!
- "Patrik, 1.5..."
- Don't you say one and a half?
"Patrik, 1.5 needs a new family."
"He has a troubled background and
needs love and a stable environment."
"lf you choose to accept, he can
come at the end of the month."
Thank you...
We'll just have
to hold down the fort.
Don't count on getting much sleep.
- Right back at you, "Daddy".
- Congratulations!
- Are you all right?
- Sure, I feel great.
Bye.
Those were Isabell's.
I figured that pink wouldn't
bother you.
How's Isabell?
She'll get used to it. I did.
Maybe having a brother
will make it easier.
Yeah... Maybe.
- When will he be arriving?
- Tonight, or tomorrow...
They couldn't give us a definite time.
If you drop by on Sunday,
you can meet him.
Why not?
How are things otherwise?
You know: exercise,
no smoking, no drinking...
- You're not my wife anymore.
- No. Thank God!
I've got
to catch the 4 o'clock bus.
I can give you a ride, if you like.
All right. Sure...
Oh... Thanks.
- You're new, aren't you?
- What do you mean?
I thought I recognised you at first,
but I guess you're new.
Would you like some coffee?
Are you working a new district,
or is this just a summer job?
Have a seat.
I could have sworn
I've seen you before...
- What's your name?
- Patrik.
- Really? That's his name, too.
- Whose name?
Our son.
- How old is he?
- One and a half.
I hope you don't
expect us to share a room.
- Share a room?
- You knew I was coming, didn't you?
- Social Services must have called.
- Social Services?
Exactly.
Wait a minute...
Has Social Services called yet?
They'd better call, so...
I thought it was the postman,
but he says Social Services sent him.
His name is Patrik.
There must be some mistake here.
- They sent us the wrong Patrik.
- The wrong Patrik? That's weird.
- Where's our Patrik?
- He could be anywhere.
- On Fridays they close at 4.
- It's 3:50 now.
Get the boy and we'll go.
Are you brothers?
- Do we look like brothers?
- How the hell would I know?
You live together, so I figured
you might be half-brothers.
Half-brothers?
Sven is my husband.
- You're a couple?
- We're married.
- I'm not living with homos!
- Let's sort this out.
There must have been
some kind of a mix-up.
I can't see...
You'll have to come back on Tuesday.
- We're closed this Monday.
- We didn't screw this up, you did!
Look,
I don't enjoy being a bad-ass, but...
- Let go of that mouse!
- No!
- That's classified information!
- Back off!
Bye.
Patrik Eriksson, 15 years old.
Mother: deceased.
Father: unknown. Patrik has
committed numerous crimes:
Theft, concealing a knife on his
person, aggravated assault...
I wonder how our Patrik is doing.
I mean, what kind of a household
did he come to?
They must be pretty puzzled as well.
Homos! Homos!
Homo!
We haven't heard anything yet.
Looks like
you'll have to stay here tonight.
Don't you touch me,
you fucking homo!
I'll go get a mattress.
- Poor baby, living with peddephiles.
- You don't know what that means.
They're creeps
who like to screw 14-year-olds.
I know one when I see one.
- Sven, he's only a kid.
- A kid with a knife.
We'll have to sleep in shifts.
I'll wake you up in four hours.
Hey...
Excuse me, but this young man
claims he's staying with you.
Is that right?
We have to consider
our own personal safety. - Shut up!
The police will have to take him
until we find our Patrik.
- It's not our responsibility.
- The kid's a criminal!
So you won't do anything?
Stop, I must ask you
to respect the safety zone.
He may look harmless,
but he's committed serious crimes...
Crimes that involve knives!
Look...
- Hello, what's your name?
- Bernt.
So, Bernt, do you mean that we
have to take in a potential killer...
-...because someone screwed up?
- Discuss it with Social Services.
Bloody hell...
If I get raped, it's all your fault!
Shit!
A parking ticket! Fucking hell!
- Hey, everything will be all right.
- Peddephile!
- "Paedophile".
- What?
The word is "paedophile".
Are you hungry?
You haven't eaten for 24 hours,
how about a hot dog?
Do you like hot dogs?
Excuse me...
Oh, sorry.
Listen, my husband, Sven...
We were here, don't you remember us?
Have you seen him?
We locked him up.
For abuse of a public official.
"Abuse of a public official"...
I'm going to sue them!
All because of that delinquent!
All this shit is his fault!
A bloody expensive parking ticket!
- Where are you going?
- I can take care of myself.
- We aren't responsible for him!
- We're doing it for our Patrik's sake.
Come on.
- Anyone got a smoke?
- No.
- It's not going to work, you know.
- What do you mean?
The kid...
What's he supposed to call you,
Daddy and Shaggy?
- Don't you have any relatives?
- No, they're all dead.
Every last one?
Know what my aunt said when they
asked if I could stay for the summer?
"If he shows up,
I'll set my dog on him."
So I don't have anybody.
- Homo!
- Bloody brats...
The kids around here like to tease us.
- Homo!
- Homo, homo...
- Shut up, you homo!
- What did you call me?
Go to hell, homo!
- Run!
- You fucking brats!
I'm going to kill you!
- What did you do?
- Teased them back.
We live here,
we've got to face their parents...
- Nobody calls me a homo!
- All right...
- That doesn't justify violence.
- You should talk!
That's different,
that was a bloody expensive ticket.
I expect you to apologise.
Do you hear me?
Hi. Welcome...
- Where's your... friend?
- Oh...
- You did get your invitation, I hope?
- Actually I'm here to apologise...
Oh, right... I figured you...
Well...
I guess it got lost.
That's all right.
- Where is it?
- Are you an alcoholic, too?
Who the hell do you think you are?
I'm going
to report you to the police...
Go ahead.
If you really think
it will make a difference.
- Shouldn't you get some sleep?
- So you get a chance to rape me?
- Maybe you can't sleep...
- Try anything and I'll get you.
You talk tough, but you're so scared
you can't even sleep.
You know,
I kicked a homo in the face once.
He was on the ground, bleeding...
And I laughed my fucking head off.
- He threatened to kill me.
- You're exaggerating.
I know what guys like that
are capable of, I've been there.
We've got to keep him
away from everyone until...
- What day is it?
- Sunday.
Damn it,
Eva and Isabell are coming over.
Hello.
This is for Patrik. Give it to him
on Tuesday, when he gets here.
- Why were things postponed?
- We aren't sure...
Excuse me... Hello.
I'd like to apologise
for my husband's behaviour.
Thank you...
He can be very clumsy.
- Who's that?
- Patrik.
- He's helping us out in the garden.
- That's great.
Yeah, he's so efficient.
Are you done already? Good job.
See you around.
Oh, we could use a hand
with our roses.
- We'll pay you, of course.
- No problem.
- You know about gardening?
- I'm not a total idiot.
I did gardening at the home, Rnnbo,
so I know a thing or two.
But getting paid is better.
- Why didn't you tell me?
- Why should I, homo?
- Maybe you could help me out?
- That depends...
How much are you willing to pay?
- 200?
- 500.
- 300.
- 500.
Don't fertilise them
more than once a week.
And the blue ones need
something more acidic to thrive.
They must have been
glad to have you at Rnnbo.
Not exactly.
The place was filled with idiots.
Always carrying on.
There must have been
someone there to depend on.
- But surely...
- I don't want to talk about it.
We were feeding them with the wrong
stuff and they had too much light.
Patrik offered to move them
to a better spot tomorrow.
- Could you please calm down.
- With a thug like that around?
Let's eat.
Hey, that's my seat... That's my seat!
- What difference does it make?
- Christ!
It does matter! We might as well
move the plates around, too.
You take mine and I'll take his.
Isn't this great?
- Where are you going?
- To work.
- Now?
- I've got stuff to take care of.
- Aren't you going to eat first?
- Eat? I can't even breathe in here!
You guys suck.
- Shut up, homo!
- What? You'll be sorry you said that!
Bloody hell...
Give me a hand. Come on!
I don't need any help!
Let go...
I'm sorry... I missed the bus.
Here.
Thanks.
Patrik?
I'm going out for a run.
Want to tag along?
I bought these for Sven,
but he's never worn them.
Forget it.
We're going to shop
for gardening supplies.
What the hell are you staring at?
Some cream...
Here you go, dear.
Oh, is the pastry for Dad? Here.
- Do I look like a dad?
- How should I know?
What did your dad look like?
- What about your mother?
- Like a strung-out old whore.
That's what she was. And my dad
can't have been much better.
Or maybe he paid to screw her,
I don't know.
I thought you might be thirsty.
Tomorrow you'll get to meet
your new parents.
- As long as they're not like you...
- I'm sure they aren't.
Your kid won't be like me, either.
That's lucky for you.
You can wait out here.
- Gran Skoogh...
- Please take a seat.
This matter concerns Patrik Eriksson.
There appears to be some issues
surrounding the procedure,
but we should be able to resolve them.
Does this look familiar?
I'm sorry, the original request
contained a small typographical error.
Our Patrik is one and a half,
he's not a teenager.
The boy that came to us should have...
The child this request concerned,
the child you agreed to take in,
is the only child available,
and he is 15 years old.
"Sven and Gran Skoogh
are hereby exempted
from the contract pertaining
to the placement of Patrik Eriksson."
"Patrik Eriksson is to be reinstated
at Rnnbo, effective immediately."
Patrik!
Wait!
Patrik!
I won't do it!
I'm not going back there!
I'd rather be dead...
Where the hell have you been?
I called...
He's staying
until they find a decent home.
Just for a few more days.
Sven, please...
Don't go!
If you go now, don't bother
to come back! Do you hear me?!
Aren't you getting up?
I thought we might go...
- It's all my fault.
- No...
There's something about me
that triggers bad things...
- Patrik...
- It's true!
It's been that way
since Ma died right in front of me.
Were you there when she died?
Me and the dog, they say.
She had set out juice and cookies,
and then she died.
She'd been dead for 24 hours
by the time they found us.
We ate up all the cookies.
Good thing
she had put out those cookies...
They put the dog down,
no one could take care of it.
They couldn't
very well kill me, though.
Even if they wanted to.
Listen to me, Patrik. We won't give up
until they find you a family.
I don't need a family, I need money.
Then I can take care of myself.
Everybody needs a family, and I'm
going to make sure you get one.
Shit...
Hear me out first...
I have two conditions:
I want to know exactly how long that
thug is going to intrude on us.
- Where have you been?
- And I demand an apology from him!
I expect to be reimbursed in some way
for the damage he's done here.
This is how it's going to be...
Patrik is staying here until
they can find him a decent family.
And I think
that you're the one who has to go.
As a matter of fact,
I want you to go.
What do you mean?
I don't think we should
see each other for a while.
Maybe ever again.
As long as I can remember...
...I've had this feeling
something was wrong with me.
I could never
quite put my finger on it.
But it's been like
I've just been waiting...
...for everything to fall apart.
And now this.
It's almost a relief.
It's operable.
The surgery could affect
your ability to have sex, but...
But I don't really
have a choice, do I?
Well, I didn't want
a little brother anyways.
What does Sven think?
- Sven's an idiot.
- Yes.
You're worth better.
- So am I.
- I know.
But I can't help hoping he'll be back,
even though I kicked him out.
Is there someone else?
No... I don't think so.
Do you think there could be?
Then you're lucky,
he cheated on me for 6 months.
- Really? Who with?
- You, you moron!
Mind if I sit down?
No, go ahead.
What a shame...
- What?
- You're so good-looking.
Have you ever tried it?
Doing it with a woman?
- I'm embarrassing you.
- A little.
That's not why I came over.
Lennart told me
about your gardening help,
and I was wondering
if I could borrow him for a few hours.
To make our garden nice
for the Association Day.
The annual block party.
It's next Saturday.
There's refreshments
and a huge garage sale...
It's a great way to unload
any old rubbish you may have.
I'll talk to Patrik.
Hey...
Could you show us
how to do kick flips?
- Have a good time...
- Bye-bye!
Monica?
You don't like me, do you?
- If there's anything the old doctor...
- Dr. Svinhufvud?
He was a jerk,
he didn't give a damn about people.
Not at all like you.
Listen, a whole school class
is coming in for vaccinations.
If we do it together,
it will go so much faster.
- Sounds good.
- Good.
Now simmer down...
I want you all to sit down.
What a lot of children!
Now isn't that nice?
How about I start with you?
And you can come with me.
This might sting a little,
but that won't bother you, will it?
There. We're done.
That went well, didn't it?
Hold onto that...
There.
You can put your shirt back on now.
Is it true that you're a homo?
Yes, it is.
What does that mean?
It's when a boy loves another boy.
Who are you in love with?
Sven.
- Are you together?
- Not anymore.
Maybe you'll get back together...
Come here.
If you ever lay a finger
on one of my kids again, you're dead.
- Do you like it?
- What about seafood?
Not even eggs?
- How do you get enough protein?
- "Tofy".
- Tofu?
- That's it...
- Do you serve vegetarian food a lot?
- Hardly ever.
Sven isn't too keen...
Come on.
I wonder why they can't find
a family for a nice boy like Patrik.
- Like some coffee?
- I'd love some.
- How about a brandy, too?
- Why not?
Sven was always the party person.
I was the sourpuss wife
who never understood him.
"It will never happen again."
You know the drill...
So now I'm trying
to learn to enjoy life. Cheers!
Too bad it tastes so fucking awful!
You and Isabell
seemed to really hit it off.
I'm not fucking her,
if that's what you think.
Not that I couldn't,
I'm not a homo.
The girls I get
are way prettier, you know.
We talk, that's all.
She says I understand her.
Aren't you scared to be out here?
- That somebody might beat you up?
- Not really.
I could show you a few moves.
- I can always run away.
- Not if there's a whole gang.
Come on! Do it.
I'll turn around
and you pretend to sneak up on me.
- It feels silly.
- Do it. Grab my shoulder.
And then...
Now it's your turn.
You might need to practice a lot first.
Here I come...
- Are you okay?
- Hey, you're dangerous!
- I don't believe in violence.
- Yeah, right...
Hi there...
- Sven?
- Over here.
You wanted to talk...
Yes, I've been doing some thinking.
So have I.
It seems like... things went so fast.
I agree.
It was never really my dream:
a house, kids and a garden...
We both knew that. I thought
it would be different with you.
But it freaks me out.
- If it's about Patrik...
- No, it's us.
You're right, you don't need me.
You need something else.
And so do I.
- Need some help?
- I can't afford your services anymore.
I could give you a discount.
Are you going to keep all that?
- You could sell it at the block party.
- No thanks.
"Out with the old
and in with the new", you know.
- When's Sven picking up his stuff?
- As soon as possible, I hope.
These may not be in fashion,
but there's still some wear in them.
Yeah, if you're a blind amputee...
Check it out...
Great gear
at rock-bottom prices!
Only 150 kronor for these? They sell
them for ten times as much downtown.
- Feel the quality...
- My boy might like these.
Here are some wonderful...
whatever they are.
Go on, give me an offer.
- Stig Lindberg?
- I don't know what kind of crap it is.
You can have the pair for 5 kronor.
Hi...
I guess it's good
that my wife has some fun,
now that my performance
might be impaired.
The surgery's next week.
What does Monica say?
I haven't discussed it with her yet.
I feel more sorry for Louise, though.
It's no fun facing the fact
that you're... not wanted.
- What's my cut?
- Nothing.
- I'm entitled to at least 20%
- 10.
- 20!
- How about 50?
We'll split it down the middle.
And maybe spend
some of it on a nice meal.
As long as it's from your cut...
- Thank you.
- What about me?
No way.
Okay.
There.
- Not very generous, are you?
- Watch it! Cheers!
Sven only wanted to go out for pizza...
- You're losing your hair, you know.
- Watch it...
You'd better shave your head
if you want to find someone new.
Hey, why should I accept fashion
pointers from a teenage thug?
- And I don't want to meet a new guy.
- Good...
- Nobody wants you anyways!
- Not you, either!
- I'm sorry, I didn't mean that.
- I know.
Of course they'll find you a home.
Who do you want?
The fat man over there
and his dainty wife?
Or that lot, and you'll get
a bunch of siblings as well.
Or how about them, the fancy couple.
Look at them move...
With such style and elegance...
- An ordinary family will do.
- Ordinary?
You know: a mum, a dad,
a brother or sister...
...or two, and maybe a dog.
Whatever...
Have you found a family?
When Patrik came to us, he...
He'd already spent ten years
in foster care and in institutions.
Well, when he wasn't running away.
We were always hoping for
a more permanent solution.
He came to us,
and we saw an opportunity...
That was when
we came into contact with you.
Let me put it this way: you wouldn't
have been our first choice
if other families had been available.
His only option
is to move back to Rnnbo.
But he really doesn't want to go back.
Rnnbo's not a bad place.
A lot of sports and outdoor activities.
Their approach
works very well indeed...
Even if it hasn't
worked that well for Patrik.
We're grateful that they'll
consider taking him back.
When would this happen?
How soon?
I can take him right now, only I'll
have to call for reinforcements first.
Or we can wait a few more days,
until the end of the month.
By the way,
here's a box full of old papers.
Patrik's aunt has kept them for years,
but she's no longer willing to do so.
Patrik...
- Can I come in?
- No.
Can't we at least talk about it?
What did she bring over?
That bitch from Social Services.
She had something with her.
Happy birthday, son! Mummy
Don't you need to get some sleep?
I never sleep.
- Everybody needs to sleep.
- Not me.
I'm going to keep him! He's not going
to Rnnbo, he's staying with me.
- One moment, please.
- I've decided to keep Patrik.
Gran...
We don't hand out children.
Well, since Patrik is already
staying with us... with me...
Your approval was based
on you being a married couple.
And now you've separated.
You can apply to adopt alone,
but that means going through
the whole process again.
Hi, Gran. Would you
like to come over for a while?
Thanks.
- Where's Louise?
- She has... a headache.
- He's not bad, that boy.
- He's great.
We used to have this maid, from
Poland or someplace like that...
She wasn't hard on the eyes at all.
So I understand you. Every
Wednesday, she'd clean the house,
which was convenient, because Louise
had her sewing circle on Wednesdays.
It wasn't very expensive, either.
Their wages go further back home.
So it's a win-win situation.
I can't really see that our situation
is anything like that.
Well, I'm sure you can persuade him
to do other things besides gardening.
- Patrik, we're going home.
- I'm not done yet.
- I won't get paid.
- I'll pay you.
The boy and I have an agreement,
I think you should respect that.
- No, Lennart, I won't.
- Excuse me?
I have no respect at all for a man
like you. Leave us alone, or...
Or what?
Or what?
- You're awesome!
- Patrik...
Come here. Sit down.
What do you say?
Okay...
Thanks...
Gee, aren't we lucky?
- Hi...
- Hi.
- So you're...
- I'm trying to get in shape.
- Cool outfit.
- Thanks. It's new.
I wasn't quite sure what to wear,
so I just grabbed this.
It's nice.
So... when will you
be coming to get your things?
Right... I was thinking...
Saturday?
If that's all right with you?
I'll just jog along, then.
See you!
I never thought I'd have
the chance to say this...
...but I think I've found a family.
- Not a "home"?
- No, not an institution.
- And they're not gay?
- No, an ordinary family.
Two kids. The mother's a teacher
and the dad's an engineer.
You'll start out with a trial period
and see how you get along.
I couldn't have stayed anyway...
- Not now that Sven's coming back.
- What are you talking about?
You saw the way he looked at you.
And admit it, you do want him back.
No matter how unbelievable that is.
- Show him what you want.
- That's not the problem.
Well, if you want this to work,
you've got to consider his needs.
Pizza! Make him a monster pizza!
- What else does he like?
- Terrible country music...
And whiskey.
He's here!
The music - hurry up!
Turn it on!
Hi.
Hi.
You made pizza?
There's whiskey, too.
Why?
Because I...
I don't drink anymore.
- Not even whiskey?
- Not even whiskey.
But you do still like pizza, don't you?
Hey, when are we going to... - Hi.
Maybe it wasn't
such a good idea, after all.
Hey...
I still like pizza.
Hang on!
What are you wearing?
You're going to meet an engineer,
you know.
I'll fix you up.
Shit, I look like a nerd.
- I can't wear this.
- You're right. Try this one instead.
Copenhagen, '83.
Hamburg, '84.
Malaysia, '89.
I tried to have it removed later on,
but it didn't work out.
You learn to live with the scars.
Are you okay?
- Should I put a band-aid on that?
- I'm not a baby, you know.
Want one on that, too?
Good luck.
Take care.
Right.
Well... Thank you.
Bye...
There... I'll go get the coffee.
They have two kids, a boy and a girl.
- No dog?
- No.
- Well, you can't have everything.
- Maybe not...
So you're going to stay with them?
No, I really want to have a dog.
Actually,
we've talked about getting a dog.
Cheerio...