1
The Godfather has traveled down
from the mountaintop of Olympus
to pimp these mystical visions.
Straight from the Promised Land
of New Jerusalem,
spittin' fire hotter
than the seven suns.
A star who can
moonwalk on water,
my goddaughter, protg,
and newest signee
of Emerald City Records.
Ms. Killa P!
Who you all come to see?
Killa P! Killa P!
Who you all come to see?
Killa P! Killa P!
What's my motherfuckin'
name?
Killa P! Killa P!
- Yeah? Hello.
- Patricia Dombrowski?
The outstanding balance
on the medical treatment
of a Florence Blauvelt
-is 60 days past due.
We will be forced
to take legal...
Ma!
Fuck.
Ma!
They're hasslin'
about Nana's bills again.
I thought you said that you...
paid 'em.
Uh! I woke up like this
You're gorgeous
Ya boss bitch
Flow so cold
Farrah Fawcett
Flossin', got more grills
Than George Foreman
Up to my gills in fishscale
And platinum plaques
From rappin' that raw shit
Yeah, my figure's flawless
Boyfriend's a centaur
Hung like a horse
And we fornicating
On the porch of my fortress
My life's fuckin' awesome
My life's fuckin' awesome
My life's fuckin' awesome
My life's fuckin' awesome
My life's fuckin' awesome
You're an idiot
That's why
- How'd ya sleep, Banana?
- Mmm.
Judge Faith is about to rip
this asshole
a new one over child support.
How's the hip feelin'?
Like ass.
Ugh! It's humiliating.
I feel like a goddamned infant.
I don't know why you guys just
don't take me out
in the backyard
and put me down like a dog.
Cut the crap, Nan.
You wanna hear a new limmy?
Not in the mood.
Oh, come on,
I wrote it just for ya.
All right.
Come on, spit it out.
Okay. Let me see...
Uh...
There once was a man
from Secaucus;
who liked to work nude
in his office.
He faxed on his ass,
and though, only half-mast,
could answer emails
with his sausage.
You're sick, you know that.
It's genetic.
Yeah, well, suck on that,
Robert Frost, huh?
You stay outta trouble,
young lady.
I'm working late tonight.
All right, superstar.
My life's fuckin' awesome
My life's fuckin' awesome
My life's fuckin' awesome
My life's fuckin' awesome
Othello Zeus
Making million dollar moves
On Bluetooth
Call me Jesus
I turn that water
Into Grey Goose
In a zoot suit Eating
couscous In my new coupe
The world trembles
Heavy in Heaven On a god level
Rollin' sevens, playing dice
Gonna beat the devil
Spittin' emeralds
Got gemstones in my dental
The world is mental
That's why they worship at
The Temple of the Godfather
'Cause God's a father
To the fatherless
Begin this shit like Genesis
From penniless to Pegasus
Moses 'cause I spit The Ten
Commandments of the Tenements
Holy Scriptures written
In my venomous penmanship
Godfather, 'cause God's a...
Yo, Dumbo!
'Sup, Slaz?
Get out the street, Dumbo.
GSM, bitch!
Fuck this fucking place.
Sometimes I wake up
In the morning
And it cuts me like a knife
I come face to face
With my longing
For another world
Another life
And a time
Learn how to drive!
That never was
Mr. Shaboo,
it's only a rash.
Just use the ointment as
directed, and it'll clear up.
Thank you.
Lords and ladies
of the royal court,
bow down.
The Queen is in the building.
Introducing...
Miss Patricia Dombrowski,
a.k.a. Patti Cakes,
a.k.a. White Trish,
a.k.a. Juicy Luciano,
a.k.a. Marilyn Mansion,
a.k.a. Jane Dough,
a.k.a. Killa P!
And introducing,
the ladies' choice,
the voice that gets ya moist,
it's gonna be
an Indian summer, y'all.
Mr. Jheri Curlz,
a.k.a. Young Stamos,
a.k.a. Deepak Shakur,
a.k.a. The Do-Rag da Vinci,
a.k.a. Raw Dawg Zillionaire,
a.k.a. the Quiet Storm.
Boys and girls, I give you my
soulmate, my homey-o,
it's Jheromeo...
This isn't
Showtime At The Apollo, okay?
We have customers here.
Play make believe
on your lunch break.
Sorry, my bad.
Last warning, Hareesh.
Supreme being
In the coliseum
Hail Zaesar
Hail Zaesar
It is
DJ French Tips on your dial
putting the East Coast
back on the map.
We'll be back.
We got more flava.
Keep it locked.
Two face Judas!
Said let's do this!
Then his shootas!
Killed the music!
Et Tu, Brutus!
On that new shit!
Hail Zaesar
Hail Zaesar
Next. Who's next, boys?
Yeah, I'll take a chicken farm.
Danny, one chicken farm.
What about you, Bollywood?
Hey. Buzz Aldrin.
You thirsty?
Uh...
Yeah, I'll get a Sprite.
We'll be right back.
Hey, you know Patti, right?
She's cool.
Yeah, Dumbo.
- Hey, you better not be no nark.
- Nah.
So, you sure you just wanted
a dime bag, bro?
I got some nice, uh,
white girl coming.
I'm straight. Just the weed.
Yeah, you straight?
In that do-rag?
Just fucking with you.
I got whatcha need, though.
- That crack.
- Whoa.
Shit'll have you feeling higher
than the Chrysler Building.
GSM. Goon Squad Mob, bro.
It's gonna be massive.
Show's Saturday at the VFW.
- We'll definitely be there.
- Good.
- What is that, like, $25?
- Twenty-five.
There you go.
Ooh.
Can you ad-lib for the tracks?
- What tracks?
- That's hot.
You know, we gotta go to this.
Seriously, Danny's actually
going for it.
- He could get outta here.
- He's trash.
P, your pen game is ridiculous.
You're on some
Beautiful Mind shit, for real.
Whatever.
I'm 23 and I ain't done shit.
Stop with the pity party.
All we need is a producer
with the fire beats.
Once we record a mixtape
with his shit,
we're looking at like
a seven-figure signing bonus
once the majors
across the bridge smell
- what we're cooking out here.
- Okay.
We take over the game
You're outta debt, no sweat
You should be on meds
instead of pushin' 'em.
Uh, uh...
Thick N Thin
And Thin N Thick
They call her Bitch Cassidy
I'm the Lapdance Kid
I got that platinum voice
She got that poison pen
They call us Guns and Ros
Guns and Ros
Guns and Ros
Killa P, go in!
Uh, uh, get your Romeo remix
Uh, come on, let's get it
- No. No.
- Come on!
No.
Patti and Jheri
We will be legendary
From the bottom like sodomy
Fuck the game up missionary
I'm in my own trap
As I flip the world the birdie
My verses full of curses
'Cause I'm stuck
In dirty Jersey
Uh!
-Let's move to New York City.
- Yup
We'll make a couple millis
Split that shit up 50-50
I'd give my left titty
And a kidney
Just to cross the shitty river
Bridge and tunnel
Come on, Jheri
Sing it with me
Beauty and the Beast
Thelma to Louise
You know real G's
Talk that talk
Killa P, won't you please
Over that rainbow
We pay tolls
Where roads all are paved gold
And angels in gold chains
And night time is Day-Glo
I'm Jane Dough, a loser
- This shit's so confusing
I just want to move
Where my life like a movie
Should be getting busy
But I'm feeling Gary Busey
We drop that hot shit
Like a deuce in your Jacuzzi
And you don't stop
I'm Thick N Thin,
Thick N Thin
You don't stop
I'm gonna say it one more time
Just to make myself clear
Jheromeo, get me
The fuck outta here!
That was so sick.
Oh, shit, I gotta go to work.
C'mon. Hurry, hurry.
Yeah?
Hey, Lou, what's good?
I dunno, you tell me, kid.
Well, I need
to ask you somethin'.
Uh-oh.
Here we go.
Was hoping you could
bump me up a little.
It's a really tough time now
'cause of Nana's bills and...
All right, all right,
stop right there.
No raises and no more hours.
Okay. Got it.
Oh. Stop with the puss.
All right. Call this guy, Ray.
Can use my name.
No promises.
Sometimes he needs to staff up.
Should be decent scratch.
Really appreciate it, Lou.
Yeah. And hey, listen,
no more comps.
This ain't
a charity organization.
Barb's tab
is coming outta your pocket
if she don't settle up.
Yeah, well, I don't even know...
Yeah, all right,
save it for Dr. Phil.
Toilet's still clogged,
and the karaoke
ain't gonna set itself up.
So I'm down
And so I'm out
But so are many others
So I feel
Like trying to hide
My head beneath these covers
Couldn't have sex
with the mermaid
'cause the fin down there.
So I asked her
for a little head.
Hey, yo, Judy Blume,
who do I gotta blow to get
a drink around here?
- Another Cutty, Joe?
- Right. Just a little one.
You know, it's almost funny
- Go on. That's it.
- The Cutty.
Hey, why don't you
ditch the diary?
Come. Sit on Uncle Joe's lap.
I wanna count your freckles.
Christ.
The face that sank 1,000 ships.
Joe. Shmitty. Boys. You're in
for a real treat tonight.
Hello, Patricia.
Line up your ma's shot.
I gotta grease these pipes.
You know,
your old lady was a real piece
of "A" back in the day.
I still got it.
One more.
Seriously?
Don't you want your ma
to have a nice time tonight?
C'mon, Patti. C'mon.
There ya go.
C'mon, drink up.
One more.
Hey, princess,
it's a marathon, not a sprint.
No?
- No.
- Mm-hmm.
What, you got ya fuckin'
period or somethin'?
Whoa!
- Oh, my God, sweetheart.
- Right. Mmm!
Come on.
There you go.
There you go.
Hey, to family, right?
Blood is thicker than Jager.
Spare a little candle
Save some light for me
Figures up ahead
Movin' in the trees
White skin and linen
Perfume on my wrist
And the full moon
That hangs over
These dreams in the mist
Keep dreaming.
Shut the fuck up, Joe.
Darkness on the edge
Shadows where I stand
I wanna see you clearly
Come closer than this
But all I remember
Are these dreams
In the mist
These dreams go on
When I close my eyes
Every second of the night
I live another life
These dreams that sleep
When it's cold outside
Every moment I'm awake
The further I'm away
How'd I sound up there?
Real good.
O-Z, G-O-D
All that's divine
I'm throwing prayers
In the air
So show me a sign
All roads lead to Rome
But home's so far
From your throne
When will it finally be time
To go for mine
And shine on my own?
Come outta the darkness,
my lamb.
And shine in the all-seeing
eye of God.
The world is yours.
Goon Squad! Goon Squad!
Goon Squad! Goon Squad!
- Goon Squad.
- Rap this shit
-Goon Squad.
- Rap this shit
Danny Boy and I
Came to party
On the dance floor
Where I met this hottie
I bought her some drinks
Some shots of Bacardi
Then I drove her back home
In my Maserati
Got in the front door
And, man, this girl's a freak
Mouth so full
That she couldn't speak
And then I tapped on that ass
Hit it from the back
And I skeet-skeet-skeet
Right on that tramp stamp
Goon Squad!
Punch the sky!
Punch the sky!
Goon Squad!
Goon Squad!
Goon Squad!
Punch the sky!
Punch the sky!
Come on!
That should be us up there.
And now,
making his live debut...
Basterd, the Antichrist.
Antichrist?
The government plants
The seeds of greed
In the toxic air you breathe
And the trash that you eat
Until your dreams are
Steaming piles of excrement
Say your prayers
Take your medicine
You are the walking dead
Sucking on the poisonous teat
Of money and sex
In debt 'til death
You good little boys and girls
You do what you're told
You buy what you're sold
Get off the stage, asshole!
You're sheep!
You're sheep!
Wake up! Wake up!
Shut your hole, freak!
- GSM, bitch!
- Leave, bitch.
Yes, Ray, at 10:00 a.m.
Definitely.
Yes. No, thank you.
I'll see you then.
Be on time, for sure. Thanks.
Hey, you dropped this.
I liked your set, man.
I haven't really seen
anything like that before.
What's that
kind of music called?
I don't know.
Okay. Cool, yeah.
Keep it real.
You know, I agree with you.
This place is full of sheep.
We gotta get our shit together.
Yeah, I know.
You could kill up there.
- You're way better than them.
- Uh-huh.
It's Danny Boy
The pipes are calling
For that crack
I slang kilos
You know my steelo
Young Gambino
Playing craps at the casino
Making these dineros
Like De Niro in a Lambo
All these hoes
Drop their panties
For the hometown hero
Yo, I smoke a blunt
Drink a beer, yo
The fucks I give
Would equal zero
Yeah!
Now, let me hear you cheer, yo.
I can't hear you cheer, yo!
Hey, Slaz, get it.
GSM, boys and girls
No, we runnin' this street
All you pussies got a big dog
Ready to eat
Don't believe it?
Then you get it
And you get it for free
Fuck with me, Danny or Pony
You'll be dead
In these streets
Ah!
Who's next? Come on.
Who's got bars?
She's next.
Oh, Dumbo!
Dumbo has bars.
Yo, I think Dumbo's gonna spit.
Come on.
Dumbo, let's hear it. Come on.
Okay.
Yeah.
Check this out.
Since I came
Straight out Caesarian
Baby, I'm a born star
I'm courtside
In my sports bra
While you're watching
At the sports bar
Y'all corny
I'm in a bob weave
Bobbin' and weavin'
Like Sigourney
Spittin' lawn darts
From dusk 'til dawn
I come harder
Than a porn star
Yeah, I'm that sexy beast
Make 'em go nuts
Like a testie
While they sext me
Like a T-Rex
Seacrest, I'm flexing
On my jet ski
I'm Aretha in my Reeboks
Steady getting re-spect
From Taiwan to Teaneck
It's Killa P in e-ffect
I'm Xena eatin' ziti while
You skeetin' in your Kleenex
My chain hangs low
In the cleavage of my V-neck
Go, Dumbo! Go, Dumbo!
Yo, Danny, Dumbo got bars, son.
You're fuckin'
trippin'. A'ight, yo.
It's Dapper Dan
The man back again
a.k.a. The Freshest
I've run the game
Block to block
They should call me Tetris
But wait, yo, who is
this Dumbo bitch?
Yo, white Precious?
You're looking like
A pig in shit
You havin' fun yet, bitch?
Yo, I'ma beat you
with this dick
'Cause you a glutton
For punishment
But hey, hold up.
Goodyear Blimp,
yo, have you ever thought once
about a gym membership?
She's like a slob asshole rim
Jabba the Hut
Now, that's a ton of shit!
Yo, I kick it apocalyptic
Slit your esophagus
Slash and damage
I've got this appetite
For destruction
Suck on my brass
Knuckle sandwich
Yo, you fugly and you rancid
But I'm the man, bitch
God damn it
I wouldn't fuck you
Even if you were
The last piece of pussy
On the planet
Loser! Loser!
Go mother fucking hard!
Yo, Dumbo's gonna cry.
TKO, bro.
Come on, Dumbo, spit.
Oh, Danny, it's time
The truth was uncovered
And we confessed
To these people
That we're secret lovers
How earlier this summer
I humped you
Like a bum behind the dumpster
And when you were coming
You were blubbering
Cussing like a trucker
Saying I was Your one true
love Your number one stunner
Whoa!
I brought the thunder
But you left me
Underwhelmed and numb
Yeah, I'm glad you wore
A rubber when I discovered
The number of bumps
On your lil' cucumber
Remember they were purps?
You said it was a sunburn
But I think it was the herps
Oh, Danny
You're more chicken shit
Than the toilets of KFC, man
You're dressed in drag
With the mustache
Of another man's teabag
What, you think you got swag
And a G-pass
'Cause you sell weed bags
Outta your dad's pizzeria?
Damn!
You're a cyber gangster
On G-chat with a ski mask
While your free hand's picking
Your ween crabs
Looking at my screengrabs
Put on these knee pads
Bend down
And kiss my sweet ass
Excuse my French
But you're a douche
Danny Bagadella
More like a fuckin' D-bag
Bitch, what the fuck
did you just say?
You just committed
fuckin' suicide.
You mad, bro?
You wanna sit down here?
Let's go.
Get the hell outta here!
Let's go! Move, move!
Actin' like a buncha
goddamn Mondays.
Move to Newark,
you little pricks.
Shit.
Hey, Tyrone,
leave your bicycle
and get over here, now.
Let's go. Let's go.
Columbine over here
do this to you?
No, no. He didn't do shit.
All right,
let me see your license.
Who gave you the nose job?
I ain't no snitch.
Tough guy, huh?
Wait a minute, are you
Barbara Dombrowski's kid?
Yeah. So?
I went to school
with your mother.
She had some
set of lungs on her.
- She still singing?
- You could call it that.
Normally I'd write you
for disturbing the peace, but...
I'm feeling very generous
this evening.
Here. Give that to your ma.
Tell her to give me a call.
Ralph Nichols.
Looking for a backup singer
for my band.
I think she might have
a good time with it.
And you're a little big
for messin' around
in the sandbox, don't you think?
Don't forget to tell your ma
to call me.
Hey, go home.
Let's go to the diner.
Enjoy the spoils of victory,
Patricia.
Celebration.
What's wrong, dude?
He just said
some nasty shit, is all.
Jesus, Patti, it was a battle.
Moral of the story is
don't kick a sleeping beast
'cause payback's a bitch,
and her name
is Killa Motherfuckin' P.
My mind is working
overtime right now.
I'm gonna make this shit
happen for us.
Thick N Thin for infinity.
- Salud.
- L'chaim.
Supreme being
In the coliseum
Third eye, all-seeing
Hail, Zaesar
Hail, Zaesar
Eleven apostles!
One imposter!
Last supper club
We poppin' bottles!
Magdalene, private dancer!
Make it rain down
From Jacob's Ladder!
Don't be nervous, honey.
Okay?
You're just strokin'
the male ego.
You tell him
what he wants to hear,
and it works like a charm.
I know.
Sweetie, we really
need you to get this.
The salon's been slow and
those creditors are up my ass.
- Ma, I know. Okay?
- Okay.
We ran into some cop last night.
- Yeah?
- Said he knows you.
- Mm-hmm.
- Real prick.
Said something
about singing backup.
I don't know.
Left the number on the fridge.
I ain't no pig's canary.
I worked off that DUI
fair and square.
Can we do a little something
with this hair?
- Ma, it's fine.
- I'm a professional.
- My hair is fine.
- I'm a professional.
Ma, it's okay.
Leave it down, maybe
blow it out or something?
No.
Honey, you've always been
such a stubborn little shit.
All right, let me see the face.
Let me see your face, honey.
- All right.
- Got a little bruisin'.
And you're all buttoned up
like a nun.
- Well, it is a job interview.
- All right.
God gave you weapons though,
sweetheart. You gotta use 'em.
Ma, I don't think that's right.
There you go.
Just like your ma.
All right,
let me get a look at ya.
Let me get a look at ya.
You think people
think we're sisters?
I bet they do. I bet they do.
I never really thought about it.
- No?
- No.
Dombrowski sisters.
We're settin' the world
on fuckin' fire, huh?
All right.
Lou vouched for you. So...
where do you see yourself
in five years?
Well, that's a really
good question.
Big fish, small pond
Queen bitch, Egyptian
Pyramid schemes and wet dreams
Bed, Bath, and Beyond
You know what? I hope to still
be working for you, sir,
'cause, I mean, you seem
like a really great boss.
I'm flattered.
But unfortunately,
I'm fully staffed.
But I will put you on a list.
We...
uh, keep a list for subs.
You're on the list.
Just chill
and follow my lead, okay?
A little late
for Jehovah Witnesses.
No, ma'am, we're Thick N Thin.
We have an appointment
with Swisha?
But let's not
Talk about war
My life's a battlefield
Man down
Inflicted on the skin
Followed by a poem
Fresh ink
I paint the pen still
I ink all the fallen angels
On my shell
The ghosts of my homies
I speak for them
Thoughts through decisions
In the streets
Politicking with my peeps
Still remain discreet Through the secretions
in life Life's a bitch if you ask...
Jheromeo from the Craigslist ad?
Yeah, yeah.
This is my partner, Killa P.
Killa P. You spit?
Yeah, man, she's got bars.
I got what you need right here.
You know what I'm sayin'?
It's $50 an hour to record,
$350 for one of my custom beats.
- Cash up front.
- Yeah, I got ya, man.
Here ya go.
Let's do business, homey.
Hey, wow. There ya go.
Yo-yo, Killa P, what kind
of beats do you like?
Uh...
you know, like,
raw, boom-bap type shit.
Yeah. Okay.
All right, boom-bap type shit.
I got somethin' for you, a'ight?
Yeah, but before we get
in the booth, though, yo,
let's blaze one down,
get you in the zone.
You know what I'm sayin'?
No, I got ya, man.
Don't worry about it.
Playboy got weed, too.
Okay. All right.
Dude. Smell this shit.
Yo, my man, you got grifted.
This is oregano.
This is teabag.
That's some Guy Fieri shit.
Good luck. Good luck.
That real shit.
That's what that is.
Okay.
Teabag and Killa P!
In the house!
But try some of this out.
It's this Purple Mermaid.
It'll chill you out,
put you in the zone.
- You feel what I'm sayin'?
- She don't usually smoke, man.
She don't...
What, you baby lungs?
I'm gonna help you out, too.
Let's go. Pull-pull-pull.
Baby lungs.
It's that shit.
- Hey, you good?
- Yeah.
Are you gonna spit?
Uh, uh...
Bro, she's fugazi, for sure.
You okay?
Call an ambulance.
I think I'm having
a fuckin' heart attack.
Hey, yo, don't quit
your day job, now.
That was so fucking
embarrassing.
I just wanted to be down.
I fucked up.
Why did you smoke?
Fuck, man,
that was a lot of cash.
Wake up, P. I'm home.
Come on. Wakey-wakey, come on.
We're here.
Listen, we'll get 'em
next time, okay?
Don't worry about it.
Get some rest.
- I'll call you tomorrow.
- Okay.
Tuff love
Just like a dagger
In the heart
Tuff love
Well, it's in the blood
It's in the blood
Tuff love
Making secrets in the dark
Tuff love
Let's run
Hey, hands off the Carvel,
honey. That's for Pop-Pop.
Chill, Ma.
Just cookin' dinner.
You sure like this song.
Did ya get the job?
Did you do what I told ya?
They're gonna call me.
All right. Well, you really
need to let me cut that hair.
I think that look
is holding you back.
- Holy shit, Ma, is this you?
- Yeah.
I found it in the basement
while I was cleaning up
for the garage sale.
That's our demo, Tuff Love.
That's my band, Barb Wire.
- Your hair was so big.
- Oh, yeah.
"The higher the hair,
the closer to God."
That's what they said.
But your Nana said that
I looked and sounded like
a two-bit tramp. So...
Uh-uh.
It sounds awesome.
- We were fuckin' great, right?
- Yeah...
- Right?
- You look great.
- It sounds great.
- We were gonna be huge.
Everybody was tryin' to sign us.
I mean,
we were so fuckin' close.
But your father
and his Midas fucking touch
had to shit on my picnic.
I mean, you can't be pregnant
in leather. No. No.
I mean, I was just a baby.
Your Pop-Pop made us
go to the town hall.
And you were kicking through
the whole ceremony.
Does the fun ever start?
- Ma, you all right?
- I'm fine.
You know, Ma seems depressed.
She's so out of it lately.
Maybe she's got like,
early "Old Timers" or something.
- It's Alzheimer's, Ma.
- Alzheimer's.
She's also on a shit-ton
of painkillers.
Well, I want you to spend
a little more time with her.
All right?
You know, take her out during
the day when I'm at work,
maybe get her away
from the television.
- Let her live a little bit.
- Ma, I'm busy.
- You're busy?
- I'm grindin'.
What the fuck is grindin'?
Focusing on my music, you know?
Your music?
Your music?
Since when
do you do music, honey?
You don't have a musical bone
in your body,
and you sure as hell can't sing.
What kinda music
are we talkin' about here?
Well, I've been rapping.
- Rapping?
- Rhyming, MC-ing, you know?
Really?
Jheri and I just booked
our first recording session.
What's your rap singer name?
What are you, like, Dewey
Dewey Dumbdrops or some shit?
Hmm?
I'm actually going as Killa P.
Ooh, Killa P. Oh, shit.
And what do ya kill, honey?
What do you fuckin' kill?
I murder the beat.
Oh, my God, my daughter,
the Son o' Sam.
- Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
- I'm serious, Ma.
- You're serious?
- Yeah, I'm serious.
Okay, what're you doin'?
You out there doin' drivebys,
doin' shoot-'em-ups?
- Fuck you.
- Is that where you go?
Fuck me? Fuck you!
You know what?
Now, I know why Dad left.
You know, the moment
I get signed, I'm going, too.
Oh, the moment you get signed?
Okay. All right!
When I close my eyes
I see her
Cover my ears
I hear her
I look in the mirror
I'm not gonna be her
So I keep dreamin'
Spit the gospel
Like a preacher
Like O-Z, my teacher
And the day she hears me
Speakin' out every speaker
That's when
She'll be a believer
And I'll drive off
in my Beamer
The last mirror I'll see
her in Is the rear view
When I leave her
Happy anniversary, Franky.
See you real soon.
Hi, Pop-Pop.
Cookie Puss.
Your favorite.
He was a real pain in the ass.
But you know, it kinda
gets lonely without him.
You miss him, too.
My hip's killing me.
Patti Cake
Patti Cake, baker's man
Pop me a perky
As fast as you can
All right.
Here.
- There ya go.
- Thank you.
What the fuck?
Hey, you all right, man?
This like a ritual?
You prayin'?
My eye.
Oh, damn. Yeah.
No, let me give you a hand.
Booyah! Gotcha, little shit.
Hey, you know
how to use that MPC?
You make beats
on that thing? Yo!
Hey, Jheri, meet me
at the Gates of Hell tunnel
behind the cemetery, now.
No, I'm not effin'
with you, okay?
Just get here and I'll text
you exactly where to meet.
Just trust me, okay?
Go, go, go!
Okay.
Jesus Christ on the cross.
Holy shit.
This your crib?
This place is incredible.
This all garbage?
You draw these?
This where the magic happens?
You are totally off the grid.
You like, running from the law
or somethin'?
I don't believe in the law.
I'm an anarchist,
the Antichrist.
Cool.
I think I'm Episcopalian.
What the hell is that?
It's a sculpture
of the Jersey Devil.
You are creepin' the shit
out of me. For real.
Look at that, chicken skin.
God damn!
Look at all this satanic shit.
Oh, word, I gotta take
a picture of this.
It's like a serial killer
spa in here.
How many bodies you got buried
in here, bro?
What's your Wi-Fi password,
- dawg?
- Out!
- That was some crazy shit.
- Jheri, just stay with Nana.
Hey.
- Look, I'm sorry about Jheri.
- Get out.
He's good people,
he just comes off
- a little bougie sometimes.
- Get out.
Shit, man, please.
I'm desperate. Okay?
I am on my hands and knees
begging you to give us a chance.
Look.
I've never met anyone
like you before.
And I've seen what you can do.
You've got real stuff to say.
Let us just try something.
And if it don't work out,
I'll leave you alone.
I promise.
I'll be your best friend.
You got any like, trap stuff?
No? Maybe some slow jams,
you know what I'm sayin'?
Something to grind to?
I don't have time for this, P.
Let's go to the diner.
- I'm jettin'.
- Wait. Jheri, get back here.
Look, what about that track
I heard you messin' with before?
You know, the crazy-fast one.
Can you play that for me?
It's fuckin' garbage.
Just wait.
Okay, okay.
So let's get rid of all the shit
and just keep the beat. Yeah?
Can you do that?
Okay.
Okay. Uh... now we're just gonna
turn the tempo down a smidge.
Do that for me.
Little more. Slower. Slower.
Uh.
That's fuckin' bangin'.
See, I told ya
this kid was good.
Time out, man. Time out.
We need somethin' for the club,
somethin' for the ladies.
Gimme the mic, dude.
Watch me Nate-Dogg this shit,
real quick.
Uh, uh, uh...
Thick N Thin
In the building
Uh
Thick N Thin in the building
Uh P to the Patti,
J to the Jheri
Uh. Peanut butter, jelly
Peanut butter, Jheri
We got the B-boy Basterd
Straight o' the casket
B to the J
PB to the J
Representin' NJ
We be PBNJ
- Nice.
- Whoo.
Peanut butter
Wonder Bread...
Ooh.
You ready for this?
Peanut butter
To the Wonder Bread
Jam to the Smucker's
Like some impotent dads
We some bad motherfuckers
What?
- That one's on.
- That was great.
Peanut butter
To the Wonder Bread
Jam to the Smucker's
Like some impotent dads
We some bad motherfuckers
Ah!
Patricia!
Shit.
Hi, Nana. How was your nap?
I wanna go home. Now.
Nan, we're just in the middle
of somethin'.
Okay?
Can you just wait a second?
Please, for me?
Who's the colored
kid with the glaucoma?
That is my friend, Basterd.
He's an Antichrist.
Don't say colored.
Take me home right now.
I'm gonna tell Barb.
Hey, Nan, how about we hear
that beautiful voice of yours?
So, you're just gonna
repeat the letters, okay?
- This is asinine.
- Come on.
P, B, N, J.
Okay. Slow it down. Please.
P. B. N. J.
That was great.
Did you get it?
P... PBNJ, P-PBNJ
PBNJ, P-PBNJ
Peanut
butter to the Wonder...
Listen to me.
Fucking Streisand.
PBNJ, P-PBNJ
Check this out.
It's the Ritz cracker I...
Shit.
Like Jagger in a...
Jaguar. I...
Again.
Uh, uh, uh...
Check this out.
It's the Ritz...
No. Shit.
Hey. Come here.
Stop with the pussyfooting
around
and gimme some limmies...
Superstar.
Come on, you got this.
Go on.
PBNJ, P-PBNJ
PBNJ, P-PBNJ
Peanut
butter to the Wonder Bread
Jam to the Smucker's
Like some impotent dads
We some bad motherfuckers
PBNJ, P-PBNJ
PBNJ, P-PBNJ
It's the Ritz cracker
I go hard swagger is Viagra
I roll stoned through Jersey
Like Jagger in a Jaguar
I pull strings like Santana
At the Copacabana
Tony Montana meets Soprano
In a pink bandana
I wax that ass Like a
Brazilian Make a million hits
Rick Rubenesque I'm fresh to
death Or 'til I'm filthy rich
Big boned Joan Jett
With the Black Heart
White Trish is the ish
Live from The Black Shack
Like a Tampax
We up in this bitch
The P is for the posse
The B is for the bells
NJ are the letters
Of the state where we dwell
Straight out the Gates of Hell
All day every day
Yo, Nana, tell the world
our motherfucking name, we're
PBNJ, P-PBNJ
PBNJ, P-PBNJ
Peanut butter
To the Wonder Bread
Jam to the Smucker's
Like some impotent dads
We some bad motherfuckers
PBNJ we be forming
Just like we Mighty Morphin'
The crew is up in the cut
Huh, Neosporin
I flip words like Vanna White
Behind the Wheel of Fortune
I'm looking gorgeous In a
corset At The Source Awards'n
I run this shit like Forrest
23, scoring like Jordan
The plates are foreign Four on the
floor 'Til four in the morning
I'm in a purple Porsche on
A cordless eating swordfish
The Fab Four, they adore us
So Jheri, sing that chorus
Mr. Lover-Lover
Take a bubble bath
In my hovercraft
Let me go down under
On your Thundercat
Got my stash in your underwear
With the rubber band
Put the cash in the duffle bag
Patti, talk some trash
The P is for the posse
The B is for the bells
NJ are the letters
Of the state...
You wanna get back
in the car, lunatic?
All day every day
Yo, Nana, tell the world
Our motherfucking name, we're
PBNJ, P-PBNJ
PBNJ, P-PBNJ
PBNJ
Patti, Basterd,
Nana and Jheri
Going hard in the paint
Like Picasso
Painting masterpieces
Masterpieces
Masterpieces
Masterpieces
Shit, Ma, not another DUI.
Nana, we're home now.
Went down to the crossroads
Fell down on my knees
Down on my knees
Down to the crossroads
Fell down on my knees
Down on my knees
I axe the Lord above for mercy
"Save me, if you please"
You all right, Ma?
Well, you're home early.
What the hell's goin' on here?
Just jammin'
with Officer Nichols.
He's teachin' me their set.
Yeah, that's an old number
called The Crossroad Blues.
Clapton version.
You know, Patricia here
doesn't like real music.
- She's a rapper.
- Damn straight, I am.
Yeah, so which one are you,
a Blood or a Crip, Latifah?
C'mon,
what's the matter with you?
They're thugs, all of 'em.
It's everything that's wrong
with this country right now,
if you axe me.
Come over here,
I'll teach ya some real music.
Come on, we'll play some blues.
Where you goin', Patricia?
Oh, this I like.
You're gonna get me dancin'.
Yes. Yes, no,
I'm free Tuesday night.
Okay. Black tie, black pants.
Yeah, no, that's perfect.
Okay. Great.
No, thank you. Thanks.
You're a bad bitch.
Swet F.M.
DJ French Tips on your dial,
makin' the tri-state
fly straight.
That was an exclusive
from Yung Nurple,
the newest signee
to Emerald City...
This needs
to be broken down, or set up?
What're we doin'?
- Ah, yes.
- Hi, sir.
Okay. Joanie had, uh...
well, an emergency,
so I am going to...
give you one chance.
You're gonna be on your feet
eight to ten hours. You can...
- Yes. Of course. Yes.
- You can do that?
Okay. No chitchat,
no attitude.
I want a big smile plastered...
Very good...
on that face, all night,
just like that.
Yes, sir. Of course,
you can count on me.
Very good.
This'll help get you in shape.
Okay. So I know you're
curious why I called you here.
I have some good news.
Spit it out, already.
So, this Albanian dude,
Benzo, right?
He comes into the pharmacy
all the time.
I hook him up
with some Cialis, no biggie.
We're shooting the shit,
and he tells me
he manages Cheeters,
the gentlemen's club
off of Route Four,
and they just so happen to be
looking for some live music
to go with their live dancing.
So, I hustled him
into booking us,
P, B, N, Motherfuckin' J,
in three weeks for a record
release show at Cheeters.
Bam! I'm a baller.
Really, Jheri? A titty bar?
It's PG-13 shit.
Bikini tops, boy shorts.
Totally family friendly.
Yeah, but we only got one song.
So we go all in. You have
notebooks full of songs, P.
- How badly do you want this?
- Real fuckin' bad.
Exactly.
So we record our asses off.
Then we wallpaper the town
with flyers.
And then we kill the show.
Man, once the buzz spreads,
this dump is in the rearview
on a highway
to greener pastures, baby.
What do you think, Nana?
My calendar's pretty empty.
That's what's up!
All right,
all those in favor say "aye."
Aye.
Aye.
I'm not entertaining perverts
who objectify women.
Come on.
Let's wake up the sheep.
Yes.
To The Gates of Hell!
Hunger Gamez
Hustling through them
Hunger pangs
Hunger Gamez
Hustling through them
Hunger pangs
Patricia Dombrowski,
this is your final warning.
If the outstanding balance
is not paid,
we will seek legal action.
Thank you. Have a nice day.
Hunger Gamez
There's no need to sleep
Hunger pangs
Hunger Gamez
When you live the dream!
Hunger pangs
Hunger Gamez
Haters rest in peace
Hunger pangs
Hunger Gamez
Patti, you a beast!
Hunger Gamez,
I'm hungry, mang
Stomach rumbling,
Hunger pangs
I'm an underdog
In the Thunderdome
With no novocaine
To numb this pain
I burn like a DuraFlame
Just like a Hurricane Patti
Making it rain champagne
I'm breakin' my ass just
To bring home the bacon bits
Shaking that shit right into
The piggy bank
Craving that paper
all day, slaving away
Grind from the cradle
To grave
And I'm made in the shade that
They throw my way
Like Sinatra
Count my focaccia, eh
Young blue-eye'd bitch
In blue suede
Do-rags to riches dues paid
Dude, I won't stop 'til I'm
Top of that
food chain coppin'
- Dombrowski.
- Yes, sir.
Well, well,
I had my reservations,
but you held up pretty good.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
- Maybe this is your calling.
- Maybe it is.
Ah. You still need to throw
out all the garbage.
- Okay.
- Mop the floor. Load the van.
- Yes, sir! Will do.
- All right.
- Thank you.
- Maybe next time.
Yes.
Let's go, guys.
Today, not tomorrow.
Patti, you a beast
We, we livin' the dream
We livin' the dream
We, we livin' the dream
Ya
No need to sleep
No need to sleep
When you be livin' the dream
We, we livin' the dream
We livin' the dream
Ya
No need to sleep
No need to sleep
When you be livin' the dream
I'm young and I'm restless
Killa PMS'n
And I'm Hannibal Lecter
A cannibal eating
Serial killers for breakfast
We on the guest list
Glass stilettos
- Like Cinderella...
The world is your oyster
When the pearl necklace
Is between these breasts
The future's a present
Looking fluorescent
Blessings on blessings
They ask what the scent is
They ask what the scent is
The smell of successes
I came in the game a peasant
Leave in a Lexus
Life or death, I'm Katniss
You Cat Piss
My status fucking
Savage in these
Hunger Gamez...
Lil' sexier, Patti.
You wanna take
the fuckin' picture, already?
Holy shit.
Jheri season
We be eating
We're the dream team
We eatin'
Insomniac 'cause you know
That the moolah don't sleep
No sleep!
Nouveau riche
Stash the casheesh
Inside the mattress
Got racks!
We be going straight
Katniss, Katniss
PBNJ, you know
We gonna be massive
We big!
Patti, Jheri, Nana
And we got the Basterd
He evil!
I'm Randy Savage Countin'
up the cabbage Macho!
You see the gold ring
Killa P, come grab it
All right! Buy our mixtape.
PBNJ!
Five bucks.
Do you like rap music?
Hey, d'you like rap music?
You like rap music?
No.
Hey, ma'am, you like rap music?
Come on, it's just five bucks.
- We have a show on Saturday.
- Next time. I know.
- What do we have, like, ten?
- Here we go again.
Yeah, let me get one.
Can I get one?
It's gonna be five bucks.
We, we livin' the dream
We livin' the dream
We, we livin' the dream
Ya
No need to sleep
No need to sleep
When you be livin' the dream
We, we livin' the dream
We livin' the dream
Ya
No need to sleep
No need to sleep
When you be livin' the dream
Go, Adam! It's your Mitzvah!
We gonna party
Like it's your Mitzvah!
Go, Adam!
It's your Mitzvah!
We gonna party like
It's your Mitzvah
It's your Mitzvah
Hey. DJ French Tips.
- Hey.
- I'm a big, big fan.
I listen to your Ten At Ten show
religiously.
- Sure.
- And... I...
- I wanted to give you this.
- Whoa.
You really keepin' it
old school.
You do know people
don't play CDs anymore.
Yeah.
Thanks. And you are?
- Killa P.
- Killa P. Mmm.
Twenty years in the game
brought me
to Adam Fishbein's Bar Mitzvah.
Keep your head up, Killa.
It's a cold world out there.
- Thanks.
- You got it.
Hunger Gamez
Hustling through them
Hunger pangs
They say, "More money
More problems"
Well, I ain't got no dollars
So I should have no problems
But sure as shit I got 'em
More money, more problems
There's no need to sleep
I ain't got no dollars
So I should have no problems
When you live
The dream
But sure as shit, I got 'em
More money, more problems
Well, I ain't got no dollars
So I should have no problems
But sure as shit, I got 'em
More money, more problems
Well, I ain't got no dollars
So I should have no problems
But sure as shit, I got 'em
Patricia! Patricia! Patricia!
Patricia. Patricia!
Hey, Patricia.
Wake up, Sleeping Beauty.
Come on. Wake up.
I want you to go downstairs
and clean the shit out
of the basement
for the garage sale, all right?
- All right?
- All right.
How much ya bring home
last night?
More where that came from.
Though they can only give me
part-time for now,
so, still got my shifts
at Lou's.
All right, well,
this'll chip away at it.
Want you to keep up the good
work, darlin', all right?
You're awfully chipper.
What's gotten into you?
He did.
Your ma's got herself a man.
- That cop?
- Yeah, that cop.
Ma, he's still wearing
his wedding ring.
Honey, he's separated.
Can't ya fuckin' be happy
for me for once?
Oh, God.
All right, let's go, get up.
Clean the shit up off the floor.
Get down to the basement.
Let's get ready to do this
fuckin' garage sale.
Wow.
That was beautiful.
Let's go.
Girl-style now!
Hey, girlfriend
I got a proposition
Goes something like this
Dare you to do what you want
Dare you to be who you will
Dare you to cry
Right out loud
You get so emotional, baby
Double dare you
Double dare you
Double dare you
Girl fuckin' friend, you
Double dare you
Double dare you
- Double dare you, girl!
Hey, Dumbo!
I hate that name
so fucking much.
Ever since Junior High.
Dumbo Dumbrowski.
So what's your real name?
Like, what do your parents
call you?
Where'd you go to high school?
Hear that?
That's how I'm getting out.
Hopping freight trains, yard
to yard, across the country.
I think that's what
real freedom is.
Kinda like a hobo?
That's cool.
It's a bird, it's a plane
It's Basterd, mang
Antichrist superstar
You're hopping freight train
To freight train
In a single bound
Loves the sound
Gettin' the fuck outta town
You're crazy.
I'm crazy? You give zero fucks
what anyone thinks about you.
My dream's to get
our shit to O-Z.
His co-sign is like every
prayer being answered.
Don't hide behind the fantasies
of false prophets.
Wise words from a mute
who hides in a shack.
Look, I was just kidding, okay?
Oh, my big fuckin' mouth.
I'm workin', Ma. What's up?
Wait, wait, wait, what?
No. Where is she?
Yeah, no,
I'm comin' right now. See ya.
What the hell happened?
She had a stroke.
All right, look...
the hospital's asking
about insurance.
They're gonna clean us out.
Jesus. What do we do?
I guess I'll open
another credit card.
I'll shuffle some things around
and I'll see how much time
I can buy her. Okay?
Okay.
You're gonna have
to go fulltime.
Yeah, noon to 8:00.
Yes.
No, that wasn't his fault.
It just overflowed.
Very good.
I don't got all day.
Well, sir, you know,
I think I've done
an excellent job thus far.
And I work hard, and I smile.
And even you said
that this was my calling.
- I was just hoping that maybe...
- All right, all right.
You wanna try out
for the big leagues.
- Yeah.
- Today is your lucky day.
Saturday, Alpine.
- Okay.
- Noon to 8:00.
Some heavy hitters.
I am only fielding my A-team.
And the rate is double.
Thank you.
Thank you so much, sir. I...
Please button.
Button this up.
Nobody wants to see that.
Please, please, please.
Thank you.
- Okay. Thank you, thank you.
- Okay.
There once was
a queen from Bayonne;
who cursed and smoked
on her throne.
Fuck a stroke and bein' broke
'cause I'm goin' for broke;
your superstar's gonna get
your ass home.
- Hey.
- Looks like I'll miss the show.
What's your business?
I think I'm in the right place.
I'm with Ray's Catering,
the bartender.
Pull around the side.
Oh, my God.
You can move
a little faster than that.
Of course.
Must be nice to be this loaded.
Well, you know who lives here,
don't you?
Who knows how to make
a Green God Absinthe?
I do.
I do.
It's gotta be perfect,
Dombrowski.
Of course.
Donna, you deliver it
downstairs in ten.
Do not fuck it up.
Roger that, boss.
He said those
need to be polished.
Opportunity knocks
I rip the door
Off the hinges
Here's Patti, bitches.
You can call me
Your Highness
I puff them joints
Like arthritis
I'm doper than a line of China
White that's up in ya sinus
And all I touch is the Midas
My lifestyle is designer
Rihanna said my vagina
Shinin' bright like a diamond
'Cause when
I'm rhymin' the fly
Men wanna get in my hymen
I say don't even try, man
'Cause I didn't say Simon
Cowell crowned me the nicest
Miss American Idol
My rivals go and join ISIS
'Cause they be suicidal
Fuckin' swear like a sailor
On a whole stack of Bibles
The Father, Son and Holy Ghost
'Cause I'm a O-Z disciple
Count my Franklins in Spanks
'Cause my rhymes
Be the tightest
Well, I know talk is cheap
But my shit is priceless
My libations?
Not what I was seeing
in my mind's eye.
You know how much I bought
that painting for at auction?
Uh...
I don't know.
Two point four.
Why such a hefty price tag?
Because it's the perfect
distillation of a man's anger...
pain, emotion.
In the lines, you can see
the artist's madness,
his dreams, humanity.
It's a snapshot of an artist's
soul in all its divinity.
For that,
two point four is a steal.
You ain't no artist.
You a culture vulture
who ain't got a clue
who it is you is.
Stick to the drinks, white girl.
I gave you a chance
and you fucked me.
The tie.
You fucked me.
You're fired.
Fuck!
Fuck! Fuck!
Dumb, fuckin' bitch!
So fuckin' stupid.
This is the biggest
fuckin' opportunity of ya life.
I'm 'bout to make you a star.
You sing your little bilingual
face off, all right?
Do not fuck this up.
I need you to go up there
and be a man
for once in your fuckin' life.
The crowd, they fuckin' hype.
They love you,
do not let them down.
Get yourself on that stage
and you shake your
little fuckin' hips.
Just go up there and do it.
Benzo says we're on in ten.
All right, ladies and gentlemen,
give it up for Sparkles,
all the way from Bushwick,
New York.
This is it. Moment of truth.
Let's melt some faces.
Cheeters is proud to present
PB and motherfucking J.
Comma Sutra
Comma, Comma Sutra
Comma Sutra
Comma, Comma Sutra
Oh, we're PBNJ
We goin' do ya
Comma Sutra
Comma, Comma Sutra
Jheromeo the lover boy
And Killa P the shoota
The A-list makes
A beeline to my behind
Rip the stage in a rage
Every time I freestyle
Fly off in a G-5
Haters throw peace signs
'Cause the v-gine's
Sweeter than a key lime
Feline
Break bread with Bill
What're you doing?
Where are you going, P?
We have a whole set to finish.
You can't just
run off like this.
God, don't you get it?
You're completely ridiculous.
Nobody can take you seriously.
I can't anymore, either.
Okay, no more of your stupid
little fantasies. I quit.
This is bullshit!
Hey, yo, Hareesh!
Hareesh! Hareesh!
What the fuck is you doin'
out here, mang?
Go on stage and finish
the fuckin' performance, mang.
Smack the spice out your
fuckin' ass, mang.
Today on Judge Faith...
A projector in the house
isn't always the brightest idea.
Huh! Look who it is.
Couldn't sleep, either?
What's the matter, Patti Cakes?
I fucked up real bad.
What'd you do?
I thought I could be someone.
Asshole.
You already are.
You're my superstar.
Love you, kiddo.
I love you, too.
It'll be okay.
Walking through
a graveyard one dire night
And I was scared
I was shaken with fright
Somebody screamed
I turned around
Ma'am, ma'am.
Hey, ma'am.
Hon, gimme a Red Stripe.
Let me guess.
Dressed as sad poet.
Not tonight, Joe.
I'm not in the mood.
That time of month, ma'am?
Eat a dick.
Ta-da.
What d'ya think?
Really, Ma?
That's a lotta skin.
Yeah, well,
that's what they're comin'
to see, darlin'.
It's called show business.
But you wouldn't know
about that, would ya?
Why can't you just act your age?
And why can't you act your race?
How's your rap career goin'?
It's over.
Hmm. Well...
Well, reality's a bitch,
ain't she?
You know, I ain't holdin'
your hair back
in that stall tonight.
"Yo, I got
the game in a chokehold;
You soft as fro-yo;
I'm Babe Ruthing kimono.
You Sammy So-So;
you ain't got no wins
in my dojo.
I'm beefin' with all y'all
pussies queefing;
I'm... "
- Oh.
- Fuck you all.
I'm done.
All right, looks like we got
every cop in town on stage.
Let's make some noise for.
NJPD Blues
and the beautiful
Barbara Dombrowski.
Thank you, boys.
Whip 'em out!
I went to a party
Last Saturday night
I didn't get laid
I got in a fight
Uh-huh
It ain't no big thing
But I know what I like
I know
I like dancin' with you
And you know what I like
You know
I like dancin' with you
Dancin' with you
Come on, kiss me once
Kiss me twice
Come on, pretty baby
Kiss me deadly
Come on, kiss me once
Kiss me twice
Come on, pretty baby
Kiss me deadly
What're you doing here?
I feel like
a big fat fucking liar.
You have more talent
and imagination
in this little finger
than the rest of this whole
town combined.
Don't leave.
Please.
Bob.
Excuse me?
My real name is Bob.
I went to Berkin Catholic.
My dad's a lawyer...
Shh. Bob.
I can't believe I'm saying this.
Shut the fuck up.
Bob?
Hello?
Nan, you won't believe...
She went to see Pop-Pop.
Bye, Nan.
That was really beautiful, Ma.
He didn't even show up.
Coward.
He went back
to his crow of a wife.
He don't deserve you.
How are we even gonna pay
for all of this?
Did you get your
latest paycheck?
Ma.
I got let go.
Dombrowski sisters,
settin' the world on fire.
Killa P,
lyrically the illest bitch
in history.
Lifestyles
of the Rich 'n Infamy.
Breakfast at Tiffany's;
dinner in Little Italy.
Oh, I guess
it's just the pimp in me.
Cindy, how are you?
I'm in trouble.
- Shoplifting?
- No, real trouble.
I ran away from this place
and can't go back. I just...
Okay, wait a minute.
Slow down. What place?
Her body's not even cold yet.
What else you want,
my first fuckin' born?
Hey! Hey, chill, girl.
- Is this Killa P?
- Uh...
it was. Who's this?
French Tips.
Remember we met a while ago
back at a Bar Mitzvah thing?
Hey, I finally got around
to listening to your demo.
And it's rough as hell,
but, you know what,
it's kinda hot.
- You're shittin' me.
- Not shitting you.
I hope you don't mind,
but I submitted your name
for this shortlist
for the Rookie Monster.
- Wait, really?
- Mm-hmm.
Wait, you better not be
messing with me, okay.
I've had a really
tough run here.
Hey, hey, it's next week
at Saint Mary's, in Newark.
And, you know, you got
some record label people there,
some A and R folks and shit.
Get some eyes on you.
We broke up.
Well, get back together.
Don't waste my time. Bye.
Holy shit.
Holy shit, holy shit,
holy shit, holy shit.
Jheromeo.
That's my homie-o.
Wherefore art thou, my Jheromeo?
Look, I know I'm a piece
of fuckin' garbage. I'm sorry.
You really need
to check yourself.
I miss you.
Miss hangin' out.
Miss makin' music together.
Look, I know I lost my mind
there for a minute.
Do you wanna go
to the diner after work?
I'll think about it.
On one condition.
Enough with the hating
and the negativity, okay?
That shit is toxic.
Promise?
What's good
with the Prince of Darkness?
Don't think I don't know what's
goin' on between you two.
I don't know
what you're talkin' about.
Chill. A little sexual tension
is good for the group.
The press'll eat it up.
Just don't forget about me.
You'll always be
my number one son.
You really need
to get a cell phone.
I've been looking
for you everywhere.
Where you been hidin'?
My dad's.
Why'd you run away that morning?
I just freaked out. I'm sorry.
I wanna introduce you
to someone.
Come on.
Mother...
I want you
to meet Patti Cakes...
the poet I won't shut up about.
You been sittin' on that couch
and you're ready
to make that change,
Pro-unit is the thing for you.
Learn the secrets only top level
personal trainers, pro athletes,
and celebrities
use to get maximum...
Hey, Ma.
Will you do my hair?
Not right now, Patricia.
I'm busy.
Come on.
I need a professional's touch.
No.
Come on, Ma.
Pretty please?
With a sugar on top?
Please get out of the way
of the television.
I'll buy you five packs of cigs.
How come you never trusted me
to do this before?
Steady, Ma.
- Hey, Ma?
- Mm-hmm.
This kinda famous DJ called
and then invited me
to perform in Newark
on Friday at a talent showcase.
What d'ya think about maybe
getting outta the house,
you know...
come out and see me?
Not with this rap shit.
I thought you were
done with this stuff.
Wow.
Wash it out yourself
in 30 minutes.
- Who are you?
- PBNJ.
You're on after the fourth act.
Stage is upstairs.
All right, all right,
all right, come on.
I'm tryna rule the world
My nigga can't sit still
Stick up for this shit
Like I'm aimin' with a pistol
I got one shot, nigga
I can't miss here
Take one shot, nigga
I'm still miss here
I'm tryina rule the world
My nigga, can't sit still
Stick up for this shit
Like I'm aiming with a pistol
I got one shot, nigga
I can't miss here
I take one shot, nigga
I'm still...
Damn, he's good.
My homies, I speak for them
Through my actions
Through my thoughts Through
decisions In the streets
Politicking with my peeps
Still remain discreet
Through the secretions...
Yo, my people!
Tonight is a very special night.
Up in the balcony we got
The Godfather himself
looking down on y'all.
Get on ya knees
and pray to the legend,
your god on high.
O motherfucking Z!
O-Z, O-Z, O-Z, O-Z...
And we got some
other super-dope MCs
on the way as well,
so Jersey, please make
some motherfucking noise!
Put your hands up!
Come on, now! Come on!
Trouble we get into
When we spit on instrumentals
Come on, now!
They say they bars hard
They be simple...
You got this.
You're a boss bitch.
P, we're on.
P.
Holy shit.
Jheri, I don't know
that I can do this.
I got no spit in my mouth.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wha'sup, wha'sup?
Yeah.
Now, ladies and gentlemen,
give it up
for PBNJ.
Yo, Dumbo.
Rap, bitch!
You suck.
Go back to the suburbs,
Piggy Azalea.
Killa P and Teabag!
You got more oregano
for me this time?
It's our turn.
For Nana.
Get off the stage!
Oh, girls, it's a cold world
Of violence and vultures
You gotta be strong
With this weight
On your shoulders
Like New Jersey devils
We cursed upon birth
But the dreamers and freaks
Will inherit the earth
But these haters will hate
On a heavyweight, wait
'Cause revenge is a dish
Best served on a cold plate
And I'll be that waitress
With blood on my apron
Fuck minimum wage
I will bring home this bacon
Killa P, R-I-P
Patti Cakes be the name
'Cause I'm sick
Of that fake shit
Like fake tits and facelifts
The bigger the girl
The deeper the pain is
The anger, the passion
I hope and I'm praying
To sweet DJ Jesus
my life needs a remix
Pull mics from my cleavage
And show them my genius
Big girls, we don't cry
So I rise like a phoenix
Take off these gloves
Knuckle up for that
Tuff love
We're the New Jersey demons
So put your hands
To the ceiling
'Cause it's the realness
You're feeling
Tuff love
Well, it's in the blood
Well, it's in the blood
Tuff love
We're the New Jersey demons
So put your hands
To the ceiling
'Cause it's the realness
You're feeling
Tuff love
Come on, come on
Let's run
Let's run, let's run
Let's run
I spit behind a cage
A bartender with bars
You can run
From where you're from
But not from who you are
Well, the hate's a disease
There's a cost to be free
So you can kiss my big ass
I turn the other cheek
With no tricks up my sleeve
Oh, no, no silly rabbit
No rings, got no bling
No 24 karat
No penthouse, no palace
Still live with my parent
Who battles the bottle
Since my daddy abandoned us
I know I can make it
I know we got talent, yeah
I lost my mind when I
I lost my Nana
They call me a cow
But I ain't going cowardice
Not bowing out
Make my mama so proud of this
In love with the Basterd
Jheri got that swagger
I rap through my sadness
Turn tragic to magic
Don't fuck with this fat chick
Or you'll get your ass kicked
Dombrowski girls
Never give up on that
Tuff love
We're the
New Jersey demons
So put your hands
To the ceiling
'Cause it's the realness
You're feeling
Tuff love
Uh, uh
Well, it's in the blood
Tuff love
We're the
New Jersey demons
So put your hands
To the ceiling
'Cause it's the realness
You're feeling
Tuff love
- Come on, come on
- BARB: Let's run
Let's run, let's run
Tuff love
Just like a dagger
In my heart
Tuff love
Well, it's in the blood
It's in the blood
Tuff love
We'll keep the secrets
In the dark
Tuff love
Let's run
Tuff love
PBNJ! PBNJ! PBNJ!
Ladies and gentlemen, the moment
we've all been waiting for.
The winner of this year's
Rookie Monster Challenge.
A unanimous decision.
It's gonna be huge out here.
Give it up for Nomad.
Thank you, thank you.
Yo, I wanna thank everybody
for comin' out,
showin' me mad love
when I was here on this stage.
O-Z, I'm comin' for you next,
for real.
Peace and love, everybody.
Thank you for comin'.
Come here.
Oy, Patti Cakes!
Come on, we're hungry.
Go have some fun.
- Go have fun.
- I'll see you at home.
Okay.
- Want one, Jheri?
- Yo, yo, yo,
yo, yo! Sound the alarm!
It's your girl
DJ French Tips playing
the most requested tracks
of the day.
Coming in at number one-ten,
getting it started straight off
their self-released demo,
it's...
PBNJ, P-PBNJ
PBNJ, P-PBNJ
Peanut butter
To the Wonder Bread
Jam to the Smucker's
Like some impotent dads
We some bad motherfuckers
PBNJ, P-PBNJ
PBNJ, P-PBNJ
Peanut butter
To the Wonder Bread
Jam to the Smucker's
Like some impotent dads
We some bad motherfuckers
PBNJ, P-PBNJ
PBNJ, P-PBNJ
- Jheri!
- Shut up!
Peanut butter
To the Wonder Bread
Jam to the Smucker's
Like some impotent dads
We some bad motherfuckers
- PBNJ, P-PBNJ...
It's the Ritz cracker
I go hard swagger is Viagra
I roll stoned through Jersey
Like Jagger in a Jaguar
I pull strings like Santana
At the Copacabana
Tony Montana meets Soprano
In a pink bandana
I wax that ass Like a
Brazilian Make a million hits
Rick Rubenesque
I'm fresh to death
Or 'til I'm filthy rich
Big boned Joan Jett
with the Black Heart
White Trish is the ish
Live from The Black Shack
Like a Tampax
We up in this bitch
The P is for the posse
The B is for the bells
NJ are the letters
of the state where we dwell
Straight out the Gates of Hell
All day every day
Yo, Nana, tell the world
Our motherfucking name, we're
PBNJ, P-PBNJ
PBNJ, P-PBNJ
Peanut butter
To the Wonder Bread
Jam to the Smucker's
Like some impotent dads
We some bad motherfuckers
PBNJ, we be forming
Just like we Mighty Morphin'
The crew is up in the cut
Huh, Neosporin
I flip words like Vanna White
Behind the Wheel of Fortune
I'm looking gorgeous
In a corset
At the Source Awards'n
I run this shit like Forrest
- 23 scoring like Jordan
- JHERI: Swish
The plates are foreign Four on the
floor 'Til four in the morning
I'm in a purple Porsche on a
Cordless eating swordfish
The Fab Four, they adore us
So Jheri, sing that chorus
Mr. Lover-Lover
Take a bubble bath
In my hovercraft
Let me go down under
On your Thundercat
Got my stash in your underwear
With the rubber band
Put the cash in the duffle bag
Patti, talk some trash
The P is for the posse
The B is for the bells
NJ are the letters
Of the state where we dwell
Straight out the Gates of Hell
All day every day
Yo, Nana, tell the world
Our motherfucking name, we're
PBNJ, P-PBNJ
PBNJ, P-PBNJ
PBNJ
Patti, Basterd,
Nana and Jheri
Going hard in the paint
Like Picasso
Painting masterpieces
Masterpieces
Masterpieces
Masterpieces
Sometimes
I wake up in the morning
And it cuts me like a knife
I come face to face
With my longing
For another world
Another life
And a time
That never was
Oh, a time
That never was
We drove on fueled
Not by the future
But by a past
We could never touch
Forced to run
Head-on collisions
'Til we vanished in the dust
Of a time
That never was
The time
That never was
So kiss me once more, baby
One more kiss,
Baby you must
Don't ever let me forget
Girl
A time that never was
Oh, a time
That never was
Whoa, whoa, whoa
The time
That never was
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
The time
That never was
Oh, the time
That never was