Let's go! Move it!
50 more yards!
AII right, Iet's go! Pick it up!
-Let's go!
-Yes, sir!
You're running out of time, Bryant!
Make it aII the way around the track!
Come on!
You want to be troopers?
You better move it!
AII right, next, get up here!
Let's hit it now;
Dean, come on!
AII right;
You've aII compIeted the written exam;
However, you must now pass
the obstacIe course
to be admitted into the training program;
And remember, survive this,
and you're on the front Iines
of keeping New Jersey safe;
Yeah;
Sorry about the test, Dad;
We aII have our crosses to bear, sweetheart;
Mine is named hypogIycemia;
WeII, that's why you aIways have to have
sugar nearby;
Are you gonna have pie?
Not tonight, Ma;
I'm just kidding;
Yeah, I'm gonna want some pie;
You;;;
No, I meant now, Ma; Get the pie now;
-Okay;
-You said it,
and I just kind of got that
stuck in my head now,
and can't reaIIy get it out; Pie; Here we go;
It reaIIy heIps heaI;
And, you know, not aIways, but sometimes,
you gotta do Iike the kids say,
and just say, ''Whatever;''
Kids don't taIk Iike that;
Some do, sweetheart; The oIder ones, okay?
I hear them in the maII; You know?
Peanut butter;
It just fiIIs the cracks of the heart;
Go away, pain;
-What?
-PauIie;
Oh, no; Come on, Ma;
I'm not ready for this right now;
-Dad;
-PIease;
We just don't want to see you go through
another hoIiday aIone;
But I'm not aIone;
I've got you two; You know?
And besides, BIack Friday's coming,
so my dance card's gonna be pretty fuII;
What?
It's the busiest shopping day of the year;
Yeah, I shouId have known better
than to try to expIain it to civiIians;
I wish I had a coworker here, Iike, ''TyIer,
hey; You know, BIack Friday's coming;''
''Gee, PauI, you don't have to teII me
BIack Friday's coming;
''Why do you think
I've been waIking around here
''with the eyes of an eagIe?''
-We prepare;
-Dad, what does aII that have to do
with being happy for the rest of your Iife?
You said, and I quote,
''If I don't have a girIfriend by November,
''I'II Iet you sign me up
for perfectmatch;com;''
That was Iast year;
Okay;
-Here we are;
-Okay;
''What are you Iooking for in a woman?''
WeII, your mother certainIy
had something speciaI;
Yeah, iIIegaI immigrant status;
She married you, got citizenship,
and then she Ieft us;
That's not entireIy true;
We did have some good times
back when she was stiII trying to trick me;
-WeII, I hate her;
-WeII, you shouIdn't;
She gave me you;
-I am pretty great;
-You are; You are;
Okay, next question;
''TeII us about yourseIf;''
Let's see;
I know a Iot about sharks;
Let me stop you right there;
WeII-buiIt and a great hugger;
Awesome, Grandma;
Not as awesome as this;
What are you doing?
Beefing up your profiIe with that
nifty video that you made a few years back;
Ma, no;
I don't know; Don't you think
it's a IittIe too, ''Hey, Iook at me''?
WeII, that is exactIy what we want;
Eyes on the prize;
And don't worry,
I wiII edit out the sweaty parts;
Dear God!
Hey! Back away from the vehicIe;
Oh, dear God; PIease;
Chompers, get down!
Hey, you know where a men's room is?
I do;
You're gonna want to go to Lord and TayIor;
They got 1 2 staIIs and heated seats;
Okay, keep the baIIs in the pit, kids; Kids!
Okay, my Iip is numb;
AII righty;
-There you go;
-Thank you;
Hey;
Yeah, I know;
That's not supposed to be here;
It's a minivan;
;;;he can't handIe it;
The puck traveIs to the far board;;;
He keeps the pIay aIive;
-PauI!
-Hey;
What is this?
That's my report on how to ease
traffic fIow from Macy's
down through the speciaIty shops;
-How's that working out for you?
-ActuaIIy, it's for aII of us;
You see, if we couId reroute the customers
away from the food court,
it's gonna heIp the kiosks
and cut down on shopper frustration;
It's your cIassic two-bird,
one-stone scenario;
-Can I ask you something?
-Anything;
Why can't you just punch in, shut up
and punch out Iike the rest of us?
Safety never takes a hoIiday;
Did your mom crochet that on a piIIow?
BIart;
This is Sims; He's a new trainee;
Let him traiI you today;
Hey; PauI BIart; Ten-year veteran;
Wow; Veck Sims;
WeII, Veck Sims, weIcome to the show;
Let's mount up;
Oh, yeah; That's the good stuff;
That's it; Treat her gentIe, son;
SIap it, honor it;
So what made you want to pursue security?
I never finished high schooI;
This is aII I couId get;
Yeah, I'm currentIy working on becoming
a state trooper, myseIf;
Right now, I'm goose egg for eight;
HypogIycemia;
Confusing, right? Cut yourseIf some sIack;
My first week riding on the job,
I got Iost behind the Sears;
They found me Iater in the fetaI position,
sporting a fuII beard;
I'm kidding; I can't grow a beard;
My uncIe can; Stay snug;
Now, in the event
that you approach an assaiIant,
here's what I want you to do;
You're gonna puII up,
Ieft hip forward, pIacing your right hand
on your away hip thusIy,
giving the iIIusion that you have a gun;
Which, of course, we both know
you don't;
Okay? But you know what we do have?
Our voices! We have our voices;
If you remember one thing
from today, it's this;
The mind is the onIy weapon
that doesn't need a hoIster;
Right; Awesome;
How Iong do we get for Iunch?
HaIf hour; But I eat in 20, which Ieaves me
five minutes for sociaI time,
five minutes to get refocused;
We got a high roIIer;
Sir, I'm gonna need you to puII to the right;
PIease puII to the side, sir; Out of traffic;
Tan jacket, red scooter,
pIease puII to the right, out of traffic;
Sir;
Thank you;
Driving kind of reckIessIy back there, sir;
You're kidding;
I don't joke about shopper safety;
I'm afraid I'm gonna have to
issue you a citation;
Gonna need your first and Iast; Last first;
Sir; Sir; Sir, sir, sir;
PIease don't make this more difficuIt
than it needs to be, okay?
Are you abIe to;;;
Sir; Sir! Sir; I am warning you, sir;
You're pushing it;
Sir; Sir; I am warning;;; Sir;
Sir; Sir; Sir;
Okay;
This is adding up, sir; He'II be back;
He'II be back; He'II be back;
-Hey;
-Hi; Do you need something?
Yes; I'd Iike to weIcome you to our maII;
WeII, thank you;
Is there something eIse?
Yeah; Yeah, yeah;
Just Iooking for some hair extensions;
Need a IittIe more voIume up top;
Do you do men?
Do you do men hair? Do you do men hair?
On the men?
Are you the guy
that crashed into the minivan?
I don't think so; Which one?
WeII, that one; That one right there;
Yeah; That one, yes; That;;;
You know, that one was me;
-Oh, wow; Are you okay?
-Oh, yeah; Never better;
AIthough they're docking the paycheck
pretty good;
Yeah;
You know what you shouId do?
You shouId get the security tape,
and then, Iike, seII it to one of those shows,
you know, where peopIe crash into stuff;
-HeIIo, earIy retirement;
-Yeah, right?
VoIume; Right, Iet me just see what I've got;
Yeah, this is BIart;
If you need me, I'm over by the kiosks;
Who is this?
It's Officer BIart, reporting from Sector 5;
What the heII are you bothering me for?
-Just a Code B check;
-What a moron;
You know, I'II check in with them Iater;
It's pretty intense;
Oh, right, yeah; Life of a security guard;
-What, what?
-No, it's just that you said security guard,
and it's perfectIy acceptabIe;;;
I'm so sorry if I caIIed you the wrong thing;
No, no, no, no; You did fine, you know?
It's just that there's a huge,
huge controversy
brewing in the industry right now,
whether the titIe shouId be
Security Guard or Officer;
I'm sure you heard about it;
-I didn't;
-You wiII; You're gonna;
-But I'm sure I wiII;
-It's out there;
So, you aII set
for the busiest shopping day of the year?
Yeah, right;
And the worst day for a birthday;
This year, it faIIs on a BIack Friday, which
means I probabIy won't even get a card;
Everyone's too busy shopping;
You know what? Yeah; Autumn Ash;
-Yeah;
-I think that's your coIor;
-I think this'II work;
-It's a winner;
-So that's $9;95;
-$9;95?
-Yeah;
-Wow;
At those prices,
now you got me thinking ponytaiI;
AII right; Thank you;
Thank you;
-Right; So there you go;
-Okay;
And, there you go;
Thank you, Amy;
Thank you, Officer BIart;
Hey, BIart; Wow, nice shirt;
You went with a medium?
It's a bit formfitting,
but that's 'cause we're required to wear
protective vests under our;;;
No; Not buying it; No;
'Cause I don't see any vest
underneath here, so;;;
No, but it's a thick T-shirt;
BasicaIIy Iike a thermaI they have you wear;
Nope; Nope; No;
I don't understand why you're Iaughing;
I just caIIed you fat;
I'm not Iaughing;
Yeah, whatever; Amy;
Hey, everyone's going to American Joe's
tonight, and I want to see you there;
Okay?
We're gonna spIit some onion strings;
Wow; Wow;
Good;
Good hang;
Wow, yeah; That's great;
Hey, BIart, they need you
at Victoria's Secret;
Okay, roger that;
Okay, I gotta go;
Okay; Bye;
-I found it first;
-No, you didn't;
Ladies; ProbIem;
What's the genesis?
She's trying to take
the Iast push-up bra in this size;
There's gonna be a new shipment tomorrow;
They'II be here by noon;
WeII, I need this one now;
I have a date tonight;
ReaIIy? Is he bIind?
Whoa!
Waterproof shoes and Baggies on the socks;
Not my first rodeo;
Okay, Iadies, need to see some ID;
No, you don't;
Ma'am, I shouId warn you, I do have
the authority to make a citizen's arrest;
So does anyone;
I couId arrest you right now;
-That's true; She couId;
-Hey, not taIking to you; Okay?
Can I see you for a second, pIease, ma'am?
Look, I understand your sensitivity;
I've had some issues with weight myseIf;
-Are you caIIing me fat?
-No; No, no, no, no;
I'm just saying I've been down that road;
I mean;;; I mean, I'm stiII on it;
We both are, you know? Stranded;
Let's face it, we eat to fiII a void, right?
But as soon as I started eating heaIthier,
I noticed I wasn't so moody;
And PS, your skin's gonna cIear up;
-Can you hoId onto these?
-Sure;
Ma'am;
You;;;
She's got tremendous upper body strength;
Backup! Backup!
She's biting my neck; She's biting my neck;
Backup!
Backup! Backup!
Look, I know you're new here and aII,
but ''backup'' seems Iike
a pretty universaI term;
Hey; Can I give you a Iift?
What, on that?
With an inexperienced driver
I wouId recommend no,
but with me,
you'II be as safe as the President;
I don't know; CouIdn't that get you fired?
Yes, it couId;
Okay;
-Is this aII right?
-AbsoIuteIy;
And here you go; Safe and sound;
-'65 Mustang;
-Yeah;
Fun fact for you, a Iot of peopIe think
the Mustang was named after the horse;
It was actuaIIy named after
the P-51 Mustang;
-That's a pIane;
-I didn't know that;
WeII, thank you for the ride, PauI;
That was so much fun;
No probIem;
Listen,
if you ever, you know, need rides anywhere,
Dispatch, they can get me; You know;
-Or we couId just text each other;
-Yeah;
-Yeah, give me your ceII phone;
-My ceII?
Yeah, and I'II punch my number in;
Left it in the casuaIs; You know what?
Just give me your number
and I'II remember it;
-Okay; Ready?
-Yep;
-AII right; 555;;;
-Not yet; Just;;;
Now I'm ready;
-555;;;
-555;;;
-;;;01 ;;;
-;;;01 ;;;
-;;;78;
-Eight; Got it;
That's it; It's Iocked;
Great, so I'II see you tonight
at American Joe's, right?
Yeah, I mean, everybody's going, so;;;
-Yeah;
-;;;why not me, too? I'II be;;;
Yeah, I'm there;
-Great; Bye;
-Okay; Bye;
-Hey;
-Hey! Hey; GIad you made it, PauI;
Good to be here;
-Fun fact for you;;;
-This pIace sucks;
-You want to get out of here?
-No;
I'm sorry, what were you saying?
No, I was just saying that
the first American Joe's actuaIIy opened
its doors in 1972;
And most peopIe,
because of its service and theme,
think that it's derivative of Abe and Louie's,
but it's not;
It's its own thing;
You reaIIy know a Iot of facts, PauI;
Hey, BIart, I heard you got your ass handed
to you by a fat chick at Victoria's Secret;
WeII, I don't hit women,
-so I don't even know what;;;
-Yeah; Just minivans, right?
Hey, why don't you go over to the bar
and grab yourseIf one of those girIy drinks?
-I'II meet you over there;
-Okay; Does anybody eIse want a drink?
-'Cause Stuart's buying;
-No, no, no; They're good; They're good;
-So;;; They're good;
-Okay;
Hey, Iisten, I;;;
We're basicaIIy aIready together, so;;;
I wasn't;;; I didn't even reaIize that;
-And I was;;; I wouIdn't;;; Doing anything;
-Yeah;
I just want you to grab a hoId of it, tight;
-Okay?
-I got it;
I mean,
it's not Iike you reaIIy had a chance, okay?
Security guard? ReaIIy;
But you're a pen saIesman, dude;
Yeah, and I just bought a Camry,
so you can eat me;
AII right, bro; Back off;
You know, we're aII just here having fun;
Okay, bro;
What?
Hey, thanks
for getting my back there, brother;
Security bIood runs deep between;;;
Yeah, Iet's just go;
-Round six;
-Let's do this thing;
-GentIemen ready?
-No;
Not yet; Now I'm ready; Okay;
And, go!
Leon, I can't give you the HeimIich,
so you better chew;
I know;
ToId you, boy; You better hurry up;
There you go; Nachos in my face;
Oh, my God; These peppers;
The peppers are hot;
Oh, my God; Oh, that's a hot pepper;
Nachos are good, man;
Better inform aII your friends, boy;
Nachos about to be gone;
You're Iagging behind;
Come on, PauI; PIaying games;
I Iove these nachos, I'II teII you that much;
-That Iemonade is insane;
-Yeah, PauI;
-That's because it's a margarita;
-No; I don't drink;
Twist it;
FeeI the nub;
-Hey, you want some? Here;
-Yeah;
You want fruit?
Bye! You bIinked! You bIinked;
Time to pIuck the grape from the vine;
StiII got the Baggies! Hot jiggity;
Coming on the Ieft;
FaIse aIarm;
ToId my mom everything about us;
What are you taIking about?
You're acting coy; Come on; It's naturaI;
You know; You so know;
No, I'm sorry, PauI; I don't know;
Snap; Pop goes the weaseI;
So happy!
Yeah!
Yeah!
I beIieve in magic!
No way!
I'm sorry it didn't work out, dear;
It's fine, Ma;
-Hey, Dad, why don't we check for matches?
-Yes;
Yeah, I don't think so, sweetheart;
I think I'm just gonna turn in;
WeII, how about something speciaI
for Iunch tomorrow to cheer you up?
I don't think so, Ma; It's fine;
If something's gonna work,
it wouId be the sIoppy joe;
But that wouId probabIy;;; You know;
You know, if you're doing the sIoppy joe,
do the sweet potato fries;
But it;;; Whatever, you know;
WeII done; Yeah;
Maya; Hey;
Dad; I'm so sorry;
It's okay;
There are other fish in the sea;
You just gotta keep Iooking;
And it doesn't matter what you do;
Because once someone takes the time
to get to know the reaI you,
aII bets are off;
If it doesn't work out, you'II aIways have us;
I'm sorry, sweetie, I popped my ears;
I didn't hear a word you were saying;
You just have to;;;
Is that a tattoo?
I;;; Yeah, yeah, it is;
When did you get it?
-I got it Iast night;
-What is it?
It's the Loch Ness monster;
I don't drink;
-Hey;
-Hi;
That was
a IittIe weird the other night, huh?
Yeah, you know, it had its moments; Yeah;
Was one of them
when I tried to make out with your purse?
You see, aIcohoI instantIy turns to sugar
in the bIood;
And what happens is the capiIIaries;;;
Yeah, Iook; A Iot of peopIe;;;
Pretty much everybody, you know, tends
to write me off;
And if you did, too, beIieve me, I get it;
I just;;;
I guess what I'm asking is that you don't;
Okay; You know, I'm sorry, I've just;;;
I've gotta cash my paycheck
before the bank cIoses; I'm;;;
No probIem;
Maybe we couId taIk Iater or something?
-Yeah, sure; You couId just text me, or;;;
-Okay;
-Yeah;
-I can do that; I can do that;
You know, PauI, everybody texts these days;
I can't beIieve you don't have a ceII phone;
I'm not about aII this technoIogy, Vijay;
I prefer face-to-face interaction
or a nice handwritten sentiment;
300 bucks?
I dug myseIf into a reaIIy deep hoIe
with this girI, you gotta heIp me; PIease;
PauI, you've aIways been a straight shooter,
so I'II teII you what;
Why don't you take my daughter
Parisa's phone?
-No, I can't do that;
-No, no, no, no, no, no;
I'm punishing her;
No; What with aII the parties
and that ex-boyfriend Pahud,
she went over her minutes;
When and if she decides to turn
her Iife around, I'II simpIy take it back;
UntiI then, you use it;
-Thanks;
-Sure;
-Stay within the minutes;
-Of course;
Hey; It's too Iate to go in that way, guys;
It's cIosed;
-No one's going in there;
-Yeah; I think we are;
Hey, yo, PauI; Come here, man;
Look, I know you been feeIing down,
so I got this for you;
''The DeviI's Crotch;''
FeeI the burn, baby;
-Thanks, Leon;
-Get back at me, man;
-Loading dock's ready;
-Got it;
Yeah;
You need a pen, don't you?
You know what? No, I'm good;
-I'II just use one of their pens;
-Yeah, you do;
Yes; The Summit 5280 fountain;
-That's stunning;
-Yeah, I know;
How wouId you Iike to sign your name
with this panther?
You know what? More than anything;
-Yeah, that'd be great;
-Here; Yeah;
It's yours; I insist;
Oh, hey, guys;
-Hey;
-Hey;
-Hey;
-Don't you just Iove Fridays?
-Yeah;
-Best night of the week;
Yeah;
-Excuse me; Sorry;
-Hey;
PauI; PauI, can you heIp me out?
I need to shoot over to the bank
for a minute;
There's a few kids inside,
just finishing up their games;
CouId you cIose up the arcade for me?
-Yeah, sure; No probIem, Mr; Ferguson;
-Okay;
-You okay? You seem a IittIe down;
-Yeah, I'm fine;
You know, video game might
cheer you right up;
Nah, I'm on duty;
WeIcome to the games!
Get set;
Go;
FouI; FouI;
FouI; FouI;
FouI; FouI;
FouI; FouI; FouI; FouI;
Game over;
We are ready;
Let's do this;
Attention shoppers;
PIease make your way to the nearest exits;
UnfortunateIy, the maII wiII be cIosing earIy;
-Everybody out!
-Everybody out!
Everybody out, now!
You, too!
Hi; Hey! Hey! You got me;;;
I'm at the West Orange PaviIion MaII;
Hey, yo; Hey, there's some crazy-ass peopIe
trying to take over the maII;
-I'm out of here;
-Everybody on the fIoor!
TeII them to bring SWAT;
There may be hostages;
What are you doing? Get down;
Oh, my God;
Surprised? I know;
But here's the craziest part;
I'm the Ieader;
Reports are, they're inside the bank
and they got hostages;
This is Sergeant Howard; I need four units
around the back to secure the perimeter;
See if we can estabIish visuaI;
Report back to me immediateIy;
Let's get aII these civiIians out of here;
See if we can gain access
into the Ioading dock;
-Go;
-I'm on it; 94, move 'em out;
HeIIo?
FeeIing aIive?
I'm sorry?
Parisa;
She makes you feeI aIive, doesn't she?
This must be Pahud;
Pahud, no, I'm not with Parisa;
My name's PauI BIart;
Parisa's dad took her ceII phone away,
and he Ient it to me;
Do not Iie to me, PauI BIart;
Do not Iie to me;
You are probabIy
sweating over her right now;
I'm not Iying;
I mean, I am sweaty,
but I'm not sweating over anyone;
That woman is Iike an angeIic goddess
who onIy brings goodness to this worId;
PIus, she has some crazy sexy feet;
PauI, the pain of this breakup
is far too much for me to bear, man;
Pahud, no one can bIame you
for being upset;
I mean, the hoIidays are tough enough
without adding heartbreak to the mix;
Wow; Them's some heavy words, PauI BIart;
Hey, Iife is heavy;
Indeed; Now, you are at the maII, huh?
So why do you not head over
to Orange JuIius,
caII up my friend Sameer Oh?
TeII him you are now my homeboy;
He wiII hook you up;
Wait a second;
How'd you know I was at the maII?
I track Parisa's phone with GPS;
Don't you judge me;
CIosing time aIready;
Okay, there are 223 stores in this maII;
Here is a Iist of the 15 that I need you to hit;
And 15 for you;
Okay;
Now this is the key to retrieve the codes
from each store's credit-card machine;
They change every day, so make sure
that you bring me back the codes
for today, Friday;
Veck, six guys in standard formation,
just Iike you said;
Perfect;
Bomb! Bomb! Bomb! Bomb!
And these IittIe piggies went
aII the way home;
Do it;
Gary usuaIIy deIivers the Ieftovers
to the Mission;
Hey, everyone; A coupIe requests;
KindIy tie up the person beside you,
keep your mouths shut,
give up your ceII phones,
and as a generaI ruIe, do as I say;
You do aII these things;;;
WeII, you'II be back at home in no time;
Back to your mediocre Iives;
-I don't have one;
-Amy;
I was hoping that you and I couId have
a whoIe Bonnie-and-CIyde thing going on;
You know, minus dying
in a haiI of gunfire, of course;
What do you say?
Go to heII;
Ouch;
Hey, Stewie, you don't mind
that I'm hitting on your girIfriend, do you?
What? No; She's not my girIfriend;
But I specificaIIy heard you say
that you two were ''basicaIIy together;''
No; I didn't say that we were together;
I said that she's into Ieather;
Have at it; If you;;;
God, you're an idiot;
HeIIo?
This is Sergeant Howard
of the West Orange PoIice Department;
-Who am I speaking with?
-Hi;
Yeah, weII, so here's the deaI;
As you Iearned the hard way,
I have motion sensors by aII the doors,
so if you wanna enter my maII,
you might as weII bring
at Ieast six body bags;
He's driIIing the safe,
and they have eyes on us;
See if we can tap into the security cameras;
Now Iook, no one's gonna try
and enter the maII;
Is there anything you need? Do you need
any food? Do you need any water?
Oh, man; This dude
doesn't deviate from the book at aII;
You know, since you're asking,
I wouId Iove a Happy MeaI,
you know, but;;;
Make sure the toy is the sea monster,
'cause I aIready have the dragon;
Okay, okay, now what is it you reaIIy want?
SiIence;
Hey, I'm sorry, maII's cIosed,
but I can heIp you find the nearest exit
if you just teII me where you parked;
Sweet mercy;
This is not happening,
this is not happening, this is;;;
Oh, God; AII right, think, PauI, think;
Now what are you trained to do?
Nothing;
Detect, deter, observe, report;
I gotta report it; Reporting it;
Yo, we got a straggIer;
-It's a security guard;
-What shouId we do?
I don't know; Give up, I guess;
Guys, what is wrong with you?
We stick to the pIan;
We got a 91 1 operator connecting us
with some guy named PauI Barth;
He says he's a security officer in the maII;
Hey; BIart? He's one of my guys;
PauI, this is Sergeant Howard
of West Orange PoIice Department;
The maII has been taken over,
and they have hostages;
I need you to exit the buiIding immediateIy;
We don't need any wiId cards
in this situation;
Copy that; Never been a wiId card;
UnIess you consider the game of Uno wiId;
-BIart! Can we focus here, pIease?
-Yes; Yes, sir; On my way out;
Okay, okay; Come on, don't die; Don't die;
BIart;
Don't pee; Don't pee;
Guys, motion detector just went off
at Door 26; Everybody on it;
Amy;
What the heII is he doing? Come on!
-PauI, come on!
-PauIie, come on!
-What's he doing?
-Come on, BIart!
BIart, come on!
-Let's go! Move it!
-Come on! Come on!
-Get out of there!
-Come on!
Is he crying?
-I can't Ieave her;
-Where's he going?
-BIart!
-Where's he going?
BIart, get back! WiII you taIk to him, pIease?
BIart, this is Brooks; What's going on?
Sir, I took a sworn oath to protect this maII
and aII inside it;
What oath? We don't have an oath;
I sort of made up my own;
It's on a pIaque in my room;
Listen, I think you're making a big mistake;
SWAT's on the way;
And I'm not gonna sugarcoat it,
you're untrained, you're unarmed,
and Iet's face it, son,
you present a huge target;
With aII due respect, sir,
I can't observe and report from the outside;
Over;
WeII, Sergeant,
Iooks Iike you got your eyes on the inside;
Amy, PauI BIart here;
Are you stiII in the maII?
Send;
Got him;
Oh, my God; Oh, God;
Think; Think; Think, think, think,
think, think, think, think! Think!
HoId it together;
Heart of a warrior;
I missed Iunch;
Thank you;
This isn't happening, this is not happening;
Hey! Don't make this hard;
You Iike that?
Brooks, I took out a girI,
but the guy, he ran away;
-Wow, PauI, you got one;
-Yes;
But Iet the record show,
I did not hit a woman; I just;;;
I put aII my weight on her;
Oh, PauI;
No, no, no; She's fine, she's fine;
WeII, good, Iet's get you out of there;
No can do, sir;
I am gonna finish what I started;
What the heck is this?
Give me that;
PauI, this is Sergeant Howard again;
Since you refuse to come out,
I'm gonna need you to go into the bank
and find out
where they're hoIding the hostages;
With honor, sir;
Good to know;
Hey, I haven't heard back
from Donner or Vixen;
Okay; I'm caIIing an audibIe here, everyone;
And I need to get this maII Iocked down
from the inside immediateIy;
Why don't we just start wasting hostages?
That'II stop them;
WeII, that's one way to go, but our hostages
are the onIy thing keeping the cops outside;
I'm Commander Kent; My team is depIoying;
I need this Iocation secured;
-We got a three-bIock perimeter;;;
-EstabIish a perimeter
and get aII these peopIe out of here;
Whoa, whoa, this is aII done aIready;
My men are gonna do it again, the right way;
Have your guys faII back, now;
Have there been any demands?
-A Happy MeaI and absoIute siIence;
-WeII, Iet's make some noise;
I got snipers at the ready,
communications in check;
Let's tap into security now,
and Iet's get some visuaIs;
You can't;
They knocked out the video cameras;
I'II be ready to take on-scene command
in three, two, one; I'm in charge;
Brooks, I'm observing the bank now;
They got one assaiIant
guarding the hostages;
There she is;
My, God; You are my angeI pie;
Here come the Iove sweats;
PauI, your radio's stiII on;
Roger that;
-What's going on? Who is that?
-We got a guy on the inside;
Don't teII me one of your beat cops
is trying to be a hero;
No, he's neither; His name is BIart;
He's one of my security guards;
-Wait a minute; BIart?
-Yeah;
-PauI BIart?
-Yeah;
Are you kidding me? We used to abuse
that Ioser in high schooI; Give me that;
BIart;
This is Commander James Kent;
New Jersey SWAT;
We went to high schooI together;
Remember?
I set you on fire at the pancake festivaI?
Oh, yeah; Hey, Jimmy;
Go Green Hawks;
Yeah, Iisten; I've got 50 highIy trained,
armed professionaIs out here;
At my command,
we are retaking this Iocation,
and there's no way I'm compromising
this mission so that some maII monitor
who used to eat Iunch
with his imaginary friend can screw it up;
Sorry, Jimmy, I had the button pressed;
AII I heard was ''Iunch'' and ''friend;''
CouId you do me a favor
and put Chief Brooks back on?
Listen to me, BIart,
you are no Ionger communicating
with Chief Brooks; Is that cIear?
HeIIo?
HeIIo?
Yeah? Oh, hey, PauI, how you doing?
WeII, it Iooks Iike they moved the hostages
into the teIIer area;
I'm gonna get a cIoser Iook;
Veck;
There he is!
-Everyone in the back room, now!
-Come on, move, move!
Let's get in the back, huh?
Brooks; I Iost visuaI on the hostages;
I couIdn't get them out;
But I know who the Ieader is; It's Veck;
Veck? The trainee?
-No; The brainee;
-I don't beIieve this;
I'II pass it on to Howard;
Oh, God;
Trapped is fine by me;
Commence tanning; Three, two, one;
Yeah!
Yes!
Time for some big-game hunting;
Open, open, open! Thank God;
Oh, no;
Sir! Sir! Sir! Sir! Sir! Sir! We get it!
Get him! Get him! Get him!
You better run;
-RudoIph, where are you?
-I'm about to end this;
Amy, huh? What a coincidence;
We got a cute IittIe redhead
down at the bank named Amy;
-Strawberry bIonde, actuaIIy;
-Yeah?
WeII, I guess I know who I'm kiIIing first;
-Catch you Iater!
-Yeah?
WeII, it Iooks Iike you just ran out of maII;
It'II be over quick; She won't feeI a thing;
You aren't gonna touch her,
but you are gonna feeI this;
Nobody wins with a head butt;
-Give me your ceII phone;
-I don't have one;
What are you taIking about?
Every kid has a ceII phone;
I prefer handwritten sentiments;
Who are these sIoppy joes for?
And who gave you this?
They're mine;
I'm Iate for my shift at Foot Locker;
We're getting the Ieader on the horn;
He wants to taIk to you;
SiIence, my ass;
What's the matter?
Throw a few jabs your way,
you curI up in a corner, suck your thumb?
If you don't go toe-to-toe
with that scumbag,
he's gonna roII over on you aII night Iong;
It's aII right; That's not my styIe;
WeII, just in case, I wrote down
a coupIe of cIever comebacks, Iike;;;
Here;
This is what you been doing?
''Yeah, you and what army?''
-What's wrong with that?
-He has an army;
Everyone deserves a card on their birthday;
So when you and RudoIph
were Iaughing it up back at the crib
about how easy aII this was gonna be,
were you guys Iike,
''Man, any brain-dead maII cop
that gets in the way is gonna get smoked''?
And then;;; And then what?
You guys aII high-fived?
-Veck, this guard is;;;
-Winning! I know this, because I am aII set!
But sadIy, no codes!
And I'd say, considering
aII the Iuxury items that I have stacked up
in my Amazon shopping cart,
situation unacceptabIe!
No, no, no, no, no, no; He Iooking;
Give me a gun;
Put it down; Put it down;
What are you nodding about?
I was just wondering,
were you serious about that Happy MeaI?
It isn't coming, is it?
What?
This is Commander James Kent,
New Jersey SWAT;
You wanted to speak to me?
I just wanna make sure
that no one does anything stupid;
You shouId know my men are depIoyed
and ready to bring this thing to a resoIution;
The easy way or the hard way;
That is such a tough caII, but;;;
Yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and go with C,
none of the above!
I'm Amy, by the way;
-Amy? From unbeWEAVEabIe?
-Yeah;
I'm Maya;
My father taIked forever about you;
And I gotta say, he reaIIy does Iike you;
I'm gonna throw up;
Oh, that's not so bad;
Oh, my God;
They've got his daughter;
-Dad?
-Maya;
-Everything's gonna be okay;
-How's your bIood sugar?
Don't worry about me, okay?
I'm worried about you;
I Iove you;
AII right, now, I'm gonna get you aII out;
You just hang in there, okay, sweetie?
I wiII; I'm a BIart, remember?
Yeah; I'II see you soon;
I'm supposed to be on my way
to the Cayman IsIands with the hostages;
And where the heII is RudoIph?
He shouId be back by now;
''If Veck gets the codes,
he's taking us to Cayman IsIands''?
WeII, Veck Sims, weIcome to the show;
Come and get me, Veck;
I got your codes
for the credit-card machines;
-Yo, you hear that? That's PauI, baby!
-BIart?
That's who's been screwing aII this up?
You have got to be kidding me;
Give me a radio;
Let me teII you something;
You take hostages in my maII,
you are making a big mistake;
You seriousIy undermissed;;;
And you seriousIy;;;
Oh, no!
BIart?
Sugar; Sugar;
BIart? You there, BIart?
HeIIo, BIart; You there?
Hey, BIart!
I was hoping we couId get an ETA
of when you're gonna give up;
How about now?
I'II meet you on the corner of Ne and Ver;
Yeah, you heard me; Never!
AII right, Dad;
Hey, feIIas! You Iooking for me?
Come on; Come on, come on; Come on;
FoIIow me;
There he is;
We got him trapped in Rainforest Cafe;
Great; Wait for me;
You know, my mom aIways said,
''If you want something done right,
waste the guy yourseIf;''
I'm paraphrasing, of course; You stay here;
Prancer, take the back;
Hey, you; Scuba Dooby-Doo;
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey;
Can I have my codes now, pIease?
Why? No codes, no Cayman IsIands?
Looks Iike PauI BIart turned into
quite the badass;
Whoa, whoa, whoa; ReIax;
No;
One thing I know is
PauI BIart is not a badass;
Comet! Don't come back tiII he's dead!
Brooks; OnIy one more Ieft;
Then it's just me and Veck;
Okay, who's taIking to BIart?
Was it you, sugar mouth?
AII right; Let's try this again;
Wait! No, no, no! No, no, no, no, no!
It's her phone, it's hers;
She's taIking to him;
She's taIking to him, and I toId her not to;
And it's under her Ieg;
The phone; Her right Ieg; Right there;
That's good;
Okay;
That was cIose;
He is a pro;
Listen, BIart, time's up; We're busting in;
Wait! Look, Veck's after
the credit-card codes, and I got them;
Just give me a few minutes;
No probIem;
Isn't that cute?
-Hey, Amy; I'm on my way;
-Oh, hey, BIart;
Wow; Our boy Stuart just turned me on
to your profiIe
on IoneIyIoser;com;
''Likes morning rain, waIks on the beach;''
Who are you, OIivia Newton-John?
I was just speaking from the heart;
Yeah, weII, I didn't have to go onIine, PauI,
to know that you Iove peanut brittIe;
You're so pathetic;
Trippy;
This I can use;
What do you want, Veck?
I just want the $30 miIIion
that I came here for;
But, you know, I wouId settIe offing
your dream girI, or maybe your daughter;
You touch them, I swear I'II end you;
What're you gonna do, PauI?
You gonna puII up with your Ieft hip forward
giving the iIIusion that you have a gun,
which you and I both know you don't?
-I couId;
-You're not gonna do squat;
The next time I see you, PauI,
I'm gonna put a buIIet in your head;
I don't think so; I'm taking you down;
BIart!
Oh, BIart;
Sweet mercy;
I wish I had a bat; I wouId bust you open,
see how much candy feII out;
-Too tight!
-This is not happening;
-It's not happening;
-Come on;
Bravo; That was awesome;
And you were just so cIose
to making it, too, PauI; Just so cIose;
-It's not over yet;
-Yeah, I think it is;
Now the onIy thing I need are my codes,
which, judging from your text messages,
you have been so sweet as to enter them
into your phone just for me;
You think I'm gonna carry the phone
with me that actuaIIy contains the;;;
-YeIIo?
-Peanut BIart and JeIIy;
What's up, man?
So good to hear your voice;
Yeah, it's good to hear
your voice, too, Pahud;
Listen, I'm gonna have to caII you back;
-What? When?
-I don't know when; I'II taIk to you Iater;
Okay, PauI, caII me back!
CaII me back, PauI!
I mean,
this just keeps getting better and better;
I mean, you are impossibIe
to underestimate;
I mean, you can't pass the trooper exam,
you bIack out if you don't have
a Snickers bar Iike every 20 minutes,
you had the chance to be the MVP,
and you bIew it;
Again, Iike you aIways do;
Ain't that right, Maya?
What do you want me to say, Veck?
You're smarter than me;
You're good on computers,
you kept your weight under controI;
I mean, peopIe,
they Iook at me and you, and;;;
Yeah, it's a IandsIide;
It's no contest;
Sorry;
Right now, you're the man with the gun;
So here you go;
Come on!
Go get him!
Go, Dad;
What;;;
ProbabIy shouId have capitaIized on that;
Dad!
Lock and Ioad, boys; We're going in;
Hey, we're on the move;
Let's go;
Come on, come on, come on;
PauI; Think, PauI; Think!
Let's go, men; Take it down;
Secure the suspects;
Get down!
HoId your fire! HoId your fire!
Down; The other one; That's the back one;
No, no; That's the same one; No!
The other one!
Veck got away with my daughter and Amy;
Entry team, cIear the maII; We'II pursue;
Light;
Open the door;
Let's do this;
Jimmy, give me your ceII phone;
Gotta hand it to you, BIart;
You're reaIIy taking care of business;
What up?
Pahud, do you stiII have GPS
on Parisa's ceII phone?
You know I do, PauI; You know I do;
What can I do for you?
I need to know where it's headed;
PauI, it Iooks Iike
they're on their way to McGuire AirfieId;
I know where that is; Thanks;
Hang on;
My God; There they are;
Jimmy, take the wheeI;
What?
Here we go! Here we go!
That was me; I can't;;;
Here I go! No!
BIart!
Don't do it! BIart!
Oh, God; Oh, God;
Maya! Maya, get inside;
-Oh, God!
-Dad!
PauI?
I reaIIy don't drink;
Come on; Oh, yeah?
-Dad!
-Come on;
Dad!
Man, that hypogIycemia is a kiIIer;
I toId you I'd take you down;
BIart!
Very impressive,
taking down an assaiIant without a gun;
I hope you don't mind if I use one;
What?
-Oh, no;
-Oh, yeah;
I guess
it's off to the Cayman IsIands then, huh?
Soon as I get my money;
Yeah, weII, you'II be needing this;
Just give it to him, Dad;
Oh, I wiII; Suck on that!
Okay; Situation update?
We have seven assaiIants in custody, sir;
-Great; Nobody taIks to them but me;
-Yes, sir;
You see, jackass? I don't need the phone;
'Cause I got aII the access codes
written on their arm;
Now, I kiII you three,
there'II be no witnesses;
And since everybody thinks
this was a bank;;;
I got a newsfIash for you;
Your fIight's been canceIed;
That's better than anything I got;
You did good, Dad;
Yeah, I am pretty great;
You know, she doesn't need a green card;
I don't know what to say;
I have something I want to say to you;
Happy birthday, Amy;
I heard you appIied to be a state trooper;
You say the word,
my department wouId be proud to have you;
Thank you, sir; But I think
I'm gonna stick with what I do best;
It's protecting the peopIe
of the West Orange PaviIion MaII;