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Paul Is Dead (2000)
First of August 1980
Followed a suspicious car and noted its features. Otherwise, not much has happened. No murder, no burglary, not even a stolen bicycle. Helmut Kublik has made no more recent appearances. I think he doesn't want to meet Till. On the radio, I heard John Lennon has finally recorded another album. Hopefully Alan Bangs will play it on his Beatles show tomorrow. PS: Mom called. She's coming back on Monday. Yes, ladies and gentlemen! We now come to the young talent part of our show. Today it's about "Nuzzlebox". We already have the group in the studio. Almost, that is. But the leads of the band are already here. Mr. Kerner, good evening! - Good evening. Yes, so first of all, the listeners would of course really like to know: Nuzzlebox, who is that actually? Nuzzlebox, that's... That's my brother, Tim Kerner. He plays guitar and bass. Is he younger or older than you? Older. My brother is four years older than me. Yes, and then there's the famous Helmut Kublik. Yes, how did you get to know one another? I mean, how did the band get started? They got started... yes... yes so, that was about a year earlier, so in the summer. And actually we've always known each other. We spent a lot of time together. We sat around and discussed music. Which envelope do you want, A, B, or C? C, I'll take envelope C. Envelope C! Mr. Kerner, you have 650 Marks at this time. Mr. Kublik has 2580 Marks. How much do you want to wager? I'll wager everything. Mr. Kerner wagers everything! A two-part question that must be answered in 30 seconds! Who warned Paul McCartney when Jane Asher returned from a tour earlier than expected... and he was enjoying himself in bed with Francie Schwartz? And, when was that? Man, once again a chic question, they're of no real interest to anyone! You picked out the question yourself, so stop complaining! And? And then I hit on an idea! Not to just talk about it, but to start a band. Let's start a band! The others were immediately stoked. You're bringing that up again! You can't play any instruments, man! But I could sing. You don't know English either! Besides, your hair is much too short. I'll just play bass, then no one will hear anyway. So, do you know the answer, or not? Ringo? Come on, you have to take this a bit seriously, okay? So? Mr. Kublik, do you know the answer? from the Apple Scruffs. Thanks, thanks, that is correct. And with that, Mr. Kublik is our former and new champion! And Mr. Kerner... goes swimming. Yes, thanks, now let's continue with the music... in fact with "Something I Love". Who took part in recording that? So yes, that's one of my solo works. There are some musical differences with the other two right now. Well, Till has worked harder on his solo project since the start of the holiday. And Helmut has totally buried himself in the studio. Of course, all of us hope that these differences will soon be set aside. But for now, Nuzzlebox with "Something I Love". Ladies and gentlemen, let's hear it! I'll just quickly get the guitar. Open up! He'll go away. I know that you're in there. Open up! - Tobias, go away! I'm peeling off the Fortuna sticker! I'm peeling off the Fortuna sticker! Leave the sticker alone! Besides, I've told you a thousand times, don't bother me when Tessa is here. I just want to get the guitar. You have your T-shirt on inside out! Listen, you need to come up with something different. We have to meet somewhere else. I can't stand him anymore. I'll come up with something. Hi, Mrs. Steiner! Well Tobias, how's it going? How is it at home for the holidays? How's your brother? Are you okay? It's okay. You still have to take care. We men just aren't meant to live alone. I often miss having a wife at home. It's not easy to find the right one. Your mother... she is something special. How long will she still be away? A week, right? Here, this is for you. Thank you. No problem. Bye! Hello, Mr. Hhr. - Hello. Do you have these cigarettes? Have you these cigarettes? Nah, nah, I really don't have them now. Thank you. Highly suspicious car discovered. White VW Beetle, right-hand drive. Approximately model year '67. Rare 1.5-liter engine. In the back seat there's an open bag and a locked black briefcase. In front are several cassette tapes and a map of London. The driver wears sunglasses and speaks English. Obviously he's trying to avoid public scrutiny. Question: What would be found in the briefcase? Where should I start today? Start at the beginning. The doctor said, the sooner the better. I'll be back at half past 7. Bye Helmut! - Bye. Tell me about New Orleans, Dad. America. What was your ship called? I was once in America too. That's me, Dad. With Tessa in the garden. And that's Tessa. Don't you know? Tessa? Hey, Mr. Kublik. Helmut, I have to show you something! This is incredible! This can't be possible! You'll never believe me! Look at this, this is unbelievable! Tell me, are you crazy, leave the record alone! Hey, wait a moment, I have to show you something! Here, LMW 28 IF! There! He's here! - Who? The VW Beetle from Abbey Road was parked in front of Roger's shop. And then he went to the record shop. But Roger is coming back tomorrow. Yes, no one was there, but the guy rang the doorbell. There. Where is he now? I don't know that. But I saw him! I'm sure! The man! You have to remember all you can about the man! He spoke English. Then I wouldn't have understood him anyway. Sorry, guys! Are you coming with us tonight to listen to the third part of Alan Bangs? No, I can't tonight. I have to care for my father. You'll record it, right? Take care! - Bye. - Bye. ...and on WDR 3, the third part of the Beatles special with Alan Bangs. Alan Bangs is about to start! Did you spool forward the tape? - Shit! To be sure not 20, but it has been at least And as always, we begin this episode of our show with a quiz question. I'm going then. I... - Quiet, man! ...a very special treat. We're giving away five copies... of the new single by John Lennon "Just Like Starting Over", which will be available starting in October. Whoever wants to win, has only to answer the following... perhaps not entirely easy, question. At the end of "Strawberry Fields", John Lennon repeats a mysterious phrase. The question is, what does he say at the end of that song? Kublik. Who? Oh, Tobias. No, Helmut is going to see Pastor Theunissen with his father. Yes, please? I would like a Cola and a Fanta. - Yes. Hello! - Well! I already bought the tickets. was in the city today. The suspicious driver got away from me. This is the biggest case of my life, but Helmut doesn't believe me. Alan Bangs always asks hard questions. What does John Lennon say at the end of Strawberry Fields? ...back at 11. - Thanks. Bye! - Bye! Hey, Roger! Can I hang this here? Sure, hang it by the door! You're looking for a singer? Yeah. Do you know one? Yes, I already know a really good one. - Honestly? Who then? Me! - Ha ha! Hey Ringo, what makes something art? Everything okay on Bonanza Ranch? All okay! - What's up? I have to talk with you. What's wrong? Alone! So! Now we won't be disturbed. So, what's up? Listen to this! And? What do you mean "and"? Well, what's he saying, you know English? Play it again! Okay then. You'd eventually figure it out. Do you really want to hear it? - Yes! So! Listen up! What John says there is, "I buried Paul"! I've buried Paul. - What? One more thing! What I've told you, you can't tell anyone else! When I say nobody, I mean nobody, got it? If this gets around..., the guy with the Beetle will come back, and he'll find out who squealed. This is no longer a game! So, not a word to anyone. Okay? Yes. Hey, Mrs. Kublik! Man, guy! Do you swear you won't tell anyone? How often have I told you to let me know before you come over? - Do you swear? What's this anyway? Paul is dead! Paul McCartney is dead, man! - What? That's right, young man, "Five minutes early is a soldier's punctuality!" Hello, dear. - Hello. So Till, take a sip of Samsara tea. It's good for the blood and a stimulant. I'm sure Tessa is almost ready! Thank you, Mrs. Sthrenberg! I want Samsara tea too! - Come dear, let's go in the kitchen! Where did the Kerner family go this year? Yes, my mother went to Brazil for two weeks. Alone? No, with her fianc. To investigate the place. We want to emigrate next year. Brazil, yes. Beautiful amethysts there. Several of my friends are in the gem trade. Hello! - Are we going? So, pay attention, it goes like this! On the 9th of November '66, Paul McCartney got into his car, an Aston Martin. Earlier, he had argued with the others in the studio and was agitated. He drove down Abbey Road and turned here. Simultaneously, a white Beetle came from here and turned this way. At the intersection of Circus Road and Wellington, one of them missed a red light and they crashed! Paul McCartney was squashed between the door and the steering wheel and... ... decapitated. Nothing happened to the driver of the Beetle. The manager, Brian Epstein, decided to cover up Paul McCartney's death... and replaced him with a doppelgnger. The guy with the Beetle is Paul McCartney's murderer! Here, look at the albums! There's evidence all over them. Here, for example, the doppelgnger ran out of time. There you have some guys arranged around. But he's much too big. Totally conspicuous. Then here: OPD What does that mean? That's English. It means "officially pronounced dead". Officially pronounced dead. - Hmm. Then here. That's a P for Paul. These are "candis" plants. What? - Hashish! - Oh! The P is crossed out. He's dead. They're standing by the real Paul's grave! Here, the hand above the head: an Indian sign for death. Here, John makes it quite blunt. The hand above the head again. This time it's actually the sign of the devil. Like this! Is there anything else? - Yes, of course! There! Three red carnations on the others, a black one on Paul. But the best... is yet to come! Tell me what you see! Well, John, Ringo, Paul and George are on a crosswalk. And where are they coming from? From the studio. Wrong. Beyond the photo's left is a graveyard. They're coming from the burial. Pay attention... John is wearing white, he's the pastor! After that comes Ringo in a curious black suit. So, he's the relative of the dead. Or could also be an undertaker. - Could be! After him comes the false Paul, as the dead. He's the only one out of step. Do you notice anything else? Paul is barefoot! The only one. Correct. Roger said that the Mafia remove the shoes of the dead. The dead! The guy is holding his cigarette in his right hand, but Paul is left-handed! At the end of the procession comes George, in work clothes. The grave-digger. But the best is here! - The Beetle! Yes, of course. Yes, but look at the features, the license number. LMW 28 IF. Well, I already know that! Man, Helmut! Consider this, when was "Abbey Road" recorded? And how old would Paul McCartney have been? He would have been 28 IF he hadn't died! Man! That's madness! - Yes! Are you sure he won't be back before 11? - Absolutely! Where is the toilet here? - Right ahead. Move over a bit, I need to quickly lie down! Otherwise the stuff will run right out. It says "apply only in the horizontal". That really smells a bit funny. And it foams too, but no matter! Not yet. We have to wait ten minutes before it works. - Oh! Oh man, oh man! What is it? - Brutal! The guy here, next to the police car... Yes, what's with him? He looks like Mr. Hhr! - Which Mr. Hhr? Mr. Hhr, man, our school janitor. - Huh? Well, Holzi! Nonsense! Holzi is a lot fatter. Listen, you spastic, the record is from 1969. That's eleven years ago. Holzi didn't have such a potbelly then! But Helmut, what kind of nonsense is that! What was Holzi doing on Abbey Road? Now you have to take off your underpants. Ready now? - Mhm. I still have to go to the loo! - What, now? Man! You can't leave me hanging now! Just a little more! Not too much, not too much! Okay! Calm down! Think of something boring! Amethysts! Yoko Ono! Yoko Ono! SHIT! Here's the cigarette carton from the guy in the shop. There's a number on it. What, you're only now telling me that! Earlier, you didn't believe me. Helmholtz High School, Hhr. Man! If he has something to do with the case, then we'd better keep out of it! Huh, first you tell me the whole story, and now you want to chicken out? Did you shit in your pants or something? But Holzi? Man, he's not one to trifle with! Know why the detention room is locked up? A boy hanged himself there. Hey, that's hilarious! Holzi shut him in there. The boy hammered on the door and screamed for days. But Holzi didn't open it. No. He stood by the door with a key, but didn't open it. And then he went crazy, drank his own piss, and hanged himself. And even today he still hangs up there rotting away, eh? Man, Tobias, that's baby stuff! The pig over there has something to do with Paul McCartney's murder. This is completely different. I'll call again. Hhr! Hello? Who's there? I can't hear you. You pig! We know exactly who you are! We'll get you! What's this about? Hello? Hello? Who are you? Tomorrow we're going to get some equipment, okay? I have to go home. If something happens, call me. I'll take the phone into my room. My parents won't hear anything there. Helmut? - Yes? Keep this to yourself! And keep your brother out of it, okay? Keep your eyes open. Holzi? How could it be Holzi? SHIT! What's the point of this? Can you tell me, what this is for? I haven't found the key. Haven't found the key. You never lock up anyway. Mom said we should lock up. Yes, and have you been doing it up till now? No! So what's wrong? What is it? The janitor is on the Abbey Road cover. - What? Your school janitor is on the cover of Abbey Road, next to the police car... and the murderer has his number. The phone number... for Holzi! What sort of murderer? The murderer of Paul, Paul McCartney! The guy with the Beetle! It seems something's not right with your head! But I spoke with him! You spoke with Paul McCartney's murderer? No, with the janitor, man! Just as I've said! Well, what's so special about that? The caretaker lives across the way, you fool! You understand nothing at all! No Tobias, it's not Thursday yet! I can't give you the money. Your mother said: Once a week, always on Thursday. I'm not going to just come back on Thursday. You can gladly come back on Thursday. Not today, I'm sorry. Don't lie, you're not sorry at all! Otherwise you'd give it to me. Now don't be insolent, okay! Dimwit! Running meter, huh? Little shit! Read it aloud again. Man, it's already 16:30 and the guy's still asleep! Let's wait at least another half an hour, okay? All right. But then I'll really be hungry. I can make us something now. - Mhm. Tell me... Do you think you can record "Romeo and Juliet" after "Wish You Were Here"? Sure, why not? Don't you think that's too obvious? Why too obvious? Well, because... Oh, it doesn't matter, just... Give me them again! There! Go on, write it down! accompanied by his dog. into the stream. His dog retrieves it. Oh, I don't feel like doing this anymore, it's pointless. Nothing more is happening. How late is it? Five till Six. Let's wait until 6 at least. Hey, Ronnie and Corinna. Something else is happening. Let's go. They're going to Kiesi Hollow, there will be something to see there! and pursue separate tracks. at the school. He drinks a beer. Helmholtz High School, Hhr. Hello? It's open! Holzi sits in a dark corner of the pub. He looks around, then lights a pipe. Nothing is seen of the guy with the Beetle. Hi Sarah, back already? and empties it by himself. Without speaking to anyone. And how was it? Wait a moment. Hello, Helmut! - Hello. I'll be right there! - Okay. Analysis: The relationship between the janitor and the murderer with the Beetle... couldn't be put together yet. I'm keeping him under surveillance. Tomorrow is the final part of Alan Bangs' show. Do you want to come by, my parents are gone? Stefanie Brock is having an outdoor party tonight. Does Till know about it? - Not likely. It's not a kindergarten party. I'd like to, but Helmut just came over. And besides, I have to look after Tina. Well, then ask Helmut to look after her. - Nah, that's mean. Ronnie is probably coming. Really, are you sure? - Yes, sure! Well Helmut, how's it going? I mixed a tape for you. That's sweet of you. What's on it? Ah, a variety. It starts with Dire Straits and... after that comes something harder: Blondie. I think you have to put contrasting songs on tapes for the variety. Tell me... Did you already have something to do this evening? Nope. I thought we... Why? Then... could you do me a huge favor? What then? But say nothing to Till, okay? Helmut? You have to promise, Till must not find out about it. No problem. Thank you. Are we going to play something? What are you doing here? Off to bed! I don't know if you recall that this is 2DF TV, not Radio Moscow. You have to speak German here. - That was German. That was German? Can you prove that? Yes, now let's replay that gibberish backwards. Well then do it. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I'm pleased to acquaint you with my hobby. That's tremendous! Can you sing us a song? - Yes. - Really? - Yes. What was that? - "Berlin Air" starting from the back end. Are you still awake? - Billy Sheals. Who's Billy Sheals? Paul McCartney's doppelgnger. That's Billy Sheals. Billy Sheals was a young musician from Liverpool, who by chance, on the 6th of October 1960, played with the Beatles at the Kaiser Keller in Hamburg. Except for his too big nose, he resembled Paul McCartney down to the last hair. On the 17th of November 1960, he stayed in the room... next to Paul McCartney and Pete Best at the Bambi Cinema. The Beatles started playing at the Top 10 Club. Billy Sheals had had enough of the jokes about his nose. He lit a couple of condoms in the room of Paul and Pete Best. The cinema caught fire. Paul McCartney and Pete Best were arrested. The next day, the Beatles were deported. Back to Liverpool. Years later. Paul McCartney dies. Brian Epstein remembers Billy Sheals. They track the guy down and they pay for his new nose. No more disparities. Tomorrow on Alan Bangs' show, I'll be proven right! Helmut is coming too. Okay, tomorrow. That will be the moment of truth! Tessa? Helmut, what are you doing here? Are you crazy? There in the blinds, there's a kink, the... I just wanted... Perhaps you're thirsty? Please go! Go home! Tina Sthrenberg, who's there? Hello! This is Till. Is your sister there? Yes, but she's asleep. Ah, too bad. Can you perhaps wake her up? No she's not sleeping, she's standing next to me. Here Tessa, it's Till! Yes, hello? Hi Tessa, want to go swimming? At the bridge? I already have plans with Sarah. When then? - Two o'clock at the swimming pool. Bring her along. It's a lot nicer at the river. Sarah asked before you. Besides, I've not seen her for 4 weeks. And maybe after that? Tonight at the Okambo? Perhaps so. I'll call you today. This afternoon, or tomorrow afternoon. What's the matter with you, what's troubling you? Nothing! Tonight at the Okambo, all right! What time? Yes... 8 is okay, right? Fine! Until then! Bye! ...the third part of the Beatles special with Alan Bangs. We've come to the answer to last week's quiz. The question asked, what does John Lennon say at the end of "Strawberry Fields"? Many found the question rather difficult, since I've received just 53 answers. The correct answer apparently needs a little clarification. When the Beatles got together for the last time in the studio... to record Abbey Road in 1969, they had no idea... Hello Till. ...what bizarre rumors would be unleashed. Shortly after its release in September '69, a certain Russ Gibbs, a disc jockey of the Detroit radio station WKNR FM, opined that... that Paul McCartney had already died in November 1966. - What? Brian Epstein covered up the death and replaced Paul with a doppelgnger. On various album covers, John, George and Ringo made some allusions... to the tragic death of their friend. Most of the evidence for the outrageous claim can be found on the Abbey Road cover. In the picture's background on the left, one can recognize a white VW Beetle. It bears the license plate LMW 28 IF. - You were right. The real Paul McCartney would have been And what does LMW mean? Simple: Linda McCartney Weeps. So, Linda is crying because Paul is dead. So, the bizarreness of the story shows just how insane it is! On the 8th of August 1969, Paul was 27 years old, not 28. When it comes to answering my question, it's best to give John Lennon his say. ...about that line in "Strawberry Fields" at the end, "I buried Paul" It doesn't say that. It says "Cranberry sauce"... and it's me going "Cranberry sauce"... "Cranberry sauce" instead of "I buried Paul". Cranberry sauce instead of "I buried Paul". Well, I'm sorry friends, that's how life is sometimes. Cranberry sauce...? But that makes no sense at all! You believed him! Roger pranked him completely, and you believed him. Tell me, what kind of a shit have you been telling me? I made a total fool of myself! But I saw the Beetle! He was here! Forget it! I'm going to the toilet again. - Okay. Roger? - Hey! - Hey! How's Tobias? Ever since you told him this "Paul is dead" story, he's been even more annoying than before. Really, he doesn't talk about anything else anymore. - Still? Not even Alan Bangs can pull him away from this shit! He doesn't eat and barely sleeps. - Hopefully it'll soon subside. Have fun! That was Sthrenberg. - Tessa? I don't want to name her, but the woman doesn't pick up on anything. You've won her over? Great! Do we want to go? Hello Tessa! Do you already have something going on this evening? Can you please tell me what this is about? You don't understand anything at all. Nothing is as it was before, got it? W... yes but... listen... Forget it, just forget it! Don't follow me! Yes, but... - Leave me alone! Just leave it. As it is. Then get lost! I don't care. Hello? Roger? Are you there? I'm coming in! Hello! I'm coming in now! Roger? Hello? Tobias? Tobias? Tobias? Mom! Night, Sweetie! Night, Mom! Um, Mom? Should I leave the hallway light on? And the door ajar. Like this? - Little more. Like this? - Little less. Like that? - That's good. Night, Tobias! - Night, Mom! Hello Helmut! - Hello! Shall we meet later at the bridge? - Okay. Hello! Is this 7C? - Yes, come in. Sit down! I'll read you the schedule. So... next week goes as follows: Monday, first hour mathematics with Mr. Jasnig. Second, biology... Can you give me something to write with? Here. - Thanks. Fourth hour... ...Music with Mrs. Hoffmeister. And today your class begins in the 2nd hour with English with Mr. Reash. Here! I would like to introduce someone to you. This is... Mr. Reash. From Liverpool in England. He's a student teacher and will take over your lessons for the next 3 months. Please, Mr. Reash! - Thanks. Good luck! - Thank you! Okay. So... my German is not so good. Where I come from, people have no formal form of "you". First thing you'll learn: everyone says "you" informally in English. Forget "Mister Reash" - It's not important. I'm not here to speak German, but rather English. And so that I get to know you, I must know your names. I'll give you English names, then you'll feel more English. What is your name? Well, I think for you, Paul could be suitable. Is that okay? Paul? And yours? What's your name? Ringo. My father is now in the hospital. And do you see him often? Sure, what do you think? It's not so far away. And Tessa? Nope. Hey! He's here! He's here! I've seen him. He wants... Man, haven't you figured it out yet? The guy is named Billy Reash. How do you know that? - From Roger. Roger is lying! They're in cahoots! The two of them... Tobias, he's your English teacher, not a murderer. He's not an English teacher, he's only pretending! You don't have him for English, you still have Mrs. Matterhorn! But he knows what I know. And he wants to do me in! Get back to reality, mate! You've been had. Got it? Life goes on. There are things... more important things. But he has a gun! And he shot at me! Just forget it. You can't just walk out on me! Traitors! And that was with Paul McCartney with "Wonderful Christmas Time". So, we now come again to the young talent part of our show. We already had Tobias Kerner from Nuzzlebox in the studio a few months ago. Mr. Kerner, good evening! Good evening! Well, a lot has happened since the last time we were in the studio. Tell us about it. Yes, anyway, Nuzzlebox broke up. Why? Differences. Musical or personal? Musical and personal differences. Yes, what are the other former members up to? Are they still in contact? Yes, barely... Till is my brother. But he's no longer making music, neither is Helmut. I had prepared for an artistic hiatus at this time. But now I have a band again. We're called "Black and White". Aha! We have Harry Runge, on drums. Harry Runge, who most listeners probably know by his stage name, Ringo Rungee. How did you get him? Well, he appeared one day, and we immediately hit it off. Then we went right into the studio. Yes, now we have other role models, musically I mean. It sounds like everything's quite different than in Nuzzlebox. Now we'll hear a piece from "Black and White". What is this called? "New York" The piece is called "New York". How long does it take from here to New York? From here to Frankfurt and then a six hour flight. I'll be there by tomorrow evening. Okay. We still have 20 minutes. You may now hand out your gifts. It's yule-club time, boys and girls! What's the matter? What then? Turn on the radio! Why? New York. It's now confirmed that John Winston Lennon... former member of the Beatles, was shot last night at 22:50 local time... in front of his house, the Dakota Building near Central Park, by an unidentified man. Billy! The attack was fatal for Lennon. He died on the way to the hospital. John Lennon was 40 years old. |
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