Need to get the
Santa out of here.
Number one, it's spring.
It's not winter.
- Spring.
- So?
Secondly,
you don't even work here.
When are you gonna stop putting
all your shit all around
all over the place?
- Third..
- Mm-hmm.
Santa Claus ain't
even of African descent.
Oh, yeah, that's it there.
I was waiting for that.
You do realize Santa Claus
ain't even a real person.
You can make him whatever
color you want to.
No. Charlie Brown ain't real.
Charlie Brown real?
Well, hell, no.
Well, you ain't gonna
draw a picture
of a little black
kid, round head,
curly-squiggly hair
and call him a "Peanuts" comic.
Well, you could
if you wanted to.
Well, you could physically,
but you can't.
Yes, you could.
All right, fine. You could.
But you gotta get rid
of the damn Santa.
And I got news for you, too.
If some black man came down my
chimney wearing a red jogging suit,
I'd blow a hole right
through his red hat.
How's that..
What?
Oh, no, no. No, no, man.
I just need a loan
on my shotgun.
Well.. honest.
What.. what's wrong
with you kids?
Coming into a man place of business
pointing a shotgun at people.
I'm sorry. I didn't
mean to cause no fuss.
You know the pawn shop
business is a dangerous game.
Damn right.
My brother, he move out
West, opened a pawn shop.
- Found him in the basement, dead.
- I remember that.
Oh, yeah? What happened to him?
I'd rather not talk about it.
You're lucky..
I didn't blow a hole
through your head.
Well, how was you gonna do that
with your hands up in the air?
Shut up.
Give me the gun.
Well, I'll give you 20.
Oh, come on, now. Come on.
No.
- 40.
- No.
- 30?
- Nope.
- No.
- Come on, man. Shit.
Well, all right.
Hey.
Whoo!
Hey, man, is Vern there yet?
No, he late.
Hey, where you at, man?
Don't worry, I'll be
there in a minute.
You just keep his
ass there, huh?
'Cause I've been up for three
days since we smoked that shit
and I'm beginning to
hallucinate, man.
Ah! God!
On my way here,
when I was driving in,
I saw the King, man.
I swear I saw Elvis walking
through town square.
I can't be robbing no people when
I'm fucked up like this, man.
Hey.
Quit being a pussy. I'll be
there in a minute, alright?
You just keep Vernon there 'cause
I'm gonna fuck his ass up.
Shit!
Jesus Christ, man.
Thank God, man.
Where the hell have you been?
Oh, I had to pawn my
shotgun to get gas money.
Man, how the hell we gonna rob
Stanley without a shotgun?
- Well, how was I supposed to get here?
- You stupid fuck!
How was I supposed to
get here without gas?
I would've come and
picked you up, dumb-ass.
Listen, don't you think this whole
robbing Stanley thing is stupid anyway?
And why the fuck we gotta
meet out in this field?
You are so fucking stupid, man.
'Cause it's top secret
shit, that's why!
So fields is the place for
top secret meetings, huh?
Why are you so damn worried
about the gun anyhow?
There's three of us
and only one of him.
We just go in there,
we beat him down,
we take the meth, we
get out of there.
- It's easy.
- You're so stupid, man.
- What?
- The guy is a fucking geeked-out,
hillbilly, drug-cooking,
dumb shit.
You don't think he has a
fucking arsenal of weapons
laying around his fucking house?
You don't think he ain't got his head
out the window every five minutes
peeking 'round to see
what the fuck's going on?
You know this shit fucking
makes you paranoid, man.
Speaking of dope, man,
you got any on you?
Hell, no.
That dickhead at the pawn shop
only gave me 20 on the gun.
So I only got enough for gas..
What the fuck, man?!
Shit!
What the fuck, man?
That son of a bitch stole
$80 out of my sock drawer.
- No, he didn't.
- Bullshit!
Randy, he didn't
fucking take shit.
- Vern didn't steal anything, man.
- How the fuck do you know?
Because he just pawned
the goddamn shotgun
so he could put some fucking
gas in his car, man.
And he didn't have
no meth, either.
So clearly, he ain't
got no extra cash.
Huh.
Well, shit.
Wait,
he pawned the shotgun?
How the fuck are we
supposed to rob Stanley?
I don't know, Randy.
Fuck, man, why you gotta
go and run Vernon over?
I mean, shit, what makes you think
he stole it in the first place?
Lamar told me he took it.
- Oh, Lamar did.
- Mm-hmm.
You mean the crackhead?
You mean that lying,
fucking cheating thief?
That Lamar?
You stupid fuck! He gets
his hair cut at Cook's!
- He said he seen Vernon take it.
- That don't mean shit, man!
I mean, Jesus Christ!
You fucking..
You ran fucking
Vernon's ass over, man.
You could've fucking
asked him first.
What the fuck?
Instead you trust
some dude's word
with the name of
fucking "stinky nuts."
Made sense at the time, alright?
Man, we gotta do something.
We gotta take him to a
hospital or something.
This gurgling shit,
this ain't normal, man.
I ain't taking his ass nowhere
and getting locked up.
- Well, we can't just leave him here.
- Move.
See? He's fine.
Let's go get my
money from Lamar.
Good afternoon. I'm
Connie Swanson.
And I'm here with a man who
helps save lives by day
and is the King by night.
- Hi.
- Meet Ricky Baldoski.
He's a volunteer emergency medical
service technician by day
and, as you can probably guess,
does Elvis tribute
shows by night.
- That's right. I'm Ricky Baldoski.
- Yes.
Tell us who some of your
big influences are, Ricky.
Well, definitely.
The King, um, King,
and the King.
- KKK all the way.
- You can catch Ricky..
- Wait, no..
- ..This weekend
performing his tribute
performance to the King.
I'd like to just say one
word: God bless America!
Irwin County Fair.
Back to you, Michael.
Lamar!
You lying bastard.
Vern didn't steal
my money, you did.
No, I didn't.
Bullshit.
I know it was you 'cause it
sure as hell wasn't Vernon
and you're the one who lied.
Oh. Oh, man.
I guess it was me, man.
What the..
I fucking knew it.
You give me my money, you
lying piece of shit.
- I don't have it.
- What?
Where is it? Where is it?
It's in the air, man.
I smoked it up.
$80 since this morning?
What the fuck?!
We gonna kick your ass, Lamar.
We gonna fuck you up good.
'Cause of you, old
Vern got killed.
And that shit ain't cool, man.
There's getting high
and there's getting a
brother fucking ran over!
God damn it, bro! Kick his ass!
I oughta kick your
fucking ass, Lamar.
Randy, don't, man.
You got a gun, huh?
- Huh?
- No.
- We need a gun.
- Hey, hey, we could ask Don.
Don will have a gun.
Yeah.
We gonna go get the gun and we
gonna come back and shoot you.
- Right?
- Don't you steal shit while I'm gone.
Okay?
Okay.
Is that my Styx
CD in your pants?
- Huh?
- God damn it. Yeah.
Fuck, Lamar!
Put it back, Lamar.
- I ain't fucking around.
- Sorry, man, it was right here.
I was warming it.
It's your fucking ass now.
You're fucking dead, Lamar.
Kick his fucking ass, Randy.
What the fuck?
What, you ain't gonna
kick his fucking ass?
Shut the fuck up.
We gonna come back and
kick your fucking ass!
Oh, shit! Fuck, man!
You guys are fuckin' mean, man.
Yeah, so we just wanna borrow
your gun for a couple of hours
and we'll bring it right back.
Get the fuck outta here.
What the fuck, man?
I can't believe that fuck-mouth
slammed the door in my face.
I should've kicked his ass. That's
what I should've fucking done.
- Yep.
- Dumb motherfucker.
Hey..
Didn't we borrow his
lawn mower one time
and then we sold it
instead of taking
it back to him?
I want that machine back
tomorrow, you understand?
Yeah, yeah, you got it.
You got it.
Thanks, Mr. Don.
Huh.
Oh.
- No wonder he's so fucking pissed.
- Yeah.
Hey, man, I've gotta
ask you something.
Yeah? What is it?
Look, don't be giving
me no bullshit about
how you can't believe I don't
know and stuff, though, okay?
Fine. What is it?
I'm serious, man. You can't
be calling me dumb-ass.
For fuck's sakes, all right.
Okay, we've been in the
Aryan Confederacy now
for about a year, right?
- Yeah. Uh-huh.
- Okay.
There's one thing I
don't understand.
Would you just spit
it out, Raw Dog?
Man, you're freaking me out.
- Fuck.
- Okay. Okay.
I understand
why we're supposed to
hate niggers, okay.
- Yeah.
- They look different,
they walk different,
they talk different.
I get it, okay.
But Jews, man..
Why are we supposed
to hate the Jews?
I just found out Jerry
Springer was a Jew.
Jerry fucking Springer, man.
If I seen him in the street,
I would kiss his ass
and ask him for an autograph.
I got three Adam
Sandier DVDs at home
and I just found out
he's a Jew, too.
If I was in a building and
10 Jews sit down next to me,
I wouldn't even know it.
So what's the difference?
They got money? Well,
money ain't so bad.
Shit, I wish I had some money.
They got big noses.
At least they're supposed to.
Damn Teddy's got a
nose that's bigger
than this whole damn truck
and he ain't Jewish.
So, what, are we
supposed to hate him?
For crying out loud.
Jesus is a Jew, man.
I mean, we're talking Jesus.
We go to church every Sunday
and we pray to the
King of the Jews, man.
Well?
Now you listen
and you listen good.
If you repeat this,
so help me God..
I will run your ass over, too.
I don't know, either,
man, alright?
I don't know, either.
I mean, hell, I don't
even hate black people.
Tyrone and Bert are some
of my best buddies.
- You know them, right?
- Yeah, man. They're cool, too.
Yeah.
I mean, do you know
how awkward it is
when I got to leave
the card game early
to go to my white
supremacist meeting?
I mean, they seem to understand,
but, hell, it's just..
The only reason I started
going in the first place
is 'cause Greg's wife puts
out that little buffet table
with them meatballs and
them little smoky wieners.
- Yeah, them are good, too.
- Hell, yeah, they're good. Fuck.
Next thing I know, I'm
going to every meeting,
you know.
Full-blown member. Got
the tats and everything.
So we're pretty much on
the same page, then.
Sounds like it.
We ain't even really white
supremacists at all, are we?
Guess not.
Should we still be going
to them meetings, Randy?
Them little smoky
wieners sure are good.
- Yeah, they're pretty good, alright.
- Yeah.
They are good.
Oh, shit!
What the fuck?!
- Oh!
- Shit!
Hey.
Huh?
What is that? A bow?
Yeah, it's a bow. Let's get it.
What are we gonna get that for?
We gonna rob Stanley with it.
He's taking a..
- Hey!
- Hey.
Oh, shit! Come on, let's go.
Come on, Raw Dog.
Come on, man.
Hey!
Take a guy's bow like that?
Fucking prick.
Hey, see you later
there, cheese dick.
Yeah, Raw Dog! Yahoo!
Shit.
That motherfucker.
You okay?
I don't think so.
What happened to you?
This bastard ran me over.
Run over and left for dead, huh?
Yeah.
Take you to a hospital?
I don't wanna go
to the hospital.
I wanna find those
backstabbing cocksuckers.
Revenge, huh?
That's a dangerous word.
It's appropriate,
though, I guess.
You don't look familiar.
You from around here?
Just passing through.
You sure I can't take
you to a hospital?
No.
I know where them
fuckers is gonna be.
I plan on meeting them there.
Only problem is I
pawned my shotgun.
I see.
Give me a second.
Now..
I can't take you there..
But I can offer you this.
- You'd give me your gun?
- I ain't giving you my gun.
I'm offering you salvation.
What the fuck happened
to you back there, huh?
Froze up like a retard.
I can't have you doing
that shit in there.
I seen something.
What?
I'd rather not say.
Remember when we was
talking on the phone,
I told you I'd been
up for three days
and I started seeing
some weird shit?
Just tell me what you seen.
An army of naked zombie women.
An army of naked zombie women?
Dear God, are you
fucking losing it?
First Elvis, now this?
What the.. man, pull
your shit together, man.
- We got a job to do.
- I know, man.
That's what I'm saying. Is
this such a good fucking idea?
Maybe we should just.. like, we
should just rest for a couple days
- and get ourselves a fucking gun.
- No.
A proper weapon and then we
can go do that shit then.
No, we can't wait.
The fair's right here. It's
making plenty of noise.
All hell breaks loose, ain't
nobody gonna hear shit.
Now come on, break out
them fucking masks.
Come on. Let's go.
I got this one for you.
Yeah, buddy. Whoo-hoo.
Holy shit! What
the fuck is that?
- It's a fucking mask, man.
- Amazing Grace..
It's a fucking clown mask.
Well, we needed two
fucking masks.
And I found that there ski mask
and then I found this
here clown mask.
And for a minute I was thinking
maybe I could should go
and get another ski mask.
But then I was like, "Why
the fuck would I do that?"
'Cause this mask is gonna
work perfectly fine.
I ain't going in there with you
wearing a fucking clown mask.
Forget that. Uh-uh.
Are you scared of
clowns or some shit?
No.
Fuckin' stop it!
Randy, I'm gonna come and
get you in your sleep, boy.
I ain't fucking with you.
Stop it, you fucking bastard.
Okay? Stop it.
What the fuck are
you laughing at?
Youse fucking scared of clowns.
I ain't scared of shit.
Fuck it. Come on, let's
go do the goddamn thing.
Fucking asshole.
Fuck you.
What the fuck is
this bullshit here?
Oh, fuck me.
Hey, you put down that there gun
or I'm gonna shoot you
with this fucking arrow.
Fuck your arrow. I got a gun.
You put it down.
You put it down and give us all
that meth you got cooked up.
Randy?
- Is that you?
- Uh..
- No.
- Bullshit!
That's Raw Dog right there.
No, it ain't.
Do I look like a
fucking idiot to you?
You buy my shit every fucking day.
I know what you sound like.
Wearing a fucking clown mask
ain't gonna scare me none.
My name's not Raw Dog!
I oughta fucking shoot
your ass in the head.
Shit, you best get that powder
or Raw Dog's gonna shoot
your ass in the head.
Aha!
You just said my
fucking name, Randy.
You just said my fucking name!
Fucking dumbasses.
I told you this
was a stupid fucking idea.
Man, my fucking arm's
getting tired.
I can't fucking hold
this shit any longer.
The bow ain't got
nothing to do with it.
It ain't my fault that Stanley sits
next to his window all fucking day
waiting for shit
like this to happen.
Well, what the fuck are
we gonna do now, huh?
Oh, fuck!
Oh, what the fuck, man?
Fuck, Randy. I didn't mean
to fucking shoot you.
Oh, what the fuck?
- Fucking dumb-ass.
- Shut the fuck up, Stanley!
Fuck, man.
What the..
Does it hurt?
Fuck, yeah, it hurts, man!
I hope you two
don't do this for a living.
Ah!
Do I pull it out?
Do I pull it out?
- What do I do?
- No, I don't think so, man.
What am I gonna do?
- What the fuck?
- You motherfuckers.
- Vernon?
- Vernon, you in on this?
Shut up.
These assholes run me over
and left me for dead in
the middle of nowhere.
Asshole? Vernon, I wasn't the
motherfucker that ran you over.
Fuck you, Raw Dog.
You left me there.
Hey, just calm
the fuck down, Vernon.
Look, I got a fucking
arrow in me, man.
And what the hell are you
doing with my clown mask on?
'Cause it was the only fucking
mask I could find, man.
Easy now.
Don't be pointing
that shotgun in here.
You know what's gonna happen
if you shoot that thing off.
Yeah, you damn right I do.
- Shit!
- Die!
Oh, shit!
You know, salvation
comes in many forms.
- Ha!
- Fuck, man!
Today, it rolled up in a 4x4.
Vernon, you damn fuck!
Fuck!
Shit, shit, shit!
You methy douchebag. I'm..
- No!
- Step on this, bitch!
Ah!
Fine. If you wanna
keep the Santa out there,
it'll be Christmas year-round
in Irwin, Georgia.
You know you ain't
fooling nobody, right?
It ain't got nothing to do
with it being spring time.
You don't like it
'cause he's black.
Why you calling me a racist?
Well, you don't like
black Santa Claus.
And last week,
you told me you don't
like black porno.
Now hang on a damn minute.
Now that's got nothing
to do with racism.
I like black chicks
in porno movies.
I just don't like 'em with the
black guys in them, that's all.
Why come? They make
you feel inadequate?
No.
It's because their
dicks are so dark.
They get to fucking,
their dicks get wet, they
get glisteny and shit,
and it's hard for my
eyes to unfocus off it.
Make me sick.
Eh, well, I guess
you got a point.
Hey, why come you
selling that car?
I told you. I was up
at a four-way stop,
a big black 4x4 truck,
black tinted windows went
out of turn, nearly hit me.
Shit!
Motherfucker.
Fuck you, shit for brains!
Learn how to drive!
Fuckin' creep.
Christ!
- Nut job.
- Well, who was it?
I don't know.
Not from around here.
Had West Virginia plates.
Now every time I take the car out,
fucker appears out of nowhere,
tries to run me down.
Well, obviously, this boy got
himself a mental problem.
Why come you gonna let this one
fool make you sell your car?
Look, he tried to
kill me eight times.
That piece-of-shit car
ain't worth dying over.
I guess you got a point.
Hi there.
I'm Richard and this is Sandy.
We just got married yesterday.
- Congratulations.
- Ta-da.
Yeah, look at that.
That's some rock.
Listen, this is gonna
sound totally nuts,
but we're on our way to
Orlando for our honeymoon,
and I stopped at an ATM machine
and some son of a gun
hacked into my account
and drained every last dime.
Well, you look pretty chipper for
somebody that just got ripped off.
Well, I got news for you,
there's absolutely nothing
that's gonna bring me down today
because I just married
the most beautiful
woman in the world.
Mwah!
We're gonna enjoy our honeymoon.
And I'm confident that the bank is
gonna straighten everything out.
But until then,
we need a little
cash for our trip.
We're just gonna need a couple thousand
and we'll pick it up on the way back.
Well, I ain't got that
kind of cash lying around.
Folks don't come in here
with a $10,000 ring.
Here.
Sorry, hon.
Here, here, take a look
at this baby right here.
How much can you
loan us on this?
Just for a week or so
until the banks get back.
I don't know. Maybe
four or five hundred.
Are you kidding me?
Four or five hundred.
Can I help you
with something there?
Let me see that ring.
Which one? This one here?
Yes.
Honey, is something wrong?
Oh, no.
Richard, what's wrong?
Honey, what's the matter?
Um..
I'm gonna need you
to wait outside.
- What?
- No, no.
Just wait outside.
- Honey, can't you just tell me?
- Please.
Outside.
I'll be out in a second.
I'll explain everything.
You okay there, mister?
Where did you get this ring?
No, I can't tell you that
kind of information.
- Where did you get the ring?
- What are you, a parrot?
I said I can't tell. Look, you think
that ring was stolen from you,
- you gotta fill out a police report.
- Now, I want you to listen to me.
This ring..
This ring belonged to my wife.
Not her.
My first wife Cyndi.
Six years ago,
Cyndi disappeared.
Her car was still in the garage.
There was blood found
in the driveway.
So I know she didn't
just run away.
That wasn't Cyndi.
No.
She was taken from me
without a trace.
And, you know, to
make matters worse..
I seem to be the cops'
number-one suspect.
Mm-mm-mm.
And now.. six years later,
the day after my wedding,
I end up in a pawn shop..
What, six, seven, eight states
away from my hometown..
To find a ring
that I had custom-made for her
with our names
inscribed in the band
and you say you can't
give out information?
No. You'll have
to call the cops.
- Maybe they can figure it out.
- No cops.
I want you to tell me
who sold you this ring.
Man, I can't.
All right, you listen to me.
You see that diamond
you got in your hand?
I want you keep that ring.
That's a $17,000
ring, by the way.
All I want in exchange for it
is my old ring back
plus that shitty hatchback
you got for sale out front.
Hmm.
What is it you want?
How much you give me on this?
It's a valuable family heirloom.
Belonged to my granny.
She's dead. It's pretty.
It's pretty.
Well, I'll give you 40.
Deal.
His name's J.J. Thomason.
Might even find him at Lou's
Fire Pit in the square.
He's a cook there.
Now don't tell nobody
I told you nothing.
- Don't.
- I..
- Don't say..
- I'm just saying..
Just don't say nothing.
Richard, what is going on?
- I need you to go back home.
- What?
Take the car and go
back to Connecticut.
But.. no, no, no, no.
We're on our honeymoon
and now you want me
to just drive home?
I wanna know what the
hell is going on.
It's a private matter.
Private? It's private?
There is no private.
We just got married.
You can't just drive off
without an explanation.
I'm your wife.
I already have a wife.
What are you talking about?
Why are you doing this to me?
Richard?
Richard, come back!
Richard, don't go.
We're supposed to go to Orlando!
Richard!
Say there, missy.
Carlee, I don't suppose that you
noticed that I was in town.
I'm doing a tribute
show to the King
down at the county
fair later on.
Big news story about
it and everything.
Gonna be on the news
later on this afternoon.
Even put a poster in the window.
You should check it out.
It's against the rules.
Management.
Say, I was wondering if maybe
you would perhaps be interested
in trading a little lunch
for a pair of front-row tickets.
I don't go to the fair.
And we only take
cash for food here.
Hmm.
How 'bout just a couple
scrambled eggs for the tickets?
We only take cash here, mister.
You are gonna pay for
that coffee, right?
- How 'bout the tickets for the coffee?
- It's $1.20.
Um, I'm about 16
cents short here.
How 'bout you take that
and the two tickets?
You can keep 'em, honey.
I can't take this shit no more.
Theresa, hey. Baby,
where are you going?
Hey there. Hey there. Hey there.
Come on, now. What's
your problem?
- What's your problem?
- I can't live like this anymore, Ricky.
Shug, what's the matter?
We're traveling around.
We're seeing new places.
We're rocking it
out to the King.
The places we travel ain't
nowhere I wanna see.
We're broke, hungry,
your car smells like
shit for some reason,
and I'm tired of it.
All right, first of all, I do
not know what that smell is.
And second of all..
This is me, baby.
I'm living the life of the King.
And I ain't giving
it up for no one.
You ain't living the
life of the King.
You don't have his
money, his voice,
or his looks.
Well, there is one
thing that I do have.
And what's that?
Skin without worms
crawling through it.
I'm sorry, King.
Forgive me.
It was my jealousy.
Hold my hand. Help me.
- King..
- I'm outta here, Ricky.
Outta here? Where are you going?
You're 200 miles from
anywhere near anywhere..
I can get around anywhere I'm at
because I got one
thing you don't.
Oh, yeah? What's that?
A pussy.
Can't argue with that.
Fine.
Go on. Get outta here.
You're making a big mistake!
I'll be at the Ramada
Express in no time flat.
They said they'd love
to have me back.
That was eight years ago, Ricky.
They didn't say when!
Hello, sir.
Is your soul saved?
Fuck off.
I really gotta work
on my approach.
I'm looking for J.J.
He's in the back. I'll let
him know you're out here.
- Don't bother.
- Hey.
You can't go back there.
Hey!
I said you can't go back there.
Ooh!
Who's J.J.?
- You J.J.?
- Yeah. Who the hell are you?
I told him he couldn't
come back here.
Where'd you get this ring?
What, you a cop?
No.
Then fuck off.
I asked you nicely.
Get off me! Get off me!
The ring.. you gonna tell
me where you got it?
Fuck you!
You're gonna tell me..
Where.. you got it.
- No!
- Two choices:
tell me where you got
the ring, or die.
Okay, okay. It was my uncle.
I stole it from my uncle.
- Your uncle?
- Yeah.
Who is he and where
do I find him?
His name is Ben Thomason.
He lives about a
mile off the highway
on Ivy Street in a gray house
next to a purple house.
- Can I help you with your bags?
- Jesus Christ!
You scared the piss outta me.
Who are you?
That's not important.
What's important is..
Where did you get this?
My ring.
That's mine. Where'd you get it?
I asked you first.
That's none of your
damn business.
Someone stole it from
me and I want it back.
Well, I'm afraid you
can't have it back.
Somebody stole it from me first.
Now, you wanna tell me
where you got this ring?
You wanna tell me
where you got it?
This is my damn house.
You don't just show up
demanding shit around here.
All right, how about this?
I'll tell you where I got it
and then you tell me
where you got it.
Deal?
Deal.
Like I said,
this ring was taken from
me a long time ago.
But where I got it today
was in a pawn shop.
Your nephew sold it there
after he stole it from you.
J.J.?
I fucking knew it.
Oh, that little bitch.
All right, your turn.
I won it in a poker
game about a year ago.
Really? From who?
Johnny Shaw.
What can you tell me about him?
He's a good guy.
Gets his haircut at Doc's,
so he's okay by me.
Where does he live?
I answered the question. I
told you where I got the ring.
That was the deal.
I ain't gonna start
giving out information
to some guy who just
pops up at my house.
Now give me the damn ring.
I don't think so.
It's mine.
No, it was my ring first.
And I'm not leaving here
until you tell me where I
can find this Johnny Shaw.
No.
No, you ain't leaving here
until you give me
back my damn ring.
So I guess it's gonna
get ugly, then.
Oh, I reckon.
Okay, you son of a bitch..
Last chance.
Where's Johnny?
Fuck you.
Fuck you!
Stubborn son of a bitch.
Lives by day and
is the King by night.
- Hi.
- Meet Ricky Baldoski..
I'm just living the
dream here, you know.
Okay, you can hold it.
You know..
Just living the dream
and traveling around.
You know, uh,
see people, go places,
like, just rocking it out..
There we go.
There you are, Johnny.
Some of your big
influences are, Ricky.
Well, definitely. The King,
um, King and the King.
- KKK all the way.
- You can catch Ricky..
- Wait, no..
- ..This weekend
performing his tribute
performance to the King.
I'd like to just say
God bless America!
Irwin County Fair.
Back to you, Michael.
Johnny.
- Yes, Johnny.
- Yes, Johnny.
- Johnny, please give it to me.
- Yes, Johnny.
- Yeah.
- Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Yes.
Oh, yes, Johnny. Oh, yeah.
Just like that.
- Smile, Cyndi.
- Stop, I look terrible.
You always look beautiful.
Come on, Cyndi. Do one more.
How you doing, player?
I've been better.
I bet you have.
You wanna put it away, Johnny?
You like to go fishing, do you?
When I get the time.
You, uh..
You wanna tell me why
you're in my house
with a gun pointed at my head?
You wanna tell me where
you got this ring?
I ain't never seen it before.
Really?
Well..
I hear you lost it
in a poker game.
I don't know what
you're talking about.
You don't know what
I'm talking about?
Well, there's a
picture of my wife..
The woman I gave this ring to,
on your refrigerator.
You don't know what
I'm talking about?
Say you don't know what I'm talking
about again, motherfucker.
- Please..
- Say it! Go ahead and fucking say it!
- Pl.. please.
- Shut up!
You wanna tell me
the truth, Johnny?
I.. I found a pocketbook.
The ring was in it.
That's all I know.
And the picture?
Was that in the pocketbook, too?
Yeah.
And you decided to just
hang it up on your fridge?
Look, I don't know any more.
I found it. The picture was
pretty, so I hung it up.
I can't tell you nothing more.
Look, if you don't believe me,
you can just go
ahead and kill me.
I'm gonna kill you, Johnny.
Just how long it
takes..that's up to you.
What the hell
did you do to me?
Sometimes a picture really
is worth a thousand words.
Shh.
Check this out.
It's called a flail.
You know, I'd start with this,
but then I might as well just..
Shoot you in the head with
that rifle over there
'cause this would kill
you pretty quick.
Luckily..
I stumbled onto these two items
laying around your house.
Why don't we get creative?
It's simple.
Tell me what
happened to my wife.
"I don't know" is a bad
thing to say, Johnny.
This is just the beginning.
We can do this all day.
Yes, please.
Please, tell me what
you did with my wife.
Tell me how you raped
and killed her
so I can kill you and I can get
some fucking closure with my life.
Tell me what you did
to my fucking wife!
And I told you
about saying that.
Don't you fuck with me.
Don't fuck with me.
Don't you fuck with me!
Yes. Yes.
Cyndi.. oh, my God.
Baby, it's okay.
It's okay, I'm here.
I'm here, Cyndi.
I'm here, baby.
I'm gonna get you out.
Cyndi.
Come on, Cyndi.
It's me.
It's me, Richard.
Cyndi, it's your husband.
That's it.
Come on, Cyndi.
Take my hand.
That's it. That's it.
Come on, that's it.
That's it.
Come on.
Come on. Don't worry, baby.
I'm not gonna let
anything happen to you.
I'm not gonna let
anything happen to you.
Wait, Cyndi. Cyndi.
It's okay. It's okay.
Cyndi.
Come on.
Take my hand.
- I'm gonna take you home now.
- I am home.
What?
Go away.
Cyndi, please, listen to me.
You're not thinking right.
Come on, it's time to go.
Cyndi..
It's me, Richard.
Get out.
Listen to me, Cyndi.
This.. I don't know
the term for this,
but I saw it on
television somewhere,
where the..
The victim starts to
sympathize with the captor.
Well, that's what's
happened to you.
You need help. Just..
It's time to go home.
Cyndi, listen to me.
It's time to go home!
Get out!
You have her caged
like a fucking dog?
Yeah, well, unfortunately,
I haven't been a man
of my word lately.
How do you like this?
You son of a bitch!
She's my wife! My wife!
My ever-loving wife,
you son of a bitch!
Who's the bitch now?
Get out. Come on, we're going.
I'm gonna get you help.
Come on.
Let's go.
I'm sorry, baby. I'm sorry.
It's just you're not.. you're
not thinking straight.
I can't even imagine what
you've been through.
But, please..
You gotta trust me.
You trusted me before.
All right, you ready?
Let's go.
- I can't leave.
- What?
I'm number one.
Number one?
I'm number one. I..
I've got my own silo.
And Johnny lets me go in
and watch TV sometimes.
There's others?
Yeah?
Yeah, but.. I.. I'm number one.
Come on, let's go.
- I can't..
- Come on.
What the fuck did he do to you?
Oh.
It's okay.
Come on.
Get you outta here.
Come on. Out.
There's soap and hot
water in the house.
Call for help.
You're free to go
back to your lives.
They cannot
go in the house.
I'm number one
and I'm not even allowed
to use the phone.
Well, it's time to go.
I can't go.
Get in the car, would ya?
Do you even remember me?
Well, then you know I'm
not gonna hurt you.
Come on, it's time to go.
I'm gonna get you some clothes.
But for now..
I'm.. I'm not allowed
to wear clothes.
Hey, you're allowed to
do whatever you want.
You're not a slave and neither
are those other women.
Put..
You shouldn't have let
them in his house.
They're not allowed, just me.
Twice a week for 30 minutes.
Stop saying that!
Hey..
Look.
Cyndi..
Do you remember this?
This ring?
This is the ring that
I had made for you.
This is the ring that
you used to wear.
You won't believe
how I found it.
I was with..
Well, I wound up
in a pawn shop..
And there it was.
It was like God
brought me there.
Give me your hand.
We should call Johnny and
let him know where I'm at
because I.. I really shouldn't
be gone for too long.
Cyndi,
Johnny's dead.
What?
You don't have to worry
about him anymore.
He's dead.
- Wait, what?
- You're safe with me.
How did he die?
Cyndi, I stabbed
him in the chest.
I watched him take his last breath
as he whimpered like a little bitch.
You.. you killed him?
Yeah, that's right,
I killed him.
I only wish he was still alive
so I could kill him again.
Bastard.
Who's a ba.. I'm a bastard?
I'm a bastard?
Aw, Cyndi, come on.
He had you living in a cage
filled with your
own piss and shit
for six years.
And I'm the bastard?
Oh, he let you watch TV
a couple times a week?
Well, I bought you a goddamn TV
and a house
and every other goddamn
thing you wanted, Cyndi.
I don't believe this.
I'm a bastard?
Look, I'm sorry.
I can't even imagine, pumpkin,
what you've been through.
You son of a bitch!
Motherfucker!
You killed Johnny,
you motherfucker!
I was at the top of the pyramid! Now
I'm going to be nothing, like you!
- Stop it, Cyndi!
- Do you know how many other girls
I had to piss on to get on
top of that fucking pyramid,
- you son of a bitch?
- I love you! Ah!
Hello?
Hey, babe. It's me.
What the hell do you want?
I think I made a big mistake.
How about turning around
and picking me up?
We can still make it to Orlando
in time for our reservation.
Richard..
Fuck you!
But, babe..
Babe?
I should've seen that coming.
Come on, sug. Come on, baby.
Come on. Good girl.
Good girl. Good girl.
Hang in there. Son of a.. oh.
No, no, no. No, no, not now.
Not.. not now. No,
no, please, please.
Come on. I'm begging
you, sweetheart.
Come on.
Baby, forgive me.
Oh, come on, baby.
I'm just saying, if you're gonna
build a robot that speaks English
to go back in time to kill
people, why give it an accent?
That just don't
make sense to me.
What in the blue hell
is you talking about?
Arnold Schwarzenegger
is from Austria.
Austria, Australia,
it's the same thing
without the "alia."
Hello.
Hi there.
Who are you supposed
to be, Liberace?
Heck, no.
I do a little tribute
show to the King.
- That's right.
- Uh-huh.
Going back to the county fair.
Gonna be a big show.
Big, big show.
I'm doing two shows tonight.
And one on Saturday
and one Sunday.
And there's gonna be a big news show
on it and everything on Channel 7.
Now, listen.
I'm a little strapped right now
'cause they don't pay
me out till Monday.
Well, what do you want?
You want to pawn that suit?
Heck, no.
- 'Cause I was gonna say..
- No, no, no, no, no.
The thing is I..
I would, on principle only,
never perform without this
because this, my friend,
belonged to the King himself.
- Elvis Presley?
- Mm-hmm.
Bullshit.
If I'm lyin', I'm dyin'.
24-karat gold.
What do you say? Take a look?
Let's see.
I don't care if it belonged to Ronald
McDonald as long as it's gold.
What do you need?
Um, I'll take, say..
- 200?
- I can swing that.
All right, then.
Uh.. very good.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
You.. you take good
care of my baby.
Damn, that's no good.
No, no, no. Can't have
that in the show.
I need a barber shop.
Where's a barber shop at?
Fans.
This town is loco.
Well, with a name like
Doc's, you can't go wrong.
- Good afternoon.
- How you doing?
Have a seat.
These gentlemen ain't doing
anything but wasting time.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
Okay.
Now then, I don't need a cut.
I just want you to even
up these here sideburns.
That's an awful lot of hair. You
sure you don't want a trim?
Oh, no. It's perfect
for the show.
The show?
Oh, what are you, in the circus?
No, no. I'm in the county fair.
Oh.
What are you, the magician?
No. I ain't no magician.
I do a tribute show.
A tribute.. what's that?
You show people how to
sew sequins on outfits?
Pshh.
I don't show people
how to put sequins..
Hey!
What the hell?!
What do you think you're doing?
I'm cutting your hair.
I told you to even
out my sideburns.
You nearly took this
flap right off.
Son, I don't know how they
cut hair in the big city,
- but here, that's it.
- I'm from South Carolina.
- Sweet Jesus, I'm outta here.
- Hey, you owe me $12.
You..
One for the money.
Two for the show.
10 for a lousy haircut.
You know what? I'll take
some of that to go.
- I can't believe he chose Doc's.
- Oh, he's gonna regret that.
- Hey.
- Hi. Hey there.
- Welcome to Irwin.
- Thank you.
So you are a Doc man, huh?
Hell, no!
Look what he done to me.
He butchered me.
I'm gonna try Cook's.
Looks like Doc can't
cut the mustard.
Howdy.
Good afternoon.
Have a seat.
These old-timers are
just wasting time.
Looks like some commotion's
going on out there, huh?
Yeah, looks to me
like the loony boon..
Loony tune bin just dropped off
a bunch of mental patients
on a field trip or
something there.
So what are you, some
kind of magician?
No, I'm not a magician.
Say, do you have a TV? Do
you know what time it is?
Could you put on..
The King by night.
- Hi.
- Meet Ricky Baldoski.
He's a volunteer emergency medical
service technician by day
and, as you can probably guess,
does Elvis tribute
performances by night.
So, Ricky, tell us
- a little bit about yourself.
- Uh-huh.
Well, now, looks like
we got ourselves
a celebrity in the house, huh?
Pssh, come on now. I'm
just glad to be here.
Just glad to be here.
You know, I actually was a little bit
nervous during that there interview.
They asked a lot of
questions and everything,
but I had my sign up.
I think that just..
What in the Hades is
going on out there?
Looks like a riot.
I don't mean no offense
or anything like that,
but there's something a little
bit whacko about this town.
The oyster brain next door,
I asked him just to
even up my sideburns
and, son of a gun,
- he just chopped this side..
- Excuse me.
- You went next door first?
- Yes.
Do I look like sloppy
seconds to you, boy?
You decide to be a Doc
man, you stay a Doc man.
I ain't no second choice.
Sir, I just asked him
to even up my burns
because one of them's a little
higher than the other one
and he cut half of it off.
Now if you could be so kind to
just please trim this one so it..
You.. what the heck?
That'll be $12.
You cut me?
Y'all are cuckoo in this town.
Whacky crazy.
Oh, we're whackos, huh?
You come in here in your fancy
suit and your boufed-up hairdo
and you can't even figure out what
barber you want to cut your hair.
We don't care for you
Hollywood types around here.
I am from South
nutter-butter-lovin' Carolina.
I don't care where you're from.
Get!
Get out of my way!
Out of my way!
Thank you.
Good evening, sir.
Hello.
You're not from
around here, are you?
Heck, no.
Bunch of psychos in this town.
You caused some kind of commotion
up at the barber shops.
What kind of whacko town only lets
you get your haircut in one place?
Well, that's just the way it is.
You're either a Cook
man or you a Doc man.
Everything needs its balance
and you done come along here
and unbalanced everything.
Huh.
Okay.
Can I ask you a question?
Shoot.
You ever feel lost?
Sometimes.
You ever feel like
you're giving life
everything you got,
but you just can't get
to where you want to be?
Who are you,
some kind of mind reader
or something like that?
What if I could help you find
what you're looking for?
What if I could put
you in that place
that you've always
wanted to be in?
What if by just saying
one little bitty word,
that I could grant you everything
that you've ever really wanted?
You see, these things on
Earth, they can be grand..
But they can only truly
be achieved one way
and that's with your soul.
Well?
What do you say?
Excuse me a moment.
- Hello?
- Mama.
- Who's that? Ricky?
- Mama.
- Is that you?
- Mama, it's me.
- Where you calling from?
- Listen, Mama.
I think I just met the devil.
- Satan? I knew it.
- He wants to make a deal.
Playing that devil music,
Satan was bound to find you!
- Mom, calm down.
- Elvis Presley died young.
- Mama, I know that the King died young.
- On the toilet full of drugs.
Eating a grilled peanut
butter and banana sandwich.
- That man, he was a disgrace.
- Mama, he had a better life
here on Earth than
anyone ever did.
- I knew darn well the reason why.
- Singing the devil's music.
- It's because he sold his soul.
- Ricky, now you come home this minute.
- Mama, I haven't taken..
- Your soul is not for sale.
- And you tell him I said so.
- I'm gonna think about it
- and I'll call you back.
- Ricky, now you get your tail..
Um..
Well, uh..
Thank you very much
for your offer.
Um.. I will give it
some consideration.
I'm gonna need a
little bit of time.
I understand.
Listen, I got this
show to get to
and, uh,
I should be on my way.
Maybe you'd like to come?
Bye for now.
I'll be around.
You make up your mind,
I'll be easy to find.
Such bullshit. Doc
sucked 30 years ago
Yeah, whatever, man. Have
you looked in the mirror?
Your hair's so gappy, it looks
like you've got the mange.
I wouldn't let Doc trim the
hair on my dog's balls.
Thank you, ladies.
And thank you, ladies
and gentlemen,
for coming out to see our show
here at the Irwin County Fair.
I'm Jerry Cleveland.
This show has been brought to you
by Jerry Cleveland Enterprises.
Now, next up
is the closest thing
you'll ever get
to hearing the King
himself alive.
Please welcome Ricky Baldoski.
He had his
haircut at Cook's.
Ricky Baldoski.
I said, please welcome
Ricky Baldoski.
Hey, man,
it's the magician.
This guy stinks!
Get off the stage!
Oh, I'm sorry, Ricky.
- We'll have it looked at.
- Everything's fine, Ricky.
You suck, son!
I accept your offer.
Now what?
- Did your soundtrack go out, baby?
- That's right.
- Need some backup?
- I certainly do.
What the..
You can't walk around
here like that.. naked.
Give me the flags.
Wait. Please, stop.
Cover yourselves.
There.
Mm. That's it.
With a funky smell.
Oh, honey, you smell
a little ripe.
Thank you. Thank you very much!
How you doing, county?
Anybody order some fireworks?
Liberace. I love you, man!
Shucks, I'm just
glad to be here.
Hey, listen, man, it was
worth every minute.
Every single minute!
I just got one thing to say,
that's God bless America
and long live the King!
Elvis! Elvis! Elvis!
The King lives on.
- That was amazing.
- Well, thank you, sir.
- Thank you very much.
- Just amazing.
Thank you, sir! Thank
you very, very much.
Say, I just wanted to ask you.
What's with these here flag ladies?
They done smell like shit.
I thought they were
with your show.
Oh, that's right. They
are part of my deal.
- Yeah, I bring them along with me.
- Speaking of deals,
how would you like to join
Jerry Cleveland Enterprises?
We do shows for county fairs
in eight states
throughout the Southeast.
And it pays.
Why, yes, sir, I would.
I would, indeed.
Yes, I would! I would!
Thank you very much, sir.
I made it! I made it!
- Hey, handsome.
- Howdy.
I caught your show. I
was pretty impressed.
Well, thank you.
Thank you very much.
So listen, I'm sorry about
all that stuff I said.
- Are you now?
- Let's get outta here.
- Where we gonna go?
- Let's go home, baby.
I am home. This is my home.
That's my home.
Open road is my home
'cause I'm signed on with
Jerry Cleveland Enterprises.
I may be doing at least
eight shows a week.
I'm gonna get paid money.
Real money.
- Whoo!
- You're just gonna leave me here?
That's right. Like
you done did to me.
I'm just gonna leave
you right here.
But you're gonna be
just fine, sweetheart.
You know why? 'Cause you got
something that I don't.
- What's that?
- A kitty cat. Whoo!
Well, I can find a man
and a place to stay
in five minutes.
All right. Whoa. Nothing.
That's freaky.
Okay. Take all the
time you need!
I hear you're looking
for a place to stay.
I've got an open spot
if you need a few days
to get your feet
back on the ground.
Well, thank you.
I think I just might have
to take you up on that.
Are you okay?
What happened to you?
Just a little accident.
Ladies, I've been
looking for you.
Why don't you go and
get in the van?
Don't worry. You
can ride up front.
What do you mean you ain't
never ate a tater tot?
I don't
believe in them.
Believe in them..
Christ's name.
Some people don't believe
in God or the tooth fairy.
You think you have the right to
dismiss the existence of tater tots.
Every freezer section, every grocery
across this nation has tater tots.
I do not believe in eating
processed potatoes.
Well, ain't that something?
Sometimes you come in here eating
pickled pig's ass out of a jar.
But now.. now you too
good for tater tots.
- Now I've heard everything.
- Oh.
You know what?
Speaking of pickled pig's ass..
I'd better be getting on home
before my old lady
get to raising sand.
Go on, now.
Okay, then. I'll see
you in the morning.
God willing.
- Hi there.
- How can I help you today?
Hi. How can I help you?
I'm just looking for
a baseball bat.
Yeah, I got one of them.
I don't know. It's
here somewhere.
I got one of them right here.
That's the one I got.
It's the only one I got.
Right there. That'll be $7.
Yeah? This should work.
- Yep.
- Yeah.
- Take a look at my truck out there.
- Oh.
You like it?
Hey, whoa..
You think you can just
get rid of your car
and I wouldn't be
able to find ya?
There's only, like.. five
people in this whole town!
You got to understand
something..
Oh! Don't do that. Shit!
Nobody flips me..
Get off!
Oh, shit! Ow.
Shit.
Oh, you sick little midget.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Don't do it, Alton.
- Hell, you..
- He ain't worth going to prison for.
If I bury him deep enough,
nobody will know better.
Come on, man. Ain't you never
seen "Forensics Files"?
They can find molecules
of your ass hair
and poop on stuff I ain't
even heard of before.
- What the hell are you talking about?
- I don't know.
I just know that they
always find the killer.
Don't do it. Come on.
You get your ass outta here.
All right?
Unless you got a piece of
yellow brick road to pawn,
don't you come back
around here again.
Fine.
I'm three weeks late for a
business meeting in Atlanta
because of you anyway.
- Oh, Jesus.
- Damn.
What in the hell was that about?
It's a long story.
I gave him the finger.
He's been stalking
me ever since.
Well, I guess it's
a short story.
Shit.
Hey, how much you
give me on this?
Uh.. let me see.
I'll give you 40.
Sold.
Here.
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