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PawParazzi (2018)
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Hey, you're listening to WARI The Star. We got celebrity talk radio and the latest on London Bridges. Looks like someone's in some hot water again. Stay tuned. So, Craze, you got the scoop on London Bridges. What do you hear? It's more boy trouble for London Bridges. Boy, has she had a lot of trouble with the boys. Welcome back to Pawparazzi Snap, your Hollywood connection behind the scenes. Our next guest needs no introduction. She's had more boyfriends than Taylor Spears, and she is hotter than a Fourth of July barbecue. Our Pawparazzi reporter Nancy O'Dog has an exclusive interview with London Bridges. Thanks, Sydney. That's right, we've got the inside scoop on London Bridges' new movie and love life. Hi, Nancy. Hi, Sydney. Thank you so much for having me on the show. Is this really happening? I'm sure a huge fan of Nancy O'Dog. I mean, a talking dog! On TV and everything! Lovely to have you on the show, London. So, tell me about that boy you were dating two weeks ago, Crimson Lakely. Sydney! You can't expect a girl to address such things on television. Sure we can. We do it all the time. Oh, my. Well, let's just say that I don't have the... Mmm... same talent off the screen that I do on the screen. But you know, I'll always have my little Latte. Yeah. Well, I thought you could do better anyway. You're way too good-looking for him. Oh, you flatter me, and I'm never one to kiss and tell. Well, let's skip the boy-talk then. You are blowing up. I mean, you've had quite the run so far. I've been following you since you did Twelve Reasons to Dump Your Not-So-Man Man. Now you're all set to do There Will Be Oil, small town love story. That's quite a genre swing! Oh! It really is. You know, I'm just really excited to do this film. I just... I really care about the material and the subject matter as a whole. Tell us, what's it about? Please, you think she's read the script? I do all her reading, and even I haven't read this one. Oh, you know, I really can't say too much, but you know, it's about life and working on a farm, or something. Wait, what? I'm not going to a farm. Oh, wonderful. Sounds like a beautiful story. Well, before we wrap it up, we have a very special presentation. That's right, Sydney. From our friends at Diamonds are Forever and the Academy, we'd like to present you this gift in recognition of being the young rising star of the year. Oh! It's a necklace that shines almost as bright as you. It's wonderful. And you did know that your costar from There Will Be Oil, Dame Rudy Bench, won this very same award 25 years ago. Wow. I mean, a career is nothing without your wonderful fans. I mean, where would any of us be without you, the beautiful people, that make all of this possible? Wonderful, just wonderful. Thank you. It's a pleasure, my dear. Folks, be sure to check out her upcoming film There Will Be Oil. Let's hear it for London Bridges, everyone! And we are off the air. Ugh! Can you just get this thing off of me? Bridges, that was fantastic. Thank you. I'm a huge fan! I'll take it, thank you. Water! Where's the straw? Ugh! I am never doing one of these tabloid shows again! Brucey, why am I doing this silly farm movie anyway? Look, if you want to be taken more seriously as an actor, then you'll have to do more serious work. It's as simple as that. Well, I am not milking any cows. Do you hear me? Have you seen their udders? Can I get a latte for Latte? Well, maybe it won't be so terrible. I'll have Latte with me, and I'll have my trailer. Ah, yes, about that... I'm afraid you can't take the trailer, dear. What? There actually won't be any trailers on this film at all. You wanted to do an art film. I did warn you. Excuse me? Oh, come now. It won't be that bad. London, you're overreacting. This is what you wanted. Oh, my. Oh, my. Bruce, you have one job, which is to make your client happy. Do I look happy? Look, I admit the trailer thing is not great, but you have to understand these independent films don't have much money. Hello, I'm a movie star! It's a lovely little farm. I've seen photos. You'll love it. Oh, my. Do you know who else is not going to have any money soon? You. I'll call myself and take care of it. Look, once you fly out there, you will absolutely love it. I promise. Can I please get a straw? This latte has got to be cold by now. I'm sorry, Latte. I know you only drink your latte hot. I get it. A straw? Can you just do something right? Kim, maybe we should just steal TVs... Bigger! Big TVs! They make 'em huge now! Huge! One second. I've really got to get this shot. I know. Hold on. I just want it to be perfect. You know, it's a nice camera, right? Yep, yep, number one special? Yeah, yeah, you go starboard. All right, going in. Oh! Hey, you lovely little girls. Have you seen page eight? Would look adorable on you. Get one for you too. And you, you know? Enjoy New York, girls! Sure. Wait a second. Where's my camera? Where's my camera? I had a camera on me. It had everything. Oh, my gosh. It had, like, my money, my ID. It had everything... All right, let's see how we did today! Not bad. Ooh! That camera and that case I've been dragging around. Is that it? Afraid so. Walter, I cannot do any more of this small-time stuff. It is killing me. Well, you never like any of my other plans. $53 in quarters from an ice cream truck is not going to cut it, Walter. No, no, no. I saw you steal that fudge pop too. I want nice things, Walter. I'm tired of not having things. I want a nice house and nice clothes and diamond... What? Earrings? Necklace. I don't think that's your color. It's diamond color. That's everybody's color! I want it. Who is that anyway? London Bridges? She's huge right now. I don't read that garbage. Whatever. Hey, listen, 'London Bridges is set to shoot There Will Be Oil, an independent drama about a cowgirl who's fighting for the rights to the oil under her land, before the evil oilmen get it from her. Filming is set to start next week, with the stars arriving over the weekend.' Does it say where? Michigan. Uh, Grand Rapids. When was that printed? Monday. What do you think? Oh, now you want to know what I think? It's a diamond necklace, Walter! All right, how about this? Oh, London Bridges! What's next for you? How does it feel? Oh, well, what can I say? I mean, I just feel so rich and beautiful! I feel like all my dreams have come true! Let's hit the road, baby! We'll be the paparazzi bandits! Yeah. Whoo! Go! Go! Uh, miss, if I may ask, who takes care of scheduling for y'all? 'Cause it's got to be pretty near the 12th time I've had to drive into town the past few days, which ain't a problem. I'm not concerned. It ain't that far, you see. Well, of course, you saw we just come from there. But what I'm sayin' is... Do you have air conditioning? Oh, right. Yeah... The air conditioning is broke, miss. Sorry about that. No air conditioning? Or, say you got 12 people coming in on a single afternoon. Now, that makes sense, because you can't fit them all in a single pickup, so you need to make multiple trips. Or I guess you could seat 'em in the bed in back. But then, what about their things? You movie people sure do travel with a lot of luggage. Hey, Bobby. How was the trip? Hiya, Tom. Jesus... Oh, yeah? How's the tractor? I think it burned out a plug this morning. About time for a swap anyway.Yeah. Crazy weather we're having, huh? You're telling me. Hiya, miss. I'm Tom. Dog.Oh. Hello. You must be London. Yes. Oh, God. Right, just one down. Let me put my hand, here. Let's try it like... Sorry! How was your trip? Not great.Oh. Sorry to hear that. Can I get you something cold to drink? Look, I'm not trying to be rude. I'm sure you're a very nice boy. But I just really need to... ...go to my room and be alone. All right. I totally understand. Don't worry about it. Just follow me. Hiya, miss. You must be with them movie folks. Yes, I'm with the star. Pleased to meet you. I'm CJ. I'm with the farm. Let me know if I can be of service. Latte. Oh, we ain't got none of them fancy coffee drinks around here. Just the old drip coffee. Latte. My name is Latte. I don't follow. Ugh! Farmy people. Bye, now. Well, here it is. Hope you like it, Ms. Bridges. Well, I'll let you get settled in and I'll be downstairs if you need anything. And I believe these are yours. You don't expect a tip, do you? Bye. Oh, Latte. What was I thinking coming here? I don't do farms. You'd better hope they have running water because little Latte is gonna be very upset if she doesn't get a bath soon. Ah. Not much for chattin', them city folk, eh, CJ? You can say that again. Not much for chattin', them city folk, huh? Oh, I'm pretty sure she's just tired. They came a long way. Seven-hour flight, 20-minute ride. That'll do it to anyone. They're all set now, though. Ah, thanks, Bobby. Yeah. I'mma head out and work on that tractor now. Sounded like a number two to me. It sounded like a number two to me.Huh. Okay. Might be time for a new distributor too. Yeah, you're probably right. Thanks, Bobby. You got it. Oh. You better pay attention, Tom. These movie people could be trouble. Oh! See that, CJ? You see that lady? I promise you, it is not that funny, Walter. It's pretty funny. I'm doing this like she's a truck, and she's a minivan. Yeah, not funny. Man, reading this garbage, as you call it, is finally gonna pay off. Oh, yeah? What? Is Hanson finally getting back together? Focus. Look at this necklace. Necklace, and again and again. This thing must be worth a fortune. Mm-hmm. See, and all this time I thought you were just trying to keep up with, '17 Ways to Know If He Loves You.'Ugh! No, you can read those things as much as you want from now on. Do that London Bridges voice again. Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay. Everyone always says, 'Diamonds are a girl's best friend.' But women like 'em too. I like 'em! But you know, public, you're my best friend. Not the diamonds, you! Because you're mine. You're all mine, public! I believe it. I believe every word. Maybe I've got a second career. Yeah, you should be famous. I don't need to be famous, I just need this diamond. Here's to that.Mmm. Drive faster. Oops! She did it again! Courtney Shears was spotted coming out of Argo's Caf in Beverly Hills, with someone who was definitely not Dustin Thimblebreak. Does this mean there's trouble in paradise for one of our favorite power couples? CJ, you're gonna rot your brain watching this junk. Hey, just because I'm a country dog doesn't mean I don't love a little glitter. Hollywood gossip is very entertaining. I'm Sydney Flow. I'm Nancy O'Dog. Journalism. Action. Oh, dearest me! How am I ever going to get all these rotten fence posts mended? Oh, dearest me! If I only had money to hire some help. Oh... maybe... maybe there's oil in the ground! Okay, cut. Okay. Let's do it again, but let's not worry about the crying, because it's not sad, and nothing really has happened yet in the movie, right? Oh, okay. Oh, great.Okay. I get it. Ready? Action! Dearest me! These fence posts are but dust in the wind. Was that maybe more along the lines of what you were thinking? No, no. Mmm. That was bad. Maybe I'll just try it again with more dust. No, no. Can I see a script? Welcome back to Pawparazzi Snap. So, Nancy, have you heard the big news about Prince Hilton? I heard that he announced the launch of a new line of itch-free collars, with a portion of the profits going to benefit puppies in need. But are they? Stay tuned as we hit the kennels and get the real story behind this. Oh. This is just what little Latte needed, some alone time. Walter, what are you doing? Don't you think it's a little risky to pull up to the front of the house? Nah, it's the country. Besides, we're paparazzi now. We can do whatever we want. Okay, you're out of your mind. Eh, a little bit. All right, just be cool. Be cool. We got this. Follow my lead. Follow my lead. Just try the door. The country, huh? Nah, come on. Uh... What'd I tell you? Ready? Yeah, yeah. Go, go. You guys aren't supposed to be here. What's going on? You movie people are supposed to be outside. I don't like the look of you people. Who's there? Can't a girl get a little me time without being bothered? I don't know about you, but if Sydney gave me anything but local organic treats, I'd throw him right in the doghouse. Now, now, Nancy. You know that I would only give the best to you. Oh, this is definitely the place. Let's get to work! I mean, I'm just trying to understand my character's backstory. Like, why does she want to be a cowgirl anyway? What are you talking about? She doesn't wanna be a housewife. She feels like she should have the same opportunity as the other cowboys. Yeah, but I mean, just to show them that she can, right? Did you read the script? Of course I did. What's your pa's name? I mean, I just like to call him 'Pa.' I don't see any reason why I would call him anything else. Oh, my gosh. Get out of here! Get them out of here. This is private property! I can't believe this. I can't... I can't even act with them being here. I can't rehearse. I can't... Okay, let's take it from the top. Um... Once again, this is the scene where the oilmen arrive from back there somewhere and you call for Casey, your pa, that those are the men and to go after them, okay? I know how the scene goes. Fantastic. From the top then. Oh, my, what a beautiful day. Oh, no, there are the oilmen. Hey, Pa! The oilmen are here, and they're trying to take our money! Land! I mean, it's basically the same thing, right? Oh, boy. One more time, please. My, what a beautiful day. Oh, no, there are them oily men. Hey, Papa! The oily men are here, and they're trying to take our land! Yikes. Okay, stop, stop. Maybe let's forget about the lines, for now. Let's maybe focus this time, hmm, on the emotional beats. This is a bad situation. You're not happy about it, right? Let's express some of that, please! Oh, what a beautiful day! Hey, Pa, go get those oiled-up men! Can I get a water? All right, come on, baby. Come on! Yeah, load me up! This is livin', this is livin'! Ha-ha! But where's the diamond? I don't know. It's got to be in there. Come on, we got to go! It's locked! All right, all right. Oh! Oh, sweetness, you are finally mine. I love you so much, Walter. This is all I've ever wanted! Yeah, I love you too, baby. Now put it in the duffel bag! Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm keeping this close. Okay. Come on. We got to go! Hey, what are you doing here? Oh, look, Walter, it's a little puppy! Get out of her room. Don't touch her things! Shoo, shoo! Get out of London's room! Shoo. Shoo. Come on. We got to make a run for it. Come on! Stop them! Stop them. They are thieves! Go get them. Stop the thieves! Come on, we've got to stop them! Get them! Will there be oil? Go on. He's on me! You come back here with that bag. You're not gonna get away with this. I will take your pants. There are those oilmen. And your... wallet. Wait, is that my hat? Somebody stop these people. Stop them! They are running off with our goods. I'm gonna... Stop them. I'm gonna get you. Hey, they're getting away. Somebody do something! Where you goin'? Tom. They're going for the car. Tell people my story! Thought you'd get away with this. Leave the bag, Walter! I've got the diamond! They're getting away! Come on, do something! Tom, come on! What? Okay! All right. Here we go! Bobby, block 'em! CJ, get them! Bobby, stop! Hurry up! Hey, how y'all doing? Bobby, stop the tractor! Go, go, go! Whoa, what you doing there? They're gettin' away! Hey! Bobby, just... Whoa, whoa, whoa. Move it! Move it! There's only room for one of us here. Bobby, stop 'em! Move it! Bobby! Somebody get them! What do you want me to do? They're gonna stop the car, sittin' there. What am I supposed to do? Get them, CJ, get them! What are you guys doing? Oh, for goodness sake. Tom, you let them get away! Yeah, CJ got the bag, I mean... Let me see this. They left the car. They're not gonna get far. See, there's nothing to worry about. Look, I'll get the car and I'll call the sheriff. No! No, I cannot risk having the media involved. It'll ruin me. Oh, boy. Wait until she finds out they got the diamond. Ms. Bridges? I, uh, made you some dinner. It's gone. It's gone. I'm... I'm ruined. Well, what happened? The necklace. They took the necklace. It's gone.Oh. Oh, we got to call the sheriff. No, no. I told you, we can't call the cops. You don't understand what that kind of media coverage does to people like me. Look, we'll get it back. Let's just go downstairs. We'll have something to eat. And we'll figure it out. I just need to be alone. I understand. Welcome to the show. We've got an exclusive report from London Bridges' new movie. That's right, Sydney. There have been reports that London Bridges has been clashing with director Hugh Franklin. Here we have some exclusive footage from the set of the independent movie. Ugh! Look, I don't appreciate your tone with me. Oh, yeah? Really? If you would like me to work... Tell me what you do appreciate. 'Cause I'll tell you what I appreciate, it's acting! Well, I appreciate those ugly pants you brought to set. They're not mine, okay? Oh, really? You tried on somebody else's pants? That is correct. We love London, so hopefully everything is going well up there. We'll just have to wait and see. Stay tuned. Hey, we were on TV. Don't worry. We'll get it back. Don't worry. We'll get it back. That's what I just said. This place is disgusting. I like it. Helps me feel like my true self. An animal? Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh! Wow. Yeah. Look at that thing. What do you think it's worth? A lot. Mmm! I love it! Try it on. Ooh! Yeah, that's beautiful. Mmm! I wanna keep it. Mmm. Eh, make you a deal. You keep the necklace, and we give up this life of crime, and we settle down somewhere, you know? Work the land or something. Work the land? Are you serious, Walter? Yeah. Good night, Walter. Don't be an animal! Good night, Kim. Good night, Walter. Is that bacon? Is that bacon! Good morning, boys! I hope you're hungry. We've been cooking. Look at all this, boy. Oh, good morning, boys. Hungry? Wow, what's the occasion? Oh, no occasion. I wanted to do something nice for you boys since you've been so nice to Latte and I. All right, mister, get your paws up on the stool. We eat at the table like civilized people. I feel awful about the necklace. I'll get the coffee. Take a seat. Well, come on, sit up there. Don't be shy... Uh, eat up. You were very heroic yesterday. Just doin' my job, miss. And he's modest. How do you take your coffee? Hmm. Cream, two sugars. What am I saying? You'll have to wait for a human to do it. Don't be shy, eat up! This is delicious, Ms. Bridges. London. Thank you. Uh, I need to ask you something, Thomas. Of course. Tom, but sure.Okay. Um... I need your help getting back the necklace. No police, no news. I need to get it back myself. With your help. 'No occasion, ' huh? Look, I still feel terrible about it, and I thought about it most of the night last night. You did? Well, no, I slept most of the night, but the way I see it, without their car, they'll only get as far as town. And they took off in the wrong direction. Today's Sunday. All we do is we got to find it by tomorrow, before they end up selling it, or something. I'll get it. No, no. You, stay. You, also stay. I'll be right back. You must be Dame Rudy Bench. I am indeed, honey. Be a doll and bring my bags inside, would you? Is that breakfast? Would you put the kettle on for me, sweetheart? It's me... London. Oh, my. I didn't recognize you with that apron. Pleasure to meet you, my dear. You are even more stunning in person. Oh, stop it. You are glowing, Ms. Bench. Please, call me Rudy. Have you seen Hugh? Yes, we shot a scene yesterday. Splendid. How was it? You must tell me everything. It was great. We shot the scene with Pa and the oily men. Splendid. I'm just so thrilled to be a part of something so important. And to get to work with you too, my dear. Yes, me too. I've been dreaming of this since I used to watch you when I was a little girl. Lovely. You're too sweet. London, I wanted to ask, and it can be anytime, but I can't tell you how happy it would make me to see your necklace, if you wouldn't mind, of course. I've been thinking about it the whole way here. I'm so happy you received it. Of course. Is that the Ms. Dame Rudy Bench? Oh. Enchant. You must be Tom. It is an honor to have you here, ma'am. Quite the handsome country muffin. Um, Latte! Why don't you come in here and introduce yourself. And this is Latte. Oh, hello. I don't care for dogs. Well, I don't care much for old ladies. Right. Why don't I get your bags, and I'll show you to your room, miss. Yes, please. London, I'll meet you out in front in a few minutes, okay? What? You know, to work on your scene, like we said. Oh! Yes! I will be out right after I finish the dishes. Excuse me? I'm very method. Oh, my. Right this way, miss. A man should always follow behind a lady, upstairs, so that he may catch her, should she fall. Of course, madam. Go. What took so long? She kept asking me to lift her suitcases in and out of the armoire and move the furniture around. What an odd woman.Weird. All right, we have to get to town immediately. Absolutely. We'll head into town as soon as we're done with the chores. What? Are you joking? It'll be fun. Come on. No. Tom, you and I have very different ideas of what fun is. Okay, fine. Why don't you go show Ms. Bench the necklace, and I'll get the chores done. I don't know how to do chores. I'm an actor. Come on. Ugh! It smells awful out here. Oh, that's the smell of life, my dear. You learn to love it. This here's Cosmo. Yeah. Larger than life, we say. Oh, hello, Ms. London. We met the other day during our scene. Have you caught up on your reading of the script yet? You have bunnies? Oh, my goodness! You don't eat them, do you? Oh, no. You said you wouldn't! Oh, no, no. These are my niece's bunnies. I just look after 'em. Oh, phew. Oh. Oh, okay. You better not change your mind, Tom. This here's Chew. Welcome to C-Block. What is it? Your worst nightmare. He's a goat. Oh. You can pet him. He won't bite. Uh, no, that's moving too fast for me. Over here. I'll see you in the yard, Tommy boy. I say don't go into the pasture for a few days and he'll come looking for you. He's such a rooster sometimes. Look, everyone, it's London Bridges! This is the chicken coop. The first thing we got to do here is feed them. All right? So the feed's in that bucket. You wanna scatter three scoops all over, and just let 'em have right at it. Okay, well, the only way I touch chicken is if it's in nugget form, so... Come on. All right. Oh, my goodness, a real movie star. Look at this! Come and get the feed. Come on. You wanna try? Come on. Give it a shot. Just scatter it all over. Oh! Okay. That works. You see, that wasn't so hard, right? I guess they 're kind of cute when they're eating and not trying to peck my eyes out. Right, right. All right, where are ya, Mrs. Millie? Hold on one second. Okay. Oh! Oh, my goodness! I can't believe I'm meeting her. Here, try holding her. I'm really meeting her. No, absolutely not, okay? Come on. I promise she won't bite. Go on. Really. Oh, I'm going to faint! I can't believe it! Yeah. She's actually kinda soft. Yeah. Just hold her wings down, and it keeps them calm, okay? And what's her name? This is Mrs. Millie. She loves gossip, don't you, Millie? Okay. You got her? Oh, my gosh. Someone take my picture! Perfect. Hey, there, Mill. Oh, my gosh. I can't believe she's touching my feathers. Hi, Mrs. Milton. Did you hear the news? London Bridges is a farmer now. Oh. Oh, kind of a smelly one there, Mrs. Milton. Oh, okay, all right. Hold her wings. Okay. Okay, that's enough for today. Go on there. What time is it? Baby, good morning! And what a glorious morning it is. Ahh! Are you kidding me? Is it almost noon? Honeybee, don't worry about that. We got all the time in the world. Look at this landscape, huh? Beautiful. Yeah, let's leave. Honey, honey, you just got up. Allow me to serve you breakfast. What are you talking about? Here you go, sweetie. What's all this? I wanted to make you breakfast. Yeah, but where did you get all this food? I woke up in the middle of the night, I went on a little nature hike, found an old farmhouse 300 yards down the road. There's a farmhouse? 300 yards away? Yeah, it's probably turn-of-the-century. It's nice. No one was home, so I grabbed some supplies. There's a nice barn too. Walter, why did we sleep out here if there is shelter 300 yards away? I was trying to give you a nice camping experience. I thought it might change your mind about moving out of the city. Okay, you know I hate the outdoors. All the bugs and the dirt and stuff. I need a bed and running water. There's plenty of running water in nature. There's probably a creek nearby. Oh, yeah? You think it's deep enough for me to drown you in? What's with the outrage, Kim? It's glorious out here. And we're on foot. It's not like we're in a rush. Besides, we got the necklace, we got your precious necklace. Yes, we have the precious necklace. So let's get to town and sell it so we can get out of this wretched cornfield of a state. Okay, fine. Eat your breakfast and we'll go. Why do I try? Thank you for breakfast. Don't eat the bacon. I didn't cook it enough. Don't eat the sausage either.Okay. For a different reason. Oh. How about bread? Bread should be fine. You're gonna love this next project. Oh, goody. It's gonna be a real breeze. I told you, stay off Cellblock-C, Tom. All right, so you see these brushes right here? Take a look. So we got a hard brush, this is the curry comb, and that's the soft brush. You wanna start with the hard comb, and just comb out the dirt real good. Then continue with the curry comb, and finish off with that soft brush. You do all that, and this here kid will be your best friend for life. Oh. Hey, lemme tell you, I ain't got no friends. Well, I brush Latte all the time, so this will be easy. Let me ask you something. Why in the world would you name your dog after a coffee drink? It's a long story. Oh. I just really like fancy coffee drinks, and when I saw her, I just thought she looked like a little latte. Come on. I'm serious. Don't make fun of me. Right. I'm gonna go work on the tractor. Be good, Chew. What did I get myself into? Okay, Chew, you and me... kid. Hey, lady, if you know what's good for you, you will stay on that side of the fence. Combed and fed all day. You're not really into listening, are you? No running around, trying to please agents and producers. Okay, Chew, just gonna do this. Come on. I bet you can't run very fast in them shoes, can you? No, no! Chew! See you later! Bye-bye! Come back, Chew! I'm outta here! Chew! Come on, Chew. No! Let's have some fun with this. Hey, you girls. Get outta the way. Chew, just stay here. What are you doing? I don't think so. It's okay. No! Come here. I don't think so. No, no, no! Oh, God. Oh, God. Time for a little workout! See you later! Chew, come back! Tom! I got an idea. You catch me... never! Right? Yeah. Okay, honey. Chew! Working up a sweat! Chew! I'm ready to go. Tom! All right! See you later! All right. Hey! Come on, Chew. No, no, no! I'll tell you what. Come on, Chew. Let me tell you, honey. On your best day, you ain't catching this goat. You know what I mean? Chew, just... Yeah, right. Tell me what your demands are. You had enough yet? Have you had enough? No one has to get hurt. Hey, listen here. I am not going back in that pen. I told Tom I want yard time. I'm taking my yard time. All right, lady? No one has to get hurt. You ain't bringin' me back in there. That's just the way it is. Okay. All right, a little too close. A little too close. No, no! Come catch me! Here we go again, honey! Yeah. On your best day, sweetie, you ain't catching this goat. Tell you what... On your best day. Chew! All right? See you later, okay! I ain't even breaking a sweat! Oh! She's getting all wet. Okay! See you later. A holiday for Chewie. Tom! London? I told you it wouldn't end well for you, lady. Miss, please don't splash around here. I have very delicate hair. London? Tom. Where have you been? That goat... has been running around like a madman. Wanted some playtime, didn't you, Chew? You may take my life, but you'll never take my freedom. Pipe it down, dear boy. This isn't Broadway. Hey, you wanna make something of it? Don't laugh at me. Trust me, you'd be laughing at me if you were looking at this from my angle. How'd you get him back in there? Oh. It's all about getting in touch, my dear. They just wanna be cared for, just like us. Oh, and I keep treats in my pocket for this sort of thing. Oh. Okay, fine. Will you, please... Will you please come help me get out of... Yeah, sure thing. Comin' over! You got it? Nice and easy. Thank you. All right? You know, you're much prettier when you smile. You make sure I get my playtime, and we won't have any problems. I think I need to change. Okay, come on. Oh, my. Would you look at that? I just don't understand these youngsters and their method techniques anymore. Just exhausting. Come on, there you go. Fancy. Thanks. Tom, look, I really need to get to town. And we need to finish the chores. Fine. All right, just step on the step here. You can sit up... here. And we're off. Don't try anything. Yeah. Oh, my. There must be something in the water. Would you look at that? I think she's lost her mind. Well, I'll be. She sure seems to like farm life. Huh. I feel like we don't communicate anymore. What? Yeah, just being out here on the open road, I've been thinking a lot. Don't hurt yourself, Walter. No, I'm serious. We used to talk. Okay. You wanna talk? Let's talk. What do you wanna talk about? I don't know. Anything, you know? No, I really don't. How are you? Well, we're in the middle of nowhere, on a highway with no car, fleeing the scene of a robbery. I'm terrific. How are you? Actually, I'm a little sad, to be honest. You know, I made that breakfast for you, and I'm just trying to reconnect a little. Walter, I love you, but this is neither the time nor the place. You love me. Yes. Have you lost your mind? Doesn't matter. You don't really love me. Walter, can we please just get to town, sell this necklace, and get out of here? I promise you, we can talk all the way back to New York. All the way back, all the talking. Yeah, yeah, fine. Come on! Help. Help. Jeez.Help. So all this here is corn. We're gonna take to the market. We got to figure out which one of these are ripe in order to sell 'em. Boring! Come on. What? Let me drive. Um, no. What, you don't think I can? I bet you haven't driven a stick a single day in your life. Well, there's always time to learn to try. All right. Why don't I pull over and show you a few things, and then maybe you can try. Okay. All right. You're gonna get in this... Oh! You're gonna get in this seat here. Okay. All right. Take your time. Okay. All right. So, first thing you wanna do... Pedal down to your left, that's your clutch. You wanna shift it in first gear. Pull that brake up with your right foot, and give a little gas as you let off the clutch. Okay, I think I got it. So, first pedal on the left, okay? Okay. And put it in first gear. Okay. And lift the brake up with your right. Okay. And give it a little gas as you let off the clutch. Okay, gas. There you go! Oh, my... You got it! Oh, my God! Oh, my God. Okay. First gear, nice and slow. You can do it. I know. Almost there. Go straight down. Whoa! Oh, my gosh! You got it. I'm doing it! Yeah! Bet you can't wait to milk a cow. Look at me, Mom. Okay, you're drifting! Drifting a little bit. Back this way! Careful. Whoo! All right. Oh, yeah. Watch the seat. Got it? Oh! So you wanna help me load up the corn before we head in? That's okay. I think I'm just gonna go freshen up a little. What? You look fine. Uh, I think that's enough for today. Besides, we really need to get into town. Okay, just freshen up, meet me in the truck, and we'll head into town. What? Who are you? So, what if he's cute? I'm just doing research. This is all a dream. A very bad dream. Kim? Please come out. You know I scare easily. Oh, Walter. I'm over here! Stop it! I'm sorry. Where are you? I just wanted to make you breakfast. Boo! Hey, this is pretty good stuff. Here. I've lost my appetite. It's not funny, Kim. Really? He sounds like quite a handsome chap, this Roger. I can't even. Latte! Latte! Latte, will you quit fooling around? I'm sorry. Do I know you? Excuse me, miss, but we need to get to town. We have to find the necklace. It was a pleasure chatting with you, Mrs. Milton. Yes, talk soon. Hey there, Latte. Come on, move over, CJ. Didn't see you around much today. Well, at least someone noticed. Tom, how do you deal with this unpredictable weather? You get used to it. Okay, Tom, I'm gonna need some sort of backstory, just in case people recognize me. You know, so we don't get caught up in any lies. You do this often? Ain't it the truth. So to speak. So I'm thinking, my name could be Mrs. Bernice Ferdinand Mariposa. Ah, yes. The Royal Duchess of Hamlinsburginshropshireville. About 7,000 miles that-away. Did you come on horseback, Duchess? Okay, fine. What if instead, my name is... No. No. Sorry.So... N-O. Do you have a better idea? Uh... you kinda look like a cousin of mine. Stop. I'm just saying. We... have got to be close. Yeah, right? Wa... Walter. I see it! That truck! Truck, truck, finally! Help! Help! Over here! Help! I'm going to higher ground. Wave them down! Great idea! I'll stay here and do what I'm doing. Help! Help! Hel... It's them! Hide! Oh, no, it's them! Hide! Is it just me, or is that scarecrow waving at us? I don't know how much more of this I can take. What's that? Did... Did that scarecrow look familiar to you? No, I don't think so. Oh, I think it looked very familiar. That was them! That was them! You don't think that was...? Yes! Yes! No. Yeah, you're probably right. Never mind. That was close! Do you think they saw us? I don't know. I just kinda buried my head in the ground. Why did you...? What? I panicked! They didn't stop. I think we're okay. Huh. It can't be that much farther. I say we risk it, try to get the car. Oh! That is the best idea you've ever had in your whole life, Walter. Come on. Oh, jeez. Come on, Tom. You got to make it a little prettier. Of course. How's that? Better. All right. Come here. This is so not Beverly Hills. Get something later. Latte, care to help? Hmph. You must be crazy. Latte, you know what they have here? I'm not interested. Fancy coffee drinks. You mean we're back on planet Earth? Latte? Ah, don't worry about it. I know everybody here, and CJ knows his way around. Hi, Tom! How's the corn, kid? Hiya, Gus. It's good. Sweet as can be right about now. Ow-whee! Look at the ears on that one! Gus Raymond. How do you do? Gus, this here is London... Samantha... Winslow. It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Raymond. Bellissima! How do you know this rat? I'm his cousin. Hot doggity! Cousin, eh? Yeah. Well, you watch out for this one here, Missy. He a hound dog through and through. Oh, is that so? Oh, yeah. Hey, Tom, what was that bird's name you was telling me about, that movie star? Gus, you don't have to embarrass me in front of family, now. Oh, yes, yes. This here is a fine gentleman, miss. Your family should be so proud. Well, Ms. Samantha, I'd like to purchase five ears. How much they gonna run me? Thomas? A dollar an ear, five for four and ten for seven. Same as always, Gus. Say, Mr. Raymond, you wouldn't happen to have seen a couple of characters around here this morning, would you? Have you looked around here, miss? All these folk are weirdos, if ya ask me. Who you lookin' for? Tom getting into trouble again? Absolutely not. Sure, you ain't. Little pip-squeak used to run around playing pranks every Sunday. Come on, that was, like, forever ago. Oh, I don't know. Who we looking for, miss? Uh, my... my parents. Parents. Out-of-towners.Yeah. They weirdos? Definitely. Got it. Mr. and Mrs. Winslow, out-of-town weirdos. I better be going though. Marlene's gonna break my arm if I'm not back soon. Well, take it easy, Gus. It was a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Raymond. Ms. Winslow. Yeah. Bye.Tom. What a nut. He's sweet. Yeah, he's sweet, you're right. Listen, Tom, we really have to find that necklace. Okay, so what I can do is go around, ask the folks if they've seen anybody that looks like 'your parents.' You okay to stay here? Uh... One for one, five for four, ten for seven? You got it. Oh, my God! Oh, finally! Come on. Come on. Mmm. Okay. Okay, let's go! Let's go, let's go! And where do we think we're going? Oh, this is bad. Who is that? I've heard about her. You're from that TV show Pawparazzi Snap, correct? I got this. Yup, yup. We're reporters from Pawparazzi. And I take it you're here doing a piece on London Bridges. Uh, yes. That is also correct. Well, I am Dame Rudy Bench. Okay. Lovely to meet you, ma'am. Do you know who I am? Uh... of course? Dame Rudy Bench, the movie star. Yes, Miss Dame Rudy Bench, of course. How do you do? Do you mean to say you did not know I'd be here, and you do not plan to do a piece on me as well? Okay, dame, here's the thing. We got to be going. And we'd love to do a piece on you as well, but we've got other assignments. Who do you work for? Tell me right now and I will call them to get to the bottom of this. Okay, I'm just gonna push her in the bush and see if she stops talking. Ma'am, hi. Kim Quick, with Pawparazzi Snap, and you are absolutely right. We would be dumb not to take this opportunity to photograph you. Ah! And interview me. And interview you, yes. Great. You seem like a nice couple of kids. How long have you been with Pawparazzi? Oh, not long, but we love it. Really? What exactly do you love about it? Uh... Well, eh... You know, interviewing people, like you. Yeah. Wonderful people, the best people. Okay, Walter. Okay. Uh, pardon me, can I grab a drink of water? Oh, it's in the kitchen. What are you doing? Help yourself. Oh, thank you. I'll be right back. Oh, my, what a loaf. He's actually a really talented photographer. I should hope so. Personally, I admire the paparazzo's confidence, managing to stay levelheaded while leaching off of those of us with true talent. Yeah, I'm sure you do. Well, we are just such big fans. Super big fans, so... Shall we start at the beginning then? Oh. Oh, no. We just need a little snippet, and then we'll be going. Just a little something about how much you love being important, or something. We'll start at the beginning. I was not born famous, you know. Now, see, I would have imagined you were. But I knew I would be a star from the beginning. Is that so? I remember my mother holding me as a baby, bless her heart, telling me I didn't have what it took to be a star. So I slapped her right across the face and I said, 'I want fame, I need fame, I am fame.' Oh, my. Oh, Walter, will you please come back in here? Do you know what she said? I am afraid to ask. She grounded me, and I say rightly so. Not being able to go to the theater that evening taught me all I ever needed to learn about sacrifice. Sacrifice. You hear me, Kimmy? Help me. Yeah. Okay, all right. Yeah, let's go! Let's see what you got there, Nanna. Okay, big smile. Say cheese! Okay. And now show me happy, okay? And bored, okay? Were those different? You know what? Superb, dame, superb. We've got what we need. Editor's gonna love it. Hot stuff. We got to go. We got to go. Bye. Works every time. Go, go, go, go! Hello there. Hi! My name's Bryndell. I'm Samantha. Oh, are those preserves? Fresh. Made 'em myself. Well, they look delicious. Thanks! I've got raspberry, boysenberry, orange, and my personal favorite, apricot. Would you like to buy some? They're one for five or four for 15. They make great gifts too. Oh, I'm sorry. I actually don't have my wallet on me. That's all right. Some other time. Okay. Oh. You know what, Bryndell? Maybe you'd be interested in doing some bartering for some corn for some preserves? Works for me. Who doesn't like corn? Yeah, totally. Okay, I will take a dozen, three of each. And how much corn do you want? You tell me. Whatever's fair. Several crates? Okay. I've got to go get some more preserves. I've only got a dozen here. Great. I'll be here. Be back soon. Oh, hi there, sweetheart. How are you today? I know you. Oh, I really don't think that's possible. I'm not from around here. Not from around here. It'll come to me in just one second. Oh, don't you worry your little head about that. You're gonna give yourself a headache. Where are your parents? Over there. Um... I know I know you. I really don't think so. I've been watching you the whole time you've been here. Oh. I know you. No luck yet. Tom, we really need to go. What? What's the matter? F-A-N-S. I know how to spell. Oh, boy. Mommy, Mommy, Mommy! Little girl, what's going on? I'm onto you, lady! Hey, now. What is the matter with you? Don't be screamin' like that. It's London Bridges, Mommy. I know it's her. Claire, does she look like a celebrity to you? But it's her! Yeah, we should get goin'. Leave the poor woman alone. You're never gonna be famous if you don't show any manners. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! Okay, let's go, let's go. I'm so sorry. Please don't give your kids any sugar. I'm warning you. Time to pack up.Yeah. CJ! Latte! Come on! So nice to see the two of them getting along. Yeah. Who'd have thought, right? Uh, yeah.Okay. So... Come on, boy. Come on, girl. I'm really impressed. It's awesome. London. Hollywood's very hens were here today. Who? Pawparazzi Snap. I hope you don't mind my stealing your limelight a little there, dear. I miss it, at my age. The paparazzi. Yep. Caught them as they were trying to leave in that jalopy of theirs. The car that was over there? Yes. The green one? Yes. How could I be so stupid? Honey, the paparazzi are everywhere, don't worry. Did you hear that, Tom? The paparazzi were here, and they got their car back. And you know what that means? It means that they are halfway to wherever by now and we are talking about my career, not just some dumb thieves. We lost them. And you know what that means. It's really not that serious. It's not about that, Dame... Zip it! London, please. I don't wanna talk to you right now. I can't even. Latte! Oh, boy. It's gonna be a lonely night. My God, she really wanted that interview. It's my fault. Uh, London, you're kinda choking me. It's okay. Latte's here for you. Go away. I don't wanna talk to you. London, it's Rudy. I'd like to speak to you. Rudy, can... we please talk later? Now's really not a good time. I understand you're upset, but please open up. Thank you. Thank you. There, there, honey. It's okay. Are you okay? What happened? The paparazzi. Really, honey, there will be millions. They weren't paparazzi. What do you mean? They photographed me. They were thieves. How do you mean? They, uh... They took the necklace. The necklace. The academy's necklace? Yeah. Why are you laughing? I'm ruined. No, no. It's okay, honey. No. I mean, it's not okay. It's gone! It's worthless. What... What are you talking about? It's plastic. It's fake. Do you think they just give actors a diamond necklace like that? Really? Absolutely. Oh! I was so worried. I can see that. I thought that losing it would ruin me. That everyone would be talking. Oh, yeah, well, people will say all kinds of things if they're given the opportunity. But take it from me. Real success is being a good person, keeping friends that look out for your well-being. Work. Lots and lots of work. But it has nothing to do with diamonds, I promise you. Okay. Repeat after me. People are more important than possessions. People are more important than possessions. Even diamonds? Yes. You gonna be all right? I think so. Really, it's fine. Don't worry about it. I replaced mine twice. Now, get some rest. We have our big scene tomorrow. Good night, London. Good night, Rudy. Thank you. Of course, sweetheart. And we will close out this evening with our top-ten celebrity scandals of the week. Hey, boy. Hey, Tom, what's got you down? Oh, Sydney, you know how I love scandals. There have been some great ones this week. What's on the new top ten? What do we do, boy? Come on, Tom. What we have here is a good old-fashioned crime caper. Don't overcomplicate it. Stick to the plan. Go into town and find the bad guys. We should go into town and find the bad guys. Yeah, you're right. My feelings exactly. If she yells at me one more time, I'm walking. I know. I say it every time. Oh, did you hear she got Sydney Flow's cameraman fired? You're kidding. Absolute... Here she comes. Hi, ladies.Hi. I just want to apologize. Today we start a new film, and I wanted to start things a little differently. These are local preserves that I got for you, to show you my appreciation for everything you do for me. I wouldn't look as good as I always do if it wasn't for all of your hard work, and I'm sorry that I've been so hard on you. You're too much. I hope you like them. Thank you, London. This is so sweet. Thank you. Absolutely. Thank you. What are you doing? Pull up to the front, Walter. Standard operating getaway procedure. We're not robbing anyone today, remember? Let's enjoy being members of civilized society for once. Well, well, well, Mr. Wallace, I am so glad you said that. I have been dying to get rid of this diamond necklace you bought me for our anniversary. You're so right, and I made a huge mistake. Rubies are so much more in vogue. Did you read that in Us Hourly? I'm a subscriber, you know. Heaven's above, I ask you, from what depths have these demons risen? I am a simple woman, with a simple family, trying to live a simple life. Do not fear... for I am here. Who are you? I'm but a simple cowgirl, also trying to live a simple life. But the oilmen. I see that they have taken your land and your husband. And we will get back what is rightfully yours. But you're a woman. What can a woman do to stop men, evil men? Simple. I will file a complaint with the sheriff, demanding that they stop. My pa... He taught me how to complain like a man. But you're a cowgirl. That's not possible. They won't listen! I've tried and tried! Shh. It's a new day. We are no longer the childbearing burdens that we once were. Oh, miss. You are bright like the morning sun. And cut! London, that was just darling. Oh, Rudy, you have inspired me so much. You have no idea. London, brilliant. I'm so impressed. It was great. You know what? Let's give you a break while we set up for the next shot, okay? Oh, thank you, Hugh.Sure. Oh, Bobby! Morning, miss. Have you seen Tom? Yeah, he had to go into town and take care of something. Do you think you can take me into town? I really goofed up yesterday, and I need to talk to him. Whatever you need, miss. Oh, thank you. Golly. I just need to go change real quick. All right, I'll be in the truck. Haven't got the window fixed yet. Oh, good morning. Good morning. Looking for anything in particular? Actually, sir, we're hoping to show you something. Oh, very well. Hmm. Ta-da! Very nice. He's putting on gloves. That's a good sign. What do you think? I think... therefore I am cer... What's it worth, dude? That's what we're getting at. It's, uh... It's plastic. I'm sorry. What? Plastic. Plastique. Is that, by chance, a rare diamond we might not have heard of? No, just good old plastic. Like the kind that you get from the quarter machines. Quarter machines. Mm-hmm. Walter, tell me he's kidding. Tell her you're kidding. Okay, you know what I'm thinking? You wanna do what I'm thinking? Yup. Ha-ha! Sorry, little man. End of the road for you. Where's the good stuff? I'm willing to bet this truck they're gonna be at the jeweler's. Well, there's their car, Tom. Look! Wait a minute. It's worth something to you now, isn't it, little man? Leave him alone, Walter. Let's get out of here! It looks good on ya! Hey! Oh, not this guy again! Listen here, Buckwheat. We don't have your necklace anymore. You want it, go in there and get it. You guys aren't going anywhere. Come on, cabbage patch. You seem like a nice kid. You don't wanna get involved in this. Where's the necklace? There, there! I think they're up there! Go up here. Turn right, turn right! I didn't wanna have to do this, but... back off! Whoa, easy! Back off! You've got to be kidding me. That's not a real gun. And get this dog out of here. Whoa, easy. Okay, okay. CJ, get! Go on! I'm staying right here, Tom. Oh! Come on, Latte. Let's go! Is that even a real gun? Back off, corn boy! One move out of either one of you and he'll finish you both. Ready? Let's go! Go! Go! We did it! Stop! Hey, buddy! He's still coming. All right, this way. This way! The dog, Walter! No! Stop! Bobby, help! Pull the hay! Pull the hay! Pull the hay! Don't move, you scoundrels! Put your hands behind your back. Yeah, I know the drill, thank you. What took you so long to get in the car? We could've been gone. Look, London, I know I messed up yesterday. No, Tom, I'm the one who messed up yesterday and the day before that, and the week before that, and the months before that, and the years before that. I owe you an apology. I should've never treated you so badly from the beginning. I mean, I didn't even know you and I was already judging you. I learned a lot from you yesterday, and from all of this. And the fact you came all the way down here and tried to get back that stupid fake necklace for me. You're a really good guy, Tom. What do you mean fake? Oh, the necklace is fake. Rudy told me. It's fake? Plastic. You know, a wise woman once said, 'People are more important than possessions.' Oh, what a relief. Wanna get out of here? Yeah. Let's go. See, this is exactly what I mean. This is a perfect example. We don't communicate anymore. We could be talking right now. Okay. Fine, Walter. You wanna communicate? Yes, I would love that. So would I. If it wasn't for your stupid plan, we wouldn't be here right now! No, no, no, it was your idea to chase the diamonds. If it was up to me, we'd settle down and work the land. We are not good at working. We are good at stealing. And we are barely good at stealing! I stole you a good breakfast. It was good, right? It was pretty good. That's good. I love you. Okay, I love you. I think I can get out of these. Really? I think I can get out of these. Hey. Hey. Lookin' a little wet there. Yeah. Some weather. So, um... I guess this is it? Yeah, yeah. The rest of them cleared out last night, so... Yeah. Look, I was wondering if... I don't know if you'd be interested or not, but... Yeah? I got this good buddy out in California, and he's been asking me to visit for a while now. I thought that maybe now that I know you... I mean, I'd like that. Very much. That's right, ladies and gentlemen. You heard it here first. London Bridges has found love, and our inside sources say that wedding bells are on the horizon. The handsome man in question, he's not a celebrity. No, he's a simple man from the country who London met on the set of her movie There Will Be Oil. He is such a cutie. I think she looks really happy. CJ, how come Nancy O'Dog can talk? Latte, it's Hollywood special effects. They do that on a computer. London certainly does look happy. And from what we hear, her dog, Latte, has an enormous crush on Tom's dog, CJ. Ha! What do you think? Are we in for a double wedding? Where do they come up with this stuff? I used to be a huge fan of this show, but Th... Oh, Latte... A true Hollywood ending! Oh, my. |
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