I love you.
You do?
I do.
Well good. I love you too.
But then you've known that for a
few hours now.
I've never been here before.
This is great.
Yeah, isn't it?
Winter picnic.
Yeah. There's cheese and
crackers there if you want.
Awesome. This is so great.
Thank you so much.
No, thank you's aren't
necessary. Should we toast?
Um, do you mind if I toast?
Love it if you toasted.
There's some things I want to
get off my chest.
To the greatest person I've ever
met?
Wow, that sounded stupid.
Well the sentiment still stands.
I think you're great, and I am
very glad that we meet.
These past couple weeks have
been -
Three weeks.
Three weeks. Yeah. It's just
been great getting to know you.
You too.
And... I love you.
You don't have to say anything
back.
Okay.
Okay...
Cheers.
Cheers.
Is this a good wine?
It is, actually.
Yeah you can tell.
Are you watching this?
Why?
You're the one that - you wanted
- you're the one that wanted to
watch this.
I know
It's interesting! I mean imagine
what would the Bronx be like if
they didn't -
God! Ow!
That didn't hurt, you liar.
It was your idea, what do you,
what do you want?
Well, I have a lot of ideas.
No.
How can you say no?
I don't know. I'm not in the
mood.
It's fine.
No I kind of in the mood now.
I'm kind of in the mood.
Well, that's great.
Why are you being cross?
I'm not being cross.
I'm watching the show.
You know. You know what I mean.
Would you be interested in some
other things?
Maybe.
Let's see if we can get you
there.
Well I'm not just a switch that
you can turn on and off. Okay?
I'm a human and I have feelings.
Thanks pal.
Have a good day.
You too man.
Is anybody sitting here?
No.
You ever heard of this brand of
ginger ale?
No I haven't.
Probably costs two dollars for a
case of it.
Exactly.
Well it tastes fine.
I'm Peter.
Hi Peter.
But uh, just one last note on
this guy.
You know how he does a little
salad on the side of the chicken
and the rice like you have
there?
Yeah?
Well I started, he'll, you can
get instead of the fried rice,
he'll put a bed of salad with
the chicken on top for ya.
So you get a salad with grilled
chicken for $3.50.
That's Good to know.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean you can continue to eat
the, all that fried stuff,
but, if you're interested in
something a little more healthy,
less fattening,
uh, he'll uh, he'll make it for
just salad for ya.
How come you're having it with
rice?
I'm in training.
So I'm carboloading.
Well what are you in training
for?
Uh a rice eating competition.
Good luck.
No, I'm just in a hungry man
kind of a mood today.
Like one of those lumberjacks
from the frozen dinner
commercials?
Yeah. I see you're the same way.
Lumber "Jill."
I'm sorry, I just forgot your
name.
Jill.
Right. I'm Jack. Uh no but um I
told you before I'm um Peter.
I'm Vandy.
Vandy? Are you being serious
this time?
Yeah.
No that's a cool name. I've
never heard that name. Vandy.
I was just uh joking about the
rice and everything.
I'm aware.
I don't know what I was saying.
That was, sorry.
No but the uh chicken and rice
is actually pretty healthy too.
But yeah.
That guy is nice. At the cart.
Sure is.
So do you work around here?
No, I'm just here for jury duty.
Oh well, hey I don't know what
your schedule is but uh maybe we
could maybe the two of us
What's up man
Hey Gary.
What's going on. Is the lunch
guy here? Did you get my salad?
Yeah uh, this is Gary, we work
together. This is Vandy.
Whaty?
Vandy.
Hi Vandy.
Um well, I have to go.
It was nice meeting both of you.
You too Vandy.
Well you know, maybe I'll see
you around.
So long.
What the fuck.
What? Did you know her?
No.
My bad.
Here's your fucking salad man.
Um, maybe you should go back to
your apartment.
Yeah. Yeah. I think.
I think I'm not ready for you to
stay here.
Okay, yeah.
Do you want me to set up the
couch?
Do you want to do that?
Uh, this is stupid.
No I mean I can, I can take a
cab.
Okay.
Well no, do you mind if I stay
on the couch?
I think that maybe it could be a
good idea.
Okay. Yeah, you're right.
I'm starving. You hungry?
Little bit.
Hey. Let's go to new Vietnamese
place we keep saying we're going
to try.
Uh...
You said you wanted to go.
I don't really feel like putting
my shoes on and everything.
Okay.
What do you feel like?
I'm not that hungry why don't
you uh look go look through the
menus and choose.
You feel like Chinese?
Whatever. You choose.
I don't even know if I want
Chinese.
Have we ordered form this Thai
place?
Yeah. That's the one where you
said the Pad Thai tasted like
Vagina.
That wasn't this place. And I
didn't say it tasted like
Vagina.
I said this Pad That tastes like
"Poon Thai."
Pick a place Peter.
Fuck it! Chinese.
Chinese good with you?
Fine.
Well what would you rather have?
I just said Chinese was fine.
Alright. So we'll get Sesame
chicken white meat only, and,
um, do you want Lo Mein?
Anything.
It's too much starch. You want a
shrimp dish?
Peter. Whatever.
Well you're not helping me.
Just pick two dishes.
Fine. I'll get the eggplant.
Like I wanted.
Fine.
I'll just have some of the
chicken.
Well I'm not going to order a
whole eggplant for myself.
Get it, you can have left over's
tomorrow.
Eggplant sucks the next day.
It's not even that good the
first day.
Fuck it. Let's go to the
Vietnamese place.
I don't feel like going out.
Come on, I don't want take out.
I'm settled in now.
Come on. I'm going to kill you.
Go get my coat.
Oh remind me to pick up some oil
soap on the way home.
Are we breaking in a new
baseball glove?
No. I'm breaking in a new purse.
What? Are you - really?
Yeah. Sometimes you want them
to look not so new.
That's so cool. Do you put it
under your mattress?
What?
Well that's what you do with
baseball gloves.
Thank you very much.
Do you tie it up with string or?
That's what you do with a
baseball glove?
Yes, you tie it up with string
and put a baseball inside and
you rub it down.
You don't, you don't put a
baseball inside?
Are you okay?
Just had a little aftertaste of
vagina.
Sorry. Here try it.
Try it?
Come on. Just smell it then.
Just experiment, loosen up.
No I don't want your "Poon
Thai."
Okay. Ew it got on me.
Exactly. This Pad Thai tastes
like "Poon Thai."
Can I have some of yours?
You're going to keep eating it?
Hey
Hey what's up man.
Keith
No no, hey Keith.
You had that look on your face
like maybe you didn't remember
my name.
No no no, not at all.
Vandy's brotherinlaw.
Right, right. He really does
look like that guy.
I know.
So uh you've met my wife Emma.
Hi I remember Emma also.
How are you Emma? How's Delia
I'm good how are you? She's
great she's over at the kid's
table having a blast.
You know I don't believe that
we're not at the same table.
I know.
I think it's crap.
It is.
It's ridiculous.
I know you guys never get a
chance to talk, it's bullshit.
Yeah, you know you're still on
my shit list. You don't get to
joke with me.
Okay well we're going to go
dance because Emma took some
dancing lessons.
Stripper!
Love them. How long have they
been married?
Eight years. You guys get
reminded of your wedding at
these?
Not really.
It was so romantic she blocked
it out.
Yeah.
What's wrong with you? He was
there the day we were betrothed?
I was.
You use that word every chance
you get.
Betrothed?
Yes.
Betrothed?
Yes.
Betrothed?
Yes. I get your joke Paul,
you're very funny.
I'm getting another cocktail
does anybody want anything?
I'll have a beer.
I'll have one too.
Honey?
I'm good.
Do you have any singles?
What do you want it for?
Nothing.
Honey, this is a formal event.
You don't have to tip the
bartender.
Bartender didn't have a problem
with it.
It's not done.
Of course it's done I've done
it.
I don't want to argue about this
with you.
I'm asking you nicely.
And I appreciate that. But this
isn't one of your cousin's
weddings.
You don't tip the bartender.
Okay. You gonna give me the
singles or not?
Absolutely not. Look I
understand that you think you're
being a good person,
and you are, but it's
embarrassing and I don't want
you doing it.
Are you like my keeper now?
Listen. I'm not going to open
my purse and support something I
don't believe in.
Do you understand that? Now if
you want to go get singles and
give them to the bartender
and embarrass yourself, fine.
But I'm not going to help you
make an ass of yourself.
Fine! I forgot, what kind of
beer you want?
Uh, Stella would be fine.
Oh yeah.
I mean, unbelievable.
Is it me? Is it me? Just tell
me if I'm wrong, tell me if I'm
wrong.
Yeah. No. They're, uh, I mean
I've seen like a few people
doing it but, no.
Right. He expects me to just -
Jesus - he's over there asking -
What was that?
I don't know.
It's awesome though.
Don't say that we're like that.
We're not. We are not like that
at all.
What are you doing in my closet?
Nothing.
Oh. Here we go. You should
wear this one.
Good one.
What?
Shut up Vandy.
You shut up. I'm serious, you
should wear this one.
It would look really nice with
the gray suit.
Are you fucking kidding me?
No I think you should wear it.
Okay. I'm serious, go back to
bed.
What's the matter. Poopy
doesn't want to wear a purple
shirt?
Poopy afraid he won't be a real
man if he's wearing a purple.
Poopy doesn't want to be touched
okay?
Don't get all tense already.
I'm not tense.
Stop acting like such an
asshole.
Why don't you go back to bed?
It's early you don't need to be
up yet.
So you feel good?
What?
I mean do you feel like
yourself?
What are you talking about?
Well you said before you don't
do well in interviews,
that you go into a trance or
something, and you never end up
acting like yourself.
So are you feeling like
yourself?
Yeah. I'm feeling like myself.
Good. You're gonna be fine.
This tie is shorter than normal
ones.
Want me to do it?
So. Do you have things you know
you want to talk about?
Or are you just going there and
wing it? Or.
No I just answer the questions.
Oh.
Why?
Just wondering.
Are you okay?
Just can't believe this is
happening again.
What's the matter?
Nothing.
What?
I. I hate interviews. I suck
at them.
I go in there and I apologize
for myself
and I just didn't think it was
going to happen this time.
I thought I was done being a
jerkoff. Fuck!
Hey now, come here. Oh my baby.
Angel. You're gonna be great.
I'm just so tense.
Would you like for me to help
you relax?
What do you mean?
Just sit back. Let me do the
work. Hey. Who's the best
interviewer in the world?
I am.
That's right.
Thank you for saying that.
You mean the toast?
Yeah. No, I meant the wine.
Oh. Yeah I figured you meant the
toast but maybe you spent a lot
of time picking the wine.
No I got the wine from my dad I
- I meant the toast.
Thank you.
You're welcome? I'm sorry If I
Don't. Can I ask you something?
Course
Because we said we were going to
be honest with each other.
Right.
What are you thinking about?
Right now?
Or just a few seconds ago.
Um, I'm not sure what I was
thinking a few seconds ago.
Um, as for now, honestly, I'm
angry that you would ask me
that.
I feel like shit.
What else would I be feeling?
I'm sorry.
It's okay.
I was just trying to be close.
It's fine.
I don't know why I asked.
It's okay, it's okay.
I like the way you do things.
A lot. So.
I love you.
You do?
I do.
Well good.
Oh my god.
Hello Vandy.
Hi.
So.
What'cha doing?
I was just about to ask you.
Christmas shopping.
Right I saw the bags, I should
have put the two together.
I'm actually heading over to
that golf store.
I'm gong on a trip with uh Gary
and Paul. Going to Arizona.
Sure they're glad to have you
around.
Actually to do remember that
thing I read you about how you
play golf during the day,
uh, and you bet on all the holes
an that night you play poker
with the winnings?
Vaguely.
Yeah well, play poker uh with
the winnings until someone goes
bust. Should be fun.
It sounds like fun.
Um, I should get going I have a
thousand things to do.
Emma and I are gong to the
Caribbean after Christmas.
That's great! Where?
St. Thomas. It's her idea and
she got me the ticket and
everything
and so I want to get her
something so I was going to go
to that place,
that jewelry store that's near
our apartment - my apartment,
and um
Yeah that's a nice place uh,
it's expensive.
Yeah but I can have that jeweler
we know remake if I see
something.
Yeah that's what I was going to.
So I was going to go do that and
then I was going to go tanning.
That's a good idea.
So I don't get burned in the
Caribbean.
I know. Have you gone yet?
Yeah a week ago.
Yeah you look. You have a good
color.
Thanks.
So you're going that way?
Yeah um
I'm going in the other
direction, I would have walked
with you.
It's okay.
So is your family okay?
Yeah. And how bout yours?
Oh yeah, they're fine.
Have a great Christmas and a fun
time with the boys.
Say hi to Pail for me.
Okay yeah. Say hi to Emma for
me, she'll love that.
Shut up.
You shut up.
I should go.
Okay.
Have a good Christmas.
Yeah you too.
Hey.
Hey.
So.
So.
How'd it go?
Fine.
That's it? How did it go?
It went fine.
Did they give you any
indication?
They thanked me and said they'd
be in touch. It went well, I
mean.
Good you got the feeling then
that it went well.
Yeah I just said it went well.
Yeah I know it's just you're not
giving me any specifics.
Well I don't know what to tell
you it was an interview. It
went well, I guess, you know.
They guy was like 60 years old
so it's not like we, you know
it's not like we had friends in
common or something it was an
interview.
Do you know if he liked you?
I don't know if he liked me.
It's not like he was looking for
a new best friend he was looking
for someone to do the job.
Someone who's competent, so,
that's what I was trying to be.
Trying to be?
Honestly I don't want to talk
about it anymore.
There's really nothing else to
say. It went fine. Okay?
Okay
You hungry? You want me to fix
you a snack?
Sure. I don't see much.
There isn't. I could make you a
PB and J. You want me to make
you one?
I guess so.
Okay.
Is that what you call a peanut
butter and jelly sandwich?
A PB and J?
Yup. Why?
Did the mail come?
Mmhmm yeah it was just junk.
And a travel and leisure
magazine.
Great.
Did they mention what the
vacation time was?
No.
What are you doing?
Don't start with me.
I'm just trying to figure out
what you're doing.
I'm trying to be nice.
Are you using two knives to make
a peanut putter and jelly
sandwich?
Yeah uh, I don't want to get the
peanut butter in the jelly jar.
Okay?
Well -
Don't start with me.
Okay.
What is the matter.
I mean you're going to get the
sandwich and it's going to taste
the same.
What's the problem Peter?
There is no problem Vandy.
Like it's my fault.
You know what the problem is.
The problem is that only a
fucking moron would use two
knives to make a PB and J?
Who do you think - give me the
knife.
Peter -
I'm not going to kill you Vandy
just give me the knife.
Fine I'll use your other one.
Now watch.
First what you do is you spread
the PB, okay.
Now you see this excess PB on
the knife? You wipe it on the
other slice of bread. Okay?
See that peanut butter shit
stain?
That means the knife is now
clean and ready for the J, okay?
Fuckface! Maybe if you shut up
and stopped being such a fucking
psychopath
you might learn something.
You are a fucking asshole!
Oh yeah it's always me being the
asshole isn't it?
Why don't you try taking
responsibility for your own
stupid shit.
I don't like doing it that way!
The knife is never clean enough!
Okay, Fuckface! Why don't you go
fuck yourself.
This bread is soft. So it will
always make the knife clean!
Unless, you're a fucking ape,
and don't know how to do
anything.
Don't take it out on me because
you choked in your interview.
Hey who said I choked in my
interview?
Please
Hey fuck you Vandy! My
interview was fine, I nailed it
okay?
I'm the best interviewer in the
world, remember?
Good morning.
Good morning.
Did I sleep late?
What time is it?
No. I mean it's okay,
I just got up.
Oh good. Good.
Oh, you made eggs.
Yeah. I mean you were still
asleep so.
No no it's fine, I was just - I
mean I'm glad you made eggs for
yourself. I'm fine.
I'm going to go put on some
clothes. Do you mind if I don't
shower.
No of course not.
Uh, Vandy? Do you know where
that box is with the sweaters
and the pants that uh,
it was in the bottom of the
closet I never picked it up.
Yeah, uh that box isn't around
anymore.
It's not?
No.
Is it somewhere else? Existing?
No.
Oh. Okay that, no that's uh,
that's fine.
Um, actually do you still have
that sweatshirt that I gave you?
Yeah I still have it, it's in
the top dresser drawer.
Right. Okay.
That embarrasses you?
Me giving him $3?
Yes because you are a
representation of me.
I can't believe she said that to
him.
I know.
I would kill you if you talked
to me like that.
Oh shut up.
You shut up.
You talk to me like that all the
time.
Hey I do not! Don't say that.
What happened with them is
fucked up. I didn't like that.
No you're right. Keith is a
pretty good dancer.
Look at Delia.
Alright who made the gravy?
I did. I made the stuffing too,
it's terrific.
Hey Deal's sweetie, you want
some gravy?
No. It's disgusting.
You don't like gravy? It's
delicious.
I don't eat gravy and I don't
eat Turkey.
Okay, do you want to eat
stuffing?
I eat stuffing.
Okay. Give her a little
stuffing.
V you don't know how excited I
am fir this TRIP.
I think I need it as much as you
do.
Yeah I'll be great.
Careful with the spelling she's
getting GOOD.
You know what I would actually
like to make a toast to the
Patron Saint Thomas,
thank you for what we are about
to receive.
That's very clever I like that.
Have you seen Highheeled Shoes
yet hunny?
No mom.
You should it can be so
uplifting.
Does anybody want some more
white meat?
Oh you know I got you an extra
um turkey thigh too hunny.
Thank you.
You have to keep eating you
know.
Yeah, I know.
We have eggplant parm coming so.
You know if there's anything
special you liked you just as me
okay?
Mom, give me a break.
I think she knows how to eat so.
But I mean it, just anything.
It's what I'm here for.
Just stop it.
You know Van your mother says
these things because she cares
about you.
Nice job spitting it into your
napkin hun.
I don't like stuffing either.
What! You loved the stuffing
last year. You remember how
much you ate?
Emma -
Huh? No, do you remember? You
said "I want to eat stuffing all
the time".
Emma
What?
PETER made the stuffing last
year.
Did you just spell Peter?
Yes I did, that is very good.
You know there's a Peter in her
class that's how she knows.
That's not how I know I can
read!
No I know, hun.
Is Peter coming today?
Who hunny, the Peter in your
class?
No, Vandy's husband.
You know what hunny they were
never actually married.
Emma, what are you doing?
What!
No hunny he's not.
Why?
Because he doesn't realize what
a commitment is.
Mom.
You know what, he just couldn't
make it.
Will Pete make the stuffing next
year?
You know the more you make
things up the more question's
you're gonna get.
Peter and I aren't friends
anymore.
Why?
You know what, hunny. Peter
wanted to be friends with other
people
while he was friends with Vandy
and you're not really allowed -
Emma - what are you doing?
Well -
You can have more than one
friend
That's exactly right sweetie.
Yeah but Peter wanted to be
friends with this one person,
and he wasn't really allowed to
be friends -
Okay that is not why everything
happened.
Peter just wasn't a very nice
person.
Mom! Honestly! Sorry.
Peter was a nice person,
didn't you think?
Yes.
Yeah, he was nice. I don't know
why we're not friends anymore.
He was funny.
Yeah he is funny. He's a good
person and he didn't do anything
wrong.
Jesus Christ.
Mom.
No one did anything wrong.
Hey.
You alright?
Yeah.
Nervous? Everyone seems to love
your painter.
Yeah I know I sold two more of
her paintings.
Wow, that's amazing.
Hey should I buy one?
Do you like them?
Uh yeah, yeah.
You don't have to buy one.
You sure?
Yeah.
Are you happy?
Of course.
Well you should be.
Do you want to meet my parents?
They're going to be in town next
weekend.
Yeah, I should.
I don't want to twist your arm.
No, fine, it's fine. Yeah.
We'll go for a dinner.
'Kay. I'll find us a place.
Where do you want to go?
No, no, no, my secretary will
take care of that.
She gets hooked up everywhere so
we are all set.
Ooh I am gonna grab a couple of
these.
This is a great night for you.
Congrats.
I think I am going to buy one of
these pictures. Portraits.
I don't want you to buy one of
these paintings.
No I would like to.
Okay if you - whatever - if you
see a painting and you like it,
great.
Is that a problem?
I don't want you to buy one to
be nice.
Why not?
'Cause that's insulting.
What?
Nothing. You know what, you've
got a lot of people you need to
talk to tonight
so I think that I am gonna go.
No Andrew I want to know.
If you're angry you can tell me.
I know, I know.
No, you know it was my bad. It
was my bad so, uh, this is your
night,
you know actually no, it is my
bad, that was my bad.
I'll stop by your office
tomorrow afternoon, okay?
We can get lunch or something.
I can't I start jury duty
tomorrow.
That's right.
Sorry.
Hey.
Hey. Uh, Peter.
Yeah. Hello Vandy.
How's it going?
Umm, not so bad.
Good to hear. Alright well, it
was good seeing ya.
You still on that case?
Almost done.
Awesome. Listen Vandy, this is
going to sound a little out of
nowhere but uh,
Before you say anything I should
tell you I'm dating someone.
Okay. I wasn't going to ask you
out on a date.
Oh.
But you're not that far off
base. I told you this was out of
nowhere, we only met once,
but I have something for you.
Oh?
It's not like it's a body part
or something, okay, I'm not a
stalker or a.
And I realize that you're dating
someone, that's fine, but you'll
see it's really nothing.
Here it is. It's the crossword
puzzle from two days ago.
I was doing it and there was
this clue "Southern university
for short,"
and the answer was Vandy. Short
for Vanderbilt.
I actually finished that puzzle
and Vandy was one of the last
ones I filled out
and I was like, 'Hey!' And truth
be told you'd run through my
mind more than a few times
since that day I met you and uh,
and then the puzzle so I took a
chance.
I thought you said you finished
it.
Yeah. I, well I picked up a new
one at the deli.
That way you can just fill out
Vandy, or the whole thing, or
leave it blank,
or crumple it up and put it in
the garbage like you're probably
going to.
It was just a random thing. I
thought of you when I saw it
and I understand that you're.
I'm sorry.
No there's no need to apologize.
This is. Thank you.
Well uh, I, I should go.
No, yeah, yeah of course.
Giving up that easily?
Do you like Indian food?
Yeah.
Okay do you know that street
with all the Indian restaurants
on it?
Curry Row?
Yes. Curry Row. Would you like
to go to one of those places
with me?
Which one?
Hi.
Hi.
Did you design this?
Uh yeah, it was actually my idea
to make the whole thing entirely
out of glass.
Oh cool.
No I'm kidding I just make the
models. No I hate those glass
pieces of shit.
Really?
Yeah. But that's all they make
so, they're everywhere.
Yeah, no I can't stand the sight
of them.
I'm Michelle.
Hi Michelle.
So you really enjoy working
here.
I do actually. I'm kidding. No
I'm actually interviewing but
don't say anything.
Oh I won't. I just started
here.
Oh yeah?
Do you know of any good places
to eat around here?
I was looking for like a really
good BBQ place.
Oh well I don't know of a lot of
really good BBQ places around
here,
but there's a great barbeque
place that's not so far away.
Are you making fun of me?
You're lucky you're funny.
Thank you I uh, I like making
people LOL.
Oh my god, whatever.
Let me, let me help you with
those.
I seriously think I got it.
No no I can take them. I'll just
take them to the files.
I've got it really.
Just give me some of the files.
Alright, four whiskies.
I can't, I gotta go.
Come on!
It's mine an Marissa's
anniversary tomorrow.
To Paul and.
Marissa, her name is Marissa.
I'm joking, I'm joking.
I'm telling her. All that shit
you said, I'm telling her.
Woah, woah, woah, you and
Marissa are okay, right?
Yeah man.
Well what we were talking about
last week.
I mea, don't worry about it.
Well I just didn't want to toast
if you guys.
We're fine man, don't worry
about it.
Cool, cool. Cheers.
Forget about it.
Okay. You guys are not splitting
up. You guys are going to stay
together.
Yes. And could you pretend that
I didn't say anything to you.
Yeah. Yes I can.
'Cause you know she can.
I do. Good, oh good. I am so
happy. That is fucking awesome.
Okay, okay.
No I'm serious. When you're
with someone it always comes to
that point
where you just gotta work
through that stuff.
I got it man, I got it, I got
it. How you doing?
I'm a little fucked up.
I'm sorry I'm acting like a
douche bag.
Keith? Keith. Keith!
Is that Keith?
Keith? How are you?
I'm sorry, I'm not -
How is everyone? How's Delia?
I don't know what you're talking
about.
Have you talked to Vandy?
No I haven't talked to Vandy.
Will you just tell Emma to tell
her, I was trying to tell her
but she just won't.
It wasn't about this other
person, okay? It was all
HeY listen man, I'm not
No no, it was about us and our
shit, and that's even what she
was saying -
Did she? Oh really?
And I didn't even fucking sleep
with the other person -
You didn't?
No! No.
You didn't sleep with her?
No I did not!
And she - You slept with her?
No I did not
Yes you did.
I - Keith
I can tell he did
Listen Keith you know me, I
wouldn't sleep with anybody.
She wouldn't listen to me.
Dude listen to me.
What?
I'm not Keith. I'm not Keith.
I don't know you.
That ain't Keith.
Am I losing my mind?
That guy looks a lot like Keith.
He looks a lot like him but
that's not Keith.
He looks like Keith.
He looks exactly like Keith!
I'm really sorry man.
It's cool.
I'm sorry that was fucked up
though.
Yeah that was a little fucked
up, umm I didn't know how that
was going to work out.
Yeah well I swear to God you
look exactly like my
brother-in-law,
or this guy who was going to be
my brother-in-law.
He looks like him.
Wow. Okay. That is. Wow.
That guys was fucking with me.
No he wasn't you were fucking
with him. He told you he wasn't
Keith.
He pretended to be Keith.
He wasn't pretending.
He was pretending.
Sit your ass down, what's wrong
with you.
Hey hey hey hey hey
You wish you were Keith. Keith's
a pretty fucking cool guy.
I got an email from my mom
saying that Highheeled Shoes is
a terrific movie
and that we should see it.
That's the one with the southern
bell with five southern bell
daughters.
Interested?
I'd rather have my scrotum
nailed to a chair.
Oh she also wanted to know if
you wanted to make that stuffing
for Thanksgiving again.
Does she need to know now?
Well do you want to make it
or... uh she needs to
going to take my dad to the
dermatologist and it's right
next to the specialty store
where was going to order some of
Can I just call her?
Yeah
Time for bed.
I'm not ready for bed.
Come on we've got a big day
tomorrow.
I don't want you falling asleep
out here again. Come on.
Why don't you stay here and talk
to me.
We can talk in bed.
I don't want to talk in bed.
So. What's going on?
Um
I thought you wanted to talk.
I'm going to the bedroom.
I'm not happy Vandy.
Yeah about like work and stuff?
Everything
Oh, can I help?
I don't know. I haven't been
too happy here either.
I don't know if I want to do
this anymore.
Nobody does this for no reason.
Was there somebody else?
No! That's not, you're not,
that's - no - that's not what
this is about.
Okay, sometimes I think it just
comes down to whether or not two
people should be together.
You don't think that we should
be together?
I don't know. I don't know
Vandy.
I mean the way we are now, no.
I don't want to be with you like
this.
Can you give me a reason?
I thought about this recently.
I've been around a lot of new
people through work and it's
like I'm
all these things are coming out
of me all this stuff um,
it's me, it's everything that
reminds me of who I am, me,
and I haven't felt like that in
a long time. I'm not that
person with you.
I think I used to be like that
with you but you've been trying
to kill it ever since.
It's like you're trying to kill
me.
I'm not trying to kill you
Peter.
Not literally it's just me, who
I am.
Ever since the day we met it's
like, I mean that's exactly what
it feels like to me.
And it's not just you I mean I'm
sure I do it too but I need to
be able to feel me.
I feel like I've been asleep.
A couple weeks ago remember that
you were acting really nice to
me and genuinely
and I felt uncomfortable.
Like I was outside of my comfort
zone with you being loving
towards me.
It made me feel horrible.
I didn't want it to be like
this.
I didn't want it to be like this
either.
Don't ever leave me.
Don't ever leave me.
I'm not going to leave you.
Peter.
Yeah?
Is there someone else?
Is there someone else?
It wasn't anything
Oh my god!
Vandy
Oh my god!
No, no. Listen it was nothing.
Don't you, don't you fucking
touch me!
Vandy, calm down
Holy shit
Listen to me. The problems that
we have are between us.
Nothing happened!
Shit I knew it.
Don't do this okay we got so far
last night because I didn't
bring it up.
Let's just talk about it.
Get the fuck out oh my god get
out of here.
Like we talked about it last
night!
No, no, no, no. Just get out of
here get the fuck out.
Please don't do this.
Back up! Get Get out!
Alright.
Okay here's a question for you.
The crossword puzzle. You said
you finished it.
I did.
What day of the week was it?
It was a Saturday.
Oh that's the toughest one,
right?
Yeah. My mom always does
crossword puzzles so I've been
doing them forever.
I am impressed.
Yeah no, yeah it's a really
productive way of spending your
time.
Do you do crossword puzzles or.
No, that's good, so we don't
have to fight over them.
So I hope you didn't have to
change your schedule around too
much to uh.
To what?
For dinner.
A little bit.
Yeah. I just meant uh, nothing
really.
You mean did I tell the guy I'm
seeing?
No, well no that's not what I.
That's not what I was expecting
you to say.
I guess I was saying more like
did you have a date that you had
to break off with him or.
I really was trying not to talk
about this more than anything,
and here I am just talking about
it.
Okay.
I'm sorry.
No it's okay.
Sorry but you said you changed
your plans a little bit, though
Do you want to be talking about
it or.
I guess I do..?
Um, well I was supposed to meet
up with him later but instead I
broke up with him.
Oh, wow. Are you regretting
that yet?
Yeah. No. I wasn't thrilled
with the way things were going
with him anyway.
No, well, of course - I'm sorry
I wasn't implying that you did
it because of me.
That's okay. And it really
wasn't that nasty a break up.
So if this date goes really
badly
I think I still have a shot of
getting back together with him.
Good one.
Thanks.
Sorry I brought all this up.
It's stupid I'm sorry.
No why do you always..
What?
It's nothing.
No tell me please.
Well you apologize a lot.
Do I?
Little bit.
Sorry about that. I'm kidding.
No I know what you mean.
I'm not saying it like it's a
problem.
No it's fine trust me it's
something that I'm aware of.
I feel like a jerkoff when I do
it.
No that's not what I meant.
No. It's fine. I mean it. You
know what I think it is
actually?
Tell me what you think because
I'm not, I'm not too sure myself
but,
no I think I apologize a lot
when I'm.
Not really sorry?
That too. Yeah.
I no, I wasn't trying to turn
this into a nitpick session.
I don't know Jesus even on our
first date.
No please are you kidding me?
This is exactly what I'm this is
the kind of stuff I would always
want you to tell me if we were,
um, no I'm glad you said it.
Seriously.
Like I said I like to knock it
off so.
Not a problem, honestly, bring
it on!
I am really glad I'm here with
you.
So am I.
No.
Nuhuh.
I insist.
I have it. Give me a break.
You got me a present.
The crossword puzzle?
Yeah.
You do realize that the New York
Times is $1?
Yeah but you had to get two.
Oh. You're right.
It was a $2 gift.
Would it make you feel better if
you left the tip?
Fine.
Okay. You take care of the tip.
You're terrific.
What do you think it was about?
Paul is a very good tipper.
No seriously.
Vandy, they've always been like
that from day one.
They can't stay together like
that.
All Paul wanted to do was tip
the guy.
Yeah you're not really supposed
to tip at these things. She's
right actually.
Are you serious?
Yeah.
You're an idiot.
You're an idiot.
What's it like being the less
intelligent person in the
relationship?
Good one.
Seriously.
Fuck off.
Maybe you and Keith should form
a support group.
You know I am starving. Do you
mind if we just go home
and you can make me a nice
peanut butter and jelly
sandwich.
No because I just ran the
dishwasher so there should be
enough silverware for you.
Would you like to dance with me?
Have they always been like that?
They fought at their own
wedding.
Like we just saw?
Maybe worse.
Jesus. Why are they together?
Does Paul talk to you about this
stuff?
No.
That is so annoying to me.
Can I tell you something you
promise you won't tell anyone?
I promise.
Promise you won't tell.
Oh my god just fucking tell me.
There was this one time where
Paul told me that he was gonna
leave her.
Shut up. What did you say?
I told him not too.
Really?
Yeah.
Why?
I don't know.
I can't believe you never told
me that.
Yeah.
I mean jeeze what the hell do we
have to talk about you don't
tell me that story?
He told me not to say anything.
So what you tell me anyway.
I know.
God that is so juicy. Seriously
why didn't you tell me that?
I would have told you it just
happened during last year.
Yeah.
I just mean it happened during
winter.
Oh.
I love you.
Whatever.
Come on.
You come on.
I'm sorry.
So you and Paul you have a lot
in common huh.
What do you mean?
Is Paul seeing someone else?
I don't believe so.
Oh that wasn't why you wanted to
leave her then.
No.
Well you're so good at it maybe
you should have given him some
of your tips
on breaking up with people.
I made a huge mistake I'm sorry.
I still - I'm sorry.
I don't want to hear you
apologize.
Well I don't have any tips
because I've never broken up
with anyone.
Really?
It's hard to believe isn't?
Well I know a stud like you.
But I mean it. Seriously
though.
Oh yeah.
Honest to God.
You are pushing it.
I had a couple girlfriends in
high school and college
and they all just fizzled out
there were no actual break ups.
You're gonna keep going.
And then I got dumped once or
twice. Then I met you. And here
we are.
Here we are.
Here we are.
Are there any other things you
have to do to get ready for your
trip?
We could just take it slow try
to work through things.
I'm sorry. You told me to stop
apologizing. I don't know why I
keep doing it.
I'm not acting like myself.
Peter.
Yeah?
Everything that happened with us
happened for a reason. This is
who we are together.
We're just going to stay the
same way it's not going to be
any different.
Yeah I know. I understand what
you're saying.
I understand you.
This is what I want.
You are the person that I have
to be with.
Do you feel the same way?
Where are my pants?
Oh no, I'll do it. Sorry.
It's okay. We should uh, see if
Highheeled Shoes is still
playing.
Okay, that sounds great.
I'm joking.
Oh.
You don't remember saying that
you'd rather have your scrotum
nailed to a chair.
You can see whatever movie you
want, is my point.
I'm aware of that.
No I know you are I'm just
saying that whatever you're into
that's fine with me.
No I just remember you saying
that and I thought it was funny
Right. Right. Yeah.
Well there's like five movies
playing at the big theater in
about three hours
why don't we just go there then
and pick on.
Okay. Maybe we could go have
brunch like an hour before the
movie starts.
You'll be hungry by then right?
I'll be fine but you haven't
eaten.
Oh I'm fine I'm not that hungry.
Peter you're always hungry. And
you won't get your meal for a
couple hours.
It's fine. I can wait. I'm fine.
You don't have to.
You just ate.
I'm really not that hungry.
Peter.
What?
I'm trying too hard
It's okay.
Okay.
Do you want me to make you some
scrambled eggs?
No I'm not hungry.
How bout a toasted pita with
cheese?