1
- [Woman] Do you even know
how to use that thing, baby?
- Of course, yeah.
It's just like using my dick,
babe.
- [Woman] So that's a no, then?
- (chuckling) Well I never
heard you complain before.
- [Woman] Oh, because
my girlfriends and I
make fun of you
behind your back.
- What?
- Oh nothing, baby.
You know I love how
you rock my world.
- Pleasure, be good.
Okay.
- Do you even know
where we're going?
I mean it's getting really late
and we still have to set up camp
and god, I'm freezing
my tits off out here.
- Look, I will warm
your tits, okay?
And just give me
a minute, all right?
The guy said it was right
up here somewhere, okay?
You still wanna see it,
don't you?
- Well.
- Look, you know
how valuable this is?
Do you have any idea?
People go crazy for this shit.
I mean if we find
Alex Black's amulet,
- Well that's just it, Paul.
How do you even
know what it looks like?
Have you ever seen it?
- No, I've never seen it
but that doesn't mean that we
should stop
looking for it.
People go crazy
over this shit, all right?
The smallest little piece
of a serial killer's life
and they just eat it up.
We will be legends
if we pull this off.
Are you chickenshitting
out on me?
Do we need to go?
Do we need to leave?
- No, of course not.
But can't we rest for a minute?
My feet are killing me.
Please?
- Give me 10 minutes, okay?
Give me 10 minutes.
If we don't find anything
in 10 minutes
I'll give up, we'll look
in the morning, okay?
- Ugh, fine.
- Thank you.
- But don't think yo'ure gonna
get to look at these tonight.
(rock music)
- We'll look in the morning.
We'll look in the morning,
that's fine.
(breathing heavily)
(moaning)
(chuckling)
(sighing)
- Now wasn't that worth
putting off the search for?
- Abso-fucking-lutely.
I'm gonna take a nap, okay?
Where are you going?
- I have to take a piss.
- So do it here, so I
can watch. (laughing)
- Fuck off, I'll be
back in a minute.
- Foul, no clothes!
- What, bullshit.
The fuck is over, clothing
is back to being optional.
- According to whose rules?
- According to mine.
She who owns the
pussy makes the rules.
- Oh, okay.
She who owns the pussy
makes the rules, okay.
- I'll be back in a minute.
- Yeah, yeah whatever.
(crickets chirping)
(eerie low growling)
- Paul, is that you?
Paul, quit fucking around.
I'm serious.
Hello?
- [Paul] Babe, where's my weed?
- [Woman] It's in the backpack.
- Oh my god.
Babe, babe, I think I found it.
- Holy shit Paul, you did.
You found Alex Black's amulet.
- This is what gave
him all his power.
This is what made him
imprevious to weapons and shit.
- Impervious, dumbass.
I heard it could also bring
him back from the dead.
But that requires a blood
sacrifice.
- Wow, looks like we're gonna
be rich and famous, huh?
- (chuckling) One of us is.
- What?
No, no!
(screaming)
- Aw.
Poor, poor stupid Paul.
(chanting in foreign language)
Rise again, Alex Black!
Rise again, I beg of you!
(ominous music)
- Now, the story
is that Vietnamese torpedo ships
launched
a surprise attack on the United
States
in the Tonkin Gulf.
And two years later,
the United States
reciprocated the attack.
- [DJ] You're on the
line with Outlaw Dave.
You are the 13th caller.
You just one two pair of tickets
to the Sacrilegious
Desecration show this weekend.
- No fucking way.
Are you fucking serious?
- [Dave] Hey, you can't say
those words
on the radio.
- My friends are
totally gonna shit,
this is wicked!
- [Dave] I told you, you can't
say that!
- Whatever, whatever,
see you there.
Haaa!
Yes, yes yes yes yes!
- Now Miss Burns,
you get down here
and you put this phone up.
Oh my god.
What, oh my.
Miss Johnson, you should see,
this underwears that she's
wearing.
That's what I want you
to get, see, I just.
- [Teacher] The Vietnam War,
also known as
- Stop, move it.
- [Teacher] the second Indo
China War.
- Stop, go away.
- [Teacher] Was a cold war era
proxy war.
- Oh!
Oh my god.
(whistling)
- What's that Mr. Youngblood?
- Oh, I was just whistling
because, wow, Vietnam.
Yeah.
- Eloquently put, Kevin.
Now the United States government
would have you believe
that the Vietnam conflict arose
because--
(bell ringing)
Dammit.
That's time, folks.
Have a great weekend
and don't do anything I wouldn't
do.
- That doesn't leave a whole
lot.
You smell like weed, dude.
- What's that, Mr. Youngblood?
- I said you too, sir.
- Real smooth, dude.
- Shut up.
- Jamie, what the hell?
If Mr. Miller would have seen
you,
your ass would have been busted.
- So what?
Miller can eat me.
- Hey, I thought that's
what I got paid to do.
- Then I'm paying too
much for the service.
- Hey, I'd love to
munch your tang
like a fat kid eating cake.
- You two seriously
need to get a room.
- Yeah, one with
plastic on the walls
to prevent stains from your
bodily fluids.
- Not a problem.
She got me covered.
Ooh, (gurgling)
- You ass.
I know someone who's got
a date with Rosie Palm
and her five sisters tonight.
- As long as you give me
a skin target, I'm game.
- You two are seriously twisted.
- Totally.
So, Heather, I've got a surprise
for you.
- Is that what you flashed
Mr. Miller's class for?
- Well yeah.
But trust me, it's totally worth
it.
Great, spazzoid's here.
- Hi Heather.
Hi sis.
- Didn't mom tell you
never to make eye contact
with me while we're
on school grounds.
- Yes.
- Hey Larry, how's it going?
- Did you see there's gonna be
an exhibit
on the mating habits of a
Loxosceles reclusa next week
at the Museum of
Natural Science?
The Loxosceles reclusa.
The Brown Recluse Spider!
- Oh, right, right.
Uh, really?
Wow, that's amazing, Larry, but,
- Dude, she's already
got plans, spazzoid.
Why don't you go hump
some other chick's leg?
- Maybe some other time, yeah?
- Yeah, that's cool.
Have a good weekend, guys.
- You too, Larry.
- Hey Larry.
- [Jamie] Hi, Caroline.
- So, what's the
big surprise, Jamie?
- Oh, okay, okay.
We are now the proud owners of
four tickets to the
Sacrilegious Desecration concert
this fucking weekend!
- No shit?
- Really, holy shit,
where is it?
- It's up in Woodland Hills.
- Woodland Hills?
- Yeah, Woodland Hills.
Doesn't your mom
have a cabin up there?
- Well yeah, but um.
- Okay well, the concert's
tomorrow night
so if we leave in the morning,
we can have the
rest of the weekend
to party our fucking asses off!
- Yeah!
- Yeah.
- Mom will never go for it.
I haven't been to that cabin
since I was a little girl,
not unsupervised, anyways.
- Bullshit!
- No, I'm serious.
Since it's just the two of us,
mom's gotten weird about
me going off without her.
I mean hell yeah,
let's go get drunk
and rock and roll until we puke!
- That's the spirit.
- Hell yeah, road trip.
- I just, I don't know how I'm
gonna clear it with my mom.
- Just beg her.
Please, pwetty please.
Pwinsess wants to have some fun
before her pussy dries up
and she's in a nursing home.
- Very funny, Jamie.
I'll ask, but trust me
Mom will never say yes.
- Yeah she will.
- [Kevin] You know we've
done everything else.
(light music)
- Oh jeez, what the hell
are you reading now?
- 10 surefire ways to
keep him happy in bed.
- Is leave him the fuck alone
one of them? (chuckling)
- Who the fuck said I'm
talking about you, asshat?
- Jimmy twist.
- [Cop] Hey guys.
- Howdy, how's it hanging?
- Oh Lou, you're always
so much in my crotch.
- Mhm, well, bored all day
with this pain in the butt
I figured your genitals might
amuse me,
Deputy Matthews.
- It's Sheriff Matthews.
I was elected last
month, you may recall.
- Wow, very nice, but I'm sorry
I don't vote, Sheriff.
- They don't let
sex offenders vote.
- (laughing) Hardy goddamn har.
Look, listen to
this comedian, huh?
Well you married this
so-called sex offender
so what does that make you?
Some lowlife slutbag?
- As this slutbag is so
painfully reminded every night
you come stumbling into bed
smelling like hamburger
grease and raccoon farts.
- Goddamit Bonnie,
it was a possum.
She doesn't even
know the difference.
- Easy guys, easy.
- Dumbass.
- Easy.
- What's up, Sheriff?
- This is a fascinating
conversation,
I'm sure that it's the
highlight of my whole day
but I didn't come in here
to listen to you guys
bicker about burgers and beer.
- Is there something wrong,
Sheriff?
- Hey, hey, hey, you got that
strange look on your face
I haven't seen in
about six years.
- You remember
there was a couple
that came into town last week?
Young couple?
- Yeah, yeah, that was them,
honeymooners, I remember.
- Yeah.
Paul and Dana Farmer from
Mayland County.
- That's right, they were
talking about
going camping up
near Woodland Hills.
- That's right.
- Just leave it up to
a man to think his wife
wants to swat skeeters
by a lake all night long.
- Just like a woman to
remind a husband
what a pain in the
ass she could be
when he takes you
on a nice vacation!
- Anyway.
- It was some skeeters
I was swatting.
Keep it up, I'll swat you.
- Hey listen, they're missing
and they've been
gone for about a week.
Have you seen them?
Did they come in here at all?
- Yeah they came in here,
they came and asked
a bunch of questions.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Like what?
- Questions, questions they
had no business asking.
- Such as?
- [Bonnie] They asked
about you know who.
- You know who, you mean Alex
Black?
- That's right.
Asked about his powers,
where the hell he was buried,
the legend behind, you know,
all that other nonsense.
- Lou, what did you tell them?
- I told them what I tell
everyone else.
Just a bunch of stories,
that's about it.
The girl seemed kind of bored
and mentioned there was a rumor
that Alex's necklace
was spotted up
near Adrienne's place.
- Adrienne?
- That's right, Adrianne.
- Adrienne Palmer?
- It's the only Adrienne I know,
Sheriff.
- Hmm.
I didn't realize she was back in
town.
- [Bonnie] Yeah, she comes
down here every once in a while
to swipe alcohol from us.
- You don't happen to know
where she's hanging
out these days, do you?
- Yeah, where she at, up on the
hill.
- [Bonnie] Chuck's old place.
- Beat up old house that
Chuck Russell used to--
- I know that place all too
well.
- Right.
- Well, you two.
Thanks for the coffee.
- My pleasure.
- Bonnie.
Lou, just say no.
- You think they spoken since
she got out
of the nuthouse?
- For his sake, I sure as hell
hope so.
- Kevin, you want this shit?
Yeah.
Oh!
- [Kevin] Shit's harsh, dude.
- Yeah?
- [Kevin] Yeah.
- You get it from the same guy?
- [Kevin] Yeah.
Fuck, here, you want some?
- Fuck yeah.
- Here you go.
Need another beer.
- Here, take this, take that.
Fucking.
- Shitting motherfuckers!
(knocking)
(cicadas chirping)
- [Sheriff] Adrienne,
I need to talk to you,
can you open the door?
- All right, relax.
Look at that.
Nobody told me
it was my birthday.
- Hi.
(chuckling)
Hey, um, just one second.
- Shut the door.
There's bad people out there.
- [Sheriff] That's very funny,
but I'm on police business
and if we could.
- Okay.
I will button up for business.
I don't wanna offend your
delicate sensibilities.
- Thank you.
- Come.
- Looks like you weren't
expecting anybody.
- Because I fired the
cleaning lady
because that bitch,
(speaking in foreign language)
- Yeah, it's hard to
find good help,
you know, that's
what they always say.
- What?
- Nothing, never mind.
- Yeah, um.
(clinking)
- Sorry.
- That, that's okay.
That's okay.
Because tomorrow,
I'm gonna spring clean.
- Good.
- [Adrienne] What do
you want to drink?
With me.
Coffee, vodka.
- Cup of coffee would be great
if it's not too much trouble.
- There's no trouble for
you, Deputy Dwayne Matthews.
Cream sugar or vodka?
- [Dwayne] Cream and sugar
would be good, thanks.
- Cream and sugar would be good.
All right.
But,
that's for you.
- Thanks, no no, I'm good.
- I like a little kick with
mine.
- I could see that.
(coughing)
- So, I, uh, It's good?
- It's great, it's great.
It's a little strong, but,
it's all right, I like it
strong.
- I am happy you're here,
Deputy.
- You know, it's actually
Sheriff now.
- [Adrienne] Whoah.
- I won an election.
- Wow, that's awesome.
What, did the other Sheriff die?
- No, no, he retired which
is kind of why I won,
it wasn't too hard.
- Huh.
Who knew?
- Well I was at the Gas and
Gulp.
And Lou down there,
- That guy's a dick.
- Yeah, I know he's a dick.
But he said that you might
be able to help me with this.
- Oh yeah?
- Can you take a look?
- What?
I wouldn't kick them out of bed.
You probably would
'cause you're funny now.
But what'd they do, steal a duck
from Sanderson's farm?
- No, they didn't steal a duck.
They're missing actually.
And they rented a,
they rented a campsite,
they went for a hike
and then nobody heard from them.
It's been about a week.
- So big time Sheriff has
resorted
to chasing down kids that
ducked out on a 10 dollar bill.
Don't worry, I've got money.
I will pay it for them.
- Have you seen them?
- [Adrienne] I, have I what?
- You haven't seen them, okay
well,
- I hope to see them.
- Yeah.
Adrienne, thanks for your help
and for the coffee.
If you hear anything, you
promise
to let me know, all right?
- Yeah, you know what's
really funny, Sheriff?
- [Dwayne] What's that?
- Kids go missing, they
go missing in another town
and maybe they're off canoeing.
Maybe they're fucking.
Maybe they just
decided to go away.
But kids go missing
in Woodland Hills.
- [Dwayne] Hey.
- And everybody fucking knows!
- Alex Black is dead, Adrienne.
He's dead.
All right, we buried him.
- I've seen them.
- Do you even
remember any of it?
Are you just too drunk to
remember?
(light music)
- I remember everything.
I remember everything that
happened.
And I remember every goddamn day
that I was in that
shithole of an institution.
Oddly enough, I don't
remember ever seeing you.
- I think that you think
you're the only person
who was affected by that event.
That's what I think.
It's all about you.
I mean look around.
- Wasn't I?
Hmm?
- Adrienne I'm really sorry
I didn't come to visit you.
That's the only thing
I needed to say today.
- Sorry? (laughing)
That's okay.
I don't need apologies.
- I'm gonna go now.
- I don't give a fuck.
I don't give a fuck 'cause
you smell anyways, like a
fucking pig.
Like a fucking piglet.
(laughing) fucking.
I think you should come back
when you wanna fuck, piggy.
Ah fuck, fucking piece of shit.
- Goddamn, I'm so fucking
sick of Jamie, dude.
- She always thinks it's about
her.
- Man I cannot wait to
meet Dizzy Hayes in person.
He's so fucking sexy!
- You know he's hairy as fuck.
- You think she was dropped?
Like as a kid?
- Oh, I don't know, I've never
asked her.
- I'm totally gonna blow
him if I get the chance.
- Really?
- I don't think Kevin
would mind. (laughing)
- I'm gonna get so much
fucking pussy at this concert.
It's gonna be unbelievable.
- [Tommy] From her, right?
- Who?
- Who, Jamie.
I mean that's what
we do in the cabin.
- Yeah, some of it.
- [Tommy] Is she okay with that?
- Oh, yeah she's fine.
- Really?
- You know, as long as she
doesn't find out, she's fine.
- Oh fuck, I love this song!
They better play it at the show.
And "Tormented by my Lover",
and "Stone Cold Steel Blue"
and "Whipped by the
Chains of Lust".
And "Diving at the White".
- They can play everything,
Jamie.
- I know.
I'm just so excited!
Woo, woo!
Yes, oh this is gonna
be so fucking wicked!
- [Kevin] That's all you, bro.
- Oh fuck, this is supposed to
burn?
- [Kevin] Shit yeah,
that means it's working.
- Is it supposed to
burn your taint?
- Yeah. (laughing) Give
me the fucking joint.
- [Tommy] Here, here,
take it out, take it out.
- Dammit.
- What, how do you not
know how to fix this?
- I'm not a fucking scientist.
- Ugh!
- 200 bucks.
- So lame, ugh, why the
fuck did you buy this thing?
- Hey guys.
A little problem here?
What's up?
- You guys need some help?
- No.
No, we're fine.
- Really?
- Yo, check it out.
- We're going too.
Sacrilegious Desecration.
- Oh shit, yeah.
- We were totally hitching but
like
Nobody's picking us up out here.
You know, I know a thing
or two about engines.
If you want I can take a look.
If I could run it,
- Yeah, come on look at it.
Hey, what's going on?
- How's it going?
- Okay, right on.
You guys got a place to stay out
there?
- No, not yet.
- Heather.
- Oh okay.
We got a cabin, you guys can
come.
- Really, that would be awesome.
- Oh snap.
- Yeah, that's my cousin.
- Baby.
- What?
- We're talking.
- So?
- I'm Ashley.
- Hey.
- Hi.
- Nice to meet you.
I'm a fucking gentleman.
- Right.
- Kevin.
- All right, motherfuckers,
let's roll!
- [Kevin] Woo, Sacrilegious
Desecration!
- [Larry] Hey, watch it!
- Whoah, dude.
- Larry, what the fuck?
- That hurt.
- What, what are you doing
here?!
- What?
Mom said I could come.
- [Jamie] Oh that's bullshit.
No, no, we are taking
him home right now.
- Aren't we almost there?
- I am not spending,
I'm not going to this concert
with my bratty little brother!
- Come on Jamie, I don't even
have to go
to the concert, just
let me stay at the cabin
with you guys.
- Oh my god.
- So we might as well just let
him go.
It's not gonna kill us.
Plus we need one sober
person there this weekend
so he can hold on to the
tickets.
- No, no fucking way.
No way.
- Well, why not?
I mean look, he's gonna be
the one responsible there
so he can watch
after the tickets
and we'll be fine.
I mean it's not like
we can dump him.
- Fine, I'll give him the
fucking tickets, here.
And you better not lose those.
Don't lose those.
I will fucking kill you myself.
- You won't even know I'm here.
I promise.
(light music)
I gotta poop.
- [Jamie] Fantastic!
- I'm gonna shit my pants!
- Bathroom's round back, honey.
- Oh god.
- I'm not getting you bean dip.
(laughing)
- Welcome to Lou's Diner, girls.
My name is Bonnie.
What can I get you?
- Uh, let's see.
Four hamburgers, four
double cheeseburgers,
four hotdogs and three
bags of chips.
You want anything?
- Hah, funny.
- Oh, please tell me
you have bean burritos.
- Looks like someone wants
to sleep alone tonight.
- Hah, no, I just need a bean
burrito.
- Okay, so that'll be four
hamburgers,
four double cheeseburgers,
four hotdogs,
two bags of chips
and a bean burrito.
- Nope, make it two.
What, I'm not driving.
- Get out while you can, honey.
- We can Dutch oven.
- Ugh.
- Need some help with that?
- What, help with what?
- Your belt, cutie.
- Uh, no, I think I got it.
Oh, you're strong.
- Looks like you're
having some trouble.
- Um, no.
- Are you sure you don't need
our help?
- Yeah I'm pretty sure.
- [Woman] With something?
- I thought I smelled
something wet and tasty.
- Hahaha.
Hey baby.
- Never mind the baby bullshit.
Let's see what's
hanging under that dress.
- What makes you think you
deserve it?
- My dick will thank you later.
- Want a little preview?
- So you guys stay back later?
- No.
- Hey, Adrienne.
You gotta pay before you play!
- [Adrienne] Such a party
pooper.
- Bonnie, this stupid
bitch is gonna drive us
out of business.
- [Adrienne] Lay it on my tab,
Lou.
- [Lou] Eat my shit, you psycho.
- What's her deal?
- Her name's Adrienne.
Poor thing's been through hell.
She grew up around these parts.
She witnessed a bunch of
her friends get murdered.
By a pickaxe.
- What?
- Holy shit, that was her?
- Yeah, seriously.
She and Sheriff Matthews ran his
ass off.
Been crazy as a shithouse rat
ever since.
- You know what, can we just go
now?
- Why, what's the matter?
- Never mind.
- [Bonnie] Your food will
be ready in a few minutes.
- Okay, I'm gonna go
drain the weasel.
- Uh, what?
(groaning)
(moaning)
- [Woman] Oh my god.
Good boy.
Thanks for the fun, cowboy.
We'll be seeing you around.
- [Woman] Yeah, see you around,
cutie.
- Who were they?
They're hot.
- I think I just lost my
virginity.
- Jerky?
- No, I've had enough of that.
- Yes you have.
Your dick's still hanging out.
- [Larry] Oh!
- Every time.
Kevin does the same thing.
- Connect the dots, lalala.
- What the hell?
- [Adrienne] You look exactly
like him.
- [Heather] I'm sorry?
- Holy shit.
- Why are you touching me?
- You have Ted's eyes.
She has Ted's eyes.
- Let go of me.
- Whoah whoah, whoah,
hey, crazy lady.
Why are you pawing on
my girlfriend like that?
- Pawing?
I'm fucking her with my
eyeballs.
- It's okay.
- I just thought she was
somebody else, hombre, senor.
Ola.
- Here you go ladies.
That'll be 19 dollars and 82
cents.
- Looks like rain tonight!
High five, sister!
Yeah.
- Adrienne, you can't run
our customers off that way.
You're cut off, baby.
Come on, you're cut off.
- You just wanna fuck me
and I don't like your eyelashes.
I don't like lesbians.
So fuck off.
- Come on.
Get out of here.
- Your beer's gross anyway.
- [DJ] Hell yeah!
That's the new one from Zack
Star and the Vicious Vixens.
Up next, we got one
from our pals
at Sacrilegious Desecration.
We're gonna be tearing it
up tonight in Woodland Hills
so smoke them if you got them.
You are listening to KRAK
101.1 on your FM dial.
(rock music)
- This haul leaves
a little too left
to be desired, ladies.
Three days, three fucking days
and the best thing you
can get is 15 bucks
from some nerd?
And a pair of tickets to
some shitty ass concert?
I mean what the fuck
good are you
besides a case of slap and
tickle?
- Hey!
At least we got the nerd
to cream in his pants.
(laughing)
(moaning)
- You whores think
I'm fucking around?
- Fuck you, Victor.
We aren't whores.
- Yeah.
We're sluts.
Whores get paid for sex.
- We're in it for sport.
- You crazy bitches
could drive a moron nuts.
- I can tell we already have.
- Look, look.
Victor, baby, there haven't
been that many tourists
passing through lately.
- Yeah, it's been slow.
Give us a break.
- Shut your fuckhole
before I shut it for you.
Look, I'm tired.
Marilyn, get naked.
- I love it when you talk
to me all romantic like.
Mmm.
Mmm, mmm.
- Unless you can help your
cousin in law
schlob on this knob, why
don't you do yourself a favor
and clean this place up.
- Eat me, Victor.
(giggling)
- Ooh!
(crickets chirping)
- Waste no time, guys?
Jesus.
Make yourself useful
and clean this place up.
Shit.
It's dirt and weeds, asshole.
When I get back, he'll
be lucky I don't tear
his balls off.
(eerie whispering)
Hello?
Victor?
Marilyn?
Hello?
Is somebody there?
You guys.
This isn't funny!
(choking)
(moaning)
- Ah yeah!
(grunting)
Wow.
You lasted almost as
long as your brother did.
(laughing)
- Fuck off and die.
(screaming)
- Oh god, no!
Oh god, no!
Help me!
Oh god!
(whimpering)
(choking)
- You ugly fuck!
You just killed my best
bitch, motherfucker.
And now you're gonna pay,
I'm gonna break your ass--
(cracking)
(laughing)
- [Kevin] What the fuck?
- [Jamie] 98, 99, 99 and a half!
- Hurry the fuck up, my ass is
on fire!
(laughing)
- One hundred!
(laughing)
- [Kevin] Your ass is gonna get
it now.
- [Tommy] Your ass is
like a lobster. (laughing)
- All right, truth or dare?
- Dare.
- I was hoping you'd say that.
- Do your worst, bitch.
- I dare you to kiss Ashley.
- [Heather] Ew, no.
- Wait, what?
- Gross, come on.
- What is this supposed to
be your payback or whatever?
No way, I'm not fucking doing
it.
- Hey, you know the consequences
if you don't do the dare, babe.
You gotta run naked through
the rosebushes outside.
- Yup.
- All right, fine, fuck it.
Whatever, I'll do it.
- I'll take the dare, Jamie.
Look, I'm still pulling
thorns out of weird places.
- Fine, fine!
Fucking, I'm going to kiss her,
you fucking happy?
- No, no, bullshit!
No, a full on fucking Frenchie
style
sloppy fucking tongue
wrestling or it's the run.
Get out.
Rosebush, out.
Rosebush!
- No, fuck you, you never
said how I had to kiss her.
- No, no ,no, see I think a
vote by committee on this one
is gonna rule in Kevin's
favor, right fellas?
- You are such an asshole.
- Just shut up and kiss her.
- Hey!
- What, she's breaking the
rules.
You know how I feel about
rulebreakers.
- [Jamie] You never said.
- Just do it and get it over
with.
- Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss!
- Do it. (laughing)
- (laughing) Hell yeah!
- The hell already.
No.
- I gotta put my mag down for
this.
- You guys are totally warped.
- [Jamie] I'm gonna go get
another bottle.
Anybody want anything?
- Yeah, some fucking potato
chips.
Fuck, I got the fucking munchies
like a fucking motherfucker.
- I need another beer and
pretzels,
god, lots of pretzels.
- I'll take another fifth.
- [Jamie] Take another fist.
- Hey!
- I have got to get the
taste of that girl
out of my mouth.
She taste like the bottom of an
ashtray.
- I know.
I guess it's really no
different from kissing Kevin.
You know, I don't like that
chick.
The way she looks at Kevin.
It's like a dog eyeing
on a chew toy.
- Hit me?
Or like a preying
mantis after having sex.
- You just had to go there,
didn't you?
- Did I hear you referring
to a mantis religiosa?
- Jesus, Larry, you're
such a fucking dweeb.
Will you fuck off?
- Fucking off.
- Thank you.
You know he's had a crush on you
ever since that time in Old
Man Cunningham's field, right?
- Um, fewer things have
been more obvious
and water being wet
has been less obvious.
- Where the fuck is
the potato chips?
- I'm coming.
I swear if he doesn't
watch his ass,
he's gonna wind up dead tonight.
- Attagirl.
Way to go, stupid.
- Ah, fuck me.
Now that we're done
with the garbage
can we get ready and go
to this fucking concert?
- Come on, Bonnie.
Don't you think we're
getting a little too old
for this rock and puke show?
- Old, speak for yourself.
Besides I deserve a night out
after that shit you
pulled last week.
And you know what,
stop with the stupid
fucking accent already.
- Bonnie, one fucking guy
figures out
that I'm from Brooklyn,
the mob will be
here in 15 minutes.
So guess what, the goddamn
accent stays, okay?
- Shit, I can only be so lucky.
(coughing)
Did you hear that?
- Hear what?
- Listen.
Boo!
- Goddammit, you almost
made me shit my pants!
- Stupid chickenshit.
- What the fuck is wrong with
you, woman?
- You did smell surprised.
- I've had it with this
horseshit,
get on your fucking knees.
You wanna go to this show,
get on your goddamn knees
and suck my flesh flute!
Ah, nothing, get on your knees!
I've had it with this nonsense
and this garbage and all
your fucking sarcasm.
- [Bonnie] Hey, you think you
make bubbles
come out of my nose
with your flesh flute?
- Yeah I'll make some
bubbles come out of your nose
like goddamn Elmer's glue,
bubble all white and goopy
all over your stupid face.
Aah.
- [Bonnie] Oh yeah, oh baby.
- God, even with my
pecker down your gullet
you're useless,
turn the fuck around.
- You better make this fast.
- I'll make it fast.
I'll hold my nose and
pretend it's your sister.
Come in a second.
- Concert blow and rail me.
(choking)
Ugh, thank god.
What the fuck?
(screaming)
(clinking)
- Ouch!
Well?
- Well what?
- Well it's your turn to
fucking dare somebody, genius.
- Oh, sorry.
- (mouths) Her, take her
shirt off.
- Heather, truth or dare.
- Me?
- This is gonna be fucking lame.
- Truth.
- All right, all right, hold on,
let me think about this.
What was that weirdness with you
and that drunk bitch at the bar
earlier?
- You guys heard of the
legend of Alex Black, right?
How he terrorized this little
town
and a girl named Adrienne
Palmer was the sole survivor?
That was her.
- Holy shit.
- I thought Alex Black was
just some local legend.
- No.
Every word is true.
My family, about six years ago
we came out here to just unwind,
you know, and relax.
My brother Ted, he was a bit of
a rebel.
I mean a really hard partier.
He'd put us to shame.
He and some friends were
throwing a party
at Old Camp Arapahoe.
It was right across the lake.
It started raining really,
really hard and
his girlfriend Delia,
she was drunk off her ass
and she decided to go for a swim
in the middle of the damn storm.
She got to the middle of the
lake
and Alex Black, he was there.
He was waiting for her.
He snagged her and
he drowned her.
My brother, my brother Ted
he tried to save her.
But um,
Alex, he killed him too.
That's why she said that
you look just like him.
She was talking
about my brother.
(chuckling)
- How did she know him?
- They were friends.
She was over at my house a
couple times
but I was really little then
so I didn't really get to know
her.
She was the one that
found my brother's body.
She's the only person
to have seen Alex Black
and have survived.
She killed him right
before she was committed
to an asylum in Meadow Falls.
- [Tommy] I'm so sorry, baby.
- That's awful, why didn't
you tell us about this?
It's a big deal.
- How am I supposed to
tell my best friends,
oh by the way, six years ago,
a serial killer stalked my
brother
and killed all of his friends.
- Who needs a fucking drink?
(laughing)
- Uh me, definitely me.
Thank you.
I'm sorry to be such a downer,
guys.
- It's okay.
Not to totally change the
subject
but we have about two hours
before the show starts.
Maybe we should get changed?
- Yeah, yeah I got to
take a shower anyway.
You wanna join me, big boy?
- Yeah go ahead, I'll
join you in a second.
- Whatever, dude.
- Fuck.
The fuck is up with Jamie?
- [Tommy] Really?
- Dude.
Ashley.
Jamie's fucking jealous.
- Whatever dude, fucking.
Fucking chicks, man.
- Fucking chicks.
(somber music)
(eerie whispering)
(eerie music)
- This is not real.
This is not real.
(banging)
(toilet flushing)
- Ugh!
- Shit, sorry.
- Watch where you're
fucking going, spazzoid.
- Why don't you try and be
a little bit nicer to me?
Some day, I might not be around
and you'll be pretty sorry
you were ever mean to me.
- Sorry?
Oh, sorry I didn't realize
nerds have feelings.
Tell you what, the day
I'm nice to you
is the day I drop dead, okay?
- Yeah, whatever.
(eerie music)
- Boo!
- Oh, god, don't fucking
do that again.
I almost shit myself.
- Well, you do no how
to rev a girl's engines.
I've been waiting all
day to do that.
- Yeah, me too.
You ready to see the anaconda?
- Anaconda?
I was gonna say I
could suck you stupid
but I see someone beat me to it.
(laughing)
- Ah, yeah.
(toilet flushing)
- Shit, hey Jamie.
- Oh, sorry, I just
should have been
paying more attention.
- No worries, it's cool, hey.
You been crying?
- Me, no.
Be serious.
- Come on, it's okay.
Ashley's a super bitch.
- Ah yeah she is.
I love Kevin with all my heart.
- Sweetheart, I know.
And I'm sure right now
they're out there somewhere
fucking.
So, do you want to
get back at them?
(moaning)
Oh yeah!
- [Jamie] Ah yeah!
Feel the tits!
- [Bill] Really?
- [Jamie] Just fucking do it,
shitstorm!
(moaning)
- [Bill] Awesome! Fuck!
- [Jamie] Ah, Kevin!
Uh, Bill.
- [Bill] Fuck you!
- [Jamie] You are fucking me,
stupid!
- Like read the fucking numbers!
(Jamie moaning)
- [Jamie] Oh yeah!
- I hate my life.
- [Bill] Yeah!
- Jesus, Larry.
You scared the shit out of me.
- Yeah, sorry.
I keep doing that.
- [Heather] Are you comfy?
- I'm just gonna go
sleep on the couch.
See if I can block
out the sound.
Big sis has loud orgasms.
- [Bill] Let go of my fucking
face!
- [Jamie] Don't tell me what to
do!
- [Bill] Do it!
- Larry wasn't kidding.
- Doesn't Kevin sound weird?
- Sound the way you
sound when I fuck him.
- Like a mammoth.
Isn't that Bill's shirt?
- [Tommy] You're not Big Kev.
- Don't tell anybody.
Yo man, now that we're all
close and shit you, uh,
we got any more food around
here?
- Can we smoke some weed first?
- Yeah, we can do that.
- [Tommy] I hope you
wore two socks.
- Jamie, what the hell?
Why are you wearing Bill's
shirt?
- Oh, looks like I won't
be getting any sleep
down here either.
- What do you think?
Fuck Kevin.
Fuck him, fuck that stupid
fucking trailer park slut.
He pissed me off, you know.
So of course I go
fuck the first guy
that'll have me.
Just are you surprised?
- Yo.
- Jamie.
- What, Heather?
Fuck him.
They are dead to me.
- Oh fuck.
Oh fuck, oh fuck.
(laughing)
Woo.
So on a scale of one to
10, 10 being the highest,
that's about a 32.9, right?
- Yeah right.
My dog fucks better than you do.
- What was that?
- I said yeah right,
best I ever had.
- Another satisfied customer.
Oh hey, just keep quiet about
this, okay?
I plan on proposing
to Jamie tonight
at the concert.
- Yeah, sure, whatever dude.
Don't worry, you're safe.
Cross my heart and hope to die.
(squishing)
- Oh fuck!
What the fuck?
(tense music)
(groaning)
I need those.
(screaming)
- Where's my wallet?
Shit, fuck!
Where's my fucking wallet?
Shit.
She's gonna kill me!
- Feeling any better?
- Ask me that again when I'm
about here.
- Um, guys.
- Not now, spazzoid.
- It's kind of important.
- I'll handle it.
So what's the problem?
- I lost the tickets.
- You did what?
- I lost the tick--
What the hell, sis?
- [Bill] Whoah, what'd I miss?
- Oh, not much.
Spazzoid here just lost
the fucking tickets.
- It's not like I meant to.
- Just cut him some slack.
Are you sure you lost them?
- Well they were in my wallet.
Now my wallet's gone.
I looked everywhere for it.
- I'm gonna fucking
castrate you for this.
- Jamie, calm down.
Let's retrace your steps.
Where was the last place that
you saw it?
- Um.
Back when we were at Lou's.
Oh dammit.
Those two ladies must
have swiped it from me.
- Two ladies?
- Yeah there were these two
kind of slutty tattooed girls
at the gas station that
they cornered Larry and,
(laughing)
- Tommy.
Okay, so these two ladies,
they seduced you?
- They seduced him all right.
- So wait, my little brother
gets his pussy diddled
by a couple of random whores
and now we have to miss out on
the concert
of the fucking century?
- Whoah, chill out, sweetheart.
It's not even that big a deal.
Fuck, Ashley and I
don't even have tickets.
- Well how are you and
Ashley even gonna get in?
- I know the door guy.
He's a huge fucking
perv, titty freak, man.
All you gotta do is
show him a little
bow-chicka-wow, bow-chicka wow.
- Stop it.
- Titties.
- Oh my god, is that all, fuck.
Probably would have done that
anyway.
All right, fuck it.
Now let's get ready
to party till we puke.
- Sacrilegious Desecration, here
we come!
It's going to, let me have a,
tch, tch,
ow, why didn't you do that
earlier?
(somber music)
(tense music)
- [Adrienne] Enough!
- Where you going with that?
- Jesus, Matthews.
You should know better
than to sneak up
on somebody with a gun.
- Yeah right, noted.
But where you going
with that gun?
- You know exactly
where I'm going.
- I think you need
to put it down.
- Or what?
You gonna shoot me?
- Maybe.
Maybe.
But I think you should put that
gun down
and come with me right now.
- Why are you here?
Did you see him?
You fucking saw him, didn't you?
- I saw Paul and Dana Farmer,
or what's left of them.
- Alex Black.
- Jesus Christ, Adrienne,
I know you can't get Alex
Black out of your head
but I did not think that you'd
murder an innocent couple
and blame it on a ghost.
(guns cocking)
- Murder anybody?
Matthews, it was Alex.
- [Dwayne] Put your
hands on your head.
- Fuck you.
You're making a mistake.
- Hey, watch her.
- Hot damn, this is gonna work.
- I can take over from here.
- Yeah, they're nice,
but those don't look
like tickets to me, next!
- I just showed you my tits.
- And I said they were nice.
But if you want to come in,
I gotta see hers.
- Me?
My what?
- Your tits.
- Just do it.
- Okay.
(rock music)
(screaming)
- See, I told you they'd
come in handy
for something someday.
- Yeah well I can't wait
to tell my future kids
that I got into a rock concert
by flashing my boobs.
- Hey, chin up mate,
you got in right?
- Yeah well now I really
need a fucking drink.
- Let's go.
- Thank you Woodland Hill!
Are you ready for the
Sacrilegious Desecration?
(cheering)
I can't fucking hear you!
Are you ready for the
Sacrilegious Desecration?!
(cheering)
Thank you!
- What the fuck, man, are
you fucking kidding me?
We need to be
on stage right now.
It's go time,
let's go right now.
Take that fucking
bra off your head,
come on dude.
Are you fucking serious?
Hurry up.
- [Man] Fucking buzzkill man.
- [Manager] God dammit!
- Taco, you want one of these,
come on.
- No, I don't fucking
want one of those, no, no.
You know what, there's
no fat chicks allowed.
Bitches, leave.
- Fuck you man, you know
you want some of this.
- God dude, are you
fucking serious?
Dude we need to be
on fucking stage, dude.
- No, no, I'm doing something.
- Okay do one, hurry up.
Hurry up.
- No, that's not.
Okay, I'll do one, I'll do one.
Oh shit.
Yeah, that's right.
That's good shit,
that's good shit
but now, we need to be on stage.
Let's go, come on.
Let's go, yes.
- [Man] Rock and roll!
- [Taco] Let's go,
let's go, let's do this.
- [Man] Maximum!
- Yes sir.
- [Woman] Come on baby.
- Come on, come with me.
- Thank you!
Woo!
- Woohoo, yeah!
Thank you,
Woodland Hills!
Are you guys ready to party till
you puke?
- Do you think Larry is having
as much fun
as we are right now?
(knocking)
- Hello?
(eerie music)
Shit.
(knocking)
Why the hell did they
have to freak me out
with all the talk
about Alex Black?
Who's there?
- Nice horse head.
- Caroline, what the hell?
- Hey Larry.
I heard you guys talking
the other day at school.
- And what, you followed us
here?
That's kind of stalkerish.
- Well aren't you
glad I found you?
Well are you gonna invite me in?
- For what?
Oh.
- Got any weed?
(rock music)
You're taking me down
I can't stand it baby
I'll be shocking to you
Shocking to you
shocking to you
(crowd cheering)
Shock to your system
Shock to your lights
Come on shock to the system
Shock me
Shock me all night
Shock shock shock shock
Shock shock shock shock
Shock shock shock shock
(booming)
- Nice duds, dude.
You're kind of stealing
a little spotlight,
what the fuck, man?
- Guys?
I don't think this is part of
the show.
- Fuck you.
You're making a mistake.
- Jesus Christ, Adrienne.
I knew you were fucked up
when I saw you this morning.
But I thought, I thought I saw
something
of the girl I used to know
inside.
Please, please, give me the gun.
Please hand me the gun.
(gun cocking)
- Dwayne?
I didn't kill anybody.
- Adrienne Palmer, you're under
arrest.
- Alex Black is still alive.
- Anything you say can and will
be used in the court of law.
- You're making a fucking
mistake.
- If you can't afford an
attorney
one will be appointed for you.
- You're killing people.
- [Woman On Radio] Sheriff
Matthews,
come in, Sheriff Matthews.
- You are gonna kill people.
- Sheriff Matthews.
- [Woman On Radio] Sheriff,
we got reports of a maniac
at BAV Rock Club murdering
teenagers with a pickaxe.
- It's fucking him!
It's Alex Black.
- Sarah, do you have
confirmation?
- [Sarah] Yes sir.
Deputy Cunningham was in the
area.
- We have to go.
- Shut up!
- Matthews!
- Sarah, what do you mean was?
- [Sarah] Communication was shut
off
after he screamed "He's killing
me!"
- Fuck, you stupid shithead.
Get me out of this fucking
thing.
- Adrienne Palmer, you're
no longer under arrest.
- You stupid motherfucker.
Give me the goddamn gun,
let's kill this maggot again.
This way!
(screaming)
- I love you, man.
(screaming)
- Oh shit!
You cut off my fucking finger!
(screaming)
- No, no, no!
That was my favorite shirt!
- All right, what's the plan?
- Backup's on the way.
- We can't wait.
- Okay, you take the
rear, I'll take the front.
- That's different than the
Matthews I used to know.
(gun cocking)
- Heather!
Fuck.
- No!
(women screaming)
(choking and cracking)
- Holy mother of god.
Go!
Go, go, get out now!
Hey, maggot fucker!
You remember me?
(gun firing)
(bullets ricocheting)
(groaning)
- What the fuck?
You guys are ruining everything.
- Shut the fuck up, spazzoid.
We are in for a world of shit
if we don't get out of here.
- Come on you guys, hurry up.
It's getting creepy here.
(screaming)
- Crap.
How bad is it?
- Oh, not too bad.
- Okay.
- [Dwayne] Not so good either.
- Where's he at?
- [Dwayne] I don't know.
- Can you move?
- [Dwayne] I'm not a doctor.
(groaning)
- [Larry] What the hell
are you talking about?
- Alex Black!
He's real and he's alive
and he just killed everybody!
- Holy shit, you guys aren't
kidding.
- No we're not, now put
your fucking clothes on
so we can get out of here!
Hi, Caroline.
(zapping and humming)
- Fuck.
What the fuck?
Come on guys, we gotta hide.
- Where can we hide?
- This is just like second
grade.
- No, what?
- No, Caroline, just stay.
- Fuck off!
(screaming)
(crashing)
- [Jamie] Larry, go!
- Come on you pussy, come on!
- Get away from him!
(shouting over each other)
Spazzoid, run, spazzoid!
- Jamie, Jamie!
Larry, go get her!
Jamie's still in there!
Wait, Tommy!
Look at Tommy, Tommy!
- No, come on, come on!
Come on!
Let's get the fuck out of here.
- Tommy, where the fuck are the
keys?
Goddammit, where are the keys?
Tommy, Tommy has them.
- Hurry, come on!
- Oh, oh.
Come on Tommy, where's the key?
- Shit, he's coming!
Hurry!
Fuck this!
Come on motherfucker!
Come on, I'm not fucking around
this time!
Get the fuck over here, pussy,
come on!
- Larry, wait, wait!
- Let's go, let's go now!
- Sick, fuck away, stay away!
(screaming)
Ugh!
Oh, oh.
Oh my god.
Kevin?
Oh.
(tense music)
No, no.
(gun firing)
- God damn.
(gun cocking)
Get up.
Get the fuck up!
- Happy birthday, maggot fucker!
(gun firing)
(groaning)
Maggot fucker!
(choking)
- Wait, wait, what are we gonna
do?
- Jesus Christ, do you
ever stop fucking whining?
We gotta get the amulet off of
his neck.
I don't know fucking how
but it's bringing him back to
life.
So we gotta get it, we gotta
destroy it.
You go to town, get all
the fucking people you can,
ones with guns, knives,
crossbows, pitchforks,
I don't give a fuck, fire,
bring them back here.
- What about you, what are you
gonna do?
- I'm gonna try and stay alive,
kid.
(gun firing)
Hey scumbag.
(shotgun booming)
Jesus Christ, why don't
you fucking die already?
Come on, motherfucker.
No, no!
(screaming and choking)
Fuck you!
(tense music)
- Let's shoot this fucker!
(guns firing)
Hold your fire!
- Smash it.
Smash the amulet!
(sobbing)
- Sleep now, Adrienne.
Rest in peace.
- Come on, ma'am, let's go.
- They're all dead.
- Everything's gonna
be all right now.
- All of them, they're,
they're all dead.
- We're gonna get you
all fixed up, okay?
Come on.
(screaming)
(electronic music)
(ominous dramatic music)