I... I really don't
need to wear one.
What?
Yeah. I tested
negative, and, um...
I've got this
unbelievable control.
Ahem. Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Up, up, up.
What?
Something wrong?
No. No, that was great.
I had a really
nice night.
Did-Did I
miss something?
Nope, nothing.
You didn't miss anything.
Nothing.
Look...
I'll-I'll-
I'll wear one.
I'll happily wear one.
But I just gotta
tell you right now it's...
it's just... it's not
going to be as good.
It's not going
to be as...
I feel like I know you.
I feel like I can
be honest with you.
Yeah. Um... you should really
ignore all those feelings.
Can I call you?
No.
Is that a real no
or a...
No, you should
consider that a...
hard no.
Hey, Ma, do me a favor.
Don't ever fix me up again.
I'm sitting
Sitting in a boat all day
I been thinkin'
Thinkin' what I might say
I been lookin'
Over the top of that hill
And I been battlin'
Battlin' with my will
I got somethin'
to say to you
Yeah, I got something I want
you to show me how to do
'Cause I'm hungry, Lord
The lake is full
Show me how to catch a fish
I don't know
what happened.
Somewhere along the way,
I screwed up.
Either in high school
or college
or my early twenties.
I mean, you know, I really
thought, hey, this is a snap.
I like men. Men like me.
But then somewhere
in the last year or so,
I just... I've just gotten
so screwed up.
This might not make
any sense to you, Darce.
I mean,
you've been married
since you got
out of college.
I was born married,
baby.
But I think I'm finally
coming to realize
I like being single,
you know?
Love being
self-sufficient.
And I truly believe
that this is
my nature, you know?
So what I'm
going to do is
I'm just taking myself
out of the game.
Put my mother
out of her misery,
put me
out of my misery.
Why are you looking
at me like that?
Sorry. Let me
understand this.
So if Sam
asked you out-
Darcy! Shh!
You would just say,
"No, Sam."
What are you doing?
He works here!
Do you want him
to hear you?
Sam. Sam.
Shut up.
Sam. Sam.
Shut up. Shut up.
Oh, hit me. Hit me.
I love it, Sam.
Oh, God. You are
unbelievable.
Okay, kids.
Gulden's mustard has traditionally been
the number two mustard in America.
What the Gulden's people are
looking for is increased sampling.
They're convinced that if they can
get people to try their product,
they'll keep on using it.
Three other agencies
in addition to ours
have been invited to participate
in the review.
The pitch is on Friday...
and we don't leave this room
until we're solid on a concept.
You have
a good night now.
Yeah, you, too.
Ahem. Um...
Didn't Cindy Crawford
graduate second in her class?
Did Cindy Crawford
graduate?
I think she did.
Second in her class.
In biochemistry, I think.
Excuse me?
Please. My friend-
my colleague-is having an epiphany.
Oh.
Okay.
Um, I'll...
I'll, uh, I'll give you
the print first.
Um, okay. Big picture
of Cindy Crawford.
Already
this is good.
The headline reads "If you
never gave number two a try,
think what
you'd be missing."
In comes a picture of Cindy,
and beneath that,
a little log line that says,
"Cindy Crawford graduated
second from Podunk University,
a B.S. In biochemistry."
Then on the facing page,
a beauty shot of Gulden's mustard.
And beneath that
in big letters,
"Gulden's mustard. Number two,
and that ain't bad."
That was impressive.
I have to tell you.
I could hardly keep
my legs together.
You were so...
Darce?
I want that.
Well, we all want that.
No, I mean I want that.
You know what I mean?
I want a billboard in the middle
of Times Square, okay?
I want... I want
a commercial
in the middle of
the Academy Awards,
and I want a 10-page
layout in Vanity Fair.
And that's...
that's what I want.
Yeah, me, too.
God, we're shallow.
Argh!
Ha ha ha!
I am making money
I am loaded
Well, your day
is coming soon.
They're going to give you
an account of your own
and a window
and some new furniture.
My furniture.
I like old furniture.
Anyway, let me tell you
why I'm really here.
Oh, I know
why you're here.
I've been going over
my expense report,
and, uh,
I want to let you know,
in case anyone from
accounting should ask,
that I had dinner with you
on the ninth, on the 11th,
a humdinger on the 23rd,
and a light lunch
yesterday, okay?
You know, I think I would really
feel a lot better about this
if we actually did
have dinner onetime.
I can't have dinner
with you, Kate.
You know that.
I do?
Yes. Of course you do.
Do I know why?
Yes, you know why.
We both know why.
You're simply...
too nice.
I think you're mistaken
about that, Sam.
I'm not.
I can be a bad girl,
Sam.
Not bad enough for me,
Kate.
Oh, really?
Truly.
Uh!
Yes.
Okay.
All right. All right.
Let's get down to business-
The business of servicing this
multimillion-dollar account.
Our account executive
in charge-
Darcy O'Neil.
Yes!
Whoo!
My girl!
And our creative team
is going to be headed up
by my good friend Sela here.
She has asked-She has asked
for Dominic, Nancy, and Jim to assist.
Kate. Kate.
Look, I'm sorry.
I don't mean to be rude.
I just want to get
my resume Xeroxed
before all this
healthy rage wears off.
Kate.
Kate? Look, Kate.
Look, I brought you to this agency,
and I'm glad I did.
I know you conceived
that campaign.
Let me talk to Mercer.
In fact, I'll get us a meeting
where the both of us
could talk to him.
Kate, I'm going to
talk to him. I am.
You have that wedding
this weekend, right?
Yeah.
Okay, then.
Just do me a favor
and please let me try
and make this right.
Enjoy the weekend.
I'll see you bright
and early on Monday, okay?
Sure.
You see that one
at Libby's station?
She's marrying
a chiropodist.
God's no fool.
He gave her bad feet
for a reason.
No. You know, maybe
that's my problem.
Maybe I'm just
too damned healthy.
I'm serious.
I bet there's an ob-gyn out there
who's just waiting for me to come
walking into his office, you know?
That would explain all those
damn yeast infections,
don't you think?
Don't be a smart ass,
and watch your mouth.
This is a place
of business.
You know who I met
at the supermarket the other day?
Who?
Mark Mclntyre. Whatever
happened with him, hmm?
He's gay, Ma.
So?
Oh.
Well, what are you
making faces?
You think I don't know
I sound neurotic?
I know.
I can hear myself.
I'd like a grandchild.
So...
Shoot me.
All right, Ma.
Well, you'll be happy to know
I'm looking into
getting some eggs frozen.
Wonderful. I can tell everyone
I'm having a grandsicle, hmm?
Ha ha! Oh, come on, now.
That was good.
Well, it was cute.
It was definitely clever.
Okay. Any idea what we're planning
up here with these rollers?
Well, for once I want your hair
out of your eyes.
I want your eyes and your
ears open at this wedding.
A wedding is a wonderful
place to meet new people.
As the power vested in me
by the state of New York,
I now pronounce you, Sajit,
and you, Susan, as man and wife.
You may kiss the bride, please.
K.C. & The Sunshine Band:
Do a little dance
Make a little love
Get down tonight
Do a little dance
Make a little love
Get down tonight
Get down, get down,
get down, get down
Get down tonight, baby
Woowoowoowoo
woowoowoowoo
Get down, get down,
get down, get down
Get down tonight, baby
Nah nah nah nah nah
nah nah nah nah nah
Oh. Hi.
Hi.
Hello.
How are you?
Hello.
Woman Over P A: Hello, everybody.
Thank you all for coming
and for being a part of
this very special
wedding celebration.
Sajit and I really wanted today
to be unique.
One new thing.
Uh, in the center of each table,
you'll find a Polaroid camera
and boxes of film.
They're there because
we want all of you
to be our wedding photographers.
Feel free to keep any pictures
you want or give them to us
or to other guests.
Whoo!
That's the idea.
Dion: Yeah, I should have known it
from the very start
This girl will leave me
with a broken heart
Now listen people
what I'm telling you
A- keep away
from a Runaround Sue
Yeah, I miss her lips
and the smile on her face
The touch of her hair
and this girl's warm embrace
So if you don't wanna cry
like I do
A- keep away
from a Runaround Sue
Whoa...
Susan's
single friend Kate?
Excuse me?
I'm sorry. I'm Nick.
I'm looking for Susan's
single friend Kate.
They told me they thought she
came out here.
Yeah. That's me.
Can I help you?
Don't you think that's,
uh, kind of strange
that she only has
one friend?
Ahem. Okay. Uh...
basically what I'm doing
is, uh, putting together a video
testimonial for Susan and Sajit.
Just, you know,
all their friends
wishing them the best
of everything,
eternal bliss, truckloads of happiness,
et cetera, et cetera.
Do you do this
for a living?
Videotape weddings?
Yeah.
Bar mitzvahs, too.
But, uh, in this case
it's kind of strange
because I'm also
Sajit's best friend,
so I'm sort of
a working guest.
You know,
pulling double duty.
Mm-hmm.
All right. You're on.
Oh. Wow. That was fast.
Um, okay.
Hi, Susan. Hi, Sajit.
Uh, congratulations.
Just have a great time.
Call me when you get back, and, um...
Oh, and if you see
a really big gift,
really expensive gift
with no card,
it's mine.
My gift to you.
Okay. Um, that's all.
So have a wonderful time,
and I'll see you when you get back.
Bye.
Okay. Can... Can you
cut it now?
Cut it.
What?
Cut it.
Oh. I'm sorry.
You've done
this before, huh?
Oh, yeah.
Whoo!
Well, so, uh, I gotta
get back inside.
The bunny hop's coming up,
and I have to shoot that.
Okay.
It's contractual.
All right.
Kate? Nick.
Good to meet you,
Nick.
You bunny hop?
No.
All right.
I'll see you later.
You're horny, huh?
Yeah, I hear you.
Yeah!
Yes!
Okay!
All you single women...
come on out here
and try to catch the bouquet!
You going
to go out there?
Uh-uh. I've been
married once. No, thanks.
Okay.
Get out there. Come on.
Yes, yes, yes. It'll be fun. Go.
Ahem.
Okay. Just give me
the damn thing.
Oh, no, no.
Captain And Tennille:
Love will keep us together
Think of me, babe, whenever
Some sweet-talking girl
comes along
Singing a song
Don't mess around,
you just gotta be strong
Just stop
'Cause I really love you
Stop
I've been thinking of you
Look in my heart and let love
keep us together
He's cute.
So here's the deal.
Mercer?
Yeah, he likes you,
but he's got a real point of view
about your career path.
So just, you know,
let him get that out of the way,
and then-
All right. Just relax.
Trust me.
I'm a little nervous.
Hi.
- Hi.
- Hi, Mr. Mercer.
Thanks for taking
time to speak with me.
Not a problem.
Not a problem.
We're meeting some clients for lunch
downstairs in about 20 minutes,
so I'm going to get right to
the point here, Katherine.
Uh, Kate.
Kate. Uh, you know, I think you're
doing a hell of a job for us, Kate.
And I'm sorry if your role at the agency
isn't all you hoped it would be,
but, uh, you know,
I suspect in time-
What if I don't
want to wait?
Hey. It's me.
I mean, I think I'm
good at what I do.
Obviously
the clients agree.
I mean, otherwise we wouldn't be
landing all these accounts.
Um, let me tell you
a little story, okay?
When I started out
in advertising-
We're talking
the early seventies here.
The long beard, long hair,
and all that stuff.
And like you, I felt that my talents and
my hard work weren't being appreciated.
Anyway, I finally get
my 10 minutes with the boss,
and he says to me, "Alan, in business
we dress for the job we want,
not the job we have. Do you
really want to be the janitor? '
What do you want
to be, Kate?
I don't understand.
Well, look at Darcy here.
Now, you two are the same age,
but Darcy owns a home-
a home that, in my opinion,
she can't really afford-
and that pleases me no end
because I know she's showing up
for work tomorrow.
And this guy,
I co-signed the loan
on his Mercedes.
Happy to do it.
He's not going anywhere.
Sela here...
Oh, yeah.
I've got it all:
The husband,
the house,
and the car
we can't afford.
Which brings us to you.
Now, unlike anyone else
who works for me,
you're the only person I know who lives
like they're still in college.
I mean, you're, uh, you know,
you're as free as a bird,
which is fine...
for you.
But I'm not about to
encourage you to develop
a relationship with one
of my largest clients
when I know there's nothing
keeping you from picking up
and going to work
for one of my competitors
and maybe taking
my big client with you.
Ahem.
Anybody care for a drink?
Shit. Shit.
Shit! Shit!
The world's shit!
Shit! Shit!
Shit! Shit! Shit!
Shit.
Oh, God. Ma'am, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I...
Oh, God.
Oh, shit.
Oh, God. Okay.
Okay.
Okay. Okay. Okay.
Well, Mercer told me to tell you,
"Welcome to the team."
What team?
Uh, team Gulden's.
The Gulden's team.
But I don't have a husband,
and I don't have a mortgage,
and I don't have a car
manufactured by a goddamn Nazi.
Oh, jeez,
wait a second.
You mean you're not
engaged to this guy?
Oh, what are you
talking about?
Darcy,
what did you do?
What did you do?
What did you do?!
Me? Nothing much.
I just got you 150 more a week
and a new job title.
You lied?!
Darcy, I earned
that promotion!
I deserved
that promotion.
Boy, are you in
the wrong profession.
We're in advertising, Kate.
I didn't lie. I sold.
Oh, God,
I got to sit down.
I told him you were too proud
to mention it yourself.
They all said they want
to meet him, of course.
Oh, great. Oh, my God.
That's my first chest pain.
That's my first official chest pain.
Oh, relax.
I mean, they don't really.
And by the way, if anyone asks,
he lives in Boston, and he flies in
every Friday on the shuttle.
Oh, Darcy!
Well, he has to.
You're house hunting.
House hunting? I'm not even
married to the guy yet.
You will be... in March.
You wanted a spring wedding.
And also, I figure
it gives you 9 months
until you have
to break it off.
And who knows? I could throw you
a little shower.
You could score
some pretty nice gifts.
God, I can't believe you did this to me.
To me, your friend.
Well, excuse me
for changing your life.
I didn't do it to you,
I did it for you.
And only because I knew you'd never
work up the courage
to do it for yourself.
Courage? To what?
To lie?
What about my work?
What about my talent?
What about my...
What about
your integrity?
Your Girl Scout
code of ethics?
What?
Kate, you are a director of creative
affairs at Mercer Advertising.
I told a little fib
to get you the gig.
So what?
That doesn't change
the fact that you deserve it.
Oh, by the way,
there's a reception for
the Gulden's people tomorrow night,
and Mercer asked me
to ask you to be there.
He also asked me
if you owned any nice dresses
he hadn't already
seen at work.
What does that mean?
It means
buy a new dress, Kate.
What?
Hey, hey, hey!
Congratulations!
Congratulations,
congratulations!
Oh, thank you.
Yeah, thank you.
Hey, Jesus Christ, Kate.
You know, you're breaking my heart.
I never even
got my shot.
Oh, come on.
You're married.
I would have left her for you.
You know that.
So what
does he do?
Um... videos.
What do you mean?
Like, music videos?
Yeah, sure.
Sometimes there's music in them.
Really?
Wow.
So happy for you.
I'm happier.
Thank you. That's
very nice, you guys.
Okay, I'll see you later.
I'm a little late.
Videos. Crap.
I give them two years.
18 months, tops.
Now, it's a fruitful acre...
Got to cross
the mighty river
And you got
to get along
And I'm singing
Oh, I got to keep
from goin' down
Oh, though I don't know
where I'm bound
It's too late
to turn back around
Hey!
Ah! Wow!
Have my baby?
Okay. Something happened,
though, between the store and here.
I really-
I had more dress.
Believe me, the part that's left
looks amazing.
Really? Oh, good.
Well... cheers.
Oh, thank you.
Have fun.
You look beautiful.
Thank you. So do you.
Mingle. Mingle.
I will. Whoop. Big mustard
right behind you.
Bye.
Oh...
Jim Davenport,
Katherine Mosley.
Miss Mosley.
Hello.
Saw you walking across the room
in that fabulous dress.
I asked Alan and
Sela who you were.
They tell me you're the author
of this wonderful catch phrase
we'll be using
in our new campaign.
Oh, well.
Now, we work as a team,
and Sela is actually
our team leader.
I'm just,
you know...
Tell her yours.
Jim's come up with an idea
for another campaign,
something we can
use down the road.
Great.
Well, just imagine
a big bowl of mustard...
Gulden's mustard...
and a model...
a beautiful model.
And she's behind
the bowl of mustard...
and I don't know if she
has to be nude or not.
I mean, maybe she wouldn't
actually have to be nude,
but because of the way
the bowl is in the picture
and given the parts of the model
you would actually see,
she would appear
to be nude.
We'll leave
the technical stuff to you.
Anyway, you've got this model
and a bowl of mustard,
and in big letters across the top
of the picture
are just the words,
"Spread this."
"Spread this."
I mean...
What do you think?
Um...
I like it...
because it has
so many meanings.
Yeah. I mean,
can't you just see it?
In dorm rooms, posters,
on bumper stickers...
Yeah, I sure-
I sure can.
Ha ha!
Oh, I mean,
you know...
I hear something
like that,
and I actually... I actually
have a physical reaction.
I mean, you know,
how often can you say that
nowadays, you know?
Not very damn often!
Nope!
Excuse me, please.
Pleasure to meet you.
Well...
She is terrific!
So, what's different?
It's... It's the dress,
I'm telling you.
No, it's not just the dress.
It's something else.
It's...
I don't know.
Success?
Or... it's like some part of you
that I've never seen before.
Aren't we going
to get in trouble...
I mean, leaving
the party like we did?
Oh, nobody's ever going to notice.
Are you kidding?
The big guys are
all hammered anyway.
The working stiffs
will be leaving soon
to catch the 9:31
to Syosset.
Ha ha!
I like you.
Um...
Okay.
Oh, oh. This isn't me.
I don't normally do this.
I don't know...
I don't know if it's the wine,
maybe, or if it's the beer,
or it's...
Me?
Maybe.
So, uh... so tell me
about this guy.
Huh?
The guy.
You know, the guy
in the picture.
I know all about him.
You are a bad girl.
Hi, Mom? It's me.
It's Kate.
No. I just wanted
to call you for a change.
Look...
- Whispering?
- I'm not whispering.
Nice work. Good.
In here.
Si.
Nice view.
Hi there.
Bad time?
No.
Um... guys, could I just
have one minute, please?
Thank you.
So I woke up this morning,
and you were gone,
and it occurred to me
that I may have done
a really shitty
thing here.
What do you mean?
Well, I knew that you were involved
with this other person. Uh...
Nick. Yeah.
I'm supposed to be
your friend here.
I feel-I feel
responsible.
Listen, Sam... I mean,
don't beat yourself up
about this whole thing,
you know?
I mean, I'm a big girl.
I know.
You know?
So what are we
going to do?
- About?
- Nick.
Oh.
Yeah. Um... I don't know.
I don't know.
What do you think
we should do?
Well, a lot of people
would tell you
to be honest,
confess everything.
I've had a lot of
experience with this.
I think
that's just cruel.
I mean, what good
is going to come of it?
You're only going to
hurt someone's feelings.
You can't take
the moment back.
It's not like you can
turn back the clock.
And it's... It's not like it's ever
going to happen again.
Really?
I mean, yeah. No.
Yes, I know. No.
Right.
So maybe the less
Nick knows, the better.
Yeah, yeah. I would-I think
I would be of that mind. Mm-hmm.
Good.
- Yeah. Great.
- Great.
- Good.
- Great.
Great.
Have you ever been
to a tennis tournament?
'Cause I got these two
tickets this weekend.
I mean, purely as a friend thing,
if you wanted to...
Well, that's...
That's very sweet, Sam,
and I would love to,
as a friend thing,
but, uh, you see,
the thing is...
Nick's coming
into town this weekend.
Right, right, right.
Right, okay.
Right.
Hey.
Yeah.
Nick's a lucky guy.
You think so?
I do.
Oh...
God.
Oh! Ma!
Jesus F-ing Christ!
I did not go through
3 hours of labor-
not to mention 81/2 years
with your father-
Why do you
do this to me?
So that I could spend
my days worrying...
Can't I just
put my stuff down?
Whether my daughter was lying in
some ditch somewhere or something worse!
Ditch?! Mom,
listen to yourself!
There are no goddamn
ditches in New York!
Don't you raise
your voice to me, young lady!
You want all
the neighbors to hear?
My neighbors, Mother. This is
my apartment. What are you doing here?
Let me ask you
a question.
No! You answer
my question!
Do I look stupid
to you?
Stup-what? What is that
supposed to mean, Ma?
"Hi, Mom.
It's me, Kate.
I just thought I'd call you
this morning for a change."
Check your
answering machine.
The moment we hung up,
I called you back.
You weren't here. 7 times I tried.
7 times, young lady!
So what?
No TV for a week?
Then I phoned
the office,
but apparently
Miss Big Shot
was too busy to call
her mother back!
Okay, you know what, though?
I'm here now, and I'm fine.
Well, I'm not!
And I want to know
where you were this morning!
I have a right
to know!
No, you do not
have a right!
You have no right,
Mother!
I am 28 years old!
Don't give me that.
I'm 54. I'm gonna be dead soon!
Oh, God!
Where are you going?
To kill myself!
No, no. Not until
you tell me
where you were
this morning. No.
All right, Mom.
I was with a man.
I was with a really
beautiful man...
who,
up until last night,
never even noticed me.
And then all of a sudden
he wanted to be with me,
and I really wanted
to be with him...
so we slept together.
We had sex, Mommy,
you know?
The really dirty kind.
And I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Mommy...
But that's where I was.
Oh, Kate.
Now, that's enough
of that, hmm?
Tell me the truth now.
Oh, God.
Mmm.
And you know, the thing
that really kills me
is she loved the lie so much better
than she liked the truth.
I mean, even when I had to fudge
a little bit, you know?
"So, uh,
what does he do? '
"Well, he owns
his own business."
"Well, can I meet him
this weekend? '
"Nope. We're going
ring shopping in Boston."
Oh! Ring shopping.
Yeah.
Oh, you're really getting
the hang of this.
I know. Well, it gets
easier once you realize
that's what everybody
wants you to do.
Hi. Could I have the number for
Midtown Flowers, please?
What are you doing?
Ha ha! Thank you.
Okay. "Press one
to connect this call."
Yes, hi. I need to send
a huge bouquet
to Katherine Mosley at Mercer
Advertising Agency. 555-96...
Donna Summer: Bad girl
Backup Singers: Bad girl
Talkin' 'bout bad,
bad girls
Yeah
Bad girl
You bad girl
You're such
a dirty bad girl
Beep beep
Uh-huh
Hey, mister
Beep beep
Have you got a dime?
Beep beep
Mister
Beep beep
Do you want to
spend some time
Oh, yeah
Beep beep
Toot toot
Hey, mister
Beep beep
I'll spend some time
with you
Beep beep
Can you...
Hey, get your
hands off my stems.
I've been waiting years
to use that line.
So, what's
the occasion?
Oh, come on, Sam.
You're smarter than that.
You know there's only two reasons
why a man sends a woman flowers.
I love it when I can
learn something new.
Well, either
they've let you down,
or they're about to.
Nick?
Mm-hmm.
Nothing fatal,
I hope.
No. He just has to
work this weekend.
Ambition.
I hate that
in a man.
Now, I'm quiet
Quiet as a mouse could be
But inside my head
It's louder than a cavalry
And I'm patient
Patient as a clock
It is to feel the way
When you're countin'
every tick and tock
Show me how to
catch a fish
Show
Thanks for walking me
up here, Sam.
No problem.
Oh, God,
I really had fun.
I did.
I-you, uh...
You really took
my mind off Nick.
Aw, come on.
We both know there is no Nick.
There certainly
is a Nick.
Not here.
Not now.
What are you doing?
This is called
mounting an offensive.
Okay. Come on.
Now, we know nobody's gonna be
mounting anybody around here.
You're right. You're right.
Right. I'm sorry.
All right?
Can I just come in
for a glass of water?
No.
Well, can I come in
and pee?
You just said you wanted
a glass of water.
Oh, what can I say?
The thought of drinking water
makes me have to pee.
Come on.
Sam, we have had
this conversation, okay?
I'm engaged
to be married.
We made this
mistake once.
I cannot do it again.
I can't.
You know, I mean, God.
You know I like you. I can't deny that.
But my heart
belongs to Nick.
Okay?
Okay.
Thank you.
Okay.
Good night.
Oh, there's steps,
there's steps, there's steps.
It's over here.
Over here. Bedroom.
Wow! Is this place
rent controlled?
Ah!
God,
you can't stay, Sam.
Nick's gonna call.
I can be quiet.
I can be really,
really quiet.
The door.
I think you left the door open.
No problem.
Oh, I don't know, Sam.
It just feels wrong, you know?
It just feels
really, really wrong.
Ah!
Well, good.
'Cause that's
the feeling...
that you feel...
right before...
it feels incredible.
You know,
normally this would be
about the time that I'd leave.
Most of the women
I get involved with
are either married
or have a boyfriend.
It's always seemed to
work pretty well for me.
You know,
the thing with that is
that you always kind of
feel them looking past you,
trying to steal
a glimpse of the clock
or listening for a voice
on the answering machine.
But you...
I don't know.
It's like,
even though you're engaged,
when you're with me,
I really feel like
you're with me, you know?
You know what
the scary thing is?
I actually
kind of like it.
Are you asleep?
Fabulous.
My reputation
remains intact.
Now, let me see
if I've got your story straight.
It's Sunday night, you're
videotaping an out-of-town wedding,
when suddenly
a fire alarm goes off.
Everyone's evacuating,
but as you leave,
you hear what sounds
like a child crying.
You find a 6-year-old girl
by the vending machines.
Now, you realize you're about to be
engulfed by flames.
So you take a chair.
You smash it through the window.
With no firemen,
no nets below,
you grab this little girl
and jump backwards out the window.
Now, why backwards?
Second I was hoping my body
would break her fall.
What are you thinking
at that point?
Well, honestly, I was thinking
I should get back inside,
'Cause the bunny hop
was coming up...
Aah!
Well, you must-
What?
What's up?
I mean, if an awning
broke my fall from 3 floors up.
And the little girl?
Oh, she's fine.
There's not a scratch on her.
Hey, isn't
that your guy? Isn't that Nick?
Uh-huh.
Huh. Well, I guess we know
why he never called.
All right, Nick.
Thank you very much
for joining us this morning.
Hey, Kate, I saw
your boyfriend on TV this morning.
Hey, hey,
how about that?
Also, your mother's
called 4 times already.
Ah, I bet she has.
Oh, well,
look at the bright side.
At least he didn't make
the New York Times.
Yeah, right.
What the hell are we going to do?
You okay?
Uh-huh.
Is he okay?
Yeah.
Of course he's okay.
He's on television.
You know, I was just talking
to Davenport over at Gulden's,
and when I told him that this guy
was your guy, well...
We'd like to take
you two kids out to dinner,
just the 6 of us.
You got a cough,
Darcy? The 8 of us.
Uh, Mr. Mercer,
the thing is,
he lives in Massachusetts.
Well, I'm not
talking about tonight.
You know, this weekend
or early next week.
It would really
mean the world to Davenport.
Ah...
Thank you for calling
Times Of Your Life Video.
This is Nick. I'm not here
to take your call right now,
but if you tell this machine who
you are and how to reach you,
I promise to call you back.
Hi.
This is Kate Mosley.
We met at Susan
and Sajit's wedding.
I'm the girl who caught-
No. Wait.
I was actually handed
the bouquet, remember?
Anyway, I got
your number from Susan,
and I was wondering if I could
buy you a cup of coffee.
You name the place.
I'll come to you.
I'd appreciate it if you'd
call me back either way.
Bye.
Hey, how are you?
Good job.
That was
really wonderful.
Great job.
Thank you very much.
Hi.
Hi.
Wow! They really love you
around here, huh?
Oh, yeah.
My public thing.
Uh-huh.
Thank you.
Thanks, Lois.
Um...
I've done a really-
I've done a really horrible thing.
Wha-you know,
I find that hard to believe.
Well, um...
See, a friend of mine
found a picture
of the two of us
from the wedding, you know,
and basically led a lot
of people to believe
that you and I
were basically...
What?
Uh, engaged,
actually.
Yeah. And, uh, I didn't
really do or say much
to let them
think otherwise.
What do you
think so far?
Uh... so far?
Uh, I-I'm flattered,
I think.
Okay, well, see, it was going well,
for a while, you know,
and, uh, then you went
and you got famous on me.
I'd, uh...
Oh, God. Oh, God.
Wow. This is-
This is just so embarrassing
and humiliating.
What, uh, what did
you come here to ask me?
All right.
All right,
it's a proposition, actually.
I will pay you $ 1,000
if you will come to New York City
and have dinner with me
and some people that I work with.
I'll buy you
a plane ticket,
I'll buy you a suit
if you need one.
I don't want you
to feel like a thing.
I mean, think of it as,
like, a paid vacation.
You can stay with me.
You know, you can't
work with that cast, right? And...
Okay, so this
is the plan.
Two-thirds of the way through the
dinner, you would pick a fight with me.
And we would have,
like, a quarrel, right?
And everybody would
watch us break up.
You would never
have to see me again.
And, you know,
there it is.
Wow. That really
sounds like something
right out of The Patty Duke Show,
doesn't it? Ha ha.
Oh.
You want to pay me
to have dinner with you?
Yeah.
Uh...
I, uh...
I don't, you know,
I don't want your money.
Yeah.
Okay.
That's...
That's a no, right?
See, the thing is,
I was, uh, thinking
of coming to New York, you know...
and, uh, you know, I was gonna
get your number from Susan
and, uh, ask you if you wanted
to have dinner with me.
So, yes. You, uh... Figure out
what night is best for you
because I'm pretty
flexible, you know?
So if you want to bring a friend
or people you work with,
that's up to you,
and it's good we ran into
each other again like this.
So think about what I said, and I'll
give you a call tomorrow. Okay?
Oh, uh, by the way...
I do own a suit.
Of course you do.
And when I get that feeling
See you.
Tony, I'll see
you tonight.
I can no longer run
I don't know
And when I get that feeling
Ma, your color
looks so beautiful.
Never mind that.
What I don't
understand is...
He can come all
the way to New York
just to meet the people
you work with,
but he can't
find an hour
to visit with his
future mother-in-law.
Mom, he's busy, okay?
He's really busy.
It's just gonna have to be
another trip, you know, another time.
Are you lying to me?
I embarrass you.
Oh, Mom...
Is that it?
Mom, no, no.
In fact,
you know what?
I'm afraid he's
gonna come here,
take one look at you,
and say to himself,
"What the hell am I doing
marrying the junior version
when the real thing
is still available? '
I don't believe
a word of that,
but I appreciate
the effort.
But he won't.
The key here that
you're missing is
that the only mustard
he uses is Gulden's.
Yeah, that's it.
That's it.
Hi. Uh, yeah, okay,
so will you call-
I got to go, but will you
call me when you find him?
Thank you very much.
Ha! Hey!
Hi!
Hi! You're here.
I'm supposed to meet you
at my apartment two hours from now.
Yeah. I got
an earlier bus.
Oh, did you?
Oh... oh.
Yeah. It's good
to see you-
I'm sorry, I didn't know we
were on the clock yet.
Okay, just grab my ass, kiss my neck,
and pull me into the office, okay?
Y- uh, y-yeah.
Yes, sir.
Whoo!
Ha ha ha!
Je-sus!
What is the world
coming to?
Okay, so what I told people
is that we met in college,
but we were
just friends
and that we re-met at this
reunion thing, like, 5 years later.
It was sort of like,
I don't know, that's when the fire
really got ignited, you know?
I kind of like that.
We meet. We meet again.
That makes it more,
I don't know... believable.
I wouldn't know.
You went to college,
right?
Yeah. Several.
Hmm.
Well, if anybody asks, just say
you went to Boston University,
because that's where
I went, and everybody knows that.
Maybe we should
say business.
I majored
in business.
I mean, I told everybody you own
your own business,
you know,
the video thing,
but I kind of fudged
about the wedding part.
Maybe we should just let them
think it's music videos.
It's more glamorous
and all that sort of stuff, anyway.
Oh, you don't mind
that, do you?
Actually, you know,
I do mind, 'cause-
Oh! And I had
really long hair.
In college I had
really long hair.
And I was about 20
or so pounds heavier.
But that's good.
That'll be good. You know why?
Because you can say
it was the weight thing
that kind of turned
your head around.
That'll be good.
Okay, now, this is
the bathroom,
and I'll get you
some towels and stuff,
and I'll let you know
which is yours.
And then this
is the couch.
This is where
you'll be sleeping.
And I'll get you
some comfy pillows
and some blankets
and sort of, you know-
it should be nice-
Oop, sorry.
Just a minute.
Hello?
Can you, uh,
hold on a second?
Uh, Nick,
I'll be right back.
Ha! I cannot believe
you are saying that.
Okay, all right.
Look, I'll do it. Okay?
But I cannot stay long.
All right?
Okay. Bye.
Is everything okay?
Um, yeah, I, uh-
Something just came up at work.
I've got to meet a colleague
for a drink, but I shouldn't be long.
Hey!
Is this your mother?
Uh, I don't know
what you're looking at.
How about this picture
of a beautiful woman
that looks just like you
but older.
Is that your mother?
Ha ha ha!
Yes.
That would be Mom.
She's pretty.
Whoo! Wow.
Thanks.
Okay, well, I shouldn't
be long, Nick.
An hour, tops.
Uh, I mean
I wouldn't even go,
I mean, I know it's your first night
in a strange city.
He just sounded
so panicked.
He?
Oh! I have
something for you.
Oh.
If you could look at this
while I'm gone,
that would be great.
Yeah. What is it?
Well, it's sort of
a study guide, actually.
It's, you know,
our life together.
My hobbies,
my ex-boyfriends,
uh, what happened to me
during the 5 years we were apart,
our reunion, things I've said
to people about you...
Wow! You've really
put a lot of work into this.
Yeah.
Well, it's my life.
Sort of.
Okay, and then
there's this.
Oh, hey, the, uh...
Yeah, this is the fight that we're
gonna have tomorrow night.
Um, so I sort of-
I wrote it out like a play, so...
Okay. "Look, I'm sorry, Kate,
but I can no longer accept that-"
This is me, right?
Yeah.
"I'm sorry, Kate,
but I can no longer
"accept the time and energy
you put into your work.
"There has to be
something left for me.
Every minute of every day
can't be about Mercer Advertising."
Yeah. Right.
So, you know, it doesn't have to be
verbatim, basically.
I mean, you can put it
into your own words.
Oh, oh, yeah.
I think I will.
Great. No, but as long as you
get the basic point across,
you know,
like you've had it.
I'm always at work,
my mind is always on my work.
So I thought that
would be sort of a nice touch,
if our breakup sort of reaffirmed
my commitment to the firm.
Well, yeah.
That sounds smart.
Okay, great, so I'll be at this place
called Man Ray.
It's in the phone book
if you need me,
but I really-I should just
be an hour.
Oh... thanks, Nick,
for coming down here
and doing this.
I'm really
embarrassed.
I mean, I've been babbling
for what, like, two hours now?
Oh, come on, Sam.
Don't be embarrassed.
I don't usually
react this way.
You were
kissing your fianc.
It's a perfectly normal thing
for you to be doing.
I don't know why
it had such an effect on me.
It's okay, Sam,
it's really okay.
But you know what?
I did tell him an hour-
How did he do it?
What? Do what?
Propose. I mean,
did he get down on one knee?
What did he say?
Oh...
Oh, God.
I'm sorry.
Why? For what?
Well,
for the other night.
And the other...
other night.
Kate.
Yeah?
If I had
known you first...
would it have
made a difference?
Sam...
Okay. I got to
tell you something.
Okay?
It has to do with me
and, uh, Nick-
Somebody
mention my name?
Oh, my God! Hi!
Hi!
Nick-oop.
Unh-
Mmm.
That's, uh,
that's a kiss from college.
Boston University
thing. Ha!
Uh, Nick,
this is Sam Mayfair.
We work together
at Mercer.
And, uh...
This is, uh,
this is my Nick.
Wow.
Your Nick.
And you're Nick.
That's your Nick.
I may have had
a little too much to drink.
I'm her Sam.
It certainly is an honor
to have met you, Nick.
I mean, you know,
you've been the topic
of a lot of conversation
and speculation around here.
I'm very sorry that I monopolized
your fiances evening,
but I've just come to realize
that she's...
Damn it. She's just
the kind of girl
you'd like to
monopolize, you know?
Oh!
Is everything
okay in there?
Ha ha ha!
What? Is that guy-
Is he your boyfriend?
Oh, him? No.
No. He's
just a friend.
Oh.
Sleeps over
sometimes,
but he's
just a friend.
Aha.
Roger.
Mike.
Ivan.
Sure is a lot of
boyfriends in here.
Yeah. So?
Going somewhere
with that?
No. No, no, no.
Not me.
Just, uh, your life's
a real page-turner. That's all.
Mmm.
Oh! There's something
I forgot to ask you.
How come there's nothing in the book
about your father?
Well... nothing
really to talk about.
I mean, he and my mother
split when I was 7,
and I didn't see him again
for 10 years and then, uh...
and then he passed away.
I'm sorry.
Don't be.
I mean...
I really barely
remember the guy.
He had a pair
of plaid pajamas.
Ohh...
Oh, and I remember, um,
one night after work...
He took me to
the department store,
just-just him and me,
and, um, he bought me
my first watch.
It was one of those Cinderella watches,
you know, um...
Do you know what
I'm talking about?
Mm-hmm.
And, um, I remember
thinking to myself,
this is really special.
If I'd known
he was going to leave,
I would have taken a little better
care of the thing, you know...
hung on to it.
Huh. It's weird,
the things you remember.
Okay, my birthday?
April 3, 1968.
Okay, you can leave
out the year.
First job?
You were
a junior copywriter,
but you were promoted
to full copywriter in 5 short months.
Career ambition?
Total world domination.
Do you want to get some breakfast?
No. There's no time.
Can I ask
you something?
Yeah.
Don't you, uh, don't you
need to learn about me?
What do you mean?
Well, you know, I'm really
boning up here about you.
I mean, don't you think you should
learn a little about me?
Yeah, but, Nick, you're forgetting.
This isn't about you.
I mean,
not the real you.
This is about
the you that I made up.
Oh, you know what
I need to learn?
What?
How do you take
your coffee?
Light, Sweet 'N Low.
Why?
Well, you know, that's just stuff
I should know cold at dinnertime.
When people are involved,
they know that stuff.
Oh, right.
No, you're right.
You got
a favorite drink?
I mean, 'cause I don't want to
have to ask in front of everybody.
Dirty Martini.
Okay.
Well, what about you?
What about me?
I mean, I think I should at least
know how you take your coffee.
Well, I'm confused.
You don't know?
I mean, didn't
you make me up?
All right.
Black, one sugar.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Okay, first dates
for 20.
Monet exhibit, Museum of Modern Art,
September 1995.
Pets for 40.
She had this cat
named Jerry till she was 15.
I didn't know her then, but I keep
threatening to get her a new cat.
Mm-hmm. Final Jeopardy.
Personal imperfections.
She has the cutest
little appendix scar,
and of course there's
her birthmark that-
Oh, honey, I wasn't supposed to
mention that. I'm sorry.
All right.
Then there's her glass eye
and her artificial hip
and her wooden leg.
Good evening.
Hi.
Want a seat?
Sure. Go ahead.
Mr. Mercer:
I mean, as I sit here,
the thing I see when I
look at the two of you,
the thing that moves me
is your unconditional love.
Hear, hear.
Thank you.
That means so much to us,
especially coming from you.
I mean, you're married,
and you really know.
Yeah.
Except for you, Darcy.
You've only been married 5 years.
Well, that's
only dog-ears.
But the Mercers and the Davenports
that really, um...
Well, actually, Elizabeth and I
have been married,
what, honey, 4 years?
4 years. Second marriage
for both of us.
I'm cuter than his ex-wife, though.
Ha ha!
Second one
for me, too,
but you only get married
for the second time once.
Mrs. Mercer:
Jackie...
Ohh...
My third.
Wow. Then you guys really know
what you're talking about.
Yeah.
Mrs. Mercer: We do.
Ha ha ha.
So, Nick, tell me
about videos.
Well, uh, what
would you like to know?
Well, um, how did you
get into that line of work?
I mean, I watch
them all the time.
A lot of smoke, a lot
of half-naked girls.
Well, it seems like a decent way
to make a living.
Huh. Really?
Those aren't really
the kind of videos I do.
Oh, I don't understand.
They all seem pretty much the same.
What-What kind
do you do?
I videotape weddings.
Oh. Well, that-
That is different.
Um, well, how did
you get into that?
Uh, I was looking
for a job
that would require me to work
as few days a week as possible,
and your midweek wedding
is a pretty unusual occurrence.
You can actually make
a living that way?
Videotaping a wedding
or two on the weekends?
I mean, that
satisfies you?
No.
But once I started
videotaping people's weddings,
they would, you know,
come up to me for other things.
You know, "My wife's having a baby
shower. Could you videotape that? '
Or "Hey, my daughter's getting baptized.
Could you come on by? '
Or "My kid's got the lead in the school
play. You got to be there."
I was working 6, 7 days
a week, and I loved it.
I can't explain it
really.
Something about watching a baby being
welcomed to the world by its new family
or a kid getting his first at bat
in a little league game.
I don't know.
I don't know.
It's, uh...
It's an honor.
It's an honor that these people asked me
to be there for those moments...
and I get paid for it.
I'd like to propose
one last toast...
to our new friend Nick...
definitely someone
I'd like to have in my lifeboat.
Hear, hear.
Cheers.
Thank you.
What do you say,
honey?
Don't be afraid
to dive right in.
Whoo.
Ahem.
I suddenly realized
that I haven't told you
how beautiful you look tonight.
Oh, Nick, come on.
Don't waste that stuff.
Nobody's here.
They can't hear you.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Do you want to dance?
Maybe we should dance.
Yeah, yeah.
So how do you
think it's going?
Um, fine, I guess.
But you know if one of us
doesn't start this fight pretty soon,
um, everybody's
going to miss it.
Right.
I was, uh...
I was thinking.
What if, um, what if I didn't
pick a fight with you tonight?
You know, what if we finished
our meal with these people and...
And what?
Um, I don't know.
You know, I...
You know,
I could come down on weekends.
I could get to
know you better.
Ahem.
You could always
break up with me...
down the road,
you know?
Mm-hmm.
Sorry if I'm making your life
more complicated, Kate, okay?
But I find you
so attractive.
Okay, stop! Don't!
Listen, don't say that.
Come on. See,
that is why I wanted to pay you.
Okay. No, you're right.
I'm sorry.
I can't believe I'm apologizing
for liking you.
Is it this other guy?
This guy that's not your boyfriend?
Shh! Leave him out
of this, all right?
We had a deal.
That's all.
Then why isn't he
your boyfriend, Kate?
If you like him so much
and he likes you,
then why isn't he
your boyfriend?
Because, technically,
I'm unavailable
because, technically,
you are my boyfriend, okay?
Oh. So let me get
this straight.
You're sleeping with a guy who,
technically, you can't go out with,
but you won't even
consider just dating me,
who, technically, you're going to
marry and have kids with.
Okay, look. Listen, I don't want to
date you. I don't want to marry you.
I don't want to have kids with you.
I just want to break up with you.
Please, that's
why we're here. Okay?
So please can we
just stick to the plan?
Please.
See you
Wednesday, all right?
Mrs. Davenport: Good night.
Well, sorry, kids,
but we're out of here.
No, no, no,
you can't leave yet.
I know, I know, I sense
that something big is in the air,
but I've got to
get up early.
We've got a meeting
with a marriage counselor.
Nick, um, pleasure
meeting you,
and you are everything
Kate said you would be.
Good night.
Good night!
Mrs. Mercer: Good night.
Good night.
Mrs. Mercer: Oh, I love her.
Jackie, she turned me on
to a great pilates teacher.
Very ambitious.
Honestly.
This has been such
a wonderful evening.
Thank you. Thanks.
Yes, it has been.
It really has been.
Mr. Davenport: Well, um,
one for the road?
My! Honey!
Are you-excuse me.
This is so weird, I-
Come on!
Everything all right
under there?
Ooh! Yeah!
I just, uh, kicked
myself in the shin.
He's always-He's
always doing that.
He just has this
weird tic thing that...
Spasm.
Oh, honey, you know
what? By the way,
don't bother flying
in next weekend.
I mean, I really need to spend
Saturday and Sunday
figuring out
the new media buys
for the next round
of Gulden's tests.
Oh. Hey.
If you got to work,
you got to work, right?
I mean, how often does somebody
our age get the opportunity
that Kate has?
There's a team
player right there.
You guys,
team-shmeam.
Oh, you know what else,
though?
About your parents'
35th anniversary party?
Mmm?
I don't think I can
commit to the date, honey.
I'm sorry.
I just can't.
I don't know where we're going to
be with Gulden's at that point.
Don't worry about it.
I'm sure Mom and Dad will understand.
You can see them
on their 36th anniversary.
Darling, you know
what else on that other issue?
I've decided no babies until I
put in a good 10 years at the agency.
I mean, I think
I owe Mr. Mercer that.
You know,
I had a hunch.
So that's why
next weekend-
when you're working,
of course-
I'm going to look into
that surrogate mother thing
we talked about, okay?
I mean, a man's got to do
what a man's got to do, you know?
Excuse me just for a second,
'cause I'll be right back.
Excuse me.
Hurry back, honey.
Oh, don't worry.
I will.
Okay.
Excuse me, I was wondering-Could you
dial a phone number for me?
Certainly,
Mademoiselle.
But I mean, even then, you know,
with all that, I still just knew.
My God, she was
20 pounds heavier.
I mean, that's hard
to imagine.
Yeah, it is, huh?
Hey, there she is.
Here I am.
Have a nice little chat
with yourself?
Yes,
I certainly did.
I think it's
in your purse.
Ha! It's ours.
Hello?
Yes. Hold, please.
It's for you.
It's her.
Who her? What?
Oh, come on, Nick.
This is humiliating enough.
Would you just
take the phone?
Hello?
There's nobody there,
Kate.
Well, no, not now
there isn't. No!
Darling?
I thought that was over.
I thought she was out of your life.
I can't believe you.
I can't believe this.
I'm sorry. This is-Oh, God!
Well, maybe the rest of us
should go to the bar for a few moments.
No, no, no!
We-We-We can go
to the bar, please!
We can go to the bar.
Honey, why don't we go to the bar
where we can talk about this?
No. You go to the bar, Nick!
You go to the bar,
because that's where people go
when they want to meet people
other than their wives
and their fiances, isn't it?
And besides, you know what?
We have nothing to talk about
because we had an agreement
and you broke it!
And I don't think
I like you very much anymore!
Mrs. Mercer: You're doing
the right thing, honey.
Put your foot down now.
Thank you.
So I have a mistress.
You mean you admit it?
Yes.
I admit it.
Okay.
Yeah, I admit it.
I'm not ashamed of it, okay?
And you know why
I have a mistress?
Because she has
a mistress, too.
She's gay?
What are you saying?
- You want to know what I'm saying?
- Yeah!
I'll tell you what
I'm saying!
I can no longer play sloppy seconds
to you and your job!
You are so in love
with Mercer Advertising!
It's all you do! It's all you
think about! It's all you talk about!
Son, I want you to lower
your voice and sit down.
Excuse me!
Do either of you know what it's like
to always be number two
in the eyes of
the woman you love?
I do.
Now I know
how Gulden's feels.
Katie, I can no longer compete
with this man and his company,
and I want out!
What! What!
No, no, Nick!
Nick, no. You
can't do this.
Young man, this is not
the time and not the place.
Excuse me!
I don't want to marry you, Kate!
Do you understand?
I don't want to marry you!
It's over! You hear me!
I don't want to marry you anymore.
Not today!
Not tomorrow!
Let me tell you
something.
You may be a hero,
but you're no gentleman.
Come on, Katie. Dinner's over.
Let's get out of here.
Okay.
You know, it's one thing to cheat
after a few years of marriage,
but while you're
still single?!
Shame on you!
Don't bother looking back.
He is out of your life.
Come on.
Hey, how's your leg?
Think I'll live.
Yeah?
Sorry. I got a little
carried away in there.
So I guess now, um...
Now your life's
perfect, huh?
Well, uh...
Yeah, actually.
That's great.
Really, that's great.
I never met anyone in my life that knew
what they wanted more than you do.
Is that a compliment?
Yes, it's a compliment.
Definitely a compliment.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
That Sam's
a lucky guy.
Make sure you tell
him I said so, okay?
Aren't you supposed
to be with your boyfriend?
How in God's name did
you get rid of him?
Oh, it was awful,
so awful.
We had this huge fight
in front of everybody.
But it's okay.
It's over. We ended it.
What?
Well, I hope you
didn't do this for me.
No.
Egomaniac,
I did it for me.
Now, why are you over there
and I'm over here?
I just think you should take a breath
and think this through.
I mean, what you had with Nick
was really special.
Really?
You think so, huh?
Hmm.
You know what, Sam?
You're just always going to be
that guy at the restaurant
who, when he gets
what he ordered,
always wishes he got
what the guy next to him did.
Oh, wait, wait.
Come on, what are you doing?
Please don't
leave mad.
No, I should just leave.
What are you
talking about?
Come here, let me make you
a nice cup of coffee.
You don't even know
how I take my coffee.
Well, you'll tell me,
and then I'll know.
No. Come on! No!
Will you just let me out of here?
Hold on,
this one sticks.
God, I'm so sorry.
Are you okay?
That was fast.
Sorry.
Jesus!
What happened, Kate?
Did he hit you?
No. Just like everything else
that sucks in my life,
I did it to myself.
Come here.
It's not a big deal.
What do you mean it's not a big deal?
You look like a raccoon.
I just need to get ice
on it, that's all.
Okay, I'll get you ice.
I'll get you ice.
Oh, I'm a big girl.
Sit down. Sit down.
Don't go anywhere.
Stay.
You have any steak?
No.
Well, I don't think this Lean Cuisine's
going to get it done.
Here.
By the way, your mother
called about 5 times.
I let the machine
get it.
Thank you.
They're peas.
Go ahead.
They' refrozen.
All right.
Ahh... no, no, no.
Okay? Aww.
Oh, God.
It's on the floor
under my shirt.
Hello? Hi, I'm fine.
I'm alive. Don't come over.
My floral dress, my snakeskin sandals,
and my beaded bag.
Yeah. Yeah. No.
They loved him, Mom.
It was
a great night. We...
I mean-but you know,
something happened actually. No.
And, um... Ma,
I gotta call you back.
Why did you do that?
I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to do.
Answer the phone.
No, I don't want to lie.
I don't want to lie to her.
Then don't.
Hi, Ma.
Yeah. No.
Uh, something happened.
I don't know
what happened.
No. I know, I know, Ma.
I do know what happened.
I just-I panicked.
Because I don't want you to be
disappointed in me.
Right.
I know that you think that I could never
disappoint you, but, Mom, let me tell you,
I could.
Oh, yeah, that's what you were
talking about, right?
Well, you know,
they mostly loved him.
Where is he?
Now?
Um...
Well, see, now, what do you mean
when you say "where is he? '
You mean, like,
physically now?
I'm
right here, Rita.
But, uh, you have to
promise not to be shocked
or think any less of
your daughter, okay?
Right now?
Um... Well, a pair of boxer shorts,
a T-shirt, and a smile.
Yeah?
Well, you know what, I am looking
at your picture right now, too.
Yeah.
Yeah, I, uh,
I like her a lot.
Well, in fact, uh...
I like her more
every minute I spend with her.
I'm gonna give you
back to Kate now, okay?
Well, I look forward
to meeting you, too, Rita.
Bye.
Listen, Mom,
I'm gonna hang up now, okay?
Oh, my God.
A diaphragm, a sponge,
and a rubber. Good-bye.
Thank you for that.
Macy Gray: Games, changes, and fears
When will they go from here?
When will they stop
I believe that lie,
and I choke
I try to walk away,
and I stumble
And though I try to
hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles
when you are not there
Good-bye, and I choke
I try to walk away,
and I stumble
And though I try to hide it
It's clear
My world crumbles
when you are not near
You're kidding.
His mistress showed up
right there at the dinner?
Yeah. I heard Kate
had a complete breakdown.
And then Mrs. Mercer
either punched him
or punched
the girlfriend.
I heard the guy
punched Mr. Mercer.
I heard it turned into a giant brawl,
everybody punching everybody.
Shh.
Morning.
See that?
She looks like
Petey from Our Gang.
Hello.
You're still there.
No. I-nothing's wrong.
I just had this awful
feeling, uh,
that, um...
That you were gonna leave and I wasn't
gonna have a chance to say good-bye.
You know how you said,
um, last night about
coming down on the weekends-
Ahem.
Uh, you know what?
I got to call you back.
Are you gonna be around for a while?
Can I call you back?
Don't go far.
That must have been quite a show
you put on last night.
It's all anybody's
talking about.
I like
the Audrey Hepburn thing.
Nice touch.
Everyone will assume you're still
crying your eyes out.
Yeah.
Uh, Darce, I really got to
talk to you about something.
Well, Mr. Mercer and I, we have
something we'd like talk to you about.
What? What did I do?
Yeah, well, I'm pleased
you're pleased.
I know.
Absolutely.
Ahem.
Uh, hold on.
My troops are just arriving.
Yeah, I'll call you back.
Ladies.
Um, everybody okay?
Oh, well,
she's just... you know.
Good. Good.
We've just gotten the results from
Gulden's advertising test in Rochester,
and everyone is so pleased that they've
decided to launch nationally A. SA.P.
Oh, God!
Now, what this early go-ahead means
is that we've got a shot
at putting something together
for the Super Bowl.
Baby, the Super Bowl!
The Super Bowl, baby!
Oh, my God!
The Super Bowl.
Oh, wow.
Oh, there's the chest pain.
Davenport and his people are coming by
day after tomorrow to hear concepts.
Yes. God.
Can I have a tissue,
please?
Also-And this is
a little complicated for me,
but don't let it spoil
your good fortune-
Davenport has asked me
to move Sela out of the way
and to make you creative
leader on the account.
Whoa.
What happened to you?
Nothing.
Oh, no. Nothing.
Oh, it's not-This is not
what you think it is.
It's-It's...
I'm such a klutz. I was
getting dressed in the dark-
Look, I know that this
goes without saying.
Last night was very upsetting
for all of us.
I mean, no one more so
than you, I'm sure,
but everyone here is
working under the assumption
that this part of
your life is over,
that this person
is out of your life.
I mean, with
this big account,
we're all gonna be eating a lot
of dinners, going to a lot of functions,
maybe picking up
a clio or two,
and he is not someone
anyone wants to see again...
certainly not with you.
There's something
wrong with your phone.
No, uh, I waited by it
all day for you to call me back,
and when you didn't,
I figured it out.
There must be something
wrong with it...
Something wrong
with something.
Oh, Nick, I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I... I'm a terrible person.
It just sort of got
really crazy here today.
Well, um...
Good crazy?
Well, good crazy,
bad crazy.
Um... I kind of got this enormous
opportunity to, um, do a commercial.
That sounds good.
It is good.
It is good, very good.
Uh...
I mean, you know, as you
can see in front of you,
it's, um...
I'm gonna be working
like mad, you know,
and it means
a lot of late nights
and, uh, deadlines and,
uh, migraines, and, um...
Doesn't really leave a lot
of time for anything else.
Is that the official
change of subject that just went by?
It's just really bad timing
with this, Nick.
Really bad timing.
I want you to have that.
I haven't been around
nearly as much as you, Kate, but, um...
I'm pretty sure you're supposed to
leave that on the night table.
All right. You know,
don't say that, okay?
That's for your travel expenses
and your-your incidentals.
I know what it's for.
Well, what do you
want me to do, huh, Nick?
I mean, you want me
to just quit?
All of this just because you had one nice
conversation with my mother on the phone?
Okay. I'll see you
around, Kate.
Or what? Just lie? Tell them
it was a lie? It was all a big joke?
I mean...
That's a thought.
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
Thank you.
I'll leave your key
under your mat.
I mean, you know, Nick,
remember the plan?
You were just
supposed to go away.
Right?
Aimee Mann: I'm told the case
is now closed
So I can come to my senses
Hi, Mom.
But when the question
is posed
I'll have
this meager defense
I was hopin' that
you'd know better than this
I was hopin',
but you're an amateur
I was hopin' that
you'd know better
But I've been wrong before
Tracy's gonna kill me,
I'm so late.
Second Share
a cab downtown?
My boyfriend's
meeting me at PJ. Clarke's.
Can I bring Sarah?
Yeah, I suppose.
Carlos.
Hey, Kate.
Yeah?
It's gonna be great.
Thank you.
Hi.
Oh. Thanks.
Same thing.
That's two dollars,
please?
Hmm.
Okay.
Sorry.
I'm sorry, I can't-
I don't think I'm going to be able
to present this idea this afternoon.
Really?
Why not?
It's Nick.
Wait a minute. Nick, your, uh,
fianc, the fellow who cheated on you?
Right.
Right, except, uh, he was never my
fianc, and, uh, he never cheated on me.
Well, um,
I'm totally confused.
I know.
He was just this guy that I happened to
have a photograph taken with at a wedding.
I mean, I didn't even
know him.
He was just a stranger,
and when he got famous,
I went and I found him and offered him
money to come and have dinner with us.
I asked him to make a fool
out of himself, and he didn't want to,
uh, but he did it for me.
He did it to please me,
and I did it to please you,
and I'm sorry.
And I'm sorry most of all,
I think, that I convinced myself
that whatever talent I
had meant nothing unless
it came in this package
that everyone liked.
I guess you could say I was
dressing for the job I wanted.
I'll be out of my office
in 20 minutes.
Hey, hey.
Yeah?
There never was a Nick?
No.
You-You just
made him up?
Yeah.
And one of the reasons
was... to be with me?
Mm-hmm.
Wow.
Wow.
You-You really are
a bad girl.
I mean...
You really
are something.
Yep. I know.
I am something.
Oh, but you know, Sam...
I'm a good girl.
I think that's always
been our problem,
is, you know, I-
I'm just a good girl.
You sure?
Mm-hmm.
I tell you, though, if I ever change,
you're the first person I'm calling.
I hope so.
Okay.
Just, um...
couple of things.
You know, when I-when I applied
for my first job at Young & Rubicam,
I told them that I graduated
in the top 10% of my class.
Well, the truth is I was
lucky to graduate at all.
Oh. Why don't you take a few days off,
maybe-maybe go upstate,
maybe go to Massachusetts?
Hear that music? That means
the main event's about to start,
so you better get in your seat
so you don't miss it. Go ahead.
There she goes,
back to her seat.
Heh heh heh!
Thanks for the watch.
Ok, Nick, I'm sorry.
I'm working now,
you know.
I know. I just wanted
to tell you that, um,
I told everybody
the truth.
Well, that's...
that's great.
Yeah.
That's great.
Good-bye, Kate.
Would you all
please be seated?
Nick.
I-
Dearly beloved, we are
gathered here in the sight of God
and in the face of
this congregation
to join together this man
and this woman in holy matrimony,
and therefore, if any man
can show just cause...
Kate... I got to work.
Just... Kate, just go.
No.
Yes.
- Yes.
- No.
- No!
...forever hold his peace.
Daniel, do you have something
you'd like to tell me?
I've never seen that woman
before in my life...
Uh, I don't think.
Uh, Miss.
You back there.
He's talking to you.
Do you have something to say,
something to tell us?
No. No.
I'm sorry.
No. Holding
my peace.
Got away from me
for a moment, but holding it.
It's held.
I promise.
God.
Oh, my God.
Hi. Could you do me a favor
and hold this for me?
Just point it-Seethe bride
and the groom over there?
You know them, right?
Can I, uh... Miss?
Could we, uh...
Get over here.
Listen, Kate-
I know.
I was calculating and callous.
And manipulative
and condescending and...
Okay.
I miss you.
Look, I know
I don't deserve it,
but I would love
another chance.
You know, I'm not asking for,
like, a ring or anything, you know?
I just want a date.
You know, just a date.
I mean, hey, you know,
I know how you take your coffee.
Okay.
Okay.
You bunny hop?
Huh?
Well, after this
there's a reception,
and maybe after that we could
see a movie or... something.
Ladies and gentlemen!
Thank you.
Unless someone has something else to
say, I now pronounce you man and wife.
You may kiss the bride.
20 seconds
on the bad time
I'm a-feel you're on the run
Never lived too long
to make right
I see you're doin' fine
And when I get that feeling,
I can no longer slide
I can no longer run
Oh, no, no
And when I get that feeling
I can no longer hide
For it's no longer fun,
oh, no, no
Yeah, you can say
what you want
But it won't change my mind
I'll feel the same
About you
And you can tell me
your reasons
But it won't
change my feelings
I'll feel the same
About you
What I am is
what you want of me
Yeah, now that I'm not there
I took the tables
away from you
It's turning, I don't care
And when I get that feeling
I can no longer slide
I can no longer run,
oh, no, no
And when I get that feeling
I can no longer hide
For it's no longer fun,
oh, no, no
Yeah, you can say
what you want
But it won't change my mind
I'll feel
the same about you
And you can tell me
your reasons
But it won't
change my feelings
I'll feel the same about you
Yeah, you can say
what you want
But it won't
change my mind
I'll feel the same about you
And you can tell me
your reasons
But it won't
change my feelings
I'll feel the same about you
And when I get that feeling
I can no longer smile...