[ Radio: ]
"What are you doing
to help win the war?"
"That's right. You!"
"You women of America. You're
needed on the farms, in the factories."
"Doing your job on the home front so
a man can do his job on the war front."
"Don't delay.
There is a job just for you."
"Stop thinking! Do it now."
Good morning, Miss Howard.
- Hello, Alex.
What a relief. You're the
first man I've seen today.
Oh, thanks.
Is my father in?
Yes, he's talking to the War Manpower
Commission in Washington.
You'd better go in there
before he bursts something.
And I wanted a small check.
Essential? Just what
do you call essential?
We need oil to run this war don't we?
Well it isn't just going to crawl out
of the ground and jump into a barrel.
We have to go and get it. And we
have to have men to get it with.
Hello, Jean.
I don't care about regulation 70XXX.
I can't run a supply business without
salesmen. You've taken every one I have.
Oh, I've heard all that before.
They say an army moves on its stomach.
Well in this war, that
stomach moves on wheels.
And it takes gas, it takes oil.
There's a dozen orders in the field I'll
get if I only had men to get them with.
Instead, I'll probably
lose every one of them.
If I was thirty years younger and
had a heart instead of this putt-putt.
I'd go after them myself.
Dad.
Yeah, how much do you want today?
No. No, it isn't that.
But I'm thirty years younger.
My heart is alright.
I know. So what?
Well, why not let me go into the field?
Jean, this is no time for levity.
- But I'm serious.
But this is a man's job.
- Why?
Why? Well ..
Well it is. That's all.
Whoever heard of a female
oil-well supply salesman?
Why, I'd be laughed right
out of the business.
You won't have a business to be laughed
out of soon if you keep losing orders.
And you're not going to let regulation
70XXX close you up, are you?
No, but ..
I'll be dealing with men, won't I?
I've dealt with a few before in my life.
Not this kind.
- Oh dad, please. Look.
Oh, there are a lot of
other things you could do.
What?
Well.
The WACs and the WAAFs turned me down.
The Red Cross laughs at my bandages.
The blood bank laughs at my blood.
Oh dad, please.
Please, how about it?
Jean, you've never done
a day's work in your life.
I've never had to.
Oh give me a chance, will you?
Ha?
Oh!
My, it looks like we're coming
into the army camp now.
Then we are almost at Clayfield.
My goodness, I don't see class anywhere.
Is your husband stationed here?
No, I'm not married.
Not married?
Well I declare. Then how
can you be an army wife?
I can't.
Well you look like an army
wife being on this bus and all.
I thought we had so much in common.
No.
- Oh.
Well.
Bus arriving from San Diego.
Fresno. Los Angeles.
And all points south.
Hello baby, what's with you?
You don't know of a nice quiet
hotel around here do you?
Sugar, there's no such thing.
If there were trees in this town they'd
sleep in trees. But there's no trees.
Archie.
Ma, honey.
My baby.
Psst .. if you do get located ..
Archie, It's so good to have you back.
Well, that's a great help.
Excuse me.
All you need in this town to get a place
to sleep is a husband, car and a prayer.
I don't think I can do a thing
for you, Corporal Corliss.
There is just nothing
available with children.
But why do landlords dislike children?
Everybody dislikes children.
We're horrible little things.
- Be quiet, Celeste.
Chuck. It's all your fault, Chuck. You
might have engaged a room in advance.
I've been bivouacking for five days.
But you can't reserve
a room from a bivouac.
And what is a bivouac?
- What is a bivouac?
You'll find out before
this night is over.
Come on, now. Your mother
doesn't know what a bivouac is.
How do you do.
- How do you do.
I suppose it's useless?
- I'm afraid it is, dear. You see ..
Pardon me.
USO. Housing information.
Hello Grace. Oh, wait a minute, dear.
The Colonial Auto Court.
There might be something.
Oh, you have?
Yes, there is someone waiting here now.
Yes, I know. No children, dear?
Oh, no.
No.
No. No children.
Army bride?
Well ..
Don't be bashful. I was one myself once.
Yes Grace, I have a young army bride
right here now. I'll send her over.
Well, aren't you the lucky one.
The Colonial only caters to
married couples without children.
And they've just had a vacancy.
Well, frankly ..
You just give this card to Mrs Wingate
at the Colonial Auto Court.
Take a cab out route 47.
Leave your luggage and continue out
and pick up your husband at the camp.
It's only four miles further out.
Bring him back and register and you'll
have the best little cabin in Clayfield.
Thanks.
- Next please.
Sorry, Mrs Potts.
Just because I'm the manager
doesn't mean I repair plumbing.
Hello.
- How do you do.
I'll be right with you.
They sent me from the bus depot.
Oh yes. You're the new army bride.
Where is your husband?
- Well ..
He is at ..
Bivouac.
- In a bivouac, my dear?
C'est le Guerre.
- 85 cents please, ma'am.
A Lieutenant, I suppose?
How did you know?
- I knew it the moment I saw you.
Are you going out to meet him?
- Yes.
But I'd like to get freshened up first,
please. I've been travelling for days.
Of course. Lucille will
take your things. Lucille!
Lucille.
Take the lady's things down to cabin 6.
Register when you return.
Be sure to make it by 6 o'clock or I'll
have to let it go to somebody else.
Excuse me. I've got to take
care of Mrs Potts' plumbing.
Oh dear. 6 o'clock.
85 cents, please.
- Oh no. We're not through yet.
Do you know where the Black
Hills oilfields are? - Yep.
Do you happen to know a man
by the name of Slim Clark?
Why?
Why, I've got some business with him.
What kind of business?
Oh, this kind and that.
You ready, ma'am?
Well, I'm waiting for Lucille.
I'm Lucille. Right this way.
You wait right here.
Isn't "Lucille" a rather
strange name for a man?
"Winifred" is strange
and he's my brother.
Winifred?
The third one is named Emily.
He's in the Navy.
Right this way.
I suppose you have a
sister named George?
No sisters, ma'am. But the
family always did want a girl.
That's the trouble.
They're not meant to take children here.
We don't. Not since we got him.
Right this way.
If anything else happens,
I think I'll lose my mind.
It will happen.
Don't get upset. I'll let you hear from
me. You know I can't be rushed.
Now take it easy, Foster.
I'm not deciding until tomorrow.
I've got to talk to this
guy from Howard.
Now don't get yourself in an uproar.
Hello.
Hello.
I'm the guy from Howard.
Well, hello.
Brother.
Did you get our wire?
- Yes.
Say, I've heard about things like this.
I thought the only time you saw it is if
you go without water for a week or two.
Well, won't you ask a
fellow to sit down?
Yeah. Excuse me. There. Here you are.
Thank you.
Now, Mr Clark.
You are going to set 7 inch
around 9,700 feet. Right?
Right.
- Right.
TNC or integral joint?
- TNC.
Right.
Well with integral you could use
32 pounds instead of 36 pounds.
And save yourself 800 bucks.
Hey, I think you got something there.
- Right.
Well Mr Clark, we believe we have
the stuff you need for this job.
And we'll have it on the rack
the day after tomorrow.
Now if you'll just put your
John Henry on this line.
Hey, wait a minute, lady.
Huh? What's the trouble?
Well, you go too fast for me.
I have to have time to
think things like this over.
Mr Clark.
You don't seem like the
hesitating type to me.
Oh, I'm not exactly hesitating. I'm ..
Just kinda hard to get.
I think you got to work
on me a little while.
Oh.
Now, last year for instance.
Foster took me for a week's
fishing trip for an order.
How badly do you want this one?
Say, a dinner's worth?
Surely I don't need
to bribe you, Mr Clark?
You don't call my taking you
out to dinner bribing me do you?
Well.
I had hoped to get out of here tonight.
If I'm going to save 800 bucks on a deal
I can probably spend a couple on dinner.
How's about it?
I'll admit. I do eat dinner.
Well good. Where will I pick you up?
Well, you can pick me up at the ..
I'll tell you the truth.
My plans are a little uncertain.
They depend on a Lieutenant.
A Lieutenant?
- Yes.
A relative.
I think I'd better call you.
Okay.
Everybody has been
waiting for me to do that.
Did you land the deal?
That depends on whether I
land something else or not.
Is this the road from Camp Clay?
The one the Lieutenants take?
It's the only one there is no matter
how many stripes they got.
And didn't we pass a boulevard
stop down the road?
That's right.
Fine. That's where I'll get out.
Lady, if I was a curious man.
I'd sure wonder what you
was up to. I'll tell you that.
How do you do.
- How do you do?
Is there any shape, form or manner
that we can be off assistance?
Well, you don't happen to
be Lieutenants, do you?
No. We happen to be Sergeants.
Oh, well I'm terribly sorry.
I'm looking for a Lieutenant.
Uh-oh. The old man. We'll be
back when we get commissioned.
How do you do.
What seems to be the trouble, Miss?
Oh there is no trouble.
I was just looking for someone.
Oh, you don't happen to
be Lieutenants do you?
No we don't.
He's a Colonel and I'm a Major.
Oh, well I'm terribly sorry.
I can't use either one of you.
I'm sorry I can't oblige
you by losing rank.
That's quite alright.
And it was sweet of you to stop.
Let's go.
You looking for something?
I was, but I've about given up hope.
But if you're going into town
would you give me a lift?
Okay, hop in.
You're stationed at the camp I suppose?
That's right.
Aren't there any Lieutenants there?
Quite a few.
I'd certainly like the satisfaction
of just seeing one.
You have.
But ..?
Oh.
Well.
Are you a single Lieutenant?
Yes. Just one.
No, I mean married.
It's so hard to tell if
a man is married.
Of course, a girl always
wears a ring on her finger.
Hmm. And a man always
wears one through his nose.
Of course, however.
One shouldn't let marriage interfere
with one's life, should one.
You mean if you can be married
and stay single, fine. But ..
Yes. Yes, I guess that's what I do mean.
You see, I'm not married
but I am supposed to be.
I don't mean that I'm going to be.
I just mean that people
think that I am. I'm not.
Oh dear. I must sound confused.
You do.
I wonder if you would do me a big favor.
Maybe.
Register with me at the Colonial
Auto Court as my husband.
What?
Oh, look out!
Did I hear you correctly?
- Yes.
All you have to do ..
Is sign your name, stand around for
a few minute and then you can leave.
I can't tell you what this means to me.
What it will mean to my father.
- The one with the shotgun?
This is on the level it that's
what you're afraid of.
But lady, I don't even know you.
You don't have to know me.
All you have to do is marry me.
I mean, pretend to marry me.
Just for a little while.
Just a friendly gesture.
- Gestures aren't my strong suit.
Listen, lady.
What would you think if you
picked up a strange man ..
And he wanted to do what you want to do?
All I want to do is sleep.
I haven't slept for three nights.
And I'm so tired my teeth hurt.
Oh, I'm sorry, lady.
But if my commanding
officer ever found it out ..
He's doesn't have to find it out.
This is just between you and me.
And then when it's all
over you can forget it.
I'd really like to help you.
- Then you will?
No. Not tonight.
I think I'll sit this Auto Court out.
Excuse me.
Thank you.
Well.
Thank you for the ride anyway.
- That's okay.
I guess chivalry is just a ..
A high-blown phrase.
No, wait a minute.
Don't go away mad.
I'm not mad.
It's just that ..
A girl sort-of loses
her faith. That's all.
But I've told you I ..
- Good afternoon, General.
Oh, it's a nice little army wife and
her husband. How do you do?
Lucille.
Lucille, take the Lieutenant's car.
- Yes, ma'am.
You know I was getting worried about
you two. You just got here in time.
I'll get the registration
card to your cabin ..
As soon as I get Mrs Horton out
of the folding bed in Number 5.
Hey, where you taking that car?
- Getting it out the driveway, General.
Did you arrange all
this during my absence?
No, I'm terribly sorry. Really I am.
- I'll bet you are.
I had no idea. If I even thought that ..
- Okay, okay. You win.
But I couldn't ask you to now.
Not under the circumstances.
I haven't much choice in the matter.
- But you don't have to.
As you say, it's only for
a few minutes. After all ..
I hate to see you get into
trouble on my account.
I know all about that but don't worry.
I'll watch out for myself.
You are sure?
Show me the way to go home.
This way please.
Good afternoon, Captain.
- Hello Mrs ..?
Now don't cry Millie.
I'll get you one. A nice big ripe one.
Excuse me. You don't by any chance
happen to have an avocado on you?
A nice big ripe avocado.
- Not at the moment.
I must sound like an awful fool
but when your wife is that way ..
Oh.
Ross is the name. Jack Ross.
How do you do.
Mine is Mallory and this is ..
Mallory.
Honey, this is Captain Ross.
Glad to know you, Mrs Mallory.
How do you do.
Newly-weds, huh?
Do you like babies?
Babies?
I can take them or leave them.
You're lucky. I don't know
whether I can or not.
Well, I'll be seeing you.
I'm off for that avocado.
Oh, we live right over there.
Right there. Yes.
Well, we made a nice beginning.
That's what happens when you
don't carry a spare avocado.
I got most of her out.
Sometime maybe we can sit down and
you can explain this whole thing to me.
I'll try.
Lucille.
Lucille.
Lucille, I was looking for you.
- Good evening, General.
Something has to be done about
that double bed in my cabin.
Mrs Otley and I would
much prefer twin beds.
And you promised us twins, Lucille.
Yes, I promised. But my
promises just ain't worth nothing.
Look here.
Except of course there is
twin beds in Number 6.
Number 6?
They aren't going to do me
any good in Number 6.
No sir. That's right. It won't.
But there is a new young General
and his wife just moved in.
Lucille, everyone in the
army isn't a General.
No, sir.
You'd be surprised how my tips increased
since I began calling everyone General.
They won't mind exchanging.
Well you see to it they don't mind.
And I'll start taking down
our beds right now.
Yes, sir. General Otley.
Oh, General Otley?
You win.
- Thank you, sir.
General Otley, 25 cents.
Well, we're going to
get our twin beds, Kate.
I baited Lucille's hook.
- Oh, really?
Ah, Michael.
- Fruit isn't fattening, is it?
87 calories in a banana,
and if you want to reduce ..
I have to reduce. I won't be left behind
this time when my men get shipped out.
Well, just stick to your
diet and you'll make it.
I've take off 25 pounds already.
Weighed today.
Hello?
[ Door knocks ]
Come in.
Hello?
Is everything alright, folks?
No Lucille, there's
someone on this phone.
There is someone always on it.
When yours rings six times, you answer.
This is a ten-party line.
- How can anyone get any sleep?
This ain't no place to sleep, ma'am.
Everything around here keeps you awake.
Wait until you hear
the frogs harmonising.
Frogs?
- Yes, ma'am.
Excuse me, sir.
- Hello.
Lucille.
What are you doing?
I have to take these beds down, ma'am.
- The beds? Why?
Well, the General down the
row has the first call on them.
And I promised him he could exchange
them. I'll bring you folks a double bed.
Oh.
Well, tell him to hold his bed up for a
little while. I have a few things to do.
But General Otley is one of
our oldest and best customers.
Hey.
Who did you say?
- General Otley.
You mean "Colonel" Otley, do you?
Perhaps I do.
- You mean he lives here?
He lives right down the row and he
don't like to be kept waiting either.
Holy smoke.
What is it?
Otley is my commanding officer.
If he ever finds I'm here he'll ..
I got to get out of here.
You have to sign the registration card
yourself and make some excuse about me.
Yes. Yes, I guess I can do that alright.
Now that Miss Wingate has seen you.
- Yes, sure, sure.
What will I tell her?
- Tell her ..
I know. I'll tell her you had
to attend another bivouac.
Yeah, that's swell.
- Lieutenant Mallory.
Thanks for everything.
I'm sorry to have put you out.
That's alright. I was
coming into town anyway.
If you ever get down to ..
Sure. And if you ever come up again.
- Yes, I'd be delighted.
Goodbye.
- Well.
Goodbye.
Back door. If Otley ever
sees me I'm a dead duck.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Lift it, Lucille.
Oh now, now. It isn't as
heavy as all that. Here, here.
That's it.
Lieutenant Mallory.
Good evening, sir.
Well, what are you
doing in our little court?
Actually, I was just leaving, sir.
Really? Well, before you go would you
mind giving me a hand with this bed?
I'm trading with a young married
couple who just came in.
Well, he is the young married
couple who just came in.
What?
He is .. oh, I don't know.
I guess Lieutenants look
pretty much alike, sir.
Yes Lucille, you must be confused.
Lieutenant Mallory is a single man.
Single man?
- Of course.
Oh, but he's got ..
I got it! I got it!
I got it.
Got what?
- An avocado, sir.
What's so startling about that?
You know General, he's the one
expecting to become a mother.
Oh. That is startling.
You take this end, Lieutenant.
Alright. This way, men.
No. If you'll just call, I'll come out.
Why can't I pick you up?
Well.
I think it would be
better if I came out.
You understand.
Okay. Have it your own way.
Help, help, help!
Listen, my dear young woman.
- There is a thing in there.
A horrible, green slimy thing.
Uh-oh, sounds like Chloe.
Oh, Chloe. That's one thing you've got
to get used to around here, young lady.
The frogs. Lucille will take care of it.
Now, if your husband has the beds down.
My husband?
Yes. If he has them down, the
Lieutenant and I can set this one up.
How do you do.
How do you do.
The beds?
- Yes.
Well, I don't think they
are quite ready yet.
If you don't mind waiting here, I ..
I'll go and see.
- I wish you would.
That's it.
- It's Chloe alright.
Wilbur must have put her in there. She
gets a kick out of scaring the ladies.
But she'll have more
respect for your husband.
Your husband?
Run along, Chloe.
Yes, we'll see if he's ready.
Well.
Lucille, perhaps you can
help him out with the bed.
And the Lieutenant and
I can take this one in.
Help who out?
The gentleman inside.
There is a gentleman inside?
- Yes, her husband.
But the gentleman inside is outside.
- What the devil are you talking about?
Well, I don't know.
This must be a little joke on you.
Because she .. and he ..
Anyway, they came in together.
So.
You are the young married
couple. Very interesting.
And 3 hours ago you were
a single man. Right?
Right, sir.
- How you explain it?
Well, sir. You see, sir.
- Stop "sirring" me. Get to the point.
Well, I was on my way
in and she .. that is ..
That is? Perhaps you'd like
to have a try at it young lady?
Are you implying ..?
- I can't make it any plainer.
I beg your pardon.
- Just as I thought.
I'll have you out of that
uniform in 24 hours.
And as for you, young lady.
- Just a moment.
I don't like your attitude.
Jean, he's my commanding officer.
- Well, he's not my commanding officer.
I'm a tax payer and I'll not be talked
to that way by you or anyone else.
In or out of uniform.
Now, who is your commanding officer?
My commanding officer?
- Yes, I'm going to report you.
Report?
Well, if you were only a WAC.
Michael.
Michael, what's the matter?
- Nothing. Nothing at all.
Oh, are these the newly-weds?
Kate, go and wait in the car, will you.
- What's the trouble?
Well ..
- Go on, tell her.
Be quiet.
- Don't you shout at me!
Your husband was just inferring
that Lieutenant Mallory and I ..
Young lady, I warn you.
- Lieutenant Mallory and you are what?
Well, I don't know what but it's a lie.
We were married this afternoon.
You see?
- Oh, it's lovely.
Well, well, well.
Well why didn't you say so, Don?
I was trying to sir, but ..
Yes. We wanted to keep it
a secret for a little while.
Didn't we?
- Yes, dear.
How romantic. And you
spoiled it all, Michael.
But you see, I thought ..
Ha! Well, you certainly pulled
one on the old man, Don.
Yes, sir.
It looks as though I've
pulled one all around, sir.
Congratulations.
I couldn't have done better.
Aha, a little spitfire, eh?
You know, I could swear I've
seen you some place before.
Well, I ..
I have been some place before.
But I don't remember ever seeing you.
Of course not, Michael. We must be
running now but we'll see you later.
Oh this is the most exciting thing to
ever happen to The Colonial Auto Court.
An elopement! Come along, Michael.
Don, with you here we have
another car in the pool.
I'll ride to camp with you
in the morning. 7 o'clock.
I'm due back tonight, sir.
What? On your wedding night?
I should say not.
I'm giving you a VOCO.
Now don't forget, 7am sharp.
You can pick me up on your way out.
- Yes, sir.
You don't mind about the beds?
- No, sir. - Fine. Bye.
A little spitfire.
Yes, sir.
Goodbye.
Everything straightened out, General?
- Oh yes. Quite.
Well, giving something you don't want to
a man who wants it makes everyone happy.
Hello there.
I haven't forgotten about you two. I'll
have that registration card here yet.
After the war. Soap.
I can explain the whole thing, Colonel.
I was on my way into
town and I picked up this ..
Picked up?
Uhuh.
You see, sir. It's simply a
case of mistaken identity.
She's not my wife. She's ..
She's ..
Now Colonel, you can't pin
this on me. I'm innocent. Sir.
Aren't you dressed yet?
Yes. You can come in now.
Thanks.
Did you figure out a good alibi?
- Lots of them.
They all wind up with my
being court-martialled.
Oh, don't be silly.
[ Telephone ]
Six.
Oh yes. I forgot.
[ Telephone ]
Doesn't this radio work?
I don't know.
It owes me two bits if it doesn't.
[ Telephone ]
What are you ..?
[ Telephone ]
That's the ironing board.
Really? I'd never have guessed it.
[ Telephone ]
Six. That's us.
Hello?
Oh, hello there.
Yes, I'll be right out.
No. I had better come out.
Well really, I think it would
be better if I came out.
Yes. Goodbye.
Just a moment.
Where are you going?
- I'm sorry. I have a date.
You have a what?
Yes, a business engagement.
I suppose I should have told you before.
I sell oil-well supplies.
Oil-well supplies?
Yes, it's a long story. I'll explain
it to you some other time.
But I have to go now. He's here.
- Wait a minute.
You mean a strange man
is picking you up here?
Oh, there is nothing strange
about him. He's a customer.
What am I supposed to do?
Stay home and knit?
Well alright. Read a book or something.
There is one around here somewhere.
I'll see you later.
Okay.
Where are you going?
- I'm coming with you.
What?
Miss Howard, this is my wedding night.
Every wife in this Auto Court will peek
out as you go out with some other man.
Tomorrow morning
it will be all over camp.
It's tough enough answering questions
as it is. That's one I won't answer.
Yes but you can't. You can't.
Oh yes I can. I'm your
husband, remember?
And until we find a way out
of this, we are married.
Please have a heart. This is
important. I beg of you. Please.
Good evening, Mr Clark.
- Good evening.
This is Lieutenant Mallory.
Hello.
Don. This is Mr Clark.
Hello.
Well.
Well, it's nice to have
met you. Shall we go?
Yes. Let's.
I beg your pardon?
- I'm coming with you.
Yes, he's my husband.
We don't need to pay
any attention to him.
Your husband? You didn't
tell you were married.
She always forgets the little things.
Well, are we off?
- Yeah, I think we're way off, lady.
Of course, I know the
advantages of TNC but ..
Please. I'd like to hear this.
You could get another table you know.
[ Singing: ]
"All I want to know is
do you, don't you?"
"Baby, will you, won't you
please make up your mind?"
"What you say?
Do I get that little kiss?"
"What you say?
Must you let me down like this?"
"Times are wasting."
"What's it all about?"
"I just want to know
whether I'm in or out."
"What you say? Don't your
picture mean a thing?"
"What you say to saying .."
"Okay, here I come
from out of the blue."
"To make you happy, and what do you do?"
Now honey, you pitched a boogie-woogie.
Shame on you.
"Have I got you, baby?
What you say?"
"All I want to know is
do you, don't you?"
"Baby, will you, won't you?"
Well, alright.
Oh, baby.
Look here, girl. Don't
you start that stuff here.
"Have I got you, baby? What you say?"
Sorry.
Don!
Baby.
Hello, Loolie.
Where have you been?
I was just saying to myself
today: "Loolie Fisher".
"Whatever became of that
heavenly Lieutenant Mallory?"
Loolie, this is ..
Jean, this is Loolie.
- How do you do.
Hi.
And Mr Clark - Loolie Fisher.
Howdy.
Hello.
Shall we dance?
- Yes.
Don't let me break things up.
- We won't.
It's a cute dress, dearie.
Too bad it isn't more your color.
May I sit down?
Sure. Go ahead.
Maybe we can talk now, Mr Clark?
Well, hello.
- Oh, excuse me.
It's alright. It's nice for a change to
have someone land on a marine.
Come on, let's try it again.
What did you say his name was?
- Who?
That gorgeous hunk.
- Slim. Slim Clark.
Who's the mess with him?
Excuse me, Mr Clark.
Couldn't we do something
a little less strenuous please?
Okay.
Thank you.
Say, Loolie.
Hello Joe.
I thought you were just going to fix
your make up and then come right back.
Well, I was on my way back
and I met Lieutenant Mallory.
He's an old friend of the family.
- Hello.
Well, your family has got
too many old friends in it.
Now you scram, you 90-day wonder.
The only thing to do when
he's like this is knock him out.
Sorry. I'm in uniform.
I think you've had one beer too many.
How about a little fresh air, huh?
- Oh, a wise-guy?
Do you know what I'd
do with guys like you?
I'd just take them and tear them
up and throw them away.
Uh-oh, trouble. Big Joe is dynamite
when he gets loaded. Come on.
Come on, let's go outside.
I don't want to go outside. I want to ..
Okay, I'll take over from here.
- Thanks old man. I'll handle him.
No, you might get dirty.
What's the idea of hitting an officer in
the uniform of the United States Army?
Joe.
It's sabotage, that's what it is.
Sabotage.
Thanks for the pleasant evening, Clark.
Hope I can do as much for you sometime.
It will be a pleasure.
Say goodnight to your friend, dear.
Oh no, you go on.
Mr Clark and I have to talk.
Isn't it a bit late for
that sort of thing?
Well, we haven't closed our deal yet.
I think the deal had better wait.
This may not be an
ideal marriage Mr Clark.
But we try to preserve an illusion.
Goodnight.
Come on.
Call me in the morning.
Okay.
Oh, hello there.
I was just on my way to your cabin.
I thought perhaps you hadn't had a
chance to get things in for breakfast.
Well, an orange does help
to start the day off, doesn't it.
Yes, it does. Doesn't it, dear?
It certainly does.
Did you run into a door?
Oh no. Just an old friend.
Well, love plays the
bugler, Mrs Mallory.
I won't keep you any longer.
Goodnight.
- Goodnight.
Goodnight.
After you Mrs Mallory,
be it ever so humble.
I suppose this is your
idea of being funny.
It's my idea of a bad dream.
Any moment I expect to wake up and find
it was something I ate out of season.
What are you doing?
- Pulling down the shade.
Oh.
Why?
Why not? It's simple, see.
Excuse me.
You don't think you're spending
the night here do you?
I certainly do.
Why, you must be crazy.
What do you think I am?
- My wife.
Here's where the illusion ends.
I beg your pardon. We have
the whole night ahead of us.
All night?
But what about me?
What about my reputation?
If this leaks out, I'll be
ruined in the oil business.
I won't breathe a word of it.
This is utterly absurd. It's out of
the question. I won't permit it.
Look, Mr Mallory. Colonel Otley expects
to see me here at 7 in the morning.
And I expect you to be out
of that door in one minute flat.
Here I am going to be.
- Oh!
What's this? - A blanket.
- I know that.
It's to keep you warm.
- I won't sleep standing up.
I need it on the bed.
- I'm using the bed.
You are what?
Can't you hear? Must I
say everything twice?
No. But what are your plans for me?
Where am I going to sleep?
The bathroom or the kitchen. 2 chairs
together isn't a bad arrangement.
Well of all the inhuman
monsters, you are the one!
Look, skinny.
Skinny?
At 5:30 I was on my way to a movie.
At 6 o'clock I performed
friendly little gesture.
At 6:30 I was in an Auto Court scandal.
At 7:30 I was slugged.
And now at 10 minutes to 12 I am
tired and I am going to hit the sack.
Of all the dirty rotten tricks!
[ Telephone ]
[ Telephone ]
[ Telephone ]
[ Telephone ]
[ Telephone ]
[ Telephone ]
[ Telephone ]
[ Door knocks ]
What is it now?
If you're in bed,
I'd like to pass through.
Pass through what?
- The room.
I want to brush my teeth.
Okay, come ahead.
Ouch!
That's the radio.
Well, that's obvious.
Holy mackerel.
What are you staring at?
Is that a special outfit
for brushing teeth in?
It happens to be the
latest thing in nightwear.
Oh.
I suppose it gives you more freedom?
Well .. that's what we're
fighting for, isn't it?
[ Radio music. Loud! ]
[ Radio music. Loud! ]
[ Radio music. Loud! ]
Isn't it a little late for the radio?
If you look closely you'll
notice I'm trying to turn it off.
Oh dear.
You shouldn't be so careless.
Now. Are you going to be alright now?
If you'll just leave me alone
and go away I'll be fine.
Well, I was only trying to help.
Miss Howard, my jaw
hurts, my head aches.
I've got 24 hours of solid explanation
ahead of me to get out of this mess.
Please just go!
Alright.
What's the trouble now, Miss Howard?
I'm doing something for you.
Well if it's for my benefit please
do it with a little less noise.
Here.
Some ice for your jaw.
I don't want people to thing I hit you.
Oh.
Thanks.
You're welcome.
Goodnight.
Goodnight.
I'm afraid you're not very comfortable.
Oh, I'm alright.
It's soft pine.
Here, let me help you.
- Thanks.
Twenty years from now I suppose we'll
look back at this and it'll seem funny.
Yes. If we live through it.
- Yes.
Jean.
You take the bed.
Oh no. No, I couldn't think of it.
I insist.
Yes, but you had such a strenuous day.
- Don't worry about me.
Two chairs put together. They don't ..
You need it more than I do. Besides, in
the army, you learn to sleep any place.
Well, that's very nice of you.
But you shouldn't have to.
What I mean is if I'd told the truth at
the start this wouldn't have happened.
Well.
It wouldn't have hurt me to have slept
on a park bench for a night or two.
Oh, you couldn't sleep on a
park bench. A girl like you.
Why not?
Well, you ..
Just aren't the park
bench type. That's all.
Really?
Yes.
You know.
You look pretty nice
wrapped in a blanket.
Oh, this old thing?
I've had it for years.
Well.
It's late. You've got
to get up early, so ..
I'll be off.
I'll bring your hat.
- Thank you.
Are you alright?
No, but I will be.
Phew.
Hey Pop. You're bending your knees.
I am not.
The younger generation.
Come in.
Morning.
Morning. Say, you're up early.
Yes. I thought you could drop me
off at the Black Hills oil-field.
Do you think that is advisable?
- Well it's right on your way.
Yes I know, but Colonel
Otley will be with me.
Oh yes, I forgot about that.
Can't you tell him I have some
shopping to do or something?
You mean, like picking up
an oil-well before breakfast?
No. I think you'd better take a taxi.
Alright.
Listen.
I've been thinking during the night and
I figured a way out of this whole mess.
Yes?
You wind up the deal
as quickly as possible.
Yes.
Then.
Well, then get out of town
without being seen.
Yes.
Oh.
Excuse me.
I am so used to not being married.
I ..
- I understand.
What were you saying?
Oh. If you can get out of
town without being seen.
Then I can tell the Colonel
we had a misunderstanding.
And you've gone home to mother.
I must go home to father.
Well, go home to father.
At least, it's a way out.
Well, it sounds pretty good.
That's that.
Oh.
Will you take an orange?
You haven't had any breakfast.
It starts the day off right.
- Thanks.
Well, I suppose this is goodbye.
I guess so.
Goodbye.
Thanks for the honeymoon.
I'm afraid it wasn't
very pleasant for you.
Could have been worse.
Goodbye.
Oh ..
Take care of yourself.
I mean the war. You know.
Don't ..
Oh no. I won't.
[ Door knocks ]
Morning, Lieutenant.
Holy smoke. The Colonel.
Lieutenant Mallory.
Don!
You brute! You miserable brute!
I don't know why I ever married you.
When I think of all the
other chances I've had.
Have you gone nuts?
This is the misunderstanding.
The way out for us.
Oh. Good, good.
What's going on in there?
- Let me tell you something else.
I've just about taken everything
any woman could take.
Stop it. You're hurting me!
- Don't overdo it.
I should have listened to my
father but no, I was a fool.
Marrying a man who was nothing
but a mass of mental cruelty.
What is this?
- She's impossible.
Impossible? I'm going home to my father.
Are you going to allow it?
- Well ..
If this were a tactical military
problem would you just stand there?
I'm not a tactical military problem.
How did this start? What happened?
You won't understand.
Give me a little more credit than that,
dear. After all, I'm an old married man.
Don.
- I ..
As I suspected. A foolish quarrel over
something you can't even remember.
She wants to go home, eh?
Well, we can't allow that.
We?
Attack the problem, my boy. Attack it.
Mrs Otley and I had the
right idea 30 years ago.
We made it a cardinal rule, no
matter what rage was in our hearts ..
To kiss each other.
She'll find it pretty hard to
shout at you after a kiss.
Are you suggesting that he kiss me?
As his commanding officer.
It could be interpreted as an order.
Well, go on.
Don't touch me.
You kiss this girl, Lieutenant Mallory.
Or you are no platoon commander of mine.
I won't have a jellyfish
giving orders to my men.
Yes, sir.
What kind of a kiss is that?
Fine, fine.
See? A kiss.
That foolish feminine smokescreen
blows away and here you are.
Back where you started from.
- We certainly are, sir.
And if every she tries to
run away from you again.
Let me know.
I'll help you get her back.
Well, we'd better be going.
Yes. A little spitfire.
Come on.
Don.
What will we do now?
Come on, Don.
I'll call you.
Well, here is the happy bridegroom now.
Good morning, Colonel.
Lieutenant Mallory, this is Jenny
Arthur, Mavis Wilson and Mildred Henry.
Glad to know you.
Is the little lady awake?
- Very much so.
We'll drop in on her with a bite to eat.
She'll love that, I know.
You two certainly have given
the court plenty to talk about.
I bet your ears burnt all
the way back to camp.
Did you elope? How long
did you know each other?
I think it's so romantic.
Ladies, just a moment. We are late.
Now, come Don.
You know, there is a war on.
He is awfully good looking.
- He's a bit skinny.
Don, you couldn't have pleased me
more. Marriage is a fine institution.
Yes, sir.
Now we must be making
plans for your future.
Future?
- Yes.
We must arrange an allotment
for Mrs Mallory. Very simple.
Taken out of your pay-check.
I'll look into it as soon
as we get to camp.
But I ..
- Yes, and your insurance.
Who is your beneficiary?
My mother, sir.
Oh, that's the difficult choice.
But you've chosen the
woman of your life, Don.
And it is only fair to protect
her in case of, well ..
The fortunes of war, you know.
Yes, sir.
And of course, there
may be a little Mallory.
You must think of him.
Oh, there won't be a little Mallory.
Not for quite some time, sir.
I said that too. And now a little Otley
is piloting a Super-Fortress over Tokyo.
Oh, Don.
You've been in grade for nearly a year.
I think we should see if there isn't a
Captaincy open in our organisation.
I'm recommending you for it.
You don't like it?
- No, sir.
What?
Oh yes, sir. Thank you, sir.
- Well, watch the road.
Did you get married in Clayfield?
Yes.
Minister or Justice of the Peace?
A minister.
- Reverend D'Angelo?
Well, I've forgotten his name.
It must have been Reverend D'Angelo.
- What about your family?
Do they know?
- No. Not yet.
But what will they say?
I don't dare think.
- Now don't worry about it.
Is it your first?
- Hmm?
My first what?
- First marriage.
Oh yes, yes.
I say.
She holds the record for the Auto Court.
I always think it is so important
where you first met.
Doris was an angel of mercy.
Six. That's for you.
- I'll get it.
Hello?
Who?
Oh no, there is no Miss Howard here.
Oh yes! Yes, that's for me.
Thank you.
Hello?
Hi. Did your husband's
voice change overnight?
Oh.
Hello, uncle Eddie.
Uncle Eddie?
Yes.
Uncle Eddie, you'll never
guess what's happened to me.
I'm married.
Yesterday afternoon.
That's very interesting.
Now listen, I have to
run up to Fresno today.
And if you can get rid of the old man
how about coming with me and we'll ..
"Talk about the deal."
Well that's sweet of you, uncle Eddie.
And I just hope my father
feels the same way about it.
"Your father?"
Oh yeah, oh, yeah.
He called me this morning.
He what?
"Yeah, he was looking for you.
I told him where you were."
You should have heard from him now.
Well I'd adore to uncle Eddie, and ..
I'll be ready at any time.
And it was lovely of you
to have called me up.
Well, goodbye.
That was one of my favorite uncles.
Well, we must be going.
I'll send Lucille for the dishes.
It's been a very interesting
breakfast, Mrs Mallory.
Yes, most interesting.
- Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Well.
[ Telephone ]
Four.
What's a matter, General?
Is the war over?
No, it's just beginning.
[ Telephone ]
- Five.
[ Telephone ]
- Six.
Oh, that's me.
Hello?
Hello, Jean?
Oh, hello Dad.
Jean, what is this?
"What is what?"
I've been trying to get you everywhere.
Now I find you in an Auto Court.
Well, I'm perfectly alright, dear.
It's a very nice auto court.
They only take married couples.
Yeah, well .. what?
Well, what I mean is ..
That .. that makes it ..
Jean, we've got to get
out of this right now.
What you doing back?
Otley gave me the day off to spend with
you. It's our honeymoon, remember.
"Well give it back to him."
Tell him we already had one.
- We just got married.
Well.
- "Hello, hello?"
Yes, Dad?
Jean, did I hear a man's voice?
Yes. Oh no, of course not.
What would a man be doing here?
"That's what I'm trying to find out."
He'll have the papers when he
comes back tonight. - Papers?
I'm about to sign my life over to you.
- What?
"Hello, hello, hello?"
Look. I'm talking to my father.
Do you mind?
Get rid of him.
Jean, I distinctly hear a man's voice.
There is no man here.
What do you think I am? Tell
him to call back some other time.
Look, will you sit down
for just a minute. Please.
Now please, thanks.
I said there is no man here, Dad.
What about the order?
I've seen Mr Clark today.
Recommended for a Captaincy,
with false pretences.
That's fraud.
- Psst.
Quiet.
"Jean, I don't like the
sound of this at all."
I was right in the first place.
I never should have let you go.
Everything is under control.
As soon as I talk to him I'll call
and let you know everything.
Alright, but if you're not here by
midnight, I'm coming after you.
Yes, yes of course. Alright. Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Alec, take my advice.
Never have a daughter.
My allotment. My insurance.
Colonel Otley is taking them away from
my mother and giving them to you.
But that's crazy.
Look, why don't we tell him
the truth and get it over with?
That's exactly what we're going to do.
- Good.
Now, if you get your things,
we'll go back ..
But I can't do it now.
I'm going to Fresno with Slim.
Fresno?
- Yes.
It's my last chance to get the order. If
I don't sign him up now I may lose it.
So you lose it. So what?
I'm not facing Otley alone.
- Then you must wait until I get back.
So that's it.
Yes.
Okay. Go ahead.
Get your order.
That's the only thing that counts.
Don't worry about me.
What happens to me is unimportant.
I may be in the guardhouse when
you get back but that doesn't matter.
Just get that order.
Guardhouse? Oh no.
Colonel Otley is a very sympathetic man.
I'm sure he'll understand.
Sure. Sure.
Oh.
[ Door knocks ]
Yes? Come in.
Mrs Mallory, there is a gentleman
out front. That tall one.
Yes, yes. I'll be right out.
- Yes, ma'am.
Goodbye.
Are my seams straight?
Yeah.
You've got nice legs.
I know I have. Goodbye.
Oh, Thanks.
Two for a quarter.
The best I've done yet.
Oh, the baby will love them.
The baby isn't here yet.
I think it's not.
Hello.
Good morning, Mr Clark.
You look lovely this morning.
- Thank you. So do you.
Hmm.
So that's uncle Eddie.
Hello.
Well, I see you landed the order.
Yes.
Although he was a ..
Pretty tough customer.
- Hmm.
But you softened him up?
I'm terribly sorry I'm so late.
Did you have a pleasant day?
Oh, I spent the morning
shopping with Mrs Otley.
My last 17 bucks are in canned goods.
During the afternoon I answered queries
about you and your uncle Eddie.
Would you call that pleasant?
I'm sorry. I forgot to tell you.
You might have had more
respect for me you know.
Look at your face.
It's bad enough going
out with a strange guy ..
Without coming back with
your lipstick all smeared.
Oh dear.
I can't imagine how it happened.
It usually comes from necking.
Oh, please don't pick on me.
I didn't kiss him. Not once.
Just after we drove up.
He signed the papers and
then he made a grab for me.
And well, what could I do?
You saw the size of him.
9 hours you spend with him, and he does
not try to kiss you until you come home?
A likely story.
But it's the truth.
You don't have to make
excuses to me, Miss Howard.
All I ask of you is that you
help me out of this jam.
Then you can do whatever you
want with whomever you want.
But I don't want to.
- That's no concern of mine.
You are not jealous?
Are you?
Jealous?
Of you and that long drink of oil?
Ha.
Now.
Make yourself presentable. We
have a dinner date with the Otleys.
We?
Yes. Special for the bride and groom.
Oh.
Well I was going home
on the 9 o'clock bus.
But if it will help you, I'll stay.
You'll make it in time.
Even if I miss it,
if it will help you ..
You won't miss it. I'll see to that.
- It doesn't matter if I do.
You see I can call my father and ..
- Don't do me any favors.
The sooner you get out of
Clayfield, the better I'll like it.
I'll even drive you to the station.
You don't like me anymore, do you?
[ Telephone ]
That's alright.
I won't be any more trouble to you.
I can .. I can always call Slim.
Have him pick me up.
That suits me too.
It saves my tyres.
Excuse me.
Hello?
Oh yes, Mrs Otley.
Sure. No trouble at all.
I'll be right over.
Excuse me.
I have to get some things for Mrs Otley.
As soon as you get dressed, I'll
meet you in their cabin. - Yes.
And don't try to run out on me.
85 cents, ma'am. - There you are.
- Thank you.
Good evening, ma'am.
- Good evening.
Are you the porter?
- Yes ma'am. Most everything round here.
Lieutenant Mallory's cabin please.
I am Mrs Mallory.
Mrs Mallory?
Yes.
Oh, but she ..
You ain't .. she's down ..
You needn't look so bewildered.
Oh no, ma'am. I'm not bewildered.
But I'm afraid you're going to be.
Right this way.
Mallory .. Mallory ..
How do you say?
- I didn't say. I'm just thinking.
Look out, please.
- What's the trouble?
That's the trouble.
I gets it wrong that time.
Right this way.
There is something very
peculiar about this place.
Yes ma'am, and it's getting
more peculiar every day.
Yes?
- You have company, ma'am.
I beg your pardon. I thought this
was Lieutenant Mallory's cabin.
Yes, it is.
But there must be some mistake.
I called the camp from the station.
The Corporal in charge said
my son would be here.
Who?
Your son?
Your son?
- Yes, Don. He's station here.
He's a Lieutenant.
Oh, well isn't that lovely.
Well I was just leaving.
I'll just wait outside
until you're packed.
Oh no. You stay right here.
You sit down.
That's right. I wouldn't think of it.
Make yourself comfortable.
There, that's fine.
I'll be ready in a minute.
Excuse me, ma'am. Does Lieutenant
Mallory know you're leaving?
Well if she didn't tell she was leaving,
how could this be his cabin?
Well I don't know. It seems to
have me a little bit befuddled.
Well.
Is there anything else
I can do Mrs Mallory?
No thank you.
No thank you.
There.
- Thank you, ma'am.
Pardon me.
Don wasn't expecting me until Friday.
But I thought I'd get in a day or two
ahead of time and .. simplify things.
Yes. You certainly have.
But it looks as if he's
arranged everything anyway.
Oh, he's a very thoughtful boy.
He certainly is. He must be. Yes.
Do you know, I've heard a
lot about these motor courts.
They tell me all kinds
of things happen here.
Uhuh. All kinds. All kinds. Excuse me.
But of course I've never
needed to worry about Don.
He was an Eagle Scout.
- Oh, isn't that nice.
Is your husband in the army?
- Yeah, yes. He is.
My dear, you needn't rush
like that on my account.
I'm in a terrible hurry.
Is he being transferred?
- Well, you might call it that.
He's not being sent overseas is he?
We don't know where this is going
to lead us. Now what did I do with ..?
Well I'm off now, you see. He's
waiting right outside. So goodbye.
Goodbye, dear. Don will be glad to know
I met such a sweet little army wife.
I feel as though I've
been sort-of broken in.
I know exactly what you mean.
Goodbye.
Mrs Mallory.
Our Millie doesn't want an avocado.
What does that mean?
Try cantaloupe.
- Thank you.
This may be a night to remember.
- It may be one to forget.
Oh, Mrs Mallory. I've thought of you all
day but I haven't had one free minute.
Neither have I.
There's a rattlesnake in No 5
and people are complaining.
But I'll register you before the
night is over. - Don't hurry.
Lucille. Lucille.
Has my husband come back?
I mean Lieutenant Mallory.
I mean my husband. Has he?
Your husband?
- Yes.
I didn't know he left you.
- He hasn't.
He left to do some shopping. But I want
to stop him before Mrs Mallory sees him.
Mrs Mallory?
Which Mrs Mallory?
- The other Mrs Mallory.
The other Mrs Mallory?
- Yes. I'll wait here.
You go to cabin Number 6 and pick up my
bags. Don't tell Mrs Mallory who I am.
Don't tell ..?
- No.
Thanks, Lieutenant.
See you in the morning.
Yes, sir.
Good evening, Mrs Mallory.
Never mind. Just forget the whole thing.
Good evening, Colonel Otley.
- And where is the Lieutenant?
The Lieutenant?
Well, he went to get
some things for Mrs Otley.
Well, I think he can find
our cabin by himself.
Snafu. That's what it is. Snafu.
Sit down over there, Mrs Mallory.
- Thank you very much.
Would you like a glass of sherry?
- Yes.
Yes. I really could do with one.
Colonel Otley, there is something ..
Forgive me if I seem a little depressed.
I had quite a shock today.
- Oh.
Nothing serious, I hope.
Yes. Very serious.
I found out a young Lieutenant
on my staff wasn't married.
And all the time I thought
the woman who ..
All the time I thought he was.
You mean the ..?
Uhuh.
Anyone I know?
- I hardly think so.
His name is Allen. Lieutenant Allen.
It's a shame. He had an
excellent future in the army.
He said he was given a choice today
of court-martial or resignation.
Oh.
Colonel Otley.
Would you mind if I had
another one, please?
Why certainly. I'm sorry I
mentioned it, Mrs Mallory.
I'd better not tell you about the
girl then. It's even worse for her.
The girl?
Uhuh.
What happened to her?
Oh, I'd rather not talk about it.
Why young people can't realize what
they're getting into is beyond me.
A thing like that can
ruin a girl's whole life.
Yes .. yes, but what happened to her?
Well, it will be in the
papers tomorrow morning.
The papers?
- Certainly.
Young people must realise that society
has certain moral rules and regulations.
When they are broken, they have
to pay the penalty. That's all.
Yes, but what happened to her
and what have they done to her?
Why are you so interested?
Who, me?
- Yes.
Oh, I'm not.
I was just thinking how she must feel.
Pretty awkward I imagine.
Yes, I'm sure of that.
Fill it up?
- Please.
[ Door knocks ]
Come in.
Evening, Colonel.
- Evening.
Here is the Sauternes Mrs Otley wanted.
- Thank you, Don. Here.
Give your wife another glass
of sherry and help yourself.
I'll chill this up a bit.
Oh fine. Fine, thank you, sir.
Now look.
Before you say a thing, listen to me.
Everything has gone wrong.
What do you mean?
- First of all, your mother is here.
My mother?
- Yes, she's in cabin Number 6.
You mean she ..
- Waits for you.
Where did she come from?
- I don't know. From a puff of smoke.
What next. She's not due until Friday.
She wanted to simplify matters.
You'd better phone her right now.
Tell her you're at camp or something.
If you don't she'll be looking. If she
looks she'll find us and if she does ..
Well ..
Excuse me. Do you mind if I
close the door? I'm cooking fish.
No, not at all. Would you mind
if I use the phone Mrs Otley?
Of course not. Go right ahead.
Help yourself.
Thank you.
Lucille. Get me cabin Number 6.
Michael.
I must talk to you.
Yes?
Far be it from me to gossip but
some of the girls are talking.
She spent the entire day with her
uncle Eddie and he's very attractive.
Who spent the entire day
with who's uncle Eddie?
Mrs Mallory. While I took
her husband shopping.
You took him shopping?
- Hmm.
Couldn't you have left
him alone for one day?
He was alone. That's my point.
Oh, you women.
Yes mother, I'll be there soon. In the
meantime, make yourself comfortable.
Oh, I will, dear.
Don't you worry about me.
Bye.
Now here's what I want you to do.
When we finish dinner I
give the Colonel a cigar.
You take a match and light it.
- No you don't. Not tonight.
You can't tell him tonight.
- Why?
Have you heard of Lieutenant Allen?
- Yes, what about him?
Well he was supposed to be married
but he wasn't. Just like us only worse.
And Colonel Otley found out. And then ..
I do hope I haven't kept
you waiting too long.
Oh no, not at all.
A real treat for me and
Mrs Otley having you here.
A real treat for us to be
here, sir. Isn't it, darling?
Yes, yes. It certainly is.
Could I pour you a sherry, Mrs Otley?
- Thank you.
Yes. Let's give a toast to the bride.
My dear, I hope this man of yours
crowds as many exciting moments ..
Into your first 30 years as this big
bustling boy has crowded into mine.
He's done pretty well so far.
- Fine, fine.
Excuse me.
To the bride, Don.
- The bride.
The bride.
Lemon juice and water. Delicious.
Well, shall we sit down?
You there, Mrs Mallory.
You there, Lieutenant.
By the way, Don. I have your papers.
Papers?
- Yes.
You'll have him where you
want him now, Mrs Mallory.
His insurance. Your monthly allotment.
Now Michael, that can wait until
after we've finished dinner.
Well .. isn't that nice.
And all for $6.70 a month.
It comes out of his pay.
He never sees it.
Really?
- No.
Have you a pen, Don?
A pen?
Colonel Otley, do you think I might
have another little sherry please?
Why, certainly.
I still think this can wait
until after dinner, Michael.
It will only take him a moment
to sign his name, my dear.
Then we can settle down
to a peaceful little evening.
And everything will be
over once and for all.
Yes.
Well, have you the pen?
Oh.
I'm afraid I haven't one, Colonel.
Well, there must be one
around here some place.
Well.
Well, this is very interesting.
I've never seen ..
Anything like this before.
Oh, I'm terribly sorry, Colonel Otley.
How stupid of me.
Well.
Aren't you lucky.
They are perfectly alright.
Here. Sign it, Don.
Where I put the "X".
- "X"?
Yes. "X" marks the spot where
the murder is committed.
Colonel Otley.
There's something I've got to tell you.
- Sign on the "X", dear.
Oh, I'm so terribly sorry. I don't know
what's the matter with me this evening.
I guess I've completely ruined them now.
Oh don't worry, my dear.
I have duplicates. Army efficiency.
Oh.
You know, I'm beginning to think you
don't want him to sign the papers.
Wherever did you get that idea?
- I don't know but I did.
Sign it Don and let's get it over with.
These are lovely.
Did you grow them yourself?
Colonel Otley! Colonel Otley!
Excuse me. Colonel Otley, have
you ever delivered a baby?
Well, it's not my speciality.
- Is it time?
I'm afraid so. I don't know what to do.
Only one thing to do.
Get her to the hospital.
Too late.
- Never too late in the army.
Maybe the baby doesn't know that yet.
That's right. You'll help me won't you?
Of course. Come along Michael.
We'll be right back.
What about dinner?
No thanks. I'm not hungry.
Yeah. I'm sorry. I thought you meant ..?
And you can come too.
Next time.
Next time. Yes.
Next time?
Phew.
That was close.
You sure pick an inconvenient
time to have babies.
I told Millie you were
having a dinner party.
Dinner can wait.
The country needs men.
Oh yes, fine.
It's amazing the mess a guy can get into
just by putting his foot on the brake.
I know just how you feel.
But I wish you wouldn't
refer to me as a mess.
Oh, I'm not blaming you anymore.
No?
- No.
Oh well, I'm certainly
glad to hear that.
No. It's just .. conditions.
Conditions?
- Yes.
Oh.
I suppose you think that ..
I shouldn't be out
selling oil-well supplies.
No. That's alright. There is
nothing wrong with that.
My father doesn't like it either.
You know, a girl ..
- That's old-fashioned thinking.
In this war women have proved
they can do any job a man can do.
Hmm?
That is, with certain exceptions.
Nope. The whole trouble comes
from the housing situation.
If there were more houses in Clayfield
this never would have happened.
You know.
You sound just like an archit ..
Tect. Do you?
- Hmm. I was.
I bet you made an awful cute one.
Cute?
Sure.
You know.
There is something about you ..
Sherry certainly does to me.
How many of these have you had?
I don't know.
I'm not saying.
You come with me. Miss Howard.
Oh, good. Where are we going?
- Hey.
I think we'd better feed that sherry jag
of yours before you get in more trouble.
Oh.
Hello.
How do you do.
Where is she?
- Where is who?
Mrs Mallory. I'm supposed
to take her to the station.
But I have just come from the station.
I can't help that, lady. I've still
got to take her to the station.
Excuse me. Maybe she's in the kitchen.
There is no-one in the kitchen.
Young man, there must be some mistake.
I just got here and I'm not
going back to the station.
Look lady, I'm not interested
in where you go.
I'm looking for Mrs Mallory.
But I am Mrs Mallory.
- You? - Yes.
No.
My dear boy I've been
Mrs Mallory for 27 years.
You're not going to stand
there and tell me I'm not.
Excuse me, ma'am.
Got to get to the electric heater.
We're going to have a baby.
- Just a minute, boy.
Where's that young lady who was here?
You mean Mrs Mallory, Mrs Mallory?
Now don't you start that.
- I told you so.
She's down in cabin Number 10
making time with her husband.
I expect he's your son.
My son?
I told you you was going
to get bewildered.
I don't like creamed fish.
I never did.
As a matter of fact I don't like
creamed fish at any time.
Sit down. Sit down and eat.
Go on.
I'm not hungry.
Well drink some coffee then.
You need something.
Alright.
Don.
Have you ever been in love?
No.
Love is a beautiful thing.
I get two hours of it every
Saturday night at a movie.
That's enough for me.
Are you sorry you met me?
I don't know yet.
Will you miss me when I'm gone?
I'll write you and let
you know. Go on and eat.
You've had enough of that.
What are you trying to do?
I'm trying to drown my sorrows.
Don't be silly.
What kind of a man are you?
I am a man with tremendous self-control.
Well, Slim Clark wouldn't
treat me like this.
Donald!
Why, hello mother.
It's you.
Donald, what is this?
Oh, this?
This is Miss Howard.
Hello.
I've already had the pleasure.
Now I expect an explanation.
Oh well.
It may sound complicated but ..
It's really very simple.
You see Miss Howard and I were ..
I needed a room for the night.
So I asked him to
register with me. But ..
What sort of a woman are you?
What sort are you looking for?
Intoxicated too!
Of course I should have known the moment
I saw you .. I should have suspected.
Nothing but a cheap,
common, ordinary little ..
Just a moment, madam.
Dad.
Hello, Jean.
To whom are you referring?
- This .. this woman.
This woman happens to be my daughter.
Now Jean, what is the meaning of this?
Well, Dad.
It's nothing. Nothing at all.
She's just a little upset because
Lieutenant Mallory and I aren't married.
Well, of course you're not married.
Who says you are?
What? Not married?
- That's right. Who are you?
Who are you?
- I'm her father.
I'm Colonel Otley.
- Oh.
Not married, eh?
I demand a complete explanation
of this, Lieutenant Mallory.
And I demand a complete explanation.
- Who are you?
I'm his mother.
Are you anybody's father or mother?
- Not that I know of.
How dare you be flippant
with a senior officer.
You're not my senior officer.
Michael, the gentleman
has on civilian clothes.
AWOL in civvies? You will hang for this.
Now take it easy, Colonel. I just don't
happen to belong to your club anymore.
Of course not, Michael.
Balls.
So, you thought you'd put
something over on me did you?
No sir.
You see sir, all I was ..
- I see.
Do I look like an imbecile?
- Michael.
Don't "Michael" me! How dare they
throw their indecencies in my face.
Why, she's just a cheap little ..
- Now wait a minute.
I don't care if you are a Colonel. You
can't talk about my daughter like that.
Quiet!
You should be ashamed
of yourselves, all of you.
We are absolutely innocent. Both of us.
I had to have a husband.
I mean, a place to stay.
And I couldn't get it without a husband.
That doesn't excuse the fact that he
spent the night in cabin Number 6.
He's been a perfect gentleman at all
times and you ought to be proud of him.
Why, he even gave up his bed
to me and slept in the kitchen.
Kitchen?
- Yes.
No, sir. I slept outside.
Outside?
Make up your mind.
They don't want to believe you.
Well, go on and think
your horrible thoughts.
I don't care anymore.
Jean.
- Excuse me.
Oh Mrs Otley, will you come and hold the
baby? I think there is another coming.
Another?
- Uhuh.
I can't understand it myself.
- Come on, Michael.
You report back to camp,
Lieutenant Mallory.
I don't believe a word of
that preposterous story.
Yes, sir.
- Oh, Don.
And you an Eagle Scout.
- Oh, mother.
Well Captain, you now have two boys
and it looks like you may have three.
Three?
I suppose I'll have to take out
a new kind of license for this.
Three? What have I done?
I mean, what will I do?
I'll try and make you a Major.
Don't just stand here. Come on.
- Yes. Come on.
Thank you, Lucille.
- I brung you a spare.
Thank you. See if you can find another.
- Another?
A Major? Thanks.
- Right.
Pardon me, General.
It's a telegram for you. It came a while
ago. I didn't have time to deliver it.
What with the births and all.
- Thank you, Lucille.
General. Excuse me, sir.
I know it's none of my business.
But Lieutenant Mallory is right.
He did sleep outside.
What's that?
- I got it here in my diary.
You actually saw him?
Not only saw him. I almost sat on him.
You see me and my girlfriend was
out there looking at the moon.
Are you sure it was Lieutenant Mallory?
Oh yes, sir. I never forget a face.
Especially when I sit on it.
Well, well. That's fine, fine.
Yes, sir.
Thank you Mrs Otley. I'll do
as much for you sometime.
You were right. It's three.
This will make the headlines.
Michael, it is three.
Canada, Brazil and now the
Colonial Auto Court. Just think of it.
Why, what's the matter, Michael?
Evidently 25 pounds wasn't enough, dear.
Oh.
I'm sorry.
My men are going without me.
I may sound selfish but ..
This makes me the happiest
woman in the world.
Your laughter is leaking a bit, Kate.
Let's go finish dinner.
Don.
- Yes, sir?
You have an apology
coming to you, my boy.
I checked on your story
and found out it is the truth.
Good.
- Thank you, sir.
I should have known
better in the first place.
You will be leaving soon.
I wish I were going with you.
I can't tell you how sorry I am, sir.
I ..
I don't suppose I ever
expected it, Don. I ..
I just wanted it so much.
I know, sir.
No fool like on old fool.
Better turn in early.
Don't bother about going out to camp.
You'll go with me in the morning.
Thank you, sir. Goodnight, Mrs Otley.
Goodnight, sir.
- Goodnight.
At least I can eat again.
Tomorrow night I want a roast loin
of pork fat with crackling on the top.
A big Idaho potato with
three pats of butter.
Corn-on-the-cob and hot rolls like
you used to make with more butter.
A big apple pie with plenty
of cheese on the side.
And a tankard of beer. That size.
That ought to put on weight.
Hello.
Trying to get another order?
Now don't take it so hard, kid.
The army is full of Lieutenants.
Yeah. And the sea is full of fish.
But there is only one for me.
And he doesn't even know I'm alive.
Oh, I think he suspects it.
Well then, why does
he treat me like this?
Well maybe he's jealous?
Do you really think so?
- Yeah.
While you're finding out,
I think I'll run along.
Good luck.
Oh, it's been quite an
experience meeting you.
Thank you for the order.
Excuse me.
Yes?
What are you doing?
Getting ready to go to bed.
Before dinner?
I'm very tired Miss Howard,
and I've had a hard day.
And Colonel Otley told me to
catch up on my sleep here.
It seems I'm not being kicked
out of the army after all.
Goodnight.
You mean .. everything is alright?
Yes.
I'm just being transferred and where I
go I'll need my sleep where I've been.
I hate to think of you.
Way out there across The Pacific.
With no-one to get a letter from.
My friends will write, and my mother.
And then when you get back?
Not having a "someone" to come home to?
Like other Lieutenants and people.
That would be terrible.
Would it?
Yes, of course.
A man needs a .. a helpmate.
Why?
Well.
He just does. That's all.
Because men are only sort-of ..
Practically overgrown boys, you know.
That's a very interesting idea.
Does it interest you?
Just a little?
No. Not just a little.
Now, if you will excuse me I have a
very important phone call to make.
Line please.
Hello. May I speak to
Reverend D'Angelo please?
Yes. Lieutenant Mallory from Camp Clay.
Hello D'Angelo? I mean Reverend.
I wonder if you could arrange a wedding.
Yes, for two.
Oh fine. My wife and
I will be right over.
Yes. Thanks. I'm leaving immediately.
Goodbye.
Jean.
Jean! Wait a minute.
Oh Don!
Four!
Those darned avocados
gave me quadruplets.
Four.
Hey! Catch him.
Oh, Lieutenant Mallory.
I was just going to your cabin.
At last I found one
minute to register you.
You won't believe it, but things were
hectic around here the last few days.
There you are.
Lieutenant and Mrs Mallory.
Could you tell us how
to find Revered D'Angelo?
You drive through town and
turn rght at the second block.
We're getting married.
Oh, that's nice.
As I always said. Nothing like a wedding
to bring two married people together.
T-G