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Pitching Tents (2017)
Friday night
I just got back I had my eyes shut was dreaming 'bout the past I thought about you while the radio played should of got movin' some reason I stayed I started drifting to a different place I realized I was falling of the face of your world and there was nothing left to bring me back I'm a million miles away a million miles away I'm just a million miles away and there's nothing left to bring me back today took a ride went downtown the streets were empty there was no one around to the place that we used to know in all the places we used to go. Whoa, that's good! You have outdone yourself. That is a freakin' masterpiece. Michelangelo! Hey Tony, if you're selling beef, why did you want a dairy cow? 'Cause tits sell. Here, here's your pay. I gave you an extra ten. Have a great time at trout camp. Now gimme a little more yellow in that hat though, huh? You got it. Alright, have a good night. Goodnight Michelangelo! And there's nothing to bring me back today bring me back today bring me back today a million miles away to bring me back today bring me back today bring me back to day. Happy Thursday to you, let's brighten up the day with a big smile. Today for lunch, we're having Salisbury steak, sweet corn... out of my way dork! Oh, what are you going to do? I saw that Van Dexter, you little prick. Your ass is grass. Your welcome Tim, don't let it get you down. I was bullied when I was your age. Really? I've had hair like this since I was 11 years old. The older boys used to paint nipples on my head and make me dress like a girl. But you have a bright future ahead of you son. That little turd will be lucky if he can get a job scraping chewing gum off the floor of an adult bookstore. But if there's one thing I've learned in life, and you pay close attention, avoid home room like the plague. Look I know why I'm here, okay, she deserved to be called a castrating bitch. Sometimes these freshman girls, they... Warren, that's not why you're here. Unfortunately, with the budget cuts, there's a chance they may need to let go of a guidance counselor next year. I'm sure Janet will land on her feet. I'm not talking about Janet. I'm not following. Warren, you may lose your job. What? But I've been here longer. It's not about seniority anymore. The school board is taking a closer look at job performance. Part of their evaluation is based on percentages of kids that you helped to get into college this year. Oh, I am absolutely kicking ass there. Well, your numbers have fallen. With just a few weeks left in the school year, Janet is up by one student. That's impossible, Janet stinks. That instead of college, Brian young has decided to go out to defend our country. That selfish little prick. And there's Tommy brewer, and Vicky Collins. I got them into Pitt. They're going to be in a hospital for a year, and I have to suffer? Come on! It's not me. It's the numbers. Well tom, this is my school. These are my kids. I mean there has to be something I can do? Warren, it's fourth and long, and you're down by six, with one minute left. You have to be Terry Bradshaw, and throw a hail Mary into the end zone. You fucker! All my hard work to get you into slippery rock, and you pull this shit right before school's out. I hope you know your goddamn stunt's gonna have me living in my car and eating cat food. After praying with my parents and my pastor, I decided it's best if I join the army. "I was praying with my parents" you pussy. Laura, hi. Congratulations, I hear miss Phillips father got that scholarship to beaver college for shot put. Lacrosse actually. The important thing is, college is not for everyone. A girl like you, might be better suited for the peace corps. The peace corps doesn't ask you to do annoying things like wear a bra, shave under your arms. Think about it. Ssh. Just think. Although beaver is perfect for her. Juvie. Dropout. Retard. Danny Whitaker, not a complete waste of life. Frank, hey, Warren mulligan over here at Grandview, how goes it? Good buddy, listen, I'm sorry about that kid dropping out last minute, but I got the perfect replacement. Waiting list? At slippery rock? Can't you just white out that kid's name, and put in this new guy? Alright look frank, I need a favor. I gotta get this kid in okay? I could lose my job for Christ's sakes. Am I in trouble or something? As a matter of fact, every time I walk into the supermarket to grab a couple of yams and some baby oil, I see one of your murals, I feel like I'm walking into the Guggenheim. Wow, thanks. Big plans for the weekend? Um, no, no, not really. So you're not going to the woods for trout camp? Oh, um, you know, I'm not really sure. I wouldn't have told my counselor either. But I know, that this weekend you're going to be in the woods with your friend, you're going to get drunk, you're going to party. And then you're going to look for this mysterious group of girls who swims naked. Goddess camp? Here's my advice, don't do it. Yeah, I understand why it sounds like a lot of fun. Before you know it, you're going to be lost in the woods, drunk by yourself, dreaming of a goddess who doesn't exist, masturbating in a poison Ivy bush, and there's nothing more humiliating than your mother dabbing Colamine lotion onto your grapefruit sized testicles. Yeah, I can laugh about it now. I mean, you guys actually thought that was real? It's an urban myth. You wanna see titties you go to the oasis on route eight. Pretend you don't know me. Seriously Dan, what are your plans after graduation? With my friends this summer, and then look for a job. What if I get you into college? College? I mean, I didn't apply to any. Doesn't matter. I got a friend over at slippery rock who would love to meet with you on Monday. Yeah, I don't think college is really my thing. Danny, college is awesome. It was the best six years of my life. I thought I was Henry Miller for Christ's sake. I'd sit around naked, smoking in my dorm, dreaming about banging Anais nin. She was an author, Cuban and French, kinda like a cigar made our of ham. Doesn't matter, she's dead now. Point is, she was fucking hot. That's real great. Yeah, it's 1984 Danny. You're gonna need a college education to get any kind of a real job. Alright, I mean, what would I even major in? Who gives a shit. It's a chance to get out of this town, and do something with your life. Here, give this to your parents. I'm sure they'll agree with me. They can call me any time of day or night with any questions they have. You're a bright kid. It's time for you to start dreaming. Ah, Bonjour Daniel. Bonjour mom. Honey, can we stop with the French, we're German and Irish for crying out loud. I'm just practicing. Next year is our 25th anniversary, and you promised to take me to Paris, since we had to skip our honeymoon. Yeah well, that was Pete's fault. You were very worth it honey. Okay, asseyez-vous, you're dad needs to get to work. Oh yeah, why is he going to work now? They need some extra help at the plant. Honey, dinner. Where you Daniel? Making out with your gay friends? Like some kind of a loser boomerang? Whoa, whoa, whoa, what happened to sloppy Joe night? It's coq-au-vin. It's chicken with onions and mushrooms, in a wine sauce. Now, why are you so late Daniel? Mr. mulligan, my guidance counselor, wanted to meet with me. He says he can get me into slippery rock. He, uh, wants me to meet up with some guy from there on Monday. Mr. mulligan thinks I need to go to college to get a job. Yeah, I know, it's just he thinks that it's, you know... nah, nah, you know, college, it's a waste of four years, so, you know what, tell him he can stop filling your head with those crazy thoughts. Bruce, I think that now is the time for you to tell Danny your news. I got you a job at the plant. What? I thought they weren't hiring? They weren't, I got you in. Tres bien! Yeah, but I'm still in high school. No, it's part time until you graduate, and, and nine bucks an hour. Nine bucks? Well, he's actually going to graduate high school. Let's see Mr. mulligan make that kind of money. So, Sunday, you'll come down, I'll show you around right? Sunday, he's going to be face down in a puddle of puke. What the hell is that supposed to mean? So what, I'm not going to trout camp. Yeah, he's going to paint Todd's grandfather's barn in Pleasantville this weekend. It's been on the calendar for weeks. Oh, yeah, right. Your brother isn't like you. He doesn't gamble with his future. Alright, he knows Bridgetown would never hire a kid who got busted for underage drinking, right? Yeah. Right? Yeah, I know dad, and I'm not. I'm not going to trout camp. Trout camp's gonna be awesome! Legendary! And I just hope I can go. Oh, dude, you're going. You gotta go, you're our ride. I told you a thousand times. Pot doesn't do anything to me. Pot and chicks. When I find goddess camp, I'm not telling you. Your gonna waste your time man. You just wind up walking through the woods with poison Ivy on your balls. Oh, but I have a secret weapon. My cousin's map shows all the places he's searched back since the sighting in '79. While you guys are looking for make believe Poontang I'll be banging the real thing. Yeah right, dream on. Hey save some for me dickweeds. Guess what my uncle Randy brought back from his business trip in Japan? Gonorrhea? Good one. A freakin' Sony Discman. Yeah, you dweebs won't be able to get one of these for years. Alright, I read about these in rolling stone. Cd's are just a fad alright. Yeah, says the DJ from the honky-tonk station. Shit! Just paying my dues there, but for the record, it's classic country. Yeah, for the record, it's just background music for truckers getting laid. Oh, shit! Ooh, Mr. Danny, that's cool, what is that dude? Oh thanks, it's the cars' next album cover. They just don't know it yet. Nice! He seems a little stressed. If you got a ticket to slippery rock, take it! I don't know man, my dad seems freaked out. Take the job. It's nine bucks and hour with great health. And reek of cobalt like his idiot brother. If I wasn't already accepted to the Columbia school of broadcasting, I mean, I'd ask his old man for a job. Okay, you weren't accepted. They accept anybody who sends a check. Shut the hell up Wachowski. It's alright guys, I'll figure it out. Come on guys, stand up. To titties! Trees, and trout! Allons, Allons-y. Allons-y! Let's go! Hey why do I smell skunk? Oh I ran over a dead skunk or something, you know what, I should probably go take a shower. Hold on! Come here please. Look at what your father brought home. Try it on! Let's see. Oh, it fits you perfectly. We don't have to special order it, like your brothers. Huge head, here. Oh! Oh, tres Beau! Look how handsome he looks. What? Aw, you look just like your father. Danny Danny! Danny! You're going to be late for school. Danny! Oh my god, mom! Get out! A woman can be stiff, when on love intent, but love has pitched his mansion, in the place of excrement. For nothing can be sole or whole, that has not been rent. What did Yeats mean when he said, "pitched his mansion?" Anyone, anyone, anyone, anyone, anyone, anyone, listening to me? Can you hear me back there? Oh, okay. Listen, I know you're going camping this weekend kids. I've read about what happens there. Please, protect yourselves, no drinking, or smoking, or partying. Catch a fish for crying out loud. Or crabs! That's not funny, that's a serious condition. The gaming commission said you could win $500 for catching the biggest trout. Five hundred bucks is a lot of money. I'm more interested in smelling like a fish what's more important Ms. Keyes, the length, or the girth? That's an inappropriate question young man. Girth. Uh, hey Adrianne. Skanky Ann up yours dork. They just accepted me into the Barbizon school of modeling. They said, I'm clearly very fashion forward, and I show a lot of promise. I mean that's really great, you know, um, so you gonna be at trout camp this weekend? Um, yeah, but you know I'm dating Bobby now? Hard to miss with you two making out in shop class. Oh no, no, it's fine, you know, Bobby's a great guy. You know, Danny is going to slippery rock in the fall. You? The only book I've ever seen you open is your sketch book for your little doodles. It's not really finalized and all that yet, but... it just happened really fast, you know. Huh! Well, good for you. Maybe I will see you at trout camp. Maybe you won't. Todd, why do you have to talk to that bitch? Shut the hell up. Don't let up where we're setting up camp. Yeah, but we don't want them to know that. Hey, Shelley. So, uh, where you setting up this year? I'm not sure. Oh, we're going to try Pyrenees bend. Us too! Close to campo grande, and I hear they got ten kegs. Cool so I'll see you there then. Guess so. What the hell! Sorry, I panicked. It's cool, we got what we needed. Fighting, courage to the core! Rock pride is mounting, s.R.U. Forever more! That is the slippery rock theme song. Now Danny, you do have to have an essay ready by Monday morning. Oh, I do. Yeah, nothing major, just... Some crap about perseverance, personal struggles, overcoming the odds, they eat that shit up. Ah, trout camp! I'll whip up something so sad, they'll read it and cry like they got their dicks caught in the escalator. Thank you so much Mr. Mulligan, that's awesome. I understand, there's a lot of questions. I'll take care of them too. And try not to get into too much trouble. Don't be fresh. Team is fighting... that guy is a freakazoid. Trout camp fuckers! You're listening to Phil from the hill, and thank you for listening to oil city's classic country. You're going to get me fired man! - Come on man, let's do this! - Come on! Alright, let's go, watch the door. There it is. Let's get you in here. Come on. Hey grandpa! How you doing? Ooh, watch the head. Okay. Lock him up. I don't know about this dude. Let's just make sure he gets back before family feud starts. Come on, move it. Take your wine cooler and your porn and get out. Alright you're up. I'll get you next time. That's what you said last time. I'm a little short this month okay. Oh boy! Alright, what do I owe you? And a box of these, yeah! It's tradition! Tradition, you're making up traditions. Every time I pay, you make up a tradition. No, I'm not. What's going on? Oh, we're out of quarters, and dimes. It's money, let's get going. I want to get out there before those pissants take the best spots. Well, at least you could take the box. "My sciatica, my everything, my back." Shut up! Mom likes me best. Anything else grandpa? Okay, I guess that'll do it. Hang on, the old man didn't say a word. That's coz the Japs ripped out his vocal cords with a bayonet at the battle of the bulge. He drinks to forget about it, but thanks for bringing it up. Wait a minute. The battle of the bulge was in Europe. You want to tell him that? Thank you for your service. This way. Grandpa just got us beer, and he doesn't know what year it is. Okay, always great hanging out with you grandpa. Come on grandpa! We'll see you next time grandpa! Oh my god, who farted? Oh, I bet, I think grandpa crop dusted. It's getting stronger! It's in my mouth. Window! Window! Air it out! Air it out! Let me out! Unlock the door Danny! Let me out! Why did we park so far away? He wanted me to park out here, and use the back door. Okay, Danny, I need you to come with me. He used to hang out with your older brother. He might give us a better deal, alright? I don't even know why we need weed. It's habit forming, you know. I don't want to see you go down that path. Shut up dude. He should be here. Yo! God! Who's this Hector? Relax man, it's Pete Whitaker's brother, Danny. Is he an asshole like his brother? Just let us inside. I wanna show Danny your doll collection. Fuck you, those are my mom's cabbage patch kids. Someone just stole Geneva Gina, and she almost killed me. Was that you? Um no, it wasn't. Stash, come on. I just got this stuff in. - Oh, yeah, wow. - Holy shit. Fucking a, right? Acapulco gold. Okay how much? Well for you... A hundred. What can I get for 50? Alright, show stash the cash. Okay! Alright. So uh, what are you guys doing? You want to uh, roll a doob, or chill out? Oh, it's alright, maybe some other time. We gotta go. You sure? Yeah. Hold on. Dude, where's he go, he just walked off... oh shit, it's the fuzz! Why are they running? Go, come on! Just get in! Drive, drive, drive! I'm not taking you anywhere. Bro, if I explain this weed in your car, I told you we didn't need pot. Who's this douche. Danny, just pull away, slow. Unemployment at a record high people coming people going people born to die don't ask me because I don't know why but it's like that and that's the way it is people in the world. Oh there's Henry's Van trying to make ends meet pull in over there. You try to ride car, hope you brought train, bus or feet a five man tent. I said you gotta work hard. Watch it! And that's the way it is. You need to lay off the dope because I didn't even touch you. Huh yes! Yo stash, what the hell man, this is my mom's car. No wonder the back seat looked familiar. Shut up! God, what an asshole. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Yo, you pitched your tent in our spot. Your spot? We were here first. Naw, see this can. I put it here last year, saved the area. Bullshit. You calling stash a liar? Your not even going to fish, and this spot has the best access to the creek. Oh, we're going fishing. Fishing for babes. See those hot chicks over there? They ain't going to fuck you nerds. Stash, let's just find another spot. No, we're camping right here. You guys did it all wrong anyway. And it's way too close to the pisser. What is he... forget it, let's just go guys. What? We're moving. Mighty Christian of you boys. We'll send out sloppy seconds downstream. I can not believe that jerk-off is with us. Don't worry man, we'll ditch him at the party. I don't think we're getting rid of him. Forget about it, okay. Let's just have some beers, and meet some girls, and have a great weekend. Alright, fine. Alright? Yeah dude! Hey Ronnie, what's up? Screw you Danny. What I do? Speaking of miracles, it's a miracle that I'm even here today, and able to apply, considering most of my father's ancestors perished, writhing in their own blood, and feces, and urine during the great Irish potato famine. I got it ma. Hello? I said I got it for Christ's sake. Don't you yell at me. Hello hey Warren, don bishop. Oh, Heya don. I heard frank from slippery rock is meeting Danny Whitaker on Monday. Good work, you're stepping up your game. Proud of you. Oh, thanks don. Keep it up. Uh, say hi to your mom. Will do, alright thanks, goodbye. Hey ma! Don says hello! Wow, you really play a righteous air guitar. Oh, if you're lucky, I'll show you my Yngwie Malmsteen. If you come any closer, I'll show you a can of mace. Ugh, he makes my skin crawl. I don't know if I can put up with that cretin all weekend. I'm going to fish this year. You say that every year. Brought my poles and bait. Better than last year when you used dynamite, and almost blew my whole hand off. It was an m 80, and your pinky nail grew back. It took four months. Yeah, there's a lot of jerks around here. Running all through the woods. If I don't catch that fish, I think I may kill one of those kids. Done it before. Done it before. How long you holding onto that torch statue of Liberty? What are our chances with them? You? Slim to none. Me? A sure thing probably. There it is. Love comes and it flows like water call of the wild. Burning with the hope of insight time to party! We are we are we are we're just children finding our way around indecision we are we are we are rather helpless boys, boys, boys. Welcome to campo grande, and the party of 1984. Where'd you get this Hector. Ain't a stash that trout cant find here. Dude, it's going to blow away the party from the '70's okay. Five bucks, let's go. This is how it works boys, okay. Brew over there. Pisser over there. Chicks, well, they're everywhere. We got something moldy yes I do, bitch. Party favors boys. Oh shit, shrooms. Whoa, whoa, whoa. I didn't bring enough for the whole class. What's it gonna be? What do you guys think? It's like no with the mushrooms. Come on dudes, it's our last fucking trout camp. Last chance. How was that a sports question? It's sports and leisure. Cooking is a very popular, leisurely activity. Orange wedge, S'il vous plait. Alright, there we go. Merci beaucoup. You talk to Danny? He just doesn't break a leg, falling off a ladder or something, you know. Bruce, Danny is very responsible. You're a regular Linda Lovelace. Oh, you're such an asshole stash, shut up man! It's a compliment! Who's up next! Let's get fucked up! Somebody a little tipsy? Questions in my hand and then. I'm here '84! Answers gone till I don't know when whoa, whoa, whoa! What do you feed this thing? Live mice. Really, that's funny coz, I feed mine live beaver. Bite me. That didn't work. I fucking love her. All fish that are under eight inches have to be thrown back. I happen to be packing the perfect measuring tool. Eew! There's a music revolution happening, and you still listen to Rick Springfield. Yeah, but there's so many other great bands out there. Like um, U2, rem, the smiths, and you listen to shit like Jessie's girl? Yeah, and you wanna know my favorite song by him? Don't talk to strangers. Later jerk. Hey hey the clouds are away let's take a hit. No, pot doesn't do anything for me. What does that even mean? And I just don't feel anything. Then you're doing it wrong dude. No, I'm pretty sure I've done it right. Only dweebs don't smoke weed okay, so I'm going to need you to hit this, pronto. No, I'm, I'm cool. Hit it one time. We're getting pot sucked bro! And I can see hear smell touch taste I really enjoyed that. And I've got one two three four five ooh! Shit. Are you okay? Not even going to say hi. Oh my god, put that thing away. Yeah, I heard that one before. I finally get you alone without your loser friends. You know they're the main reason why we didn't work out in the first place. Really, that's funny. You know, I thought the main reason we didn't work out was me catching Andy Goodwin's hand down your pants, but... I had a weak moment. You know we dated for two years, you never had a weak moment with me. Hey hey night fights day there's food for the thinkers I happen to be packing the perfect measuring... look Phil! My my the sky will cry jewels for the thirsty and the guilt ones. I'm so high! Aw, this feels good. Clearly seeing me is still too much for you to handle. One two three four five all of you are under arrest! Stop! You can't run! We're calling your parents! Shit! Hey, Ronnie, guys! The cops busted up the party. Yeah, so? Can I, can I, here, with you guys? My dad will rip me a new one if I get caught. We don't give a crap. 'Cause of you, we lost hours of fishing, finding a new spot. They're coming, better keep running. Whitaker, I see you! Fuck! In conclusion, I am an ideal candidate for slippery rock, not just because all of my relatives perished like pigs in a sty, but because when I saw two roads diverged in a wood, I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference. Mulligan, you are fucking brilliant. Oh, so that's why my pee stream is a little erratic. Okay, yeah. Oh, look at that. Come on. Ugh! Crazy. Is that a rubber. I told you we should have gone to that party. Hey, I was beginning to worry about you. Oh, relax. It's going to be alright. Warren! Oh, hiya Tony. What are you doing to me? Are you trying to get me in trouble with your mother? What are you talking about? What's in the bag? What's in the bag? Healthy items. Can I see? Donuts, hm. And you were doing so good! I'm gonna credit these to your mother's account. Thanks Tony. Why don't you mind your own beeswax you fat prick. Well, Bonjour Mr. mulligan. Oh, good morning Mrs. Whitaker. You're up pretty early aren't you? Early please, I've already sweated with Jane Fonda, and done two hours of laundry. Jane Fonda, I get it. Yeah, feel the burn. I have, I'll never call that girl again. Danny's new opportunity is pretty exciting, huh? Hey, thanks for taking such a special interest in Danny. It meant the world to him. Ah, I'm just doing my job. I'm really happy that you and Mr. Whitaker Danny wasn't a hundred percent sure you'd be on board. We were just kind of surprised it happened so fast, but hey, when opportunity knocks. I answer the phone. Oh yeah, well, he had to make a few sacrifices to get Danny in, but it was totally worth it. Bruce had to take some graveyard shifts in exchange for getting Danny into Bridgetown. Bridgetown? Yeah where did you think he got a job? I gotta go home. Well hey, are you okay? What? Are you alright? Like you give a shit. Ugh! Lovely. That is vile. Little prick. This is madman Mully mulligan, and I'm about to go north on route eight by black road, I don't want to get bit by a bear. See you hit me up if you see a Kojak with a Kodak. I'm going fishing for a lying little asshole. Life is so strange when you don't know how can you tell where you're going to you can't be sure of any situation something could change and then you won't know life is so strange destination unknown when you don't know your destination something could change it's unknown and then you won't know. It's great! Come on in! Destination unknown I take it you're feeling better? Oh, uh, yeah, I was just going down to the water to, um, clean myself up. Come here. I don't even know your name. Oh, I'm, uh, Danny. Hi Danny. Allison. Yeah, yeah I'm a senior at Grandview. Here I come you little shit bird. Here we are. Here we are. Ugh, fuck me. Wherever you are, I hope you're fucking dead. So, did you see him? It's a ghost town. Grande's shut down for good, and no sign of Danny. Stash never had a party in the woods busted by the fuzz. No, they just came to your house. I guess we gotta lay low tonight, in case they're out looking for stragglers. We're not going to find goddess camp sitting on your ass. Can't, I don't feel so good. Goddess camp, if there were naked chicks out here, I could sniff them out. Shut your face. Did you bring the big bobbers this time? No. Argh! Hi fellas, think you can help me out here? What can we do for you? Looking for a high school boy. About this tall. Slender build, good looking. And I'm more than a little pissed off. For boys out here in the woods. Only ones who've played me for a fool. Takes all kinds I guess. What a dickhead. Yeah, looks like a dick. Thanks for helping me out. Your welcome. What happened? I was at a party with friends, and we were drinking, and cops showed up, it was dark, think I can figure out the rest. What the hell. Where'd he come from? He fell down into our camp. So you brought him here? Do you really think a guy just stumbled upon us yes, and he might have a concussion. Is this goddess camp? Look, he has no idea where he is. And I will lead him out of here blind folded. Okay? We don't have a choice, do we. And if we find one of his buddies lurking around, there's going to be trouble. I'm never drinking again. Didn't anyone ever teach you? You need a little hair of the dog that bit you. Oh, it's all in your head. Man, I gotta take a shit. Guys, just keep an eye on my rod. That sounds so gay dude. There's not even anything left. Hey, sorry if I like caused a problem or anything. Oh you didn't, my friends can be a little intense about their privacy. Yeah can't believe I actually found goddess camp. We're not goddesses, we're friends who like to chill out after finals. Yeah, some of the girls have been coming to this spot for years. We don't want the word to get out and ruin it. I can understand that. Most guys don't. We've been spotted a few times, and we've become this secret society of amazonian lesbians. And every year, some horny high schooler thinks he's Indiana Jones searching for us like we're the lost ark. It's sad. Well, I'm not one of them. What? Horny or high schooler? Boys, boys, boys, boys! Come here you fish bastard! - Oh crap! - Holy shit! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait, wait! Whoa, whoa! While you were out lollygagging, I caught it. That's my pole, I baited it, I cast it, that's my fish. Anyone can throw a worm in the water, the art's in catching it. The baby's mine. Bullshit. Whoa! We came here to party, and have a good time, not fight over a fish alright. Why don't you just throw it back. Let me think about that. Uh... The prize money will buy me shit loads of bacon, Jesus, is pot the only thing you care about? Pot and pussy. You little douche bag! Ouch, ouch, ouch. Hey ladies! Take a look at my huge trout! Yuck, why do they hang out with him? Because, he's never without weed. So, they would rather get high with him, than hook up with us? Come on, toughen up you pussy! Hah, hey guess how you order steak in France? Oh, don't know, don't care. Biftek et frites! You're going to need to learn when we go to Paris. Oh honey, look, hey, you wanna know a place that's romantic, niagra falls. Yeah, those Canadians, they put all their signs in French. That's not romantic. How about Atlantic city? Honey, very romantic. You know Bobby Vinton plays there all the time. Oh, you know, you know... Roses are r... don't you dare. 24 years you have been promising me. Now I have clipped coupons, and bought store brand. I have sold Tupperware, and Mary Kaye and Avon, which is a conflict of interest, I have skimped on nail salons and hair salons and dry cleaning to save money. You are taking me to Paris! Okay, I'm taking you to par... Honey, I'm just kidding around. Honey, come on, honey, come on. I'm taking... hey Bruce, Caroline. Hey, Bonjour Mike, you're not on duty today? No, I was, I worked a double. Hey there Pete, haven't seen you in awhile. No, you have not. So anyway, Bruce. Its none of my business, but last night I broke up an underage drinking party at trout camp, and Danny was there. Busted! Hey, shut it. Danny's not at trout camp, he's helping a friend in Pleasantville. Oh no, he was, I saw him with my own eyes. Are you sure? Yeah, I was this close to him. I saw him. I think you must've mistook some other kid for Danny. What? Oh, yeah. Maybe I did. See you guys around. Bruce, don't get carried... Caroline, don't. I can't believe stash is going to win the money. Maybe someone will catch a bigger one. No way! I don't care, let that ass wipe win. Buy all the weed he can get his douche bag hands on, and smoke himself into a pot induced coma. Well, as long as you don't care. Wow, so your counselor tells you he can get you into slippery rock, the same day your dad gets you into Bridgetown? You gotta be totally stressed out. I just don't get how people can expect you to make a decision at 18 that affects your whole life. My parents were convinced I'd become a doctor. I told my dad that I wanted to study sociology, and back pack through Europe, and he threw up. Literally, mashed potatoes all over my mother. It was classic. It's pretty funny. What made you want to study sociology? I knew I wanted to help people in some way, but I just couldn't stomach pre-med, and all that blood. You did a pretty good job patching me up. Well, you're lucky it wasn't any worse. I would have left you for the bears. Just look at 'em. Huh? They are so flirting with us. Acting like they're not paying attention. Wait, how do you know they're acting? Because it's what they do. Just make them think we're ignoring them. I am ignoring them. Me catching that fish turned the little one on. Then why don't they come over here? 'Cause then we'd think they're easy. Wait so, they wanna come over here, because they're easy, but they won't come over here because they don't us to know they're easy. Ding-ding, circle gets the square. But don't you guys worry. I'm going to figure out a way to get 'em over here. Bruce, I don't think this is a good idea. Pete! Let's go! So um, what's Pittsburgh like? Oh, I love it. My place is on Southside, near Jack's bar. Carson street is so much fun. I've only been to Pittsburgh once, for like a class trip to the zoo. Well, you should check it out this summer. I'd like that, for sure. Um, I gotta figure out what I'm doing first, 'cause there's a good chance I might be working. So, slippery rock's out? I don't know, I mean uh, you know, going to college would be a blast, but working at Bridgetown would mean a lot to my dad. You know it's like a family tradition. Um, life's a puzzle. Make sure you don't try to force pieces where they don't fit. You know if sociology doesn't work out, you should definitely try being a guidance counselor. I'm getting tired. I'm trying here. Just get it up already. This has never happened to me before. I think I heard something. It's probably a bear or something. What! Bobby! Oh Bobby! Bobby, thank god, I'm lost. You have any Colamine lotion. I got poison Ivy on my balls. Listen, Mr. m., I'm a little busy here. Listen, Mr. m., why don't you go way over there? Get outta here. Fucker. Pete! Come on! This is so cool. We haven't been hunting together in years. We're not hunting. We're hunting for Danny's ass. You guys haven't lured them over here yet? They're never coming over here with you around. Men and women are meant to be together. Maybe not this time. Bullshit. And the apple, and the snake, and the... I got it! I got it! What, wait, wait, I'm not finished. Danny, you're really talented. Oh, thanks, I mean, it's just a hobby. Collecting beer cans is a hobby. You should really think about becoming an artist. Yeah, that would go over real well in my house. These are awesome. Have your parents seen your work. Um, you know, not really, just a few things. You can't take that job at Bridgetown. Why not? Test, you're an artist. Yeah well, what kind of job is an artist anyways. I mean, you know what, I'm supposed to just give up a future and a paycheck to paint supermarket murals? That is your dad talking. You have something special, and not very many people can say that. I really appreciate the advice, what the hell to do with my life right now. Okay. I'm sorry. It's none of my business. I'm sure you'll figure it out. Let's go. How you feeling? I'm coming around. Great, because it's time for you to go. You've outstayed your welcome. You don't have to be rude Becca. This is a girls only weekend. Forget it. Great! She's pleasant. Sorry hey! Mr. Whitaker? What are you doing out here? Some of us actually came to fish. Oh, catch anything? A few rainbow, but nothing much. Yeah, you seen Danny? Not around here. I don't, I don't think he came. Alright, thanks Ronnie. You guys fish, at trout camp. Dorks! Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo. Oh my god stash, what the hell are you doing? Don't worry, we're all getting laid tonight. Fire! I know you were trying to help, I'm just, figuring what I want to do with my life right now. Well, sometime, when you're alone, I want you to close your eyes, and try to picture how you imagine your future. Where you live, where you work. If you see yourself in oil city, hanging out with your friends, working at the plant, then maybe that's your answer. But, if you have trouble imagining that, I think that's your heart telling you that you need more. Wow that's deep. Alright, now let's get you lost, again. Mr. mulligan? Pete? I'm trying to right a wrong, what are you doing here? Hey, wait a minute, you're mulligan? Yeah, I'm mulligan. All these cockamamie ideas about college into my kid's head. You're confusing him. I'm trying to set your kid on the right path in life. That's his father's job. Yeah, well, no disrespect, shouldn't do something great with his life, just because you haven't done shit with yours. Watch it fucko, I wrestled in junior high school. Okay shit bag, come on, bring it. Lucky for you, my balls itch. Danny! Are you okay? Danny! You scared the crap out of me. I want to kiss you. I'm rocking' tonight I'm walkin' on air gonna find me some trouble gonna grab my share I want you tonight I want you with me. Like father, like son! Make me guilty of love. I admit it in the first degree when I put on that country station and I hear Phil from the hill, I get a little tingly. It takes a little bit more than that for me, but you're a freak. You want it all right we're going in style say you walk right you talk right and your hair's so wild. Alright, I think I'm gonna hit the sack. But it's so early. I know, but I'm just beat. Wait for it. Fuckers! Moonlight in the city brings the magic to your eyes. Freezing a moment leave me paralyzed breathe an emotion. Wait for it. Set it dancing in my ear bring on the rhythm when I hold you near take me in your arms roll me through the night take me to your heart rock me tonite you do it all right your passion to see you been schooled in the art of romancing me hold tight you're in for a ride can you feel the blood pound. There's a snake in our tent! Way down inside now what? No one's stopping us now. You girls can uh, we go down down stay here tonight where the music's loud and we can figure it out if it's all right in the morning. Hey its alright by me. Hey, that's a good idea Todd go and play on my love play it all for me we need more firewood. I'll be right back. I can't believe this happened to us. I don't think you girls were like in any real danger. Are you kidding? Those are royal pythons, they feel threatened enough, they'll absolutely kill you. Wait, how did you know what kind of snake it was. Wait, you put that thing in our tent? You asshole! Ow! Hey, we didn't know, what he was going to do alright? Just, I swear. You know what, I believe you. That's my face. Aw shit! We're getting a new fucking spot next year. Danny's old man's coming this way. Guys in the tent, girls you don't know us or Danny. Go, go, go, go, go! Stash, let's go! You're not the boss of me! Stash! No way, what's up man? It's Pete. We used to hang out all the time in ninth grade. Which time? My first, your second. Oh yeah! Presto Pete? Hey, yeah man. You could smoke a little joint with one hit. I don't know what you're talking about. Jesus Christ, has anybody seen my son, Danny Whitaker? Who's in there? She's changing out of her bathing suit. I just need to check real quick. Are you crazy? Alright, sorry for interrupting girls. Yeah, like stash would hang out with a dork like Danny. Hey, hey stash, can I, joint? For the road, out here, you know. Pete! Sorry man. See you Pete. Finally, it grew back. You can see that line right there. I bet that hurt. It did. It did. Who's open for business? Excuse me? You're at trout camp. Every girl at trout camp is looking for some tube steak, right? Oh my god, gross. Shut up stash, you jerk. Whatever Scott. She's cross-eyed. Shut up! God, this sucks! Hey, you guys wanna go for a walk? Let's go. Where are you going? It's your loss. Come sweetheart. Watch the teeth! Watch the teeth! We've been to pit hole and back, where's this little shit hiding at? Well, maybe he's not here. Yeah, right. I mean yeah, maybe you're right. You know what. Let's call it. I'm beat. I thought I just heard my dad's voice. Out here? Yeah, yeah, you're right. You do have some issues to work out. Are you sure about this? It's pretty fucked up, even for you Becca. Think about baby Moses, being sent down the Nile, in a basket. That was so Moses wouldn't get killed. Exactly, so this asshole should consider himself lucky. Allison? Oh god! Oh my god. I know you took it you bastard! I did not! Yo guys! What's going on? Dude, where the hell have you been? Long story man. He took my prize winning trout. Alright, alright, alright! Now, he's going to call me a liar. Listen, if you don't want the whole town to know that your latest girlfriend had a set of gills... I'm going to bury this asshole. Yeah? I suggest you drop it. Dude, look dude, your dad and Pete were out here last night looking for you. Yeah, no one saw, we hid. We gotta get out of here. Now! Dude, seriously, where the hell have you been? What if I told you, when I ran from the cops, I actually found goddess camp? So you were tripping on mushrooms. Yeah, that's what I'd say too. Come on, let's get out of here. No. Like the way he always goes, "what?" No. Dude. It wasn't what it looked like. Yeah, what the hell was your dick in a fish sometimes it's hard being the cool dude that everyone wants to hang around with. I mean when the party's over, I'm alone. Alright, look stash, it's alright. It's not fair! I'm the one who got those girls over here, and they're the ones who got laid. And now my reputation's ruined 'cause of one weak moment. Listen, listen. It's alright. Okay, I'm not going to tell anyone. Really? Yeah swear to god? I swear. Alright? Now, come on. Let's pack up, alright? All I got is the shirt on my back, and the weed in my pocket. Let's go! Man, let's go. So... Can I call you? I guess so. I think I have a pen. Voila. Okay, ready? Go for it. Eight six seven five three oh nine good one Jenny. Three oh nine. Listen um, after graduation, I'm going to college. I mean, just community, but I can't have any distractions. Community huh? Well, you better have a lot of will power. No way. But what's your real number? Okay, I'll give it to you. Okay, let me get out my pen. What the hell! Looky, looky. Hey, what are you canoeing in your underpants for? You ever find your boyfriend? Huh? Ha ha, right? Must of had rough night with the boys. How do you like coming to the woods, to see something like that? Yeah, I just want to fish. Yeah everybody busting dude, I think you ran a red light. You guys just take a chill pill alright! Alright, there's pot! Hide the pot! We're so busted. My dad's going to kill me. No, boys. It's going to be okay. Danny... I think this'll makes us even. Teenage underground teenage underground. I'm going to get you this time, you little fucker. What the hell just happened? I think stash just saved our asses. These little assholes aren't going to win. And we have a winner. No way! No! You know what, this is ridiculous. I'm going to the bar. What the fuck! Alright, wake up dudes. - Pssst! - Come on wake up. Wake up! I guess that's our, last trout camp. We could always be like stash and go every year. I'd rather lose my left nut. Well, we're still gonna see each other around? Right guys? Is this where we all hug and cry? Nah, I mean, we can skip that right? Please. Danny! Thanks for driving man. Yeah, no problem. Yeah man. I hope stash made it home. I really need some weed. I can tell. Who knows though? Later Danny. How'd the barn turn out? Bruce what? Hey? Yeah, took a drive up oil creek. Imagine my surprise when I saw your mother's car parked on the side of the road. Um. You're trying to think of another lie? I can't believe I trusted you? Calm down. Danny, you lied to us. Look, I'm about to graduate. All my friends are going to do something different with their lives. That might be the last time we ever get together like that. You know it might sound stupid to you, but it was really important to me. Well it is stupid. You could have screwed up everything I did to get you into Bridgetown. Bruce, Bruce, stop yelling. I thought you were different than your brother. I can't begin to tell you how disappointed we are in you. Aw shit, did I miss it? And here we go. Thank you Burt. Do something about that emphysema, huh? And say hi to your mom for me. Danny. You don't know what he sacrificed. Think he enjoys working the night shift at his age? What's that got to do with anything? He made a deal to work those shifts, in exchange for you getting hired. Now, you did not hear that from me. You don't know that, you understand? Yeah so give him a break. All he wanted was to make sure that you're taken care of. Okay, get some rest. It was a long weekend. You have a big day ahead of you. It's a big day tomorrow, for you, and for him. The 1984 school year is almost over. You're 18. Technically, he can't ground you, right? It's his house, his rules, you know. I just got to lay low, let the whole thing blow over. Hey studmuffin. Come on, let's go before my mom gets home. Later. I know it was you. We would have caught it if we stayed in that spot. I know. But uh... Thanks. No problem. Stay away from the dark side. I will try master Yoda. Hey, come on in Danny. Nice to meet you. Yes! Mr. mulligan speaks very highly of you. Oh, well, he's um... Thank you. We're just having a conversation. Tell me why you think slippery rock university is right for you? Hey frank. Was I right, or was I right about Danny? Hey you're here. You look good. That itchiness is going to go away after your mom washes it a few times. It's okay. You've got some forms you've got to fill out. You got a safety video you've got to watch, so let's get you clocked in. You gonna lean on it, or you gonna run it? Alright. There you go. That's you. Everyday, this remarkable device, the human hand, helps make living, a very good living, for millions of people, in thousands of different ways. Hands work efficiently... hey, shit for brains. With the tiniest instruments, and with great, powerful machinery, to do tremendous jobs... it ain't all bad here. You get used to the smell. I kinda like it. Hands get into close quarters... You make money, you pay bills. Shit, I almost have enough saved up for a satellite TV, I'm gonna be like 50 channels. Machines and materials, that are capable of destroying or mutilating them in one senseless moment. There are several specific kinds of danger in most... you can always paint your little supermarket bunny rabbits on the side. Deserves the greatest respect and understanding. Where are you going? You gotta watch the whole thing. Hey what's this? Um... I'm sorry dad, I um I can't do this. You haven't been here ten friggin' minutes. I had an epiphany. Like a light bulb went off in my head. I don't belong here. Look, I'm an artist. Oh, Jesus Christ, come on kid. Fuck, you're an artist? That's bullshit. No, it's not! All I have ever loved to do is draw. Well then, you can draw good. So what? It's not going to pay the bills. Hey, hey, hey. Look, you... Put this back on your head. Put it back on your head, or I swear to god, this is going to be the sorriest day of your life. I'm sorry dad. You went through a lot to get me in here, and I appreciate it, okay, I really do. Danny... no, I'm sorry. I just can't. You, hang on, you, wait a minute. Alright you want to waste your life? You're not getting a goddamn cent from me. Normally I get dinner and a movie before I get fucked you little shit. Look Mr. mulligan, I'm sorry, I didn't mean... I didn't mean to screw up at slippery rock. The whole time you're working here. By the way, I'm not working here, I just quit. What do you mean you quit? Look, I mean, whether you believe it or not, you inspired me. I inspired you? Yeah you told me I needed to start dreaming. So, that's what I'm doing. I don't know what it all means, but I'll figure it out. Maybe I'll meet Anais nin along the way. She was a metaphor, you idiot. Wow, you did it man, you're actually leaving. Send me some pictures of those la hotties, alright? First chance I get, I come crash on your couch. Awesome. Come on! Oh, ain't that sweet. Ah, shut up Pete. Here. Take this. Have fun. Do good. I don't want you to have to give head for your first month's rent man. Alright? That was cool, in an assholey way. I don't think he knows any other way. Danny? Don't forget these. Mom, I don't really have room. Oh, they're just sandwiches. Nothing French, I promise. Just make me feel better, knowing you have a full belly. Alright. I'll miss you. I'll miss you too mom. I'll try to make it back for Christmas. Oh well, actually, we're not going to be here. Your dad, finally bought tickets. I'm going to Paris. That's amazing. Mom, I'm so happy for you. So, you got everything? Yeah yeah, I think so. Well, okay then. Dad, I didn't mean to like... hey, forget it. Okay? Go do what you gotta do. Look, you remember this is always your home. Yeah okay? You are always welcome here. You ever get in a situation, and you need help, you call me. Right? I'll do it. What are you looking at? Go on, get out of here. Go. Go! Warren? What are you doing? Packing up the last of my things. Why? You haven't heard? Danny Whitaker's enrolled in classes at an art center in Los Angeles. So Janet and I tied? No, no, no. One of her girls passed on a scholarship to beaver for the peace corps. So you won! I won! You won! I'm sure Janet will land on her feet. Sure she will. But you won. Thanks don. Way to go. Fuck you Janet! This is Phil on the hill. This next one's for my buddy Danny who's leaving oil city for the city of angels. Take care buddy. Phil, unlock the bitch door. I never seen you look like this without a reason this is a country station! Another promise fallen through another season passes by you shock I never took the smile away from anybody's face and that's a desperate way to look for someone who is still a child in a big country dreams stay with you like a lover's voice fires the mountainside stay alive yeah? I think I got the wrong house. Danny? Hey, what are you doing here? I uh how did you find me? I um, I just asked around Jack's bar. Wow, that's pretty resourceful. So is uh, that your boyfriend in there? No, no, he's dating my roommate. Oh! No! Um. Yeah, I just wanted to let you know I'm going to be leaving oil city. No way! Yeah, assuming my car holds up, I'm gonna be a struggling artist in the California sunshine next week. Danny that's awesome. Congratulations! I uh, finished this. Here. Oh my god, Danny. It's beautiful. Thanks. Alright, well, I'd better get going. You know, next stop Graceland, so... whoa, whoa, whoa, you have to stick around and let me show you around Pittsburgh. Okay. One condition. Oh? No more blind folds. Okay yeah? So take that look out of here it doesn't fit you because it's happened doesn't mean you've been discarded pull up your head off the floor come up screaming cry out for everything you ever might have wanted I thought that pain and truth were things that really mattered with every single hope you had shattered shock one two I'm not expecting to grow flowers in a desert but I can live and breathe and see the sun in wintertime in a big country dreams stay with you like a lover's voice fires the mountainside stay alive in a big country dreams stay with you like a lover's voice fires the mountainside stay alive fast cars and cigarettes lipstick and silhouettes the night's still young there's so much to be done fast food and safety nets we'll close the laundromats there's so much to be done when you are young the world's all mine with a soldier on the line the world's all mine with a soldier on the line I've got you by my side tonight we've got nothing to hide okay grandpa, I would like you to meet someone. Hi, nice to meet you. I've got something inside ugh! Eew! |
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