Prime Minister
Here, chickie chickie chickie...
Chick chick chick chick...
- Sweetheart.
- Quiet, you're scaring the chickens.
- You need to call Warsaw. Right now.
- What, did something happen?
Honey...
You've been appointed Prime Minister.
Sweet mother of God!
The President of the Republic of Poland has appointed
you to the position of the Prime Minister.
Please approach
the President.
Along with the Act of Appointment,
the President presents you,
and the other newly appointed members of
the Council of Ministers, with fountain pens.
Thank you very much.
Mister President, ladies and gentlemen.
My fellow Poles!
We stand before you today as your
representatives. The issues of our homeland,
the issues of all Poles
will be always the most important thing for us.
Thank you very much.
- I'm proud of you.
- It's not like you can eat pride.
Who's going to cook for you?
Who's going to make you dumplings?
You'll starve.
If you need anything,
come and see me.
I'm sure I'm not going to
run out of soup anytime soon.
How do you feel about
being Prime Minister?
- Fine.
- Fine?
- Not fine.
- Don't you have your own opinion?
- I do. Or... Maybe I don't?
- No, you don't.
And that's good.
This makes you the perfect Prime Minister.
But I'm trying.
Just don't try too much.
Or you'll screw something up.
You have your ministers, get them to work.
And what am I going to be doing?
You're going to be
the face of the Good Change.
The face. Not the brain.
Yes?
I don't need two brains.
Are we clear?
Crystal.
Okay, now go. You have a cabinet meeting.
Go on, go play.
Thank you.
Good morning.
Welcome, everyone, to today's cabinet meeting.
Ladies and gentlemen, we should take
responsibility for what is happening in Poland.
We were elected to do so by the people.
You, me, all of you, we all have the same mandate
given to us by the citizens to serve Poland.
Well, let's start doing
what Poles expect us to do.
All right, you can start now.
I'm sorry... How?
Without you, Prime Minister?
I have a meeting
as the face of the Good Change.
- Now you breathe in, and then we try. Wide and clear.
- Mhm, mhm...
Mister President,
ladies and gentlemen, I want to...
I'm sorry, can you give me
a smaller plug or something?
Mister President,
ladies and gentlemen.
Ugh.
Short hair, styling, roots,
make up that I have to do every day.
What about some jewellery?
For the suit?
Maybe a brooch? Well, maybe we should
totally go for the Merkel look.
Right.
Merkel... oh... Merkel.
Gestures are equally important.
Your hands won't shake with stress
if you keep yourself busy with gesturing.
Practice in front of the mirror,
but first I'm gonna cover your face on it.
This will help you see
the power of your gestures.
Put your hands together, like for a prayer.
This gesture allows you
to switch to other ones with ease.
Your posture is natural, which
will make people perceive you positively.
Stop. Let's go back.
Your back, your chin, your chest, everything's
wrong. Remember the 7/38/55 rule.
Your words have
only 7% of impact on the listener.
The tone of your voice does 38%,
your body language does 55%. Right?
Open palms. Open palms.
Show people you're being honest.
Your palms turned upwards
mean that you're telling the truth.
Sharp gestures. Horizontal. Vertical.
Use them to emphasise what you say. Be dynamic.
Round gestures.
Circular. Smooth and gentle movements.
Use them to illustrate your words.
- And the special sauce: the pyramid.
- What? What's that?
- Just like this. Okay?
- Okay.
Competence. Self-confidence.
High self-esteem.
Importance of your words. Righteousness.
- Get the hell out of here with this thing.
- But that's the EU flag...
I don't care. It's going
to matchy matchy with my jacket.
Since we're responsible,
we took on this task.
Marlenka.
In this election, Poles put their trust in us,
and we keep the promises that we've made.
Our resolve in repairing
the country will be unwavering.
It's almost as if it's her body double.
Then I'll call you on Monday.
No, not tomorrow. Tomorrow is Sunday.
You know what they say,
Sunday work goes to shit.
Oh my God, what happened?
Nothing significant, Madam Prime Minister.
Come with me, please.
But wait, there's a man out there.
There's somebody...
Later. Safety concerns.
- Sweetheart, oh God!
- Tadzio, my make-up.
- Are you okay? You could have died.
- God has other plans for me.
Marlenka, come.
Gentlemen, I'd like you to join me for dinner.
It's clear.
Here you go!
Honey, so... what's it gonna be like
between us now?
Oh... Like always, I think.
You know what they sometimes
call the Prime Minister's wife?
The first lady, right?
So, if I was Prime Minister,
you'd be my First Lady.
And since you're the Prime Minister,
then what do I call myself?
- Aronia tincture. I made it myself.
- No, thanks, honey.
- I can't, I'm on duty.
- Duty.
- Duty.
- Duty.
So what the fuck am I supposed to do,
drink by myself?
No, honey. From now on,
you don't drink anymore, either.
- Sweetheart, just leave it for today, it's late.
- Leave me alone, I'm trying to learn.
Draft bill on the amendment of
the act on the implementation
of the amendment to the act
implementing the budget.
Do you understand any of this?
No, no, no... I'm learning it by heart.
- But... Sweetheart, I missed you.
- But Tadzio, Tadzio... Later. Leave me alone.
Well... Like husband and wife?
We're not alone, okay?
I'm protected by the BOR.
- Even in bed?
- That's right, honey.
- The Gospel of the Lord.
- Praise to you, Lord Jesus Christ.
Unbutton when you sit down.
That's savoir vivre.
- You look like an old bum.
- Well, it's all new.
- Where did you buy it?
- As usual, in a second-hand store.
Sweet mother of God!
Marlenka, Marlenka, keep an eye on him.
The soup is ready,
dumplings are in the fridge.
- Well, I can always go to the pub.
- Don't you dare!
Somebody might see you,
take a photo even by accident.
You eat at home and you don't drink.
You know what paparazzi are?
Can I go to the outhouse?
So what, am I now
supposed to change my whole life?
But it's a good change, honey.
I'm sorry, I have to go be
a Prime Minister now.
Bye, Marlenka.
- How are we supposed to live?
- With God, Tadzio... With God.
You need to understand that what
Poland needs right now
is investments and savings,
not consumerism.
You need to understand that
we had to borrow money for the 500+ program.
We're in debt for an extra 20
billion, because we want to promote childbirth.
- It's an investment for decades to come!
- We can't skimp when it comes to health.
- Oh, and what about education?
- What about culture and heritage?
Without culture, nothing...
You're bickering about how uncultured
the head of my political cabinet is.
The reality is that you're just jealous of
his handsomeness and posture.
You're envious of how beautiful
his ankles look when he sits down in his suit.
We're not talking
about your blue-eyed boy right now.
You're constantly talking about him.
Madam Prime Minister,
what's your opinion about that?
In this election, Poles put
their trust in us, and we keep our promises.
Our resolve in repairing
the country will be unwavering.
A good change starts with listening.
Thank you.
You don't have to listen to people,
just promise them whatever they want,
and then you need to curb their expectations.
They need to work their asses off for scraps!
Just like us! I don't have any money left
by the end of month.
Oh, by the way!
What's going on with our bonuses?
You're responsible for finances,
can I afford it?
If the answer's yes, then let's move on
to the next item. Let's talk about bonuses.
Polish politics must be different.
Humility, work, moderation, prudent
action and responsibility,
but first and foremost - listening to the citizens.
These are the principles that we follow.
No more arrogance! No more pride!
Madam Prime Minister,
how do you explain the bonuses
you have awarded to yourself
and other members of the government?
What bonuses?
Last year, ministers of your government
received more than 1.5 million in bonuses.
Do you have any comments?
Madam Prime Minister?
That's not a question that I think I'm... currently
allowed or able to answer right now. Thank you.
- What now?
- Let her explain herself.
- Do you have any tips?
- Can this be even explained somehow?
- What would you say?
- Maybe, uhhhhh...
We deserved it for hard work...
...and something,
others, something, octopuses?
I've no idea.
- Me neither. Let her explain herself.
- Can she handle it?
No. It's time for a change.
- Another good change.
- Who's it going to be now?
The time for gifts is done,
time to fix the economy up a bit.
Are you thinking about the bankster?
But, sir, he's got a stick up his ass.
At least she was familiar. People liked her.
Well, they have to unlike her.
- How are you going to manage that?
- I'll explain everything to them.
Only the guilty ones explain themselves.
Are you guilty?
Me? Never.
- That's the spirit.
- What do you mean?
You got claws? Then show them!
Ladies and Gentlemen!
Attacking the minsters of the Polish
government and the government itself
means an attack on Poland.
You should be perfectly aware of that.
Pay it back! Pay it back!
Ladies and gentlemen, please calm down.
I would also like to address the commotion
caused by the opposition,
who revealed information about
the earnings of the ministers of our government.
Pay it back! Pay it back!
It's true, the ministers
and deputy ministers in the government
received bonuses
for their hard and honest work.
They simply deserved that money.
These people are
working hard so that all Poles
can enjoy the development of Poland,
not just selected interest groups
These were official bonuses,
which were awarded in the framework
of the budget enacted in this chamber.
Not watches gifted by fellow businessmen.
What do you think, did they deserve them?
Or not? Yes, I think so.
- Knock, knock. Anybody there?
- What are you doing here, Halinka?
Malinowski slaughtered a pig.
I took some to the inn,
but I still have some left.
Just take a look, ham, bacon, chops...
Three quarters of respondents are pissed off.
"They simply deserved the money."
It was like a slap in the face.
- How about our regular voters?
- About fifty/fifty.
Great.
What about the bonuses?
- Let's donate them to charity.
- In other words, they weren't deserved?
No, the citizens decided.
- Madam Prime Minister.
- Not anymore.
How could he?
You worked so hard. So many nerves.
- And he... tossed you out, just like that?
- Shhhh...
He's not even a bastard.
He's a sadist.
Shhh, don't say that.
Somebody might hear that.
- So what? Are they going to fire you?
- I have to go.
- Yeah, right, we're starting now.
- No, no, no...
- I was the face of the Good Change.
- What are you doing?
I'm not anymore. I have to go.
I would like to thank you very much.
All of you.
I want to thank the whole
parliamentary club of our party...
For two years of hard work together.
But I also want to thank
the deputies of all the other clubs.
It's been an honour for me to serve as
the Prime Minister of the government
of the Republic of Poland.
One pork knuckle in beer for me, please.
- I need to go to Warsaw.
- Are you crazy?
My wife was hurt. What am I supposed to do?
Sit on my ass here?
No fucking way. Fuck, no.
- What about the knuckle?
- Marlenka can eat it.
The President of the Republic of Poland
presents the Prime Minister the act
confirming the resignation
of the Council of Ministers.
In addition, pursuant to Article 154,
item 1 of the Constitution,
the President has appointed
a new Prime Minister.
- Sweetheart! Sweetheart!
- Stop!
- Honey, what are you doing here?
- Where's that Chairman, I'm gonna tell him...
- Calm down!
- No way! Nobody hurts my wife.
And you're a prick, not a Chairman!
That's what I'm gonna tell him.
No, no, no! Calm down. Go!
Tadzio, are you back?
Is that you?
Get out! Now!
Sit down.
Blue-Eyed Boy
I would like to thank
the parliamentary club of our party
for two years of collaboration.
Father Director, are they going
to cut off our funds now?
Sure.
So what are we going to do now?
We'll make friends
with the new Prime Minister.
- Should I arrange a meeting in Warsaw?
- No, he's going to come here himself.
All we have to do is send him
an invitation on TV.
- Is it ready?
- Sure.
Then broadcast it.
Hallelujah - and let's go!
Ladies and gentlemen, the SKOK Woomin affair
is a bigger scandal than Amber Gold.
In fact, it was used
for financing the government.
Enormous loans made up
from hard-earned money of poor Poles
were handed over
by the head of the SKOK in a car.
In turn, she was given bribes
for the loans by those who took them out.
To what do I owe this unexpected visit?
It's such an honour, the Prime Minister
of the country comes to my humble home.
Get to the point.
I've got financial statements
from six ministries here
which will subsidise
your businesses, Father Director.
Why such generosity?
And what am I supposed
to do with that money?
Some sort of training, for example.
For ten million, maybe more.
- And who am I supposed to train?
- Judges.
And you don't even mind that my school
doesn't even offer a law degree?
It doesn't matter.
Education doesn't matter to you,
it matters to me.
I want to keep investing
in the people I've taught.
I've educated a lot of great graduates
at my school. Give them jobs.
Where?
In ministries. Uniformed services.
State-owned companies.
How many are we supposed to hire?
All of them.
Our radio, our TV, our school
were all created to spread the truth.
God bless you all - from now on,
you are going to carry that truth out there.
Each of you will get a job in a different area
of the state. And you will bring the truth there.
You will save the world. You will save Poland.
Hallelujah - and let's go!
As new graduates of the school
of truth - although I haven't graduated yet -
Basia and I send our regards,
Particularly to Father Director.
I wonder what kind of job
Father Director is going to get me?
- Huh...
- Hide it!
What are you scared of? You already have
a diploma, they can't sack you anymore.
But I want to work here.
In Catholic TV.
But wine isn't bad.
Even Jesus Christ drank wine.
He even made it, like in Cana.
Come on, let's have a drink.
To your diploma and our wedding.
And after the wedding, we're going
to do more than just kissing the neck...
...and cheek, right? Right,
give me a kiss for courage.
For encouragement.
I told you.
It didn't say anywhere
that you're not allowed to drink here.
It's a call for you.
- For me?
- Yes, for you.
Hello? Is it really you?
- Can't you just turn on the sirens? It would be faster.
- No, we can't.
- And the gun? What's that?
- A Glock 17.
- Can I take a look?
- No.
- Three stars - that's a captain?
- Lieutenant. I don't think you ever served.
Oh, but I've been watching a lot...
Saving Private Ryan, Enemy at the Gates,
or that one with Gibson...
Oh, do you know this one?
Winnie the Pooh walks into the butcher shop
with an assault rifle, starts shooting
at the staff and screams
"That's for Piglet, motherfuckers!"
The Ministry of National Defence?
I was here once.
The Ministry is somewhere else,
the boss is here.
You got here quick.
I wanted to get here even quicker.
With sirens.
- They didn't turn them on for you?
- There was no order.
- From now on, he's in charge.
- A civilian cannot...
I decide who's a civilian.
Am I making myself clear?
- Yes, sir.
- Glad that's out of the way now.
And now the other thing.
You're getting your first mission.
You will go to the NATO
Counter-Intelligence Centre.
You'll secure the documents, fire the staff
and find evidence of their guilt.
What do you mean?
- We'll see if you have the balls.
This will be your baptism of fire, all right?
- Yes, sir.
- Well, good night, then.
Follow me, lieutenant.
Hey, I'm not mixing up the stars anymore.
No.
Fuck, I'm a fast learner.
Fuck it up!
- Gentlemen, what are you doing?
- Hands up!
- But you're attacking NATO.
- Do you think I give a damn?
Come the fuck on!
- Drop it, or...
- Or what?
- What is this?
- Transfer to the reserves.
I'll go to the head office.
You go to the other ones.
It's locked.
- Well, then bust it open.
- But these are sealed...
What the fuck am I supposed to do, call a vet?
Just rip them off, fuck.
- Security clearance...
- Fuck clearance. I'm the clearance here.
According to a decision
of the Minister for National Defence,
I was appointed
the new plenipotentiary of the minister.
The minister's right hand?
An armed force, so to speak,
in military parlance.
But what was the point of the action at this hour?
What's with the sudden change?
A good change, if you will.
Do you know what was inside?
Unsecured safes. Documents - from
classified and confidential, up to secret
and top secret ones.
And the worst thing was found
in the director's office.
The Polish emblem was half covered.
Hidden behind the blinds.
The Polish eagle!
But the coat of arms
of the Federal Security Service
of the Russian Federation
was right in the centre.
Wouldn't you say it's a sign of
something?
The military prosecutor's office
is investigating
illegal cooperation with the FSB.
Shouldn't we listen to the rest?
What's the point? I wrote it.
Great job there.
And the seals - like a Gordian knot.
Gor... what?
A knot that no one was able to untie
until Alexander the Great
came along and cut it with his sword
without thinking much about it. Slash!
- What are you writing in there?
- Words of wisdom.
I've been writing down your words for quite
a while now. Then I learn from them.
I enrich myself.
If so, then underline the moral:
"without thinking much".
Right. What was
the most important thing there?
Sword? No.
Head! When somebody thinks
too much, he's a shitty soldier.
"Shitty" has a double "t" in it.
All right. I'm going to go now.
I'll be in my office.
- Wait, this isn't your office?
- It's your office.
Fuck me sideways.
- Good morning, minister!
- The minister has left.
- I'm talking about you.
- Me?
You're the head of the Ministry's political cabinet.
How am I supposed to address you?
Well, shit, of course, I can be a minister.
My name is Grayna and I'm your
secretary. Here's your schedule for the day.
Would you like me
to get you something to drink?
Get me a hamburger. With large fries.
I'll send the driver right away.
- I'm visiting a military base?
- At four.
Fuck, not much time.
Screw it, I'll eat it on the way.
What the fuck? No respect... I'm hungry.
We should be driving a tank.
All right, turn on the sirens. And get our
fucking asses on the median.
Two large sets with a village burger.
- Cash or card?
- Requisition.
It's fine, it's just a military prank.
I'm from the Ministry of Defence, you know?
National Defence.
Fuck me, civilians...
What the fuck, cold fries?
You wouldn't get far at my ministry.
How come?
Well, you should've studied!
I've been studying for eight years! Fuck!
- Hello, soldiers!
- Hello, Minister, sir!
Fucking. Awesome.
Regarding awards for soldiers,
I would like to award:
Sergeant Kurkiewicz,
Sergeant Majewski, Corporal Dbek.
Sergeant Kurkiewicz,
where are you from, soldier?
Bochotnica.
- Fuck me, where?
- Bochotnica.
Here, take this, bring it to your village.
They'll be proud.
For the homeland!
Dbek. Very good.
You need to be strong.
Like an oak tree.
Bartek the Oak.
- Here you go, you can be proud.
- For the homeland!
- Okay, once again. Congratulations!
- For the homeland!
For the homeland.
Why the fuck aren't you saluting me?
I'll fucking remember you.
So, a Fiat 126 meets a tank and the tank laughs:
"Hey, Fiat! You have a motor in your ass!"
"I'd rather have a motor in my ass
than a dick on my forehead!"
- Dick, not "tick".
- Have you ever driven a tank, sir?
Fuck, I had a tank once. I glued the
model myself, my sister fucked it up.
Maybe you'd like to try?
We have a tank battalion here.
Fucking awesome.
Follow me to the training grounds.
You just can't fire, there's no money for that.
What the fuck do you mean, no money?
There's got to be money for that!
- It's the ministry's decision.
- I'm the ministry here. And I made a decision.
- I'll send you the papers.
- Sure, you got it. Let's have some fun!
What is this, a wake?
You don't know anything happier?
I love it when she's here...
Something for the people!
Let's have fun, come on! On my command!
Let's have fun!
How the fuck am I gonna
put this on my fuckin' head?
- It's a commemorative medal.
- All right.
- Gentlemen, for the homeland!
- For the homeland, minister, sir!
Now that's fucking respect!
No, Basia, I'm telling you,
it's very difficult service.
It's like a war, but that's nothing,
Basia, we'll make it work.
Don't cry, sweetie, I love you very much.
Gotta go. The homeland needs me. Bye!
Wait a second.
Okay, sweetheart, fuck off.
Here you go.
For the hangover.
I'd rather have a beer.
Get my driver to bring me one.
It'd be better if you don't smell like
beer. The minister would like to see you.
- When?
- Now.
Fuck.
Turn around, please.
- Reporting as ordered!
- Sit down and listen.
War in Ukraine,
a bridge fire in Warsaw,
a plane in Taiwan
and that garbage truck in our backyard.
Do you think it's a coincidence?
I don't think so.
Fuck, I feel horrible.
- We need to go.
- Where?
Let's go.
- What do you say to that?
- I deny it. Categorically. It's a manipulation.
A provocation. I don't even know
if I was there at all.
You were. And that's the spirit.
Don't make excuses for anything.
Never show any weakness. Do you
understand? You're strong. They're weak.
Strong. Weak.
Dogs that bark never bite.
- Are you going to write this down?
- Of course.
And remember, agents and snitches
can be literally anywhere.
- Even in our Polish Army.
- I think I already know that.
- What do you know?
- Who snitched on me.
There was this corporal,
what was his name?
Dbek.
- Hello, soldiers!
- Hello, Minister, sir!
Is the head of the ministry's cabinet
protected by Military Police?
If that's the case,
how much does this cost?
Is it true that a special commemorative coin
was made for him with his name?
What did he do to deserve it?
I have my own coin.
Do you know how much
this is gonna be worth one day?
And the state paid for it!
Back in the day, Rome had an emperor
who made his horse a senator.
Now it turns out that the minister
wants to make his blue-eyed boy
the foundation
of Polish defence.
All right. Fuck, wait.
Look. Attention! Aaaaaaaaah...
Fuck, it's broken!
How could you leave the Polish Army
in the hands of such a person?
You gave a knife to an ape!
Get in.
I'm here, Minister!
Okay, now organise meetings
with all the businessmen
who do business
with the Polish military sector.
- That's it?
- And make it quick.
I protest against calling
the head of the political cabinet
of the Ministry of National Defence
an "ape with a knife".
He's an ape in a spaceship.
Gentlemen, the situation is simple.
From now on, if anybody wants to make
a deal with the Polish military sector
has to pay me
100 thousand for a meeting.
In cash. Anyway, it's cheaper than
if you had to pay a bribe, is it not?
- Here you go.
- Hello.
So, we're done with courtesy.
Hand over the fucking money.
- How can I help you, boy?
- I wanted to go to the arms fair in Kielce.
That's gonna cost you 400 grand, son.
You're paying me 700 for that deal. You need to
sign a contract with my event company
and commission some services that
you'll pull out of your ass, do you understand?
You want a contract, you need to
give my company an order for a million.
Don't you wonder about
his recent visit to Biaystok?
Where he supposedly went to
a night club in a government limo.
People say he offered jobs in the
Territorial Defence Army to people who were there.
Dude,
there's no Chanel store in Poland
and all the girls are really crazy
about these purses.
Same thing with Tiffany's. I got an
awesome multi-currency card at cinkciarz.pl.
I hooked it up to my currency wallet
and I buy stuff from all over the world!
Hey!
God bless. It has been
a week since my last confession.
I did my penance. Since then, I insulted God
with the following sins.
- I said some bad words...
- And?
- I swear often.
- And?
- I'm trying to fight it, but it's stronger than me.
- And?
I took cocaine and
I had sex with women
in exchange for gifts
and money over a dozen times.
I've also been stealing.
I don't remember any more sins,
but I regret all of them
and I ask God
for penance and absolution.
Constitution! Constitution!
I know it's painful.
But we're not a government of the elite.
We're a government that first and foremost
cares for the issues of Poles.
- Minister, just a word.
- What would you like to know?
- The head of your office?
- If this topic interests you,
which I never suspected it would,
I'm really shocked by it.
Do you really want to know about this?
That's... surprising.
- Colour me shocked.
- Can you comment on that?
Thanks to his determination,
courage and ability to make decisions,
he stopped the criminals.
He saved the secret documents from
being intercepted by foreign services.
He blocked an operation against
the Polish Army and national security.
Do you understand? I would like
every officer in the Army
to be able to boast such achievements.
This is an image problem.
Since he's constantly a hot topic
in the media, there's nothing good about it.
I believe you'll finally resolve this issue.
They are jealous. Jealous of his beauty,
condition, his body.
They are jealous.
- Is that cocaine?
- What? No. No way. I would never...
I don't do things like that.
How did you even come up with that?
Can I have some?
But... Really? Are you serious?
Let's just say...
I've had an interesting life.
And the other one?
I love it when she's here...
And dances for me, because she knows...
- Let me see your calf.
- I have scars.
Yeah, like a real soldier.
- Ohhhh...
- Flex it! It's a beautiful calf.
They're jealous of them.
Filled with envy.
Don't you like me?
I'm sorry.
Nothing happened. A soldier's kiss.
Minister, your tank.
- You mean, I'm in charge?
- Of course.
- Colonel, but a civilian cannot...
- Don't argue with me. Just do it. Now.
- Boys, get in the tank!
- Come on, come on...
The pouring rains destroyed an orchard,
and we've been fighting
this war for many years.
We'll return home, make a fire
and feed the dog...
We'll be home by night - if only we win
this important fight.
- Can we fire the gun?
- You're in charge.
Then let's fuck up that bunker over there.
- Holy fuck!
- What's the next target?
Hallelujah - and let's go!
Next stop: Berlin!
- What the fuck?
- I don't know, maybe a landmine?
I'm outta here.
- Fuck, it won't open!
- It's stuck!
- Well, what the fuck do we do now?
- For the homeland!
Homeland? What the fuck?
I don't want to die!
I'm 27 years old,
do you fucking understand?
God, help me! Help me, fuck!
Help!
- He shat himself.
- Hello, Minister, sir!
What are you doing, gentlemen,
what's that for?
- That's for Corporal Dbek, asshole.
You sacked him from the unit.
We want him back.
- Or what?
- Or this!
- Disco or home, minister?
- Swimming pool.
- Come on, chin up!
You're strong, they're weak.
Remember.
- But I kinda fucked up this time.
- No.
No?
- To me, you're a hero.
- Seriously?
Yes.
What doesn't kill you
makes you stronger.
- Are you going to write this down?
- I'll remember it.
- Congratulations!
- For the homeland!
All right, let's see what you got there.
How much did he steal
with this event company?
Millions.
Minister, will you also
stand before the committee?
Now you're defending
the ministry's head of political office?
Please...
Minister,
the Chairman would like to see you.
I'm not going to be needed there?
It's not a teacher's conference.
Remember. You're strong, they're weak.
Come in, come in...
- May I?
- No.
You're going
to have a lot of time to sit.
- You know I have files...
- I do.
You have files. I have files.
These days, everybody's got files.
The point is,
you really don't understand?
Not really, no.
- Can I ask for a comment?
- Comment, please!
Ladies and Gentlemen,
due to this incredible
and nasty hate campaign,
which was directed
against our party using my name...
I made my decision to give up
my membership in the party.
Thank you.
- What now?
- And just one more thing.
And I'll say it on behalf
of all the young people.
Where are we supposed to learn all of this?
Where are we supposed
to gain this experience and hone our skills?
And then where are
we supposed to use all of this
to serve the Republic of Poland
to the fullest possible extent?
Poland is not yet dead!
It's all right, Basia, you know
that I didn't do it for myself,
I did this all for us and for Poland.
But everything's gonna be okay,
whatever doesn't kill us,
makes us stronger. Right?
Given the situation, I might
have to finish my bachelor's degree in jail.
Basia, you were the best thing
that ever happened to me.
That's why I'm sending you
my Cinkciarz multi-currency card.
You can use it to do shopping
all over the world.
I hope it will bring you
as much happiness as it brought me.
I love you.
- What's the stench?
- That motherfucker shat himself.
Fuck, the sirens are on.
Hello, Minister, sir!
True Romance
Constitution! Constitution!
I'm speaking with
a member of the Committee of Inquiry
- and a Special Services Committee.
- God bless.
Any comments about the recent events
in front of the Parliament building?
Folly, stupid fun,
pure idiocy, that's what I think.
They kick the rails,
they lie down on the street,
pretending that they were beaten up.
They're yelling something.
They chant vulgar words...
Constitution,
that's what they're chanting.
Or other stupid things.
Spoiled brats, commies, faggots.
No degenerates, deviants, perverts
and paedophiles will destroy our family.
Our values, our religion.
For me, family is everything.
And I will be a rock. So help me God.
Well, hello, my dearest wife.
In the parliament, where else would I be?
Well, I told you I wouldn't come back,
I have to fight for Poland.
Yeah, tell her that
daddy is fighting for Poland.
I'll check tomorrow. I'll call you.
Socks and pants. No, not to bed.
To the chapel.
I need to calm down. Yes. Bye!
We're the First Brigade,
the shooting squad.
At stake we put our fates!
Oh, how much suffering,
how much torment,
how many tears and blood were shed.
In spite of this, we did not waver,
our goal gave us strength.
- Beautiful voice.
- And the lyrics, you know all of them!
Congratulations!
That's because she sings in a choir.
Let's drink, for fuck's sake.
- Where could I have seen her before?
- Well, where?
During the monthly celebration,
the cursed soldiers rally...
Our young blood from Michasiw.
Give me a kiss!
- It's time for me.
- Where are you going?
I'm staying the night
at the pilgrim's house.
I have a cosy room.
- I'll walk you there.
- I'd appreciate it.
Goodbye.
- Are you afraid?
- Not as an activist, but as a woman...
- Give me your arm. Better?
- Better.
- I'm actually scared.
- You?
No, I'm scared for you.
You're famous from the TV,
your views are well-known...
They'll be all over you, they may
even spit on you. I can't, really...
- I need to go on my own.
- I'm not letting you go alone.
- But I can't.
- Me neither.
- You can stay here.
- But I can't ask you for this.
- But it's me who's offering.
- But I shouldn't...
I'll sleep on the couch, you can take the bed.
You hear what's going on, don't you?
We're at war,
it's an emergency situation, right?
Right. Thank you.
As you can see, the conditions here
leave a lot to be desired.
But well,
everything for our homeland, right?
Right.
- Well, to our homeland, then!
- To our homeland!
And now? I've no idea.
A toast to a new friendship?
Not that I want to be pushy,
but this whole situation...
- An emergency.
- An emergency, indeed.
Julia.
Julia...
That's a beautiful name.
Just like Julia of Carthage,
a martyr and a virgin.
She did not want to renounce God,
so they tortured her.
- They cut off her breasts and hair...
- That's horrible, I don't know what I'd do.
- Then they crucified her.
- I'm not a saint.
I'm Wadysaw. Or just Wadek.
- What happened?
- I got a little carried away. I porked her.
Confession, confession, you need to confess.
Go see a priest.
There's nothing to confess.
I feel no regret.
I haven't fucked like this
in a long time. Four times.
Check her for me. Make sure
she's not Mossad or other shit.
HIV. Get yourself tested,
so that you won't infect your wife.
This is the end for you!
The end for insolent traitors!
German scumbags!
Fifth columns and totalists!
Madam,
could you please get to the point?
It's the end for
the leftists and fascist militias!
Lost cosmopolitans without homelands!
Mothers and fathers,
who believe in cultural gender,
erotomaniacs, sexual pathologies
and political correctness!
- Eat a Snickers!
- Shut up you aggressive mouse!
Don't talk to me.
- I am going to turn off your microphone.
- Child murderers...
- No, no, please rewind, I'm watching.
- Aren't you sick of it yet?
I'm waiting for one deputy,
he signed up to speak.
Is he at least
going to say something interesting?
He's going to speak to me only.
Feminised men in skinny trousers
and pink ballet shoes,
adopting bees, trees and monkeys.
Political blackmailers,
Islam, goat lovers, satanists...
I've just turned off your microphone.
This is an outrage!
That's all we've got,
just what we found on the Internet.
A whore?
A model. Portraits,
nudes, covered nudity.
But she works as a model in Michasiw.
And what the fuck is that?
A selfie with the president.
She's close to the staff.
So, she's with us.
- You could say that. Her heart's on our side.
- And so is her ass. Open a file.
- A file? For her?
- Not for her, for Skiba.
And I would like to tell them.
Let us end this war between brothers!
Make peace, not war.
- Love forever. Have you been waiting long?
- Maybe, but I'm not bored.
What?
That's the way God made me.
Well, you're definitely
one of his best creation, but photos?
Come on, what do you see here?
Tits and ass? Come on.
But you revealed something.
Wadek, I revealed my inner self.
Because you know, I feel like you can
see my soul through my thin,
nearly see-through skin.
Do you see it?
Degenerates, deviants,
perverts and paedophiles
want to destroy religion,
family and undermine the natural law.
They'll never succeed.
- Talk to me. Go on.
- You are... You are so beautiful.
- Not like in the parliament, with the perverts...
- Degenerates.
- Yes.
- Deviants.
Perverts.
Europe's values threaten themselves
by their very nature.
No religion, culture, identity,
responsibility and sense of existence.
No family, no marriage, no children.
The Neo-Marxist Europe is dying,
and Poland with its universal,
Jagiellonian message
is the only hope for civilisation.
You bitch. I'll unwrap you
like a Christmas present.
In the face of growing terror
and the open door
policy towards Islamic fanaticism,
young Poles must be prepared to
defend their families and the Polish land.
So help us God.
- What are you doing?
- I have a committee meeting.
- Again?
- That's my job.
- You work, fuck, work, fuck, work, fuck.
- What's the matter?
Life's not just about work and sex.
- There's got to be something more to it.
- Like what?
- No idea. Long conversations by the fireplace.
- We don't have a fireplace here.
Because it's not a real home.
You have your family, home, everything.
What about me?
I love you.
- I'm just your mistress.
- The Homeland calls, I'm sorry.
Don't interrupt me, you sod!
I'm talking now.
You're not talking,
you're spouting bullshit.
Shut up, you leftist bitch!
You're insulting me. By insulting me,
you're insulting the entire parliamentary opposition.
Mister President, please
react in some way.
- Wadek?
- Cover for me.
For a while, I believed that
we were blessed by God
and that he spoke to us
like in the Bible:
Be fruitful and multiply;
fill the earth and subdue it.
For a while I believed
we were one - one body and one soul.
I gave you my everything, but you
could not do the same for me.
You have a wife and a child,
and you are not strong enough
to start your life anew.
Goodbye, my love.
I will miss you.
- Do you really know what you want?
- I just want her address.
I'll be going to Toru, so maybe I could
swing by that Michasiw on my way.
Your dick's talking here.
- I love her.
- Time heals all wounds.
Not mine. The longer I don't
fuck, the more I suffer.
You caused me a great deal of
suffering and emptiness
with this disappearance,
dear Juleczka...
Are you fucking nuts?
Oh, yeah.
Don't tell me I didn't warn you.
God, thank you!
We want God, Our Lady.
Listen to our cries.
We want to carry the burden of God's love,
this is our pride and our fate.
Sweet Lady, give us our blessing...
- What are you doing here?
- I want to start a new life with you.
- Are you sure?
- I can't live without you anymore.
Just show me your tits.
- And what if I get pregnant?
- You'll give birth.
But what will people say?
What about the Chairman?
You know, this will actually be
good for my image,
when my mistress gives birth to a child
outside wedlock and I won't tell you to kill it.
- So what, am I supposed to stop taking pills?
- Absolutely not.
You'll go to the gynaecologist in Toru tomorrow.
They'll fix your cunt and off we go.
What is your plan
to eradicate terrorism in Europe?
Give me a piece of paper.
First of all, an agreement with Angola,
South Africa or
Mozambique regarding resettlement.
Secondly, we need to build a town
for the displaced people.
Third, we need
to introduce a state of emergency
in the areas
threatened with terrorism.
Fourth, surrounding part
of the territory with the army. Fifth...
- Are you looking for me?
- Yes.
Searches in the surrounded area.
The father of my children.
It was a beautiful statement, Wadek,
a very wise one.
You have...
What do they call it... Charisma!
How long have you been
in the parliament, huh?
How many terms of office?
- Three.
- And what? You're still just a deputy?
- No, deputy Chairman of the committee.
- Deputy Chairman, right.
- Don't you want to aim higher?
- Chairman of the committee?
Maybe a Chairman of the party?
What do you mean?
There's only one Chairman.
No, no... Another party. Let's say...
It would be called Europe Christi.
Because as you said, Wadek,
it's not Christian anymore,
with these refugees and leftists.
This gender, God help us...
Europe is dying. Dying, I say.
- Somebody has to save it.
- Our party...
Ours, yeah... But is it really
ours? Oh, how they piss me off...
Every penny. They're such a pain...
How many times did they not get things done?
How many important laws? How many?
- Right.
- Exactly, and we need to be quick.
Let them see that they're not the only ones, right?
Right, let them see that they're not the only ones.
We're not going to beg and ask them all the time.
Let them do the asking now.
- But I don't think I can do that.
- Wadek...
Who voted for you?
It was us, your family.
- Are you going to forget about us?
- Father Director...
Wadek, I know you're afraid,
but St Peter was afraid, too.
He even denied Jesus and
you know what happened next?
He regretted it. He fell, but he got up
and moved on. He followed Jesus.
And you, Wadek?
What are you going to do?
Stay with us? Or go against us?
My pelvis is perfect. My ovaries are like beads,
my fallopian tubes are great, but you know what?
I still have to do this blood test,
sugar and sperm count.
I mean, you need to do the sperm count.
Wadek, are you listening to me?
I am.
- Well, then why aren't you talking to me?
- Because I'm listening to you.
- So, you don't want to have kids with me?
- What kids?
What kids? Wadek. Come the fuck on!
What's the matter with you?
I need to start a new party.
The Father anointed me.
- Wait, you're going to be a Chairman?
- And a defender of the fucking faith.
And Europe.
That will make me your first lady!
We need to replace my entire wardrobe!
The European Union must become
aware of its situation and understand
to what extent its policy is tied
to the activities of criminal organisations.
We need to remember the
political alliance established...
He's a natural, isn't he?
In many countries, European leftists
and various Islamic groups...
- Is that you?
- You don't know me.
- I do! I saw you in...
- You've never seen me before.
- Me Tarzan, you Jane.
- Stop it, Wadek.
- Isn't it like that?
- Uh, no. Do you love me?
- I'll prove it to you in a minute.
- Fucking doesn't mean love. Do you love me?
- Fuck, I love you.
- Then stop being ashamed of me. Show me off.
- To whom?
- To the world. Urbi et Orbi. Right now.
Now? How? Now I have to work on the fucking
party, do you know how much work it is?
How am I supposed to deal with that?
Catholic Europe - and there's
me with a fucking mistress?
What if you had to choose? Party or me...
What would you do?
That's how you speak to the Chairman?
Jula? Where are you? Jula, you bitch!
Come to your Chairman.
Jesus. God bless.
You let me down, Wadek.
But... Father Director...
May God forgive you.
But what's the matter, Father?
I can't.
Father, why have you forsaken me?
Hey, what's up?
You must have balls of steel
to come here.
What's the matter?
Sir?
- Where did you meet Julia?
- How long did this affair last?
Does your wife know about this?
- About what?
- About this!
First of all, an agreement with Angola,
South Africa, Namibia and
Mozambique regarding resettlement.
Secondly, we need to build a town
for the displaced people.
Third, we need to introduce
a state of emergency in the areas...
- There are no atheists in foxholes.
- They're not going to get me here.
- What was the point, Wadek?
- Fucking love.
A new party.
You cannot hide anything, Wadek.
Not from us.
- Fuck, it was you?
- Not us anymore.
You are not with us.
What are you going to do now?
I think you'll be teaching at school again.
Which one?
All right, let's go back to the class.
Father Director
- After half a year, it's not a tragedy, Basia.
- But I miss him already.
- Father Director wants to see you.
- Did I do something wrong?
On the contrary, my child.
How about this one, Father Director?
It's in pieces.
It's tattered, sure. But the bank
will replace it. Every penny counts.
I used to have nothing. I came to Toru, I had
80 pfennigs. Oh, and a car. A red Audi 80.
I didn't like it, but that's what they gave me.
I couldn't even afford gas.
But God was good to me.
Father Director? Basia.
So, you graduated, yes.
With honours. What now?
Now? I thought that
I would stay here, in TV.
So talented...
Don't you want to go to Warsaw?
You could have a career. Money.
Not like here. Poverty and shambles.
I believe in what I'm doing here.
I mean, I'm doing what I believe in.
God bless you.
Thank you for being
the bearer of the truth.
This is why we founded this radio,
this TV, our school.
So help me God.
But now I want to show you something.
Who are the Polish neo-Nazis?
What do they do?
- But this is...
- Yes, I know.
A few months ago we tried
to get into their ranks.
This is a shocking result of our months
of our undercover investigation,
which ran for several months.
- Do I have to watch this?
- You need to be strong.
Like they are.
You can't be soft against the devil.
- God bless.
- God bless. Don't stop. Just work.
I guess there's a point seven after point six?
Yes, indeed. Seventh, preparing the military
court judgements regarding resettlement.
Eighth, transporting the suspects
to the nearest sea port.
Ninth, moving the suspects
to a prison ship.
Tenth, transporting the suspects
to their final destination.
Ten great, reasonable points.
Ten Commandments, one could say!
And I came up with it!
- Exactly!
- Exactly! The media will take your side.
Our media.
- But what about a platform or something?
- Platform...
Your platform is to save the nation,
save Poland, right? And Europe.
Because it's the root of
all the evil that's poisoning us.
These refugees, all these leftists,
that gender thing...
You are going to save the nation, Wadek!
But is that what the nation wants?
You know what Poles are like.
They're made of iron.
You need to hit them
with a hammer to wake them up.
Some danger, some kind of hammer.
We are going to find this hammer.
We will wake the nation up.
Using the media.
Give them an enemy against whom
they will be able to unite.
Find some leftists,
some gender or other Muslims.
You'll get into their ranks,
shake some hands a bit
and then expose them
on our TV. All the evil.
You mean, the truth?
Repeat something a thousand times
and it becomes the truth.
- Is that even ethical?
- The media are the devil's invention,
but we have to fight evil with evil,
otherwise we lose.
- The truth is going to lose.
- Father, I don't know if I can do it.
You can. You can, Basia,
because the truth will set you free. Basia!
This Sunday in Warsaw. We're marching
for the oppressed and people with disabilities.
LGBT groups, foreigners
and people of other faiths.
Homosexuals, communists and Muslims.
- I'm going to go with them.
- Basia, we cannot take this risk.
If they see the our logo,
we may be in trouble.
That's why you will go incognito
and record with a phone.
And I'm going
to pretend to be one of them.
- Aren't you going to cover your face?
- What? Am I really that ugly?
- No, I'm just asking if you're not afraid.
- I don't know, what about you?
No, not really.
All of Poland against fascism!
- What's going on?
- Nationalists.
- Sign this.
- Five hundred? For what?
Article 52, section 1.
Disturbing public order and peace.
But I didn't do anything.
Well, either you pay a fine
or you're going to jail. I don't have time.
- How did it go?
- Five hundred.
- What, you didn't sign it, did you?
- They told me I'd get arrested.
They let everyone go.
This was just a fascist threat!
- You didn't know that?
- It was my first time.
- A virgin? Hey, we gotta celebrate that!
- How?
Let's go and smoke a joint.
People! Let's go to the squat!
The new Hitlerjugend is cheating again.
The new Hitlerjugend is attacking again.
They come from the cellar to the streets.
Is this also your first time?
Wow, a regular virgin.
And you? Do you fuck neo-Nazis?
Sure.
How long?
Since my first concert of Armia,
when I was 17.
The Nazis fucked me up so bad
that they broke my jawbone.
I was in hospital for three weeks.
Fuck, let me tell you...
After something like this,
you either give up or you go all out.
Does it hurt?
Not when you're kissing me.
- No, I can't.
- Freedom, equality, democracy.
- I have a boyfriend.
- True love is free.
- Hello, it's the minister.
- It's me.
I see.
It's nice of me
to say "minister", isn't it?
- And you're not one.
- Come and pick me up.
- I'm on duty.
- Please!
It's like a war in here!
- Pull over here. It's him?
- Yes.
Look at him, he's so pretty.
Angel on the surface and devil inside.
These are the worst.
Basia, but will he do it?
- Basia?
- Yes? No, I don't know.
He believes in what he's doing.
So we're not going to be able to bribe him
to take part in a provocation.
Why bribe? I'd rather say...
Convince him to do something good.
What is good according to his beliefs?
But how can we convince him,
Father Director?
I can only pray for you.
A good prayer bears good fruit.
Come up with something.
Hallelujah - and let's go!
What am I supposed to ride? A cow?
People are spouting bullshit.
I can ride a cow,
but where am I supposed to keep it?
I got them from a homeless man.
That's what you tell them.
A homeless man came and gave me two cars.
Stanisaw, from Warsaw.
And then he died. That's what you tell them.
Right. God bless you. Hey there.
- Father?
- What's up, Basia?
I can't do it.
I don't want to see Pawe.
Sometimes you have to get dirty.
Just look at farmers sowing...
Look how dirty they get,
and yet they sow...
I can't do this.
Can't you see what's going on?
It's a war, isn't it?
Between the Church
and the anti-Church.
Between the truth and lie. Between the
good and evil. Between God and Satan.
- Who do you want to serve?
- God.
It's time for your trial.
You cannot stay on the sidelines.
Go and fight. Just don't tell anyone.
- Marco Fontane. Pawe.
- Hello.
Non parlo polacco.
- Do you speak English?
- Just a bit.
I'll tell you what this is all about. Marco
is a communist. He belongs to a group...
- What is your name? Bandiera Rossa?
- Bandiera Rossa Azione Radicale.
Right. Marco would like us to help him.
Oh boy, this is so stupid.
He would like us to help him organise.
Joseph Stalin's name day celebration.
- What do you say?
- It's stupid.
- He pays 10,000 euro.
- In cash.
Maybe it's not that stupid.
Come, child. We need to get ready.
They're going to fuck in a moment.
This is a lapel mic from our studio.
Hide it under your blouse.
- How was it?
- Ass, cunt, mouth?
I asked you, you fucking cunt!
- Shut your mouth or I'll piss in it!
- Fuck you in the ass.
Shut your mouth or I'll piss in it?
Who says that?
Altar boys.
- They're chasing us.
- Christ!
Faster!
I'm gonna get the car scratched,
Father Director is going to be pissed off.
Fucking cunt! I'm gonna fuck you up!
You're dead!
No pasaran!
- Who are these clowns?
- Neonazisti, Polacchi.
- So many?
- In vinum veritas.
This is going to get them to talk.
Arise, the damned of the earth!
Arise, prisoners of hunger!
Reason thunders in its crater,
'Tis the eruption of the end.
We need the conductor - such as
Comrade, chief, communist Stalin.
- Outstanding! Thank you.
- To Comrade Stalin!
Hoorah! Hoorah! Hoorah!
- To revolution!
- Fuck the blacks!
And the nazis!
- Marco? Vodka?
- Si, bella.
Sweet mother of God!
- You communist whore!
- I'm not a whore! I'm Catholic!
What the fuck ever.
Doesn't fucking matter.
What to say.
I'm glad to have you here.
Distinguished guests, the Prime Minister,
the former Prime Minister.
Ministers. And I also want to
thank you for your support,
the two hundred thousand you gave me.
In reality, we already spent a few
millions. But that was donated by poor people.
By those poor Poles, those poor widows.
And you gave me only two hundred thousand.
Don't bother Father Director with that today.
He's celebrating the birthday of the radio.
- Fuck it.
- Don't swear, child.
God can get the good out of
even the greatest evil.
Leave me the fuck alone.
You need to believe me. I talked with Father
Director. He has an idea for this rape.
We'll say they were Muslims. Poles
need an enemy, and nobody likes the Arabs.
- Calm down.
- Right.
Calm down.
Only the truth will set me free.
At our school, we work for our homeland.
Students need to pay. Is that fair?
Why does the government
give money to universities
to the tune of billions,
and we get nothing?
We've been thinking.
We're living hand to mouth here,
and we keep thinking about how...
He's lying! Don't listen to him!
It's all lies!
He's lying!
To become one, let's join our hands...
To be together and have one heart.
Share the bread...
Chairman
Right. Hallelujah - and let's go!
The medical team
taking care of the Chairman
has established
that the hospitalisation for observation,
diagnostics and treatment,
as well as prevention
- led to the improvement of his health.
- Does this mean he's healthy?
The plan is that further treatment,
including rehabilitation,
will take place in outpatient mode.
Thank you very much.
Your crutch, sir.
Carbon fibre,
fibreglass, silver ion technology.
- A Mercedes among crutches.
- German?
Made in Germany.
Give me a Polish one.
An ordinary Polish crutch.
Here you go.
Sir, this is Bartek,
our best physiotherapist.
Nice to meet you.
Just like we said,
everyday treatments at home.
Well, we're going to do what
we have to do. Nothing I can do about it.
- All clear, Bartek?
- Well, we're going to do what we have to do.
Nothing I can do about it.
- Sir, how are you doing?
- I'm fine.
- What is the prognosis?
- Thank you for your interest in a humble deputy.
- And this idiot, you know...
- Another maxi Kaz.
Well, he's gonna end up like the first
if he doesn't back out right away.
- It's not that simple.
- It's very simple.
Sixth - thou shalt not commit adultery.
Then take a look at this.
- What, is this my father again?
- He wants to start his own party,
and this one's supposed
to set it up for him.
Pfft, a party. He wants more money.
How much did he get so far?
76 million and that's not the end of it.
- More blackmail.
- Well, then maybe let's stop giving him money?
But it's not about the money.
It doesn't cost us anything.
It's about whether
his followers vote for us.
Do you know
who you're going to be massaging?
A patient.
He's a national treasure.
If you break something...
Then I will answer
before God and history.
- The Chairman is waiting.
- May I?
I'm watching you.
- Hello.
- Hello.
- So, where do we start?
- Lie down, please.
All right.
- And take off your pants.
- Fine.
- And I have to ask others to leave.
- Sir?
Well, I don't think you're going to
assassinate me or something?
That was a rhetorical question. Get out.
Need some help?
Sure. Grab the cat,
just be gentle, okay?
Come, come...
Let's just put that away.
We'll start with manual therapy,
and then we'll move on to exercises.
- So, what am I supposed to do?
- I'll be talking.
- So, I'm supposed to listen?
- You should, at least.
Interesting.
Straighten your leg.
Yes, good, slowly... and now back.
Foot on the ball.
Good, until you can't and back.
- It hurts a little bit.
- Just a little bit more. You can do it!
Here you go. Great. And some more.
Foot on the ball. Yes, in parallel. And back.
Good morning, gentlemen.
He ran to the other property.
Yeah, and he called Tusk
and told him: you prick!
Yeah, a joke.
Nobody's gonna tell us
that white is white and black is black.
This is the most important issue for Poland.
Okay, we're going to slowly try to leave
the crutch. Get it up and let's go.
- Fine.
- Easy. All right. Up, and go.
All right. I'll hold it.
Go on.
Careful now, I'm letting you go.
Did you see that?
- Tea for you.
- Thank you.
- I always brought him tea.
- What, are you jealous?
Jealous? Me? I have a husband,
I have a son. I have a life.
I'm just... I don't know.
I'm worried. I'm worried about him.
Everything is going to be fine.
He's doing great.
A week, two at most and
I won't be needed here anymore.
Maybe, maybe not.
- I don't understand.
- This is not only about the exercises.
He's doing better recently.
He seems more... talkative.
He seems happier.
You're making him better...
I mean, not only his leg, but him as a whole.
We have infiltrated the ranks of
left-wing extremists.
And thanks to that, we could see
from up close how neo-communists
are celebrating
the name day of Joseph Stalin.
- What are you watching?
- Just flipping channels.
Want to watch a rodeo?
You know, I think
I'd rather jump on a horse and...
- Do you ride?
- No, but I want to try.
- Cold.
- And you? You don't want to?
- On a horse? No. I'm not ten anymore.
- So you rode?
I had a rocking horse.
My brother had one, too.
I think it was in 1954.
We got it from Santa Claus.
And when you were ten?
When I was ten,
we used to go to skip stones.
You know, the water game.
With stones.
They skipped on the water,
one, two, three.
- Sometimes even eight, nine, ten times.
- Where?
Not far from here.
Komuny Paryskiej, now Wilson Square
and straight through Krasiskiego Street.
Can you teach me?
- Maybe. One day.
- Now.
Okay, let's go to the river.
Come, come. You can do it.
- No way.
- But why?
- The Chairman has a car.
- Who's in charge? You or Chairman?
Me, of course. Let's go.
- Small.
- But yellow.
You're going to be an easy target.
- You're going the wrong way.
- Don't worry, I know this place.
- My aunt lives here.
- Do I know her?
I asked her. You don't.
- Are you lost?
- No.
- Well, great. Garbage disposal.
- Do we have any garbage?
We do,
but we can get rid of them easily.
- See? I told you! Small, but crazy, isn't it?
- No, no, maybe not.
You're in charge.
All right. Go.
- I like it when you're like that.
- Like what?
Small, but crazy.
- Check it out.
- Wow.
Flatter. Just like that, look.
I'm sorry. Thank you.
- How's your leg?
- Better. You're a fast learner.
- I have a good teacher.
- For skipping stones? A duck...
- If only you could see us back in the day.
- When and what?
It was a long time ago.
Well... We can't turn time back.
But we still have time.
- We?
- I do. You do. Everybody does.
We're planning something.
Did you think that
you'd be skipping stones in the morning?
Exactly! Who knows what tomorrow
will bring? Maybe bungee?
What is this?
A jump. An extreme one.
It's like a rodeo, but without a horse.
- Maybe even today.
- No, I have a club meeting today.
- We can go to the club, no problem.
- No, the parliamentary club.
- What time is it?
- Eight o'clock. Ten past.
Can you drive me?
- It's not bad.
- What are you talking about?
Check it out. Pants for 24,
jacket for 28, coat for 40...
- And they say people can't afford stuff.
- But... That was a laundry.
Down with Duck the Dictator!
- Damn, we're not going to make it. A protest.
- What now?
- Let's see.
- I'm not going with you.
No, you slide down and put this on.
Be right back.
- Here. Put this on.
- I'm supposed to pretend to be myself?
Would you rather
pretend to be Father Director?
No.
- Are we gonna make it?
- An extreme bungee jump, as you said.
Down with Duck the Dictator!
Down with Duck the Dictator!
- Good morning, sir!
- I think you're confusing me with someone else.
But I can see it, the walking stick,
that's a great idea.
It's not a walking stick. It's a crutch,
but a Polish one, not German.
And that voice. Awesome.
You'd make a great Chairman.
Now, please tell us why you're here.
- Why do you protest? What do you think?
- What do I think?
As the Chairman.
This is madness. This is madness
caused by a certain group of people,
which spreads to others.
They are now walking
under a white and red banner,
but they despise Poland.
They want to be somebody else.
They say they want to be Europeans.
Poles are Europeans,
because they are Poles,
each one of us is European,
because we're Polish.
But they don't understand it that way.
They renounce their Polishness.
Every society has such elements,
the most demoralised, despicable, animal.
And I repeat - they are second-grade citizens!
They don't act selflessly.
They are supported by forces, who want
to keep Poland as low as possible.
To turn Poland into some kind of a colony.
We will never
let Poland to be turned into a colony.
Poland will not be a colony!
We are not going to let that happen!
If you don't jump, you're with the Chairman!
Jump! Jump! Jump!
If you don't jump, you're with the Chairman!
Jump! Jump! Jump! Let's go.
- Let us through.
- You can't be here.
- And now?
- Fuck! I'm sorry.
Go to the marshal.
They'll take care of you there.
- Wait a second.
- I'm in a hurry.
You were serious out there?
That this is madness,
that they despise Poland?
I think it's obvious.
- So what, I'm demoralised, too?
- You?
I'm a second-grade citizen?
Because I yell "Constitution!"
"Freedom for LGBT?"
Wait, you're not with us?
I'm myself. And I'll always be myself.
I didn't think this was
important to you, but I see that it is.
That would end badly.
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye, little prince.
Like it used to be
- Oh my God, what happened?
- Nothing important. Come with me, please.
But wait, there's a man,
there's a man out there.
Later. Safety reasons.
How's he doing?
Scratches. His pupils are fine.
Overall, he's okay.
- Go to the hospital anyway, for a blood test.
- I can't.
- Have you been drinking?
- I need to go see my wife.
Right, right. Take him away.
But she's at the cemetery.
I wanted to light her a candle.
She'll wait if she loves you.
- So, you turned the blinker on?
- Like I said many times. I did.
And I had the right of way.
- Do you have any witnesses?
- What witnesses? What witnesses?
I was alone.
So, no witnesses.
How many times
do I have to repeat myself?
I already told you everything,
every single thing.
Just write down whatever
you have to write. I'll sign it.
- How do I know if that's everything?
- And who knows?
The chief?
We have the blood test
and agents' testimonies.
What's the result?
- Zero.
- Fuck.
- What? Would you rather he'd been drinking?
- That would make things easier.
So what do we do?
Chief, the prosecutor is here.
- Charges? We're still working on it.
- I need them pronto.
- But the testimonies contradict each other.
- Then change them. Just make them right.
How?
You have some means, right?
Means of persuasion.
- Can you be more specific?
- Just go and talk honestly.
- Honestly?
- Yeah, go tough.
You know how it is. If you have a soft heart,
you gotta have a hard ass.
Chief, turn on the TV.
Channel 1.
The speed of the cars,
which used proper signals,
was appropriate, approximately
seventy kilometres per hour.
There has been a collision with
a car driven by an elderly man.
He pleaded guilty.
See? It's done.
- He pleaded guilty.
- Fuck.
- I'm not signing that.
- That won't change a thing.
And if you do,
it's gonna get swept under the rug.
Maybe a small fine, some penalty points.
- I'm not signing that.
- How about with no points?
Okay, you want me to be tough?
I'm gonna be tough.
The prosecutor's gonna screw you.
He's already going after you.
He wants to charge you with causing
an accident in land traffic.
Up to three years in prison.
Do you really need that?
- Am I gonna be fine if I sign it?
- Of course.
- Chief, the media.
- What media? Where?
Out front.
TV, radio, Internet, everything.
Fuck.
- A pack of wolves.
- Maybe you can tell them something?
And who do you
fucking think I am? A celebrity?
Maybe! Maybe this is
how you get famous.
You know how many fucks
do I give about fame? Zero.
Want to go there?
Go, you're gonna be fucking famous.
Me? No, I'm too humble for that.
Then why the fuck are you trying
to get me to go out there?
Let him sign whatever he wants
and tell him to fuck off.
As bait for that wolfpack.
- Have you been charged?
- For what?
- Did you fail to yield the right of way?
- Did you fall asleep behind the wheel?
Didn't you hear the sirens?
Was this an assassination attempt
on the Prime Minister?
- It's not true.
- The prosecutor claims you admitted fault.
- And the Minister of Interior.
- They are lying.
- Do you have any proof of that?
- The truth will prevail.
We know that the driver of the Fiat,
Stefan D., was charged
with inadvertently causing an accident.
The driver hasn't admitted his guilt, and the
prosecutor's office did not reveal is statements.
Mister President, come to the studio.
I am glad that the Prime Minister
came out of this unscathed.
The person who was accused of
causing the accident wrote the following:
I was treated exceptionally unfairly,
and they tried to make me a scapegoat.
They ignored the obvious violation of
traffic laws by the BOR drivers,
who drive like madmen and feel like
the law does not apply to them.
After what happened in the Lublin region,
we need to ask ourselves
about the quality of the Polish rule of law
and the Polish legal system.
The way of treating a suspect,
the way of conducting interrogations...
There are a few very clear indications
that we should think about
the quality of the rule of law.
Well, before you say too much,
I'll add that it was a letter from a woman,
who was hit by a limo of the former President.
A fellow member of your party. And for that crime,
she was punished with a six hundred zoty fine.
- What a moron!
- Well, you made it work somehow.
It's about you, you moron!
You set me up for this interview!
You didn't know
what the fuck he was gonna ask?
That's never going to happen again.
It won't, because you're fucking fired!
- I have everything you wanted.
- Wait a second. I'm almost done.
Get the fuck out of here. Right now!
And I'm deducting the laptop from your pay!
Where did you get that?
I paid a lot for this,
but it was worth it, right?
First place on the electoral list?
You're not gonna to
give it to a drug addict?
- Send this to me.
- I've got the first place?
- You're a very bad person.
- Don't be sexist. Not a person, a woman.
- You're not going to order octopuses?
- Don't even remind me. Pork chops.
Of course.
- Look what I got!
- Where did you get that?
I can't give you the first spot.
Fourth, maybe third has a chance.
So, you're not crossing me off?
What's the point? You're mine now.
- Who has the first spot?
- Your favourite.
For what?
- What is this?
- Her e-mails. A lot of them are about you.
She's a really nasty woman.
Just take a look at that.
- See?
- Well, I see - but what?
People did a fundraiser for this old prick,
so that he can buy a new car.
Get the Prime Fucking Minister
to buy him one.
- 165,824...
- What, should I chip in?
Nearly 30,000 people. If these were votes,
he'd have a spot in the Parliament.
And that's not all.
Just look at his name.
- Like the secret service coordinator.
- We could take advantage of this coincidence.
We could always use
another person in our ranks.
- Hello.
- I know you. From TV.
- Can we talk for a moment?
- If there's anything to talk.
A deputy? Me?
We'll give you a spot, do a campaign,
everything that we need to do.
You don't have to do much.
Yeah, but why me?
Honestly? We were moved by your story.
And so were others.
David, Goliath... You know...
And in addition, you're named just like the
secret service coordinator.
Ballot papers don't have photos on them.
If we put your name on the list,
people are going to get confused.
I don't know.
Enough emotions.
Let's get down to business.
- What's in it for you?
- Sure.
- Ten thousand a month.
- Eight, the Chairman cut it.
There's also a 2,500 allowance.
There's also going to be some bonus
from committees. Some cash for your office.
All costs covered,
vehicle allowance - awesome life.
But... for what? I don't know anything about this.
I was a school teacher, I taught history.
I do tutoring for additional cash.
Just take a look at him. Jacek, right?
He doesn't know shit. So what?
He's going to be in Parliament someday, too.
Yeah, but you need to
have some views, ideals...
And you don't know anything about me.
You said on TV that the right wing is
lying and that they're evil.
- That's enough.
- Yeah, and that truth will prevail.
And that's a fucking good slogan.
- Gender professor?
- I didn't write that.
What a great idea that was!
I haven't taught in four years.
- Did you tear down my posters?
- No!
Your people!
- Hello.
- Hello.
- Did something happen?
- Nothing you could fucking understand.
Exactly! I don't understand.
I counted my posters
and there's only ten of them.
Maybe this guy tore them down.
But we ordered a thousand
and there was an invoice.
Man, are you sure you want to
be a politician? A deputy, right?
- I'm a candidate.
- Where are you going to get the money?
You need to buy suits, shoes, a car...
How are you going to make a living?
From your allowance? Not gonna happen.
I don't understand.
What he wants to say is that
you can't be too honest in politics.
Posters, banners, leaflets,
advertisements, the whole campaign thing
is a very good way to make money.
Invoice minus the goods
equals pure profit. Your profit.
And so, here you go - your leaflets,
just don't count them,
because you're going to be disappointed.
But these are not mine.
Not yours? What?
The list, the number, your photo.
But it says nothing about my platform.
I wrote everything myself.
Are you really sure
you want to be a politician?
- But what's the matter?
- There's not a single word there.
- There's your slogan, that's enough.
- And my platform?
That's it?
- Ambitious.
- I thought about it.
- Stefan, don't. That's a mistake.
- A mistake?
That's not what you do.
I'm the thinking one.
What about me?
- Well, how do I put it... Are you a beekeeper?
- Actually, I am. Four beehives.
Every party is like a hive.
It has a queen - that's me.
And there are drones. Just like you.
- That's the system in our country.
- And what about democracy?
We have it.
The hives are fighting each other.
- That's democracy.
- So, my opinion doesn't matter?
You don't have any opinions.
Don't even try. You're going to go mad.
- No!
- This is for your own good, Stefan.
And don't get too worked up.
You're pushing eighty.
Polish parliamentary election.
We elect deputies and senators,
and the choice will have a significant impact on
the quality of our lives in the years to come.
The election is an act of democracy.
The vote of every Polish citizen,
of every single one of us,
has the same weight and significance.
This is why we remind you to cast your vote,
because this is our duty as citizens.
Every vote cast in the elections,
is a vote cast for Poland.
Regardless of how many lists
will receive our votes,
we are going to meet in one,
common Poland.
Five, four, three, two, one.
And there we have it,
the latest results of this year's election.
We're about to witness the first
meeting of the new Parliament.
According to the parliamentary tradition,
the oldest deputy will lead
the first meeting as the Senior Marshal.
Everyone, please stand...
...for the oath.
I solemnly swear to diligently
carry out the duties on behalf of the nation.
Protect the sovereignty of
the state and its interests.
Do everything in my power for the welfare
of the homeland and its citizens.
Uphold the Constitution and
other laws of the Republic of Poland.
Thank you. Please take your seats.
The secretaries may now resume their duties.
I solemnly swear. So help me God.
I solemnly swear. So help me God.
I solemnly swear. So help me God.
I solemnly swear. So help me God.
I declare that all the deputies
attending the meeting have sworn their oath.
Now we are in charge.
Now what?
What are we going to do with our power?
We got it from the people.
Then what? Are we supposed to divide them further?
Teach them hatred?
Are we going to fight
like two hives because we don't
have brains of our own?
Because we don't give
a fuck about anything?
I protest!
We're not here for the power!
We're here for the people!
If not us, then who?
If not now, then when?
The truth will prevail?
Bullshit!
Oh, you!
I hereby open the first meeting of
the Parliament of the Republic of Poland
in its 19th term of office.
Poland has not yet perished,
so long as we still live.
What the foreign force has taken from us,
we shall with sabre retrieve.
March, march, Dbrowski,
from Italy to Poland.
Under your command,
we shall rejoin the nation.
March, march, Dbrowski,
from Italy to Poland.
Under your command,
we shall rejoin the nation.
The authors of the film would like to state
that the character played by Antoni Krlikowski
does not portray Bartomiej Misiewicz and
that the film's plot is only an artistic vision.
The authors regret that they did not clarify
the misidentification of this character
as Bartomiej Misiewicz by the media
during the promotion of the film.