Mrs. Frenchie's cat is missing.
The signs are posted
all over town:
"Have you seen Honey?"
We've all seen the posters...
but nobody has seen "Honey"
the cat.
Nobody...
until last Thursday morning...
when Ms. Colette Piscine
swerved her car to miss Honey...
while she drove across the bridge.
Well, this bridge,
now slightly damaged,
is a bit of a local treasure.
and even has
its own fancy name:
'Pont de flaque'
Now, 'Colette'...
that sounds like 'culotte'...
That's 'panty' in French.
And 'Piscine' means "Pool"...
"Panty Pool"
'Flaque' also means pool in French.
So, Colette Piscine,
in french 'Panty Pool',
drives across the 'Pont de flaque'...
or 'Pont de Pool',
if you will...
to avoid hitting
Mrs. French's cat...
that's been missing in Pontypool.
Pontypool... Pont de Pool...
Panty Pool... Pont de flaque...
What does it mean?
Well, Norman Mailer,
he had an interesting theory...
that he used to explain the...
strange coincidences
in the aftermath...
of the JFK assassination:
In the wake of huge events,
after them and before them,
physical details -
they spasm for a moment.
They sort of unlock,
and when they come back into focus,
they suddenly coincide
in a weird way:
street names and birth dates
and middle names...
all kinds of superfluous things
appear related to each other.
It's a 'ripple effect'
So, what does it mean?
Well, it means something's
going to happen...
Something big...
But then,
something's always...
about to happen.
No, no, nothing has got to do with you.
You gotta be the worst fucking agent
in the world!
Come on!
It's not enough to say "I'm working".
It's not enough, do you understand?
Well, if you think it is enough, then
maybe we're not thinking the same way?
You know what I mean?
You know what, Rick?
You're fired! You're fired!
Good.
Now we're both in the same boat...
Oh, Jesus...
What?
Hey!
Hey...
Hey!
Hey...
Who are you?
Who are you...
Who are you...
Who are you...
Who are you...
Okay Mazzy,
come on boy, please.
Be positive.
Morning Mr. Mazzy.
Good morning, Laurel Ann.
I loved your 'Isn't It Ironic?'
this morning.
Love Norman Mailer.
Thanks.
You know, it takes a girl with
big feet to dig old Norm'.
So, did you give me the good stuff?
Let's make radio!
Laurel Ann, do me a favor...
Look up all the information you can
on 911 calls.
How many in a 24h period,
how many hang-ups...
That sort of thing...
and... thanks.
Let's make radio!
Good morning, Pontypool.
This is Radio 660, the beacon.
Down here in the dungeon,
under the street they call 'Drum'.
I'll be...
banging the drum for you
all morning.
I'm Grant Mazzy
and as always...
I'll be takin' no prisoners.
Now... mmm... I got my coffee here.
and taking a look outside...
I'd say... that's our
top story for today, folks.
Now, I had a... a strange experience
on my way in to work this morning.
And I'd like to get some advise
from you people later on.
When do you call 911?
Think about it!
I should mention,
our producer,
the lovely and talented
Ms. Sydney Briar, is here.
And 'lucky' Laurel Ann Drummond...
she'll be our technical cowgirl today.
Now, I didn't know this, maybe you did...
but, uh... this is news to me...
Laurel Ann did a tour of duty
in Afghanistan not too, too long ago...
You're right, there, new guy.
Everybody does know.
She was a "Grand Master"
at last year's Fall Fair.
- Yesterday's news.
- Hey.
I'm... sorry Laurel Ann.
I wasn't the "Grand Master",
I was the "Homecoming Hero"
I am sorry, I... okay?
I'm very bad.
Oooh, Sydney, Sydney, Sydney!
Hey, come on, girl!
- I'm sorry!
- It's okay.
Well, you just heard an honorary
apology from Sydney Briar.
She probably... owes Laurel Ann
quite a few more! Stay tuned!
Now, in our top story today...
a big, cold,
dull, dark, white...
empty, neverending,
'blow-my-brains-out'...
seasonal affective disorder...
freaking 'kill-me-now'
weather front...
that'll last... all day.
Or maybe,
when the wind shifts, later on...
we'll get a little green-house
gas relief from the industrial south.
'Hail Mary, Yea, though I walk'...
we go to Ken Loney...
in the 'Sunshine Chopper'.
It's always brighter
above the clouds, Grant.
Hey, Ken, how're you doin'?
How are things in that bird up there?
You're gonna stay up there during the storm?
Yes, Sir.
Yes, Siree,
Well, that can't be safe.
Is that safe, Ken?
Well, I'll be up here, Grant,
on storm watch,
watching all of the routes
in and around our region.
- Really?
- Really, yup.
Okay, Ken. Boy, I wouldn't wanna be a bird,
if this storm hits the way it's supposed to.
Well, folks,
in and outta the region...
Don't call it bird, by the way, Grant.
And leave Ken alone!
go slow folks,
we do have a tractor-trailor...
I think he's just concerned.
carrying wind generator blades...
along the 4-0-1.
So, slow going east-bound.
That's it from the 'Sunshine Chopper'.
Remember drink that fruit,
get's you up, keeps you going.
Thanks you, Ken Loney.
Breaking news
out of Caesarea this morning...
Come on, boy...
There we go!
Breaking news:
The Ontario Provincial Police,
are reporting a major bust...
of a significant grow operation
in a quiet cul-de-sac in that town.
Constable Howard Ing says
it's a sign of things to come.
These, uh... operations in suburban
small town neighborhoods...
are the grow-method
of choices...
Do you smoke pot, Syd?
Yes, I do.
Don't make global warming jokes.
What? I didn't make a joke,
I quoted the Bible.
Ain't no jokes in the bible.
Speaking of the Bible,
we are in a church, not a dungeon.
Thanking you, Constable Howard Ing,
of the Ontario Provincial Police.
You know...
Our local pot growers...
are engaged in a deadly
serious business.
Deadly, uh...
booby-traps...
protecting their operations
from prying eyes.
Land mines...
have been found...
- in the backyards...
- Cool it, Grant!
They have vicious attack dogs and
enough ammunition to arm a small country!
Now, these
are family neighborhoods, folks!
If Junior throws a ball
through one of their windows...
he's just liable to trigger
a death squad!
What are you doing?
My producer says... she's talking in my ear.
Luckily you can't hear her.
- Nobody cares, Grant, about your...
- Sydney says nobody cares.
- Maybe she's right.
- You forgot to do the closures...
- after the billboard, I need you to...
- But I think you do care, region.
"Taking no prisoners"...
you know what that means?
It means full disclosure,
- whatever the consequences.
- No, it's not 'full disclosure', Grant!
'School closure'.
I need you to read school closures.
That's what people need!
This is Radio 6-60,
the beacon...
Hey!... You can't just cut me off
like that! Jesus'...
OK, you know, Grant,
the whole 'full disclosure' schtick...
works better in a bigger context.
Well, actually,
this won't get me fired.
Well, there's that to.
The thing is... is that small towns,
already come without prisoners.
It's called "gossip" and it's
way ahead of you.
No no, Sidney,
I'm not talking about gossip.
I'm talking about building
a relationship with my listeners.
You know? Shaking 'em up...
a little bit.
OK, we do news, weather,
sports, local spots.
- That's what I need you to do.
- Hmm.
What the hell do you think
you have to disclose to us anyway?
And what it this that you think
we need to hear from you?
I don't know.
Well...
Actually, I do know, Sidney.
I am trying
to piss a few people off,
because that's how it's done...
simple as that.
You see, a pissed off listener...
is wide awake listener,
and he ain't gonna change the station.
In fact, he may just call his pissed off
buddy, and get him to listen too.
And then, his pissed off buddy,
he might call his pissed off...
I don't know...
preacher.
And that, Lady Briar, is how you build
a loyal listening audience.
Uh... okay, well, I... That all sounds
perfectly pleasant, I'm sure, okay?
Um...
You know, Grant, you're first rate,
and you're doing a first rate job...
but just let me
tell you something...
Small towns, they're... they're...
they're fiercely proud places,
with... with proud people.
People who need to know
if the school bus is coming.
And so, if you come in here with your
'take no prisoners' "this"...
and your 'pissing everyone off'
"that",
people are just gonna think
you're a dick!
Okay... Okay.
I... I mean, you're going to
embarrass and alienate...
Okay,
I said okay.
I'm sorry,
it's just the reality.
Okay, uh... Grant,
I...
- I... I want your maziness.
- Okay.
I hired your maziness.
I want the maziness.
I just need the maziness
to come in a little slower,
a little more 'get to know you'.
A little... a little slower.
Yeah, I get it.
I'm not stupid.
That's not what I meant.
I wanted to hear
what he was gonna say.
Come on, he was just gonna talk
about himself.
Okay, Pontypool,
good morning.
You know, I wanna talk to you
about something that has been...
bugging me,
all morning.
Here's my question, Pontypool.
Here... here's my story.
Now, hold on...
I'm driving in to work today, I... and I
pull up to the stop sign at Drum and Main,
and... it's 6.30 in the morning,
and it's cold, and it's dark...
and suddenly, this woman
appears outta nowhere...
I didn't hear her,
and I barely was moving my car.
Suddenly...
she's at my passenger window.
She's babbling something
but I can't...
I can't understand her,
I can't hear her, I don't know what it is.
And then... 'poof'!
She's gone!
So, what do I do?
Do I call 911?
Who do I call?
No one.
Our number is
Let me know
what I gotta do.
Good morning.
Oh, where are you calling from?
Uh-huh.
And what would you like to say
to Grant this morning?
- I'm sorry, what?
- Has my sister called in yet?
No.
Oh, that's weird...
My sister never, ever, ever,
misses a day.
And where's Roger?
It's almost 10.
What are those?
Grant gave us Valentines.
You can put them up somewhere.
You know, he, uh...
he's doing okay.
So, okay sweetheart,
I'm gonna call Mrs. Tripp.
Something's coming in
on the radio.
Roger, where are you?
Yeah. Roger that.
We still have a Code 48 in progress.
It's the fish hut.
- Sydney! Syd!
- Code 48 in progress...
requesting back-up,
weapon's present, 10-4...
Roger that.
- Sandy Hook and Wilmont, Code 48.
- Tell me, so what's Code 48, Laurel Ann?
It means
we have a hostage situation.
- Please, stand by.
- There's nothing on the wires,
so I'm gonna key in
right off the police radio.
Really, there's nothing on the wire?
Okay, so let's not do anything
with this yet.
Fat no,
I'm not getting anything either.
Whatever you do,
don't feed this in to Grant yet.
Oh, shit!
Yeah, Grant, it's Gordon calling, uh...
I just wanna throw this idea out there...
about the 9, uh...
the 911...
What if you had another number, that was,
I don't know, like, 912 or something,
that was not for total emergencies,
so if you had to...
get in a gray area...
and, uh... you weren't sure whether
you wanted to call 911, you'd call 912...
I... I... I just have a feeling
it just might catch on.
Some people might,
you know, uh... take it.
Gord, that's a great idea.
You should be running the world.
Pontypool... my Pontypool...
We interrupt
our call-in segment...
to bring you breaking news
out of our area this morning:
Out on Sandy Hook and Wilmont
we have a hostage situation.
Two men are holding
a van load of people at gunpoint.
The van is apparently towing...
a fishing hut.
- Sporadic gunfire has been reported.
- Okay, lose the story, Grant.
We're going to Ken Loney.
We're going to the 'Sunshine Chopper'.
No one knows as yet
what these hostage takers want,
- or whether or not, they even know...
- We know they're drunk,
- the people in the van.
- Grant, it's the end of ice fishing season.
but... this being the end
of ice fishing season...
ice hut removal time...
the chances that everyone
on the ice this morning is drunk,
is a very distinct reality.
Drunk ice fishermen... dare I say:
drunk policemen?
Drunk officers of the law.
Drunk...
Ontario Provintial Police.
It is not yet confirmed
by our sources, of course.
But, police,
possibly drunk,
are reporting that the hostage situtation
has resolved itself.
They have two suspects in custody.
Both unarmed, as it turns out,
and the three people they were
holding have, in fact, fled the scene.
One can only hope,
the Breaking News theme music...
will accompany this story
at some point.
There we go.
Oh, the state of drunkenness
have levelled off...
to acceptable levels
this morning,
as 'Buddy' Bob Roseland and 'Dead Eye'
Derek McCormack, OPP Pontypool Division...
- Wrap it up, Grant!
- have contained the hostage situation.
We'll be back with updates,
as the situation hiccups.
We now go to Ken Loney
in the 'Sunshine Chopper',
for a little perspective
on your morning drive.
Keep an eye out for crazy ladies
in the snow, and remember:
Wherever you're headed,
get there safe!
Come on, you gotta learn to laugh
at yourself sometimes!
The story is not funny.
Derek McCormack
is an alcoholic.
Bob Roseland is an alcoholic.
They're trying to keep their jobs.
Oh...
Derek's my brother-in-law.
Ex... ex-brother-in-law.
Ouch!
- Grant...
- Hm.
Ken Loney is not in a chopper.
What?
The 'Sunshine Chopper'
is Ken's Dodge Dart.
He plays sound effects.
Ken sits up on a hill,
for his aerial view.
And... people are thrilled...
to have him up there in the sky,
flying around in his
'Sunshine Chopper', even though...
Oh man, I bet they are.
Okay.
Okay.
Syd...
Yeah?
I hate winter.
- Everybody does.
- No, not like me.
These late winters, I feel like I'm living
in the basement of the world,
and it's so cold,
and so dark.
Yeah... it is.
Well, you're gonna...
it's gonna be okay.
Oh, and Grant, I... I'll tell you what: when
the whole fish hut story gets confirmed,
we'll bring it straight to you,
right away, okay?
And it's yours,
even if it's not legitimate...
you can do your whole...
"take no prisoner" thing, okay?
And you'll find it funny this time?
I'll find it as funny as I did
the last time, I'll betcha'!
I was talking to Constable Roseland...
he's totally serious!
I mean, he has completely freaked!
Something happened
this morning on the ice...
and it's put them on to a state...
and now, he wants us to drop the story.
Drop it?
Now, it's probably nothing.
- And probably just a hoax,
- Probably.
Anyway, so, we've got the
'Laurence of Arabia' cast coming in,
so we're gonna brighten up
the day with that.
Laurel Ann here.
Okay, okay.
It's Ken Loney.
Hey, Ken!
Oh, Ken, slow down...
Yeah.
Ken, where are you?
Okay.
Ken, slow down.
Slow down, and...
and how many?
Okay, Ken,
just a second.
Okay, wrap up
'Pontypool Corner', Grant.
We have a big story breaking.
Listen to me...
Keep it hard, okay?
Ken, just a second.
Just a second,
we're going live.
We do double bill
this weekend...
so, I'll check it out
and make sure it's right,
that the're both
at the same time,
but that's what it looks like.
We have breaking news
out of our region this morning.
It appears, it seems that a large
group of people have gathered...
outside the officies of Dr. John Mendez.
It appears to be a protest of some kind,
and officials are describing
the crowd as 'unruly'.
Now, Dr. John Mendez, you may recall,
He was the... he was under investigation
for writing unnecessary prescriptions.
We have an exclusive live report,
from Ken Loney in the...
in the 'Sunshine Chopper'.
What can you see there, Ken?
Grant, I am...
I'm watching hundreds,
literally hundreds of people
packed in and around this building.
and it... it looks pretty odd
from up here.
They seem to be, uh... trying to
cram themselves inside...
Oh!
Ohh!
What's happening, Ken?
The side of the office... this building
has just burst open, it's spilling people...
It... it...
it just kind of exploded!
Oh! Ooh...
Jesus! It's an explosion of... of...
of people! Oh, my God!
People are... are...
they're getting trampled.
These people are getting killed
down there! Oh!
Oh!
Ken, do you see any police?
Is anybody trying to restore order,
um... down there?
No! No... I don't see...
Wait... wait... wait... wait...
There's a... convoy of trucks...
military vehicles...
Where did they come from?
What the hell...
Helicopters...
Uh...
There's a...
helicopter at my 2 o'clock
and one at, uh...
Holy shit, I gotta...
I gotta back up outta here.
Okay, Ken...
Ken... Get safe!
Now you just...
just try to get outta there.
The road is blocked.
There's definitely fatalities here, uh...
down there. People have just died, Grant.
I... I don't know what the hell
has just happened.
Well, we're, uh... we're gonna
have to see if we can, uh...
- Grant...
- Ken, what?
Ken?
Are you there, Ken?
- We got nothing on this, Grant.
- We gotta get some information...
on what's clearly happening.
- Christ, this is 5 km from here.
- Not more than 3...
uh... 5 km,
from the station itself.
Don't say a lot, Grant
We need to get this confirmed somehow.
Something has happened
at a doctor's office, here in Pontypool,
involving a possible riot.
- I can't get through to the OPP.
- Clearly, something has happened,
here in Pontypool.
Okay, we've lost Ken.
Go to break,
- go to recap, Grant!
- You heard Ken Loney describe...
what he saw, or at least
what he thinks he saw.
You know, the french philosopher
Roland Barthes...
once described trauma
as a news photo without a caption.
And that, folks, is what I think
we have here now.
Is Ken back?
We're trying.
We're trying in getting Ken back,
we're trying to reach the police.
Grant, we still have nothing
on the wire on this entire story.
Laurel Ann and I are gonna work the phones.
We're gonna work our sources.
We gonna try and find out something
solid we can put on the air.
Okay, and what do you want
me to do?
Well, um... "Lawrence and The Arabians"
have, uh... have come all this way. Yes, hi.
You gotta be fucking kidding me.
Grant, I don't need you
to be a problem right now.
But Sydney, Sydney, we got the hook,
and you can't just cut the line like that!
I just need you to do your job.
These 5 people, you're gonna interview them
and then they're gonna sing a song...
Sydney, do you really think...
that this is what our audience
is expecting to hear from us right now?
So Laurel Ann and I
will dig up a story on this,
that we can put on the air.
Thank you.
Okay. Okay, fine...
let's do it!
Let's find out how the fuck rehersals
are going in fucking Arabia!
Come on, gang!
Come on!
Listen to this, Rick.
This is Lawrence of Arabia.
Something's definitely happening,
we can't just leave this.
We can't go back on the air
without something solid.
Laurel Ann, find me somebody
I can put on the air.
Well, I've got Aline Freethy
on line two.
She's hysterical, but she seems to be
in the middle of things.
Okay, see if you can calm her down,
see what she's got.
Why isn't there anything,
anywhere, on this?
These are prior...
Bedouin girls.
Grant, we're trying for eye witness...
we'll have somebody for you
when your singers are done.
This is Osama bin Laden.
Fuck you, Rick.
Okay, now that was... Tony Burgess,
Maureen Hinkle, Nancy Freethy,
Jay Pullman and Colin Pullman
singing "The Nefud Desert"
I can't remember how it ends,
I can't remember how it ends...
How what ends, Faraj?
It just keeps starting over and over...
and over and over...
and it is not called 'The Lawrence and...
the table' is it? No, not anymore...
Okay, folks.
I guess that's it.
Ok, I've got Steve Van Denzen.
He's at the Mendez' office,
and he's talking about a mob, or parade,
or something. He's very excited.
- Have you any word from Ken?
- Nothing.
Shit! I'm gonna keep trying
Roseland.
see if you can get any straight talk
from Van Denzen.
Sydney, there's something very weird
going on with our... girl Faraj there.
Ok, you were great, Grant!
You did your job and...
Didn't you hear?
Yeah, I know you really wanted to stay
with the story.
I needed you to buy us some time,
and I appreciate it. I really do.
So... I have something now,
and I'm tossing it all back at you.
- Okay, great! What do you got?
- There's still nothing...
anywhere on the wire
regarding this mob scene,
I've got ten
eye witnesses in town.
We're going live,
with Steve Van Denzen.
That's great!
- Fuck the wire if we've got eyes!
- Okay, keep it hot, Grant!
Girl, you got it! Hit me!
Any word from Ken?
Nothing.
Welcome back, folks...
to our developing story...
where it appears that hundreds
of people have been involved in a riot,
in and around the offices
of Dr. John Mendez.
You heard our own Ken Loney
describe the violent scene.
We now go t... live,
to eye witness Steve Van Denzen.
Steve?
Steve?
Steve Van Denzen?
Okay, I... I'm afraid
we've lost the signal from, uh...
Steve Van Denzen. We'll try
and return to him later, but, uh...
we have just had a report from a
Pontypool resident, that confirms...
indeed, a mob was spotted,
earlier today...
headed through town, headed toward
the offices of Dr. John Mendez.
Apparently they were moving...
And, uh...
they, uh... they, uh...
- we're still waiting to learn exactly...
- Shit, I've lost my eye witness!
what motivated this crowd,
this, uh... this mob, uh...
- to organize in a seemingly...
- Grant...
- spontaneous, fashion.
- I think people are fucking with us.
You know, it's...
it's very difficult...
at this moment, to get a fix
on what has happened, but clearly...
Well, you heard our own
reporter Ken Loney earlier...
I don't know, Grant. I don't know,
we can't get Ken back on the line.
- We are still trying to, uh, get...
- This is completely...
- Ken back on the line.
- fucked! I don't know what's going on!
C.L.S.Y.
Can you slow down?
I can't understand what...
- C.L.S.Y.?
- Okay, hello?
We have also learned that some of the
perpetrators are speaking in bizarre ways.
They're babbeling in ways
that no one understands...
and we don't know if this is a way of... of,
trying to terrorize people? We don't know.
Hello, C.L.S.Y.
I'm sorry, what did you say?
We still do not have
an official version of these events...
- Okay, sounds good.
- but it has been reported...
- that up to 75 people are dead.
- Sounds honest.
- It is honest.
- And, uh...
- at least twice that number are injured.
- I've CBC and CFRB on the line,
wanting to talk to you.
We now take you to
Constable Bob Roseland,
of the Pontypool unit of the OPP.
He's on the line, live.
Constable Roseland,
what's happening out there?
At 7 o'clock this morning
our officers answered a 911 call,
to the Golden Dawn facility,
to discover a large number of people
occupying the building.
They seemed to be trying to get
into the elderly woman's room...
and this woman has since died,
from incidental injury...
- Grant, appearently these people were...
- as a result of people...
- chanting something, a little creepy...
- piling into her room.
- chanting something...
- And what where they saying?
They were repeated things
this woman was saying.
She's all senile,
so she's babbling about Hitler...
and some hurricane...
- Crazy talk. Get off, Grant!
- that killed her mother and father...
Okay, thank you,
Constable Roseland.
Now, we are also hearing...
about a herd...
Well, that's how it's been described:
a herd of people...
near the edge of the forest
near Highway 26, in Edenvale.
Where is Edenvale, Sydney?
That's northwest.
Now, Edenvale is northwest of us.
And, also, between here and there,
- in Phelpston, a couple...
- Please, keep holding. Thank you.
with their 2 young children had been trapped
in their car, under a mountain...
- A mountain of people...
- Okay. Apparently, Grant, I'm being told...
by Rachel Jones,
that these people were...
- Now, this sounds strange, folks...
- imitating windshield wipers.
- but this what's being reported to us.
- Making the sound of windsheild wipers.
The police say they haven't been able to,
uh... actually see the car in over an hour.
- Can I put your call on hold for a sec?
- They sound like bugs.
- Sydney, I've got BBC World on the line.
- BBC?
There are a growing number
of eye witness accounts,
but we still have had nothing official. No,
uh, no press conference, uh, has been held,
- and we have no official statement.
- Grant,
I've got Nigel Healing for you.
What?
Yes, Nigel Healing from the BBC.
Don't talk to me, talk to him.
Listen! It's our air, their air,
they wanna go live. Let's just do it!
We're talking to Grant Mazzy,
the news radio anchor from Pontypool,
Ontario in Canada, who broke this story.
Mr. Mazzy, are you there?
- Grant!
- Yes, Nigel. Hi.
Mr. Mazzy, is it true that French-Canadian
soldiers have set up road blocks...
preventing people from leaving
and entering your area...
- in rural Canada.
- I havn't heard anything...
about this, Grant. I don't think he knows
what he's talking about.
And if so, does this have anything
to do with your country's history...
of separatist terror groups?
Well, uh...
Nigel, um...
none of that is true. Um...
The military, of course, is, uh...
is rumored to be involved,
and, of course, the police are
responding as we speak, but, uh...
from what we can tell
there's nothing organized, uh...
nothing political, uh... cartainly not
terrorist... or... or... or separatist.
But, uh... Mr. Mazzy, this certainly
looks like an insurgency of some kind.
Large groups of people
are involved.
But, if it's not organized, as you say,
and it's not political,
then can you help our viewers...
uh... at home understand exactly
what it is we've been reporting on?
He's good.
Nigel, the honest truth is that no one
has officially come out ahead on this.
Uh, we...
simply do not know.
There you have it.
A series of strange riots
and violent mob scenes...
in rural Canada, that no one, I repeat,
no one can explain.
Meanwhile, reports presist that
French-Canadian riot police...
have been called in to
crush this insurgency.
Fuck you, Nigel!
He knows nothing!
Where are you?
Okay, I'm gonna pass you
through to Syd.
- I've got Ken.
- Ken!
That was Nigel Healing
from our affiliate station, BBC.
We now go to Ken Loney,
live in the field in Pontypool.
Our reporter Ken Loney.
Ken? Ken?
Are you there, Ken?
Yes...
Yes, I'm here.
Send someone,
I'm not safe here.
Not safe where, Ken?
Oh, don't say where he is,
in case something happens...
at the grain silo.
I'm near the train tracks.
It's a big silo,
not the little ones.
I ran here from the entrance
of the Imecan National Park.
They came after me...
You gotta send police.
There's no contact
with the police, Grant.
There's no reaching the police.
Can you tell us what heppened?
What's happening there, Ken?
I'll tell you this...
I just saw...
I've seen things today that are gonna ruin
the rest of my natural life, Grant...
and I'm... I'm scared...
I'm scared...
Ken... Ken, listen to me.
Uh...
It sounds like you're okay,
where you are,
so don't move,
and you just stay there,
- and we're gonna...
- They're like cannibals,
some of them are naked,
and... they're like dogs.
Their eyes... that look...
it's just, uh... startled, wild...
Oh God, Grant!
- Okay Ken, listen... listen...
- No, no, no!
You don't understand,
I'm looking, uh...
through a little door, there's a little door
at the base of the door...
some kind a... a cat door, or something.
and I can... I can see the... uh...
Okay... let me move
so I can see the...
No!
Look Out!... Oh God, they're...
they're pulling 2 people out of a van.
Who are they, Ken?
Who are they?
There's a bunch of them, they're...
they're people, but... but they're crazy.
They're... they're pulling these 2
out of the van. Oh, my God!
They're... they're biting them!
They're...
actually carrying them
to the ground in their mouths!
I can't, oh...
I can't see, they're... they're biting,
there's just biting, they look like, a...
a school of fish,
like a frenzy... or a piranha.
It's almost as if, uh...
like, uh...
It's just what it looks like...
It really looks like these pople are
trying to climb, or eat their way inside!
They're so desperate,
like they have to be inside...
One has his entire leg and
another his arm... it's right inside...
Stop this, Grant!
- Now they're pulling themselves apart!
- Okay Grant, stop this now!
Fuck!
Oh shit! He heard that...
one of them looked over.
He heard me. Oh, he's coming. Holy shit!
I gotta hide! He's running! He's running!
Ken, get out of there.
Ken? Ken, it's Grant. Are you...
are you injured? Have you've been hurt?
No.
No. I'm... just lying here.
I'm in the dark.
It... It crashed through the wall,
it was...
huh... Mary Gault's boy.
- Oh my god.
- Her big teenager Jessie, or Jake...
- Jessie...
or something? It was him.
He, uh... he had no hands...
- The kid had no hands...
- Grant, let's stop this now!
- What's he doing now?
- Not on the air, Grant.
I'm not gonna listen to somebody
get killed on the air.
He's looking at me...
I think he can't move, uh...
He must've, uh... broken some bones.
I can see his eyes...
He can't move... Wait, wait...
- I think he's... hang on...
- No.
Ken, whatever you do,
don't go near him.
He's... he's whispering something.
He's... he's saying something...
I'm gonna get closer and see if I can just
hear what he is saying...
No, I wouldn't do that, Ken.
What the hell was that?
- Ken?
- They cut into our signal!
Ken? Do we still have Ken?
- No, we've lost Ken.
- We've lost Ken, folks.
We are working
on a translation of, uh...
of the message
we just received live on the air.
It's something about
"avoid family members"...
"Talk only to babies"...
It's crazy shit.
- however, working on a translation.
- Okay, I've got it!
It's on your screen.
Okay, we have the translation.
Now, I'm gonna read this,
reminding our listeners that the source
has not yet been identified...
and early analysis has identified...
this as possibly a hoax
of some kind.
And I remind you that the source was not us,
and indeed, we do not know the source.
For Your Safety, Please Avoid Contacts
With Close Family Members
And Restrain From The Following:
All Terms Of Endearment,
- Such As "Honey" Or "Sweetheart"
- Sidney... Yeah Bob, What Up?
When You Talk With Young Children,
And Rhetorical Discourse.
For Greater Safety, Please Avoid
The English Language.
Please, Do Not Translate
This Message.
What've you got?
That was Bob Roseland.
He said we have to stay inside.
Pontypool's under quarantine.
Everybody's have to stay inside
at all times.
Did you get...?
Hello. Hello.
- Did you get that?
- Ken?
I'm sending you some audio with my phone.
- Thank God, Ken! Are you there?
- Did you get that?
No, Ken, I didn't get that. I didn't,
I don't get anything right now.
Okay, okay, listen, I'm gonna...
I'm gonna try that again. Okay, listen...
and... and... and keep in mind...
picture this...
This is what you... you're about to hear
is coming from Mary Gault's big teenage boy.
He's lying here, in the dark,
with his body...
It's broken to pieces, and his wrists.
I... I can see them... They're stumps.
They're not stumps,
they're pointing up... at his sides.
No, Grant! What are we doing?
Listen... listen...
listen... listen...
Mommy... Mommy...
Help me...
Help me... Mommy...
Help me...
Help me please...
Did you hear that? I do not even know
how he's doing that.
It sounds like there's a... a child
is screaming inside his breath...
- Is this actually happening, Ken?
- Easy, Grant. Easy!
Alright.
That was our own Ken Loney.
What?
That was our own Ken...
Ken Loney...
- You're on the radio, ain't cha...
- interviewing...
- You are on the radio, you big...
- a screaming baby...
coming from Mary Galt's eldest son's
last dying gasps.
Mazzy in the morning...
- Grant.
- What?
Grant... fish,
there were gold fish in it.
There was a little baby...
A tiny little baby...
- Grant!
- What?
Hey, Grant. Listen to this.
BBC is going wide with the Mendez story.
He just said "Honey". He just said
"Honey, the missing cat poster".
- What?
- He said "Honey" the missing...
"Honey, the missing cat", Grant?
Grant?
Oh, jeez. Laurel Ann, let's go out.
School closures... 5, 4...
Are you finding this funny, Syd?
Are you laughing?
It's not a joke, Grant.
Honey, I'm beginning to think
this is not a joke.
Grant, everything that I've got
looks real.
The cat?
Well, Nigel Healing said,
apparently...
"Nigel Healing said, apparently"...
Can you fucking hear yourself?!
Don't yell at me, Grant!
Oh, uh...
I'm sorry...
Syd... you know I'm having...
lots of trouble here... believing this.
I know, Grant.
I know. Me too, okay?
I mean, is somebody...
pulling my leg, are they, uh...
like, uh... taking a piss
out of me? You know?
Like it's some kinda stunt?
Well, there's some dead people.
A pretty big number, I think.
Look, I gotta get outta here, okay?
I'm having a lot of trouble believing
that this is actually happening, ok?
So, uh... I'm just gonna get
outta here for a minute.
Grant. Grant, I just need you
to sit back down...
You stay there, okay? I need you
in your chair. You need to sit back down.
Okay, we've got crickets.
- Laurel Ann, go to pre-tape.
- What pre-tape?
I don't care! Anything, just go to pre-tape!
Wait... where you going?
Hey, um... you know,
I need you back in the chair, okay?
Uh... I never did this.
Oh, man.
I gotta go outside, and, uh...
take a look at, uh...
Grant?
Grant, I can't have dead air!
Sydney, does this have
something to do with me?
What are you talking about?
This! I mean... why? Why are they
carrying dead cat pictures, huh?
I mean, this is me going crazy.
You know, I need to feel that there's
something solid. I need to confirm...
I need to... to know that there's
more happening to everyone,...
then than what's happening
to just me, you know?
Grant, come on!
You! You are fucking with me!
You are fucking with my head!
And you!
Don't you fuck with me!
Grant! Grant, come on!
It's dangerous!
- Don't go, Grant! There's people dying.
- People are dying, Grant.
I gotta take a look out there.
I gotta see what's going on out there!
Don't go in the blizzard...
I need you on the radio!
Don't walk out on me, Grant!
Please, I need you!
Shit!
Fine, just fucking fall apart!
There nothing...
Just a cold, cold, cold day.
Oh, shit!
What're you looking at?
Shit! Move!
"Don't you walk out on me, Grant"
"Please, I need you".
- What was that?
- We have an enemy, sir.
Laurel Ann, 'we've got an enemy'?
Okay, what's going on?
Those are my words...
Those are my words...
What is going on?!
- I'm scared!
- Sydney, listen...
I'm scared, too.
You're cut!
- Laurel Ann, we've got a first aid kit?
- Yeah, okay.
- What's going on?
- Sydney, focus here.
Focus. Look at me.
Where're your kids?
They're with him.
They're in the city.
That's a hundred kilometers away.
They're safe, right?
Oh, God. Yeah.
They're safe, okay. We've got work to do.
I'm going back on the radio.
This is a hell of a shift, Sydney.
What's up first?
Obituaries.
Obituaries?
Okay, but I've got nothing taped.
Then we'll go live!
Live! That's what I wanna hear.
Let's go!
"Gwendolyn Parker...
was taken from this life in her 45th year
by her beloved husband Stanley...
who left this world suddenly, at the hands
of family members Fiona and Michael,
who then died at each other's hands in their
"Janice Gwynne has departed
from her abiding husband...
and by his own hand,
in her 34th year of her life".
Jack Gwynne survived long enough
to add four names...
Paul Hieghton, 43,
Alice Hieghton, 42,
Brenda Hieghton, 12,
and young Jesse Hieghton, 10...
to a list of passages before himself
losing his life as a result of an accident".
"Greg Olan, 56, has been killed
by Yolanda Olan, 61...
who also removed Frieda Olan, 81...
Patsy Owen, 12, John Freethy, 33,
Peter Stamp, 38 and Leslie Reid, 42...
who had, between them, caused the
untimely passings of Joel Froth, 67,
Sandra Weydon, 23...
Tim Drummond, 17...
Cynthia Drummond, 46...
Darren Drummond, 51...
and Alicia Drummond, 91".
"The Drummond's were survived on
Cynthia's side by the Hindman family,...
until shortly before noon today...
when they were sadly removed
from this world by a bus...
driven by the recently departed
Brenda Lockland, 43...
which was missed, briefly, by her husband,
Gary, 37... now deceased".
You are listening to "In the Mourning" on
CLSY Radio.
"David and Susan Varier Jones
married for 51 years...
died suddenly in each other's arms,
by each other's grip".
Are you listening to this?
I'm really trying not to...
Shit! I left my cell phone
in the sound booth.
I wanna talk to the kids.
When he's got them,
he turns the cell phone off.
Or doesn't pick up,
I don't know.
He's a jerk.
So, did anything... this crazy
ever happen to you in Afghanistan?
No. Sir. I believe the situation
I brought back in my head.
What do you... what do you mean?
I don't really know.
I'm gonna go see if Mr. Mazzy's missing.
Missing... missing... missing
I mean, Mr. Mazzy... Mr. Mazzy's missing,
as in 'he's not here'.
Well, honey. He's in the sound booth.
- Yes, I know... I just...
- Ok?
I'm gonna, I'm gonna go...
Excuse me?
Sorry, please don't be alarmed.
I'm Dr. John Mendez.
I've not had a lot of time...
I've literally been crawling...
on my hands and knees throughout
town, all over... and... and...
OK, don't say anything, okay? Oh boy!
She's has just started doing this.
Sorry, I'm a doctor. We should slip out.
Laurel Ann? Laurel Ann, honey.
Are you okay?
No, no. It's time to go and keep moving.
She'll follow our voices. We have to...
What's that?
It's the sound booth.
Life boat! Let's go!
Mr. Mendez is missing Mazzy... No!
No, I'm Missy Mazzy and I have to...
We just need to get a bit
of lead time a head of her.
Don't worry.
She doesn't have a voice...
- What's wrong with her?
- Hurry, hurry, hurry!
Grant! Grant!
- It's Dr. John Mendez.
- Mendez?
You had the building that exploded?
I think he probably has
quite a story to tell.
Doctor, would you like
to have a seat?
- You mean, on the radio?
- Yeah.
Oh, yes, I have a story
one to tell.
No, guys. Wait! I'm not missing anymore.
I don't miss Mr. Mazzy...
I think it might be
a little bit more interesting...
than with Nigel Healing, huh?
- What going on?
- Your friend is sick.
I've seen a lot of this lately.
She doesn't know it yet,
but... she's hunting us.
I don't miss Mr. Mazzy.
I'm not missing anymore. Sydney!
- She doesn't look...
- Hey, come on!
We can't just leave her out there.
I wanna talk to her, Grant,
- put the sound out...
- No, no, no, no, no!
Let's leave the sound
sealed in here with us...
She might lose track of where we are,
if she can't hear us.
You are listening to 'The Beacon'.
We are holding our own here today,
and we are taking no prisoners, friends.
However, today we are those prisoners.
We are tired and we are scared.
But, we have live with us Dr. John Mendez.
Now, you may know him,
or you may recall our own
Ken Loney's vivid account...
of the violence that took place,
when the mob destroyed his practice.
Now, Dr. Mendez,
we're looking to you.
You've had some special experience
with these, uh... with these events.
We would like any insights
that you can provide...
Laurel Ann, don't do that! Stop!
Oh, she is rooting for voices. Huh-huh.
This will grow vicious.
I should mention that, uh, sadly...
very sadly, our own 'Homecoming Hero',
Laurel Ann Drummond,
is right now experiencing
some kind of... dangerous seizures.
I've seen this,
what your friend's experiencing.
Ok... can I? Ok.
I've seen elements of this.
She doesn't have a victim yet...
So I'm not sure how this will end.
I mean... A victim suicides.
But.. the victim needs a victim
to suicide into.
I know this is horribly
upsetting to you,
and I'm sorry to be the bearer
of such disturbing news, but...
- Sydney.
- I've seen this violent behaviour...
at my office all morning.
Yeah... Okay, we're going live.
- I've got Ken.
- Okay, thank you Dr. Mendez.
We are now going to our...
own reporter, Ken Loney, live in the field.
He's in a grain silo near Pontypool.
Are you there, Ken?
I'm here, uh... Ken Loney,
reporting from inside the grain silo.
And we were
very worried about you, Ken.
I think I... I'm okay, but, uh... the person
that was in here with me, he has died.
Have you been there
all this time?
Yeah, I... I haven't moved,
but... you can hear, uh... crowds,
from time to time, passing by outside.
Can you hear what they're saying?
Are they saying anything?
Yeah, I have... you can hear them.
A group went by about an hour ago...
and they were talking about...
uh... "U-boats"
Well, they weren't talking, really...
They were just sort of, uh... chanting...
Something about
"Look out for U-boats".
"Look out for U-boats".
"Look out for U-boats".
Where they all saying this, Ken?
Yeah, yeah, all of them...
it's a symbol of the disorder.
A 'symbol' of the disorder?
You mean... a 'symptom'...
It a simple... uh... it...
I have a problem.
What's happening there, Ken?
Do you need to get to someplace safer?
No, no... that's not it...
I, uh... I, uh...
What's going on, Ken?
It's gonna... it's gonna sound weird...
I can't stop thinking.
Do you have a 'sample'?
You said sample? Um...
a... a sample of what?
Uh... just... a sample,
I think a simple kinda sample...
You hear what I'm saying? I need to..
I can't stop... sample...
It's so sample...
sample... of what I'm trying...
sample of what I'm trying to say...
- Just try to stay calm, Ken.
- I can't what I'm trying to say,
- Grant, Grant...
- Ken...
- Ken?
- I'm just gonna try to... try to...
- Can you think?
- I can't, I can not...
Let's stick to simple questions, simple!
Simple questions, simple...
simple... simple...
That's it, he's gone.
This is what he is now...
He's just a crude radio signal.
He's seeking.
Simple, simple, simple...
Simple, simple, simple...
I think it's time to say goodbye, Grant,
to our man in the 'Sunshine Chopper'.
Simple, simple, simple...
Allright. Goodbye, Ken.
Goodbye from all of us,
everyone listening,
I hope you can hear me, Ken. Goodbye.
He's gone. Well, I mean.
He's gone... somewhere.
I'm so sorry, Sydney.
Ken was, uh... he was a... he was a...
a really good friend of yours, wasn't he?
No, he's a...
he wasn't a friend...
Ken Loney was a pedophile.
I mean, not really a pedophile.
We just never let our kids
go anywhere near him.
It's just... I shoud've
not known him 17 years.
It's just...
such a long, long time.
Shit!
I wasn't a very good bucket.
What's this now?
We're on, sir.
Uh... folks, um...
we're still here and huh...
little Laurel Ann
has joined us again.
and, uh... anyway she's...
uh... looking... worse.
She... she looks like,
she's been...
- trying to eat something.
- Stop it.
You sure she can't hear us?
No. No, she can't.
Can she read lips?
Good question...
Read lips...
What?
Their timing, that's a very interesting
thing you just said. Can they read lips?
Really? I know,
uh... interesting how? How?
Uh...
I should yet...
remind our listeners,
- we are talking to...
- No! No, it can't be...
Can't be, it's impossible!
What's impossible, Doctor?
It's viral, that much is clear.
But, uh... not of the blood.
Of blood, not in the air.
Not on, or even in, our bodies.
It is here!
Where?
It is in words.
Not all words...
Not all speaking...
But in some.
Some words are infected.
And it spreads out when the
contaminated word is spoken.
Oh...
We are witnessing the emergence
of a new arrangement for life,
and our language is its host.
It could, uh... have sprung
spontaneously out of a... perception.
If it found its way into language,
it could leap into reality itself,
changing everything!
It may be boundless...
It may be... a God bug!
Okay, Dr. Mendez,
I don't even believe in UFOs,
so I gotta stop you there,
with that 'God bug' thing.
Oh, really? Well, that's really sensible,
beause UFOs don't exist,
but I assure you, there is a monster lose,
and it's bouncing through our language,
frantically trying to keep its host alive.
- Is this transmission itself. um...
- No, no, no, no, no, no...
If... if the bug enters us,
it does not enter by making contact
with our eardrum. No.
It enter us when we hear the word
and we understand it. Understand?
It is when the word is understood,
that the virus takes hold,
and... it copies itself
in our understanding.
Well... should we be...
talking about this?
What are we talking about?
Should we be... talking at all?
Well, to be safe - no, probably not.
Talking is risky.
And, well... talk radio is...
high risk, so... we should stop.
But, we need to... tell people about it.
People need to know.
We have to... get this out.
Well, it's your call, Mr. Mazzy.
Let's just hope
what you're getting out there...
isn't going to destroy your world.
The whole world can hear you breathing.
It's fine, you're breathing.
That's your top news story!
It can't take your breath away,
if you're breathing.
- Breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe...
Go to muzak, Grant.
Muzak, key 14.
Seems we're still talking.
Should we make our moratorium official?
- Hello?
- Here she comes.
Hey, Honey!
Hey, Sweetie...
are you and Brandon okay?
I miss you too so much, Honey.
I'll see you tomorrow, huh?
That's great, Honey.
Is your daddy there?
Can I talk to him really fast?
Honey, I didn't forget to call you.
I just couldn't get through, Sweetheart.
You shouldn't be talking
to anyone who calls!
And no "Sweethearts", please.
You should be breathing more.
Breathe... breathe... breathe...
Just talking out loud.
Just talking out loud.
Could you please get your daddy on?
It's not your birthday today, Lulu.
it's Valentine's Day, Sweetie.
It's not really
a good time right now, Sweetie.
Can you just put your daddy on?
Happy Valentine's Day to you, Lulu!
Happy Valentine's Day to you, Lulu!
'Cause I love you...
Lulu? Lulu? Hello?
Hello?
Oh, honey?
Shit!
The phone lines are dead.
Something strange is happening to her,
I've haven't seen this before.
I forgot to give her at
Valentine's Day card.
Grant, thanks for the Valentine card.
I didn't say anything, I'm sorry,
It was very nice.
So, this is what happens when a
victim can't find a victim.
This is the fate they're trying to escape.
My God, that was impressive!
Oh, oh, oh...
and... and... and singularily...
mostest defies comprehension!
I'm... I'm... I'm sorry... I'm sorry.
Breathe... breathe...
breathe...
Oh... here they come now.
There must be hundreds of them,
pressed against the walls of this building.
What we need is a flamethrower.
I thought we weren't supposed to talk.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
You're right, you're right, you're right.
Sydney Briar is alive
Sydney Briar is alive
Sydney Briar is alive
Sydney Briar is alive
I looped it.
Sydney Briar is alive
Sydney Briar is alive
Sydney Briar is alive
Sydney Briar is alive
Sydney Briar is alive
- Sydney Briar is alive
- We can breathe again...
Sydney Briar is alive
Sydney Briar is alive
Sydney Briar is alive
- Sydney Briar is alive
- breathe... breathe... breathe...
- Sydney Briar is alive
- breathe... breathe... breathe...
- Sydney Briar is alive
- breathe... breathe... breathe...
- Sydney Briar is alive
- breathe... breathe... breathe...
Sydney Briar is alive
Sydney Briar is alive
Sydney Briar is alive
Sydney Briar is alive
Sydney Briar is alive
Sydney Briar is alive
Sydney Briar is alive
Sydney Briar is alive
Sydney Briar is alive
- Sydney Briar is alive
- It's only the English that's infected.
Do you speak French?
A little bit?
We speak in French.
Let's go.
Can I go?
In French! In French!
Stay here.
Goodbye!
Where now?
To the kitchen.
Grant! Run... run now!
"Grant! Run... run now!"
Come get me!
"Come get me...
come get me"...
He's still going!
Maybe... he is dangerous?
Yes.
Are you going to kill the doctor?
No.
You killed the kid...
...you go kill the doctor.
I... I didn't kill the kid.
Yes.
- No.
- Yes!
- No.
- Yes!
You killed the kid.
Not me!
Okay.
I killed the kid.
So...
you kill the doctor.
I? Please... no...
I'm...
I'm not gonna kill
the doctor. No.
Okay.
If the doctor attacks us...
I will kill him!
Here he comes!
The door! the door!
Sydney Briar is alive
Goodbye!
He's saving us...
Sydney Briar is alive
My name is Sidney Briar
and today I killed a girl.
I'm so sorry.
Why don't you speak up?
French!
Sorry!
Continue.
Don't talk.
My head hurts!
For Christ's sake, give it up, Grant.
There's no secret escape plan hidden
in the words that Nigel said to you.
Stop!
Stop it!
Syd...
We're not talking. I'm drunk.
This is how my last relationship ended.
Why do you stop understanding this?
Oh, God!
You're gonna eat me soon, aren't you?
That's OK. You be the killer.
I do not want to be the killer.
Something Dr. Mendez said: He said that
understanding a word copies the virus.
So how do you... how do you not
understand a word?
OK, you're talking... a lot...
right now...
Honey, I don't understand something.
How, somethin' we understand automatically.
How do you take, you know, a word...
How do you make it strange?
We're gonna have killers in here soon,
if you keep killing your own rules, Grant.
I do not understand what disinfects it.
You see, that's the question.
If it disinfects it, without distorting it,
how... how do you do that?
You kill the word
that's killing you.
Oh, you kill the word that's killing you.
That's good, that's good! You repeat it!
Yeah, I remember as a kid,
I used to, uh...
I used to repeat words
over and over and over again...
'till whey were...
incomprehensible.
Do you think that's what it is?
Is that why they're repeating things?
Is it some kinda
immune system response?
You have to kill...
all the killing.
Yeah, but it doesn't work, because they
repeat the words and still get sick.
So how do you make it...
unrecognizable?
How?
And what word?
"Kill"...
Kill... kill... kill...
Syd...
are you okay?
Okay, Syd, Syd, alright
Look, Sydney,
I think you got an infected word.
You're infected.
But we know the word...
Don't say anything. Don't say anything.
No, no, no. Stop!
Stop! We know the word!
Okay, 'kill' isn't 'kill...
Sydney, 'kill' isn't 'kill...
'kill' isn't 'kill...
'kill' isn't 'kill...
Oh God. I do not know! I don't know...
I don't know... Okay! Okay!
Alright...
"Kill" is "blue" "Kill" is "wonderful"
"Kill" is... "Kill" is "loving"
'Kill" is the... 'Kill" is "baby"
"Kill" is the...
'Kill" is "Manet's Garden"...
'Kill" is, uh... "Beautiful morning...
"Kill" is everything
you ever wanted"...
"Kill" is...
"Kill" is "Kiss"
"Kill" is, uh...
"Kill" is...
"Kill" is "Kiss". "Kill" is "Kiss".
"Kill" is "Kiss"! Is that it?
"Kill" is "Kiss"? "Kill" is "Kiss".
"Kill" is "Kiss". "Kill"... is... "Kiss".
"Kill" is "Kiss". "Kill" is "Kiss"?
"Kill" is "Kiss".
What is "Kill"?
"Kiss"...
- Kill me...
- What?
Kill me...
"Kill" is "Kiss".
I got it.
Okay...
- Shh... shh... shh...
- Okay, I feel better.
- I feel better.
- Me too.
What just happened?
It's really confusing,
Seriously, seriously.
What just happened?
We just kissed.
- I know, I know, I know...
- It felt good.
What just happened...
to us, I know.
Sydney, I think...
something big just happened.
I think I just cured you.
Sydney... this is big. This is huge!
Where you going?
We gotta let people know about this.
We just found a way outta this!
Shit! Grant, wait, listen to me... Grant,
what're we doing? What're we doing here!
Come on, girl! One last show!
One last... what? Grant...
Grant... Listen to me!
We're not supposed to be even out here...
What are we doing here? It's not safe.
Syd, we're gonna save the fucking world.
Right now. How you feeling?
You don't even know
what you did, rather what you did,
or how you did it.
Listen, listen, Grant! Stop!
Listen, you're way ahead of yourself!
We're okay, okay? We're okay. We're
save up there, if we just don't talk.
We have to stay safe,
what Mendez said. Take it easy.
Shit, Grant!
We shut up or die!
People are already dying, Syd,
while we we're playing muzak.
Do we really wanna provide
a genocide with elevator music?
I don't know what I did up there, Syd,
but I gotta try!
- Because if I don't... what?
- Okay, okay... it's okay.
- Yeah!
- Oh, you're killing me, Mazzy.
Now, get go,
go, go, go, going!
- You there? You there?
- Yeah, yeah, I'm here.
I'm here,
I'm here, Grant.
- Hello?
- Grant?
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I'm here.
Okay, we're gonna do what we can.
Now that French thing,
tha... that French thing, he said, uh...
he said, uh... terms of endearment
and baby talk, okay?
And, uh... we got your word, we know
how to clean that one up, right...
and what was Laurel Ann babbling about?
- I don't know, I don't remember.
- Oh, well, Ken Logan he was saying,
uh... 'sample'.
Was that it, 'sample'?
Okay, we need a list.
Can you make a list?
There is no time for a list, Grant.
You would only start to confuse people.
What'd you... what do you planning to do?
Okay, put me on,
put me on, come on!
You're on!
Hello Pontypool. This is Grant Mazzy here
and today we're taking no prisoners.
In fact, today folks, we set those
prisoners free.
So here we go, folks:
"Kill" is "Kiss"
'Kill' is definitely 'Kiss'...
Now 'Sample'...
'Sample' is 'Staple'.
- Sweetheart...
- It's too specific, Grant.
Sidney Briar!
Are you still alive?
Listen to me, folks,
everything is something else.
- Okay?
- Sidney Briar! Are you still alive?
If you are sayng "Happy"
it means "Sad"...
"Happy" means... No, that's the opposite,
it can't be that. Okay, can't be that.
'Happy' is 'Handy'...
'Happy' is 'Handy'.
Move things around, people,
just move it around, just...
You have to stop understanding...
Stop understanding what you are saying...
Stop understanding
and listen to me...
"Sample"... "Sample" is a 'Color',
"Sample" is a "Color"...
Okay, Grant,
you're making sense,
but if... if you say "don't understand it"
it defeats the purpose.
Okay, okay,
here we go...
Sidney Briar! Stop the broadcast!
Stop the broadcast!
The man speaking is sick!
The "Sky" is a "Person"...
"Laughter" is "Walking".
"Yellow" is "Crowded"...
"Friends" are "Verbs". "Teeth"...
- Sounds like shitty Haiku, Grant.
- are "Enteric"...
I may be wrong, Grant, but I don't think
we're saving the world with shitty Haiku!
Okay, for Christ-sake...
everybody is a critic.
Help me out here...
"Cling"... "Cling"...
"Intake"...
- 'Trespass'...
- 'Sniper'...
- 'Swimming'...
- 'Tomorrow'...
- 'Fidelity'...
- 'Monologue'...
- 'Savage'...
- 'Sausage'...
- Uh... 'Tomorrow'...
- 'Money'...
- 'Ceiling'...
- Uh... yeah, I don't... Grant...
'Rhinoceros'...
'Laughter'...
Shit!
They're just shooting people, Grant!
They're just killing people!
Sidney Briar!
Stop the broadcast!
Stop killing people!
You gotta stop killing people!
You gotta stop! You gotta stop!
Stop! Stop!
Just listen to me...
I said, listen to me...
I think everyone's dead.
You're just killing scared people.
It's what you always do.
You're killing scared people.
You are like dogs...
You smell fear and you pounce.
Well, what the fuck happened
today, folks?
Someone took a buzzsaw
to your middle...
and they pulled out
a wheeling devil...
and they spilled it
right across your anthill.
But you know what, friends?
We were never making sense.
We were never making sense.
And today, today when Armageddon
leached out in your good, good mornings...
You know what?
It's just another day.
Another day in Pontypool.
The sun came up.
You did what you did yesterday,
and it's exactly
what you'll do tomorrow.
Today's news, folks...
Today's 'late breaking', 'development',
'just across my desk' news story is this:
It's not the end of the world, folks.
It's just the end of the day.
This is Grant Mazzy,
for C.L.S.Y-Radio Nowhere.
And I'm still here,
you cock-suckers!