Let us pray.
Let us pray, please.
Sure, I couId pretend
to be devastated.
HighIy inappropriate ...
on this joyous occasion.
All right, Mr. Poppitz. Bye.
Our Father who art in Heaven...
I ought to open the champagne...
because not onIy am I
at the top of my career,
but this is the
best time of year.
ExceIIent.
BeIieve me.
The only sad thing about
this place is the weather.
But even that
doesn't faze me now.
'Cause after tomorrow
l'll be havin' fun in the sun.
Now if they'd just bury
the old bugger ...
so l can catch my plane.
Amen.
The regional government
wishes to commend ...
a great local entrepreneur
for his accomplishments.
Yes.
The king is dead.
Long Iive the king.
Yes-sir-ee...
Nice to know you're one
of the best in the business.
Jesus, how long is
this gonna last?
Of all the nerve.
Yeah well, it's not that
l have major competition.
Makes it easy to be Nr.1.
AImost too easy.
Hi, can l help you?
l see you're interested
in our minivan?
Yes.
-Let's look around...
Oh dear.
Lame pitch, pal.
You just get back?
Hi.
How was the vacation? Hello.
Oh nice. Tunisia.
Great weather the whole time.
Yes, l can tell.
Too hot,
but the food was fantastic...
Yes and Tunisia is famous
for its cuisine,
l mean, compared
to ltaly for example.
So true.
I don't know these
beach bums personaIIy.
But hey, either you got it...
And now if you folks will
follow me please.
...or you don't.
Say - chief,
does this come in diesel?
Not in diesel,
but we do have it in blue.
Blue.
Blue sounds great.
l think l might even have
a demo.
A demo?
That would be nice.
How soon can we have her?
Well, usually l like to get
everything checked first...
Three days.
l'd let them take her now,
but isn't anticipation
the sweetest pleasure?
How about tomorrow afternoon.
Tomorrow sounds good.
Thanks, Mr. Schartl.
But we can't pick it up
until Monday.
No problem. Monday's fine.
But yours truly
won't be around.
Vacation.
Oh yes, isn't vacation fun!
Not bad either, eh?
This is my wife.
AII right, that's enough.
Lena.
There's just one thing wrong
with my sweetheart.
She's German,
not Austrian Iike me.
Come Gerry, that's enough
or you'll be roasted.
lt's my turn.
She's not as bad as her accent.
And besides,
you get used to everything.
Glasses.
Be my guest.
Thank you.
Hey Gerry...
You don't think a person gets
stir crazy at a resort like this?
Surrounded by idiots
you didn't pick?
Yeah, maybe in the cheapones,
but not in a 4-star joint.
But they just said 3-star, no?
Yeah, that's a bunch of bullshit.
The main thing is
that it's a 4-star place.
My head is aching again.
You see, they
rate them differently.
They've got other standards
down there.
And competitive sports are Iike
dog-eat-dog business:
either you got it,
or you don't.
Ah, this is our lovely daughter.
Patricia, come over
here for a sec.
She's giving me
the silent treatment.
Honey, doesn't daddy get a kiss?
C'mon, let's try our luck.
Don't let me disturb you.
Yeah, totally uncool.
All inclusive and
nothing but idiots.
Yeah well,
it probably won't be long ...
before my little sunshine
leaves home ...
and runs off with some
zit-faced, runny-nosed kid...
who'll knock her up
and leave her with 3 kids...
l'll call you back.
Yeah, me too.
You don't mind, do you?
Princess.
Everything cool?
Hey look, l know
it's not exactly exciting ...
to go on vacation with your
boring parents, yeah?
Believe me, if it was up to me,
l'd say: stay home,
party up,
have the house to yourself.
So?
l don't think we can do that
to your mom, do you?
She's just recovering from
a nervous breakdown.
What do you think, hm?
lt was a rough time
for all of us.
For all of us?
You were never around.
Yeah, because l was working
my butt of, honey.
l just want the best
for you two, you know that.
l never asked for
a pseudo-designer house.
Yeah well,
just wait, you'll see.
Besides, your mom's shrink
wasn't exactly cheap.
Therapy twice a week for 2 years.
lt adds up, y'know?
Mom told me she's better now.
Yeah, and don't we both want
Mom to be happy?
Huh, honey?
lt'll probably be our
last vacation together anyway.
Why?
You getting divorced after all?
What? No...
We're not planning
on it anytime soon.
Bad answer.
Good afternoon, Mr. Bertram, Sir.
Oh, excuse me.
A reminder: report to the
conference room at 2:00 p.m., OK?
Uh right... Mr. Poppitz, is it
all right if l call you back?
Fine.
Everything's settled for now.
Bye-bye.
Our junior
executive's incompetence ...
has aIways fit in decisiveIy
in my Iife pIan.
That blue minivan
wasn't a sleeper after all.
What?
That's your 4th SUV this month.
My fifth, actually. Here.
lt's yours.
You don't have to.
-lt's no skin off my teeth.
Thanks.
For years, haIf my saIes have
gone to fIuffing up his stats.
Why am I such a good samaritan?
l want to keep reminding the nerd
just how much he needs me.
What kind of mood is he in today?
Don't ask me.
Well, gentlemen.
You promised me we'd have sold
the Supra to Germany by now.
So, what's the problem?
Where's my son anyway?
Where's Schartl?
Still down in the showroom.
What?
Afternoon.
What were you
doing in the showroom?
That's why we're here, right?
You hit the nail on the head.
Here, Dad.
Take note, gentlemen,
you can learn from Mr. Schartl
and my son.
Although
l sometimes wonder, Bertram,
when you have time to sell cars.
You're hardly ever around.
lt's stuffy in here.
Can we open a window?
Right away, Councilor, Sir.
Bertram, please.
Well then,
who mentioned negotiations
with Germany?
Germany?
Why do you say Germany, Dad?
l'm not senile, nor am l deaf.
Someone said something about a
potential buyer in Cologne.
Can someone please open a window?
-lt's open.
Then open another one. And l'll
tell you something else...
You probably think
l'm a total asshole.
You're right, l am an asshole.
But l'm not ashamed to admit it.
And besides,
I'm not the onIy one.
Thanks to God our Lord.
This is a great loss for you.
lt is for us all.
My condolences.
Hang in there.
We'll pull through.
l'm sure l'll do fine.By the way,
l have a surprise, are you busy?
What? Now? Bad timing.
l got a plane to catch.
A surprise? ls it urgent?
This is no time for business.
lt's not business.
OK,it can wait till you
get back from vacation.
OK. Good, thanks.
Time to make like
a banana and split.
Surprise?
What can be important enough ...
to mention in the middIe
of a funeraI?
And then not
that important after aII?
l'll go back and ask him.
Hello, sweetheart. l'm on my way.
Yeah, honest, l'm in the car.
Get moving, moron.
God, you should see this traffic.
Are you aIready
at the check-in desk?
No.
Great. l'll be right there.
You got my suitcase, right?
This thing weighs a ton...
Patricia, will you get down here?
And bring your stuff with you.
Help me, please...
Quick.
Where in the world are you?
Hi.
What? ls anything wrong?
lt's been a tough day.
What are we going to do with her?
Cherish her.
Princess you in vacation mode?
Come on, let's go.
l thought you wouldn't make it.
A promise is a promise
and made to be...
...kept.
Everything else OK with you?
Yeah, let's go,
time's a wasting.
Lately Junior's been
so cool somehow...
l could postpone
my vacation, no problem?
No, everything's under control.
Look, l can talk to Lena...
Have a great time, and l
look forward to your return.
Your luggage, please.
Sure thing.
lt's going to Cosamera.
That's what you think.
Just kidding.
Oh, a comedian.
You girls go ahead,
l'll catch up. Go on...
One of a kind! Sale!
Your meal.
Thank you.
What is it?
Wiener Schnitzel.
Have mine too, pumpkin.
I've aIways been abIe to teII...
when the company
was hushing something up.
HoId on.
This might be
something interesting:
Who was Junior on the phone
with so much lately?
Maybe we should discuss this
some other time.
l'll give you a call,
Mr. Poppitz. Bye-bye.
l've been meaning to ask you...
Good, l look forward
to working together,
Mr. Poppitz.
Bye-bye.
And once again.
OK, just like we said,
Mr. Poppitz.
Bye-bye.
Eat, who knows when
we will eat again.
No way.
Whoever he is,
Bertram knows him.
And unfortunateIy I don't.
And the worst-case scenario is
that he's my new boss.
Shit...
God...
Come sweety,
it isn't so terrible.
Bad news.
We're catching
the next plane home.
Don't be silly.
We've packed other clothes.
l've got major
troubles at work.
lf l'm not at work this week,
we're doomed. Sorry.
OK?
You want to keep
our standard of living?
The convertible,
the designer kitchen,
the beauty farm.
Eating at Japanese restaurants.
Please take your seat.
Pumpkin, do something.
Here.
l mentioned that my wife
is mentally instable,
but that she's getting better.
Well, she was.
Stop it you bitch, stop it.
We can go on vacation
some other time.
l've got it under control.
Here's the plan:
We'll go on vacation this summer.
OK, guess l can't do that.
l can't cancel our vacation.
So that Ieaves option 2.
Oh God.
Oh shit,
honestly.
Come, it isn't so terrible.
Forget it.
Forget it, OK, just sit down.
Clumsy me.
Tea or coffee?
No thanks,
l'm doused already.
What a way to
start our holiday.
Aw, so what,
l'll change
when we get to the airport.
Don't worry about it.
My God, so I've got a tiny
pang of anxiety...
as I go on my
hard-earned vacation.
How did that
ancient Chinese saying go?
You need
the determination to change...
those things in your power
to change;
the composure ...
to accept what you
can no Ionger change.
lt will come, Gerry.
And the wisdom to know...
what you can change and what you
couIdn't give a damn about anyway.
The bus is waiting.
We have to go.
l'm not moving until
my suitcase gets here.
lf you'll please follow me.
Now.
Come, Patricia. We go ahead.
Oh, you're not together?
One moment.
Mr. Schartl,
is that your luggage?
Not really.
Don't worry,
we'll deal with it later.
Hi, Chief. Are we happy?
Very good.
lt's much cheaper at the club.
Hey lady, shouldn't you...
What about my luggage?
C'mon,
Lufthansa is already in the bus.
Who's in the bus?
The Germans, you know.
They expect us all to jump
when they whistle.
l'm sweating like a pig.
What?
-He means it's hot.
lnto the bus,
it's air-conditioned.
Jesus it's freezing in here.
Well, it's about time.Punctuality
isn't an Austrian virtue.
lt's not like we're
missing anything.
Any slower
and you be going backwards.
Please Mercedes. Mellow out.
Just cool it.
This place is crawling with
Krauts.-You ain't kidding.
Daddy?
What time is it here?
-Hold on, it's...
6:28
Here we go.
AII right.
In the name of ''Happy HoIidays''
Iet me weIcome you ...
to the enchanting
isIand of Cosamera.
From now on,
we're on a first name basis.
I'm Doris, your tour guide.
We should be arriving
at the club in 4 hours.
l'll have a cold by then.
Shhh, must you complain
the whole time?
Mercedes, please.
Peace.
Daddy.
Look, there's a
dead body in that car.
Jesus.
You ever heard of piety?
Where's that?
Leave my husband alone.
No taking pictures of the
natives for religious reasons.
You can photograph
the local charm at the resort.
AII right.
Here we are.
WeIcome to vacation paradise.
You'll each get an arm band.
To mark you as a guest at the club.
Wear them for your own safety.
Germans.
Austrians.
Your wrist please.
l see.
Austrian.
No smoking in the reception area.
lt's no use, it's not here...
ls this really necessary?
Lady...
Listen, my suitcase is
definitely not here, OK?
So what now? Suggestions.
No entering the restaurant
between meals.
Drinks are free at the bars, but
please only 1 plastic cup per person.
lf you've already got your armband,
go get your key at the reception desk.
Globacek.
Schalk. My key, but fast.
Naomi, stay here.
We were first.
Take it easy, man.
What's up, man? l'm Uwe.
l'm looking to score some smoke.
Score some smoke.
Globacek...
Hello everyone.
ln the name of the club
welcome drinks are on the house.
Join me at the pool bar; my treat.
Who's that?
Why his treat?
l thought everything was free.
Just a sec.
l'm Dr. Schartl from Vienna.
And l ...
don't know if
they've told you yet,
but there's been a problem
with my luggage.
You don't say?
lt's still not here.
Maybe you can see to it
personally ...
because you and me
want to stay friends, right?
Well, all right,
Doctor Schartl from Vienna, l wouldn't
want us to be enemies either...
l'm an ordinary tourist ...
just like you. You want some
underwear? OK, but l want it back.
Dad got what was coming to him.
Have fun at the bar.
lt is free but not very good.
l don't believe this.
Sweety, they will find the
suitcase. Do you have your key?
Are you my wife?
Of course...
We meet at the pool tomorrow
at 10 for the activity program.
Good night, everyone.
Are you my wife?
Then wear this band as a
symbol of your eternal love...
and loyalty.
332, here we are.
See if the coast is clear, Gerry.
Patricia, will you stop that?
Scamper, scamper, crawl...
Children please.
Faster, Gerry.
Well,
l wouldn't buy the place.
They've got a lot of nerve...
lt's...
Aw who cares...
All right...
Bug-free. Come on in.
Well,
Perfect, eh?
Well,
at least our luggage is here.
Your luggage.
Where's the toilet?
Down the hall,
third door to your right.
Sweetheart, look.
Here's your room.
The light doesn't work.
l special-ordered it for you.
lt's the Goth room.
Gerry, there's no toilet paper.
Oh, l brought some Kleenex ...
in my suitcase.
Aw, sweety, it will turn up.
Yep, can't beat the ocean.
Yes.
You know,
it's been ages since you and l...
Yeah, ages...
Are you happy?
Yes.
Me too.
Hi there.
Hello.
You're from Vienna too,
aren't you?
Yes, from Sievering.
Wow, we're from Simmering too.
l always say it's a small world.
You don't have an accent.
Sievering. Not Simmering.
Oh.
The only bummer is:
no network.
No reception.
A few words of expIanation
from Junior ...
wouId make aII the difference.
I'm not hystericaI or anything,
I'm just cautious.
Enemies Iurk everywhere,
sad but true.
What's important
in a situation Iike this ...
is to keep cooI.
Oh God...
lt's no use,
there's no reception.
This sucks.
So what.
lt's not that l'm scared of
getting a new boss.
That's not it at all.
But ...
what if Junior just decides to
get rid of me.
Who mentioned negotiations
with Germany?
Germany?
Why do you say Germany, Dad?
Hold on.
He doesn't want to get rid of me.
The traitor sold the company
to the Germans.
Hello, Doctor.
No sign of the suitcase?
Or do you go to a funeral?
You all think you're pretty clever.
But don't be messin' with me.
This means war.
Hey, hold on.
That our chair.
C'mon, this is silly.
The place is empty.
Off with the towel.
The towel stays put.
Now go away.
You want a fat lip?
No one messes with me.
The Klingelmeier company
isn't German-owned yet.
And you stay out of this, yes?
Don't mess with me.
Well, gentlemen,
sales for the past few years
have been, shall we say,
average.
And that is exceptional
for Austrian standards.
The only problem is this ...
Mr. Schatzl...
Schartl.
Schartl can't keep up
with the rest.
Sad but true.
What?
Are you crazy.
He's dragging the company down.
You bastard.
You were just waiting for
the old man to croak.
Croak?
You people sound like frogs.
Croak, kick the bucket.
But count me out, OK?
Count me out.
Count me out.
Wet swimsuit not allowed here.
Oh, sorry.
lt won't happen again.
Can l use a phone?
Long distance?
No, l just want to order a pizza.
All right, you?
Yes,
right you.
We go now.
Why do l have to
eat breakfast now?
Because families
eat breakfast together.
Someone's missing as usual.
Dad gets to do whatever he wants.
Maybe he is
already at the beach.
Or off selling someone a car.
Lovely ladies,
where are we off to?
ls this carnival?
Pardon me?
Mardi Gras.
No, this is my uniform.
Cool outfit.
Morning.
l'm Thorsten, it's my
1st year on the activity team.
l'm in charge of water sports.
So if you drown,
it's my fault.
l don't know why, but girls ...
are crazy about me.
Be at the pool at 10.
lt'll be fun. Okeydokey?
You must know
where the breakfast is.
Of course.
Follow me -
the more conspicuous the better.
Mom, please...
Not hungry, are you?
Same as me,
l don't come out to feed
until nighttime.
Klingelmeier, Melanie Gretz
speaking, can l help you?
HeIIo, Mrs. Gretz.
Hi. lt's Schartl. How are you?
ls Junior around?
No.
Would've surprised me if he was.
Listen,
do me a favor,
go up to his office...
and check the
call records in his phone.
Write down aII the numbers
with a German area code, OK?
Am l authorized to do this?
The future of the company
and your job are at stake here.
Oh my gosh.
Do what I say and I'II caII...
l'll call back in 2 minutes.
Thanks, over.
Yes.
Now we're talking.
All l have to do is
call all the numbers.
One's bound to be Poppitz.
And...
then l'll know what's going on.
Say,
any news on my suitcase?
One moment. House number?
Right you.
Sorry, no mail.
What? Not mail.
Suitcase.
Call the airport
about my suitcase, all right?
Right you.
Why do l put up with this?
lt's brutal.
Now what? There's no dial tone.
Overloaded.
Try later.
Afternoon right you. Maybe.
You're kidding.
Right you, try tomorrow.
Right you.
No lifeguards. lt's a crime.
Stay close to shore, sweetheart.
Now look who's stressing.
Where's the doctor?
l could sue you.
Must be careful with children.
Children ruin everything.
You want to tell me
how to raise my child?
Right you.
Stick her in kiddy
activity group.
Begin at 9:00.
Erwin,
give her a piece of your mind.
No, l don't want to.
l'm Gabi, l come from Tirol.
l'm 28 and l love kids, even
though l don't have any of my own.
Not yet.
lf you've got kids,
bring them to me.
Dumb Austrian.
Stupid German.
Yes sir,
we organize lots of fun contests.
Shoot.
What l'd really like
is to kill these brats.
Wouldn't be the first time.
l've already had 2 abortions.
The first time l was 1 4 ...
and the second time ...
was here on the island.
l'm so sick of men.
lt's finished. Too bad.
Hey, l said espresso.
No espresso until 10:00 a.m.
Look - it's 10:02.
Sorry, not until 10:00.
Espresso please.
Espresso coming right up.
You want one too, Doctor?
lt's on me.
Give me 2 espressos.
Well, if that works,
l'll leave them a big tip too.
Sometimes all it takes is
to be friendly.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Let's go, hurry up.
lt's past 10. Zack zack.
This better be urgent.
No, have him wait
till l return from vacation.
Bye-bye.
You've got reception?
-Yes, 4-band.
On-call anywhere, any time.
Nothing else works here.
This ain't gonna be easy. But ...
let's be honest:
do l have a choice?
Do you mind?
No problem, Doctor.
One of a kind, yes?
Yeah.
KIingeImeier, can I...
-lt's me Schartl.
You find anything out?
There was
only one German number.
All the better.
Can you give it to me?
Yeah... 0049...
Obviously.
Can you speak up?
Must have been some party.
You wanna hit?
Black Afghani.
Stay right here.
Naomi?
l'm Aleadin,
head of the activity squad.
You want something, l got it:
games, sports, fun, excitement.
Shoot, not again.
l don't believe it, now what?
l also deal a little on the side.
The kids here are so hot.
Hot for my weed and hot for me.
Everything cool?
Actually,
l oughta send money to Turkey,
to my wife and kids.
But l need the weed, you know.
Everything goes
to pay for more weed.
Otherwise,
l can't take these people.
They're always giving me shit.
Piece of crap.
They're driving me crazy.
You guys are terrific.
There you are.
Did you eat breakfast?
What did he want from you?
Who?
How l regret
marrying such a boor.
l mustn't say:
German fuckhead,
but l can think it.
There you are.
Did you eat breakfast?
Everything cool?
lt's my head again.
Yeah,
it's the change in climate.
Or maybe it's you?
How about wearing
something different?
Sure. Like maybe a black
turtleneck sweater?
Everybody jump in the pooI.
Oh sweetie, don't be that way.
lt's not that bad.
You can't be serious.
Original handmade.
You try this. Handmade.
Probably child labor.
Yes, much cheaper.
No.
My husband lost the suitcase.
l have suitcase too.
On sale.
Forget it.
l'm going into town
to shop my credit card dry.
Town is 200 km.
l got monopoly.
See there?
Here, try this one again.
Over my dead body.
Yeah, oh yeah please.
Lovely.
That looks great on you.
Your bag will be here this afternoon.
Excellent, and the phone?
Should be working
by this afternoon.
Excellent,
shall we go for a swim, ladies?
Terrific.
Like Robin Hood.
With this tiny eyes l didn't think
you could even hit the target.
Not bad,
but you stepped over the line.
Maybe a few centimeters.
Yes, but either
we play right or...
...we don't play at all.
Oh terrific.
This is why you wanted to come
to this place?
Don't be silly.
You go ahead. l'll catch up.
l told you, dumpling:
Germans do nothing half-assed.
But that ruins all the fun.
Oh c'mon.
Don't be that way.
Come back, lotus blossom.
Orientals are so sweet.
Maybe, but they got
no sense of humor.
You Austrians
are good losers, no?
Naw, l'm a lousy loser,
not enough practice.
Well you're a champ
at losing the suitcase.
OK, yellow 50 points,
red 30, blue 10.
Mellow out, it's just a game.
Just try hitting the target.
That's hard enough.
But watch your foot.
Look out. Everybody hit the dirt.
And this is where ...
the hero of our story
finally gets to prove ...
what makes him a hero.
Whose cigarettes are those?
Don't get cocky.
Oh shit, they're mine.
Morning.
Hello.
Your husband's the guy
with the suitcase, eh?
No, l'm the guy
without the suitcase.
Oh here he is.
So uh,
where are you from anyway?
From Sievering.
-ReaIIy?
What a small world. We're from...
Well,
l guess l'll go look for Gretel.
She can't be far.
Get outta here.
Pumpkin.
Better keep an eye
on your daughter.
Patricia knows what she's doing.
Maybe, but those activity
studs never rest.
Gimme a break, she's only 13.
Oh, aIready?
Sweet.
At night we meet and chill out
on the beach: 1 1 o'clock.
So uh,
if you feel like it...
Why wait until 1 1 ?
Daddy, please.
No dessert for you,
and no TV either.
Hey Prince Charming,
don't forget our rules.
The ones under 16
are off limits...
Until 2 days before
they leave, sure.
You got it?
Yeah, l got it.
Macho asshole.
Kiss my ass.
OK everybody.
Time for the bottle game.
Everybody get in a circle.
First, we split up the couples.
Second,
we alternate man-woman-man...
Exactly,
now we pass around the bottle,
but without using our hands.
Gabi and l will show you
how it works.
Now the bottle's
where it belongs.
One more remark and your weed
goes down the toilet.
Drop the bottle or have it ...
between your legs
when the music stops, you lose.
Losers either have to sing
a song or tell a joke, OK?
Are you ready?
You guys are great.
Let me just remind you that ...
we're aII
doing this voIuntariIy.
Nobody's forcing us
to do any of this.
We're aIIowed to drive cars,
we have the right to vote,
they Iet us raise chiIdren
that worries me sometimes.
Cool, keep it going.
You're gonna set a record.
Stupid game.
Oh well, l was hungry anyway.
Hey, what are you doing?
l don't like Germans.
OK Ben:
song or joke?
This isn't a joke, it's fact.
How do archaeologists
identify Austrians?
They're sway-backs.
Why?
Because we used to
ride them to work.
Problem?
Bottle.
We've got a winner.
Your prize is you don't have
to sing or tell a joke.
Just kidding.
Of course you get a prize.
You win a trip to the temple city
with ''Happy Holiday'' Tours.
And what do we
do with our winner?
We dunk him.
lnto the pool with him.
Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
No, that's not a good...
These are my only clothes.
lnto the pool with him.
lt's idiotic.
This means war.
lf that's what you want,
fine with me.
One,
two,
three...
Glad to see you're having fun.
Your suitcase is at
the reception desk.
Really? Great.
What about the phone?
You forget to
pay the phone bill?
Maybe. Better tomorrow.
Right you.
Now something different.
Surprise.
Huh?
What the fuck?
l deliver suitcase
to Gerry's bungalow.
That's not my suitcase.
ls this black?
ls this black?
Don't know. l go ask.
Fine. Where is...
Where's that tour guide Doris?
Go to town. Make phone call.
Right you.
Wet bathing suit
not allowed here.
Are you fuckin' with me?
Yes. Tomorrow.
Right you?
That's the way l see it too.
When do you go
to the temple city?
Oh l know Gerry
won't want to go.
Well l definitely will go.
l came all this way
and want to see something.
lf you want,
we can go together ...
if your husband doesn't mind.
He won't care
one way or the other.
How long have you been married?
1 4 years.
13 of them in Vienna.
l never wanted to leave
Kiel actually, but ...
once Gerry sets his mind
to something...
Take your hands off me,
l'm on vacation, not in prison.
Listen,
l must buy new clothes.
And l have to make
a telephone call from outside.
l'll take a Taxi. lt's OK.
l'll take a taxi.
See it'll be OK.
You morons.
lf l can't make this call,
l'll lose my job.
l'll be on
welfare starting Monday.
Help me.
Help me.
l'm Karlheinz, from Dresden.
l've been here for months,
the bastards won't let me in.
l just lost my arm band, honest.
Take better care
of your things next time.
Help me pleeeease.
What's wrong?
A bug, will you please
get rid of it?
Do you want to say
a big girl is scared of bugs.
lt's not a wild animal.
And it is not poisonous either.
lt tickles.
See? Sweet little guy.
Yes, you really
are a sweet thing.
And see how shiny it is.
Hm...
Hey little guy,
are you all by yourself?
Where are all your friends?
Wunderbar.
Some spectacular entrance.
There.
These idiots are too stupid ...
to find my suitcase.
But they'll remember my name.
Soon as l'm home, l'm suing.
First the club ...
and then... Oh hell...
You all right?
Yes, it is just my head again.
That Ben is a moron.
l find him rather amusing.
Amusing...
lf you ask me,
his jokes are predictable.
What do you mean by that?
He's such a typical...
Car salesman.
That, for example,
was definitely predictable.
So you're sure? You don't want
to see the temple city?
Nope. Positive.
l'm on vacation.
No...
l will write that down.
VACATlON
But this is insane. lt's ...
the biggest joke ...
that you can't even buy detergent
at this resort.
And l can't decide what to wear.
l wish l had your problems.
Hey Gerry,
don't you laugh anymore?
My poor, poor baby.
At least our
little girl is opening up.
That's not exactly something
to laugh about.
Life is cruel...
They fit...
Oh man, l don't want you
to stretch them way out.
Hey, would you mind if l
went to the temple city alone?
No, go ahead.
Hey,
just how old are you?
Eighteen.
l might have believed sixteen.
But that number...
So what?
So nothing.
Then...
See you around.
l hope so.
Ciao.
Hello.
What's up?
Everything's cool.
Terrific.
So, see you tonight?
Beach party.
l'm in charge of refreshments.
ls that a suckling pig?
No mutton.
That's mutton, isn't it?
Oh, mutton.
Line's back there.
There must be a reason
they've got this on the table.
Come dumpling, try this.
l no need, l got iron stomach.
Don't say l didn't warn you.
An ounce of prevention
is worth a pound of cure.
All right honey, dinner time.
How about fries with mayonnaise?
Naomi, come back here now.
Mercedes, don't worry.
Leave her alone...
Be more careful.
You're not bad yourself.
lt's so humiliating.
They only had yellow,
but, l figure for the beach...
lt's very nice.
-lsn't it?
l'm starved.
Then let's eat.
What's that?
Delicious.
We're trying everything.
Erwin, what do you want?
Yuck, no.
Look son,
eat, it's all for free.
Yes, it's ALL all inclusive.
Oh there you are.
Yuck...
That's way yellow.
May l ask where you were?
You may.
New top?
Chic, chic.
What are we up to tonight?
Hi, sweetheart.
We had so much fun.
You missed a great party.
Where's our little girl?
Beats me,
l don't think she's
a little girl anymore.
Want an apple?
No.
You shouldn't eat
so much fruit either.
Yes, Papi.
ls something on your mind?
Halt.
Come, little guy...
Nighty-night.
Hey,
what's up with you?
With me? Nothing. Why?
l'm just shifting
into vacation mode.
Hold on.
l think l have to...
There she is. Patricia.
My baby.
Who did this?
What happened?
Morning.
Did she sleep outdoors last night?
Yeah...
My what a big hickey.
Kids these days...
Until we go home l ought to
lock you in your room, hm?
What were you doing all night?
Do you need to ask?
Sorry,
l don't want to know the details.
lt looks like you had
a fun night too, eh?
Watch your tongue,
your mom threw up all night.
l threw what?
Why, because of you again?
Sorry, sweetheart.
Morning.
Solid blow.
What do we do with this child.
C'mon, Erwin, do something.
Dad, l think...
What's wrong? Do something.
Look what he did.
Guess where l found this.
Breakfast buffet?
Let me tell you about...
Remember it,
so you can tell him later.
All right, turkey,
time to talk turkey.
You lucky man,
you want go visit temple city.
Right you.
l make list.
Mrs. Lena already sign up.
l'm through playing around.
Back on official duty?
Sorry you're having problems.After
all,we want you to feel at home.
Shut the fuck up.
Number one:
my suitcase is not here.
Fine.
Number two:
l can't use the phone.
Fine.
Three: it's virtually impossible
...
to leave this facility.
Fine.
Number four:
the food is so lovingly prepared
...
that my wife doesn't know ...
which end to eliminate it.
Fine.
Number five:
there are 27 of us in my bungalow-
me, my family,
and 24 cockroaches.
Fine.
A perfectly normal vacation.
Actually, yes.
Exactly.
But then number six:
your activity studs are
hitting on my underage daughter...
Hitting on her?
-Yes,
hitting on her.
l don't want to know
what went on last night...
When does the bus
for the temple city leave?
ls there something wrong with you?
Departing at the front gate at
Please sign up here.
Already signed up,
in big fat letters.
You Germans think you
own the world, don't you?
But we're not your annexed
minions anymore.
Yeah OK,
that was below the belt.
But so what.
For me that's not the point,
l can't accept ...
the fact that l'm about to lose
my job to a Kraut.
On what account?
What do you have that we don't?
Sophistication, women adore it.
More than your measly come-ons.
Well, have a
nice day and relax.
l'll personally see to it
that you get your suitcase.
And the exterminator
is on his way.
Yeah OK, thanks.
My wife has a thing about bugs.
Here everybody with everybody.
Speaking of which,
about my daughter...
The culprits will be punished,
all of them.
What do you mean, all?
l was hoping it was just one.
Whatever.
ln the name of Happy Holidays
you and your wife are ...
invited to a romantic candlelight
dinner on your terrace.
Thanks,
l feel sick already.
Well, gentlemen...
Of all of you,
just Mr. Schatzl...
Schartl.
Mr. Schartl is lagging
behind in the sales.
Yes well,
Mr. Poppitz, uh...
Sales statistics aren't always
what meets the eye, y'know...
But l'm sure ...
Bertram can explain
that better than l can, right?
No idea
what you're talking about, Gerry.
For years l helped you,
tolerated your incompetence...
Now l've had it.
You think you can get away
with everything...
My dear Mr. Schackl,
Bertram Klingelmeier and l have
...
discussed the matter and decided
...
we will be moving on without you.
I'm an idiot. Yes.
I'm the absoIute ...
biggest idiot.
Hurry up please.
Or the temple will cave in on us.
Everybody into the bus.
ln Cosamera ...
l threw my life away.
And l'm so close to my goal.
FUTURE
All right boys,
finish the nerd off.
Yes sir, Mr. Poppitz,
with pleasure.
Shit.
l'm starting to look like Mama.
Let's go, faster, faster.
Keep it moving.
Can you believe this?
Up you go -
hurry up and take your seats.
Faster please.
Oh terrific.
Men. Always exposing their film
before they enter the temple.
Where is lunch box?
There aren't any,
it's only an hour drive.
No lunch box, hour too long.
l stay here.
This one's for the runs,
this one's for your circulation.
These are for Pumpkin's
high blood pressure.
l think l stay here.
l don't feel good.
You don't want to miss the temple
city. Booked is booked.
Please, get in.
Good morning and happy holidays.
That was weak.
One more time.
Good morning and happy holidays.
OK that was good.
Here. Suitcase.
Right you?
Right you.
Everything cool, everyone happy.
OK everything cooI,
everyone happy.
Today is competition day.
The archery championship starts
in 15 minutes.
Thorsten's aIready sharpening
the arrows.
l don't believe you somehow.
l seriously doubt
my dad went to the temple city.
You call this a temple?
lt's just a pile of rocks.
Everything OK?
Piece of original temple wall.
Great price.
l'll trade you temple ...
for Berlin Wall.
Hey you.
Don't take.
You must pay 200.
Hey, that's not from here.
That's our wall.
Not wall,
temple.
Holy but cheap.
What a slut.
You said it pumpkin. Awful.
lmpressive, yes?
Yes.
A bit chilly, don't you think?
Soon we'll be sitting in
the rain in the city...
Yes, me in Vienna and...
Hi.
How are we doing?
Fine, thank you.
lt is a bit too cold for me,
l'm headed back for the bus.
Good idea. l will join you.
Jesus Naomi, there you are.
Come on.
We'll watch from over there,
...
or else you might get hurt.
They're all crooked anyway.
Doesn't matter.
Well, what should l do?
Suggestions?
How do l get rid of Poppitz?
First option:
l save my archenemy's life.
A shark.
Thank you.
That calls for a
little applause.
That was dumb luck.
Option number one
is slightly unrealistic.
Hey, Mr. Gerry,
how far can one of
those arrows fly?
They fly until they
hit their mark.
Daddy,
Daddy watch, film this.
Second option:
l don't save him ...
and he dies.
Damn, was that ours?
Get a picture.
Get out of the picture.
Hey, wait, that's private.
Run.
Hello. Dad,
what are you doing here?
Everything cool?
He's just borrowing a few CDs.
That's right.
A man's been badIy wounded.
HeIp us. Hurry, pIease.
Mr. Poppitz, bye-bye.
Well, l hope everyone's fine.
No. They stole my camera.
Cool, Mercedes. l thought l'd have
to scrape up your remains.
There she is.
Hi honey, everything OK?
We saw you on television.
l'm so glad l have you two.
Tonight at the big farewell
party we'll celebrate...
and all will be forgotten.
Gerry, your suitcase is here.
By the way,
was anyone killed?
Yes. They got poor Ben.
The roof was blown off
and a piece ripped off his head.
Then he was hit by
a burning tire.
He was grilled to
death helplessly.
lt always happens to
the best of us.
lncredible, yes?
lf he wasn't a car salesman,
he would be a politician.
Hurray, we're still alive.
We're alive.
We have to celebrate tonight.
Why is the world so cruel to me?
Ben was very fortunate.
He was all alone in our bus ...
when suddenly
the bus next to us exploded.
Poor man, in his panic
he bumped the head on the pole.
Why didn't you blow up?
Something is wrong with Gerry.
Yesterday he even wanted sex.
And with his own wife at that.
This man has a problem.
The question is, is it just
his problem,or is it mine too?
Hello?
Hello, is anyone home?
The German is
really a car salesman.
Which German?
Ben.
That's what l thought.
Why?
Because l've got one of my own.
You're being funny, no?
-No,
actually l'm not.
More wine?
Yes please.
You think Bertram ...
sold the company
to a German named Poppitz.
And Poppitz just
happens to be Ben.
And that is why you're waging some
moronic war against your future boss.
This is the best
you've dished up yet. Sir.
Thank you.
This means
we have to sell the house,
you will be just
a small-time car salesman,
and our daughter can forget
going to college.
Princess.
Say hi to your banana bear.
Don't smoke too much.
Cheers.
Cheers.
You must put Ben out
of the picture.
How?
We kill him.
Honey?
lsn't this a little rash?
l mean, we're going home tomorrow.
You have to plan a good murder.
After the party we lure him to the
beach and make fish food out of him.
What are you gonna use as bait?
Man,
am l hot.
Do l make you hot?
Come on, baby, come to me.
Give it to me.
Yes, give it to me good...
Or no, wait.
First let me make you feel good.
lt might work.
Yep,
that just might work.
Maybe l overlooked something
the past 1 4 years.
Gerry, it is late.
l just hope it's not too late,
though, is it?
And l don't have a camera...
Your woman's hot tonight.
Yeah, yeah...
l sure married a winner.
And what about me?
l don't think
l can take this much longer.
You are one lucky son of a gun.
Yeah...
Poor sucker.
Enough is enough.
Take your hands off my wife.
Gerry please.
Too late,
you neglected your wife too long.
You're married with your job.
Don't you fuck with me!
Uh well,
l'd rather fuck with her,
than with him...
Shit what do we do now?
That wasn't the original plan.
Sorry. But you...
l'm sorry, l...
l had to break it up,
l was jealous.
Gerry, l love you.
Yeah, me too...
Everybody. Club dance.
Cool.
AII I can say in my defense ...
is that it wasn't my idea.
Personally,
l would have chosen
a more elegant solution.
I'd never had any probIems
with the Iaw.
Even though I've been seIIing
used cars for 15 years.
IncredibIe but true.
I never set back the speedometer.
Honest.
William Tell.
Everything groovy?
Everything under control?
Everything going well?
Welly welly welly...
A well is a deep subject.
You were amazing
at the target range.
Yeah well.
Hit?
No thanks.
Sip?
No thanks.
You should have
seen him: bull's- eye.
Totally awesome.
lt just takes practice.
Hey, life is practice.
Yeah.
Of course, no pain no gain.
Sure,
look who's talking.
Germans are hardworking,
disciplined and correct.
Or what?
What are we aiming at?
At the sun.
How come?
Because it doesn't
break if you hit it.
Here, can l try?
l'll stick this
arrow through you.
See that? Right in the middle.
Sock it to you, sun, take this.
l think you missed it...
Like l said,
never set the speedometer back.
Never...
But had someone do it for me
many a time.
l think they all hit their mark.
Let's have a look, shall we?
No need, my man.
l killed the sun.
Hold your horses, so did l.
Good job.
9 arrows and 2 hits.
Not a bad average, gentlemen.
This is a total mess.
Oh dear,
what have we done?
Whatever it was,
it was pretty stupid.
lt was an accident.
lt was a stupid accident.
Those aren't my arrows.
Of course they're your arrows,
you stupid pothead.
Nope,
those are definitely not mine.
One of a kind.
We all have our bad days,
Mr. Poppitz.
Did you really think
l'd let you take my job?
l'm not in the car business.
And my name is not ...
Poppitz.
Oh well,
whoops,
that was a misunderstanding.
Sorry.
Now, one might say ...
the whoIe story was
a IittIe far fetched.
That's true.
But I'm a cautious person.
And I'm aIways
assuming the worst ...
and am gIad when things
turn out differentIy.
Or at least not quite so bad.
Yeah well, solution 2:
going on vacation
with a small problem ...
has its dark side, but ...
it also has its charms.
l changed clothes, sweety.
We land in half an hour.
Exactly.
We've begun our
descent to Cosamera.
Fair skies over the isIand...
And solution 3 ...
doesn't exist.
It was a pIeasure having you...
This is your captain
wishing you a sunny hoIiday.
Whatever.
Here I am going on vacation
with a nagging feeIing.
So?
Who isn't.
Excuse me, did you remember
to lock your apartment?
No we've got a condo.
Pumpkin,
did you lock the front door?
l think so.
What do you mean by that?
l don't even have the keys,
you've got them.
We said l'd deal with the luggage
and you'd lock the doors.
Yeah, yeah,
that's the way it is...
But one thing stiII bothers me.
Poppitz, Poppitz...
Who the fuck is Poppitz?
Let us pray.
Let us pray, please.
Hello, sweetheart.
l want to break things off,
Bertram. Please.
You belong to me, and only to me.
That's why l asked you to choose.
But not so fast and not him.
Lena, don't say going away
together could be your chance.
l was so confused
the last 2 years, and ...
you were a big help to me.
Lena, l'm crazy about you.
You know that.
Whatever the case, now...
Now l know where l belong.
Yes, Mr. Poppitz, yes...
Our Father who art in Heaven,
hallowed be thy name...
l was afraid
he would tell you everything.
l knew it. Even though
l told him a hundred times...
Shit.
Gerry, l...
l'm Poppitz.
And l'm a fool.
l wanted to tell you
all of this earlier. l wanted
this vacation...
Two years.
Oh great.
Sure.
Twice a week you had
therapy sessions...
Psychotherapy.
Oh that's just great.
Gerry, please...
l think l'm going to be sick.
Oh man.
l just thought of
a third solution.
Aren't you feeling well?
Fear of flying?
Don't do it.
Please. Just don't do it, OK?
Look there are so many
innocent people on board.
lf it was just me,
it wouldn't matter, yeah?
But l've got a wife and kid and...
Where?
Sitting over there.
Here,
take ten drops ...
every half hour.
lt'll help you.
l'm a pediatrician.
My name's Dr. Djaber Ansari.
At the moment it's terrible.
Did l say terrible?
lt's insane.
Lately you probably just lost
your sense of what's important.
Yeah well, maybe.
Thank you, Doctor.
Excuse me, can l get by.
l think l know ...
best solution
to all your problem.
Vacation, just 25 days a year.
That not much.
Don't waste it.
Don't worry, l won't.
Can l get through to my wife?
All right with you?
Right you.