1
(typewriter keys click)
(gentle dreamy music)
- [Jessica Voiceover] I got you something.
(gentle dreamy music)
- [Chloe Voiceover] Do
you think he suspects?
(gentle dreamy music)
- [Chloe] Orlando?
- [Orlando] Chloe?
- I have no idea who you are.
- I know.
- How did you got my number?
- A friend.
- [Chloe] Does this friend have a name?
- [Orlando] Yes.
- Are you going to tell me?
- [Orlando] No.
Not right now.
If it's okay?
- [Chloe] If you're not gonna
tell me about this friend,
tell me something about yourself.
- [Orlando] What do you want to know?
- [Chloe Voiceover] How
about something true.
- When I was 14, I wrote a graphic novel.
It was all about a young girl,
who was struck by a comet
and developed the power to
transform into anything.
But there was a catch.
She could transform
into anything, anyone--
- Except the person she was originally,
before she got hit by the comet.
- You read--
- "The Element."
You wrote it?
I heard about it,
because people said I
looked exactly like her.
Is it true?
- I have a poster of her
hanging in my bedroom.
When you walked in here
tonight, I thought you were her.
I think, it's time to tell
you the name of the friend
who told us to meet.
Do you know Jean-Luc?
- [Male Voice] Hello?
Hello?
Is anyone there?
- Yes.
- [Male Voice] Who are you?
- I'm Orlando.
Who are you?
- [Male Voice] I do not know.
Where am I?
It is black.
- I don't know.
- [Male Voice] Where are you?
- My apartment.
Los Angeles.
- [Male Voice] How are you talking to me?
- I'm just talking.
- [Male Voice] I don't understand.
Can you see me?
(slow whimsical music)
- No.
Do you see me?
- [Male Voice] I told you,
it's black, it's black.
Where is my voice coming from?
Where is my voice coming from?
- In my head.
(slow whimsical music)
(glass clinks)
- [Male Voice] What did you just drink?
- Scotch.
You can taste that?
- [Male Voice] I hear swallowing.
It is loud.
Are you still there?
- Yes.
(jingle)
- [Male Voice] I still hear it.
(jingle)
(slow whimsical music)
(slow gentle music)
- Are you still there?
- [Male Voice] My name is Jean-Luc.
- Jean-Luc.
- [Jean-Luc] Yes.
- Are you French?
- [Jean-Luc] I guess,
(speaks in foreign language).
- Do you have a last name?
- [Jean-Luc] I do not know.
Why is this happening?
(coughs)
(gags)
Are you puking?
Are you sick?
- Could you leave?
- [Jean-Luc] How?
I've no clue, how I got here.
Do you?
Do you know, why I'm here?
- Sure.
I'm crazy.
- [Jean-Luc] You can't be crazy.
Because I am real.
(shower rushes)
Right, Orlando?
- Just stop talking.
(loud buzz)
- [Jean-Luc] Where are you?
What are you doing now?
- Shut up.
- [Jean-Luc] Are you angry?
- I'm talking to a voice in my head.
You're a voice in my head.
- [Jean-Luc] I'm not just a voice!
- Hey, Orlando!
Are you okay?
(drum bangs)
Good night, see you around
- I'm talking about Jesus today.
Come on around and talk with me!
We have lots to talk about.
Thank you (mumbles)
Thank you for the encouragement.
You come by, you see me in
the basement of the rec center
and we will continue this
conversation with the Lord.
We have lots to talk about.
I'm talking to you.
There is no salvation
in the bottle, brother.
There is no salvation in the bottle.
I'm talking to you now.
You hear me, I'm talking to
you, I'm talking about Jesus.
- [Jean-Luc] What are you drinking?
- What do you want from me?
I've answered all your goddamn questions.
- [Jean-Luc] Why are
you being such a prick?
- Because I've got enough shit on my mind
without some French
asshole dissecting my life.
- [Jean-Luc] Now you don't
like me 'cause I'm French?
You British douche bag.
I could not care less about your problems.
All I want to know is why
the fuck I'm in your head.
- Well, now who's being the prick?
- [Jean-Luc] Still you,
still you, Orlando!
- Well, if you got a problem with it,
then get the hell out--
- [Jean-Luc] Tell me how,
asshole, and I'm gone.
- Just shut up.
Shut up.
Shut up.
Shut up!
- Hey, sunshine!
Sorry, I'm late.
- She's here, goodbye.
- [Jean-Luc] Goodbye?
Where the hell do you think you're going?
- Well, that looked like
an intense conversation.
Who is that?
- No one.
- No one?
You've been waiting long?
- I just got here.
- You just got here, huh?
- [Orlando] Can you stop?
- I haven't even gotten started.
- [Jean-Luc] Is this how
you handle your problems?
Ignore them and drown them in alcohol?
(glass thumps)
(Orlando exhales)
- You okay?
- I'm fine.
- [Jean-Luc] You are not fine.
I'm in your head.
- How was your trip?
- It was good.
You know, the usual.
Nothing special.
I got you something.
(chuckles)
I saw it and I thought of you.
Remember?
- Right.
I sold the city of New
York ad time last year.
- [Jean-Luc] You sold the city a time?
- Wow, sweetie.
Your mind's really going.
- [Jean-Luc] What do you do, douche bag?
- Are you taking the
ginkgo biloba I gave you?
- Yes.
Ginkgo biloba, it's one of
those interesting words to say.
Ginkgo biloba.
- Hubub.
- Uranus.
- Sparkle
- Knick-knack.
- Lickety-lickety-split.
Remind me again, why
we're not still together.
- I had a problem with that
whole commitment thingamajig.
- Right.
(whimsical music)
(door squeaks)
Come on, I didn't think
the service was as bad
as the last time we--
Orlando, where's your stuff?
- I gave it away.
- You gave away,
you gave away your plasma TV?
(whimsical music)
Well, you do still have your bed, right?
I'm looking forward to the
new position, actually.
It's gonna be nice not
having to travel so much.
- [Jean-Luc] Why is
your ex in your bedroom?
- We agreed to be friends.
And today is a special occasion.
- [Jean-Luc] What's occasion?
- Did you say something?
- No.
- Why do you insist on
waiting until you've gotten
the very, very last of the
paste before buying a new one?
- Why waste it?
- How would you live without me?
- With gingivitis.
It's our ex-anniversary.
- [Jean-Luc] What?
- It was her idea.
- [Jean-Luc] Obviously,
you have no imagination.
Oh, shit.
You are not going--
- Say it, baby!
Say it!
Are you my master?
Say it.
Tell me, baby.
- I am, I'm your master.
- Say it louder!
Louder!
Say it louder!
Louder!
Louder!
- I'm your master.
- Yes!
Yeah!
Yes!
Oh, yes!
Say it.
- I am your master.
- Yes!
- I am, I'm your master.
- [Jean-Luc] Is she hot?
(Jessica screams)
At least tell me she's hot.
- Louder!
Say it louder!
- She's beautiful.
- [Jean-Luc] Beautiful, Christ.
You are in love with her?
- [Orlando] I guess.
- [Jean-Luc] You guess?
Do you tell her this?
- No.
- [Jean-Luc] Why?
Why are you not with this beautiful girl
who you guess you are in love with?
- I don't know, Freud.
- [Jean-Luc] Christ.
You are a coward.
Wait!
Where are you?
- On the couch.
In the living room.
- [Jean-Luc] The couch?
Where is she?
- Asleep in the bedroom.
- [Jean-Luc] Why?
- Because I have a problem sleeping,
when people are lying next to me.
- [Jean-Luc] You are kidding!
And she puts up with this shit?
- [Orlando] We broke up, remember?
- [Jean-Luc] Oh, right!
How long did she put up with this shit?
- Two years.
- [Jean-Luc] You have been banging her
for the last two years
without any commitment?
Shit!
I'm a little impressed.
- It doesn't matter what
you think, Jean-Luc.
- [Jean-Luc] Why's that, coward?
- 'Cause you're just a
voice in my goddamn head.
Have a good night.
- [Jean-Luc] Good night!
My master!
(pants)
- Happy ex-anniversary, baby.
(breathes heavily)
(soft dreamy music)
- Morning.
- [Jean-Luc] Morning.
- [Jessica] Morning.
Why have you stopped going to work?
I talked to Keith.
And what's going on with your place?
You've got a box for a coffee table.
- It's a nice box.
I'm just simplifying my life.
- [Jean-Luc] Simplifying?
- I decided I don't need so much stuff.
If I don't need so much stuff,
I don't have to work so much.
- [Jean-Luc] Pardon?
- What about your weight?
(light upbeat music)
(door bangs)
- Bye.
(car engine buzzes)
- [Jean-Luc] Is she gone?
- Yes.
- [Jean-Luc] Now that you've gotten sex,
how about you focus on this situation?
- Monkeys.
(monkeys grunt)
- [Jean-Luc] So what is with the monkeys?
- I like monkeys.
They're simple.
They eat, sleep, fuck--
- [Jean-Luc] Throw shit at each other.
I feel dizzy.
Are you drinking?
- Yes.
- [Jean-Luc] Why?
- I'm an alcoholic.
A functioning alcoholic.
- [Jean-Luc] Says who?
- So, you remember anything more today?
- [Jean-Luc] Things seem clearer.
- Clearer?
What do you mean?
- [Jean-Luc] You are sitting, aren't you?
Stand.
Now sit and stand without telling me.
You just sat, didn't you?
You just stood.
- You can feel that?
- [Jean-Luc] Yes.
(soft whimsical music)
- What am I doing now?
- [Jean-Luc] Are you doing something?
- My arms are raised.
- [Jean-Luc] I cannot feel it.
I had to concentrate
just to feel you stand.
(soft whimsical music)
- Did you feel that?
- [Jean-Luc] What?
- [Orlando] How do you know?
- [Jean-Luc] I just feel motion.
It's, it's like being in the ocean
and feeling the waves.
(soft whimsical music)
(monkeys grunt)
I can feel it.
- You can feel me.
(cars rumble)
- [Jean-Luc] Where are we going?
- My boss called this morning.
I have to stop by work.
- [Jean-Luc] I don't
remember anyone calling.
What time did he call?
- Nine o'clock.
- [Jean-Luc] Hmmm, guess I sleep.
Christ!
Think, I'm drunk!
- [Orlando] I hardly drink.
- [Jean-Luc] Well, I'm not
a functioning alcoholic.
I don't have the tolerance
of a wino, like you.
- You have a tolerance?
(soft whimsical music)
- [Jean-Luc] I guess.
(soft elevator music)
Where do you work?
- Discount Shopping Network.
- [Jean-Luc] What?
What do you do?
- I sell time to people
who wanna sell their
products on the television.
- [Jean-Luc] Like a TV
channel for shopping.
- Yeah, something like that.
- [Jean-Luc] Oh, that is so, so tacky.
- I handle the VIP clients.
- [Jean-Luc] So, you're successful-er?
- Why do you care?
- [Jean-Luc] Are you?
Are you not?
- A little.
- [Jean-Luc] Why do you
live in an apartment?
- What do you mean?
- [Jean-Luc] If you are successful,
why don't you own a home?
- 'Cause I don't believe
in people being attached
to material possessions.
- [Jean-Luc] You sell crap to people,
yet you don't believe
in owning your own crap?
- I don't sell crap.
I sell time, so people can sell crap.
- [Jean-Luc] And you
consider that less evil?
You yuppie scum.
(uneasy music)
- Quarterly reports are due next month.
We need big numbers,
Godzilla-like numbers.
So what the fuck?
You haven't been here for over two weeks.
- I've been going through something.
- Well, I'm going through a divorce
and I'm losing my hair, but I show up.
- [Jean-Luc] You do not
like this guy, do you?
- That's funny to you?
- No.
(uneasy music)
You're getting a divorce.
- What do you care?
You are the only one with problems!
(exhales)
- I'm actually gonna
need some more time off.
- You actually have been
taking a little time off.
- [Jean-Luc] I dare you
to call him a douche bag.
- Fine, take it.
Your buddy Keith hasn't been
able to handle your team
since you went MIA.
Corporate's probably gonna
have me axe one of you
after next month's report.
And since Keith couldn't sell snow tires
to a fucking Eskimo, I'm betting on him.
- You're really not a
very nice person, are you?
- [Jean-Luc] Douche bag, do it!
- You should be thankful.
I play a very important role in your life.
- What's that?
- I provide you with someone
to direct all your repressed anger at.
- Douche bag.
- [Jean-Luc] I love it,
(speaks in foreign language).
(slow whimsical music)
(door knob clicks)
- Welcome back.
- Keith.
- [Jean-Luc] Keith?
(slow whimsical music)
- [Orlando] And he says
his name is Jean-Luc.
- [Keith] Just Jean-Luc?
- [Orlando] He can't
remember his last name.
- Okay, you have the voice
of a French guy in your head
with just the first name.
Tell me, that's what you just told me.
- Yes.
- You're telling me you're possessed?
- I'm not possessed!
- [Jean-Luc] Possessed?
Who's possessed?
- I'm not amused anymore, Orlando.
Are you going screwy on me again?
- What do you mean again?
- Last year you were convinced that Baxter
was the reincarnation of Mussolini.
Before that you thought your neighbor girl
was JonBenet Ramsey.
- She could be.
Your neighbors are Puerto Rican.
- [Jean-Luc] Chloe Rai!
- What is he,
is he talking to you again?
- Yes.
- What he say?
- [Jean-Luc] I think she's my girlfriend?
- He says, he thinks he can
remember his girlfriend's name.
- [Jean-Luc] She is here, in the city!
- Is it Jessica?
- What, no!
- [Jean-Luc] Chloe!
(phone call tone)
- [Operator] City and listing.
- Chloe Rai, R-A-I.
- [Jean-Luc] This, that
is the name, I know it.
- [Operator] There is a
doctor's office under that name.
- Doctor?
- [Operator] Obstetrician.
- Obstetrician?
- Is she an obstetrician?
- [Jean-Luc] What is an obstetrician?
- It's like a gynecologist.
- [Jean-Luc] You mean a pussy doctor?
- [Operator] You want the number, sir?
- How am I gonna spin this?
- [Jean-Luc] You're the salesman, so sell.
(phone rings)
- Doctor Rai's office.
- Hi, I'd like to make
an appointment, please.
- Okay, let me check the schedule.
Looks like next Friday
is the first opening.
- Friday?
- That's what the schedule says.
And the schedule never lies.
- [Jean-Luc] Friday?
We cannot wait that long.
- Quiet, I'll deal with this.
I can't wait that long, I
need to speak to her today.
- How far along is the patient?
- I'm not pregnant.
- Okay.
- What's your name?
- Janice.
- Janice, my name is Orlando Newberrie.
I have something very important
to discuss with Chloe.
I'm a friend of a friend of hers.
- What is this friend's name?
- I can't tell you that.
- This sounds kind of strange, Orlando.
- I know it does, but it's true.
And it's very important
that I speak to her.
- Today?
- I know it makes no sense, yes.
- (exhales) What do you have in mind?
- Dinner, an early dinner.
- Why an early dinner?
- Because if you put me
down on that schedule
for an early dinner, you could
change the rest of my life.
- (chuckles) Wow!
- And you could get off work early.
Hello?
Hello?
Hello?
- 5:30 at Le Petit on 4th in Santa Monica.
You know the place?
- I'll find it.
- If you really wanna impress her,
order her a fuzzy navel.
- A fuzzy navel?
- [Jean-Luc] Fuzzy navel?
- Yep, tut-tut-aloo.
(phone beeps)
- [Jean-Luc] Seems you
really are a good salesman.
- She's real.
- [Jean-Luc] You did
not think she was real?
Do you believe I am real?
- If you weren't, I would
have made you perfect.
- [Jean-Luc] Being
imperfect makes me real?
- Or that,
and the fact that the pussy doctor
seems to be your girlfriend.
(slow whimsical music)
- He said it was okay,
because it was a prescription.
A prescription made it okay!
See, the doctor made him do it.
Not the devil, but maybe
the devil is the doctor.
(soft whimsical music)
I saw that.
I saw that.
Who you hiding from?
You can't hide from the eyes of the Lord.
You put some clothes on, darling.
(chews)
(soft whimsical music)
- [Jean-Luc] Was it Scotch?
Are you drinking Scotch?
- Yes.
- [Jean-Luc] Eat.
Eat something.
(soft whimsical music)
A maraschino cherry, no?
A maraschino cherry?
(soft whimsical music)
(dreamy music)
Peanuts!
Yes, peanuts!
Honey roasted, no?
- I don't know, I...
I can't taste.
- [Jean-Luc] You cannot taste anything?
I have your sense of taste.
What does this mean?
- [Chloe] Orlando?
- Chloe.
- [Jean-Luc] She is here?
- I have no idea who you are.
- I know.
- How did you get my number?
- A friend.
- [Jean-Luc] Good, tell her.
- Does this friend have a name?
- [Orlando] Yes.
- Are you going to tell me? (chuckles)
- No.
Not right now.
If that's okay.
Stay for one fuzzy navel.
Give me a chance to explain.
How is it?
- Peachy?
- I'm happy you came.
- My secretary said you sounded clean.
- What?
- So, Orlando Newberrie,
if you're not gonna tell
me about this friend,
tell me something about yourself.
- What do you want to know?
- How about something true?
- When I was 14, I took a
vow of silence for one year.
- [Jean-Luc] At 14?
- For religious reasons?
- No, protest.
My parents decided to put
me in boarding school,
so I decided not to talk for a year.
- And what did you do during this silence?
- I wrote a graphic novel.
It was all about a young girl
who was struck by a comet
and developed the power to
transform into anything.
- [Jean-Luc] Any object?
- Any living organism:
human, dog, a bird, anything.
But the trick was that she have
to transform every 12 hours
or she would remain as the
thing that she transformed into.
- [Jean-Luc] That is a super cool power.
- It would seem like a cool
power but there was a catch.
- [Jean-Luc And Chloe] There always is.
- She could transform
into anything, anyone--
- Except the person she was originally
before she got hit by the comet.
- You read--
- "The Element."
You wrote it?
- [Jean-Luc] She read your comic?
- I heard about it,
because people said I
looked exactly like her.
Is it true?
(soft dreamy music)
- I have a poster of her
hanging in my bedroom.
When you walked in here
tonight, I thought you were her.
- [Jean-Luc] You are one bizarre drunk.
(soft dreamy music)
- I think it's time to tell you the name
of the friend who told us to meet.
Do you know Jean-Luc?
- [Jean-Luc] She is happy, no?
- Jean-Luc?
- Was he your boyfriend?
- Freshman year in college.
But his real name is not Jean-Luc.
- It's not?
- No, his first name is John, J-O-H-N.
His middle name is Luke, L-U-K-E.
John Luke Mortenson.
From Milwaukee.
- From Milwaukee?
- [Jean-Luc] Huh?
- He had this whole French
identity to get chicks.
God, I was so in love with him,
he really scarred my heart.
- What did he do?
- He got me pregnant, and I told him,
and the next day he drained my
bank account and disappeared.
It's true.
- He just disappeared?
- [Jean-Luc] Disappeared?
- Yeah.
- [Jean-Luc] Who disappeared?
- You don't know where?
- I always hoped under the
tires of a very large truck.
(chuckles)
- Did you keep the baby?
- [Jean-Luc] Baby?
- I planned to, but I lost
it in the second trimester.
- I'm sorry.
And now you look after pregnant women?
- Credit Jean-Luc for my choice of career.
So, how do you know him?
(slow dreamy music)
- He's a voice in my head.
(slow dreamy music)
- A voice?
- Yes.
- And this voice in your
head, Jean-Luc, told you?
(slow dreamy music)
What's my favorite color?
- Your favorite color?
- [Jean-Luc] Favorite color?
- Yeah.
- [Jean-Luc] Lavender.
- Lavender.
- Food?
- You favorite food?
- [Jean-Luc] Food?
Pork rind.
- Pork rinds?
- Movie?
- Favorite movie?
- [Jean-Luc] Movie?
"It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown."
- "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown."
- [Jean-Luc] How did I do?
- Are the answers correct?
- [Jean-Luc] Are they?
- No, every one of them is wrong.
But they're all his favorites.
- His favorite color is lavender?
(chuckles)
So, what do we do now?
- I think I need a churro.
- [Orlando] You believe me?
- Yeah, I do.
- Why?
- I believed you without question.
Do I really need to explain myself?
- Yes.
- My view of the universe is not limited
to contemporary Western values.
I follow Wabi-sabi.
- What?
- Wabi-sabi is the Japanese philosophy
that nothing is permanent,
nothing is perfect,
nothing is complete.
I don't judge anymore, Orlando.
I don't try to figure things out.
- Wabi-sabi, huh?
- It's how I deal.
- With what?
- Global warming, leprechauns,
childhood traumas.
- Reality television.
- Exactly.
So what does, what does Jean-Luc
think of all this, then?
- I think he passed out.
- Passed out?
- If I drink enough, I
can make him pass out.
- I don't understand, how?
- I'm an alcoholic.
- [Chloe] So he constantly
talks when he's awake?
- Constantly.
I kinda feel bad for him.
It's all he has.
(soft dreamy music)
- I think it's time for
me to see "The Element."
(soft dreamy music)
"The Element.
"She can change into anything,
except who she was before."
(swooshing)
(soft dreamy music)
Scotch out of the wine glass?
The reason for this is?
- You never see depressed
people drinking wine.
They are always happy, light.
- [Jean-Luc] (exhales) Was I out long?
- He's awake?
- [Jean-Luc] It is weird, I
just drift off without warning.
- I was so enjoying our private time.
- [Jean-Luc] Are you there, Orlando?
- Yes.
- [Jean-Luc] How long was I out?
- Not long.
- [Jean-Luc] What did you learn?
What did she tell you?
Did she believe I am real?
How did you end the night?
(soft dreamy music)
- Tell him.
(soft dreamy music)
- You're French.
- [Jean-Luc] Okay, yes, what else?
- You're from Paris.
Royal family and very good looking.
- [Jean-Luc] Rich, royal and French?
That is what I was thinking.
(soft dreamy music)
- Tell him he had a small penis.
- But you had a small penis.
(chuckles)
- [Jean-Luc] No!
She told you that?
How small?
- How small?
- Cocktail wiener.
- Cocktail wiener.
- [Jean-Luc] No, no, no, that cannot be.
Does she at least know
what happened to me?
- You just disappeared one day.
- [Jean-Luc] Disappeared?
Disappeared?
- Yep.
- [Jean-Luc] That doesn't
make sense, does it?
- None.
- [Jean-Luc] How is Chloe?
She loved me, right?
- I don't know.
Did she love him?
- [Jean-Luc] That is what I'm asking.
Did she?
Does she love me?
(soft dreamy music)
- Make him disappear.
(soft dreamy music)
- [Jean-Luc] Christ,
are you drinking again?
(gentle music)
Finally, you're awake.
I think, I passed out.
So what did you think of her?
Are you going to see her again?
- I think so.
Shell's too small, isn't it?
(breathes heavily)
- [Jean-Luc] I can smell your vomit.
I have your sense of smell.
(toilet flushes)
- [Jean-Luc] Chloe has dark hair, no?
And a fantastic smile?
- Yeah.
- Is she still preaching that new wave
of spiritual bullshit?
- It's not all bullshit.
- [Jean-Luc] Christ, she has some issues.
- So, why do you like her then?
- [Jean-Luc] She always forgive me.
No matter what I do.
She always take me back.
(knocks on the door)
Who is it?
- Keith.
What did you do with all your stuff?
- I gave it away.
- You're feeling,
you still hearing that
French guy in your head?
- No.
He went back to never-neverland.
- [Jean-Luc] Ah, you're talking about me.
- Yeah.
I was freaking out that day.
I just spent the night with Jessica.
My mind was a mess.
I'm gonna go put something on.
(phone rings)
- Hello.
- [Jessica] Keith, hi, this is Jessica.
- Hi.
- [Jessica] I'm calling about Orlando.
Have you seen him?
I haven't been able to get
a hold of him all week.
- [Keith] Do you know who's Jean-Luc?
- [Jessica] No.
- Nothing.
- [Jessica] Look, do you
think we can get together?
I'm really worried about him.
- Let me call you back and
we'll schedule something.
Remember this?
- [Orlando] Told you,
it would make us rich.
- Yes, you did.
- You are not here to
shower me with compliments.
What's going on?
Really, tell me.
- [Jean-Luc] What is his problem?
- Fab Ab and Uncle Sam's Grill
are threatening to pull their products.
- That's not much of a tragedy.
You need to relax.
It's not the end of the
world if we lose them.
Nothing is permanent.
- [Jean-Luc] Nothing is permanent?
Oh my God, Orlando!
Are you quoting Chloe?
- Baxter's called a meeting
for our team, Thursday at 4:00.
We really need you there.
(bolt bangs)
- [Jean-Luc] Christ, Orlando!
Do you think it's the best
idea to drink and shoot arrows?
(bolt bangs)
(slow drums music)
(soft relaxing music)
(office chair rattles)
- I think you're in the
wrong place, mister.
(taps)
- I'm Orlando Newberrie.
- Oh, the guy on the phone yesterday.
- [Jean-Luc] Did you just eat licorice?
- Janice.
For you.
- Thank you.
- You got her a fuzzy navel, didn't ya?
- [Jean-Luc] Ah, I have licorice!
(phone beeps)
- The guy you went out
with yesterday is here
with a compound bow.
- [Jean-Luc] Stop eating this, douche bag!
- Second door to your right.
- [Jean-Luc] Douche bag, stop eating it!
(quirky music)
Did you just kiss Chloe?
- What?
- He can taste you.
- [Jean-Luc] Ah, vanilla.
She smells like vanilla.
- He says that he likes
that you smell like vanilla.
- He can smell me too?
- [Jean-Luc] Wait, why did you kiss Chloe?
What's going on?
- So, do you think he suspects?
- [Jean-Luc] What are you not telling me?
- I should go.
I have things to do.
- [Jean-Luc] What things, Orlando?
What is more important than this?
(phone rings)
- It's Saturday tomorrow.
Should I come over?
(phone rings)
Should I?
- [Orlando] Sure, okay.
(phone rings)
- Yeah?
- [Janice] Doctor, the
kid is about to fall out.
- I'm on my way.
(door bangs)
(child cries)
- What can I do for you, partner?
- I'm looking for a hermit crab shell.
- You mean a crabitat?
Crabitat?
Crabitat?
Is your crab male or female?
That's something you wanna think about.
If you don't know, that's fine.
Personality traits:
is your crab outgoing,
maybe sorta standoffish?
They're kinda crabby? (chuckles)
Great, follow me!
(soft relaxing music)
(keys clink)
(quirky music)
- Hello, Senor Newberrie.
- [Orlando] (speaks in
foreign language), JonBenet.
(door lock clicks)
(door taps)
(soft dreamy music)
No rush.
(glass clinks)
(cardboard box rips)
Did you know that over the last five years
the ad time I've sold has
generated 280 million dollars.
- [Jean-Luc] I did not know that.
- [Orlando] And you know
what time that equals to?
- [Jean-Luc] Enlighten me.
- 64 hours and 27 minutes.
- [Jean-Luc] I do not know why
you hate your life so much.
You get to drink whenever,
you get to fuck whenever,
you get to work whenever.
- [Orlando] So, you're saying,
you like my life?
- [Jean-Luc] I guess, I am.
Douche bag.
- I have something to confess.
I believe you are taking over my body.
Jean-Luc?
Are you there?
Are you there?
Alone at last.
(birds chirp)
(cars buzz)
(church bell rings)
(knocks on the door rapidly)
- [Jean-Luc] (speaks in foreign language)
(knocks on the door rapidly)
(knocks on the door rapidly)
- [Orlando] What are you doing?
- [Jean-Luc] Is is Chloe?
- You haven't returned
my calls for five days.
I'm coming in.
What is going on?
- [Jean-Luc] What is going on?
- That's it, I'm canceling my trip.
- Jessica.
- No, I'm canceling it and
I'm taking you to a doctor.
- Jessica, please.
Stop.
- What is going on with you?
What is this?
What are you wearing?
What's wrong with you?
- It's better you don't know.
- [Jean-Luc] Why can't you just tell her?
(exhales)
- Jessica, wait.
- You need to see someone.
A doctor, a minister,
a monk, I don't care.
You need to see someone.
(door knob clicks)
(upbeat music)
- Let me talk to you about lust, brother.
It's poison, it'll eat you life.
You can always reach me in the
basement of the rec center,
and I'll be there for you.
(upbeat gospel music)
Lord set me free
Lord set me free
Lord set me free
Lord set me free
- What do you think?
- Jesus.
Jesus!
I think you're pretty desperate.
You want me to tell you
something to make you understand,
help you find the truth in your situation.
Truth only comes with faith.
- You mean religion?
- I'm not talking about religion.
I'm talking about
faith in something, a
belief, a person, yourself.
I'm talking about you.
A life without faith is empty,
and alcohol, and drugs, and
little voices in your head
won't fill that up.
- What if it is real?
What if it's really happening?
- Well, the only thing that's real
is that you gonna have a chance
to say goodbye to your loved ones.
You gonna have a chance to die in peace.
(chuckles)
What's so funny?
- What you said,
it's just better than I expected.
- Maybe you shouldn't expect
so little out of others.
(scissors click)
(elevator door rings)
- [Jean-Luc] Oh, someone
has bad body odor.
- It might be me.
- [Jean-Luc] My god, I need a drink.
Did I just say that?
- Yes.
- [Jean-Luc] Wait, why do I need a drink?
- 'Cause I haven't drank
since this morning.
- [Jean-Luc] Why?
- I needed to be clear
to get through this.
- [Jean-Luc] Are things clear?
- No.
I need a drink.
- [Jean-Luc] Stop shaking your leg,
it is making me nauseous.
- Nauseous?
How can you feel nauseous?
You don't have a stomach.
(elevator door rings)
- [Jean-Luc] It is not for me.
Stop it.
- Even if you can achieve these numbers,
without Uncle Sam's Grill and Fab Ab,
you are 10% lower than last year.
(door knob clinks)
- Ladies, gentlemen.
(taps)
- What's this?
- Uncle Sam's is branching
into deep fryers.
This is one of a 180,000 units,
which we will sell for 89.99.
Now, this is,
I'm not exactly sure what this is,
but Fab Ab has 400,000 of them,
which they want sold by
October for around 29.99 each.
If we sell all of them,
which I have no doubt we will,
that puts us over 32 million
with our usual percentage,
means we're up 35% over sales figures
for last year's quarter.
- [Jean-Luc] Is the
asshole shitting his pants?
(elevator door rings)
(soft gentle music)
- [Keith] All right, how did you do it?
- [Orlando] I met with
the big man himself.
- [Keith] Wait, you met Uncle Sam?
- Yeah.
And I told him that 64% of all Americans
over the age of 20 years are overweight.
And I told him, we understand this
and that we have a
marketing strategy in place
to advertise his new deep
fryers to that exact 64%.
Then, I went to Fab Ab and
told them the exact same thing.
- I don't know what we'd do without you.
- Selling's not that hard.
(Keith grunts)
No, really.
It's all about easing people's pain.
- Pain?
- They want their products
to be on our show,
otherwise they wouldn't meet us.
They think that this will
bring them closer to happiness,
or at least what they think is happiness.
So, if you approach every
sale with a knowledge
that you are easing somebody's pain,
you're never going to fail.
(coughs)
- You okay?
(coughs)
Orlando!
Orlando!
Hey!
Orlando, Orlando!
(soft dreamy music)
(phone rings)
(slow peaceful music)
- [Jean-Luc] When were
you going to tell me
you are dying?
- How do you know?
- [Jean-Luc] I heard the
doctor explaining it to Keith.
(slow peaceful music)
(faint tone)
I hear it.
You cannot hear, can you?
(slow peaceful music)
How long do you have?
- I was supposed to be dead last week.
- [Jean-Luc] Last week?
- The day you entered into my head.
(slow peaceful music)
- You bastard, why didn't you tell anyone?
- [Jean-Luc] He just called you a bastard.
- I didn't want you to worry.
I almost had you sold.
- Why would you have to sell me?
- [Jean-Luc] Why do you have to sell him?
(slow peaceful music)
(cars buzz)
(knocks on the door)
- [Jean-Luc] Someone is knocking.
(door knob clicks)
- I come bearing gifts.
(dreamy whimsical music)
Sound really calms me.
(dreamy whimsical music)
I bought one for John, but--
- He can hear you.
He can hear you, taste you, smell you.
- Hello, John.
- [Jean-Luc] It's great to hear her voice.
- He says it's great to hear your voice.
- [Jean-Luc] She's wearing
my favorite perfume.
- You're wearing his favorite perfume?
(dreamy whimsical music)
(knocks on the door)
- Someone knocking.
- [Jean-Luc] Someone is knocking again.
(door squeaks)
- I cut my trip short.
I spent a lot of time
thinking about you and me.
- This is not what you think.
She's Jean-Luc's girlfriend.
- Ex-girlfriend.
- Who's Jean-Luc?
- [Jean-Luc] She is asking about me.
- Here, I got this for you.
And the number of a
doctor you can talk to.
- [Jean-Luc] Say something!
She does not understand.
- Jessica.
Jessica!
- Yeah?
- She is here to help.
- You don't get it?
You never got it.
I wanted to be that person.
(door slaps)
- What did she say?
- [Jean-Luc] She wanted to be that person.
(soft whimsical music)
- I think you should go.
- You shouldn't be sad.
You can't control people's wills.
- [Orlando] What did she say?
- [Jean-Luc] She is starting
in on the new age bubble.
- We're all just energy, we're all--
(glass shatters)
(screams)
- [Jean-Luc] Take it easy!
- Fuck you, Jean-Luc.
- [Jean-Luc] Fuck you too!
- [Orlando] Just go.
Please.
- Do you want me to go, John?
I wanna be with you.
- [Jean-Luc] Who?
- Who?
- You.
You.
- [Jean-Luc] She wants, she wants us.
(smooches)
(soft peaceful music)
- [Orlando] I need to level with you.
- [Jean-Luc] Okay.
- [Orlando] You're name is not Jean-Luc.
- [Jean-Luc] It's not?
- [Orlando] No.
And you're not from Paris.
- [Jean-Luc] I am not?
- [Orlando] You're from--
- [Jean-Luc] Wisconsin.
- [Orlando] How long have you known?
- [Jean-Luc] Since the
night you lied to me
about my dick size and slept with Chloe.
- [Orlando] You knew?
- [Jean-Luc] John Mortenson.
- [Orlando] If it makes you feel better,
I think she's still in love with you.
- [Jean-Luc] I don't know.
Last night I got the feeling
she was there for you
more than me.
- [Orlando] You ready?
- [Jean-Luc] Yes.
Let me see you.
(soft peaceful music)
I can see.
I can see you.
(slow dramatic music)
- You were right.
- [Jean-Luc] About what?
- It really is dark.
- What's with the stuff?
- [Orlando] It's my little fuck you.
- [Jean-Luc] To who?
- To myself.
- [Jean-Luc] Huh?
- I used to think that people were judged
by the possessions they leave behind.
- [Jean-Luc] Your life amounts
to this crappy insignificant shit?
- I used to think so.
Maybe it's not that simple.
(soft peaceful music)
I need you to do something for me.
- [Jean-Luc] Sure, anything.
(soft peaceful music)
(birds chirp)
(cups clink)
- Oh, hey, Orlando.
(soft peaceful music)
- [Jean-Luc] Careful, guy's
coming up on the left.
I think I see her.
She really is beautiful.
Just keep going straight.
She's sitting at a table on the left.
She's staring at you.
She looks worried.
- I know you're on your lunch break.
I just wanted to tell you some things.
- [Jean-Luc] Good, she seems interested.
Look up at her.
- I don't believe there is one single
universal definition for love.
I believe that each person,
each relationship should be
judged by its own standards.
I know it's a small consolation
but in my life,
our relationship is the most significant.
I took the most risk.
- Why are you telling me this now?
- [Jean-Luc] She's asking why
you're telling her this now.
- I'm dying.
I'm dying of cancer.
(Jessica gasps)
I'm gonna die soon.
- [Jean-Luc] She's crying.
Fuck, this is horrible.
- It's okay.
I'm okay with it now.
- [Jean-Luc] She put
her hand on the table.
I think you should grab it.
To the left.
- When you look back on our time together,
know that I loved you and I
know it may not have been enough
but remember that I loved
you the best I could.
(slow dramatic music)
(soft bring music)
- [Jean-Luc] I still not get any of this.
It doesn't seem like I
deserve a second chance.
- You're getting a second chance
in the cancer-riddled
body of an alcoholic.
- [Jean-Luc] Yeah, but I
get to do it with Chloe.
- Nothing is permanent,
nothing is perfect,
nothing is complete.
Thanks, Jean-Luc.
- [Jean-Luc] For what?
- For being a prick.
(soft peaceful music)
(soft pensive music)
- Hello.
- [Orlando Voiceover] I'm here.
- It happened.
Christ, you really are an alcoholic.
Wine?
- [Orlando Voiceover] I thought
it might be easier for you.
(gulps)
(coughs)
First drink is the hardest.
Try again.
(gulps)
What are you going to do?
Back to Wisconsin?
- No.
I think I'll go to Paris.
Live out the rest of my days as Jean-Luc.
(chuckles)
(coughs)
Orlando.
Oh, shit, there's blood.
Orlando, are you there?
No, don't leave me alone.
- [Chloe] Orlando?
- [John] No, it's me, John.
Help me.
No.
Please.
(door knob clicks)
Orlando?
- [Orlando Voiceover]
Nothing is permanent.
Nothing is perfect.
Nothing is complete.
("Don't Wake The Dead" by Guards)
Don't wake the dead
You gonna do just what I say
Crippled with fear
I'll take you in, my dear
Don't wake the dead
You gonna do just what I say
Crippled with fear
I'll hold you close, my dear
Let's see how I
Go and lead you out the dark
Let's see how I
Giving you a brand new start
Don't wake the dead
Take your time to live instead
Crippled with fear
I'll hold you close, my dear
Let's see how I
Go and lead you out the dark
Let's see how I
Give you a brand new start
Let's see how I
Go and lead you out the dark
Let's see how I
Giving you a brand new start
It's such a shame
To live your life in vain
If I had a choice
I'd be that only voice
Let's see how I
Go and lead you out the dark
Let's see how I
Giving you a brand new start
("I See It Coming" by Guards)
You make the choice
Or else you die
Sitting in hell
You wonder why
Pack up your bags
It's time to leave
No it's not over there's
something up your sleeve
To get to Heaven
You've gotta die
We'll never get to Heaven
'Cause we ain't gonna die
Ohh, ohh, ohh, ohh
Ohh, ohh, ohh, ohh
You make your case
I know it flies
So open up
Let's do it right
I see it coming
For what it's worth
The only time I seen him
was leaving in a hearse
You get to see it
And then you die
We never took the job
'Cause we can never lie
Ohh, ohh, ohh, ohh
Ohh, ohh, ohh, ohh
They call it curse
Because it's sleeve
To get to somewhere
You got to leave
They call it curse
Because it's sleeve
We'll never get to somewhere
'Cause we don't wanna leave
I see it coming
I see it coming
I see it coming
I see it coming
I see it coming