[TEAKETTLE WHISTLING]
[WHISTLING STOPS]
[ENGINE TURNS OVER]
MAN, ON TAPE:
To see you.
[WOMAN ON TAPE
REPEATS IN GERMAN]
To see you.
[REPEATS IN GERMAN]
To see you.
[REPEATS IN GERMAN]
To see you again.
[REPEATS IN GERMAN]
Nice to see you again.
[REPEATS IN GERMAN]
[TURNS OFF ENGINE]
It's nice to see you again.
[REPEATS IN GERMAN]
[TURNS OFF TAPE]
# you're gettin' ready to work
# it seems you got
a bad connection #
MAN: Hey!
# no reception
# what will it take
to make you understand? #
# bad reaction,
what would... #
[TURNS OFF TAPE]
What are you doing?
I was falling asleep.
I thought it would be a good idea
to change the station situation.
It wasn't. I was
listening to that.
I know, but it's boring
for the rest of us.
I was falling asleep
doing work.
So what?
So... I want to play
this tape.
I want to play this tape to
get motivated and pumped up...
I know, I know, I know you want
to play that tape, but look.
You know what, lance? I'm
not here to start a fight.
That's not what I want to do,
But I need to listen to my
language tapes in order to become
Proficient and perform to
the best of my abilities.
What about... What about
the equal time agreement?
That doesn't apply to
studies and education.
What do you mean? The equal
time boom box agreement
Doesn't apply
in this case, all right?
That's just for recreation.
Oh, come on!
Hey! Don't push my
buttons, all right?
You are not the boss here.
I am the boss.
I hired you.
Now we have a lot
of work to do.
We could sit here arguing
about language and music
And blah-De-De-Blah, but we
got a lot of work to do,
We got a lot of lines to paint,
And it's a very long road.
I suggest you start the
machine and keep it going.
Ok.
Yeah.
Alvin.
Yeah?
You have your tool belt
on backwards.
[ENGINE TURNS OVER]
Let's just enjoy the silence.
[ENGINE ROARING]
ALVIN, VOICE-OVER:
Dear Madison,
Thank you for your
poetic letter.
[POUNDING STAKE]
There is so little
to do out here.
I must have read it
a hundred times.
Being out here helps me
see things more clearly.
Sometimes it's heaven,
sometimes it's hell,
But out-Of-Doors physical labor
is just what I need
After those endless
night shifts in garland,
Which certainly contributed to
our troubles during the spring.
I do feel much better,
although I miss you and olive.
I can't say I miss city life.
I was beginning to feel like I was one
of those heads carved into the mountains
Of those presidents of the
united states in the Dakotas,
Lonely among all those people
I couldn't talk to.
As for your brother,
The countryside isn't
teaching him anything
Other than how much he misses
the big, active nightlife.
I think that you and the family need to think
of something else as far as his occupation.
He, quite realistically, could
never amount to anything.
How can you be his age
and not know how to gut a fish
Or build a tent or tie a knot?
Sometimes I wonder
if he is learning-Disabled
Or has a bad disease,
Not that I dislike him
or anything.
He's totally fine.
Alvin, I'm finished.
Hmm?
I'm done with this one.
Could I have another one?
Yeah, well, put that one back.
Ok.
Wait, you didn't do... You
didn't write in it, did you?
Yeah. I worked
the puzzle.
Oh, no... Don't do that.
Don't do that, please.
That's a collector's item.
It's an antique.
It's rare.
Do you understand?
I'm out here to have my things
treated well, with respect.
I get it.
I get it, yeah.
Do you, really?
Yeah.
You hearing?
You are hearing me?
Yes, yes.
I get it.
Are you hearing me?
Yes. What are you
hearing me with?
My ears.
No. I don't want you to
just hear me with your ears.
I want you to hear
the whole thing.
Ok.
[CAN CLATTERS]
ALVIN, VOICE-OVER:
The weekend is coming,
And I'm thinking of spending
some quiet time alone.
Your brother,
on the other hand,
Can't wait to get back
to the big city
And get the little man
squeezed, as he puts it.
As for me, I've been
studying tons
For our German journey
in the fall.
You're right; If I don't speak the language,
we'll never adapt to life with the natives.
Besides, there's no future
for me in garland,
And this new life can only be
good for our little family.
Yours, Alvin.
P.S... [SPEAKING GERMAN]
[GASPS]
[WHISPERING] Alvin.
Alvin.
What?
Never mind.
[ENGINE BUZZING LOUDLY]
[HORN HONKS]
MAN: Hey! Hey!
What are you doing in the
middle of the goddamn road?
[TURNS OFF ENGINE] We're
working on the road crew.
The stripe crew.
Well, it's about time.
I'm going up and down this road
With a heavy load trying
to get through the pass.
They finally moved
all the boulders.
Yeah, it got all messed up.
MAN: Yeah,
you got that right.
Hey, you guys got
time for a drink?
Heh heh!
There you go.
Ha ha ha!
Here.
Take that.
Thank you.
Yeah, let me take them
tops off for you.
Heh heh!
Cheers.
Hey, wait a minute. I forgot
the most important part.
How about we spice
it up a little?
Oh.
Oh, yeah.
Dump some of that out.
We don't need
that soda pop there.
Here, give me some
of that there.
Ok, hold that there.
Ha ha ha ha!
All right, here we go.
[CHUCKLING]
Here's to fire in our hearts.
Drink up, boys.
I love the impurities.
Ooh. Nice.
Mother, may I?
Yes, I may.
[RASPBERRY] Ha!
Mmm!
So, it was you painted these,
The lines?
Oh, not me.
Alvin did most of them. I
just started working for him.
How many'd you do?
I haven't kept an exact count,
But I've hammered in
a boatload of posts
And painted a whole
bunch of stripes.
Yeah, don't forget the posts.
The posts are important.
Yeah, you're telling me.
You know, would it be all
right if I had one of those?
All right.
Do you have a light,
by chance? I, uh...
thank you.
Nothing but desire, huh?
Ooh.
Mmm.
You got it?
I know how.
You know what?
What?
You shouldn't smoke.
Oh, yeah, I know.
It's bad for you.
No, I mean you shouldn't smoke.
You look stupid.
[LAUGHING]
ALVIN: You been
out here for a while?
Longer than you want
to know, son.
LANCE: I don't know what
I'm doing out here, man.
There's no girls
out here at all.
Well, you got
to take care of that
On the weekend.
You got to go to town,
Meet a lady.
But, uh...
I can't discuss that
too much 'cause,
You know, I got a lot
Of bad memories
there, you know.
ALVIN: Really?
Yeah.
Sometimes you get involved
a little too young,
Things happen and then
more things happen
And she takes off,
Maybe takes the child with her.
You just don't know. That
can be pretty rough.
Ahem. Hmm.
Well, I got to go. I'm tired
of fooling with you guys.
Here. Say...
[WHISTLES] Take that.
Oh, no.
This is too much.
No. Just my way of
saying thank you.
Oh, thank you.
Have a good day.
Take care of that.
That's good for you.
[DOOR SLAMS, ENGINE TURNS OVER]
Thank you.
[HORN HONKING]
Ha ha ha ha!
[HONK HONK HONK]
[ENGINE REVVING]
[SPRAYER ENGINE BUZZING]
[DISTANT THUNDER]
Aren't you gonna eat that?
What?
Aren't you gonna eat that?
The skin?
Yeah.
No.
The most nutritious part.
[PASSES GAS]
Oh, god. Farts?
[SIGHS] Relax.
We're having a very nice evening.
Enjoy your hot fish.
Seriously, are you really cool
not getting laid all summer?
I don't really have much
of a choice, do I?
I mean, when you were out here
For the spring by yourself,
Didn't you get lonely,
like, so lonely?
There's a difference between
being lonely and being alone.
There is?
Oh, yeah.
I reap the rewards of solitude.
How do you do that?
Well...
I write letters to your sister,
I...read,
I paint, I sew.
I had a cat, so I used to take
care of my pet before it was killed.
I have a lot of
prescription medications,
But I try not to use them.
Wow.
I don't know.
I get so horny
out here in nature.
Don't you? Horny?
I don't think so.
Let me ask you a question.
Does it, like...
feel different
Having sex with a woman
that's had a baby?
Yeah.
You know, like, Madison. She's had kids.
Mm-Hmm. Yeah.
Is it, like...
less tight?
Lance, she's your sister.
I mean, I don't know
how you do it.
I could never last
the whole summer
Without getting the
little man squeezed.
You suggesting I cheat
on your sister?
You've heard the story
about Tristan, right?
Tristan, your cousin?
No.
Who's Tristan?
That guy. Hasn't Madison
ever told you about him?
No.
Don't you guys talk
about stuff?
Yeah.
Well, don't you know who she slept with?
What do you know
about who she slept with?
Well, you know her bedroom was
next doors to mine in high school,
And you could just hear
the moaning and stuff.
[SIGHS]
What?
Do you think she was a virgin?
[RAINFALL]
[SNORING]
Do you have any plans
for the weekend?
Anything you're getting into?
What do you mean?
Do you have your eye on anyone?
You know, a girl.
No.
[POLES CLATTER]
Hey, Alvin.
Yeah?
I lied to you.
I do have my eye
on someone who's a girl.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Her name is Maggie Johnston.
She's a total goddess. I've been
working on her for a while.
Nice.
Yeah.
But I kinda
messed it up, though.
I lost her to my friend kip,
But I think they were on
the road to splitting up
If the way she was behaving last time I saw
her at the dance club was any indication.
Problems in the relationship?
Probably by now.
Is she, uh, giving off signals?
Signals?
Yeah.
Well, she was making
out with me in a toilet,
If that's a signal.
What?
Someone knocked on the door.
Probably would have gone full
lamb chop if no one had knocked.
With your friend kip's girlfriend?
Yeah.
Probably
ex-Girlfriend by now.
Are you sure you don't want to
come into the city this weekend?
You could crash at my
parents' place with me. No.
Thanks, though.
I'm gonna stay here.
I could use the solo time.
Not me.
I get lonely.
What's up?
[LANCE SIGHS]
There's birds in here.
Oh, so just, uh,
toss me the keys
And I'll pick you up on Monday.
You need any help with
the camp, setting up?
Sure.
Really?
You know what? Don't worry
about it. I'll get it. Oh.
But you do have
to do one thing.
I want you to mail that
for me, all right?
It's for your sister, and there's money
in there, so be careful with it.
Sweet. How much?
None of your business.
Aw, come on. How much?
Hundreds of dollars.
Why doesn't she get a job?
Why do you send her money?
She's got a lot going on.
No, she doesn't.
She stays at home and talks
on the phone and chews gum.
Yeah, she's raising her child.
Who's in school all day.
Drop it.
So you just take off and bust your ass
And send money back home?
It's called love.
I don't get it.
Yeah, well, you know what? You
don't have to get it, all right?
All you have to do is
mail that letter.
Oh, and one more thing.
Lance!
[SIGHS] What?
Have fun.
Thanks.
[DOOR CLOSES, ENGINE TURNS OVER]
[SIGHS]
Ah.
ALVIN: Hello.
Was this your house?
[CHUCKLES] Was.
Ha ha! Past tense. Everything's
past tense now. Ha!
This is the bedroom,
And our bed was on
this flat area.
This was your bed?
This was it. Ha ha!
And this was on
the back of the bed.
Envision a tall case
up on legs,
And it had a whole lot
of drawers.
And they just fit there perfectly.
It was like, um...
the house was waiting
for my... Ha ha!...
My furniture. Ha!
I speak a little German,
From when I used
to live over there.
All the...
all of these things are...
Are like memories,
And sometimes I feel like I'm
digging in my own ashes.
Um...
people don't realize that af...
You know, even though
the fire was, uh,
I guess, what, 6, 7 months?
9? I don't know how long
since the fire.
Um...
but it's harder for you now...
Harder for me now, anyway.
I thought I was strong
And... adaptable
And, um...
you know, how's anybody
gonna prove
That... That...
you know, I had all these
experiences and the, uh...
flying and, um...
Flying?
Yeah, I was a pilot.
I'm just looking for the
pilot's license with the logbook.
Was the pilot's license
a piece of paper?
Yeah, a little card and a book.
The logbook was
like this, you know.
Do you think it would
have burned up?
I guess so.
But, uh...
you never know
when miracles happen.
You could find it, I guess.
Oh.
Good luck to you.
You, too.
Honey?
I'm home.
Sweetie...
Oh, it smells good.
Ooh, what are you making?
Mmm.
Sweetheart.
Nice little birds.
Hmm.
Sweetie? Where are you?
Upstairs?
Babe?
Sorry. I didn't know
you were on the phone.
No, no, no, it's ok.
You don't have to get off.
I'm just gonna go downstairs.
Bye. [KISS]
It was good.
Hey, man.
Hey, welcome back.
Hi.
Yeah, you're looking good.
Huh?
You look fresh.
Your outfit, your ensemble.
You look sharp.
Move it.
Little lab coat?
Yeah.
Bought myself this coat.
Very cool.
How was your weekend?
New watch?
Yeah. I splurged.
Oh, cool.
Is it waterproof?
Yeah, to, like, 50 meters.
It's got daily alarm,
World timer,
Countdown.
Cost 38 bucks.
Wow.
Shockproof.
Wow.
Pretty new-Wave.
Well, I'm glad you're back.
We've got a lot of
work to do today, ok?
You ok?
Yeah, ok.
Ok.
[SIGHS]
Oh.
Sorry.
I got caulk on you.
[CHUCKLES]
Hilarious.
ALVIN:
So nothing happened?
LANCE: Huh?
This weekend.
Didn't do anything?
Didn't cut loose?
Come on.
What's the scoop?
Oh. No.
What about Peggy Jackson?
Peggy?
Yeah.
You mean Maggie Johnston?
Maggie Johnston.
You didn't get the
little man squeezed?
Nope.
That's too bad.
[SIGHS]
[ENGINE TURNS OVER]
What about her boyfriend?
She break up with him?
Sort of.
Hey. So what's
the problem?
Can't we just listen
to the silence?
Yeah, sure.
ALVIN: So not even a
little bit of fingering?
Yeah, a little bit.
It was a really stupid weekend.
Oh?
Do tell.
Yeah.
It all started
just after I left.
I wasn't even near hidden
ridge and I got a flat tire.
I'd been driving for less than an
hour, and I ran over a sharp object.
You ever had to change a
tire on a truck like that?
Yeah.
It's so hard.
Mm-Hmm.
It took me so long.
I mean... [SCOFFS]...
It took me a great length
of time to change the tire,
So, like, I didn't even get home
until, like, midnight or something.
And I was covered
in grease and very gross,
So I went into my kitchen
and had some salsa
And had a beer, and then...
the next thing you know...
I'm fast asleep.
Well, that's... That's your
body telling you it's exhausted.
It's weird.
No, it's not that weird.
I mean, you've been out here
working hard for almost 5 days.
No, you haven't even heard
the weird part, dummy.
Ok.
I fell asleep right in
the middle of my kitchen,
And I was standing straight up.
That's weird.
Yeah.
And I didn't wake up until my mom
and dad woke up the next morning
And came down for breakfast
and had snacks.
And they just saw you standing
there, sleeping? Yeah.
So I didn't get a party Friday night,
which was really disappointing,
But I figured, hey, I'll be in
good shape for Saturday night.
So I hit the bars with some buddies
and we had some cocktails.
Right away, I saw two chicks who
would totally have partied with me.
I'd actually... I'd actually
screwed one of them before,
Which was ok, but she had
these fat little legs,
Which I found a bit bizarre.
And whenever we would make love, she
would always flap her arms up and down
Like she was trying to fly.
Maybe she was trying to escape.
No, no, no, no.
Orgasms.
She just gets excited.
[CHUCKLES] Fantastic.
[SIGHS]
And so I'd already decided I
was going to sleep with Peggy.
I mean Maggie.
Mm-Hmm?
Or someone of that quality.
So we go to the bub club,
and then she shows up.
Maggie?
Yeah.
Maggie Johnston...
Looking so foxy, as always...
And I'm sensing that she's
really into me as well.
You know, so we go, we hit the dance
floor, and it's lining up nice
Because... we're both
really good dancers.
And I have to dance twice as hard to
compete with these younger guys, you know?
I mean, I'm not as fresh as I used
to be, now that I'm all fat and old.
Right.
And then it's closing
time, and I ask her
To come home with me, but she
really wants to keep partying.
And there's an after party at her
friend's mom's house, so I'm like, ok,
You know, because I don't really
have a choice if I want to score.
You know.
And then I get this feeling
like it's not gonna happen.
I don't know what it is.
I mean...
I'm not saying that I'm psychic or
anything, but it's just sometimes
I feel like I can...
do you know what I mean?
Intuition.
Yeah. It's just that sometimes
I know what's gonna happen.
Yeah.
So we go to the party,
and we start laughing
And I take her into
this bedroom
And we start making out
and I start fingering her.
[SIGHS] And I can tell
how horny she is for me.
And then, all of a sudden,
she asks me to stop.
You know, she got paranoid or
something, like she heard something.
I get her to promise me that she'll
come home with me after the party.
Well, you know, obviously.
And she says yeah.
You know, she says ok.
So then we leave the bedroom,
And we walk smack into kip.
Your friend kip?
No.
My ex-Friend kip.
Ah. I see.
And even before
I realize who it is,
He's already furious
at seeing us together...
[SIGHS]
And he punches me in the face.
Oh.
[CHUCKLES] He nailed you. Yeah.
So she starts yelling
at him and crying,
Telling him how sorry she is,
And I'm just sitting there,
you know, holding my face.
And then they leave and she's
completely hysterical,
But she leaves with kip
and doesn't say good-Bye.
You know, and he's pissed.
I mean, he's freaking out.
He really shouldn't drink.
Really?
Yeah.
You know?
He's a complete jerk
when he drinks.
So, with them gone,
You know, I figure I'll just see
if I can hook up with the one
With the fat little legs,
but...
you know, she's French-Kissing
on the floor with somebody
That... I don't even know.
Then yesterday was Sunday,
so no parties
And no chance of getting pus
because everyone's at church.
[SIGHS]
Don't worry about it.
You know, there's plenty
of other weekends.
[VOICE CRACKS] Yeah.
Maggie Johnston sounds
a little bit confused.
You shouldn't let these
girls mess with your head.
[SNIFFLES, SIGHS]
Yeah, I know.
I'm pretty optimistic
about next weekend, though.
Oh, yeah? Yeah. [SNIFFLES]
I'm going to this
regional beauty pageant.
It's like miss America,
but... [SNIFFLES]...
Way before miss America, but
that kind of thing, you know.
It's, like, for girls who... might
want to be miss America
And might be
miss America later.
Oh, whoa.
Feeling pretty good
about your chances?
Yeah. I've got, like, an 80% to
90% success rate at these things.
A lot of the women get their hormones
in a tizzy at competitive events and...
when you get a...
well, then, even the losers
are like winners to me.
It's really cool.
Why, somehow, in your
mind, you truly do
Perceive yourself as a
gentleman, don't you?
Huh?
[SPEAKS GERMAN]
[TRUCK CREAKING]
Sure you don't want
any hot fish?
No.
My stomach feels funny.
Think I'm still hung-Over
from the weekend.
Did you take an antacid?
Ahem. Yeah.
Everything ok?
Yeah.
Really don't feel like
being out here right now.
And I don't mean
to be rude, but...
I don't feel
like socializations.
You know what?
Why don't you take
my rod and reel, go out,
See if you can't catch us
a couple of fish?
Naw.
No, do it.
You'll feel better.
I promise, it's good
for the soul.
Nah.
Do it.
You can borrow my rod,
my reel, my net.
You can borrow my waders,
borrow my swim trunks.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Ok.
What's this?
Oh, I forgot.
That's your mail.
You got a letter from Madison.
What?
Yeah, I... I put it
in your bag.
Aren't you gonna take the rod?
No, that's ok.
[RAINFALL]
[DISTANT THUNDER]
Aah! Oh!
[PANTING]
[BIRDS CHIRPING] Alvin?
[SHOUTS] Alvin!
Alvin?
[HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING]
[CLANG]
Hey, buddy.
Hey.
Glad to see you're still here.
I've been thinking
about you guys.
Cool.
Good to see you.
Damn truck broke down.
Hallelujah done quit on me.
Bad day.
[MUSIC STOPS] Get out of here.
[GRUNTS]
Here you go.
Oh, thanks.
Well, any idea
How many lines you
painted down there?
Oh. Well, I have no idea.
You covered the whole
asphalt section
Till the gravel begins.
That's 8.2 miles.
And that's an average
Of 4.6 meters
between each line
And about 5 meters
long on each line.
Now, how much that make?
I have no idea.
You mean you don't know?
Well, hold on.
[WATCH BEEPS] How many
miles did you say?
8.2.
Divided by 4.6.
You said there's a
thousand meters in a mile.
Or, no, no. A thousand...
A thousand feet in a meter.
I have 854.888.
That's amazing.
And I calculate 855.
That's amazing!
Drink up!
That is real good.
So, where was that lady going?
What lady?
The lady that got out of
your truck a second ago.
Well, now, look here, buddy,
If there'd have been
a lady in my truck,
I'd hold on tight.
I wouldn't let her go.
No lady in my truck.
Mmm.
What's up?
Where's your friend?
He sorta got a letter
from his girlfriend.
She dumped him.
Oh, man.
Why?
She's actually...
she's actually my sister.
Your sister's his girlfriend?
Yeah.
Probably
ex-Girlfriend now.
What kind of friend are you?
He's in trouble and you're
sitting here drinking?
I... I mean, I thought
he was... Jesus Christ.
I thought I had troubles.
You're hopeless as
tits on a boar hog.
If you ever...
See that. Cheers.
You married?
You have a girlfriend? No.
Well, let me give you
A little advice:
Never sleep with the same woman
More than 3 times in a row
no matter how good it is.
Otherwise,
You start to develop feelings.
Feelings.
That's...
how you feel.
Uh-Huh. Oh, check it out.
Here he comes.
You know what?
I got to get out of here.
I have no interest in listening
to some grown man cry,
So, uh, I'm gonna
leave this with you,
And, uh... yeah.
This'll get you through
the toughest part.
I'll see you down the road.
Like the shoes.
Hallelujah!
You know that paint
is poisonous, right?
Is everything ok?
Yeah.
It's just... you were gone
when I woke up this morning.
I had to make a phone call.
Oh, you drove all
the way to town?
Is there something
you want to talk about?
What would I want
to talk about?
I just had a feeling you might
want to talk about something.
You gonna hit it in
with your hand?
You know... sometimes it's just
better to talk about it...
You know, could we just enjoy
the silence a little bit?
Yeah. Sure.
I just think sometimes it's just...
It's better to talk about stuff.
Then why don't you be
self-Sufficient for once, huh?
Do I have to keep you
entertained all the time?
You know, some people take this job
'cause they want a little peace.
Some people do this job because
they want to be left alone.
Just trying to be nice.
Is everything all right
with Madison?
Oh, man.
Why don't you ask her?
I don't know. I just...
thought maybe you got some
bad news or something.
What is wrong with you, huh?
You're just like her! "What's
the matter with you?
What's the matter with you? What's wrong?
What else? What else?"
It's not my fault
she dumped you.
What?
What did you say?
I don't know. I...
What did you say?
Have you been poking
around in my letters?
Did you open my manila envelope?
Did you read my mail?
What is wrong with you? What
is wrong with this family?
My god, this family!
This family!
You are a weak people!
You are a weak, feeble,
flimsy, tenuous people
Who don't know how to be
alone for 5 minutes,
Regardless of how much
they're loved!
Sorry.
How did you live your
life up to this point
Without knowing how to gut
a fish or build a tent
Or tie a knot or minding
your own business?
Then how did you live this
long and not kill yourself
For being such a boring loser who thinks
he's so smart and good at everything?
For your information,
you're not!
You suck, and that's
why she left you!
You know, you're always leaving town,
you're always struggling with yourself!
She wanted a serious relationship
and she saw right through you!
You blew it!
[CROW CAWING]
You're not getting paid today.
Let go!
Come on.
What are you doing?
Get off me, jerk!
Ow! Ah!
Ow!
[TELEPHONE LINE RINGING]
[CLICK]
WOMAN: Hello?
ALVIN: Hello?
Hey. Did you get
my letter?
Now, is it true?
I can't... Is it...
What you wrote. Is that true?
Where have you been, Alvin?
It's what it... You know,
it all comes down to that.
Where have you been?
I need someone that wants to
be with me, that is... I do!
But who's here.
I am!
You're always leaving.
This is my life, baby.
I do this for us, for us to save.
I know.
For us to save and to run away. I
know, but I need something else.
Look, I can't ask you
to change. I can't.
Yes, you can. You can
ask me to change.
You don't, but you do.
Clearly, you do
want me to change.
And I will.
You don't even ask.
You just assume that I won't.
You assume all these things.
You don't even ask.
You have to ask.
You just assume...
...we'll work it out.
You assume that I'm set in
my ways, I have my life,
And everything is like
it is, but it is not.
Everything I do is for us,
whatever makes you happy,
Whatever makes us happy.
I'm sorry, ok?
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I never
heard you say that. I didn't know.
No, you know what?
It's not that.
It's 'cause you always
want to be in control.
That's what it is,
because you're afraid.
Deep down, you are afraid, you
don't want to be vulnerable.
Listen to me.
I'm not going anywhere.
I'm sorry, Alvin.
This guy, is he who
you want to be with?
It's serious.
You don't want
to give us a chance?
I can't live with you.
I love you.
You're killing me.
I'm what?
You're killing me!
Stop!
[BUSY SIGNAL]
[WIND HOWLING]
[CONTINUOUS DIAL TONE]
[DIAL TONE FADES]
Lance, let's go.
Come on, we got work
to do. Let's go.
[JIGGLING DOOR HANDLE]
Hey, open the door.
No way, Alvin.
I'm on strike.
Open the door! We've got work to do!
Let's go!
I said I'm on strike because
you're being a crazy person.
Let's go!
Do you know the only reason
that you have this job
Is because I was being
nice to your sister?
That's it.
I was being nice and I was
giving you the opportunity
To get your act together
and straighten up.
You quit acting so immature,
learn a little discipline.
But I don't have to
be nice to you anymore
Because I am not loved
by your sister.
She doesn't love me, so I
don't have to love you.
I could call the boss right
now and have you fired.
Don't threaten me.
You think you're so tough!
I could beat you up.
You can't beat me up.
Oh, you want to bet?
[CHUCKLING]
Look at you,
Calling me immature.
You're just a worthless
sack of crap.
Oh, yeah? Well, at least I
don't go around thinking
I'm a great dancer when I
actually stink at dancing.
You've never even
seen me dance.
I've seen you do a lot of things
when you don't think I'm watching.
You're the worst
person in the world.
[PANTING]
[GRUNTING]
You can't catch me!
[PANTING]
You're the worst person
in the world!
[HOWLS]
Lance!
Help!
Alvin?
Help!
Alvin?
LANCE: Alvin.
ALVIN: Oh, my god.
Are you ok?
Oh, yeah, I'm all right.
I just...
what are you doing?
Oh, I nailed my hips.
What?
Yeah, I think I...
I think I messed up my hips.
Did you fall off this cliff?
Yeah.
Are you pulling my legs?
No.
Are there snakes down
there? I don't know.
Are there snakes down there?
I have no idea!
Maybe!
[SIGHS]
Careful, careful.
There's moss.
Careful.
[GRUNTS] Good job.
Why'd you fall off a cliff?
I didn't.
I jumped.
Will you help me?
ALVIN: I don't know
what I was doing.
I feel like a fool.
I was running and then
I reached the cliff,
And all I know is I wanted to
either fly or kill myself.
Kill yourself by jumping
off a 12-Foot cliff?
Sometimes I can do things
that can't really happen.
What does that mean?
I'm impossible.
We should probably get your hips
to the hospital to get a checkup.
My hips are fine.
It was just the shock
when I landed because...
I did fly for 7 seconds.
I was flying and then
I... landed on my side.
But my hip isn't broken. It's just
bruised and beat up and... stupid
And old like me.
Stupid hip.
What's on your face?
Oh. It was supposed
to be war paint.
Heh heh!
Sorry about your watch.
I shouldn't have crushed it.
It was really cool.
I'd also like to apologize
for the way I spoke to you.
I had no right
to insult you like that.
Yeah. Yeah, it's not
such a big deal.
You know, we were just being jerks,
trying to hurt each other's feelings.
I read in a pamphlet back when I
was in school that sometimes,
When you say something ugly
to somebody, you know,
You're really just trying to build your
own self up like... Like you're special.
So when you say
something negative
And insult the other person...
you're really just showing
that other person
What an unsure-Of-Yourself-Type person
that you really feel like you are.
I know.
I read that pamphlet, too.
[CHUCKLES WEAKLY]
You know, I thought
that this...
job would be good
for me to think
About the relationship
I have with Madison.
You know, I thought I
could learn to do better,
That I could figure out
a way to be happy
With my life and still
give her what she needs.
But the distance apart
Gave her the opportunity
to... get scared
Or just...
disappear.
So is it really over?
Seems pretty black
and white to me.
There's another guy.
I talked to her on the phone.
Are you serious?
Is he a foreigner?
Is he that Mexican guy?
Wait. What?
Never mind.
This guy is half
native American.
He goes by B.B.
B.B.?
Yeah.
Calls himself buster brown,
You know, like in buster brown?
He's half native
American, half Italian.
Whoa. Pretty exotic.
Do you know him?
No, but I feel like I do.
She talks about him all the time.
I can't believe I didn't...
god, I could see his face.
She has no idea
what she deserves.
What does she deserve?
Me. Someone who's gonna
wake up early in the morning
And feed the chickens with her,
Who'll proofread her poetry
Or sit in that old chair
that her mom made.
I bet you're the only guy that does that.
No one else.
You think?
No one else!
I bet this new guy
really sucks.
You know, I bet he
hardly even exists.
You know, she's just scared
and he's safe and that's it.
I love her.
That part sucks.
Ha ha!
Were they friends?
No.
He was her chiropractor.
A what?
Chiropractor.
What's that?
What's that?
You don't know what
a chiroprac...
I know, but just remind me?
It's a guy who specializes
in the treatment
And disorder
of the... skeleton.
It's like a masseuse.
Skeletons?
She used to go in
to see to her neck.
Mmm.
She's hooking up with a masseuse.
Gross, Madison.
Disgusting.
[CLINKS BOTTLES TOGETHER TWICE]
The truck driver gave us this.
What?
Yep. Oh!
[SIGHS] He said it'd help you
get through the toughest part.
What do you mean? I told
him how much you liked it,
So he gave us a whole case.
You didn't tell him about
what happened to me, did you?
I mean, you didn't say
anything about it? No.
No, I told him
that you were a prince
That had been... banished from his
kingdom and that you were forced
To work out on the roads
with an old peasant like me.
Go... back
to your old castle.
Oh.
Fart.
Just get drunk for 3 months.
Maybe more.
Maybe someday you can get her back.
I don't know.
I also had a tough weekend
last weekend.
Why, 'cause you
didn't get laid?
Cathy's pregnant.
What?
[SIGHS] Cathy Crosby.
Who's Cathy Crosby?
[GRUNTS]
She's 47.
She's an older lady I
slept with 2 or 3 times.
It was nothing special.
Mom gave me
a post-It on Saturday
And told me I had
to call Cathy...
but I didn't bother.
Then after the beat-Ups on Saturday
night, I thought it might be good
To get at least a little
something, and so I called her.
And then I go over to her place
and she's all dramatic and says
There's no chance
of getting it on
And that she just
wants to talk.
And I'm like...
"Boring. What do you
want to talk about?"
And then she starts
crying, freaking out,
And she tells me
that she's pregnant
And she doesn't know
what to do.
And I'm like,
"what? Is it mine?"
She tells me she hasn't partied
With anybody else for
the last 6 months.
So I tell her that we
can't do this, you know,
She's just gonna have
to get a labortion.
She wasn't supposed to be able
to get pregnant, you know?
She's not fresh anymore.
She's old.
That's the whole point.
[SIGHS]
So I tell her that she has to
take care of the baby by herself
If she wants to keep it.
Don't be an idiot.
This is...
A gift. This is a...
it's the most beautiful thing
that can happen to a person,
Especially...
someone like you.
[SCOFFS]
I'm not ready to be a dad.
Who is?
Nobody's ever ready.
You just... You just...
do, you know?
It's the next step.
It's the...
become a dad.
Deal with it,
you know what I mean?
Some things are gonna be
stinks, all right?
You get no sleep.
But other parts are going to
be the greatest things ever.
[SIGHS]
It's a miracle.
You should be grateful that Madison
already had a kid when you met her.
You should be...
thankful.
Maybe so.
You're a funny fish.
[CHUCKLES]
1...
2...
BOTH: 1, 2, 3!
[GROANS]
Ooh-Hoo-Hoo-Hoo-Hoo-Hoo. Whoo!
BOTH: # ooh ooh
# ooh ooh
# yeah # oh, yeah
# hear we got
a bad connection #
# bad connection
# don't hang up the line
# don't hang up
# don't, don't hang up
# 'cause we're gonna be fine
# # it's bad connections
# we just need
to open our hands #
# open up # to our brothers
# bad connections
# happening all over
# bad connections
# I can't get dial tone
# the tone
# America from
north and south #
# north and south
# what we need is
to unite... #
[BOTH SINGING GIBBERISH]
# we'll form
a good connection #
# a strong reception
# best reception # no crackle on
the line on the tower poles #
# feeling so fine whoa!
# feeling so fine
1, 2, 3!
# connection and...
# we got a bad connection #
# we got a drunk
connection... #
[DRUNKEN SINGING FADES OUT]
[DISTANT THUNDER]
[RAINFALL]
[MAN AND WOMAN SPEAKING GERMAN
ON GERMAN LANGUAGE TAPE]
WOMAN, ON TAPE: Yes, it
means "to get to know you."
[ALVIN REPEATING IN
GERMAN] MAN, ON TAPE: 2Q.
[WOMAN SPEAKS GERMAN]
MAN, ON TAPE: 2Q.
[WOMAN SPEAKS GERMAN]
[BOTH REPEAT IN GERMAN]
MAN,ON TAPE: Pleased to meet you.
[WOMAN SPEAKS GERMAN]
[BOTH REPEATING IN GERMAN]
MAN, ON TAPE: How are you?
[WOMAN SPEAKS GERMAN]
Now you say,
"how goes it, you?"
[MAN SPEAKS GERMAN]
[WOMAN REPEATS
IN GERMAN]
MAN, ON TAPE:
How are you?
[GERMAN DIALOGUE CONTINUING]
MAN, ON TAPE:
How are you?
[WOMAN SPEAKS GERMAN]
[BOTH REPEATING IN GERMAN]
[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
Alvin?
Alvin?
Do you really think
I should have this baby?
Yeah, absolutely.
I was just...
thinking about what you said about
it being a miracle and all.
Maybe it's unfair
to make her give it up
When it's difficult for her to
get pregnant in the first place.
Hmm.
Maybe I'll call her tomorrow,
Tell her we can do
whatever she wants and...
now that I got this cool
job working for you,
I can support
whatever she wants.
Good idea.
You should probably do
whatever she wants anyway,
But that's a good-Person
thing to do.
You should support that.
You're not the idiot some
people think you are.
Lance?
Yeah?
Are you still going to the
beauty show this weekend?
You mean the regional
beauty pageant?
Yeah.
Yeah. Of course.
I know I'm not
a fun person, but
Do you think it would be
All right if I went with you?
Do you like beauty pageants?
I've never been to one.
I just don't want
to be by myself
This weekend.
Of course you can.
It'll be an adventure.
Hey, maybe they'll even make a
comic book about us someday...
"the adventures
of Alvin and lance."
"Alvin and lance."
Heh!
We just need to get you
laid by a beautiful girl.
I just want to have
a good time.
Yeah. Partying with
a future miss America
Sounds like a heck of
a good time to me.
I even know some
of the contestants.
[GRUNTS]
Who knows?
[SIGHS]
Maybe they'll even want to hang out
with a couple of old fatties like us.
Hey, Alvin?
Mmm?
If you were in a regional beauty pageant
And you were a girl...
what would your
special talent be?
Triple jump.
Huh?
Triple jump.
What's triple jump?
It's 3 jumps.
Oh, yeah.
Good night.
[WHISPERS] Good night.
Get on it.
Hey, Alvin.
What?
Remember that cash you
asked me to give Madison
From last week?
Yeah.
Well, I have
a confession to make.
I...
sort of forgot to
send it to her.
What?
I was gonna tell you. I was just...
You know, I was really
afraid you were
Gonna get mad at me.
That's great!
Really?
Absolutely.
That's fantastic.
Let's spend it this weekend
On some ladies who deserve us.
Yeah!
ALVIN:
You know what?
Take $40 out of there.
Buy yourself another watch.
I already did.
Whoa. Check it out.
Hitchhiker.
Hey, I know that woman.
I know that... I know...
Hey! Excuse me.
Do you need a ride?
Hello?
Hello?
Everything ok?
Maybe she doesn't
speak English.
[SPEAKING GERMAN]
Well, well, well! Heh!
You guys all done
fixing the road?
Uh, no.
We're just taking
A few days off.
We're gonna have some fun.
Yeah? Good for you guys.
Good for you.
You deserve it. Ha ha!
Hey, that's the woman
that got out of your truck.
What?!
That's the woman that
got out of your truck
The other day.
That's her.
Woman? What woman?
That's definitely
the woman that got
Out of your truck.
There's no woman in my truck.
LANCE: There is a woman
in your truck.
There is.
Whoa, whoa...
hey, whoa.
If there was
A woman in that truck...
I'm not saying that there is...
There is.
But if there was,
Would you be good to her?
Huh?
ALVIN: Would you
be good to her?
Would you make sure
that everything
Is ok?
You better believe it.
[ENGINE STARTS]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
I do want to kiss you.
Ok, run!
Run! Run!
[LAUGHING]
Ooh, look, he drives.
You like driving
This way and this way.
Pedals.
Yeah, let's go around
To that chicken.
Come here, chicken.
Here, chicken.
Let's get that chicken.
Let's go get
some more chickens.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Chickens. Let's get
some more chickens.
[SONG PLAYING ON SOUNDTRACK]
[SONG ENDS]
# brothers and sisters #
# ooh ooh ooh...
# fathers and brothers #
# put your hand
in the bosom of the land #
# bosom, bosom...
# bad connections
happen all over #
# bad
connections... #
# I can't get a dial tone #
# the tone
# can't get my girl
on the phone #
# where is my girl
on the phone #
# she's nowhere to be seen #
# nowhere to be seen
# seen