National Television. Steve Shorter.
Slate one, take one.
I would just like to say to you all...
how happy I am to be back in Britain
after my American tour.
The name of this young man
is Steven Shorten
He is being given the first ticker-tape
welcome in the history of Britain.
But Steven Shorter is not
a president or a politician.
He is a pop singer.
The reason given for
the extreme violence of the stage act
that you are about to see
is that it provides the public
with a necessary release
from all the nervous tension ca used
by the state of the world...
outside.
The performance for which
Steven Shorter is now being prepared
is based the sentence
he once served in prison.
And so successful has
this violent act become
that Steven Shorter now finds himself
the most desperately loved
entertainer in the world.
Britain in the near future.
I see it all before me
My path's a restless wander
My days and nights are torment
A world of misery
The bonds of retribution
Now laid so carefully
I cannot shed my pain so easily now
My spirit's broken
No will to live
My body's all aching
My hands are tied
I need my freedom
Not your sympathy
Look, you needn't love me
Just set me free
Come on, come on
Set me free
Set me free
Is there a way out for me?
I kneel before you helpless
Is there somebody out there?
To take a chance on me
I don't pretend to virtue
I don't ask anything
But if you want to help me
My freedom's everything
Now look! My spirit's broken
No will to live
My body's all aching
My hands are tied
I need...
I need my freedom
Not your sympathy
Look, you needn't love me
Just set me free
Come on, come on
Please set me free
Set me free
I see it all before me
My darkest days of sorrow
Salvation's been denied me
No hope of liberty
I only ask one question
Please tell me if you can
What good is retribution
Without a helping hand?
There is now a coalition
government in Britain
which has recently asked
all entertainment agencies
to usefully divert
the violence of youth.
Keep them happy, off the streets
and out of politics
Very good show tonight.
The basic thing is that, when we get
this European thing settled down...
By the way, Martin, I'd like you to...
I'd like to look over some of
the press releases I've got.
This should be the greatest
European tour he's done yet.
By the way, as I mentioned before,
the Far Eastern thing...
- The potential there is tremendous...
- Did somebody give him a drink?
Yes, I've offered...
Steve, do you want a drink?
OK, you can let them in now, please.
Come in, ladies and gentlemen.
There will shortly be 61 people
in this room
of whom 54 have nothing whatever
to do with Steven Shorter.
They are what you might call
"professional leaners"
All right, take it easy.
That's it. Have a drink.
Vanessa Ritchie.
Commissioned by the Ministry of Culture
to paint Steven Shorten
I first saw Steven Shorter
at a press reception
given for him about 3 months ago.
I couldn't get very close because of
the usual crowd of people around him.
There was just something about him.
It was the way he stood and looked
in the midst of all those people.
I found a strange sort of emptiness
and I just wanted to paint him.
- What was your name? Hedy, wasn't it?
- It's Betty.
It's Betty!
And this, our American friend,
is John B. Marshall.
I'd like to say howdy, folks.
Cool it,John. We'll hear
from you later. Isn't he wild?
Enjoy yourself. Have a ball!
All right! Hold it, everybody!
Present time, Uncle Julie.
Right now, it's present time.
- What's all this about?
- It's your birthday, Uncle Julie. 65.
For he's a jolly good fellow!
For he's a jolly good fellow!
Look. My accountant...
Do me a favour: count backwards.
On the left is Alvin Kirsch,
Press Officer to Steven Shorten
And on the right is Jules Jordan, music publisher to Steven Shorter
and grossing 250,000 per year.
Beautiful. Just beautiful.
Thank you, Steve.
You're so good to me.
You want to repeat the kiss?
A replay for the kids.
Is that too much?
The evening of August 8th.
We are in one of
specially built within
the last few years
to spread happiness
throughout Britain.
Not in a million, million years
Look after this, will you?
It's not business with us.
We're just one big happy family.
Look at this kid: a doll, a prince.
I love this boy. Beautiful.
We didn't frame it because we didn't
know where you'd like to put it.
Vanessa... Vanessa.
Martin Crossley,
personal manager to Steven Shorter.
Do you find Miss Ritchie's
painting exciting?
Well, I don't really know
much about art.
Ask me about birds---
I wasn't suggesting that
you should know about art.
I was just wondering
if you had an opinion.
Freddie, what do you think?
I don't know much about art.
Ask me about bees and I'll tell you.
Adolescent display
is not really called for.
- I was just asking for an opinion.
- About her work?
On the right is Freddie K,
musical director to Steven Shorter
and self-confessed anarchist
It's not what it's about
anymore, is it?
If you really go seriously into it
you want to go to a place
where something's hanging
that's got a bit of something it!
Not all this nansy pansy stuff.
I mean sort of...
She knows what I mean.
When you see it and it's a bit
of everything that he's ever done.
A bit of everything like...
bathing and it should be going
to the toilet and that.
Everything's in it. A bit of a man's life!
A bit of his soul! A bit of everything!
That's what it's all about.
It's not this... Isn't it?
I'm sure you'll agree.
- Steven, can we help you?
- I was...
I'd like to dance.
We were trying to have
a conversation about painting.
You might ask Miss Ritchie, Steven.
You might ask Miss Ritchie, Steven.
Hey, little girl, I'm in a whirl
I've been a bad, bad boy
I'm on my knees
Forgive me, please
I've been a bad, bad boy
They're all watching you.
Well, they always are, aren't they?
I was watching you last night
on television.
I mean, obviously I've seen
your act before but...
this time I was looking at it
much more clearly.
Oh, yeah, I know...
I'm quite a phenomenon, aren't I?
How does it go?
"His act is nauseating.
It's sadistic."
There was one girl
they were interviewing.
She was sobbing and she was saying
she'd kill herself for you.
Yeah, I saw her.
And?
I thought she was lovely.
Excuse me, sir. Step aside please.
Alvin Kirsch is coming through.
Would you please excuse me?
Hey, kids. Everything all right?
I hate to break in at this time.
Do you think you could just
cool it for a couple of minutes?
Steve, I'd like to talk to you.
I'd like to tell you about
the agreement numbers.
Why don't you...?
You'd like this, too.
Steve... Even closer to you.
Steve Electrics. Guaranteed.
Refrigerator; dishwasher; TVset.
If we haven't got it
Steve will get it for you
He will because he can.
Steve genuinely loves dogs.
He knows you do too
which is why Steve Chunk dog food
is specially reduced in price
from 10/6 on the current market
to 8/6.
but not reduced in chunky,
tail-wagging nourishment.
You are now in what is called
a Steve Dream Palace.
These are 300 of these in Britain
each designed to keep people happy
and buying British.
Steve. His symbol, the arrow,
is your guarantee of satisfaction.
Don't forget that when you buy in here
you're buying Steven Shorter.
14 stone, 7.
- Did you see the chick tonight?
- You're certainly putting it on, son.
I'm not putting it on.
It's a little chemical problem.
The body is still there.
The form is still there.
They run after Steve but the overow
I still get, I want you to know.
What are you doing to your teeth
so much? All that gargling.
Too much with that stuff.
By the way, we've got to do
something about his wrists.
- What wrists?
- What do you mean? His wrists.
They're getting cut up,
all smashed up.
Why does he have to lose
blood for nothing?
I've got his name tattooed
all over me.
Steve, I love you. Steve, wait for me.
Steve, be mine tonight.
I dream about him a lot
and they're always horrid dreams
because he always dies in the end.
When I wake up I say thank you to God
because it was only a dream.
We're falling down on two items, I said:
repentance and heart.
Did they give you anything?
I'm not a knocker
of this kind of music
but the intro goes
something like this...
Is he still giving you
those 4 bar intros?
- 8 bars.
- It's 4 bars, Uncle Julie.
You're counting it in 2. It's 4 bars.
I said to the boy who wrote it what
made him think of that kind of a sound?
How does it come here?
And you know what he said to me?
Maybe I'm a bit old-fashioned
but he said to me...
And you'll never believe this, Alvin.
He said to me that the sound came to him
when he was in a traffic jam.
The hooters were blaring...
And that's how he came to
the idea of the theme line.
Still, who am Ito complain?
His last disc sold...
- Wasn't it 400,000?
- 200,000.
Anyway, we gut together
and we worked out a song.
Alvin, this could be
a minor sensation.
Now, it goes like this...
The boy's sitting in the prison cell...
You got the picture?
Mother...
I never thought I 'd miss your cooking
Mother...
You're the nearest and dearest to my heart
- Mother...
- When is the hook-u p?
Wait, wait, wait for it...
Can't you see, Mother?
The bridge needs a little work here
but get the pay-off: the last line.
The salt spray of my t-e-a-r-s...
I don't want say that it
needs a little work but...
Never thought I'd miss your...
I'll start again.
Mother...
I never thought I 'd miss your cooking
Mother...
You're the nearest and dearest to me
Mother...
Can't you see, Mother?
The salt spray of my t-e-a-r-s.
- Well? How's that?
- It's a nice tune, Uncle Julie.
Well, no, no. It's not
It's a horrible tune.
Do you know what
that tune is, Uncle Julie?
It's a nostalgic breaking of wind
after a dinner of sentimentality.
You know... I mean it's nothing.
Where's the adventure in it?
This book is about a fat mother figure
who eats her children
with her sentimental rubbish
and your tune panders to this.
The very instruments you play,
the very balance is expressed by the shape.
There's nothing to them at all.
Mr. Hooper; how would you describe
your function as Mr Shorter's
administrator?
Well, one example I can give you...
About 18 months ago Steven was
threatened with a paternity suit.
So... what did you do?
Well... I procured an abortion
and arranged for the young lady
to be paid 500.
I see. And how did you account
for this expenditure?
I put it down to petty cash.
We'll start with
the American tour, please.
Andrew Goddard Butler
director of a merchant bank
in the City of London
and chairman of Steven Shorter
Enterprises Limited.
Very well, gentlemen. We'll begin by
asking Martin to give us
the results of the American tour.
Right, gentlemen...
The tour lasted 25 days and we covered
some 64,700 miles of travel
The 25 days resulted in 64 appearances,
and 9 charity functions.
How many days off were there?
Three.
Is the boy all right?
Have I...
Have I said anything to indicate
that he isn't?
The schedule sounds a little punishing.
His schedule had the full approval
of Dr Malcolm.
Gentlemen, let's be quite clear
on one point.
Steven Shorter's personal life
is his own business.
That's as it should be.
But his well-being...
physical and mental...
is very much of concern to us all.
The last time I saw him I thought
he seemed nervous and withdrawn.
I hope there's nothing...
disturbing the boy of which
we have no knowledge.
Stay there, Steve. Just relax.
You're awfully tense today.
I don't know what's the matter
with you. Don't go away.
Give him a ball someone.
Throw him a ball, will you?
Get a few of you tossing
this ball up in the air...
Can we get a ball please?
Someone give him a ball.
Greg, will you give him
the ball please?
Very nice. That's it.
Stretch it out towards me, Steve.
Smile. Don't forget to smile.
That's very nice!
Our first problem was to naturally
get rid of 35 pounds of excess weight.
So we put him on this special
gymnasium-type gymnastic course
with a lot of choppy
and exciting exercises.
I don't know what they did
but they fixed up the problem.
I'd say it took us about anywhere
from 18 months to 2 years
to get him into his present
physical shape.
Now what about taking your jacket off?
That towelling thing you've got on.
Get a few of you in your shorts.
Come on,that's a great idea!
A few for the girls!
Do I have to?
Yes. Come on, Steve.
What's the matter with you?
You look wonderful.
Beautiful day. Come on.
Steve,just for a couple of shots.
Can you just take it off?
It won't take too long.
- I won't take long, Steve.
- Just a couple of shots, Steve.
Just a few. Come on now.
It's great. Wonderful. Good.
Now, Steve... Smile, nice smile.
You're awfully tense. Relax.
Right. Now put your chest out.
Beautiful one for the girls...
Now then, Steve, another one.
And smile...
- You got a fridge?
- No.
Better buy you one then.
Steve likes his chilled tomato juice
about 11.
The following morning Bill Franks,
personal bodyguard to Steven Shorter
and 5 ft 11 inches in uplift boots
inspects the amenities
within Vanessa Ritchie's studio.
Got hot and cold then?
Toilet upstairs I suppose?
That's a bit strong, isn't it?
Is this where it all happens, then?
Darling?
Yeah, I suppose this...
Well, this ought to do us, then,
darling.
When am I going to have
another session with Steve?
Tomorrow. Yeah,tomorrow
after the commercial.
- What commercial?
- Apple Marketing Board.
Here, have one.
Good for your sex life.
- I eat a bowl a day myself.
- Well,they don't do much for me.
That's 'cos you don't eat
the pips, isn't it?
Darling...
Isn't it?
Anyone ever told you
you're quite edible?
Give us a bite, then.
Mr. Jackman, what exactly is
the commercial purpose
Mr. Jackman, what exactly is
the commercial purpose
of today's advertisement?
That's really quite straightforward.
What we've got is the largest
national apple glut ever
and unless something drastic
is done in the next 3 weeks
So the object of this commercial
and the 34 others which are planned
is to get every man,
woman and child...
The wind's changed direction.
Can you move the fog machine
down to the water please?
That is, babes in arms and
old age pensioners excepted...
to eat 6 apples a day
for the whole of the summer.
Now, Mr. Arbutt, how would you
describe your technique
in shooting this commercial?
Well, I've been very inuenced by
the work of the Moscow ArtTheatre
and certain of our
modern philosophers.
I would describe my approach
as existentialist.
Would you care to elaborate
on that a little?
Well, for example, today the actors
must all think apples
be apples and ultimately
become apples.
You see, one must remember
that there are millions of viewers
sitting captive in their sitting rooms
who are yearning for...
for the reality and tranquility and
the beauty of the countryside.
Right, thank you, Dave.
Head up, head up...
Alvin!
One more, Steve.
- Can you get rid of them, please?
- All right, fellers. Fellers...
Steve! Thank you.
Alvin!
Get rid of them!
Fellers, ease up. That's it.
All right everyone,
let's have some quiet please.
We're going to have a few words
from our sponsor. Our sponsor!
Thank you very much,
ladies and gentlemen.
This morning I received a telegram
from our real sponsor
the Ministry of Agriculture
and Fisheries
and I'm sure that the unit and artists
would like me to read it
before we start shooting.
"Good luck today with
commercial number 17 stop
"Minister delighted campaign
already bearing fruit."
Now stand by everyone and quiet.
We're going to have a run-through
from the top with music.
And remember everyone, please:
for the next 90 seconds
we are all going to be apples.
I reckon the director's
a bleedin'nut.
Right. Standby, ducks.
Stand by, swans.
Stand by, early morning mist.
Stand by, Sylvia.
Camera! Mark it!
National Apple Marketing Board.
Scene One. Take One.
Running on a Guide Track.
In this girl's ears
the clangour of war.
About her the smoke
of her burning childhood.
Her country has been raped,
ravaged and rapined.
We see it in her eyes
the ugliness of war.
Man's inhumanity to man.
But then a glade, a glade of peace...
The tortured, hunted look
in her eyes becomes soft.
Peace! Beauty! Freshness!
The soft touch of morning dew!
The gentle lull of blossom!
But what is in her basket?
And why does she stand
as though in expectancy?
Are we eavesdropping on
a secret tryst in the midst of war?
And then a twig snaps in the forest!
To the minute! To the hour!
Steve has returned!
He's been riding for 76 days.
His eyes are rimmed with fatigue.
Caked with the dust of war.
With his own hands he has wrenched
open the gates of Jerusalem!
With his own hands he has crushed
an infidel army of 30,000!
He has fought the mighty fight!
He needs sustenance!
He needs apples!
Now we know what's in the basket.
He wearily stumbles after her,
his whole body demanding one thing
in his eyes a desperate desire.
She leads him... she leads him
into the glade of apples.
It is this that has given him
his inner strength!
Now we know what enabled this man
to fight the mighty fight.
We know what it is
that has succoured him
what it is that has sustained him
what it is that makes his eyes lose
the ferocity of war!
It can only be one thing!
Apples! Apples! Apples!
Apples! Apples! Apples!
Mr. Jackman, how did you manage to get
Steven Shorter for your commercial?
I just had a few words
with his manager, Mr. Crossley.
They must have been
very persuasive words, Mr. Jackman
30,000.
Steve...
Andrew's been very worried
about you lately.
He was saying to me that he thinks
you seem much too nervous.
I think he's wondering if there's
anything that might be upsetting you.
Is there?
Is that why...?
I suppose that's why
they've brought you in.
So they can...
keep tabs on me.
Whose idea was that?
Crossley's, I suppose.
- No, it wasn't.
- Bastard.
If you and Martin don't like each other
why do you keep working together?
Very simple answer to that...
as far as he's concerned.
He takes 15%.
You'll probably find that's
why Andrew's...
What is it? "Concerned" about me.
Steve, what do mean?
Well, you don't think...
he's chairman of Shorter Enterprises
for nothing, do you?
I wonder if you'd be kind enough
to ask Steven to come in.
I think he ought to hear
what we're now going to discuss.
Steve, would you come in please?
Are you well, Steven?
Yes, sir.
Good.
Miss Crawford, gentlemen, we come to
the central point of today's meeting.
ProfessorTatham.
We live in difficult times.
We face on every side
the danger of overthrow
by the forces of communism
and anarchy.
We must now for the sake of
national cohesion and survival
lock together into a single mould.
We must become one unit
to resist these forces.
And, to ensure this move,
we must of necessity
subdue the critical elements
in the country's youth.
This is why we first made Steven Shorter
more violent than anyone else...
because we knew this violence
would have a more direct appeal
to the youth of the moment.
Now we are going to use that appeal
by changing it.
Gentlemen, in accordance
with our planned campaign
and because we've reached
commercial saturation point.
In 10 days' time we're going
to make Steven Shorter repent.
We're going to make him say,
"I'm sorry for what I've done.
We're going to make him say,
"Now I want to go back into society."
"Now I will accept law and order."
No longer will I criticize
or rock the boat."
We're going to make Steven Shorter
say these things
because we want,
as we've always wanted
the youth of Britain
to say them also.
This is excellent, very exciting.
Now for clothes and new designs,
Miss Crawford...
Now for clothes and new designs,
Miss Crawford...
August 14th.
Item on the agenda:
The Youth of the Future.
Item on the agenda:
The Youth of the Future.
As you can see, gentlemen,
the accent in about 10 days' time
will dramatically swing to...
Thank you,Tony. Thank you, Daphne.
To respectability, cleanliness,
social grace and, above all...
to respectability, cleanliness,
social grace and, above all...
a new-found innocence.
The masculine will become softer
the feminine line more feminine.
And gone forever will be
the prison motif. Thank you,Tony.
You will notice that Daphne
no longer wears the penal collar
You will notice that Daphne
no longer wears the penal collar
but has an open, soft look
and that Tony no longer
has restrictive stitching
which imprisoned the body
in the last two years.
He is freer, much freer.
Thank you,Tony. Thank you, Daphne.
In other words, gentlemen,
they are released.
In other words, gentlemen,
they are released.
Thank you, gentlemen.
Excellent! Quite Excellent!
As we've seen, gentlemen,
we are about to launch
one of the most dramatic changes
of popular image ever seen.
One of the most dramatic changes
of popular image ever seen.
The only problem that remains is
will the public, en masse, accept it?
We believe so
because of Steven's power.
But to make sure my research team
and I suggest
that when you present Steven
in his new image for the first time
you do so in conjunction
with an Establishment event.
We have compiled a shortlist
from many dozens of applications.
We have compiled a shortlist
from many dozens of applications.
The Central Office of Information
the Board of Trade,
the Ministry of Defence
the British Tourist Board...
I've sounded out the Foreign Office
and unofficially they've informed me
they'd be delighted to
sponsor Steven on a world tour.
The Air Ministry,
the Inland Waterways Board
The Air Ministry,
the Inland Waterways Board
and the Commonwealth Office.
Gentlemen...
haven't we forgotten someone?
Haven't we forgotten the one person
who smiled upon us all?
Onward! Onward!
Onward, Christian soldiers
Marching as to war
With the cross of Jesus
Going on before
Onward Christian soldiers
Marching as to war
With the cross of Jesus
Going on before
Going on before
Christ, the royal Master
leads against the foe
Onward into battle
See His banners go!
Onward, Christian soldiers
Marching as to war
With the cross of Jesus
Going on before
Like a mighty army
Moves the church of God
Like a mighty army
Moves the church of God
Brother; we are treading
Where the saints have trod
We are not divided
All one body we
All one body we
One in hope and doctrine
One in charity
Onward Christian soldiers
Marching as to war
Marching as to war
With the cross of Jesus
Going on before
Onward!
Onward!
Was that happiness?
Was that pure happiness?
Music lovers... And I know
you are musical lovers...
I'm sure that even He sitting in
His celestrial soundbooth
would have heard that and said,
"Open thy mouth.
"Judge righteously and plead the
cause of the poor and the needy."
"Judge righteously and plead the
cause of the poor and the needy."
In other words, Reverend Holinesses,
is it a hit...
or is it a miss?
Oh, a hit.
Yes, most definitely a hit.
Excellent! I think you've been
inuenced by Count Basie but excellent!
A trie noisy but I think it will
serve our purpose excellently.
A trie noisy but I think it will
serve our purpose excellently.
Yes, yes. It certainly will.
Gentlemen, aren't we in danger
of losing our spiritual bearings?
We are in the process of launching
Christian Crusade Week
and the Steven Shorter
Management Group
and the Steven Shorter
Management Group
have just agreed to lend us the services of Shorter..
The decline in church attendances
according to poll figures
is such that by 1990 only the clergy
will be coming to church.
This is, of course,
a slight exaggeration
but we do feel the need of...
but we do feel the need of...
something radical being done
about the situation.
They seem to have more brains
than I gave them credit for.
It's really quite simple.
Steven Shorter has
the largest following
in the history of
the entertainment business.
In the history of
the entertainment business.
We need a larger audience
so we are using Steve's
and we hope that through him
many of these followers
will return to the faith.
Would you mind sitting down?
Sorry.
Is it only you on your radio?
Can we try another station?
And another?
Do you know that's the first time
I've seen you smile?
Yeah, well, I am human...
I was beginning to wonder.
You're always so tense.
What do you do to relax?
I listen to music.
Always your own?
Yeah.
Do you do anything else?
I mean if you weren't here now
what would you be doing?
Well, I'd probably be asleep.
Well, I'd probably be asleep.
At 3 o'clock in the afternoon?
Yeah... I usually sleep
until about 5.
Then I get up and
watch the television.
Then I get up and
watch the television.
Children's programmes are on then.
I like them.
Are your parents alive?
Yeah.
Steve, have you ever been
really close to anyone?
- Yeah, well, Alvin and Julie.
- Oh, come off it!
We all know what they're in it for.
Yeah, but I mean someone's got to...
bring me my tea
in the mornings, haven't they?
Well, I wouldn't like to see
those two standing by my bedside.
Well, I wouldn't like to see
those two standing by my bedside.
I suppose you're right.
Especially Uncle Julie...
Mr Jordan, what can you tell us
about Steven Shorter?
What can I say?
It's like father and son.
What can I say?
It's like father and son.
It's a family relationship like...
brother to brother.
Well, it's the relationship
that counts.
I mean he is unbelievably adaptable
to anything he does.
It's when calls me Uncle Julie.
It's when he confides in me.
It's when calls me Uncle Julie.
It's when he confides in me.
It's like the other day,
when he said to me
"Uncle Julie, if ever
I have a daughter
"I'd like to see her grow up
like your wife, Gladys."
Believe me when I tell you
he never gives us any worries at all.
So you've never really been
close to anyone?
So you've never really been
close to anyone?
No... Well,there was this girl
once about a year ago.
She was nice.
But... we were on tour at the time
But... we were on tour at the time
and Alvin suggested
I stop seeing her.
And you did?
Well, yeah.
I mean, you must understand...
that he is in every sense of the word
a gilt-edged investment.
That he is in every sense of the word
a gilt-edged investment.
He is the most important personality
in the entire history of show business
and therefore has to be watched
very carefully indeed.
And, as I tell him, God has
given him something
He hasn't given to anyone
in the last 500 years.
He does not belong to himself.
He belongs to the world and therefore
he no longer has any right to himself.
Yesterday he brought along
a framed picture of Alvin...
that Alvin wanted to give me.
I think Alvin has got a thing
about me, if you know what I mean.
I think Alvin has got a thing
about me, if you know what I mean.
It had been signed something like...
"With me it's not love but happiness."
I thought this was very funny
and I laughed.
And then he laughed as well and...
well, it was nice.
And then he laughed as well and...
well, it was nice.
But then he sort of drew back
into himself and it was over.
And that's how it normally is.
It's very difficult to get near him...
which is why, I suppose, the painting
is... well, so far... empty.
which is why, I suppose, the painting
is... well, so far... empty.
You may not believe this but...
a short while back we counted
every hair on his head.
The reason being is that we're
marketing a Steven Shorter wig
and we'd like to guarantee that
the placing of every hair is identical.
And we'd like to guarantee that
the placing of every hair is identical.
Another point of interest is that
when we cut Steve's hair
we do not sell this.
I must make a point of this.
We do not sell the cut hair.
We donate this to charity.
On August 20th the combined churches
of Britain and
Steven Shorter Enterprises Limited
hold a press conference.
All right, fellas, could we have
your attention, please?
Could we have the proper
decorum please?
Gentlemen of the press can we pull
on the cigars?
Drink plenty of the champagne:
it's from the Vatican Vineyards.
Ladies and gentlemen, you all know
about the great event
Ladies and gentlemen, you all know
about the great event
that's about to take place next week
in the National Stadium.
Freddie, would you come here
for a second please?
Now this is the poster
that will be displayed
in prominent places
throughout the country.
Do you notice something a little
different about Steve's position?
You do.
Right. Well, we'll talk about that
and we'll tell you more about that
a little later on.
By the way, at the bottom sits
a picture of the Reverend Jeremy Tate
By the way, at the bottom sits
a picture of the Reverend Jeremy Tate
who'll be introduced to you
a little later on as well.
You'll notice that the price of the
tickets range from 10 shillings to 25
for those of us who are
a little more fortunate.
At this time, ladies and gentlemen,
I would like to introduce
your friend, my friend
and certainly God's friend...
your friend, my friend
and certainly God's friend...
a honey of a chap and a million laughs,
let's welcome the Bishop of Essex.
I feel sure after such an introduction
that Heaven must be round the corner.
Ladies and gentlemen, it is
my pleasant duty to introduce
the brightest star
in our clerical firmanent
who will join with Steven Shorter
in our great drive for God.
I give you...
the Reverend Jeremy Tate!
Is there anything you'd like to tell
us about the Reverend Jeremy Tate?
Yes, he's 35, lives alone and
loves a good day of fishing.
In holy waters naturally!
But hasn't the Reverend Jeremy Tate
got any views himself?
The Church's views and those
of the Reverend Jeremy Tate
will be found in the
official pamphlet pages 3 and 4.
My Lord, isn't the Church
using Mr Shorter
for the purpose of gaining converts?
At one time the Church used the methods
of the Inquisition to gain converts.
We find Mr Shorter a little
less painful. Don't we, Jeremy?
I thought I was the only one
with the answers.
Steve, would you like to come up here
for a moment, please?
Now, ladies and gentlemen,
as you can see
this is the first time you have ever seen
Steven Shorter wearing the colour red.
Now let me make this clear.
Red is the colour that is associated
with the release of Steven Shorter
which will be seen by the public
next week at the National Stadium.
But naturally, for you fine
gentlemen of the press
we are now holding a sort of
pre-release of this release...
sort of giving him
a slight temporary freedom.
Nowhere we have the keys
to Steven's freedom.
Steve...
There's one...
There we go... There's two.
Steve, would you hold the hands up?
Ladies and gentlemen,
Steven Shorter is released.
What would you say if I...
if I said I wanted to. ..
I wanted to... stop all this?
Well I'd say it was unfortunate
More for us than for you.
You see, I believe you play a very
important part in society, Steven.
How can I explain it to you?
I...
Come with me.
There are millions of people
down there.
Millions of little people.
First we must be quite clear
in our minds about one thing:
that the liberal idea that,
given enough education
these millions will grow into
self-aware creative human beings
is nothing but an exploded myth.
It can never happen.
They're stunted little creatures
with primitive emotions that are,
in themselves, dangerous.
They've got to be harnessed, guided.
We've seen it happen over and
over again for an evil purpose.
Germany, Russia, China...
But now we've got a chance
to make it work for their own good.
You... You're our chance, Steven.
They identify with you.
They love you.
Steven, you can lead them
into a better way of life...
a fruitful conformity.
Steven, may I say how delighted
we all are to have you with us today?
And I'm sure everybody
will join me in...
wishing you every success
for tomorrow night.
I think I'd... prefer
hot chocolate instead.
You'd prefer what, Steven?
I'd like some hot chocolate instead.
You'd like some too, wouldn't you?
Well...
OK, yes.
You'll join us, Andrew?
Yes, why not?
- And everybody else too?
- Yes, everybody else too.
Hot chocolate for everyone
please, William.
- Hot chocolate, sir?
- Yes, hot chocolate.
I prefer the wine...
if you don't mind.
Oh, Martin, come.
You haven't tasted my chocolate.
It has the most exquisite bouquet.
Thank you,William.
Martin, can't you see that
what Steven did was a protest?
Don't be absurd, Andrew. He had
nothing whatever to protest about.
He was just being extremely tiresome.
It isn't as simple as that.
I'm getting sick and tired of people
telling me how to do my own job.
You won't have a job to do unless you
stop treating him like a machine.
Now look, let's get one thing-
He's a sensitive boy
and not unintelligent.
In 2 1/2 years I have brought
that boy up from nothing to what he is.
And during practically every
single day of that 2 1/2 years
I have watched and moulded Steven.
And I think I'm going to know better
than anybody else
if that boy is psychologically disturbed
or just being plain bloody-minded.
Today he was just being
plain bloody-minded.
What he did today he did
out of desperation.
- Desperation!
- Yes, desperation.
Why don't any of them do anything?
Why don't they stop me?
Any of them! Just one!
Butler or somebody!
They just take it, don't they?
They just d rink the stuff!
Why doesn't Butler stop me?
He probably thinks you had a reason
I thought you had a reason.
Oh God! Reason!
I don't need a reason!
None of them's got the guts to say
"Get stuffed, Steve" once and for all!
They don't need a reason.
They just take it and love it.
We'll drink your marvellous hot chocolate
with our lobster and love it!
Marvellous!
- None of them says no.
- Some of them didn't want to do it.
All right so some of them
didn't want to do it.
But every single one of them did it.
Not one refused.
You didn't even stand up
and refuse to do it.
You're just the same as everyone!
What about you?
You never say no, do you?
I've never heard you say no to anyone.
Not Alvin, Butler, Crossley, anyone.
I know nobody ever says no any more.
I know that!
But who do you think made this happen?
Who's responsible?
What made it happen? You did!
How am I responsible?
What's so special about me?
Steve, people admire you.
I admire you. Butler admires you.
They look up to you. You represent
something very important to them.
What do you mean represent?
Tell me, what do I represent?
September 10th.
The National Stadium in London.
I can't reach it.
I can't reach it.
There. Now can you reach it?
May the love of God be always
with you. Amen.
What you are now watching is the largest staging of nationalism
in the history of Great Britain
Now is the beginning of
Christian Crusade Week
and praise be to God!
Led by a section of the
Durham Queen's Scouts
detachments of Christian bodies
from all over the country
pulse with ear-tingling music
and breathless precision
into an unequalled expression
of national solidarity.
We calculate that the gate money
from each of these performances
will gross on average
approximately 135,000.
The coalition government of Britain
formed because of the complete lack
of difference between the policies
of the Conservative and Labour parties
has given both its blessing
and a state subsidy
to the mounting of
Christian Crusade Week
because, as the
official pamphlet states
"we need no longer have any
disturbing political differences
"When we are all of one faith and
believe in one God and one ag."
This black card will be issued to you
as you leave the Stadium tonight.
On it there are three words.
They are simple words
but they are vital words.
They are words which we must now,
all of us, begin using
because, since the end of the War,
we in Britain
have become apathetic, slack,
loose in our morality.
National cohesion has become
unimportant to us!
We must fight this. We must.
Now, all of us begin to use
the words on the card!
"We will conform ."
Those are the words.
We will conform.
And when I say the word conform
I want all of you to shout
in one clear voice in reply
We will conform!
Now, conform!
We will...
conform!
Above all we must follow the example
of a young man who found repentance...
who found faith...
who found God...
who found all of these things...
who found the Word.
And now he is here with you tonight.
To our shining example.
To the light.
To the path.
To a way.
And did those feet in ancient times
Walk upon England's mountains green
And was the holy lamb of God
On England's pleasant pastures seen
And did the countenance divine
Shine forth upon our clouded hills
And was Jerusalem builded here
Among those dark Satanic mills
Bring me my bow of burning gold
Bring me my arrows of desire
Bring me my spears o'clouds unfold
Bring me my chariot of fire
I will not cease from mental fight
Nor shall my sword sleep in my hand
Til we have built Jerusalem
In England's green and pleasant land
Now it has been suggested that
Steve's song
which was specially written
for this occasion
may have certain auto-suggestive
qualities to it
from which the sick may derive
some internal benefit.
Therefore those less fortunate than us
will be brought before Steve
in invalid chairs which we shall
be providing, if I may say...
free of charge.
I see it all before me
My past of restless wander
An evil heart within me
An evil head to hold
But in my hour of darkness
A sun began to shine
A sweeping spirit moved me
A shining light was mine
I see a pasture
All green and gold
A shepherd walking
$0 brave and bold
A congregation
All on their knees
His arms outstretching
To you and me
You and me
We need His hand to guide us
Along this chosen road
We need His love to save us
And bear our heavy load
His pain was not for nothing
His tears were not in vain
What can a man believe in
If not in Jesus name
I see a chapel
High in the sky
Someone is waiting
A tear in His eye
I see Him calling
I see Him smile
And in His arms
A little child
His door is open
To everyone
I kneel before Him
My time has come
O Father, Father
Your children call
Defend our mothers
Forgive us all
Forgive us all
In one evening in the National Stadium
49,000 people gave themselves
to God and Flag through Steven Shorter
- Conform!
- We conform!
Above all we must follow the example
of a young man who found repentance...
who found faith...
who found God...
who found all of these things...
who found the Word.
And now he is here with you tonight.
To our shining example.
To the light.
To the path.
To a way.
What does he think I am?
Steve, you could stop all this now.
And I want you to.
Why?
I'm not asking you
to feel anything for me.
It's not that at all. It's just...
I think you must go away somewhere.
You really need to. Honestly.
My parents have got this place
in the country and...
they're away at the moment.
I think we should go there.
What did you say?
What did you say?
I said I think we should go away.
Oh, yeah?
Like everybody...
You want something.
It's obvious what you want, isn't it?
What is it?
Steve, let me see.
Steve... Take your shirt off.
Come on.
How long have you been like this?
I thought your act was
only pretending.
Steve, you've got to stop this.
You must stop it now.
Steve... What is it you want?
What do you want?
I then found out he was
seeing this girl secretly.
And I say secretly.
Otherwise I would have known.
Yeah, I was about to break it up
but I said to myself wait...
Isn't he entitled to something?
I mean, he gives of himself so much.
Isn't he entitled to his own
small corner of the world?
But I guess in this deal
there just are no small corners.
What would you say if...
if I asked you to marry me?
Steve, it wouldn't work.
I'm very selfish probably
when I say this but...
it could only be on my terms.
Come here.
I'm a very private person.
I'm very possessive.
We'd never be alone together.
Not really alone.
September 25th.
The Federated Records Award
Giving Dinner in London.
Miss Ritchie, is there anything
you'd like to say
concerning Steve's recent
Stadium appearance?
No, I've got nothing to say.
- Nothing at all?
- No.
Well, what do you think about
tonight's Award?
I think it's very... remarkable.
Ladies and gentlemen,
may I have your attention, please?
Thank you.
Now this is the moment you all
have been waiting for.
What else can I say but...
Steven Shorter!
Now a little-known fact
concerning the gentlemen
about to make
the presentation this evening
is that before becoming
a director of Federated Records
Leo Stanley was a songwriter.
Now I don't want to say
that his songs were bad
but we had to re-write them
before he could throw them away.
So, at this time, won't you
join me in welcoming
the Darling of the Wax World,
Leo Stanley!
My lords, ladies and gentlemen...
and Steven Shorter.
I think I speak for you all when I say,
Steve, we're all your fans.
What we have here is
but a small token
of our respect, admiration
and gratitude.
In the last 3 years
you've given great pleasure
to an overwhelming number of people.
And, really, what more can I say
but thank you, Steven Shorter.
You are more than an artist.
"From from the staff and executives
of Federated Records
"and its overseas subsidiaries in
Germany, France, Japan, United States
"to our platinum boy."
You worship me as if I were...
as if I were a sort of god.
I'm someone. I'm a person.
I'm a person! I'm a person!
I'm a person!
When asked the reason
for his overwhelming popularity
93.5% of the population of the
British Isles said that they loved
Steven Shorter because he
so generously and willingly
shared himself with everyone.
I am nothing. This is me.
Nothing.
And this is you
because you've made me nothing.
I hate you! I hate you!
I hate you!
Forgive us all!
All that Steven Shorter has just done
has been to express the wish
to become an individual.
But that, in an age of conformity,
can become a social problem.
Alvin, out please! Thank you.
Out, Alvin!
Hell of a row in the office.
I've just had Butler on the telephone.
We'll make a statement tomorrow.
Tell me what you're going to do.
You were the clever little boy.
Half an hour earlier you were making
all the smart remarks. Come on!
- Tell me what you're going to do.
- Leave him alone, will you?
Why did he do it?
What do you think you are?
A bloody preacher?
Have you had a call?
Have you had a vision?
Why don't you leave him alone?
You've done enough damage already!
Don't talk to me about damage!
You've done more damage
than is possible to estimate.
You put more moronic thoughts into
this boy's mind... It's incredible!
It's impossible to estimate
how great the damage is.
You're pleased, are you?
You're pleased?
Yes, I thought you would be.
You've done such a good job.
Marvellous!
Alvin, I've told you!
Get those men out of this room!
Alvin! Get them out!
It's now about 11.30am
and we are outside Steven Shorter
Television Station no. 3
situated in a suburb near London.
Late yesterday night a statement
was issued
by the Steven Shorter
Management Group
to the effect that Steven Shorter
would make
a special television appearance today
to explain the statement he made
during yesterday's banquet.
The crowd are very angry
here today because-
Please keep your distance.
On September 26th
with public endorsement...
Steven Shorter is barred from this and
any further appearance on television
just to ensure that he does not again
misuse his position of privilege
to disturb the public peace of mind.
The public knows what it feels.
Its love for Steven
has turned to hate.
That we must accept...
like an act of God.
What about your business interests
in Steven Shorter?
I'll sever my connections with
Steven Shorter Enterprises.
Do you not feel that's rather abrupt?
Not at all. My main responsibility
is to my investors
and I think it would be quite wrong
to keep their money
in a concern that I now consider
to be a bad investment.
Mr. Butler; do you think
it's possible that
Steven Shorter could ever
win back his popularity?
I don't think so.
Perhaps in time to come
after he's dead
he may be remembered
with affectionate nostalgia.
Within about a year all that remained
of Steven Shorter
were a few old records
and a piece of archive film...
with the sound, of course, removed.
It's going to be a happy year in
Britain this year in the near future.