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Qiu yue (1992)
I'm 15 years old.
I've only just found out that the cold weather doesn't start right after summer. Autumn is in between. Mom told me that autumn in Canada is beautiful. All the leaves turn gold. I don't really believe her. A university there would even accept my stupid brother. He's like a kindergarten kid who wants Mom and Dad to tag along. Give me a hand, son. Today is August 31. It's the same in Tokyo. The weather's fine, but the sky is overcast. It's 30 degrees Celsius. And in Tokyo... Was it Fahrenheit or Celsius? I don't remember that anymore, so I don't know which is hotter. The humidity is 93%. No wonder tears come easily. Girls in Hong Kong have the same long hair as girls in Tokyo. I wonder which lasts longer, a first love in Hong Kong or Tokyo. I wonder what I'll be like when I'm 20. Will I be married by then? By that time, I guess I'll be driving. I won't be smoking, though. It stinks. Will I have any friends? In the last two years, most of them emigrated. Cherry will leave for Australia tomorrow. It will be my turn next year. By the time I'm 20, we could all be married to foreigners. Would you excuse us, Grandma? You're blocking our view. You won't catch any fish here. There's only small fry. This small. The size of this room is 200 square feet. It's on the 15th floor, 135 feet above the ground. It costs 200 Hong Kong dollars. I've rented it for three weeks. It took me 1 hour and 20 minutes of bargaining. That's my mineral water. A camera. I bought it today. It cost me 680 Hong Kong dollars. This room is well located. It's close to the subway, discos and bars. I can find girls easily too. My new underpants. They cost me 53 Hong Kong dollars. That's me. Good. She didn't use my toothbrush. How do I put it? Is trapped. Cantonese. Happy. Looks awful. He's not very bright! I won't tell you. I understand. What a wimp! - Pui Wai? - Yes, I'm home. Someone from your school was looking for you. Or maybe they were looking for your brother. That's very devoted of you. You shouldn't light the incense from the gas. I can't find the matches. Thank you, Grandma. When your father returns, ask him to have the phone fixed. The line's very bad. Please help yourself. Eat more. Don't try to diet like your mother. Plump girls are always more lovable. That's too much for me. Have it. Be a good girl. I'm full. Eat it. What's he talking about? ...cranes... This is the face of a girl in love. What are you doing? Let's have a look. How did you do that? Amazing! I said wait! A nice bottom doesn't promise a pretty face. A pair of good legs doesn't promise full breasts. A sexy woman doesn't always promise good sex. A passionate night doesn't promise a fresh morning. You don't necessarily catch AIDS from having sex once. Catching AIDS doesn't mean you'll die. No, that's not it. One day you'll die. You will die whether at 30 or 130. So-called "nothingness." What a coincidence! - You look well. - Long time no see! You haven't changed at all. Neither have you. - I didn't know you were here. - Neither did I. It's been so long. - You haven't changed. - You look well. - Sit down. - But... - Please. - But... - Please, have a seat. - May I? Are you traveling? Yes. - You too? - Well, sort of. It's been ten years. About you and Miyo, I mean. About my little sister. Don't you remember? I'd forgotten. Miyo was your sister's name. Wasn't she your first love? How could you forget? Was it? So it was. I thought you were another girl's sister. Sorry. You got married, didn't you? I'm sorry. It was another girl's sister. I'm divorced. You remembered correctly. I'm sorry. Sorry. Did I give you my card? I don't remember. Oh. I've given them all away. I'm with a Japanese news agency in the building where we met today. The telephone number is 386-8195. Fine. Hey, will you have dinner with me? I don't mind. Oh, I must make a call. Just a moment. I don't have time. - Sorry. - Don't worry. Shall we meet for lunch tomorrow? Can I call you? Well... Never mind. Forget it. Tomorrow, at the same place, at 12:30. Is that all right? Fine by me. I must go now. Bye. Bye. I don't usually suffer from insomnia. On a winter's day when I was five, at the funeral parlor, Dad told me to look at Grandpa. He told me to look at him for the last time. Until then I didn't even know what a coffin was. Grandpa was lying in a box. I wanted to pinch his nose but Grandma came over and embraced me. She told me Grandpa was dead. When I asked what that meant, Grandma cried and held me tightly. Why aren't you in bed yet, Grandma? I'll go to sleep when the opera is over. I couldn't sleep at all that night. I was very scared. I was afraid Grandma would die. Why did you skip school? Did you know you could be expelled? I wasn't in the mood. Your School Leaving's next year. Buck up. It could affect your entire future. For you. I may not know you very well, but I hate to see you waste your future. Do you understand? Can we walk to school together tomorrow? Look! There's a dragonfly! Help yourself. Eat more. You're so skinny, like a monkey. Eat. What did you say your name was? She asked you your name. Help yourself. Eat more food. Thin as a rake! Have another bowl of rice. In the little park... You're so stupid. I wish you could speak Cantonese. How can I say... Damn it. How can I say it? I wonder if I'm ill. I like to be sick. When I have a fever, I can smell Grandma's herbal brew. Being groggy... It's a funny feeling. You've got a fever. I remember when I was in Year Two, I had my appendix removed. Still under anesthetic and before I fully came to, I felt as if I was floating on air. I saw myself lying in bed, with Grandma dozing by my side. Come on, hurry. Let's go. The secrets of Grandma's cooking are more complicated than the atomic bomb. Now I know why it's so delicious. These are her entire life. These must be over 1000 years old. I look awful. Stop recording. Go away. Are you all right? You demon! Silly girl. Bloody idiot. You demon! Come here. How complicated... Hey, puss. Come here. Your dinner's here. Your dinner. Eat it. When I was a kid, Grandpa would sit me on his lap and teach me to write with the brush. He would make me recite poetry when I was four. He had a lot of paintings. But Grandma's room was too small for them, so we threw them out. This is the only one we kept. So, my granddaughter is too busy to visit me. Please tell Wai for me that she needn't worry about me. Whenever the Goddess of Mercy summons me, I will be happy to go. What's important is that she blesses my offspring so that they will all live long and prosperous lives. Tell them to visit me whenever they have the time and not to worry about me. My bank account is $100 short of $20,000. That should be enough to buy a coffin. Preferably one that is big and wide, so I'll be more comfortable... And can see my children and grandchildren. May all of them live long and prosperous lives. Tell them not to come back if they're too busy. I would like to be buried in the Buddhist cemetery. Make sure my plot is at the top of the hill. The higher the ground I'm buried in, the better. With more space and being more comfortable, I'll be able to see all my offspring. May all of them be blessed with a safe, long and prosperous life. Tell them not to come back if they're too busy. I would like to see all my offspring live a safe, prosperous and long life. Then I'll rest in peace. - What does it cost per night? - $150. - Let me pay half. - Don't worry. I'll go outside. You can get changed. Sorry to have disturbed you at work. No one wants to date an old lady like me. I'm desperate. I thought you didn't want to see me again. Do my wrinkles look fresh to you? If I have my skull cut open with a saw and replace a fuse in my head, I may be able to cry. Perhaps because it's autumn. I've dried up and so have my tears. A wrinkled woman won't be good enough for you. I'm sorry. I wasn't talking about you. Look. My dick's getting hard. I want someone to ask me something. It's been such a long time since anyone asked me any questions. Like where I was born, about my brothers and sisters, what color I like, what my star sign is, when I reached my full height, shoe size... What my father did for a living, how many teeth my grandparents have left... When... I first noticed girls' breasts... Where I made love for the first time... What was the happiest moment of my life, and the most painful. What is my greatest fear? Death? What makes it worth it for me to live in this world breathing every three seconds? What is it? What does that mean? I don't even ask myself that any longer. I don't even remember the answers. - Why don't you come in? - What? - Come into the water. - It's too cold. - Come in. - It's cold. Come on in. Come on in! Get wet! Come on in! Go faster! Are these your belongings? Yes. Where are your ID cards? In my room. In the holiday flat over there. Are you spending the night together? We'll be studying. Does your family know about this? What's your favorite ice cream? When I was six, I came first in class. My grandpa bought me an ice cream for my effort. It was absolutely delicious. Now, what's your favorite film? Walt Disney's Bambi. I saw it 12 times. When I first saw it, I was nine years old. My father took me to see it. When Bambi's mother was killed, I... I cried. I looked at my father who was next to me. He was crying, too. Which girl's breasts did you like the most? Miyo's. My sister's? Yes. They were like the peach flowers at home. In winter, the snow makes everything white. Then the peaches bloom. Pink flowers against white... They were soft, like white snow covering the peach flowers. Her breasts were like that. So beautiful. How old was Miyo at that time? Fourteen, perhaps. That means she's 25 now. What's she doing? She's in Hawaii with her husband and three children. I see. That's good. In the year we broke up, she almost killed herself, didn't she? I think it was when she was 16. Yes, I remember that. To be honest, I couldn't have cared less if she lived or died. I was cruel. Her life is happy now. What about you? Well, I don't have lovely breasts like Miyo's. You have kids, don't you? A boy and a girl. They've returned to Tokyo with their father. Let's end the questioning. Do you want me? Does it hurt? An old lady can't get hurt. Why don't you go back to Tokyo? Why are you here alone? Are you... Happy? I don't know. For 30 years, I was never free. I think I have at last found my freedom. You're very wet. This is like being young again. I thought you were going to bring your guitar. It's too cumbersome to carry. We'll just have to sing without accompaniment. What time do you usually go to bed? - About this time. And you? - I have no set time. Damn! Game's over. I expect to get five distinctions this year. - That's very good. - Nine would be even better. Do you expect to be promoted to a higher class? I don't know. The light's too bright. It's time you studied harder. Next year I'll join my sister in America. I'll do Year 12 there. - Are you coming to bed? - I'm not sleepy. My sister's studying computing. I want to do that, too. Then I'll major in nuclear physics. Not many do that course. My sister tells me it's not popular. When I graduate, I'll be sought after by the big companies in the US and Japan. After a few years' experience, I may start my own business. It's chilly. It's late. Let's sleep. Careful, Grandma. Don't stand up by yourself after the bath. Call out to me and I'll help you. Don't stand up by yourself. Understand? - What's wrong? - I forgot the incense. - I forgot to pray. - Do it after your bath. Please, Grandma! Let me help you light them and place them on the altar. - I can manage. - Let me help you. - I'm all right. - Sit down. Go and sit down. Let me help you, Grandma. Careful, Grandma. Dad was very happy when he telephoned. He said he'd bought a house by the sea. He said he'd never lived within sight of the sea. My brother likes the house, too. It's close to his university. Mum says there's direct transport to Chinatown. No one's asked me what I think. I suppose that means we'll be leaving Hong Kong soon. I asked her about her boyfriend. She said she'd forgotten him. I told her she shouldn't forget him. When she was a kid, she used to come here to fish with her parents. Because in autumn the fish are fatter and more delicious. But in the last few years, her father has been busy making money to emigrate. So he's never brought her here again. According to her, this used to be a fishing village, but the young people began to leave for other jobs, and the remaining old folk all seem to have died. Tonight is the Mid-Autumn Festival. In Japan we have the Bon Festival in August. The Chinese people light lanterns and eat moon cakes. The moon is said to represent family union. You demon! You idiot! In Japan, on August 13, we welcome the spirits of the dead, who come to visit us. Then on the night of August 15, we watch them go. In my hometown we send them off in little boats. I never learned to make the boats, but I decided to make some for the first time in my life. This is the last time I'll be in Hong Kong for the Mid-Autumn Festival. Grandpa used to celebrate the occasion with me. He always made me recite that poem. "When will the spring flower and autumn moon fade? "How much of the past do we know? "At my home... "At my home last night "The east wind blew." I can't remember the rest. I'm 15 years old. I've only just found out that the cold weather doesn't start right after summer. Autumn is in between. Mom told me that autumn in Canada is beautiful. All the leaves turn gold. I don't really believe her. A university there would even accept my stupid brother. He's like a kindergarten kid who wants Mom and Dad to tag along. Give me a hand, son. Today is August 31. It's the same in Tokyo. The weather's fine, but the sky is overcast. It's 30 degrees Celsius. And in Tokyo... Was it Fahrenheit or Celsius? I don't remember that anymore, so I don't know which is hotter. The humidity is 93%. No wonder tears come easily. Girls in Hong Kong have the same long hair as girls in Tokyo. I wonder which lasts longer, a first love in Hong Kong or Tokyo. I wonder what I'll be like when I'm 20. Will I be married by then? By that time, I guess I'll be driving. I won't be smoking, though. It stinks. Will I have any friends? In the last two years, most of them emigrated. Cherry will leave for Australia tomorrow. It will be my turn next year. By the time I'm 20, we could all be married to foreigners. Would you excuse us, Grandma? You're blocking our view. You won't catch any fish here. There's only small fry. This small. The size of this room is 200 square feet. It's on the 15th floor, 135 feet above the ground. It costs 200 Hong Kong dollars. I've rented it for three weeks. It took me 1 hour and 20 minutes of bargaining. That's my mineral water. A camera. I bought it today. It cost me 680 Hong Kong dollars. This room is well located. It's close to the subway, discos and bars. I can find girls easily too. My new underpants. They cost me 53 Hong Kong dollars. That's me. Good. She didn't use my toothbrush. How do I put it? Is trapped. Cantonese. Happy. Looks awful. He's not very bright! I won't tell you. I understand. What a wimp! - Pui Wai? - Yes, I'm home. Someone from your school was looking for you. Or maybe they were looking for your brother. That's very devoted of you. You shouldn't light the incense from the gas. I can't find the matches. Thank you, Grandma. When your father returns, ask him to have the phone fixed. The line's very bad. Please help yourself. Eat more. Don't try to diet like your mother. Plump girls are always more lovable. That's too much for me. Have it. Be a good girl. I'm full. Eat it. What's he talking about? ...cranes... This is the face of a girl in love. What are you doing? Let's have a look. How did you do that? Amazing! I said wait! A nice bottom doesn't promise a pretty face. A pair of good legs doesn't promise full breasts. A sexy woman doesn't always promise good sex. A passionate night doesn't promise a fresh morning. You don't necessarily catch AIDS from having sex once. Catching AIDS doesn't mean you'll die. No, that's not it. One day you'll die. You will die whether at 30 or 130. So-called "nothingness." What a coincidence! - You look well. - Long time no see! You haven't changed at all. Neither have you. - I didn't know you were here. - Neither did I. It's been so long. - You haven't changed. - You look well. - Sit down. - But... - Please. - But... - Please, have a seat. - May I? Are you traveling? Yes. - You too? - Well, sort of. It's been ten years. About you and Miyo, I mean. About my little sister. Don't you remember? I'd forgotten. Miyo was your sister's name. Wasn't she your first love? How could you forget? Was it? So it was. I thought you were another girl's sister. Sorry. You got married, didn't you? I'm sorry. It was another girl's sister. I'm divorced. You remembered correctly. I'm sorry. Sorry. Did I give you my card? I don't remember. Oh. I've given them all away. I'm with a Japanese news agency in the building where we met today. The telephone number is 386-8195. Fine. Hey, will you have dinner with me? I don't mind. Oh, I must make a call. Just a moment. I don't have time. - Sorry. - Don't worry. Shall we meet for lunch tomorrow? Can I call you? Well... Never mind. Forget it. Tomorrow, at the same place, at 12:30. Is that all right? Fine by me. I must go now. Bye. Bye. I don't usually suffer from insomnia. On a winter's day when I was five, at the funeral parlor, Dad told me to look at Grandpa. He told me to look at him for the last time. Until then I didn't even know what a coffin was. Grandpa was lying in a box. I wanted to pinch his nose but Grandma came over and embraced me. She told me Grandpa was dead. When I asked what that meant, Grandma cried and held me tightly. Why aren't you in bed yet, Grandma? I'll go to sleep when the opera is over. I couldn't sleep at all that night. I was very scared. I was afraid Grandma would die. Why did you skip school? Did you know you could be expelled? I wasn't in the mood. Your School Leaving's next year. Buck up. It could affect your entire future. For you. I may not know you very well, but I hate to see you waste your future. Do you understand? Can we walk to school together tomorrow? Look! There's a dragonfly! Help yourself. Eat more. You're so skinny, like a monkey. Eat. What did you say your name was? She asked you your name. Help yourself. Eat more food. Thin as a rake! Have another bowl of rice. In the little park... You're so stupid. I wish you could speak Cantonese. How can I say... Damn it. How can I say it? I wonder if I'm ill. I like to be sick. When I have a fever, I can smell Grandma's herbal brew. Being groggy... It's a funny feeling. You've got a fever. I remember when I was in Year Two, I had my appendix removed. Still under anesthetic and before I fully came to, I felt as if I was floating on air. I saw myself lying in bed, with Grandma dozing by my side. Come on, hurry. Let's go. The secrets of Grandma's cooking are more complicated than the atomic bomb. Now I know why it's so delicious. These are her entire life. These must be over 1000 years old. I look awful. Stop recording. Go away. Are you all right? You demon! Silly girl. Bloody idiot. You demon! Come here. How complicated... Hey, puss. Come here. Your dinner's here. Your dinner. Eat it. When I was a kid, Grandpa would sit me on his lap and teach me to write with the brush. He would make me recite poetry when I was four. He had a lot of paintings. But Grandma's room was too small for them, so we threw them out. This is the only one we kept. So, my granddaughter is too busy to visit me. Please tell Wai for me that she needn't worry about me. Whenever the Goddess of Mercy summons me, I will be happy to go. What's important is that she blesses my offspring so that they will all live long and prosperous lives. Tell them to visit me whenever they have the time and not to worry about me. My bank account is $100 short of $20,000. That should be enough to buy a coffin. Preferably one that is big and wide, so I'll be more comfortable... And can see my children and grandchildren. May all of them live long and prosperous lives. Tell them not to come back if they're too busy. I would like to be buried in the Buddhist cemetery. Make sure my plot is at the top of the hill. The higher the ground I'm buried in, the better. With more space and being more comfortable, I'll be able to see all my offspring. May all of them be blessed with a safe, long and prosperous life. Tell them not to come back if they're too busy. I would like to see all my offspring live a safe, prosperous and long life. Then I'll rest in peace. - What does it cost per night? - $150. - Let me pay half. - Don't worry. I'll go outside. You can get changed. Sorry to have disturbed you at work. No one wants to date an old lady like me. I'm desperate. I thought you didn't want to see me again. Do my wrinkles look fresh to you? If I have my skull cut open with a saw and replace a fuse in my head, I may be able to cry. Perhaps because it's autumn. I've dried up and so have my tears. A wrinkled woman won't be good enough for you. I'm sorry. I wasn't talking about you. Look. My dick's getting hard. I want someone to ask me something. It's been such a long time since anyone asked me any questions. Like where I was born, about my brothers and sisters, what color I like, what my star sign is, when I reached my full height, shoe size... What my father did for a living, how many teeth my grandparents have left... When... I first noticed girls' breasts... Where I made love for the first time... What was the happiest moment of my life, and the most painful. What is my greatest fear? Death? What makes it worth it for me to live in this world breathing every three seconds? What is it? What does that mean? I don't even ask myself that any longer. I don't even remember the answers. - Why don't you come in? - What? - Come into the water. - It's too cold. - Come in. - It's cold. Come on in. Come on in! Get wet! Come on in! Go faster! Are these your belongings? Yes. Where are your ID cards? In my room. In the holiday flat over there. Are you spending the night together? We'll be studying. Does your family know about this? What's your favorite ice cream? When I was six, I came first in class. My grandpa bought me an ice cream for my effort. It was absolutely delicious. Now, what's your favorite film? Walt Disney's Bambi. I saw it 12 times. When I first saw it, I was nine years old. My father took me to see it. When Bambi's mother was killed, I... I cried. I looked at my father who was next to me. He was crying, too. Which girl's breasts did you like the most? Miyo's. My sister's? Yes. They were like the peach flowers at home. In winter, the snow makes everything white. Then the peaches bloom. Pink flowers against white... They were soft, like white snow covering the peach flowers. Her breasts were like that. So beautiful. How old was Miyo at that time? Fourteen, perhaps. That means she's 25 now. What's she doing? She's in Hawaii with her husband and three children. I see. That's good. In the year we broke up, she almost killed herself, didn't she? I think it was when she was 16. Yes, I remember that. To be honest, I couldn't have cared less if she lived or died. I was cruel. Her life is happy now. What about you? Well, I don't have lovely breasts like Miyo's. You have kids, don't you? A boy and a girl. They've returned to Tokyo with their father. Let's end the questioning. Do you want me? Does it hurt? An old lady can't get hurt. Why don't you go back to Tokyo? Why are you here alone? Are you... Happy? I don't know. For 30 years, I was never free. I think I have at last found my freedom. You're very wet. This is like being young again. I thought you were going to bring your guitar. It's too cumbersome to carry. We'll just have to sing without accompaniment. What time do you usually go to bed? - About this time. And you? - I have no set time. Damn! Game's over. I expect to get five distinctions this year. - That's very good. - Nine would be even better. Do you expect to be promoted to a higher class? I don't know. The light's too bright. It's time you studied harder. Next year I'll join my sister in America. I'll do Year 12 there. - Are you coming to bed? - I'm not sleepy. My sister's studying computing. I want to do that, too. Then I'll major in nuclear physics. Not many do that course. My sister tells me it's not popular. When I graduate, I'll be sought after by the big companies in the US and Japan. After a few years' experience, I may start my own business. It's chilly. It's late. Let's sleep. Careful, Grandma. Don't stand up by yourself after the bath. Call out to me and I'll help you. Don't stand up by yourself. Understand? - What's wrong? - I forgot the incense. - I forgot to pray. - Do it after your bath. Please, Grandma! Let me help you light them and place them on the altar. - I can manage. - Let me help you. - I'm all right. - Sit down. Go and sit down. Let me help you, Grandma. Careful, Grandma. Dad was very happy when he telephoned. He said he'd bought a house by the sea. He said he'd never lived within sight of the sea. My brother likes the house, too. It's close to his university. Mum says there's direct transport to Chinatown. No one's asked me what I think. I suppose that means we'll be leaving Hong Kong soon. I asked her about her boyfriend. She said she'd forgotten him. I told her she shouldn't forget him. When she was a kid, she used to come here to fish with her parents. Because in autumn the fish are fatter and more delicious. But in the last few years, her father has been busy making money to emigrate. So he's never brought her here again. According to her, this used to be a fishing village, but the young people began to leave for other jobs, and the remaining old folk all seem to have died. Tonight is the Mid-Autumn Festival. In Japan we have the Bon Festival in August. The Chinese people light lanterns and eat moon cakes. The moon is said to represent family union. You demon! You idiot! In Japan, on August 13, we welcome the spirits of the dead, who come to visit us. Then on the night of August 15, we watch them go. In my hometown we send them off in little boats. I never learned to make the boats, but I decided to make some for the first time in my life. This is the last time I'll be in Hong Kong for the Mid-Autumn Festival. Grandpa used to celebrate the occasion with me. He always made me recite that poem. "When will the spring flower and autumn moon fade? "How much of the past do we know? "At my home... "At my home last night "The east wind blew." I can't remember the rest. |
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