1
(alarm clock beeps)
(sighs)
(alarm clock beeps)
I'm tellin' ya, she
was checkin' me out.
[Woman] I don't
know where you get
your delusions, laser brain.
It's not a
delusion, it's a fact.
She was checking out
the latest issue of Conan.
Oh, and you're tellin'
me she wasn't looking
right in the general
direction of my butt?
Dude, you were kneeling
right next to the comic.
Okay, maybe she was
looking for Conan,
but she changed her mind
when she saw an
actual male nearby.
Dude, you're a
great guy, but...
No.
No, no, no.
What?
That whole you're a
great guy but thing,
nothing good ever comes
after those words.
[Woman] Look, what I
was trying to say was...
Like, you're a great guy,
but I like my guys taller.
You're a great guy,
but I think we should
just be friends.
You're a great guy,
but I don't like you looking
through my window at night.
Okay.
Hey, there's Kevin.
The one person we know with
a genuinely happy love life
that's even remotely
reality-based.
(Kevin moans)
Apparently if your reality
is a Tim Burton film.
Life is just a simmering
cauldron of misery,
stirred by heartache,
fueled by pain.
Ah, don't hold it in, dude.
Tell us how you really feel.
What's wrong?
Lemme ask you guys this.
What is the worst possible thing
that somebody can find
out about their girlfriend
that can ruin any hopes
and dreams of the future
and leave their lives
in a smoldering heap?
She was your
secret twin sister
who was separated
from you at birth
when you were both
put into foster care
to hide you from your
evil overlord father.
Remember how
yesterday me and Ashley
went to my cousin's wedding?
Well I ran into my
Great-Aunt Irene.
Turns out to be Ashley's
Great-Aunt Irene also.
- You don't mean?
- Yeah.
We're second cousins.
I had no idea,
Ashley had no idea.
And to think, I was gonna
ask her to marry me.
So what, does that
make, like, holidays
difficult or something?
Really?
Dude, we can't get married
if we're related like that.
Our kids will end up
havin' 11 fingers,
two heads,
or even become a sports fan.
We broke up last night.
Shades of Luke and Leia.
Dude, that sucks.
This is like
when they found out
that Boomer was a bad guy
in Battlestar Galactica.
Well it's not like she
tried to shoot me or anything.
Okay, bad analogy.
Well, hey, listen,
uh, we're goin'
to Spenser's later tonight.
Why don't you come with?
Spenser's, really?
Nobody ever goes to his parties.
Well yeah, but
he's got all those
great Silver Age
comics we can read.
And all the great Silver
Age toys we can play with.
[Kevin] You guys are the best.
We're like you're
Grey Council,
the ruling body of the Minbari.
Just 'cause he has
hair like a Centauri
doesn't mean you can make
a Babylon 5 reference.
I mean, we're more like his
Rebel Alliance or Jedi Order.
Or we could be crew
mates on his ship.
Yeah, leave it to a Trekkie
to make a nautical reference.
You know I'm not
really a Trekkie.
I'm a Brown Coat.
Man, what are you
even doing here anyway?
Shouldn't you be at work?
I'm letting Todd
run things today.
What?
You put Todd in
charge of the store?
Jackpot, here I come, payday.
Here I come.
Hey, uh, can I help
you with something?
I got some comics for sale.
Oh, okay, yeah, happy to help.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Lemme do that.
- Ah, hey, buddy,
I'm a professional at this.
You can be a professional
at handling comics?
Yeah, seriously.
It's a niche field
in Museum Studies.
Actually, a very niche field.
I got my certificate from the
Art Institute of Pittsburgh.
It's in the back if
you wanna see it.
I can go get it if you want.
Okay, I'll trust you.
- Good.
- Good.
- Remember, these are my babies.
- Got ya.
All right.
Your babies, I'll be careful.
- All right?
- Feast your eyes.
See what kind of treasure
you got for me here.
Okay, Death of Superman?
Yeah, mint
condition, number 75.
(chuckles) Okay.
Uh, Death of Superman.
Death of, looks like all
these are Death of Superman.
Well yeah, 50 of 'em!
Camero, here I come.
(chuckles) Slow down
a little bit, buddy.
Um, you wouldn't happen
to have any Beanie Babies
or vacuum-sealed
Cabbage Patch dolls
to help sweeten
the deal, would ya?
You know what, I might!
- Would that really help?
- No, no, no.
'Cause you know my sister
used to collect 'em...
- I was just, just kidding.
- She even had the heads.
Just kidding, back in 1991,
way too many people
horded those things,
way too much supply,
not enough demand.
Well, no, no, no,
no, this is Superman!
Not, not Bird-Man
or Aquaman, Super...
Okay, Superman couldn't even
defeat his greatest enemy.
All right?
I'll give you 20 bucks
for the whole box.
That's the best
you're gonna get.
[Superman Fan] No, no.
No.
What a crock.
- You know what?
- What?
You run a real
cutthroat operation here.
Yeah, I guess.
[Superman Fan] Hey!
What?
What if I could get
you a girl to kiss?
(laughing)
Yeah?
- Yeah, little sweeten the deal?
- Nah, not so much.
Uh, you're barkin' up
the wrong tree, buddy.
Sorry.
Fine.
I'm gonna take these to
Mage's on the West Side.
- Not our mortal enemy?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Oh no, please don't!
- Yeah.
Please don't, I tell ya what,
I'll give you 21.09 for those.
Just for that, I'm
takin' my Star Wars
Episode One, Two, and
Three action figures
- and sellin' 'em there.
- No, please don't!
50 cents a piece.
When I get my Camero,
it's gonna look
like the Batmobile.
Yeah, okay, keep dreamin'.
Yeah, a clickety-clunk Camero
from a buy-here-pay-here
lot maybe.
You know what?
Screw you!
Oh whatever, douche bag.
Have fun at Mage's.
God, what a douche bag.
No wonder I sleep on the job.
(sighs)
I hear ya comin'
But you won't find a way
Hey, Spence, great party.
More than five people
actually showed up.
But you're so damned loud
Hey, guys.
I just don't believe it.
Well this is
sounding familiar.
What's up?
One day, one gorm day
since me and Ashley broke up,
and is she mourning like I am?
Hell no.
She's goin' out on dates.
Well, some people
are different.
Some people like to get
right back up on the horse.
Not only that, she
decides to go out on a date
with that Neanderthal
Chuck Hanaley.
Chuck Hanley.
Isn't he that guy that works
over at Ted's Sporting Goods?
One and the same.
How does she go from a
well-mannered individual,
intelligent,
to somebody that
has to be reminded
to breathe through their nose?
Swear, if he got fresh
with her last night,
I'm gonna walk into that...
All right, hold
on, Captain Reynolds.
Put your brown coat away,
and let's think here.
If we go into Ted's
Sporting Goods half-cocked,
somebody's gonna get hurt,
and it's probably gonna be me.
And I'm not gonna be
Wash this time, damn it.
We have to plan our
moves carefully.
What do you suggest?
We could go over to her work
and ask if Chuck's been
skulking around at all.
Or you could talk to Ashley.
What if Ashley's working?
I don't want her to think
that I'm spyin' on her.
Even though you are.
[Kevin] But I don't
want it to look like I am.
'Kay, tell ya what.
I'll go in first, I'll
scope out the scene,
and, if everything's clear,
I'll ring you on your cell.
[Kevin] You're a good friend.
Okay, just wait for my call.
Hey, Kev?
Coast is clear, dude.
Seriously?
You're gonna call
me from outside
when the shop's right next door.
I said I'd call.
Come on.
Hey, PJ.
Hey, Kevin, what's up?
Not much.
Oh, I know, you
wanna see Ashley.
Hold on, she's in the back room.
Let me go get here.
No, no, no. (moans)
And you didn't ask if
she was in the back.
I didn't think of it.
Dude, I swear
if you had brains,
you'd be an idiot.
[Woman] Hey, Kev.
Hey, Ash.
So how have you been?
Good, how 'bout you?
Uh, you know, I still have that
Hellblazer graphic novel
of yours at the house.
I didn't know if you wanted
me to bring it here or?
No.
Constantine was always
more your thing than mine.
You keep it.
[Kevin] Are you sure.
- Yeah.
- All right.
I guess I'll see ya later.
See ya.
[Man] Todd?
You must be Zod Killer?
So, you gotta tell me this.
Your screen name
on dbhookedup.com
is Zod Killer but your
real name is Clark?
Oh, you think I'm.
Todd, there's been something
I've been meaning to tell you.
I am really, no!
I'm just a huge
Superman fan, man.
Yeah, when I found
out that we actually
had the same exact name.
My full name is
Clark Kent Allan.
Well, I was infatuated with him.
I mean, seriously,
I only read Superman
and DC Comics.
Okay, yeah, that's great.
Dude, I can't wait!
[Kevin] Yay.
Oh, Kevin, will you crawl out
of your Ashley-sized hole
long enough to see daylight?
We've been waiting for
this for four years!
I still can't believe it.
Believe it.
[Woman] Hey, guys, what's up?
Not much.
Yeah, you can say that again.
What's up with Darth
Vasidious over here?
He's mad I won't go
see a movie with him.
A movie?
A movie?
Try the movie
of the century.
Dude, century's only
like 13 years old.
You're gonna have
to be more specific.
[Kevin] It's the movie
adaptation of Hellblazer.
The John Constantine comic?
Didn't they already make one?
Yeah, right, that Keanu
Reeves piece of bantha fodder.
Like that even counts.
Dude, is that, like, a demon?
Bogus.
This is an independent
film from Thailand,
and they didn't get
permission from DC Comics,
so they had to change all
the main characters' names.
A small price to pay.
Finally, a John Constantine
movie that's dark and gritty
and doesn't star some
brain-dead Nic Cage wannabe.
Dude, they changed the
main character's name
to Ben Affleck.
Like that matters.
They could've changed his
name to Brittany Spears
for all I care.
It's just that we,
we've been waiting
to see this for four years,
and now Dave Depression here
is wimping out on going with me.
Look,
Mark's gonna go see a movie,
and I just got the biggest
shipment of the month.
And then Ashley has
a life of her own,
which is more than I
could say for myself.
And I'm stuck here with nobody
to help with the largest
shipment of the month.
Excuse me.
Did I hear you say you
have a new shipment
coming in today?
Yeah, are you
looking for something
that we're out of, or?
Well I was wondering,
do you pull boxes first
or do you catalog
your whole shipment
before itemization?
Do you have enough
boards and bags,
or do those come in
a separate delivery?
Uh, exactly what
are you asking?
Well, I was just noticing
that you can probably
use some help,
and I have some
experience in comic shops.
My name's Carley.
Kevin.
- Where'd you work?
- Comic Underground.
Is that around here?
Uh, no, I just
moved back home.
I've been in Oberlin for
the past couple years.
It's local to there.
College girl, huh?
I went to college once myself.
I, it wasn't really
my thing, though, so.
You worked at a college,
Mark, in the cafeteria.
You quit when the
lady's volleyball team
gave you a wedgie, remember?
Are you lookin' for work?
I am.
I wasn't exactly coming
in here looking for that,
but if opportunity knocks.
Can, can you start today?
I can start right now.
Oh my gosh, good.
Well, exactly why'd
you come in here?
I was wondering if you had any
Strangers in
Paradise collection.
My roommate used to read that,
and I haven't had a
chance to pick one up
since I moved out.
That's one of my
favorite series.
- No way!
- Yeah!
I, we're out of stock
of it here right now.
But guess what?
I have the complete
series at my house.
I can let you borrow it
until I talk to the suppliers
and get some more in.
Dude, that would be so cool.
Awesome.
Well, let's go check
out the stockroom,
so that way we'll be
ready for the trucks.
All right, lead the way, boss.
Dude's smooth, you
gotta give him that.
I'd hardly call
that maneuvering.
Are you kidding?
She's a comic fan.
Her favorite comic is
his favorite comic.
She's smoking hot,
and she's new in town
so there's no
longstanding dating pools.
He'd be crazy to pass up
an opportunity like this.
I don't know.
Something tells me this
girl isn't on the market.
Well what, is she
training to be a nun,
and helping troubled youths
through working in
comic book stores?
Sounds like a Hallmark
Channel movie.
I don't know, but my
spider sense is tingling.
He should be careful.
This is Kevin we're
talking about here.
[Woman] Right, the master
of the emotional belly flop.
Well, she's helping out
when we need her the most.
What could go wrong?
You do realize,
by saying that,
you're practically
begging the universe,
show me, show me
what could go wrong.
I'd think a Constantine
fan would know better
than to tempt fate like that.
I know, yeah,
speakin' of Constantine,
I'll be back in a few hours.
Don't worry.
Man, I would've loved
to see Todd's face
when he found out
Clark was a DC guy.
God, I can't
imagine a worse fate.
Be like if a Star Trek
fan and a Star Wars fan
tried to get married.
Right?
It's like the True
Story, Swear to God.
New comic we just got in.
It's about a guy
from California,
meets a girl from Puerto Rico.
Talked for a couple months.
He flies out to see
ho it'd work out.
They actually live
happily ever after now.
So, what you're saying is
Clark and Todd need to
move to Puerto Rico?
No.
Who's ever happy in Puerto Rico?
I'm just sayin',
Todd's a good guy.
If he wants to make it work,
he's not gonna base it off
of DC versus Marvel comics.
He's just gonna make
sure that the love furls
- and keeps growing.
- Um.
Yeah, how 'bout, um, I
think we're low on bags.
Can you go in the
back and check to see
if we have some bags?
Okay.
I'll go see if we
have some bags.
Okay, you go, you go do that.
Hey, uh, is there anything
I can help ya find?
Uh, yeah, hey, what, what's
up with all these books here?
I thought this was
a comic book store.
Well, yeah, we have
all kinds of stuff
for the sci-fi
and fantasy crowd.
I mean, there's, uh, comics,
there's movies,
there's, uh, action
figures, t-shirts,
and, uh, yeah, some books.
Um, is there anything
specific you're lookin' for?
Uh, you know, I don't know.
I just went on a date with
this chick the other night,
and she's kinda on
the brainy side,
and, uh, she told me,
kinda, she kinda liked
this kind of crap, uh, stuff,
so I figure if I, you
know, learn about it, I'd.
So, you're just
lookin' for some basic...
Yeah, you know,
geek stuff, you know.
I ain't much of a reader.
You got anything
more basic for me?
Um, yeah, how 'bout we start
you off with a comic book?
Sure.
Hey, ain't you a little bit old
to be playin' with dolls?
It's a limited
edition Scarlet Huntress
collectible action figure.
Aren't you a little
male to be playin'
with a girl doll?
Okay, how 'bout
we get you started
with something over here?
Like, um, uh, Spiderman.
He's been pretty popular lately.
Yeah, I seen a
couple of the movies,
but, you know, it seems
kinda, just faggy.
Okay.
Um, how 'bout a graphic novel.
Oh, no, I, no
novels, I don't read.
No, no.
(chuckling)
A graphic novel is like
four or five individual
comics bound into one volume.
Oh, okay, that's pretty cool.
Yeah, like, uh,
Dracula versus King Arthur.
Huh.
Well what's this about?
It's Dracula
versus King Arthur.
It's evil versus medieval,
swords clashing, limbs flying,
all the good stuff.
Ah, sounds pretty cool.
Yeah, I think, think
I'll take this.
All right, uh, well Lisa
will ring you up
at the register,
and, uh, you have a good day.
All right, man, thanks.
Bye, thanks for
your patronage.
Did I hear who
I think I heard?
- Um.
- Was that Chuck Hanley?
Eh, he's pretty
rude if you ask me.
I don't care what kind of hot
time he's planned tonight.
He can keep it to himself.
- Hot time?
- No,
it's probably nothing.
Wait, what, wait,
where, with who?
Oh, something at his house.
Probably something explicit.
But don't get freaked out.
Don't get freaked out?
He's over here planning a night
of snacks, conversation,
and date rape
with my ex-girlfriend
and you're tellin'
me not to freak out?
All right, hold on a
minute, Mr. Hyperspace.
- Oh, Mark, I don't think...
- No, no, no,
this needs to be said.
Kevin, I know you're
still in love with Ashley.
[Kevin] (chortles) Mm mm.
That's great.
But Ashley's her own person,
and she can make
her own decisions.
- But...
- Uh uh.
She's a big girl.
She can take care of herself.
Remember when she broke
Tommy Wilkerson's finger
our sophomore year?
He was only tryin'
to cop a feel.
Yeah, but.
You're right, you're right.
She is my ex-girlfriend.
I'm gonna have to let her go.
That is the most
sensible thing
I've heard you say all week.
[Mark] Tell me where
we're going again?
[Kevin] Chuck's house.
And why are we going there?
To back Ashley
up if she needs it.
And what happened to all
that Ashley's a big girl stuff?
Lisa said that, not me.
But you didn't contest it.
How could I, I
was outnumbered.
The odds weren't in my favor.
You just didn't want
anyone talking you out of it.
That too.
You know, if Chuck catches us
peeping in his windows,
he's gonna pulverize us.
Then go home, you
don't have to be here.
Well someone has to
call the ambulance.
[Kevin] There it is.
Which one?
That one there.
All right, we're gonna go
around the neighbor's house.
That way we're not goin'
straight up his driveway.
Come on.
(TV chatters)
Hey, little boy, yeah.
Here ya go.
[Sports Announcer]
Defense from the 43.
All right, get down.
Let me climb on your back
and take a look
through the window.
[Mark] Are you kidding?
Look at you compared to me.
Then what do
you suppose we do?
[Sports Announcer]
Defense from the 43.
(Kevin sighs)
(TV chatters)
[Man On TV] Hustle, hustle!
[Woman On TV] Get
it, get it, get it,
you got it, you
got it, you got it.
Yeah!
(clapping and cheers)
(TV chatters)
Well, I know it wasn't
Ashley he was with last night.
She was at Christine and Tom's
playing Dungeons and Dragons.
Great.
And I get Captain
Caveman over here
landing on my head
to protect the virtue
of some sports groupie.
My head still hurts
from where I beamed it
on the water spigot.
I still have a key.
Hey, Ash, how are ya doin'?
[Ashley] I'm all
right, how are you?
Um, oh, we were just
gonna be
somewhere else.
Oh, uh, yeah.
- See ya in a few, Ash.
- See ya.
We need to talk.
You look good.
You look.
So how's the store?
It's good.
How's Chuck?
[Ashley] Oh, you
heard about that?
When you date that
low on the food chain,
- everyone hears about that.
- Listen,
I only went out with
him because Becky
wanted to go out with
Chuck's friend Bill.
Really?
Really.
We went to some sports bar,
and Chuck and Bill were arguing
over the Cleveland
Browns the entire time.
Becky was playing the ditz,
and I was just playing
some movie trivia
on the video screens.
- Is that all?
- That's all.
It's not like I was
spyin' or anything.
[Ashley] Kevin, get real.
We dated for three years.
I know you were spying on me.
Okay, I was spyin'.
I couldn't believe you
would go out with Chuck.
Well that makes two of us.
I miss you.
And I miss you,
and Mark, and Lisa,
and everyone at the store.
You guys are my friends.
And, Kevin, you're
my best friend.
And just because we
can't date anymore,
I don't want that to
change everything.
I guess you're right.
You know I still love
you though, right?
And I love you.
It's just,
we're gonna have
to find another way
to express that love.
Have you guys been
listening the whole time?
(sniffing)
[Mark] It's just so beautiful!
All right, let's
move on to X-Men.
- Finished.
- Really?
Well then...
Yep, everything's finished.
Everything?
When you were outside,
and that guy was tryin'
to sell you 50 copies
of Death Note number one,
I got ahead a little.
Wow, uh, we've never
finished this early before.
Since working Comic
Con, this is kinda easy.
[Kevin] You worked Comic Con?
Yeah, at the Vertigo booth.
My friend does
promo work for them.
They needed a female
who didn't mind
cheap exploitation
to work their booth.
And you?
Have enough college
loans looming over my head
to overlook a little
partial nudity.
It was a zoo.
I haven't been hit on
by that many teenagers
since I wore a corset to
the Twilight premiere.
Yeah.
It was a zoo.
So what does Lisa
do for a living?
It's complicated.
So is my relationship
status on Facebook,
but that doesn't
tell me anything.
Speaking of
relationship statuses,
did you hear about
the epic breakup
between me and my ex-girlfriend?
- How long did you guys date?
- Three years.
Ouch, sorry.
Yeah, guess I don't blame her
for breakin' up with me.
What'd you do?
Cheat on her?
Forget her birthday?
Call her Princess
Leia during sex?
No,
turns out we're related.
- We're second cousins.
- And?
And.
So why'd she
break up with you?
I just said, we're
second cousins.
That sounds like
a stupid reason
to breakup a
three-year relationship
if you ask me.
We're not in
West Virginia here.
We don't date relatives.
Oh, please, Ohio has no laws
regarding second
cousins marrying.
And if she really feels
the need to have a baby,
which, personally,
I don't understand.
I'd feel like they
guy from Alien
with the monster
inside my chest.
But there's always sperm banks.
Look, dude, my point
is, if it's love,
you find a way.
Guess you're right.
(sighs) Well hey,
I got some things
to tidy up in the back.
Can you be here tomorrow,
and I'll get your
schedule all worked out?
Tomorrow it is, Professor X.
Oh hey, Lisa, you
work here, too?
No, I just hang
out here, a lot.
So what's up with
Todd and Clark?
I don't think
that's gonna work out.
I mean, Clark is,
uh, into DC Comics.
What's wrong with DC?
Superman, Batman.
- Todd is a Marvel man.
- How much so?
Well, you could ask his dogs,
Stan and Lee.
(chuckles) Ouch.
Well, speaking of going out,
are you seeing anyone?
Me, no.
Why is that so absurd,
someone asking you out?
It's just, people
don't ask me out.
[Carley] How long has it been
since someone asked you out?
Two years.
Two years?
You're a human female who
hangs out in a comic shop,
and you're single?
There's no way.
It's just I'm
not very interested
in the guys who hang out here,
and it probably shows.
I'm sure it does.
So would you like to go
out with me sometime?
What, you mean like get
a group of gals together
and have like a
girls' night out?
No, I was thinking
more like dinner.
I know this really cool bistro
down in the Flats.
This bitchin' lesbian
couple owns it.
That way, you can hold
a pretty girl's hand
over dinner and nobody
looks at you weird.
Oh, that, um.
I, uh.
Look, if I'm not your
type, you can let me know.
I'm a big girl.
- I'm not gay.
- Oh shit.
- I am so sorry.
- It's okay, really.
I tried feelin'
you out verbally,
and then when you
said you weren't
into the guys at the shop...
It's really okay.
I'm actually really
flattered that you'd ask.
Why not, you're
super funny, smart,
- and cute.
- Thanks.
Well, look, if I haven't
already made you feel
massively uncomfortable,
how 'bout I make it up to you?
Dinner.
Maybe not the bistro, but
Denny's, Taco Bell, whatever.
Even though we can't be
more than just friends?
Well there's no just about it.
I'd be happy to be your friend.
You're fascinating.
And I'd like to get
to know you better.
As a friend.
I'd like that, too.
Well, look, I gotta boogie.
Let Kevin know I'll be
here in the morning.
[Lisa] Sure.
Where's Carley?
She had to go.
She said she'd be
in tomorrow morning.
- She's incredible.
- Yeah, she's really cool.
Yeah.
She's like an expert
in every comic.
She's more
knowledgeable than I am.
Swear, breakin' up with Ashley
is actually lookin' like a
blessing in disguise right now.
Um, yeah, about that...
Yeah, yeah, don't worry.
I'm not obsessin'
about Ashley anymore.
But obsessin' about
Carley's a different story.
Think she likes me?
She likes you well enough.
But you think it's
too soon after Ashley.
I get it.
But, Lisa, I'm a man
of the 21st century,
and information nowadays
moves at the speed of light.
Wait to long and an
opportunity can pass you by.
Think she has a guy?
Oh, I don't think any
guy could interest her.
Right, she does have that
unattainable vibe about her.
But, hey, odds weren't in my
favor for dating my cousin.
So, odds must not
apply in my life.
- Odds are that...
- Hey, I gotta go call Mark,
and let him know
what's goin' on.
It's a good thing I told him
not to come in today
after the movie.
It would've ruined
my Carley time.
You think you can
keep an eye on things?
Now, everybody
take your seats.
And prepare yourselves
for the debut of
Sci-Fi Armageddon.
Here are the decks.
Wait, are these cards that
we build a deck out of, or?
No.
Each box is a well-maintained
and well-balanced playing deck
suited to each player's
individual personalities
and abilities.
A deck this big?
Ash, I'm combining
the mythologies
of eight major and six
minor sci-fi universes
into one game.
There are an unbelievable
amount of scenarios
at play here.
Commander Worf
orders a suicide attack
on the star destroyer
circling Babylon 5.
Expend nine.
Screw God, I've got
my own power cards
to avoid using your
portion of Star Fleet.
That's a good one.
All right, everybody start out
with your early
sci-fi writer sets.
And set out any Isaac
Asimovs, Heinleins,
or Arthur C. Clarkes you have.
I think it's too weird.
I'll excuse myself and
say I'm gonna get sick,
and you can come
help me hold my hair,
and we can sneak
out, watch Dr. Who.
Sounds great.
Ooh, a Stargate.
I get away from the Sith Lords.
Speaking of those
who darken the force,
guess who was in the
store yet again today?
What, was Spenser in again
claiming Jack Kirby
invented Star Wars?
No, it was Chuck Hanley!
Oh dear God.
Anyways, he was in there
tryin' to learn
about geek stuff.
He came in yesterday,
and asked what kind
of stuff Ashley reads.
Somebody shoot me now.
What'd you tell him?
I tried to throw him off,
- uh, telling him...
- Spit it out, elf girl.
Telling him you read
a lot of lesbian erotica
graphic novels.
And?
- And he bought six books.
- Ew!
[Lisa] Seemed really
excited about it, too.
[Carley] Ew.
I'm putting down a
brigade of space marines.
Great.
That saves you from
both my sarlacc pit
and Kevin's Cylon Basestar.
Seriously, Mark?
You used the 1970s
Cylon Baseship?
Well I didn't have a choice.
That newer series
was an abomination
against the gods of sci-fi.
I know, heaven
forbid we add depth
or shading to our characters.
Yeah, and it becomes
I Was a Teenage Cylon.
The only thing
worthwhile on that show
was Katee Sackhoff.
[Ashley] My kinda woman.
Kaylee Frye, uh, from Firefly.
I just discovered I had
a Kaylee in my deck.
Wow, Mark, I'm
surprised you're using
such a new series as
Firefly in your deck.
Well, in,
in this era of
cross-platforming,
we have to appeal
- to such a wide fan base.
- I made him.
Really?
Yeah, I've been,
uh, alpha testing
this monstrosity with him.
Told him if he didn't
pander to the Brown Coats,
I'd leave him to test things
with this Vietnamese kid
who stalks him on Twitter.
And she dumps this
on me last week.
So I need to integrate
60 new cards in six days.
And when did you
spring this on him?
Last week,
after you said how
much you like Firefly.
Aw, that's so sweet.
- Hey.
- Hey, Clark.
I've been doing a lot of
soul-searching lately,
and I really thought I
found the perfect guy,
but I keep asking myself,
can I really be with someone
that only reads DC Comics?
I looked deep into my heart,
and I've come to a conclusion,
and the answer is
no, not so much.
Better calm down
You're bouncin' off the walls
(laughing)
I wish I could've
been there for that.
You know, I think
Kevin's developing
a little crush on you.
- Oh, you noticed that, too.
- Mm hmm.
Yeah, I wonder if I can
just let him down easily,
or if I just ignore
his advances,
maybe he'll go away.
This is Kevin
we're talking about.
Remember the dog through
the window incident?
Ay, caramba.
So what are you doin'
two nights from tonight?
Nothing.
I'm officially bumming
for company all week, why?
[Carley] You wanna
come over for some D&D?
Dungeons and Dragons?
Sure.
I don't know, I'm not
very good around new people.
Oh, don't worry.
These are some of my best
friends in the whole world,
and I promise you will
have a great time.
(sighs) If it means that
much to you, then okay.
Good.
And it's a pressure-free
platonic date.
But this means I get to choose
what's on the agenda
tomorrow night.
Tomorrow night?
We're hanging out
tomorrow night as well?
- Are you doin' anything?
- No, but...
But nothing.
You're coming over to
Kevin's for movie night.
[Carley] Movie night?
Two times a month,
Kevin, Todd, Mark,
Ashley, and myself
get together, watch new
and or classic films.
It's my turn to choose the film,
and I found this really
awesome indie romcom.
Well are you sure
they don't mind
bringing somebody
without checking first?
I don't wanna impose myself.
Whatever, you're awesome.
No one can complain
about my bringing you.
Mm, well then it's
two platonic dates.
If we keep this up,
we'll need to petition Webster's
to expand the
definition of platonic
to include platonically
going steady.
Are you kidding?
I'm a regular platonic Don Juan.
(laughing)
[Ashley] Okay,
guys, so what's first?
I was thinkin'
we could either go
classic sci-fi or Marvel.
Uh, Star Wars, original
trilogy of course.
Close Encounters, Saturn 13.
Iron Man, Iron Man 2,
Thor, Captain America.
How about a movie
we've never seen before?
You know, like, a new movie?
You don't watch new
movies with your friends.
[Ashley] Seriously, never?
New movies are a dicey thing.
I mean, you're
either gonna like 'em
or you're gonna spend
the whole evening
writhing in agony,
hoping for it to be over with.
Yeah, you know.
Like, you like the movie, but
your friend could hate it.
And then you just
spent your whole night
arguing about who's right.
I mean, either way,
it's an uncomfortable
place to be in.
But, Kevin, we
always used to watch
new movies together.
[Kevin] Yeah, no we didn't.
What are you talking about?
We used to watch new movies
together all the time.
We would pick out what we
wanted the night before,
and then I would pick
it up and bring it over
on my way to your house.
Yeah, but I'd download
it the night before,
'cause, you know, I like
watchin' my movies
straight through,
and half the time,
we'd be makin' out.
So you pre-watched the movie
so you wouldn't miss
anything by kissing me?
Hey, I didn't
do it just for me.
I did it for you, too.
Oh really?
Yeah, I'd time it out.
That way, when we
were making out
during the bad times,
and through the
rest of the time,
we'd just be watchin' the movie.
Well, we did have a ton of sex
during the sex scenes.
Yeah, we did.
Dude, the average
sex scene in a movie
is under 120 seconds.
Hey, I found the
pause button, okay?
At least you could
find that button.
Boom, in your face.
(balls clack)
Guys, this is so weird.
So I went on a date
for the first time
since the breakup
last night, right?
Yay!
I don't know.
We really didn't connect
or anything like that.
Oh.
But guess what?
People are comin' up to me,
makin' comments to me
about my date last night.
Things that they
shouldn't even know about.
Like, Spenser came up to me
and asked me how the movie was
that me and her went to.
I didn't tell anybody
about what I did last night
until just now.
And then I have Miss
Giggle Fits over here
makin' comments about
me takin' my date
to dinner at Denny's.
Well, gee, you really know how
to spoil a girl, don't you?
Anyways, how'd
she know about that?
Maybe because guys
have no imagination
when it comes to planning dates?
[Todd] Who was
your date anyways?
This chick Stephanie.
That wouldn't happen to
be Stephanie Lane, would it?
Wait a minute, am I,
am I in a reality show?
How do you know that?
Oh my God, don't you know?
She's a famous blogger.
Stephanie Lane?
- So?
- So, do you know
what her blog is called?
Enlighten me.
It's called Parade of Losers.
It's about her love life,
how she goes on dates
with guys, get it?
I mean, she even goes on dates
with guys she's really
not that interested in
just so she can write
about 'em in her blog.
I read that all the time.
In fact, I read the one today,
and (laughs) oh my God!
(laughing)
Oh my God!
I need to go.
(laughing)
What a jackass.
I mean.
[Lisa] Hey.
Hey.
So what's first on
the Microplex tonight?
It's a Ranma 1/2 fan film.
It's called Three
Sides To Every Story.
- The female Ranma is super hot.
- Oh.
Anyway, what's for snacks?
I made some
delicious OB brownies.
- Oh you doll!
- You know, my famous ones.
So what are OBs?
- Orgasm brownies.
- Come again?
(chuckles) Pun intended.
They're these homemade
brownies that Ashley makes.
They're so good, they'll
make you cream in your pants.
Mm, I'm beginning
to see the whole lure
of this movie night.
Yeah, me too.
If it wasn't for Lisa, this
would've died out years ago.
She loves these little
get-together things.
Wow, I'm beginning to
see what a special lady
she really is.
You know, you'll never
find a more dedicated friend,
or a fan of Tolkien
for that matter.
I don't know how she keeps
all that trivia straight,
especially with her
day job and everything.
Day job?
Yeah, she hasn't told
you, not even a hint?
She's actually a physicist.
A physicist?
[Todd] Affirmative.
Don't you have to go to school
for, like, life for that?
Yeah, pretty much.
But luckily she graduated
high school early.
She actually
graduated at age 13,
got her bachelor's
degree at age 15,
got her master's at age 17,
and got her first
doctorate at age 20.
Wait, her first doctorate?
Yeah, she's got two.
Theoretical physics
and string theory.
Damn.
I hear ya on that.
But our Miss Lisa is
a certified genius.
Oh my God!
"Yet to cross that Rubicon
"between late adolescence
and true adulthood.
"An almost slavish devotion
to his mindless pursuits.
"What kind of man owns
a comic book store?"
Oh, God, Kevin,
guys, I almost forgot,
I was over at Mage's
earlier today.
Mark, why would you be going
to our competition
on the West Side?
I was going over to
wreck their alphabetizing.
[Ashley] (chuckles)
You were what?
Yeah, I figured that
if people couldn't find
what they were looking for,
they'd come to us.
Our store is
awfully neat and tidy.
Gee, do you think it's maybe
because we have four
times as many staff
as Kevin needs for
a store that size?
"My date, however, had
an almost slavish devotion
"to his mindless pursuits,
"droning on ad nauseum
about minute differences
"between seasons of
science fiction TV shows
"like they matter,
"as opposed to being the
militaristic power fantasies
"of arrested development
that they are."
All I said is the
first three seasons
of Battlestar Galactica
were better than the last.
Anyway, that's not the point.
What is the point anyways?
Besides the one on your head.
The point is that
Mage's is gone!
Gone, what the hell happened?
I don't know.
We'll have to do some
recon there tomorrow.
There's some new place
there called Ian's Comics.
Okay, all they did
was change owners.
Listen to this,
"Like far too many men his age,
"I found my date had yet
to cross that Rubicon
"between late adolescence
and true adulthood.
"He seemed obsessed with
toys, picture books,
"and animated features.
"While there's nothing
wrong with these,
"I guess,
"those just happen
to be interests
"of my six-year-old nephew."
That bitch.
It's okay.
You think your parents will
care if we take some shots?
- Way ahead of you.
- Yeah!
Dude,
you're striking out
all over the place.
And I should know about
that better than anybody.
But
there's something I
gotta talk to you about,
and it's kind of important.
All right, dude, what's up?
You know, Kevin,
certain things can be
hard to say to people
because you, you can
never really know
how other people will
take the certain things
you say.
Uh, do you, do you kinda
get what I'm tryin' to say?
No, dude.
As of right now, I
can't say that I do.
What are you talkin' about?
Certain subjects
in our society
are still kinda touchy,
and when they're touchy,
things can be kind of
hard to say to people.
Things like
someone's sexual orientation.
Go on.
Well, uh, it, it's hard to say
because it is such
a touchy subject,
but
you can,
you can think that
you know somebody,
but they'll always have
this place inside themselves
that's
private.
And,
and it, it,
things just never come up,
so you don't say
anything about it,
but there's always this
sort of secret.
And you can be
afraid of how people
will react when they
learn the truth.
Do you, do you kinda
understand what,
what I'm tryin' to say?
(sighs) Dude, wow.
Wow, yeah, I think.
[Mark] Yeah, I couldn't
believe it either.
How long did you know?
Not too long.
Man, dude, no matter what,
we're always gonna be friends.
If you're gay, dude,
that's totally
cool with me, man.
Wait, what?
I said we're still
gonna be friends
whether you're gay.
No!
No, no, God, no!
God, dude, I wasn't, I
wasn't talking about me!
[Kevin] Wait, you weren't?
God.
Heaven's no, dude,
I was talking about Carley.
No, dude, she,
she's not like that.
Way, dude.
Dude, no.
You're just jealous 'cause
she's into me and not you.
Don't make up these
bogus stories.
Fine, whatever,
don't believe me.
You'll find out.
This is summertime, baby
Gonna roll the windows down
This a purple-smoke project
Turn it up loud
There's soemthin'
'bout the world
That gets them
females come around
- Hey.
- Hi!
I'm so glad you could come.
I thought Dungeons & Dragons?
Drinking and debauchery.
- Oh.
- This is my friend Morgan.
- This is Lisa.
- Hi, nice to meet you.
I love this song,
let's go dance!
No, no, no.
Aw, here, will
you hold this drink?
We gonna be together
When the sandman rings
For now, but I got plans
To seek a man, let him save me
Livin' on caps and leeway
And found this man dance
Tell me over and over and over
It's not a dream
I'm stuck in between
What's real and what's fantasy
Never wake me, please
When will I wake
up in the morning
With him still next to me
Impatiently, you wait
in my dejected sedation
I change my tank to temptation
Back to the place
where it begun
My imagination, high-strung
You know, I love
the guys at the shop,
but this has been one
of the greatest evenings
I've had in a long time.
Well it doesn't
hurt to network, Lisa.
They've been there for
me when no one else has.
Is that common?
People abandoning you
because you're gay?
You lose a few.
Some more than others.
That's awful.
Why can't people just let
other people be themselves?
Well when you're net worth
depends on being
normal and fitting in,
going against the flow
just scares people.
Sounds like my mom.
Well, there just comes
a time in your life
where you have to
be you for you.
Screw what other people think.
I wish I could
be more like you.
No, you be more like you.
You're amazing, and
you're pretty smart,
and so pretty.
Throw me in your sea
Tell me where the sun rises
Sun rises
So lonely in here
(tinkling instrumental music)
Hey, Kevin, do
you hear that music?
Yeah, where's it comin' from?
I think it's
comin' from up here.
Is that that Ian's Comics?
Yeah, but why would
they be playing music?
It's a comic book shop.
I don't know.
Maybe they have some kind
of party or rave going on.
I don't know, you
wanna go check it out?
Heck yeah, it's
our competition.
- All right.
- All right.
The hell kind
of store is this?
It's like Studio 54
meets Clerks in here.
The shit that I'm
leakin' is seepin'
Into reality creepin'
Is there anything I
can help you guys with?
Okay, look at this.
These are the depths
they have to go to
to get customers in the door?
Really?
Is there anything I
can help you boys with?
Oh my God.
[Man With White
Tie] Right this way.
Yes, sir.
It's like they hate
when you're happy
You sit there
lackin' life's purpose
They kept you
down to your dust
Ashley?
What the hell are
you doin' here?
Strawberry daiquiri,
it's delicious.
Do you want some?
This is just ridiculous.
Can you get the owner for me?
Who, Ian, yeah,
I'll go get him.
You're invited
If you don't understand
Then don't be frightened
[Kevin] Ian Petrella?
Randy from A Christmas Story?
Mm hmm.
Why, did you want an autograph?
Because they're $20.
No, I'm Kevin,
from A&A Comics.
Oh, the little
eyesore down the road.
[Kevin] Eyesore?
So did you come here to see
what a real comic
book store looks like?
See, I'm a millionaire,
and I will not be happy
until I am the last comic
book store in Cleveland.
That makes no sense.
How dare you, Ian Petrella?
May you and your comic
book store burn in hell.
All right, come on, let's go.
- This place sucks.
- All right, man.
- All right, thank you.
- This place sucks.
Let's go, gentlemen.
Hey, I'm, I'm sorry
about the other night.
It's okay.
I really didn't
mean to scare you off.
- Really, it's okay.
- All right.
[Man] Did you know Jack Kirby
would've been 96
years old today?
What?
Indeed.
I imagine what the
world would've been like
if Jack Kirby
didn't get cut down
in the year 1994.
My summer a blight.
We would've had flying cars.
Flying cars, Spence?
[Spenser] Sure.
Okay, just how
would the survival
of a comic book
artist bring about
flying cars, pray tell?
Especially in the 20
years since he died,
considering we didn't
get flying cars
in the first 76
years of his life.
Well, the Jetsons did manifest
an early version of Kirby.
His work would've
changed the world.
We woulda had, you
know, automobiles,
landscape, rocketry,
and flying cars.
That makes, that
makes no sense.
I mean, people have
been fantasizing
about flying to
work for decades.
It's not like they
just sat around
and waited for Jack
Kirby to draw it.
And, besides, if they
wanted inspiration,
the Jetsons should've
inspired them,
and none of that
changes the physics
of trying to make a car fly.
You know, Spence,
we would probably be
$100,000 richer if you ever
bought anything at the store.
I'm not gonna buy anything AK.
[Mark] AK?
Yeah, AK.
After Kirby.
Well, we do try to
keep the store going,
even in the AK era.
Attention,
attention, everyone.
As you may know, my
name's Kevin Murphy.
And tonight we have a very
special lady in the house.
She has came to mean
a lot to the store.
And, actually, a lot to me.
And I have a very special song
for that very special lady.
Carley.
(tinny instrumental music)
I don't know
How I survived each day
Without you here with me
But now that you're here
Oh, I need you near
We were meant to be
Baby
I don't care if our
friends are talkin'
About the love we have
But the love we got
They have never had
Truthfully
I'm forever yours
Walkin' hand in hand
Side by side
Whoa, whoa, whoa
- Truthfully
- Are you serious?
Till the end of time
I gotta get outta here.
What the hell, Kevin?
What do you think you're doing?
Can't you see how
embarrassed she is?
Are you blind?
Why don't you back the hell off?
I think both of you need
to give her some space.
But I was just trying to...
Nah, you were
trying to impress her,
and you were trying
to defend her,
and you both made asses
out of yourselves.
You know what, I give up.
(tinny instrumental music)
(Mark laughs)
- Hey.
- Hey.
What's up?
I just wanted to apologize
for freaking out on you earlier.
No.
You're right, Lisa.
I was so much in my own world
that I didn't even
realize how uncomfortable
I was makin' her feel
with the serenade.
To put it mildly.
But I just don't understand
why she reacted so strongly.
Like, if you're not
into me like that,
or whatever, then that's cool,
but the way she reacted?
Kevin, you should know,
Carley's gay.
Gay?
[Lisa] Gay.
Damn.
- Mark was right.
- What?
Nothing.
So it's not personally?
Of course not.
You're a great guy.
You won't be alone long.
Thanks.
You're awesome, Lisa.
How 'bout we go out
together some time?
- You and me?
- Yeah.
I mean, we've known
each other for years,
we like the same things,
and I know,
throughout the years,
that you had a little
bit of a crush on me.
You're a great friend
and, and I love you
- as a...
- As a friend,
I know, I know.
I'm such a great friend.
I swear, if I had
a dollar every time
I heard a girl say that,
I'd be able to pay
me therapist bills.
I mean, sometimes I
just wanna turn around
when I hear someone say that
and be like, okay,
screw you, bitch.
You wanna go out?
Next time I hear a girl say,
where are all the good guys at?
I'm going to reply,
in the friend zone,
where you left them.
It's not that simple.
How isn't it that simple?
I'm in love with someone else.
[Kevin] You are?
Yeah.
Wow.
Do they know?
I don't know.
Well, I think you
should go tell him.
It, it's, it's complicated.
(sighs) Now you're
soundin' like Ash.
Lisa.
[Lisa] Yeah?
Go.
Tell them how you really feel.
Don't miss the opportunity.
If you want it bad, you
better go and get it.
I will.
(birds tweeting)
(snow crunching)
Hey.
Hey.
Can I sit down.
[Carley] It's a free country.
I'm sorry for how
I was acting earlier.
You mean the freak
out you indulged in
after Kevin's little
musical number?
Yes, that.
Well, I do appreciate how
you rescued me, my
knight in shining armor.
I didn't just come
over to apologize.
[Carley] Really?
I came over
because I love you.
You love me?
I love you.
I realize that now.
I think part of me has
been in love with you
since the first time we met.
Oh, Lisa, I can't do this.
But I thought after earlier?
Yeah, after earlier,
after I told you how I felt
and I got shut down. (sighs)
It was just so easy for you to
push my feelings to the side.
I know, and, and I'm sorry.
I don't know what
my problem was.
Yeah, it's a real mystery.
But what if it comes back again?
I feel for you, Lisa, I,
I'm falling for you,
but I can't take the
emotional yo-yoing.
Carley, I could
make this work.
I want to make this work.
[Carley] What
about your parents?
Are you really ready to
jump off that bridge?
Hi, Mom?
It's Lisa.
Mom, I,
I have something I
need to tell you,
and, and you may not like it,
but it's something
I have to say.
Mom,
I finally figured out
why I've never found
a guy I wanted to date
or why none of the boys
you've ever introduced me to
have ever interested
me in the slightest.
I used to think it was
them, Mom, but it's not.
It's me.
I'm gay, Mom.
I think part of me
has always known,
but I didn't wanna
face it until now, and.
But I'm gay,
and I'm in love.
I've met the most
amazing woman, Ma.
She's sweet, smart, kind,
and, and she cares about me.
And, and I wanna tell the world
and I never wanna hide it,
so you would've
found out eventually.
I, I decided to tell you myself.
I know that this isn't what
you envisioned for me, Mom,
but I'm happy,
I'm so happy when I'm with her,
and,
and if that's something
you can't accept,
well,
that's too bad.
I'll talk to you later.
You told your mom.
Yeah.
Wow.
I thought you were
terrified of her.
The thought of losing
you terrified me more.
Carley, I love you,
and if I had to climb
to the top of the
water tower naked
and yell it to the
world, I would.
Because when you discover
that you wanna spend
the rest of your life
making someone happy,
you want the rest of your life
to start as soon as possible.
I love you, too, Lisa.
- Lisa.
- Yeah?
The conversation with your mom
sounded awfully one-sided.
Did she say anything?
She wasn't home.
I got her voicemail.
- Really?
- Yeah.
[Carley] That would be one
awkward listening session.
She usually checks
her messages in church
when it gets boring.
(laughing)
That oughta liven
up the sermon.
Have you ever had
sex with a physicist?
[Carley] Can't
say that I have.
- I have one word for you.
- Yes?
Leverage, my good
woman, leverage.
You guys, what
are we going to do
about this Ian
Petrella situation?
Nothing.
I think his store is fantastic.
Just because you got
yourself a boy toy out of it
doesn't mean we can let
Kevin's store bite the dust.
Yeah, man, guy's
a millionaire.
He can run us out of business.
[Mark] You know what?
Don't worry about it.
I have an idea, I'll
take care of this.
What are you gonna do,
accuse those bikini sluts
of devirginizing you?
[Kevin] Yeah, man,
what are you gonna do?
The less you know, the better.
Plausible deniability,
my friends.
Plausible deniability.
Oh, hey, Kev, what's up?
We need to talk.
Yeah, I think we do.
So you're only
into girls, huh?
Yeah, are you okay with that?
Guess I have to be, right?
Some people have a hard time
being around gay people.
If you've seen some of the
people that came in here,
they make Freddie
Mercury look butch.
If I can be cool with them,
- I'll be cool with you.
- Good.
'Cause I like you,
Kevin, I really do.
I mean, probably not
how you were hoping,
but I like you.
I was waiting for
the right time.
I just, I didn't wanna
ruin our friendship.
Yeah, but it was
kinda my fault, too.
I was so puppy dog all over ya,
I didn't even give you the
right time to take advantage of.
Well, does that
mean I can stay?
You could be a convicted
felon and you could still stay.
You're awesome.
- I'd be an idiot to fire you.
- (sighs) Good.
Oh no, that won't do.
- Thank you.
- Mm hmm.
I didn't do it,
I didn't do it.
I didn't do it.
What are you
babblin' on about?
Dude, didn't you hear?
Ian's Comics burnt to
the ground last night.
Well, on that note,
see you guys later.
Wait, what?
The whole place is gone, man!
Demolished!
What'd you do?
Nothing!
I, I went over there to
silly string their windows,
and when I got there, the
whole place was ablaze.
Wait a minute.
That's it, that was
your big master plan?
The thing I couldn't
be a part of
because of plausible
deniability?
Dude, they saw
you in that store
telling him to go burn in hell.
They're gonna think we did it.
And, unlike Todd, I
don't think you and I
are gonna do very
well in prison.
All right, all right,
hold on, hold on.
We need to come
up with an alibi.
We need to come
up with an alibi.
Uh, where was I last night?
Cool your jets, ladies.
I spoke to Stanley this morning.
You know, my new boy toy?
His name is Stanley.
Well, anyways, he
said it was due
to a big electrical fire.
Everything went up in flames
because all the
lasers and lights
they had going on there.
So the evil reign
of Ian's Comics
is now over.
(chuckles) And here I was
thinkin' that we were
gonna go to jail.
Yeah, it really makes
ya think, doesn't it?
Yeah, just to think,
one minute, anything
can go up in smoke.
No pun intended.
Makes you really wanna
be able to say things
that you've always
wanted to say,
and do things that you
always wanted to do.
Especially to people that
you really care about.
You guys, watch the store.
I gotta go do some thinking.
(doorknob rattles)
(sighs)
(keys jangle)
I let myself in with a key.
What do you want?
Ash, I'm not ready
to give up on us yet.
Kevin, we've been
through this before.
[Kevin] I know, I know,
but you know there's no
real scientific explanation
for us not to be together.
I know.
Ash, listen.
Ever since the first
time I met you,
and saw you,
I knew I had to have you.
And after being
together for so long,
and knowin' so much about you,
like how you love country
music when you're alone,
how (chuckles)
you actually think
people don't smell the
marijuana on your shirt
after you're done smoking,
and how protective you
are with all your friends.
And everybody just
wants you to be happy.
And the only time that
you were actually happy
was when we were together.
I love you, Ash.
And I just wanna spend the
rest of our lives together.
What do ya say?
(Ashley sighs)
(pounding rock music)
Day to night
We're all alone
Our reflections
Are not our own
We're breaking down
We're bleeding out
Why can't we find the way out
Find a way
Out
Go again
Why do we hurt ourselves
Over and over again
Again
Hurting through all our lives
Over and over
Over and over again
When the time has come
Will we see ourselves
Holding on to what remains
It's burning down
It's fading out
Why can't we find our way out
Find our way out
Over again
Why do we hurt ourselves
Over and over again
Again
Hurting through all our lives
Over
Again
All right, dude,
just tell me already.
Are you and Ashley getting
back together again?
It just sucks not
to know, come on.
Oh God, this guy again.
Now I told you once,
and I'm gonna tell you again,
that I will not rest
until I am the last
comic book store
standing in Cleveland, Ohio.
[Kevin] You do know how
insane you sound, right?
Yes.
Who the hell was that?