1
What happens to this city?
Either there is ash or smoke.
Why doesn't anyone say anything?
Why do they tolerate
this smoke quietly?
It's the limit to tolerance.
Let douse cigarettes and cigars.
There is ban on smoking
on public places.
You've to pay fine for it.
Neither smoking nor
let others smoking.
Smoking costs dearly.
Everyone desires happiness.
But at what cost?
Smoking costs dearly.
Smoking is injurious
to your health..
...to your loves ones too.
You've to pay dearly for smoking.
Who is going to select
the jewellery mom?
I have a performance
in the evening.
So shall I inform the newspapers?
That step from the Bollywood
movie "Cocktail"
Come on, Aunty, all together now.
Move it, move it.
No, you have to come. I insist.
Just call for some more beers.
Granny, I'm off to get
my hands painted with henna.
You come too!
And who's going to rehearse?
Is it that song from the film
"Cocktail"? I also want to learn.
Whatever you want to do,
do it on your honeymoon.
Open a couple of beers
and send them over here.
I can't believe it.
I'm getting married.
I'm so nervous.
It all feels like a dream.
Where's Sonal?
They've started the henna ceremony
and she should be here, dancing.
We danced so much at her wedding.
I think Dad's back from the shop.
Dad has done up his sweet
shop as if it were a bride.
Mummy said she'd put on
a sari but she's not changed.
I gave my mobile to Chintu
to take pictures. Where is he?
This is an important time for me.
I want to upload them on Facebook.
Vijay is back from London.
He's looking very handsome.
Put on some weight
but in the right places.
Uff, my wedding night.
In two days, I hope it goes well.
Dear God, if it goes well,
I'll come on a pilgrimage.
There goes the electricity.
It's gone again.
On, off. On, off.
Didn't you check
before bringing it?
"Girl, you're done for"
"Girl, you're single no more"
"You were free as a kite"
"So bright and so light"
"You don't walk, you reel"
"You've slapped the war paint on"
"You learnt to speak the lingo"
"Now you can't stop talking"
"You're no less
than Queen Victoria"
"You're our own Big Ben"
"When you begin to sway,
all London sways with you"
"Off you go to London,
Love, you score ten on 10"
"That transparent shirt"
"Leaves nothing to the imagination"
"And now you've got a guy
who defies definition"
"Heavens above!"
"From the speakers, Madonna
burgeons: And tells us she's a virgin"
"Like the pigeons in Trafalgar,
You coo and you woo"
"While white women
swarm all around you"
"Those wicked shades of pink"
"Might drive you to drink.
Watch your step, my boy"
"You're going to love Southhall.
No place better in the world"
"You're our own Big Ben"
"And when you begin to sway,
all London sways with you"
"You're our own Big Ben
and when you sway"
"All London sways your way"
"Put the glass on your head"
"Shake it, London"
"In high Punjabi style"
"Shake it London"
"Shake it,
break it, shake it, London"
"Shake it,
shake it, shake it, London"
"Take it away"
Get you something?
No, thanks. What are you doing
here one day before our wedding?
How many times you called!
Do you know how difficult
it was for me to come away?
Everyone at home was asking.
They say it's bad luck if boy and
girl meeting before the wedding.
You couldn't even
wait one more day?
As I was coming, I saw the
decorators at work. They had a board
"Rani weds Vijay". So lovely,
it was picked out in gold.
Rani, I can't marry you.
Huh?
I really can't marry you.
I'm sorry.
You're joking, right?
I wish it were a joke.
But it's the truth. Accept it.
Are you nervous? Is that it?
No...
...it's not that.
It's just that...
I've changed.
A lot of things have changed.
For me, it's all about travel,
business, meetings.
It'll be tough on you.
What's changed? I haven't changed.
That's just it.
You're still the same.
I've changed. Try and understand.
I'm not doing this for myself, you
know. It'll be tough on you too.
Now what? What do I do?
I go home...and tell Mom-dad what?
Have you told your parents?
Yeah, they know.
And what did they say?
They understood. I told them.
This is best for both of us.
It's okay. It happens.
It happens quite often.
I think...you've
found someone else.
Nothing like that.
There's no one else.
I'm just being practical.
Listen, you'll have your pick
from Rajori your type of a guy.
You'll be very happy. I know.
And we'll be friends too.
I'm not abandoning you.
We'll be in touch.
Talk to my parents.
Tell them what you have to say.
Don't talk to me.
What happened? What did he say?
Why are you crying?
VijaY--'
Vijay...don't end it like this.
I'll do whatever you want.
Don't do this here. Don't cry.
When I tell my father,
he'll have a heart attack.
Nothing like that will happen.
I beg you. Please marry me.
Who will marry me now?
Don't create a scene.
It's a coffee shop.
Everything's all set
for the wedding.
Just let's go through with it.
Then we can sort it out.
- I'll call you. You go now.
- How do I go home?
Goddamnit, people are staring.
What are you up to?
You'll call?
I swear. I'll call you.
Go. I'll call.
Chintu is watching.
And these people. I'll call you.
I'll call you. Go.
"I've found my love"
"My love, my lost love"
"My love, my lost love"
"You are my love, my sorrow"
Dhingra, what are you saying?
The wedding is in two days.
Let me talk to Vijay...
"My love, my lost love"
"You are my pride, my glory"
"I am your life"
"The Keekar trees are dying"
"My heart stops beating
when I meet my love"
"He stole my heart"
"And now that I have my love,
I ask for nothing more"
"You are my pride, my glory"
'Rani, open the door.'
'I'll talk to Vijay,
please open the door.'
'Your father will talk to Vijay,
please open the door.'
'Rani, please open the door.'
'The number you have called
is currently switched off'
'The number you have called
is currently switched off'
'May we have a kilo of sweets?'
Why a kilo? The shop is yours.
- Hello Mrs. Dhingra.
- Hello, hello.
- Our daughter, Rani.
- She's grown up!
She's really very sweet.
When the father has a sweet shop...
...the daughter would
be dipped in sugar syrup, right?
Vijay, son, come here.
This is Jeet uncle's relative.
We've been close to their family.
Before marriage,
we hung out together all the time.
How about some tea?
Let's go get nostalgic.
You check out the sweets,
we'll have some Golguppe.
Don't worry.
Send the cheque when you can.
Hello.
Vijay-
Hello.
Did you make these?
I make great sweets.
May I taste some?
Thank you.
Very sweet.
How did you make these?
Can you make Barfi (sweet dish)?
I can make instant noodles.
It's a combination
of two kinds of sweets.
You coat the Laddoo with the
Khoya from the Barfi.
Your father was saying,
you're studying home science?
Where?
H. S. Polytech, First Year.
North campus?
Do you know Moolchand?
Yes.
It's not there.
From Moolchand you
take a left for Siri Fort?
You do indeed.
It's not there either.
From there, you take
a Mudrika bus to my college.
It's quite close by.
My college is also there.
I'm studying engineering.
My dad was right.
You look like you
were dunked in sugar syrup.
So sugary-
Do you like watching films?
Hey, Home Science!
What are you doing here?
Baking a cake?
No. Making Chinese!
Chinese cake?
Just outside your college,
you get great Samosas (snack)
Crisp, salty, tangy-
Bulging with potato.
You must have tasted them?
Are you a cook to show
so much interest in food?
My interest is not in the food...
it's in the cook!
Ma'am.
So who was that guy in
the denim jacket? At the window?
He's Dhingra uncle's son.
Family friend.
You sly thing! You have a
romance going and not a word to me.
- No romance, I swear on my
Mummy-Daddy. - Don't lie.
I swear. There's nothing happening.
I don't like him.
Make it happen then.
He looks like Shah Rukh Khan to me.
You know I want
an arranged marriage.
Cold drink?
Snacks?
Are you nuts? He's quite hot.
Okay, one more plate. Go on then.
Ice-cream?
Let's get out of here.
- Money?
- Tomorrow.
Hello.
I've made up my mind.
From today, I won't call you Rani.
As you wish.
So what are you going to call her?
"W queen
I've seen at least ten films in
which the heroes have tried this.
What? They've tried to talk to you?
This shelves-of-a-library trick.
Worked, hasn't it, each time?
I have work to do.
And afterwards?
Ahn? Queen?
Chinese?
Um... Soup?
Queen, soup?
Chinese? On my knees.
- Sweet corn.
- Sweet corn!
You are so sweet.
Hey, who are you?
What are you doing here?
Don't you know this is a girl's
college. Get out from here. Go. .
She's my sister.
- Go get out.
- Going.
Is the soup okay?
Not too hot?
Shall I tell you a joke?
Chintu knows lots of jokes.
An ant was very fair.
Her mother asked
her why she was fair.
She said I use fairness cream...
...and drink and dance to Youtube.
naughty-
He goes everywhere with you?
Wherever our parents send him.
Will he be part of your dowry?
Rani.
The decorator is calling.
Yes, I know it's the last minute.
So take your cancellation charges.
Go and sit down, love.
Take a break.
- Just sit down. I'm here now.
- I'm not going anywhere.
Rani I love...
So loud.
It's crazy.
Rani I love...
Sonal is calling.
I can talk later.
- Sister...
- It's not that important.
He's trying to say I love you.
Thank you.
I had a boyfriend once, Faizal.
I left him behind in
Pakistan but he was a cutie.
Then I met your grandfather.
I met your grandfather
in a refugee camp.
We shared a tent and in the
lamplight, he was so handsome...
You never know,
Rani, who you're going to meet.
Don't worry about anything.
Go out and grab at life.
No one can stop you from getting
what you're supposed to get.
I know you feel like
your life has ended today.
But tomorrow is another day, love.
The day after?
You'll only say:
it was for the best.
Stop crying-
I'll miss you.
You think I won't miss you.
It's only London.
I will call you everyday
Tattoo my name on you.
Why?
What do you mean, 'Why?'
Brad Pitt did it for Angelina.
So you do it!
I already have you tattooed
on my heart, right?
My hearts Queen?
Rani, open the door.
I've brought you tea.
Rani, you haven't eaten
anything since morning.
Please have something.
You can't go on like this.
Open the door, child.
Hey honeymoon queen,
open the door.
Sonal, it's open.
Where have you been?
Where's my passport and ticket.
Your passport isn't ready.
I'm sorry.
Not ready?
You nutter,
you almost gave me a heart attack.
Here. Your passport and ticket.
Now go on your honeymoon
instead of just talking about it.
I think I'm even more excited,
by God, than you.
I know.
That holy hole will
be breached at last.
The one you've kept it like a mutual
fund. Now's the time to break it.
Shut up,
Loony, Mummy will hear you.
You're on the run or something?
Since I was 17, I've dreamed of
a honeymoon in my favourite city.
Goa?
No, Foreign country.
Paris. Paris is my favourite city.
His is Amsterdam.
Amsterdam? Where's that?
It's close to Paris.
You have to take a train.
- When do you leave?
- The day after the wedding.
Madam, you're going to Paris.
Let us at least get to the window.
Hey!
It's OK Chintu, let it go.
I want to close my account.
- Congratulations. Congratulations.
- Listen to me...
We've come to bless the bride!
The wedding was supposed to happen,
but it's cancelled now.
Please listen to me.
You handle them.
I want to go on my honeymoon.
Rani...
Do you really want to go?
Yes.
Is it necessary?
No.
I won't go if you don't want me to.
You could have taken
Chintu with you...
Call me on that computer
thing everyday.
And meet Verma aunty in Paris.
You will, won't you?
Won't you?
"Why am I pursued by shadows?"
"I have to coax
myself into believing"
"In these broken and worn-out lies"
"While I wander, aimlessly"
"Why did this betrayer
wander into my life?"
"Only to vanish again?"
"Why did he leave me with
this freight of shadows?"
"Why did this betrayer
wander into my life?"
"Only to vanish again?"
"Why did he leave me with
this freight of shadows?"
Taxi.
Taxi.
Taxi is there.
To "Champ Elly Sis"?
What?
To "Champs Elly $63!?"
What?
- Champs Elyses!
- Okay. Let's go.
Myself, Rani my room here.
Rani? Just a second.
Sorry! No room Rani.
Mr. and Mrs. Dhingra?
Dhingra?
Yes.
"My shoulders can't
take this weight"
"Whatever I touch, falls to dust"
"As I try to weave
my own web of fate"
"As I make these weak
and wasted prayers"
"No one seems to care"
"Why did this betrayer
wander into my life?"
"Only to vanish again?"
"Why did he leave me with
this freight of shadows?"
Mummy, mummy!
Rani's on the computer. Come quick.
Come on, everyone, perk up.
It's Rani.
Rani, how are you?
Did you reach safely?
Is everything all right?
Mummy, I can't see you.
Can't see me? What do you mean?
- Mummy, just sit down.
- Oh right.
Better now?
Are you all right?
Any problems on the way?
And from the airport to the hotel?
How did you manage?
Is it cold?
A little chilly.
But you're not wearing a sweater.
It's not chilly inside.
Oh okay. But Rani, you catch
cold easily. Take care of yourself.
Uncle Minky's come?
Your Uncle has a fire offering.
We thought we'd go.
And pray for you.
Mummy.
Did Vijay call?
No, no sign of him.
Did you meet his parents?
Don't worry about anything.
Things will sort themselves out.
When you're done roaming,
come home.
I've got a headache.
I'm going to take a nap.
My phone will be on.
Tell me all your news.
Yeah! Oh baby.
Who's that?
Uhhhhn
Oh baby, baby. Yes, yes, yes.
(Speaks French)
Want one?
Go fuck yourself.
What are you looking at?
Do you speak French?
You don't speak French?
No, English.
So you enjoy the show?
So you enjoy the show?
I thought he hurt you.
I have five minutes to fuck,
only five minutes.
I look at him.
He is, how you say, small, pretty?
It is fine. I don't mind.
I tell him it is pretty.
He don't like. He zip up and go.
I don't understand,
Why all men want big?
Why do all men want big?
Because you want big.
Go fuck yourself. Up yours.
I'll fuck you.
And shut the fuck up.
Hotel staff.
You guest here?
Need anything?
You tell my boss
I have sex in guest room?
Please don't tell my boss
I have sex in guest room.
Okay? Promise?
Promise?... Say it?
Promise.
Bye.
(Speaks French)
(Speaks French)
(Speaks French)
Look, look. A girl throwing up.
(Speaks French)
(Speaks French)
Problem?
(Speaks French)
(Speaks French)
I don't know French...
(Speaks French)
Passport, visa?
My hotel is right here.
My passport's there too.
What Hotel?
I have my keys.
Wine.
You take. Come on.
Come on, give it to me.
Thank you.
Hey...
(Speaks French)
You.
You must keep your passport
with you at all times.
What are you doing, dancing
around Paris without your passport?
You are lucky the cop is my friend.
Sit down. Sit down.
Poor thing. She looks so sad.
Maybe my hat will improve things.
What do you want?
You want something?
Food? Wait. Wait.
It is cheese, tomato. Eat it.
Where are you from? Pakistan eh?
Rajori... India...
Ahhh... Namastey.
I'm Indian too...half Indian.
You speak Hindi?
A little.
I am...how would you say...
A mix. Little Indian,
some Spanish, some French.
My mother is French and Spanish,
Dad is Indian.
Your Dad is Indian?
Mama met Dad in
Goa and boom boom...
Here I am...
I am Vijaylaxmi!
Nice to meet you.
You can call me Vijay!
You?
Myself Rani!
Rani...Water?
No, Pani is water.
Rani - Queen!
Okay, Queen...
Nice.
What are you doing here?
(Speaks French)
He's cute. Whose kid is he?
He's my son, my life, my Ricky.
He is your child?
Then you did a great job
with your figure.
Thank you.
(Speaks French)
Come on, let's go.
Hello Granny.
What have you been up to?
I'm watching telly.
If you wanted to watch telly,
why go so far?
Get out of that hotel room.
I've heard you're in the
most beautiful city in the world.
And who knows, there might be
a handsome Pierre waiting for you.
"O rainclouds,
go tell him of the girl"
"Who grew up in the green shade
of the mango tree"
"That girl was swathed in love"
"Tell him about her"
"O Rainclouds,
tell him that this girl"
"Once used her mother's keys to
open a cupboard filled with dreams"
"Out spilled lies dressed as
fairytales"
"Go tell him of those"
"O Rainclouds"
India Gate is the best place
in the world, right?
No, that's the Eiffel
Tower in Paris.
Eiffel Tower.
I'll take you there
on our honeymoon.
And we'll have dinner
at the top of the Eiffel Tower.
You get food at the top?
Oh you get lots
of things at the top.
Chinese food?
"O rainclouds, go tell my lover"
"That my world
has slowly dissolved"
"In the sorrow of parting"
"I've forgotten my friends"
"I've put away my toys"
"And now I wait for the joys"
"Go tell him of those"
"O Rainclouds"
"My palanquin lies empty"
"lts flowers have withered"
"My tears turn the
rainwater to brine"
"Salt. Salt. All salt"
"Go tell him,
O rainclouds, go tell him"
Hello, can I help you?
I want to go back to India.
We will let you know madam.
No, no. Thief, thief.
- Give me the bag, bitch.
- Mummy, Mummy.
MY Passport, my passport!
No, it's my bag.
It's my bag.
Give me the bag.
Hey you!
Get away from her.
Slut.
Hello vijay?
Where are you? I'm in the disco.
Water?
Was there a girl looking for me?
Over there.
Thank you.
Rain!
It rains in India too.
I'm from India.
Rajori.
I came from Rajori on my honeymoon.
No one with me.
Everyone says I'm better
looking than Vijay.
I wouldn't say such things.
But everyone else.
My friend Sonal? She said
he looked like a bus conductor.
I didn't tell him.
And his friend, Montu.
He said I was a wallflower.
My life is such a mess.
My life is such a ruin.
Come. Have a drink.
Alcohol!
I obeyed my father and mother.
I obeyed my teachers.
Never cheated. Never lied..
I obeyed VijaY-
Name a person and I obeyed him.
I think Vijay has
had sex in London.
Sex.
In front of our school,
there was a convent school.
The girls there would wear such short
skirts, folding them, folding them up.
I never did anything like that.
You'd better change
your ways Vijaylaxmi!
Or you'll come to a bad end.
Look at me. I'm alone.
I'm doing everything alone.
I'm crossing roads alone.
I'm looking at the
Eiffel Tower alone.
I'm fighting muggers alone.
But I held on to my bag.
I showed that hoodlum.
He's going to think twice
before tangling with a Delhi girl.
My life has become like my uncle's.
He got cancer.
Never had a drink.
Never smoked a cigarette.
And what do you know?
He got cancer.
Maybe he should have lived it up.
A Bollywood tune? In Paris?
Here?
Bollywood!
"The wine is flowing,
it's the depths of the night"
"We're not in hiding,
we drink in full sight"
"No one blinks
when everyone drinks"
"But my name is fair game..."
"Whole bottles are downed and they
drink, themselves to the ground"
"But when I take a sip,
the air gets tense"
"When I take just a
sip...the scandal is immense"
"My lover slips me just a sip,
a scandal explodes"
Vijay... Vijay.
Viiay, Vijay, what?
Have you lost it?
How could you dance like that?
With so many people watching?
At least think of my image.
Thank god mummy wasn't there.
The other girls were also dancing.
Am I marrying those girls?
I'm sorry.
Yeah, sorry.
"Outside, the storms rages at me"
"Why does your lover
live so cagily?"
"What can be hidden
in the depths of a glass?"
"Touch it to your lips and
it says: let it pass"
"Why talk of tomorrow"
"Why drown in sorrow?"
"Oh no you loving me leaving
me baby will hurt no more"
Vijay, they stopped
playing our song.
Why are you such a sad sack?
Come to Delhi some time.
I want to vomit.
My friends taught
me a saying in English:
Why fart and waste it
when you can burp and taste it?
You guys taste your burps?
You taste your burps?
In India,
girls are not allowed to burp.
Everything is allowed here.
But then in Rajori girls
aren't allowed to do much.
Let's burp today.
You're quite good at it.
You also burp.
I love you. I love you.
I told you, no? To call every
day at the same time, a fixed time.
Why isn't she answering?
Why is she standing there? Rani?
Hi.
And who is this?
I am Vijaylaxmi.
Nice to meet you.
Daddy!
Don't call me Dad.
Call me Ashwin,
Ashu for you.
Wow, Rani, you never told me
your father was so good-looking.
And Chintu. How are you, Chintu?
Very fine, thank you.
Rani is having a fantastic time.
Chintu, go and do your homework.
And you, go and do your work.
What work?
What you were doing?
What was I doing?
If you go back to doing it,
you'll remember.
Ashu, when are you coming to Paris?
Is that Rani?
Oh, someone's watching
adult films. Enjoy!
Hangover, darling!
What did I do last night?
The cops.
They were chasing you.
And your dad?
He found out you were drinking.
He is on his way to Paris.
Drink this.
For your head.
Who told my family everything?
Oh a joke.
Rani...
You are a very jolly person.
Has your husband
left for the office?
Husband?
I don't have a husband.
I have Ricky with my boyfriend.
'A child out of wedlock?'
Is that acceptable in Paris?
Yeah sometimes...
But right now stop
worrying about that.
Get up.
I'm going to take you shopping.
I really love this shop.
And the changing
room is over there.
This dress has no material to it.
What odd clothes.
This is not my style.
Way'?
way'?
Rani. Are you serious?
Looks nice.
From the men's collection.
Vijay, what do you think?
I liked the top but
I need the shorts to be longer.
Go inside.
I will get the clothes. Stay there.
VIJAY, I'm not wearing anything.
Vijay, please give me my clothes.
Vijay, these clothes don't suit me.
Vijay, please give me my clothes.
Talk to him, you need to tell him.
I tried talking to him.
- You want some more?
- No, I'm good.
Woo-hoe
"The sky was full of questions"
"But there were
answers to be found"
- Come on.
- No.
"Let sun and cloud fight it out"
"What do I care?
My heart is filled with song"
"There's a smile that
refuses to leave my lips"
"I'm leaving my sorrow behind"
"Let the pleasures
of the day surround me"
"Peeping around corners,
happiness surprises me"
"And look, how it's chasing away"
"Peeping out of corners,
happiness..."
"Peeping around corners,
happiness surprises me"
Shall I tell you a non-veg joke?
Non-veg?
One day Santa told Banta...
Santa? Banta?
Santa-Banta, you don't know?
Santa-Banta are famous.
Santa-Banta are Indians.
Santa told Banta:
I know you are wearing
my wife's panties.
Banta said:
Your wife don't wear no panties.
Santa said: Bro,
sorry I doubted you.
"The sorrows of yesterday. Peeping
out of corners, happiness..."
"it runs away and is lost
in the blink of an eye"
Have you ever been to India?
Yeah.
You must be going to Goa, right?
I love Banaras...
Banaras?
We went on a family holiday.
It was great fun.
You get the best dope there.
We also behaved like dopes there.
Chintu and I had a
buttermilk-drinking competition.
"You are a sparkler,
a fountain of light"
"A bubble of joy"
Lip-to-lip kiss.
"Like a note sung in the night,
you are a symphony"
"A borrowed moment of happiness"
Why are you sitting in the dark?
You know how the
electricity in Delhi is!
The laptop is running
on the inverter.
Have you met Verma Aunty?
We're going tomorrow,
me and Vijaylaxmi.
You're taking her along?
She's a very sweet girl.
She seems a bit of
a hippie but she isn't.
Where's your friend?
I'm just saying hello.
It's in our culture.
Yeah. Where's she?
I'd like to do this
culture thing too.
Your adult film ended
before it could begin.
Such a terrible thing to happen.
Dolly. Look who's here. Rani.
Rani who?
Our Ram. Mr. Mama's daughter.
Ah yes, My poor baby, my poor lamb.
This is my friend, Vijaylaxmi.
She is from Paris.
Bon 'your, bon 'your.
Never mind, my little one,
never mind. Sit down, sit down.
You're again on your massage chair?
Okay, what will you have?
Nothing, thank you. Just water?
Just water? Mom, Rani's here.
Rani who?
Our Ram. Mr. Mama's daughter.
My child, my poor child.
How could this have happened?
What was God thinking?
It was a big shock to her.
Since she heard,
she's stopped eating and drinking.
I don't feel like eating either.
What a tragedy.
You have to learn French here.
What to do?
I studied at Patel
French Tutorials.
May his lineage come to an end.
May his face rot.
May his eyes melt.
What did my poor girl
do to deserve this?
May he have no place
to rest his head in the world.
What a shit.
What a shit.
What a shit.
Mom also joined the
same tutorials as I did.
Me too, I learned French.
(Speaks French)
How was my French?
Should we give her a hundred euros?
What are you saying, Mom?
It isn't like she got married.
Give her 11 euros.
That's quite a
bit in Indian rupees.
If you say so.
Give her your blessings.
This is for you
and this is for Mummy.
There's no need for this, Aunty.
Keep it. You might need it.
So what are you doing in Paris?
Come to meet a friend?
A trip to take her mind off things,
poor sweet lamb.
I came on my honeymoon.
Honeymoon?
Emotional.
Kudi-mudi. Kudi-mudi.
My poor lamb. My poor baa lamb.
- Hello?
- Hello madam.
We can cancel your ticket
to Amsterdam...
and book you on
the next flight to India.
No, I will stay.
Are you sure.
You know what, we're going
to party like the other night.
I love when you drink.
You're so fun.
There are so many
cute boys out there.
I hate bras.
I found a condom.
Thank you. I need two.
Actually you keep one.
Use it later. I'll make sure.
Condom in my bag!
You left your bra here.
You like it so much,
you wear it.
Come on, are you ready?
I don't have a change.
This is all I have.
You cannot go like this.
You'll have to pull
the sleeves down.
Okay? And the straps cannot show.
Rani look at your breasts
and your ass. Mi bella.
Rani come on, we have to go
(Speaks french)
Hello... I'm waiting for you.
Rajori
Vijay, can we do something else?
Come on.
And this is how
you travel in Paris.
Perfect.
Come with me.
I'm scared.
What will I do there alone?
Rani. You've come from
India to Paris on your own,
this is only Amsterdam.
And you are a brave girl.
You'll be fine.
This dress looks lovely on you.
I'll send you some more
from Delhi in this bag.
I'll come to India.
I promised Ricky I'd take
him to India when he's five.
Really?
And I've to meet Chintu also.
Chintu will die.
Ah before I forget, here.
Give this to my friend
Roxette in Amsterdam.
This is her address.
Call her if you need anything.
She is a good girl.
Promise?
Go you'll miss your train.
And don't change.
You also don't change.
Only... you could
drink a little less.
And reduce having sex
with strangers.
Send me your sermons on email.
OK.
Go on.
I'll miss you.
Rani...
You lost a Vijay?
So what?
You gained a Vijaylaxmi.
Come on.
Show me your moves.
Bye.
Call me when you get to Amsterdam.
Take care.
How are you?
It's me, Vijay.
I want to meet you.
I'm in Paris.
Rani?
Rani?
Rani is dead.
Hi there.
I have reservation.
In what name?
Rani Mehra.
Alright let me have a look.
Vijaylaxmi did the reservation.
Alright cool.
Yes, I see you here.
If you can take a seat somewhere there,
I'll tell you when your room's ready.
Rani.
Yes, your room's ready.
208. On the first floor.
And you should go to
this party at Paradiso on the 15th.
Enjoy your stay.
How about my room?
It's at Paradiso on
the 15th of February.
Thank you.
Check the party out around
the corner at Paradiso
This is wrong room...
What do you mean: wrong room?
Two men in the room.
Yes, this is a hostel so
you share a room with other people.
No, I don't share a room.
Yeah, well.
I cannot.
I need a room alone.
We're fully booked,
so I can't do that.
I will not stay here.
I'm told Amsterdam is fully booked
up so you might find it difficult.
I can only give you this room.
If you want to find
somewhere else, then.
Sorry about that.
That one's taken.
Why?
Top one's free.
Hi Vijay-
You are coming to Amsterdam?
You are coming to my room?
Okay.
Tonight?
Ok, tonight you're
coming to my room.
To check me? Okay.
(Speaks Japanese)
Party?
Hey,
close the door.
You close!
I'd like some more please.
Our statuses don't match anymore.
We can't get married.
Because our statuses
don't match anymore.
Because our statuses
don't match anymore.
Because our statuses
don't match anymore.
Because our statuses
don't match anymore.
Because our statuses
don't match anymore.
Mummy.
It's okay, it's okay, it's okay.
Please, sleep inside...
Hold on a moment.
Hello.
Hello Chintu,
how's it going, dude?
Vijay here.
What do you want?
Where's Rani staying in Amsterdam?
I can't hear anything.
Hello.
Wait, wait listen to me...
Wants to know where Rani is. Loser!
Loser!
I make breakfast for you.
Yes.
Thank you.
(Speaks Japanese)
Sit down please.
I'm Tim. I'm from France.
Tim.
Taka from Japan.
Ta ka.
Oleksander from Russia.
Alecjander.
No, Oleksander.
Alecjander.
Myself Rani, from India.
Rani? What does this mean?
Queen.
What is this?
French toast.
French toast?
I'm from France.
This is not French.
You get this only in India.
For food like this?
We sleep outside every night.
Hi Rani!
Where are mom and dad?
- Coming
Where is she?
Who?
Ms. Vijaylaxmi
In Paris.
And I'm in Amsterdam, dummy.
Mummy, you talk to rani.
Why wont you get the stumps?
He called me too.
Taka, don't move. Wait wait.
Did you talk to him?
Do you want to meet him?
Or did you meet him?
Not yet.
It's your decision.
If you still like him.
And if there's anything
we can do, tell us.
Did you talk to his father?
Yes.
He told us Vijay was in Paris.
I'm hungry.
I'm going to get something to eat.
You haven't eaten since morning?
I'll call you in the night.
Sorry. Family.
Don't know I'm staying with boys.
(Speaks Japanese)
- Mom and dad?
- Yes.
Talk everyday?
Yes, sometimes ten times a day.
Sweet.
Scusi! Pretty lady.
Buon giorno.
You looking for something.
Food.
Food? The good food yeah?
That one across the street?
There?
That one.
The best! The most
beautiful food in Amsterdam.
I eat there every day.
Thank you!
You?
Oh did I forget to tell
you it's my restaurant?
Nice.
You are a pretty lady!
India?
Yes, India.
Miss Universe?
Crab risotto?
Bellissimo! The butter
And it is soft, like your skin.
Fresh basil makes me hungry.
And with the crab...
No crab.
Pizocheri...
It's the dish of the house.
Now this is a dish right
up my alley. It is beautiful.
White quiche.
Potato, cabbage and cheese baked.
Three humble ingredients,
it will blow your mind.
A tsunami of flavours
in your mouth. It's beautiful.
Okay, this.
This?
Good choice.
You need anything else?
Sauce?
Sauce!
And?
Garlic and ginger? Burnt?
Garlic and ginger? Burnt?
And?
Dry chillies?
Dry chillies?
Dry chillies?
Dry chillies?
And lemon?
- And lemon?
Lemon you squeeze in this.
Squeeze!
It becomes very good.
And some more salt.
You know this is not Indian food?
No, it is Italian.
It is Italian! Brava!
Italian food, Italian flavours.
Its not chicken tiki-taka masala.
Chili masala, no.
No, no, no. We have in India too.
You have in India?
- Yes.
So why you put the salt, the pepper,
the ginger burnt, the chilli...
...I don't understand.
It tastes good.
It tastes good?
It tastes better.
You Indians put
the chilli everywhere.
You can't put the
chilli everywhere.
You don't like?
I like.
You like? You don't like.
You don't like my food.
There is no need to put
all this stuff in my food.
You don't like the food.
No, I don't want your money.
Take your money.
I don't want it.
Take your money.
I don't want your money.
Hey. Ciao. And don't come back.
What happened?
(Speaks Japanese)
Tokhage.
Yashcheritsa. Lzard. (Lizard)
Everyone got scared.
He was scared.
You're wearing my t-shirt.
50m! -
Rani, Rani Tim ahh...
Olek, Olek Aaaa...
So scared.
Okay, guys.
I have some CDs to sell.
I'll dance and get more money.
Good night.
You can... stay.
Sure?
Yes.
Thank you.
Lizard.
Joke.
When can I get the room?
I can tell you tonight.
And what about the lizard?
I'll call security.
So what's the plan?
I am going to the
church and the museum.
Come with us.
Me?
Sir, your rent?
Tomorrow.
Alecjander.
Oleksander.
I think I'll call you Sikander.
It suits you.
How much beer do
you drink in a day?
Beer?
How much beer?
43 to 45. But I take 50 pisses.
You piss fifty times a day?
I go four times.
Have they gone to rent
a boat or buy one?
I have a great sense of humour.
You'll soon find out.
This is a rip off.
What?
Expensive.
I sing, money, boating.
I didn't like the boating plan.
Too much money.
Let's go to the church.
Church?
You want to go to church?
I'll take you to church.
This hand is hers too.
She cheats and peeks.
My honeymoon fund.
Aleast return my boot.
Sonal? Rani this side.
Rani? Wait, wait. Where are you?
Did you meet any hot guys?
I met some guys.
But they are cute.
Pack them in a couple of
suitcases and bring them home.
Call me back in some time.
No, I'll call.
Nothing, nothing,
Ayushman has done his business.
You take in the sights
and I'll clean up some poop.
"Dreamers and dopers"
"Let's get moving,
moving, moving"
"Let's get this started"
"This wild wild feeling"
"Has set my world reeling"
"And turned me inside out"
"You wild wild nomad,
you wild wild nomad"
"What are your intentions about?"
"You wild wild nomad,
show me how to party"
"Oh Lightning Lady,
what's the agenda?"
"Oh lightning Lady,
show me how to party"
T aka'?
Same-same cap.
I'm taking for my brother, Chintu.
Rani! What is this?
It's an electrical massager. See?
This is for joint pains.
My grandfather has joint pain.
I'm taking for my grandfather.
What?
This is beautiful.
Where does it go?
It's a ladies' belt.
You can wear it on anything.
But I'll get these
belts in Lajpat Nagar too.
Laipat Nagar.
Lajpat Nagar is in Delhi.
Foreigners find Lajpat
Nagar very funny.
Lajpat Nagar is in Delhi.
People there are very funny?
What a nice shop.
I got gifts for everyone.
Family and friends.
What is this?
When people write this...
it is like they are leaving
behind a piece of their soul?
A wall full of soul stories? Nice.
Why do you paint all this?
Whatever makes me angry,
I paint.
And then?
I am going to paint
on every single wall...
...till they stop
this stupid war for oil.
So nice.
I want to do something too.
So who is stopping you?
Vijay, Chaddha uncle was telling
dad that I should work in his company.
I got eighty percent
in the twelfth standard.
So he was very impressed.
He's asked me earlier
to handle accounts in his company.
Should I?
What did your dad say?
He said do what Vijay says.
Why should you work?
What's the point?
Why stay out all day?
Am I going to starve you?
I have a job no!
Don't you have faith in me?
- Not like that.
- So what?
Refuse.
(Speaks Japanese)
(Speaks Hindi)
(Speaks Japanese)
Hello Pretty Lady.
50m! -
Take my fish please.
How are you today?
You look very pretty
in the beautiful sun.
But you don't like my food.
No.
I return the money because no one should
be paying for food they do not like.
Please take it. I insist.
- No.
- Take it.
OK.
So you think you know about food?
You know food?
You know food?
Yes.
Yes? Why don't you make your
own food and show to the world?
Huh?
Make your own food?
There is a sailing competition
happening in two days at Volendam.
Why don't you come?
You cook, if you good, you sell.
A real challenge.
Cooking?
Cooking.
Money?
Yes, you can make money
at the counter.
You give me a job?
I give you a job.
Step out of it.
You have the guts to do it?
Or are you scared?
Go for it.
You have the guts.
Fantastic. I see you at
the Volendam Quai in two days.
Okay.
Give me my fish.
Your map.
Sikander,
I think we've taken the wrong turn.
We should have gone straight.
Oleksander! Oleksander.
Live with it, now.
Sikander suits you.
You look like Sikander.
Sikander.
Ta ka.
Tim.
This looks like the wrong address.
Sikandar, wrong address.
It's got to be the correct address.
This looks weird. Taka, let's go.
Concentrate on
delivering your package.
Is this the address?
It is. Go, go, go
Hello miss.
I have a parcel.
It's a parcel for Roxette.
Yes.
Vijaylaxmi sent it.
Sit.
50 euros.
For what?
50 euros for half an hour.
I don't need half an hour. This
will only take a couple of minutes.
Please call Roxette.
Darling, I am Roxette.
You're Roxette?
Do you know Vijaylaxmi?
Vijaylaxmi? You're Queen.
From India. I'm so sorry.
I'm Rukshar, known here as Roxette.
I have a packet for you.
It's from my mother.
She has Vijaylaxmi's address.
That's why you had to deliver it.
I can't give her this address.
If she had the slightest doubt,
she would just die.
Our family has been
blessed with seven girls.
Then our father died.
Now I am the man of the house.
And I must earn our bread.
So why let it get me down?
Couldn't you get another job?
This is a difficult job.
If I could get one, I'd do it.
There's recession out there.
I have a degree in commerce.
Besides,
this is a legit job here.
The government gives you benefits.
It pays well.
And when the money goes home,
it's just money.
And it pays for two sisters to go to college
and for another to get married.
I can show you pictures.
Are you on Facebook?
I'll add you.
My email id is happyrani@yahoo.com
It's pole dance time. Come on.
Pole dance?
"I heard somewhere..."
that it's only a prayer"
"That can defrost
an ice-cold heart"
"Do you wanna go there?"
"And try with a prayer?"
"Or will you just
show me how to party"
- "When you come to me, anklets tinkling"
- "Each step will set them dancing"
"Then the drums will speak
and your lips will hold"
"The secrets of how to party"
"This wild wild feeling"
"Has set my world reeling"
"And turned me inside out"
"You wild wild nomad,
you wild wild nomad"
"What are your intentions about?"
"You wild wild nomad,
Show me how to party"
"Oh lightning lady,
why do you evade me?"
"Oh lightning lady,
show me how to party"
Lets go Taka
You dance beautifully.
Thank you.
Do come to Delhi.
If it is His will.
Sikandar, get up.
Come on,
get in the car and drive.
He's asleep.
Get in the car and drive home.
I'll have to drive.
Get in the car and drive home.
Come on hurry up.
There's a line behind us.
Drive you, little idiot.
I'm pressing the
accelerator but nothing...
Because you're stepping
on the brakes...
One minute...
You're destined to spend
your life on the bus, lady.
Get out of there and let me drive.
Toothbrushes for the masses.
And beer for Sikander.
Where are we going?
Today we're going to church.
Taka...
Japan...
Tsunami...
Mama Dad gone...
Job gone...
Home gone...
So we come here, on holiday...
...to make him happy.
Taka has no one in the world?
He's alone?
No, he has us.
Mom-Dad,
you talk every day?
Yes, sometimes ten times a day.
Who is that?
Nothing.
Good morning Rani.
Your boyfriend?
Fiance.
Marriage?
My marriage didn't happen.
He cancelled it.
Pain?
If he say sorry?
Would you forgive him?
Rani! Rani.
Come, come...
Yes coming.
Rani look.
I am so glad to see you.
I didn't think you'd show.
My kitchen is all yours.
And let's see what you can cook.
I get the money.
Today, I am just your boss
and you are my chef.
He's so cute!
You...crush?
Yes. On him and on Salman Khan.
Now cook.
What should I cook?
Do you have a pressure cooker?
Cooker.
What's a cooker?
They don't know what a cooker is.
Spices?
Hing?
Hing?
Hing?
Hing?
What's Hing?
What do they call Hing in English?
Listen, what do they
call Hing in English?
What do they call Hing in English?
Hing?
Mustard!
Its written on the
bottle but I never read it.
Hing.
Rani, Hing is called
Hing (Asafoetida) in English.
"Watch her fly, watch her try
her new wings, throw open the cage"
"Watch her fly, watch her try
her new wings, throw open the cage"
Out, out.
India's flag.
This way it becomes India's flag.
This is from India.
Food from India.
In Mumbai, pani puri.
Gupchup in UP and Jharkand.
In Calcutta, puchka.
In Delhi, we call it golgappa.
I told you, no one will come.
Don't give up.
Hello. What do you have?
Golgappa-
I want to try it.
Are you alright, darling?
Too Spicy!
You're trying to kill me?
I think it was a bit too spicy.
Hello.
I want to try another one.
Me too.
After two minutes,
the taste was good. I like it.
I'd like another one.
For my wife too.
Some sausage?
No, we're going for golgappa.
I am going to try some golgappa.
What is going on there?
"Those distances that separated us"
"Those philosophies
we couldn't reconcile"
"They've been crushed underfoot"
"By a woman,
swathed in her own light"
"Standing on the threshold
we prayed for her"
"She's the one we longed for"
"No one knew how special she was"
"Here comes the morning"
Take it, you earned it.
I make the money because of you.
Fifty-fifty.
Thank you.
But I didn't get
any of these golgappas.
I'll make one for you.
Spicy but delicious.
Mamma mia.
Rani,
Indian cook best.
But Italian kiss best.
Nothing like that.
India is best at everything.
Take any Emraan
Hashmi film and see!
Indians best at kissing? Show.
Prove it.
Kiss.
Lip-to-lip kiss?
Yes, lip-to-lip. Then what
do you think? Knee-to-knee?
Your friends can wait outside...
...lndia can wait.
Only for India!
You? Here?
I've been looking
for you for five days.
And how many calls...
Why bother calling now?
Don't be like that.
I haven't eaten since morning.
Are you okay?
Yes.
Who are these guys?
My friends.
In five days, you made friends?
And that too with...
Anyways, that's not important.
I have to talk to you.
I missed you so much.
You've been drinking?
Just champagne.
Champagne?
Champagne is not alcohol?
You've started drinking now?
Is that what they taught you?
These hippie-types
you call them friends?
Don't call them that.
They're my friends.
They're just like us.
My roommates.
You're staying with boys?
Do they know at home?
If my mother finds out...
Tell your mother.
I'm sorry.
Really sorry.
I made a mistake.
Everyone's allowed a mistake.
I'm saying sorry.
I've come such a
distance to see you.
My mother has such plans...
Everyone's missing you.
They're renovating
the top floor for us.
Anyway, come with me.
We'll sort this out.
I'm back now, right?
Just come with me.
No. I don't want to.
Queen, do you need help?
What help?
Queen, do you need help?
Motherfucker, just get out!
Chill, brother.
What do you mean...?
Rani, ask him to back off.
Queen, come on.
You want to go? Try me.
Stop it, all of you.
This is personal.
This is Vijay. My fianc.
This is personal.
These are your friends?
Vijay just 9-
Just go.
They started it.
Not now.
I've come so far and
you're shouting at me.
Not today.
We'll talk, just not today.
Should I fall at your feet?
I really love you.
I really miss you.
Vijay, we'll talk tomorrow.
He's still giving me attitude...
Please come with me.
I love you, Rani.
We'll talk tomorrow.
And tonight?
You'll spend tonight with these...?
I'll text you tomorrow. I'll
tell you where I'm meeting you.
That is so bad.
I don't look like that at all.
It's good no?
Bad.
(Speaks Japanese)
Rock show! Passes for the masses.
I can't come. I have to meet Vijay.
It's okay.
I'm sorry.
Rani.
You look nice.
I bought this dress from Paris
You look nice too. This shirt
we bought for the wedding, right?
One mint tea for Rani.
Thank you, Roche.
Welcome.
What will you have?
No, I'm Ok.
Did you get a look around?
No. I didn't come to see Amsterdam.
I came to find you.
It's very pretty.
I saw all of it. And Paris as well.
The Eiffel Tower too. I saw it.
Alone.
Rani, I know this was all my fault.
I'm really sorry.
Everyone's mad at me at home.
And look at you, now.
You've become all hep.
I mean...I'm not interested
in all that, I'm just saying.
I just want you back.
I really love you.
I really want you.
We've been together for years.
We can't throw that out.
Sorry about that
thing with your friends.
But they started it.
They were getting aggressive.
Foreigners are like that.
I have lived in London.
They're all a bit weird.
I was just feeling protective.
After all I'm your fianc. If
I don't feel protective, who will?
My dad will bear all
the expenses this time...
Also what your parents
spent last time...
I know, you won't
be happy without me.
I spoiled everything.
I have to go.
Go?
To a rock show.
I'm talking about our life together
and you want to go for a rock show?
Since when are you a rock fan?
It's not the rock show
so much as my friends.
You had met them yesterday.
And I don't know when
I'll see them again.
You're leaving
me for those friends?
You weren't even supposed to
be here. And this plan suddenly...
I've been searching
for you like a madman.
We planned this rock show long ago.
But we're not going anywhere.
We can talk in Delhi.
I really love you, Rani. I'm sorry.
What are you doing?
- Talk to me.
- Please. I'll see you in Delhi.
Rani...
Bye. I'm getting late.
Rani.
I'll see you in Delhi.
"In every breath,
I've searched for you"
"Swimming through this wild,
wild blue, "
"I've spent my life looking for you
Hoping for safe harbour"
"My companions have abandoned me"
"And now I must find the strength"
"To breast the wave and
take the tide on my own"
"When all your guides walk away"
"You've got to blaze your
own new way on your own "
"And yes,
when every stream turns into a sea"
"Within my heart, within my soul"
"I'll find that space,
calm and whole"
"I'll steer my boat,
I'll find my way"
"I'll make my space and I'll do it"
"On my own"
"What if no one agrees to guide us?
We'll find our way"
"What if these tides be
treacherous? We'll find our way"
"And when we get to land,
we'll accept with good grace"
"The space we've
made for ourselves "
"Within my heart, within my soul"
"I'll find that space,
calm and whole"
"I'll steer my boat,
I'll find my way"
"I'll make my space and I'll do it"
"On my own"
Will she come out of this door?
From where else?
Everyone's coming out here.
Flight arrived?
Of course.
They carry their own bags, see?
Rani!
Oh My baby!
How are you?
And give me that bag.
We had so much fun. Look,
she has straightened her hair.
Come on let's go.
Mummy, this is Vijaylaxmi.
Whose house is that?
Mr. Verma's house.
It's entirely pink.
They sent you a
little Eiffel Tower as a gift.
Speaking of gifts...
I've got you lots of stuff.
Video games and everything.
I want to see the pictures too.
See them at home.
You drive the car.
These 3 boys became my good friends.
We were together all the time.
And this Kurta? (Dress)
You didn't buy that here.
I bought it in Amsterdam. It's
'Made in India', can you imagine?
I only realized after I bought it.
Dad, set me down at Vijay's house.
Show me the pictures.
Should we wait?
You go at home.
This won't take long.
Should we wait?
How will she come back alone? We
should have sent Chintu with her.
She's been across
the world and you...
Hello, Mummy.
Oh my god! I can't believe it.
You look so pretty.
Vijay, look who's here.
Have a seat darling.
How much you've changed.
And straightened your hair!
Deep neck! But you look lovely. 10.663 02:18:06,087 -- 02:18:10,712
You know, when you disappeared, we were all so worried.
You didn't even tell us.
And yet you didn't even call once?
Never mind.
These things happen
between husbands and wives.
Now you've come into this house,
my holidays begin.
When they go off to the office,
we'll have a blast.
Leisurely cups of tea, then
a little gossip and some magazines.
Then we'll sally out to
the beauty parlour or see a film.
I tell you what
join my kitty party.
By god, we'll have fun.
Vijay, come and see who's here.
I don't know where this boy is.
Wait, I'll make
you a nice cup of tea.
Call you back.
What is it?
No, Rani.
Please don't do this, Rani.
I love you, Rani.
Thank you!
Rani!
"Within my heart, within my soul"
"I'll find that space,
calm and whole"
"I'll steer my boat,
I'll find my way"
Rani left?
Where have you been?
I haven't seen you on Facebook.
You haven't even called
Send me some pictures at least.
I m uploading them right away,
check it
Can I tell you a joke?
Once there were
two people Santa and Banta.
So Santa says to Banta,
Santa Banta?
Can we go to the church?
You know your name should be
"Drama Queen".