Morocco, Mogador.
Hundreds of years ago.
Look at the goats
who have climbed on the trees.
The Director went mad and
got them up there with a winch?
No.
This is for real,
in Morocco these animals
climb on trees to eat fruits.
There, reality and fantasy
aren't separated.
Anything impossible might
happen in Morocco.
Also in Buenos Aires.
Take a look at that guy over there
in the red djeilaba.
Anybody,
travels from Morocco to Spain
and from Spain to Morocco,
buying and selling.
Do you like bread?
Soon you'll eat something
tastier and juicer.
As a cannibal from New Guinea
might say,
"You don't know anything when
it comes to the best meat.
To eat a simple, crude cow, one
might just become a vegetarian. "
Our guy leaves the village,
ignorant to the fact that something
is about to yank him from
his daily routine forever.
Honestly, he'll still follow routines,
but in a very different way.
Sailors call it
"the dead calm".
They get nervous
when the sea is too quiet.
Honestly, one should seek refuge
in a basement,
wait till it passes.
Just in case!
The chances to get struck
by lightning are one-in-a-million.
Unfortunately lightnings don't know
crap about statistics.
According to Gauss,
who was a wise man.
A lightning never strikes
the same place twice.
But as I previously hinted,
destiny doesn't care about Gauss
and his certainties.
The first lightning killed him,
that's right.
But, surprise!
The second lightning
revived him.
Naturally, after a miracle of this magnitude
you don't remain the same person.
The man knows
that he's different now
and as time passes
he confirms that.
He doesn't grow old and he has
powers worthy of a small god,
or, if you prefer,
worthy of a small demon.
The fact is that our guy
is now immortal.
He can travel through time
and make a lot of small miracles
which don't add a single thing
to the universe.
Nothing good, at least,
immortality makes him oblivious
to transcendent matters.
With his powers he could
have been a king, or an emperor.
Yet he'll prefer
to stay anonymous.
This way he can move freely
and do anything he wants.
To have fun!
I'm Alberto Laiseca.
This movie is based
on a story I wrote,
Darling, I'm going out for cigarettes
and I'll be right back.
The story which we'll show is
supposed to be a work of fiction.
But it isn't.
There was never a difference
between fiction and reality.
Because this is a magical world
and one can't imagine
something that doesn't exist.
When the USSR collapsed,
as a friend of mine would say,
there was much rejoicing.
Evil has died!
But people don't know that
evil never dies. It changes places.
Present day, 2011.
Do you know this beautiful place?
Olavarra.
Buenos Aires, Argentina.
The world's ass.
Do you know why flies are such
a pain in the ass in Olavarra?
It's because they
get bored too.
This is Ernesto.
A genius prankster.
Lazy turtle!
"If I were granted
with opportunities... "
You'll get more than your fair
amount of chances, douchebag.
Well, we know this one already.
He doesn't need an introduction.
I love Argentina.
Mate, assholes,
and sirloin steak.
DARLING, I'M GOING OUT FOR CIGARETTES
AND I'LL BE RIGHT BACK
Thirty plus a hundred twenty,
three hundred fifty,
minus seventy that I owe you,
two hundred eighty, but divided by two...
Or better. A garlic and radish salad.
Then we both eat, we're cooked.
Yesterday we finished at 2am,
I want to leave.
What I wouldn't give for...
Ravioli with sauce,
or a Neapolitan Milanese.
Otherwise, something grilled.
A roast with fries.
I'll do the highlights
and then cut out the edges,
if I cut it more, it'll look horrible
with that terrible big nose she has.
Rosa despises me,
and she's right.
43 years of marriage, and never
enough money to paint the house,
go on vacations,
buy an air conditioner.
A whole life working in that
shitty real estate agency.
The only time I saved some money
I invested it in this country.
And how that turned out?
Like crap.
- What?
- Nothing.
This man's thoughts
are a call for a massacre.
I'm going to the bathroom.
May I?
Problems?
What problems?
I came to offer you a deal, but
if you are not interested, it's fine.
I'll be gone.
Excuse me, who are you?
I offer you a million dollars,
if you accept to live 10 years
of your past again
with your present head.
I mean, a younger body
with your present mind,
your current knowledge.
Don't worry, she's fine.
She'll be a zombie for a few minutes
but as soon as this chat is over,
I'll free her.
She'll come out of the restroom
and sit down,
as if nothing ever happened.
You are.
Should I explain it better?
If you accept the challenge,
I'll transport you to a moment
in your past which you'll choose.
No...
You don't need to give me a date.
Just think about it, and I'll know.
You can go back to
any moment in your life.
To your childhood,
your adolescent years.
You'll be young again, but with
the experiences of a 63 year old.
You'll live again.
Day by day, hour after hour.
Every single minute.
Further more.
Here, in the real world,
only 5 minutes will pass.
Now, when your wife returns
tell her,
"Darling, I'm going out for cigarettes
and I'll be right back"
And, that's how it'll be for her.
Just five minutes.
The time it'll take you
to go to the kiosk by the corner,
buy some cigarettes
and come back.
But for you,
When the challenge is over,
you'll be back here at the restaurant
with the cigarettes.
And with a million dollars.
So, that means,
- I'll be selling my soul to.
- Don't be stupid.
Why would I want to have your soul?
What can I do with your soul?
Thousands of years ago,
when I was young and inexperienced,
I had some spiritual weaknesses,
but now.
Souls such as yours
bore me to death.
One more thing,
extremely important.
If you try to be a smart ass
and, let's say,
you get in dangerous adventures
and you get killed,
do you know what will happen
here, in the real world?
At some point in the middle
of the way
from here to the store
or from the store to here,
you'll drop dead
due to a heart attack.
So, do you accept?
- Do I have time to think about it?
- No.
It's now or never.
Opportunities don't wait.
If this is true,
someone will cough.
If this is true,
someone will cough twice.
What's wrong?
Nothing.
Darling,
I'm going out for cigarettes
and I'll be right back.
October 1st, 2000.
October 1st, 2000.
October 1st, 2000.
October 1st, 2000.
October 1st, 2000.
October 1st, 2000.
October 1st...
Hey!
This way.
Look, grandma.
Your son is here.
I told you that one day
he'd come to visit you.
I told you.
Bye, grandma.
Bye, handsome.
Mom?
Mom, can you hear me?
I came to see you.
I don't want you
to be angry at me.
All those years I didn't
come to see you
because those places
make me feel like crap.
It would have been ideal
if you could stay at home with us,
but I had a lot of problems,
so I couldn't watch over you.
That was the problem.
I know I'm a mess, but...
But you know that I love you.
Come on.
Let's make up.
Mom...
Mom.
Do you forgive me?
No.
Stupid old hag,
I went through all this,
just to make her happy
and that's how she reacts.
Oh well...
Is there any bread?
Yes, there's some left
from yesterday.
I don't know why
I bother asking...
20 years ago she bought
some extra bread
and the domino effect
still goes on.
She buys bread every day. Every day
I eat the one from yesterday.
I'll eat the fresh one tomorrow.
But stale.
I'll get it.
Hello, yes?
What?
Yes.
All right.
All right.
We're on our way, yes.
Thank you.
Ernesto...
I know...
mom died.
As you can see,
the floor is made of lapacho.
The combination of brick and wood
can be found all over the place.
Those are high quality details.
The air conditioning units
are included in the price?
- What?
- Do the air conditioning units stay here?
Yes. This way.
The bathroom is very nice.
Country dcor.
Notice the quality work
on the wallpaper.
The laundry machine goes here,
and from the kitchen
we get out.
Here's the grill,
the pool was red one.
Here's the thatched barbecue area.
The house isn't what
it appears to be.
The owner patched it up quickly
to sell it to the first idiot.
What?
The electrical installation is old,
it isn't updated.
There's no way it's worth
what the owner claims it to.
As an investment. It's crap.
No more bullshit.
Now, to the media.
...and the place is filled with
guys and girls, filmed continuously.
With a lot of cameras,
and it's later aired on TV.
You need a lot of cameras
to capture all the details,
in the living room, the kitchen,
the bathroom, yes?
It's not staged, they aren't actors.
It's life itself.
It's a revolutionary idea.
- Yes, yes.
- And where was the idea born?
Argentina.
Olavarra, to be precise.
From Olavarra to the world.
I named it "Realiry".
Because "Realiry" means
life itself.
Buton TV.
There's no pornography, right?
One thing though, you'll have
to buy the cameras yourself.
We don't have that many.
So long, baby.
Thanks for everything.
Ready.
Bye.
Thanks.
You've got an angel.
In TV we say like this, either you
got an angel, or you don't.
You've got it.
- Do you have a boyfriend?
- No.
No, in TV always look
at the camera when you speak.
Has it been long since.
Since you've been with a guy?
Yes, it's been a while.
Favorite food?
- Potato pie.
- Very tasty!
Take off your shirt.
With a foxy face,
come on, sexy.
Aslut's face, come on.
Pull out your tongue.
There you go.
Which team do you cheer for?
- Central.
- Oh, you're a Central swine.
Touch yourself.
Touch yourself.
No, no.
Touch your beaver.
What are you laughing of?
The word, it made me...
Touch your cunt.
Spread your legs, wide.
Give me a foxy face, come on.
There.
Get up, get up.
Turn around.
Bend over, with your ass
to the camera. Show me.
- Sorry.
- What the.
Unbelievable.
They ask me everything,
get in, get out.
Come here.
It's part of my job, you see.
I have to do this.
Let's see...
Allow me.
There is bread.
So, with that money,
and 2000 pesos I have saved,
I can buy a Fiat Uno 92'.
No...
Buy dollars.
Put them under your mattress,
Hold on for a year, year and a half
then we'll see.
But why?
Buy dollars, everything will
blow up at the end of the year.
Around April, May go out and sell.
And you hit the jackpot.
- Are you sure?
- No.
Buy the Fiat Uno and keep doing
these odd jobs the rest of your life.
What a moron.
We're live!
Hello Carlos,
welcome to the house,
Make yourself comfortable,
please,
Hello, Reina!
Welcome, dear.
Find yourself a place to sit.
Hello Edi,
please leave you bag over there.
Welcome to the house.
Hello Jenny!
Look at her, what a beauty!
Hello, Ale.
Be careful with the table.
Hello, Magui!
Come in, relax, and enjoy.
Ladles and gentlemen,
you are about to participate
in a historic event
of worldwide television,
Dear viewers,
you can start voting now
on who gets to stay
and who gets to leave the house.
Kids, I leave you now.
Be yourselves.
Respect your dreams.
Let's go.
Nothing is happening,
this is boring.
Shouldn't you tell them something?
That's the format, man.
Give it sometime.
Those wankers will start doing stuff.
What was that?
I left the microphone on...
By your mother's cunt,
who are you calling a wanker, asshole?
You, you disgusting, dirty.
I'll beat the crap out of you.
And you know what?
The votes are coming in.
You're out of the house, asshole.
Come here and kick me out yourself.
Old faggot.
Cut, cut.
Get off the air.
TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK
In Buenos Aires,
done well,
this show would be a hit.
You're in debts, aren't you?
Don't bug me!
...Asks his father: "Dad, did you
got married in a civil marriage?"
"No, I got married in a rush, silly!"
Don't forget to pass through
the hardware store, Don Carlos.
The one you trust, but where
they don't trust your credit.
We'll begin with the
mother-in-law castings.
Let's see who dares bringing his
mother-in-law to Olavarra channel 3.
Me? No, I wouldn't.
My old man got it
exactly as it is.
He said that life
is a cake of shit,
and you gotta eat a piece
every single day.
You have reached the
US embassy.
This conversation might be recorded
and traced for security reasons.
Remember that any violation to
the norms stated in article 1238
of the law 217 may delved in sanctions
of up to 10 years in jail.
All our operators are busy.
Please, leave your message after the beep.
Hello, this is Ernesto Zambrana,
from Olavarra, Argentina.
Ernesto!
You don't know me, but.
I have reliable intel,
extremely important.
Red alert, I'd say.
Ernesto!
Tomorrow a terrorist attack
on the WTC will take place.
With planes.
Terrible.
Terrible.
Well, I'm calling to see
if there's something you can do.
Ernesto!
I hope I was helpful.
Cut it out! I'm doing something
important, damn it!
A column of smoke emerges
from a huge opening
in the upper part
of this landmark.
Again, minutes prior to 10 am,
local time,
a plane struck one of the
twin towers in the city of New York,
it's still unknown if this plane is...
I've got it.
Ernesto Zambrana?
How did you know?
Help me please...
Help me, can you hear me?
Loud and clear.
Ernestito, you're on your own.
You got into this mess
all by yourself.
What do I do?
How did you know?
- If I say the truth it'll be worse.
- Of course.
Not just because what they'll do
to you, but because of what I will.
I don't know anything.
He says he doesn't know anything.
He is full of shit.
He must think we're a bunch of idiots.
Hit him again.
Give it to him good.
And let's see if you
can make him squeal.
What is he saying?
Get me out of here.
Get me out of here, please.
Ernesto...
Do not summon me again, I have
a lot to do and I won't bother.
For the first and last time,
this wasn't included in our deal,
I want to make sure it's clear.
Besides, it wasn't that bad, come on.
Look at your face, unharmed.
Perfect for a magazine front page.
You're physically healthy.
However,
the experience, the pain
and the fear that you went through,
they remain crystallized
forever in your head.
One more thing,
I don't know what your plan was
with the TV show,
but I warn you.
Even if you won millions,
after the 10 years,
you'd show up here with nothing.
You're only entitled to the
one million dollars that I promised you.
Trust me, it'll be more that enough.
You can't bring anything physical
from there to here, Ernesto.
Don't be stupid.
Don't try to be a hero.
Like the incident with the towers...
Suppose you could have avoided the
terrorist attack and those deaths,
something you could have done if you
told them earlier than the day before.
All those people, here and now,
they'd be dead anyhow.
They are parallel realities
and parallel lines never meet, get it?
Yes.
No more questions.
Don't mess with that.
You've spent
You still have 9 years,
one month, 14 days
and 18 hours left.
Starting now, you have one minute
to decide
how, when and where
you'll spend the time you owe me.
- I'll need some hours to think.
- No.
You have exactly 30 seconds.
You gotta realize that I'm making
an extraordinary exception.
Also, remember that your wife
is waiting for you at the restaurant.
- So?
- "So"!
You shouldn't keep her waiting.
After all, she's a lady.
- Twenty.
- But.
- You have 10 seconds.
- Yes, but.
Five.
That's it.
Great.
Myknees don't hurt.
I can see perfectly, damn it.
And my belly?
I've got no belly, incredible!
Ernesto, I'm going to buy some
steaks and I'll be back.
Yeah, go buy those stakes...
Bye, mom.
But you'll have to eat them alone.
I'm gong to Buenos Aires.
Before I run away
I'll say goodbye to my girlfriend.
Poor thing, she doesn't deserve
to be abandoned just like that.
Listen carefully, Aurora.
You'll cheat on me
with Kravetz the russian.
Like the idiot that I am,
I'll find out after 2 months.
You'll marry him
and you'll have 2 children.
One of them, will be that fat.
What are you making up, idiot?
Screw hat dream you had
of traveling the world.
Because you'll waste your beautiful life
between the four walls of your kitchen,
cleaning and taking care of your
beautiful family, like a servant.
What happened?
Have you gone mad?
And when you'll get old.
I could have told her anything.
Make up the greatest lie ever told.
There is no need.
Just telling how time will pass
is enough to destroy everyone.
There's no need to add anything extra
to make it sad and horrible.
I haven't told you.
The russian will have an artery rupture.
He'll be left paralyzed.
What a lovely life you'll have.
Enjoy it.
Screw her for cheating on me,
fucking hairdresser.
Hey...
My mom's a hairdresser...
Aurora is a hairdresser...
Rosa is a hairdresser...
Fuck...
I think I've never been young.
I missed the hippies era,
fucking like bunnies,
for being scared
to knock up someone.
What a dumb ass...
Always looking how life passed me by...
Time to enjoy all that.
Time to live the 70s as I should.
Far away from that shitty hellhole.
Sex and Rock'N'Roll.
No drugs.
Ernesto at the 70s...
It's my wish to tell this personally
because this is when
things go well for Ernestito,
supposedly.
The sons of bitches,
or the devil, or whoever they are,
always give you sweets
so they can roast you better as if you
were a golden chicken ready to be served.
I've never been young,
except now
and I'm almost 70.
It's very common
in our eclipse times
for youngsters to be
very old.
Because it's the death
of imagination.
The idea of going to the big city
to triumph and fuck.
Isn't that bad,
when you think of it.
Of course, you can also fuck
in your town, I've done it.
Of course, you need an ontological
point of view for that.
You need a reason to live.
What Ernestito never understood
is that a city is big only if one is big.
And a city is full of shit
if one is made of shit.
Ernesto, fine lad that he is,
with the intentions of fucking.
And also advance,
thanks to certain girls
who at the moment weren't known.
Even they didn't know their destiny.
Pata Villanueva. Cristina Fernndez.
Yes, the president.
Valeria Lynch.
Naturally, no one cared about him.
First and fore most,
because girls aren't stupid.
That's the first thing.
But besides that,
because Ernestito.
Is simply just Ernestito.
If he learnt something
it's that money won't help him here.
Now, the dumb ass just
wants to be somebody,
if you're going to screw people over,
better screw them big.
See how his creative capacity
has no limits.
Hey, can I ask you something?
Sure, go ahead.
If I mumble a song,
can you write its notes?
It's not that hard.
I'll mumble it.
And you write it down,
the musical notes.
Like a good dull person,
Ernesto looks for an assistant
who is 20 times more stupid than he is.
This way he won't get over shadowed.
I would have preferred for the
hippie character to be handicap,
to be on a wheel chair.
Wouldn't it have been better?
Right, since I'm nobody. Bah!
The next day, he went with the hippie
to a cheap recording studio.
From there to the record company
with the tape under his arm.
Did you write it yourself?
I've got it registered.
Here are the papers.
See for yourself.
A world with no religion.
One of those things that come out.
Not sure from where, but it did.
Actually, I'm a catholic.
I was baptized.
But the song talks about a world
with no heaven or hell.
I'm a catholic, but not
a practicing one.
How did you name the song?
"Imagine".
"Imagina" in Spanish.
You've hit the bull's-eye.
Lennon must have woken up
with a backache that day.
Did you write the music yourself?
Because some guy in Argentina,
the world's ass,
Yes.
stole his song,
one year before he'd have written it.
Ok, Lad.
You've got a producer.
"Imagine".
Ernesto had some gigs and
as incredible as it may seem,
things go pretty well for him.
The song is so good
that I tresists even Ernestito.
Ernesto!
The girls are here!
You're Ernesto Zambrana, no?
I can't understand how no one
invented a telephone with no cables yet.
Imagine that, it'll be the size
of a pack of cigarettes.
Very practical.
You could walk in the street,
dial the number,
and you'd say:
"Hello, is. "
- Paula.
- "Hello, is Paula there?"
I also want to make a film.
- A film?
- Yes.
What a genius!
I love the cinema.
- Really?
- I take theater classes.
- Tell me about your idea.
- All right.
This movie is about a shark,
a big one,
It goes through the shores,
eating the swimmers.
I hope she's not a part of
the Peronist urban guerrilla group.
I don't want any trouble.
I don't want any trouble.
Eitherway, she's hot.
The things Rock'n'Roll does.
Nice job, kid.
You've done well.
You ended up getting married
to the pretty groupie.
Now you can make a nest.
Like in the movie "Alien".
You're fucked up old men, Ernesto!
Instead of having fun with the girl
you got married.
Ernesto plagiarized "Imagine"
from what little he could
remember and understand,
because he never liked "The Beatles".
He always hated them.
He wrote a piece of crap
that went like this:
"Imagine a world
where everyone has love.
A house, money and cars
with no drugs or religion.
Imagine all people living in peace.
They say I'm crazy,
but I'm telling the truth.
I hope that you'll join us
to make an ideal world. "
Disgusting, man!
We just heard "Imagine", performed by
its author, Ernesto Zambrana,
who is still here with us.
Ernesto, I understand that next weekend
you'll perform in Asuncion, in Paraguay.
Yes.
The single came out
in Chile and Paraguay.
In some other countries as well.
Mexico...
Jim Morrison, Eric Clapton,
Frank Zappa, Bob Dylan.
Zambrana.
The vanity of plagiarism
knows no limits.
Carla from Palermo says:
"I just heard the song on the radio
and it really got me excited.
It made me think how absurd war is.
It has a beautiful message,
I'll buy the single today. "
Thank you, Carla.
Anibal, from Villa Urquiza:
"I saw Zambrano in a bar last week,
singing "Imagine".
The song is good, but
the other three songs he performed
were horrible.
Besides, the guy has no swing,
and he has a salami head".
Let's see...
- Some people are so prejudiced, no?
- Yes.
Why must artists be
like stereotypes?
Isn't that too authoritarian?
Why someone with talent,
who writes a beautiful song
such as "Imagine"
can't be ugly, fat,
with no swing,
or without charisma?
I'll leave you with that thought
so you can think about it.
Bye, we'll talk tomorrow.
Thank you.
Ernesto,
I've got a woman on the line,
Norma from Olavarra,
she claims she's your mother.
- Do you want to talk to her?
- No.
No, she's a crazy fan
who is stalking me.
- Paulita.
- What?
Are you with me
only because I'm famous,
or are you truly
in love with me?
or are you truly
in love with me?
I don't know.
Both.
What about it?
I tend to refer to a man's stages
of life as concentration camps.
Every year is a more electrified
barbed wire than the year before.
Thirty is like Auschwitz.
Don't give cigarettes to the girls,
smoke them all yourself.
After all, you're dumb and crazy.
I'm always more convinced that,
just by getting older.
Notice how dumb he looks.
Maybe he won't even fuck them.
That's just to be a show-off.
What a waste of boobs.
I've got two bad news.
You better sit down.
Your wife called,
it's been
a month since she last saw you.
She's suing you for adultery
and because you
beat the crap out of her.
Tell her to go fuck herself.
What's the second one?
You're being sued for plagiarism.
- What?
- On behalf of John Lennon.
No more, no less.
His lawyers claim that
you plagiarized him,
because of its style, its subject,
the harmony.
Bla bla bla bla...
They say that they
don't know how,
but clearly you've stolen
information from him.
But I registered it,
he didn't.
I know.
Still, you'll need to prove in court that
you're capable of writing such a song.
And the law firm that represents
Lennon here is tough.
That's grave.
A huge problem.
So what do we do now?
That's your business, baby.
I'm abandoning ship.
I'm suffering the punishment
that this fucked up society
forces on people like us,
who have no talent.
Leave us alone,
you sons of bitches.
Lennon himself had said it,
"The dream is over".
"What can I say?"
The dream is over,
what can I say?
- Who is it?
- Mail, correspondence from the courthouse.
Having analyzed the lawsuit
as well as the defense allegations,
this court of law finds
Ernesto Zambrana
guilty of committing plagiarism of
Sr. John Winston Lennon
and condemns him to pay a
compensation fee of...
Justice!
Justice!
They are convicting an innocent man!
You!
Corrupt judges!
This is the part where
Ernesto is outside the courts,
demanding justice.
This asshole will get shot
by a lunatic, just outside his home.
They'll kill him like a rat.
The idiot believes injustice,
as if he lived in Switzerland.
What are you looking at?
He just discovered that
the world is unfair, poor thing.
There you are,
the lawyer is leaving, right?
What are you, a judge?
You are corrupt!
Yes, I'm talking to you!
I know everything!
I know everything, woman!
I come from the future!
I made a deal with the devil, woman!
The World Cup of 78'
will be played in Argentina!
It'll all be organized by the army!
You know what else?
We'll be champions!
What are you laughing about,
stupid girl?
You want more?
Argentina will win two Oscars!
Two!
The last one will be won in 2010,
By a movie directed by a bald man.
Have sex!
Fuck a lot!
Fuck, fuck!
AIDS is coming,
and you won't be able to fuck!
I know what I'm telling you!
What this kid doesn't know
is that, to the people,
if you play it crazy
you are crazy.
That's why the old woman in blue
called the cops.
And from the police station,
straight to the loony bin.
I'm 63 years old.
I come from the year 2011.
I'm not crazy.
In 1983, we the radicals will win the
elections, led by Don Raul Ricardo Alfonsin.
But be careful,
don't vote for the alliance.
I know what I'm talking about.
You can be happy now, Ernestito.
You're in a quiet place,
full of couches,
men in white who are very nice.
They'll give you nice pills.
Now you'll be calmer.
Yes, huge pills.
- You.
- We? Who?
You make me sick,
all of you.
But there are a lot of you.
That's your as vantage.
You pile up the busses,
you kneel at the churches.
You work,
you gather for your off springs.
But I am different.
I'm ugly.
Dirty.
I'm harmful.
I'm afraid, doctor.
Being crazy is horrible.
But, I'm not crazy,
it's much much worse.
I'm deeply saddened.
Ernesto, can you hear me?
Would you like a candy?
Rest for a while,
we'll continue shortly.
I'll be right back.
Yes, yes...
He's right, the nurse.
Rest for a while,
Ernestito,
You know what, dude?
You're technically crazy.
Because you've lost it all.
Everything, besides reason.
That's what your
Medical history says, baby.
Crazy.
Hey, stop!
Ernesto!
Suicides, no.
They aren't allowed in our deal.
They don't count.
You considered suicide
to evade yourself.
You poor innocent, you.
The pain one feels
when one kills himself
is endless.
First a sharp strike.
Then your skull cracks.
And pain, pain, pain.
At a very slow motion,
with an extreme intensity.
Dumb people think that you feel nothing.
They couldn't be more wrong.
Before you die
when you commit suicide,
there's an eternity of pain.
No one can imagine that.
But why me?
Why not?
Come on.
Drink a little mate.
What are you stirring it for, dumbass?
How many people
were saved thanks to mate?
More than one man
didn't kill himself
because he still had mate tea left.
All right.
Back to our business.
It's been 2 years, 7 months,
Let's say that you owe me...
and 14 hours.
Fucking Spaniard.
No. I can't go on.
I'm out.
Impossible.
You can't.
You used to complain
about the lack of opportunities.
Well, it just so happens
that you still owe 7 years
to this fucking Spaniard, and
you'll fulfill your part of the deal.
Then I'll fulfill my part.
The million dollars.
As I should.
But, we'll make a little change.
Now, I'll decide
to which year you'll go
to fulfill our deal
once and for all.
I'm fed up with you.
My aunt, my grandma, my mom.
Poor things,
it gives me such a heartache.
They were good, but they wasted
their lives for nothing.
My mom, all her life, cutting hair
in a shitty hairdresser salon.
He looks so serious...
That's disturbing,
they are all dead.
Maybe he's hungry, poor Ernestito.
That's like Chinese torture.
All the time in the world
and nothing to do.
Just to think, think
and think.
To rack my brain.
Complete impotence.
I need to hold on,
I need to hold on.
Fuck, I'm hungry.
Oh, no...
Time to suck my mom's tits again.
Terrible...
Only children can with stand
the dictatorship of adults
because they consider their parents
to be gods.
Cruelty, violence, humiliations...
Children take it as a natural thing.
What do we say?
Happy Birthday to you...
Happy birthday, dear Ernestito...
Happy Birthday to you.
It's been 6 years of this horror.
Just one year left
to fulfill the deal.
This is hell.
The teacher says
that I'm a weird kid.
How could I not be weird,
if I am 63 years old?
Conceal.
Hide it all the time.
- What's the matter, Zambrana?
- I don't feel so well.
I've got a bellyache.
Adolf Hitler mows the lawn.
You decided to let the jew be
for a little while?
The jew is me, naturally.
Today, on September 5th, 1955
you'll die electrocuted.
I don't know if the teacher
bought the bellyache act.
Or if any excuse is good
to get me out of her sight.
Whatever,
I'm here to watch the show.
What a motherfucking
sadist father you are.
Psychological torture
and mostly physical.
Your favorite kind.
There you go,
put them in.
Stick your fingers in the button.
And?
There, he's dead.
Bye, dad.
I also said "Bye, dad"
to my old man.
I was raised in my dad's
Soviet Union.
Death doesn't change people.
It's been 40 years since
my old man's death
and he's still the same bastard.
But...
Somehow, we love each other.
We even made up.
That's why I added this scene.
Ernesto fulfilled his part.
He relived what was left
of his childhood,
day by day, hour after hour,
every single minute,
seconds by seconds.
As best as he could,
he completed the deal.
I feel close to Ernesto.
Like a brother.
Not even the most feared despots
of human history have
the harmful power that a man as dull,
bitter and stingy as Ernesto has.
This guy fascinates me.
Let me introduce you to Ernesto.
My new masterpiece.
Give me a Michigan Lights.
It took you a while...
Where did you go to?
To the store, where else?
Get the bill.
What a face.
You look different.
I've got two news to give you.
A good one, and a bad one.
The good one.
Is that I've got million dollars here.
They are for you.
All your problems are solved.
The bad one...
Is that I'm leaving.
I'm leaving you.
Be calm.
I am the problem.
All the animals,
except humans,
are immortals.
Because they ignore death.
For humans, everything carries the weight
of randomness and unrecoverableness.
By the way, dear Rosita, are you
sure the money's in the suitcase?
I wouldn't trust guys like him.
Anyway, what's really terrible,
what's incomprehensible,
is to know that one is immortal.
Bye, asshole, that's it.
Take a hike,
"Darling, I'm going out for cigarettes
and I'll be right back"
is in fact that's the same old story
but told in a different way.
He also never came back.
It's like a dead pig,
walking, all rotten.
Ernestito could say "Even my
mediocrity was robbed from me,
I don't even care
about money anymore. "
As time passes,
I'm more and more convinced
that having a birthday is a sure sign
that a person is a villain.
I'd referto a man's different ages
as concentration camps.
Every year that passes is one additional
layer of electrified barbedwire.
Thirty is Auschwitz.
I mean it.
Turn right in 80 meters.
Turn right in 300 meters.
Park on the right lane.
Tomorrow, at 6 o'clock.
I couldn't understand
a thing of what he said.
A salad, an apple
and nothing else.
...which means, reaching
the ontological meaning of the object.
Using criticism to discover
the limits of metaphysics.
Are you still with me?
No, you're not.
I'll explain it to you as if
you were in the kindergarten,
maybe that way
you'll get it:
Take anything, from a slice of pizza
to a poodle.
But don't look at it as a pet,
or as food.
Instead, look at it as something
that simply "is".
It's essence,
it's transcendent properties.
This microphone,
do we have to say
that it's a microphone?
Wouldn't it be more correct
to say that, strictly speaking,
what we have here
is a lot of molecules?
Excuse me, may I?
I love this one.
Crude and cultured:
Extra crude.
Problems?
I'll take the opportunity
to dedicate my story
to my everlasting heroes:
James Dean, Elvis Presley,
Jim Morrison, who I like a lot,
and Barbara Feldon,
the 99 from "Get Smart".