(man No. 1)
I am now
utterly convinced
that on Judgment Day,
the Lord Jesus
will ask one question
and only one question.
"Did you believe
that I loved you?"
[door opens]
[click]
[childish piano playing
on tape recorder]
[off key note
and music stops]
(man No. 2 on recorder)
Try it again.
[more playing]
(man No. 3)
J Everybody each
and all J
We're going
to die eventually
.0 It's no more
or less our fault' .0
J As it is our destiny J
J When my body
lies in the ruins J
J3 Of the lies
that nearly ruined me J3
[approaching car]
[horn honks]
(man No. 4)
We are here
with Rich Mullins,
one of contemporary
Christian music's
biggest stars.
Rich, welcome to the show.
Rich, we know
of your various hits.
Awesome God, Sing Your Praise
of the Lord and Elijah,
among others.
You've been at the top
of the COM charts,
had a number
of Dove Award nominations,
but I want to talk
a little bit
about the man
behind the music
so if you don't mind
will you tell us
a little bit
about how you came
to faith in Christ?
Well, Randy, I'm not
a Christian
because of a song
I heard
or a book I read,
as much as I like
to read.
Uh, I came to experience
the realness of Christ
through the people
in his church.
I'm a Christian,
not because
somebody explained the nuts
and bolts of Christianity
to me but
because people
were willing to be
the nuts and bolts.
[ringing bike bell]
[children's laughter]
(boy)
Come on,
let's go!
(Rich)
I guess you could say
my story began
in a small town
in Indiana.
My dad was a farmer
and easily,
easily the hardest
working man that I know.
Like most boys,
I grew up
wanting to be
exactly like him,
exactly like my dad.
But I discovered
at a pretty early age,
time and time again that
I wasn't really cut
out to be a farmer.
[engine stops]
(father)
Hold the light.
What's wrong
with it, Dad?
Damn light, son!
[sigh]
It's the pistons.
What did you
fill it with?
Gasoline.
Like you said.
Like I said?
Not like I said,
'cause I didn't say
I didn't say
nothing about gasoline.
Of all
the damn fool things.
Lean over here, boy.
Come here.
What's that say?
Speak up, Wayne!
What's it say?
"Diesel."
That's right.
Diesel.
Because you can't put
gasoline in the tractor, son.
I'm sorry, Dad.
Well, sorry
isn't going
to fix this, boy.
Damn!
[door slams]
(Rich, off)
My mom and dad
raised five of us kids
and, you know,
most of the time
money was pretty scarce.
And when I was little,
my baby brother
passed a way.
And that was
often hard for them.
Even as a boy,
I wanted to help.
But I couldn't.
(father)
Why didn't you tell me
you got the tractor
stuck in the field
this morning?
Speak up, Do)'-
I thought
you'd be mad.
I just don't understand
why everything you touch
ends up busted.
[thunder rolling]
(mother)
I wish you'd be
more gentle with him.
(father)
More gentle?
That's the last
thing to be.
He needs
to toughen up,
that's what.
He's got his damn
head in the clouds.
He needs to know
you love him.
That boy needs to stay
away from the tractor.
Last week,
it was the engine.
Today he got not one,
but four wheels
stuck in holes.
John, he's
just trying--
Four, Neva.
Four. The repairs
cost 300 dollars,
not to mention
the lost time
on the farm.
Ain't going
to be worried
aboutlove
if he is going
hungry, will he?
He's our oldest boy, Neva.
If he doesn't learn,
then how is he going
to take over the farm
one day?
Maybe he's
not meant
for the farm.
[sigh]
You're a good father.
Hm.
[distant slow piano notes]
She got it.
[chuckles]
She did,
didn't she?
[slow piano playing]
(mother)
Dad, that's it.
(father)
What are you
doing, boy?
John!
[thunder rolling]
Didn't you
like it, Mom?
Yes. Yes,
it's wonderful.
John--
(Rich, off)
As I got older,
music seemed to be
the only thing
that made sense to me.
I was pretty good at it
and there was something
about sitting at a piano
that just made me feel
like I was home.
(preacher)
How do you think
that God views you?
Have you asked
yourself this?
You should,
because your perception
of God
will have an effect
on every aspect
of your life.
In the Book of Romans,
Paul quoting Isaiah
speaks to the truth that
no one is righteous,
how we are all sinners.
But God commanded
his love toward us.
That was
wonderful, Richard.
Thank you,
Mrs. Kellner.
Now why don't you play
it how it was written?
[knocking]
Time to go, son.
He is
my best student.
Well, at least
there's one thing
he's good at.
It sure isn't farming.
Let's get, boy.
(Rich, off)
Growing up, people
would always tell me
that God
loved me
but I had
a hard time
believing that.
I wondered
if God even liked me.
Maybe it's because people
also told me that my dad
loved me.
I mean, my dad
and I didn't connect'
or we couldn't connect'.
The things
he knew and understood
weren '2' things I knew
and understood
and vice versa.
They say that time
heals all wounds
but honestly in our case
it just made things worse.
[thunder rolling gently]
(Rich)
I hate
being different.
I think God
knows what
he's doing, Wayne.
Dad hates it, too.
Your father
loves you.
No, he loves
Dave and Lloyd.
He understands them.
He loves
all of you.
Sometimes I just wish
I was more like them.
I don't belong here.
God's got
big plans
for you.
I know it.
You are going to do
great things one day.
(Rich, off)
After high school,
I wasn't sure what
I was going to do.
Home had became a place
where you had to learn
the language of silence.
My dad and I grew apart.
Uh, you know, he grew inward
and I grew bitter.
At' that time,
my rebellion
was in full swing.
Uh, let's just say
that surrender
doesn't exactly
come naturally to me.
But I quickly learned
that God
can speak to us
in some pretty
unexpected ways.
How do you respond
to these accusations
from your father?
Do you dare defy
the ordinances
of Holy Mother Church ?
How can you stand there
in defiance of your father?
You're bestowed
with riches
beyond your worth
and now
you rebuke their value?
By what authority
do you do such things?
I want to live
a life of freedom.
I want to be as free
as the animals
that roam this earth,
as free as the moon
in the night sky.
These earthly possessions,
this noble stature,
the adoration
that our society
craves is no use to me.
But you're my son.
I'm no longer
your son.
(Rich, off)
Saint Francis was wild.
I mean,
he fell
madly in love
with Jesus.
As a result of that,
he gave up everything
he had.
Why are you doing this?
God calls
to every man.
But not every man responds.
(Rich, off)
I connected to the story
of Saint Francis
in a lot of ways.
You know, he just had
this radical trust in Christ.
It was a trust
that I didn't have.
But I wanted it.
I knew that deep down
if I wanted to grow
that kind of faith,
it wasn't going to happen
by staying at home.
So I left.
You know, it's interesting.
I had reached
a point in my life
where I decided
to get serious
about my faith
before I had no faith
to get serious about.
Not that going
to Bible College
is particularly
the place to get serious
about your faith
but nevertheless,
that's where I went.
Hey! What are you
doing with my stuff?
Oh, I thought
this would be okay.
I prefer
to sleep with my--
You thought...
this would be okay?
Let me ask you
a question.
You ever stare danger
straight in the eye
and live
to tell about it?
Name's Sam.
[both chuckle]
Just joking, man.
You must be Rich.
Yeah.
Yeah, nice
to meet you, man.
You scared me there
for a second.
I've got kind
of a weird sense
of humor.
You should know
that up front.
Hey, I think
that's everything.
Your mom and I
are going
to head back.
So--
(Sam)
Cool.
Oh, hi.
I'm Morris.
Hey,Dad.
Hi, Morris.
I'm Rich.
I'm the dad.
It's nice
to meet you.
You can go
now, Dad.
Yeah, we're going
to head back.
Love you, Pops.
(Morris)
I love you, too, man.
You guys have fun.
We'll see you.
There you go.
Nice to meet
you, Morris.
Hey, um--
I got
a question for you.
You seem
kind of like
a handsome guy.
I wasn't really popular
with the girls
in high school
so I want you
to shoot me straight.
Does this,
uh, beard
make me look fat?
[chuckle]
No, serious.
I don't know
how to answer
that question.
That's fair enough.
That's fair enough.
[both chuckling]
Oh, man.
So you're a bully.
My time at CBC
kind of flew by fast.
Sam and I hit it
off well and became
good friends quickly.
[laughing]
Being in
a structured institution,
I found myself asking
a lot of questions
about the church,
about authority.
They weren't
always popular
with the faculty.
oh, you play?
Yeah, absolutely.
I play all the time.
Oh, man.
Yeah, I saw
the case.
You want to jam?
Yeah'.!
Yeah.
For sure.
Sam and I formed
a small band called Zion.
We started off playing
at small coffeeshops
around Cincinnati,
and then eventually
in church auditoriums.
The more I played,
the more I realized
that I didn't want
to just play music.
I wanted a ministry.
So we moved off campus
our senior year
with a couple
of the other
members of the band.
It was exciting
to feel God working
through me
even on a small stage
like Cincinnati.
[intense piano playing]
He is incredible.
He's pretty good.
[chuckle]
There he
goes again.
Richard.
Richard.
I thought I told you
you weren't allowed
to play
on campus anymore.
Especially if you're bent
on destroying another piano.
Mr. Walters,
I'm sorry.
I asked Richard
to play for orientation.
It's my fault.
Monday morning,
I want you prepared
to quote the first
chapter of Isaiah
in my office
eight a.m. sharp.
I can do that.
[chuckling]
[squealing]
Break it up.
(girl)
It was so good.
Take it easy.
It was just one song.
It was great.
It really was.
I see
the Scripture
Police got you.
You noticed
that, huh?
I did.
(Rich)
Thankfully, he's given
me that chapter before.
Man, what's up
with that guy?
It's ridiculous.
[laughing]
Hi. Um, that
was incredible.
I've never heard
anything like that
before, ever.
[chuckling]
Um, I'm--
hi, I'm Beth.
I'm Rich.
Nice to meet you.
You sing?
Uh, yeah.
I mean, just
at, like,
church at home.
You should sing
with our band, Zion.
You've never
heard me play.
I mean, sing.
Oh, I'm sure
you're fine.
Jesus isn't picky.
[chuckle]
Um, this is
my friend, Jess.
Say hi.
He)'-
(Jess)
That was great.
You, too.
Or not
you too.
I don't--
I don't sing
at all.
No, that's not
what I meant. Um--
It was nice
to meet you.
Yeah.
We'll see
you around?
Yep.
Got it.
Ah. She's pretty, huh?
(girl)
Pretty cute.
(Rich, off)
I tried my best
to ignore her
and just focus
on Zion or school.
But I couldn't help it.
Uh, from the moment
I met Jess, I--
I couldn't get her
out of my mind.
Sorry about the car.
I pretended to know,
like I know something
about cars
for as long
as I could
and keep it up.
I think
I figured it
out pretty quickly.
Yeah, sorry
about that.
It's all right.
I'll stick
with the piano.
Hold on.
There are a lot
of really amazing
doors on this campus
but these are
probably my favorite.
They're beautiful.
You want to sit
for a bit?
Sure.
Do you write?
Some.
ljournaL
Journal?
How morose
of you.
Hmm.
What do you
write about?
[tsk]
Oh, my dreams.
Fears.
Dreams about what?
About the man
I'll marry
and settle
down with.
The house
we'll live in.
The kids.
The dog.
That's what you
want most.
Yeah.
Yeah, a home
and someone
to share it with.
What about your fears?
Being alone.
No, I mean--
I'm terrified
of myself sometimes,
of this loneliness
I feel inside of me.
It's like, um--
it's like
a black hole
or something.
Even when you're
as close as you can be
to another person,
even when you're touching.
That's exactly it.
Feel alone now?
[happy shout]
[giggle]
Jess and I
were immediately
drawn to each other.
Over the next few months,
I spent some of the most
meaningful days of my life
with her
and learning
each other's stories,
and sharing dreams.
We were just two lonely people
who had found each other
in the dark.
[giggling]
When I was with Jess,
I felt--
I felt something
I hadn't felt
in a long time.
I felt like I was home.
[Rich, strumming guitar
and humming]
J3 Life goes on
and so must the song J3
X1 D00 doo doooo
doc D
[humming]
(Rich, on reel)
J Sing your praise
to the Lord
Come on everybody
and stand up and sing
one more
J Hallelujah, sing
your praise
to the Lord
J I can never tell you .U
I love it.
Is that the guy?
I love it.
[click]
I want to do
this one.
Bryan?
It's very different.
I like different.
I'm sick of the same.
I want to do this song.
Yeah. I'm
with Amy
on this.
It's a good song.
[sigh]
I'll make
the call.
[loud music playing]
Rich!
Ric h a rd!
Rich! Pick
up the phone!
Right here.
Get on the phone
right now!
Who is it?
What are you
freaking out about?
It's Nashville!
The city
of Nashville
is calling?
No, it's some guy
from a record label
that represents Amy Grant.
And he wants
to talk to you!
Did you do this?
No!
Was it Gary?
It wasn't me.
It's Beth.
This had to have
been Beth. Beth!
[giggling]
(girl)
Just' pick
up the phone.
(Gary)
Turn it off.
[music stops]
Hello?
Yes, is this
Rich Mullins?
This is Rich Mullins.
Rich, this is Bryan
Bontrager from Nashville.
Well, what can I do
for you Bryan Bontrager
from Nashville?
(Bryan, over phone)
Rich,
Amy Grant heard your song
Sing Your Praise
to the Lord
and she wants to use it
on her next album.
Who's Amy Grant?
Are you kidding me?
Oh!
Excuse me?
Shhh.
Sorry about that.
Go ahead.
Okay, well, um,
listen, Rich,
we'd like to bring you
down to Nashville
here so we can work
out the writing contract.
Wow, thanks
Bryan, but, uh,
I'm not really
interested.
You're not interested?
[scoffs]
Um, look Rich,
I don't think you understand
what we're offering you
here, okay?
This is a gamechanger.
I'm not really sure
I want my game
to be changed.
Okay, well, um, Rich,
maybe you should
think about this.
You have a real gift
and maybe you
should be using it.
Well, I think
I am using it.
All right, well, um,
I,uh,hope
you change your mind.
Well, thanks
for the call, Bryan.
I appreciate it.
Take care.
What?
[no audio]
(Jess)
When are we going to talk
about the Nashville thing?
We're not going
to talk about
the Nashville thing
because I'm not going
to Nashville.
You have to go.
Well, are you
coming with me?
You know I can't do that.
We're not even
married yet.
What is this?
Is this
your parents?
It's not just
my parents.
You knew
what I wanted.
Your life
is headed
in a totally
different direction.
You don't want to be 41
and stuck in Cincinnati.
Yes, I do.
If you're there,
I do.
You don't belong here.
[no audio]
(Rich, off)
Hey, Jess,
it's me, uh--
hey, I didn't see you
at the show tonight.
I thought you were
going to be there.
Um...just give
me a call.
[guitar strumming]
(father)
I just don't understand
why everything
you touch ends up busted.
Why everything
you touch ends up busted.
[phone ringing]
Hey, hey, Jess,
it's me.
Listen, call me when
you get this, I just
want to talk.
I just, I just feel
like we're not--
I just, I just want to talk
about what's happening
with us.
I was just calling
to make sure everything
is okay.
I just feel
like we're not connecting
and I don't know...
why we keep
going back and forth
and if there's something
I've done or--
[phone ringing]
Jess, if the problem is me,
then I just want you
to tell me.
[busy signal]
[phone ringing]
Hello?
Hey, Mom.
[clears throat]
Are you okay?
I was just missing--
missing you guys.
I just wanted
to say hi.
(father)
Neva, I get
up at 4 a.m.
Calm yourself.
Mom, can I
talk to Dad
for a second?
Yeah.
Hey, he wants
to talk to you.
Tell that boy to call
back at a decent hour
and I'll talk to him.
He said to say
that he loves you
(mother)
and that
he'll call you later.
He didn't say
that, Mom.
You know
your father
loves you.
He just has
to be at work.
Neva, this is
not the time
for his nonsense.
Hang up
the damn phone.
(mother)
He's just tired.
Yeah. Well, sorry
for calling so late.
All right.
Love you.
[phone clicks]
[dial tone]
[soft guitar picking]
Hey, Rich.
Sam'?
Yeah.
Come here.
Where were you?
Have you
been drinking?
Answer me!
Gary and I
went to a movie.
Why didn't you
ask me to go?
Dude, I think you
need to sleep
it off.
I think
you're drunk.
I'm fine.
[grunt]
[stumbling]
I take it back.
I know you're drunk.
Sleep it off.
[groan]
What's this?
It's a camel.
What do you
think it is?
It's not a camel.
Sam.
Yeah?
Are we
really friends?
(Rich, off)
Sam invited me
to come to Wichita
with him to stay
with his folks
and sort things out.
The Nashville situation
had thrown a lot of my world
out of joint.
I wasn't totally sure
how to put it back.
I think a large pan' of me
worried that what Jess
had said was true.
I had to go.
(Morris)
Rich!
I'll be right back.
We 're out of milk.
Could I talk to you
for a second, Morris?
Yeah.
Absolutely.
[clap]
What's on your mind?
Oh. Quite a lot.
And Nashville.
Yeah, you heard
about that?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, Jessie
doesn't want to go
and, um--
she hates
the whole idea
of touring but, man,
I don't know
how to do this
without her.
You-you
want to tour,
do your music.
Yeah, absolutely.
I just don't want
to do it alone.
Yeah. Well,
relationships are
funny that way.
They don't necessarily
fix those kind
of problems.
And if you kind of give
up this dream
for that dream,
you might lose
both of them.
Hm.
It sort of happens
that way sometimes.
You know why I think
Jesus didn't have
a girl?
I am dying to hear
this one. Why?
He didn't have
a home to take
her to.
The guy was a Vagabond,
I mean--
The only thing I know
is that Jesus would
not like Nashville.
I mean-- I just mean
all these cheesy artists
like trying
to make a cheap buck
off of his name.
The whole thing
makes me want
to puke, to be honest.
Maybe that's why he
wants you to be
a part of it.
Yeah. I don't know
if God needs me
to change Nashville.
Oh, I'm sure
he doesn't.
But he still might
want you to be there.
It's just you have
to be careful
thinking that holiness
is about finding
the right place
and doing
the right things.
Because it's
really not that.
I mean, holiness
is really about
loving God
in the moment.
I found in my own life
there are a lot of things
I know
and there
are some things
I don't know.
But if I
give it time,
if I really walk
in faith on it,
I don't have
answers to everything,
but I've been amazed
at the things I
found out.
And the thing
I know about it,
is that God loves you
no matter what
you choose.
And he's
going to be there.
He's going to be there
with you on this journey.
All right. So what
about the girl?
[chuckle]
Yeah.
Well, I don't know
everything about women--
[chuckling]
But I have been married
to one woman for almost
20 years.
And the reason
that works
is because
she says, "Go get milk"
and I go get milk.
[chuckle]
And then I pick
up ice cream.
Ooh, I hear you.
Rocky Road.
There is
no other kind.
[chuckle]
I'll be right back.
Thanks, Morris.
All right, I'll see you.
He still not here?
He'll be here.
I want to make sure
we get a few things
clear before I go on.
Hey man, we've done
this before. It's
going to be okay.
Not in my church.
First off, you boys all
better find yourselves
some shoes.
This is a house of God.
And clean up,
tuck your shirt tail in,
have some self respect.
I'm going to be talking
today about being holy,
being disciplined,
and shaping up.
And I want you
to play something
that will really drive
that message home.
You understand?
And I hope
you'll be out there
listening to my sermon.
[girl clears throat]
So, Gary, do you
want to tell Richard?
(preacher)
If you're going to get
serious about your faith,
you need to look
at this book like
a rule book.
It has the dos
and the don'ts.
Are you going
to follow
the dos?
Or will you
choose the don '13?
As Zion comes up
to close us in song,
I want to leave you
with this question.
Would Christ
be proud of you?
Yeah, I don't want
to be disrespectful.
I know we're guests here,
but I kind of think
how disrespectful
it would be
to not be honest
with the church.
I think it was
the theologian Karl Barth
who was asked once
what's the most--
[piano notes playing]
What's the most theologically
profound statement
and this is
how he responded.
J3 Jesus loves me
this I know J3
DD
J? For the Bible tells me so J3
DD
J3 They're the ones
to Him belong J3
D They are weak
but he is strong 53
DD
J3 Yes, Jesus loves me J3
J3 Yes, Jesus
loves me J3
DD
Yes, Jesus loves me
J? The Bible tells me so J3
DD
Whenever I hear people
say that Christians
are hypocrites,
I kind of go,
"Man, every time
we get together
"we're confessing
that we're hypocrites."
DD
The need of God
and the need
of each other,
DD
it's all the pretending
to be perfect
that breeds
inauthenticity in the church.
Because none Of US are.
DD
I've been wrestling lately
with-with surrender myself.
DD
But He loves us still.
DD
I think I need
to go to Nashville.
DD
Whether I go
or whether I don't go,
I kind of think
it doesn't matter.
DD
Because in the end
all that really matters,
J3 Yes, Jesus loves me J3
J3 Yes, Jesus
loves me J3
DD
J3 Yes, Jesus loves me J3
J? The Bible tells me so J3
DD
Nashville is so
not ready for him.
I know.
Hey!
You weren't going to go
without saying goodbye
to me, were you?
Miss me.
Yeah.
Of course I will.
You're the one
that got me
into this mess,
this whole
Nashville thing.
[chuckle]
You just don't want
to go without Jess, so...
quit being
a chicken, right?
Just don't forget
about us, okay?
(girl)
Richard!
Hey. I got to go
but don't forget
who your real
friends are.
(girl)
I'll miss you.
Time to go.
You Okay?
She's right.
I am
so scared.
It'll be okay.
We're only
five hours away.
I'm doing what He
wants me to do.
You'd think this would
be easier or something.
If you're really
so scared about going,
why don't you
move this junk
and I'll ride with you
to the edge of town.
Let me get
my wallet.
(man)
Hey. hey!
[laughing]
Hey, uh--
I think you packed
up some of my shirts.
[laughing]
(Rich, off)
Leaving Cincinnati
for Nashville
was one
of the hardest things
I've ever done.
I felt like I was trading
one life for another.
But I couldn't shake
the feeling
that God wanted me
there for some reason.
It was a whirlwind
from the time I arrived.
Sing Your Praise to the Lord
was a big hit for Amy
and her album
became the biggest'
selling album
in Christian radio
at the time so
so of course they wanted
me to write more songs.
As much
as I enjoyed
writing music,
I felt more and more
that I wanted to record
my own work.
I had meetings
with publishers
but without much luck
and I'm not sure I fit
the aesthetic
of contemporary
Christian music.
Besides, songwriting
and royalties gave
me something
I'd never had
before, which was
a steady income.
Not that I entirely knew
what to do with it.
All the money in Nashville
couldn't change the fact
that I missed
my friends back home.
Especially Jess.
[sigh]
J /fyou find
a love that's lender
J3 If you find
someone that's true J3
.57 Thank the Lord
D He's been doubw good
to you 5311
(Amy)
That's beautiful.
You doing okay?
Got into another fight
with Matt and Bryan.
Another one, huh?
This one was messy.
You sure don't like
to play by the rules,
do you?
Amy, I don't even know
what the rules are.
I've been here for a while now,
I've been writing for a while,
don't get me wrong,
I like writing
for you
and I like writing
for people
but I want to record
my own stuff.
And they won't
even hear me out.
So why don't they?
I mean, they're keeping
me out of the loop
on this.
They say my songs
are too dark or too--
I don't know, not happy enough,
not cheery and cheesy,
if you ask me.
What were you playing
when I walked in?
Did you like it?
Yeah.
Did you really?
Yeah.
Really really?
[chuckles]
I loved it.
What is it?
It's a song I wrote
for my wedding.
Can you play me
the rest of the song?
Yeah.
Sure.
It's just a chorus.
[slow piano music]
D You can thank the Father
for the things that He
has done 3
DD
D Thank mm
for the tmngs
He's yet to do 53
DD
J3 If you find
a love that's tender J3
J3 If you find
someone who's true J3
D Thank the Lord D
J3 He's been doubly good
to you J3
DD
Rich, seriously you have
to give me that song.
I want that song.
Sorry.
That one's for the girl.
[phone ringing]
[phone ringing]
[weeping]
You know, I'm being asked
by people all the time
how do you feel
close to God.
And I kind of go
"You know what?
I don't really know that."
When I think
about the lives
of--of the great saints
I don't necessarily think
that they always felt
close to God.
See, closest to God,
it isn't about feelings.
Closest to God
is about obedience.
But if we don't obey,
we don't even have
a chance.
[deep sigh]
What's up, bud?
Hey, Rich.
That was
a really good show.
Thanks.
It was fun.
Can I talk
to you for a second?
Yeah.
Absolutely.
What's up?
No, it's just--
I just
want to say thank you
for what you
said in there.
Yeah, you bet, man.
What did I say exactly?
You said a lot.
' -1
I'm not feeling close
to God.
Hm.
It's just that I struggle
a lot with loneliness.
I'm going to fill you
in on a little secret
that they won't tell
you in Sunday School.
All the heroes
in the Bible,
all the weirdos
in the Bible,
they all struggled
with the same stuff.
Loneliness and all of it.
It's just that some
of us aren't afraid
to admit it.
You know?
Yeah.
[car horn honks]
It's my dad.
I've got to go.
I won't forget.
Thanks, Rich.
You bet, man.
Nice to meet you.
Good night.
Good night.
(Rich, off)
Every small conversation
or fleeting moment
ofconnecfion
reminded me that despite
all the flaws and tackiness
of the Christian
music industry,
God had given me
something to say
and a platform
to share it.
I realized
that music could be
more than just music.
But they didn '2' let me
start just making records
over night.
It took some convincing.
(Rich, off)
Did you read the letter?
(Matt)
I haven '2' had time.
(Rich)
Man', this is important.
Can you at least tell
me you'll read it today?
Just tell me,
what is it?
I want to talk to you
about me recording
my own songs.
You know I think
you're an amazing writer,
but I don't think
you're ready to be
a recording artist.
[sighs]
Sorry, we'll just talk
about this later, okay?
What?
When I'm ready, Matt?
What's with you, Rich?
Do you really want
to do this here?
In front of Amy-
I have
a right to know!
Look, you really want
to be a recording artist?
Then everything's
got to change.
Your look,
the way
you dress,
it's your
stage presence--
What about my songs?
I don't think
they're ready either.
[scoffs]
J? This life has shown me J3
X1 How we're mended
and how we're tom D
DD
J3 How it's okay
to be lonely J3
J3 As long
as you're free J3
But' sometimes
my ground was stony J
And sometimes
co ve/'ed up with thorns J
J3 Only you could make it
what it had to be J3
DD
J3 If they dressed me
like a pauper J3
J3 Or if they dined me
like a prince J3
J3 If they lay me
with my fathers J3
J3 Or with my ashes scattered
on the wind I don't care J?
J3 Because when I leave
I want to go out
like Elijah J3
J7 With a whirlwind
to fuel my chariot of fire J3
J3 And when I look
back on the stars J3
J3 It'll be
like a candle light
in Central Park J?
DD
J3 It won't break
my heart to say goodbye J3
DD
He seems ready to me.
(Rich, oft?
Eventually, the label
gave me a shot'
and they signed me
to a pretty modest contract
After a few months,
I finished my first album
called, we//,
Rich Mullins.
[no audio]
After that,
I went on tour with Amy
and opened
at her concerts.
I found
that being on the road
was much more enjoyable
than being in the studio.
Maybe it's because I didn't'
like Nashville very much,
I den '2' know.
Music was always
something that was
a pan' of me,
something I
needed to share.
Now I
was reaching so many people
every night', if was exciting,
despite all
the corporate politics
that went with it.
But it's funny
how you can meet hundreds
of new people every day.
(Amy)
Thank you, thank you.
And still feel
almost completely alone.
Thank you all
so much.
We're going to take
a real quick break now
and be right back
in a few minutes.
[continuing applause]
There he is!
Tell us!
Here's our rock star!
She does that so way
better than you, man.
Yeah, she's
really talented.
How are you feeling?
Ah. Okay, let's go,
let's go, let's go.
Who's smoking?
Hey.
Ohhh.
So proud of you.
Wayne.
Hey,Dad.
You look like a girl
with that long hair.
You need
a hair cut, boy.
[sigh]
You haven't seen me
in months and that's
what you have to say?
It's only a joke.
Don't be
so damn sensitive.
I guess piano players
can wear their hair
however they want
these days.
Rich, would you mind
coming back on at the end
and doing the rain thing?
Absolutely.
You've got
a very talented son here.
You must be
a very proud father.
No, I'm proud
of all my kids.
Two boys,
two girls,
and a--piano player.
[clears throat]
I got to go.
What we're going to do,
we're going to make rain, okay?
So what I'm going to do
is break you guys up
into three groups.
This one's about here.
[soft sound
from crowd]
Nice.
[snapping fingers gently]
[soft patting]
[sound of rain]
[loud sound of rain]
[phone ringing]
[phone ringing]
Come on,
pick up.
(Jess)
Hello?
Jess!
[flatly]
Oh.
It's me.
Hey, Richard.
Sorry I didn't make it.
Oh, no,
that's fine.
Hey, listen,
what are you
doing next weekend?
The tour is coming
through Cincinnati--
Rich, I'm engaged.
[rolling thunder]
I'm sorry.
I just,
I don't know,
I just--
I thought
you should know.
(Rich, off)
You know,
I'm not a real--
I don't know--
I have no interest
in anybody else.
The woman I'm in love with
is married to someone
else so--
that's the way it--
that's the way it goes,
and I don't mind that.
I think
maybe God wanted me
to be celibate.
The way he accomplished
that was to break
my heart.
So the song
you wrote for your wedding,
Doubly Good,
you gave to Amy Grant. Why?
Some things
you just have
to walk away from,
you know.
And some things
you don't have
a choice.
The woman I love
is married to somebody else.
That's the way it goes.
Well, if that's the case,
then it seems to me
that song
is exceptionally cruel.
Why is that?
Well, because it implies
that if God hasn't given you
a love
that's tender
and someone who's true
then he hasn't been
doubly good to you.
Well, God
doesn't have to be
singly good to any of us.
(Rich, off)
We all have it better
than we deserve so...
we should be thankful
for what we have.
[piano playing]
[humming]
[no audio]
[phone ringing]
[phone ringing]
[phone ringing]
[tape recorder clicks]
[piano playing slowly]
[humming]
[same tune playing
with more instruments]
It's good.
That's horrible.
I like it.
Bryan?
Maybe if we
just changed--
No, I don't want to--
I don't want to change--
I don't want
to do it at all.
It's exactly this that made
me not want to come
to Nashville.
Yeah, you made
that clear, Mullins.
But no one's holding
a gun to your head here.
We're just trying to help.
Well, you're not helping.
Look, my songs aren't
fill-in-the-blanks,
you guys.
You can't just put the word
"Jesus" in a few more times
and expect it to be better.
Rich, you already have
a lot of longing
and brokenness
in your other songs,
which is good.
Maybe if you
just had happier lyrics.
I'm not trying to be
a Christian pop star, guys.
I'm just trying to say
something true.
Okay?
I don't want to change
my music.
Yeah? Well,
things change.
You sure don't seem
to mind the new car,
the new house, right?
Don't mess with my songs.
Rich, we don't want to mess
with your songs, okay?
But in order for people
to hear your music,
we have to sell records.
And in order
to sell records,
we have to get
the sound right.
Yeah!
The problem is the sound.
The problem is me.
I got it.
I get it.
What are
you doing?
You can't leave,
we're in the middle
of a session!
You don't want to hear
anything I have to say
to you right now.
He's never going
to sing this song.
Well, if he
doesn't sing this one,
he's going to have to come
up with something else.
We still got
one more slot to fill.
You know,
he has more talent
than anyone I've ever seen.
What if he never gets
off the ground?
[soft guitar playing]
[soft knocking]
[phone ringing]
Hello?
(Gary, over phone)
Hey, Rich.
Hey, Gary.
What's up, man?
I know you're slammed,
but I got a friend
who's asking
for a favor.
Would you have
time to do a show?
Man, I don't know.
We're kind of behind
on this thing.
Thelabers
all over
me about it.
It's on a Native
American reservation.
Really?
Yeah, but it's
all the way out
in Arizona.
It's, like,
a million miles
from Nashville.
I know
you're super busy
working on the new album.
Yeah, I'll do it.
(Rich, off)
Truth was I couldn't
get away fast enough.
I probably would have done
a retreat on the moon
if it meant getting space
from the record company.
The only thing I knew
about the reservation
was that it
was called Window Rock
and it was
in the middle
of nowhere.
I really had no idea
what to expect.
Driving through
the reservation
was like being
in another world.
It was beautiful there,
but sad at the same time.
Children played
in rundown streets.
Some people
barely left
their homes at all.
There's need here.
Great need.
I ended up staying
a few days here
working with
the Youth Ministry team.
I was able to get
to know some of the kids
and hear their stories.
The good and the bad.
It was one of the most
real experiences
in my life.
I didn't want it to end.
(man)
Lights out
in ten minutes.
Hey, Rich.
How's it going, man?
I really like
your shirt.
Oh, thanks.
Yeah, I love this one.
You know what?
It looks like
it'd fit you.
Thanks.
Yeah, man.
Here you go.
It's yours.
Hey.
Can I talk to you?
Yeah. Sure. Sit.
(Rich, off)
I could tell
as soon as we sat down
that this kid had
something he needed
to share.
We got to talking
and he told me
about how six months earlier
he had shot himself
in the stomach.
We talked late into the night
about depression and despair
and how he thought
he had nothing
to hope for,
until he got so desperate
he tried to kill himself.
And then the humiliation
of failing even at that.
I tried my hardest
to find the words to be
of some comfort to him
to let him know
he wasn '2' alone.
[piano playing]
Eventually I was able
to write them down.
J3 Clung to a ball
that was hung in the sky J3
J7 Hurled into orbit J7
L' There you are L'
DD
Whether you fall down
or whether you fly
DD
.0 Seems you
can never gel too far .U
DD
J3 Someone's waiting
to grow wings J3
DD
L' Upon your flightless heart L'
DD
J You're on the verge
of a miracle
J Standing there
ohhh
J You're on the verge
of a miracle
You know,
this might keep him
around a little
bit longer.
J --be/ie we in-- J
Maybe.
J Open your eyes
and see
He's living
on borrowed time, man.
J You're on the verge
of a miracle

J The love
that seemed so far away
L' Is standing very near L'
J You're on the verge
of a miracle
J Standing there
Oh
J3 You're on the verge
of a miracle J3
J3 Just waiting
to be believed in J?
L' Open your eyes and see L'
J You're on the verge
of a miracle
DD
[humming]
What is that?
Is that new?
Yeah, it's something
new I've been kind of
playing around with
but so far
no lyrics.
(Rich)
I like it.
Yeah, it's cool.
This is what I like
about being on the road, man.
I mean,
for all the things I hate,
this is what I love.
Having you here,
on the open road,
look at the sky,
I mean, it's just--
Awesome.
[humming]
[mumbling lyrics]
Morning, Rich.
Bryan.
How was
your retreat?
Don't start.
I said I was
going to go.
What am I
supposed to do?
Don't walk
away from me.
[door closes]
Rich!
That's what you said
about that one retreat.
But every other week
it's something else.
A retreat,
a camp,
a small church
in Michigan--
You're a recording
artist now, Rich,
you don't have
take time to--
What do you
want me to do?
I want you in my office,
that's what I want.
(Bryan)
Sit down.
No, I'm good.
Yeah, you're good.
Well, you're not
as good as you
think, Rich.
All this talking
you've been doing
at your concerts,
that's got to stop!
Okay?
People are paying
to hear you sing,
not to hear you talk.
You understand that?
No, no.
No.
You're there
to make fans,
not enemies.
What can I say?
That's what happens
when you're honest
with religious people.
Well, those
religious people
are paying your bills
and they're not going to keep
buying your records
if you keep--
Pissing them off?
Are we done?
No.
Look, we've got
a record to put out
and the last one
still isn't selling.
Do you--?
You understand
that, right?
I thought
it was selling.
Not as much
as we'd hoped.
What do you
want me to do?
Your contract is
up after this, Rich.
If your records
don't start selling,
it's over.
You think I give
a damn about that?
[sigh]
No, I don't.
It's disrespectful.
It's disrespectful to me,
this label,
more importantly, Rich,
it's disrespectful to God
who gave you
all of this ability
and all
of this opportunity.
You think
you're so
righteous, huh?
Now you try to throw
everything away
because you have
some idea about holiness
but you want to know
what I think?
Hm.
Oh, yeah, you
keep laughing,
you keep laughing.
You know what I think?
I think you're scared.
Time's running
out, Rich.
God might wait for you,
but this label won't.
And don't
ever disrespect
me like that again.
What do you want from me?
[motor running]
(sleepy woman)
What's that?
Rich Mullins
is mowing our lawn.
Oh.
Honey?
Yeah?
Why is Rich Mullins
mowing our lawn?
To say
he's sorry.
Hm.
[stereo clicks]
[Rich, on tape]
J Our God,
our God is an awesome God J
J He reigns
from heaven above
J3 With wisdom,
power, and love J7
J Our God
is an awesome God J
[radio playing Awesome God]
You're on
the radio!
I know.
I knew
you were special.
Hurry UP!
I don't even care
if we're late.
I just want
to hang out
with you guys.
See this?
Uh-huh.
It's really nice, man.
How's Morris?
Oh. Well, you
should live
in Wichita.
He's retired now.
You can hang
out with him
as much as you want.
That'd be
awesome, yeah.
Are you doing okay?
No.
(Sam)
What's up?
(Rich)
I've been drinking a lot.
I hate myself for it.
I really do.
Don't do that.
The drinking?
No, the hating.
You know what?
You should probably
figure out the drinking, too.
Yeah.
He's on more than one
radio station at
the same time!
[cheering]
You guys,
seriously hurry up!
Dude, I can't believe
you kept this in a desk
for so long.
[car horn honks]
You could've had
this hit big
a year ago.
Don't get me wrong,
I'm excited.
I just don't think
I can handle this.
We got a long
road ahead of us.
Let's go!
(Rich)
We're here, guys.
(Beth)
I wonder if you'll have
a big crowd tonight.
[gasping]
I think yes.
What?
Don't blow it.
[chuckle]
(Beth)
Ohhh, you guys-'
[happy shout]
[excited chatter]
(Sam)
Ow!
(guard)
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You people
cannot be back here
without a ticket.
No, no,
I'm Rich.
I don't care
how much money
you got. Buy a ticket.
No, he's the singer!
Oh! Oh!
No problem!
Go ahead,
go ahead.
Thanks, man.
Hey, just
so you know it,
you hurt me.
Why don't you
just man up?
No, my feelings.
(male announcer)
Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome
Rich Mullins!
[wild cheering]
Welcome to being famous.
Hi, I'm Rich Mullins.
DD
Now let's get this
over with.
DD
B Our God 'vs an awesome God D
J3 He reigns from heaven above J3
J3 With wisdom,
power, and love J3
B Our God 'vs an awesome God D
.67 Our God is an awesome God
J He reigns
from heaven above
J3 With wisdom,
power, and love J3
B Our God 'vs an awesome God DD
You know,
I've come to think
that to identify
fully with Christ,
who I claim to be
my Saviour and my Lord,
that to fully identify with Him
is to identify with the poor.
Christianity is not about
finding an absolutely secure
niche in the world
where you can live
with your perfect little wife
and your perfect little kids
in your beautiful little house
where there are no gays
or minority groups around.
Christianity is
about learning
how to love like Jesus
and Jesus loved the poor
and Jesus loved the broken.
(Rich, off)
I knew that not everyone
appreciated what I had to say.
But I didn't really care.
Awesome God
became the number one song
in Christian radio
the week it released
in 1988
or so they told me.
So the concert
venues got bigger,
the crowds got louder,
Man' and Bryan were
a little biz' nicer
to me.
But at the end of the day,
I mean,
the fame, the money,
the attention,
it just didn't
mean much to me.
In fact, I got sick
of it pretty fast.
Life on the road
had taken its toll on me.
One thing became
painfully obvious.
I needed a change.
Look, here
he comes, hey, hey.
Yes!
There he is!
Man of the hour!
Yeah, I bet you thought
this day would never
come, huh?
Hoped it would
never come, actually.
(Matt)
We got some great news.
We got you booked
solid for the next
six months.
No more little church gigs
or youth camps.
And you're no longer
an opening act, Rich.
From now on, this town's
going to be begging
to open for you.
Not only that.
You can finally afford
a proper tour bus.
Yeah, you're
ready, Rich.
Everything is changed.
Yeah.
I'm moving to Wichita.
[loud laughter]
Yeah, okay, Rich.
No, I'm serious.
I'm moving to Wichita.
But you're finally on top.
If you leave now,
you risk losing everything.
I don't know
if I'm concerned
about it either way.
Look, I've seen you.
I know you like
those new toys.
I just saw you
on that new
motorcycle, right? Huh?
Rich, come on.
You know
what the problem is?
I hadn't seen myself
on that new motorcycle.
Here, you guys
can have it.
I don't even want it.
Rich!
You know what a person is
that doesn't want anything
and doesn't fear anybody?
What?
Dangerous.
Rich?
Can I help you?
Um, I'm Justin.
Holy cow!
Good to see
you, man!
It's been a while.
You remember me?
Yeah, absolutely.
I hope you don't mind
I got--
No, not at all.
You kind of picked
the worst possible time.
I'm literally
just getting
ready to leave
but if you need
a place to crash
you know, it's yours.
Where are you going?
I'm moving
to Wichita, actually.
Oh.
What are you doing
in Nashville anyway?
Looking for a job.
I'll tell you what,
if you want a crappy job,
you can come join the band.
Really?
Yeah. Sure,
why not?
You're just going
to let me join
the band?
Yeah!
Awesome.
Come in.
Let's get
this crappy job started.
Here, take that
to the jeep, will you?
[laughter]
(Rich, off)
It turns out Justin
is just as broken as I was
when he landed
on my doorstep.
That was one
of the many things
we had in common.
Along with enjoying
Aaron Copeland
and road trips
broken relationships
with our fathers,
and greasy truck stop food,
stale motel lobby coffee,
it goes on and on.
And more than anything,
if was just' nice
to have a friend
on the road.
So what?
You want to be
like Saint Frank?
It's not about being
like Saint Francis
necessarily,
it's about following Jesus,
it's about being
like Christ.
I mean,
how do you do that?
I'm not good
at being perfect.
But it's
not about being perfect.
Look at Saint Francis.
He took vows.
He took a vow of chastity,
he took a vow of poverty,
a vow of obedience.
I think that's what
we're really missing.
That's what I want to do.
I think
I want to start living
on whatever
the average American salary is.
Whatever the average
American worker makes.
Says the man
making millions.
Who cares?
Money destroys
people, man.
Money doesn't have
to destroy people.
Well, it's destroying me.
(radio intervie wer)
You moved
to Wichita, Kansas
to go back to college
at Friends University
and do I have this right
that you went to get
a music education degree?
No, I mean, yeah.
It's true that I went
to get a music degree.
I wanted
to be able to teach kids
but the real reason
I went back to Wichita
was Morris.
I thought maybe being
around him may make me
walk a little straighter.
To be honest,
it's the closest
thing to home
I've found
in a long, long time.
What' up, man?
I'm Rich.
Hey, I'm Mitch.
Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
Nice guitar.
Yeah.
Thanks.
I'm just starting out.
Sweet.
This is James
Bryan Smith's class, right?
Yeah. What,
you weren't
here last week?
No, no,
I was bummed.
I had to miss it.
I was
actually in Ireland.
And Ireland's incredible so
I wasn't really that bummed
to be honest but--
Yeah. You're seeing
friends, family?
Actually I was shooting
a music video.
It's not as cool
as it seems.
Hey, everyone.
Glad to see
you all made
it back to class.
Can I help you?
This is Intro
to Religion, right?
Yes.
What's your name?
Do you have
a student ID?
Uh, my name
is Rich Mullins.
I'm not sure
about the student ID.
The Rich Mullins?
Awesome God guy.
I do have
other songs.
All right, and you're
taking this class?
(Rich)
Yeah.
Why?
I was hoping
you would tell me
that part.
Yeah, okay, sorry.
Glad to have you, Rich.
Everyone, take out
your copies of G.K.
Chesterton's Orthodoxy.
(Rich)
Good morning.
Yes, it is.
Barely.
[chuckling]
I think this
is the earliest
I've seen you, man.
Good job.
That's funny.
Justin up?
Well, I haven't seen him
down by the coffee pot
so chances are
he's not up yet.
Sam called.
Oh, yeah?
Said hi, yeah.
Does he, uh,
got the beard
going these days?
Uh, no.
He's on a diet.
[chuckles]
So you call
your dad yet?
Why should I, Morris?
I don't know
the history
between you guys--
but if you're blessed
enough to have a dad
to call,
you should call him.
You've been
more of a father to me
these last three months.
Yeah, but I'm
not your dad.
I am your friend.
And as your friend,
I'm telling you...
Call your dad.
[Morris, coughing]
[glass breaking]
Morris, you okay?
[Shout]
Morris!
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Hey, Morris!
Morris! Hey, talk
to me, buddy.
Talk to me.
Morris!
Mo--Help!
Morris! Hey, hey,
come on, come on.
Justin!
Doris!
[weeping]
Call an ambulance!
Oh, my God.
Don't leave me.
Don't leave me.
Don't leave me.
Morris!
Don't leave me!
Help!
Help
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry.
Everything's fine.
I'm sorry.
Everything's fine.
Everything's fine,
I'm sorry.
Everything's fine.
Rich'?
Sam!
Are you drunk?
Shhh.
I don't want
anyone to know.
Everyone knows.
Can I talk to you outside?
[panting]
Look, man--
you got to understand.
People in my family
don't come
to these things sober.
Sam, I'm sorry.
He was like
a father to me.
[weeping]
(Sam)
He wasn't your dad.
He was mine.
You're not going
to hit me, are you?
No.
Well--
probably not.
But if I would,
you would deserve it.
Yeah, I would.
I do.
[sigh]
Now what?
I was thinking
the same thing.
You sticking
around Wichita?
You know
I left Nashville
to be with your dad.
Okay, Richard.
So now what are
you going to do?
I don't know.
[Sigh]
What would you
tell somebody
in your exact situation?
And I know you know
the answer to this.
If I was talking
to somebody else,
I'd give them
the Sunday School answer.
And what
is wrong with that?
My dad was a--
My dad was
a Sunday School teacher
for 20 years.
If there's one thing
that I learned from him,
I learned that sometimes
the Sunday School answers
are exactly
the right ones.
So what is it?
That God loves you
even when you don't
feel it but--
Exactly.
Exactly.
But the truth is
I don't get it.
Even when I'm supposed
to know it, I just don't
feel it.
So, what do you know?
What do you feel?
[sigh]
I feel broken.
The only thing
that makes me
feel...good
is not
pretending otherwise.
Well, I think
that's a good place to start.
You know we're going
to be okay, right?
We're going to be okay.
I hope so.
(Rich, off)
Losing Morris
was devastating.
And left me
at another crossroads
in my life.
I came to Wichita
to find myself,
only to leave feeling
just' as lost' as I
had before.
I set out on the road
again with Justin,
not really sure
where I was headed.
Hey, Rich.
Where were you?
I was just getting
some food.
Don't go anywhere
without telling me
where you're going. Okay?
Okay.
Is everything all right?
I was just'- -
I don't need
you to talk.
Just, if you're
going somewhere, tell
me where you're going.
Okay? Or take
me with you.
Okay, but--
Damn it.
Hey, Can I may
YOU a tape?
What is it?
There's this preacher.
You should know better
than to even ask me
to listen to a preacher.
Just give it ten minutes.
(male preacher)
In the 33 years
since I was first ambushed
by Jesus in a little chapel
in the mountains
of western Pennsylvania,
and the literally thousands
of hours of prayer
and meditation,
silence, solitude
in those years,
I am now
utterly convinced
that on Judgment Day
the Lord Jesus will ask
one question and only
one question,
"Did you believe
that I loved you?
"That I desired you?
"That I waited
for you day after day?
"That I longed to hear
the sound of your voice?"
The real believers
will respond and say,
"I believed in your love,
"and I tried
to shape my life
as a response to it."
But many of us
who are so faithful
in our ministry,
our practice,
church going,
are going to answer
"Well, frankly, no sir.
"I never really believed it."
And there's the difference
between the real believers
and the nominal Christians
that abound in our churches
across the land.
No one can measure
like a believer
the depth and intensity
of God's love.
But' then again,
no one can measure
like a believer
the effectiveness
of our gloom,
our pessimism,
our low self-esteem,
our self-hatred and despair
that block God's way to us.
Do you see now
why it's so important
to lay hold of this basic
truth of our faith?
Because you're only going
to be as big as your own
concept of God.
We make God in our own image
and he winds up being
as fussy and rude
and narrow-minded
and judgmental
andlegahsfic
and unloving
and unforgiving as we are.
I've been in churches
in Bangor, Maine,
Miami, Seattle,
San Diego, and Saint Louis,
and honest to God
if so many Christians
I meet is too small for me.
Because he is
not the God of the Word.
He is not the God
who is revealed
in and by Jesus Christ,
who at this moment
comes to your seat
and says,
"I have a word for you.
"I know
your whole life story.
"I know
e very skeleton
in your closet.
"I know every moment of sin
and shame and dishonesty
"and degraded love
that's darkened
your past.
"Right now,
I know your shallow faith,
your feeble prayer life,
"your inconsistent
discipleship,
"and my word
to you is this.
"I dare you
to trust that I love you.
"Just as you are.
"Not as you should be.
"Because none of us
are as we should be."
(Justin)
Whoa, what's up?
Are you all right?
(Justin)
Rich.
Rich?
[weeping]
You know, Brennan,
I've been going to church
since I was less
than a week old.
I can count on one hand
how many times I've heard
the simple proclamation
of what the Gospel
is really about.
There are very few things
I love more than beer.
Hot fudge sundae
is one of them.
Beer, huh'?
Mm-hm.
Yeah, I'm a recovering
alcoholic.
That's my six-month
sobriety chip from AA.
I've been on the wagon
and off the wagon more
times than I can remember.
Definitely more times
than my whiskey-loving
brain can remember.
It's honest.
You should try it some time.
It's refreshing.
Brennan, I don't know
if I have any friends left.
Right now
do you think
you're free?
What do you mean "free"?
A free man
wouldn't need
to ask.
Mm.
I'm not free.
I feel like a failure.
I'm on stage
all the time,
expected to be
this voice of hope.
People want me
to be perfect,
but I'm not.
Brennan,
I'm always
carrying around
this darkness.
We're all fighting
the same battle.
You know,
I love what you said.
You said that...
you said that God
loves us for who we are,
not for who we should be
because none of us are
who we should be.
Yeah, that's the heart
of the ragamuffin gospel
right there.
What's that?
Ragamuffins
are the unsung assembly
of saved sinners.
They're little
in their own sight,
and aware
of their brokenness
and powerlessness
before God.
A ragamuffin knows
he's only a beggar
at the door of God's mercy.
Brennan,
I'm a ragamuffin.
Oh, I know.
Me, too.
And, uh, as one
ragamuffin to another,
would you judge me
if I had another
hot fudge sundae?
This next song
is my contribution
to the...ragamuffin
collection.
[playing piano]
J3 It took the hand
Of God Almighty J3
J 7'0 part the waters
In the sea
But /'2' only took
One little lie
To separate
You and me
J Oh we are
Not as strong J
.57 As we think we are .U
And they say
That' one day Joshua J
J He made the sun
Stand still in the sky J
But' I can '2' even
Keep these thoughts
Ofyou J
L' From passing by L'
J Oh we are
Not as strong J
.57 As we think we are .U
.67 We are frail J
J3 We are fearfully
And wonderfully made J3
Forged in the fires
Of human passion
J Choking on the fumes
Of selfish rage
J7 And with these
Our hells and our heavens J7
L' 80 few inches apart L'
J3 We must be
Awfully small J7
Not' as strong
As we think we are .U
Thank you.
You know, you guys
are all into that
born-again thing,
which is fine.
We do need
to be born again.
Jesus said that
to a guy named
Nicodemus.
But you tell me I need
to be born again
to enter
the kingdom of God,
I can tell you
that you need to sell
everything you have
and give it to the poor.
'Cause Jesus said that
to one guy, too.
Maybe that's why God
invented highlighters.
So we can highlight
what we like in the Bible
and just ignore the rest.
I think that
when we do things to--
that corrupt our lives,
we're really just trying
to comfort some ache
that we have.
And I think that
the Church exists
'cause we all
kind of need
each other.
And why are we all
walking around church
wearing these masks,
pretending to be perfect?
It's so exhausting.
Why do we do it?
And I think
that our only hope
is the love of God.
[mixed voices]
Hey;
Hey.
The song I've been
working on that I--
I kind of want to play
'cause my parents are here,
so if you
indulge me here, um,
it's just about my family.
J3 My folks
They were always J3
J? The first family
To arrive J3
J3 Seven people jammed J3
E mm a car
That seated five D
X1 There was
One bathroom D
E To bathe
And shave 'm D?
.0 Six of us
Stood in line
J3 And hot water
For only three J7
J3 But we all
Did just fine J3
J3 Talk about
Your miracles J3
J3 Talk about
Your faith J3
J3 My dad he could
Make things grow J3
J3 Out of Indiana clay J3
J3 Mom could make
A gourmet meal J3
J3 Out of just
Cornbread and beans J3
J3 And they learned to give
Faith hands and feet J3
D And somehow
Gave wings J1
That was nice, boy.
Wayne, it was wonderful.
Your dad
thought so, too.
He just doesn't know
how to say it.
Wayne, I, M...
I, uh--
What, Dad?
Uh, you-you know.
Thank you, son.
Neva, we need to,
we need to get going.
Why don't you go
out there and talk
to him right now?
Can't you see
he needs you?
I don't know how
to talk to him, Neva.
Some other time.
[telephone ringing]
Hello?
Hello?
Hello?
Is someone there?
Is someone there?
[dial tone]
All right, this is good.
Where do you want it?
Uh, right there.
Hey, Rich,
you got a phone call
in the office.
All right.
Church office.
Can you help me find
the other hammers?
I can't find them again.
This is Rich.
Say that again.
[sighs]
But I just saw him.
Dad.
J? This world J3
J3 Is not my home J3
J3 I'm just J3
J3 Passing through J3
51 My treasures I1
J3 Are laid up J3
J3 Somewhere beyond J3
J? The blue J3
.U I can '2' feel at home
J? In this world J3
L' Anymore L'
HEY-
H3'!-
Where the hell where you?
I was getting coffee
in the lobby.
Thought I told you
to leave a note
if you go anywhere.
Leave a note
to get coffee, Rich?
What's the point
of having you
on the road
if you're not going
to be around when
I need you.
I thought you're--
I am your friend, Rich.
What are you
talking about?
What's wrong
with you, boy?
What's it like
being all alone, boy?
You sure like
being famous,
don't you, boy?
Do you think
you deserve
this success?
[knock on door]
Rich.
We're going to be late
for Brennan's thing.
[knocking on door]
Rich.
(Brennan)
You know that
you're a ragamuffin
if you're not ashamed
to be a ragamuffin.
Much like having
the simplicity
of a child,
and the poverty
of a child, you come
before your Abba Father,
and you rest'
in your identity
as the beloved of God.
Hey, Wayne.
Hey!
How many times
I've got to tell you
not to yank on that thing?
You're going to break it
just like you broke
the tractor.
You're going to break
every damn thing
around here.
Look at me when
I'm talking to you.
You understand me?
Yes, sir.
Leave it alone.
[whispering]
Jesus.
Jesus.
I'm going to play
a song that, um,
that I wrote-I wrote
a while ago now,
and...it's come
to me more to me
lately.
This song is kind
of a prayer and, um,
[playing piano]
If you bear with me,
I'm playing this
more for myself
than for you, so.
J3 Sometimes my life
Just don't make sense
At all J3
J When the mountains
Look so big
J3 And my faith
Just seems so small J3
J3 So hold me Jesus J3
J3 'Cause I'm shaking
Like a leaf J3
J? You have been
King of my glory J3
D Won": You be
My Prince of Peace 53
.U I wake up
In the night J
.57 And feel the dark
J It's so hot'
Inside my soul
J? I swear there must be
Blisters on my heart J3
J3 So hold me Jesus J3
J3 'Cause I'm shaking
Like a leaf J3
J? You have been
King of my glory J3
D Won": You be
My Prince of Peace 53
J3 Surrender don't come
Natural to me J3
J3 I'd rather fight
You for something
I don't really want J3
J3 Than to take what
You give that I need J3
J3 I've beat my head
Against so many walls J3
J3 Now I'm falling down J3
J3 I'm falling
on my knees J3
J3 And this
Salvation Army band J3
J3 ls playing this hymn J3
J3 And His grace
Rings out so deep J3
J3 It makes
My resistance
Seem so thin J3
J3 So hold me Jesus J3
J3 'Cause I'm shaking
Like a leaf J3
J? You have been
King of my glory J3
D Won": You be
My Prince 53
D Of Peace D
[audience cheering]
[knocking on door]
Hold on.
I'm on the phone
with the label.
Come in.
Hello?
Hey, Bryan.
Uh, listen, man.
Uh, this just came
to me last night,
but I have an idea
for the new record.
I want to do
ten songs about Jesus.
Just really simple,
stripped down.
I'm really excited
about this.
Sorry to cut you off
there, Rich.
But, uh, I'm afraid
to say this isn't Bryan.
Who is this?
Well, I was actually really
excited to talk to you.
My name is Chad Montgomery,
and I'm the new head
of the label.
Uh, where is Bryan
and Matt?
Well, unfortunately,
Matt and Bryan are
no longer with us.
They switched
labels and--
Matt and Bryan aren't
at the label anymore.
Yeah, I know.
I've been trying to call
and tell you but you don't
answer the phone.
Rich, what's this
new record about?
Why would they leave
without telling me?
I don't know.
I don't think it's
a bad thing, Rich.
They're just
moving on.
Moving on?
What--
Yeah, people do that.
Yeah, I know
people do that.
Oh. do you?
Really?
Yeah, Justin.
Wha-What's your problem?
I-I don't have
a problem.
I'm sorry
if I'm bothering you.
I just came by
to tell you
I'm getting married.
Well, that's--
that's not bad news.
That's good news, man.
Gosh, I'm-I'm relieved.
Um--
No, that's awesome.
We could use another
girl in the tour.
No, Rich.
I'm leaving the tour.
Why would you--
Of course you are.
[door slams]
[telephone ringing]
Yeah?
[sighs]
Rich?
Brennan.
Okay, ragamuffin.
On a scale
of one to ten,
how hung over are you?
Eleven.
What do you say
that you and I go away
on a retreat of sorts?
Is today too soon?
In Jesus' language,
the word that he taught
the disciples to pray with
was Abba.
It means "daddy."
It doesn't really work
for me to think of God
as a father, Brennan.
Me, either.
But it's the essence
of the disciples'
identity.
And praying Abba,
I belong to you.
It's like breathing.
I'll be
in the cabin behind us.
You'll be in this one.
The first night's going
to be the hardest.
What exactly
are you going
to have me do?
I want you to write
a letter from John
to you.
Brennan, my dad wasn't exactly
the kind of guy that showed
a lot of emotion.
I'm not sure
I can do that.
I think you told me
that you knew you
father loved you.
But he never told you.
Let him tell you.
[whispering]
Abba, Abba.
Abba.
Please, let my brother
come to see your love.
Get your damn head
off the clouds, Wayne.
What's wrong
with you, boy?
You're going to break
every damn thing
around here.
Two boys,
two girls,
and you.
Look at me
when I'm talking.
You understand?
Damn fool's things.
Speak up.
What does it say?
When I tell you
to do something,
you do it well.
You understand me?
I just don't understand
wh y everything you touch
ends up--
Don't be afraid, son.
Wayne.
Wayne, boy.
[whispering]
You know I didn't mean it.
Son, if I'm not tough
on you, you're never
going to learn.
Come on.
You'll be all right?
[whispering]
Come on.
It's time, ragamuffin.
"Dear Wayne,
"it's a lot
like I told you.
"Being poor
ain't shameful
it's just inconvenient.
"I valued you."
(John)
It's just that
I didn't know you.
I didn't know how
I was supposed
to be affectionate.
I thought
that was soft.
I can see the strength
of steel, but I couldn't see
the power of tenderness,
or the courage it takes
to hold tenderness up
to a fire.
Anyway, I can '2' even remember
that you walked funny and had
scra wn y shoulders.
Did you?
Who the hell cares?
I'm here in the company
of several fathers
who occasioned pain
in their sons.
Abraham did it
to Isaac.
David to Absalom.
God Almighty himself even
did it to His boy, Jesus.
If you love him,
you'll surely hurt him.
It's just a fact
of life.
Passion, pain...
doesn't' have to wreck
your life unless
you make it'.
That's your choice.
Be brave
in your pain, son.
I don't say that
because you're not.
I'm proof that you
didn't run off from it.
But keep brave.
"I once wrote you
on October 21st, 1955.
"Richard made me a--
"a very proud man."
I'm up here in this cloud
of witnesses and you
can ask anything.
I brag about you
all the time...
until they're about
to kick me out.
I love you, boy.
Dad.
So, how do you feel,
little brother?
Free.
And what does
a free man do?
I want to be
on the reservation.
That's...that's where
I want to be.
I want to be
with those kids.
Then go.
I mean, you could do
a lot of good there.
I think they'll do
more good for me.
So, what's next,
Brennan?
Next, I want you to write
a letter from your abba father
God to you.
That I don't need to do.
Why?
I know what
that one would say.
It always
cracks me up and--
When people try
to impress God
because you don't have
to impress God.
He's already
knocked out by you.
[playing piano]
And Picasso said
something once that
I really liked.
He said,
he said that
good taste is
the enemy of great art.
And I think that's
really true because
good taste has everything
to do with being cultured
and being refined and...
if art has to do
with anything, it has
to do with being human.
I remember, when I was a kid,
I was a typical depressed
adolescent.
People would always
come up to me and say,
say, "Cheer up.
God loves you."
And I'd say, "Big deal.
God loves everybody.
"It don't make me special.
"It just proves that God
ain't got no taste."
And I don't think
that he does.
And thank God.
So, I think that
God takes the--
He takes the messiness
and the ugliness
in our lives,
and he makes
the most beautiful art
in the world out of it.
If you're half as cultured
and refined as most Christians
wish you were,
He would be useless
to Christianity.
But God
is a wild man.
And I hope that someday
you have the chance
to encounter Him.
But if you do,
let me warn you,
because you'd better
hold on for dear life.
Or let go for dear life
maybe is better.
J3 There's a wideness
In God's mercy J3
J I cannot' find
In my own
J He keeps
His fire burning J
J7 To melt this
Heart of stone J7
Keeps n7e aching
With a yearning
J Makes me glad
To have been caught' J
J In the reckless
Raging fury
That' they call
The love of God
Now I've seen
No band of angels
But' I've heard
The soldiers' songs
.U Love hangs over them
Like a banner
.U Love within them
Leads them on J
J To the battle
On the journey J
And it's never
Gonna stop
Ever widening
Their mercies
And the fury
Of His love
.67 Oh the love of God
And oh
The love of God
.57 The love of God
Joy and sorrow
Are this ocean
J In their every
Ebb and flow
Now the Lord
A door has opened
J That' all Hell
Could never close
Here /'/77 tested
And made worthy
Tossed about
And lifted up
J In the reckless
Raging fury
That' they call
The love of God
(Randy)
is there anything you'd like
to say to our listeners
before we sign off?
(Rich)
People are going
to judge you.
People are going
to condemn you.
You know, a matter
of fact, it seems
as though some people,
that's exactly what
they're looking for.
I would rather live
in the verge of falling
and let my security be found
in the all-sufficiency
of the grace of God
than to live in some kind
of pielislic illusion
of.--moral excellence.
[radio crackling]
I guess I'd say
go out and live
real good.
I promise
you'll get
beat up real bad.
But in a little while,
after you're dead,
you 'll be
rotted a way anyway.
It's not going to matter
if you have a few scars.
But it will matter
if you didn't live.
[piano playing]
Everybody
Each and all
J We're gonna die
Eventually
J It's no more
Or less our faults
J Than if is
Our destiny
J 80 now Lord
I come to you
Asking only
For Your grace
J You know what I've
Put' myself through
All those empty
Dreams I chased
And when my body
Lies in the ruins
Of the lies that
Nearly ruined me
J Will You pick up
The pieces that were
Pure and true
And breathe
Your Life into them
And set' them free
.UAnd when You start'
This world over again
From scratch
J Will You make me anew
Out' of the stuff
That' lasts
J Stuff that's purer
Than gold is .U
Clearer than glass
Could ever be J
.67 Can I be with You
.67 Can I be with You
And the Irish
have always
sort of traditionally
have been afraid of going
out to sea.
People go to Ireland
and they come back
and they have these really
beautiful big sweaters,
real big bulky,
and they've got
all kinds of stitches
and stuff in them.
Well, they started
doing that because each
of those different stitches
it's different charms
and prayers and stuff
that they would weave
into their husband's
sweaters.
And, uh, so, you know,
if it worked, then their
husbands would come back alive.
And if it didn't,
because fish don't
eat wool,
they could tell
who was who by what
sweater was on them.
[laughter]
I just think that's
a charming story.
[laughter]
It scares me when I talk
to you guys and you guys think
so highly of Christian music,
contemporary Christian
music especially, because
I know a lot of us
and we don't know jack
about anything.
[laughter]
Not that I don't want you
to buy our records.
[laughter]
Orcome
to our concerts,
I sure do.
But you should come
for entertainment.
If you really want
spiritual nourishment,
you should go to church.
[applause]
Those people
care about you.
You don't have
to buy a ticket.
We are not saved
because we're good.
We're good
because we're saved.
And never forget
what Jesus did for you.
Never take lightly
what it cost him.
And never assume
that if it cost him
his very life,
that it will
cost you yours.
And when you wash up
on that other shore,
even though
you've been disfigured
beyond any recognition,
the angels are going
to see you there and
they'll go, "What is this?"
[laughter]
"We're not even sure
if he's human."
But Jesus will say,
"No, that's human.
"I know that one."
And they'll say,
"Jesus, how do you
know that one?"
And he will say,
"Well, you see that
sweater he's got on?"
[laughter]
[Mitch Mcvicker
singing "Danger"]