Jacques, you are
my guest today.
Yes.
You are a school teacher,
you like nature
you are a keen talk-show viewer
and you collect Russian watches
from the 70's.
Yes, exactly.
You are 54 years old.
Yes, that is true.
- You are a widower.
- Yes.
Do you believe in God?
If you mean
an old guy with a beard
who lives in the clouds...
NO.
Okay.
What are your goals in life?
To be happy.
That's the main thing.
Also, I have a special project
that I'm quite keen on.
I would like to start
my own line of sports clothes.
Interesting.
Please tell us a little bit about
the dessert that you have chosen.
We are all very impatient and...
and very much listening.
Uh, yes, I have chosen
the Strawberry Charlotte.
And tell us in a few words why you have
chosen the Strawberry Charlotte.
Well, it is a very simple cake
and very easy to make.
- Um...
- What the fuck?
And the ingredients
are... are very inexpensive
and they are not
so gross to touch.
- Very well.
- This is no good, cut.
Dennis, why do you keep
scratching yourself'?
It's getting worse and worse.
What, what?
You've been scratching yourself
like a dog
for the last three days,
what's up?
Oh, it's-it's nothing.
It's just a few rashes,
it'll go away.
- Rashes from what?
- Ugh!
You know, I thinks it's an eczema
breakout or something,
but it's actually kind of all over,
it's itching like hell.
But... but you can't see it
on camera, can you?
Oh, we can see it on camera,
it's gross.
How do you expect
to make people want to cook?
- You look like a leper!
- I don't know,
it's actually probably
the costume I think.
You know, Suzy changed the detergent
from what she normally uses so
I guess I have sensitive skin
and I've had a bit
of allergic reaction.
So, I don't know, that's all.
I have asked her to go back
to the old stuff and she said no.
There you go, I don't know,
I don't like to tell,
but that's what happened.
All right, listen,
we're gonna finish like this
for the rest of the day.
We don't really have
a choice, so just...
I mean, go see a specialist.
Don't stay like this.
Yeah, yeah, I promise,
I will do it.
- Well, okay, let's go.
- Okay.
Put your head back on.
Got it. Yeah. I'm ready.
You know I was thinking
of something.
What if I grab your arms
from behind
but really discreetly
as soon as I see you
starting to itch
and then maybe I can hold
them there and that'll help.
Yeah, yeah, Jacques.
You know, thanks a lot but, uh,
you just focus on
being a guest, all right?
I... this is complicated
enough as it is.
Okay, let's go again people
right away.
Denis, whenever you're ready.
Yeah, okay, I'm ready.
All right, let's...
Okay.
So, the Strawberry Charlotte...
What are those sticky things
in the tummy for, daddy?
Nothing at all.
That's why I'm takin' it all out, honey.
I already told you about this.
It's the same for all the animals.
The insides serve no purpose.
Yeah. Ah!
Reality!
Don't touch that,
it's disgusting.
Now go wash your hands
we're about to eat.
Okay.
You're a real pain.
I did not change detergents.
How many times
do I need to tell you?
You know I'm right.
Honey, don't think I'm an idiot.
It smells different.
I noticed the smell on the first day.
You're completely crazy,
you have a real problem.
Yeah, I have a problem,
I'll show you.
I don't think you realize!
Look. See?
Rashes all over my arm s.
Rashes everywhere.
I mean, look.
See? It itches so much
I can't sleep at night.
Look at what your shitty detergent
is doing to me. All right?
I'm being eaten all over.
You see?
But there's nothing at all.
What are you talking about?
There's nothing there.
Nothing there?
Look at this. You see?
I... I mean, all of my skin
is covered in bumps.
All that so you can save
a couple bucks
on a pack of detergent.
And look at the result.
I can't even wear a T-shirt
anymore because of you.
Everything okay here?
What's the matter?
You know the matter is that
this bitch won't listen to me
- and go back to our old detergent.
- This bitch?
Yeah, that's what I said, yeah.
Bitch.
Okay, listen to me,
this is going to be very simple.
From now on, you can wash
your own stupid costume,
- is that what you want?
- Sure, yeah. Whatever, fine.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Yeah?
- Yeah.
- Well, good luck.
Okay fine,
I'll do my own laundry.
It's no big deal.
Um, oh, yeah.
Uh, we got some letters for you.
- Mainly complaints.
- About what?
Well, about you scratching
yourself.
Apparently, it doesn't look good
and the fans are not happy.
Okay, okay, I get it.
Uh, I'll go and see a specialist.
Hey!
I was real careful
not to film your hands earlier.
And after a while,
I... I had the idea
to zoom in on your face
as much as possible
and it really worked.
We couldn't see you
scratching yourself.
- All we would see was your head.
- That's nice.
But, uh,
there are three other cam eras.
Forget it. It was a nice
thought anyway, but thanks.
Also, I wanted to ask.
You started off as an actor,
didn't you?
- Nope, not at all.
- No. Shit.
Wait. Why?
What difference does that make?
No, I was just thinking,
as I'm about to make a movie, uh,
I'm gonna have loads
of little parts to fill so
as you came across great on camera,
closeups, you know,
I was thinking maybe suggesting,
but I guess not.
- Well, no.
- Okay. No problem.
There you go.
Yeah. See you tomorrow then.
Why was there a videotape
inside the hog?
What are you talkin' about,
darling?
Well, I saw a videotape
come out earlier,
when daddy
was emptying the insides.
Stop talking nonsense.
Come on, eat.
But it's true. I saw it.
No. Listen.
There can't be videotapes
inside the tummy of animals, darling.
It simply is impossible.
Reality, my sweetie pie,
listen to me.
How could a hog
swallow a videotape?
It's much too big,
it wouldn't go down,
it's just not possible.
Well, maybe
that's what killed him.
He choked on the tape
and tried to swallow it,
but it got stuck in his throat.
No, he died
because I shot him, honey.
And even if he did
swallow the tape,
it would've been completely crushed up
by his chewing it, you see?
I mean, He wouldn't have
swallowed it in one piece.
Think about it.
Well, I don't know
how it's possible,
but I saw it.
I'm not crazy.
- I think you're just tired.
- Mm.
Come on, it's time for you
to go to bed.
Come with mommy.
Come on.
Think about it, honey.
"After having dinner with her parents"
the little girl
quietly brushed her teeth
looking at herself
in the mirror
"thinking back on her day."
"She put on
her favorite pajamas"
got into her cozy, little bed
convinced she had seen
that tape
come out of the tummy
of the hog.
"That night the little girt
had funny nightmares."
That's it.
I like this book.
I know.
It's time for you to go to bed.
It's late.
Goodnight.
I saw that tape.
Mr. Marshall says that you must reduce
your consumption of film
or else you'll go over budget.
You tell him that it is very tricky
to film children.
Reality's only 7,
it's the first time
she's been in a movie.
I have to adapt
to her rhythm s.
He's asking
why the camera's still rolling
for such a crappy shot?
I was simply waiting
for her to fall asleep.
I think she was struggling
to fall asleep
because of the lights
and the presence of the crew,
and it's not a crappy shot
it's a crucial moment.
She gently falls asleep
and her nightmare begins.
There you go.
She falls asleep.
For real.
"Waves." "Waves."
What's! He say?
- He said, less film.
- Oh.
Tell him to go fuck himself.
I'll film as much as I want.
Okay.
You asked for me, sir?
For the rug?
It's too late, buddy.
I've already cleaned it myself.
Please, shut the door,
I have an appointment.
Okay. Wow!
Okay.
Oui, Bob Marshall.
Oh.
Yes.
Yes?
Are you the old person
that lives in this house?
Yes.
Why should I give a shit?
- And then what?
- That's it.
That's when I woke up
and then I took out my notebook
and I wrote it all down
and to be honest with you,
I don't know what to think about it.
What bothers you
about this dream?
The military Jeep?
The bouquet of owers?
Or is it that you're dressed
as a woman, tell me.
None of that.
It's just the presence
of an old man in my dreams.
I'm not used to dreaming
about old people.
I mean, I never do that.
What does it mean?
It's really worrying me.
I don't think
it means anything.
For me to be honest,
what worries me, Henri,
is the length of your dream.
Really? The length?
Let's say
it's not really finished.
It's a very short dream.
You've got me used
to more depth.
Well, yeah, I just woke up.
It's not my fault.
Why do you think you woke up?
In your opinion.
Try to stay focused, Henri.
Answer my question.
Why did you wake up?
I just woke up.
There's no reason.
Are you at least sure
you had this dream?
Think about what I just said.
I'll be back in a second.
Okay.
Henri, we still
have 10 minutes.
I'm good.
I think we had enough for today.
I think,
I bored you enough as it is.
What are you talking about?
Sit down, will you?
We have to finish the session.
No. I'd rather go.
And I'll come back to you when I have a
more finished dream for you next time.
I can tell you're not interested
in me at all today.
Ah.
Well, okay.
You can get dressed again.
I've seen what I wanted to see.
Ah, what is it?
That's exactly what I thought.
It is indeed an eczema attack,
but on the inside.
- On the inside?
- Yes.
On the inside...
of your head.
- What does that mean?
- Well,
it means a lot
of unpleasant things
that I'm just gonna
keep to myself.
If you wanted a doctor's note,
you came to the wrong place.
You can not play me
for an idiot.
Oh, uh... What?
Get out of my office now.
All right?
- You've wasted enough of my time.
- You are horrible.
Yes, I know.
Thank you for reminding me.
Now get out, don't come back.
You should be ashamed.
Yeah, exactly I am ashamed.
I can't go to the pool anymore.
People keep looking at me
like I am gonna contaminate the water.
Of course I'm ashamed.
Look at me.
I'm sick and you know it.
You've gotta help me.
I can't keep
scratching myself forever,
I'm gonna go crazy.
Just stop acting right now,
because you're not believable
for a second.
You don't have anything
and you know that very well.
So get the hell out of here,
or I am gonna file a complaint.
Goodbye.
Eh.
Jacques, now that our audience
knows you a little bit better
why don't you tell them
about the dessert
that you have chosen.
We are all very impatient and...
- and very much listening.
- Uh, yes.
I have chosen
the Strawberry Charlotte.
The Strawberry Charlotte,
in a few words,
tell us about
the Strawberry Charlotte.
Uh, yes. Well, um...
it's a very simple cake
and easy to make.
Can you hurry, sugar pie?
We're leaving in five minutes.
- Okay. All right.
- ...are cheap and, uh,
and they're not
too gross to touch...
Come on, Reality, move it.
We're late.
Oh! Fuck!
God dammit!
Oh, fuck!
Do we have a First-Aid kit?
Okay. Fuck!
- It hurts like hell.
- What the fuck were you thinking?
Argh, I really hurt myself.
Just wait, all right?
Don't move just a second.
Hello?
Um. I just spoke to Denis
on the phone.
- Yeah, what's up with him?
- He's not getting better.
He can't come in today.
And he didn't sound good at all.
He was crying.
What a fucking pain in the ass.
Apparently, he's itching
twice as much today.
Good morning,
this is your captain speaking.
The leper
is not coming in today.
Let's pack it up, people.
This day's over.
Shit.
Hey, hi.
What?
Yeah, we don't know each other.
I'm the camera three operator.
Yeah? Yeah.
No... no... I was just wondering.
Do you think you could do
the same scream that you did earlier?
You know
when you hurt yourself.
Aah! Could you do the same...
Scream,
exact the same scream again?
No, I don't think so.
Oh, yeah. Okay. Too bad.
You know, I really hurt myself.
Are you stupid or somethin'?
I was just asking.
I thought your screaming was great.
Whatever.
Moron.
I'm sorry.
So, before we look in detail
at its digestive system,
there's something really important
we need to understand.
Now, the hog
is an omnivorous animal.
Does anybody know
what omnivorous means?
Uh, I do. Uh, I know, ma'am.
Okay, Serge, tell us.
Omnivore, that means
he'll eat everything.
Good. Okay everything.
But what does everything mean?
Can you give us some examples?
Uh, well, he can eat
salad for example?
Okay good, salad.
Uh, what else?
- Rotten fruit.
- Good. Rotten fruit.
- Uh, and?
- Mushrooms.
Good. Mushroom s.
Now, some of those
are what are known as plants.
But what else does it eat?
Oh, oh, um...
He also eats
other animals, too.
Exactly. Animals.
Okay, so this is really
important to rem ember.
Everybody take your pens.
- Good, and I want you to write-
- Teacher.
Yes, Reality.
A hog can also swallow a videotape
without damaging it.
But it's true.
Whoo-hoo!
What are you doing here?
Nothing.
You know you are not allowed
in any classroom
during recess, right?
You broke the rules.
I'm very upset.
Sorry, Mr. Superintendent.
I promise that
I won't do it again.
What was on that tape
you wanted to watch?
It's a videotape I found.
It could be that there
is nothing on it.
I just wanted to check.
Let me see it.
No. You'll take it away.
I just wanna see
what's written on it.
Give me the tape.
There's nothing written on it.
Well, I still wanna see it.
No!
You'll keep it.
And then I'll never
get to see what's on it.
Reality, give me the tape
or I'm gonna call your parents.
If you call my parents...
then I'll tell everyone
you dress up like a woman.
Wh a... Wh 3..
Me?
Are you kidding?
I saw you.
Driving a military jeep.
Dressed like a woman.
No, you didn't.
Okay.
Hello.
There you go. Enjoy the movie.
What kind of movie is it?
Is it funny or more romantic?
I'm not allowed to answer
that kind of question, ma'am.
- You'll see.
- Uh-huh.
Can you move along, please.
You're holding up the line.
Okay.
- Okay.
- Hmm.
Hey.
"Waves." "Waves."
Excuse me.
Uh, when does this movie come out?
Waves?
It's already out, sir.
It's playing now.
Can you move aside please,
you're blocking
the other customers.
Uh, we're gonna
change the tickets
because we're going
to watch it instead.
Is that possible?
I'm sorry, it started
45 minutes ago.
Yes. It's all right. It's good.
Doesn't matter.
Can we change the tickets?
As you wish.
Please move along.
Thank you.
Next.
Shh!
I'm sorry.
Listen to me, you can't watch this.
Uh, this film doesn't exist yet.
I am the director,
It's my film.
I just finished the script
and you can't watch it now.
Move!
This film doesn't
really exist yet!
We haven't shot it yet.
So, you can go
and see another movie.
Thank you.
- Go.
- The groans are bad.
They're gonna to be better
when I will work on it.
So, thank you, can we stop the-
Get out!
- The screening?
- Move it.
- Go!
- Please.
The groans are... are bad.
You don't understand.
Get the fuck out of the way!
I have to work on it.
This movie doesn't
really exists.
Move it.
I'm tryin' to watch
the fucking movie.
Oui, Bob Marshall.
Hello, Bob?
Hello? Hello, Bob?
Ah, yes.
Ha! Okay.
Excuse me. Hi.
Hello.
I need to borrow your rie,
just for a minute.
I'm doing research for sounds,
I'm making movies.
You can take this one.
It's an old thing,
I don't use it much.
Be careful though. It's loaded.
Okay.
Hey!
You're going to be
late for work.
Who was that guy, daddy?
- Where?
- Well, there. Outside.
You were talking to somebody.
I wasn't talking to anybody.
Go back to sleep, sugar pie.
But I wasn't sleeping.
What is that?
That must be my alarm clock.
Well, turn it off!
It's unbearable!
Hey! Hey!
What are you doing?
Where are going with that?
I'm going to watch the tape.
Not now.
That isn't the plan.
For now, you're sleeping.
But I'm sick of sleeping!
I want to know
what's on the tape!
Shh, shh, shh.
You're going to wake your parents up.
Now come on, go back to bed.
I'm the one
who makes the decisions, right?
I am so sick of this movie.
This sucks! What a pain.
I set my alarm on purpose.
Why can't I watch the tape?
Just be a little patient.
Trust me.
Come on, go back to sleep.
Nobody's gonna want to watch
this scene where I'm sleeping.
Nobody cares.
It's for the suspense.
Close your eyes. Sleep.
There you go. I'm sleeping.
Great movie.
Jacques,
you are my guest today.
Yes.
You are a school teacher.
You like nature.
You are an avid viewer
of talk shows
and you collect Russian watches
from the '70s.
Yes. Exactly.
You are 54 years old.
Yes, that's the truth.
You are a widower.
Yes.
Do you believe in God?
Hmm? Yes.
- Yes.
- Mm-hmm.
So, what should we begin with?
In... In your opinion?
Maybe we could wash
the strawberries.
Personally, that's
my favorite part.
Well, um, okay. Let's start.
Do you have
any special technique?
Yes.
I put the strawberries
in a damp cloth
and then I rub them
ever so gently.
Jason, wake up!
Hey! Wake up, man.
We've got work to do!
- Jason!
- What's going on with him?
I don't know, he just fell.
Hey everyone, I'm here!
I'm ready to shoot this,
so let's...
Wake up!
Hey, man, it's not nap time.
- We got work to do.
- Jason?
" Wake up!"
- Sorry.
- Up.
Hey! Hey, come on, wake up.
Hello.
Hey!
Woo-hoo.
Sir! Hey come on, wake up!
Sir? Sir?
- Come on, wake up.
- Woohoo.
Hey.
Sir? Sir?
Come on, wake up.
What's-What's happening?
I'm... I'm confused.
It is indeed an eczema attack,
but on the inside.
On the inside of your head.
Hey, come on, wake up. Sir?
Come on. Wake up.
Ha!
What's the matter, dude?
Are you okay?
Hey, come on, wake up.
Sir?
Oh. Okay.
We need to talk.
Uh, I think we're the same person.
What?
I've been having some weird
dreams where I'm you.
I... I don't know, I know it
doesn't make any sense but...
I think we are the same person.
I don't know why.
Mr. Marshall says
it is very poorly filmed.
And he wants to know why you
chose this angle.
Because it's beautiful.
Bob wants to know
what's on the tape.
He has to be patient.
Bob is wondering if you
know what's on the tape.
I know perfectly well
what's on the tape,
but I'm not going to tell him
before he finds out himself.
It'd ruin the surprise.
He has to be patient.
Hello?
Bob says you are a genius.
You like it?
I don't know how to tell you,
I'm abbergasted.
It's not finished.
No, but right now
I'm speechless.
My brain is in my socks
as they say.
Hello, Bob?
There you go.
That's all for today.
Yeah, thank you.
Thank you.
Hey, Zog!
- What's! He say?
- He said you're a fucking genius.
Yeah.
Yes!
So, do you have
a special technique?
Yes, I put the strawberries
in a damp cloth
and then I rub them
ever so gently.
That way, you don't
damage the skin.
You could show us.
It would be easier.
Gladly.
What's happened? I'm confused.
It is indeed an eczema attack,
but on the inside.
On the inside of your head.