Edited By
Tameem666
- Hey, come on, off the equipment.
- Hey.
I tell you a hundred times a day to stay
out of here. Now, get out. Come on.
Damn.
All right.
Good. You get to be
a member of the club.
I'm not the joiner type. I mean,
you wouldn't want a guy like me.
We already voted. You're in.
- What do you know.
- Do you want to see the clubhouse?
No, I've got homework. My sister...
- Too scared?
- Me, scared?
Well, what do you think?
Little old-fashioned for my taste.
Burial, I mean.
I'm more into stuff like,
you know, cremation.
Scatter the ashes out of the plane, throw
them in the ocean, have music playing.
Okay, okay. Come on.
- There it is.
- That's the clubhouse?
- Wanna make something of it?
- No, it's great.
Okay then, come on.
Hey, wait a second.
- Who's buried in here?
- I'll show you inside.
I really gotta get back.
- We got a meeting.
- Thought you weren't scared?
- That was before.
- Initiation time.
Hey, look at this.
Jeez.
What do you think?
- Might be supplies.
- What kind of?
I don't know. Ammo, maybe.
Combat stuff.
Hey, check this out.
I don't think you should play with that.
Shut up, wimp.
- Finders keepers, right?
- Yeah.
It's the Army. The real one.
This is serious.
- You gotta call that number.
- You won't tell anyone.
Know why?
- Let me out!
- Because you won't be able to.
Let me out!
Here we are.
Oh, creep me out!
Joey, are you sure
that you wanna do this?
Guy offered me 100 for a night's work.
I can't turn that down, can I?
- Grab the bag, will you, kid?
- You gonna be there all night?
A couple of hours, tops. You wait here.
- Gee, that sounds really exciting.
- Take it easy, baby.
I don't wanna take it easy.
I wanna go out and have fun.
- So will you just hurry up?
- Okay.
And will you be careful too, please?
- Goddamn mushy stuff.
- Come on.
What if somebody asks
what we're doing?
Tell them you're a gravedigger.
It's the truth.
Only difference is, we take them out...
...instead of putting them in, see?
- What do you do with them?
- There are crazies...
...they want skulls
from interred bodies.
That's the key, see?
They gotta have been interred.
No skulls that haven't been buried.
How will they know the difference?
It'd be dishonest to give them skulls
that weren't buried.
Jesus.
Okay. Okay, just a little
decayed matter.
Nothing to get unhinged about.
Oh, shit!
Ought to be pretty good pickings here.
Haven't been back for a long time.
Lousy kids are always poking around
in my gardens.
Stay cool.
- Look at that.
- What the hell?
Hey, you kid! I catch you in here again,
I kick your ass and then call the police!
Guess I've just got
a way with kids, huh?
What a shame.
It's not even ripe.
Damn kids, they have no respect
for the dead.
- Makes you sick, doesn't it?
- Yeah.
- Let's get started.
- Yeah.
And now take it to the side.
Press out. It's one, two, three.
Now pushing the walls.
Keep them apart.
Four, three, two, now to the front.
And swinging those arms.
Standing tall is four, three, two.
Now to the side again, press. Press...
Hey, Jesse, see that?
Mom says you follow those rules,
or it's my butt.
You follow those rules,
or it's your butt.
First one says, "homework."
You don't go out until you finish it.
Now, get going.
Do that again. To the side, it's...
Come on, let's get out of here.
I can't breathe.
That's a good boy.
You got it.
Not bad.
Nice bit of rump in her time, huh?
Looks choice.
Throw me the bag, will you?
Well, open it like you do in the store.
Kiss, kiss.
Now you know what a bagman is.
That's it. I don't need the money.
I'm out of here.
Come off it. Who's gonna know? Her?
Besides...
...I'll bet that girlfriend of yours
would sure like this.
What is that stuff?
Swamp gas.
Makes my skin feel like slimy ice
or something.
Come on. Let's get this one up here.
"1957." Perfect.
Easy.
- Over here.
- Come on, let's go.
Jesus Christ, not again.
Look, I've got to have this
damn cake ready...
...for Home Ec in the morning.
Now, how the hell do you separate
a white from a yolk?
This whole thing is so stupid.
Hold on a sec, it's the door.
Coming!
Hi, I'm with Cable TV.
I have an installation order here.
You were supposed to be here,
like, three hours ago.
Yeah, well, I'm... This is all
really new around here.
I got sort of lost.
Wait a minute. Aren't you...?
Don't you go to Central?
- So? Big deal.
- Yeah. I went there, you know.
I graduated last year.
Maybe you remember me. Tom Essex.
Student council. Swim team, almost.
No. No, I don't remember you.
TV's in here.
- I've gotta see Billy.
- He's not feeling well. I put him to bed.
- But I've got his homework.
- Well, you can give it to me.
No. I mean, I've got to show it to him,
or he won't understand.
All right, but just for a few minutes.
Billy?
What do you want?
What happened? What did you...?
Below normal. Are you keeping this
under your tongue?
You do feel cold. God, I told you
not to go running around in the rain.
- You opened the thing.
- Say anything about this...
...and your ass is grass.
- Jesse, that's all now.
You shut up about this, or else.
Brains.
Brains!
I want your brains.
Brains.
Brains.
Oh, no.
Joey?
Okay. Okay.
- Do you hear that?
- Sit down and have a sandwich.
- The missus made them.
- No, I think I'll pass.
You're right.
There's a chill in the air tonight.
Fifty-eight years old,
can't be too careful in this weather.
Yeah, you'll end up
in one of those.
Not me. You'll never find me
in one of these.
I'm gonna get me cremated.
You're afraid that some old creep
like you will steal your head.
Watch your tongue, boy,
if you like this job.
Like this job?
Like this job?
Joey?
Okay. Okay, that is it.
I am out of here.
Oh, shit. Shit.
Okay, okay. The van. You can take
the van. It's right over there.
Oh, fuck this.
Should have taken the chicken soup.
Holy Jesus, Ed!
Holy Mother of God!
Ed? Ed! Is there something
I should know?
You're supposed to be dead!
Holy shit. This is big fucking trouble.
Joey! Joey, kill it!
Joey! Joey, wait for me!
Joey!
Joey, get him!
Brains!
Brains!
Brains!
- We gotta get Brenda, man. She's alone.
- What about me?
- You selfish jerk.
- Oh, I am, I am.
Lord, forgive me. They're dead.
I thought you were finished with them.
I've got a feeling he's not listening.
We gotta handle this thing, whatever
it is. But first we gotta get Brenda.
- No, not that way! The road. This way.
- Yeah, go.
Joey!
- How are you? Are you okay?
- I'm okay.
- What did you do?
- He didn't do anything.
It's me they're after. It's my sins.
- Hail Mary, full of grace...
- Quit doing that!
The Lord is with me.
Save this sinner, please.
There's lights over there.
Brains.
Out there.
Lucy, in the cemetery...
...this hand came out
and tried to grab me.
- I didn't know what to do.
- Upstairs, mister.
In a drum. Big, slimy.
We've gotta call the Army. It's for real.
- Great imagination.
- Let's go, right now.
You've gotta believe me.
- I don't want any more trouble, mister.
- Let me at least call Mom.
Do not try to leave this room,
do you understand?
Hey, what are you doing out there?
Damn.
I can't go any faster.
Please, slow down. Please.
Wait for me! No, don't leave me.
Please.
One move and you're dead meat.
- Oh, please don't shoot!
- No, go ahead and do it.
I deserve to die.
Call the police or the fire department
or the SWAT team or anybody...
...but do it now.
What...? What was that?
- Where do you think you're going?
- Get your family out of here. Now!
Okay. Okay. Mildred, get in here.
Jesse?
Jesse.
Jesse!
You've gone too far this time.
Now, open this door.
Jesse, you let me in there this minute.
Jesse, if you don't open this door,
I am gonna come in there and kill you.
- This is Section 4.
- Is this the Army?
That does it. I am gonna tell Mom...
...and you are gonna be grounded
for a month.
Well, don't just stand there,
do something.
- This might chip the paint.
- Please do it.
- Go ahead, please.
- Is this where you call about the drums?
- Yes. Your name, please?
- Jesse Wilson.
Hold the line,
your call is being transferred.
All right!
Hurry up.
It's for the colonel.
- Excuse me, sir. It's for you.
- Thank you.
- Come on, baby, let's go.
- Oh, but that's stealing.
- Oh, but that's okay.
- Come on!
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
Get started, will you?
Hey!
What's going on?
Man.
- Which way?
- Left!
No, right!
- Hello?
- Hello, this is Glover.
- Hello?
- Hello, Glover here. Hello.
- That's good, right there.
- Did he see the report?
Damn!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Look what you made us do!
Now he's killed someone,
and it's all your fault, you schmuck!
- I know.
- Stop it!
I can't believe it!
Oh, dear Lord, help me.
- Did you see what I think I saw?
- Yeah.
Hey, you guys.
Did somebody get hurt?
- No.
- Yes.
Wait right here.
I'm gonna call an ambulance.
Wait here?
I'm gonna tell everything.
Jesse, you get back here, you creep.
Once I get a hold of you,
I am just gonna kill you.
- Let me go.
- I gotta call for help.
- The phone's dead.
- You've gotta help us.
- This is serious.
- We're not kidding!
- Miss, you gotta help us!
- Let go of me!
- Get out. I'll call the police.
- You gotta help!
- You got a gun in this place?
- A gun? Get out!
Phone's dead.
Hey, get your hands off of her!
- You don't understand!
- I understand. That's hit-and-run, pal.
- They're dead!
- I know...
- Already dead!
- Trust me, dead, dead.
- Dead, dead!
- Yeah!
- We gotta get to a phone.
- That's right.
Him, right? You've got no idea.
Wait, wait, wait a...!
- Oh, Jesus.
- Joey?
I don't feel so good.
Oh, Jesus.
What is...?
Oh, no.
No!
What is it?
Oh, my God!
Oh, you son of a bitch!
You bastard!
Oh, shit! Oh, God!
Oh, get rid of it, please! Get rid of it!
Oh, shit! Oh, God!
Oh, Mother of Mercy.
Oh, mama, mama.
Oh, Mother of Mercy.
Get that damn screwdriver
out of my head.
We've gotta get out of here,
get to a phone.
Joey, baby, it's okay. We're gonna...
I don't know what we're gonna, but...
Brains!
Help! Help!
Jesse?
- Help!
- Jesse?
Help! Help him!
Brains!
Oh, God!
We gotta get out of here.
- We gotta get out of here.
- We know, dummy. We need a car.
Doc Mandel, he's got a car.
He's got a phone, we...
- Where is this guy?
- Two houses over.
- It's all clear.
- Show us the way.
- What?
- I knew we should have gone dancing.
I'll take care of you, baby.
Get her out of here, now!
Oh, shit.
Oh, God! Get off of me!
Jesus! Oh, my God! Shit.
God, help.
And now, two, kick out.
Three, now to the front.
Two, three, again.
One, two, three. And single kick.
Okay, up front. Up, up.
And side, side, reach up, up.
Heel jacks, so reach it out.
Let's take it down. And bow and arrow.
Hurry.
Which way?
This way. Come on.
Do you wanna die?
Okay, they seem to like brains,
so maybe they'll leave you alone.
- Shut up.
- Come on!
Brains!
Brains.
I told you, no more prayers.
It's not that. I don't feel so hot.
Let me rest.
Rest? He wants to rest!
Joey, he's the dumbest guy you've ever
worked with in your whole entire life!
Rest? You can't rest now.
We're almost there.
- Come on.
- Come on!
- Brains.
- Oh, no!
Oh, no.
Come on.
Run! We're almost there.
It's right here. Come on.
George.
George, go get Dr. Mandel.
George.
George?
Oh, Billy!
Brains!
Doc Mandel, open up!
Oh, it's you. Why aren't you out
playing in the traffic?
How'd you get in here?
What's the problem?
- Where are the keys to your car?
- Why, are we going somewhere?
There seem to be hooligans
terrorizing the neighborhood.
No, it's the dead.
They've come back to life.
The dead. Dead what?
People. We need your car.
- Sounds like you need a hearse.
- We don't have time for this.
- Well...
- I'm sorry, sir.
We've gotta get the keys
to your car, now!
- Must be an emergency, huh?
- No, duh!
Oh, well.
Oh, I'm sorry, my boy,
but this car is cherry.
- No one drives the princess but me.
- Just move it.
Oh, my God.
It's Harvey. Harvey Kramer.
Harvey, it's me. Remember me?
Harvey, it wasn't my fault.
We ran out of type O.
- Okay, it's coming!
- Cherry, huh?
- Well, almost cherry.
- Go!
The door!
Come on, go!
- Go!
- Go!
- Forget it!
- No, you wouldn't...
Hey, you, bull-face, get off the car.
Oh, God! Oh, what do we do?
Thirty years I've owned this auto.
And I've never put a scratch on it.
- Give me that wheel.
- Come on, doc.
Come on, doctor.
He's not gonna throw up
in here now, is he?
What's going on here?
Out the window.
Open the window. Push the button.
Out the win... I just had this car waxed.
Jesus, get it out of here!
Get this off! Get it off!
Now, I don't think we need to get
excited. It's only a severed hand.
Now, don't get so excited.
It's got my leg!
Roll down the window!
- Joey?
- What?
We gotta get to a hospital.
It's all your fault, you cheese dip.
You just stay away from me.
Where's the emergency room?
He's gonna go to the police station.
They'll know what to do.
Will you just shut up?! God.
I think something is not right
with those guys.
I feel so... I just got this feeling.
Yeah, me too.
No, it's like we've been here before.
It's like a dream, this whole thing.
You, me, them.
Anybody here?
- Dead.
- Don't say that word.
Why? Damn it, why?
Where'd they all go?
Hello?
Where is everybody?
When are you guys going to wake up?
- Nobody can help us except...
- Trained physician, such as myself.
Hold this, my son. Thank you.
- Yes, yes.
- What, what?
When did you two have
your last bowel movement?
- Do you know what a catheter is?
- They gotta have police here.
Emergency stuff?
Somebody somewhere.
- I'll take a look around town.
- Not without me.
- You stay put.
- No way.
- I saw it. I'm the one who knows stuff.
- Kid's got a point.
- That'll be the day.
- Cut it out, you two.
- Lf we're going, let's go. We'll be a team.
- Teams suck.
Say, "Ah."
- What is it? What's wrong?
- Is he gonna be okay?
Let's look at the tongue, all right?
Oh, my God.
What? What is it?
We're going to do a biopsy.
Is it cancer?
- Lf we're lucky.
- No!
You notice something funny?
Yeah, like no people.
Yeah, like that.
Come on, kid.
God.
Hey! Hey, over here!
- Over here!
- Hey!
- Brains!
- Brains.
- Oh, no.
- God.
Get in the car.
I don't believe this.
Goddamn car!
Come on.
- Come on!
- Oh, come on.
Come on.
Great. I'm not even out of grade school,
and I'm already gonna die.
There's Gramps' street.
- We should go back and get the others.
- No, there. Turn down there.
There are lights on.
- Hey, wait a second. Look... Hold on.
- Gramps? Gramps.
Grandpa?
Where is he?
You know how to use one of those?
You do know how to pull a trigger,
don't you?
Sure. Do you?
She's junior-class champion
for the whole state.
- Here's yours.
- Oh, terrific, great.
What can I shoot with this, mice?
Look, those things out there,
they're ugly, and they're dirty and dumb.
And I don't care if they are dead.
I hate them.
There's no way they're touching me.
Great.
Make my night.
You've gotta help me.
Look, we gotta get moving.
Those things are all over town.
Would you come here, please?
You will also notice
there is no pupillary response...
...no reflexes...
...obvious lividity.
Suggesting chronic,
intractable rigor mortis.
Is it serious?
Is "dead" serious?
But they can talk.
Oh, God, it hurts.
I can't move my arms or legs.
See? Now, do you call this dead?
They are not dead, you jerk!
Have you noticed he's not breathing?
Care to check his heartbeat?
It hurts.
In my opinion,
I think they should be contained.
Contained?
- Bagged.
- Bagged?
Bagged.
Help me.
Hello? Hello?
Brains!
Okay, you mother.
What was that?
Shoot it!
Oh, God!
Come on.
Oh, no!
Oh, no, no, no.
You don't want to do that.
You were gonna leave him, you quack.
Some doctor.
We're gonna go find a real one.
- Come on, baby.
- You're making a big mistake.
- Shut up.
- No, you can't leave me here.
No, no, no. You don't wanna...
You did.
- Get out of here.
- No!
Oh, shit.
Hey! Hey!
They wouldn't steal my... They did.
Damn it.
All right!
Don't you worry, babe.
I'm gonna get you help.
Professionals. The best.
Will you shut up?
Shut up!
I'm telling you, sarge,
we cleared out the town.
We should be way over here.
Lady, don't come any closer.
I gotta get a doctor.
- Are you sick?
- No.
What is wrong with you?
I need help, for chrissake.
Forget it, lady.
Nobody gets out of this town.
Why not?
- Plague.
- Plague?
This is no plague. They're dead.
I mean, not, like, "for real" dead,
but, like, "sick" dead, you know?
Like, when you check them out,
there's nothing going on inside.
Okay, sarge, let's push along,
don't you think?
Yeah, let's move out, boys.
No!
Wait, no, I can explain.
I can explain. Please.
It's okay, lady. We'll send medics.
- Promise?
- Yeah...
Ed! Ed, quit it!
- Ed.
- Goddamn.
Leave him, he's dead.
Get up here, now.
Okay, sarge.
I'm coming.
I'm coming.
Take it easy, Ed.
Trust me, okay?
I'll be right back.
- Go up Weyburn Street.
- Wichman's faster.
- And brighter.
- Let's just get out of here.
Son of a bitch!
- What are you doing?
- Yeah, I know they're already dead.
I'm gonna kill anyway.
God.
One for the good guys.
Brilliant.
Brains.
Brains!
Brains!
Help me, it hurts so bad.
I'm doing the best I can.
What else can I do?
Don't worry, baby.
I'm gonna get you there.
Don't worry.
Let me...
...eat your brains.
Brains!
Brenda, let me have them.
I'm the one who loves you.
Brenda!
- Brenda!
- Joey!
You stay away from me.
Brenda, your brain smells so good...
...so rich and spicy.
- Spicy?
- Yeah.
Joey, I am not into dead guys.
Honey, it's only me.
Okay, okay.
Take me, baby.
Right. Goodbye, nightmare.
- Let's get to a call box.
- No way.
- We're getting out of here.
- He's right, son.
What the...?
What's going on? I don't believe this.
- Look!
- Soldiers?
- It's all right, they're ours.
- Commence firing!
- I don't think they know.
- You're right, I'm wrong.
Hey, wait! You don't understand!
- They think we're them.
- You mean those things?
Yeah. Don't you get it?
That's why there's nobody in town.
They evacuated the whole place.
Interesting situation.
Soldiers in front, zombies in the back.
Maybe we should slip off the side
and have a cocktail or...
No?
Hello? Hello, is there anybody
out there?
Come in.
Do you hear me? Is anybody out there?
Hello?
Will you tell us where to go?
Come to the hospital.
- Sure, we're right there.
- Hold it.
Pardon me, could you tell me who
the president of the United States is?
Harry Truman.
Who's Harry Truman?
They want brains?
We'll give them brains.
Come on.
Hey. Jess, now, remember,
no funny stuff.
If you hear anything, just shout.
Okay.
I joined the Army to see the world,
not this.
Get a hold of yourself, soldier.
We got a firefight on our hands.
And the enemy's already dead.
It's beautiful.
All right, you dead bunch
of sons of bitches.
I'm blowing your tired, ugly asses
right back to hell.
Help, help! Over here!
Over here!
Brain!
Jesse?
Jesse.
I told him. I told him.
Don't worry, we'll find him.
Well, maybe I don't want to find him.
I think you do.
I bet you think I'm a real idiot,
don't you?
No. I think you're great.
Who do you think you are?
I've got news for you, pal. We survive,
we survive together, you understand me?
- I'm sorry.
- It's okay.
It's all right. You ready to work?
Hurry, son.
Keep those brains coming.
Chow time!
Get them while they're cold!
Fresh brains! Nice, fresh brains!
Cold, fresh brains!
Cold... They're catching up.
Big whoppers!
Yes, I've got a lovely bunch of brains.
Brains! Give me some more, son.
Shoot them to me. Brains!
Cold, fresh brains!
Get them while they're fresh!
Eat up!
Ice-cold brains! Chow time!
Cold, fresh brains!
Yeah.
Is that it?
Okay.
Jesse!
Come on!
Brains! Brains!
- What's the matter?
- The walkie-talkie.
- Oh, great, what are we gonna do now?
- The doc. He'll know what to do.
Well.
How do you do?
I know that look. I get it when Mom
wants me to volunteer for dishes.
- Keys are in the ignition.
- You can't send him out there.
Okay, you gotta get it started.
Turn the key in the ignition.
Doc Mandel here.
- Who's this?
- Brains.
Brain.
Let the clutch out slowly.
Clutch, shift, clutch.
- Got it?
- Got it.
Here we go.
Hey, we're moving.
All right!
Holy horse puckey.
Brains!
You told. Now you die like me.
That's why you're dead, ass-wipe.
No brains and a big mouth.
Oh, hurry, Jesse, hurry.
I did remember you.
Excuse me, your fly is open.
- Hi. Goodbye.
- Hey, jerk-off!
Must have been a fuse.
- High alert now.
- Stay over here.
- All right, let's push the wire out.
- More men up front.
- Check every body.
- Bring a case of body bags down here.
I want trucks over in this area.
You men! Check behind the building.
You did good, kid. You did all right.
- Thanks.
- You're still a little shit...
...but I love you.
- The feeling's mutual.
- I'm starved.
How about a bite to eat?
I mean... Well, you know what I mean.
Maybe we could have a glass
of something.
A little libation.
- Son, you ever had a Shirley Temple?
- No.
- A Horse's Neck?
- No.
- Purple Nehi?
- No.
Well, tell me this, have you ever
seen a grown man drunk?
Yes.
Come on, guy, back off of that thing.
I got gas.
Don't hit a girl when she's down.
Okay, no more brains.
You win. For now.
Edited By
Tameem666