J. L... Yes, J. L... Yes, J.L.
- I've been waiting a half-hour!
- Not now, Mel. I'm busy.
Got to get all his sons-in-law
on the phone.
Main, 674.
Board of directors' meeting tonight.
This is the 1 st, you know.
They all know it's the 1 st.
They know there's a meeting tonight.
The whole town knows it.
Higgins Iron Works?
Higgins, Higgins, Higgins.
That's not a family,
it's a disease!
Arthur Winslow talking.
Oh, yes, Mrs. Peterson. Yes.
I just want to remind you there's
a board of directors' meeting
at J.L.'s house tonight
at 7 sharp.
Oh, yes, Mrs. Peterson.
Oh, you know me,
"Never Late" Early.
No, Mrs. Peterson, Mr. Brooks
hasn't been in all day.
I don't know.
It's got to be cut lower.
I've told you 100 times, lower!
Madame, I told you 200 times,
there's a limitation.
There will be at least
1,000 people...
All right. So what?
It's my wedding, not my funeral!
- Who is it?
- Your father's secretary.
What does that old bag want? Hello?
Well, how do I know where
Dan Brooks is?
Please help me locate him!
You know how strict your father is
about the meetings.
Well, he's not under my bed.
All right, I'll get him to the meeting
as I got him to all the others.
He's probably out
with that stupid horse.
Come on, Whitey! You're heading
into the stretch. Let him roll!
Come on! Let him roll!
Let's see if we got a horse.
Kick it out of low, princess.
Come on.
Oh, Bill. Oh, Bill. Come on, boy.
- What'd he make it in?
- Huh?
- What'd he make it in?
- 1:42.
- Is that good?
- Good?
Honey, on a cowpath like this,
for a 3-year-old, that's flying.
Here, Bill. Come on, boy.
Mr. Brooks, this animal
just ain't human.
He's a flier, isn't he?
- What'd he do it in?
- 1:42.
Great day in a morning!
With me on him?
He's diseased with speed.
It's a nice way to be sick.
Isn't he a beauty, princess?
Oh, you said it.
Oh, we're proud of you, Broadway Bill.
Steady, Bill.
- How's that ankle?
- Feels cool.
- He made it.
- Well, what's this?
- Path news comes to Higginsville?
- No, that's Skeeter.
- Skeeter?
- Miss Alice taught him to do that.
- I have many talents.
- Well!
Broadway Bill, you got a mascot
like a stakes winner. Big stuff, huh?
Is it true horses get so attached to
mascots they won't run without them?
Yeah, that's true,
but I think a jockey's useful too.
Hey, Whitey, get those bandages off
and go to walking him, huh?
Dan? When you put racing shoes
on him, can I help you?
Huh?
Say, you know more about
this horse than I do.
You been hanging around
the stable quite a bit, huh?
Want to make something of it?
No, but don't you let
Emperor Higgins catch you.
He'll ship you off to the salt mines.
Emperor Higgins
doesn't even know I'm alive.
I'm just the young brat in the family.
Well, you will stay single.
Why don't you get married
and give him another son-in-law.
Yes, I know. Someone to take care
of another Higgins enterprise.
Not little Alice.
OK, but marriage is getting
popular, you know.
I'm going to post soon.
Don't get shut out.
Been a long time since I've seen
a horse work that good.
Dan, why don't you?
Yeah, I should. Why don't I what?
Imperial Race Track
opened last week.
Oh, no. No more of that hobo stuff
for Dan Brooks.
He's getting married.
Gonna be a solid citizen.
Don't do it, Dan. Don't marry a Higgins.
Don't marry any Higgins.
You'll just rot here,
like the rest of us.
Princess, you've got
a very attractive little nose,
but keep it out of my business
or I'll twist it off for you.
- You're a fool!
- Well, I'm a happy one.
I was just a race track mug
till I met your sister.
Now I'm general manager of
the Higgins Paper Box Company.
Prune juice! You've been dying
to get out of Higginsville
- ever since you came here.
- Oh, get her!
Your heart and soul are in horses,
and you're making paper boxes.
Four hundred thousand last month.
Or was it last year?
- You're scared, that's what you are.
- Who's scared?
Dan Brooks, horseman.
Dan Brooks,
just another Higgins slave.
Yeah? Well, at my salary,
slavery can come back.
- Mr. Brooks, it ain't fair. It ain't honest.
- What ain't honest?
- What do you mean?
- We been together for a long time,
and this is the mostest horse
we ever did have!
He's ready, Mr. Brooks.
Just picked up that truck
with my last 25 bucks.
He's ready. You know it better than
I do. We owe it to him. He's ready!
Yes, he's ready and you're ready,
but I'm not. Do you hear?
I got smart. I quit racing.
I'm gonna stay smart.
Hey, Bill, go on.
Go on, chase him, chase him.
Chase him!
Go on. That's it. Push him.
No. Now, I'm through. No! Now, leave
me alone. I'm through with racing.
Don't mess with me.
I'm a big paper-box man.
Yeah, attaboy.
Never mind, now. Break it up.
Never mind.
No, I don't want to play. No, I'm a big
business man. Gotta go to a meeting.
You can stop that dancing too.
I told you, I'm through with horses.
Go on! Go back to Whitey.
Go with Whitey. I don't want anything
to do with you. Go on!
Now go back. Give him some more.
Yeah, that's it.
You back again?
What do you want with me?
What do you want with me?
I'm through! I'm through with horses.
Gonna make the paper boxes.
Yeah! Yeah!
Now go give him some more.
Why, I'll kick you in your big...
- Good evening, Miss Margaret.
- Good evening. What is your name?
- Huh?
- Is Mr. Brooks ready yet?
Not quite.
The name is Clarence White.
Wort say that rivers flow
Or day turns to night
But, darling
I'd say we've got a sure thing
All right
Wort say it's winter
When snow falls from above
But, darling
It's a sure thing we're
In love
- Maggie!
- Darling!
Come here.
We'll never get to the meeting this way.
Come on, slowpoke.
Wait a minute.
Not so fast, me proud beauty.
What's your hurry?
What's the rush?
Anybody ever tell you you're
the most beautiful girl in the world?
Just the world?
I'll include all the available planets,
the stratosphere, the outer space,
New York, New Haven and Hartford,
leaving on track five.
- That's better.
- Here.
- Come on.
- What's the hurry?
Come on, darling.
I may not be the most beautiful,
but I'm the happiest girl in the world.
The invitations were mailed today,
and you should see my dress.
- A stunner?
- Only three weeks more, darling.
The wedding will be the biggest thing
since Texas joined the Union.
- That was a big day.
- Good heavens!
- Even your dinner jacket smells horsy!
- What?
What do you use,
Equine No. 5?
You know he worked
a mile in 1:42 today?
- Who?
- Broadway Bill!
And with Whitey on him too.
Just sitting there, looking and cooking.
Why don't you come out
the next time he works.
I'll bet if you knew him,
you'd love him.
Oh, I like horses, all right.
Especially when they're racing.
- Didrt I meet you at the track?
- That's what you did.
Remember, when I leaned over
and asked you if you had a winner?
Oh, and I had a winner too. You.
- Ready?
- Sure, I'm ready. Flashy.
What kind of socks
are you wearing this time?
What difference does it make?
Dan, you've got to change them.
Quickly, where are the black ones?
They'll be under the table
all night anyhow.
If you got to know
Broadway Bill personally,
I'll bet you'd be crazy about him.
Did I ever tell you about his mother?
- She was blind, you know?
- Blind?
Yeah, stone-blind.
Beautifully bred mare, though.
Put those on, and hurry.
She had quite a problem
when the little colt arrived.
Naturally, she wanted to be near him,
but she couldn't,
because she couldn't find him.
It was pitiful to watch her.
She'd start in a little circle, and
the circle would get larger and larger.
She'd cover every foot of that field,
but that little rascal, he'd just stay
a step ahead of her all the time.
She couldn't reach him, and at night,
boy, at night,
what a ruckus she'd raise!
I'd have to get up, find Broadway Bill,
take him in to her. But I licked it.
You know what I did? I got a bell.
An ordinary dinner bell.
I tied it around his neck.
Solved her problem.
- She'd hear the bell, find the colt.
- Clever.
Put the other one on.
After a while,
an amazing thing happened.
You won't believe this,
but this is absolutely true.
That little colt, he realized that
something was wrong with his mother.
And he wouldn't leave her side.
Gee, I can remember we used to turn
the colts and the mares out.
They'd head lickety-split
for the field, just kicking,
playing, buckjumping,
but not Broadway Bill. No, sir.
He'd stay with her, and he'd lead
her every step of the way, over rocks,
around the ditches and the ruts
until he got her safely into the pasture.
You'd just have to love a little egg
like that, wouldn't you?
- I don't blame you.
- That's him.
Out in the barn,
that's Broadway Bill!
Well, then a lot of bad breaks
came along.
Couldrt win a race, horses got sick,
lost a few of them,
and up to my ears in debts.
Then you came along,
asked me if I had a winner.
So in three days, I sold the whole kit
and caboodle of them, you remember?
Paid off my debts and proposed to you
every hour on the hour.
Promised to quit racing
and followed you here to Higginsville,
but I couldn't come without
Broadway Bill.
I figured maybe after
our kids grew up,
he'd make a nice little horse
for them to hack around on.
Whitey... Couldrt leave old Whitey,
not after all we'd been through
together, working and starving.
So Broadway Bill's a 3-year-old now,
and he's a runner!
- Maybe a great runner, Maggie.
- Oh, it's a wonderful story, darling.
But, as you say,
you're through with racing.
And if you think that old mare's
got a problem,
I've gotta get you to that meeting
on time or be disowned. Come on!
Maggie, wait, wait.
Let's duck the meeting tonight.
- Duck the meeting?
- Yeah. Let's you and I
go somewhere and just sit
under the moon together and talk.
I want to talk about a few things.
Father would throw a royal fit.
You know we've got to go.
Why? What difference does it make?
He does all the talking anyhow.
We just sit there
with our heads on hinges.
"Yes, J.L. Of course, J.L.
Oh, you're so right, J.L."
I'd like to go to one of those meetings
with a stiff neck sometime.
- Throw the whole thing out of tempo.
- Oh, Dan, stop.
Father has great plans for you.
That's why the others are all so jealous.
Yeah, "the others". Look, let's go over
and stand in front of the house
and throw rocks at the meeting.
What do you say?
- Dan, it's almost 7.
- Well, do you want to throw rocks?
No. And neither would you
if you had any sense.
Remember, you'll be calling those
meetings someday. Now, come on!
We can't afford to be late again.
You know Father. Come on!
"Yes, J.L. Yes, J.L."
- Good evening, Mrs. Early.
- Good evening, Johnson.
- Good evening, Johnson.
- Mr. Early.
- J.L.'s in the study.
- Thank you, Johnson.
Well, right on the dot.
"Never Late" Early, they call me.
No more stale jokes.
And don't be so scared of him.
Who's scared?
Good evening, J.L.
- Evening.
- Father.
Well, right on the dot.
"Never Late" Early, they call me.
Henry.
Hi.
Evening, Father.
Don't scold me. I'm on time.
- Good evening, Mrs. Winslow.
- Good evening.
- Mr. Winslow.
- Good evening, Johnson.
- J.L.'s in the study.
- Oh, thank you, Johnson.
You may not be the smartest, Arthur,
but you're the best-looking.
Thank you!
- Good evening, Father.
- Evening.
J.L. Evening.
- Good evening, Johnson.
- Good evening, Miss Margaret.
J.L. Is in the study.
Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
Dan.
- Hello, Dan, I see you made it.
- Oh, she went to the whip on me. Hi.
- Father.
- J.L.
- We're late.
- Well, that's my fault.
There was sort of a hassle
down at the box factory.
You see, we had this big box...
- We'll get started.
- We...
- How do I get out of this box?
- Leave Higginsville.
Still in there punching, aren't you?
What's on the agenda for this evening?
Oh, soup, cold lamb
and the financial report.
Sounds exciting.
Say, would there be such a thing as
- a slug of whiskey around the house?
- In this house?
Isn't anything ever changed
around this mausoleum?
- Yeah, bedspreads and underwear.
- The daily double.
Any of you got ulcers yet?
Well, here's hoping.
The purpose of this meeting is to elect
him permanent member of this board.
Now that he's to become
a permanent member of this family.
But first, some good news.
Acme Lumber Company.
Bought it today at our own figure.
- Very good, J.L. Very good, J.L.
- Fine, fine, J.L. Fine. Fine. Fine.
10:05 this morning, it became the
Higgins Lumber Company. Approved?
- Why, of course, J.L. Splendid!
- Seems like a wise move, J.L.
- You approve?
- Huh?
Oh, naturally, J.L. Top-hole, J.L.
Of course, J.L.
Present has no active head.
It shall remain so.
Courage, men.
It'll remain so until empty chair
is suitably occupied.
If you mean me, Dad,
you're wasting your time.
- What's that?
- You might as well forget it.
The man I marry won't care
for the lumber business.
- Don't be impudent, Alice.
- I'm sorry.
That's OK, J.L.
You're still batting...
...750.
- Maybe only 500.
Dinner.
Meeting's opened.
Higgins Enterprise is doing fine,
except the Higgins
Paper Box Company.
Sales, way below normal.
Higgins Special, nationally known,
off 22 percent.
- Mr. Brooks, any explanation?
- Maybe paper bags are catching on.
Could be.
Maybe it's off gallivanting
with a ridiculous horse.
Father!
Let's get back to
the paper boxes, huh?
Yes, indeed, let's.
You came to this town
over a year ago. Penniless,
questionable background.
Racetrack profession, I believe.
"Reformed gypsy", you said.
You and Margaret wanted
to get married.
I was not impressed.
I got mine the hard way.
Ulcers.
But we decided upon
a probationary period.
I put you at the head of
the Higgins Paper Box Company,
the most successful
of the Higgins Enterprises.
You accepted, with gratitude.
You were the envy of Mr. Winslow
and Mr. Early.
- Oh, no, J.L.
- No, J.L., no.
It isn't paper bags,
my reformed gypsy friend, it's neglect.
Shameful neglect.
Now, Margaret's divorce, final.
Wedding, set. Expensive.
Four daughters, no sons.
Have to accept what they bring in.
But I don't want to go through
what I had to go through with the last
fellow who sat in that chair.
- A hockey player, I believe.
- Thank you, Father.
Beginning tomorrow,
exclusively paper boxes.
Beginning tomorrow,
get rid of that horse.
See that it's done.
Now, back to Acme Lumber Company.
I've had their statement gone
over thoroughly.
I find a book value of
17 dollars a share.
This allows for depreciation
in current year's taxes.
Figures follow.
Cash on hand in banks: $13,764...
Wait a minute!
Wait a minute, J.L. Wait here.
You may be interested to hear I have
no intention of disposing of that horse.
Matter of fact, I'm leaving
Higginsville in the morning.
- Hooray! Hooray!
- Alice!
Everything you said is true.
I have neglected the business.
It isn't that I don't appreciate what
you've done for me. It's just that...
...I'm not built for it, that's all.
Take handsome here. He was meant
to spend his life in an ironworks.
And Never Late Early.
He even looks like a lampshade.
But me, boy, I have nothing
in common with paper boxes.
Yes, I've...
I took it for a year, on probation.
Isn't that beautiful, probation?
Like a criminal. What was my crime?
I fell in love with your daughter,
so I get a year in a paper-box factory,
where, since 1889, the Higgins
Enterprises have made a paper box
for 4 cents and sold it for 5.
If only once we could have made
it for 5 and sold it for 4.
That would've been
a welcome switch.
I know I sound crazy to you.
Maybe I am.
Maybe you strike me the same way.
It's just that you're only interested
in one thing:
Accumulating wealth and gobbling up
the little fellow, like this morning
when you snatched the Acme Lumber
Company from some poor little Joe
who spent his lifetime building it up.
I hope it made you happy.
- Young man! Don't...
- Look at you!
Look at you! You haven't had
a vacation in over 40 years.
You're just rotting away here
in this little kingdom of yours!
Well, that's not my idea of a way
to live, and it isn't Margaret's either.
And another thing,
I wouldn't get rid of that racehorse
for you or anybody else in the world!
You wait! Someday you're gonna
take off your hat to Broadway Bill.
That's true. I was broke when I came,
and I'm going to leave the same way.
I'm turning back every dime
of the Higgins money.
Margaret and I'll make good
in our own way.
We'll get married in some nice,
little church like decent people.
If it's all the same to you,
you can accept my two weeks' notice
two weeks ahead of time.
Margaret, I'll wait for you in the car.
Dan!
Let's get on with the meeting, Father.
Darling, you come back and sit down
and behave yourself.
Margaret, this is what I wanted
to talk to you about tonight.
Come on. Let's get out of this prison,
honey. It's fun to be free. You'll love it!
And Broadway Bill just isn't any horse.
He's a stakes winner.
He's got speed and stamina,
and he'll stay.
A man waits a lifetime
for such a horse, Margaret.
All right, all right.
But the invitations are out,
2,000 of them.
- Do you want to ruin it all?
- Let's get married right away, tonight.
If I sit down in this chair again, I'm
gonna wind up just like those two guys.
A Christmas tiger.
"Yes, J.L. Yes, J.L."
I can't handle it.
I'll be at the apartment, packing.
- Go with him, Margaret. Go with him!
- Oh, shut up!
Well, Emperor Higgins,
I hope you had fun.
Meeting is adjourned.
All a millionaire's money
Couldrt build a better abode
Than that someplace
On Anywhere Road
You might have
something there at that.
Oh, yes, boss. Come on, perk up.
My new address will be someplace
On Anywhere Road
It's the prettiest someplace
On Anywhere Road
Anywhere Road
Got the fanciest rooftop
Made of sky
Independently lucky am I
- Don't need a nickel
- Don't need a nickel
I feel at home when I'm someplace
On Anywhere Road
- Heading for nowhere
- Yes!
Living up to the vagabond code
And all a millionaire's money
Couldrt build a better abode
Than my someplace
On Anywhere Road
Programs, programs.
What does the star mean in front
of the horse's name?
I don't know, kid. I think the trainer's
got a boy in the service, probably.
I don't know.
Park him and go over to see
the racing secretary.
Yes, sir.
- Hey, buddy, what's going on?
- They're unloading Gallant Lady!
Gallant Lady! Oh, this I gotta see!
Hey, Bill, here's that great champion
you're going to trim.
Hey, Bradshaw!
Bradshaw, come here!
- Yes, Mr. Whitehall.
- Get all these people out of the way.
- And where do you think you're going?
- Don't race your motor, Mike.
Never mind, Mike. Pat's the name.
Get back.
Pat, let me see this horse.
Now, look here, you blighters.
I'm not going to bring Gallant Lady
out before a rabble like this.
She's not used to it. She's too nervous.
Get off the platform, will you?
You hear what the man said?
Now get back and take it easy, will you?
- Officer, discharge your duty!
- Aw, shut up, you foreigner.
- All clear, Mr. Whitehall.
- Oh, all clear, eh?
Good. All right, get her out of here.
Bring that pony out first.
All right, bring her out.
Keep her head down. Watch
her feet and look at her hips.
- That's a good-looking filly, isn't she?
- Certainly is.
Don't crowd her.
Well, hello.
Win, Place and Show, huh?
How are you, Mr. Howard?
Dan Brooks, you remember me?
Yeah, sure. That your outfit?
That's the transportation department
of the Dan Brooks Stable.
- What are you hauling today?
- The winner of the Imperial Derby.
- So? Want a tip?
- Sure. What?
Enter the truck instead.
- Who's getting your action?
- I only bet on sure things.
- Gallant Lady.
- Oh, isn't that too bad?
Gallant Lady's going to be seeing
a lot of that come derby day.
- I thought we were betting on Sun Up.
- Why don't you broadcast it.
- There you are.
- OK. All made out, huh?
"Broadway Bill by Burning Ginger,
out of Mary D."
Well, at least he's bred for speed.
- Oh, he can scamper.
- Now, Dan, you'll have to supply
three photos of his "night eyes"
for the Protective Bureau.
You mean the little wart
inside the hock?
Yes, it's a new gag.
That's different on all horses,
- like fingerprints on a human.
- Very tricky.
- Here's your condition book.
- Yes, sir.
Here are your owners' badges.
Say, what's this about your wanting
to enter him in the Imperial Derby?
Why, sure!
We're gonna come back in style, boy!
Don't be a sucker, Dan.
You don't think he'd beat the champ,
Gallant Lady, do you?
What do you mean? He'll pull a spring
wagon and tie that old mare in a knot.
Come on, what's the entry fee?
- I gotta get out of here.
- OK, all right, you win.
It looks like you wrapped all your horse
sense in one of those paper boxes.
Make out the stake blank.
It's $500.
Five hundred dollars?
Well, it's a $25,000 race.
I guess 500 is a fair fee.
- Wouldrt you think, Mr. White?
- Peanuts.
You want to make out
a check right now, Dan?
- Now? Right...? Right now?
- Well, you don't have to.
You can do it the day before the race.
Two weeks off, if you like.
- I like.
- I thought you would.
But you'll have to nominate him
before 6 tonight. This is the last day.
I've got the nominating fee right here.
Yes, sir, $25, huh?
- Fifty dollars now, Dan.
- Fifty?
Things have gone up
in the last couple of years.
Say, Collins, how come
4 extra pounds on my horse?
What do you wanna do,
break him down?
He won his last two, didn't he?
You wanna win them all?
And another thing.
I'm not going to enter another horse
until you loosen up that track,
Mr. Pencil-Pusher.
If you didn't have blind staggers,
you could look out and see them
harrowing the track right now.
And don't call me "Pencil-Pusher".
I'll go to Santa Anita,
where I'll get a break.
You can go to... Oh, nothing but beefs.
Now, where are we, Dan?
I'm up to 43. Oh...
Mad money. Forty-four.
I have 44.
Forty-four, 44, 44, we need 50.
Oh, ho, Whitey, let me hear
from you. I have 44, need 50.
Sure would surprise me.
You take a look in the vault.
Well, the ootbay national ankbay.
Let's see what we have here.
Bless my soul, who would have
thought that was in there?
- Came a little hard, didn't it?
- Yes, sir.
A lonely, lovely little finif.
Thank you, brother White.
We have 49, need 50. Have 49,
need 50. We have 49, need 50.
Oh, ho, we have 49, need 50.
Have 49...
- Fifty!
- Thank you, sir.
You are a gentleman. If you're
ever down in Bourbon County,
the smokehouse's full of hog meat,
and we got juleps 9 feet tall.
I guess we're all nuts!
But if this ever gets around,
I'll run you right off this track.
Oh, nix cracken, Jimmy Bracken,
I'm as silent as the tomb.
- There you are.
- Thank you.
- Now we'll have to have a stall.
- Stall. Now you got me.
Not a stall left on the track.
What do you want me to do,
tie up under a tree?
I was saving one
for you gypsies, but,
well, that Gallant Lady outfit put
the bee on me for the whole shebang.
- You know Gallant Lady, name horse.
- Oh, yeah, pulls in the public, I guess.
Yes, she does.
Oh, wait a minute, now.
I have got one barn. Old Pop Jones',
over here on Maple Street.
- Not in very good shape, though.
- Oh, we don't care.
- Broadway Bill's no snob. We'll take it.
- Good.
And thank you, Mr. Pencil-Pusher.
Good luck, Dan,
and don't forget those photos.
- Oh, no, we'll have them.
- Bye, Whitey.
Say, Collins, what are you doing,
plowing up the track?
What is this, a corn field?
Gallant Lady won't run on a soft track.
Now, I told you that. So help me,
I'll scratch her right out of the derby.
Will you take it easy, Mr. Whitehall?
That track will be lightning-fast
come derby day.
I am doing this track a favor
by entering Gallant Lady,
and I want a fair shake, and don't
you forget it, you pencil-pusher!
Hey, he needs a saliva test, huh?
- Gallant Lady. Gallant Lady.
- Oh, Gallant Lady. Oh, my dear.
Nice and comfortable inside.
Pretty well broke in, I guess.
Well, I guess it's all right, Pop.
That'll be $25 dollars a week,
in advance.
- In advance of what?
- Well, before you move in.
Oh, we haven't moved in yet.
A few things I want to check.
Had some pretty fine horses
stay here.
- Did they survive?
- Eh?
Well, we won't quibble.
Now, who's the feed man?
- Eh?
- The feed man. Who's the feed man?
- Oh, the feed man.
- Yeah.
- Right here.
- You?
Well, now, that's a break, Whitey.
Pop's the feed man too.
Hallelujah!
Not too loud,
you'll wake up the termites.
Pop, there's a few things
we're gonna need.
We'll need some barley, some oats,
carrots, of course, and a little salt,
- about 10 pounds of salt.
- Is this for cash?
- Eh?
- Eh?
- Oh, you too?
- Oh, since I was a little shaver, yeah.
- Just this ear, though. OK here.
- I say, is this for cash?
Cash? Now, what's the matter
with you? Don't you trust me?
- Yeah, but I don't know you.
- Well, I don't know you.
- But it's my barn.
- But it's my horse.
And another thing,
we'll need some cots.
- Eh?
- Some cots. C-O-T-S.
- You know, to sleep on.
- You're going to sleep in here?
Certainly! You don't think...
Pop, that's the horse that's going
to win the Imperial Derby.
I couldn't let him sleep
in here all by himself.
Now, come on, Pop, get on the ball.
Wake up! Come alive!
We're letting you in on a sure thing,
chance to pick up a bankroll.
- This horse is a sleeper.
- He's a what?
- He's a sleeper! A sleeper!
- You want a cot for the horse too?
Say, he's a riot, isn't he? Pop, you're
a card. You ought to be in vaudeville.
You're a riot!
Look, now. Come on, get on the ball.
We gotta get some food in here for this
horse. Keep him on edge. Keep him fit.
Get the stuff in here, now.
It's feeding time.
Got him fit and get him ready.
Come on, move, move!
- Whitey?
- Yes, sir, Mr. Brooks.
Remind me to get down to the bank in
the morning and make that deposit.
Yes, sir. It ain't safe to be carrying
that money around in your pocket.
No, it wearies a body.
Mr. Brooks, you certainly
got some funny ideas.
- Why?
- When I go out to borrow money,
I generally wear my old clothes,
my old shoes and things.
It's plain to see you don't appreciate the
secret of the race track, then, Whitey.
Gotta put on a front. If you look hungry
and down-at-the-mouth, you're dead.
Now, if these threads of mine impress
Professor Pettigrew sufficiently,
- our enforced diet is over.
- Who's Professor Pettigrew?
Who's Professor Pettigrew? Why,
he's a gentleman, a profound scholar
and a fellow you can bite
for a fast buck if he's got it.
- I hope he's got it.
- Oh, he's got it, all right.
The grapevine tells me
that the professor is literally
infested with the green stuff.
As a matter of fact,
he's worked out a system,
and he's had 15 straight winners.
- Professor Pettigrew!
- Yes, angel?
Take your feet off
my needlepoint chair!
Yes, chicken.
Happy, at long last, eureka!
For 15 years, ever since I left
the faculty of Yale University,
in utter boredom, I have been working
on the Pettigrew system
for beating the mutuels.
And now, voil!
You know, he's beginning to believe
that Yale baloney himself.
I've had my ups and downs,
but today
I can finally say that my system
is infallible.
It certainly is. Fifteen straight losers.
How infallible can you get?
Is that so?
There, Einstein. Gin.
By an investment of a paltry $50,
I can show a profit of a $165,000
- within two weeks!
- I read my fairy tales at night.
But it'll cease to be a fairy tale
when I get the 50.
Where you gonna get it,
from vinegar-puss?
- Professor Pettigrew!
- Yes, my love.
I'll get the 50 from the finest
gentleman that ever raced a horse:
Dan Brooks,
a very good friend of mine.
Anybody who had 50 bucks
wouldn't be a friend of yours.
Is that so? Well, Dan Brooks is a
captain of industry, owns a paper mill,
and he's never turned me down yet.
And what's more, we're going
to be his guests at lunch today.
- He's going to buy us lunch?
- At the Greenview Club, laddie,
where even the busboys have
to be bank presidents.
How do we get inside that place?
Disguised as salads?
You overlook the power
of culture, my friend.
I merely phoned them and said,
"Professor Pettigrew of Yale
is lunching with Mr. Brooks,
"the noted tycoon.
Prepare a table, please. "
Oh, by the way,
have you a dime for carfare?
I never carry any large
denominations.
I see. Very well, we'll walk.
Now, the good professor's
been kind enough to invite me
to lunch with him at
the exclusive Greenview Club,
where the blue blood flows like water
and the carpets are thicker
than porterhouse steaks.
Wish me luck, huh?
And if you can't get the money,
bring me back a piece of that
thick carpet. Medium brown.
- Here we are, Mr. Brooks.
- Oh, Dan.
- Dan, my boy. Well, this is a pleasure.
- Professor.
Capital.
Oh, hello, hello. How are you?
Glad to see you.
Please lower your voices.
Rule of the club.
- I'm sorry.
- Sit down, professor.
I took the liberty of bringing my
business associate, Oscar McGuire.
Oscar, this is Dan Brooks.
- How are you, sir?
- Stop me if I'm breathing too loud.
Yeah, keep it soft,
or we'll get the heave-ho.
This, gentlemen,
this is an occasion.
After the separation of many years,
Damon and Pythias are reunited.
Isn't this great?
- Pythias.
- Damon, old pal.
Waiter, a bottle of champagne
for auld lang syne.
Yes, and bring a thick steak
for auld Pythias too.
- Yes, sir.
- Bring the entire menu.
- Fill up the table. Bring everything.
- Bring everything on.
- And for you?
- Anything. I just came in to get warm.
Say, your friend's pretty amusing,
isn't he?
He comes up with some polite stuff.
Say, professor,
- I hear you're in the upper brackets.
- Comme ci, comme ca.
- Parlez francais, huh?
- After all, a mars wealth
- is the friendship of those he admires.
- That's a beautiful sentiment.
Well-put too.
But I've heard some things about you.
I hear you've got a system,
and it's rolling.
They tell me you're knocking
the ponies dead.
They say that you won
more money the other day
than you could carry away
from the race track.
True or false?
- Eh, how about you?
- Well, I can't complain.
- My horse is eating.
- I...
Modesty becomes you, Dan.
You great big industrialist.
Wait a minute.
We'll get thrown out of here.
You know, I always said,
"Dan Brooks.
"There's one man that
will really come through. " Eh?
Yeah, you know what I've always
said about you, professor,
"You're a winner in my book.
A true-blue friend. "
- How long does this go on?
- We're old pals, the social...
The bubbly has arrived.
Well, well.
I'm delighted for this opportunity to
repay your past favors, Dan, my boy.
Well, thank you, professor.
You're very sweet.
- I have a little mathematical certainty.
- Yes?
I have a little mathematical certainty
that should net us precisely $160,000.
- Oh, yeah?
- I wouldn't let anyone in on it but you.
Say, it sounds good.
- A toast.
- A toast.
A toast to the birth
of a new syndicate.
Pettigrew and Brooks.
Pettigrew supplies the brains.
Brooks supplies the money.
With a start of a mere $50
and the use of a little applied calculus,
I have a system
of parlays worked out...
Professor. Do these flapping
old ears of mine deceive me,
or did you come here to put
the bite on me for 50 bucks?
Oh, nothing as vulgar as that.
This is an investment
in the progress of science, my boy.
Well, don't look now, professor,
but we're back in the Dark Ages.
You mean?
I came here to put the bite
on you for a grand.
You mean to tell me you're broke?
Down to the bricks.
I beg your pardon?
And I came here...
- And you came here...
- I guess so.
Well, that's the funniest...
It's sensational.
What's so funny about that?
He's trying to bite me.
I'm trying to bite him.
Nobody's got a quarter.
Waiter, more champagne!
Gentlemen, please, please.
You're disturbing our patrons.
- I'm a little disturbed myself.
- Gentlemen.
- Professor. Come in the office.
- Yes?
What is the exact extent
of your financial embarrassment?
The lower depths.
Not even enough to pay
for this meal?
Not one bubble of this
very delightful champagne.
Well, maybe we can get
something back on the bottle, huh?
Hey, how's your wallet?
I don't know. I ate it yesterday.
Well, gentlemen. We appear
to be in something of a situation.
To the situation.
We might as well get
to like one another.
We're gonna be together
for at least 30 days.
- All right, gentlemen?
- Sure. Cut up another 30 days.
I have been mulling
the problem over in my mind.
- Yes?
- I have come to a simple
- but adequate conclusion.
- I know, we all drop dead.
- Oh, not that.
- Quiet, quiet, quiet.
- Gentlemen, just gaze about you.
- Yes?
All we have to do is to shock the
sensibilities of this prize collection
of stuffed shirts,
and we will be promptly ejected.
You know, I think he's got something.
What'll we do? Jump up and down
and slug each other with tea bags?
No, no, no, gentlemen.
We are in our cups.
Or as we used to say at Yale,
we are "stinko".
You mean we are loaded?
- We are fractured.
- Well, here we go.
We are poor little lambs
Who have lost our way
- Take the tenor.
- Baa, baa, baa
We are little black sheep
Who have gone astray
- Please.
- Baa, baa, baa
- Gentlemen, I beg of you.
- Baa, baa, baa, baa, baa, baa
Gentlemen songsters off on a spree
Doomed from here to eternity
Any decent restaurant would
have had us in the gutter by now.
- It's crawling with Yale men.
- Class of '82.
This is outrageous.
How can anyone eat in this bedlam?
Why, I understood this to be
a dignified, quiet salle manger,
not a Hofbruhaus.
We are leaving. Out of the way.
- Is anything wrong?
- Anything wrong?
You expect us to eat
in this collegiate cacophony?
You'll have a sharp note
from ASCAP, sir.
Yes, but you were the ones
who begun this.
Us? We're Harvard men.
Baa, baa, baa
Here we are.
Give.
- You drive a sharp bargain, my friend.
- Yes, sir.
That's the new light type.
You'll like that.
Yeah. Well, it ain't exactly
the size I wanted.
What do you want for a hamburger?
A telephone pole?
Oh, I ain't kicking,
but I should ought to have a hat or...
Hey.
- I'll give you a Coke for the hat.
- That's ridiculous.
We were just served champagne
for a song.
- Sure.
- Pie for the tie.
Wouldrt have anything
to hang myself with.
What's the matter with you fellows?
I thought you was hungry.
You should ought to have
some dessert or something.
Wait. Look these over.
We may be in for dinner tonight.
Spats. You should ought
to see me in spats.
I'd be a sight for sore eyes
in spats.
Wait till this peasant
finds out about shoes.
- Oh, I've got shoes.
- Congratulations.
I'll give you another hamburger
for the spats.
No, no, he's dedicating
a drive-in market this afternoon.
- Maybe tonight. We'll see.
- OK.
Dinner tonight for the hat,
spats and tie. Is that a deal?
Muff off.
We've got a little business to talk over.
Do you mind?
Oh, sure, sure, sure.
Say, if you've got anything
my wife can use...
Bring her in, and we'll cut her up.
Smart guy, huh?
Well, little man, what now? Raising
$500 may prove to be a slight hazard.
Professor, you've been
a disappointment.
Don't worry, my friend.
From now on,
my time and wisdom will be
devoted entirely to your welfare.
- I feel sorry for you.
- Oh, is that so?
Well, I have a brilliant idea already.
My ace in the hole.
- Edna.
- Edna?
A 50-to-1 shot.
You'd have to marry her first.
Who would Edna be?
That's the vinegar-puss landlady
at the boarding house.
Well, why would she expect him
to marry her?
Confidentially, Dan, I encouraged it.
An economic necessity, you know.
- I see.
- That'll give you an idea
- of what I've been driven to.
- "Driven to", my foot.
- Of what I've been driven to.
- "Driven to", my foot.
He'd rather make phony love
to that vinegar-puss than go to work.
Trouble is, he's got a vinegar-puss
in every race track town in the country.
It's kept me in food and lodging
for years. And you too.
Just... Now, wait a minute.
This vinegar-puss...
Whatever you call her.
Do you think she might fall
for a Ford truck?
That's what I would call
a perfect mating.
- What's the idea, Dan?
- Well, this Ford truck,
I don't think any used-car dealer
would have anything to do with it.
But maybe I could get 50 bucks
for it from her.
What's good 50 bucks
when you need 500?
There's a maiden race tomorrow
for $1,000.
We drop Broadway Bill in there.
We're home free.
But I need the 50 slugs
for the jockey and for expenses.
An inspiration, Dan. I'll make love
as I never made love before.
Vinegar-puss will own a Ford truck if
I have to make the supreme sacrifice.
Bravo. Let us pray such
a necessity never arises.
A 100-to-1 shot.
Hey, Happy.
Who do you like in the first race?
- Drop dead.
- Thanks.
- Is this it?
- Yes, my dear.
Sturdy and dependable.
- What's it supposed to be?
- Come, my beloved.
Broadway Bill is in the third race.
Allow me.
Oh, darling. I didn't sleep a wink
last night thinking about you.
- You make love so beautifully.
- Yes, I know.
But that's only the beginning, angel,
only the beginning.
What's the matter?
They've been there for ten minutes.
They're having trouble
with Broadway Bill.
Looks like we need some help
with that five horse.
Somebody get ahold of him.
But, sugar, we've still got time.
- Just 10 dollars.
- No.
- But 5 dollars.
- No.
- Well, 2 dollars.
- No.
But, sugar, I saw him
work out this morning.
I'm not going to bet.
I guess she's not going to bet,
professor.
I guess not, and I hope she gets
a worm in her Adam's apple.
Oh, sugar.
Where did that thing come from?
Get behind him and load him.
OK, Ray.
Get him up closer.
Now, sit still on him, rider.
Just sit still.
I don't think he's quite ready yet,
Mr. Brooks.
Oh, he's ready.
Sure, he's ready.
It's just that gate's new to him,
and all those horses.
Once they ring that bell, he'll be so far
out in front he'll feel at home again.
- You've got a bad horse here.
- Whoa.
Number five.
He's half-horse and half-nuts.
Put him on the school list
before he starts again.
Kind of homesick, huh, pal?
But you gotta take on
a little nourishment, you know.
Come on, Bill, here.
It's a carrot, Bill.
Come on, Bill.
Here. Go on.
When he turns down carrots,
he's lost interest in everything.
Yeah, I don't think he's going to perk
up either until that rooster comes.
Think she's gonna send him?
I don't know.
She hasn't even answered my letter.
- Skeeter.
- Skeeter.
- Skeeter.
- Skeeter.
- Oh, princess, am I glad to see you.
- Dan, you're smothering Skeeter.
- Oh, Skeeter, a thousand pardons.
- Hey, Bill. Look who's here.
It's your old buddy-buddy.
Here. Here, look here.
Look here.
Look here.
Ain't that beautiful?
Hello, Bill. Hello, Whitey.
- Good to see you.
- He's a new horse already.
Look at him.
I was gonna call a psychiatrist.
- Whitey, walk him a bit, will you?
- Why, sure. Come on, boy.
Go strut your stuff.
There he goes again.
He wants to go for a walk too.
Get out of here.
Princess, you're a lifesaver, really.
Isn't that a riot? Now, who'd think
those two would go for each other?
That's the way with a horse, though.
You get him a mascot.
He gets attached to him. You take
him away, boom, he falls apart.
But you didn't have to bring Skeeter.
Why didn't you ship him, honey?
I didn't know where
to paste the stamps.
Come on, sit down here.
Bring me up to date on everything.
- How's Margaret?
- Oh, she's all right. She's fine.
- How's she look? Beautiful as ever?
- Yeah, more so.
Well, come on, tell me.
When did you see her last?
How'd she look?
What was she wearing?
Did she have her hair
piled up in back the way I like it?
- Yes, it was up.
- Oh, I can just see her.
- You miss her, Dan?
- Oh, miss her and how.
Did she say anything
about coming down?
No, not to me, she didn't.
Well, how'd you know about
Skeeter, then?
Well, she let me read your letter.
She read it to me, that is.
And she said that I should
bring Skeeter down to you.
She did? You see. She's beginning
to weaken. I knew she would.
I'll have her out of Higginsville quicker
than you can say, "Never Late Early".
Give her a big kiss for me
when you get back.
I would, but I'm not going back.
- What? Come on, infant, you're...
- No. No, I'm not.
- What have we here?
- It could be my purse.
The finance company has arrived.
- Are you my pal? True or false?
- True.
Then you'll hold still
for a light touch, I'm sure.
- How light?
- Let's see what you're holding here.
Lipstick, eyebrow pencil, comb,
compact, things and...
Oh, pay dirt.
- I'll take this. You may have that.
- Well, that seems fair.
With this 50, I can enter Bill
in an overnight race tomorrow.
If he wins, I'll have 500
to put him in the big heat.
- Oh, he'll win.
- Oh, he'll walk his beat.
And after he wins the big one,
I'll pay you this back with interest.
Did I save you enough
for a train fare home?
It doesn't matter. I'm staying
at the hotel till after the race.
- No, no.
- Yes, I am.
- Oh, no, you're on your way.
- Don't be so patronizing.
- I'm staying.
- You can't stay.
You can't hang around
a race track town all alone.
Well, why not?
Well, for one thing, you're developing
into a very tasty little dish.
You think I'll have any
difficulty down here?
There's a lot of characters I know
that would just love
to add you to their
crockery collection.
Fine. I'll get myself a rosy-cheeked
peasant and get married.
Great. Great.
L'amour comes to la Princesse, huh?
Now you're talk...
I tell you what.
Why don't you save yourself
for old Dan, huh?
After Margaret gives me the brush,
why, you and I can hit the road
together, just like tramps.
Oh, ho, for the open road
- Wort that be dandy?
- Yeah, that's a good idea
- if my peasant doesn't object.
- You've got him all picked out.
You've been operating since we left
Higginsville. What did you grab?
- Some big All-American, I'll bet.
- No.
Well, who, then?
Come on, tell Grandma...
Oh, don't be so smart. He's perfect.
He's the ideal man.
He's 11 feet tall.
He hasn't any ears,
and he eats little babies.
Here, wait a minute, princess.
Hey, wait a minute.
Princess, I'm sorry.
Come on. This is old dancing Dan,
your pal.
The fellow with the songs
and the lively patter.
Come on. Give us a smile, big.
Show the china.
Let's see them all.
That's better. That's better.
That's the princess
we love and adore.
Look, honey. You marry anybody
you want to, hear?
You go to the hotel and check in
and stick around for the race
if you wanna too.
It's your life. You live it.
That's what I've always preached.
Come on, sermors over.
School's out. Beat it now.
I gotta get Broadway Bill
used to the starting gate.
Horses I understand, fair.
But women...
- Whitey.
- Yes?
Hey, bubblehead. You mean you got
me up this morning just to see this?
Early bird, Happy. Early bird.
Take a deep breath of fresh air.
Get something in your lungs. Live.
Ride him up close, rider.
Hey, Sid.
I think he's catching on.
Yes, bring him back tomorrow,
and if he breaks all right,
I'll take him off the schooling list.
Thanks. Isn't it amazing what a
difference that little rooster makes?
Smile, Skeeter.
Why don't you slap a saddle
on the rooster.
- You might have a better chance.
- Oh, you think so, huh?
You'd holler if you're hung
with a new rope.
Hey, jock. This time don't pull him up.
Work him out a good mile, will you?
- I wanna clock him.
- All right, Mr. Brooks.
- I wanna clock him.
- All right, Mr. Brooks.
Ready his head.
Who's that black horse?
He's really traveling.
Oh, that's that Brooks' Broadway Bill
by Burning Ginger.
They all look good when
they're working alone.
There's nothing running this morning.
Come on, let's get out of here.
- I got a date.
- He's really moving.
Holy smoke, I wouldn't believe it.
- What'd he do it in?
- 1:39.
Crying to run all the way.
Shake that watch.
I think it's ad-libbing.
Why, he was sired by Pegasus.
Whitey, go get the champion
and cool him out and bring him in.
- Hurry up.
- Yes, sir. 1:39.
How about that? I've never seen
a 3-year-old work...
Here comes a spy from
the Confederate Army.
Oh, we're cooked.
Well, Dad. I'm glad you came around.
We just clocked him.
Ninety-two dollars and 72 cents.
Oh, I love the way you ease
into a conversation.
I say, you should've been here.
You know what he worked in?
I don't give a hang.
I want this feed bill paid.
- Pop, I promised you...
- I can't pay my bills with promises.
You got no bank account, mister.
I checked up on you.
Either I get my money now,
or I go to the law.
Now, my dear friend,
if you're worried about a paltry 92.82,
my good friend here,
Professor Pettigrew,
will be only too happy to vouch for
my financial stability. Right, professor?
Why, of course, of course. Let's pay
this vulture off and be rid of him.
- How much is it, $1,000?
- Oh, no, no, professor.
It would be senseless
to break a big bill here.
Just tell him you guarantee
my obligations.
- To the full limit of my resources.
- There you are. You see?
I don't see nothing.
Never saw him before.
Never heard of him.
Looks like a phony to me.
- Eh?
- He's a rival tycoon.
This isn't funny.
No, I know, but he's really
one of the biggest operators...
I don't give a hang who he is,
I want my money.
Well, you're gonna get it.
But you don't understand.
You're not coordinating.
We're letting you in on a good thing.
Horse named Broadway Bill
just worked a mile in 1:39,
- with the jock sitting right against him.
- Eh?
- He worked the mile in 1:39.
- Wait a minute.
- What's the idea of telling him that?
- Mr. Cadwalliger, I...
I thought this was
a private syndicate.
I have a jolly good mind
to withdraw my $25,000.
- Now, now...
- I didn't invest $25,000
to have you slip the information
to a penny-ante feed man.
He's not that.
He's not at all.
Pop Jones is one of my oldest
and truest friends.
I don't care if he's your
half-wit brother.
- But he can be trusted, I tell you.
- You can trust a mug
with a puss like that.
I won't. I'm through.
- Mr. Cadwalliger...
- Let him go.
I shall assume his obligation.
No, professor, you're in for
$50,000 already. That's enough.
Why, it's a trifle, a trifle.
Your horse is good enough for me.
- Come along. I'll wire my brokers.
- Well, sir, I...
I hope I didn't cause you no trouble,
Mr. Brooks.
Trouble? Don't you ever
let that happen again.
No, no.
Let what happen again?
Mr. Brooks, don't drop our dinner.
It might bend.
Don't you be belittling
these beans, boy.
I'm just gonna let them simmer a little,
cut in a few of Bill's carrots,
add a soupcon of paprika,
a dash of lemon.
- You can cut out the lemon.
- Why?
Because we're fresh out of them.
Say. Looks like it's blowing up
a little rain, Whitey.
Good for us tomorrow.
Old Bill loves the mud.
Shower down, rain.
Let me hear from you.
- Hey, somebody's in the barn.
- Hope it ain't the feed man.
Oh, you.
Welcome to
the Higgins Greasy Spoon.
What's going on here?
What are you doing?
Nothing much. It just seemed to me
this shack needed a womars touch.
Look. You're a nice kid, but you can't
stake a claim around these diggings.
We can take care of ourselves
all right, now beat it.
You've been doing
a pretty sloppy job of it.
You two look like you're
in the last stages of beriberi.
What have you been living on, beans?
Why is it all women want to play
Florence Nightingale?
We've been eating like pigs,
haven't we, Whitey?
That's the word.
Besides, if you wanna hang around
here, you've got to wear pants.
- What do you think these are?
- Those look like my best Levi's.
- You been into my bag?
- No.
Come on, take them off. Take off my
Levi's. Come on. Whose are they?
- Are they mine?
- No, they're mine.
Well, you look very cute in them,
as you well know.
- Sure. Ravishing.
- What did you do?
Corner that little peasant somewhere?
Go on, I've got work to do.
I don't know if I wanna...
Pushed around in my own place.
Anyway, how do you expect
to win a race if you don't eat?
I ain't running.
Whitey!
Oh, come hither.
Princess, you're an angel
from heaven.
Looks like I'm marrying
the wrong woman.
Isn't this a beauty? This nice,
brown, luscious roast chicken.
Skeeter! Skeeter!
Don't worry about Skeeter.
Princess wouldn't do that.
She loves Skeeter.
Skeeter's... Is he there?
Well, we got peas,
mashed potatoes, chicken.
- Where's the dessert?
- Dessert yet?
I suppose you expected
a great big cake with no flour,
- no baking powder, no eggs...
- Who needs those things?
We bake a cake every night here
without them. Don't we, Whitey?
Yeah, man, out of sunshine.
Stand by.
Poing mi
Pleet-baa, pleet-baa, pleet-baa
We ought to bake a sunshine cake
Oh, we ought to bake
A sunshine cake
What's that?
What's a sunshine cake?
Why don't we get the stuff together
And demonstrate
How to bake us up a sunshine cake
- Mama
- We ought to bake a sunshine cake
It does more good
Than a big, thick steak
You start with
A tablespoon of trouble
- Then?
- Then add a smile
- And let it bubble up, up
- Up?
Oh, we ought to bake a sunshine cake
It really isn't so hard to make
- How?
- Fresh tears
A pound or two of pleasure
Kind words
- You needrt use a measure cup
- So?
- Oh, it's not from a recipe book
- Dinner.
- And you don't have to be a good cook
- The chicken.
Or run to the oven and look
With such a simple dish
All you do is wish
So why not bake a sunshine cake
Of course, it may keep
Your dreams awake
Friends say
There's nothing like the flavor
- Really?
- Don't wait to do your friends a favor
And for goodness' sake
- What are we waiting for?
- What are we waiting for?
Let's bake a sunshine cake
Ladies and gentlemen.
Due to technical difficulties
beyond our control, the program
originally scheduled for this time
will now be heard.
Well, we've got the right ingredients
So let's proceed
Cheerful disposition
That's all we need
Bits of happy poetry
We need a lot
Nothing
Add a little dreaming
Of the cobweb type
Put on your slippers
Then you light your pipe
Then add a little feeling
Here's a measure cup
And then you give it to the lady
Let her stir it up
- Stir it up
- Stir it up
- Stir it up
- No fuma
S, s, s
Da, da, da, da, da, da, da
- Hey
- Hopa, hopa
- Rumba
- Riba
Yes, arumba, arumba
Hello, toowee bravo
Enchilada
- Low bridge
- Ol
- Ol
- Look out, we're coming round you
Nobody heard
Seorita, be my guest
- S, seor
-? Cmo dice?
Da, da, da, da, dum, dum
S, s, s
Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, hey
- It's got vitamins A
- Vitamins B
Vitamins L-O-V-E
- It's fine if you're fat
- Finer if you're thin
What's wrong if you get
A double grin?
Oh, you ought to bake
A sunshine cake
Oh, she ought to bake
A sunshine cake
I can't bake a sunshine cake
You both better go
And jump in the lake
Oh, for goodness' sake
Why don't we check on the chicken
We can't live on a sunshine cake
We ought to bake a sunshine cake
Oh, we ought to bake a sunshine cake
Oh, we ought to bake a sunshine cake
Of course, it may keep
Your dreams awake
- Don't wait to do your friends a favor
- Let's bake a sunshine cake
Alle, alle oxen free.
Of course, it may keep
Your dreams awake
- Hey.
- Friends say
- Enzio.
- There's nothing like the flavor
- Don't wait to do your friends a favor
- John Chuck.
- Endoina.
- And for goodness' sake, let's...
- Cake is done, son.
- Sure enough?
It's souffld and frappd.
- Dinner.
- Oh, what a beautiful sonata.
The number one song
on the hit parade.
Just bring that great big, brown,
beautiful bird over here.
We'll take some and leave some,
but not much.
- Oh, the rairs coming in.
- Oh, let it come in.
I could eat this bird underwater.
- Give me some equipment here.
- Right.
- Give me a fork and a...
- Sir.
A good, sharp knife.
All right, the act's over.
That's all. It's been on.
- Pretty happy tonight, aren't you?
- Oh, I ought to be happy.
Tomorrow, we're gonna win
that $1,000 race.
After that, we'll win the big one,
and we'll prove to Margaret that...
We ought to bake a sunshine cake
Mr. Brooks, the rairs coming in.
All right, let it rain. I'm busy.
I'm working on this bird.
You really want to win
that big race, don't you?
Oh, honey, you'll never
know how much.
I got to win that money
to breed horses.
You will. I've got my fingers crossed.
Mr. Brooks, the rairs
coming in, right over Bill.
Whoa, Bill. Now, steady.
Whoa, Bill, whoa.
Here, now, Bill. Steady. Let's get
the doors and the windows.
- You get that big door there.
- Yes, sir.
What about dinner?
Come on, Bill. Here, boy. Here, Bill.
Come on, Bill. Here. Here, now.
Here, boy. Here, here, here. Come on,
Bill. Whoa, whoa. Whoa, Bill. Here.
Whoa. Hey, get me a dry blanket.
This thing is soaking wet.
Come here, boy. Here. Whoa, boy.
You'll be all right now.
You'll be all right. Steady. Whoa, Bill.
It's raining right on top of him.
Come on with that blanket!
Hurry up!
Yeah, I'll fix that. Come find
a warm place to move him.
Steady, Bill. Steady, Bill, old boy.
- Ain't no such thing.
- No dry place?
It looks like a punchboard.
Whitey, you stay right with that
horse, now. Don't let him get excited.
- Hum to him. Build a fire.
- Dan, can I help?
No, you stay out of the way.
You'll get hurt.
Bradshaw. Put Bradshaw on!
- Yes, Mr. Whitehall?
- Hello, Bradshaw. How's Gallant Lady?
It's beginning to rain pretty hard.
Make sure all the windows are shut.
Don't let any drafts come in.
We don't want her catching any colds.
And watch that thermostat!
Don't let it vary more than 2 degrees.
Righto, I'll hop to it.
Now, you blighters,
check all those windows.
What are you doing up here?
Go on, get back down.
Do you wanna get hurt?
Whoa, boy.
I don't think it's ever gonna let up.
Here, give me one of those
mustard plasters, will you?
- Hurry up.
- Here you are.
Let me have them.
Here, Bill.
Here, Bill. Whoa, boy.
How is he? Warm?
No, he's still shivering. Get another
one ready, will you? Right away.
Poor darling, you're not gonna
get sick on us, are you? Of course not.
Here, boy.
Just keep him up on his feet.
Don't let him get down,
or we're cooked.
Whoa, baby. Whoa.
It's pretty cold in here.
What time is it, Whitey?
Four o'clock.
Four o'clock?
I'll make you some coffee.
You'll be all right.
Hey, big boy.
- What now?
- I don't know.
Well done, huh?
Oh, you poor kid, you must be beat.
You look worse than the chicken.
No, I'm just kidding.
I'm kidding, honey.
Here, come on over here, where
you can stretch out and get some rest.
- I'm sorry, Dan. I'll be all right.
- No, you must be beat.
- You must be knocked out.
- I'm not sleepy!
Get the coat off and lie down.
You should be back in the hotel,
where you can keep warm,
instead of over here trying to do
the work of five or six roustabouts.
Sit down there
and give me your boots.
Oh, you poor kid.
You wanted to come
to the races, huh?
My old sleeping bag. You'll be all right.
We'll get you zipped up here,
and you'll be snug as a bug in a rug.
- How that?
- That's fine.
- That better?
- Thanks, Dan.
You're a sweet kid, princess.
No kidding.
OK. Get some rest now.
- Dan?
- Hey?
Don't worry, everything will be all right.
Yeah. Sure.
- Sick animal.
- It's pretty bad, huh?
He's running a high fever.
I just gave him a shot of penicillin.
But with a cold like that, it may be
some time before the horse runs.
He looks so pathetic.
Every two hours, give him these.
Send the boy with me, and I'll send
you back some capsules.
- OK.
- Save a lot of time.
Say, doc, he's entered in the big race
Saturday. What am I gonna do?
Saturday? Well, I don't know,
that's a week off.
Horses are very funny. Sometimes
they snap out of it just like that.
And sometimes...
But don't work him until the fever
disappears, and he starts eating again.
Even then, I wouldn't work him
too hard. Give his heart a chance.
Rest him till the very
last minute. All right, Whitey.
Come on, Bill. Come on.
You're not gonna let Dan
down now, are you?
You're not gonna let
a little cold stop you.
Come on, try and get up.
Well, do we or do we not
call this whole thing off?
I don't want a fiasco happening around
here. They're hinting at it already.
Father, don't you dare call anything off.
It's my wedding.
I warned you, Margaret, you and
your hockey players and jockeys.
And it's coming off
according to schedule,
and neither you nor
any horse is going to stop it.
Why don't you do something about it?
What's Alice doing down there?
Oh, she took him down
a pet rooster or something.
Rooster? Has she gone crazy too?
I don't like it.
That's no place for her, the little imp.
Oh, stop worrying about Alice.
She'll be back, and so will Dan.
- Yes? Perhaps.
- That's what I came to see you about.
I know the others have been talking
to you about the paper-box factory.
Well, I can't hold his job
open indefinitely.
You owe it to me to hold it open
for him. It was your fault he left.
My fault the man
doesn't like paper boxes?
You thought you could order
him around,
the way you do Mary's husband,
and Mathilda's.
He didn't wanna leave. He loves me.
You drove him away.
We always get around to this,
don't we?
Imagine the position
that you've put me in.
People are saying I have a horse for
a rival, and the horse is winning out.
Well, it's true, isn't it?
And you're not doing a thing to stop it.
If that horse wins a race,
you'll never see Dan Brooks again.
Oh, Father, be your age.
The day of miracles is over.
I inquired about Broadway Bill.
The man at the nightclub
said he was a pig.
Pig?
Yes?
A man by the name
of Butch calling, sir.
Butch?
Oh, yes. Yes. Put him on.
Hello, Mr. Butch?
Are you prepared to accept
a wager on a pig...? A horse?
Come on, let's get up.
Try. Come on, get up.
Dars out there worrying. You don't
want Dan to worry over you, do you?
Come on, Bill. Come on, try.
Try to get up. We gotta
win that race Saturday, Bill.
Come on, boy.
Come on, now, try real hard. Try.
We're going up this time. Come on.
Here we go. This time, we get up.
Come on. Come on. Come...
Come on, boy.
Up you go. Dan, he's getting up!
- Dan! Dan, he's up!
- Oh, you old goldbrick artist.
You're gonna be all right. Come on,
get up on your toes. On your feet.
Whitey! Whitey! Oh, Whitey!
Whitey, bring us a carrot. Come on.
Oh, I got some right here.
Here, Bill. Here.
Look, he's eating. Oh, this horse has
got a heart as big as a grandstand.
- He's gonna be OK.
- Think he'll be able to run on Saturday?
Run? He'll dance!
A do-si-do and away we go! Do-si-do...
What are we doing dancing here?
We got work to do.
- Come on, Bill. Come on, boy.
- But the vet said not to work him.
Oh, he don't know this horse.
This is a different horse.
Come on, Bill. You big sissy, you.
Come on, boy. Come, Bill. Here, Bill.
Come on, you big, black...
Come on, boy.
He's gonna run Saturday.
He's gonna win Saturday. Come on.
Big old goldbrick, in there
goldbricking on me, werert you?
You was goldbricking on me.
Yes, you was.
- No, professor, I...
- Oh, I nearly forgot.
- Compliments of vinegar-puss.
- Well, isn't this dandy? Fine.
Oh, sinkers again. Don't you ever
have any meat over at your house?
Meat? Meat? What's meat?
Professor, I don't think
we can take a chance.
The vet told me not to dare
run this horse until Saturday.
So we gotta find some other way
to raise the $500. Are you with me?
- To the bitter end, my friend.
- Now, I have a suggestion.
Of course, it's likely to jar
your tender sensibilities,
but suppose we go to work for it?
Oh, my allergy.
It's our only hope.
There's a lot of ways you can pick up a
little quick scratch around a racing town.
Why don't you go collect Happy
and see what you can do.
Well, the shock will probably kill him,
and I feel slightly nauseous myself.
Godspeed, professor. Whitey?
- Yes, sir?
- You got any ideas?
Oh, yes, sir.
My acrobats are ready to perform.
- Can I help too?
- That's a handsome offer, honey,
- but it's a mars job.
- Five hundred is a lot of money.
I just let Whitey and the professor
in on it so they'd feel good.
I could raise the whole
bundle myself.
Matter of fact, I'm on my way now,
down to the bank where they know me.
Open. Let's see. Boing. So long.
I tell you, that dog was leading
all the way and got beat by that much.
- Mr. Bagley?
- Yes, ma'am.
- Did you see that last race?
- I wouldn't bet him with your dough.
He hadrt had a horse out of...
Say, bud, they still giving 15 bucks
a pint for this stuff?
Where you been?
Twenty-five, as long as it's red.
Oh, happy day.
Well, they can drain me dry, boy.
I'm gonna leave here loaded.
Hey? Who do you like in the fifth?
Oh, I gotta pick up a fast 500.
I need a long shot.
There's a thing in there called Fancy
Felice, gonna be about 30-for-1. Yeah.
I'm betting my pint on her, boy.
Well, it's your blood.
- Fancy Felice.
- Mr. Brooks.
Hit me with that happy needle.
- Leave me enough to get home on.
- Roll your sleeve down.
- What?
- Your blood count's rather low.
You haven't been eating regularly,
have you?
Oh, you must have got ahold of
a bad corpuscle or something, sister.
- Here, try the other arm.
- Yeah, I know.
We have a fund for fellows like you.
Go out and get yourself a good meal.
- Mr. Shaugnessy?
- Here.
I'm Dan Brooks.
I own Broadway Bill.
He's gonna win the derby.
Not if he hasn't been eating any better
than you have. Go in, Mr. Shaugnessy.
- What's with you?
- Late scratch.
I'm just a drip without a drop, I guess.
Right at the captairs house.
Come on, dice.
- Ten is the play.
- A dollar and six bits on ten.
- Ten.
- Wait a minute.
- Loaded.
- You double-crosser, you!
- Hello.
- Yes?
How do you hock something?
First time, huh? Just put it
on the counter, lady. It's painless.
At last we're back in action.
Pick a sucker.
It would be difficult
to pick one who wasrt.
Now, remember, all we make
goes to Broadway Bill.
I don't care what it's for,
as long as we work.
Maybe you'll get used
to the idea and like it.
Oh, there he is.
I never knew a fella could have so
much bad luck in one day, in all my life.
I'm sure my wife will give me
the dickens for this.
Our first victim,
and dripping with innocence.
Beautiful. Go get him.
Pick them and pluck them
Pick them and pluck them
If you had such bad luck
all the day long as I've had...
I don't know what I'm gonna tell
the old woman.
I beg your pardon, could I borrow
your pencil for a moment?
Oh, sure.
The ear.
- There you are, sir.
- Thank you.
Your attention, please.
Doughboy, number three,
is 2 pounds overweight.
- Pardon me, sir, do you own horses?
- What was that?
- Do you own horses?
- Well, naturally.
- Thank you.
- Colonel Snodgrass.
Colonel Snodgrass!
I've been looking all over for you.
The big boss says for you
to scratch your horse.
Scratch my horse?
What do you mean, scratch my horse?
It's gonna be a boat race.
They got it all set for...
- Oh, got him all set to win.
- He said to tell you and nobody else.
Thank you, sonny boy.
- Well, good day.
- Good... Pardon me, sir.
- Couldrt let a fella in on it, could you?
- On what?
On the name of the horse.
The one they've got all set to win.
Oh, no, no. I couldn't do that.
Oh, I've had awfully bad luck.
I haven't had a winner all day.
I'm sorry, my friend,
but these things are confidential.
If too many people wager,
it brings the odds down.
Oh, I won't bet too much,
just enough to kind of get even.
- Sorry, stranger. Sorry.
- Oh, gee whiz.
How would you like
the name of that horse?
- How would I like it? Say, listen...
- OK, It'll cost you $25.
- Twenty-five dollars!
- All right, forget it!
Just a minute. Don't get excited.
I'm taking a chance on losing my job,
ain't I?
Yeah, but that's
an awful lot of money.
Come on, make it snappy.
Somebody might see us.
There you are.
Now, what's the name of the horse?
- What?
- What's the name of the horse?
- Doughboy.
- Doughboy!
- Don't go spreading it around.
- Oh, you can trust me. I never talk.
Doughboy. Doughboy.
Doughboy. Doughboy. Doughboy.
Doughboy. I just got word
right from the stables.
Can't lose. Doughboy!
Bet all you got on Doughboy.
Doughboy. It's in the bag. It's all fixed.
They're gonna hit Doughboy.
Hock the family jewels
and bet it on Doughboy.
Give me a 150 bucks on Doughboy.
All the money my wife's
got in the world.
- How much will you give for this suit?
- Can't use it.
- Here, I milked him for 25.
- Excellent.
You know, it grieves me to see
the gullibility of the human race.
- What fleabag did you give him?
- Doughboy.
Doughboy. Why, Doughboy
hasn't the ghost of a chance.
- OK. Pick another sucker.
- Oh, a pleasure.
Pick them and pluck them
Pick them and pluck them
I beg your pardon, but could I
borrow your pencil for a moment?
Oh, I'll mark your program, sir.
Number three. Doughboy.
Can't lose, can't lose.
I got the lowdown
on the next race: Doughboy.
Doughboy on the schnoz.
He can't miss.
I just come from the stable.
Get down on him. Doughboy.
Doughboy will walk in.
The smart money's on Doughboy.
Doughboy's hot.
- Doughboy. Doughboy.
- Doughboy. Doughboy.
Twenty-five!
Twenty-five! Twenty-five!
Twenty-five!
Twenty-five dollars on Doughboy!
There they go!
Doughboy. Doughboy.
Doughboy.
Dough... Dough...
Where's Doughboy?
Bilked by my own chicanery.
I beg your pardon.
- Watch yourself. Watch yourself.
- Doughboy!
- Coming through.
- Doughboy!
Doughboy!
Doughboy!
- Whitey?
- Yes, miss.
Come here.
That's what you get
for using loaded dice.
- It was for a noble cause.
- Yes, I know. It's a mars job.
Well, today is ladies' day.
Here's $120.
You won that shooting craps,
you understand?
- I did?
- Yes. There'll be more tomorrow.
If you tell Mr. Brooks where that
came from, I'll fix your other eye.
I bet you would at that.
- Miss Alice?
- Yes?
I'm pulling for you.
Thanks, Whitey.
Men say there's nothing like the flavor
Don't wait to do your friends a favor
And for goodness' sake
Let's bake a sunshine cake
460, 470, 480...
I've never seen Alexander Hamilton
look so well.
480, 485, 490, 495.
- What comes after 495?
- Five hundred!
You are right, my friend.
And $10 to celebrate on.
Let me run through that
with my bare fingers.
To think that this vast fortune
was accumulated
with just the clever employment
of two little squares of ivory.
A toast to Whitey,
whose hand is quicker than his eye.
- To Whitey!
- Whitey.
My dear professor, even though your
share in this was as nebulous as mine,
your story about Doughboy
was so touching, we forgive you.
The first time I ever saw a guy
sucked in by his own gag.
- I was a victim of mass hypnosis.
- Yes, I'll say you were.
And to you, princess,
for your moral support, a kiss.
And now to the secretary's office
to deposit the $500 entry fee.
That done, we shall repair to the village,
where there shall be merrymaking,
dancing in the streets and carousing
in the cool of the evening.
- Get your coat, honey.
- Oh, I don't need it.
I've got your kiss to keep me warm.
Get a hen and join us.
We ought to bake us a sunshine cake
It does more good
Than a big, thick steak
- Start with a tablespoon of trouble
- Doughboy.
Then add a smile and let it bubble
Then add a smile and let it bubble
The owner told Clarence the clocker
The clocker told Jockey McGee
The jockey, of course
Passed it on to the horse
And the horse told me
If it's muddy or wet
Take the size of your bet
Divide by the size of the shoes
Add the age
Multiplied by the length of the stride
Providing you win
You can't lose
The owner told Clarence the clocker
The clocker told Jockey McGee
The jockey, of course
Passed it on to the horse
And the horse told me
Now, it was sunny and warm
And according to form
No nag could get near Maryjane
Well, now, when the weather is dry
She can take off and fly
So I bet
And it started to rain
Oh, shut up, will you?
The owner told Clarence the clocker
The clocker told Jockey McGee
The jockey, of course
Passed it on to the horse
And the horse told me
- Hey, No-Blood.
- Hello, pal.
- Here's a new one.
- What?
Tell the age of the beast
By his teeth and at least
His teeth in the paddock looked great
But the toothy old wretch
Stopped to sneeze in the stretch
But he won by a lost upper plate
The owner told Clarence the clocker
The clocker told Jockey McGee
The jockey, of course,
Passed it on to the horse
And the horse told me
Hey, I got one, wait for me.
Don't rush. No, I got one.
Hello, Shorts. What've you got?
I had 20 across
With no chance for a loss
- I even hocked all of my clothes
- You fool.
But the horse threw a shoe
Had bellyache too
Now I'm down
To my buttons and bows.
The owner told Clarence the clocker
The owner told Clarence the clocker
The clocker told Jockey McGee
The jockey, of course
Passed it on to the horse
And the horse told me
- Dan, what if you lose tomorrow?
- Oh, Margaret used to love that song.
But, darling, I'd say we've got
A sure thing this time
I'd say that we're on our way to a star
And you can take a tip from me
We are
We are
And I won't...
Where's Bill? Hey. Hey.
Bill? Bill! Bill!
- Whitey!
- Mr. Brooks! Mr. Brooks!
Where's the horse? Where's Bill?
He's not in his stall.
- Where is he?
- They took him away.
- Who?
- Mr. Jones, the feed man.
- He came here with the sheriff.
- The sheriff?
- Yes, sir, and took him off.
- Why didn't you stop them?
I tried, but they had papers.
They put a rope around his neck
- A rope?
- And tied him to an automobile
- and dragged him off.
- Which way did they go?
I chased them for half a mile,
but it didn't do no good.
Dan! Dan, wait! Wait!
Get in that stall!
- Get in there, or I'II...
- What are you doing to that horse?
Why, you dirty...
- Hey, what's going on?
- What's going on here?
- Come on, let go. Break it up.
- Take it easy, now.
- Let go of me!
- Take it easy.
That rat was whipping my horse!
He was beating my horse!
Cool off and have a nice sleep.
Don't you worry about me,
you better take care of my horse.
I'll go right out and cut him some hay.
That's Broadway Bill,
he's in the Imperial Derby tomorrow.
He'll look funny carrying the judge
across the finish line.
He'll carry the judge, jury, the clerk of
the court and bailiff and win that heat.
- What's eating him?
- Search me.
Somebody attacks his nag,
and he's blowing his top.
What's the matter, operator?
I wanna get Pittsburgh.
If Detroit can't handle any more, OK.
What price? OK, 2,000 on Sun Up.
Denver, 2,200. Frisco, 1,800.
New Orleans, 3,000.
- Dallas, 12. New York, 9,000.
- What's the total? What's the total?
- Close to 40,000.
- Why, we haven't even started yet.
- What's the average?
- About 7-to-1.
7-to-1? Listen, Sully, I'm gonna
shoot the works on that horse of yours.
I hope we're not pulling a boner.
You're sure he's all right?
- Sun Up? If it wasrt for Gallant Lady...
- Forget Gallant Lady.
- He's a cinch to beat all the others.
- OK.
All right, folks,
get your bets down, please.
Don't get shut out.
The big race of the day.
Any bets on Broadway Bill?
Not one. They're laying off
of that plug like poison.
- Ten dollars on Sun Up to win.
- Better make him 100-to-1.
- Might pick up some sucker money.
- OK.
Make Broadway Bill 100-to-1.
All right, folks,
Broadway Bill is 100-to-1.
A 100-to-1 shot.
Broadway Bill, you old rascal.
Where have you been all my life?
Horses again.
You'd think they were men.
Here's where I give
that bookie heart failure.
He's going to buy my fall outfit
and doesn't know it.
Number 28.
That's you again, Mae.
Oh, it would be. That old moneybags
in 28 is going to drive me...
Why, Mae, you ought to be thrilled.
J.P. Chase is the richest man
in the world.
Confound it, where is everybody?
Nurse? Nurse!
- Now, now, what's all the excitement?
- I've gotta get out of here.
- You're a big boy now.
- Well, I tell you, I've got to get out of...
- Oh, no, now, not another needle.
- Not this time, cutie.
Where's that idiot of a doctor?
I'm going crazy in here.
Now, take it easy.
You've got a broken leg.
Broken leg. I've got a broken back
from lying here,
- reading this cheap trash.
- Relax.
I've got a business to attend to,
young woman.
Relax. So you didn't make
another million in the market today.
Oh, is that so?
Well, tell me something, smarty.
How do you pass
your time in this prison?
Oh, I flirt with the angels.
- You what?
- Bet on horses.
You bet on horses?
That keep your mind occupied?
Brother, it keeps my mind occupied,
my blood boiling and my purse empty.
Well, what horse
are you betting on today?
- Broadway Bill.
- Broadway Bill? Why?
It's 100-to-1. That's reason enough.
And I'm going to win one someday.
100-to-1?
How much money are you betting?
- Two smackers.
- Two what?
Two smackers. Dollars. Those things
you get nightmares about.
Oh, all right. Well, you can
bet 2 smackers for me.
- You?
- Well, why not, huh?
Give me something to think about.
One. Two. There.
- Boy, is this funny.
- What's funny?
You, the richest man in the world,
betting 2 bucks on a nag.
- Are you sure you can spare it?
- Go on. You get out of here.
Just put that 2 bucks on that
Buffalo Bill or whatever his name is.
This is going to rock Wall Street.
Just a minute, young lady.
How will I know we've won?
You'll know. I'll come in
and dance a hula for you.
Well, that's something.
Steve, you want to hear
something funny?
J.P. Chase just bet 2 whole dollars
on Broadway Bill.
Oh, really? That's very funny.
Hey, Rosie, get this. Old J.P. Chase
just bet 2 C's on Broadway Bill.
Broadway Bill?
Broadway Bill? Hey, J.P. Chase
just bet 2 G's on Broadway Bill!
J.P. Chase? What do
you know about that?
- Boy, that's good enough for me.
- Give me that phone.
Yeah, 20,000 bucks.
Can you imagine that?
J.P. Chase don't chuck it down
like that unless he knows something.
- Must be hot. He bet 50,000 smackers.
- A hundred thousand? You're kidding.
I just got it from the inside.
Two hundred grand.
On Broadway Bill?
Cross my heart. He said something
like a quarter of a million.
Wow! On a 100-to-1 shot too.
Two bucks on Broadway Bill,
on the nose.
Two hundred dollars to win
on Broadway Bill.
Give me $2 to win on
Broadway Bill for me,
$2 for my brother,
and $2 for my wife.
I got a telegram on him.
You ought to get a bet on him yourself.
He's gonna win!
It scared me to death.
I thought it was my mother.
Who? Broadway Bill
hasn't got a chance.
What do I care what a bunch of yokels
are doing? Let them bet their heads off.
The more they do,
the better I'm gonna like it.
Look what they're doing for us.
They sent the price of Sun Up
from 4-to-1 up to 12-to-1.
Boss, we've got one less horse to beat.
Broadway Bill's going to be scratched.
What do you mean, "scratched"?
- I didn't make this up, I just heard it.
- Well, what happened?
I thought I was bringing you
some good news.
All right, come on, what happened?
I don't know. The guy that owns him
got himself in a jam. He's in jail.
In jail?
With Broadway Bill out of the race,
the odds on Sun Up will go
right back to 4-to-1.
Listen, I've got to get ahold
of that guy. What's his name?
- Brooks. Dan Brooks.
- Brooks. Dan Brooks, that's right.
He's got to put Broadway Bill
back in the race.
Now, you fellows don't lay
any bets till I get back.
Company.
- Hello, Dan.
- Hello, Mr. Howard.
What's this little delegation here?
You fellows didn't bring
a loaf of bread with a file in it, did you?
I'd ask you in, only the door
seems to be stuck.
- What happened?
- Well, along about the third round,
I found out the guy I was messing with
was wearing a badge, so here I am.
It isn't bad, though.
It keeps me out of the pool hall.
What's the idea,
scratching that horse of yours?
It's a long, dull story.
Something about a feed bill.
You've got me in a mess. I've got a lot
of dough bet on that horse of yours.
- You have?
- Sure.
- Did you see him work?
- Oh, sure, sure.
You know, I had that horse
go a mile in...
Why don't you tell a guy when you're in
a jam? How much are you in hock for?
- Oh, about 200, I guess.
- Why, that's chicken feed.
Never keep a secret
like that from a pal.
- Here.
- What's this?
Go ahead, you want the horse
back in the race, don't you?
- Well, yeah.
- Well, so do I.
You're not the old man
with the whiskers, are you?
Never mind, I'm just grateful.
I'll pay you back soon as I can.
Forget it. I'll get paid back plenty
when that horse breezes in.
- He'll breeze in. Don't worry about that.
- You got a jockey?
Well, I was talking to this little boy,
Eddie Jacobs.
He's an apprentice.
How about Ted Williams?
Ted Williams? Can you get him?
Can I get him? He'll do
anything for me. We're like that.
With Williams aboard, it's just bring
a buck and a truck, and we're home.
Go on down to the captain.
Pay his fine. Get him out of here.
Put up a bond, whatever they want,
but get him out fast.
- OK, boss.
- Now, you're all clear.
I don't know how to thank you.
If you were free, I'd marry you.
Don't you worry,
I'll make plenty on that race.
I'll have Williams come up
and see you right away. So long, Dan.
- Oh, say, Eddie.
- Yeah?
Where will we go on
our honeymoon? Hey, guard.
Hey, princess, Whitey.
Teddy Williams, the rider.
- Oh, hello.
- How do you do, Mr. Williams?
- How do you do?
- Bill, this is D-day for you.
- How do you do?
- Bill, this is D-day for you.
And here's the boy that's gonna
ride you to glory. Ted Williams, Bill.
- He looks sharp.
- He's fit and ready to run.
I blew him out of the gate this morning.
Three-eighths of a mile in 35 flat.
- Thirty-five?
- Crying to run all the way.
How is he in the gate?
I hear he threw his last jock.
Oh, he's OK now.
That was only his first out, kid.
- Has he got a hard mouth?
- Cast iron. Don't try to hold him.
He doesn't like to be held.
You just hang on, Mr. Williams.
Old Bill will do the rest.
I guess I'm just going along
for the ride.
And ten percent of the purse. Well,
you better get over to the jocks' room.
Be prepared to have
your picture taken, son,
because you're gonna be
in the winner's circle.
Whitey, looks like the old man
with the whiskers
- has really got his arms around us?
- Yes, sir.
Bill, I've got a little bit
of a shock for you.
Havert got the truck to take
you to the race track today.
Old Bill, he'll walk just like
the rest of us poor people.
I guess so.
Take your places
Off to the races
We don't give a rap
And we're off to the handicap
Yeah, this joint's full of smoke.
Don't nobody ever inale?
Doc, will you move over
with that pipe, Hempstead?
You're killing me with that pipe.
What are you smoking, overhalls?
The Camptown ladies sing this song
A doo-dah, a doo-dah
The Camptown race track
Nine miles long
Oh, doo-dah day
I came down there
With my hat caved in
- Doo-dah, a doo-dah
- A doo-dah, doo-dah
Go back home
With a pocket full of tin
Oh, doo-dah day
- Gwine to run all night
- Gwine to run all night
- Gwine to run all day
- Gwine to run all day
I'll bet my money
On the bobtailed nag
Somebody bet on the bay
The long-tailed filly
And the big, black horse
- A doo-dah, a doo-dah
- A doo-dah, a doo-dah
- A doo-dah, a doo-dah
- A doo-dah, a doo-dah
They both cut across
Oh, doo-dah day
The blind horse sticking
In the big mud hole
- A doo-dah, a doo-dah, a doo-dah
- A doo-dah, a doo-dah, a doo-dah
You can't touch the bottom
With a 10-foot pole
Oh, doo-dah day
- Gwine to run all night
- Gonna keep them running
- Gwine to run all day
- Gwine to run all day
Bet your money
On the bobtailed nag
Somebody bet on the bay
Watch old Bill in the first furlong
- Doo-dah, doo-dah
- Doo-dah, doo-dah
Bet him to win
And you can't go wrong
- Amen.
- Oh, doo-dah day
I'll bet my money
With dancing Dan
- Doo-dah, doo-dah
- Doo-dah, doo-dah
We'll win enough money
To pay the feed man
- He's paid
- No change?
- All gone
- OK
- Gwine to run all night
- Gwine to run
- Gwine to run all day
- All night, all day
I'll bet on the bobtailed nag
Oh, doo-dah day
- Oh, doo-dah day
- Oh, doo-dah day
That mob down there's gone crazy.
You know what Broadway Bill
is at the track? 6-to-1.
- What are you worrying about?
- Now, listen, Eddie,
there's a lot of dough going down on
that horse. Where's it coming from?
A plug like Broadway Bill doesn't get
a play like that unless something's up.
Somebody knows something,
I tell you.
Maybe it's the Greek.
Maybe he's trying to pull a fast one.
- You're screwy. The Greek's in with us.
- Then where is it coming from?
Use your brain, maybe you'd find out.
Did you ever try to figure it out?
Every bet that's being placed on
Broadway Bill is a 2-buck bet.
Two bucks. Does that sound like
wise money to you?
It starts out 50-to-1,
meat for the sucker.
Every barber, bootblack and
chambermaid scrambles to get aboard.
The rumor gets started,
the first thing you know,
all the poor boobs are trying
to hock their undershirts.
I've seen it happen a million times.
It's sucker money, that's what it is.
Sucker money.
Well, I still don't like it.
Maybe you'd be happier if you knew that
Ted Williams was riding Broadway Bill.
- He is?
- Yeah, Williams on Broadway Bill,
and Roberts on Gallant Lady.
Now are you happy?
- Sun Up is 20-to-1 in Chicago.
- What did I tell you?
- How much will they handle?
- How much will you handle?
- Fifteen thousand?
- OK.
- New York, 20-to-1.
- How much can they handle?
How much can you handle?
About 20.
OK. Chicago, 15 grand.
New York, 20 grand.
You want the race run honestly,
don't you?
Naturally, but I don't like
this implication that my jockey...
Listen, Mr. Whitehall,
we spend a fortune every year
maintaining our Protective Bureau.
Why? To try to keep racing honest.
If we can't have it that way,
we'll close the track up.
Yes, I know, but what makes you think
that my boy is involved?
I had Howard trailed,
and I had his men trailed.
I was determined to find out
just what he had up his sleeve,
and I found out, Mr. Whitehall.
Your jockey, Roberts.
Well, that's the works.
How much have we got down?
A hundred and one thousand,
average 12-to-1.
Over a million bucks.
It's the one we've been waiting for.
Hey, boss, did you hear
what happened?
Joey Roberts has been suspended.
He ain't gonna ride Gallant Lady.
- How did you find that out?
- I saw it on the bulletin.
They got Bobby North aboard.
Somebody smelled a rat.
This is a mess. Come on.
I knew this was too good to be true.
The horses are now in the paddock.
I'm only interested in one horse.
Sun Up, number five.
Beat him and you win this race.
You're up against some
tough customers.
That jockey on Sun Up
might try anything.
Don't let him get away with it.
Gallant Lady must win this race.
Now, there's only one horse
you've got to beat. It's Gallant Lady.
But you've got to beat her.
I don't care how.
You've ridden lots of races and won.
If you win this, there's a 5 G bonus
for you, if you do.
Use your head or anything else
that's necessary,
but you've got to beat Gallant Lady.
Understand?
Listen, son. Bill don't like to run in
behind horses. See?
If you get boxed or pocketed,
take him back and go around.
Don't worry if you lose a little ground.
He'll make it up for you.
There's one thing, though.
You've got to remember this one thing.
- Are you listening to me?
- Yeah, sure.
This is a free-running horse, see.
Don't hold him back.
Give him his head.
Give him his head, or he'll go crazy.
I got to win this race, son.
I got to.
I don't want to give you the house-and-
mortgage or the sick-mother routine,
but my whole future depends on it.
I can't explain, but that's it.
- Good luck to you.
- Good luck to you.
Jockeys up.
Now, remember, it's up to you.
If you're smart, you'll cop this race.
Remember, it's up to you.
Well, Bill, it's up to you, boy.
Must be nervous.
What are you shaking for?
Who's shaking?
Come on, Skeeter,
let's go see a good race. Come on.
The horses are on the track.
Here he comes.
- Dan.
- Well, it won't be long now.
Dan, Dan, I stand
at the crossroads of destiny.
If we don't win,
it's goodbye, professor.
- Why, what's the matter?
- I got 50 from Edna this morning,
but I had to promise to marry her
if Broadway Bill loses.
Well, a fellow can always
change his mind.
Not with vinegar-puss.
She made him put it in writing.
Confidentially, Dan, it can't be done.
I'm slightly married already.
- Well, who to?
- To another vinegar-puss in Latonia.
In a moment of carelessness.
He thought he had a sure thing
that time too,
but the horse forgot
what he came for.
Dan, on my bended knees,
win this race.
- All right, professor.
- So long, fella. Good luck.
But your horse just don't figure.
Any guy that puts his dough on him
just naturally believes in fairies.
Come on, Stupe.
Don't pay any attention to him, Dan.
- Good luck.
- Thanks, princess.
If Happy's right, I'm on my way
to Higginsville in the morning, huh?
Don't even think about it.
You'll win.
Thanks, princess.
Hey.
You're not supposed to cry
till after the race. Come on, here.
- What's the matter?
- Nothing.
Good luck.
Now, now, go watch the race. Go on.
I wish I knew how this thing
was going to end.
That Broadway Bill looks all right.
What's Doc Poole worried about?
- I don't think he was ever sick.
- He looks all right today.
Come right on in, miss.
Did you place a bet on number six,
Broadway Bill?
Sure crazy if you didn't.
Two dollars on Broadway Bill.
- Number six.
- Thanks.
Well, goodbye, sawbuck.
Might as well go crazy
with the rest of the world.
Oh, come on, come on.
Broadway Bill, number six,
on the schnozzola.
Who'd you bet on, Happy?
Gallant Lady, of course.
- Me too.
- Smart boy.
Which horse is going to win?
Will it be Gallant Lady,
the temperamental favorite,
Sun Up, the great money horse,
- or will it be Broadway Bill?
- Sit down.
A colt that's never raced before
and who threw his jockey
the last time out and was
literally laughed off the track.
The wise ones say that his owner,
Dan Brooks,
has a screw loose somewhere
for entering him.
But we're going to keep our eyes
on Broadway Bill.
- For some mysterious reason,
- Sit down.
This unknown horse
has been receiving terrific support.
Almost overnight, the odds went down
from 100-to-1 to 6-to-1.
- Yes, sir?
- Any whiskey in the house?
- No, sir.
- Get some.
Get some!
The horses are at the gate now
and ready for the bell.
And what excitement.
Sit still on Gallant Lady there.
Keep your eyes open, boys.
Anything's liable to happen
in this race.
Don't you forget to break fast, Bill.
There they go.
He's in the vanguard.
Broadway Bill takes the lead
by two lengths...
...by a head, and Gotham Kid...
At the clubhouse turn,
Broadway Bill is in the lead
by four lengths.
Gallant Lady is second by one length.
Great Arab is third by two lengths,
and Sun Up...
Quit pulling that horse.
Quit pulling him.
...by one length,
and now dropping back,
as Gallant Lady takes the lead
by one length.
Gotham Kid is second...
Give him his head, you little thief.
Let him go.
Bill.
Make way,
or I'll throw you over the fence.
Nuts to you.
We got a chance now.
Come on. What are you trying to do?
Let go of that bit.
Oh, he's got his tongue
over the bit now.
He can't stop you, Bill.
He can't stop you, Bill.
Let go of that bit.
Go, go, Bill. Go.
- It's Gallant Lady and Sun Up...
- Head for home, Bill. Go, boy.
And here comes Broadway Bill,
moving between horses.
Look at this horse go.
Come on, Broadway Bill.
Come on, Broadway Bill!
- Friend to the downtrodden!
- Come on, Broadway...
Come on!
Bill. Bill. Come on.
Come on, Broadway Bill.
Come on, Broadway Bill!
Yes, Broadway Bill! Come on.
Come on. Come on, Broadway Bill.
They're coming into the stretch.
It's Gallant Lady, Sun Up
and Broadway Bill, head and head,
- all three together.
- Come on, Bill. Come on! Come on.
Stay back there, will you!
Stay back, you rat.
He's got the bit.
I can't hold him, you nit.
Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill.
It's Gallant Lady and Broadway Bill.
Sun Up is dropping back.
Come on. Come on, Bill. Come on.
It's Gallant Lady and Broadway Bill.
It's Broadway Bill and Gallant Lady.
They're coming down to the line
of finish, and Broadway Bill wins it!
He did it. He did it.
Oh, he did it.
Oh, he did it. He did it.
Bill.
Bill.
Back off that track, will you,
please. Now, don't get excited.
And keep back.
Everybody keep back.
Officers, see that everybody
keeps off that track.
You know how dangerous it is. Horses
will be getting back any minute.
Fellows, can I get through?
Let me through, will you.
- Who are you?
- This is my horse, fellas.
Officers, keep those people back.
Keep off the track, will you, please.
Mr. Brooks.
Back it up, people. All right...
Let me through. Gangway.
- How's the boy?
- The boy's OK.
- Are you a doc?
- Yes, sir.
- Are you a veterinary?
- Yes, sir.
The race was over.
He won and then he dropped.
Too much for him.
Burst his heart.
He was dead, you might say,
when he hit the dirt.
Too bad.
A great horse.
Bill.
Will you hold it for a shot,
Mr. Brooks, please?
Officer, get those men out of there.
These old eyes have seen
some great horses, but...
Tough break, kid.
Come on, get back, will you, please.
Everybody, give us a little room here.
Off the track, everybody.
We're all grateful to Mr. Brooks
for permitting us to lay Broadway Bill
to rest here at the scene of his victory.
What he did yesterday afternoon
was to teach us all the true meaning
of courage and loyalty.
Broadway Bill only ran one race,
but he ran it well.
For he not only overcame the speed
of his brother horses,
but he had to overcome the greed
in us human beings.
We should all feel humble
and a little ashamed that a horse
should teach us such a lesson
in honesty.
If we profit by such an example,
then racing will be something
more than a sport,
and Broadway Bill
will never be forgotten.
Mr. Brooks.
Well, I guess I'll be
saying goodbye, Dan.
You'll be going back home
to Higginsville, huh?
But not you. You won't.
No.
I'll be on my way, I guess.
Good luck.
Princess, you've been swell.
- You've helped me over a...
- Thanks, Dan.
Oh, there's Dad.
Dan.
J.L.
Margaret come with you?
No, she didn't.
You see, Margaret sort of counted
on your coming back to Higginsville,
- now that Broadway Bill...
- Yeah.
I guess she figured
this would be the break.
I'm not going back
to Higginsville, J.L.
I... I don't know.
Nothing matters much anymore.
Just take care of the princess, huh?
That's my decision, and it's final.
But, Father, what's come over you?
You can't sell the paper-box factory.
We've only been married for
two months. It isn't fair to Bertie.
- Yeah.
- Bertie.
And I'm selling the ironworks,
the lampshade plant
and next and last, the bank.
- No, no, not the bank.
- No, not the bank.
- The bank?
- Well, what will become of us?
You?
You'll have to go to work.
- It's Dan.
- Princess.
Hey, it's Mr. Brooks, sir.
"Release the princess
from the dark tower", he says.
Well, go on. Go on.
Don't be an idiot like your sister.
Princess!
Looking for someone?
Not anymore, I'm not.
Look, Broadway Bill II
and the Princess.
- Oh, Dan.
- Come on, we're off to Santa Anita.
Get aboard, here we go.
Remember Whitey?
- Hi, Whitey. Hi, Skeeter.
- Hi there.
Goodbye, Dad.
Goodbye, Johnson.
Oh, I'm so glad you came back.
Hey! Wait for me!