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Rock 'N' Roll High School (1979)
You are here.
I'm where? - Freshman! - Let's get him! Help, help! Seniors! - Freshman. - Hey, freshie. - We got another freshman. - Please, put me down, help! Please, I'll be late for my first class. - What do we do with him? - Stuff him in a locker. No, not the locker. Anything but the locker. J did we meet somewhere before j - hey. - Nice game, Tom, even though we lost. Oh, yeah. Hey. J or is this just; How's the old arm? J one small thing j well, it's pretty sore. J that's happening to both of us J happening time and time again j j happening over and over j hi, Tom. Hi. J will the king's horses j j and all the king's men j j ever find out j j what it's about = never before has the school board seen a student body such as this. But starting today, things will be different. May I present to you an administrator who has promised to carry out her duties with an iron hand. The new principal of Vince lombardi high, miss Evelyn togar. Thank you. Members of the board, as we stand on the threshold of a new decade, we must face harsh reality. Our educational system has become far too permissive. As that famous scholar once said, "my darling Evelyn, "how I long for the feel of your luscious thighs wrapped. As you all know, I'm here to replace professor webb, who is unable to continue his duties as the chief administrator of this school. And now I would like us all to rise and salute professor webb for his wonderful, gallant effort. Ludwig Van Beethoven, whom you will be interested to learn, wrote his greatest symphony at a time when he was completely deaf. A feat which was practically unheard of at the time. I know that most of you are used to listening to a very different kind of music, but I hope that when you hear the immortal strains of Beethoven's fifth symphony, you'll realize what a work of genius it really is. I seem to have misplaced the turntable. Hi, everybody. I'm riff randell, and this is rock 'n' roll high school. J well, the kids are all hopped up and ready to go j j they're ready to go now j they got their surfboards j j and they're going to the discotheque a-go-go j j but she just couldn't stay j what are you doing? J she had to break away j have you gone crazy? Stop that, sit down. J well, New York City really has is all j oh yeah, oh yeah j sheena is a punk rocker j; j sheena is a punk rocker j; j sheena is a punk rocker now j please, these are very dangerous chemicals. Don't dance near the chemicals. In fact, don't dance at all. J sheena is a punk rocker j j sheena is a punk rocker j; j sheena is a punk rocker now j j well, she's a punk punk j please. J a punk rocker j j punk punk j get down off my desk. J a punk rocker j; get down off my desk! Get in your seats. J a punk rocker j; j punk punk j j a punk rocker j j well, the kids are all hopped up and ready to go j j they're ready to go now j they got their surfboards j j and they're going to the discotheque a-go-go j j but she just couldn't stay j j she had to break away j well, New York City really has is all j oh yeah, oh yeah j sheena is a punk rocker j; j sheena is a punk rocker j; j sheena is a punk rocker now j j sheena is j j a punk rocker j j sheena is a punk rocker j; j sheena is a punk rocker now j j well, she's a punk punk j j punk punk j j a punk rocker j j punk punk j j a punk rocker j j punk punk j - riff. J a punk rocker j j punk punk j - riff! J a punk rocker j hey, Kate, I'm getting some static. Not as much as you're going to get. So, this is the type of behavior that I can expect. The minute there's not a teacher in the room, the entire school erupts into a shameless display of adolescent abandon. If it's discipline that you students need, I am the one who can provide it for you. Uh-oh. Well, now, I'm not interested in punishing anyone, but I think for the good of the whole school, the person responsible for this deviation from the schedule should step forward. Kate, what are you doing? What is your name? Kate rambeau. And who are you? I'm riff randell, rock 'n' roller. Obviously you do not know who I am. I am miss togar, and I am the new principal of this school. - Whoo! - Oh, shit. I want you to go to your classes now. This incident is going down on your permanent record, a record that's gonna follow you throughout your entire life. You have managed to upset the entire school with this godforsaken noise. = noise? That's the ramones' best album. Number one with a bullet. Randell, I want to see both of you in detention center before the next bell, or else. Oh, riff, detention center. I've never served a detention before. Oh, don't worry. I've done more detentions than anyone in the school's history. J I got the teenage depression j come on, Kate, loosen up. Riff, not that stuff. Oh, come on, it's not the end of the world. Yoohoo, detention, la la la la! I can't believe you. Oh, boy, detention with my best friend. = t don't understand it. I mean, I'm captain of the football team. My complexion has cleared up. And soon, I'm gonna be going to the college of my choice. Why don't girls go for me? - Hi, Tom. - Hey, Cheryl, how ya doin'? Nice weather we've been having, huh? Little dry lately, though, but I hear it's raining cats and dogs in Idaho. Sure, Tom. Be seeing you? - All right. What went wrong? Maybe I'm too forward. - Hi, Tom. - Hey, Shawn. Baby, how you doin'? Que pasa? Nice weather we've been having lately, huh? It's been a little dry, though. I hear it's been raining cats and dogs in Idaho. Yes! See ya later, Tom. = yes. What happened? What went wrong? O caring football type, captain of the team. I gotta get myself together. I need to improve my self-image. I need to broaden my horizons. J ba ba bamp pa' j I wanna be sedated j j ba ba bamp pa' j ba ba bamp pa' riff randell. J I wanna be sedated j I need to get laid. J a-checkin' out the halls j j lookin' in the stalls j j no, there ain't nobody here j; j oh, my buddy fang, and me and Paul I to get caught would surely be the death of us all ; j smokin' in the boys' room j j yeah j j smokin' in the boys' room j j now, teacher no, not the urinal. = this one. Anything but the urinal! No, please! Watch it, watch it. J smokin' ain't allowed in school [j hey, man, where you going? = end of the line! Like everybody else. Hi, I need to see eaglebauer. Oh, I'm sorry, but he's tied up at the moment. Why don't you just take a number and have a seat? Miss, you don't understand. See, this is an emergency. Animal, vegetable or mineral? Uh, sexual. Whoo. = it's a code nine. He'll see you immediately. Ah, my man, it's good to see ya. Good to see ya. How are ya doin'? - Good. Well, have a seat. Have a seat, geez. So what'll it be for the star quarterback of Vince lombardi high? Fake ID? Get you liquor in any state. Uh, no. - Hall pass, test answers? - No, no. That's not gonna solve my problem. = shoot. It's been like this all morning. Ever since togar took office. The whole school's in turmoil. Well, look, look at this. Fake ids down 509%. Test answers down 609%. Hall passes are fallin' off the board. Let's get back to you. Tell me exactly what you want out of life. I want someone with huge breasts. The sweet stirring of passionate youth. I wanna get laid before I'm 30. Are you a virgin? Do you mean technically? You've come to the right place. Eaglebauer enterprises is a name that stands for quality. Right, I'm gonna get you a date with the most primo lady in this school, Kate rambeau. Johnny, why don't you tell Tom how happy he'll be with Kate? Right you are, Mr. Bauer. Kate rambeau, age 17, attends Vince lombardi high, where she majors in nuclear physics. This perky gal-on-the-go's hobbies include splitting protons and checkers. Included in your night to remember is a matched set of travelways luggage. Ooh, oh! That's travelways luggage, the first name in travel for over five years. And now back to you, Mr. e. Thank you, Johnny. There she is, Tom. I had somebody else in mind. Oh, Tom, my files indicate she's perfect for you. I know, I know, but I was kinda hopin' that you'd set me up with riff randell. = riff randell? Nice set of pompoms. = no. The only girl I ever dream about at night is riff. But I always keep waking up just before the good part. Well, how are you set for large amounts of hard cash? I have a major credit card. Norma, dear? Yes, Mr. eaglebauer. Yes, would you draw up a contract for Tom Roberts and riff randell? J ooh, she started dancing to that fine, fine music s you know, her life was saved by rock 'n" roll j yes, rock 'n' roll j what's that thing in your ear, randell? - Um, it's a... - A hearing aid. Be careful, miss steroid, she's very sensitive about it. Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, randell. What? Sorry to hear that, randell! Fine, how are you? Oh, I'm fine, thank you! Oh, I'd say about 1/4 to two. Come on, riff, let's go. But I just had lunch. So young. = that was close. We just got out of trouble. You wanna put us back in? Are you kidding? "What's that thing in your ear? She doesn't even know the Beatles broke up. I know something is going on behind my back. You two are not doing your jobs. Look at me when I'm talking to you. You're supposed to be my eyes, my ears, my nose. Thank you. If this school is going to get back on the winning track, we have to start cracking down immediately. And I know just where to begin. Okay, you take a note to Mr. mcgree. And I want you to take the same note to coach steroid. Tell them to meet me immediately in the science lab. The most famous notes in all of the musical literature. Now. Ear-mail. Class, I have to go to miss togar's office. I'd like you to look over the chapter on Beethoven's fifth symphony while I'm gone. Oh, and, class, as soon as I get back, there's going to be a surprise quiz on this material. = come on. Nice work, rambeau. I knew you could do it. Okay, how come on down. = I'm stuck. Nonsense, there's nothing to it. Just go hand over hand, but above all, do not slide. Kate, are you all right? All right, girls, she's okay. You're okay, rambeau. Get up and walk it off. Come on, come on, girls. Let's move it. - Hey! - You fat creep. Yes? = note. Darling Evelyn, how I long for the feel of your luscious thighs. Oh, wrong note. All right, class. Listen up. - Are you okay? I'm gonna be gone for a few minutes. While I'm away, I want you to continue with your exercises for the day. Aww, - nah, none of that. Let's have a little enthusiasm. And a. A-one and a-two, and a-jumping up and down. Come on, girls. That's right, peppy! Now keep that up till I get back. Well, you're probably wondering why I called you here. - Me. - I know, I know. - Me. - I know. I know, I know. = me. = go and monitor the halls. Since assuming office this morning, I've noticed a number of peculiar incidents among the members of the student body, all having to do with rock and roll music. Miss togar, I have no particular love for rock 'n" roll, but it doesn't seem to me that listening to it actually hurts the students. Ah-ha-ha, but that's where you're wrong, Mr. mcgree. Recently, I have been doing a study of mice subjected to rock 'n' roll music. Here we have a picture of this mouse, a typical member of the genus rattus rodenti, as he appeared before the start of my investigation: Clean, good-natured, content to scamper playfully about his cage. This is a picture of the same mouse. One week after the introduction of rock 'n' roll music. = t never dreamed. = the results were dramatic. He lost all interest in keeping his cage tidy. = how scientific. He played his electric guitar far into the night, keeping the other test animals awake. He did? = and he met this female mouse and they have been sharing a cage together out of wedlock. That's fascinating, miss togar. Yes, it is. Is she crazy? She's a principal. Monitor the hall, monitor the hall. I am sick of monitoring the hall. Yep. Let's go monitor the freshman. Good idea. Get him. All right, up against the wall, spread 'em. All right, what the hell do you think you're doing out here? I was just getting my books. Listen, you have a hall pass? Well, no. No hall pass? Hit him, hit him. Guys, I'm allergic to violence. Ti break out in blood. Hit him anyway. = calm down. Let me see some ID. Come on, I haven't got all day. I need it for the sock hop tonight. - The sock hop. - Who'd dance with you? All you have is a buck? = I'll have that. Is this you? Well, I take a bad picture. = tell me about it. Listen, I'm gonna give you a demerit. What's a demerit? If you get enough of 'em, you wind up in miss togar's office. Demerit, demerit. Well, what for? Because you're ugly. = hit him now. Hit him, hit him. - Wait. I have a great idea. Let's go monitor the girls' gym. All right. What are you doing, riff? Gym class called on account of boredom. Got some of my homework instead. Homework? Yeah, for Mr. mcgree's songwriting class. I've written a song for the ramones. Wait till you hear this. J rock, rock, rock, rock, rock 'n" roll high school j j well, I don't care about history j j rock, rock, rock 'n" roll high school j j that's not where I wanna be j rock, rock, rock 'n" roll high school j j I just wanna have some kicks j j I just wanna get some chicks j j rock, rock, rock, rock, rock 'n" roll high school j j the girls out there knock me out, you know j j rock, rock, rock 'n" roll high school j j cruisin' around in my gto j rock, rock, rock 'n" roll high school j j well, I don't like the teachers and the principal j j don't wanna be taught to be no fool j j rock, rock, rock, rock, rock 'n" roll high school j j rock, rock, rock, rock, rock 'n" roll high school j j fun fun rock 'n' roll high school j j fun fun rock 'n' roll high school j j fun fun, oh baby j j fun fun, oh baby j j fun fun' fun fun I j rock, rock, rock, rock, rock 'n" roll high school j j rock, rock, rock, rock, rock 'n" roll high school j j rock, rock, rock, rock, rock 'n" roll high school j next I investigated reports of loss of hearing by individuals due to the high decibel level involved in playing rock 'n' roll music. Put on these ear protective devices as I am going to, Mr. mcgree, play a song by the ramones at the decibel level consistent with that used in your average concert. Your standard mouse and your standard speakers. Now, back, back. This is the rock-o-meter. Gee, = it is used to measure comparative rock and roll intensity levels. Watch the mouse while I turn it on. J lobotomy j j lobotomy j j lobotomy j j lobotomy j J ddt did a job on me j j now I am a real sickie j I guess I'll have to break the news j j that I got no mind to lose j j all the girls are in love with me j notice the loss of hearing. The gym! = girls! - Music! - Legs! Dancing! = boobs! - Randell. - Sex, - girls! - Dancing. I think they're trying to tell us something. Music, okay. J well, I don't care about history j j rock, rock, rock 'n" roll high school j j "cause that's not where I wanna be j j rock, rock, rock 'n" roll high school j j I just wanna have some kicks j j I just wanna get some chicks j j rock, rock, rock, rock, rock 'n" roll high school j j rock, rock, rock, rock, rock 'n" roll high school j j fun fun rock 'n' roll high school j j fun fun rock 'n' roll high school j j fun fun rock 'n' roll high school j j fun fun, oh baby j j fun fun, oh baby j j fun fun' fun fun I j rock, rock, rock, rock, rock 'n" roll high school j j rock, rock, rock, rock, rock 'n" roll high school j j rock, rock, rock, rock, rock 'n" roll high school j j rock, rock, rock, rock, rock 'n" roll high school j one, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. They're dancing. Oh, no, miss togar, it's calisthenics. Where are their books? This is a gym class. They're exercising their bodies. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. What these girls need is to exercise their minds. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. I told you, she's crazy. - One, two. - Three, four. - One, two. - Three, four. All right, girls, hit the showers! - One, two. - Three, four. - One, two. - Three, four. - One, two. - Three, four. - One, two. - Three, four. All right, girls. Come on, let's go. Cheryl, do you think Tom Roberts is cute? Yeah, but he's such a dork. No, he's not. T think he's a fox. A fox? Tom Roberts is so boring, his brother is an only child. He's not half as hot as Joey ramone. Who's Joey ramone? Where have you been, Mars? Earth calling Kate. He just happens to be the lead singer of the ramones. Boy, I wish we could see them this Thursday at their concert. So what's stopping you? We can't cut classes to stand in line for tickets. - That's right. - Oh, please. 10 years from now, no one will care if you've ever been to high school, much less skipped a few classes. You all act as if everything's so important around here. I mean, just because togar is stuck in the '50s doesn't mean there isn't life after high school, you know. I mean, I've got my own future to think about. Ti know I can write for the ramones. All I've gotta do is get my songs to them. They won't be in town for another year, so I've got to see them now. Hey, we wanna go as much as you, but we can't all cut classes. Well, I guess it's up to me, then, but you'll have to cover for me, Kate. I'm gonna take a three-day leave from camp lombardi and be first in line. If anyone wants to join me at the front row center, why, you just let me know. Okay. All right! J drop the coin right into the slot j j you've gotta hear something that's really hot j with the one you love, you're makin' romance j; j all day long you been wantin' to dance j feelin' the music from head to toe j round and round and round you go j hail, hail rock 'n' roll j j deliver me from the days of old j j long live rock 'n' roll j the beat of the drum is loud and bold j rock, rock, rock 'n' roll j j the feelin' is there, body and soul 7 J hey j ; Come on, come on, come on, little darling j j come on, we'll always be together hey, keep away with that thing. I don't want any. Scalper. J; Come on, come on, little darlin' j j; Come on, come on, little darlin' j j; Come on, come on, little darlin' j j and again and again and again j j and again and again and again j miss kissel, please report to the principal's office. All your classes have been canceled. - A girl! - Everyone, hide! Don't forget the sock hop this evening. Tonight's guest speaker will be Dr. schulz. Red alert. - Who is it? - Kate rambeau. Kate, yeah, come on in. - Hello, Mr. eaglebauer. - How are you doing? Great, thank you. Please, sit down, sit down. What can I do for you, Kate? Well, I wanna go out on a date. Say no more. Eaglebauer enterprises has a man for you. Tell me, have you had much experience with boys? Well, once I played nurse with a boy next door and got sued for malpractice. I wish part of riff would rub off on me. Everything's so easy for her. Did you have any one particular person in mind? Well, I was kind of hoping that you might fix me up with Tom Roberts. - Tom Roberts? - Yeah. = t love him. He's a great guy. Ti love him. Well, can you do it? This will never work. Tom will never like me. I don't know who I'm kidding. What possible reason could there be to put myself through all this? Sex. I must admit, as far as reasons go, it must be one of the best. Kate, I've known Tom ever since he was a freshman, when I sold him his first touchdown. Believe me, you're just the type of girl he goes for. J did you always look like this j j at the unexpected kiss j Tom, my man. How's my would-be Romeo? Eaglebauer, what are we doing up here? I thought we were gonna start training today. This is the perfect spot for it. Most romantic setting in the city. Just you, the skyline, and your training partner. Training partner? Hi, Tom. I was kind of expecting riff randell. Eaglebauer, I don't know whether I can go through with this. Couldn't I just practice with myself? You've done too much of that already. Yeah. For the next three days, you two are gonna have nothing but fun. Now, the first lesson: Necking. The place: Lovers Lane. The reason: Well, you're young. Now, what's the first thing you guys do? Aw, no, no, no, no. Now, this next step can either make or break a successful date. One-handed approach to strap unfastening is a basic skill that must be mastered. Now watch closely as I demonstrate. There's the hook. The snap. There is the double hook. There is the dreaded mini-hooks. And, if you play your cards right, the easy-open frontal assault. Isn't it sad when a family has to suffer so much? Isn't it? Good morning, Joey. Excuse me, but I think it's obvious I'm first in line. Not anymore. Hey, look, I've been waiting here for two days. I'm first in line. So you wanna be ahead of me, huh? I don't wanna be, I am. Apparently you don't know who I am. - No. - I'm angel. Angel dust, the ramones' number one fan? I followed 'em on every stop of their tour from Cleveland to Pittsburgh to Tucson to Charlotte to Denver. Oh, you're a groupie. Yeah, well, I happen to be a songwriter... Honey, you're not a songwriter. You're a cheerleader. I am first in line. = I'm first in line. = I'm first in line. Hey, what do you think I am, filth? You think I'm just spit on the sidewalk for you to walk on? Scum under your feet? I don't know what you are, but I am first in line. - I am first in line. - I am first in line. I'm first in line, and if you don't like it, you can put it where the monkey puts the nuts. By the way, who do you like? Oh, I think Joey's kinda cute. J hanging out on second Avenue j j eating chicken vindaloo j j I just want to be with you, j I just wanna have something to do j tonight, tonight, tonight j tonight, tonight, well all right j tonight, tonight, tonight j tonight, tonight, tonight j wait j j now j j wait j j now j j hanging out all by myself j j I don't want to be with anybody else j j I just want to be with you, j I just wanna have something to do j tonight, tonight, tonight j tonight, tonight, tonight j tonight, tonight, well all right j tonight, tonight, tonight j tonight, tonight, tonight j wait j j now j j wait j j now j j wait j j now j j wait j j now j j hanging out all by myself j j I don't want to be with anybody else j j I just want to be with you, j I just wanna have something to do j tonight, tonight, tonight j tonight, tonight, well all right Joey, Joey. J; Tonight, tonight, tonight I write songs. J tonight, tonight, tonight j tonight, tonight, tonight j tonight, tonight, tonight I love you. I love you. Angel, baby, good to see you. Listen, I got a little surprise for you. The boys would love to see ya, come on. This way, yeah, this way. Come on, let's go. Goodbye, cheerleader. Ramones forever! Quit shoving, you guys, come on. Stop cutting in line! Well, you know what they say. These things always happen in threes. Oh, really? I want 100 of your best ramone tickets, please. $1,000. J; Baby, baby you're the best here they are, the ramones tickets. There's many more of them. You'll get one. There you go. All right, I know you want one, too. - What's all this commotion? - For you. There you go. - Excuse me. - Okay, here. - What's going on here? - Here you go. I'm giving out tickets to the concert. - The concert? - Yeah. I had no idea the students were so interested in music. Wanna go? Complimentary ticket? Why, thank you. T love concerts. But, who are the ramoneys? The ramones. They're the best group in the world, Mr. mcgree. Air, oxygen. So, three members of your family are dead? Oh, we know for a fact that you are lying. Go and show her the proof. What do you have to say for yourself? Hey, got better. Got better nothing. I suppose that her parents are still alive, too. Should I check on it, ma'am? No talking. Kate, I am really surprised at you. I thought you would serve as a model for the rest of the school, not as an accomplice to delinquency. Well, she's my friend. A friend that will lead you down the road to expulsion. I'm a teenage lobotomy. I have made a full report. Oh, Mr. monitor, sir, it's the breathing, it's the... You two girls have done nothing but defy me. You have turned the entire student body against me. Miss randell, just what is your problem? All right, who else has tickets to this concert? Uh, just us. We're the only ones. Miss togar, perhaps we're taking this a bit too far. After all, the concert is on their own time, and it's... Nonsense! They should be made an example for the whole school. All right, give me your tickets. I will give them to charity. - No way! - Very well. I'll have my hall monitors take them from you. Body search! Hey, riff, thank you. Thanks for the tickets, riff. Hey, riff, thanks for the ticket. Yeah, we couldn't have gone without you, and everybody's gonna be there. Yeah, we'll see you there, goodbye. - Bye. - Yeah, have a good time. We won't. Yeah, rock, rock, rock, rock 'n" roll high school. Can't go to the concert. Oh, great. Great day. J I want you around j j I want you around j j they're tellin' us j j they're gonna make a fuss j j about the two of us j j I want you around j j I want you around j j I know what you're thinkin' about j j that you have some doubts j j I know what you're thinkin' j j when va find out j j I want you around j j you know if it comes true j j I'll be so good to you j I'll never treat you cruel j j as long as I've got you around j j I want you around j j I want you around j j you heard that I'm no good 7 j yeah, yeah that I'm no good j but I'll treat you like I should 7 j I want you around j j I want you around j J you know if it comes true j j I'll be so good to you j I'll never treat you cruel j j as long as I've got you around j j I want you around j j I want you around j j they're telling us j j they're gonna make a fuss j j about the two of us j j I want you around j j I want you around j j I want you around j j I want you around j It may have taken me two million lawns to mow, but it was worth it. Man, look at all this stuff. Color TV, stereo, wet bar, waterbed. I'll tell ya, I never knew gettin' laid was so expensive. Okay, I hope I can remember everything you taught me, though. Tom, you're nervous. Here, have a drink. It'll calm you down. = thanks. Hey, and whatever you do, don't worry. I mean, since riff lost her tickets to the concert, you can move right in, she'll be a pushover. Besides, look how far you've come in three days. Yeah, but the question is, how far will she go tonight? If the unknown is y and the binomial is xx, what is the function of the equation z? Riff. Riff. Riff! - Huh? Uh, oh, uh, the, uh, the, uh, major export of Ecuador is kapok. Very good, but that's geography, and this is calculus. Oh, sorry. Look at your math book. It looks brand new. I bet you've never even opened it. I only use it on special equations. Oh, I don't feel like studying tonight. Yeah, I've gotta get home, anyway. I'm expecting Tom to call me tonight. You really like him, don't you? Mm-hmm. I've been seeing a lot of him lately. You have? = mm-hmm. Eaglebauer says we were made for one another. - Oh, he did? - Yeah. I think tonight could be pretty special. = hello. = she's on the line. Great, just remember what I told you. = hello. Hello, riff? Hi, it's Tom. - Tom? - Yeah, Tom Roberts. Football player? = no. = t talk about the weather a lot. Oh, yeah. Hey, Kate, it's Tom Roberts on the phone. Tomm?? Why would he call me here? - So how's it been? - Oh. Little dry lately. Yeah, but I hear it's raining cats and dogs in Idaho. Yes, yes! Oh, man, it's goin' great. Great, great, now just. Listen, I'm just lying here in my new Van, my beautiful waterbed, listening to the ramones' brand new album on this fantastically expensive stereo, wondering if you'd like to maybe go out tonight and get drunk. - All right. Listen, I really wish you'd reconsider, what? Sure, I'll go out with you tonight. You can't do that, he's mine. You will? Just find a date for Kate, okay? Great, I will. Listen, I'll pick you both up in about an hour. We got it. Riff, how can you go out with him? You know, I never thought about Tom until you mentioned him. - What? I mean, it'd be a change for me, don't you think? I never went in much for the jock type. Oh, cut it out. What about me? What about tonight? Don't worry. You'll be in the back seat with eaglebauer. He's lots of fun. =-t don't wanna have fun. Ti wanna be with Tom. Hey, I'm only kidding, Kate. I wouldn't do that to you, huh? I'll take care of eaglebauer. You can have Tom all to yourself, hmm? Shouldn't kid like that, riff. Ah, shouldn't kid like that, riff. = you know how hot I am for him. - Hot? - Yes, hot. Whoa, hot, off the lips of Kate, my goodness. Ha ha ha, we did it. We did it. I got you a date with Kate. Whoo-hoo! - Oh. - Hot equals Joey ramone. - No, hot equals Tom. - Oh, man, I can't believe it. - You gotta remember. I can't believe it was that easy. He looks like a little cherub or something. Looks like he's gonna fly away to heaven. Oh, god. - He's so sweet-looking. - That's why I like him. He's kinda like a cream puff. = ti like him. Yeah, well, I like Joey ramone "cause he's tall and handsome. He looks like a poem to me. A poem? We get them drunk, we go in the back, we hit the waterbed. We gotta take turns in the back. All he eats is pizza. I just love the way he just holds the pizza dripping above his mouth. He just slithers and slides it into his mouth. It's so sexy the way it. Gross. J questioningly j j her eyes looked at me j this is screamin' Steve again, and I've got two free tickets to tonight's ramones concert for the person who can call and tell me what album this song is on. You know what to dial. Questioningingly. Questioningingly. What album? Oh, what, what? Oh, what is it? = is it road to ruin? Yes, that's it! Oh, Kate, how'd you know? It says it right here on the cassette. Quick, where's a phone? Where's a phone, Kate? We've gotta get to a phone! Right over there. Very special. I guess what I'm trying to say is, dear, I'd like to ask, this is very difficult. Please don't hang up, I'd like to ask you to be my wife. Sorry, but you're not my type. Oh, please, god. Please, god, don't let it be busy. It's ringing. Hello? Yes, the answer is road to ruin. Aah, we won, we won! What, yes, it's riff randell and Kate rambeau. Yes, of course we'll be there. Yes, thank you. Oh, thank you. Oh, we're going! Oh, Kate, we're going, we're going! Oh!, we're going! - Aah! What about Tom? Oh, come on, how often do you get to see the ramones? Oh, but tonight we were gonna be meant for each other. This is my big chance to get my songs to them. We have to go. You'll have a great time. And the super lucky winners of the two free tickets for tonight's ramones concert are riff randell and Kate rambeau. - Hello? - Hello, Tom? Kate and I can't make it tonight. No, we've been in a horrible seven-car automobile accident. Yeah, we've gotta go to the hospital for immediate blood transfusions. We'll see you tomorrow in school, bye. T think he took it well. Come on, let's go get dressed. = but I am dressed. Yeah, but not for the ramones. I got clothes that'll make you fit right in. Come on, sexy. The only thing I'll ever lay is a carpet. You can't take this lying down. You gotta crash that concert, grab her up in your arms. Love conquers all. Besides, I'd have to give you a refund. Oh, I think I'm gonna puke. Oh, sorry, mantovani's down the block. I'm hep, daddy-o. I'm into the ramones. Sure you are. Got any drugs? Bottles, cans, cameras? Let me check you out here. - Anybody got any glue? - Who's the geek in the beret? Look at the way he's dressed. Look at that guy. Oh, I'm sorry, we don't let any more mice in here. They've been exploding all over the place. Oh, you got headphones? Great, great. Just don't get too close to the pa. Wait, here's your stub. Okay, go on in, enjoy the show. Get this guy, is he chic, or what? Really, have you ever seen anyone. Who's got the carbonas? Just my songs. = let me see. Bottles, cans, cameras on ya? No, nothing. Nothing. Okay, you're in. Let's see what you got. Oh, this is nice. That won't hurt anyone, will it? Excuse me. - Hey, nice ass. - He pinched me. I'm looking for 'ludes. - Feel good? - Yeah. Let me see your pupils. You're stoned. This guy doesn't get in. J what a wife j j she is mine, she is his j j and so it goes, and so it goes j so it goes, and so it goes j hey, Kate, do you realize that they're all really brothers? Imagine being the only sister in the ramones' family. We want the ramones! I'm so lovin' it. - Come out, please, Joey! - We want the ramones! Hi, gang! This is screamin' Steve Stevens steamin" your way over station 666 with the screamin' Steve show. I want the ramones! We're comin' at ya, alive and kickin', with the hottest band this side of the iron curtain, the ramones! - You know it, Steve! - We love you, ramones! Dig it. But first, I'd like to introduce the two winners of the charity ticket raffle donated by the principal of Vince lombardi high. Togar eats it! Sister Maria Teresa and sister Teresa Maria. Coming next week at the rockatorium... Now, that's a step in the right direction. And to keep this administration moving forward, I've made a list of new school policy, which I would like instituted immediately. Take this down. Girls, skirts below their knees. And boys' hair above their collar. And I think it would be tidy if they wore neckties. And lunch is to be cut down to half an hour Well, I think that should teach them a lesson in deportment. How do you spell that? D-e-portment. Now I want you to meet the two winners of the screamin' Steve ticket contest, riff randell and Kate rambeau! Yay, riff! You're live on the air, girls. Why don't you say a few words to the folks at home? Go, go. On behalf of the students from Vince lombardi high who are here tonight, I'd just like to say one thing: Screw you, principal togar. We made it to the concert anyway, yeah! Who says today's youth has nothin' to say, huh? Those girls have turned the whole school against me. Hansel, gretel, I want you to crash that concert. I want randell and rambeau brought back here immediately. - So you're Kate rambeau, huh? - Yeah. You know, I just loved your latest scientific American. = thanks. Hey, would you two lovely ladies like to see screamin' Steve in action as he interviews the ramones? Oh, great. I know just the questions to ask. That's beautiful, 'cause I can't think of a thing. You know, I've waited so long to see them. I just know they're gonna love my songs. = t can believe it. Ya ready, here we go. Hey, you wanna keep it down out here? They're tuning up. How'd you get in there? Professional secret. What's this stuff? Stuff that's gonna prove to the ramones that I can write songs for them, so out of my way, dew drop. I'm sorry, but the ramones' manager, a personal friend of mine, put me in charge of keeping everyone out. What's all the trouble, angel, baby, huh? Screamin'. =- well. - Good to see ya. - Long time, right? Who are these two? These are screamin' Steve's contest winners. Oh, sorry, girls, you'll have to wait outside. - Oh, man. - Can't we just watch? Angel, dearest, why don't you see these sweet young things to their seats? We'll go ourselves, thanks. It's gonna be okay. Yeah, screamin', I was wondering if you could give us a little more airtime. = I'm hittin' it once an hour as it is. Well, you can do a little better. Hey-ho, let's go! Hey-ho, let's go! Hey-ho, let's go! Hey-ho, let's go! Hey-ho, let's go! Hey-ho, let's go! Here they are, the ramones! Joey! = Dee Dee! One, two, three, four! J; Hey-ho, let's go j j; Hey-ho, let's go j j; Hey-ho, let's go j j; Hey-ho, let's go j j they're forming in a straight line j j they're going through a tight wind j j the kids are losing their minds j j blitzkrieg bop j they're piling in the backseat j they're generating steam heat j pulsating to the back beat; j blitzkrieg bop j; Hey-ho, let's go j j shoot 'em in the back now j j what they want, I don't know j j they're all revved up and ready to go j j they're formin' in a straight line j j they're going through a tight wind j j the kids are losing their minds j j blitzkrieg bop j they're piling in the backseat j generating steam heat j pulsating to the back beat; j blitzkrieg bop j; Hey-ho, let's go j j shoot 'em in the back now j j what they want, I don't know j j they're all revved up and ready to go j j they're forming in a straight line j j they're going through a tight wind j j the kids are losing their minds j j blitzkrieg bop j they're piling in the backseat j generating steam heat j pulsating to the back beat; j blitzkrieg bop j; Hey-ho, let's go j j; Hey-ho, let's go j j; Hey-ho, let's go j j; Hey-ho, let's go j J lobotomy j j lobotomy j j lobotomy j j lobotomy j J ddt did a job on me j j now I am a real sickie j guess I'll have to break the news j that I got no mind to lose j j all the girls are in love with me j j I'm a teenage lobotomy j That, Mrs. rambeau, is where your daughter is. My daughter Kate? I thought she was in the basement splitting protons. Oh, just as I thought, which is why I called a special assembly together tomorrow to deal with this crisis. I'm going to need every parent's help, so, listen carefully. One, two, three, four. J well, I'm going out west where I belong j ; Where the days are short and the nights are long j j and I'll walk a little walk j and I'll twist a little twist j j and I'll shimmy a little shimmy j j and I'll fly a little fly Kate, she stole my songs. J we're out there having fun in the warm California sun j j well, I'm going out west out on the coast j give me those back! And I'll walk ;p j yeah and I'll twist, yeah j excuse me. J and I'll shimmy j j and I'll fly a little fly 7 j we're out there having fun in the warm California sun j hey, riff! She stole my songs. Tackle her! J well, the girls are frisky in old frisco j j a pretty little chick wherever you go j j oh, and I'll walk j j yeah, and I'll twist j j and I'll shimmy j you can catch her, Tom. J and I'll fly a little fly 7 j we're out there having fun in the warm California sun j j we're out there having fun in the warm California sun j J gabba gabba we accept you j j we accept you one of us j j gabba gabba we accept you j j we accept you one of us j Ah, shit. J I don't wanna be no pinhead no more j j I just met a nurse that I could go for j j I don't wanna be a pinhead no more j j I just met a nurse that I could go for j whoa! Whoa. J I don't wanna be a pinhead no more j j I met a nurse that I could go for j j I don't wanna be a pinhead no more j j I met a nurse that I could go for j joh. J thank you, Tom. Oh, thank you for saving my songs. I always knew you were a terrific football player. J d-u-m-b j j everyone's accusin' me j j d-u-m-b j j everyone's accusin' me j Yay! J I don't wanna be a pinhead no more j j I met a nurse that I could go for j j I don't wanna be a pinhead no more j j I met a nurse that I could go for j j yeah j J come on, gabba gabba, hey j j gabba gabba, hey j j gabba gabba, hey j j gabba gabba, hey j j gabba gabba, hey j j gabba gabba, hey j j gabba gabba, hey j j; Gabba gabba, yay j j gabba gabba, hey j j gabba gabba, hey j j gabba gabba, hey j j gabba gabba, hey j j gabba gabba, hey j j gabba gabba, hey j j gabba gabba, hey j j; Gabba gabba, yay j Joey, Joey, Joey! Tomm?? Tom?? Tom, are you all right? Speak to me. Riff, my head. = riff? I've just been handed this note. It says, dear ramones, all my friends from Vince lombardi high are here tonight, even though our principal, miss togar, thinks you make nothin' but noise, I think you're the greatest. Do you mean you sighed up with eaglebauer to be with me? Yes. Listen, I'm glad you're not riff. What do you say we become friends, anyway? Please dedicate your next song to my friends Tom and Kate. Love, your number one fan, riff randell. Okay, this is for Tom and Kate and our number one fan. One, two, three, four. J yeah, yeah, she's the one j j yeah, yeah, she's the one j j when I see her on the streets j you know she makes my life complete j j and you know I told you so j aren't they great? J she's the one, she's the one j j yeah, yeah, she's my girl j that's me. J yeah, yeah, she's my girl j j and when I see her on the streets j j you know she makes my life complete j j and you know I told you so j she's the one, she's the one, shes' the one j j know I'll never find a girl like you j j but in my heart, I'll always love you j j yeah, yeah, she's the one j j yeah, yeah, she's the one j j when I see her on the streets j you know she makes my life complete j j and you know I told her so j j she's the one, she's the one, she's the one j j I'll never find a girl like you j j but in my heart, I'll always be true j j yeah, yeah, she's my girl j excuse me, excuse me. J in the whole wide world j back, back. J when I see her on the streets j you know she makes my life complete j j and you know I told you so j she's the one, she's the one, she's the one j j she's the one, she's the one, she's the one j j she's the one, she's the one, she's the one j j she's the one, she's the one, she's the one j Joey. Yay, Joey! I told you you'd have a great time. I am. Maybe that's them in there. Oh, boy, we got 'em now. Have you seen two young high school girls around? Yeah, I got 'em on me. - Body search! - Aah! Is he all right? - Hey, pizza! - Great. What are you doing here? These are my songs. I've been trying to get them to you for the longest time. Hey, it's riff randell, our number one fan. Oh, wow, he remembered my name. This is the big time, girlie. This is rock 'n' roll. Yeah, well, this is rock 'n' roll high school. Rock 'n' roll high school? Yeah, I wrote it for Mr. mcgree's music class, but I really wrote it for you, Joey. Hey, pizza. It's great, let's dig in. - Yeah, I want some. - Oh, thanks. How many times do I have to tell you? No pizza for you, Joey. More wheat germ and riboflavin. Yeah, come on, Joey. Eat, good. See, I'm gonna eat some myself. Mmm, mmm, organic alfalfa sprouts, come on, Joey. Good, mmm. Come on, eat, Joey, good boy, yeah. Mama'll love ya. You like it, huh, huh, good, yeah. Iron, niacin, b12. Grown from the earth, good. = I'll Cherish this moment forever. This is how I like to see you, my son. Okay, okay, girlie. The boys'll take a look at 'em and get back to you tomorrow, huh? Yeah, we're gonna be in town one more day, and if we like 'em, we'll come pay you and Mr. mcglibb a visit. Say hi to Vince for us. Oh, wow. This is the happiest day of my life. Gabba gabba, hey. And I say to you parents, this high school is a failure. The past semester has been a black Mark on the proud tradition of Vince lombardi high. Student riff randell alone has disrupted classes. They can't say I haven't contributed anything. And has banded the students against me to attend a concert of the ramones. That's right, that awful rock and roll music. You see before you my first major step in putting this school back on the winning track. I give you the final solution. = those are our records. Hey, gimme those. And this is what we think of the ramones. - We've gotta stop her! - Somebody stop her! She can't do that! Miss togar, I cannot stand by and allow you to do this. Then stand aside, Mr. mcgree. Let me through. She's burning our records! We gotta stop her! I'll get the hose. Togar! That's the last straw, randell! Detention for life! J school's out for summer j j school's out forever j Let's take these home. My darling Evelyn, how I long for the feel of your luscious thighs. See you later, togar. It's already fifth period. She's gonna call the cops. J no more pencils j j no more books j hey, come on, you guys. Follow me into the school, come on! I regret that I have only one life to give for rock 'n' roll. You belong in school with us, Mr. mcgree, come on. Things sure have changed since we got kicked out of high school. Oh, where are you going? Going to Mr. mcgree's class. Well, I'm happy to see that some students still are interested in their studies. Hey, we're not students, we're the ramones. = ramones? You're responsible for making that horrible rock 'n' roll music? You turned the whole school against me. Do your parents know that you're ramones? = come on in! - Yay, ramones! - Kill the principal! Rock 'n" roll high school is on the air again. J oh, comeon/ j the kids want a little action j j the kids want a little fun j more exciting than study hall! J to get their kicks j j; Before the evening's done j j "cause they're goin' to high school 7 j ha, ha, hat hey, hey, hey, I'm really groovin', baby. J high school, hey, hey, hey j j you better let them have their way 7 they're going to destroy the school. T can't believe it. Whoo! = ooh. J they only wanna shake it up, baby j dance to the rockin' bands j they only want a little excitement j j they like to get a little out of hand 7 j oh, students j j oh, students j what the hell? We've got you now. - Get down, mcgree. - Let's get it down. Whoo-hoo! Surf's up. = call the national guard. They're causing a riot, these kids are going... The national guard? But my children are inside that school, oh dear. J the kids know what the deal is j j they're gettin' farther out every day j j we're gonna be taking over j J high school, ha, ha, ha j j high school 7 J high school, ha, ha, ha j j high school, sis, boom, bah j j high school 7 whoa! - Hey, wait! - We're in here! Wait, wait! You're gonna get it now, fat boys! Whoo, nice garters. Whoohoo! Sexy legs, whoo, mcgree! Firing line, apple brown Betty! We were only following the recipes! Firing line, the Tuesday surprise! No, no, not the Tuesday surprise. They taste treat. = it's delish. Go get 'em, guys! ; Well, come on, let's go, let's go, little darlin' eat it, Vince! J come on, come on, let's go j ; And again and again and again and again j well & - no, no. - Oh, what the hell? Demerit, demerit! Demerit, demerit! Come on up, and we'll bang your erasers. So what do you think of my school, guys? Boy, when you have recess, you really go all out. Consider yourselves officially enrolled in rock 'n' roll high school. The facilities are yours. Do whatever you want. J do you wanna dance and hold my hand j tell me, baby, I'm your lover man j j baby, do you wanna dance j j do you wanna dance under the moonlight j j squeeze me, baby, all through the night j j oh, baby, do you wanna dance j j do you, do you, do you, do you wanna dance j j do you, do you, do you, do you wanna dance j j do you, do you, do you, do you wanna dance j J do you wanna dance under the moonlight j j squeeze me, baby, all through the night j j oh, baby, do you wanna dance j j do you wanna dance under the moonlight j j squeeze me, baby, all through the night j j oh, baby, do you wanna dance j j do you, do you, do you, do you wanna dance j j do you, do you, do you, do you wanna dance j j do you, do you, do you, do you wanna dance j Go on, get out there, yeah! J do you, do you, do you, do you wanna dance j j do you, do you, do you, do you wanna dance j j do you, do you, do you, do you wanna dance j j do you, do you, do you, do you wanna dance j j do you, do you, do you, do you wanna dance j j do you, do you, do you, do you wanna dance j j do you, do you, do you, do you wanna dance j j do you, do you, do you, do you wanna dance j = attention! Give it to me. Attention, students. Attention, students. Hey, quiet! Quiet, everybody, listen! This is your principal, miss Evelyn togar. I wanna speak to riff randell. Quiet! Come on. Into my office. I don't think it's working. = t know how to do it. You don't think it's working? Start talking, togar, it's your dime. Okay, randell, I know we've had our differences in the past, but I think it's time we tried to understand one another. I think the problem is clear. I am a reasonable, well-educated, mature adult member of society, and you are a spoiled heathen punk who has taken over my school. So let's make a deal. I can have you expelled and turned over to the police. Heh. But I'm gonna forget about that and just put one black Mark on your permanent record, a record that will follow you throughout the rest of your life. If you'll just come out of there right now. Well, I don't think one more black Mark is gonna make too much of a difference. Eaglebauer enterprises comes through again. All right. Here's what I think about your school records, togar! You handled that very well, miss togar. What's that? = t don't know. Here, miss togar! Well, now they've done it. Destroying government property. I think you failed, miss togar. I think we're gonna have to do it my way. I think you're right. Randell, I just talked to the chief of police. You're not out in five minutes, he's going to storm the building. Well, you heard it, folks. Miss togar has just given the students of rock 'n' roll high an ultimatum, a classic confrontation between mindless authority and the rebellious nature of youth. The moment of truth is at hand. What will these kids do next? Boy, this sure is rock 'n' roll high school. Yeah, we liked it so much, we're gonna play it on our next album. To show our appreciation, we're gonna make you an honorary ramone. Hey, guys, you know, people say that your music is loud and destructive, and lethal to mice, but I think you're the beethovens of our time. Aww. That was a good one, Mr. mcgree. - Right, Kate, is it a go? - It's a go. All right, everybody, follow me. We're gonna evacuate. I guess we should rush the building. Not so fast, look. They're coming out. It's over. We won. Ladies and gentlemen, school is out. It appears as if the final bell has rung for these students. Has riff randell given up? Has she and her fellow classmates failed miss togar's final exam? Is this the end of rock 'n" roll high? And just what do you have to say for yourself, young lady? I've seen the errors of my ways. I'd just like to say to all students everywhere that you may think the school is yours for a while, but it's always run by the principal and her administration. - Oh, that's nice. - Vince lombardi high is, is your school, miss togar, so you can have it. Well, I'm very happy to see that you've come to your senses. And what would you have done with the school, anyway? = rock the roof off it. Hit it, marky! J rock, rock, rock, rock 'n' high school j well, I don't care about history j j rock, rock, rock 'n" roll high school j j "cause that's not where I wanna be j = it's so loud. J I just wanna have some kicks j j I just wanna get some chicks j j rock, rock, rock, rock, rock 'n" roll high school j j well, the girls out there knock me out, you know j j rock, rock, rock 'n" roll high school j j cruisin' around in my gto j rock, rock, rock 'n" roll high school j j I hate the teachers and the principal 7 j don't wanna be taught to be no fool j - those ramones are peculiar. - They're ugly. Ugly, ugly people. J fun fun rock 'n' roll high school j j fun fun rock 'n' roll high school j j fun fun rock 'n' roll high school j j fun fun, oh baby j j fun fun, oh baby j j fun fun' fun fun I j rock, rock, rock, rock, rock 'n" roll high school j j rock, rock, rock, rock, rock 'n" roll high school j j rock, rock, rock, rock, rock 'n" roll high school j j I don't care about history j j rock, rock, rock 'n" roll high school j j "cause that's not where I wanna be j j rock, rock, rock 'n" roll high school j j I just wanna have some kicks j this is wrong. J I just wanna get some chicks j j rock, rock, rock, rock, rock 'n" roll high school j j rock, rock, rock, rock, rock 'n" roll high school j j fun fun rock 'n' roll high school j j fun fun rock 'n' roll high school j hey, my man, what can I do for you? J fun fun, oh baby j j fun fun, oh baby j j fun fun' fun fun I j rock, rock, rock, rock, rock 'n" roll high school j j rock, rock, rock, rock, rock 'n" roll high school j j rock, rock, rock, rock, rock 'n" roll high school j j rock, rock, rock, rock, rock 'n" roll high school j Yay! Detention, detention, detention. Well, that about wraps it up here at rock 'n' roll high. Remember, if your principal ever gives you trouble and you want this to happen at your school, you just give old screamin' Steve a call. I'm in the book under screamin'. J yeah, I don't care about history j j rock, rock, rock 'n" roll high school j j "cause that's not where I wanna be j j rock, rock, rock 'n" roll high school j j I just wanna have some kicks j j I just wanna get some chicks j j rock, rock, rock, rock, rock 'n" roll high school j j well, the girls out there knock me out, you know j j rock, rock, rock 'n" roll high school j j cruisin' around in my gto j rock, rock, rock 'n" roll high school j j I hate the teachers and the principal 7 j don't wanna be taught to be no fool j j rock, rock, rock, rock, rock 'n" roll high school j j rock, rock, rock, rock, rock 'n" roll high school j j fun fun rock 'n' roll high school j j fun fun rock 'n' roll high school j j fun fun rock 'n' roll high school j j fun fun, oh baby j j fun fun, oh baby j j fun fun' fun fun I j rock, rock, rock, rock, rock 'n" roll high school j j rock, rock, rock, rock, rock 'n" roll high school j j rock, rock, rock, rock, rock 'n" roll high school j j I don't care about history j j rock, rock, rock 'n" roll high school j j "cause that's not where I wanna be j j rock, rock, rock 'n" roll high school j j I just wanna have some kicks j j I just wanna get some chicks j j rock, rock, rock, rock, rock 'n" roll high school j j rock, rock, rock, rock, rock 'n" roll high school j j fun fun rock 'n' roll high school j j fun fun rock 'n' roll high school j j fun fun rock 'n' roll high school j j fun fun, oh baby j j fun fun, oh baby j j fun fun' fun fun I j rock, rock, rock, rock, rock 'n" roll high school j j rock, rock, rock, rock, rock 'n" roll high school j j rock, rock, rock, rock, rock 'n" roll high school j j rock, rock, rock, rock, rock 'n" roll high school j |
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