In the beginning there was only darkness.
And in the darkness born demon Zaal, -
- Zakidernes ruler -
- And the human oppressor.
But from the shadows came Crane,
warrior of all warriors -
- And the bearer of the gods' swords.
He liberated man -
- And led them to victory.
But the price of victory was high.
For Crane got an ulcer
through the heart, -
- Who bled for seven days
and seven nights.
And a hundred warriors
drank his blood.
And parades his strength.
And Crane looked at them
and saw that it was good.
And then he died.
Thus was created the barbarians, -
- Sons of Crane.
Oh, yeah.
Yes.
Listen, folks.
Strength! Mod! Fearlessness!
This is what
there was a wreath gift to our people.
For thousands of generations,
Generation after generation, -
- Has his blood rushing
undiluted in our veins.
This is what we celebrate every year,
before we go on expeditions.
But first and foremost
is the crown of blood that makes -
- That we are barbarians
the greatest warriors throughout Metalonien.
Okay, Ronal, it's your turn.
Ronal is sick ...
Ronal is sick today.
Ronal!
Can not jump over me?
I have a sore elbow.
Maybe I'm getting
late skin ... vagina ...
- Shin Inflammation.
- Hell, Ronal.
Put all your power in battle.
I'm looking
eddermaneme to see.
Oh, for Christ's sake, Ronal, man.
One to.
Can ...
... eh ...
... more!
You may keep you
in shape before the cruise.
A barbarian who do not
can swing an ax, is ... uh ...
At least not any real barbarians.
What should I quest?
I walk in the way.
- Can not I hang out here?
- You are the son of the Crane.
A son of Crane draws on expeditions and
killing monsters and returning in glory.
- It is the essence of being a barbarian.
- Uncle, look at me.
What should I do to monsters? Buckle
muscle suit and hope they die of laughter?
What then, Ronal?
Have you got a mullet?
Fucking funny. Have you got
any brain cells?
What? Where? If there is one on the back,
bother you then press it out?
Listen here, kid. When you go on expeditions,
is it about big balls -
- Than the arms. Heroism.
Once you've grasped it, it is
no problem to crush the enemy.
I just find it difficult to overlook
that you just can die from it!
Hold on just shut up and train.
What is it?
The alarm. All hands to arms!
At your seats! Move!
- Hop, hop!
- Yes, yes!
Barricades gate!
Come on! Pull to!
Up on the barricades, I lusepustere!
Tranquil.
Wait.
Quiet!
Who's there?
Hail, noble savages.
We are Master Florian, -
- Kvadskriver and bard.
We simply want
humble towards payment of course -
- To enrich your
banquet you muscles spectaculaires -
- With noble sonatas for your old
heroes and heroines.
Attack!
- Songs. They sing songs at parties.
- Fester?
Try for example to check
their incredibly dangerous tuba on the roof.
So slip into.
- No!
- Damn.
It's bloody hundred years ago,
I finally cracked a forehead peel.
How the hell should I know
it was a tuba?
Yo, girls. How about
to wash my sick virile, -
- Resilient, filthy -
- Firstrengede lute?
There shall be practiced songs, not frivolous,
young Alibert. The art call.
We must be ready.
Is not there just a little bit of time
to walk around and look?
A true bard
Remember all the songs perfectly.
How perfect does this happen?
Should not we raiding?
Barbarians must leave tomorrow.
We could carry.
Fluctuate with the ears.
I have to meet girls, man.
I think
write some heroic poem.
Or something like that,
You know, with those verses.
Oh, young Alibert.
Only when you all sang, -
- There is the poem, you like that.
- What? It will take 100 years.
- Nonsense. So long does not.
I was only 57 before I was
finished his apprenticeship. It has no age.
Ouch! Fucking tight.
ka 'Rikke ka' Rikke
ka 'Rikke drink beer?
ka 'Rikke
ka 'Rikke ka' Rikke drink beer?
Oh, it's good, man.
Is there one of you pattebrn,
can guzzle a cheeky pint?
Alibert!
So I was hunting -
- And then you see me just run into
in a orkbrnehave. Hopla.
- Here you go, honey. On you.
- Oh, how cute.
Yes, it makes your eyes.
This one also must look straight.
It is a true
invisibility body lotion.
I used it,
when I snuck into a harem.
Cool, no? Total listepik.
So you can not see
who is attacking.
What is it? Hey, there it was again.
And now it stopped.
- Now it came again.
- Ouch, Gorak. Now let be.
- It will not stop.
- Satan and hell, you fat fool!
Oh, Ronal, damn man.
All bearings sons are assembled,
Prince Volcazar.
Then it's time.
- Can not I take the guard a little?
- What about the party?
I'm just so ... a little tired.
Okay, then. Remember to blow the horn,
if you see something suspicious.
- Think you can handle it?
- It is like when rvligemeget.
- I want to be alone.
- It's a great horn.
Remember, breathe into.
Deep down in my stomach. And so ...
Damn, Uncle.
Who would attack us?
We're fucking barbarians.
We have smashed everything.
- We have never been attacked.
- It may well be.
But it is the principle of it,
which is important.
The boy takes the life of me one day.
TRIP-MAGAZINE
Fucking barbarians, man.
What the hell is this?
We are being attacked?
We are attacked!
Take your weapon!
No, no!
- We listen and sounds!
- Let hell rain down.
Fuck! Fuck!
Fire!
To the attack! Show no weakness!
- Look! Fireworks!
- Have we booked it?
We are attacked!
Barbarians, defend you!
Hop, hop, hop!
Oh, heaven be praised.
They are rescued.
Are you mad a sick fucking party, man.
- Bummer!
- No!
Help! Help!
Dush! Smack!
Bash! Muscles!
Now I do not think
there are more back.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
He's mine.
We are overrun.
Why was blowing you not?
- I tried!
- You tried?
"Trying" is just not good enough, Ronal.
Jump up. We must rescue the others.
The famous sons of Crane.
How pathetic.
Put them in chains.
No one shall be left.
We Barbarians subjecting us never!
Everyone must obey me ...
No!
... or die!
No!
- Before them away.
- L heard Prince Volcazar!
Get the last barbarians in the cart.
Come on!
In with him! Move!
- Come here!
- Well I will not ...
- In with them!
- What the hell?
Remember your shoes and handbags ... axes!
We do not come back
and pick them up!
General? The here
prisoner does not fit the shackles.
- Should I just throw him away?
- That is, it's not a barbarian.
- Pull him from behind and killing shit.
- Oh, thank you.
- Lucky bastard.
- It is always the one who gets.
- Buff it feels good
- Buff it feels good
- As a bonus it is really nice
- As a bonus it is really nice
sits well
feels good
No, I will not. Help! Help!
Shut up,
I get boner of it here.
Oh, man. Shit, one night, man.
My head, man.
The town is pretty knackered, what?
Where are all the others gone?
Are they taken to the afterparty?
Hey, wait, you!
Ro ... Ronal.
Uncle. You live.
Not long yet.
Crane ... call me home.
No, uncle,
it is probably just a ... flesh wounds.
Ronal when your parents died
I swore to take care of you.
And the promise I have kept. But now
it's your turn to promise anything.
Promise me that you want to save the others.
You owe them.
- What? No, but I can not.
- Promise me that!
- But ...
- Travel north to the oracle.
- He will help you.
- Oracle? How?
You are the only hope, Ronal.
The only barbarian, is left.
Uncle? Uncle?
Uncle?
Goraks invisibility cream.
Yo.
- What happens? Going on an expedition?
- Uh, no. I must find the others.
Well, okay.
- It's a trip. You need to raid!
- No. I must find my village.
It's very sick a raid.
Wait a minute.
- Who are you?
- Hello. Alibert, bard.
Damn nice to be followed.
You can not say no;
because I just goes anyway.
Now we are out walking around, we saw
not slip past the Amazons country?
- No.
- The girls down there would be lovely.
- It must be investigated.
- Try to hear.
- Do not follow me.
- Those girls are super horny.
- No!
- Fuck, you're boring, man.
Now I know what we do. We take
to Berylia. There are ladies' tails.
And four teats! It could be
for the sick, man!
- No, it could not.
- Come on. What are we here?
- I must talk to an oracle.
- Is it a kind of tourist?
Sick crib.
Hello?
- Hello?
- It was sateme time.
I've been sitting here since last Wednesday.
Are you coming or what?
- Sorry, what?
- I like when dried, to heck.
Is not home care?
- No, we ...
- Wait!
Gundars have sent ...
That's it. Come right ahead.
And be careful with haemorrhoids.
He is a mighty warlord
this prince Volcazar that you are talking about.
zakidernes dark force protects him.
Now I was so seen nor
interested in fighting with him.
Volcazar crave power
across Metalonien.
So far, no
been able to stop him.
Wow.
An impenetrable armor encloses
his body. No weapon bites on him.
Only one sword has strength
to crush him.
See.
- Oh, sick.
- What's so special about it?
It should especially you know, barbarians.
This is the crown of swords.
It's a joke, right?
Honestly, it do not exist.
Everybody has been looking for the damn sword -
- In thousands of years,
and nobody has found it.
It's a silly story.
Wreath sword is not a myth.
Only this can damage the princes Volcazar.
You can never save your village
outside to get at him first.
But I can not.
Only a great warrior without fear
the heart will be able to use it.
Without a great warrior
You will not defeat Volcazar.
And without a great warrior
would your tribe be damned!
But I can also be indifferent.
I'm just a pundit.
It's not my fault
that the barbarians have been kidnapped, do you?
Gu'ra zul!
Wizard!
Lord, time is fast approaching.
zakidernes temple must be awakened soon.
Otherwise it becomes impossible to perform
the ritual. Is Wreath sons caught?
- My mission is complete.
- Fantastic. Now nothing can stop us.
Mighty zaal. Wreath sons are gathered.
Awake from your lethargy!
What is happening?
Finally.
- What?
- What now?
The mighty Zaal is not satisfied.
The absence of one son of Crane.
- Impossible. Unless ...
- I do not understand ...
- We left none alive.
- Fool!
I need the blood of all living
barbarians, and then you let one escape.
- I can not explain.
- Find him for me. Now!
for they are in raid
Alibert and Ronal
the greatest heroes
in Metalonien
uh-uh
it's going so well
and the girls they say
Alibert
you're so delicious
My village has been burned,
and I must find Wreath sword.
Can not the devil be quiet
for five minutes so that I can think of?
- I sing a song barbarian instead.
- For God's sake, no.
Crane and he drew his proud sword
and drove with all his force
blade deep in Zakidens must
skull burst
Wait a minute. The song.
What was it?
"Lays Wreath".
There are 2073 verses
and I do them all by heart.
Crane gets totally much pussy.
- Why did not you say something?
- That he gets pussy?
No, about the song. It's about Crane.
You have sung a verse of his sword.
Is there one that tells you where it is?
from the crown of his chest the blood flowed
it was bleeding day and night
No no. After he dies. Come on. Sing.
his grave was placed the sword
Instead, now forgotten
Only Wisdom Book of Elves Farm
knows where it is stored
Wisdom book of Elves Farm.
That's it.
- We need to Elf Farm.
- Should we do it?
- This is how you find the sword!
- Girls are Elven pishamrende delicious.
It will be a great trip, it here.
Okay, I have two rules here at the
turn. A: This is not a raid.
And two: Do ??we have something that is
smallest expedition-style, we go around it.
- Is it a deal?
- Check.
Is that rule number one or two
we've just violated?
Run for your life.
Shit! What the hell is this?
What the hell was that?
No! No!
Ouch!
- Who are you? Are you one of them?
- My ... my neck.
Answer me!
I'm just a random
passersby. I swear.
It was not my opinion
to disturb you in the middle of your ...
- Slaughter of random men.
- They challenged me to a duel.
Oh no, not again.
Get out of here.
You may be allowed to live.
She is like when the warrior
we need to crown a sword.
What? Are you insane?
She is fucking violent psychopath.
- Yes, exactly. Ask her.
- No.
Wanker. Yo, pretty. My friend Ronal
would like to ask you something.
Will a fresh krigerts as you -
- Out on such an expedition, you know.
In order to save his village.
And as a little bonus, I would like
let you play a little on my father's lute.
I do not know what he's talking about.
put your hand on my lute
and let me teach you to suck '
I will not learn to play
on your instrument.
- You are well expensive.
- I said it was not a good idea.
Another must rescue the barbarians.
- Did you barbarians?
- Um, yes.
- The barbarians, it is your village?
- Oh, yes.
Them, as they say,
are the greatest warriors in Metalonien?
Yes.
It's a worthy cause.
I'll take with you.
What?
I'm Zandra from skjoldmernes clan.
- Where are you going?
- Elf kingdom.
- We must find out where it is.
- We will need a guide.
- There is a nearby city. Come.
- No, wait. You can not just ...
- Do you have a problem with that?
- Now ... uh, no.
- Super. Come.
- I swear you scoop her husband.
Son of Crane! Son of Crane!
Come on! Faster!
Oh, cool.
Shaving my legs and call me Susan,
if this is the sickest place.
- Okay, we are here.
- Uh, okay.
What's up there, assholes?
Is there not one of you
who cares to call a taxi?
- Fuck.
- Grease. There is happy hour.
There are many in there today.
Stay behind me.
We walk quietly in,
find a directory -
- And go again
before any notice to us.
And without a fight, okay?
Please?
- As you wish.
- Thank you.
Bing, Bing-li-bing-bing.
l your ass.
Son of Crane! Son of Crane!
So I said to her: "Your breasts
looks tired. Should I keep them? "
Your mother has always
had the longest tits.
Hey! Hey! Now stop you, buddy.
I tell you.
She was angry, man.
You can not win them all.
But you can try.
- What do you want?
- We are looking for a guide.
There is only one left. Down by
privy. Ask for Elric.
Hey, who ordered a pint
and a double Manhattan?
Okay. Thank you.
Uh, hey. Uh, you're Elric?
Devoted to vote
lights in the evening sun's embrace.
Stellar Kids
Head Mother Sol to rest.
l dark sounds
pensive sigh sake.
I sensed you'd come. We
elves are connected with all living things.
Let our souls meet.
You bear the eagle fantasy
and scrotum mouse will.
Copper beech music rests in your heart.
Kormamin lindua ka'elja.
Yes, it sounds exciting. My name is
Ronal and we have some pieces ...
Names have no meaning.
- I need ...
- Spiritual or physical directions?
We need to Elf Farm.
Devoted voice will tell me
though I must help you. Stand still!
Let me penetrate your aura.
Kormamin lindua ka'elja.
Kormamin lindua ...
The wind tells me to follow you.
My bow will sing with your sword.
Okay ...
For hell.
- Hey, I found him.
- My bow will sing with your sword.
Yes. Come, let us hasten out.
Hey, skjoldm, you go already?
What do you say to a little dance?
Hey guys, sorry,
it's okay. We go now.
- I accept your challenge.
- What?
You may defeat me or die.
- We should not create problems.
- They challenged me.
You promised. In and out without a fight.
Okay. So, you control it all by herself.
Hey, skjoldm, what is it for?
Listen ...
Friends, I know, I think
it's super cool to declare -
- But we have a bit busy, and there
is probably plenty here who want to fight, -
- So if that's okay with you,
I think just, we slip.
- Zandra!
- I do not mix myself.
Lovely suppeben it here.
So ride, however, properly!
Have you seen this one before?
I can teach you to play it.
Make it you horny?
I sense
great aggressiveness in the room.
Any last words that stump?
- He is dead.
- What the hell?
It is damn
too nauseating.
- Now you can get a new asshole.
- It is enough. Let him be.
Black Riders.
Son of Crane! Son of Crane!
- Take him!
- No! Help!
Zandra!
Nobody sits up against the Prince
Volcazars riders go unpunished!
It explodes!
Move!
Hello! Who is it who ordered
a double Manhattan?
Ouch, my ass!
Curse!
Fabulous, my lord. One hits more
and you have beaten your record.
But we must find the last
Son of Crane before the next full moon.
- You destroy my concentration.
- I beg your pardon.
- Hello?
- The target escaped, sir.
The task is harder than we thought.
He enlists the help of a strong warrior.
We will need reinforcement.
I tolerate no insults!
Bring them to me. Both of them.
Do you know where we are?
It seems as if we go in circles.
The wind speaks to my soul.
We are soon in elves' realm.
You said that two days ago.
We're lost, dammit.
We die of thirst.
- Ha.
- What is it that's so funny?
I have heard of barbarians against and
strength, but you have neither.
You just go and whine and hiss.
It's funny when you consider
the family you come from.
Why are you with
if you think I whining?
- What is your deal with the barbarians?
- It's my own affair.
Stop! See.
- And that means ...?
- We elves can communicate with everything.
I unite myself with its soul
and causes it to show us the output.
Kormamin lindua ka'elja.
Kormamin lindua ...
Ouch! My beautiful elf lip!
There. On the other side. There is no
maze on the other side.
The entrance to the elven kingdom.
I did it.
Elves Port, I greet you.
Did you not think it was an entrance?
- Oh! Wild!
- Come on.
Stop! First, our souls are weighed
the gatekeeper.
Only those of the right casting
may be allowed to go through.
What about those
not have the proper casting?
Who? Well.
They are crushed by the rock wall.
- Well, shall we go?
- Well it I can not.
- What?
- I am a miserable barbarian.
I have not exactly
the right casting.
- It is not meant that way.
- Forget it. We go around it.
When you are on the raid,
, follow the directory.
The only thing we get out of it
is to be killed.
But now you call it a raid,
remember that it is my cruise.
And I decide that we go outside
the ridiculous port. Come on!
See. No booby traps, no gates,
no anything.
This expedition-nonsense is so predictable.
If just thinking a bit outside ...
- Ouch, my tailbone, man.
- What the hell was that?
We have offended gatekeeper.
I sense ...
... great danger!
Run!
Faster!
Ronal!
Come!
Ouch, man.
Fool! Your moronic idea was
to beat us all to death.
I tried just
to steer us out of trouble.
You tried? Here the "samples"
just not good enough, Ronal.
On a mission
there will always be problems.
Solve them instead of going around it.
This is the Elves Temple.
The focal point
of all wisdom in the world.
Wisdom book of lies
in the tower's upper chamber -
- So the moon can read in the
on his journey across the night sky.
It is the holiest of holies.
- Fair enough. So is it that we have to get up.
- Hush!
See.
No one from outside should get into. The King
Archers have eyes like hawks.
- Shit.
- They kill everything they see.
So it must be the hard way.
I take the front two.
No.
- I do it.
- What?
Alone.
Think about it. They kill you,
as soon as they see you.
I know, -
- But they will not see me.
There is not much left
and I am the least of us. Wait here.
This one I could
have used in high school.
What do l do? Smart, no?
- What?
- You are missing a spot.
Fuck! It is empty.
Fuck, it's typical.
Relax, Ronal. They are small dumplings
Nobody will notice.
- Wait here.
- Let be, Ronal. You will be killed.
Ouch!
"I have a headache," "I'm tired"
"The kids wake up!" And blah, blah, blah.
With such a wife is the bummer,
one lives forever.
Rvnederen!
Ouch!
Who's there?
Well, there was not a damn thing anyway.
- What then? Are you ready for this Saturday?
- Are you crazy? I was born ready!
- Coolest!
- I just have to be psycho-baskelam!
There is open.
Ouch!
Fuck, I'm in bad shape.
Oh!
Accursed rat!
Oh!
Wow. There it is.
So what is what here?
Wreath sword -
- Wreath sword
how the hell finderjeg Wreath sword?
There's that damn.
Wreath sword.
Well, but it was easy enough.
It's like when no one
who discovers.
- A killer rat!
- Kill the rat!
Use the poisoned arrows.
After it!
Kill it! Kill it! Kill it!
Faster!
Shoot it down!
- Ow, damn it!
- Yes! Pig is down!
Well, how much
takes you to drink?
- Nothing. I'll smoke me on the floor.
- Did you get hold of Elrond mother's weed?
Av.
The card says that Crane was
buried in eternity Mountain.
My elfin soul feel
it is far, far ...
Is not it there?
... it is just nearby.
Destiny is on our side.
Av.
Not.
- I mistook you.
- What?
There in the temple. You did it.
Yes, almost certainly.
You do barbarians honor.
Uh. Thank you.
Well, but ... I have also
an ax to be sanded.
I got to thinking ...
I've never really been told ...
... thanks for that you took with me.
Actually anerjeg not know how
would have done it without you.
Uh ... okay.
Well, we'd better get some sleep.
Maybe we crown the sword tomorrow.
I keep watch. We elves do
no sleep. I can safely sleep.
- May I ask you something, Ronal?
- Uh, yes, of course.
How are the barbarians?
- They're not very clever.
- I thought more ...
How are they here?
Well.
Uh.
A barbarian is always ready to help
one when you need it.
Regardless of how dangerous and disruptive
it is. And they go on raids constant.
They are not afraid of anything.
Hard to believe I am one of them, huh?
- And they are good fighters, right?
- Yep. The best in the world.
It's just so hard
to find a decent fighter.
Yes. Uh, what?
I come from
an ancient lineage of skjoldmer.
Far, far away from here.
Our religion requires that I only
marry the one who can defeat me.
Many have tried
to win over me -
- But I was too strong.
And for every duel I won,
I was just stronger.
Meanwhile, I could only watch as
the other found himself a girlfriend.
One by one. Eventually I was
the only one left.
It took longer and longer
between that someone dared to challenge me.
Then the suitors just up
get.
The top of the trunk
became impatient.
They told me to go into
world to find a worthy husband.
A warrior with the strength
to defeat me.
If one kills me,
I will obey his slightest command.
There have been no,
who were strong enough.
But everywhere I've been, say,
Barbarians are the strongest warriors -
- So maybe a barbarian
from your village meet me.
- That's why I went with you.
- Uh ... Okay.
- Okay, what?
- Well, then ...
What you just said,
what it has to do with love?
I would love that conquers me.
I've waited so long.
Wow.
I have never
told this to anyone before.
It feels so ... nice.
You know, Ronal? It is actually
nice talking to you.
You are also lovely.
- Uh, talk to, I think.
- Well.
And if I had meant it in the
otherwise, would we have beaten.
- No, it would not be so fortunate.
- It would be a little strange.
- What was it?
- I do not know.
Hey, Elric.
Elves do not sleep.
- What is it that says the sound?
- I sense a common voice.
No one escapes
Prince Volcazars anger!
Ronal, beware!
Zandra!
- Curse!
- Ronal, wait for me!
Ronal!
Oh, fuck!
Satan!
They are gone.
No! Move!
Zandra!
- No, no, no.
- We find her.
If we go now
so we collect them. Come.
- What did you do?
- I do not know.
The Amazons.
- It's stuck.
- Congratulations, honey.
... simply so much sun.
See my new shoes.
Are not they amazing?
- It's only women.
- I died and gone to heaven.
- Hi, girls. What is happening?
- What is that?
- Oh, totally botched stomach pouch.
- Hello. Good to see you.
High Queen, we have captured
these women in the jungle.
We have taken them with them,
so they can decide their fate.
Stand them up. Let me see them.
Maximum remarkable women.
I've never seen anything like it.
- What is it?
- Ow!
- One even has hair on his chin.
- How clumsy!
- High Queen.
- Ten, shoddy girl.
- Who has asked you to speak?
- We are not women.
- Well, we are such men then, no?
- Men?
- Or so nearly so.
- Men?
Heaven be praised. The gods have heard
our prayers and sent us two men.
Finally the time has arrived
where we can pursue our tribe.
Before them the sacred mating cabins.
- What?
- What!
We take the thin first.
Him here we save for tomorrow.
No, help.
No, I will not!
Honestly, man. It can not be l
you know. I will also be paired with.
It's fucking typical it here.
No!
- Lord.
- What's new?
We have caught the warrior who has
barbarian helped to escape.
Looking at it.
A skjoldm.
- And a very pretty one.
- Give me a gun and let me fight.
Each thing in its time.
No one put a hand on me with impunity.
So die then!
Impressive.
You are a woman of my choice.
Sad that I will have to
to kill you!
What?
Foolish woman.
I know your rules skjoldm.
You must obey me now.
It is your destiny.
You have defeated me.
Bunkering piercing is too fat.
Double piercing is the shit.
Yes! It was damn time.
Is it my turn?
The ceremony is over.
You will be used tomorrow.
- What? Tomorrow?
- The queen's order.
Come back!
I will also be abused!
- Did you lock?
- Of course.
Hey, what are you doing?
- We must leave.
- What about all the Amazons?
Zandra is in danger. We must find
Wreath sword and help her.
- Can he wait a week.
- We can not leave her behind.
- Can not we find another warrior?
- I want Zandra!
Hello, you would not
have her help to start with.
Fuck you! I will be here
and having hot love with hot babes.
It's the only reason
I was taken with the expedition.
Oh, I forgot. You're not
on expeditions. You're just fucking boring.
Fine. Stay here.
You are not
to help a damn thing anyway.
Oh, I just love the song.
Damn! Fucking shit!
Oh, what the fuck I walk in, man?
Ronal, I come.
- My queen?
- I just had to see you.
Ever since I saw you the first time
is my body trembled with longing.
I know it's against the rules,
But I must have you.
- If I may ...
- I can not control myself. Take me!
Take me! Oh! Yes!
Take me!
Stop!
Unfortunately I can not, Mrs. Queen.
My friend needs me.
What?
Maybe I can be taken
prisoner again on the return trip.
Alarm!
- Pigs! Some men are pigs!
- Insanity bitches, man!
- L progresses from your responsibility!
- And l pissing on board!
Men just hung from my balls!
Elric?
It's all the first barbarians.
Wow.
Hello.
I need your sword.
I'll take good care of it.
It is quite easy. Wow.
Yes. I'm sorry.
Zandra.
I'm sorry.
Time after time you escaped
my best riders barbarian.
And then straps you up here, just as
my skjoldm said you would.
Wreath sword. The only weapon
in the world that can harm you.
Zandra?
Excellent. You have served me well.
- As you have commanded me, my lord.
- What the hell is happening?
Move! The barbarians are here
a rendezvous with my mage.
I sense
that Ronal is in great danger.
- Do what you must, sorcerer.
- With pleasure, sir.
- Ronal?
- Gorak?
- There you go.
- No, no, no!
Finally! Mighty Zaal,
listen to your humble servant!
Blood from the crown of the sons are gathered.
Grant us access to your temple!
What are you doing?
Only once every ten thousand years, it
possible for Zaal, Zakidernes god -
- Get in touch with our world.
I offer the ultimate sacrifice.
The sons of the warrior who sent
him into exile to the hereafter.
And as a reward he will give me
His divine power.
All will undergo -
- Or die!
Pis. We can no longer reach
without being detected.
Ronal!
What the hell's wrong with you?
Come on! Lift your feet!
Come on! Up the stairs with you!
Wait here.
- Ronal.
- Alibert!
- What?
- Hold up, however.
Going forward, you wretch.
Ronal, where have you done
Wreath of swords?
There is nothing to do. It lies
on the altar below. Hurry away.
I am not satisfied,
until they scream like the pigs they are!
Mighty zaal we bestow you
blood from the crown of the sons.
Let your dark bless us.
Soon I am more powerful than a god -
- And thou shalt be my queen
in the immortal life.
Hey! What are you doing here?
- Uh ...
- Kill him.
No, wait. I am master Alibert.
And the bard!
I'm here to play for
your party ... just occult ritual.
This one knows l may.
your buff
it makes me crazy
on the dance floor
can you see it
your skull charm
it gives me warm
little cuddles
sweet treasure
- Shut up, crap.
- Oh!
- See you.
- Come back, you little shit!
Let The Chosen One step forward!
- Hey, Ronal.
- Wreath sword.
- I make you free.
- We must liberate the others.
- I hurry as well as I can.
- What the hell?
Drop the splice.
You have no chance.
Come on. Give me your best shot.
Beautiful. It was really ...
- What the hell?
- Sorry.
What?
It is here I fuckin
looking forward to!
Oh yeah!
- Kill them.
- But ...
- That's an order!
- Zandra!
You belong to me, skjoldm!
Do not forget it.
Yes, my lord.
- Ronal.
- You do not do it here.
Volcazar has defeated me in a duel.
It is my destiny.
Zandra, that's me.
It's completely ridiculous.
Is this really your destiny -
- To beat the only
who love you to death -
- Simply because some maniac
has beaten you in a fight?
Watch out!
Ronal!
Zandra.
Let me go!
Lord, make haste and bottom
before it is too late.
Clever boy. Down with the needle.
Oh, shit.
Die!
No!
The darkness must be aroused in Metalonien.
The sound of screams
must rise to the sky.
All must submit to me -
- Or die!
Fuck!
Lays Wreath! "Crane took his proud sword
and drove with all his force -
- The blade deep in zakidens shell
skull burst. "
You have to hit him up on his forehead.
It is his weak point, man!
It's impossible!
There is nothing you can do here.
Save yourself!
- What?
- It's not a place for you.
Get out!
No. I'm done
running around it.
Now you behave yourself
damn well.
Yes, indeed! Hit him in the forehead!
- In the forehead.
- What do you think I'm trying?
I'll crush you like an insect!
He is fucking killed.
Oh, damn!
May my aim be sharp as a hawk's
and error-free as the great tit.
So stand, be silent!
No!
Now I have you!
Eat lute, your bitch!
No, no. No!
- Zandra!
- My queen! Kill the fleas here.
What do you do? Your honor greets you
to serve me!
No! It is finished!
So die then!
Zandra!
Okay, folks, let's show them
how barbarians are really struggling!
Gorak!
- Come on, guys!
- Muscles!
I am invincible!
- What?
- This one's for Uncle Gundars!
Uh?
Holy shit.
My g-string sits right up the ass.
Ronal?
Ronal!
Oh no.
There are Ronal.
The greatest barbarians of us all.
- What happens?
- He lives damn, man!
I feel great love.
It's so beautiful.
Now I have not challenged you
to a duel, right?
You ...
You have already
conquered my heart, Ronal.
Then it becomes cheesy.
It's time for beer and beer,
beer and beer.
Beer and beer, beer and beer.
Should l just see something sick?
Wow!
j.
- Oh, that's good.
- I sense a strong muscular rheumatism.
I have also been tightened up
on a leather cross an entire week.
Keep just shut up, man.
I want to say something important.
For Ronal,
the thirsty barbarians in the world.
Cheers!
- How the hell are you drinking?
- Fucking barbarians, man.
Ronal barbarian
He was a weak boy
balls had he not
was not pierced anywhere
he was a little geeky
chest weak and somewhat cowardly
big balls
with hair
hard balls
hot babes
with hair
delicious babes
tasty balls
and oil-lubricated muscles
Ronal barbarian
he rules
big balls
with hair
hard balls
hot babes
with hair
delicious babes
tasty balls
and oil-lubricated muscles
we kmpertappert
shiny muscles
we are champions
thunder and lightning
scary wild
enemy we defy
for we have balls
together the team look
we dress in leather
Wow where we sweat
sunburnt hordes
with pierced nipples
Ronal barbarian
he rules