Hey
Stand up
Hey
Ruthless People
Ruthless People
Greedy | forever and ever
Success
Greedy | and ever so clever
A mess
Keepin' their right | to creep into paradise
They'll even | blackmail St. Peter
They'll pay any price
Hey
Stand up
Come and see
Ruthless People
Greed and evil | oh yeah
You can have it | if you want it
It might take | the rest of your life
If you want it | you can have it
Do a balancing act | on a knife
You can have it | if you want it
It fits and gets cheap | at the price
If you want it | you can have it
Despite your sweet soul | and your lies
Ruthless People
Ruthless People
Carol, did I ever tell you | why I married her?
Yes, Sam, you told me | many, many -
Her father was | very, very rich...
and very, very sick.
The doctors assured me | he'd be dead any minute.
There wasn't | a second to lose.
I rushed right out and | married the boss's daughter.
He was so sick!
It was like the angel of death | was sittin' in the room with him,
watchin' the clock.
They pulled the plug | on him.
He wheezed and shook | for about an hour.
And then...
he stabilized.
That son of a bitch | just got older and sicker.
And older and sicker!
And older and sicker!
- More coffee, sir? | - No!
I couldn't wait around any longer. | I went out and made my own fortune.
The old fart hung in there | for 15 years!
Finally died | of natural causes.
I want the rest | of that money!
His money, her money, | it's my money!
I had to live with that squealing, | corpulent little toad all these years!
God, I hate that woman! | I-I-I-
I hate the way | she licks stamps.
I hate her furniture.
And I hate that little sound | she makes when she sleeps.
[ Snorting, Baa-ing ] | Ohhh!
And that filthy, little | shitbag dog of hers... Muffy!
- Aren't you scared? | - Scared?
Hell, no. | I'm lookin' forward to it.
My only regret, Carol,
is that the plan | isn't more violent.
Don't you consider throwing | a body off a cliff in the | dead of night violent?
Nah! She'll be unconscious, | knocked out from the chloroform.
I'm talkin' about | hands-on involvement.
Hands-on?
Ohh. Ohh!
Oh-ho! | [ Snort ]
[ Whispering ] | I'm goin' now. I can't wait.
Good luck.
Barbara, dear, | I have something for you.
Barbara?
Where are you, dearest?
I have something for you.
Honey?
Barbara?
Dumpling?
Barbara?
No notes, | no messages.
This is not like you, | you meticulous bitch!
It's just like that woman | to screw this up.
Damn it!
What are you doin' here? | Mining the carpet | with little poodle bombs?
Here! Take a whiff of this, | you little fruitcake.
I'll kill you!
- [ Yipping ] | - I'll wring your neck!
You hairy rat!
[ Phone Ringing ]
- Hello. | - [ Man ] Mr. Stone?
Listen very carefully. | We have kidnapped your wife.
We have no qualms about | killing and will do so | at the slightest provocation.
- Do you understand? | - Who the hell is this? | Is this some joke?
I have no patience for | stupid questions, Mr. Stone, and | I don't like repeating myself.
Do you understand?
All right, I'm sorry. | Please continue.
You are to obtain a new, black | American Tourister briefcase,
- model number 81 04. | Do you understand? | - Yes.
In it you will place | $500,000 in unmarked,
nonsequentially | numbered $100 bills.
- Do you understand? | - Sure.
Monday morning at | 11:00 a.m., you will proceed | with case in hand,
to Hope Street Plaza and | wait for a phone to ring.
You will receive | further instructions then.
- Do you understand? | - Yes, I do.
You'll be watched at | all phases of execution.
If anyone is with you or if | any action is not carried out | to our complete satisfaction,
it will be considered | an infraction of the rules, | and your wife will be killed.
- Do you understand? | - I believe so.
If you notify the police, | your wife will be killed.
If you notify the media, | she will be killed.
If you deviate from our | instructions in any way | whatsoever, she will be killed.
- Do you understand? | - Perfectly.
[ Sirens ]
Reporter | Just 45 minutes ago, | Mr. Stone received a call...
from a man demanding | a ransom for his wife, Barbara.
[ Muffled Cries ]
- [ Groan ] | - Kenny!
Barbara Struggling
[ Grunting ] | Grab her legs.
[ Muffled Cries Continue ]
Aah!
Do you think | she's dead?
[ Muffled Cries ]
Aah!
[ Grunting ]
Muffled Cries Continue
[ Muffled Cries ]
You fucked | with the wrong person!
My husband does business | with the Mafia.
When they track you down, | you, your entire family, | everyone you ever knew...
will all get chain saw enemas | and that's not all!
Oh, my God! | I've been abducted by Huey and Duey.
An-- | [ Sniffing ]
Jesus Christ! | It smells like a toilet in here!
- It's just the ammonia. | - We scrubbed down here for hours | on our hands and knees,
Kenny | For God's sake.
My husband worships | the ground I walk on! | Wait till he hears about this!
He will explo-o-ode!
Bye-bye, Barbara. | [ Snickering ]
In local news, a kidnapping | today in Bel Air.
Police tell us this woman, | Barbara Stone,
the wife of clothing tycoon, | Sam Stone,
was abducted earlier today | from the couple's estate | on Bellagio Drive.
Preliminary sources indicated | that Mr. Stone was contacted | late this afternoon...
and that a ransom demand | has been made. Police officials--
[ Newscaster 2 ] | ...kill Mrs. Stone | if demands were not met.
It's on every | goddamn channel!
Millionaire heiress, Barbara Stone, | has been kidnapped...
from her | Bel Air mansion.
What'd he do, | hire a publicist?
I feel terrible. | Do you feel as guilty as I do?
Guilty? | Are you kidding?
He takes our money, | steals your idea,
goes out and makes | a million dollars, | and you feel guilty?
I can't | believe it!
- How many times | have we been over this? | - Oh, honey, not again.
Let me remind you | of something.
You are the spandex | miniskirt king.
Not him. | He is the spandex miniskirt thief.
He's the one | who should feel guilty.
Look at this. | Do you remember this?
You cried for a week | when you saw this. Look at | the smile on that asshole.
I know he stole it, but she | really didn't do anything.
She was his partner! | Oh, damn it, Sandy.
Do you enjoy | getting stepped on? Do you?
'Cause I don't, | and I don't feel guilty.
I take it back. | I do feel guilty.
I feel very guilty. | I trusted a sleazeball | like Sam Stone...
with our life savings | on a handshake deal,
and then sat there | and watched him take it | all away from us.
But that's over. | We know better now.
From now on, | we trust no one.
To hell with everybody else. | We've got to be ruthless.
- Think ruthless. | - What if I can't think ruthless?
You've got to. It's good for you. | It makes you strong.
What the hell's the sense | of being a decent person | when nobody else is?
Let's be assholes | and get rich!
- [ Squealing, Moaning ] | - Whirring Noises
Oh, oh! I'm crazy about you, | you big galoot!
Ooh, you were | somethin' today!
- Yeah, it just doesn't get | any better than this. | - Mmm.
I'm gonna take | a quick shower.
- Can you be ready | by the time I get out? | - Ready?
You're getting ready | for Sam.
The video equipment, | remember?
- Tonight's the night. | - Oh yeah, I knew that.
- Now, do you remember | where I told you to go? | - Yeah.
- The old deserted bridge | near the Hollywood sign. | - That's right.
You wait for him there. | He'll be in some rented car.
He's afraid of getting blood | on his sports car.
Get in as close | as you can.
It's important you get | a good shot of his face.
If we can't recognize him, | we can't blackmail him.
You get that videotape of Sam | finishing off his wife,
and that man will give us | anything we want...
for the rest of his life.
Yeah, then we're off | to Haiti.
Not Haiti, Tahiti!
I knew that.
The passports | came today.
Cool.
[ Indistinct Chatter]
- Frank, glad you're here. | - What have we got?
We found a chloroform-soaked | handkerchief stuffed | way down in the garbage,
and a tire print on the lawn, | a good one. I'm having the lab | check it out.
And we found a few drops | of blood in the kitchen.
- Where's Mr. Stone? | - He's upstairs.
He seems | pretty upset.
Rock
#NAME? | - Yes?
Policeman | Mr. Stone, Lieutenant Bender | and Walters are here.
They'd like to start | as soon as possible.
I'll be right there.
Ow! | Oh, oh!
[ Groaning ]
[ Feigned Sobbing ]
[ Mumbling ] | Hee-hee-hee.
- I like to hear a woman | make a lot of sound. | - Uh-huh.
I'll scream my head off | if you want to, honey. | It's your money.
My wife just lays there | like a gunnysack.
[ Moaning ]
Oh, my God. | She isn't dead yet.
- [ Groaning ] | - He's gonna kill her right here!
Moaning, Yelling
Woman Screaming
Oh, oh. | [ Whining ]
[ Woman Moaning ]
Woman Screaming
[ Groaning ]
[ Moaning, | Horn Honking ]
[ Screaming ]
[ Retching ]
I have no enemies, | at least none that I know of.
I-- I'm a businessman.
I manufacture | women's sportswear.
[ Policeman ] | I think I've heard of you.
"Don't they call you | the ""spandex king""?"
"The ""spandex miniskirt king."" | You probably read | one of the articles."
Yeah, it was all his idea... | spandex miniskirts.
Was there anybody here | today when you came home? | Servants?
- Maids? | - Sam It was the maid's day off.
Did you notice anything | out of the ordinary | when you came home?
No, not that | I can remember.
- What time did you come home? | - It's the dog!
She isn't | properly house-trained.
No, it's sweet.
The dog's | a little diabetic.
I think it's wine...
- Or-- | - Oh, I know what that must be.
I-- I closed a very | important business deal...
this morning and | when I came home...
I opened a bottle of champagne | and--and as I was...
walking through the house, | celebrating,
I called to Barbara to come | and share the moment with me.
She never came.
Those monsters! | [ Sobbing ]
Sam Sobbing
Earl!
It was horrible.
- She wasn't drugged or anything. | - What happened?
She screamed | and screamed.
God, it took forever. | It must have lasted... two minutes.
He kept stopping and starting. | She'd be at the brink of death | and he'd stop,
let her catch her breath | then start into her again!
She'd scream | louder and louder and then,
when she finally died,
he looked so satisfied | I thought he was gonna | light up a cigarette afterwards.
Son of a bitch | enjoyed it!
Sam's just been on TV | claiming she was kidnapped.
She wasn't kidnapped. | He killed her. I saw it.
Honey, I know. | It's just an alibi.
He just said that | to throw the police off his trail.
You gonna watch that | right now?
- I think I should. | - Baby, you don't wanna see it.
- It'll make you sick. | - I think I can take it.
Oh, no!
- [ Woman On Video Screaming ] | - [ Retching ]
- [ Screaming ] | - Ooh! I can't watch this.
Doorbell
He actually | went through with it.
Gasping
- Stay in here. Don't come out. | - What?
Sam's here!
Ta-da!
Zip-a-dee-doo-dah | Zip-a-dee-ay
My, oh, my | what a wonderful day
I've just been | watching you on TV.
- You saw it, huh? | - Good performance, Sam.
What a story! | Barbara Stone kidnapped!
I couldn't have made up | anything better. It's brilliant!
And the press | loves it.
- Well, that's very clever, Sam. | - It's inspired!
Imagine, someone | demanding money from me | to keep Barbara alive.
Unbelievable! | Idiots!
Come on, | let's have a drink.
I can't stay long.
I've gotta get back | and look sad.
- Are you sure | the police believed you? | - They ate it up!
I fed 'em a banquet | of bullshit.
I threw 'em off by miles. | All I have to do now...
is just sit back | and do nothing,
except, of course, | I have to show up at the | fictitious ransom drop.
- You made up | your own ransom drop? | - Naturally!
I got news for you, | Carol.
That woman | ain't comin' back.
- I know. | - [ Chuckling ]
Did you have | any trouble?
No, I'm tellin' you | I enjoyed it.
- I'm havin' fun! | - Cork Pops
We'll clean the rug, | honey.
Chuckling
For you, my cupcake.
To the kidnappers.
To the future | Mrs. Sam Stone.
Whoops! | I gotta run. I'm sorry, honey.
I was hopin' we'd have time | for little... poke in the whiskers.
- What a shame. | - I'll take a rain check,
and a few | of these bonbons.
Zip-a-dee-doo-dah
Zip-a-dee-ay
Announcer 1 | Rock always whines abuse | at the opponent too.
Announcer 2 | Yes, and I think Murdo's | gonna get a taste of it tonight.
Ooh my, look at | all that hair,
or, uh, fur, | if you would.
Crowd Cheering
Announcer 1 | He doesn't need a coat in wintertime.
He'll just walk around | like that and have plenty of heat.
You okay?
[ Sighs ]
- She's out! | - Help, police!
- Get the chloroform! | - Sandy Come back, honey.
Police! | Somebody help me!
- [ Groaning ] | - Get me the police. | I've been kidnapped.
How the hell do I know | where I am?
Good.
Now, be quiet | and don't move.
Nice faces... | Nice easily-identifiable faces.
- Boo! | - I can't do this anymore!
Ow! | God, that hurts!
[ Groaning ]
- Aaah! | - Aaah!
[ Whirring ]
[ High-Speed Whirring ]
Whee-aaah!
Oh! Ahh! | [ Muffled Scream ]
Aaah!
[ Screaming ]
[ Groaning ]
This is Sergeant Blake | at the lab.
I'd like a purchase search | on Uniroyal model NXP.
That's right, | for all of L.A. County.
TV Announcer | This is Action News Break.
Police are now at the scene of | a brutal murder in Inglewood...
"they believe may be the result | of another attack by | the ""bedroom killer""."
Investigators are asking anyone | who may have seen this man | to contact them at 555-3421.
Police have also issued | a warning that this man | is extremely dangerous,
and citizens should not attempt | to apprehend him.
This is Action News Break. | I'm Rick DeReyes.
Away it goes! | Trying to beat--
Money, better times, girls.
Six. Keep going. | Steady, nice and tall.
Come on, and knees up, | feet straight. Get those heels down.
And pull those abdominals in. | Pull 'em in, suck 'em up.
If you're still on that couch | eating that doughnut,
put it down | and get up!
Three, four, | standing nice and tall.
Heels down and front. | Come on, reach.
Shh, shh, shh.
Come on, get those | pepperoni thighs nice and high.
And reach! | Do it a little higher. | Squeeze those buns.
Remember, if you don't, | no one else will.
[ Panting ]
- And don't forget to breathe. | - [ Gasping, Panting ]
What if he | doesn't show?
Oh, well then | you get to keep her.
Everything's | gonna work.
I'll call you.
Sandy, | he's gonna show!
It's his wife.
Phone Ringing
Where are you, Sam?
[ Ringing ]
You son of a bitch!
I'm gonna turn | your transmitter on.
- He can't see the microphone? | - No, it looks fine.
Mr. Stone, | telephone.
- Hello? | - [ Kenny ] Mr. Stone, we had a meeting.
Hang on, will ya, Harry? | I have some friends here.
Call me on my office line, | 555-7583. Right?
Business associate.
555-7583. | 555-7583.
[ Ringing ]
Hello?
Mr. Stone, why have you | failed to appear at the | designated destination?
Ahem. I just | couldn't make it.
The cops are there, | aren't they?
That's right, the cops | are here, reporters too.
All right, Mr. Stone. | I'm a reasonable man.
I'm gonna give you | one more chance.
We will reschedule | our rendezvous for Wednesday.
- Do you understand? | - You're rescheduling?
Yes, I am.
- So, she's still alive? | - She's in perfect health.
Uh, in our | previous discussion,
you mentioned that | you would, uh...
kill my wife if procedure | wasn't followed accurately.
- That's correct. | - And that still goes?
-Definitely! | -Uh, what method would you use?
How would | you kill her?
A bullet through the head | at close range.
That would do it, | no question.
Um, well, | you've got me convinced.
- Until Wednesday. | - Until Wednesday, then.
Muffy,
you've taken your | last piss on my rug.
Tell Mr. Stone it's time | to leave for the ransom drop.
- I hope he's not-- | - Gunshots
- Oh, my God! | - Gunshots
[ Yelping ]
It just-- | It just went off.
"""Dance Champion"" Performed | By Kool And The Gang"
Honking
Coast to coast | via satellite
The greatest show | in town
Tonight we crown | the champion,yeah
So spread | the word around
Who's the best | passed the test
Who's got that look | in their eyes
Better give him | a call.
[ Phone Ringing ]
- Hello? | - This is Bender.
It's been over an hour | and he hasn't shown up.
If they haven't come by now, | I don't think they're gonna show.
Why don't you go on home? | We'll send an unmarked car | to follow you.
All right. | All right.
Give me all your money, Jack! | Come on, before I kill you.
Come on! | Come on!
- Here you go. | - Give me your wallet.
Come on, before I stick this | right through your back.
- All right, here you go. My wallet. | - Give me all your jewelry,
-your watch, rings, everything. | -Jewelry, watch.
You want my underwear too, | you piece of shit? Here.
You know, this town has got | some Neighborhood Watch!
I brought you | some more magazines.
More magazines? | How long do you plan on | keeping me down here?
Well, as soon as | Mr. Stone pays the ransom.
- It should be Monday. | - Good. I'd hate to miss | my doctor's appointment.
Doctor's appointment? | Why, do you need medication?
I get a | urine injection.
You get | urine injected?
- Why? | - It promotes weight loss.
- Does it work? | - Yeah, it works!
Lancome throat and | firming massage cream. | Sperm whale oil.
"Royal queen bee jelly."" | I can't get you these things. | We can't afford it."
That's not my problem, | it's yours.
Supply these things | and I will tell the jury | you acted humanely.
It might make the difference | between life...
and the chair!
[ Groaning ]
Or the gas chamber. | Ssss.
Gasping, | Choking
Sometimes, | if it's a firing squad,
they miss all | the major arteries.
Bang! | And you don't die right away.
You kinda just... | hang on, bleeding.
Bleeding.
[ Gasping ] | Bleeding...
[ Screaming ]
- Endlessly. | - Screaming, Crashing
Now, I want you to mail this | from across town.
I don't want him seeing | a postmark from my neighborhood.
Right. You're | good at this.
- We can't be too careful with Sam. | He's a very suspicious man. | - Yeah.
- I've got to see him one more time. | - You do?
If I don't see him | on his birthday, he'll be | very, very suspicious.
He'll be expecting | his usual present.
Sandy | It's been horrible.
No matter what I do | or as nice as I can be,
she just | tears into me.
- She hates me. | - Sandy, you're her kidnapper.
She's supposed | to hate you.
I'll take it.
- Okay. | -Just ignore her.
Heyaah!
- No dinner for you, then. | - Ah, gee whiz!
That really hurts. | I'm a real aficionado | of death-camp cuisine.
Look,
as long as you're here, | why don't you just pretend...
to be a guest.
[ Wolf Whistle ] | Nice butt.
- That's what they'll say. | - I beg your pardon?
Nice butt. That's what | they'll say on your first day...
in the men's club.
- Men's club? | - Mmm.
The San Quentin | country club.
With a cute little rear end | like that, you'll be | the belle of the ball.
Your dance card'll | be filled every day.
You'll be so popular,
making all kinds of | new, close friends.
Big, ugly | hairy friends!
Not that you'll ever see | what they look like,
'cause you'll be facing | the other way.
You're very good | at this.
You should write | children's books.
Yelping
- [ Growling ] | - Get outta here, you crotch wet.
Go on, get! | Goddamn you, dog!
Yes, your attack dogs,
do they just attack people, or can | you get them to attack little dogs?
Oh. Well, what if | you starve them for awhile?
Oh. All right, | thank you.
- [ Beeping ] | - Yeah?
- [ Secretary ] | Miss Farnsworth to see you. | - Send her in.
Happy birthday, Sam.
I brought you | your present.
Oh yeah? | Where is it?
Here it is, Sam. | Does it meet with your satisfaction?
- Mmm. | - Is there anything else you desire?
How 'bout | a big dog?
- Can you get one? | - A big dog?
Yeah, like a Great Dane or a mastiff. | How big does a shepherd get?
Sam, as sexually provocative | as I like to think I am--
I'm not askin' you | to screw the dog, Carol.
It's for me.
Rock
See, that's what I've got, | the Dominator X-1.
- It's the best speaker they carry. | - It's really pretty.
- Can I help you? | - Yeah, uh--
- Hi. | - Hi.
Candy's here to get a stereo, | and I'm here to see she | doesn't get ripped off.
Don't worry, | I'm not like the others.
How much did you | want to spend?
- $800. | - $500.
Okay, I think I have an idea | what to show you.
- Let's start with speakers. | - Okay.
Over here, we have a great speaker, | Sentry EV-1.
Consumer Stereo has | just rated this a best buy.
- I have a pair myself. | - Yeah, uh, what do you | think of this one?
The Dominator X-1?
The Dominator's a good | marketing idea,
but it's really not | a good speaker.
We give it a 500% markup, | so we sell it at 50% off,
give the customer the illusion | he's getting a deal,
and we still make | a bundle.
- But it's so big and impressive! | - Size means very little.
Bigger is not | necessarily better.
I sound like Dr. Ruth.
- You mean the Dominator's | like a, uh-- | - Well,
the Dominators are very popular | with men who like to have bigger...
uh--
- Equipment? | - Exactly!
All right, | let's try this one.
Knees bent down, | hips tucked under.
We're gonna work on the waist. | We're gonna loosen it up. | Take the arms left and right.
Out, and reach as far | as you can.
Keep going. | Okay, left.
This time hold it over to the left. | Reach as far as you can.
Reach the right arm | up to it and take it out.
Very slowly twist | through the rib cage.
Slowly lengthen, | lift that right leg up and hold it.
Aaah!
Keep holding it. Great! | Doesn't that feel good?
Muffy?
- Oh, Muffy? [ Kissing Sounds ] | - [ Growling ]
[ Yipping ]
Muffy, meet Adolph.
Adolph, eat Muffy!
Barking
Bon appetit, Adolph.
Muffy Yipping
Junk, garbage, | garbage, junk.
What do we got here?
Woman Moaning
- Oh-ho-ho. | - Moaning
Screaming
I thought you might find | this interesting.
"An Anonymous Friend""."
- [ Moaning ] | - More!
[ Chuckling ]
#NAME? | - [ Laughing ]
[ Phone Ringing ]
- Hello. | - Sam Carol, I got your tape.
[ Gasp ] | What are you talking about?
The tape... | the videotape.
What makes you think | it was me?
Who else would send me | something like this?
[ Moaning ]
It's Sam. | He's onto us.
How in the hell did you | get this, Carol?
A friend of mine | took it.
It's terrific. I know why | you sent me this tape, honey.
And you know what | I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna do the same | damn thing with you.
And you, too, could | scream your brains out | because no one's gonna hear.
You are gonna be | beggin' me for mercy,
whimpering. | [ Chuckle ]
Oh, here she goes again. | Listen to this.
This is my | favorite part.
[ Screaming, Moaning ]
[ Panting ]
He's gonna kill me. | He's gonna torture me and kill me.
I can't stay here. | I'm gonna have to stay...
at your place.
[ Truck Horn Blasts ]
Rockabilly, Indistinct
Don't worry, honey. | Stay here as long as you want.
Oh, shoot!
Crockett and Tubbs, | they're floatin'.
Carol I can't | just sit here and wait for him...
to track me down | and kill me.
We've got to get Sam | put in jail.
I want you to make | another copy of that tape,
and this one's | for the police.
[ Ringing ]
[ Ringing ]
Footsteps
So, I guess it's just a matter of time | before you're caught,
right, honeybun?
Barbara, I want to ask you | a personal question.
You and | Mr. Stone,
did you get along?
Footsteps
So, what did | she say?
She just | insulted me.
I don't think | he loves her.
Let's face it, | she's not Mother Teresa. | Gandhi would have strangled her.
What are we | gonna do, Kenny?
I'm tired of being scared | all the time every day.
I can't take this | anymore.
I know he's bluffing.
I just know it.
I've got to be | really tough with him.
Never let the seller know | you're hot to trot.
Tell him you | haven't got the money.
Phone Ringing
Hello. | Debbie?
Yeah, Debbie's here. | Who's this?
Well, Ralph, Debbie | can't talk right now. | My dick's in her mouth.
How 'bout if I have | her call you back when I'm done.
I love wrong numbers.
Anyway, tell 'em | you don't have the money,
that it's all tied up | in investments or some crap.
[ Ringing ]
Hang on! A bad salesman | will automatically drop his price.
Bad salesmen make me sick. | Hello.
Mr. Stone, | do you love your wife?
Hang on. Would you excuse me | for a moment, please?
Oh, sure, Mr. Stone.
#NAME? | - Go ahead.
Mr. Stone, you love | your wife, don't you?
Sure, I love my wife.
Mr. Stone, we demand | a satisfactory explanation...
why you haven't shown | with the money.
Look, pal, you're asking a lot | of cash. I haven't got that | kind of money around the house.
It's all tied up | in investments, so, uh, sorry.
Sorry? | What do you mean, sorry?
- No can do. | - What?
No deal. You have to take | your business elsewhere.
"- What? | - No ""cash-ola""."
Uh, wh-wh-what | about, uh... less?
You make me sick. | Make me an offer.
Uh, bring--
Bring... 50,000 | in unmarked bills...
to the same phone | at noon on Thursday.
Thursday. | Tomorrow's Thursday. | You mean, tomorrow?
Yes, tomorrow! | Bring 50,000 tomorrow!
And if I don't?
Then the next time you see | your wife, pal, will be in the morgue.
Mr. Stone, | I have bad news.
We think we've found | your wife.
We'll need you to come with us | to identify the body.
That's not her.
Walters | There must be some mistake.
We want the woman who was | brought in this morning.
Oh, Jane Doe 56? | She's in the next room.
It looks like her, | a lot like her.
But it's not her.
My Barbara! | She's alive!
"""Modern Woman"" | Performed By Billy Joel "
You see her sittin' with | her coffee and her paper
With her high-top sneakers | of Italian design
With her long, cool stare | she aggravates attention
Makes up her face | while she makes up her mind
Now you're in trouble | maybe she's an intellectual
What if she figures out | you're not very smart
Or maybe she's the quiet type | who's into heavy metal
You've got to get it settled | 'cause she's breakin' your heart
Don't try | to put on an act
You can't do that | to a modern woman
And you're an | old-fashioned man
She understands | the things you're doin'
She's a modern woman
She's a modern woman
She's a modern woman
Woman Moaning
- [ Moaning ] | - More!
Beeping
Yes?
Sir, there's someone | on the phone. They say | they sent you that tape.
Put 'em through, | please.
Hello.
Hello. Is this | Chief Benton?
Uh, y-yes.
I'm the one who | sent you the tape.
Have you had | a look at it yet?
Yes, I just saw it.
- So, what do you think? | - Well, obviously...
it's very upsetting.
- This whole thing's making me ill. | - I agree.
That poor woman, she had | to go through a living hell.
- I'd rather die a quick death. | - All right! All right!
What do you want | from me?
Well, arresting Sam Stone | would be a good start.
You want me to | arrest Sam Stone?
Any special reason why | I should arrest him?
- For murdering his wife! | - Murder?
Well, uh, | all right, okay.
You know, it's not gonna be easy. | I'll need evidence.
That tape isn't enough | to convince you? Jesus!
Think of the publicity | you'll get.
All right, all right. | I'm convinced.
- I'll have Sam Stone arrested. | - Thank you.
Sam Stone?
- Chief Benton. | - The investigation has | taken a new direction.
We've reason to believe | Stone may have murdered his wife.
- Mr. Stone? Oh, no. | - You heard me.
- I want this placed combed until | something is found. Got it? | - Yes, sir.
[ Yipping ]
Muffy, | there you are.
Ahh.
Where have you been, | huh? Good girl.
Ah, yeah, the big dog | won't hurt you, huh?
He's just a big--
Policeman | Chief Benton!
- What is it? | - I found this in the backyard.
Chloroform. | And Officer Williams | found snapshots...
of Mr. Stone | and another woman.
Really?
Jackpot!
Mr. Kessler? | Ken Kessler?
- Yes? | - We're police officers.
I'm Lt. Bender. | This is Lt. Walters.
May we have a word | with you, please?
Oh, sure. | Uh--
Come upstairs. | We can talk in the salesmen's office.
- [ Kenny ] Have a seat. | - Thank you.
Mr. Kessler, | over a week ago...
a lady named Barbara Stone | was kidnapped from her Bel Air home.
- Are you familiar with the case? | - Yeah, I read about it.
We believe the vehicle | the kidnappers used left a | tire print in her driveway.
We took a mold of that print, | had our lab analyze it, and the | results were rather interesting.
[ Walters ] These are | the prints of the kidnapper's car,
and these are the prints | of your car.
Beeper
Is there a phone | I can use?
Uh, sure, | it's right over there on the desk.
Amazing similarity!
Would you excuse me | for a second?
I've got to go to the bathroom. | I've got a touch of the stomach flu.
Sure, go right ahead.
Chloroform? What | about fingerprints?
Bingo! | We have a winner.
You won't believe this. | They found evidence implicating Stone.
- Stone? You're kidding? | - Chloroform and fingerprints.
I'll be damned. | Let's get out of here.
- Where's Kessler? | - In the john.
- [ Grunting ] | - [ Glass Breaking ]
Grunting
Stomach flu.
Mr. Kessler?
I'll b-be | right out.
Don't bother, sir. | Thank you for your help.
We'll just show | ourselves out.
Loud Groaning
- Hello. | - All right, Mr. Stone.
We came very close | to killing your wife,
but she begged us repeatedly | for just one more chance.
So in the spirit of | compassion and mercy,
we decided not to kill her | just yet.
Compassion and mercy?
What the hell's going on | over there? I thought | you people were ruthless!
- We are, Mr. Stone. | - Then what's this phone call about?
We called to make you | an offer,
- an offer even you can't refuse. | - Oh?
Yeah. | 10,000.
Fat chance!
Mr. Stone, this is no joke! | We're desperate people.
I believe this is a joke, pal, | and you're it.
The last time we spoke, | you said my wife would be...
in the morgue | if I didn't pay.
Well, I didn't pay and | today I was at the morgue.
She wasn't there. | You lied to me.
- You know what I think of you? | - No.
You got no nuts! | What do I have to do?
Put a gun in your hand, aim, | and pull your finger down, | you spineless wimp?
I dare you | to kill her!
Now that | oughta do it.
Hey, you? | Wanna sell me a stereo?
- Yeah, I'll sell you a stereo. | - All right.
I'm lookin' for something | real hot. I don't wanna | get ripped off, you know?
Okay.
You're looking for some | real hot speakers, right?
I'm not talking about | something you just listen to.
- I'm talking about the kind | of sound you can feel. | - Yeah!
- You know what I mean. | - Yeah!
When it comes to great stereo, | you can't beat big speakers.
I'm talking about big speakers | with big woofers like this.
You can get this. It has | a nice little eight-inch | woofer, or this ten-incher.
Over here we have | a nice big 12-inch.
But I can tell by the look | on your face, man, you want | something even bigger.
"- Fuck, yeah! | - ""Fuck, yeah"" is right."
We gotta go to | the big room for this!
The big room! | Check it out, my man.
The flagship of the | entire Dominator line. The MX-10.
I have a pair | of these myself.
30 inches of thigh-slappin', | blood-pumpin' nuclear brain damage!
Bitchin'! | Hey, what's the fucking cost?
That's the bitchin' | part about it. It don't matter.
If you can't afford it, | fuckin' finance it!
[ Loud Hard Rock ]
Yeah! | Whoo!
So what if it's as big | as a Subaru and costs as much!
You'll never have | to trade this in.
This is gonna be with you | for the rest of your life.
And when you die, | they can bury you in it!
I want it!
This guy is okay. | First guy I feel I can really trust.
Wait a minute. | Why don't I show you something else?
They're not very big, | but Consumer Stereo | rates them a best buy.
The Sentry EV-1s. | And they're not gonna break you.
Kick it out. | Two more.
That's it! | Whew, I'm pooped.
- Let's take a break. | - Take a break? | Come on, you little wimp!
Let's go!
Here's your lunch.
It's fruit salad. | You seem to like that the most,
although you still don't eat | as much as you should.
My body's become a | more efficient machine. | I go farther with less food.
You must be in | pretty good shape by now.
You certainly look good.
You've lost a lot | of weight.
Huh? | What?
Oh, yeah, you've lost a lot | of weight, at least 20 pounds.
What?
Tw--
Do you have | a scale?
- I don't know how to thank you! | - Thank me?
I've been to... | ten different fat farms in,
God, I don't know | how many years.
And I lost a total, | a total of six pounds.
I have lost | 20 pounds!
I wasn't sure, | but...
it felt thin.
You wouldn't have a-- | never mind.
- A-- A what? | - No, no, no.
It's very silly.
No, what? | Please tell me.
All my life I wanted to have | a slinky little figure...
so I could wear some | Bill Blass or Valentino,
some exotic evening gown | like Christian Dior, Jerry Galanos.
Are you kidding me? | You're kidding me, aren't you?
I'm sorry. I know | it's ridiculous to think | that somebody of your,
- well, moderate means-- | - I'll be right back. | Just don't go anywhere.
- Sam Stone? | - Yeah?
Mr. Stone, | you're under arrest.
For mixing | cotton with silk?
This is absolutely | beautiful!
Whose design is this? | Is this Bill Blass? Albert Nipon?
- Nah, too conventional. | - Halston?
I know who did it. | Oscar de la Renta.
I designed it.
Get outta here! | Really? Wow!
You're a professional.
- Nah. | - You are! This is sensational. | Do you have any more?
Wait!
I won't do you no harm | no
You've got to be all mine | all mine
Ooh, foxy lady
Giggling
Foxy
So, Sam told you | I was his partner?
No way! He was | just passing the buck.
Oh, God.
So, when do I | get out of here?
As soon as Mr. Stone | pays the ransom.
What's the problem? | What is the ransom?
It, it was $500,000.
That shouldn't be | a problem.
He complained.
He complained?
And then we dropped our price | to $50,000.
- Yeah? | - He didn't pay.
He didn't pay?
So now what?
So now...
we're dropping our price again | to $10,000.
Do I understand this | correctly?
I'm being | marked down?
What is this? | The bargain basement?
I've been kidnapped | by Kmart!
Don't cry, Barbara.
Hey, check it out.
You sure got | a pretty mouth.
All right, Stone, | let's go.
- Hey, was it something I said? | - Yeah.
Although this is | a capital crime,
the accused is an upstanding | member of the community,
a responsible and | successful businessman...
and has never before | posed a threat to society.
Bail will be granted | and set at...
- $700,000. | - You want to try for a reduction?
No, pay the ticket | and let's get the hell out of here.
That filthy slug! | That screeching little witch!
- That pasty-faced troll! | - The judge?
My wife! | I gotta get her back!
- Sandy? | - Kenny?
It's over. Sam isn't going | to pay the ransom.
He couldn't care less. | I'm no criminal.
I can't even sell retail... | and that's legal.
- We gotta get packing | and get outta here. | - Oh, Kenny!
I've got some very | interesting news for you.
I am the new rising star...
- in high fashion! | - Let's get a grip on ourselves.
Try to be calm. We're | going down to Mexico | for a couple of years.
- We can camp on the beach. | - Does that mean we let Barbara go?
- We're not going | to take her with us. | - Good.
- 'Cause I've already let her go. | - What? You let her go?
Kenny | Oh, my God!
- You didn't let her | just run right out of here? | - Yeah!
- Oh, my God! | - Why not?
She knows where we live. | She'll turn us in. | The police will be here.
You don't understand. | She really likes us now.
I showed her my gowns. | She loves them.
We're all going into | business together.
- We're gonna open our | fall line in Paris. | - She told you this?
Yes. She really, | truly loves me.
She can be trusted. | She's changed!
Changed? What'd you do? | Perform an exorcism?
Ken, she lost | nearly 20 pounds.
Well, you just had to be there. | It was a very special moment.
Knocking
I'm surprised | they knocked.
Good afternoon. | We're wondering if | you've seen this man.
He was sighted in the area | a few weeks ago and then | again this morning.
He's psychotic, extremely | dangerous and violent.
- He's killed half a dozen people. | - I gotta get outta here.
My wife, | she's late for work.
Doesn't look familiar.
Keep this and give us a call | at this number in case you do see him.
Under no circumstances should | you try to subdue him yourself. | He's extremely violent.
He looks it. Thank you | very much, Officer.
Sandy?
It's okay. | It's okay!
They're looking | for somebody else.
I'll get the other suitcase | from the basement.
Hello?
Hello?
Anybody home?
Oh, hello. Are you a friend | of Ken and Sandy's?
You... | look like my mother.
I hate my mother.
No. | Whimpering
[ Gasp ]
You-- You look | just like my father.
I hate my father!
Scream
Jesus.
Barbara | What the hell was that?
Sandy | Honey, don't touch him.
Oh, my God. | It's the bedroom killer.
He told me I look | like his mother.
He hates his mother.
He's dead.
Barbara | So, if I look like his mother...
and you look like | his father,
this is what our son | would look like.
- Pretty strong argument | for birth control. | - What do we do now?
Barbara, what | are you doing here?
Barbara | I got it! I tell you, I've got it.
Listen to this. | All right.
Sam arrives on a motorcycle | wearing shorts, no shoes, | no shirt, nothing.
Maybe we'll just put him | in a jockstrap.
We send him all over town in | the middle of a hot, sunny day.
Sam burns real easily. | He'll be bright red.
I can't believe | this is happening.
Barbara | Then he's got to cover himself | with honey and go to a bee farm.
- We make him dance so | the bees go absolutely nuts! | - I don't think she really--
Then we all watch while | they sting him to death!
Yeah!
Don't we want a punishment | that'll keep stinging him | the rest of his life?
My God, he must've been | seeing this woman for years.
Castrate him! | I want to castrate him.
Wouldn't it be better | if we struck at the core | of Sam's being,
- his reason for living? | - What would that be?
His testicles!
Would you know in | complete detail what Sam's | total net worth would be,
not just the big stuff, | the little stuff too, | down to the last penny?
Yeah... | I think so.
Good. I want you | to write it down in | as much detail as you can.
Fire up the stove. | Get the tofu burgers | from the freezer.
We're calling Sam.
My tux, | my silk tux.
Et tu, Adolph? | Et tu?
[ Whimpering ]
Phone Ringing
- Hello? | - Kenny Hi, Sam.
Oh, thank God it's you! | I've been thinking about | your last offer.
I think you're right. | I cannot refuse.
$10,000 is fair | and totally acceptable.
She's in bad shape, Sam. | We've been torturing her.
- [ Sizzling ] | - Aaah!
[ Sizzling ]
- Aaah! | - Don't kill her!
We found out your wife | is worth quite a bit | more than $10,000.
- What do you mean? | - We changed our minds.
We've upped | the ransom.
- To what? | - We're up to $2 million.
$2 million?
You outta your fucking mind? | Where'd you get an incredible | figure like that?
Oh, you'd be surprised at | the quality and quantity...
of information a | lit cigarette can provide.
[ Barbara Screaming ]
- [ Kenny ] What else? | - Shh!
Gems! He's got | rare gems in the safe. | Oh, Sam, forgive me.
- What kind of gems? How many? | - I don't know.
- Aaah! | - Sizzling
Aaah!
Four flawless | one-karat diamonds!
The bitch blabbed.
Apparently, you got | a million-two built up in | equity on Sam's Sportswear,
another 350,000 | in your pension plan.
General Dynamics closed | at 75 and 3/4 today,
which brings another | 175,000 to the party.
45,000 for the Excalibur | and now there's the four | one-karat diamonds in the safe.
You inhuman slime!
Dial Tone
[ TV Announcer] | After his release yesterday,
Mr. Stone continued | to deny the charges...
despite what the district | attorney's office insists | is overwhelming evidence.
Overwhelming evidence is right! | What more do they want?
How could | they let him go?
- Hello? | - Hello. It's me again.
I see Sam Stone's | been released.
It's not easy keeping a man in jail | with these liberal courts.
A man is innocent | until proven guilty.
Well, how do you think | these courts would feel...
- if I gave that tape to the media? | - Oh, my... God.
Yeah! | They'd go crazy for it.
They love to show | sick stuff like that.
It'd probably be on national TV | 24 hours a day for weeks!
I bet that'd get | a hell of a reaction.
Please, please | don't do that.
Where's your sense | of compassion?
Why do you have | to be so vicious?
Vicious? | Have you seen that tape?
Come on! | What's the big deal?
It's just a lonely man who | wanted a little excitement.
That kind of thing happens every day. | Everybody does it!
I don't believe this.
I don't believe | you said that!
Men get the urge.
- We're only human. | - You're sick.
Hello? No, | don't hang up on me!
- So, what'd he say? | - Something strange | is happening here.
Either the chief | is a complete moron,
and complete | morons are rare,
or he's playing games | with me.
We better find someplace | where we can look at that tape.
- This is perfect. | - It is?
Give me the tape.
Okay.
- [ Moaning ] | - [ Man ] Ho, ho-ho!
- You idiot! This isn't Sam. | - And he isn't killing her.
[ Woman ] | That's my husband!
Barbara really | was kidnapped.
She really was kidnapped! | I didn't kill her.
Please believe me. | You gotta be there.
They're coming | this time for sure.
I think the deli's using | a different mustard. | The last time it was tangier.
Jesus Christ! | I'm pleading for my life...
and you're discussing | the inconsistency of | lunch meat condiments!
Haven't you heard | a word I've said?
Phone Ringing
God!
I'm sorry, Mr. Stone, | but since the house | is in your wife's name,
as well as her other | 15 million in assets,
you're not legally | entitled to it as long | as your wife is alive.
However, you've got | a million-two built up | in equity in your business,
another 350,000 | in your pension plan.
You'd have no problem | using that as collateral.
All right. | Let's do it!
Phone Ringing
- Hello? | - [ Carol ] Sam?
Carol! Where the hell | have you been? | I've called you 100 times.
Sam, I miss you. | How have you been?
I'm going crazy over | this kidnapping thing.
- And the cops won't do | a damn thing to help me. | - Why?
They don't believe me. | They think I made up | the kidnapping.
They won't even show up | at the ransom drop to see | if I'm telling the truth!
You're gonna be all by | yourself? That's terrible.
How much money | is it?
- $2.2 million. | - Cash?
Of course it's cash.
Have you ever heard of | a kidnapper taking a check?
Where are you going | to give them the money?
I mean, I, I hope | it isn't dangerous.
I've gotta go to | a phone booth...
on Hope Street Plaza.
Ringing
- Hello? | - [ Barbara ] Sam!
It's so nice to | hear your voice. | How's Muffy?
Listen, Sam, | we don't have much time.
There's a gun | pointed at my head.
They're making me give | the ransom instructions in | case the police are listening.
You must make sure | there are no police, | otherwise they'll kill me.
Nope. No cops.
Now, have you got | all the money?
$2.2 million in unmarked, | nonsequential bills?
You miserable | scum-sucking pig!
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. | They made me say that.
- Yeah, I got all the money. | - It's there in the briefcase?
You scumbag! | You lowlife motherfucker!
Oh dear. | They made me say that too.
- It's in the case, yeah. | - The Rolex too? The gold Rolex?
Who said anything about the Rolex? | They never mentioned the Rolex.
They want the Rolex | and your pinkie ring!
Honey, they tortured me with cigars. | I had to tell them everything.
All right. | What else?
That's it! | Just wait there.
Bag, please.
Come on, | give me the bag!
Freeze!
Put the bag down and | put your hands on your head.
Bender!
They're from the government. | They're here to help you.
I said no police. | Do you know what this means?
Kenny | Stay back.
They touch me and I give | the order to kill! Got it?
Leave me alone | or she's a dead woman.
- You want her blood on your hands? | - What do you think?
- Let's just follow him home. | - Okay, let him go.
What?
- What are you doing? | - Gimme it!
Let go. | Tell him to let go.
- If he doesn't let go | I give the order. | - Go ahead, give the order.
Let go! | She's a dead woman if he doesn't!
All right,
drop it.
Punk.
[ Ringing ]
Hello?
Hello?
This is Lt. Bender. | What are you doing?
I'm taking my money. | You got your man. | The rest is your problem.
Mr. Stone, you may be guilty | of obstructing justice, | aiding and abetting a felon,
accomplice to kidnapping | and possibly murder.
My advice to you is | to drop the gun, give back the bag.
We have 150 officers, | 75 cars and two helicopters. | He won't get away.
- That's better. | - Here!
What are | you doing here?
Tell them to get out | of here! If they don't go, she's dead!
All right, gentlemen, | clear the street, please.
You too, Mr. Stone. | Back away.
That's better.
Walters | You can go now.
Don't follow me. | Understand?
Walters | We understand.
- Don't move! | - Who the hell are you?
What the hell | is going on?
I'm robbing you!
- Stop him! | - Gunshot
- Did you shoot at me? | - No, you moron. | There's police all over.
Hundreds of 'em!
Do I look that stupid?
Yes, you do!
If you shot at me, | where's your gun?
Well, you're too sharp for me! | You got me figured out.
I don't have one.
Gunshot
That was | a brand new tire.
Give me your keys.
- I don't believe this! | - Bender Give the bag to Bozo,
drop the gun and | put your hands in the air.
Who said that?
This could very well | be the stupidest person | on the face of the earth.
Perhaps we should | shoot him.
Bender | It's the police department.
Really?
No! We're the National | Rifle Association!
Christ!
I'm leaving now. | They said they wouldn't follow me.
Hey
Stand up
Ruthless People
Watch yourself
Hey
Stand up
Ruthless People
Ruthless People
You can have it | if you want it
It might take | the rest of your life
If you want it | you can have it
- Ruthless People | - They're still following me.
I should have known. | I knew this wouldn't work.
You can't trust the police!
Oh, God. | Oh... boy.
- He's cornered and he knows it. | - I hope he doesn't hurt anybody.
I'm not going to jail! | I'm not going to jail!
Oh, my God!
[ Honking ] | Hey, look out!
[ Honking ]
Watch it!
Woman | Somebody help! He'll drown!
- The water's way too cold. | - There's riptides.
- I've seen sharks. | -Somebody call an ambulance.
Look there!
That's money!
My money!
Let's get the coast guard | and fish him out.
You can't do that!
That's not your money!
That's my money! | Stop 'em!
Aaah!
The bedroom killer!
Sam | What about the money?
They recovered a | few thousand dollars. | The rest washed away.
He said if anything | went wrong,
they'd kill Barbara.
Things couldn't have gone more | wrong than this, could they?
That means she's dead.
[ Sobbing ]
[ Laughing ]
- Mrs. Stone! | - I'll be damned!
- Mrs. Stone? | - Yes.
I'm Lt. Walters. | We're glad to see you're okay.
I'm sorry to have to ask | you to do this right now,
but I'm afraid we need you | to identify the body.
Yes! | That's him!
Oh, I could | never forget that face.
What hell | he put me through.
- You're sure he worked alone? | - Positive.
- He mentioned a partner. | - He was schizophrenic. | He thought he had partners.
Where's Sam?
He's over there, | Mrs. Stone.
Would you excuse me | for a moment?
I'd just like to be alone | with my husband.
- Certainly. | - Thank you.
Hello, Sam.
Barbara!
You look terrific!
You think so?
I mean,
-you're so thin. | - Really?
Does it show?
I mean, | you're beautiful!
- Oh, Sam! | - Oh, Barbara!
I hope my marriage | is as strong as theirs after 15 years.
I can't believe | we doubted Stone's | affection for his wife.
- We almost blew it. | Thank God she's alive. | - [ Grunting ]
Ol' buddy, you work, | you put in long hours. | It's a tough beat.
But it all seems worth it | when you get a moment like this.
Walters | Yeah, I love a happy ending.
[ Grunting ] | Barbara!
Splash
"""Modern Woman"""
You see her sittin' | with a coffee and a paper
With her high-top sneakers | of Italian design
With her long, cool stare | she aggravates attention
Makes up her face | while she makes up her mind
Now you're in trouble | maybe she's an intellectual
What if she figures out | you're not very smart
Maybe she's the quiet type | who's into heavy metal
You've got to get it settled | 'cause she's breaking your heart
Don't try to | put on an act
You can't do that | to a modern woman
When you're an | old-fashioned man
She understands | the things you're doing
She's a modern woman
She looks sleek | she seems so professional
She's got a lot of confidence | it's easy to see
You want to make a move | but you feel so inferior
'Cause under that exterior | is someone who's sleek
She's got style | she's got her own money
So she's not another honey | you can quickly disarm
She's got the eyes | that make you realize
She won't be hypnotized | by your usual charm
You've got your plan of attack | that won't attract | a modern woman
When you're an | old-fashioned man
She understands | the things you're doin'
She's a modern woman
As time goes by and | you're sharing an apartment
She says she loves you | but she doesn't know why
The morning she gives you | your coffee and your paper
It's a strange situation | for an old-fashioned guy
But times have changed | things are not the same, baby
You won't be changed | it's your bad attitude
Rock'n'roll just used | to be for kicks and | nowadays it's politics
And after 1986 | what else could be new
You've got to learn | to relax and face | the facts of a modern woman
And you're an | old-fashioned man
She understands | the things you're doin'
She's a modern woman
She's a modern woman