1
I been doing just fine up until now.
I just dont know what
Ive gotten myself into.
This could be maybe the
worst thing that I ever did.
Well, maybe not the worst thing.
There was that time when I nevermind.
All Im sayin is, I just
never saw this comin.
After all, 20 years is a long time not to
hear from a body, you know what I mean.
Well Im not gonna answer it.
Holy crap! Another damn telemarketer,
right Elvis?
Do you smell that?
Oh shit Im out.
See, not so hard now, is it? Come here.
Lets see. Oh that seems
to be healing nicely.
Oh k then. Alright!
Everybody ready? We got
a long drive to Umatilla.
Sam?
Youre gonna be fine.
Floridas a nice place.
And I think youre going to
enjoy living with your aunt.
You know there's nothing like family.
Hey dirtbag!
Dont forget this.
Making progress Elvis!
Beautiful isnt it?
I think Im gonna puke.
Sweetie, please stop that.
And arent you gonna eat your sandwich?
Im not hungry and dont call me that.
Just try a few bites.
I dont feel good.
Youve had a rough year.
Different foster homes and all.
Change is scary, it would
make anyone feel queasy.
Rebecca I really dont feel good.
Just give it some time, youll see.
Im gonna puke.
What?
Im definitely gonna puke.
Oh God!
Please stop that.
So we have successfully
moved this pile of
highly important stuff from
that room into here.
Looks much better, dontcha think Elvis?
Should make Miss Uptight
Smarty Pants happy.
Dont judge me.
OK, lets do this.
The brochure you gave me said
beautiful beaches, warm
sand and Disney World!'
Hush.
Its open!
I said its open!
Oh for Christs sake!
I SAID its open!
Oh. Its you.
Of course its me. Weve had
this scheduled for weeks.
Yeah but you didnt say exactly what time.
You shoulda called first.
I did call!
I called 10 times today and I called you
from the car parked in front of your house
not two minutes ago. We both
know that you didn't answer.
Well still. It aint polite
to just drop in on folks.
I though that you were going to
WHAT?
Mrs. Batinger we specifically spoke
Olina.
Yes of course, Im sorry. Olina.
We specifically spoke about
the need for organization.
Yes you are correct we
did speak about that.
Where do I put this?
Samantha-
Sam, my name is Sam.
Yes Im so sorry. I forgot.
Sam, Olina.
This is your niece Sam.
Sam, this is your Aunt Olina.
Hey Sam.
Youre not my aunt. My aunts name
is Sam too, Im named after her.
Samantha, this is your aunt.
She goes by Olina but her real
is Samantha, just like you.
Sam, my name is Sam.
And who goes by the name Olina?
That's a stupid name.
Samantha, dont talk to you aunt that way.
My name is Sam! And you
cant tell me what to do.
You neither.
Becky, let me just wrestle
on this for a moment.
Oh its Rebecca.
Uh huh. You got a nasty mouth on you girl.
Dont you ever come into my house
and mouth off at me, ya hear?
You dont have to stay
here if you dont want to.
But as long as you do, you will be civil
to me and to any guest in my house
D'ya understand? And my name is Olina.
Dont you never nothing bad about my name.
I might not be too crazy about
your name but its yours.
So Ill keep my trap shut
about it, understand?
Understand?!
Ok.
Good.
Now lets see about gettin
you up to your room.
Your room is at the top of the stairs here
and the john is right nearby.
Ya see, I do listen.
Well my word! This is nice.
Isnt this nice Sam? Much nicer
than the room you had to share at the home.
Well, lets leave Sam to
get settled in, shall we?
Uh, Sam, theres plenty
of room in that closet
and that chest of drawers
there, its empty.
That was very thoughtful
the way that you prepared
Sams room. Its very comfortable.
And just remember Mrs. Batinger,
Olina.
Right, Olina.
You will be a role model for this child.
Time to go.
Pardon me?
I said you can go now,
I can take it from here.
Oh no, Id love to stay,
help you break the ice.
It is after all what I do.
Yes, I know youd love
to help but I think our
ice is broken enough already.
Olina, Im a highly trained social worker,
well-equipped to handle any questions-
Time. To. Go.
I need the paperwork from last week.
Oh, no thank you. I really need
that paperwork for my manager.
Its in the bag.
Whered you get that?
Playing catch football
with the kids at home.
Huh! Mustve been some game.
What's that smell?
Ah, what youre smellin is the
fresh scent of cherry blossoms
in this can of room deodorizer.
It smells like a hospital. Or an armpit.
Well that armpit smell
young lady is probably you.
Not me. When was the last time you bathed?
Was it days?
Weeks?!
I dont remember.
Soon as youre done eating,
you upstairs, shower,
get yourself cleaned up.
What? You dont like pizza?
What kid doesnt like pizza?
It smells funny.
Well Im sorry Your Highness,
I ain't exactly a chef.
If you want somethin' else youre just
gonna have to go make it yourself.
My stomach feels sick.
Youll get use to it.
Clean up your plate when youre done.
Dearest Sam, Desdemona was my
favorite role in high school. Enjoy!
Love, Your Mama
I dont know about this Elvis.
I think I mightve bitten
off more than I can chew.
Whats with the dog?
Excuse me?
This dead dog on the sofa. Why?
Dont!
What!?
Just dont touch him, ok?
Dont worry Elvis shes
not gonna bother you none.
Its a stuffed dog.
Well maybe to you thats all he is.
No, to anyone whos normal,
hes a stiff and youre a freaking looney.
This is Elvis.
Elvis has been in my family for 12 years.
Some people go in for ashes.
I went in for taxidermy.
Thats sick.
Well excuse me, not everybodys perfect.
Sick can be cool you know.
Oh really, is that so?
Why dont you just get another dog?
One that eats, breathes,
moves, stuff like that?
Because dead dogs don't fart.
What does that mean?
Exactly what I said. Dead dogs dont fart.
They dont cry, they dont bark.
They dont get you up in
the middle of the night.
You don have to clean up after them.
Theyre just a lot simpler. Thats all.
Right. But theyre dead.
Exactly.
So social services sticks me with a lady
named Olina who talks to smelly old
dead dog named Elvis.
You know it wont break my heart
if you go back to that foster home.
I'm perfectly happy here with Elvis.
Yeah okay, Ill think about it, Olina.
Aunt Olina.
What?
Aunt Olina. Im your aunt.
You can call me Aunt Olina.
Thats stupid.
My house.
My rules.
Oh girl. Did you take a shower
like I told you to?
Oh you got a nerve calling Elvis smelly.
Youre the one that smells.
Not me. Well it sure aint Elvis.
Hey, dont blame me
for whatever you smell.
Well dead dogs dont fart but live girls
sure can stink.
Now you, upstairs.
Back up to that shower and
clean yourself properly and dont come down
until you do. And dont touch anything!
And put your clothes all
in the washing machine!
Now the whole room stinks.
Holy shit. Oh!
Holy crap.
Yeah thats right, holy crap.
I gotta clean up my language
for the kid Elvis.
I gotta be a role model.
Whats this?
Fold 'em.
These arent all my clothes.
Did I ask whose clothes they are?
Youre sitting here doing nothin'.
Fold em.
Hello. Im not doing nothing, Im reading.
Hello, too. I just did your stinky laundry.
Look, youre not gonna
come waltzing in here
disrupt my peaceful existence and
expect to get waited on.
As long as youre gonna
stay here youre gonna
have to learn to pull your own so fold em.
That blows chunks.
Oh just do it.
Whatcha reading there?
This trash or something? What is it?
Nothing. Give it back.
Othello? Youre reading Shakespeare?
Why not?
At least old Willy understood
that certain people
in the world are just born to be screwed.
You? Screwed? Youre not screwed.
Youre just gettin back on your feet.
Thats all.
Shakespeare knew that everybody
wants a piece of everybody else, you know.
A pound of flesh thing. Those that
get caught in the middle are toast.
Sam, people arent all like that.
I know about people and they ARE like that.
You don't know about people
because you dont have any people.
How do you know that?
They looked for my relatives
for a year, you're it.
And if I dont have any
relatives, neither do you.
Well, you might have a point there.
Alright, you finish reading
what youre reading but then
you fold the clothes. All of them.
What arent yours you put in a
nice, neat stack outside of my door.
Okay? Miss High and Mighty.
You know,
Shakespeare does make good reading.
Your mama?
She liked the tragedies too.
Myself, I prefer Scarlett OHara
over Desdemona anyway.
Frankly, Olina, I dont give a damn.
Read it in school.
Why did you and Mama never talk?
Lake George.
We was real close back then.
Its complicated.
Mama said she was ashamed.
I guess we both were.
Of what?
Choices. Bad choices.
I know about the bad choices she made,
what about you?
Men. Seems like your mama and I
could never get that
right when we were kids.
Are you talking about my dad?
Yeah.
Yeah, your dad, he liked me first.
But I thought
he was an ass. He had
a really violent temper
right from the start.
So, to get even with me
he went after your mama.
I tried to talk her out of it.
But, she didnt appreciate that much.
You see, women dont like it
when you bad mouth their men.
She was pretty pissed at me when she left.
Well it looks like you called it right.
Yeah. Sometimes being right
is the wrong way to be.
It costs us both, being right.
Sam, did your father ever try No.
No what? I didnt finish the question.
He smacked me around some, thats all.
He was usually drunk.
So I learned to dodge.
Mom wasnt so lucky that one night.
Well you dont ever have to
worry about that man again.
Because he aint never gettin out.
Whos this?
Ah, that is your Uncle Bud.
One of the right choices I made.
What happened?
His country called.
And then he got killed.
But 7 men survived that day
because of Bud.
My Bud, he came home in a pine box.
Did you have him stuffed too?
I should say not!
Why?
Well because you dont stuff people.
Wax museums about the closest
you can come to stuffin people
Mmm. So hes in a wax museum?
No. But he should be.
He was a great man.
Thats enough talk about the past for now.
Our baby will be filled with joy and
happiness. She will be our princess Olina.
Aloha. Love, Bud.
Now what do we have here!?
Stay away! Ive already called the cops.
Now you better put that thing away
before you hurt somebody.
Hey Elvis! Hows it going?
Sit. Stay. Good boy!
Who are you?
Oh, Im Larry. I mustve misplaced my key
so I had to make due with the window.
Thats bull. Olina doesnt give out keys.
Ive been here for two weeks
and I dont even have a key.
No kidding? Well I do. I mean I did.
I dont know what Ive done with it.
What? Oh!
Hahaha, you must be Sam.
The long lost niece.
Maybe.
Well its a pleasure to
make your acquaintance.
Cops should be here any minute. Well the
cops arent gonna be interested in me.
And why is that?
Because I own the house.
Liar! If you own the house
how come my aunt never mentioned you?
Well Ive been on the road and
in case you havent noticed,
your aunts not really the chatty type.
You deliver mail on the road?
No.
I dont deliver mail on the road.
Youre a mailman?
No.
You are wearing a mailman uniform.
I like the outfit.
That is the stupidest
thing I have ever heard.
Thats even stupider than
talking to a stuffed dog.
Well a bodys gotta talk to somebody.
And might as well be a stuffed dog.
And Elvis is a whole bunch more polite
than I can say about you.
Yeah, ok. You havent answered my question.
Why are you in our house?
Our house.
And I thought you were only staying here for a
few weeks until you found someplace better.
Mm. So you know all about me.
Yeah. I do.
How?
Well Olina and I keep in touch.
I know thats a lie. She
doesnt talk to anybody.
I thought I recognized
that truck out there!
Welcome back!
How ya doin gorgeous?
Not too shabby!
Oh and dont you look dashing as a postman.
I see you two have met.
So you two hooked up or something?
Sam, dont be rude.
Larry and I go way back.
Larrys seen me through
some pretty tough times.
So show a little respect. Besides, he could
kick us both out on our
asses on our cans...
if you give him any trouble.
I dont know. Hes kinda puny.
I think I could take him.
I dont feel like celebrating.
Its the 4th of July and I want to party!
What about you Olina?
I got the hotdogs right here.
Thats a start!
Thank you very much!
I smell chocolate.
Hand it over.
I dont know what youre talkin about.
What are you, part bloodhound?
Larry, beer?
Yes please.
Thank you.
So, Aunt O. How come you never remarried?
It was just a lot simpler not to.
Besides, there was never anyone like Bud.
This was a really nice day.
Thank you Larry.
My pleasure.
I know how you and Bud
loved the Fourth of July.
Yup, we sure did.
So how is it that neither of you have jobs?
Inheritance.
And you let her live here for free?
Im no freeloader! I pay rent every month,
on time I might add.
That she does.
How about you?
Why dont you work?
Well, insurance settlement.
For what?
Ah, well they were supposed
to remove my gallbladder
but they removed somethin else
that I dont care to mention.
I invested the money in them erectile
dysfunction drugs.
I made me a shi-
a boat load of money.
They messed with the wrong woman.
That they did.
Again!?
Too many hotdogs.
Thats the fourth time this week.
Thats it child. Youre
going to see the doctor.
Mrs. Batinger, do you have
any medical history for Sam?
The only medical history I have is what
Ive seen and heard for the last two weeks.
You say this started about
3 months ago?
You think theres a reason for Sam to keep
something from you?
Apart from being a teenager?
While you were still at the foster home?
I think its best if we discuss
this with Sam.
Sam, is there something you want to
tell your aunt?
No.
You got something to say girl spit it out.
Doctor?
Sam is healthy.
Well thats good.
Then why is she upchuckin'?
Sam is expecting.
Expectin' what?
Best guess is 13 weeks.
Elvis is not gonna like this.
So you plan on keeping the baby?
None of your business.
Well, I think as the baby is related to me
and seeing as how you live here
for now and seein as how
Elvis and I might be somewhat affected by
the presence of a baby
not to mention that weve
suddenly inherited a teenager.
I think it absolutely is
my business to know if
you plan on keepin on it.
I dont know.
I may not have a choice.
If Im living here I
guess you get to decide.
Oh no.
I dont decide.
If by some miracle you manage
to tough it out for the next
couple of months, that decision will have
nothing to do me.
I dont make decisions
that affect other people.
I just stay here in my house with Elvis.
You keep the baby or not
thats up to you.
Will you kick me out if I keep it?
Not if you survive
till then, which doesnt seem too likely.
Like I said,
its up to you.
But my rules wont change
not for you, not for it.
Now then, you got any
other surprises?
Good. Youre here.
Dont you ever call before you
barge in on people?
As if you would answer.
I received a call from
Dr. Dempseys office.
Sam is pregnant! How did this happen?
Sam, would you like to
tell me how this happened?
You need to get out more.
I didnt mean that. I mean the father.
What are you, my social worker or priest?
Well its good to see things
appear to be calm here.
How are you two getting along?
Kind of like the Capulets
and the Montagues.
Oh, thats splendid. See I knew
you two would be able
to work things through.
I believe those are people in
play by Shakespeare.
They killed each other.
Oh! Yes of course. I remember now,
the Capulets and the
Montenewts, Shakespeare dear.
Indeed. You know, not to get off topic.
But there is something
that we need to discuss.
And thats getting Sam enrolled
in school for the fall.
Although, well have to discuss a different
approach now that shes expecting.
Yes, we will.
Sam, would you please
go up to your bedroom.
I need a few minutes alone
here with Becky.
So, just what exactly is it
that the Department of Children
and Family Services oversees?
Now Olina, I can assure you.
Mrs. Batinger.
OK, um, Mrs. Batinger, I can assure you
that we have contacted the
department up in Georgia.
And that theyre looking into...
How the hell did this happen?
Well, I dont know!
You folks dont know much, do you?
Well we do what we can with
the resources that we have.
What happens when the baby comes?
What do you mean?
Do I keep the baby too?!
Weve got plenty of time
to think about that.
I mean the doctor that Sam
is only 3-4 months along.
Can they make me?
Well,
if you proceed with Sams legal adoption,
then you would be the childs guardian
and you would get to decide
what happens with the baby.
I dont know about this. This is...
This is an awful lot for
me and Elvis to take in.
Right now it just seems like a big mistake.
There are several options
available and I can council you
and your niece and bring you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Mrs. Batinger, I know this
complicates the situation but
well I just want you to remember
that you are the only family Sam has.
Olina.
You can call me Olina.
Okay, Olina.
Sam?
Can I come in?
Sam?
Oh crap.
Larry, I cant find
her anywhere.
OK, OK. Ill go look.
You stay here in case
she comes back, alright.
Where ya headed? Ya need a lift?
I should call the cops on you.
An old man picking up a young girl.
I only pick up the ones I like.
I knew living with my aunt
wasnt gonna work out.
Now wait a minute dont be so hasty.
Come on, get in. Lets talk some.
This is one of my favorite hangouts.
Its where I come to escape.
Get my mind a rest.
Your aunt says your
mother doing theater too
Yeah. You two wouldve gotten along.
Theater has a way of doing that.
So does the father know?
Why should I tell you anything?
Sam, you gotta trust somebody.
Not you. Youre pretty
much still a stranger.
You know Sam, when I was fighting overseas,
I found myself in some
pretty scary situations.
I needed someone to trust and
all the people around me were strangers.
And I realized I wasnt
the only one in need.
Those guys needed someone to trust too.
Sam, were all strangers till
we find ourselves in need of one another.
Thats different.
Wait, wait, here me out. I had to trust
that those guys had my back.
Those strangers became my friends.
My buddies. My family.
They saved my life.
I cant trust anybody.
Sam, thats not true. Wait!
You know your aunt
loves you a great deal,
you know that, right?
She said I was a mistake.
She didnt mean that.
Look shes just trying to figure
everything out just like you are.
She says something without thinking and
your aunt lost a baby.
Her baby.
It was right after Bud went overseas.
I didnt know.
She doesnt like to talk about it much.
Sam, you need to talk to her.
Shes your kin.
You can trust her.
You must be hungry, I fixed you some food.
Its on the table.
Thank you.
Sure.
Im very happy that
youve decided to go ahead
with Sams adoption.
Well, Elvis gave it the okay.
Well, Im very glad that Elvis is on board.
Now, Olina. Weve got a few things that
we need to discuss. One of them
is Sams education. Have you enrolled
her yet? School starts in two weeks.
Cant she just wait until
after the baby comes?
Im afraid not. Sams only 15,
the state has its regulations.
She needs to be enrolled in school.
Well that just absolutely blows chunks.
Excuse me? Oh thats what Sam
would say if she were here.
That absolutely blows chunks.
She says that a lot.
Well, be that as it may, we need to get her
enrolled within the week.
Theres Umatilla High and then Brooksfield.
Its a private school.
Brooksfield?
Isnt that for druggies
and dropouts and flunkies
and teen moms? Well not always.
Really?
Well what about homeschoolin?
I could homeschool her.
Olina, I dont think that that would
be possible. I mean, youd have to have
a college degree to qualify.
Got one.
You do? Right as rain I do.
A degree in English lit from the
University of Florida. 3.8 GPA
Deans list, honors in
my field and cum laude.
Thank you very much.
Um, OK well Id have
to send it credentials.
Can you produce credentials?
Oh I think I could dig up some credentials.
Would my transcript and
diploma do the trick?
Thats just unbeliev remarkable.
And Im sure that we could look into it.
Whos homeschooling me?
Why do people think I cant handle this?
Says the lady who talks to her dead dog.
Well you know, you can always go to that
private school with the snobs.
What do you say Elvis?
Classmates? When do we start?
Yeah thats what I thought.
But Im not doing any homework.
Oh youll do as I say. And since you'll
be at home, itll all be homework.
Ya hear that Elvis? Well have homework?
These are some brochures
that Miss Prissy Pants gave us for
for options after the baby comes.
Do you think Im doing the right thing?
Oh honey, I think you made a very
brave decision to have this baby.
I think a lot of girls in
your position wouldve
well I think youve been very mature
about the whole thing.
But Sam honey,
youre still just a kid.
I really think you should
think about adoption.
I have thought about it.
This ones about something that they
call open adoption where
you get to stay in touch.
And it gets to know who you are.
Her. The doctor said its a girl.
Not an It.
I know.
I didnt mean anything
by calling her an It.
I know.
Would I get to pick the parents?
If thats what I decide I mean?
Yes I think you would.
Rebecca said you get to
interview the couples.
Find out if you like them. Check em out.
See if theyll give It
give her a good home.
I really screwed everything up, didnt I?
Oh no, no, no child you didnt screw it up.
Well get through this, youll see.
Bad time?
Oh.
Aunt Os gonna homeschool me.
Wow, Im sorry.
You too!?
Whats next?
Girl weve been at this for two weeks now.
You know what to do. Look,
check your parenthesis.
Its too many Xs and Ys. I dont get this.
Yes you do. Whats the matter?
Nothing.
Sam, its okay to be upset today.
Im not upset.
I just hate math.
No you dont. Youre great at math.
People dont have what theyre good at.
Are you nervous?
Im not nervous. Just
leave me alone.
Sorry, not my job.
Ok. Thats enough for today.
We gotta clean up
for our guests anyway. Why dont
you go upstairs and get ready.
Hello.
You must be Olina, the aunt?
That would be me.
And you must be the Smiths.
The potential adopting parents.
So. Is Smith your real last name?
Excuse me?
It just sounds fake.
Like youre undercover or somethin.
Uh, no.
No.
Smith is our real last name.
I just thought,
maybe they gave you the name Smith
to protect your real identity?
You know, in case nobody likes you.
Yes, Sam.
Smith is Frank and Susans real last name.
I know. Why dont we talk about the baby.
Oh good idea. So, Frank,
Susan, why do you wanna adopt a baby?
Hi!
Were the Armands.
Hi, Im Jennifer and this
is my husband Jeffrey.
Were the Dempseys. Please to meet you.
We love children.
We already have
7 but were just beggin for another.
Are you having a boy or girl?
Are you having a boy or girl?
I hate them.
I grew up in Miami
but I like the small town atmosphere.
You get to know your neighbors,
the storeowners, the schoolteachers.
See, thats good! You know this stuff.
Our friends son wants to go to college
outside the state. Do you know how much
thats gonna cost? No way.
I really hate them.
Ive been through all sorts of
procedures trying to get pregnant.
It can be humiliating.
And expensive.
Children can be a real joy you know.
Yes, except for your sisters kids.
Well they just need some discipline.
Were firm in believers
in discipline you know.
And then we tried adopting a Russian baby
And you would not believe how
much that is going to cost.
They were gonna make us
fly all the way over there.
To Russia! Can you believe that?
I really really hate them.
Well my wife and I arent able
to have children of our own.
Yes, but we want children
more than anything.
Why do we want to adopt, well thats easy!
Who in their right minds
would want to bring children
of their own into this world?
Weve owned a hardware store
downtown for several years.
Were not overly wealthy but we
I know we can give your
child a comfortable life.
Nah.
Yeah.
What do you say Elvis? Who would you pick?
Well, thank you for
giving us the opportunity
to get to know each other a little better.
Yes, thank you and thank
you for bringing Elvis.
Can I get you anything? Water? Soda?
No. What about Elvis? Can
we get Elvis anything?
You do know hes dead, right?
Yes, uh,
I know that. Sorry.
I was just, trying to lighten
the mood a little bit.
Sam, the Jacobsons have a
nice home, dont they?
Its alright.
Do you like our backyard, Sam?
Its big right?
Were planning to get a
swingset for the baby.
Oh, well thats a splendid idea.
And we have lots of nieces and nephews.
Were actually thinking about getting
a dog for ourselves.
A live one of course.
Maybe a shih tzu, I dont know, I hear
theyre very gentle.
Theres a dog named after shit?
Oh, no its a Chinese dog. Its um,
I dont know
I dont think it means anything in English.
Its just um The baby will sleep.
in our room for the first
few months you know,
so itll be close by.
Do you have a john?
Excuse me?
I have to pee.
Oh.
Yeah its just down
the hall on the left.
So uh, Olina,
Do you have any other relatives nearby?
Nope, its just been me and Elvis
for the past 15 years.
Well, and of course now Sam.
So um, what would you do if the baby
is allergic to the dog?
What dog?
The dog youre gonna adopt.
The one thats named after shit.
I mean what would you do
if the babys allergic?
Well, I hadnt
given that any consideration.
I mean, I guess...
thats something we should think about.
What do you think?
Certainly the babys
health would come first.
Of course, the baby would
be our top priority.
But I mean I guess we
could make arrangements
for the dog or
Right. Like a nice new home.
You know, for the dog.
Youd give away your own dog?
How could you just give up your own dog?
Its not the dogs fault.
Sam, I am sure that they would
see to it that the dog was
well taken care of.
Yes, its just that
weve wanted a child for so
long that we would do anything
to be good parents
really, we would.
If youd abandon your own dog
how do I know you
wouldnt abandon my child?
Sam nobody plans on abandoning anybody.
No, of course not. I mean
Oh Im afraid Im not doing very
well here, Jeffrey help me out.
Sam, what my wife is trying to say is
AND WHERE ARE THE BANANAS?
Olina, youre right, the
childs just not well.
Dont touch me!
I smell bananas, I HATE bananas.
They make me sick.
I think Im gonna be sick.
Im so sorry. I think we may
have some bananas in the kitchen.
I dont like you!
I dont like them, they are NO taking my baby!
Its alright dear, please calm down.
Yes please. Were really very good people,
we go to church, we donate to charities
We recycle!
I think we should leave.
I think that might be best.
We can try again another time.
I mean it. I'm gonna puke.
Jeffrey, do something!
Sam!
Well that was fun.
Shut up!
Girl Ive a good mind to you know what!
Theres no
excuse for behavior like that.
No excuse?
No.
How about my father killing mom?
How about this little girl Im carrying?
The one with ten fingers and
ten toes, the one that kicks me
every few minutes. The
one that I want to keep!
Yeah thats right, I want to keep her!
And you try to make me give her away.
No Sam! No Im not!
You dont have to give her
up if you dont want to.
I dont like them. Theyre dog haters.
They have too many Js in their name.
Theyre ordinary and stupid
and boring and ugly and
theyd probably, probably be mean
to my baby. They might even give her
away too. I DONT dont like them.
They are not keeping my baby.
Its okay child.
You know you dont have to decide anything,
anything today. You know,
you dont even have to think
about it. Now lets just
lets just think about something else, OK?
Scarlett OHara
and Gone with the Wind?
Thats right. Just like Scarlett.
Well think about it tomorrow or next week.
But lets not think about it right now, OK?
Lets think about something else.
What do you want
to think about?
Not bananas. I hate bananas.
And not smelly people.
Not bananas, not smelly people.
and not shitzus.
Not shih tzus..
Do we have any chocolate?
At home, yeah!
And cucumbers?
I think so, yeah.
Marshmallows?
Crap!
No marshmallows?!
No, I forgot Elvis!
I want to name her after you.
OK then, well
name her Sam Junior.
No.
I want to name her Olina Jr.
Alright then, thats what well do.
I dont really
know what I want to do right now, you know.
I dont know whats best
I just really wish I knew what was best.
I know. I know.
So do I child, so do I.
But lets not think
about that right now.
Tomorrows another day.
OK.
Come on, come on, come
we havent got all day.
Dont get your panties in a wad.
Im thinking.
Hey, I do not wear panties.
I wear boxer shorts.
Oversharing!
And thats not a very lady-like expression
by the way. What? Oversharing?
No.
The thing about the uh, you know.
Well golly jee Uncle Larry, Im not
exactly in a lady-like situation, am I?
Well, I mean I dont know about that.
Have you spoken to your boyfriend?
Ew! I do not have a boyfriend.
Well then have you talked to the boy
who is your friend, who is also the father?
Ill take three.
I am going to stick.
You are toast, yogi.
Huh, alright, alright.
Ill call.
I have got two pair.
Kings over Jacks.
Sorry pal. Aces and Eights.
Read and weep. And he
tips his hat to the crowd!
Those were my last ones! You
know, I need energy right now,
I need extra calories.
These are not the calories that you need.
You need to get out, you need see
the world, you need to exercise.
Yeah, not a chance. Ive
got nothing to wear.
He wants nothing to do with the baby.
Anyway, I better go do my chores before
Aunt O gets her panties in a wad.
Nothing in this hand, nothing in this hand
Ta-da!
What the hell is this?
Language!
Yeah, OK Im sorry, what the
freaking royal crap is this!?
That is vintage
Ester Williams!
Come on! Rita Hayworth!
Pinup Girls!
For me? What are you nuts?
Of course its for you!
Go on hold it up!
That looks nice!
Where am I supposed
to wear this thing anyway?
Were all going out
to the lake.
Yeah. No. I am not wearing this
circus tent in public.
Sam, you comin out?
I look like a beached whale.
A mighty pretty one at that though.
Larry dont tease her.
I hate this! Lets go home.
Sam, we just got here. Just
give it a chance.
I cant see my feet!
Sam, come on, lets go in the water.
Itll be fun! Sam, come on.
I hate the water.
Do you have any candy bars?
You are somethin else.
Ill make you a deal.
Ill let you have the candy bar if you
talk about Atlanta and your friend.
Who happens to be a boy.
What do you wanna know?
Why?
Why not?
Thats it?
Yeah. We were both
depressed, tired, looking for something
permanent I dont know.
You didnt think it through?
Obviously not.
Oh sorry! Do you want to come play with us?
Trick or treat!
What!?
Imitation is the sincerest
form of flattery!
Open the door Sam!
Its locked, I cant get in, Im serious!
So Sam, have you given any thought
to the Jacobsons?
What Jacobsons?
The couple we met a few weeks ago?
No. I dont like them.
OK. We can interview another couple or
Sam, I dont mean to pressure
you but we really need
Sure sounds like pressure to me.
The Jacobsons are a lovely couple.
OK, Ill get another round
of parents together and well
Rebecca.
Im keeping my baby.
Aunt O said I could.
Olina, are you sure you know
what youre doing? I mean
a baby is a big responsibility.
I can help.
I love kids.
Aunt O,
how do you really feel
about me keeping her?
Thats a life changing decision, child.
For a lot of people.
I just, I dont
want her to have to live with some
foster clowns like I had to.
Well thats not a reason to keep a baby.
Besides, if you do give
her up for adoption,
the Jacobsons wouldnt
be her foster parents,
theyd be her parents.
So youre saying I shouldnt keep her.
No.
What Im saying is
I think you should do
whats best for your
baby, not what you want
and not what I want.
Will this change whether
I - or we- get to stay?
Do you do you want me to leave?
No I dont! Are you still lookin' to leave
Well, you sure need
someone around here to keep your place up,
cuz ya cant do it.
No I cant. But apart from that,
You belong with me.
Were family.
Shes family too.
Yes she is.
Its times like these when I miss him most.
Even after all these years.
Maybe we should go see him.
Yeah, yeah, maybe we should.
Bud, this is Sam.
Shes Maddies little girl.
Real nice kid.
You wouldve liked her.
I see most of your buddies
every now and then.
Theyre all doin fine.
Larry tells me that
Cornwall had a grandbaby.
All thanks to you, darlin.
And Charlie has three! Imagine.
Why are there coins on these headstones?
Theyre symbolic markers.
Some people leave followers, others
whatevers meaningful.
You leave a penny when
you want to let the other family know
that the soldiers been visited.
A nickel means that the visitor was in
boot camp with the solider.
And a dime means they served together.
And um so on.
Im keeping up my end
of the bargain, buddy.
You kept yours.
I dont feel good.
Were gonna be home soon.
But we have to stop by
Miss Prissys office first.
Shes got some more papers for us.
Itll be fine.
Itll be worth it in the end, youll see.
I know its been a lot of work.
But trust me, youre
almost through the process.
Its only a matter of days now.
Whats the matter child?
It hurts.
What hurts?
It hurts, I cant stand it
it ohhh
Im all wet, I think peed myself.
Could she be in labor?
Good work, Sherlock.
No honey, you didnt wet yourself,
your waters broke.
It means its time to take you in.
Oh man, this totally sucks.
Im gonna hurl.
OK, how many pains?
Maybe ten?
How far apart?
I dont know! They just keep getting closer
and closer.
OK, were gonna go in right now.
Its too early.
No. itll be fine.
I got toilet paper from the bathroom!
What good is that gonna do?
Well I dont know, they didnt
teach me this in training!
Just hold on to me, thats it.
OK, now remember your breathing, OK?
Whats going on?!
Oh were going into labor.
Labor?
Labor!
God! Oh jeez thats not good.
Whats happening!?
Youre havin a baby!
In the parking lot for Christs sakes!
LANGUAGE!
Just breathe.
I am!
Not you!
OK just breathe like we, like we practiced.
How do you know what to do?
Television.
Oh thats comforting.
Just stay calm.
How can I stay calm!?
What?!
Gas receipt
Aunt O.O O.. OHHHHHHH!
I got a Twix!
Oh I want that!
Sam, its time to get the
babys things together.
Theyll be here any minute.
Ill get it, let her stay.
Thanks.
This is whats best.
This is whats best for her.
I think so too.
Its just always hard
to let go of loved ones.
Ill still have you. Ill still have Larry.
You know, youve made a really
selfless decision, Im mighty proud of you.
Thank you.
Youre welcome.
Oh Jeffrey! Look at her.
Shes so beautiful.
How have you been, Sam?
We heard you had a rough time of it.
Well, other than nearly
giving birth in a jeep.
It was a piece of cake.
She has a keen sense of humor Jeffrey.
You know that
indicates intelligence.
I know the baby is going to be very bright.
Gosh, shes so small.
The Jacobsons are very
grateful to you, Sam.
Of course we are.
I think thats everything.
She needs to be sung to sleep.
She wont fall asleep
unless you sing to her.
Now Sam, she will be in very capable hands,
dont worry about a thing.
Rebecca, of course shes gonna worry.
I mean, this cant be easy for Sam.
Is it, sweetheart?
Its OK.
You know, you can come
see her anytime you want.
And well invite you to birthday parties
and on holidays, we really want you
to be a part of the family.
Would you like that?
Yes. I would.
We want Janice to know you the entire
time shes growing up, Sam.
Janice? Yeah.
Yeah, thats what we thought wed name her.
Janice Jacobson.
Not another J name.
What do you mean?
You said I could pick her name.
Oh, thats right.
We did. I forgot about that.
OK Sam, what would you like to name her?
I want to name her after my aunt.
Oh.
Olina?
You want to name the baby Olina? I mean
thats a very unusual name.
Sam, the Jacobsons have a right to choose
the name of their child.
No, Rebecca.
Its OK.
We did promise Sam. She wants to name
the baby after her aunt, so
Samantha.
You could name her Samantha.
That is my real name.
You said you dont like that name.
Well I like it now.
Well so do I.
I think Samanthas a great name.
Is that alright with you Sam?
I think its good. I like it too.
Wonderful now everybodys happy.
Anyway, we better get going.
Is everybody ready?
No.
What?
Im not ready.
Sam, please dont change your mind. Im
not changing my mind. Im just not ready.
Sam, we went to a lot of
trouble to make arrangements
to do this today and you cant just
Rebecca. Please.
Just, let me handle this, OK?
She can do this whatever way she wants
Sam, just tell us what you need, OK?
I need a moment with my baby.
Of course you do.
Come on everybody lets give her
some space. I dont know if this
will be productive. I mean.
Rebecca!
Jens right, OK?
Sam, you take all the time you need, OK?
Samantha.
Youre so beautiful.
I hope youll always know that.
And I hope that
youll always be loved, more than anyone
could ever be.
Actually, I know that you already are.
By so many people.
But nobody could ever love you
more than I love you right
now at this very moment.
One day, youll see that.
And youll know that I
had to love you that much.
to give you away.
I wish things could be different.
But you deserve the best. You deserve
everything that I didnt have
and theyll give that to you.
God you look like so much like mom.
I cant give you what you
deserve right now.
Ive been pretty screwed up with
too much going on inside of me.
But I know one thing thats not screwed up.
Youre the best thing thats
ever happened in this world,
no matter how you got here.
Youre the best of me,
of mom, and of Aunt O.
And youll live a happy life.
I know you will.
Mommy loves you so much.
Goodbye my little angel.
Ok. Let's go.
Oh baby girl.
Thank you.
No good no sense in
this dragging this out!
Rebecca, why dont you wait for us outside?
Oh no, thats really alright.
Im the social worker afterall
I should be here
You know I worked really hard on this case.
It was like two adoptions!
Sam,
I know that youre making a
huge sacrifice for this baby.
And we promise that well be good parents
and we will raise her the best that we can.
And she will know that her
birth mother loved her very much.
So much that she
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
Thank you, Sam.
Anybody hungry?
Guess not.
Its ok to cry baby. Hey,
I just might cry with you.
Oh, Sam.
Its gonna get better, youll see.
Were gonna get you into a school and
youre gonna make new friends
and youll go to dances and football
games and pep rallies.
Aunt O?
Yeah babe?
Hand me the room spray.
Ok.
Give it all ya got.
Oh God! You feel better?
Yeah.
Thanks.
Aunt O?
Mmm baby?
Can I get a dog?
Yeah, you can get a dog.
I want one from the animal shelter.
Well go tomorrow.
Sounds like we got a plan.
Yes it does. Sounds like we got us a plan.
I never knew that I needed you
Thought I was fine on my own
Now that youre here, everything is clear"
Were better off together than alone
Three of a kind! Lets see you beat that.
What? Full House! Read em and weep.
Pay up! Come on.
I was tryin to quit anyway.
You stayin for dinner?
Yes, mam.
Alright.
What is that smell?
Uh, dog farts.
Dog farts. Oh for God sa. Samantha!
Will you please come downstairs and
take the King of Flatulence outside?
Come on, Melissa! Grab Speedy.
I thought we discussed one dog.
Well
Melissa, come on!
Theres my boy! Hi big boy!
Hey Melissa, you gonna stay for dinner?
Sure Mrs. Batinger. Hi Larry!
Hi Mel!
Come lets go outside! Come on
Bern, we gonna go outside! Come on!
Oh Lord.
Ooooo got you by my side now
Ooooo theres no need to hide now
Were more than blood and
water, more than memories
I am mothers daughter,
and youre my missing piece"
It takes time to change
your mind, time to realize
And see, my life was just beginning
The day that you were brought to me.
Could it be
That, oooo got you by my side now
Oooo theres no need to hide now.
Were more than blood and water"
More than memories.
I am my mothers daughter
Youre my missing piece
Ooooo
"Got you by my side now. Ooooo
so theres no need to hide now"
Got you by my side. Got you by my side.
Got you by my side
"Got you by my side.
Ooooo got you by my side"
Got you, got you, by my side.