|
Saraband (2003)
Johan became a multimillionaire|in his old age.
An old Danish aunt... who had been a renowned|opera singer... left him a fortune. Once he became financially|independent, he left the university. He bought his grandparents'|summer house. A run-down chalet in an|isolated area near Orsa. Johan and I|haven't had any contact with each other|for many years. Our daughters are far away,|even from me. Martha lives in a home, sinking in the isolation|of her illness. I visit her now and then,|but she doesn't recognize me. And Sarah... Sarah married|a successful lawyer... and then moved to Australia where|they have very good jobs. They don't have any children. Me? I still practice my profession,|but at the pace I choose. Family quarrels and divorces mostly. I've been thinking I|should visit Johan. ONE|Marianne carries out her plan I've been thinking...|I should visit Johan. And now I'm here. He's sitting there,|at the porch. And I've been standing here,|watching him and... waiting,|at least ten minutes. Maybe I should have ignored|this irrational impulse. This trip. In fact,|I'm not an impulsive person at all. But here I am... And so I must decide: Slowly return to my car... or get close to him. Of course, I could stay|here a while longer... and let my confusion abate. But not very long.|A minute more! This minute is taking its time. No! - Did I wake you?|- It's you, Marianne. - Hi!|- No, don't get up. - Typical, you were spying on me.|- That's not true. We haven't seen each other in 30 years.|32 years! - We simply lost track of|each other. - That's natural. People start together, then they separate|and talk by phone... - and finally silence.|- So sad! - Was that a reproach?|- No, we had nothing to say to each other. Then suddenly you call me|and tell me you want to visit. - You didn't sound very keen.|- Keen? I said no. I still say no. I don't want this.|No. But you don't care. - I had to come.|- Why? - I won't tell you.|- You're laughing. Johan... I've driven 340 km.... and managed to find your hideout... in the middle of the jungle. Now that I've seen and kissed you|and we've spoken I can leave. That won't be enough.|Really? - At least you can stay over|for dinner. - Why? A week ago,|I told Mrs. Nilsson... that my ex wife was coming|to visit. I can't tell her suddenly that there'll|be no dinner. She'll go crazy. - Who's Mrs. Nilsson?|- Agda. Agda Nilsson. Are you and her a couple? God forbid! The two of you live all alone here|in the midst of a dark forest? Mrs. Nilsson lives in|the village. She cleans and cooks|and then goes home. - She's religious and mean.|- There's no romance then. To be honest,|I fear the hag. I fear that she might want to marry me.|Anyway, stay for dinner. She's made up the guest room, so you have to stay|and spend the night. I suppose I better accept. It's so hard to get up from|this chair. No, don't help me. What's wrong, Johan? I'm trying to put|my arms around you. Want to hug me? Damn, Johan! Old idiot! - And how old are you?|- I don't know, and you? - 86.|- No, not you, me! Around 55. - I'm 63.|- Really? That many? And I've had my uterus|and ovaries removed. - Does that trouble you?|- Yes, sometimes. Let's sit on the bench. It's so beautiful! When beauty is revealed...|in life, in creation... Where is the source, the giver?|Beauty forever. - I didn't know you knew some psalms.|- My grandmother taught me. And my grandfather rewarded me|with little iron soldiers. We can enjoy the view, - hold hands...|- Are we going to hold hands? - Didn't we used to do it?|- Yes, I believe so. I haven't done it since...|I've stopped doing it. You really have|a beautiful view. Can you see the lake|house from here? You can see the light reflected,|behind the rocks. I drove by the lake house|coming here. It looks inhabited. You could say that.|Henrik is there. Yes, Henrik. Mi dear son.|The assistant professor. - Are you on speaking terms?|- Not exactly. I got a brief letter declaring that|he was planning on moving there. He and his daughter Karin have|been there since late April. You don't have much contact then. Absolutely. A cordial conversation|if we run across each other. - Fat boy Henrik!|He must be... - 61 ! - My God!|- You can say that again! - And his daughter Karin?|- Karin is 19. Her mother died of|cancer two years ago. - Anna...|- Tell me. Anna and Henrik were|married for 20 years. He couldn't take her death.|He retired before his time. I heard they were happy|to get rid of him. He felt mistreated there. - Like you, at that age.|- Me? No... Well, yes, I was a bit fed up|with the academic standards silliness. My honorary doctorate|from the University of Michigan... finished all that.|- We were talking about Henrik. He directs an orchestra called|"Uppsala Chamber Soloists". But he'll quit that also. He must do something. I think he's writing a book. - What about the daughter? Karin?|- Karin also plays the cello. She'll audition for the|conservatory in the fall. Henrik is teaching her. They sit in the house with|their cellos every day. You could say she's beautiful.|Like her mother. Yes. So...I know nothing|about our daughters. - Sarah is in Australia.|- Australia?! - Yes, Australia. - Well, she|managed to get far away. I get letters and|phone calls from her. She's fine. A good|law firm. A good husband. - Sarah's happy with her life.|- And poor Martha? Martha's sinking further and further.|She didn't recognize me. She's no longer aware, in|our sense, of the world. I understand... - And you?|- I can't complain. Though sometimes, I see myself|in voluntary isolation... and I think I'm in hell. Like I'm dead,|but I don't know about it. But I'm fine. I've plagiarized my past now that|I have the page of answers. Doesn't sound like fun. That's it, Marianne.|It's not. And who the hell said|that damnation would be fun? - What does your "page of answers|say"? - Want to know? - I asked the question, didn't I?|- It says my life was shit. A stupid and totally senseless life. Is our marriage part|of your hell? - To be honest, yes.|- I'm sorry to hear that. An old priest once told me: "A good relationship has two elements: a good friendship|and an unshakeable eroticism". Nobody can say that|we weren't good friends. - Good friends.|- Of course. - You were unfaithful. - I...|- I was too. - It's so sad.|- But it was long ago. - It's still painful.|- Not for me. No, I suppose not. - Dearest Marianne.|- That's what you say. Yes, it's what I say.|It's nice to be here with you. Holding hands,|Watching the beautiful view. - Without talking about painful things.|- You're holding my hand. Dinner! Mrs. Nilsson|will be furious if we're late. Johan, I need to wash up|and get my bag from the car. This was a mistake! TWO|Nearly a week has passed Are you Karin? Do you want|to speak to your grandfather? Your grandfather and Mrs. Nilsson|went to the dentist. I'm Marianne. I was your granddads|wife. I'm visiting. - I know.|- Come on, sit down. If you want, you can help me|clean out these mushrooms. Here's a knife. If you want to talk, we'll talk.|If not, we can just be together. You must know Henrik,|my dad. Can't say I do. I've just greeted him,|but I don't know him. - Mom is dead.|- I know. - She died two years ago.|- Your granddad told me. - Dad retired and is spending his time|with music now. - The cello, right? He's writing about|St John's Passion. - You also play the cello?|- I hope to get into the conservatory. - Your father is the teacher|and you are the student. -Yes. What's wrong? Do you know Hindemith's|cello sonata, opus 25? I don't know anything about music. Dad wants me to play it|for the audition. - It's too hard!|- And doesn't he think so? How were you in the days|before your period? A premenstrual monster. I would go to sleep as an angel,|and wake up as a demon. My mind gets shattered.|And it's very hard for me to get up. Dad is a morning person. And I yawned. We were working on|the fourth movement. That damned Hindemith wrote: "Lebhafte Viertel ohne jeden|Audsdruck und stets Pianissimo" - You know?|- It looks difficult anyhow. So I sat there with my|shattered mind and I tried. I begged him to let me off|the hook, to no avail. He made me play the same part|at least twenty times! Finally I said. quietly:|"I don't give a damn about this". I said that it wasn't a class,|it was animal torture. Henrik was also angry,|but he laughed and said that I should... try from the beginning, where it says: "Lebhaft, sehr markiert...|mit festen Bogenstrichen." I was so angry that I couldn't.|He said I was doing it on purpose. I said that he didn't have the|skills to teach: I was unfair. Dad is the most patient, sensitive and|courteous teacher there is. He said it had nothing to|do with the teaching, but rather with willpower|and discipline... and that I was lazy.|That I was lazy! Then I got up and left the|cello because I was trembling. I said that it was enough for the day|and that I was going out for a walk. He turned pale.|I'd never seen him like that. And he said:|"You're not leaving". I put my boots on and|headed for the door. I didn't hear him approach,|but he grabbed me by the shoulders... You're not leaving! You're not leaving! I sat and cried. And I said: "Never again,|never again, ...never again". And kept crying|until I felt empty. Then I thought of coming over to see|granddad and begging him to help me... leave that lunatic.|It was too much for me. Now the old man can take|care of his crazy son: send him to the farm,|go to the police... or kill him. Then I became aware that|from now on, I know nothing. I know nothing about my life,|what I'll do or become. Then I realized|that mom is dead, and I can't ask her anything. I was overcome with sorrow for|myself and cried again. You must think I'm a very|nervous person, but I'm not. - Do you think Henrik is suicidal?|- If he'd kill himself? In an extreme situation like|the one you're describing... could he hurt himself? You know, to be honest,|I don't know my father very well. I only know that deep|inside he's... good. If not, mom never... Mom loved him, you know?|They loved each other. And I suppose I was|out of that love. That's what I think when I'm feeling sorry for|myself and I get tired of my boyfriends. Why can't I feel love|like mom did? Were you afraid your dad would|kill himself after her death? I never gave his|tragedy much thought. But I tried to take care of mom,|as much as he'd let me. Mom was never very talkative. But on one of her last days... She was always drowsy|from the morphine... On one of her last days,|I was sitting beside her, she looked at me and said clearly: "You know I love you". "You know I love you, Karin". My mother never spoke that way. Dad once said as a joke,|this was a long time ago, "Anna never says I love you, but|her actions are always full of love". - What if grandfather comes back?|- It's OK, I've got another bottle. - Were you really married to grandpa?|- Is that so strange? It's hard to imagine it.|What kind of person is he? Good question. - Did you love him? - I've asked myself|the same question all my life. - Was he so difficult?|- We were married for 16 years. Then we got divorced.|He had met another woman, an idiot named Paula. I got married again to|a boring glider pilot. One day, he just flew away. They never found him. For some reason, Johan and I|got together several times. Then I found out|he was servicing... another lady,|a real whore. I was angry and hurt|and finished with him. I suddenly realized, that I was the most cheated on|wife and lover in the world. Johan was remarkably and|compulsively unfaithful. - You mean that my grand father|-...was a real liar. And he used to write poems. A volume got|published, but it wasn't successful. - My grandfather used to write verses?|- Yes, even love poems for me. - Did you keep them?|- No. But did you love him? I was terribly naive. Nowadays, I suppose it's just|not possible to be so, so childish... and so know-it-all like I was. I think I loved him.|Utterly. - You never suspected?|- Not for an instant. - What made you come here|suddenly? - I don't know. You still love him!|Don't you? If you had to be honest,|Marianne... I hear people say Johan|is this or that, not very kind things usually. But I don't know the Johan|they're talking about. I always thought he was a good man.|Very, very good. It was so easy to hurt him,|he could never defend himself. I believe that Johan... is a moving person. He's moving. - Are you crying?|- Yes, a little. Are you crying for granddad? - I'm crying for Johan|and Marianne. - I understand. This is strange. Dear... - What will you do?|- Return to Henrik. - Is that intelligent?|- It has nothing to do with that. I'll stay here a few more days.|Let me know what happens. I will. THREE|About Anna It can't happen again. - Never again.|- Never. We must have a serious talk. We both know how things are.|There's nothing to sort out. I'm glad it's so simple! I was scared to death. There's no other way to put it:|I was scared to death. - Do you understand? - I'm very|tired. I'm going to sleep. - Are you asleep?|- No. Once I had a similar|situation with Anna. We weren't married yet,|but we lived together. Maybe I was a little drunk.|I said nasty things about... the damned university, my colleagues,|our work environment. And then about my father,|that old bastard. Anna didn't say a word.|And that upset me even more. I remember thinking... "What's on Anna's mind,|while she's sewing that skirt?" "What's she thinking? Maybe|that Henrik is unbearable". And then she said it. "When you're like this, I start thinking that you're|not the man I planned to marry". Then she went to the living|room and started to pack. I tried to stop her.|She didn't move... but a message got through|from her body to mine. It said "I'm leaving...|I'm leaving you". Then I said, with a voice that was|foreign to me: "Nobody leaves me". "Nobody leaves me" "Nobody turns his back on me|and leaves... ". I sat on the floor and|thought: "It's over". I shut my eyes and thought:|"Anna's leaving and she won't return". But then I heard her|going around the kitchen. She was making coffee. But she didn't say a word.|Maybe she wanted to sober me up. She didn't say anything for the rest|of the evening: just kept on sewing. Anna was the silent type|anyway, she never spoke much. But we didn't need to speak;|we always knew... I begged her to forgive me. Like a child to his mother:|"I won't do it again". It's just what I want to say to you,|but it sounds ridiculous. Anyone can say "I'm sorry",|but it's meaningless. So no further words|were spoken that night. It became a...|distant night. Anna sunk into a deep sleep: I|stayed awake listening to her breathing. I watched her, a street light|shone through the window. I gazed at her for a long time and|wondered if she really knew... how much I loved her. Between Anna and me it was a question|of belonging, if you know what I mean. An ownership that was...|a miracle. I know it sounds fatuous. There's no better word. I fell asleep as dawn approached,|and when the alarm clock rang, we got up, had breakfast|and chatted as usual. I went to a class|and Anna went to the library. This is an explanation:|not an excuse. I have no excuses. If you leave me... Ill be ruined, or some other|word that doesn't exist. In due time, you'll have your freedom.|You'll go to the conservatory... With professional teachers|and a different life. It'll be different for me also. These months with you have|been "a state of grace". For me, that is,|not for you. It was kind of you|to return so soon. I don't know what to say.|It's all so complicated. We don't have to|speak about that. Sometimes I feel a great|punishment awaits me. FOUR About a week later,|Henrik visits his father. "Kierkegaard, S.|Or A Fragment of Life" - Am I interrupting?|- Oh, so it's you. It's been a long time. - How are you?|- Well, thank you, and you? At 60 there's 6 things wrong with you,|at 70, 7 and so on. It's a good evaluation: Of course,|it depends on your priorities. - I heard about your ex wife's unexpected visit.|- Typical Marianne. She's always known I|hate improvisation. - Maybe I can see her.|- She's gathering strawberries. I don't know if you'll be|here when she returns. - I don't mean to disturb you.|- Thanks for being considerate. What do you want? I need 890,000 kroner.|An advance on my inheritance. - You need money again.|- I know, I owe you 200,000. - That you haven't even begun to pay back.|- Don't worry, I'll pay it back. I'm sure I'll never|see that money again. It's funny to|consider it a "loan". If humiliating me amuses you,|let's not forget... I'm not paying rent|on the lake house. We've been there for five months|and you haven't seen a cent. But you were able|to buy a new car. It's a loan.|The owner is away. When he returns in October,|I'll be without a car. - How's the book going?|- Well, thank you. That's a thorough answer. I've been here ten minutes,|letting you humiliate me. If I didn't need the money,|I'd have left long ago. You can leave now. It's not for me.|It's for Karin. I see...|Marianne told me you two argued. Are you trying to make her stay? Do you think she'll accept a bribe? I wonder how Anna|was able to stand you. Don't bring Anna into this. Don't you dare mention|Anna with that mouth. I like you more or dislike you|less when you use that tone. There's a healthy dose of|hate in your banalities. It's like this: There's a cello I can buy Karin;|an 1815 Fagnola. It's an excellent instrument,|almost like a Guarneri. Karin has a special talent,|she could become a great musician. I took care of her instruction, but her talent calls for more.|Like her cello. Her German cello is passable, but she'll audition|for the conservatory. Are you sure it's good? It wouldn't be the first|time they fool you. It has an authenticity certificate - and the seller is decent.|- Is that why it's so cheap? He's old and sick and can't|take care of it any more. - He said it's perfect for her.|- How touching. Dad, where does all this|hostility come from? Speak for yourself. When you were|18 or 19 I tried to approach you. You had been very ill and your|mother wanted us to talk. I told you I knew I had been a bad father,|but I wanted to make it better. And you screamed.|Yes, screamed: Bad father?!|You never were a father! Then you said you could|do without my help. Honest hate must be respected;|I respect it. But I couldn't care less if|you hate me. You hardly exist. If it wasn't for Karin,|who thank God is like her mother, you wouldn't exist at all for me. There's no hostility here, I swear. Give me the name and number|of the cello owner and I'll see. - Here you are.|- Thank you. - What's your answer?|- I'll let you know. Can I go? I'm leaving. - Can I just say one thing?|- Only if you must. That tale of an argument|fifty years ago in no excuse. Poor Anna. Will you hit me now? FIVE I hope I'm not interrupting. No, I've just finished.|I practice in the mornings. The organist is expecting:|I'm replacing her. - I thought you played the cello.|- I have an organ diploma. In my time,|it was smart to have one. There were a lot of churches|and few orchestras. What were you playing? A Bach sonata for a trio.|First movement. - It was beautiful.|- This is a unique organ from 1728. Nobody knows how it ended up here,|in the middle of nothing. A few weeks ago, Karin and I|played a concert here. It was almost full. - Will you be playing any more concerts?|- I don't have the time. Karin has to prepare her audition|and I have to finish my book. Yes, I'm writing a book about|Bach's Passion of St. John. I met Karin.|They say she's talented. She's considered exceptional,|and not only by her dad. - Are you her teacher?|- That's the way it's turned out. In the conservatory, she'll|have the best European teachers. - Won't it be difficult to let her go?|- Yes. You could say that. - Do you love her a lot?|- Yes. - I'm sorry.|- No, it's all right. - Karin is like Anna.|- She doesn't look like her. What's wrong? Whenever I mention Anna,|I cry. That's the way it is. I can't help it. She's been dead for two years and|it still hurts just the same. That's the way it is. Life itself has become a ritual. I don't know, I can't find|words to describe it. I've become a handicapped person. Just like that.|Handicapped. Karin is everything that|lends sense into my life. And so... It wouldn't have much|sense without her. I think a lot about|death these days. I think: One day I'll walk through|the forest to the river. A foggy, windless autumn day. Absolute silence. Then I see someone|by the gate. Coming towards me. She's|wearing a denim skirt... A blue jacket... She's barefoot and her hair|is tied up in a long pony tail. And she's walking towards me. Anna is walking towards me,|through the gate. And then I realize I'm dead. Then something strange happens. I think: "Is it this easy?" We spend life thinking about|death and what comes after. And then it's so easy. I can see a flickering light|in the music. Like Bach. - I think I understand.|- Come for dinner tonight. - We're good cooks.|- Thanks, I like that. I have to go now,|we've got a class. Karin gets angry|if I'm late. - See you soon.|- Wait, I don't think I can go. - I understand. The old man|would get mad... - No. - Why did you come here?|- I don't know. You're a lawyer, right?|Can I sue him? - Why would you want to do that?|- He's got a fortune and won't die. He's probably mummified|by his own evil. I asked him for an advance on my|inheritance, but he humiliated me. I'd love to sue him. Not while he's|mentally competent. - He's not ill in that sense.|- No, he's not ill. Are you here to ask for money|for a poor abandoned wife? Don't get angry.|Of course I ask myself. You haven't had|contact for decades. I'm not here to ask for money. Are you fucking? Do you hate him so much to|have to talk this way? Forgive me for desecrating this|place and ruining our chat. I hate him in all possible|dimensions of the word. I hate him so much, I would like to|see him die from a horrible illness. I'd visit him every day,|just to witness his torment. Maybe I'm just a pathetic|soul. Theoretically. I see surprise and displeasure|in your eyes. As a lawyer,|you should be used to... the stupidity and repulsiveness|in the world. Goodbye, Marianne. It was nice|of you to listen to me. Sometimes I think I'm insane.|I suffer all the time. SIX|AN OFFER - Karin!|- Hi, granddad. - Well... this is my study.|- I haven't been here for years. You and Anna would come sometimes,|when you were living at the lake house. - You used to smoke then.|- Yes, you're right. I stopped when I read|Freud's biography. - And even then he couldn't stop smoking.|- Bur are you all right? Unless you consider|aging an illness. - That's a beautiful picture of mom.|- I found it by chance. I had it blown up...|and there it is. I think of mom every day.|And dream of her at night. I thought the pain would subside.|But that's not happening. But it doesn't hurt like in the|beginning, now it's here. Like a part of me.|I wouldn't want to be without her. I can say I miss her,|painfully. We didn't see each other very often,|due to Henrik and I. Anna tried and tried. But Henrik and I never|managed... well, you know. - You wanted to speak to me?|- Yes, sit down. Last night, Mrs. Nilsson came|personally to deliver a letter. Meaning that dad shouldn't... That was all right. He's in Uppsala with his orchestra. I have here a letter that came a|few days ago, and it involves you. - Have you heard of Ivan Chablov?|- Director in St. Petersburg. He toured here recently with|the philharmonic. Fantastic! I've known him since my years in|Leningrad. This letter is from him. "Johan, my dear friend and brother". "Sorry for writing in my|poor English and German" "but my excellent secretary has just had twins". "It's very important that I|write you, my dear friend". "For the following reason:" "On a free night, I went to a|young musician's concert". "I must say I was|surprised and happy". "A young female cellist was playing... "a Zoltan Kodaly solo piece." "And I was surprised by that|young performer's talent." -"Her maturity, her skill|and courage". - Well, I'll be! "The school gave me her name..."" "and told me her father|was her teacher." "I got in touch with him,|but he rejected me curtly," "maybe arrogantly is a better word." "My dear Johan,|I know you're ..." her grandfather."" "And that's the reason why|I'm writing you." "The young lady's technique is|risky, somewhat lacking:"" "which could result in|a future catastrophe". "I'm a guest professor at|Helsinki's Sibelius Academy,"" "One of the best in Europe." "I have a good rapport|with the president." "And we could, after|the mandatory exam,"" "offer our young cellist|a quality education.. that her talent|obviously deserves." Let me know your answer as soon|as possible. My embrace, Ivan."" So, Karin, what do you say?|Maybe I should add... that I'll take care of all your|expenses as long as you need it. I've spoken to the cello seller:|I've made him a good offer. More than he was asking for. So if you want it, it's yours. Assuming, of course, that you|accept Chablov's kind offer. I don't know what to say.|It's overwhelming. I understand this letter puts|you in an awkward situation. - I'll write him and tell him|that you're... - Flattered. But that your decision|affects others. - Others?|- Your father, specifically. I need to rest.|Goodbye, Karin. Thanks for the chat. Marianne used to say that I was|a terrible character judge. That I didn't understand emotions.|But even I understand this: Your mother lived|in this world... to do the most unbearable chore. Darkness got even darker... and light faded away|when Anna died. It's hard for Henrik. To live.|Despite everything. You're like your mother. And I'm fond of you, Katja. - Goodbye, Karin.|- Goodbye, grandfather. SEVEN|ANNA'S LETTER - To Henrik from Anna?|- I found it in a book. May 18. Anna... wrote it one week|before dying. I'd like you to read it. I can't understand Anna's handwriting.|You'll have to read it to me. I'll try.|Here, have some whisky. Mom had found out a|few days before... that she didn't have|much time left. She wrote the letter because|Henrik had a cold... and wasn't allowed to visit her. It says: "The fact that you can't|visit me is, perhaps, a relief for both". "We understand each other well.|You open the door." "I make an effort.|You make an effort". "But I still see in your|eyes how sick I am". This is the difficult part. - She writes about dad and me.|- Is that painful? Yes. When you were with|her at the hospital, did you speak about|what she had written? - No, never.|- What did she write? "Dear Henrik, I have to tell you|something of which we've never spoken". "I've wanted to talk|to you about Karin". "But it was never necessary|because I was always there". "Then I got sick|and I was there no longer". "Of course I was there,|but you kept me apart". "You and I love each other.|I was sure about our love". "But no love is strong enough... to stand a devastating|effect like my illness". "I see that you love Karin, but that|you also tie her to you". "It's good that you were her|teacher, but there's a limit". "When I'm no longer there,|the limit will be unclear". "I know that Karin loves you". "But you mustn't use her love.|You'll hurt her". "That could be a permanent wound". "That's why I ask|you to let her go". "You shouldn't take|advantage of her kinship". "Don't take advantage of her because|you're her self-proclaimed teacher. "Dearest Henrik". "You're so sensitive,|so considerate, so kind". "I know it, without a doubt,|after so many years together". "But you must be careful|not to burden Karin... with the orphaned love that will remain|when I'm no longer there". There's more,|but I don't want to read any more. I can't.|It hurts so much! I can hear my mother's voice! Karin... Why did you reach out to me? - You're very involved.|- You could say that. - And you know about granddads|plans. - He told me. I don't expect advise,|I need to hear my voice aloud. I believe things will|clear up this way. Go ahead, speak. - Mom saw.|- Yes, I think so. And everything she warned|about has happened. - I can't accept grandfather's|offer. - Why not? If I leave Henrik, he'll die! If I leave him, he'll die...|I'm sure about it, Marianne... He doesn't even have|his orchestra anymore! He can go on with his music,|but the county is reorganizing... and dad will not be part of|the administration: he'll resign. I can't leave him.|I'm so tired of him sometimes! I know all the things|I can do in the future. But mom is dead, and Henrik|can't manage his own life. How do you think I'd feel with the|guilt if something happened to him? My future and Henrik's|are entwined for now. - At least you say "for now".|- Only for consolation. - I want you to know that I don't|feel the same as you. - I know. - Anna's love...|- That letter is love. Isn't it? I don't know. EIGH - Back already? - There wasn't|much to do in Uppsala. - Hi, dad.|- Hi, little Katja. What score is that? Bach's suites for cello!|You're mad! Listen, Anderberg suggested|that you and I... play a concert in November. - It's very hard for me.|- We'll play together. - What do you mean together?|- Like a dialogue, facing each other. You'll play the parts you can handle|and I'll play the difficult ones. Especially the prelude.|It'll be great! - Which parts can I play?|- The Sarabandes, for example. - It takes a lifetime to tame them.|- We have three months. - And my audition?|- It's almost ready. And students get permission|to play concerts. I've spoken to Brtz. It'll be good for the both of us,|now that I don't have the orchestra. I won't even be the first|violin any longer. - Dad! You must be furious!|- Perhaps. But now I'll have|more time for you. - I can help you better.|- Yes, of course. That doesn't sound|very encouraging. Hello, Katja, darling. I have a feeling an|argument is coming. - What's wrong, Katja?|- I don't know. That is, I think I know,|but I don't know how to... I know you've talked|to your grandfather. - And with the bitch, I mean Marianne.|- Yes. - I see. You did it beautifully.|- I must decide. - I thought you had already done that.|- No, you did it. Really? I mean,|is that what you've been thinking? Dad...|I haven't bothered to think. I thought, "Dad knows|what's best for me". Perhaps you've already made|up your mind, haven't you? Will you accept your|grandfather's offer? - Have you read this?|- I have. - You read the letter that mom|wrote me? - It speaks about me. But it was for me!|And you read it. Just like that. Do you think that's all right|because it speaks about you? If you're going to get so upset,|it's no use talking about it. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. - I said I'm sorry, damn it!|- Why do you say you're sorry?! Shall we get to work?|Or is there something else? Dad... It'll be painful. For you or for me? It may sound stupid,|but your tone frightens me. I've made up my mind. For the first|time in my life it's my decision. - But are you sad?|- Yes, I'm sad. If you had told me you|had that letter from mom... If you had let me read it,|maybe we could have... You never told me...|You should have... - Well, that's the way it is.|- How? Next week, I'm going|to Hamburg with Emma. She and I will be going to a school|for young orchestra musicians. Claudio Abbado will come in|October and we'll go to Munich. It's for young people from all over Europe.|You can't be older than 22. Abbado will work with us for six weeks|and we'll play four concerts. Emma recorded a video. She sent it|to the admission committee, as a joke... We played Brahms. Emma and I|got a letter... which says the school accepts us. That we're welcome. And that... That's exactly|what I want to do. And it's exactly what|I've decided to do. And the conservatory? - How long is the Hamburg course?|- Two years. Then there's a paid internship in|an Austrian or German orchestra Three years. - How will you pay for it?|- I have my inheritance. - You've been thinking a lot.|- I told Emma it was useless. That you had already decided. God... Oh God... But dad, I don't want to...|I don't consider myself a soloist. I want to play in an orchestra,|be part of a team effort. Not sit down in a stage,|alone and exposed. I don't want strangers to say|that I'm not good enough. I want to decide my own future.|I want a simple life I want to be... home.|To live a normal life. Not a poor substitute for mom... who gets your praise|for something I'm not. It has to end. And now it's ended. At least,|give it the perfect ending. What are you talking about? Wouldn't you like to|play the fifth Sarabande? - Right now?|- Yes, please. NINE|CRUCIAL MOMEN He's here. Thank you. - Can I ask who it was?|- From the hospital. Henrik tried to commit suicide.|With pills. Then he cut his arms|and neck with a knife. He's in intensive care. Call this number and|ask for nurse Ingegerd. - God. - They found him|at the last moment. A certain Mrs. Berg|was walking by the house... - and saw a naked person|on the floor. - God. The door was unlocked. She tried to wake him up,|but he was unconscious. And bleeding. The ambulance|took 20 minutes. - My God. I should call Karin,|but she's on her way to Hamburg. Henrik systematically fails at everything.|He can't even kill himself. - Say something, for God's sake.|- You want me to answer that? - Whatever. Say something spontaneous|for once. - You can't. Sometimes you act like|a forgotten character... in some stupid old movie. - You're not real.|- You don't say. - Right now... no, let's leave it.|- No, go on. Where did you gather|all this disdain? I didn't remember you like this. - Disdain?|- Yes! I don't know. Any disdain|I have is for myself. I don't know.|I never thought of it this way. - And the poor boy?|- Boy? Ah, Henrik. Maybe he realized|he was a lot like me. I was never like him. So ridiculous|all the time. Obese and submissive. He surrounded me with a sticky love.|I admit I ignored that love. He was as dedicated as a dog.|I wanted to kick him, metaphorically. - What will happen now?|- How will this affect Karin? - She'll blame herself.|- She should have thought about it. - Do you think she'll return home?|- I don't know. - You'll speak to her, won't you?|- If we find her. I'll hire you as my agent.|How much do you charge? Money is no problem. As long as you put her|guilt in a safe. What if she comes?|She loves that bastard. - That would be disastrous!|- Yes, I believe so. What can I say? I was so close to Anna. It was terrible when she left.|For me also. Even though I was on the|outskirts of the catastrophe. It's incomprehensible that Henrik... had the privilege|of loving Anna. And that she loved him. - You're smiling ironically.|- No. I'm not smiling.|I'm trying not to cry. There's no reason for you to cry. There is, but I won't|give any explanations. TEN|THE HOUR BEFORE THE DAWN Marianne. Marianne!|Sorry to wake you up. It's all right.|I'll go back to sleep. - What's wrong? Johan?|- I don't know. - I think it's anguish.|- Anguish? What do you mean? - I see! You're sad!|- I'm not sad... It's worse. It's an anguish|from hell. It's bigger than me. It's trying to make way through|every orifice in my body; my eyes, my ass. It's like a huge|mental diarrhea! I'm too small for this anxiety. Are you afraid of death, Johan? More than anything,|I'd like to scream. What can you do with a baby|that won't be comforted? - Come, lay by my side.|- There's no room. - We've slept in smaller beds.|- We won't be able to sleep. It doesn't matter. Not in|the last days of our lives. I have to take off my shirt.|It's damp from my diarrhea. Come on. You take it off too. Yes Come on, Johan.|Come here. There... lie down. - Good night, Marianne.|- Good night. Could you explain why|you turned up here? - I thought you were calling me.|- I never called anyone. - I had it in my head.|- How strange. I understand your not understanding. - How long will you stay?|- I have a case on the 27th. - November?|- October. - Good night, again.|- Good night. Perhaps you're asking|yourself how it came out. I stayed with Johan|until early October. Our time together|was relaxingly pleasant. We almost never talked about|sensitive subjects. The last night we celebrated. Nothing out of this world,|but good enough. We promised to remain in touch. I think we even fantasized|about a trip to Florence... the next spring. That trip never|happened, of course. But we used to speak on|the phone on Sundays. Then, one day Mrs. Nilsson|answered the phone. She said that Johan|couldn't take any calls, but that he would write. I asked if he was all right;|she said yes, as far as she could tell. That he was just tired and|that he would be writing. I never got a letter, of course. I wrote him, but never got an answer. That's all I know. Things are always all|right with me. In order. Everything in its place. Maybe I'm a|bit lonely, but I don't know. Sometimes... I think of Anna. I wonder how she|managed her life. How she spoke... How she moved... Her look... That almost surreal smile. Anna's feelings. Anna's love. Well... Something happened to me that|perhaps is related to this. When I came back, I visited|my daughter Martha at the sanatorium. But I thought about|the enigma... that for the first|time in our lives... I realized...|I felt... that I was touching my daughter. My baby. |
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