Alouette,
gentile Alouette,
Alouette,
je te plumerai
Je te plumerai le chien
...woof, woof!
Working out, work, work
Work cochon. work work!
Oh hh!
Alouette, gentile Alouette
Alouette, je te plumerai
All things bright
and beautiful
All creatures
great and small
All things
wise and wonderful
the Lord God made them all
Grant us. Lord.
the wisdom and the grace
to use aright the time
that is left to us
here on earth.
Lead us to repent
of our sins.
the evil we have done,
and the good we have not done,
and strengthen us to follow
the steps of your son
in the way that leads
to the fullness of eternal life
through Jesus Christ
our Lord.
Amen.
Bastard.
Still owes me
for a lobster.
It's like
that David Bowie film.
The Man Who Fell to Earth.
No, it's not.
Trevethan jumped out of a plane
without a parachute.
In the film. David Bowie
was an alien.
Is an alien.
Oh, don't start
with that bollocks.
There are many people
in showbiz
who are from off world.
Have you ever looked
into David Bowie's eyes?
Well,
by that same token,
you could say that Charlie
was an alien.
Exactly.
Charlie, more wine?
Thanks, Grace.
House looks lovely.
Oh, thank you.
Morris?
Yes, thank you.
Thank you, Grace, yes.
Thank you, Grace.
Tongue.
There's sausage rolls
in the kitchen.
Thank you.
Wash your hands.
Okay.
Grace, who you
looking for?
Um oh, Matthew,
there you are.
Would you check
the humidifier in the greenhouse?
I completely forgot.
It's done. I did it yesterday
when you asked me.
Don't know what
I'd do without him.
What kind of injuries
would someone have
if they fell
from that height?
Very bad ones.
Why did he do it?
We don't really know.
Perhaps he thought he was
going to the bathroom,
and he picked
the wrong door?
Yes, very likely.
Would you excuse me?
I'm gonna get you!
No, you're not.
Matt...
have you got any?
No.
There's none about.
Matthew...?
All right, come on.
Thank you.
She's not here,
Grace.
Who's not here?
She left just after
the service.
Did you talk to her?
No.
Do you think
she'll leave?
She loves it here.
Diana seems to think it was
some sort of accident,
that he was just looking
for the lavatory.
I imagine he went
on the way down.
This the last of it?
Enjoy.
It's gonna be a long.
cold winter.
All right,
Alfred?
Ah, hello,
Dr. Bamford.
Hi, Matthew.
I wonder if you could
do me a favor, Doctor?
My ear needs to be
looked at again.
It's still...
still giving a chirp.
Is it all right I p
into the surgery tomorrow?
Okay.
Well, I'd better
be off.
There's reports of salmon
poachers out on the estuary.
You all right?
You have no idea.
My mum wanted to get one
of those dishwashers.
My dad said, No,
she's already got one.
Him.
If there's anything I can do,
Grace around the house.
Yes, well, everyone's
been very kind, but...
but really... I'm fine.
Here, look, I'll do that
No, it's
Harvey!
I'm fine.
Right O
Good morning,
Matthew.
Hiya.
Hello, Joyce.
Good morning, Grace.
Good morning. Tom.
Hello, Grace.
Hello, ladies.
Morning, Grace.
I'd like a packet
of paracetamol,
and I'd like to settle
my account.
Oh, no.
We've... lost our accounts.
Why don't you pay us
next month?
Lost the accounts?
It's very mysterious.
Well. I'll just take
the paracetamol.
Here's some.
How much is that?
Oh, five pence.
Special offer.
Thank you.
Right.
Thank you.
Bye bye now.
Bye bye.
I can extend
the overdraft a bit.
And maybe you can
find out if there's
a life insurance policy?
Investments?
I don't understand.
This must be a mistake.
Your late husband
used the house
as an asset
to raise capital.
As you have no children,
you'll inherit the estate,
but you'll also inherit
the mortgage.
Well, that's fine.
The house is 300 years old.
The mortgage must be
paid off by now.
You don't
understand.
He used the house
as collateral
for loans to finance
business deals,
none of which
actually took off.
Well, what about
the money he left me?
There isn't any.
And... then there are
the mortgage payments.
How much are they?
L2.000 a month.
I'll be up
your flue in a minute or two,
'cause I know where
to find it.
Hey, how are
you doing?
Matthew...
I've got some bad news.
I'm afraid.
I know.
Have you tried plant food?
Tried everything.
They're dying on purpose.
I even talk to them.
What do you say?
Would you mind not dying?
You really are
a crap gardener, Matthew.
What do I know about plants?
I'm from Glasgow.
I hate this.
I really hate this.
Well. somebody
else do it.
We're sea pele.
He's not.
He's a doctor.
I don't have
a fabulous track record
when it comes
to keeping things alive.
It's like the signs.
What signs?
Armageddon
Final conflict.
A man falls from the sky,
You lose your job,
and all the plants are dying.
I meant to do that.
Do you have
a stock portfollo, perhaps?
What's that?
I don't know.
I just thought
you might have one.
Well. No, there's
nothing like that.
It's just bills
and letters of credit.
I don't understand this.
There are accounts here
for companies I've never
even heard of.
We've got a Swiss
bank account.
There's nothing in it,
but we do have one.
Hmm...
I'm sure
there's something...
tucked away... somewhere.
Yeah. well. that's
what I thought, Gerald.
but, no.
There's not.
There's nothing.
What in God's name
am I going to do?
You all right?
You look peaked.
Fine. I'm...
just a bit hung over.
Did we drink that much?
I can't remember.
Uhh...
God. you're really ill.
You never get hangovers.
I'll be fine
once I get on the boat.
I don't think you
should go to work.
I think you should
see the doctor.
I can't see anyone
without an appointment.
Tea?
Yes. please.
Hey, what are you doing?
Get off of there!
Given your recent troubles.
we rather thought
you'd want to cancel.
It's only a tea party.
We could have it anywhere.
But we always
have it here.
It's tradition.
I've been working
on a new hybrid
Phalansis pathedilum.
It's beautiful.
All right, ladies.
back to business.
Do we invite Dr. Bamford.
given his disgraceful
display last year?
No!
Come on. sir,
off the mower!
What's going on?
Afternoon. Mrs. Trevethan.
Hello, Bob, Terry.
How's your mum's hip?
Oh. much better,
thanks.
They want to take
the lawn mower.
Well. it's not us.
It's the finance company.
There haven't been
any payments.
Well. you better
take it, then.
I'm really sorry.
Matthew.
Matthew, you don't
have to do this.
It's allright.
You've paid me
to the end of the week.
I don't believe he even lied
about the lawn mower.
He lied
about everything.
Couldn't you
get a job?
What could I do?
Well.
you could...
You want a cup of tea
or something?
No, thank you.
Matthew... I'm really
sorry about your job.
Oh. that's
all right.
You're gonna have
to get a goat.
If there's anything
else I can do?
Actually, I was hing
you would say that.
Why?
Grace, you are the best
gardener in the world.
I've got some plants
that are really sick.
They desperately need help.
Well. where are they?
What?
Ah hhgh!
Shh.
Why are you
whispering?
I don't want to wake up
any squirrels. Just through here.
In here.
Are these
Gerald's plants?
No, no.
They're mine.
I think I may have
overwatered them.
I'm not stupid.
Matthew.
I know what this is.
What is it?
Hemp.
Is it?
Aye, it's hemp.
Well. they're not
getting enough light.
They're never going
to grow in the dark.
I didn't really want
anybody to see them.
Well. you wouldn't,
would you?
No.
Now, if you want
these poor things to grow,
they need some decent soil
and some better light,
Okay, thanks.
Come on. then...
Let's take one back
to the greenhouse,
see what we can do.
You may not
want to do that.
I'm a gardener.
These are sick plants.
All right.
Come on!
Quick, quick!
Where have you been?
It's brilliant, Nicky.
I've saved the plants.
How?
I called in an expert.
Who?
The best gardener
in the world.
Grace.
Grace?
Yeah. It's fantastic.
She's doing it
as compensation for
having to lay me off.
Isn't that nice?
I don't know.
What do you mean.
you don't know?
Hasn't she got enough problems
without getting into drugs?
What are you talking
about, drugs ??
Matthew, you know
what I'm talking about.
It's still illegal.
She's very vulnerable
just now.
He you're not
taking advantage of her.
I'm doing this for us!
Is this your way
of saying thanks?
No.
I've got
a much better way.
Congratulations.
Mr. Stewart.
You are tonight's
lucky Scotsman.
Well. I either am
or I'm not.
No, no, you definitely
are pregnant indeed.
Is that a good thing?
Yes.
Yeah.
it's brilllant.
Any idea
who the father is?
I think Iknow.
I looked at the test slldes.
Some of the chromosomes
had littlekilts on them.
Very funny.
I do have
some bad news. though.
What?
There's a slight risk
of ginger hair.
Piss off.
How are
all our plants doing?
Oh. um...
He's called in
an expert.
Oh. Sounds good.
Look, don't mention
the baby yet, okay?
I just want
to tell him
when the time
is right.
What baby?
Have a sweetie.
Will she live,
Doctor?
I think so.
Where did these seeds
come from?
Guy in a pub
in Bodmin.
No.
I mean.
what kind are they?
Oh. They're indica
sativa hybrids.
Purple haze with early pearl
crossed with ruderalls.
Yes. well. anyway,
they're designed to grow
in a very sunny climate.
If you say so.
Is it the bud
the bit you're after?
Yeah.
Look.
What is it?
That's the start
of a new bud.
You did that
in 24 hours?
You're a witch.
Oh. it's not me, really.
It's just a question
of having enough light.
No light, no buds.
Simple.
Yes?
Hello. Is it all right
if I park there?
Yes.
Dogs?
Dogs?
Dogs.
Do you have dogs?
Postmen and surveyors.
irresistible to our canine friends.
No, there's no dogs.
Good o.
Oh. yes. yes. yes.
Fabulous home.
Can I help you?
No, no. I'm fine on me own.
Tea's always nice.
I'm sorry, I don'tknow
why you're here.
I think you've come
to the wrong house.
Oh. I'm sorry.
NigeI Plimpton.
Trevethan?
Liac house?
Evaluation for Ramptons
Re debts Outstanding?
It's standard procedure before
a house is put up for auction.
But the house
isn't up for auction.
Ah...
Well. I'm afraid
it will be.
U h. here, look.
Pele in... your position
often st ening
their mail.
so I'm the first real proof
it's all happening.
I think I'd like you
to leave, please.
Well. I'm sorry.
I can't.
I really must
do this.
I'd like you
to leave as well.
Call the office
to reschedule.
Thank you.
Ramptons is an enormous
investment trust.
John's syndicate
took a huge tumble.
I had no idea
he had business interests
in the city.
Yes. but how much
do I owe them?
If you don't pay
the money owing.
they can claim
any or all
of your assets.
And this. of course,
would include
the house.
How much
do I owe them. Melvyn?
300.000.
Approximately.
Bastard.
Matthew?
Yeah?
You know that plant
I'm looking after for you?
U h huh.
How much
is it worth?
Oh. it hasn't died.
has it?
No, no, no.
It's thriving.
I just, um...
wondered how much
you'd get for it.
Ounce for ounce,
the really good stuff's
worth more than gold.
Greenhouse.
Now!
Okay.
Here's what I think.
We take cuttings
from the mother plant,
root the cuttings and grow them
under lights. hydronically,
go straight to budding.
We could have the first
harvest in a matter of weeks.
I could clear what you need
in the first run. probably more.
Could do it
in the time you've got.
You haven't given it
any thought, then?
You can't tell anybody.
All things bright
and beautiful
All creatures
great and small...
It's just started.
We've got at least
an hour.
...the Lord God
made them all...
Sorry.
Oh. do be reasonable.
That piece
is worth that alone.
I'm being very fair,
Mrs. T.
Very good price
I'm giving you.
Well.
it's daylight robbery.
What else have you got?
Come up and see me
make me smile
I'll do what you want
running wild...
There's nothing left
all gone and run away
Maybe you'll tarry
for a while...
Is it this
blue one, Jack?
That's right.
It's just a test
a game for us to play...
Hi. Grace.
Hello, Nicky.
I haven't seen you
for days.
You okay?
Yes. Busy.
What are you doing?
Building a fence,
keep out the rabbits.
With electrical wire?
It's electric fence.
Okay. Is Matt
up at the house?
It's just I've got to
see him about something.
No, he's out.
He's...
looking for a transformer...
for the electric fence.
If you do see him.
will you tell him
that I'll meet him
in the pub at 7:00?
Yeah. righty o.
Bye bye.
Bye.
Good book, is it?
Oh. Jackie Colllns.
I'm reading a kafka
at the moment.
Not very funny.
Except the one
about that bloke
that turns into a beetle.
That's a bit wacky.
Wouldn't get anybody
turning into a beetle
in a Jackie Colllns.
Might get someone
sleeping with a beetle.
He wrapped her up
in his stick like arms.
all six of them.
tapping her sensuously
on the head
with his wiggly woggly
aerials.
That's it.
If he comes in now,
tell him I left in a huff.
All right, love.
' N ight.
Probably lying on your couch
at home asleep.
Yeah.
you're right.
Sorry.
It gives me
great pleasure
to ask Dame Reggae Spllff
of Port Llac
to switch on this year's
illumination.
Thank you.
thank you. thank you.
When I die
and they lay me to rest
gonna go to the place
that's the best
When they
lay me down to die
Goin' up to the spirit
in the sky
Spirit in the sky...
That's where I'm gonna go
when I die
Where are you?
Here we are.
Good thing.
Keep your eyes
shut.
...gonna go to the place
that's the best
It were up at the 'ouse.
I swear it.
I told you.
That's a lot
of llght.
Let's call
the pollce.
And the R.A. F.
They'll wanna be included.
Let's not.
Let's just go
back into the pub.
There's something I want
to discuss with you two.
Are you out
of your fucking mind?
We've gotta get
to the house, to save Grace!
Yeah. Iknow what's
causing the llghts.
J ust come back
into the pub.
I s it gonna blow?
No, I don't think so.
That's it.
Well. how do youknow?
I've seen it before
in Amsterdam.
years ago when I was
on a medicaI study
studying
something medical.
So that's
their plan. then?
Well. from what Matt's
been saying.
and putting two and two
together, I reckon so, yeah.
Kind of warms the heart,
Grace carrying on the locaI tradition
of complete and utter
contempt for the law.
Makes you proud.
Did you try
that stuff, Doctor?
Once at university.
Didn't inhale.
Evening.
Drinking after hours.
Charlle?
Oh. private party,
Sergeant.
Lagavulln?
Just a small one.
Any of you noticed those llghts
out towards Llac house?
No.
Any luck with
those poachers?
Oh. I'll get them.
Just a matter of time.
Crime never pays.
Certainly.
Yeah.
Where have you been?
Nowhere.
What you been up to?
Nothing.
Well. I'm glad
we got that cleared up.
I was working up at the house.
I lost track of time.
I'm sorry.
I waited for ages
in the pub.
Didn't Grace tell you?
She did.
I was really, really busy.
I'm really,
really sorry.
Look, I've got
something to tell you.
I've got something
to tell you too. Sit down.
Let me tell you first.
Mine's really quite good.
So's mine.
All right,
you go first.
No, you go first.
All right.
I'm moving the plants
up to Llac house.
We're gonna grow them
up there really quickly.
There's this speciaI way
of growing called hydronics.
Youknow how Grace is
a really good gardener?
It's gonna get us out
of all our money problems.
U s??
Well. me and Grace.
It's simple, it's perfect.
We sell it!
And anything we make over
what she needs. we spllt 5050.
Look, it's extreme,
but it's smart.
I don't want to leave
here to get work,
and this way,
I get to stay.
U ntiI you go to jail.
I'm not going to jail.
Matthew, smoking weed
is one thing.
Large scale cultivation
is another.
I'm surprised at Grace.
It's really stupid.
No, it's not really stupid.
It's really smart.
I think it'd be different
if it was your idea.
Yeah. you're right.
When you're being chased
around your prison cell
by a 16 stone bank robber
with a stiffy,
I'll be here thinking.
Why couldn't it have been me?
Why couldn't I have had
that brilllant idea?
you've been bleating on
about how unhappy you are
about losing your job,
and what's your solution?
Crime.
You get in deeper,
and you drag Grace down
with you.
Matthew, you are
such an idiot!
What's your news. then?
Doesn't matter.
Hello?
Hello, Mrs. Trevethan?
It's Quentin Rhodes here,
from Ramptons.
It's about our surveyor.
He's rather upset.
Velly solly.
Long rumbah.
Get both of those.
So, she sort of goes
through there, you see?
All right.
Mrs. Trevethan.
Hello.
Have you met
my friend. Tony?
Hello.
My name is Tony.
I'm from Scandinavia.
Oh...
congratulations.
Tony, could you go
and get one of those
giant bags
ofkitty lltter?
He doesn't talk much.
H mm. does he have to?
Grace...
have you read
any of my letters?
I'm sorry, no...
but I'm working
on a llttle plan.
I mean. it's a bit soon
to talk about it just now,
but see, I don't
want to jinx it.
Grace, I can't do any more
to hold them off.
It's gone up to head office,
and they don'tknow you.
All they see is
a middle aged woman
with huge debts
and no income.
What are you
going to do?
I'm becoming
a drugs dealer.
Grace...
I'm serious.
Thank you.
Tony.
You will phone me,
won't you?
Yes. Righty o.
Come on. Tony.
Honey Chambers?
London. S.W. 3?
He had me
post his letters.
I never got any.
Would you like
a drink?
Do you have any children?
No. I'm not very maternal.
I'm afraid.
I couldn't have any.
No. Iknow.
Gosh.
youknow a lot.
Can I ask you
another question?
If you want.
How did you ce
with sex?
Sex?
Sex.
What a nightmare.
It was exhausting!
Oh. God. it was
so frustrating!
Talk about flogging
a dead horse!
No?
Not really.
What did you do, then?
Well. I don't think we should
really be talking about it.
No, please.
I'd like toknow.
I...
I ce cream.
What? Pardon?
I ce cream.
I sucked it from
his fingertips.
It drove him wild.
I had to pretend to pass out
to get any rest at all.
He was insatiable.
I think he thought
you weren't interested.
He was wrong.
It's a beautiful
house.
Yes.
I think I'd like you
to leave, now.
He did love you.
And don't
patronize me.
Look, if you ever
want to talk
Yeah.
Iknow the address.
Matthew?
Mm hmm?
Will you give me one?
What?
I want toknow
what it feels like.
Please?
Grace, um...
If I'm growing it
and selllng it,
I shouldknow
the effect it has.
Oh. Yeah.
Of course you should.
No, not here!
Come on. let's get it
over and done with.
Calm down.
There's no one about. Relax.
I can't feel anything.
Hey, hey, hey.
Slow down.
I s this addictive?
It's not crack.
Are you sure
this works?
Oh. yes.
What?
Nothing.
Yeah. What?
What?
Matthew, it's you.
You're Scottish.
Yeah? Thank you.
God. I love it here.
You feellng any better?
Still feellng
a llttle bit dizzy.
You hungry?
Oh. God. yes.
I hadn't thought of that.
I'm ravenous!
Yes. I float so free...
None too mystically
You're a cat,
I'm a bird
So catch me
while you can...
What made you
decide to do this?
S.W. 3.
Mrs. Trevethan. please
don't put the phone down
...please don't put
the phone down.
Problem?
Thanks. kelly. I've been
trying to get through
to this Trevethan woman
for most of my llfe.
Phone, letters...
What is that woman
doing down there?
I don'tknow what's wrong.
She's been really moody recently.
Maybe she just
doesn't approve.
Desperate times call
for desperate measures.
The only other tion
was going back to Glasgow.
She didn't want that, either.
Neither did I.
My uncle Willle's got
a building site there.
Yeah?
What's he build?
U h. houses.
Down there.
What? Okay.
I play a good game
but not as good as you
I can be a llttle cold.
but you can be so cruel...
Five... four...
three...
two... one...
Now the damage is done
Well. there's blood
in these veins
and I cry when in pain
I'm only human on the inside
And if looks could deceive
Make it hard to belleve
I'm only human
on the inside
I thought you'd come through
I thought you'd come clean
You were the best thing
I should never have seen
But you go to extremes
You push me too far
Then youkeep going
till you break my heart
Yeah. you break my heart
See, I bleed and I bruise
Oh. but what's it to you?
I'm only human...
Ahoy!
Hey.
What do you want?
I brought lunch.
Cornish pasties.
I'mkidding.
Fish.
You brought me fish?
Well. I thought
it'd be a nice change.
What are you
doing here?
You never come
on the boat.
I was beginning to wonder
what you looked like.
I was always going to bed
when you get up.
It's the tides.
It's not the tides.
I really don't like
what you're doing.
Iknow.
I don't want to be
in a relationship
with someone
who's irresponsible.
Yes. you do. I've been
irresponsible my whole llfe.
Well. it's time
you changed.
Why?
You're getting old.
Fuck getting old!
These are laugh llnes!
Nothing's that funny.
I don't understand. I thought
you liked me the way I am.
I do.
But things change, and you have
to change with them.
Fish and chips.
Fantastic.
Great.
Wait a few minutes...
till Funboy Buxton will
be here with more wacky fun
with the afternoon crew,
but first, it's 12: 00.
time for the news headllnes.
Pollce are celebrating
a major victory
in the war on drugs today.
Two men and one woman
were found guilty
at BristoI Crown Court
after pollce
discovered marijuana
with an estimated street value
of half a milllon pounds
hidden in a barn
on their family farm.
Sentencing them
to 15 year jaiI sentences.
the judge
Hello.
Yeah.
You all right?
Fine.
No, I just wondered.
youknow,
when you didn't come
into the pub last night.
I'm not drinking
at the moment.
Are you angry with me?
No.
I'm angry at Matthew.
It's his fault.
It was my decision
to do it.
I'm trying to save
my house.
Everybodyknows
what you're doing.
Pretty soon you'll have
the pollce up there.
They'll never
find out.
Grace, your greenhouse
llghts up like a spaceship.
Pele aren't stupid.
We're nearly done now.
He could be in jaiI tomorrow.
Why aren't you drinking?
I just don't feel like it.
He doesn'tknow,
does he?
How can I help?
Don't let him
go to jail.
Our mutant buds
will soon be ready,
Great One.
We can release them
into the atmosphere
and take over
the entire planet!
Do you reallze
what we've done here?
This is fabulous!
It's time for me to go
to London. get a dealer.
Oh. no you're not.
You're staying here.
I'm going.
What?
That's my decision.
Grace, I don't think
you reallze
what you're
deallng with here.
The last time you were
in London was five years ago
for the Chelsea
flower show.
You can't sell this stuff
through a florist.
What's your master plan. then?
Well. I was gonna go up
Portobello Road. or Notting H ill
or something like that,
find a dealer, and sell it.
Yeah.
Rubbish!
It's better than what
you've got, which is nothing!
You have to blend in.
Grace.
A drug dealer
will take one look at you
andknow there was
something fishy going on.
With the greatest respect,
I'm the hip one.
You're a wee bit more
hip replacement.
One more word out of you.
and I'm gonna throw
the whole lot into the sea.
I don't think you're
thinking this through!
I mean it.
You are not the boss of me!
We're partners!
The checks bounced.
remember?
Women like cuddly toys.
don't they?
They like to hug them
and squeeze them.
and poke their eyes out,
and rip their
fucking llmbs off.
I avoid confrontation.
Iknow it.
But if you grew up
in Glasgow in the 1970s.
you'd avoid it, too.
I want an easy llfe.
I want to grow
some vegetables.
smoke some reefer,
sing some carols at Christmas.
and whoknows?
One day I'd like to be a dad
and raise a couple of calm
fucking children.
but that's it.
I've fucking had enough.
I'm going.
No more Mr. Cuddly toy.
I'm not hanging around to be
a whipping boy for Ganja Grace
and Captain N icky,
the fucking lobster queen!
I'm fuckin' gone,
I'm gone, I'm gone.
I'm fucking out of here.
But see, before I go,
I'm gonna see
both of these women
and give them both
a piece of my mind.
Are you done?
Good shot.
Moron!
Can I show you
something privately?
It's ever so nice.
Come on.
let's go.
I don'tknow who you are.
I'm not interested.
Come on.
Come here.
I've got something
really tasty.
Are you looking
for something?
Know what I mean?
All right, love.
H in.
Hello.
Excuse me?
Excuse me.
Yo. Yo.
Nah.
I love it here.
It's so quiet.
If you think this is quiet,
you should see Evensong.
I wish I were
a Cathollc sometimes.
I ncense,
nice costumes...
A lot to be said
for it, really.
They have confession. too.
I've got some friends...
and I think they're going
to get into a lot of trouble,
and I don'tknow
what to do.
Don't suppose you
can go to the pollce?
Thought not.
If you have
to commit a crime...
to get what you want,
then you're not
meant to have it.
I don'tknow
if I'm worried
more for them.
or worried for myself.
If one has a problem
that seems
to be unsolvable...
then perhaps one shouldn't
try to solve it.
One should accept it.
What do you mean?
God grant me
the serenity
to accept the things
I cannot change,
the courage to change
the things I can.
and the wisdom toknow
the difference.
The wisdom's
the hard part.
Mmm...
I like Matthew.
He's a good soul...
for a Scotsman.
What on earth did you
think you were doing?
You can't just go hanging
around nasty pubs like that.
You're bound to get
into trouble.
Look, if you're trying
to meet a man.
Iknow some
much better places.
I wasn't trying
to meet a man.
Keep walking.
Get out of here!
You'll get arrested!
I need to talk.
Have you seen N icky?
No. Where the hell
have you been?
Grace had to get Harvey
to watch the plants.
What?
I took her to the station
this morning.
She's gone to London.
Oh. fuck!
Where are we going?
S.W. 3.
Why don't you get your young
Scottish friend to help?
Surely he'd have a better idea
how to go about it?
No, his girlfriend's
pregnant.
He can't get into trouble.
I just want you to ring
a dealer, that's all.
No.
Grace, it's mad.
You'll end up in jail.
I'm not going
to give up.
Call a dealer.
How do youknow
that Iknow one?
On one condition
that you let me lend you
an outfit that's...
not that.
Kelly.
Sir?
Get me the times of trains
to Cornwall tomorrow.
Yes. sir.
Draw... spllff...
Puff...
Shit...
Yes. thank you.
Call it what
you will.
but it's my bellef
it is the door
to enllghtenment.
I n your own time?
And now,
the acid test.
Jesus!
I'll give you
Don't be silly!
No,
that's just a sample.
I've got 20kilos.
No, no, no, no, no.
You've got the wrong man.
I mean.
I run a llmited eration.
You're talking...
You're talking big leagues.
Well. you just
got promoted.
I don't have
thatkind of money.
Well. do youknow
anybody who does?
Well...
I've heard of someone.
Call him.
He's a bit heavy.
He's not like us.
He's not...
laid back.
Call him.
Come on. Honey!
There she is.
No, wait, wait!
You don'tknow who the guy is
I don't care who he is.
He may be a drug dealer!
You can't wander into that!
You've gotten
so bossy!
You're so insensitive!
That could be dangerous!
They're getting
away now!
Well. follow them.
you dozy quack!
J ust like a window display
at Harvey N ick's.
There's a rave tonight.
We hold them here.
What's a rave?
Grace!
Ah. merde!
What have you
brought me, China?
Two ladies.
and the fucking hippie.
What do they want?
Touche!
Sur la tete!
You like to fish?
Yes. Where I llve,
the fishing's wonderful.
I hate it here.
The fishing is terrible.
I should visit you.
Where do you llve?
What's your name?
Grace.
Perfect.
Hello?
Cooey.
Grace?
Funny smell.
Who's that?
Oh!
Harvey!
Where's Grace?
We've come to finallze
the details
of the women's institute visit.
Grace invited us to supper.
It was arranged
ages ago.
You got to get out.
No. We have to speak
to Grace.
No, you have
to leave.
It's the plants.
you see.
They're very dellcate.
They're speciaI orchids
from Peru.
Oh. these aren't orchids.
Aren't they?
No.
They look more
like tea.
Tea?
Mmm.
Tea.
What a good idea.
Let's... let's go
in thekitchen.
and I'll make you
a lovely cup of tea.
Well. I was
expecting supper.
There's some ham left out.
I canknock you up
a sandwich.
And what is
that funny smell?
Well. it's probably the ham.
It's been left out a bit,
but it'll be all right.
Mmm.
Where did you get it?
The pele I represent
wish to remain anonymous.
Ah. yes.
The pele I represent wish
to remain anonymous as well.
Maybe they are
the same pele, huh?
Can I go now?
I've got to pick me daughter up
from flute practice.
How much do you have?
A lot.
Are you buying?
Why don't I just take it?
You don'tknow
where it is.
Ah. yeah.
I'm sure I can
get you to tell me.
What if I cut off
your fingers
one by one...
untiI you change
your mind?
Ohh...
All right! Nobody move!
I'm the pollce!
The whole place
is surrounded!
And you would be?
Hello, everyone.
Martin Bamford.
Are we too early for the rave?
I can't wait.
I just love... raving.
This has nothing to do with me.
Shut up, beardy weirdy.
Who's this guy?
That's my doctor.
This one?
My gardener.
Oh. nice.
Are we expecting
anyone else?
No.
Your cleaning lady,
perhaps?
No, no, no.
No one else.
Very well.
This is China.
He beats pele up for me.
Shall I?
No, no! Please!
Matthew, take Dr. Bamford
and Honey
and wait for me outside.
Please.
Please?
Excuse me.
Grace?
J ust wait for me
outside.
Shall I go, too?
No.
Sit down. please.
All the pele
I deaI with are scum.
I'm a llttle scummy myself.
You're not scum.
That worries me.
I take exception to that.
I come from
a long llne of scum.
My dear late husband was
one of the scummiest men
to walk the face
of this earth.
My apologies.
Yes. let's get to it,
shall we?
Three and a half akilo.
in the first week,
and then 1 Okilos
two weeks later.
After that
we can do 20kilos
every four weeks.
Three for akilo.
And no more deals
untiI I see
the first batch.
Three and a quarter.
Done.
Oh. thank you!
You're welcome.
Can I offer you
a glass of wine?
I can't belleve
your friend fainted.
Do I look like I would cut
someone's finger off?
Oh. yes.
Thank you.
Are you sure you're going
to be all right?
Never felt better,
Honey.
Now, headache pill.
straight to bed.
Don't go over
any bumps.
Good luck!
Come on. boys.
What do you think?
I'm not sure.
Follow them.
What'll I do
with the hippie?
Take him.
I can't.
My old lady's
expecting me.
We're having a Dungeons
and Dragons night.
It's the regionaI final.
If thatknife had sllpped.
I'd be a dead man.
There'd be a dead body driving
this car back to Cornwall.
Don't be so stupid.
He was bluffing.
Look, as long as we
have the merchandise,
we have the power.
Excuse me,
do Iknow you?
What are you talking about,
merchandise and power??
Look at you!
Look at the way you're dressed!
You're like
Ma fucking Baker!
Language!
Don't you language me!
I nearly got my fucking
throat cut for you!
Well. you're not even
supposed to be here.
Fine! Go ahead and do it yourself
with Jacques fucking Cousteau then!
I'm out!
What?
I can't find
Grace's plants anywhere.
This tea has the most
extraordinary aroma.
Darjeellng?
Trevethan.
Oh. Diana. you never...
J ust a llttle cutting.
I do love fresh tea.
So do I. dear.
Give it here.
Oh. that's lovely.
I'm sorry
for shouting at you.
How else am I going
to get the money?
I don'tknow.
It's N icky.
N icky doesn't want
to be in a relationship
with somebody
who's irresponsible.
And I don't want to be
in a relationship
with somebody
who isn't N icky.
Ooh. that's better!
Ready for my breakfast now.
Come on!
For Christ's sake.
Okay, when we get back,
we harvest the plants.
and we get the stuff up
to your paI in London
and we never do it
again. okay?
Thank you.
We do it quick as well.
I don't want another
knife at my throat.
Do youknow,
this is the site
of the new
prosed B 323.
due for completion
early 2004.
I can't belleve
you lost 'em.
I mean. how could
you have lost 'em?
It's not as if there's
a lot of traffic about!
Look, I'm sorry,
all right?
I'm not a career
criminal.
I don't have
taillng abillties.
Are you getting
llppy with me?
Don't start getting
llppy with me!
Right. I'm just trying
to make the best of it.
If we're gonna come
all the way down here,
we might as well
enjoy a day out.
Get in the car.
J ust shut up
and get in the car!
You need to sort out
some sort of...
anger management
when you get home.
Harvey?
Grace.
You forgot about
your meeting with the W. I.
They went in the greenhouse.
It's all right,
I bluffed them.
And... N icky was here.
What did you tell her?
That you went to London
with Dr. Bamford
to help Grace
sell the drugs.
Oh. shit.
Grace, I have to go
and see her.
That's all right,
don't worry.
Harvey and I will start
on the greenhouse.
Come on. Harvey.
Thanks.
this'll do fine.
Do youknow
where Llac house is.
Mrs. Trevethan?
No.
Ah. I'll ask around.
Try the sh.
Keep the change.
Right o.
Thank you.
Hello, anybody home?
Hello?
May I help you?
Shh!
Would you like
some cornflakes?
They're heavenly.
U h. no, thank you.
I've already eaten.
Would you like...
A choccy icey?
I'm. uh. looking
for Llac house.
I'm trying to contact
Grace Trevethan.
I love Grace.
I really, really
love her.
She's an angel.
She has wonderfuI hair
soft and silky,
like a lovely...
Angora rabbit's.
Right.
Where do I find her?
She llves...
in a lovely,
lovely house.
I love her.
And how do I get to
the lovely, lovely house?
U p the lovely,
lovely hill.
Lovely... lovely...
lovely...
Oh. no!
One... two... three!
N icky!
N icky!
N icky, I'm sorry I did
something illegaI!
I'm gonna get
a prer job!
What?
I'm ready
to be responsible!
I love you!
I can't hear you. Matthew!
What are you saying?
I love you!!
I love you!
I'm pregnant!
What?
I'm having a baby!
No, no, no!
Don't!
Get out of the water!
You're pregnant!
No, no, no, no!
You can't swim!
You're pregnant!
Now the picture
is completed
And two's becoming three
Oh. yeah
It's meant to be
This is no accident to me
Oh. yeah
It's meant to be
It's no coincidence to me
Aa ahh!
Yeah!
Mrs. Trevethan?
It's Quentin Rhodes.
Harvey,
I cannot see that person.
Not now. You've got
to get rid of him!
What do I say?
I don'tknow!
Tell him anything!
Tell him I'm still in London.
tell him I've been
kidnapped by allens.
anything!
Charlle, whiskey!
Thank God. I've been trying
to reach you at the house.
No one will answer
the bloody phone!
What's wrong?
There were two men here
Londoners
asking about Grace.
I thought maybe Customs.
That's them.
Oh. shit!
What?
They're not Customs.
They're drug dealers from London.
Well. I was right
about London.
Charlle, come with me.
We'll go to the house.
N icky, go and wake Dr. Bamford.
Meet us up there.
Give me all these!
What's the matter with you?
Get up there!
How many times have
I got to tell you...
Alfred?
What is it?
The two men
who own this car,
they were just
in the pub.
I overheard them talking
about salmon poaching.
how much
they enjoyed it.
Really?
Yeah.
Well. thanks. N icky.
There could be
a community service reward
in this for you.
Thanks.
I've gotta go.
I'm pregnant.
Oh. yes. yes.
of course.
What are they doing here?
They're not on hollday, Grace.
But Jacques said
one week!
Well. he lled.
Oh. Quentin Rhodes
is here.
Who the fuck is
Quentin Rhodes?
Harvey's holding him off.
What are we going to do?
Let's get rid of this stuff,
and get this thing over with.
Jesus!
U p the hill.
Second house
on the left.
Suspects under surveillance.
Cy that.
On our way.
Mrs. Trevethan?
Grace,
I've just come to warn you.
There are two men
around here
who are part
of a salmon
It's parsley.
It's marijuana. isn't it?
Yes.
Iknew you and Matthew
were growing it,
but I got no idea...
Youknew?
Well. I llve around here,
don't I?
But seeing as how you had
financiaI troubles.
I thought I'd turn
a bllnd eye to...
a bit of homegrown.
But, Grace...
this is a huge amount.
It's good stuff too,
isn't this?
Better than that shit
you were growing
up at the vicarage.
Youknew about that?
Mmm.
Alfred...
I n a few minutes.
we'll have got rid of it.
Can't you turn
your bllnd eye
just a llttle bit
longer?
It's not
so much me, Grace.
It's the officers
on their way from H Q
which worry me.
God! What are we
going to do?
If I were you.
I'd get rid of this
stuff bloody quick.
I'm gonna go and look
for poachers.
Excuse me a moment.
Ahem!
Who are you?
He asked first.
I'm here
to do some business...
with Mrs. Trevethan.
Oh. yeah?
Well. so are we.
Really?
Are you interested
in buying the prerty,
or do you have...
a claim on it
in some way?
What is this?
Well. there it is.
We did it.
We did. didn't we?
There's another two men here.
What are we gonna do?
Skin up.
Even you can't
smoke all of it.
I could try.
Maybe nobody should have
the bloody stuff.
All right.
Thank you. Matthew.
You're welcome, Grace.
Put that match out!
Look, I don'tknow
what's going on. but...
I think you'd better
put it out.
That is the most beautiful
and awesome thing
I've ever seen
in my llfe.
Ow!
Hello,
Mrs. Trevethan.
I he we're
not too early.
Who the hell are you?
Os.
Shit!
Aah!
Ladies...
Look, ladies
ladies. no, no, no!
Go on. you two.
Make a run for it.
What about you.
Grace?
Don't worry about me.
I can handle this.
No, we did this together.
I'm staying.
Look, I love you both
very much indeed.
but, Matthew...
you're fired.
Come on.
Argh!
St it!
Get off, get off!
That's it, man!
You arrest him.
Whoa. whoa. whoa!
What are you
arresting me for?
No, madam!
St there!
Right.
Wait! Wait!
Hello, Grace.
Wow!
I trusted you.
Whatever happened to honor
amongst thieves?
What about our deal?
It's nice to see you too.
Can't even do
your own dirty work.
Dirty work??
Why did you
send in your boys?
Tokeep an eye on you.
To st you
from coming to any harm.
Do you expect me
to belleve that?
It's the truth.
I he I haven't
spoiled everything.
Were you trying to escape?
Maybe... I could help.
No, thank you.
Mrs. Trevethan!
Grace!
Those fingers
through my hair
That sly
come hither stare...
That strips
my conscience bare
It's witchcraft
And I've got
no defense for it
The heat is
too intense for it
What good would
common sense for it do?
'Cause it's witchcraft
Witchcraft
I like it here.
And although I know
It's strictly taboo...
Is this the face
of a master criminal?
Tonight we investigate
the mystery
behind Grace Trevethan.
How did an unknown widow
facing bankruptcy
save her house and become
the most celebrated
and controversiaI novellst
of the year?
Mrs. Trevethan's novel.
The Joint Venture,
has tped the best seller llst
for over a year now.
But although the book
is sold as fiction.
the story bears
a remarkable similarity
to Trevethan's own llfe.
And her recent marriage to a
mysterious french businessman
has fueled
tabloid speculation
that she was at one time
actually involved
with the drug trade.
So, what is the true story?
We went to the sleepy village
of Port Llac to find out.
Turn it up, Charlle.
Turn it up.
Wasn't there an incident
up at Llac house?
The pollce were called
to the house
but there was a problem
with witnesses.
No one wanted to talk?
Nobody could
remember anything.
Excuse me.
We think it's fiction.
don't we, dear?
Yes.
Because in the book,
Grace was growing drugs.
but in reaI llfe,
she was growing tea!
Well. as a doctor,
uh. a man of science...
Obviously I could never
condone the use of a drug
for nontherapeutic,
um... thingy.
Psst, psst, psst.
Have you got
anything?
See me later.
Okay.
It's good.
I s it?
Oh. yeah!
Oh.
I must say,
it does seem strange
that alcohoI is legal
and marijuana...
U h. isn't.
An accident of history,
I suppose.
So you didn't have
any marijuana
growing in your garden?
Bless you.
So do you think
The Joint Venture
is fiction or fact?
No, it's all fiction.
My wife has a very fertile
imagination. thank God.
But what about the gangster
character, Pedro??
I s that based on you?
Pedro is Spanish.
I'm French. Don't be absurd.
No, but we've heard
It's time for you to go.
Get off my land. I said!
This my house!
Yet Mrs. Trevethan
refused to be interviewed
for this program...
...and to date has made
no publlc statement
about the rumors.
Tonight may change that
as we take you llve,
to the New York Book Awards.
where Grace Trevethan
has been shortllsted
for The Joint Venture.
And the winner of the award
for fiction goes to...
Grace Trevethan
for The Joint Venture!
What a surprise!
Shh! Shh!
You'd think I'd be used
to surprises
after everything
that's happened to me.
Iknow there's been
a lot of speculation about
whether my book is based
on fact or fiction.
but...
well... to tell you the truth.
if I told you everything
that's happened to me
over the past couple
of years.
you wouldn't
belleve me anyway.
I can hardly
belleve it myself.
Oh...
Oh. I he they're
watching this at home,
because...
I wanted to say...
Matthew...
I wanted to tell you
that I think you are
a terrible gardener...
but that you've helped me
to grow,
and for that...
I thank you from
the bottom of my heart.
I he you're all having
a wonderfuI party...
Oh. and I've had
another idea.
and I think there
might be a book in it.
Thank you.
Sometimes
there's no explanation
Only what you feel
And I knew
you'd always be here
Watching over me
You're no accidentaI angeI
Falling down on me
Now the picture is completed
And two's becoming three
Oh oh
It's meant to be
This is no accident,
you see
You're turning my world
upside down
My head is spinning
with the clouds
I'd gladly give you
all of me
'Cause some things
can't wait
for eternity
No longer playing
with daydreams
No longer waiting
for maybes
And now I know
you would save me
Oh oh oh oh
Oh oh
It's meant to be
This is no accident,
you see
You're no accidentaI angeI
Falllng down on me
Now the picture is completed
And two's becoming three
Sometimes
there's no explanation
Only what you feel
And Iknew
you'd always be here
Watching over me
There's no point in hesitating
When you have
something so reaI
So just run
with your emotions
Before they disappear
You're no accidentaI angeI
Falllng down on me
Now the picture is completed
And two's becoming three
Oh. yeah
It's meant to be
This is no accident to me
Oh. yeah
It's meant to be
It's no coincidence to me
You're no accidentaI angeI
Falllng down on me
Now the picture is completed
And two's becoming three
Sometimes
there's no explanation
Only what you feel
And I knew
you'd always be here
Watching over me
There's no point
in hesitating
When you have
something so real
You just run
with your emotions
Before they disappear
You're no accidentaI angeI
Falllng down on me
Now the picture is completed
And two's becoming three