1
- I'm so glad we
got to spend time together
outside of work.
- Me too, with all
those assholes at work
telling us to shut
up all the time.
- Yeah.
- It's nice to finally
get to talk to you some.
- You too.
Well, I can't tell
you everything.
- And why is that?
- Well, there's just some things
that girls can't tell guys.
- I'm not a typical guy.
- True.
But I'm definitely not
gonna talk to you about it
if you're gonna gossip about it.
- I actually only gossip to you.
I'm generally a pretty
quiet person, but,
- Really?
- You bring it out of me.
- That's sweet.
That makes me feel special.
- It should.
- There is something
that I've been meaning
to talk to you about.
- Oh yeah?
What's that?
- I think I have a crush on you.
- Really?
- Yeah.
I don't know what
it is about you.
I think about you
all the time, and...
I feel like a high
school girl again.
- You have feelings for me?
- Yeah.
I know, I shouldn't.
I mean, considering that we
work together and all, but,
you're just different than
all the other guys at work,
and you're different than
all of the other scum bags
that I've known in my life.
And you're 20,000 times better
than all the douche
bags that I've dated.
So, I guess what I'm
trying to say is,
I'm kind of into you.
- This is kind of sudden.
- I know.
I mean, I'm sorry,
I don't mean to annoy
you or anything.
- No I just kinda,
kinda feel bad.
- Oh no, you have a
girlfriend or something?
- Not exactly.
- Wait, you're married?
Because if you are, then I'll
never have a shot at you.
- Well, ha, I'm not married
but to be honest with you
you still have very
little shot at me.
- What?
I mean, I don't mean to
be conceited or anything,
um, but, I think I
look pretty good.
What's wrong with me?
- There's nothing
wrong with you.
To be honest, it all
has to do with me.
- Well what are
you trying to say?
- Kristen, we're good friends
and everything you know, uh...
I'm gay.
- Wait, you're gay?
- Yeah, I thought you knew.
- You're gay.
- I'm gay.
- Are you sure?
- Pretty sure.
- Ugh, this just blows my mind.
- Sorry that you had
to find out this way.
- I just, I don't understand.
- I like boys, what
do you not understand?
You gonna be okay?
- I'll be fine.
Wakey wakey, silly.
- What's going on here?
- What do you mean?
- What do you mean,
what do I mean?
Why am I tied up here?
- Well, I didn't want you
to wake up and run away.
- What do you want from me?
- I want you to stop asking
questions and accept my love.
- Get off me you crazy bitch.
- Language.
You're not gonna get in my pants
with that kind of attitude.
- Did you not hear me earlier?
I'm gay.
I don't ever plan on
getting in your pants.
- Aw, you're
such a gentleman.
- What are you talking about?
- Thinking of my feelings.
It's so sweet.
- I hate you
right now, let me go.
- Oh, you want me to let you go?
- No, I'd like to be
stayed here tied up.
What the fuck do you think?
- I think you're
being sarcastic.
- Ha ha ha, ya think?
- That's it, I don't
wanna resort to this.
- Resort to what?
- I didn't have to.
- Ooh, what're
you gonna do with that?
- Oh, what am I
gonna do with this?
- Yes, you stupid bitch.
- This!
- Fucking whore.
If you don't let me
go, I'm going to--
- Oh, what're you gonna do?
- I'm gonna kill you.
- Evan!
Evan get back here.
I'm sorry, are you okay?
- Get off.
- I'm sorry.
- Get off me.
- Baby, we can work it out.
- I'm not your baby
and I never will be.
- Are you, are you saying
what I think you're saying?
- Uh, if you're saying
that you think we'll never
be together, then yes.
- Well you know
what they say, then.
If I can't have you, no one can.
- Bitch.
- That movie was so lame.
It wasn't even scary.
- Yeah, I know.
That ending was so weak.
- Why do people make
the blood look so fake.
- I think that movie
needed some serious help.
- We coulda come up
with a better story.
Wait, I got a great idea.
Let's tell our
own scary stories.
- That's your great idea?
- Yeah, why not?
- Why don't we just make
popcorn and play truth or dare?
- Truth or dare is so lame.
Scary stories, so much more fun.
- I don't think they are.
- Yeah, I vote for sleep.
- Are you scared?
- No.
I just don't feel like
telling scary stories.
- I don't think you
can come up with one.
- I can too.
- Prove it.
- Okay sure.
Um...
My story is about a girl
who learns a harsh lesson
when she messes with
one of her girlfriends.
In fact, it's
called Backstabber.
Amy,
you scared the crap
out of me for shit!
- Good, I'm trying to
teach you a lesson.
Texting will be
the death of you.
- Shut up.
- I'm serious.
You're gonna be like that girl
that fell in the
fountain at the mall.
Life over.
Forever immortalized
on YouTube as a dork.
Do you really want that?
- Yeah, whatever.
Oh, so did you hear Tina
yelling at Jen the other day?
- I know!
I would kill that bitch if
she slept with my boyfriend.
- Right?
I'd never do that to you.
- Tell me about it.
Who was that?
- Nobody.
And I mean we've been
friends for forever,
I would never lie to you.
- You better not.
- Hang on, I have to
go to the bathroom.
- Okay.
Hey, you forgot your--
What the fuck?
- I'm back, did you miss me?
- Always.
- So what're you gonna be
for Halloween this year?
- I think I'll be a
psycho serial killer.
- So you're going
as yourself, huh?
- Ha ha, very funny.
I'm guessing you're
going as a comedian?
Well aren't you Miss Popular?
Who's that?
- Nobody.
- Here, let me get that for you.
- It's okay, I got it.
Do you want something to drink?
- Maybe.
- I'll try to, um,
I mean now's not really a good
time, maybe in 30 minutes.
All right well I gotta go.
Telemarketers!
Did you want something else?
- I could use some hot tea.
So how did you find out that
Jen was backstabbing Tina
by sleeping with her boyfriend?
- I thought you told me.
I mean, you're usually the
first to know everything, right?
- Most of the time.
Oh, now I have to
go to the bathroom.
- Don't fall in like last time.
- It was an accident!
Your brother left the seat up.
- Yeah, a funny one.
- Always a comedian.
- Is everything okay?
Wait, you're going
through my text messages?
Amy, it's not what you think!
- Backstabbing bitch!
- Guys, happy,
birthday?
- So be careful who you
stab in the back next time.
- That was pretty good I admit.
Anyone else have one
they wanna share?
- I've got one for you all.
A ghost story, to be exact.
It's about a group
of sorority girls
who decide to play a prank
on one of the pledges,
but instead, things don't
exactly go the way they planned.
It's called The Pledge.
- Are you two ready for tonight?
- Do we really have to
go through with this?
- Oh, is someone
having second thoughts?
- I knew she was gonna be a
baby about this whole thing.
- Mmhmm.
- I just think that
we should, you know,
cool it with the whole scare.
- Jenna, Jenna, Jenna.
Maybe I was wrong about you.
- Wrong about what?
- Maybe you aren't Delta
Zeta Pi material after all.
- I wasn't wrong about her.
I knew she wasn't Delta Zeta Pi.
- Why?
Because I don't wanna scare
the new pledge senseless?
- She'll be fine,
especially if she wants
to be in our sorority.
- You never did this with
any of the other pledges.
- I know.
But this one's special.
So, there's this girl
named Amanda Thompson,
and she's engaged to this
guy named Kevin Gardner.
Well on their wedding day,
Kevin calls her and calls
the whole thing off.
The marriage,
wedding, everything.
Well obviously she's like,
super-devastated, right?
So what does she do?
She runs into her house,
goes up to her room,
locks the door
and hangs herself.
Her parents found
her five hours later.
People say if you walk
by this house at night,
you can see her still
hanging in the window.
That window right there.
- Yeah?
So?
- So, this is your task.
You're gonna take that
candle up to her room
and stand in the window
where we can see you.
- Are you serious?
- Yeah.
- This is what I have to
do to be Delta Zeta Pi?
- If you do this, you're in.
- Fine.
Gimme the candle.
- There you go.
Good girl.
- I can't believe we're
doing this to this poor girl.
- Huh, we did worse
to you, remember?
- I know.
But even this is
borderline evil.
- Oh my God, she'll live.
But you won't if you don't
shut up and chill out.
- Seriously, Jenna.
If you don't wanna
be a part of this
you should just turn
in your pin now.
- Seriously.
Lisa, are you ready?
This is going to be amazing!
- Oh my God, I cannot wait.
- What did she ever
do to you guys?
- That's the beauty of it.
Nothing.
She just, looks
different than us.
And that's more than
enough of a reason
to not like her already.
- You two are evil.
I don't want any part of this.
- Good, we don't want you
to be part of this anyway.
Right Melissa?
- Right.
Go pack up and move out.
We'll have to find ourselves
a new pledge next week.
We'll do the same thing,
until we find the one
that can handle us.
Now run along.
- Run along.
- You two are bitches!
- Heh, whatever.
I never wanted her in the
sorority in the first place.
- Do you think Kate will
be able to handle this?
- Hell no.
When she sees Lisa
pretending to hang herself
she's going to
freak the hell out.
- Can't wait to see that.
- Get a hold of yourself, Kate.
It's just stairs.
Is this some sort of sorority
prank you guys are playing?
It's not funny if it is.
Guys?
Come on, Kate,
you're almost there.
Then you'll be
Delta Zeta for sure.
- She's gonna be so pissed
when she finds out
it was just Lisa.
- It's gonna be so beautiful,
I wish we were there.
- I think the look on her face
when she runs outta the house
screaming will be enough.
- What the hell's going on?
- What's taking them so long?
- Oh my God, I don't know.
Let's go check.
- Okay.
- And they
were never seen again.
- That's a retarded ghost story.
- Doesn't mean it isn't true.
- And we, dare you,
to go up there.
- Oh, so those girls can
pop out and scare me?
No thanks.
- Fine.
That's fine, but it is a
ritual at Delta Zeta Pi.
- Right Kate?
- That's right, girls.
Dare you to try it.
Give her the candle.
If you think it's just
a story, go ahead.
- And I hear,
the sorority's doing
the same ritual
but with a different leader
each year from now on.
- I like the sorority girls.
I thought they were
pretty entertaining.
What?
- What about you, Danielle?
Do you have a scary story?
- A scary but true one.
- Oh, scary but true, huh?
- My story's about how imagination
plays evil tricks on us.
My story's called
Imaginary Fiend.
- What's going on?
- Well rise and
shine, sleepyhead.
- What's going on, what
are you doing here?
- Aw,
looks like somebody got a
bump on her poor widdle head!
Looks like somebody
needs to be more careful
going down the stairs,
now doesn't she?
- You're not real, go away.
- Oh, I'm real all right.
Real as I can be!
- What is Jeff
doing on the floor?
What did you do to him?
- What did I do to him?
Nothing.
He did this to himself.
At least that's what we'll
say if the cops stop by.
- Let me go, let
me out of here now!
- I don't think so.
You and I,
have some unsettled
business to solve.
- You're not real.
You're not real, go away.
You're not real.
- Look at me, Kristen!
Look at me!
You made me the
person that I am.
I would be nothing without you.
And then, you went, and
you forgot about me!
You've moved on with your
life, completely moved on.
Without me!
You left me all alone.
How could you do
that to me, Kristen?
How could you leave me
here to rot all by myself?
Why, Kristen?
Why?
- I'm sorry, I grew up.
I couldn't help it.
Imaginary friends,
you have 'em when
you're younger.
And things change
and they go away.
- I'm not any ordinary
imaginary friend.
You knew that, Kristen.
I told you what I could do.
How I could be anyone.
I wasn't joking, was I?
You now know that's
true, don't you?
- Just go away, leave us alone!
- You don't fucking
get it, do you?
You just don't
fucking understand
exactly what I've been through.
The hell of disappearing
without a friend in the world.
Being completely
fucking miserable!
Well now I'm going to make you
completely fucking miserable.
Starting with Jeff.
- Leave him alone!
- Time to wake
up, Jeff, come on.
- Stop it, leave him alone!
- You are not in any position
to be barking orders at me!
- I'll do whatever
you want, just leave us alone.
- Too late, Kristen.
Too fucking late!
We could've the best
of best friends,
in the whole wide world.
Do you remember that
day on the playground?
When one of your friends asked
you who you were talking to
and you said, "Nobody."
Do you know how badly that hurt?
Do you have any fucking inkling
how fucking painful
that was for me?
Do you wanna know how
badly that hurt, Kristen?
It hurt like this!
Hurts, doesn't it?
Oh, Mister Sleepy Face
is finally waking up.
Bet you're excited to
explain to him, aren't you?
- Kristen what, what happened?
- Jeff run, call the cops.
- Guess what Kristen?
He can't see me.
I'm still imaginary
to everyone but you.
- I thought you were real.
Well you thought wrong.
- Then how did
you stab me and handcuff me?
- That's the best part.
I didn't!
That's what you get
for growing up, bitch.
- You said scary but true.
How the hell is that true?
- It could happen.
She didn't actually exist,
she was just part of her
figment of imagination.
- That's so lame.
- What about you?
Why don't you tell us
another scary story, Karissa?
- Me?
You can't handle another
one of my stories.
- Ooh, I smell a challenge.
- No, that's just
your bad breath.
- Ha, ha.
Go ahead, Karissa,
tell us another one.
- Okay.
You want me to tell
you another story?
How about one called
Event Invitation?
- Yeah?
- Hey, Becca, what you up to?
- Chem homework,
contemplating suicide.
- Ugh, take a break and check
out your Event Invitations.
- Really, Joan?
I'm kind of busy.
- Trust me, you're not
gonna wanna miss this.
- Fine, but if it's some
frat party bullshit...
Eric Nelson's Coming Home Party?
- Yeah, remember Eric
from middle school?
That creepy kid that used to
follow you home like every day?
- Yeah, kid was a creeper.
- Yeah.
But it looks like his aunt
that he was living
with was loaded.
Anyway, she kicked the
bucket, he got the loot,
and now he's coming home to
throw a huge party in Rockton.
- Sounds to me like he's
trying to buy friends.
- Pft.
Well of course he's
trying to buy friends,
the kid's a spastic.
Anyway, read the event description,
it sounds pretty tight.
- It says here he's
willing to offer limo rides
to anyone that accepts.
Sounds a bit much to
me, don't you think?
- Hell, if he wants to
waste his money, let him.
If he is that rich, maybe
I'll throw him a bone
and see what I can
milk out of him.
- God, Joan, that's awful.
- Uh, no, that's smart actually.
If you look up smart in
the Urban Dictionary,
banging a rich guy for his money
is the third definition down.
So you coming or what?
- Yeah, I'm in.
- Sweet tits.
See you later.
- Later.
- Becca, get in here, bitch.
- Becca, you're
looking good tonight.
- Thanks, Brad, I appreciate it.
So Steve, how've you been?
- I've been fine, Becks.
- 'Kay.
- Just fine?
- Why is this taking so long?
- Ah, that's 'cause you
haven't had enough to drink.
Sweet tits!
Keep it up.
- Yeah, this party's
gonna be off the chain.
- It's gonna be
a killer party, sir.
- I don't know, this
guy is freaking creepy.
- Oh hey, we're here.
Don't help me out or anything.
- So this is the place?
- Yeah, it looks like.
- Do you guys not think
it's really weird?
There's no other cars here.
- Nah, Moneybags said he was
bringing limos to everybody.
Come on, let's go.
- Okay, this is a little creepy.
- What do you expect?
Eric's a creeper.
- Oh come on, let's go.
What the hell?
- Where is everybody?
- Guys, this is too
weird, I'm out of here.
- No, wait, don't go in there!
- It's the only open door.
- I know, but
it's probably a trap
and we're gonna die.
- If we stay out
here we're gonna die.
- We're trapped.
- Just relax, everything
is gonna be fine.
- Fuck!
What are you doing?
- I'm gonna jump.
- What?
- Look, we're only
on the second floor.
I'll be fine.
Once I'm down, you jump
down and I'll catch you.
- I can't, I'm scared.
- I know, I'm scared too.
But if we wanna live
we have to do this.
- Told you it was a trap.
Settle down, I'm coming.
You were right, he jumped.
- Awesome, I was kinda
hoping he'd be that stupid.
- We gotta get the
fuck outta here.
- Yeah, I suppose you're right.
We are in the middle of nowhere,
but somebody might'a heard.
Best not take chances.
You clean up and I'll
call the limo service.
- You spooked me.
- Sorry.
Thanks for your help.
- Oh baby, it was nothing.
Those kids were so mean to you,
they got what they deserved.
- I know.
Don't look so surprised.
You were a bitch to me, too.
For years.
Did you think screwing
me a couple of times
was gonna make all that go away?
- And how was the party tonight?
- Perfect.
- Then where we going?
- The airport, please.
- Very good.
- That was creepy.
- Worth the wait
though, wasn't it?
- I got another one for you all.
- Oh yeah?
- Another ghost story.
My story is about
when a group of girls
get together for a slumber party
and actually play truth or dare.
- Okay, now this could be scary.
- My story is called The Dare.
- Truth or dare?
Come on, girls, we
don't have all night.
- I don't wanna play
this stupid game.
- Are you getting chicken on us?
- I think she's
scared of you, Holly.
- Well she should
be scared of me.
- Can we just play
cards or something?
- Get the fuck outta here.
Are you serious?
This is our last night together
and you wanna play
fucking cards?
You can fucking leave.
- It was just a suggestion.
- Okay, well stop making
suggestions and pick.
Truth, or dare?
- Dare.
- Excellent.
I dare you to call Mrs. Monroe.
- That's it?
That's easy.
- Um, no, let me finish.
I want you to call Mrs. Monroe,
and I want you to say
that Eric sucked in bed.
- What?
- Yeah, and, except for,
I want you to use the line,
"He sucked in bed
for a dead kid."
- I can't do that.
- I didn't ask you to do it.
I told you to do it.
- Wait, that's just cruel Holly.
- Um, Paige.
If I wanted you
to say something,
I would've snapped my
fingers and said, "Speak."
Got it?
- Well,
you shouldn't have
told Coral to do that.
It's not right.
- Jenny, um, do
you hear something?
- Yeah, it sounds like it's
coming from the peanut gallery.
- Um, yeah.
All of you girls
are in my house,
and you're under my roof,
so that means you
will play by my rules
or we are not gonna
play at all, got it?
So Coral, you in?
- Just give me the phone.
- That's my girl.
Here, use my phone.
Mrs. Monroe is number
five on my speed dial.
And uh, make sure you star 67 it
so it shows up restricted.
This is gonna fucking
kick ass.
- Hi Mrs. Monroe?
Um, you don't know me
but, I knew your son Eric.
And I just wanted to say,
that he,
really sucked in
bed for a dead kid.
I can't believe I just
said that, that's horrible!
- That was classic.
- Okay, you know, we really
should not have done that.
- Oh come on.
We've done way worse.
- No, that's like,
that's like fucking
with spirits, okay?
And you know what,
my sister's a Wiccan.
I just know we shouldn't
do that kinda stuff.
- Your sister's
a pathetic loser.
Just like you.
- You know, she told me
all about the dark powers.
And the spirits.
- What the fuck?
Oh my God.
That was perfect timing.
- A little too perfect.
- That was a coincidence.
- Was it, because I'm
really freaked out.
- What are you
guys scared about?
I mean--
- What was...
What was that?
- Oh like we're falling
for that one again.
- No seriously guys, there's
something in the kitchen.
- Why don't you go look?
- Why don't you go take a look?
- Are you fucking chicken?
- No.
I'm not a fucking chicken.
- Holly?
Are you okay?
- I knew we shouldn't
have done this.
This was gonna happen.
- Relax, nothing
actually happened,
she's just messing with us.
Right Holly?
Holly?
- And no one in the group ever
played truth or dare again.
- I like that one.
- Yeah, that little
boy was freaky.
- Good job.
Hey when's the pizza
getting here, I'm hungry.
- Hungry enough to
tell another story?
- I guess.
Okay.
My next one is
called Unlucky Night.
- As good as uh,
what was that guy's name?
Hang on a minute, hang on.
Unavailable?
I'm not taking that call.
- One more beer.
- I think you've had enough.
- And I think you're
thinking too much
about stuff that's not
getting me another beer.
- All right, look, this'll
be the last time, Brad.
After that I'm
calling you a cab.
- Then I'm,
calling you,
stupid 'cause you're stupid,
and acting stupid.
Thank you.
See, that wasn't
so hard, was it?
- Mark, you want us to
bounce this guy outta here?
- No, it's okay Jack.
- Thank you Jack,
for your patronage.
Jack's friend.
Hello.
- Hi.
- I'm--
- Drunk.
- No, not drunk.
I'm, I'm Brad.
We're, we're,
- We're--
- At a bar.
And that's what you do
at a bar, you drunk.
Right?
- Heh, you mean drink?
- Drink.
- Mmhmm.
Um, can I please get a drink?
Can I get a pineapple vodka?
- Coming right up, darling.
- Thank you.
Is there a reason you
keep staring at me?
You keep staring at me.
- You're pretty!
Has anyone ever told you that?
You're pretty.
- Yeah.
Um, all the time.
Thank you.
Dance, dance, dance, dance
Dance on Thur Key
The rhythm's in me
Jump, jump, jump, jump
Just jump to till lucky
Then you better
move your feet
- Hey.
If you pay for the hotel,
I'll pay for the cab ride.
- Yes!
Yes!
If this was Deal or No
Deal, I'm taking that deal.
That is a good deal.
See, this never
happens when I'm sober.
See, that's why you get
one more, you get one more,
and you get that,
when you get one more.
- Hey, consider it
your lucky night, okay?
- I so will.
- I'm gonna call a cab, okay?
So you be patient, okay?
- Okay.
Awesome.
Man, she's so pretty.
- Are you sure this
is a good idea, Brad?
- Are you kidding me?
Of course it's a good
idea, look at that.
What about that is
not a good idea?
- Well, you're drunk as shit.
What if you wake up
in the motel room
in a tub filled with ice,
with your kidneys removed?
- That is an urban
legend, my friend.
Plus, she's pretty!
- All right, well as long as
you know what you're doing.
- Yeah, I know what I'm doing.
I'm doing her in like,
15 minutes, ha ha!
With my hind parts.
It's gonna be amazing.
- God help you.
- God will help me.
He will help me hit that.
- How much do I owe you?
- Uh, $4.95.
- Well, cab'll be
here any minute.
Keep the change.
- Wow, a whole nickel.
You know I'm gonna be rich.
- Yeah.
- Where we going?
- Hey, just come on.
- You ready to rock?
- Yeah.
- I'm gonna, rock that thing.
Let's go rock.
Ooh, it's dark in here.
What the fuck?
Where the fuck am I?
- Oh, nice of you to wake up.
- Who the fuck are you?
- Oh, you don't remember me?
- No, what the...
What the fuck, why am I tied up?
- Oh, well that's a shame
because, I remember you.
I had a good time last night.
- Untie me, whatever,
whatever you want
I'll give it to you,
just fucking untie me.
- Oh, you can't give
me what I'm after.
So let's start at the
beginning, shall we?
My name's Rachel St. James.
- Is that supposed to
mean something to me?
- Do you remember
a girl named, hm,
Rebecca St. James?
- No.
- So, you don't remember a girl
you had a one-night
stand about a year ago?
- Seriously?
Really, sweetheart,
you want me to recall
every one-night
stand I've ever had?
There's been a little bit
more than one, all right?
And some were a little
more memorable than others.
- Oh, my, my, my,
aren't you a ladies man?
- Does this
conversation have a point?
- Yeah!
You don't remember any girl
named Rebecca St. James.
- No, I don't.
- Well guess what,
she remembers you.
And you know why?
'Cause you knocked her up.
- Is that what this is about?
Some stupid whore doesn't
make me wear a condom?
- Oh!
- She wants child
support or something?
- You know what,
go fuck yourself!
- You know what, you tell
her it's her own damn fault.
- No, yeah, I wish I could,
but she's fucking dead!
- Sorry to hear that.
- Yeah, well she was my sister.
You know she was
my closest friend.
She was the only friend I had.
And then you knocked her up,
and when she tried
contacting you,
all the sudden you
mysteriously vanished.
You had a fake new number.
You were a tough guy to find.
Mmhmm.
But guess what?
I found you.
- Look, I'm sorry to
hear about your sister,
but how is that my fault?
- Because a few months
before the baby was born,
she had a miscarriage.
And guess what?
She fucking had a miscarriage
and bled to death.
She wouldn't have been
pregnant if it wasn't for you!
- How is that my fault?
I did not cause her to miscarry.
- Yeah but you got her
pregnant, motherfucker!
- Well then she shoulda known
to keep her fucking legs closed.
Now fucking untie me.
- Did you just fucking say
what I thought you just said?
- Who the fuck knows
what you're thinking?
You crazy bitch, come on.
- You know,
I was gonna let you go.
I was.
I was gonna scare you a bit,
maybe hurt you a little bit,
but I was gonna let
you go without a trace.
But now, hm,
I don't think I'm so
sure anymore.
No, I don't.
The truth of the matter is,
you haven't learned
your lesson, have you?
'Cause you're probably
gonna go out there,
fuck some other girl,
and end up with her,
and get her pregnant,
and guess what?
The whole cycle will
repeat itself, right?
Yeah, it's gonna repeat itself.
You have not
learned your lesson.
Do you know why parents
spank their children?
- I don't see what that
has to do with anything.
- Because then they realize
what they did was wrong.
- So you're gonna
do what, spank me?
- Oh.
No, silly.
You're not a child
anymore, are you?
I'm gonna have to do something
a bit more drastic, aren't I?
- Like what?
- Like cut your balls off.
- What the fuck?
God damn it, all right,
quit fucking around.
No, this is bullshit.
- Oh, so you're Mr. Tough
Guy, but now you're scared.
- Look you crazy bitch,
put the fucking knife down.
- I'm gonna chop
your balls off--
- Look you crazy bitch--
- And everything's
gonna be okay.
Okay?
Just, just, just, just--
- Put the fucking knife down.
- Shut up.
- Put the fucking knife down.
- I didn't tell you to talk.
But look, look, look.
I'm just gonna, like this.
Are you scared?
You're scared of
it, but guess what?
I don't care.
- Fuck!
What the fuck--
- I don't think you'll
be knocking up anybody
any time soon, isn't
that right Mark?
- That's right, sis.
- Motherfucker!
You were in on this?
Oh, where you gonna go, you
gonna fucking leave me here!
I'm gonna kill both you bitches!
You forgot my
kidneys, motherfucker!
- The end.
- So did they come back
for the kidneys, or not?
- That really wasn't the point.
- I know, but it woulda
been cooler if they did.
- I guess.
- I got a better
story than that.
It's called Valentine's Prey.
- Jeez.
Oh, another one?
Can't they just stop?
- I'm just a delivery guy.
- Thanks.
- Happy Valentine's Day.
Bitch.
- More flowers from
your secret admirer?
- Yep.
- And this is number?
- Seven.
One for every day of the week.
- Heh, that's sweet in
a creepy kind of way.
- Are you doing this?
- I don't think I'm that
desperate for your attention.
- Who the hell is doing it?
- I don't know.
What?
Is this real blood?
That's a pretty fucked up joke.
- Are you expecting someone?
- No.
Maybe it's your secret admirer.
- You get it.
- Why, are you scared?
- No.
Just go answer the door!
- Okay, fine.
Lindy, your secret
admirer's here!
You're gonna wanna see this.
Ha ha, somebody's
having some fun today.
- You're a dick.
- Hey, you know, April
Fool's is coming up
in a couple of months.
So I gotta get some
practice somewhere.
All right, this is
starting to piss me off.
- Happy Valentine's
Day, motherfucker.
- Oh my God.
- Huh, you know I sent all
the flowers and cards, right?
- Leave.
Or I'll call the cops.
- Well, not the first
one, this guy did.
- Get out of my
house, or I'll scream.
- You scream and I'll kill you.
- Why did you
send me all those flowers?
- Well,
the first time I delivered to
you, I fell in love with you.
But you looked at me
like I'm some kind of
freak delivery guy.
- You are a freak delivery guy.
- That's the wrong answer.
- Go away, I called the cops!
- Oh, you fucking...
- Eat your heart out, bitch!
- They say Jeep is
still out there,
murdering and stalking
innocent people.
- Yeah, he's the guy
from the flower shop
that's always following
Danielle home.
- Ew, he is so gross.
Well, I got another
one for you all.
My story is called,
Capture and Kill.
- Where did they come from?
- There's a goddamn
arrow in my stomach!
- Something's
wrong with the car.
- No no, no, no, no, no, no!
- Oh God, oh God.
I'll just stay here, then!
- Okay, okay.
- Anything?
- No, nothing.
I can't get a signal.
Okay, okay, okay.
- Are they coming?
- I can't see them.
- You know, there are good days,
and then there are bad days.
Which one you think I'm having?
- Look, I need to pull that out.
- No you don't.
No, no, no, no.
- Jennifer!
- No, no, no.
- Grab some ice from the cooler.
- Jennifer, I'm not behind
this more pain for me idea.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
I don't like this idea.
- Just yank it out?
- How do I look?
Everything you just did?
Wrong.
- Oh God.
We have to go, right now.
- This I understand.
- Who do you think they were?
- Very bad people with arrows.
- Okay, we should
get off the road.
- Okay.
You think they followed us?
- I don't know.
- Thank you.
If you all hadn't brought
me with you, I'd...
Thank you.
Oh, fuck.
- My name's Dwight, and
I'm a party planner.
- We shouldn't have left him.
- You gonna come to my party!
You gonna come to my party.
- What were we supposed to do?
They were watching
us the whole time.
- But this is wrong.
This is really wrong!
We can't just leave
him back there to be,
whatever they're
gonna do to him!
Don't you feel
like this is wrong?
- I feel alive,
and if we keep traveling
that way we will stay alive!
- Oh, man.
- It's Kyle's birthday.
- I don't have a
problem with that.
- My name is Dwight Williams.
I'm a party planner;
I planned this party.
Look, see?
It's a party.
- Please.
Come with me.
- I made the party!
- I'm sorry.
- Holy shit!
Oh, that's nice.
- To be continued.
- So wrong that they have
a cliffhanger like that.
I wanted to see what was
gonna happen to them.
- Guess you'll have to
find out some other night.
- All right, well how
'bout I tell you one
that doesn't leave you hanging?
This one is called
Noise Complaint.
- What's the matter, Emma?
- Yeah, you look pissed.
- Are you mad about something?
- Gee, ya think?
- Well what's wrong?
- Erin's here.
- He broke up with
you two months ago,
I really think you
should let it go.
- Not that Aaron.
Erin, his new girlfriend.
- Sorry.
Okay, it just,
I think it's kinda funny,
she has the same name as him.
- Dude seriously,
if they got married
they'd have the exact same name!
- God, you guys are a
couple of stupid bitches.
- I'll second that.
- And you're an idiot.
God, fuck all of you.
- Why do we let her
talk to us like that?
What are we, the
fucking sidekicks?
- I'm nobody's sidekick.
- But you're my sidekick!
- Oh, you're my sidekick too.
- Yay!
- She's obviously not.
- Yeah, definitely.
They don't even know, assholes.
- I don't know why we even
came to this damn party.
I knew it was gonna be lame.
- You told me you
would at least last an hour.
- An hour's gonna be pushing it.
Definitely with Queen Bitch
leering over our shoulders.
- Don't look now, her jackass
boyfriend's walking over here.
- Oh my God, I just wanna
knock his fucking
ass out right now.
- Who invited you
losers over here.
- Jordan, if I were you,
you better just walk
away before you get hurt.
- Did you just say
before I get hurt?
What are you gonna do to me?
- They're not worth
your time, Jordan.
And I don't remember their names
being on the guest list, either.
Actually I'm pretty sure
they're trespassing,
what do you think, babe?
- I think we should
call the cops.
Wow, they're quick.
- I'm Detective Morris
of the Echo Lake Police.
Turn that damn music off.
- Can I help you, Officer?
- Detective.
- I'm sorry, can
I help you Detective?
- Is this your residence?
- No, it's my parents'
but they're out of town.
- How convenient.
And do they know you're
throwing this little soiree?
- No, they don't.
- And I'm pretty sure they'd
be mad if they found out.
- Yes, I'm sure they probably,
can I help you Offic, Detective?
- We got a noise complaint
about this address.
Some neighbors complained,
heard some loud music.
Even louder kids.
You wouldn't know anything
about that, now, would you?
- I'm sorry, sir,
we'll keep it down.
Is that okay?
- I've heard that one
before lots of times.
The funny thing is,
usually nothing changes
unless the party has broken up.
Now, I see you're all
too young to be drinking,
and I see lots of red cups here,
probably filled with alcohol.
So, if you kids don't
wanna take a trip
down to the county lockup,
I suggest everyone leave
as soon as your little
legs can carry you.
- Wait a minute, you
can't break up my party.
- Emma, he's a cop, he can do
whatever the fuck he wants.
- You have a smart friend there.
I'd listen to her,
if I were you.
- No, you can't just do
whatever the fuck you want.
It's not fair.
- I'll tell you what.
If they don't promise
to keep the noise down,
I'll just take you down
to the station instead,
does that sound fair?
- What?
- Do you all promise
to keep the music down
at a reasonable
level and no yelling
and screaming down the street?
I guess the crowd has spoken.
Turn around and put your
hands behind your back.
- No.
- Don't make me ask you twice.
- Hey, you can't do that to her.
- Son, do you wanna go too?
Do you love her that much?
'Cause if I were you
I'd shut your mouth
and use that small
brain of yours
to think of a way
to bail her out.
You have the right
to remain silent.
Anything you say can
and will be used against
you in a court of law.
You have the right
to an attorney.
- Have you guys seen Emma?
- Yeah, where'd she go?
- I thought you'd
have a cop car?
- I'm undercover,
get in the back seat.
- Where's your badge?
- Shut up and get
in the back s...
Oh, shit, I forgot
my gun, get in now.
- I don't--
I'll be right back.
- Hey!
What the fuck?
Let me out of here!
Fuck.
- Get out.
- What?
- You're free to go
back to the house.
- What, did you have a
change of heart or something?
- You could say that.
Just make sure you respect
your authority figures
from now on.
- Yes sir, I will.
I...
- Wow, all these things
could never really
happen to us in real life.
- I think that's the point
of these type of stories.
They're just there
to try and scare you.
- Most of them are lame.
- That'll be $20.99.
- Come on in, let
me grab my purse.