1
Hey!
Man Hey! Hey!
Yaah!
God!
Damn it!
Shit.
What's going on?
I don't know, man.
Think it just died.
Holy shit.
Come on.
Oh, my God.
What is it?
It's like angel-hair
pasta in here, brother.
Um...
here. Try it now.
Anything?
Nothing.
Okay.
Oh, this is terrible.
All right.
So...
Um...
Why do we even bother
to pop the hood?
I thought I heard something.
Yeah, well, unless there's
a flashing neon sign
that says, "Here's
your problem,"
what the hell do we know?
Fuck, that's hot.
Careful.
What you got?
I got no service.
What about you?
I hardly get service
in the city,
let alone the desert.
Yeah, I got nothing, man.
Where the hell are we, anyway?
Uh...
let me see.
Okay.
We, um... We
passed this dot...
about an hour ago.
I think we're in
here someplace.
That's like 60 miles back.
Wow. It's like a hundred
miles to the next dot.
What the hell are you doing driving
us through the middle of nowhere?
We're taking the scenic
route, remember?
Yeah, by scenic, I
was thinking...
I don't know, more trees,
mountains, people,
dots a lot closer together.
By scenic, I meant
rarely seen.
I'm gonna get you a
dictionary when we get back.
Okay.
Holy shit, it's hot
out here, man.
It's gotta be,
like, 115 degrees.
I know.
Not even noon!
No wonder the truck died.
Something probably melted.
Have we even seen any cars?
Ow. No,
but, uh, it's a road, right?
I mean, someone'll
be along soon.
Well, we got about
20 jelly beans
and 6 ounces of melted ice.
That should last
us 10 minutes.
Oh, good.
It's pretty.
Yeah. It's beautiful.
Ohh!
Ohh!
What flavor is this?
Bacon and Margarita.
Oh, my God!
I saved those two
just for you.
Tastes like that cake you
made with the onions.
Remember that shit?
Yeah, I remember.
I think that brings your total
of veiled references to
things I did with Karen
up to three, so feel
free to stop, please.
You never think about her, man?
Ever?
I probably think about her
about as much as she
thinks about me.
Well, she thinks about
you a lot, dude.
I ran into her last
week, and, uh,
you were all she
can talk about.
She said she was floored to
hear you had a wife and kid.
Yeah, well, it floors
me sometimes, too.
You all right?
Yeah.
Don't overexert yourself.
I can't believe you got
us out of roaming.
Huh?
Never been out of roaming.
That even possible?
Where are you going?
What are you doing?
I'm gonna go up here and
see if I can get a signal.
No! Let's sit, and let's wait
a few minutes, man.
Well, why?
I don't know.
We'll hang, and we'll
wait for a car.
No, you sit and wait.
I'm gonna go up and check.
Ah, shit.
You remember last time
we drove cross-country
and we went, like, 200
miles out of the way
because we were so into
whatever we were talking about?
Yeah, and now neither one of
us can remember what it was.
Might have been when, uh...
Might have been when you claimed
that art can reach a point
where its quality became
fact rather than opinion.
That sounds like a
couple hours of my life
I'd like to have back.
Or it might have
been better defense,
'85 Bears or Steel Curtain?
Ah, that's hardly debatable.
Bears. Yeah.
Well, there hasn't been
much of that this time.
What? Pointless conversation?
Any conversation.
How are things
in high finance?
Ah, put it this way...
there's this motivational
poster in my office
with, like, this eagle
soaring out of the
sky and shit.
Yeah.
I'll spend some days
just staring at it,
trying to decide
whether or not
I'm more suicidal or
homicidal that day.
Nice!
So quit.
Quit? And do what?
You ever do that thing when
you were in second grade,
where you, like,
drew a picture
of... of what you wanted to be
when you were adult, you know?
Like, I heard that that's the truest
reflection of what you really want.
Like, if you're doing
what you drew back then,
then you're probably
really happy.
Yeah? And what'd you draw?
Me?
I think I drew a fat,
unemployed writer,
so I'm killing it.
Come on.
Nothing.
So Joanne didn't like
your music, huh?
We just have different tastes.
More likely, she has taste.
Well, I liked it.
Karen liked it.
Would you stop that?
What, man? I mean...
Joanne didn't like your music,
and she made you get
rid of your guitars.
I'm just trying to get
up to speed here.
No, she didn't make
me do anything.
It became clear that I wasn't
gonna have a lot of
chances to play,
so I got rid of the stuff.
You know, she's not
a music critic.
She's a receptionist.
She's my wife,
Carter, my wife.
I'm just saying.
I know exactly what
you're saying,
and I'm telling you to stop.
Davey said he saw you
guys at the store,
but you just kind of
walked right on by.
Yeah? Well, tell
him I say hello.
Why don't you tell him?
You live less than, like,
10 miles away from the guy.
Yeah, we're pretty busy.
Well, he thinks that
your wife hates him.
No. No?
She's just not much on
gatherings, that's all.
What about your
parents' house?
There's never less than
a hundred people there.
Ah, we don't visit very often.
Okay.
Uh, so no Davey, no family.
Sounds like the list of
people she does like
is kind of short. I hope
you're on it, buddy.
Seriously, would
you knock it off?
You don't even know her.
You're right, man.
I don't know her.
Every time I come to visit
you guys, you're too busy.
I'm surprised she let you get
away to do this thing with me.
Here we go! Here we go!
Oh, thank God. Come on.
Here we go.
Whoa. Wait a minute.
Oh, shit. Wait. Wait.
Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait!
God damn it!
Agh! Ow!
God damn it!
Dude, are you okay?
Hold up!
Hold on!
Shit! Hold on!
Wait. Wait!
Hey! Wait!
Hey!
Hold on!
Hey!
Yo.
Whoa. Whoa.
Hey. Car trouble?
Yeah. We, uh...
We broke down a
few minutes ago.
Well, I-I'm not
much good on cars.
I'll give you a
lift into town.
That would be great.
Thank you so much.
Just let me grab my bag.
Hey! Look, a ride. Wait! Wait!
Sorry.
Hold on. We don't need it.
What do you mean
we don't need it?
Sorry, sir.
Nothing to worry about, son.
I- I'm harmless
No, it's not...
No. I, uh...
No, it's all right.
It's not that. It's
just that the...
The truck, it's not broken.
What do you mean
it's not broken?
It's... I took a wire out.
It's not a big deal.
What are you talk... Um...
One second.
What are you talking about?
I thought that we were gonna
have some good conversations
like the last time, you know?
But instead I got
cellphones and freeways
and motels and fucking
sports radio.
And, uh, I mean, I tried to
get off the beaten path.
You just decided
to go to sleep,
so I thought this would give
us a chance to catch up.
Thank you, sir.
Are you out of your f...
You sure everything's all right?
Yes. Oh, yeah.
I... I am definitely sure.
Okay.
Ta-da. All right, thank you.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait. Wait!
Wait! Wait! Wait!
Put it in.
It's no big deal, man.
Put it in! I want
to see it start.
It's just a wire.
Sorry about this.
Just give us a second.
It's just a wire, man.
Look. Okay.
Here.
Happy?
You boys good?
Yeah. Yeah.
Thank you. Thank you so much.
I appreciate it.
Have a good day.
Sorry. Thank you for stopping.
Are you insane?!
Huh?
You stage a breakdown
in the middle of the desert
so that we can talk?
Yeah, and we've had our longest
conversation in the whole trip.
I guess that's a coincidence.
I could have broken my neck
falling down that goddamn hill.
I told you not go up there.
We could have had
a perfectly good talk sitting
right here... Talk?!
But you had to go up and
climb a fricking Mountain.
That was not a talk.
That was you stopping us a
hundred miles from nowhere
so that you could spend a
few uninterrupted minutes
bashing my wife and job!
What kind of a ring was it?
What?
The engagement ring.
What kind was it?
What do you mean, what kind?
Was it a diamond?
Why does that matter?
Why won't you answer?
Fine. I got her a diamond.
So what?
"So what?" So you just forgot
all about the
gumball doctrine?
The gumball doc...
Oh, my God. You gotta
be kidding me.
Has nothing happened to
you in the last 10 years?
So you do remember?
Yeah, I remember it as
something cooked up
by a couple of losers who had nothing
better to do on a Friday night.
Uh-uh. Uh-uh. I
didn't cook it up.
You did. You're the one.
You're the one that said
that you would never
buy an engagement ring
that didn't come from
a gumball machine.
You're the one that said the
poorest people on the planet
are hacking off
each others' limbs
to give you something to
spend two months' salary on.
Look, just because you took
some conversation we had
over beer and macaroni and
decided to make it your religion
doesn't mean the rest of
the world gives a shit.
Okay, fine. So you
gave up on diamonds.
Okay. Who gives a shit, man?
You give up on your music,
your friends and your family,
and for what, the
rebound girl?
Come on. The rebound girl?
Yes. Really?
Yes, the rebound girl.
I was there.
I saw you and Karen together.
You were insane for the girl.
And... And when she
left, you know...
You were messed up. Okay?
People get that.
But four months later, and
you're engaged to the secretary?
Listen, take a step back,
and see that for what it is.
I fell in love You panicked.
Why do you insist on listening
to the words you're
putting into my mouth
rather than the ones
I'm actually saying?
You got a goddamn dog.
So what?/ You're allergic!
Take a pill.
What's the dog's name?
Sun... Fuck you.
No.
No, "Fuck You"...
No, "Fuck You," I
would believe.
"Fuck You" is exactly
the kind of name
that you would name a dog.
No, but your dog's
name is Sunshine.
Fucking Sunshine.
Are you gonna look at
me with a straight face
and tell me that your opinion
was actually considered
in the decision that
resulted in an animal
you're allergic to being
named after a Care Bear?
Oh, my God, you're right. I
didn't get to name the dog.
My life is a sham.
No, no, let me just get
this straight, okay?
J- Just for me.
So the love of
your life leaves.
Okay? And, um, less
than a year later,
you're married to a secretary
who loves dogs and hates
your fucking music.
I think it's reasonable at that
point to have some doubts, right?
I think it's reasonable to
email your good friend Carter.
You remember that?
"Hey, what the fuck, man?
What am I getting into?
Did I make a mistake?"
And before I can hit reply,
you buy a fucking house!
That's great! I understand.
Right. Okay, fine. You're...
Focus on...
You want to focus on
fucking square footage,
rather than the fact that
you have nothing in common.
That's okay. You...
It's marriage
counseling by HGTV.
I get it, man. I get it.
And now, you know, after
all this home improvement,
you realize, you know,
you haven't improved
a goddamn thing.
And now you got
no distractions.
"What am I gonna do?"
Oh, yeah, I forgot.
It's the next chapter in the
off-the-shelf life plan
you got from Home Depot!
Right. Procreate!
That's the job that's
never finished.
"Keep my face down.
Keep my nose to
the grindstone."
Just focused on the kid,
and maybe you can go
the rest of your life
ignoring the fact that
you fucked up, man.
You made a colossal mistake,
and you married, literally,
the first chick to come along.
What... Hey, hey. Come on.
Come on. Fucking...
I'm not saying anything
you don't know already.
Just swallow your pride, and
you'll see how true it is.
You ever talk about my
family like that again,
I will kick the shit out of you.
You hear me?
Okay. All right.
Listen, I'm sure
that Cole is great.
I'm sure he's the best thing
to ever happen to you,
but he's not a substitute
for loving your wife.
Joanne was right.
You're nothing but
a piece of shit.
Okay.
That's okay. Get in!
I'll get in when I'm...
I'll get in when I'm
good and fucking ready.
That's when I'll get in.
So it's you and Joanne
against the whole world.
That's all right. That's okay.
You know, you're so scared
to admit that you
made a mistake,
that you just keep on making it
over and over and over again.
But that's fine. That's fine.
You want to keep on believing
your own bullshit,
we'll get you home,
get you back to your
perfect little life
and your "motivational
posters,"
and you can tune
back out and...
and try to forget
all about the fact
that your life is a
complete shit hole.
Then maybe, maybe you
can call me in 20 years
when you've fucking
lost your hair
and you've come
to your senses.
I don't think we'll be
talking much anymore.
Whatever.
Stupid motherfucker.
It probably just
came loose, man.
Are you insane!
Calm down!
Why are you... Calm down?
You want me to calm down?!
You go fucking around with
the electrical system
in a 30-year-old
piece-of-shit truck
in the middle of the desert
with no food and no water,
and I'm supposed to calm down!
I didn't fuck around with it.
I disabled it, briefly.
You should be thankful that
I'm willing to go to these...
Thankful! I should
be thankful?!
Lengths to try to help you.
Who the fuck are you
to be giving me some sort
of life intervention, huh?
You're unemployed!
You're homeless!
Yes, and you hate your job,
and you have a house that's
apparently too small for a guitar!
This is so typical.
This is so typical.
You're constantly doing
something for you
and then saying that
it's for everybody else.
You don't like my wife,
we don't get to
hang out anymore,
so you want me
to get divorced,
right, for my own good...
Yeah. Because I can do better,
but it's all bullshit.
You want me to find
somebody you like better.
It's for your own good.
Fuck. Fuck. Shit.
I got a good job. I
make good money.
I have a house, a family,
and it kills you,
because you're a 30-year-old
failure who lives in his car.
Right. So you turn your
anger on everybody else
and try to make us feel like our
achievements aren't worth a shit
because we didn't
draw a picture
of ourselves doing them
in the second grade.
You actually think
that if I quit,
took up music and
actually made it,
that you'd be happy for me?
Mm Fuck that. You would be
just as blind with jealousy
then as you are now.
You'd probably...
I don't know...
run me over with your
car-slash-house...
Probably and then tell me
that it was for my
own good, right?
Yeah.
This is not about me.
You don't give a
shit about me.
This is all about you
and how everybody else can
accommodate your failure.
Hey, I'm not a failure, okay?
I could have everything
you have and more,
but I decided long ago that it
would be better to follow my dream
rather than try to buy enough
shit from fucking Pottery Barn
to be comfortable with
the idea of being
a meaningless, lever-pulling,
button-pushing cog!
I was a day away from...
From law school. No, no.
We all know the story.
Fuck!
You took a test.
You blew it away.
You had your
choice of schools,
but walked away for the
sake of art, right? Right?
I followed my dream
instead of a paycheck.
Yeah. No, no, no, no, no.
Enh! Wrong.
You're a scared and
insecure little freak
who couldn't get
anywhere with writing
and so desperately needed
somebody to approve of you,
to say that you were
still intelligent,
still capable.../ Come on.
That you took a fricking test.
You know what you should do?
You should tattoo that test
score on your forehead.
That way, when somebody says, "Wait a second.
You live in your car?"
You can say, "Yeah, but look.
I chose to be a
loser, so its okay."
You think you've got the
rest of us pegged, right?
You got the rest of us pegged,
and it's your job to make
sure we all face reality?
The reality is your
writing sucks.
You're not gonna be famous.
You're not gonna sell a book.
You are wasting your time.
You're the one that needs
to face facts, pal.
But everytime those
facts get too close,
you just hop in your
car, and you run off.
Well, here are the facts.
A 30-year-old loser
living in his car
is about the last person
that I'm gonna be looking to
for advice on how
to fix my life.
So unless you want to put
out a book of don'ts
based on all the
ways you screwed up,
which is the only thing you're
ever likely to publish,
you should probably
just shut the fuck up.
Are you done?
Fuck!
Shit. Shit.
Shit. Sh...
Someone'll come along.
You make me sick.
Hot enough for ya?
They say the nights kill
more people than the days.
Okay.
I'm so thirsty.
My tongue feels
like a two-by-four.
Here.
Eh...
Man, finish it.
How long can you
go without water?
Two days?
I don't know. It
doesn't matter.
I'm going for help
in the morning.
Oh, 60 miles is a
pretty long walk.
That's only if I
don't see a car.
I think I saw some cones
on the way in, man.
I don't know.
Hey, I know it...
I know it doesn't really
change anything, but, uh...
I'm sorry.
It was definitely not
your brightest idea.
I mean I'm sorry
about what I said.
Are you sure you don't
want to apologize
for getting us stuck?
I'm not freezing to death
because you insulted my wife.
I'm sorry about the
whole goddamn thing.
You really think
my writing sucks?
It's... It's not bad.
It's just...
all... all your characters
get, like, cancer and die.
Don't all get cancer and die.
In that one thing,
I'm pretty sure
about 75% of the people die...
That was about an oncologist.
Yeah, and that other
one with the woman
who was high and her baby
crawled out the window.
I mean, it was good
writing, but...
kind made me want
to kill myself.
Look, that shit really
happens, all right?
It's just hard to get the message
out if nobody reads the book.
The idea that "I
might not have it,"
it's... it's not news.
It's just that...
you go your whole
life with everyone
yelling at you to follow your
dream and then to never give up.
But to be honest, if everyone
followed their dreams,
we'd just be a planet
of pro athletes and...
and astronauts.
You know, there's gotta
be someone there
to clean the
toilets, am I right?
It's like you said, you know.
Sometimes it's better to go
after something you care about
than to be handed something
that you don't, right?
Really?
What if my lifelong dream
was to be point guard
for the Lakers?
Would you tell me to
keep chasing that?
No.
Exactly.
Because "Never give up"
looks a hell of a lot better
on a coffee mug than
it does in real life.
Because failing...
daily failing, it's...
it's just...
it's a lonely...
miserable business.
Look man, if I thought you
should quit, I would say so.
But sometimes, you know,
inside all that other stuff,
sometimes...
you'll say something
in just a few words
that I realize I've been
thinking for years.
And that's not just
you reading my mind.
That's you reading
a part of it
that I never would have
known how to express.
Now, that's not just some
fat kid with no jump shot.
That's...
There's something there.
Some of the things you
put out there, man...
I think a lot more of them
stick than you realize.
I cheated on Joanne.
Are you kidding me?
No.
Six months ago at
this conference.
Just...
just sort of happened.
We're freezing our asses off
in the middle of the desert.
You think you're
gonna get away with,
"It just sort of happened?"
It was just...
It was this woman...
Girl, really, 21, 22,
somebody's intern.
Long brown hair, these
long, skinny legs,
and she had this huge smile.
And she walks up to me, and
she introduces herself,
asks what firm I'm with, blah, blah, blah.
And I said, like,
"Listen, if... if you're looking
for a job, I'm the wrong guy,"
and she goes, "No, I just
think you look interesting."
And she says, "Would you
like to have dinner?"
And I realize that I've had my hands
in my pockets this whole time,
so she has no idea
that I'm even married.
Mm-hmm.
And suddenly I get this
feeling, you know,
like I told you I get
with books and movies,
like I... I finally had
a chance to escape,
to be somebody
else for a while.
So I go back up to my room,
and suddenly I feel
this wave of guilt,
like the spell breaks,
and I start thinking
this is crazy.
Then all of a sudden,
my phone rings,
and it's Joanne.
And I answer, and I say,
"I'm so glad you
called," because I was.
"I miss you, and I wish
you were here right now."
And she says, "Well, I wish I
were there right now, too",
"because the disposal's
broken again.
"Do you want me to
call a repairman,
"or do you want to
try and fix it?
"Oh, and did you ever
talk to our neighbor
"about whether or not they
stole our recycling bin?
Because it's getting a little
awkward walking with..."
And she goes on like this
for, like, five minutes.
So when I hung up,
I practically ran
to the elevator.
And Annie... her
name was Annie...
we have this whole dinner,
and you know what
we talked about?
College football.
Mm. College football.
No car insurance, no day care,
no gossip about other
parents I don't even know.
Just simple, effortless conversation.
I've never...
The first one that I've
had in a long time.
Scale of 1 to 10?
Plus the fact that she was 21,
makes her, like, an
eleventy-zillion.
Hello.
Don't get me wrong.
Joanne is very attractive.
And this is gonna
sound shallow, but...
pregnancy is bad for a body.
You know, sometimes
I'll catch myself
staring at her
thighs or belly,
and I'll be like...
whatever happened to the
woman I married, you know?
You do realize you're the
one who made her like that.
I know. That's why I feel like
an asshole even saying this.
I feel like an asshole
even thinking it.
And don't get me wrong.
Cole is the best thing
that's ever happened to me.
It's just he's the worst thing
that ever happened
to our sex life.
I used to look at Joanne
and just want to jump her,
but now I look at
her, and sometimes...
And this is embarrassing,
but sometimes
I have trouble...
getting ready for her.
And Annie?
I could be ready just
thinking about her.
I was ready when
she asked my name.
I guess when you get married,
you're supposed to say
that the relationship
goes beyond tight thighs
and a skinny waist
and that, when all that goes,
the rest of it
will sustain you.
Well, it just isn't
phrased that way.
But if... if it was, would
you still have married her?
Yeah, of course, but...
you just don't realize how
much you'll miss things,
you know, little
things, like kissing.
Y- You don't kiss
Joanne anymore?
Yeah, we kiss all the time,
but it's habit. It's
like a handshake.
You don't even think about it.
But when Annie kissed me...
fuck.
It was like the hairs on the
back of my neck stood up.
It's hard to say, but there's more
in that first kiss with someone new
than there is in the whole
shebang after four years.
That's how everything was.
It was just exciting,
you know, touching her,
taking her clothes off
for the first time.
And then the... the rest of the weekend at...
at the conference,
I'd be sitting in
some stupid speech,
and all I could think about
was those tiny, little legs
and those little
black panties,
and I just... I felt like I
was going fucking crazy.
So then, at lunch,
I found her...
and we blew off the
rest of the conference,
just blew it off.
Did it four times on Sunday...
once an hour before we
went to the airport.
Now, you have to understand,
if Joanne and I do it
four times a month,
it's a fucking miracle.
But it's like I knew that it
was gonna disappear forever,
and I just... I
couldn't get enough.
And did it disappear forever?
Yeah, we email
sometimes, but...
nothing serious.
But everytime I see her
name in my in-box,
it's like my heart
doubles up, man.
Are you gonna see her again?
Why? That would just
ruin it, you know?
Everything I felt for Annie,
I used to feel for Joanne.
So, what, I just run off with this
gorgeous little football fan. Then what?
Next thing you know, talking to
Annie is like talking to Joanne,
kissing Annie is like kissing Joanne.
It's...
That's just what
marriage does.
You asked if I ever mention
the music to Joanne.
Well, I have.
Hmm. I do.
It's like clockwork.
Every couple of
months, I'll wake up,
freaked out that my
life is meaningless.
She'll try on some
clothes, have a breakdown,
swear she's gonna lose 20
pounds, swears off food.
I swear that I'm gonna turn
in my tie for a guitar strap.
We both say, "Good for you, honey.
I'm with you,"
not believing a single fucking
word the other person's saying.
That's the problem with marriage.
You...
You can't do it without
learning to lie
to the one person you're
supposed to trust.
Can I ask you something?
What?
And I don't... I don't
mean to upset you.
Um...
if it's so bad, why
don't you get out?
Let me see your keys.
I told you, I tried
a million times.
Just... Just let me see 'em.
It's not gonna work, brother.
That's it?
Two keys?
Yeah, why?
Jesus. Yeah.
It's like you
mugged a locksmith.
Yeah, I know. It's, uh...
Okay, there's my...
my house keys.
I got my gym locker.
I've got my toolshed.
I've got my boat keys.
I don't know what the
hell that one's for...
Jesus. Or that one.
I mean, it's like... You
know when people say
they're gonna put down roots?
Well, that's what
it looks like.
Shit.
You know what I always wanted?
What?
Mohawk, fucking Mohawk,
just like that dude from...
from "Taxi Driver."
Travis Bickle? The nutcase?
Yeah. Mm-hmm.
But I could never do it.
Why not?
Well, because my parents
would have killed me.
Then when I got to
college, I was working.
Then I was working as soon
as I got out of college.
Then of course I got married
and had a kid, so...
So?
So you don't see many
responsible parents
or functioning members
of society with Mohawks.
So?
So forget about doing
something crazy
and life-altering
like quitting my job
or leaving my wife.
I can't even get a
haircut anymore
without thinking
about the keys,
and the keys, they
don't like Mohawks.
Well, how long do you have to
listen to the keys exactly?
U- Until you retire? Until
Cole goes to college?
Oh, I'll probably
be bald by then.
Exactly.
You know, I used to have
something on my key chain,
but it kept falling off.
Do you know what this is?
This is a multi-tool.
And do you know what
one of the tools is?
Shing.
Mohawk?
Dude, put away the multi-tool.
It's not happening.
Why not?
Because I just told you
two pounds of why.
So what, man? Nobody's here.
We're freezing our asses off
in the middle of the desert.
There's not a
soul to stop you.
Whoa. Mohawk!
It's not something that I
think Cole needs to see,
is his old man with a Mohawk.
So what? You'll...
Man, you'll...
you'll prove to him that... That
it's good to be your own man.
What about Joanne?
Joanne's probably as bored
with you as you are of her.
You're probably one Mohawk away
from fucking like rabbits.
Okay, well...
Mohawk! Mo...
Come on. Just say
fuck it, man.
Fuck it. Fuck the keys.
Do it for you.
Oh, God, you don't...
You're pulling on it.
Just re... Just relax.
Don't be a pussy.
There we go.
Whee.
That's looking good, man.
Here we go.
Ow!
Yeah, that's gonna
leave a Mark.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Is it straight?
It's fairly straight.
Yeah? Does it look
like Travis Bickle?
Heh. You look pretty crazy.
What do you think? Oh, no.
Do you love it?
Yes.
Oh, my God.
I'll give you 100 bucks
if you let me come to
work with you on Monday.
You don't have $100.
I know! I'll sell something.
You gonna sell a book?
Something of value,
like my kidney, maybe. God.
Oh, my God. This look is
never gonna make it to work.
Oh, come on, man. This is
new Mitch coming through.
Oh, my... I can't believe
how many times you cut me.
The lacerations will fade,
but the memories will
last us a lifetime.
Oh, we can't say nothing
happened on this trip, huh?
God.
Yeah.
What?
Have you ever been
this thirsty?
No.
Really?
It tastes like water.
Gimme.
Yeah, tastes like water.
It's blue and soapy.
Yeah, well, it's washer fluid.
What do you expect?
That's horrible.
I don't...
I don't want any more.
All right.
I don't like it. Well...
I- I'm gonna save
mine for tomorrow,
in case I have to
go for a walk.
Yeah, well, we should pro...
We should probably
get some sleep...
Yeah. In case you do, huh?
Yeah.
Holy shit.
Hold on. Hello.
Hello? Hi. Oh, God.
Thank you. Wait.
Hi. Hi.
Hold on. Hi. Hi.
How... How are you? It's
so good to see you.
We had... Ow.
Okay, don't go anywhere.
Um, we had a...
problem last night.
It's so good to see you.
I'm sorry. Um,
oh, my God. We had a bit of
an issue with the engine.
I guess I tampered with it,
or... I didn't
really dismantle it.
It's fine. It's all
good, but, uh,
God, we were here all night,
all day and all
night last night.
Maybe you have food or
water or something?
Just... Just anything?
A ride, you know?
We... We'll...
Wait! No!
Where are you going?
Wait! Wait! Wait!
Oh, God.
What the fuck are you doing?!
I... I thought she was
gonna take us with her.
She was!
Until you scared the
shit out of her!
You couldn't wait one minute
to get into the car, man?
Come on!
I don't... I don't know.
I thought she... I
thought that...
You look like a goddamn
fucking horror movie extra!
Let's remember why
I look like this.
This... This was your idea!
What am I afraid of? What can it hurt?
Well, there you go.
That is exactly why you can't
have a Mohawk in the real world.
I gave you a haircut,
not a lobotomy.
I don't feel well.
Ahh.
Maybe it has something
to do with the fact
that I spent a day in the oven
and the night in the freezer
with nothing but fucking
washer fluid in my system!
I told you not to
drink that shit, man.
Oh! It tasted like soap!
Okay, so this is all my fault.
I got us stuck in the desert.
Well, you certainly got us
stuck for another 20 hours.
Hey, do me a favor.
If you see any
more cars coming,
try not to be such
a fucking moron!
This is exactly what happens
when you let a homeless
person cut your hair!
Don't worry. I'm gonna
call Joanne for you.
I'll tell her you're just
fine, you'll be home soon,
but you won't be able
to get it up looking at
her fat fucking thighs... Hey!
Unless you think about
your girlfriend Annie.
Hey, You better keep
your mouth shut!
Then maybe she'll give you
that divorce you're
so scared to ask for.
Then you can give those keys you
love so much to Cole's new Dad!
Hey!
You fucker.
Aah!
Oh, shit.
Hey.
You son of a bitch.
Hey.
Come here. Hey!
Come here! Hey! Hey!
You son of a...
You...
You just broke my nose!
Fucking...
Yaah!
Damn it.
Hyah!
Come on!
Aah! Oh, my eye! Time-out!
Are you all right?
Damn it!
I think you broke my nose.
Now I'm going to
have two casts
and a fucking Mohawk.
Hey, quit fucking
around, and get up.
Come on. Get up!
Carter.
Carter?
Hey.
Get up!
C...
Hey.
Hey! Come on.
Come on.
Carter.
Oh, shit.
Oh, man.
I'm so sorry.
Carter, come on, buddy.
Wake up.
Wake up.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Carter, come on, buddy.
Get up. Get up.
Get up!
Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck.
Oh, my God.
H- Hey...
Ah, fuck.
What the...
It's gonna be okay, buddy.
It's gonna be okay.
You know, I was
thinking about it,
and it's really funny.
We should have thought
about it sooner.
We scared that old lady, man.
We scared her.
I mean, look at me, right?
I'd be scared of me. I'm...
I look fucking crazy.
But that's okay. That's good.
That's very good,
because she probably
went straight to town
and told somebody
about it, right?
She probably went
to the first house
or store or whatever
and was like, "Ohh,
you gotta help me.
"Some crazy guy with
a crazy haircut
tried to get in my car."
But I wasn't trying
to get in her car.
I was just... I was just
feeling it, you know.
I was just trying to make sure it
wasn't one of those, what, mirages,
like in the
cartoons, you know?
But that's okay. That's good.
That's very good, because
she probably told somebody,
and they're gonna come out
here and check it out.
They're probably sending
somebody right now.
They're probably...
They're probably
sending the police.
The police are probably
coming right now.
Carter.
Carter, hey,
I think the police are coming.
Carter, I need you
to wake up, buddy.
I need you to wake up!
Carter!
The police are coming.
The police are coming!
I need you to help me make them
understand how this happened.
Carter, come on!
Come on!
Hello!
Do you hear me?
'Cause if you don't
help me explain,
they're not gonna
understand, Carter.
Come on!
You remember my keys?
Do you remember my keys?
I got a lot of things
to worry about.
Come on, buddy. Wake up.
Wake up!
Fucking... I am sorry.
Carter?
Carter.
Holy shit!
Holy shit! You're alive!
You're alive!
Carter! Oh. Okay.
J- Just wait here.
Just... You're okay.
You're okay. You're okay.
You're okay.
Everything's gonna be okay.
All right?
What's happening?
You scared the shit out of me!
That's what's happening.
Ow, my head.
Ohh. Oh, my God. Quit it.
I can't believe it.
I have the worst headache
I've ever had in my life.
Okay. All right, well, just...
Just stay right there, okay?
We'll get you taken care of.
Oh shit. Oh, fuck.
Um...
is this all mine?
Yeah. Yeah, mostly.
Ohh.
Jesus.
What the fuck
happened to you, man?
You.
Wow.
Okay, just... Keep breathing.
Breathe in.
Breathe in. Breathe in.
Okay. There you go.
All right. Good job. Good job.
I hope I don't look
as bad as you do.
Let's just say we're tied.
Let's just...
Um...
what the fuck
happened to my hand?
Oh.
Uh, it...
looks broken.
Yeah. It looks really broken.
Yeah.
Look, I'm just...
Look, it d... It
doesn't matter, okay?
I'm just happy that
you're alive and okay.
W- What the fuck
happened here?
W- We were arguing.
You don't remember?
No.
It really hurts to
think, actually.
Well, then don't. Just...
Just sit here. Rest.
It doesn't matter anyway.
It's over.
Oh, my God. It's almost dark.
Yeah.
And nobody's come?
No. I hoped that lady was
going to send somebody,
but she, uh...
Just take it easy.
I-I'll keep lookout.
Oh, watch out.
Oh, God.
Maybe I just need to...
No, no. You stay. Just stay...
I just need to sit
up for a second.
What the hell is that?
Uh...
Well, it...
What the fuck is that?!
You don't understand.
I thought you were...
What the fuck is that?!/ Listen.
Listen.
Stay back!/ Listen.
Get away from me!
Come on, Carter. I
thought you were dead.
I thought you were...
Stay back!
I... I didn't feel a pulse.
I checked your... And
there was no pulse.
I didn't know what to do.
So you were just gonna
fucking bury me in a hole?!
No, no. It's not like that.
Listen.
Are you fucking crazy?!
We were fighting, and you
pulled the knife on me!
You broke my fucking nose!
You get the fuck back!
You bit my fucking cast!
What was I supposed to do?
Come on. Just...
You tried to fucking kill me!
I wasn't trying to kill you, buddy.
Just...
Where you going?
What are you...
Stay the fuck back! Okay!
Okay, okay. Listen...
I'll kill you.
I didn't know.
I panicked. I panicked, okay?
I panicked. I didn't
know what to do.
I wasn't feeling all right.
'Cause I thought
you were dead.
You thought I was gonna do it.
Didn't you? Didn't you?!
You thought... You thought
I was gonna do it,
I was gonna fuck up your...
your perfect little life,
and so you were just gonna...
gonna bury me,
bury me out here in the
middle of nowhere.
Your stupid, loner,
novelist friend...
No Who no one would ever miss.
Hey, hey. Hey. I didn't.
You stay the fuck
away from me!
All right. Where you going?
Get back!/ Where
are you going?
I'll kill you!/ Okay, I'm...
I'm sorry.
Don't follow me.
Hey. I'm... Please don't go!
Carter.
Carter?
Carter?
Quit fucking around, man.
You're freaking me out.
Ah, fuck!
Get out of here!
Hey, Mitchell.
I'm not well.
It'd be so fucking easy.
I just pull this right
across your throat,
and I cover you in
this hole, Mitchell,
and leave you in this
godforsaken hellhole forever.
You'd have to be
out of your mind.
No. That happened
a while ago...
and I still can't do it.
Why are you in the hole?
Because it's warmer.
We're in here.
You... Do you hear something?
I would have done
things differently.
I'd have made changes.
Yeah. Me, too.
You know, It wasn't
that bad of an idea.
It's just we...
We just didn't do it right.
Well...
next time.
There's gotta be something.
Carter.
Carter. Carter.
Can you walk?
Look.
I found another dot.
That might not even be a town.
Well, then, what is it?
It might just be a dot.
Y- You can't have a dot
if there's nothing
there, can you?
I don't know.
Okay look, the sun
set over there,
so that's west, so we got...
Never eat shredded wheat.
Okay, so it's...
I- It's southwest,
so we... we gotta go that way.
What if we get lost?
Or eaten or...
or something?
Okay, no, w-we use the sun
to make sure that we
stay in a straight line.
Okay? I figure in
this condition,
we could probably go, like,
a mile an hour, okay?
That's one day to get there.
We should just stay
near the road,
and then s-someone
will come for us.
Okay, we haven't seen a
car since that lady.
And what if you're right?
What if...
What if this road was
closed down like you said?
I can't... I can't
keep doing this.
I can't do it.
Look, if we're gonna go out...
if we're not gonna make it,
I want to go out
trying, all right?
Okay.
You go.
What?
You go. I can't.
Shut the fuck up. I'm
not going without you.
I'll be fine.
No, you're not fine.
You're lying in a fucking hole.
Come on!
We got three hours until
the heat rolls in.
You can do it. This
is our best shot.
I won't make it.
Yes, you will, Carter.
You remember the Grand Canyon?
Remember that?
When you tied the rope to
me and you pulled me up?
Mitchell. Do you
remember that?
I lost a lot of blood, okay?
You go.
Come on. Get up.
Get up!
Come on. Get up!
Ow!
Come on. Wait. Wait.
Wait.
Fuck you.
Come on.
Help me up. Come on.
I'll carry your ass.
Come on.
Come on.
Come here.
What?
I hear something.
Hey!
Hey! Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
No! Hey!
Hey! Hey!
Forward or backward?
Hmm.
Hey. Hey.
Got you something.
I got you something.
Hey. Hey.
I found something.
Heh.
I saw something.
See?
Look. They go to the
town, probably.
Oh, my God.
Jesus.
Come on.
We good?
Yeah. Let's go.
After you.
All right. Let's just...
Is it heavy?
Yeah.
Heh.
Answer it Hello.
Hello. Hello!
Ah, you remember Uncle Carter?
Huh?
Hey, doggie.
Ha ha. Hey, what's up?
How are you, man?
Oh, I'm good.
Remember Uncle Carter?
Real good.
Hey, Cole.
Hi. Hi.
Low five.
This is everything.
Yeah? That's it, huh?
Yeah.
Are you sure about this?
Hey, Cole. Yes?
Why don't you show Uncle
Carter his new room, huh?
Yes. Yes?
Good boy, Cole.
All right. Let's do it.
All right.
Thanks You got it.
So is this it?
This is it.
All right.
All right, buddy, let's go.
There you go.
You ready?
Are you sure you're
okay with this?
Are you kidding me, man?
It's the least I can do.
Besides, it'll give me a chance
to knock out a big chunk.
Yeah.
I'm proud of you, man.
Well, it's just
flowing from me now.
How long is it gonna
take you guys
to circumnavigate the world?
Uh, you know,
we're gonna stay with the
parents for a couple days,
and I'm still not entirely sure
we're gonna get through that,
but if we do, the
tickets are open-ended,
so we'll just pick a continent
and stay until we get bored
or, you know, run
out of money.
You know, she's...
she's not...
what I thought, you know?
I mean...
I never really knew.
Yeah, well, she said the
same thing about you.
Yeah.
All right, come here, you.
All right, man. See you.
Be good All right.
Be safe All right.
All right.
Hello.
Hey.
I wake you?
No, I just... I'm
finishing some stuff up.
What's going on?
Eh, you know,
I just wanted
someone to talk to.
I'm feeling...
weird.
Has it occurred to you that
maybe you need some sleep?
I guess...
I thought that I
was past the point
where I really believed that
people could change, you know?
At least, the point where
I thought that I could.
Sounds like a pleasant
surprise, no?
Yeah. Absolutely,
but I'm just not
sure I believe it.
Believe what?
That I'm really doing this.
Well, what exactly
is the alternative?
Well, this is gonna
sound a little crazy.
Imagine that. You called me
in the middle of the night
with something that
sounds a little crazy?
Part of me believes that...
we never made it out
of that desert...
that we're just lying
there, overcome...
and this is just all
part of our imagination.
I told you this was gonna
sound crazy, but...
And you didn't sell it short.
A- Are you telling me that
you're not at all suspicious
that things have
gone so smoothly?
Suspicious? No.
I'm stunned, I'm impressed,
but I'm not suspicious.
Well, maybe you should be.
I mean, think about it.
Things may be just a little
too good to be true,
you know what I mean?
Believe me, if I was
making this up,
there'd be a lot more lottery
winning and supermodeling.
Well, at least convince
me that it's probable,
you know, that life really
can turn on a dime,
that you really can...
I don't know...
reinvent yourself.
Which is harder to believe,
that things are finally going the
way you always wanted them to
or that the only way
it could be this good
is if it's all in your head?
I don't know.
You don't have an
opinion on that?
Well, I don't know about you,
but this better be
reality for me,
because if we're still
out in the middle
of the desert somewhere,
I just finished an
imaginary book.
Wow, that's... That's
really, really fast.
So tell me how it ends.
Well, that's the funny thi...
Carter?
Carter?
Piece of shit.