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Scrooge (1970)
Hark, the herald angels sing
Glory to the new-born king Peace on earth and mercy mild God and sinners reconciled There'll be no peace on earth with all that noise. - 'Ere you are, boys. - Thanks, guv'nor. Come on, hurry up! Come on, this house here. Infernal, horrible caterwauling. Why can't they leave a man in peace? Get on with your work, Cratchit. - Merry Christmas! - Get away from here, scavengers. - Blimey, who's he? - That's Father Christmas! - A plague on Father Christmas. - He sends his best to you too, guv'nor. Get back! Regards to Father Christmas! Humbug! Insolent young ruffians coming here with their Christmas nonsense. Beware, Cratchit, you have a dangerous sense of humour. Hellfire and damnation! Don't they know I'm trying to run a business here? Uncle Ebenezer! I cannot tell you what a joy it is to see your happy, smiling face! - It's you. - Merry Christmas! God save you. God save me from Christmas. It's a humbug. A humbug? I'm sure you don't mean that. I'm sure that I do mean that. Merry Christmas indeed! - Why so merry? You're poor enough. - Why so miserable? You're rich enough. There is no such thing as rich enough, only poor enough. Don't be so dismal. What else can I be when I live in a world of fools babbling merry Christmas? Christmas is a time to find yourself a year older and not a day richer. There's nothing merry in that. If I could work my will, every idiot who goes about saying merry Christmas should be boiled with his pudding and buried with a holly stake in his heart. - God forbid! - Keep Christmas in your way. - Let me keep it in mine. - But you don't keep it! Let me... Get off my ledger, you'll ruin my binding. Let me leave it alone, sir. And be good enough to leave me alone during business hours. Seven o'clock, Christmas Eve? That's not business hours. That's drudgery. - An insult to men of goodwill. - Hear, hear. Thank you, Bob Cratchit. Another word from you, Cratchit, and you will celebrate Christmas by losing your position. Yes, sir. Sorry, Mr Scrooge. You're a powerful speaker. I wonder you don't go into politics. You're fool enough. Come now. Don't be angry. Dine with my wife and me tomorrow. As though you hadn't got enough problems, you got married. - Why did you ever do that? - Because I fell in love. If there's one thing more nauseating than a merry Christmas, it's the hypocrisy of a happy marriage with some idiot, lovesick female. Good afternoon, sir. My offer stands. You're always welcome. Like Christmas itself. - I said good afternoon. - Merry Christmas. - You, too, Bob Cratchit, and your family. - Thank you. And to your good lady. Oh, and Uncle... Happy New Year! Good afternoon! Excuse me, sir, but, well, it's seven o'clock, sir. Correct, Cratchit. I don't wish to be impertinent, but would it be too much trouble for me to have my wages? The trouble with you, Cratchit, is that all you think of is pleasure. Pleasure and squandering money. You'll be wanting the whole day off tomorrow, I suppose? - If it's convenient, sir. - No, sir, it is not convenient. And it is not fair. Yet if I stopped your wages for it, you'd think yourself ill-used, no doubt. And yet you don't think me ill-used when I pay a day's wages for no work. It is Christmas Day and it is only once a year, sir. A poor excuse for picking a man's pocket every 25th December. I don't pay good money for you to be forever on holiday. I appreciate your kindness, Mr Scrooge. That's my weakness. I'm a martyr to my own generosity. I give you one Christmas Day off and you expect them all. - Very well, take the day. - Thank you, sir. - But be here earlier the next morning. - I will, sir. Thank you. Oh, and merry Christmas, Mr Scrooge. Be gone from here and take your infernal merry Christmas with you. I beg your pardon, sir. No offence, sir. There's another one. Fifteen shillings a week, a wife and five children, still talks of a merry Christmas. Boo! Kathy, my dear! Tim! Oh, you're both frozen! Sorry I'm late. Mr Scrooge and I had a lot of last minute business. Well, my loves, which one do you like best, eh? - I like that dolly in the corner. - I like all of them. Good boy! Why not one in particular? You said I can't have none, so I may as well like 'em all. Tim, you are a philosopher and a gentleman. - And I've got 15 shillings in my pocket. - 15 shillings! 15 shillings, which says the Cratchits are going to have as good a Christmas as the Lord Mayor of London himself! Oh, I do like that dolly in the corner. Christmas children Peep into Christmas windows See a world as pretty as a dream Christmas trees and toys Christmas hopes and joys Christmas puddings Rich with Christmas cream Christmas presents Shine in the Christmas windows Christmas boxes tied with pretty bows Wonder what's inside What delights they hide But till Christmas morning No one knows - You've five children. Five for a shilling. - Thank you. Won't it be exciting if it snows? I suppose that children everywhere Will say a Christmas prayer Till Santa brings Their Christmas things I bought you the finest bird in the shop. Well, for one and tenpence ha'penny. Christmas children Live in a Christmas daydream Waiting for the magic to unfold Wondrous things to eat Every Christmas treat Rich or not the Christmas pot of gold Hypnotises children young and old With your lot, these six-a-penny apples are the best bet. - I'd rather have the dolly. - I'd rather have the oranges. - 1846 is the best vintage in 20 years. - At that price, it should be. - Your change, sir. - Thank you. Happy Christmas. And to you, sir. This'll make the finest punch and only tuppence a pint. Christmas punch, it's a Cratchit speciality. Fourpence for a Christmas pudding! Scandalous! - It's Papa! - Oh, goody! Here we are. Look what we've bought. About time, too. We were beginning to think you'd gone away for Christmas. Christmas children Hunger for Christmas morning Christmas Day's a wonder to behold Young ones dreams come true Not-so-young ones too I believe that story we've been told You're not the only ones who've been busy. Look what we've been up to. Christmas is for children young and old - Good evening, sir. - Good evening, sir. Have we the pleasure of addressing Mr Scrooge or Mr Marley? It's no pleasure to be addressed by either of you. Mr Marley has been dead seven years. Seven years ago this very night he died. No doubt his liberality is well represented by his surviving partner. Mr Scrooge, sir. At this festive season, sir, it is more than usually desirable that we make some provision for the poor. Excellent. I suggest you do so. You miss our point, sir. The poor suffer greatly at the present time. Thousands lack common necessaries. - Are there no prisons? - Indeed. There's no shortage of them. - Are the workhouses still operating? - They are. I wish they weren't. I'm very glad. I was afraid something had stopped them in their useful purpose. Oh, but, sir...! We are trying to raise a fund to provide the poor meat and warmth. We choose this time because want is keenly felt and abundance rejoices. - What may we put you down for? - Nothing. - You wish to be anonymous? - I wish to be left alone, sir. I don't make merry at Christmas and cannot afford to make idle people merry. I've been forced to support the places I've mentioned through tax. They cost more than they are worth. The badly off must go there. Many would rather die. Then they had better do it and decrease the surplus population. Good night, gentlemen. Humbug! Poppycock! Balderdash! Bah! Scavengers and sycophants And flatterers and fools Pharisees and parasites And hypocrites and ghouls Calculating swindlers, Prevaricating frauds Perpetrating evil As they roam the earth in hordes Feeding on their fellow men Reaping rich rewards Contaminating everything they see Corrupting honest men... ...like me! I hate people! I hate people! People are despicable creatures Loathsome, inexplicable creatures Good-for-nothing, kickable creatures I hate people! I abhor them When I see the indolent classes Sitting on their indolent arses Gulping ale from indolent glasses I hate people! I detest them! I deplore them! Knives, scissors or razors to grind. Fools who have no money spend it Get in debts then try to end it Beg me on their knees befriend them Knowing I have cash to lend 'em Soft-hearted me! Hard-working me! Clean-living, thrifty and kind as can be! Situations like this are of interest to me It's Mr Scrooge. Two pounds five shillings due before Christmas. That means today. We've been giving more credit than usual... That's your business. Mine is to collect two pounds five shillings. We sell things for children, and people can't afford... Neither can I afford it. However, I will allow you an extra week's credit... Oh, thank you, Mr Scrooge. ...which will only cost you a further 12 shillings. 12! But we scarcely make that much in a week! If you would prefer me to confiscate your stall and its contents, which is my legal right, I will do so. - We'll pay, sir. - You will both sign this. Knives, scissors or razors to grind. - And you can give me a pair of these. - Certainly, Mr Scrooge. Oh, look, there's that lovable Father Christmas again. Merry Christmas, sir. Penny for the baby, sir? Penny for the baby? I hate people I loathe people I despise and abominate people Move over! Life is full of cretinous wretches Earning what their sweatiness fetches Empty minds whose pettiness stretches Further than I can see Little wonder I hate people And I don't care if they hate me - Not now, please! - Two pounds seven and six, Miller. - Now is as good a time as any. - But I'm performing! You're always performing. Where's my money? Tomorrow, after the Christmas show. It's my best day of the year. It will be two pounds ten or I confiscate your puppets. All right, Mr Scrooge. Two pounds ten. Oh, what a pity, what a pity, what a pity! Father Christmas Father Christmas He's the meanest man In the whole wide world In the whole wide world You can feel it He's a miser He's a skinflint He's a stingy lout Leave your stocking out For your Christmas gift And he'll steal it It's a shame he's a villain What a game for a villain to play On Christmas Day! Hark! The herald angels sing - Father Christmas - Thank you, guv'nor. Will be just as mean as he's ever been And I'm here to say - We should all send Father Christmas... - Get out of it! ...on his merry Christmas way! - Come on! - After him. - I've got an idea. Wait for me! Father Christmas! Father Christmas He's the rottenest man in the universe There is no one worse You can tell it - He's a rascal! - He's a bandit! - Scum! - Come on, over here. He's a crafty one Leave your door undone He'll go in your house - And sell it! - Here's your money. Count it. You waste breath, sir. No one has ever short-changed me. - It's a crime - It's a scandal What a game for a vandal to play On Christmas Day! Merry Christmas, sir. Merry Christmas! Lavender, sweet lavender. Sweet lavender. Hot broth, Mr Scrooge. A small token of Christmas esteem with the compliments of Tom Jenkins. No. There'll be a free can of broth every night for a year in gratitude for your kindness in giving me another two weeks to pay. - One week. - Ten days? One week. - One week. - Put a lid on that. I'll take it home. If you distrust Father Christmas It's as well to know that we told you so 'Cause I'm here to say We should all send Father Christmas... Beat it! Father Christmas Father Christmas ...on his merry Christmas way! Scrooge. Marley? Humbug! Merry Christmas, guv'nor. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Scrooge. It's humbug still. I'll not believe it! Scrooge. How now? What do you want with me? - Much. - Who are you? In life, I was your partner, Jacob Marley. - Can you sit down? - Of course I can sit down. Do so, then. You don't believe in me, do you? No, I don't. Why do you doubt the evidence of your own eyes? Because I've had a slight stomach disorder. It has undoubtedly affected my vision. You're an hallucination. Probably brought on by an undigested bit of beef or a blob of mustard. Or a crumb of cheese or an old potato. Yes, that's what you are. You are an old potato. You do not exist, Jacob Marley. It's humbug, I tell you. It's a lot of... Stop, I beseech you, stop! - Now do you believe in me? - I believe in you absolutely. Why do you walk the earth? Why do you come to persecute me? - What is that great chain you wear? - I wear the chain I forged in life. I made it link by link and yard by yard while on earth. And now I can never be rid of it, any more than you will ever be rid of yours. Mine? It was as heavy and long as this seven Christmases ago. It's a terrible ponderous chain you are making, Scrooge. Tell me more, Marley, but speak comfort to me! - I have none to give. - None? Comfort comes from other sources, Ebenezer Scrooge, and is given by other ministers than I to other kinds of men than you. When I lived, my spirit, like yours, never walked beyond the narrow limits of our counting house. But you were always a good man of business. Mankind should be our business, Ebenezer. But we seldom attend to it. As you shall see. Marley! See the phantoms Filling the sky around you? They astound you I can tell These inhabitants of hell Poor wretches Whom the hand of heaven ignores Beware! Beware! Beware! Lest their dreadful fate be yours! It was a dream. Yes, that's what it was, a dream! It's not a dream, Ebenezer. For pity's sake, Marley, leave me in peace! It was for pity's sake I came here. Pity for you. I leave you with just the tiniest chance of escaping my fate. You were always a good friend to me, Jacob. Thank you. You will be visited by three ghosts. I think I'd rather not. The first will appear tonight when the bell tolls one. Couldn't I take them all at once and get it over with, Jacob? The second at two o'clock and the third when the bell tolls... three. - I must go now. - Marley, wait! I'm doomed to wander through the world in everlasting repentance. Remember what has passed between us. Farewell, Scrooge. Three ghosts? Three humbugs! Half past ten. Quarter to eleven? One o'clock! - Who are you? - The spirit whose coming was foretold. - You don't look like a ghost. - Thank you. May I enquire who or what you are? I am the Ghost of Christmas Past. - Long past? - No, your past. - What brings you here? - Your welfare. To be wakened by a ghost in the night is hardly conducive to my welfare! Your redemption then. Rise and walk with me. - Where are we going? - We are going to look at your childhood. - Do you remember these children? - Of course. All of them. Look there's my little sister! Fran! Fran! Fran! Why doesn't she wave back? She cannot see you. These are but shadows of the things that have been. I could never join in those Christmas parties. The school is not quite empty, is it? A solitary boy, neglected by his family, is left there still. Poor boy. - I wish... - What is it? - Nothing. Nothing! - What is it you wish? There were some boys singing carols outside my door last night. I should've given them something. Let us look at another Christmas. Ebby! Dear, dear brother. I've come to bring you home. - With you? - Father's much kinder than he was. He sent me to bring you home. We're to be together all Christmas. Go and fetch your things. Always a delicate creature whom a breath might have withered. But she had a large heart. - She had, I'll not deny it. - She died a woman. - And I believe had children. - One child. - Your nephew! - Yes. There's a Christmas that you really enjoyed. Why, it's old Fezziwig alive again! I was his apprentice! Yo ho, Ebenezer! Yo ho, Dick! Hi-de-ho and chirrup! No more work today! Hi-de-hi! It's Christmas Eve, Dick, Ebenezer. Clear away before you can say Jack Robinson. Make some room before Mrs Fezziwig and the daughters arrive! - With the punchbowl! - My word, I am a good-looking chap. Strong, too. I used to carry sacks around all day. That other fellow. I remember him. Dick Wilkins. Nice young fellow. Very attached to me he was. Dear, oh, dear. Mrs Fezziwig! My very dear friends! There will now be happiness and contentment in this room the like of which we've never seen! Begin! Of all the days in all the year That I'm familiar with There's only one that's really fun - December 25th - Correct! Ask anyone called Robinson Or Brown or Jones or Smith - Their favourite day and they will say - December 25th December 25th, my dears December 25th The dearest day in all the year - December 25th - Correct! December 25th! Mrs Fezziwig! - December 25th - Correct! At times we're glad to see the back Of all our kin and kith But there's a date we celebrate December 25th At times our friends may seem to be Devoid of wit and pith But all of us are humorous - December 25th - Correct December 25th, my dears December 25th The dearest day in all the year December 25th! - Why didn't you join the dance? - Because I couldn't do it. December 25th, my dears December 25th The dearest day in all the year December 25th Correct! If there's a day in history That's more than any myth Beyond a doubt, one day stands out - December 25th - Correct! I don't hear any arguments So may I say forthwith I wish that every day could be December 25th! Go on, go on! What? Me? - What a marvellous man! - What's so marvellous? He's merely spent a few pounds of your mortal money. Three or four. Why is that deserving of so much praise? He has the power to make us happy or unhappy. To make our work a pleasure or a burden. It's nothing to do with money. December 25th, my dears December 25th The dearest day in all the years December 25th, my dears December 25th, my dears - Isabel. - Fezziwig's daughter. You were going to marry her, weren't you? Yes. You, you were new to me You, you were spring You, you were true to me You, you were everything They say happiness Is a thing you can't see A thing you can't touch I disagree Here we are! Happiness is standing beside me I can see him He can see me Happiness Is whatever you want it to be Happiness is a high hill Will I find it? Yes, I will Happiness is a tall tree Can I climb it? Watch and see They say happiness is the folly of fools Pity poor me, one of the fools Happiness is smiling upon me Walking my way, sharing my day Happiness Is whatever you want it to be Happiness is a bright star Are we happy? Yes, we are Happiness is a clear sky Give me wings and let me fly Let me fly For happiness is whatever you want it to be You, you were good for me You were my day Did all you could for me I let you go away - I did love her, you know. - Did you? Oh, yes, I loved her. Then why did you let her go? I've never been quite sure. Then let us go and see. - Ebenezer. - Yes? I've come to say goodbye. I'm going away. You will not see me again. - But you are going to marry me. - No. You've found another love to replace me. She's much more desirable than I am. I have no idea what you're talking about. This lady here. How shall I ever understand this world? It is so hard on poverty and yet it condemns with such severity the pursuit of wealth. You fear the world too much, Ebenezer. All your nobler dreams that I loved, I've seen die off one by one. - Only the desire for gain is left. - I'm not changed towards you, am I? Yes. Your promise to me was made when you were poor and content to be. - You were someone else then. - A boy. You see? Your own feelings tell you that you are not what you were. I see that all too clearly. - And so I can release you. - Have I ever asked to be released? In words, no. But in a changed nature, yes. In everything that made my love of value to you, yes. If you met me today, you would not love me. - I would. I do. I still do. - Sh! I'm trying to listen! I find it impossible to discuss personal affairs during business hours. Please! You see? If you weigh me by gain, I weigh very little. And so I release you with a full heart and for the love of him you once were. Say something, you fool! You may for a little while have pain in this. But it will pass. And you'll dismiss the recollection of it gladly as an unprofitable dream. From which it happened well that you awoke. Don't go. It's a mistake. Don't go! Be happy in the life you have chosen. - Isabel! - Isabel. You fool! You fool. I let you go away And now I can see Now you're a dream gone by For how could there be Such a fool... ...as I? I who must travel on What hope for me? Dream where my past has gone Live with a memory You, my only hope You, my only love You... You... You... Spirit, remove me from this place. I can bear it no more. Stupid old fool! Getting yourself all upset over nothing. It's all in your imagination! The first at one. The second at two. I'm ready for you wherever you are! Nothing. Ebenezer Scrooge! Come here, Scrooge, I'm waiting for you. Or shall I come in there and get you? I'm coming. I'm coming. Welcome, Scrooge. Is it too bright for you? Come over here, you weird little man. I am the Spirit of Christmas Present. Now look upon me. You have never seen the like of me before. Never. Yet how many of my brothers have you rejected in your miserable lifetime? I've never met any of your brothers, sir. - You have never looked for them. - How many of them are there? - What year is this? - 1860. Then I have 1,859 brothers. Each year at this time, one of us visits this puny little planet to spread some happiness and to remove as many as we can of the causes of human misery. Which is why I have come to see you, Ebenezer Scrooge. You're a funny-looking creature. I found it hard to believe you'd be as horrible as my brothers said you'd be. But now I look at you, I see they were understating the truth. I am a man of the highest principles and a most generous spirit! Generous spirit?! You? You don't know the meaning of the phrase. But you're about to find out. Now, drink this. - What is it? - Taste it! Do you like it? It's wonderful. I've never tasted anything like it. - Of course you haven't. - What is it? The Milk of Human Kindness. There are more good things in life than you can imagine. I'm sure. Can I have some more? Ebenezer Scrooge The sins of man are huge A never-ending symphony Of villainy and infamy Duplicity, deceit and subterfuge And no one's worse Than Ebenezer Scrooge Though man's A handy candidate for hell I must admit life sometimes has its brighter side as well I like life Life likes me Life and I fairly fully agree Life is fine Life is good 'Specially mine Which is just as it should be I like pouring the wine And why not? Life's a pleasure that I deny not I like life here and now Life and I made a mutual vow Till I die, life and I We'll both try to be better somehow And if life were a woman She would be my wife - Why? - Why? Because I like life! That's all very well for you, but not for me. I hate life. - Nonsense, man! Why? - Because life hates me, that's why. Scrooge, you're an even bigger fool than I took you for. I've never heard such a lot of self-pitying drivel. You don't even know how to live. Now you listen to me. I like life - Well, go on. - I like life That's better. Life likes me - Life likes me - Good. Good. - I make life a perpetual spree - Perpetual spree - Eating food - Drinking wine! Thinking who'd like The privilege to dine me - I like drinking the drink I'm drinking - That's better, Scrooge! I like thinking the thoughts I'm thinking I like songs, I like dance I hear music and I'm in a trance - Tra-la-la! - Oom-pah-pah! Chances are we shall get up and prance Where there's music and laughter Happiness is rife - Why? - Why? Because I like life! Where there's music and laughter Happiness is rife Why? Because I like life! See how much we like life! What happened? What's happened? What am I doing in a pile of snow in the middle of the night? Where are we? Now, Scrooge. Over there lies the lavish home of Robert Cratchit, Esquire, who owes the opulence of his surroundings and the magnificence of his Christmas celebrations to the high principles and generous spirit of his employer. I want to look in the window. It will cost nothing, which will be good news for you. - Will they be able to see me? - No. Which will be good news for them. - I could do with another of them drinks. - Later. For the time being, it's better you see things as they really are. Oh, nectar. Pure nectar! And at only tuppence a pint, you can't really grumble. A tragedy that Her Majesty and the Lord Mayor couldn't be with us. They don't know what they're missing. You try that, my love. - Bob Cratchit, you're a genius. - The stuffing's ready, Father. The marriage of roast goose and sage and onion stuffing la Cratchit is one of the culinary miracles of our day. And a living legend throughout Camden Town. The only remaining problem is whether to put the stuffing inside the goose or the goose inside the stuffing. But since the ultimate intention is to put them inside ourselves, I don't suppose it very much matters. Here they are. The one and only carol-singing Cratchits. Newly returned from their triumphant musical tour. - How did you do, Tiny Tim? - Tenpence ha'penny. Well done! Another fantastic coup by young Timothy Cratchit, the financial wizard. At only seven years of age, the youngest millionaire in the vast Cratchit empire. Ladies and gentlemen, if I may steal a moment of your valuable time, I would ask you to drink a toast to the sparkling good health of the two gentlemen whose industry and generosity have provided our repast. Master Timothy Cratchit and Mr Ebenezer Scrooge. - Are you trying to ruin our Christmas? - His money paid for the goose. No, your money paid for the goose, my dear. - But he paid me the money. - Because you earnt it, my love. Fifteen shillings a week at thruppence an hour. Not a rise in eight years. Believe me, you earnt it. Mr Scrooge assures me that times are hard. For you they are. Not for himself. He is the founder of our feast and we shall drink to him. Quite right. You, listen to this. The founder of our feast indeed! I wish I had him here. I'd give him a piece of my mind to feast upon. - He'd have indigestion. - Ethel, the children. It's Christmas! It's needs to be to drink to a rotten, hard, stingy old miser like Scrooge. - But, Ethel... - You know he is, Bob. Nobody knows it better than you, my poor love. To Christmas, my dear. Children, we shall drink to your father, for all the love and happiness he gives us, and to Tiny Tim for the health we wish him. And for the sake of your father, I'll even drink to that old miser, Mr Scrooge. Long life to him and to us all! - A merry Christmas to us all! - Merry Christmas! - God bless us! - God bless us every one! As I said to the Lord Mayor, "If Her Majesty is bored, "you wheel her over to Camden Town. "A glass of Bob Cratchit's hot punch and a song from Tiny Tim, "and we'll have her back on her regal feet in no time." Well, there's the punch, now where's our song, Tiny Tim? Come on, Tim. On a beautiful day that I dream about In a world I would love to see Is a beautiful place Where the sun comes out And it shines in the sky for me On this beautiful winter's morning If my wish could come true somehow Then the beautiful day That I dream about Would be here and now On this beautiful winter's morning If my wish could come true somehow Then the beautiful day That I dream about Would be here And now - Good boy! - Well done, Tiny Tim, well done! What an unpleasant child! You know, Scrooge, there are few things more nauseating to see than a happy family enjoying themselves at Christmas. Do you not agree? I think Bob Cratchit's really rather fond of me. And so's his wife. Couldn't you tell? - She doesn't really know me. - That's one of her few blessings. And what will become of Tiny Tim? What's this? Concern over a sick child? Have you taken leave of your senses? Don't mock me, Spirit. Is the child very sick? Not that it's of any great importance to me. But is he? Well, of course he's sick. You mean he's seriously ill? Will he live? Well, will he?! What does it matter to you, Ebenezer Scrooge? If he's going to die, then he'd better do it and decrease the surplus population. We've one more call to make. Ladies and gentlemen, please honour me with your undivided attention. The time has come that I know you look forward to every Christmas Eve, when I ask you to drink to the health and long life of my uncle Ebenezer! - Sounds as if he knows I'm here. - Of course he doesn't. He can't see you. I've visited you every Christmas for five years and I can never understand this extraordinary ritual of toasting your old uncle Ebenezer. Everyone knows he's the most miserable skinflint ever to walk God's earth. - Who's he? - Oh, just a friend. My dear Tom, it's very simple. He is indeed the most despicable old miser. Worse than you could ever imagine. - You find this amusing? - Believe it or not, he likes you. If I can wish a merry Christmas to him who is, beyond dispute, the most obnoxious and parsimonious of all living creatures, then I know I am truly a man of goodwill. - Scoundrel! - Wait! There's more to come. Besides, I like old Scrooge. - What did I tell you? - Truly I do. I can't help feeling that hidden inside that loathsome old carcass of his, there's a different man fighting to get out. He may be worse than this one! God forbid! Anyway, that's the reason I ask him here every Christmas. In the hope he might pick up enough goodwill to raise his clerk's wages by five shillings a week. God knows it's high time he did. - He's free with other people's money. - Enough, Harry. I refuse to have Christmas haunted by Uncle Ebenezer. We'll have some dancing, some music, then some party games. There's a charming new game called the Minister's Cat. It's very funny. You'll all get very angry when you lose. And you, nephew, if you were in my will, I'd disinherit you. Scrooge! Come over here. You need some more of this. Raise my clerk's wages! I know that tune. I used to sing it when I was a lad. The minister's cat is a lonely cat. - The minister's cat is a languid cat. - The minister's cat is a lordly cat. - The minister's cat is a lazy cat. - The minister's cat is a ludicrous cat. - The minister's cat is a lascivious cat. - The minister's cat is a... - Too late, you're out! - He's out! He's out! They get furious when they lose! It's lovely! He's out! It's M. Come on, M, M, M! - Now M. - The minister's cat is a marvellous cat. - The minister's cat is a marmalade cat. - Marmalade! Miserable! Merciful! Merry, say merry! - Damn! - I told you to say merry. Why are you so stupid? He's always been stupid. And stop yawning. - What next? - N. - The minister's cat is a naughty cat. - Quickly! - The minister's cat is a noble cat. - The minister's cat is a nebulous cat. - The minister's cat is a... - Nasty cat! Oh, no! - I'm not out. I was about to say nasty. - You fool! It's too late! You could've said neglectful, nervous, nauseating. You're out! - The minister's cat is an orange cat. - The minister's cat is an old cat. Thank you, my boy. What a wonderful evening! That minister's cat game. Splendid. I thought I was rather good at it. Good night. Thank you. I haven't enjoyed a Christmas as much as this since I was an apprentice at old Fezziwig's so many years ago. What Christmases we used to have in those days. Fantastic they were. He had this daughter, reminded me a little bit of your mother, she did. Her name was Isabel. Oh, Isabel. Happiness was standing beside me I could see her She could see me Happiness Is whatever you want it to be Yes, Scrooge, I have brought you home. You're not going? My time upon this planet is brief. I must leave you now. But we still have so much to talk about, haven't we? There's never enough time to do or say all the things we would wish. The thing is to do as much as you can in the time that you have. - Yes, but... - Remember, Scrooge, time is short. And suddenly you're not there any more. No, wait! Don't go! Don't leave me! Where are you? Wait, it's too dark! I can't see! I can't see! I can't see! Oh, my God, what am I doing here? I'm in bed, that's what I'm doing here. That's where I'm supposed to be at night. Was I dreaming again? I must've been. That giant! I must be mad! There are no giants! There are no ghosts! Am I in the presence of the Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come? You are to show me things that will happen in the time before us. Is that so, Spirit? Ghost of the Future, I fear you more than any apparition I have seen. But as I know your purpose is to do me good and hope to be another man from what I was, I am prepared to bear you company. Will you speak to me? The night is waning fast and I know that time is precious to me. Lead on, Spirit. Lead on! There you are. Shining as bright as the happy thoughts the mention of the name Scrooge brings to our minds. Ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here today because we are united by a common bond. Namely, our feelings of gratitude to Mr Ebenezer Scrooge. I don't think any of us could find the words to describe the true depth of our feeling towards him. Is this the future? All right, my friends, all right. That's Tom Jenkins, the hot soup man. He owes me six pounds. I must say, he looks uncommonly happy for someone so deep in debt. All these people owe me money. They loved me and I never knew. Kindly hold down your emotions, if you please. - Now, we are all deeply moved. - Yes! Those of us what has been in debt to Mr S all these years will never forget what a rare and beautiful thing he has just done for us. Right? - Right! - Then three cheers for Mr Scrooge! What did I do? What did I do? Whatever it was, it's made them truly happy and I am the cause! My friends, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I shall remember this moment until my dying day. For he's a jolly good fellow For he's a jolly good fellow For he's a jolly good fellow And so say all of us! May I say in all humility... ...I have laboured unceasingly all my life... ...to be worthy of this moving demonstration of your feelings towards me. Ladies and gentlemen... On behalf of all the people Who have assembled here I would merely like to mention, if I may That our unanimous attitude Is one of lasting gratitude For what our friend Has done for us today And therefore I would simply like to say Thank you very much Thank you very much That's the nicest thing That anyone's ever done for me I may sound double Dutch But my delight is such I feel as if a losing war's Been won for me And if I had a flag I'd hang me flag out To add a sort of final victory touch But since I left my flag at home I'll simply have to say Thank you very, very, very much Thank you very, very, very much Thank you very much Thank you very much That's the nicest thing That anyone's ever done for me It sounds a bit bizarre But things the way they are I feel as if another life's begun for me And if I had a cannon I would fire it To add a sort of celebration touch But since I left my cannon at home I'll simply have to say Thank you very, very, very much Thank you very, very, very much For he's a jolly good fellow For he's a jolly good fellow For he's a jolly good fellow And so say all of us Thank you very much Thank you very much That's the nicest thing That anyone's ever done for me It isn't every day Good fortune comes my way I never thought the future Would be fun for me - And if... - You've woken my baby! Keep quiet! Beg your pardon, lady. And if I had a bugle I would blow it To add a sort of how's-your-father touch But since I left my bugle at home I'll simply have to say Thank you very, very, very much Thank you very, very, very much No, dear friends, it is I who should thank you. Thank you very much Thank you very much That's the nicest thing That anyone's ever done for me The future looks all right In fact, it looks so bright I feel as if They're polishing the sun for me And if I had a drum... The colour hurts my eyes. I mustn't show weak eyes to your father when he gets home. - Must be near his time. - Past it. But he's walked a little slower these last few evenings. I've known him walk with Tiny Tim on his shoulder very fast indeed. But he was light to carry. It was no trouble, no trouble. Where is Tiny Tim? Take me to him. I must go now, my little fellow. I promised your mother I'd help her with the Christmas dinner. I'll come and see you again tomorrow. Same time. All right? Oh, Tim. Poor Tiny Tim. Spirit, you've shown me a Christmas that mingles great happiness with great sadness. But what is to become of me? No, no. Please, I beg you! I've seen the error of my ways. I will repent. Truly, I will repent! So there you are! Marley! - Where am I? - I should've thought it was obvious. I heard you were coming down today, so I came to greet you and show you to your quarters. Nobody else wanted to. That's very civil of you, Marley. I am dead, aren't I? As a coffin nail. I'd rather hoped I'd end up in heaven. Did you indeed? You may find your office here rather small. - But not, I trust, unfamiliar. - Office? Your activities in life were so pleasing to Lucifer that he has appointed you to be his personal clerk. A singular honour. You will be to him, so to speak, what Bob Cratchit was to you. That's not fair! It's... Diabolical. I must confess I find it not altogether unamusing. Here we are, my dear Ebenezer. Your office. It's freezing cold in here. Lucifer turned the heat off. He thought it might make you drowsy. You'll be the only man in hell who's chilly. Watch out for the rats. They nibble things. Rats?! Oh, I almost forgot. I knew there was something. They apologise that your... ...chain wasn't ready for your arrival. It's so big, they had to take on extra devils at the foundry to finish it. It's even bigger than I thought it would be. Oh, here it is now. Don't let them do this to me, Marley, I beg you! That's quite a chain, isn't it? - Help me! Help me! - Bah! Humbug! Merry Christmas! Don't leave me, Marley. Help! Help! Help! Help! Where am I? I'm in my own room. I'm not in hell at all. I haven't got any chains! Perhaps it didn't happen after all. Perhaps it did. But I'm alive! I'm alive! I've got a chance to change and I will not be the man I was. I'll begin again I will build my life I will live to know That I've fulfilled my life I'll begin today Throw away the past And the future I build Will be something that will last I will take the time I have left to live I will give it all that I have left to give I will live my days for my fellow men And I'll live in praise Of that moment when I was able to begin again! I will start anew I will make amends And I'll make quite certain That the story ends On a note of hope On a strong amen And I thank the world And remember when I was able to Begin again! I don't know what to do! Yes, begin again! I'm as light as a feather! I'm as happy as an angel! I'm as giddy as a drunken man! A merry Christmas, everybody! Oh, Jacob Marley, wherever you are, you shall see a change in me, Jacob, I swear it! Boy, boy, what day is it? - Today? - Today. - Why, Christmas Day, of course. - It's Christmas Day, I haven't missed it! The spirits have done it all in one night. They can do what they like. Of course they can! Hello, my fine fellow. Know the butcher's in the next street? - I should hope so. - Remarkable boy! Intelligent boy! Do you know if they've sold the prize turkey in the window? - Not the big one, the enormous one! - The one as big as me? What a wonderful boy! So witty! So pleasant to talk to! That's the one. - It's still there. - Buy it. What's that? Here's two sovereigns. Tell the butcher to open his shop. Meet me there in ten minutes. Be holding that turkey and I'll give you half a crown. Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Oh, what a lovely boy! I think I'm going to like children. Now, that's what I call a turkey. It's twice the size of Tiny Tim. Come on, let's go and open the toy shop. Thank you. Merry Christmas! And I'll have that. And some of those. And the hobby horse. And some flutes. And some trumpets. And that doll. And some bows and arrows. Oh, yes, and I must have a cricket bat. And these. And these. And a horse and a spinning top. And a piano. - And all those dolls. - All of them? Yes. I like that. And this beautiful coach. And several kites. And the horse. And these boats. And some of these. Oh, and I'll have that. How much is all this? Never mind. Here are some sovereigns and you can keep the change. Thank you, Mr Scrooge. I shall require the services of several small boys to transport these delightful objects to their destination. - And each shall receive half a crown. - Half a crown. Yes, Mr Scrooge. Mr Scrooge, what has happened? What's happened is perfectly simple, Pringle. I've discovered that I like life! I like life Life likes me Life and I fairly fully agree Life is fine Life is good 'Specially mine Which is just as it should be I like pouring the wine And why not? Life's a pleasure that I deny not I like life here and now Life and I made a mutual vow Till I die, life and I We'll both try to be better somehow And if life were a woman She would be my wife Why? Because I like life! Oh, look, a slide! No, let me! Let me! I like life Life likes me I've made life a perpetual spree! Eating food, drinking wine Thinking who'd like The privilege to dine me I like living the life of pleasure Pausing only to take my leisure Look! I like songs, I like dance I hear music and I'm in a trance Tra-la-la, oom-pah-pah Chances are I shall get up and prance Where there's music and laughter Happiness is rife - Why? - Why? Because I like life! Uncle Ebenezer! Merry Christmas to you, my dear nephew, and to your enchanting wife! We were just on our way to your house with some presents. These are for you. From an old fool who deeply regrets past Christmases that he might have shared with you. This is for you, my dear. A sort of belated wedding present. Oh, Uncle Ebenezer, thank you! Christmas lunch is sharp at three. May we expect you? You may. I'll be there. Oh, you are a pretty girl! I like songs, I like dance I hear music and I'm in a trance Tra-la-la, oom-pah-pah Chances are I shall get up and prance Where there's music and laughter Happiness is rife Why? 'Cause I like life! Father Christmas Father Christmas He's the greatest man In the whole wide world In the whole wide world and he knows it Every Christmas Father Christmas Puts a great big sack On his dear old back 'Cause he loves us all and we know it Then he goes for a sleigh ride If it snows then he may ride all night But that's all right! In the morning Christmas morning If you lift your eyes there's a big surprise On your bed you'll see There's a gift from Father Christmas From Father Christmas That's how Christmas ought to be! Merry Christmas! A merry Christmas to you from Father Christmas himself! Don't worry about your goose, Mrs Cratchit. You can use it as stuffing for this! Now, where are the other presents? This doll is for you, my dear. And this one is for you. And this pretty little dolly is for you. It's the dolly in the corner! - And those are for you, my boy. - Thank you. And these, Bob Cratchit, are for you and your good lady. I must leave you now. It's a busy day for me and I have many more calls to make. I almost forgot! This is for you. - You didn't steal it, did you? - No, I didn't steal it. It's a present for you to keep. Merry Christmas, Tiny Tim. - You still don't recognise me, do you? - Yes. No. - You're Father Christmas? - It's Mr Scrooge! He's gone mad. It's all right. There's nothing to be frightened of. No, I haven't gone mad. On Monday when your salary is doubled... He has gone mad! ...we'll discuss how I can help your family. We'll find the right doctors to get Tiny Tim well. And we will get him well. Yes, I believe you. I believe anything! May this be the merriest Christmas of all our lives. Tom Jenkins, about that six pounds you owe me. You gave me a few more days. You can keep it. It's my Christmas present to you. God bless you this Christmas Day, Mr Scrooge! Thank you very much Thank you very much That's the nicest thing That anyone's ever done for me It sounds a bit bizarre But things the way they are I feel as if another life's begun for me That goes for everybody who owes me money. Keep it. As of this day, all my debts are ended. If I had a drum, I'd have to bang it To add a sort of rum-ti-tum-ti-tum But since I left my drum at home I'll simply have to say Thank you very, very, very much - Thank you very much - Thank you very much That's the nicest thing That anyone's ever done for me It isn't every day Good fortune comes my way I never thought the future Would be fun for me And if I had a bugle I would blow it To add a sort of how's-your-father touch But since I left my bugle at home I'll simply have to say - Gentlemen, merry Christmas! - Merry Christmas, Mr Scrooge. Come to my office on Monday and I'll give you 100 guineas for your cause. - And the same every Christmas. - Thank you very much, Mr Scrooge. Thank you very, very, very much Thank you very much Thank you very much That's the nicest thing That anyone's ever done for me The future looks all right In fact, it looks so bright I feel as if They're polishing the sun for me And if I had a cannon I would fire it To add a sort of celebration touch But since I left my cannon at home I'll simply have to say Thank you very, very, very much Thank you very much Thank you very much That's the nicest thing That anyone's ever done for me I may sound double Dutch But my delight is such I feel as if a losing war's Been won for me And if I had a flag I'd hang my flag out To add a sort of final victory touch But since I left my flag at home I'd simply have to say Thank you very, very, very much Thank you very, very, very much Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! Hello! I don't know whether you can hear me, old Jacob Marley, and I don't know whether or not I imagined the things I saw, but between the pair of us, we finally made a merry Christmas, didn't we? I have to leave you now. I must go and get ready. I'm going to have Christmas dinner with my family. |
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