1
This turkey looks like
the mafia got a hold of it.
It's how the Amish do it.
I saw it on YouTube.
The Amish post on YouTube?
That is crazy.
I know, times have changed
. Wait, this is,
this is hell. I, I never gave my
mother enough credit for doing
this production year after year.
I guess I was already drinking
by the time everything was done.
It was like this magical,
mystical meal appeared
. And Bill
always did the cooking, so-
Yeah, that - Thanksgiving
is fun for everyone but the chef.
True that.
Mom has been brining the
turkey for a week. It's gonna be
more like Passover than
Thanksgiving.
Oh, what'd you say?
I just can't believe that our
mother, a woman who's
consistently flummoxed by the
microwave and who has never
made a piece of unburnt
toast, is cooking for 15.
Do you remember that one time
when she made that big pie with
that huge dome. And then
dad tapped on it and
the whole thing collapsed.
Oh, it was so tragic.
No, it was funny.
I like his new girlfriend.
She's cool. But it's like mega
awkward when she treats me
like we're besties.
Totes, that's so off.
And she's always posting on my
Facebook and liking things.
Why don't you block her?
It would make things
kind of weird.
I do not trust those
instructional videos.
I followed one once and
seriously almost blinded
myself trying to
apply liquid eye liner.
Are you kidding?
- Bad idea.
- That's terrible
Oh look, there's my
wayward husband.
Why did you guys
drive separately?
He had to drop something
off on his way over here.
For work, on Thanksgiving?
Who knows where he
goes or what he does.
I wonder why
she's unfriended me?
Well you live far away.
She doesn't even know you yet.
I guess it's better that way.
Mom would be crazy jealous.
She already puts me in the
middle enough as it is.
Wait, so mom can see
what's on my Facebook?
Yeah, she's got like
this secret account.
She's like the J. Edgar
Hoover of social media.
I'll show you.
Really? An hour.
No, no, no, it's not been an hour.
Look, I had to park
like a mile away. That's - -
there's trees in this
neighborhood, everywhere.
Your obsession with
sap is unnerving.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Happy Thanksgiving.
What is that weird sound?
Uh, I don't know, I downloaded
some new ring tones,
That's probably what it is.
It sounds like a dying sparrow.
I'll set it to silent.
Will you set it to off?
Okay, happy now?
I'm gonna go help with the
buffet table, want to help me?
Sounds exciting. I'm gonna
make a cocktail instead.
Hey Kimmy.
KIMMY Oh, hey Rick.
Hey can you believe the,
uh, Vuelta, Contador and Froome
battling it out? It should
be the tour, right?
Right.
Sounds like you guys are having
fun. Kimmy, he's on restriction,
no cell phone for Rick.
No cell phone for Rick.
- Got it.
- No cell phone
I will keep an eye
on him for Rick
So Rick, uh, are, are
you going to the Giro in Italy or?
Yeah, yeah, I'll be in
Italy for the Giro.
Wow.
I'll miss the tour in France,
though, but I'm gonna go to the
Vuelta in Spain for sure.
Wow. Yeah.
Oops.
So I'm, I'm chatting with
this guy on Bottom Feeder for like
three weeks and
then he just disappears.
Bottom Feeder's bull shit.
People just want to chat and
chat and chat and chat and chat.
It's a bottomless chat feeder.
Okay yes, but I just
felt rejected, you know.
It's not real rejection.
It's more of a pseudo rejection.
We just had so much in
common. We both loved
Miles Davis, Dry Rieslings and
spontaneous swimming and then
poof he just disappears. I know
that this sounds horrible. But
I, I sort of hope that something
awful happened to him, or maybe
he died. Because otherwise he
just never wrote back to me.
Maybe he just met someone else
Then why wouldn't he just say that?
I mean is there no
decorum left in the world?
No manners?
Was he younger?
A little, 18 years.
Well the kids are used to that
kind of interaction, it's normal
to them. It's all just virtual.
You're so much better
at this than I am. Oh my god,
I'm such a bad gay.
I've only actually gone
through with it a few times.
Right. When is the
last time that you actually
met someone in person?
Some drug addict came
over, started cutting coke
on my Noguchi table.
Oh my god, poor Noguchi.
Then he put his head on
my chest and said the sound
of my beating heart
made him hard.
Yeah, I would take a serial
killer blow job at this point.
Oh, Gold Unicorn?
Hi, mom. I left you a message
on your voice mail on your cell
but it's full. I, I tried the
house. It's not working.
I don't know
why it's not working.
Yes, everything is under
control. I have mister turkey
right here. I brined it, yes,
it's very briny. All briny.
550. I don't know, whatever.
Okay. No, no, no, uh,
I, I don't need your help. I
don't. this year I am Sacajawea.
I know that she wasn't at the
first Thanksgiving. I was just
making a little bit of a joke.
Okay, I will text her and, and
make sure she does. Okay, just,
just get over here, I love you.
Okay, bye.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Hello.
Oh, three horny mules. Is that
local?
Uh, 98 points on,
uh, Wine Enthusiast.
Oh. Fabulous,
thank you.
This is very nice.
Oh well thank you for
noticing that.
Yes it's, uh, difficult to miss.
Kind of like your work.
Oh, I would have loved to have
shared your work with my
readers. My former readers.
And speaking of work, is
everyone okay with me doing
the blog interviews and-?
Oh yes, absolutely. You know, I
saw your show at Red Art three
years ago. And I thought it
would have been amazing to be a
part of one of your projects.
And here you are.
Well I hope it meets
your expectations.
I'm sure it will.
Thanksgiving is a, it's a pretty
foreign concept in Britain.
In England we just Christmas
and Boxing Day so.
Box it - - I nev - - what is
Boxing Day anyway?
Oh, no one knows.
You don't even know.
And, and I, and I want to remind
you that this is the first time
that I have attempted
the entire Thanksgiving feast.
Oh well this is my first
time trying to eat one.
So I'm just very grateful you
invited me, you know, thank you.
I don't know where I would
have, uh, ended up.
Well I'm so glad it's here.
Um, I'm gonna go back in
to my work station.
Okay.
'Cause it's chaos
in there. And, um,
Rick is mixing drinks
there at the bar.
Yo. And that's
Kimmy SHANE: Hello.
It's Shane, so.
Hi. Welcome, Shane.
- See you in a minute.
- Okay
So then he sends me this
Snapchat of his erect ding-dong.
Classy.
Like that's
supposed to turn me on?
I wish I could
say that I believe it gets
different but apparently all
penises have the same IQ.
College guys do that?
Yeah, I have an entire
collection of
Valedictorian dicks.
No, I mean I like penises. I'm
all about penises, but so
up close it's just way too
natural history museum.
And no one needs to see
balls close up.
Mm-hmm. This poor guy texts me
pictures of everything.
I mean its-he's such an over
texter. It's really annoying.
What does he over text about?
Fire hydrants, um,
public parks, urban decay.
He sent me pictures of him
winking, but it just like
looks weird. Hmm, what about
you? I know you're having
adventures. Do you like anyone
other than Snapchat boy?
Mm, there's like this one guy.
Hmm?
Yeah, he's a club promoter, so
he's like in the scene.
Mm, he sounds fast.
Yeah, he's a little fast. But I
kind of like fast. I think.
Your sister couldn't
have lost her job at a worse time.
I know, when it rains it pours.
And I haven't been on Linked In
lately but the job market for
art critics does not seem
like it's exactly on fire.
Has she dated anyone
since the divorce?
I mean she's on Date Me
but I don't know, I think she
she might just be on there for
the validation. You know,
just to be liked and found
attractive from her picture.
Well I know that feeling. Even
if ugly guys or fatties like me
it still makes me happy. Like,
you know, this guy put himself
out there for me,
I'll always have options.
Yeah, no, having
options is, is great.
But sometimes too
many options is a problem.
Yeah.
Thanks.
- Cheers.
- Oh, Thank you.
Of course.
So, uh, what's your
field of reportage?
Oh, sports.
Really, I wouldn't
have thought that.
Yeah, I guess you probably
thought, uh, math meets.
Or, uh, chess tournaments.
Maybe some classical music.
I just think it's
a little bit unusual.
I guess.
Do you have, uh, a sport
that's your specialty?
It's LA, so basketball.
It's all about basketball.
Yeah, when you guys win there
are riots. It's terrifying.
It's crazy. I guess you're
a friend of Judy's in the
art world? Are you a dealer?
, No, no, no, I'm a,
I'm a multi-media artist.
I organize, uh, location-based
group happenings. I'm interested
in how people interact in
unusual, strange and
heightened situations.
Oh, Oh-uh, oh hey Rick,
um, we haven't talked about
the tour yet.
We'll do that over turkey.
You're busy.
Okay, save me a seat?
What were you saying?
Hey, hey, hey,
Jesse, you little bitch.
Rick. Uh,
Dylan, this is Rick. He's
married to my sister's friend Georgia
and, uh, Rick this is my friend Dylan.
Hey, Dylan.
Nice to meet you.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Happy turkey day, gobble,
gobble, and all that.
Well for example recently
my team picked out, uh, this
drunken American guy in a bar.
And then we all went in and
pretended it was his birthday.
And, uh, eventually he started
joining in even though it wasn't
his birthday. And then we
uploaded the whole
thing onto YouTube.
So it wasn't his birthday,
you just messed around with some
innocent stranger?
Yeah, that's right
. In, in
a way. But it was a, it was a
jocular kind of messing.
Hmm.
And there was, you
know, some touching moments.
There was some real pathos.
So how's work?
It's pretty good I guess.
It is what it is. Gets a little
mundane, a little repetitive, a
lot of the same issues come up.
Like what kind of
issues, what do you do?
Oh I work for Google.
Really? That's awesome.
Google's like so now.
What do you do there?
Well I don't actually
work for the big G, I work for
a law firm that deals with, uh,
first amendment copyright issues
surrounding the Internet.
Are you working on anything now?
Yeah, I'm actually gonna
upload this Thanksgiving to my blog.
This dinner?
Yeah, I thought
it would be charming.
So you're gonna add
comments and cutesy
little pictures and things like that?
Yeah. Pictures,
and videos, image macros, gifts,
vines, and interviews. Actually,
I- I'd love to ask you some
questions if you are up for it?
Oh no. I'm not used
to being interviewed.
Uh, well I mean I can
understand how you might not like the
tables turned on yourself.
Oh no it, it's not about
the tables being turned, I mean.
Well there you go, and you
might enjoy being on the answer
side of the situation for once.
Okay.
Let's give it a shot
for what you call art.
Okay, great.
Okay great.
Well I mean I
guess there's a case
where a guy has been posting
pictures of his girlfriend, his
ex-girlfriend, nude pictures.
And Google's named in the suit
because he's using Google
ads on his blog.
Why would anyone
do something so creepy?
That's a good question.
No telling what people do when
they're pissed off.
Hashtag karma.
Kimmy's keen insight
on all forms of sports are known
to the legions of fans in, uh,
this great city. Uh, so Kimmy,
I want you to throw that keen
eye on yourself. Uh, what does,
what does Thanksgiving
mean to you?
Uh, you know, Thanksgiving's
always been one of my
favorite holidays since I was a
little girl. My parents were
immigrants and, uh, this
was the one American tradition
that they celebrated. My dad,
uh, was very reserved and always
focused on work. But when it
came to Thanksgiving he would
drop his work and he would join
the family and
he was the life of the party.
Um, and my mom just loved to cook.
She would cook up a storm.
And, uh, there'd be everything,
you know, turkey and stuffing
and mashed potatoes. She would
separate the white meat from the
dark meat. I mean it was an art.
There was corn, kimchee
There was always kimchee.
So Dylan, what do you do?
I'm a high-end dog washer.
He is the pup
pamperer to the stars.
I did not know there was
a, a high end to the business.
There's an entire ecosystem
of doggie care in Los Angeles.
Yeah, I mean I've seen
the vans that drive around.
But that's not...?
No, most of my clients
have an extra bathroom dedicated
to canine cleaning. My dogs
are the one percent.
Hmm. How long have
you been doing this?
Almost 15 years.
Wow. Jesse you are, uh,
you're in the dog world, yeah?
Uh, well, you know, rescue.
Like I save them,
he soaks them, you know, I'm
gonna go for reinforcements.
You good? Good.
No we're good.
With the world being so
overstimulated I feel like
Thanksgiving is a time to really
just disconnect from all that
and, um, really reconnect
with what's important.
Does your work normally
make you feel connected?
You're a sports journalist.
I mean you interact
with people all day.
Well you would think that.
But it, it, uh, somehow
has the opposite effect.
How so?
I get all these online
comments about my articles. Um,
from anonymous icons and names.
And they're really aggressive,
just really violent. You know,
and, uh, what's worse some of
them are actually totally racist
and sexist. You wouldn't believe
some of the ugly things people
have to say. They're just
complete strangers, they don't
even know who I am.
Uh, gorgeous. Okay. Now,
I will make a tent, okay.
If you say so.
Hey, So...
Look at my tent.
I guess you skipped
that class at Barnard, huh?
I guess I did.
So what's that smoky smell?
Uh, it's the oven. I
haven't used it in years.
Nice, so turkey cordon
dust and spider webs.
Very local ingredients.
Mm-hmm.
Alice Waters would be proud.
Listen, I am proud of this bird.
Look at this turkey.
Is that a good-looking
turkey? Huh? Handsome.
Cary Grant of turkeys.
I take you more for the,
uh, takeout turkey type.
Did you bring
the cranberry sauce?
Yes I did.
What, I can't compete
with Whole Foods.
Kate. What?
You said you were gonna
make cranberry sauce.
No, I didn't. I haven't
used my kitchen since Bush won.
No, you did, you said
you were gonna make it.
And I have the evidence right
here. And I quote I will
wrangle up the cranberry sauce.
Exactly. I wrangled up
the cranberry sauce. Come on,
you know I don't cook.
I wanted it to be homemade.
I wanted it to be
beautiful and perfect
Nobody eats it anyway.
It's just decoration.
Now give your sister
a hug, come on.
Oh no. Come On.
Hey look it, wish bones.
Yeah. Mine's bigger.
Mine has a diamond.
Well yeah, I guess it's
better that they take it out on me
than their wives.
Yeah, I've heard about
that in America. Yours is
a sort of brutish nation...
Sorry, can we hold
for a second. Jesse?
Hi. Hi.
Hi. So
nice to see you.
Nice to see you.
Oh. Uh, this is Shane.
He's a friend of your sister's.
He's uh-an artist from Britain.
Hey Jesse.
Nice to meet you,
how... uh, Britain.
Yeah.
Um, I, I love,
uh, I love BBC America
and also nationalized
healthcare.
Yeah, don't forget Big Ben.
What's going on here, in this,
looks like sex,
lies and videotapes.
Maybe two out of three.
Yeah if you have a loose
definition of videotape.
I'm actually interviewing
Americans about Thanksgiving.
Yeah, come sit with us.
Oh no, no. I'm,
I'm, I'm too shy.
What?
No, no, come on, I'll,
uh, I'll loosen you up.
I thought uh-stuffing was
just spiced, soggy bread.
No, it is, um, what is it called?
Aunt Marjoram's
fall bounty stuffing. It's from
Vintage Eats dot com.
Ooh. Vintage, one of
my favorite euphemisms.
Vintage.
Okay well if you don't
like that then I have the
uh, vegan tofu stuffing from
Lizzy Emerald's website.
Wow. Two novelty stuffings,
you're such a show off
Well hi Auntie K.
Hey mom.
Hi girlies.
We're just gonna get some sodas.
So how's the ivy league, huh?
Is it worth the 50k?
Oh, I'm on scholarship,
you know that.
So what's a scholarship
buy you this year?
I am taking two
classes this semester.
Oh eeh.
Comparative literature
and advanced French theory.
You are your mother's daughter.
And I am the proudest
mother in the whole wide world.
Love you, best girls
in the whole wide world.
Ooh, look it, it's
my own Susan Sontag.
Oh mom.
Come on, everybody needs a hero.
Okay, I will be
by the pool reading.
Yeah, I'm gonna go to my room.
Okay bye.
Bye.
I'll let you know when
the appetizers get here.
All right, thanks mama.
Oh, I did good on those girls.
You know they only love
you because you feed them?
Input not recognized.
Why are you doing this to me.
Turn right
and then make a U turn.
I'm getting confused again.
Five hundred feet.
What?
U turn now.
No back.
- Call voice mail.
- Back.
Call Judy.
Your input was not understood.
Phone options are call, hang up,
Entry and back. No, no no.
No no no!
Call Doctor Brandhog
Back, back call Judy.
It's always weird when
the parents ask me out.
'Cause it's like are they
flattering me or are they
bribing me?
Is that even allowed?
You know, I've been single
so long, it doesn't even matter.
I just roll with whatever rolls
by. When you're in my position
you have to have a take what you
can get attitude. You'll see.
Yeah, I'm not really
that into dating just yet
Well you better hurry
up, because the dating
pool is draining fast. So
get going. And it takes a long
time to meet people, so you
need to set the ground work.
You know what, okay I, I
got to admit it, okay. Maybe I
have set a little ground work. I
have been, uh, dabbling in the
online thing, Date Me dot com.
Date Me dot com?
Yeah...
Is the garage sale at seven p.m.
of online dating.
No, don't tell me that.
Yeah.
I think some of
those guys seems nice.
Yeah, if you like liars,
phonies, scam artists.
I mean Pony Play? You
heard about that yet?
Yes.
Kate.
That is, you're being paranoid.
No, I am not. I was
obsessed with it for a while.
And trust me I have more
stories than Scheherazade.
Kimmy was telling me
that Thanksgiving is an
opportunity for her to
reconnect with, with connection.
Do you feel the same way? What
makes you feel disconnected?
Uh, disconnect.
Um - -. Okay, um,
I- I have a very intense
relationship with my email.
And ironically that makes
me feel disconnected.
Okay. Tell me about
your email dysfunction?
Just, um, well mostly I
just, I just check my email
over and over and over again.
Where even I think it's crazy
Because nothing is coming in.
But then something does come in.
And even if it's like spam
or an ad or whatever,
I just feel - - validated.
Why can't we all
just become lesbians?
And buy a winery in Napa?
Wine?
Yes. And we'll grow biodynamic
grapes and, and make Grenache
and we'll convert a barn
into an art studio.
Oh that sounds delish. Uh,
you may be right about the whole
lesbian thing. Because I never
felt more popular than when I
was up for head curator at the
O'Keefe Institute.
See? The only problem is
all lesbians are married now.
Mm-hmm.
I mean truly there's
The good ones.
No such thing...
There is no such thing
as a good old lesbian.
I mean who's single.
Yeah.
Unless she's a nun.
And I try to put these
restrictions on it. Like,
um, you can only download once
every four hours. Or just some
arbitrary number. But then work
calls, some freelance gig and
they need it right away. So.
Mm-hmm. And, uh, you
know, because your work
is connected to your email.
Yeah, yeah, I'm like sitting
in front of my computer all day.
So it's like, it's like I'm
tempted every single second
of the day. I don't even know
what I'm looking for or waiting
for or hoping is gonna come
in. because the truth is
nothing important or
interesting is coming in.
I am optimistic
about my opportunities.
Well you should be,
'cause you always had better
luck with men than I did.
What are you talking about?
You had tons of boyfriends.
Yeah but they weren't
like your boyfriends.
They weren't like James.
James. Holy shit,
where did you pull that from?
Yeah but it makes me
so upset when something
personal ends up in my spam
folder. Although, sometimes I'll
just, I'll just like approve
spam just so that I get
more mail. I Mean not, not spam
exactly, more just like ads.
And things like that, things
that, you know, other people
might not want to receive. I
just can't help it, I just like
it. I really like it. I like
having all this stuff in my
Inbox. I am sort of pro spam.
I had such a crush on him.
You did?
But you won't believe
what happened to him.
God, don't tell me.
Did he die?
No worse. He's bald.
Completely bald.
Oh well that is
far worse than death.
Yeah, a bald eagle,
a, a billiard ball, bald.
How do you know that he's bald?
Google images. Yeah,
I was cyberstalking him.
Okay, you're a little
tiny bit sick.
God. Oh James. He had such a
thick head of hair. I can't
believe it, he's bald. Oh and
he was such a stallion.
Now he's a bald stallion.
It sounds like a movie,
The Bald Stallion.
I believe the movie
was the Black Stallion.
The bald black stallion.
That reminds me of a
one-night stand
I had in Algiers.
What?
You don't know
everything about me.
What would you imagine
life would be like if you
stopped receiving emails?
I think that would be death.
If people stopped trying to reach
me that would be like
a death of sorts.
So would you say your
life's value is dependent on,
on the attention of others?
Hmm, that's
Uh. I suddenly feel like
I have said too much.
Want me to talk
about Thanksgiving?
God, I hate cranberry sauce,
it's-it tastes like medicine.
No I, I much prefer
hearing about your, uh,
junky-esque all-consuming
need for, for email love.
Jesse, mom's here. What?
It makes you,
It makes you, sounds like a...
Shit!
Sorry go ahead.
Like a walking Radiohead album.
I'm a creep.
Why didn't you park in the driveway?
Well I thought maybe you wanted
that parking space for a guest.
Well what are you not a guest?
Hey. Hi.
Where's your car?
Oh it's way down there.
What? You walked in the heels?
Don't talk about the car, okay.
Because I hate that car.
I am so angry with
that car right now.
What happened?
The navigation system.
It turned me around again.
Oh god you know those things
are always unreliable. Do you-
Do you think you
should be driving?
I drive just fine. I
shouldn't be listening to that
ridiculous contraption in there.
I could have had one of the
girls pick you up. What is that?
It's some homemade cranberry
sauce. I know, you told me, but,
uh, you know, you don't
have to use it.
No, no, no. You don't
understand-[LAUGHTER
You saved the day. What?
I did? How did you know?
Oh, she got canned.
Canned.
That's my daughter all
right, she's been half-assing it
since she was a toddler.
She's great
Hey, is this Julie's house?
Judy. Ju... it's, uh, I'm Judy.
This, this is my house.
Judy
Right, I'm Bert, a
friend of Shane's.
Oh that's right, I'm sorry.
He did-he told me you were coming.
Yeah. I'm here.
Yes, you are.
Yeah, so is dinner served?
Not - - not quite yet. I,
I'm, I'm working on it though.
Maybe uh-90 minutes?
I don't know.
You have to be some place?
Oh. okay
Well, no, I-I wouldn't
have been so early.
I was at the gym. I could
have finished my workout.
Oh I gotta lose
ten pounds in a week.
Ten pounds.
In a week, yeah.
You're gonna disappear.
Shh.
Why would you say
disap-I'm not gonna disappear.
Why would you say that?
No, no, no. I just-
I don't think that
she meant GINA: you
really gonna... I mean
you, look just fine.
Not gonna disappear-
No, it's for a show.
I, I'm doing a, a show. I'm sure
Shane told you about it?
Oh right, right, right.
You are the actor.
- I am the actor, yes.
- Right.
I'm playing an English boxer.
With a left hook, from Leeds.
Yeah, yeah. That's how I met Shane.
I'm studying the accent.
Mm-hmm. A
friend introduced us
Well sounds like you have
quite an ear. That's terrific.
Everybody says that, yeah.
Good for you. Uh, by the
way this is, uh, Bert, this is
my mother, Gina.
Oh, yo.
Yeah, yo.
Okay why don't we, uh, come in.
Did you make some stuffing?
Oh.
Oh it's your mom. Well
got to get back in the kitchen
One at seven. Hi!
Baby, oh.
Hey man.
Hey buddy.
Well keep making me
look good, little brother.
We didn't really finish.
So what's going on in here?
Oh. uh, you know what, I'll
explain it all to you inside.
Oh Let's get this in the fridge.
Okay.
Okay?
I'm gonna help.
Do you guys have a bathroom?
Uh-yes we do have a bathroom
It's right down there.
- Darling.
- Hey Mom.
You.
Hi.
Yes, two minutes.
You might want
to come and join us.
Okay. Two minutes.
Whoa, you have
been very busy in here.
I know it, it, it looks like
a mess but there is actually
a method to my madness.
My pie crusts are gonna be silky
smooth and I have two stuffings.
Count them, two, that
are about to go in.
And mister turkey is in here
getting all golden brown.
And oh by the way mom
saved the day, she
made homemade cranberry sauce.
I'm a boxer from Leeds.
Yeah. I'll mess you up.
Yeah. Oh good.
It sounds weird but it makes
me feel like I'm in control or like
I'm, I'm like this guy with a
purpose. Oh, you know what,
um, actually I have to-
I'm, it, it's like a work thing.
We have uh-a treasure trove
of material we can come back to
later if we need to.
Oh great, yeah, yeah,
yeah, just pick me up any time.
Or we'll pick it up any time.
Yeah, if I, if I
need to get a hold of you.
Yeah, email.
Email as we've talked.
- Yeah. That's great, Ok.
- Yeah
Fuck. Fuck, what is your
face doing there, buddy?
No too fat. Jesus Christ,
you need a fucking nose job,
what is-?
Happy day, mom, happy day.
Thanks.
Hi, I didn't know
you were here. Hey
The baby boy.
I know I didn't
say hi properly. Wow.
Well, um, do you want me to
do some dishes? You'll have a
little bit more work space.
No, I don't want
you to do any dishes.
I don't want you to
do anything at all.
Jesse.
Yes.
I snuck a little bite
of your pared rum and it
was kind of fantastic
Of course it was. Although I
do have to say it was between that
and an apple pan dowdy.
Oh I can't imagine you making
anything called a pan dowdy.
Maybe a brown Betty.
Ooh, I love me a brown Betty.
I actually,
somewhat unsurprisingly, know a
drag queen named Brown Betty.
Of course you do.
Of course I do.
What are you guys talking about?
We are talking about
cakes and pies and tarts.
Pastries and for...
Who are you? What have
you done with my family?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No, no, mom,
I told you I don't want you
doing that. I don't want you
doing that. Go have
a drink you guys.
Have fun.
Spirits!
Now you're talking.
Come on mom.
You have the ingredients?
Of course I do. Thanksgiving
is about the two Toms
Tom Turkey and Tom Collins.
That's right.
That's my kids.
Come on, let me make you one.
Yeah, I almost got lost.
I'm gonna catch up with
you guys in two seconds.
What?
Oh my god what is the
huge, giant emergency?
I turned on Bottom Feeder,
Rick's on it, shirtless.
What?
It said the guy
was eight feet away.
Well how, how, how
do you know it's him?
It looked like a torso
that could belong to him.
And it said his
tribe is discreet.
Was that English hipster on there?
You know, I've
always had that Bowie thing.
No, next closest guy is
a thousand and 32 feet away,
78 years old and likes
P and P and NSA.
Fuck, I mean did
you message the torso?
I'm thinking about it.
He's hot, and smart.
No, no, because what about Georgia?
I mean she
gave up so much for
him, her entire career.
Who's Georgia?
That's Georgia. That Georgia
Oh she's really pretty. If I
liked girls I'd be all over that.
You and Rick really do have
a lot in common, apparently.
Hi boys, why don't you
come in here and keep me company?
Oh my god. Just
act really casual. Oh.
I just use it to tune out,
because I just want to be told
what to do. 'Cause I don't like
thinking when I'm driving.
Probably not what the
GPS people had in mind.
It's so depressing to get lost, Kate.
It worries me.
That my mind is going.
That's how I am every
single day, and I'm not even
menopausal, much.
It wouldn't bother me either
if people didn't just come flying
at me like that. They just
whizz on by like crazy people.
It can make your head spin. It
makes mine spin.
You should see the kids at school.
I mean they are
so speeded up by the internet
And they're all on Adderall
so it cracks them out even more.
You know, they can't even read
a short story. We've
completely given up on novels.
Hi.
Hey, oh those are so pretty.
Oh thank you, I figured
I'd do something with my
unused creative talents.
Um, I'm sorry, uh,
this is my friend Dylan.
Hi, Dylan. I saw you
guys conspiring over there.
What's going on? Whose boyfriend
ran off with somebody else, huh?
What's going on? Tell me.
No, no secrets.
No gay secrets.
No.
Okay well that's a bummer,
I wanted some gossip. Uh, Jesse?
Yeah.
How are you?
Fine. I mean, you know, fine.
Good. Just work, email, work,
email, work, email.
Cheating at paleo, email.
Same old, same old.
Getting kids to read
books was always a chore.
So it's easier just to have
given up on it completely.
Now that is sad. What's
gonna happen to books?
I mean even the word book has
a negative connotation to it now.
You know we're thinking of
assigning graphic novels?
Comic books, to fool them.
Sort of a literary bait and
switch for these dark times.
Oh. If you ask me,
I think we're raising
a society of nincompoops.
Strong thumbed nincompoops.
What do you suppose
he's doing over there?
Case in point.
What about you?
Fine too, not working.
Distracted husband.
Expiring biological clock.
Yeah, I, I-I mean I thought
things were going really well
for you. Judy always brags
about how great you're doing...
You know what, I, I got
caught up in the LA lifestyle.
I stopped taking gigs, I started
doing Pilates, my career is
going nowhere. But I have a
seriously strong core.
What about you? How are you,
sweetheart? Are you happy? Huh?
Yeah. I'm so happy to see you.
Oh well, I'm, I'm as
well as can be expected, mom.
Oh I'm so happy to hear that.
Yeah. But Judy, Judy's having
a hard time with this divorce.
That man was a
millstone around her neck.
But he sure made
beautiful babies.
I'd give anything
for a millstone.
Oh stop it. You've had so
many opportunities. You've always
been a free spirit. Always.
That's what you are.
A free spirit. It's
such a nice Yeah.
Way of saying free
on a Friday night.
How, how did you meet Judy?
She reviewed a show of mine
back when I was doing fine art
a hundred years ago.
They were New York City gal pals.
Yeah.
How 'Sex in The City'
Oh Samantha, Really.
Guilty as charged.
And then you moved to
LA and settled down? Why?
Oh you know, the reason,
it's always the same reason, a guy.
Yeah but I mean Rick is
like, he's kind of a good reason.
I mean you like
being married to Rick?
Yes. Um, marriage is
a process of self-discovery.
Can you hold it steady please?
Mm-hmm. This will
take just a nanosecond.
No, I, I can't fix
it unless you hold it.
Mm-hmm.
Ah, wait, you know bending
down like this hurts my back.
Well my readers
need to know about this.
It's my responsibility.
Are you using your ethnic
avatar or your white one this time?
Honey Girl
21 is for Hayneedle only.
I'm white everywhere else.
You know that.
How could I forget that?
Can I read it to you?
Do I have a choice? Ah,
you know what, maybe it's not
bending down-Maybe
it's just you.
Ignoring that. "Mommy monster here.
Just pulling up to T-day
dinner and the new cart turns
out to be a T-urd. See the pics
below. Now on to Yelp to
collapse this cart out of
business."
What do you think?
It's kind of funny, right
Oh that's great, you're
like the Ralph Nader of Amazon.
Can you help me?
Ralph Nader of Amazon.
Oh, I like that.
Yeah, just a second, I got to
post this on Yelp now.
Jesus, honey, we're already late.
Your guacamole's
gonna turn brown.
The guac can wait. This can't.
Where was I. Oh I love this part.
"At the bottom of her
heart, however, she was waiting
for something to happen. Like
shipwrecked sailors she turned
despairing eyes upon the
solitude of her life. Seeking a
far off, some white sail in
the mists of the horizon."
- And its got that real feel.
- It's the oil. The olive oil.
It makes-looks like an oil.
Oh. What's that?
Oh well this is a triple martini.
No one talks
about it, but the pilgrims
were plastered.
Uh-the pilgrims and the
Indians that's the thing.
Oh, sorry. I'm Shane.
Oh. I'm
friends with Judy.
Uh-huh, I'm Kate, Judy's sister.
- Hello.
And this is our mom, Gina.
Ah, the queen
mother, nice to meet you.
Happy turkey leg as they say.
Thanks. Shane, huh? Now that
is a real solid name. Did you ever
see the movie? The
old movie called Shane?
No.
It was one of my favorites
when I was a little girl.
I've heard of it,
but I've not seen it.
It's something about a, uh,
heroic dog, isn't it?
No, it, uh, how could
you not see a movie
that has your name?
It's just not very, uh,
popular in England, I don't think.
Did you ever see it, honey?
Oh come on, it's an old American
classic. Oh, it's wonderful.
You'd both love it, I know.
You should see it.
Done. First thing on the to-do
list, right? Because we have
so much time. I mean who
has time for anything.
It takes a lot of time to
see an entire movie.
What about TV?
I used to TiVo Guiding
Light, but they cancelled that.
So I watch webisodes, YouTube
videos, you know, like a minute,
two maybe. Who has time for
anything longer? Seriously, I'm,
I'm busy online
doing other stuff.
Doing what?
I do a little, uh,
online dating here and there.
I heard on The Today Show that
a lot of mature women are having
great success meeting men.
On the web.
Mature is 35, I'm old.
You're not old. You're
just seasoned, baby.
I'm the seasons,
I'm many, many seasons.
No, you are a
very enticing woman.
Oh.
You know, they say there are
a lot of older men in the web as
well. Aren't they looking
for girlfriends, hmm?
Why are you asking him? I'm on
there, day and night, all right.
There are no men. I think every
man has his filter set for
under 50. And every man worth
dating under 30. The same 12 men
keep popping up over and over
again. And they're really old,
I mean they are really old
Methuselahs, okay? And so then I
have to lie about my age. And I
do not think about it as lying,
because I have to level the
playing field. I mean
these men don't know who
I am. They don't know what a
vibrant 50-year-old woman
I am. And I'm a giver.
That's right.
I'm a giver. You want to date
a taker, date a 20 year old, okay.
But I'm a giver.
Yes you are.
The male brain is
compartmentalized, right.
So it can only focus on one
thing at a time. And they
can never see the big picture.
That's science, Shane. But men
are vain, they're vain, they're
vain motherfuckers, I'm telling
you. I mean they just sit there
and they think that young woman
are gonna fall all over the
potbellied, silver-haired
Yeah. daddies.
I mean do you ever see a
guy over 50 doing a sit-up?
Never.
Never. Do you ever see
them in spinning class?
Mm-mm. No, never.
Hey, Rick, you go to
Soul Cycle lately? Pilates?
We're having a
conversation, come here.
I, actually I'm just
kind of waiting for a call
I'm, I'm gonna make
the call right now.
Okay.
Alright-Yeah. Excuse me.
Well he's not over 50, but you
know what I mean. That's the
point. The whole thing is just
such a joke. It really is a joke
Is something wrong, sweetheart?
Hey, it's this cheap vodka
that makes me combative.
My sister and her CVS booze.
I love it. It's very Liz
Taylor circa, well, circa anytime
I suppose.
So what's your story?
In terms of what?
Love.
We don't talk about love in Britain.
I love the queen,
that's all you're
gonna get out of me.
That's nice.
All right, well.
Is, is the queen single?
No, she's married
to Prince Phillip.
Of course she's
married to a prince,
'cause she's a greedy bitch.
Yeah. We love her anyway though.
And I always think a
queen should be a little
bit greedy, you know.
Some guy just tweeted
asking if I'm enjoying my eel
and teriyaki turkey. Who are
these people? Gun show 87.
Give me a break.
Everything okay?
No, everything is not okay.
My phone has chosen to abandon
me in my hour of need. It says
no access to the Internet.
Okay, did you restart it?
Yes, Kimmy, I restarted it.
Hey, easy. Um, did
you check the settings?
'Cause sometimes the settings
I don't know-I don't know
are off. And you reset it?
From settings
Well just
okay, I just-
It, it's just supposed to work.
Okay, let me check.
Okay, okay 'cause it, it's
an emergency. All the recipes for
Thanksgiving are bookmarked
on there.
It's coming back on.
No, I know it comes on.
It's just I can't get online.
Okay don't worry
I'll get you back online.
Okay please, please. If you
don't it's gonna be the worst
Thanksgiving since the great
salmonella gravy scare of 1996.
We-go get it. I
will get you back online.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
I'm going this way.
I'm going that way.
Stir that broth, it's for
the vegan turkey stuffing.
Okay I got it. Go.
- Okay. Thank you Kimmy.
- Yes. Go, Go.
Hello? You did what? No, sorry
I, I can't hear you. Hang on,
I'm going to go outside.
You're breaking up.
Look like you
just-no, it's not-Hi.
Hey. Hi.
So good to see you honey.
Hey Judy, sorry we're late.
It's after three.
I know, I was working.
Yeah, not blogging.
Yeah. Hey Jennifer.
Hey.
Look how cute, she's so big..
I know, she is.
I have a crisis.
Oh, oh, what happened?
- Well I, I can't get online on my phone.
- What?
Hey.
And I...
bookmarked all the recipes
and if we don't get back on,
appetizers is all we're having.
Honey that's not gonna
happen. I know that I'm late,
but I'm here now to help. okay
David, set up
the cheese platter.
Oh, I'm not mad at
a cheese platter.
Oh and take her
somewhere and park her.
Park her?
I, You, you know what I mean. God, I
mean I'm just Jewish men are so sensitive.
Oh you stop it, it's
not that he's Jewish.
He's stupid.
See you at dinner.
Come on, sweetie.
Oh, okay. Hello.
Come on, baby, I might need
you to pick up the front.
What are we looking at first?
Tofu stuffing from
Lizzie Emerald's website.
Ooh, you like Lizzie Emerald?
Well she's supposed to
be a total bitch.
How do you know
something like that?
Who's a bitch dot com.
There is a website
called who's a bitch dot com?
How do you not know that?
I don't know-'cause I'm not-
Well I'm-
Shi-my broth. Ooh, oh
Oh no. Do you need that?
Yes I need it, it's for the stuffing.
Oh shit. Shit!
Honey, I told you, you-
Oh!
Oh see I-you should
have done potluck. I'm just.
Potluck? No.
Yes.
I wanted a homemade, beautiful
Vintage Thanksgiving. You
know what I mean, like. Making
things by hand. Nobody,
nobody makes things anymore.
It's all attach and send.
And download.
Oh
Wow, is that supposed
to be happening?
Wow. 550 seems really high.
No, no, no, no no. Please.
Well there's no temperature
consensus online and-
Oh.
And I surveyed like
a dozen recipes. Shit.
Ah.
Oh...
Oh no.
Oh dear.
Oh no, no, no, no. There's
no use crying over burnt turkey.
Hey. It's like turkey jerky.
No fuck turkey jerky.
I wanted juicy turkey.
Yeah well.
I wanted better fucking homes
and gardens magazine turkey.
I wanted turkey to make Martha
Stewart wet. You know, I
shouldn't have relied on this
fucking thing. Well you're never
there when I need you. Why are
you never there when I need you?
Come in.
Hello, my gorgeous niece.
Hi. When did you get here?
You hiding out?
This is the commotion free zone.
Hurricane Thanksgiving,
it's like a goddamn
category seven out there.
Yeah.
You have the right idea.
What are you now, like 40?
Sixteen. But my ID says 18.
You little criminal. I bet
the boys are going crazy over you.
Do you have a boyfriend?
There's a guy I'm seeing,
but no one would approve, so.
Mmm-
It's nothing.
I know the feeling. Remember
when I dated that Scientologist?
Oh, it's not that
bad He's just older.
Okay yeah but how much older?
Like do I need to
kick his ass or-?
No Uncle Jesse, I
can kick his ass myself.
Fine, but if you need me to
Kung-fu chop one of your dates
you just text me.
Okay.
Okay.
Hey, what about you?
You seeing anyone special?
I can't really
seem to meet anyone.
Come on.
There are tons of gay guys
out there. No, I'm
serious, this is like the best
time in history to be gay.
Uh-uh.
You should get on Bottom Feeder.
Wait, how do you know
about Bottom Feeder?
I, I love BF.
Why do you have a
gay dating app?
Duh, 'cause it lets me rate
hot guys. Here, let's see.
I can't believe you know
about this app.
Everyone does, it's
like legendary.
Oh let me see your
account. I'll help you
No. No,
100 percent no.
Please.
No, what the hell is wrong with
you? No, maybe later, but just-
Yes.
So wait-
I- I don't understand. Like
what, what do you even use
for a profile pic?
Oh I use the torso of
Antonio Sabato Junior.
Of course.
You want to see?
Yeah, seriously he's hot.
Oh my gosh, what?
I have like zero bars.
Hmm.
I usually have at least two.
You broke it.
No I didn't.
You broke your phone.
Oh. Come on.
Hey, come over here. I
thought we agreed no phones
on the holiday.
Yeah, I know. But, uh, I don't
know these people that well.
They're your friends. So
what am I supposed to do?
What are you talking about?
You've got Kimmy, she's your
sports buddy. You
love Kimmy.
Yes, yes, I, I love Kimmy,
she's great and she's so much
fun to talk to about sports. And
that lasts five to ten minutes.
And then what am I
supposed to do?
Rick, we made an agreement.
Okay.
Okay? Okay. Okay.
I'm sorry, the phone
is in my pocket.
Okay. Now. So what's up?
Will you please
make me a mojito?
That's it? That's, that's
why you called me over here,
so I could be your manservant
and make you drinks?
You know I
love the way you make them.
Oh boy,
Oh.
Yeah, okay.
I guess I'll make a mojito.
You know what,
don't trouble yourself.
You know what, why don't you
make me a mojito. Yeah. I mean
I'm at your friend's house, I'm
here for you. I'm being a good
boy. Why should I put
on a display? I mean
it's the holidays, I should be
able to be myself, yes?
Yes, and why does being yourself
always mean being by yourself?
Okay that conversation.
No, stop it.
Will you just, Georgia, I will
make you your drink.
Now you have to stop nagging me.
I just thought that my husband
would want to spend five minutes
with me on Thanksgiving. You
know what I mean?
Muddle a little mint, engage
with some people. Forget it.
Georgia. Come here.
You really take that give
right out of Thanksgiving.
Just so you know.
Good to know.
You okay playing
your game, honey?
Yeah, daddy.
Okay.
Fox playing break-up songs
and he's taking bar stools...
cigarette smoke and name tags.
All right, are those boiled?
Did you just see me
take them off the stove?
I don't know
if they're done yet.
They're boiling hot.
Okay. Yeah, but I
didn't peel them.
Oh.
Because I wasn't sure if you
were supposed to peel them first.
Oh no, no, no, no.
Peeling sounds like so much work.
Or peel them-
And besides, no, but the... And
now they're hot so I don't
skin has like amino acid and
fiber know if I can get
Gets you nice and regular
Thanksgiving is not about amino
acids and fiber and
keeping regular.
It should be about keeping regular.
It's not.
It's about creamy,
white perfection
Excuse me, creamy
white perfection?
What if I want chunky black?
That's yummy.
Well when you do
Thanksgiving you can
do chunky black.
No, see I'm not gonna do
Thanksgiving for this
very reason.
I mean look-
Holy shit.
I totally forgot. What?
A cookbook.
I have one Oh.
Actual book with pages and
here it is right-oh, holy shit.
What? Classic French cooking.
Oh honey the word Thanksgiving's
not even in the
French vocabulary.
- No, no, no, no, no, no, it's okay.
- Well-
We're gonna change it up. we
are gonna have a thanksgiving
with a, with a European flair.
Okay but there is
no mashed potatoes in-
What's the word for-French
cooking they gratine them or-
or gratan them potato.
Well then, we will gratine
them. Whatever. I mean-Okay.
They're gone.
Come on! viva la France.
No you're right,
you're absolutely right.
How do you say potato in French?
Potato? Pomme, pomme.
I think it's a pomme frites.
Yeah, we are gonna
have a Parisian Thanksgiving.
He was so wound up.
Yeah, it's just Bert's
way of coping with life
as a rarely employed
Los Angeles actor.
Oh great.
If you ask me that's
a very sad way to live.
He's always on a leash, paranoid
he's gonna miss something.
Mm, there are worse
ways to make a living.
Yeah, try public school
teaching when the Republicans
are in charge.
Hey.
Except for the
great communicator.
Right. I was a substitute
school teacher. Thirty years.
I went home for the
day, my work was over.
The constancy of the iPhone
age must be, uh, very different
from your generation, hmm?
Oh my generation. Are
you implying my generation
is so far from yours?
I didn't mean
it in a negative way.
You never say
generation to a woman.
I was just trying
to get your goat.
Mom's still quick as a wit.
Better mind the gap.
About most things.
Not everything.
Uh I think the mind
blossoms with age. You know, uh,
the insight from a lifetime of
experience must be invaluable?
Yes. Although some
70 year olds are just as
clueless as 20 years olds.
So uh, so how is
your online love life.
Excuse Me? KATE: Oh.
If this trumps mine I'm
switching to a quadruple
martini. How's your
love life, mom?
I, uh, I really
haven't signed up yet.
Why not?
'Cause I don't like
the Internet.
I don't trust it. It's better
for younger people I think.
How so? Do you
mind if I record this?
Record? Why?
Well it's, uh, it's for a
little project. You can approve it
before I post it, I promise.
Oh, better get
that in writing mom.
Does Judy know about this?
Uh, she's totally on board.
Okay.
Okay?
So? How is the Internet
from your perspective?
Well I do try to keep up
with everything. I, I want to be
savvy about the Internet, about
all this new technology coming
around. But it is so much and
it, it's, it's too fast.
It comes flying at you, it makes
my head spin.
I, I am afraid I am one click
away from somebody
having all of my information.
I was watching 20/20.
You, you ever see that?
Mm-hmm.
"20/20".
And they said that
if anybody ever gets your
information, you, your life is
never the same. They ruin
your credit. And even the
credit guys, they cannot fix it.
So-I'm not for that.
Besides it's very isolating. You
know, to sit there for hours all
by yourself. Trying to figure
things out. I like people. I,
I like to talk. I, I like to go
to the store. This probably
doesn't make much sense to you,
being younger-how old are you?
Thirty.
Oh lord. God.
I was probably at a Bangles
concert when you were born.
You grew up with
computers, didn't you?
I have.
Well how would you like it
if you spent your whole life
and all of a sudden a computer
comes along and it's in charge
of everything.
But do you feel things
have got better as a whole?
One hundred percent worse.
"She listened to every
sound, sprang up with a start,
wondered that it did not
come. And then at sunset,
always more saddened,
she longed for the morrow.
Me love you long time.
This is supposed to be sports.
No, I, I understand I'm not
supposed to take-
Okay. Hello? Hello? Fuck.
Hey man.
Hey.
You know where the John is?
I got to drain the lizard.
Yeah I think the, uh,
I think the main bathroom is
on the other end of the house.
This everything here seems to be
connected to a bedroom. So.
Yeah, thanks. Haven't
I seen you before?
No-I don't think so.
Maybe it wasn't in person
or your, your whole person.
I'm sorry what's that?
Maybe we met in the cyberspace?
I don't think so, I-are you in
one of my fantasy
football leagues?
No I'm pretty sure
it was a different district
of the cyber hood.
Well I'm pretty sure
that I don't know what you're
talking about then, dude.
Dude. Most smart married
men turn off their Bottom Feeder
before going to
a Thanksgiving dinner.
Eight feet away is so dumb.
Like I said I'm
not sure I know what
you're talking about.
Tell-I'm telling you,
I don't care. Do not care. Not
going to say anything.
Fucking phone, man. I turn
the goddamn app off it comes back
on. I turn it off, it comes on
again. Fucking headache.
I've always wanted
to be someone's mistress.
Says maybe it's time
for a little iPhone espionage.
Yeah, I already did that.
Ah.
Hey. I believe you
ordered one ice cold mojito.
That is so sweet. Thank you.
Oh, how's it going out here?
Meltdown at work. And
the cell phones are dead.
The rapture has begun.
No, don't worry, I'm sure they
will get the phones working again.
Mm, for the sake of my
marriage I kind of hope they don't.
What's that mean?
Rick is a phone junky. He's
on his phone all day and all night.
You know, I have my own strange
addict. Yeah, it's my wife. She,
uh, she's like a human
Pinterest board.
What does that mean?
Uh, Petra, she just reviews
everything under the sun and
over the sun. I mean she, she'll
review a gas station if she
doesn't like the gas pump or, or
write four-page blog entries on
what her favorite varieties of
flavored lip gloss are.
You know, and she gets so fired
up when people like her reviews
or comment on her analysis or,
or re-tweet her tweets.
It's like she's having
a fucking orgasm.
Oh.
You know, she's posting
or vining or tumbler-ing or
insta-ing or whatever.
I don't know.
Maybe we should
start a support group.
Step one.
Step one, Rick should throw his
phone in the middle of the ocean
if it would make you happy.
Work. You will work. You
will listen to me, I am your
master, you will work, work. Be
a good phone. Be good.
Okay stay very still, be good,
that's it. That's it, be good.
Hey. Hey.
Hey.
I think I recognize you.
Aren't you that Yeah.
Guy from, um?
Yep. Yep, I am that
guy, yeah.
I used to love that
show when I was a kid.
Oh this is not working.
I have to send a selfie
to my agent right now.
I have to look aggressive.
Are you a friend of my mom's?
I've been on other shows
since you were a little kid,
just so you know.
I didn't mean
anything by that. I-
I did not disappear.
I did not disappear.
Are you okay?
The phone isn't working.
Do you want to borrow my phone?
No, fuck, work,
would you please,
would you please work, would you
please work for me?
Would you please, someone
be here, please.
Please god help.
It's hard to find time to listen.
Petra and I have been
together for 12 years and I, I
feel like I have to squeeze in
alone time with a crowbar. The
records just stack up.
My first boyfriend and
I would lie there for hours
listening to records. Lots of
James Taylor, Joni Mitchell.
Mm, tuning into the
music, watching the records
go round and round for hours.
I'd love to do that again.
Petra listens to one
song and she wants to review
the entire album online.
It kind of ruins the magic.
It's kind of like when
I take Rick to a gallery show.
He shoots a photo of a picture
on the wall without even
looking at it. It's like he
wants to preserve a memory that
hasn't even happened yet.
Yeah, how about those people who
record the entire concert
Oh!
On their phone.
Are they even listening?
Agreed! So not what
a concert is about.
Agreed.
Anyway, now they're using
their phones as lighters.
Yes, totally, it's so lame
I'm gonna see if
Judy needs rescuing.
Uh, do you want to hang
out here for a bit?
Yeah, sure. I'm no use
in the kitchen anyway.
I'll uh, let your spouses
know you're out here.
Ah no need, I'm sure
Petra's busy cooking.
And Rick's busy texting.
Ah! Hi!
My girl. Right.
I'm so happy to see you.
Oh, I'm so happy to see you.
Come on, sit down.
Okay. Wait, does anyone know
the whack job outside? He's acting
like he's on bad hallucinogens.
That's my friend Bert, I
invited him. He may well have
swallowed his spray tan again.
He's on drugs too?
At Thanksgiving?
No, it's just that his drama
teacher tries to get him to
stay in character for days at a
time. Last month it was a Smurf.
It's a grim business,
I'll go check he's okay.
It's nice to see you again.
Nice to see you.
What were you talking about
with Mom's latest art pet?
He's doing research
for his new grog.
Oh Grammy it's
not grog, it's blog
Well good. Because
when I hear the word grog
I get thirsty. I think there's
really a lot to say about your
generation. And all
of this technology.
You sound like such
a grandma right now.
My generation, and grogs?
Okay smarty pants. What do
you think about all this? Huh?
You want to know a secret?
Of course.
It is the older people that
take the Internet too seriously.
It is moms who get in posting
fights on Facebook. I mean my
generation, we know how to
shut off our phones. We know
better than anyone else the
difference between real
communication and
cyber communication.
Like I have no problem not
responding to a text because
I know it's not the end of the
world. And I expect people
that I text to feel
the same way.
Hmm.
I just don't think it's
our generation's fault if
stupid people take their phones
too seriously. They have an off
button just like we do. There's
a guy and he won't stop texting
me. And he's just doing it for
himself. I mean he's addicted
to the validation of me texting
him back. But it has nothing to
do with me. I know that. I don't
think he does, which actually
gives me all the power
Yes.
I think that my generation knows
what to do when it all becomes
too much. We ignore it. Well You
just got to recognize it for
what it is, you know, it's a
tool. It's just a tool. It's
like a scale or a blender.
The day my scale texts
me is the day I shoot myself.
[KITCHEN NOISES
Here we are in the nerve center
Oh of the house, the kitchen.
Where we find our hostess.
Shane out out, out, out.
Oh, what's wrong,
what's wrong with this?
What's wrong
with it? The-
this is not what my
kitchen looks like
This is not what I look like.
Mess is part of the creative
process. I once took a tour
of Damien Hirst's studio.
The effluvium was very,
very similar. What do
we have in here?
Ah, no peaking.
Oh. That is the turkey
Oh okay it's a lit-
it's a little black.
Is it a Cajun turkey?
Uh, the-it's
meant to be Amish.
Let's put some
suspenders on it then.
Perhaps a little hat.
And what do we have here?
Really?
This-potatoes
Oh-okay. Um, so this will be
mashed potatoes. And, um, I
boiled them and I, I wasn't sure
about the skin so
I am improvising.
Oh okay well a little
bit of that and the, and the
black meat, you'd have a very
passable shepherd's pie.
Oh god, you're right about that.
There's a bit of irony
Because I am serving
Britain's national dish on
American Thanksgiving,
to a Brit.
Who's this, what's that?
Oh, oh sorry I thought I told you.
This is Shane.
And he's a, a conceptual artist.
And he's blogging about
our Thanksgiving.
Blog? I wouldn't say I
was a conceptual artist.
It's more, uh, reality
television meets, uh, Dada.
- Dada? Mama, dada, what -
- I know you were
speaking English. Maybe
the beginning part.
Is he speaking English?
Oh come on, he's speaking
with an accent, it's still English.
What, uh, what,
what are you doing here?
Ah. Replacement stuffing.
You don't stuff
it in the turkey?
Uh, well some people do.
Most don't.
Uh, god, you-thi-this holiday
is full of misnomers. I'm still
unclear on why you persist
on using the term Indian.
Oh well that's a funny
thing because Columbus, he was
headed for India. and he
got Uh, whoa, Excuse me.
Excuse me. I didn't give you
permission to film me.
Oh I'm sorry, I uh-
I-
I'm sure you did
and maybe she did too,
but really you shouldn't have.
Oh, uh, it's all right, I'll,
I'll sw... switch it off now.
And, uh, please my,
my-I apologize.
Oh, No, no, no. That's on
me, I'm sorry. Petra, I told him
that it would be okay.
For this blogger to
film this blogger?
Oh my god, I didn't
even really think
about it like that. I no-um-I...
It's not really the same thing.
I'm gonna go find my
friend Bert.
So, uh.
Oh.
Good luck with it, Judy,
very nice to meet you, uh-
Petra.
Petra. That's right.
Okay Yeah
Right, okay.
Shane. Who is
that limey poser?
I think he's kind of adorable.
He's not adorable.
He's a remnant of
my past art life.
Well if that is your art
life, I'm glad it's in your past.
No, we have to stop, we have to stop.
We can't do this.
Why? That was
pretty good.
We just, we, I want to, and
we're going to. I just-
It's Thanksgiving, my
wife is right down the hall.
Okay well maybe we can message
each other on Bottom Feeder?
That's a very good idea. I'll
send you a unicorn right now.
If I can get the
goddamn thing to work.
This phone, uh, no-
It won't load.
All this talk of unicorns
and loads is making me hungry
Uh-This thing is not working.
Okay.
I don't want any, mom.
There you go. Are you sure
you should be drinking all that-
On an empty stomach?
It's better this way.
I don't like watching you
get drunk like this honey.
Then don't.
You know, it was never
like this when Adam was around
Twelve years, what a waste.
How is he? Do you know?
Well he seems really
happy on Facebook.
Oh my gosh he just
seems so happy with
his wife and his daughter
I'm sorry.
But thanks for asking.
I'm, uh-I know how
hard that must be for you.
It's not exactly like I had
a that must be for you.
Great role model
for marital bliss.
I don't want to
get into that, Kate.
I know you don't.
You just left me to
clean up all your messes.
That is quite enough. Thank you.
I'm gonna go out and
and see Zoe. See if
she's learned anything.
Wherever she's learning it.
She's such a little showoff,
that Zoe. But she will learn.
Boys don't make passes at
girls who make passes.
Oh god. Mm.
What? What's wrong now?
Mm, it's, mm-mm. I mean you
really can taste that this is
straight out of a box.
Well did you
follow the instructions?
You mean add water to
contents of box and stir?
Yeah, I did that.
Okay you know
what, that is not helping.
Oh-Jesus!
A little snarky,
to tell you the truth. I thought
that out of the box foods were
just supposed to work.
Honey, nothing ever just works.
That's
why you're supposed to research
and read reviews before you buy.
Okay, well who
has time to do that?
With the Internet it takes no time.
You know, most people
don't remember this, but not so
long ago there was very little
we could do when something
didn't work. And now, you know,
if there's something that's not
working or there's a
manufacturer's problem I now
have a place where I can go to
complain. Like my voice is
actually being heard. I feel
like my entire life I've been
collecting information and, and,
and observations and, and
thoughts and, you know, I've - -
god, I've just wanted to let it
all out. You know? I feel like
my whole life's experience has
led to something. And people
have learned that I know
something, and they care that
I know something. I mean, you
know, every time somebody likes
one of my reviews, I feel like
I've made an impact in the
world. That I've mattered. That
I've helped someone. I don't
know. I know it sounds silly.
But some people do community
service, some people do art,
and some people post.
Someone like Cartier-Bresson,
the reason his images are so
wonderful is because you could
feel him being engaged in the
life he was photographing. He,
he said something once like
photography is nothing, it's
life that I'm interested in.
And I just feel like it's the
opposite of that now.
I mean people just snap and
post without even looking at
what they're shooting
half the time.
Hello guys, uh, so, uh,
tempers are flaring a little bit.
So if you could get any footage,
uh, near the windows, that would
be great. Just sort of make sure
you stay out of sight. And, uh,
yeah things are going well and
I'll speak to you later. Okay.
Just-put my picture up there
so I, I can hear it from other guys
that I'm attractive. That they
can let me know what they feel.
My wife, she, sh-she
doesn't say it, she doesn't-
She's not turned on by me maybe,
I don't know, maybe she is.
I just don't, I don't feel it.
I, uh-does that make any
sense? I don't know, I-I-
don't hook up with guys there.
I don't, I have, but
I-
I don't. That's not me. I mean
I'm, I'm s - - I'm straight.
Okay, I'm gonna, I want to give
you my number. But you're
gonna have to be
discreet. Please.
You know the problem with apps
like Bottom Feeder is that they
just, they just impede the
natural progress of the
inevitable. You sinner boys
need more time.
Rap, sat - - Saturday,
Ah.
Eight points for that word.
Ah! JESSE:
Because I am smart
and you are not.
Because I am amazing at Boggle.
Okay yeah, yeah,
you're bomb at Boggle.
Yes, I am. Thank you.
Wow, I forgot the sound of joy.
Uncle Jesse's just showing off.
Yeah, we figured with the cell
phones out we would go retro
with a board game.
Ooh, how subversive.
Before you know it
we'll be talking to each other.
How are things in
the kitchen of mayhem?
Well, you know, that Petra
is in there quote helping her.
Okay well Petra's a ball buster.
She'll make sure that
poor dead turkey flies.
Well hey, do you want to
play another round with us?
Oh wow, yeah. God, I loved board
games. Then I did this Monopoly
speed dating thing. Oh,
don't ever do it.
Fun-. We're just counting up
the scores from the last round.
Yeah, I know.
Wow, aw, I forgot. All
these little pieces, it's so-
and the sand timer.
Well mom's had this game
for forever. I guess we kind of
grew out of it. We used
to play all the time.
With your dad?
Yeah. He loves board games.
Games in general.
Kate, enough.
Hmm, uh, what kind
of games did you play when
you guys were little?
Oh well, hmm, my big sisters
used to like to dress me up.
Really?
Yeah, we put pink
bows in his hair.
Pink bows.
'Cause he was always gay.
Always. And then Mom would
play those little, these like little
folk songs and we would dance.
'Cause she had this, um,
what was the, it was
like a little guitar?
- Ukulele.
- The ukulele.
Right. And, and she knew
maybe three chords. But she could play
a thousand songs with
these three chords. Like, uh -
Camp town races.
Doo-da, doo-da.
Doo-da.
And, um, the Clementine,
my darling Clementine.
Oh.
Are those like hippy songs?
No, they are old,
fun-LILLY: Oww!
- campfire songs.
Wait, what's a campfire?
I'm kidding, I'm sorry.
Kate.
Oh yeah, shaky, shaky, shaky...
You can do it.
You can do it, come on. Oh, come
on you little fuckhead. Work.
Work, please work.
Bert,
Just fuck, what the?
Who, who are you? How do you
know my real name?
You are having
another of your episodes. A moment of
psychosis brought on by
traumatic phone withdrawal.
What?
This is your superego
speaking. The part of your own mind
that is self-critical.
Oh. I always knew I had an ego.
I assumed it was super.
You must
begin an important change.
Change, change, change, change.
One that begins with a search.
Okay wait-what,
what, what search?
For tranquility. For
silence. And most of all for meaning.
Meaning what?
Well it's great
looking at you out here.
Hey, Granny.
I'm not disturbing you am I?
No, no, not at all.
Please sit down.
Okay.
How's auntie Kate?
She's drunk again.
That must be hard
for you to watch.
Mm. I suppose I should be used
to it after all these years. But
although the last time I really
thought it was the last time.
Hey guys, I'm trying
to find my friend Bert.
You haven't seen him, have you?
He probably took one
look at that torched turkey
and he headed straight for
Denny's.
Torched Turkey sounds
like an indie band.
Speaking of missing persons
I'm gonna go look for my wife.
Yeah, you do that, Rick.
See you, Dylan.
How'd your interview
with, uh, Jesse go?
Yeah, no, he's, he's,
uh, he's an interesting guy.
He kind of he wants to live
in a world of email. You know,
like, uh, Tron but more banal.
Want another
interview per chance?
Yeah, I need to
locate my friend Bert.
There are rumors that he's, uh,
he's acting like himself.
Well we can do it fast.
And, uh, I might be too
fat and stuffed after dinner to
have my picture taken, so.
Okay. Sure, yeah, if,
if you don't mind, uh,
doing a, a fast one.
Famous for fast ones.
It's an American thing.
Okay. Like, uh, fast food?
I wish that something or someone
would come along and she could
find some happiness.
Mm-hmm. Sometimes I worry
that it's all my fault.
No, no, Granny. Of course it's not.
It's like me worrying about
Mom's divorce. There's only
so much you can do.
You have taken
such good care of her.
I have had to learn
to set boundaries.
Believe me it's better that way.
But when it's your child,
it's so hard. Look at all of
mine. They're all unhappy.
Well unhappiness is just
part of the human condition.
It's like what I'm reading about
in French class. So much of life
is about waiting for something
to happen. And the sadness
when it doesn't happen.
Petra and I tried to have
a rule where we turned off our
phone one day a week. Technology
free day. Ironically it was
supposed to help us connect.
How did that go?
I kept catching her little
cheats as she'd call them.
But, um, they weren't
little cheats to me.
When I started I, I
wanted people to talk about
their past and, and how they
give thanks for their so-called
blessings. But all anyone seems
to want to talk about is
technology. So what comes to
mind when, when turkey and
technology and,
and family merge?
Um, okay wow, that's intense.
Um, I-I was a latch key kid.
Um, I was, you know, I'd come
home every day and just be alone
for four or five hours. And so
I'd just rely on myself.
Find ways to keep myself
entertained. To not, uh, feel
lonely. I guess the phone
reminds me of that.
Do you call the
phone mommy or daddy?
Well I guess it, it's a
little bit of both. I have these,
I have these strange
ideas of the future sometimes.
Um, like someday when we're born
we'll be handed a phone and it
becomes our, our nanny,
our teacher, our friend
and companion.
Well I suppose little
children are everywhere with
their phones now.
Totally.
Do you think that's a bad
development? To have people
brought up by phone
nannies, as you suggest?
I don't. There's some
piss poor parenting out there.
But a phone, a phone can
watch over you, make sure you
don't get lost. It can make
sure you get fed on time.
It can teach you new things.
But doesn't that take
away a, a human element? I mean
studies have shown there are,
that a bottle isn't the same as
the nipple, for example.
If a phone can teach you how
to play a chord, what's the need
for a music teacher? If, if a
phone can inspire me
to workout, what's the
need for a coach?
Yeah surely there's, there's
something missing? I mean-All
these jobs, they're not
just mechanical.
Or, well maybe they are
Don't worry about David
and Jennifer, they, they'll
just be fine. In fact I should
probably look on them.
Oh hey Kimmy.
Hi.
So, uh, have you seen David?
Wh-why, why do you suddenly
look like that?
What? Where is he?
He's chatting with Georgia.
With Georgia and Rick?
Just Georgia. Don't
shoot the messenger.
Why do I get the feeling
that I should suddenly look for
my husband? So what exactly
are they talking about?
Living life online.
Apparently Rick isn't-paying enough
attention to Georgia.
Oh that's classic. And I'm
sure David was complaining about
me in the same way. You know, I
know how and what that man
thinks at all times.
Well you do pay a lot of
attention to your online life.
No I don't.
Petra.
What? No, uh, excuse me.
I just believe that my online
persona is more influential and
more creative and more, you
know, maybe more vibrant
than my actual persona.
But it's not real.
Well I beg to differ.
I think there's very little
difference between real life and
online life. It's all life.
We're living it, right now.
Yeah, no actually what you're
talking about is actually more
typing than it is living.
Same diff. Wow. Whatever,
look, um, I think that this
situation here is beyond
salvation. So I'm gonna gather
up my little team and
head for a reservation.
Okay, Gutty is not a word.
It is, I'm telling you.
It means to have a large gut.
No way.
I don't buy it.
No. Listen.
Listen, I call people, myself
mostly, gutty, all the time.
You're insane.
I'm not. I'm not,
I'm telling you, I'm not.
All right. Shit. I'm
still not getting any bars.
This is getting really freaky,
how are we gonna figure it out?
Have you heard of
something called a dictionary?
I mean yeah, I've,
I've got that app.
Well the app was based on a
real thing. And I'm sure there's one
in the house.
I've never seen one.
Mom just Kindles everything.
Are, are you seriously telling
me that there's not a dictionary
in this entire house?
No, I mean don't get on
my case about it. I'm only 16.
I don't believe this.
Little miss art critic doesn't
have a dictionary in this house?
That's really, really sad.
Why is it sad?
I, I don't know, I just
feel like every house ought
to have a dictionary, even
if nobody uses it.
Why?
Because it's a part of
the infrastructure of a home.
You have the roof, you have the
front door, you have cable, and
you have a dictionary.
Maybe I should start a blog.
Judy's failed life dot com.
And this will be
the inaugural entry.
Your life is not a failure, okay.
You've got really
nice kids. You've got a cozy
house. Your career is about to
break through again. I mean
you've got a bright mind and a
really warm heart. You've got it
all as far as I'm concerned.
Well then how
come I'm not happy?
Well I'm gonna sound like
an ancient Chinese proverb, but
the best we can do is be
content. You know, happiness
only comes in brief,
brilliant flashes.
It's been a long fucking time
since I've had one of those.
They seem to be happening
less and less for everyone I know.
Will you help me?
I mean I've got all those people
to feed and I don't know, we can
find takeout or something.
I mean how, how do
we even know what's open?
I can't call or, or search.
Well how did we
search in the old days?
I don't remember.
I remember. We used
to go to Korea Town and we
would go and we would find a
restaurant that we had never
been to before. And we would
just walk in, the sign wouldn't
even be in English. And we would
ask for the most popular thing.
On the menu and it be-became
sort of a tradition, you know.
It was like a family
bonding ritual.
And you don't do it anymore?
Never. Not since the divorce.
I mean we tried to do
it a couple times,
the girls and I, and Zoe would
find a bad review online...
But then we'd, you know,
we wouldn't go. If it's
one thing the Internet is good
for, it's convincing you
not to do something.
I used to go to all those
Korean places when I was growing up.
It feels like a really long time
since I've been down there.
In Korea, we have a
Thanksgiving called Chuseok.
You visit the tomb of
your ancestors, offer
them food and drinks.
Doesn't it seem, I don't know...
Nobody really
seems to do it anymore.
Really quiet?
Mm-hmm.
It's like all the ancient
traditions are being lost.
How long do you think
we've been out here?
I don't know.
My phone's black.
Is your battery dead?
It won't start.
Here, use my phone.
Mine's dark also.
Maybe it's an omen.
An omen.
Mm-hmm. You
want to go for a walk?
Yes. Yes, I do.
David? Huh, well. Hello? David?
It feels so strange not
to have a specific destination.
We may not have a destination,
but we have a mission.
Yes.
We will not go
hungry on Thanksgiving
Here we go.
There's like this weird
nostalgia for inconvenience.
I mean listen, were paper
letters and paper newspapers
so much better? Or
like having to wake up at six
a.m. to go wait in line to buy a
concert ticket? Oh it's so
great. Come on. Life is
so much better now.
You guys really had it hard.
Look, I'm not saying that I don't
like those conveniences. I just-
No, it's true,
something is lost.
Yeah.
No, but so much is gained.
No, but I'm not
sure it's worth it.
I mean I feel it too.
Like something has been lost.
Uh-Your silly. I-What is lost?
What is it?
I don't know,
it's hard to explain.
I mean I-I'm just curious. I'm
not trying to be difficult.
Okay, maybe it's like-
it's like the pleasure of
something was directly related
to the inconvenience.
There were little victories
that came from trying
to figure something out and
feeling needed. Like
the dictionary needed us. Maps,
newspapers, needed us.
Stores needed us. You know, I
mean you could only find the
word when you participated
with the dictionary.
It was your knowledge of the
alphabet and the time
and the care that you
took to look through it. And,
you know, dealing with all these
pages that were so thin and you
go too far this way. And then
this way. And then where is the
- - and then there it is. There
it is. You know. I mean it took
something. It meant something.
It meant something to find a
word and look it up. And now
it's just click. Just a click
and it's all the same clicking
with the same amount of
non-effort. A click to make a
reservation, click to pay your
bills, click to buy something. I
mean we've totally convenienced
our self out of being needed.
And the worst part is, is we
have taken the most sacred thing
in the world, and that's finding
love, finding a relationship
and we have reduced it
into a one-click game.
This device is, it's
trapped us inside. I never go
out anymore. I miss going out. I
miss the random shit that would
happen when I would go out.
I don't get it, why
don't you just go out?
Oh my god, look.
What?
Right here.
Gout.
No, go out. It's a sign.
Hello, I just said that. Go out.
I know and there it is.
Go out. We need to go out.
This, this is my new mantra.
Go out.
We need to go out.
Let's go out. We're going out.
Yeah, let's go out.
Come on, you coming?
No, you guys are weird.
- We're going out.
- I am so excited.
We're gonna go out.
We don't know what we're
gonna do, we're just gonna see.
Yeah.
We're going out.
We're just gonna go out.
Okay you're going
out of your minds maybe.
See what happens, life.
Life happens out.
What are we gonna do?
We're gonna buy, - buy a CD
We're gonna buy a 20 cent CD
for twenty - twenty two dollars.
We're gonna wait
in line for something.
We could get a dictionary.
We could get a
dictionary-Just go.
You are not
living to your full potential.
I'm not.
You spend too much
time taking selfies and
looking at yourself.
Is that a good or a bad thing?
'Cause people are always telling
me that I have a good look.
A good look is meaningless.
What is important is inside yourself.
When you say inside,
inside myself, like,
like inside myself?
What? What's in there?
Much more than your
selfie would suggest. Don't you
want to find out how much more?
Okay. How do I do that?
Your true self
will be found with quiet reflection.
Go forth now, dear Bertram,
in quiet reflection.
It's sort of beautiful out.
Yeah, it's still light.
Where are we going? Oh look.
What, really? Yeah.
Shut up.
You are not.
Look.
I am so. Out with the blackberry.
Come on.
We're really going out.
Don't you shame my blackberry.
Now what?
I don't know, I'm naked and scared.
Am I fat? Gutty.
You're not gutty.
Cell phone's...
Such a cheat. So not right.
Poor Lilly.
My selfie is not myself.
ASSISTANT 1 No it's, it's
good, they can't see me.
My selfie is not myself.
David? David?
Damn it, where is he?
Oh, have you seen your wife?
I'm not exactly
sure where she is.
Well I heard she
was flirting with David.
That's great, thanks for
the information. Why don't you
mind your own business?
What are you doing out
here anyway, are you, are you
getting reception? Is reception
back? All right well I'm, I'm
not getting anything here. Just-
I'm sorry that's my phone.
I know I just - -
this is a real emergency.
If I can just this one thing I
mean you didn't fucking ask me.
I understand but I just You
just take my-take a person's
need one second. phone
alright-give me my-
Excuse me? Don't touch me
Give me my fucking phone.
Are you kidding me?
You're stark raving mad.
Oh well fuck you. You just
fucking smashed my phone.
You shouldn't grab it.
Yes Fuck me?
I shouldn't grab you? You
grabbed my fucking phone.
How about that? Now your
phone is in the water.
What is wrong with you?
What's wrong with me?
What-that is
my life's work.
That's pathetic. Your
phone is your life's work?
Shouldn't your husband, your
daughter, your family
be your life's work?
E-Excuse me. Do not talk
about my family, especially not
my daughter. Where is,
where is Jennifer?
- Go on, go find her.
- Jennifer?
Jennifer? Baby? Go on. Go
Mom of the year. Get
the hell out of here.
Honey.
Jennifer? Ah. Oh,
Oh shit.
Jennifer?
Oh, what happened in here?
Thanksgiving got
the best of her.
Where is she?
I think she probably
wants to be alone.
Oh, I'm not sure if this
is funny or tragic. I'm sure
I could figure it out if it
weren't for the hunger pangs.
Oh my God what the fuck!
Lilly!
Oh I'm sorry, granny.
What are we gonna do?
This is a disaster.
Mm, well I have an admission to make.
I knew something like this
could possibly happen, so I made
a backup thanksgiving dinner.
And it's in my fridge
right now at the house.
Seriously Granny?
Yeah.
Okay.
Welcome to your navigation system.
My name is Ethyl.
Okay ethyl.
How may I help you?
Hit it girl.
Yes, I know. I know
that everything I use my phone for
- sex, love, uh, companionship
are just stand-ins for the, for
the real thing. I, I know that,
I know a phone can't love you.
Can't nurture you.
Why would you want it to?
Because it's easier than
working things out with real people.
Yes. I
suppose you're quite right.
I got to go.
You suddenly in a rush?
I don't, I don't even
know what I'm doing here.
I should be with my own
family on Thanksgiving.
Well, you gonna make it?
This is like one of those old
Rosalind Russell movies.
I hope so.
Prepare to detour in 500 feet.
See what you did?
Detour now.
What did I do?
Detour now.
I've already been
down that road, Ethyl.
Action not recognized.
Resuming previous route.
Oh, okay.
Continue for three miles.
Here we are. CAR
GPS Then turn right.
Continue straight
then make a U-Turn.
Ah.
Continue for three miles.
Then turn right.
Oh god now I need gas.
Then you will arrive
at your destination.
See what you did? Approaching
Dusky Glen road.
What? I'm
going myself.
I'm sorry but no
satellites can be located.
Turn you off.
Welcome to your navigation
system, how may I help you?
Okay ladies, you want
to come out and we'll do the
final shot. So it was a
tumultuous, uh, Thanksgiving,
With some unexpectedly
thought-provoking dialogue.
Um, now I don't like my art to
have lessons. I like, I like
them just to be dollops
of human foibles and triumphs.
So I would like to end with a
question. And, uh, that is
the next time you pick up your
device, I'd like you to ask
yourself what is it I'm
searching for? And is
this the way to find it? Um,
okay, well that's it.
I'd just like to thank all the
new Twitter followers.
You know, you guys are the
faceless fans that make
it worthwhile. And, uh, we'll
see you again next time.
How'd it go?
Practically
perfect in every way.
I can't believe
that thing actually worked.
Where did you get it?
Amazon, 35 dollars. They're
quite popular, actually.
At some point I can imagine
everyone having a phone jammer
in their homes.
I doubt it.
Yeah, I don't
see that happening either.
Well, mark my words, the
future is not in the search but
the silence my
friends. Now come on.