I've got Talia.
All right, let's do this thing.
Transfer's confirmed.
-Move in.
-That's very good.
This is the FBl.
The building is surrounded.
You're all under arrest.
I repeat, you're all under arrest.
Put your hands up.
This is the FBl!
Sonny Talia, you're under arrest.
Oh, yeah? For what? lmport, export?
Calm down, buddy.
Here's my bill of lading.
Coffee, paint, computer chips
and lawn chairs.
There's nothing in here but lawn chairs.
Hey, sweetheart, you're a beautiful girl.
If you get tired of the FBl...
...you can come and work for me
in one of my dance joints.
Bring in Agent 1 1 !
Agent 1 1 ...
...search!
What's this?
Go!
Get away from me!
Agent 1 1 !
Bleeker Street. Dog town.
Canine Alley.
No, you don't.
Come on, Spike.
Can't we do this nice, just once?
All right. You asked for it.
What do we got here? Go get the chicken.
Go get the chicken.
Psych, Spike!
Come on, Boodles.
We gotta stop meeting like this.
I'm telling you.
It costs me $20 a week in meatballs.
Let's do it again. Go get the meatball!
Where are you?
Where is that stinking dog?
Well, well, well.
What's up, Tyson? You on lock-down?
Want to get the mail?
Want to get the mailman? Come on, try!
Too fast!
Who am l? MC Hammer! You know why?
Because you can't touch this.
Not today, Tyson!
Here you are, baby.
Signed, sealed, delivered.
Thank you, Benny. I'll see you tomorrow?
Oh, yeah. And remember,
if there's anything I can do for you...
...all you have to do is raise that flag...
...and I'll come through for you, baby.
Rain, sleet or snow.
This postman always delivers.
Damn.
Oh, hey, Gordon. What's up, man?
You're looking smooth, brother.
Tyson again?
Yeah, but I'm cool.
That dog's on an all-white-meat diet.
He never did that to no brother.
-That's not funny.
-Yes, it is.
Why don't you request a different route
if he's giving you a hard time?
There's not a dog on this planet
that can scare me.
Okay, brother.
That's funny. That's hysterical.
Come on, baby. They're just jokes.
-Don't get postal on me.
-Postal? I'm not postal.
Don't even play with me like that.
You know all white people are crazy.
I'll check you back at the crib.
Hey, G. You can keep that dog, dog.
Get it, dog?
Here's some good news, Mr. Talia.
The metal ball bearing we inserted
to replace your missing appendage...
...should help you maintain
a natural appearance.
Luckily we were able
to save the other one...
...or else we'd have to put in two,
and when you walk....
It's just a little urological humor.
Sonny, let it go, please!
Listen, Sonny, it's okay.
The prosecution has
absolutely nothing on you.
You're a businessman with a valid bill
of lading for importation.
They can't prove
prior knowledge or possession.
They got no case!
I'm not worried about that right now.
What I'm worried about is this
Agent 1 1 dog. It's always this dog.
He made me lose $22 million
in the last three years.
And now he made me lose, he made me....
You know, Sonny, you only need one.
-Then give me one of yours.
-Just looking on the bright side.
-You can't do anything about the dog.
-Yes, I can.
Man's best friend. Bad dog!
I'm sorry, buddy.
Hey, baby.
Steph, someone has mailed you
a stuffed dog.
Rick, the shoot for Slick and Slimy
is down the hall.
-Gordon!
-Hey, Steph.
This isn't a good time for me right now.
I got James a little present here.
Oh, my God, that's so sweet.
All he's been talking about is dogs.
He doesn't understand
you can't have one in an apartment.
Honey, come here.
Gordon's got something for you.
What's up, little man?
Look what Uncle Gordon got you!
I'm not really your uncle,
so if I kiss your mom...
...that's okay.
Don't worry, James.
There's no chance of that happening.
Hey, pal, what do we say?
Thank you.
I like dogs.
I'm gonna keep you for a long time.
Yo, Steph. This guy's whacky.
Hello. Yeah, Daisy? Flight's at 9:00.
You waltz in here with that toy...
...thinking you can buy back
Stephanie through her son?
You're mad you didn't think of it first.
I don't have to. I'm here because
she wants a real man around the house.
Are you gonna go arrest one
and bring him home to her?
Okay, guys.
Police business. I gotta go.
I'll show you to the door.
All right, bye now. Take care.
Don't get shot.
-Out.
-What?
-Out. Now. Go.
-Come on, Steph.
You can't fight it, baby.
I'm cool.
Don't even start.
You need some handcuffs instead
of them stamps. Rick got them.
Look, G, I'm filling you, man.
Stephanie's a dime.
A dime? What's that mean?
A ten.
But she comes with carry-on.
The kid.
What's your point?
It's like you're dating Janet,
but Janet's bringing Tito.
You don't want that!
We're just friends. I'm giving
her advice on her love life.
Love life advice? She'd be better off
calling the Psychic Friends Network.
If you want to get with that mommy,
you got to be a pappy.
-Are you ready for that?
-No!
I'm cool with my current
responsibilities, thank you.
Like what?
Remembering to floss.
Feeding my fish.
And, at some point,
returning The Matrix video to Blockbuster.
A kid abandoned in a mailbox
should jump at the chance...
-...to screw up a family of his own.
-You have to bring that up?
Yeah, I have to bring that up, man!
What the--
Didn't your foster parents teach you
to respect other people's property?
The last time I sat on this couch,
my butt was orange for a week.
Take your dang couch out of here.
I didn't want it in the first place.
I don't have space for it.
I'm teaching yoga in the front room.
I don't want to hear
about you teaching yoga.
You don't even know one yoga move.
I can pick a $5 bill up with my butt.
-You cannot.
-Give me $5.
I want to see this.
You're gonna see it, baby.
You're gonna see it.
Watch this.
Okay.
All right, I'm stuck.
-You all right?
-Just come push me over. Push me.
Just push me. Just push me to the right.
Hey, watch the couch, baby.
All right, come on, man.
-Yes, I'm gonna watch football.
-You know I'm ready!
Yeah, I'm gonna watch some football!
Miss Maguire, I have people here.
You must come down now.
Miss Maguire, I have people here.
You must come down now.
Hey, what are you yelling about?
You tell her to come down now,
because we are leaving to the airport.
She's so slow.
-Where you going, man?
-Nowhere, man.
Hey, man! Gordon!
Do you mind?
You can't take care
of the hamster I gave you.
-What you gonna do with a woman?
-Come on, man, let me do this.
Go handle your business then.
What's up?
I'm going away on business
and the babysitter's late.
She said she'd be here in 10 minutes,
30 minutes ago.
Okay, calm down. It's okay.
Super G's here.
God, I hope this is you, Daisy.
Hello? Daisy!
You'll be here in 10 more minutes?
lf you don't get here, I'll miss my plane!
I'll watch James until Daisy gets here.
I don't think--
Daisy! Yeah, it's Gordon.
Get your butt over here, girl, fast!
There you go.
This isn't a good idea.
You don't know anything about children.
It's 10 minutes.
What's he going to do, dry out?
Come on, we'll kick back,
have a couple of beers, huh?
Okay, one beer.
You got business to take care of.
Just relax, it's gonna be fine.
I'll keep an eye on James
and James'll keep an eye on me.
Daisy is on her way, so Gordon's
gonna watch you for a few minutes.
Are you okay with that?
-Let's go!
-Okay, okay.
Move it! Move it now!
This is important. Remind Daisy
to always check the food pyramid.
This is a list of what he can watch
and when, only an hour a day, no PG.
No video games, all right?
You've got to make sure that
she takes him to piano and soccer.
Look, it's all in the schedule.
All the shaded green areas
are all free playtime.
Daisy knows all this, right?
She's been watching him for two years.
Right. You're right. Okay.
Mommy will be home tomorrow, and
when Mommy's away who do we listen to?
-Daisy.
-Right. And remember, follow....
"Follow the rules and playtime will follow."
Got it.
I love you.
-Gordon, you're a lifesaver.
-Yeah, all five flavors.
All people waiting for you!
Don't make smoochie-smoochie.
Everybody, put on seat belts!
All right, there it goes! Run, baby, run!
Knock him on his ass!
My bad. Knock him to the asphalt!
Knock him to the asphalt!
I hope the babysitter gets here soon
so we can go to the big screen.
I know.
Hello? Daisy, yeah, it's Gordon.
Where are you?
What do you mean, you can't come?
The game's on. Get your butt over here.
Food poisoning?
Daisy, listen, you can have
food poisoning over here...
...with James.
I don't understand what you're saying.
I don't think she's coming.
Don't worry.
Your mom'll be back tomorrow,
and Benny will hang with us.
You're hanging yourself fine.
Remember, if he gets scared, cries...
...or messes his drawers, give me a call.
Benny, he's gonna be fine.
I wasn't talking to you,
I was talking to him.
James, if he goes to the bathroom
longer than five minutes...
...light a match.
I'll be watching the big screen!
You're on your own, dog!
That ain't funny. Benny!
I'm hungry.
Good. Okay, food, I could do that.
-Come on, kid.
-I can't have breakfast now.
-Why not?
-It's dinnertime.
So?
I don't know about this.
Doesn't your mommy make you clean?
Occasionally, I take a flamethrower
to it and start all over again.
What's that smell?
That's the smell of a man.
It's what a man's place smells like.
But listen. Come over here.
We gotta go over some rules here.
Listen carefully.
This is my stuff.
Look at it.
It's beautiful. It's 500 watts
of Dolby Digital sound.
Stereo, receiver, DVD player.
The tower of power!
Check it out.
Don't touch it.
You hear that? Can you feel it, baby?
-Say, "Don't touch Gordon's stuff."
-"Don't touch Gordon's stuff."
We're gonna get along just fine.
Here we go.
Some natural whole-bran cereal,
just like the chart says...
...and some soy milk.
Hold it now, hold it now.
Can't forget your prunes.
All right, dig in.
-Your mom ever say anything about me?
-I heard her with Daisy.
Listening in to your mom's conversations?
That's good.
-What'd she say?
-She said that you're funny.
Funny? Funny, that's good.
Yeah, we like funny.
-What else?
-That you're irresponsible.
Irresponsible?
Irresponsible, waste your time...
...and you only want one thing.
Oh, and you're some kind of hound.
She said that?
What's she got you eating here?
It's good.
How can you eat that?
"No sugar added"?
And they're proud of that?
I want to tell you about this man I know.
His name's Cap'n Crunch.
He's got some friends, too.
Count Chocula and Toucan Sam.
Froot Loops.
I'm not allowed.
Wait, wait. You see, the warden's away.
Just us guys here. We hunt,
we gather, we eat what we want.
What if my mom finds out?
I won't tell if you don't.
I see why it says
I shouldn't have given you sugar.
Those are live animals!
Catch me!
I want this Agent 1 1 taken out.
I don't know.
An FBI agent could be a little tricky.
This guy is huge!
Not him, you moron. The dog.
Agent 1 1 is a dog.
That's funny. That's a good one, Sonny.
That's a good one.
You want we should whack a dog?
You two tubs of blubber think that's funny?
-There's no reason to get personal.
-This is personal!
It don't get no more personal!
I want the dog dead!
All right, all right, Sonny.
But, you know, we're pros.
How we gonna hold our heads up
in the community...
...with people knowing we're going
around to put the whack on a pooch?
I mean, we got an image.
If the two of you don't whack this pooch...
...then you will get whacked.
Okay. You're the boss.
No problem.
Do regular fees apply?
-Come on.
-What'd I say?
It is important that your dog...
You see him?
...know work ethic.
It's a bunch of puppies.
But he also wants to please you.
Teach him to work, to work well,
and in the end that is all he will want.
-Michaels, what are you doing?
-Nothing, sir.
Is Agent 44 your pet?
-No, sir.
-He's not.
-He's an FBI agent.
-Yes, sir.
-You wouldn't tickle an agent's belly.
-No, sir.
You don't see me tickling
Agent Cassavettes' underbelly, do you?
No, you do not!
Get this through your head!
This is not a drill!
These dogs will save your life.
Agent 1 1 saved mine several times.
So don't tickle my animals.
All canine agents wear
an lnvisible Fence collar...
...which gives a shock designed
to get his attention.
Since we work exclusively
with hand signals...
...sometimes it is necessary
to prompt the dog to look back.
This causes serious discomfort.
For the dog's safety...
...the collar has a voltage regulator
to prevent power surges.
Never introduce a metal object
or you'll light your animal up.
A demonstration of the collar by
the most decorated canine in FBI history.
-That's him!
-You sure?
Oh, yeah. Yeah, a little older maybe,
but that's him.
Attack!
Come to Papa. Now!
-You said, "Now."
-I meant now "now," not "now"!
Word on the street is Sonny Talia
put the hit out on Agent 1 1 .
Not that we're surprised.
If Talia can infiltrate our training facility,
Agent 1 1 isn't safe here.
I've decided to call Witness Protection
in on this.
Agent Murdoch, Agent Sharp.
-This is a highly unusual--
-Agent Sharp, Agent 1 1 .
This is a highly unusual request.
But the agency is very concerned.
To be able to do something like this,
Talia must have a man on the inside....
Until we learn who that is,
we will be relocating Agent 1 1 ...
...to a protected environment.
-Okay, so where will we be going?
-Not "we."
Agent 1 1 is going alone.
-So you're taking him away from me?
-Let it go. It's for his own good.
But we're a team.
Agent 1 1 is my most important tool.
What would I be without him?
Nothing at all!
You can't take him away from me!
That's like taking away my gun!
That'll be fine.
Hey, little buddy.
Little hair of the dog that bit you.
I feel better.
-Where's your school?
-I don't have school. It's summer.
Guess I'll take you to my work.
I get to deliver the mail!
Great.
At least tell me where he's going.
There's no harm in that, I guess.
He's going to an FBI sled dog
training facility in Alaska.
Watch yourself up there.
Okay, boy?
Come on, get in.
I'll take those.
Don't worry, Murdoch, okay? He'll be fine.
Yeah, he better be.
Message from Sonny:
"Play dead."
The dog is in the third van.
Remember, you're not supposed to be
in the truck.
It's against regulations.
So just stay low and make yourself useful.
Divide those stacks of letters
into odd and even numbers.
-Okay.
-Thanks, pal.
Pull alongside.
I'll whack the driver, then the dog.
Gotcha. Whoa!
When it's safe.
Ease up alongside.
Get the dog!
Drive the car!
Hey, buddy, I'll be right back.
Don't go anywhere.
Hi.
How you doing back there?
Gordon, is this your dog?
No, that's your dog.
Mine?
Yeah, I gave him to you, remember?
Cool. What's his name?
Spot. The dog's name's Spot.
Spot?
Yo, Cleavis! What's up, brother?
Oh, man!
James!
James!
James, come here.
You okay? Any broken bones?
-I'm fine.
-Good!
-Whose dog is that?
-That's my dog.
Your dog?
-Don't lie to me!
-I'm not.
It's my dog, Spot. You gave him to me.
I did not give you a dog.
What?
Hey, Stephanie.
I've been leaving you messages all night.
I know. Is James okay?
Yeah, the kid's fine. Everything's cool.
I can't believe this. I shouldn't
have left him. I have to get back.
So you'll be here in two hours?
No, I'm not.
There's been some freak blizzard.
The flights are canceled...
...roads are closed,
even cell phones don't work.
People are going insane.
Everyone, back off!
I don't think you can handle this.
I'm coming. Somehow, I'm coming.
What do you mean I can't handle
something like this?
You think I'm irresponsible.
Well, for your information,
I'm a very responsible guy.
I'm going to call Beverly
and see if she can take James.
Well, go ahead and do that.
That's probably a good idea.
But if you need me, I'm here.
Can I talk to James, please?
Yeah, sure. Hold on.
Listen...
...don't tell her about this. It's guy stuff.
Don't mention the accident...
...and don't say anything about the D-O-G.
Hi, Mom. Gordon got me a dog.
I know, I saw him before I left.
His name is Spot. Can I keep him?
Yeah, you sure can.
Wow! Thanks, Mom!
I wonder, is Agent 1 1 all right up there?
We've never been apart.
I feel like a part of me is missing.
Cassavettes.
What do you mean,
he jumped out of the van? Which van?
No problem. That wasn't our dog.
That was a decoy.
Let the local dogcatcher handle it.
Check on him.
Murdoch, he's fine. It wasn't him.
FBI substation, Nome.
Danvers...
...this is the Tiger.
Hi, Murdoch. How you doing?
Don't use my real name, man.
I don't know if this line is secure.
Sorry.
What's up, Tigger?
It's Tiger, and has the package arrived?
He's here, yeah.
Are you sure this is an FBI dog?
He doesn't look like much.
Listen, 1 1 is the top canine agent
in America...
...and probably the world. He is a killer.
Okay.
That didn't impress you all? Okay.
Yeah! Look at that!
What?
See? You're in trouble now.
There comes my boy right there.
My boy's always got my back.
Hold on right there. Hold on!
-Benny, what's going down?
-Just on my 15-minute break.
-But I don't back down.
-They calling you out?
-You got my back?
-Let's get disgruntled.
Okay. I'll give you that.
I give you that. What else you got?
Little something I call
"The George Jefferson."
Yeah, that's it!
-Call Weezie!
-Weezie!
Put the mail in the box!
E.T., the Extra-Terrestrial.
-Make him phone home!
-Phone home.
-Make him phone home!
-Phone home!
There you go! Break it down!
Grab them! Get dizzy on them!
-Don't get dizzy, make them dizzy!
-Air Gordon, baby!
You know what?
This is how I shut the club down.
Yeah, you want some of this?
You see the expression on that dog's face?
It wasn't a scowl.
It was more like a smirk.
It was like he was smirking at us.
Yeah, well, I can't even believe that
I'm doing this.
What?
Give me the good news.
Listen, that skirt
from the Witness Protection Program...
...she gave us some bad information.
So we kind of...
...followed the wrong dog.
But don't worry,
because we got it all figured out.
We know where her mistake was.
We'll have the dog by the morning.
I know you all my life.
We grew up on the same block.
Your mother changed my diapers.
Your sister's married to my goombah...
...and I'll personally shove you
headfirst into an incinerator...
...and burn you to a crisp...
...if you screw this up!
This is good. You ought to have some
of this with the tomato.
Oh, boy. If this ever gets out....
Hey, you didn't say nothing to nobody,
did you?
No!
Well, I told Paulie.
You told Paulie?
He's a gossip.
I had to. I was supposed
to do that thing in Atlanta.
-He promised he'll keep his mouth shut.
-Yeah, right.
Let's go to the dog pound.
Big mouth!
Nobody will know nothing.
Charlie the Clip from Jersey.
-Gino--
-Shut up!
Vinny Bash from Brooklyn. Eddie Sharp.
Oh, Joey BB Eyes!
I don't want to leave him here.
You don't want a dog. Trust me.
I want Spot.
This dog isn't Spot, it....
This dog doesn't even
have one spot on him.
Doesn't matter. It's just a name.
Come on. You don't want a dog.
Dogs stink!
You gotta feed and walk and clean them.
They poop everywhere. Even in your bed.
James, I'm a mailman. Mailmen hate dogs.
I won't have a dog in my house. I'm sorry.
It'll never happen.
What will happen to him?
-What's he doing?
-I don't know.
The dog's weird.
Know what, dog?
You're giving me the creeps.
What's wrong with him?
I got it!
We'll play catch, okay?
Okay, catch the ball.
Let's try that again.
Watch the ball.
Are you serious?
What's wrong with you?
Why don't you play?
No play.
No.
Do you hear me, Agent 1 1? No.
Bad agent. We don't do that. No.
Hello!
Is anybody home?
Okay, look...
...l'm gonna do
what you're supposed to do.
Check it out. I'll take your collar...
...and I'm gonna be a dog.
As a matter of fact, I'm gonna be you.
A big, stupid dog.
Look.
I can sit.
I can lay down.
Well, I can't scratch my head,
but Benny probably could.
I can lick my...
...paw.
Watch me, I can chase my tail.
I'm chasing my tail.
He's so weird.
Oh, God.
I don't know what to tell you, James.
You're not trying hard enough.
Are you kidding?
I mean, come on...
...the dog doesn't want to play.
Dog's broken.
You didn't try hard enough.
I'm about to throw up!
I didn't try hard enough.
It's not my fault this dog is broke!
Maybe when your mom gets back...
...she can get you a dog
that actually works!
Why don't you watch TV or something?
Keep it on cartoons.
Don't try to get smart.
Thank you.
Now quietly entertain yourself.
Yeah, this'll do.
Look, Brain! I made a round bird.
Gotta get this stupid dog collar
off my neck!
Birdy, birdy, birdy! Narf!
No!
James, put that down!
James, put that down.
Say we'll keep Spot.
We can't. He's not--
Okay, okay! You can keep the dog.
Here we go! You ready?
Go get it, girl!
Hey, there.
That's him.
Wrong dog.
Do you mind?
I gotta take these two creatures
to the park...
...and I don't need you giving me attitude.
Don't you all look adorable?
Look, you got a kid,
you got the dog, you got you.
Norman Rockwell, man.
Let me get a picture.
Say "Tupac! "
"Tupac! "
You see that, dog? He said, "Tupac."
I feel like such a proud mama right now.
Look...
...my family.
All right, you want to come to the park?
Park? For what, man?
To watch you watch the dog?
The dog don't move!
He ain't moved since I walked in!
Look at him!
-I think he broke.
-Yeah.
Get Spot's ball, we'll get the Frisbee.
Meet in the hall.
Go get it, Spot!
Go get it.
Maybe the Frisbee will work.
Come on, go get the Frisbee.
What's wrong with you?
You see anything?
Just keep your eyes peeled.
Where does a mutt go?
Take it easy.
He has a bladder condition.
He can't control himself.
I got your bladder condition over here.
Take it easy. Come on.
Get your mutt out of here! Take a hike!
Jeez, it stinks, Gino.
You think it'll stain?
Hey, help!
He stole her purse!
Help!
There he is.
-Spot!
-James, come here!
Spot, come back!
Sorry, man. That dog is totally psycho.
Where's that crazy dog?
There he is.
Spot, no!
Bad dog! What are you doing?
I'm sorry. He's not really my dog.
I didn't know he was a thief!
What?
What's that?
Listen, I said I'm sorry.
Oh, I get it. How much you want? $20?
$25.
Come on, that purse ain't worth
more than that.
I said I'm sorry.
Hey, back off. What's the matter, lady?
Gordon, it's me again.
I can't believe it. This is terrible.
I made it out of the snow,
but all the roads are blocked.
The stupid bus is stuck.
I don't know how I'll get back.
You really don't know
how much I appreciate this.
You're a good man, Gordon.
Hey, Gordon?
You know what? I really hate asking this...
...but the thing is, James has
this little trouble sleeping....
I gotta go.
What's wrong?
I can't take it anymore!
I can't sleep! I can't eat!
I'm an emotional wreck!
It's all right.
You're here now.
Cassavettes...
...l don't know how to tell you this.
-Are you wearing 1 1's dog tag?
-He's feeling what I'm feeling.
I talked to Danvers.
He's only had one cup of kibbles today.
The dog? You came here
to talk about the dog?
Of course! He's my partner! I miss him!
We've never been apart this long.
He's always been a good eater,
just like me, even when he was a puppy.
This is not healthy.
I want you to fly up there...
...check on him,
and get this out of your system.
Really?
There you go.
You do the crime, you do the time.
I told you he wouldn't like that.
Of course he likes that.
That's what that sound means.
Yeah, right.
Come on, it's bedtime.
Just holler if you need anything.
Good night, Spot.
Are you kidding?
Stupid dog!
What's the racket about?
Okay, I get it.
I'm glad you can sleep.
Wait, my keys.
Let's go, stupid.
Come on, go already.
What now?
That's nasty. I'm not picking that up.
What's the big idea?
All right, I'm sorry
I tied you to the furnace.
Let me in.
All right. Where you going?
Come back here!
Where are you going? You stupid dog.
Oh, God. Nasty.
God!
Shut up down there!
I'm covered in caca!
God.
Oh, God.
Spot. I'm gonna kill you.
Come on.
Got some ID?
ID?
I don't think so.
Don't get wise, buddy.
Listen, I live right here.
The dog locked me out.
You been drinking?
No, I have not been drinking!
I'm taking care of the neighbor's kid...
...then this dog came!
Came from where?
Hell.
This is Satan's dog. I'm telling you!
He gets mad at the drop of a hat!
He got pissed off and locked me
out of my own house! He's crazy!
Put your hands on your head!
Okay, let's just try to relax here.
He locked me out of my house.
Satan's dog locked you out?
Yeah.
You think I'd do this to myself?.
Come with us.
We'll get someone who can help you.
Not in my car. He reeks.
Oh, thank God! James!
See, that's the kid!
And that's the dog!
Son, do you know him?
That's Gordon. He lives here.
Next time you step outside, sir,
I suggest you take your keys.
Thanks, I'll remember that.
Let me in the house!
This is crazy, Gino.
Sonny will nail our heads together.
I say we get our passports,
start to learn Spanish.
Arliss...
...you gotta focus.
All we gotta do is get in the dog's head.
So every place a dog has gotta go...
...we hang the posters.
Sooner or later he's gotta show.
And when he does, bada-bing.
That's smart.
What are you doing?
You're doing it all wrong.
Come on, check it out.
You gotta put a bunch of junk on it.
Let me give you some style.
Here you go.
Yeah, that's it. Yeah, get crazy.
Girls love that.
That's the look.
Yeah.
See? That's got attitude.
Gordon, what was your daddy like?
My daddy?
Well, I'm just like you.
I don't have a daddy.
What about your mommy?
-Well, I didn't have a mommy either.
-You didn't have a mommy?
Hey, man, it's cool.
I mean, look at Spot.
Spot doesn't have a mommy or daddy.
He's a stray, but he's happy.
I mean, he's a little screwed up,
but he's happy.
I'm sorry you didn't have
a mommy, Gordon.
I didn't need a mommy.
If I did have one,
she'd probably comb my hair like this.
Make me look foolish.
Mush! Come on!
Tigger, you made it.
It's Tiger, you moron!
You seem awfully happy to be here.
This is not a smile.
My face is frozen like this!
Now, how's Agent 1 1?
That's not Agent 1 1 !
Well, that's the dog they sent us.
-Cassavettes.
-The dog that jumped out was Agent 1 1 .
The tags were switched!
-Are you sure?
-I'm positive.
It had to be Sharp.
Forget it.
She's long gone.
Okay, Spot, let's try it again.
Listen up, Spot. I got no time for you.
And I know you don't like me either.
You're your own dog.
You like to hang back.
I'm down with that.
But I'm here to talk about the kid.
See, his mom keeps him on a short leash.
You hear what I'm saying?
I'd like to see the kid have some fun.
Let's go, Spot. Let's hook
the kid up with some fun.
Let's go! Let's go have some fun!
Come on, let's go have some fun!
I'm sorry, James.
Let's just go.
You should be ashamed of yourself.
Come on.
What's he doing?
I don't know.
Why don't you try throwing it?
How about that?
Good boy, good boy.
Here, come on, Spot.
Come on, jump up.
Come on, Spot. Good boy.
-Did you see how high he jumped?
-Yeah, like five feet.
Our boy can play!
-He isn't retarded.
-No, he's a smart dog.
Thanks, Spot. I owe you one.
What do you say we get him a bone
or a snack or whatever dogs eat?
Get out of here!
-You believe these kids?
-No respect.
That's our mutt!
-That's our mutt!
-Let's go.
All right, you go get the dog...
...one of those.... Whatever he wants.
I'm gonna ask this lady a question.
Hey, how's it going?
Starchild?
"Starchild." Are you serious?
You can have anything you want, Spot.
What about this one?
No.
Hello.
Cat got your tongue?
Now, where did this mutt go?
Hey, kid! Where's that dog?
Be careful. There's piranha in there.
You get the guns.
Let's get that mutt.
No! I'm not paying for this!
Spot, are you okay?
"Can cause paralysis"?
I'll go the other way.
Get this thing off me!
Help!
Hey, kid.
How you doing?
Want to help your Uncle Gino
find the doggy?
Hey!
Whoa. Help!
Help!
You go that way.
That's it. It's over.
My legs!
Gordon? It's me again.
I'm just calling to check in.
Are you there? I'm sure everything's fine.
If you want to, call me on my cell phone.
Okay, I'll talk to you soon. Bye.
Stop!
-So Seattle, huh?
-Yeah.
Don't worry. We have lots of room.
-We'll get you there.
-We'll go straight there?
We're not stopping for nothing.
Well, there you are.
Oh, you're gonna be really comfy in there.
Just don't make any fast movements.
What's that smell?
Hello?
Hi, Mr. Zebra.
-I gotta report an attempted murder.
-Yo, Granger!
You're catching!
This is just perfect.
So where did this happen?
At the pet store. There were two of them.
One was a real big guy,
looking like Pavarotti.
I'm telling you, it was a hit.
A hit? And you were the target?
Dude, not me, the dog.
-The dog?
-Spot was incredible.
He got the bad guys.
It was amazing.
He just took those two guys out.
It's weird, I always thought
he was retarded.
You know what? lf you're asking me...
...you're the one who is retarded.
Dude, he's not retarded. You are.
Yeah? Well....
-Know what I'm thinking?
-What?
When Stephanie returns, I'll tell her...
...not to leave James with a nut who
gets her kid a dog while she's away.
Actually, that's not his dog at all.
That's "Satan's dog."
Let's leave. We don't need these idiots.
Oh, man.
Come on, Spot.
Looks like Agent Sharp
skipped the country.
She did not.
We got ahold of all her credit card records.
She bought a one-way ticket to Belize.
She never made the airport.
And let me tell you something,
if you don't get that dog...
...you're gonna make the airport.
But as part of a runway!
We're dead. We are so dead.
You know, I never saw Godfather Ill.
I heard it wasn't as good as the first two.
I thought we had more time, Gino.
Listen to me.
Take a rest. We're gonna find the dog.
Hey, Gino, I didn't think
they let you out of Jersey.
-What are you doing here?
-What do you say, Tommy?
I just got a little business to finish up.
That's good. Great.
I can't stand that clown.
He's got no respect.
-Hello.
-Yeah, I know who's got your dog.
My neighbor. The guy's a freak.
They got the dog. We got the dog.
The bureau appreciates your help.
A canine agent disappeared
in this area a few days ago.
We are intent on finding that dog.
What is it with the dogs all of a sudden?
I had this idiot in who said the Mafia
put a contract out on his dog.
That's Agent 1 1 .
Yeah, and?
He's my partner, you greasy-haired reptile.
Tell me everything.
I can't sleep.
-Why not, buddy?
-I had a bad dream.
About what?
Charizard was trying to burn me,
and I had to run away.
-Who's Charizard?
-A Pokmon.
I thought Pikachu was the Pokmon.
There's all different Pokmon.
-And they all have different powers?
-You catch on fast.
And are they named
after what they sort of do?
Kind of.
Okay, so if you were a Pokmon,
you'd be Snotty-nose-achu.
You would be Stinky-feet-achu.
And you'd be Fart-in-bed-achu.
It wasn't me.
It wasn't me, either.
Wait, if it wasn't me, and it wasn't you....
Do you like my mom?
Yeah. I really do.
Why don't you marry her?
Well, because, you know,
marriage is a big step.
You really gotta know someone
before you do something like that.
You'd be fun for a dad.
You think so?
Thanks.
Hold it.
I think this is the block.
Yeah, let's go.
And they lived happily ever after...
...because they won the lottery
and moved to Hawaii.
There you go.
Don't hog all the blankets.
I am so glad this is off our plate.
Yeah, you look like you could use
something off your plate.
Have you seen any of these men?
Yeah. These two.
They destroyed the pet store.
If there's any cost for the damages,
they should be held responsible.
You're very lucky, Mr. Smith.
These men are extremely dangerous.
You should be all right now that
Agent 1 1 is with us. 1 1, let's go!
What?
-No.
-Spot's leaving?
I promised the dog to the kid.
You can't take the dog.
Don't take the dog. Look at the kid.
-You can't take him.
-Agent 1 1 is U.S. Government property.
But you can't take him.
Come on, James.
Spot doesn't belong to us.
I think he has to go back with these guys.
Here we go, boy.
He doesn't like that.
Come on.
Don't go, Spot.
No!
-You're gonna have to eat something.
-I'm not eating till Spot comes back.
Well, Spot's not coming back.
That's life. Get used to it.
Let's see.
You lost the dog.
The boy wants you dead.
No way you're getting jiggy
with his mama.
That makes you a single man again,
brother. Give it to me up top.
Okay, leave me hanging. Okay, cool.
I'll remember that.
I need you to eat.
1 1, eat.
You're gonna be stupid
and not do anything?
I am doing something. I'm moving on.
You should, too. Listen, James,
don't get attached to things.
-It only ends up messing with you.
-But he's our dog.
No, he's a government official,
much like myself.
No, he's our dog and he loves us.
Know what? You're just a kid.
You know nothing. You're irrational!
No, you're stupid!
-Hello!
-Gordon, hi.
Oh, it's you.
You won't believe what I've been through,
but I'm really close now.
Every time you call,
you got some lame excuse.
What's it this time?
Dog ate your homework?
Are you okay? ls everything all right?
And always with the questions.
All I want to know is,
when are you gonna be here?
Gordon, what happened?
I will not be treated
like an irresponsible idiot.
You're the irresponsible one.
It's your fault!
I shouldn't be watching a dog...
...and I sure don't need some kid in my life.
Stop!
You're taking me to my kid, now!
Agent 1 1 ! He's escaped.
Agent 1 1 !
All right, truce. Come out here.
Come on, this isn't funny.
My kid. I lost my kid.
Keep your mouth shut.
This is suicide.
How in the hell could you guys
let Agent 1 1 escape?
You'll all be reprimanded.
Where you going?
To find my dog,
and I know exactly where he went.
Back to those two.
I thought you were dead. Get in the truck.
-Come on, buddy, get in the truck.
-I'm gonna find Spot.
How you gonna find him?
Think you're a detective?
Why did you run away?
What do you care? You don't want me.
What?
No, I didn't mean it like that.
Why did you say that to my mom?
You know, I was just scared.
And sometimes, when people get upset...
...it comes out all messed up.
Do you miss Spot?
Yeah, I guess I do.
I'm really glad you ended up
staying with me.
Glad we became pals.
I didn't mean what I said to your ma.
Not even a little bit.
Think you could forgive me?
It's okay, Gordon. I'm glad we're friends.
Me too.
There they are. Back it up.
It's those guys. Come on!
Get back there! Hold on!
-James, you okay?
-Yeah.
-Throw those boxes at them.
-All right!
Dive bomb! Depth charge!
-Watch it!
-I got it.
This mailman's gonna lose his job.
Where'd they go?
James, are you okay?
Look what I found.
Good idea. Come on.
Police!
Police!
Help! 91 1 !
Help!
That's gotta hurt.
Hurry, James!
-Hey, get over here!
-Give me the dog!
Where's the dog? Get over here.
Help me! Come on!
Come on, get off.
Help.
Run!
I'll save you from calling the cops.
We got one here.
Sit down over there.
And you, shut up.
Where is that mutt?
I thought he was with the FBl.
He escaped to be with you.
How touching. I'm all choked up.
Could you loan me a handkerchief
while we wait for the mutt?
Somebody help me here.
Get off of me!
Come here, you.
That's it.
Mr. Talia, what are you doing here?
I took a wild guess and figured
you two baboons would screw it up.
-Sit down, the both of youse.
-Sonny, the dog--
-It wasn't our fault.
-No?
I don't know if it's worth
the bullets for the two of you.
I gotta ask my accountant. Afterwards.
Excuse me, Mr. Mob Boss Guy, I wouldn't
make any sudden moves if I were you.
You wouldn't, you punk? Why not?
-I don't think Spot would like that.
-And who is Spot?
Spot!
Come on.
Come on.
1 1, the gun!
You take it.
-Spot!
-1 1 !
Kick him, James!
Run, James! Run!
No, not again! Come on!
No, not again.
-Hey, Spot.
-You're the greatest, Spot.
Hey, what do you got there, boy?
All right, get up!
Scratchy, scratchy, good dog!
Good boy. I love you.
Agent 1 1 ...
...come on.
His name's Spot. He's staying with us.
Open up your eyes, man.
This dog's got a lot going on inside.
He just wants to be a dog, with a family.
He's never had a family before,
and it's been really rough.
The FBI is his family.
The FBI is not a family. It's a job.
Come on. He's got a chance
to be happy now...
...with people that care about him.
I want to give him a home.
I won't let you mess that up.
I think it's time that Spot
decides what he wants.
I can't ask him. He's a dog.
Let's just see. Let's see what he wants.
Good boy, Spot.
What is it?
What do you want, boy?
What is it, boy?
I'll miss you, too.
Thanks for the ride.
Benny! What happened?
I don't believe anybody's dead.
Gordon and James took down
a mob boss and his henchmen--
Gordon gonna need some help.
We need a SWAT team, man.
Then you hit the guy in the head
with the meatballs?
That was funny.
Mom!
What's going on?
Oh, my God!
-Stephanie. You look great.
-We had the greatest time!
Gordon had me under his arm and then
two bad guys with guns chased us.
There were dogs everywhere,
and this is Spot, the dog Gordon gave me.
You look like you had a hard trip.
Maybe we should talk about this later.
If you ever come within 50 feet of my son,
I'll call the police.
Well, Stephanie, I live 25 feet away.
Those came in very handy.
I can explain.
Come on.
Hey there, music man.
I'm gonna catch you in the yard.
We're gonna settle this, man to man.
-What's up, G?
-Yo, what's up?
I'm all right. You know what, man?
-He's not such a bad dog after all.
-No, he's a good dog.
You really dug Stephanie, didn't you?
Now she just sees you
as unreliable, immature...
...irresponsible, fly-by-night,
bad kid-watching dude.
You want a hug, man?
No, I'd rather not. I'll just take the dog
to the park or something.
-But thanks, man.
-Go on and walk your dog.
All right. See you later.
Do you like it? There you go. Thanks.
Hey!
I'm sorry.
What? What's this?
What's up, buddy? Trying to jump me?
You two turning to a life of crime now?
-Here.
-Thanks.
So, you're a hero now.
James tells me you and Spot
saved him from the bad guys.
I actually thought he was exaggerating
because he likes you so much.
-It's really true. He's an FBI agent.
-I actually checked it out.
It sounds like you saved James' life, too.
Thank you.
Listen, l...
...l think maybe I might have jumped
to conclusions about you...
...and I wonder if you'd
like to give it another shot.
"It"? You mean us?
The two of us.
If you make it the three of us, I'm in.
Okay! The four of us. Sorry.
Come on.
-Go get your ball, Spot!
-Go get it! Go on!
SOFTITLER