[ bell rings ]
At the park or at the beach
At home or on tv
Nothing could go wrong
when you're with me
Catch a ride or catch a wave
At home or in l.a.
Nothing could go wrong
when you're with me
When you're with me
Baby, baby, close your eyes
Baby, baby,
don't think twice
I want you
I want you
Baby, baby, close your eyes
Baby, baby,
don't think twice
I want you
I want you
Baby, baby, close your eyes
Baby, baby,
don't think twice
I want you
I want you
I want you, want you,
want you, want you
Peter: good morning.
Ms. ghetty: who are you?
Peter:
uh, peter hammer, ma'am.
Ms. ghetty:
you're 37 minutes late.
Oh, yes.
The mid-semester transfer
from alhambra high.
I was told by our principal
that you were going
to usc on a scholarship.
Peter: uh, yes, ma'am.
Biology grant.
Ms. ghetty:
nice of you to pay us a visit
on your way
to fancy academia land.
This is
the communications elective.
Natalia: more like
the "all other sections
were filled," leftover elective.
Ms. ghetty:
be quiet, natalia.
Peter:
am I in the wrong class?
Ms. ghetty:
you're in the right class.
Take a seat and come see me
after class.
The rest of you,
I want ten examples
of advertising gimmicks
from the 1950s,
and I'm gonna collect these
first thing tomorrow morning.
I'm gonna check out
the handouts.
No funny business
while I'm gone.
[ door closes ]
sam: what?
Peter: what?
[ chuckles ]
thanks for the sweet table --
nice table.
That was sweet of you.
Sam: sweet.
Last time someone
called me sweet was...
Probably never.
Peter: sweet, nice.
It's -- it's the same thing.
Yeah.
Sam: hey, it takes guts
transferring mid-semester
senior year.
I respect that.
Peter:
it's not like I had a choice.
Sam: oh. parents?
Forgive them,
for they know not what they do.
Natalia: psst.
I'm trying to focus here.
Sam:
she's the parasite queen.
A perfect, plastic barbie
who wears her dad's credit cards
as earrings
and has pretty designer clothing
on all the time.
Peter:
like, uh, paris hilton?
Sam: mm, I'm gonna say it.
I actually like paris hilton.
-peter: what?
-sam: yeah.
I mean, she sued the guy
for making the sex tape
and then donated all the money
to environmental causes.
Peter: saving the world
one sex tape at a time?
Sam: [ laughs ]
natalia:
I think he's hot.
I said I think he's hot --
in, like, an "i don't know
what's going on" kind of way.
Jill: he's gonna be a usc nerd,
for crying out loud.
Natalia: a hot usc nerd.
Get into it, jill.
Tiffany:
totally a hot nerd.
Jennifer: nerds are in, jill.
Get into it.
Jill: you're literally
just repeating what she said.
Jennifer:
ew. desperate.
Jill:
he obviously wants you back.
So sad.
Natalia: some people
are just stuck in last season.
I, however,
am all about the future.
Peter: hello?
Ms. ghetty:
who do you think you are,
looking through my things?
Peter: um, uh, s-sorry.
It was -- it was an accident.
Ms. ghetty:
you were an accident.
I don't know
what kind of glorified day care
you came from,
but here at kennedy,
we come to class on time,
understood?
Peter: uh, yes, ma'am.
My apologies.
Ms. ghetty:
don't "yes, ma'am" me.
I disdain brownnosers.
I own you
for the rest of the year,
and just like
the rest of the class,
you owe me a senior project.
Peter: uh, yes, ma'am --
uh, ms. ghetty.
Ms. ghetty:
so, think of a topic --
something spectacular --
and a title.
Topics are due friday.
Get out.
Andy!
Get in here!
Peter: pbht.
Andy: hi.
Peter: hi.
Andy: hi.
I'm andy.
-peter: I'm --
-andy: peter hammer.
Yeah, the transfer
from alhambra high.
-we're in the same comm class.
-peter: oh.
Andy: ooh, are you here
working on your senior project?
Peter: yeah.
Andy: ohh.
Senior-project blues, huh?
Peter:
yeah, I'm completely screwed.
Andy: oh, no.
So, what did you do
to get ms. ghetty?
Peter: I didn't do anything.
She was assigned to me.
Andy:
if you don't want me to say
anything, I won't, all right?
But -- but, like, listen, man.
You're going to usc.
You on academic suspension
or something?
Drugs?
Meth.
M-- you --
do you chase the white tiger?
Peter:
do I look like I do meth to you?
Actually, wait.
Don't answer that.
Ms. -- ms. ghetty is weird.
Andy: yo, it's -- it's nat--
it's natalia. you see her?
[ clears throat ]
hey, natalia.
Natalia: [ chuckles ]
what do you want, andy?
Oh! Hey, new guy.
Peter: oh. hello.
Hi, I'm peter.
Andy: peter.
Natalia: what do you think
I should get my dad?
Prada or l.v.?
Andy:
nah, see, me, I would --
natalia:
no, not you, andy.
Peter: oh, um --
andy:
yeah, you should...
Peter: I don't really know.
I don't shop much.
Jill: you don't?
[ scoffs ]
peter:
i-i don't buy stuff.
People buy stuff for me,
but good luck
shopping for your dad.
Natalia: thanks.
That was hot.
[ laughs ]
jennifer: he's a badass.
Natalia: um, seriously.
Jill: I like andy.
Natalia:
jill, just do your copies.
...point of homework?
It's, like, I'm home,
why am I working?
So strange.
Tiffany: seriously.
It's her, it's her.
Natalia: jilly bear.
I need you to do me a favor.
Jill:
of course, anything.
Natalia: I need you to get intel
on the hot new guy.
I want to know what he likes,
what he doesn't like,
where he lives,
anything else you can find out.
Jill:
so you want me to go undercover?
Natalia: yes.
Like "21 jump street."
Jill: cool!
[ chuckles ]
natalia: okay.
Bye.
Jill: bye.
Oh. okay.
Bye, natalia.
Spencer: hey, natalia.
Isn't espionage
a little tacky for you?
You know, pretending to have
new friends and all?
Natalia:
[ chuckles ] okay.
You're one to talk
about pretending, spencer.
Natalia: you're the one who
pretending to be my boyfriend
before coming out as gay.
Do you know
how embarrassing that is for me?
Spencer: how is that
embarrassing for you?
Natalia: [ scoffs ]
andy: so, uh...
You live around here?
Peter: yeah, nearby.
Andy: ah, like most of us.
That's cool.
Hey, by any chance,
do you want cookies, 'cause --
so, uh, how far
are you walking today?
-peter: sam!
-sam: whoa!
Andy: what the hell?
Sam: geez.
-peter: you okay?
-sam: yeah.
Peter: it looks like
everyone's a klutz today.
Sam: [ laughs ] yeah.
Thank you.
That's very...sweet of you.
Peter: wow, these are some
amazing doodles.
Sam: oh. well, they're sketches,
but thanks.
I want to be a fashion designer,
so these are
for the senior project.
Peter:
oh, fashion is your topic?
Sam: it is.
How we communicate,
in an eco-friendly manner,
through what we wear.
I wrote my design school essay
on that topic, as well.
Peter: so, ms. ghetty's a fan
of that senior project, huh?
Sam: yeah, she makes it seem
like the be-all, end-all,
but it really doesn't matter
that much.
Peter: [ sighs ]
it's just that I'm really
looking forward to usc.
It may mean staying in one place
more than six months.
Sam: moving sucks.
Peter: yeah, it does.
Sam: hey, do you want me
to walk you home?
Peter: uh, thanks, but i-i need
to stop at the store.
Sam: uh-huh.
You sure about that?
'cause, you know,
I could protect you.
Peter: from what?
Sam:
kennedy high's resident stalker.
[ both laugh ]
andy: yo, listen, man,
I am, like, the authority
of everyone and everything
at kennedy.
Peter:
that's because you stalk people.
Andy: man. all right,
I'm serious, all right?
Listen, listen.
Okay, check this out.
You know sylvester stallone's
ex-wife lives here -- alone?
Did you know that?
Oh, okay, stop.
This house right here?
Man, when you're walking home,
make sure you be careful, man.
I'm telling you.
The people
that moved into that house, ooh.
These people
are russian mobsters.
They're just slinging
guns and drugs.
You -- whew.
Peter:
that's where I live.
Mom, I'm home.
[ doorbell buzzing ]
[ sighs ]
[ beep ]
[ sighs ] damn.
[ beep ]
[ gate buzzes ]
mom? You in here?
Andy:
this is your room?
Peter: uh, no, this is
just the video game chamber.
Andy:
just for video games?
Bro, so that means
your room is what?
What, twice this big?
Oh, you got to let me see it!
Peter: uh, what's your favorite
video game?
Andy:
oh, man, I don't really --
I don't really have
a favorite video game.
I'm not really much of a gamer,
you know?
But you got to let me
tour that room!
Oh. oh, no.
Is this a super nintendo?
Peter: yeah.
Andy: oh, my god!
I swear, I love nintendo.
Like, that's my favorite
game s--
I was gonna get "nintendo"
tattooed on me.
Oh, my goodness!
[ dogs barking ]
andy:
you just said, "let's play,"
and now you're about to lose,
and you're getting
all emotional on me.
Peter: all you're doing
is blocking and jumping.
-andy: no.
-peter: what is that?
Andy: listen, all right?
I wish there was, like,
a barrier right here,
like a little glass wall
or something.
Ahh!
[ groans ]
oh, my goodness!
Bro, I cannot believe
I'm winning this game.
I've never even
played this before.
Peter: me, neither.
Andy:
what? It's your game.
Peter: i-i just haven't
played it in a while.
Andy: yeah, right.
Ah! Yes!
[ grunts ] what?
Whoo, all right!
Tour time.
Let's go to the kitchen.
Peter: um...um...
Andy: [ chewing ]
mm. come to me.
Mm.
Peter:
please, put those back.
Andy: bro.
Oh, my goodness.
This ice cream
is on a whole nother level, man.
I swear, I have never had
pt ice cream before, ever.
Who knew they had
lynch's lobster ice cream?
Oh, no, no, no.
Hey, that is -- that is not
a way to treat a guest.
Peter:
look, if you want ice cream,
let's go to the market,
and I'll get you a cart full.
Andy: man, I don't under--
I don't understand, all right?
-i thought this was your house.
-eva: next week for --
hold on,
I'll have to call you back.
-peter: it --
-eva: okay, sounds good.
Andy: uh, hello, mrs. hammer.
I'm andy.
Eva: nice to meet you.
Um...
Andy: sorry.
Eva:
I thought we had an agreement,
no friends over.
It's fine today,
but he's coming back next week,
so don't make it a habit.
And guys, let's clean up
whatever's gone on here.
Andy: yo, uh...
You want to tell me
what just happened?
Peter: [ sighs ]
all right, look,
here's the deal.
Please, don't tell anybody,
but this isn't my house.
My mom is the new live-in maid,
and she works
for this billionaire,
so we get to stay here for free.
Andy: so, like,
where's this billionaire at now?
Peter: he's probably
somewhere in the south of france
on his super yacht.
Andy: look, man, your secret
is safe with me, all right?
But by my calculations,
that gives us
more than enough time
to eat this ice cream
and replace it
before he gets back.
[ laughs ]
but, hey,
you know this, like,
makes us best friends now,
right?
All right?
So, I'm gonna need you
to put it there, right there.
Come on.
Don't leave me hanging.
It'll turn into a punch
after a long time.
Come on.
Don't leave me hanging.
[ laughing ] there it is.
All right, man.
Grab a spoon, bro,
and I'll share
this billion-dollar ice cream
with you.
[ laughs ]
natalia: andy.
Andy:
[ chuckles ] yeah?
Natalia:
I heard his dad is a gangster.
Andy: a gangster?
Like tony montana?
Natalia:
so what's he like?
Is he, like, an average dad?
Or is he a hot
gangster-nerd dad?
Peter:
who's a hot gangster-nerd dad?
Natalia: there you are.
Andy: yeah, she was asking me
if your dad wa--
oh, my god!
Natalia:
I know you've been having
a hard time adjusting,
so I got you something.
My dad wanted the one
with the stripes,
so this one was left over.
Peter: wow, snakeskin.
Natalia:
how did you know that?
Peter: I guess
it's just a hobby of mine.
Natalia: oh, andy,
be a doll and give us
a little bit of privacy.
Andy: privacy?
Oh, no, I do apologize.
I can't do that,
you know, priv--
this is my bro right here.
There's no privacy between us.
Natalia:
okay, the vending machine is
spitting out free snacks.
Andy: I'll be back.
All right, all right.
You're stronger than you look.
Natalia: thanks.
Sam: did you just get voted
off the island?
Andy: are you jealous?
Please.
I thought the ice queen
was saving herself
for an imaginary reunion
with spencer.
Andy: spencer?
Yo, this dude has got balls.
Like, I mean, his dad is running
for public office,
and he decides to come out now?
[ chuckles ]
yo, that couldn't be me.
And then this guy
over here, man.
You know he has a home theater
with video games?
Like, every single video game
that you could even imagine.
And then he took me
to the kitchen?
Girl, the kitchen got so much --
sam: you ramble a lot.
Natalia:
like, I can't believe your dog
is named alexander wang.
That's f'ing brills.
Do you think it's brills, peter?
Hello? Earth to peter.
Peter:
yes, very f'ing brill.
Natalia: sorry.
I'm probably boring you
with all my fashion talk.
Peter: um, why did you
send andy away?
Natalia:
it's like in science, okay?
Hot, cool animals hang out
with other hot, cool animals.
Swans don't hang out with bears
because bears
are annoying and ugly.
Peter:
that's probably because they'd
be eaten almost immediately.
Natalia: exactly.
Do you want andy to eat you?
The point is that you
are a hot nerd,
and I want you
to hang out with us --
because you're hot!
Spencer: [ scoffs ]
peter: um...
I'll -- I'll think about it.
Natalia: [ chuckles ]
you're always thinking.
Andy: [ crunching ]
hey!
Are you in the spirit realm...
Or are you in the earthy realm?
Oh, my bad.
Spencer: spirit.
Andy: spirit.
Spencer:
I'm lying in shavasana,
the most important pose in yoga,
so quiet.
Andy: oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Shavas--
of course, shavasana.
[ chuckles ]
all right, well, tell you what.
Let me know
when you get back, all right?
Oh! Ah!
I'm so sorry.
I didn't --
you got a little chip
on your head.
Spencer: please, man.
Please? Please?
Andy: you know,
I'm just trying to help.
Spencer: come on.
Shh, shh, shh, shh.
So, can give me,
like, an e.t.a.
Or, like, a rough --
spencer:
what do you want, andy?
Andy: so, man, what's your topic
for senior project, huh?
Spencer:
I still haven't decided.
-stop.
-andy: sorry.
Spencer:
I still haven't decided.
Andy: so, like, are you jealous
of natalia and peter?
-spencer: seriously?
-andy: whoa. we're sitting up?
Spencer: what do
either of those questions
-even have to do with you, man?
-andy: yo, man, listen.
Everyone's been acting so weird
since he got here.
Spencer: listen, dude,
the girls are just bored,
that's it.
Andy: [ chuckles ]
yeah. I mean, yeah,
I guess you're right.
Spencer:
okay, now, you ready?
[ inhales deeply ]
take a deep breath in.
[ exhales sharply ]
let it out.
Andy: [ exhaling ]
spencer: and slowly lie back
with your palms facing up, okay?
Andy: palms.
[ bell rings ]
ms. ghetty: all right,
let's all break up
into small groups
and start declaring topics.
Natalia:
peter, can I join your group?
Sam:
um, actually, we work better
if we're just keeping
the group small.
Natalia: one more person doesn't
make it that much bigger.
Sam: it really does, actually.
[ chuckles ]
natalia: ahem.
-ms. ghetty: yes, natalia.
-natalia: I don't have a group.
Ms. ghetty:
uh, why don't you
join mr. hammerstein's
group, then?
[ door opens ]
oh, spencer, perfect.
Take a seat.
Spencer:
if the universe wills it.
Ms. ghetty: who's first?
Sam: um, well,
I will be doing a fashion show
that features eco-friendly,
affordable clothing
for the high school student.
Jill:
[ clears throat ] natalia,
you forgot to include me
in your group like we discussed.
Natalia:
yeah, jill, about that.
Peter here
is my new fashion assistant,
so you're no longer necessary.
Thank you.
Andy: damn,
another one bites the dust.
Ms. ghetty:
okay, who's next?
Natalia: I'll go.
I'll be doing
a fashion show, as well,
but I'm going to be doing
real fashion, high fashion,
not weirdo fashion.
Sam: wow, you really are
a demon from hell.
You just flat-out stole my idea.
Natalia: um, excuse you?
You didn't invent fashion shows.
You're just afraid
of my impeccable taste.
Peter:
are they going to fight?
Spencer: yeah. fashion
brings out the worst in them.
Sam: I'm afraid of the holes
that you're gonna have to cut
in the back of the clothing
to make room
for all your demon bitch wings
to just pop out.
Ms. ghetty: um, samantha,
you can watch your language,
and you can both
do fashion shows.
You just have to communicate
your ideas clearly.
Who's next? Spencer.
Spencer: well, uh,
I am gonna make a cookbook
for my ovo-lacto
vegetarian recipes.
Peter:
is that a "star trek" thing?
Andy: no, man.
It means he doesn't eat meat,
but he still eats
animal products
like, you know,
honey, eggs, milk.
Spencer: it's simple, peter --
nothing with a face.
Ms. ghetty:
that sounds delightful.
All right, andy, what's yours?
Andy: uh, oh. I am doing
a documentary about my friends.
Ms. ghetty:
who are your friends?
-peter: we're his friends.
-andy: yeah, they're my friends.
Yeah, um [clears throat]
i-it's gonna be a reflection
of high school before,
you know, reality hits.
Ms. ghetty:
good luck with that.
[ camcorder beeps ]
and mr. hammerstein.
Peter: hammer.
Ms. ghetty:
well, what is your topic?
Peter:
I didn't, uh, think of anything.
Ms. ghetty:
you mean you don't have one
after I specifically told you
you needed one by today?
Peter: um...
Yeah, i-i have one
here somewhere.
Ms. ghetty:
oh, did you take these?
Peter: yes.
Ms. ghetty:
they're really, really good.
You know,
I dabbled in photography myself.
You better do an incredible job.
Don't disappoint me.
All right, everybody.
No, you cannot do...
Peter: I don't know
anything about photography.
Andy: bro, don't worry.
There's great iphone apps
for that. you're good.
-peter: I don't have an iphone.
-you still got apps.
Ms. ghetty:
remember, the senior project
is worth
two-thirds of your grade,
so if you don't pass,
you don't graduate.
Have a nice day.
Peter: uh, sam.
Look, uh, I may need you
to write me a poem
that you can actually read
at my funeral.
Sam: what, do you have,
like, a fatal illness
like one of those
lifetime movies?
Peter: uh, yes, I do.
The, uh, pressure
of the senior project
has caused a fatal ulcer.
I may not make it to graduation.
Sam: hm. lucky you.
Peter: oh, come on.
I was kidding.
Look, I'm sorry I hung out
with her, okay?
She did something nice.
I felt like I had to be nice
back to her.
Sam:
yeah, I guess you're right.
I'd much rather you not
cross over into bitch mode.
Peter: okay.
Look, since we're
already walking,
do you want to come over?
Somebody followed me home
the other day.
It was kind of scary.
Sam: wait, someone followed you
in this neighborhood?
Peter: yeah. he's probably
at my fridge right now.
Andy: mm.
[ smacks lips ]
mm.
Sam: breaking and entering
for haagen-dazs.
That's just sad, andy.
Andy:
yeah, but you haven't tried
this new flavor
of lynch's lobster.
Sam: you know what, though?
I can't really blame him.
This place
is kind of incredible.
Andy: you know,
peter doesn't really live --
that, um...
Peter doesn't really live
that extravagantly.
It's -- it's normally
his father.
[ laughs ]
yeah, so, um...
Hey, you guys want to go do some
work or something like that?
Peter: [ sighs ]
do you think ms. ghetty
really wants us all to fail?
Sam:
of course she does.
She's a pathetic troll
who hates everybody.
This one time,
I saw her spill her frappuccino
all over
my college portfolio sketches.
She didn't even say sorry.
She'd do anything to be sure
that I don't go
to fashion school.
You're gonna strike that
from the record, right, andy?
Andy: oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Strike -- strike that.
Peter: I have to graduate.
I don't know anything
about photography.
Sam: okay, well,
let's figure this out.
There has to be
something interesting
that you can photograph.
Peter: buildings.
Oceans.
Andy: how about...
You photograph your bugs?
[ insects chirping ]
peter:
see? I-it's weird.
You guys saw them.
Let's go back downstairs.
Sam:
no, really, tell me.
Why do you collect bugs?
Peter: okay.
Um...
These aren't just any bugs.
[ sighs ]
they're masters of camouflage.
They can fit in anywhere
and disappear when they want to.
Sam: [ chuckles ]
well, I'm not gonna lie.
It's kind of gross.
But, uh, I don't know.
It's actually kind of cool.
Andy: um...i think you
just found your senior project.
[ chuckles ]
spencer: yo, this documentary's
for a senior project, right?
Andy: uh [chuckles] yeah.
Ms. ghetty said it was cool.
Spencer: ms. ghetty --
I swear to god,
she'll do anything
to get in my pants.
Andy: [ laughing ]
shut up, man.
Spencer: dude,
you don't even realize, bro.
Like, I swear to god,
she hasn't been laid
since at least
the '94 guns n' roses tour.
-andy: [ laughs ] what?
-spencer: I'm not joking.
Yo, you're gonna
edit that out, right?
-andy: uh, yeah.
-spencer: you better.
Andy: so, uh,
what is this concoction?
Spencer:
that is vegetarian meatloaf.
Andy: ah, interesting.
Why have you chosen this dish?
Spencer: well, my dad,
for some reason, likes meatloaf
and hates the fact
that I'm a vegetarian,
so vegetarian meatloaf.
Andy: so, uh, what, do you just
do everything to spite your dad?
Andy: no, actually,
but that asshole wants me
to go to georgetown
and become some politician
or something,
and all I really want to do
is go to nepal
and find my spiritual awakening.
Andy:
so, uh, what's stopping you?
Spencer: well [laughs]
in order to go
on a spiritual awakening,
you need cash flow,
and I won't have cash
unless I get my trust fund,
and he won't give me
my trust fund unless --
andy: I got you.
Spencer: good.
Now, you need to be saged
-because you're experiencing...
-andy: no, bro, I'm fine.
Spencer:
...some negative energy.
Andy: you -- you gonna --
spencer: [ chanting ]
andy: you're messing up --
this is my school shirt, bro.
What the fuck?
Natalia: so, the name
of my new fashion show is --
drum roll, please.
Tiffany: oh, my god.
Genius.
I love it.
Natalia:
no, I mean, like,
actually do a drum roll
for the announcement.
Jennifer: oh. I can't.
I just got my nails done.
[ whistle blows ]
natalia:
it's called hot nerd.
I named it
after my new assistant,
peter hammer, and his dad,
who are both hot nerds.
Jennifer: I'm having trouble
picturing this.
Natalia: yeah, okay.
Well, for inspiration,
I've compiled photos
of some of the hottest nerds
of all time.
Isaac newton.
Albert einstein, yum.
-christopher lloyd.
-jill: okay, no!
Christopher lloyd is not a nerd,
he is an actor from the '80s!
God, I hate this school!
[ whistle blows ]
jennifer:
total psychopath.
Tiffany:
she's a little odd.
Jill: [ crying ]
ms. ghetty: jill?
Is it that awful natalia girl?
I've seen the way
that she treats you.
You know, they used to bully me
in high school.
Boy, did they regret it.
You can outsmart them.
I can show you how.
[ camera shutter clicks ]
[ camera shutter clicks ]
peter: uh, geez.
No, h--
mr. butterfly?
[ camera shutter clicks ]
hello?
Hello?
Mr. butterfly?
[ snarling ]
okay, okay.
[ snarling ]
aah! What?
Andy: [ laughs ]
ah, relax.
Relax, it's just me.
Man, I just wanted to catch you
in your natural habitat.
Peter: what?
Andy: my bad, man.
-i didn't mean to "spook" you.
-peter: really?
Because you're running around
in the middle of a jungle,
wearing a wookiee suit,
making growing noises.
You are bound to spook somebody!
Andy: first off,
I wasn't gurgling, all right?
My stomach was growling
'cause I ain't eat my burrito
like I always do this morning.
Anyways, what do you think
of this suit, huh? Huh?
You know, my brother
used to use this for paintball.
[ laughs ]
peter:
quick lesson in boundaries.
Using a military suit,
using tactical strategies,
running around the forest
looking like a...
Whatever that is --
look, I'm calling
the police next time.
Andy: man, if you call the cops
on me, they'll never find me.
I'll mask this whole thing
in dog shit
so that even if the police
were to come here,
they're gonna think
they're following a person.
They're gonna end up following
some dog that just took a shit.
They'll never find me.
Invisible, bro.
Peter:
what is wrong with you?
Andy: I got some great footage
of you, bro.
I thought you was about to cry.
Peter:
dude, I shit my pants.
Andy:
adorable. [ laughs ]
they have macro lenses
and apps that are literally
for close photography, man.
I'm telling you,
she won't know the difference.
Peter:
shut up, wood monster.
Spencer: whoa, man.
Sensing some serious negative
energy going on over there.
Let's cut it out, yeah?
Natalia:
it's not coming from me.
My energy
is always not negative.
Plus, I am so excited
about my fashion show.
You guys will never guess
what my new title is.
Spencer:
hmm, is it hot nerd?
Natalia: [ scoffs ]
spencer, it is really creepy
when you do that weird
reading people's minds thing.
Spencer: natalia,
we dated for almost a year.
Natalia:
yeah, but it doesn't count
'cause now you're gay.
Sam: okay, can we just get
this over with, please?
Spencer:
yes, great idea, sam.
Um, everyone, we're gonna give
a one-minute summary
of our research. go.
Natalia:
okay, does anyone have a timer?
Andy: ooh. oh, my goodness,
I just remembered.
I have something
way better than that.
[ beeps, buzzes ]
yeah, that's right.
Spencer: dude, what the hell
are you doing with that?
Andy: it's an alarm cock.
I found it
next to your grandma's teeth.
Peter:
bro, you obviously have an issue
with invading people's privacy.
Sam:
I'm sorry, what is that?
Andy: an alarm cock.
Okay, so it's, like,
to simulate, like, a rooster,
like, crowing to wake you up,
but for, like,
the heavy sleepers,
it has this vibrating mode.
Sam:
okay, that's disgusting.
Natalia:
maybe it belongs to spencer.
-andy: uh-oh. hey, watch out.
-spencer: seriously, natalia?
-andy: watch out. ah!
-spencer: put that thing away!
Sam: it's okay.
You know what?
I think I've gotten
everything that I need
from this meeting,
so, uh, bye, guys.
Andy: you got something
on your shoulder.
Natalia:
uh, where is she going?
Andy: what? Uh,
I think she wants his rooster.
Natalia: [ chuckles ]
not on my watch.
I'm getting my man.
Andy: all right.
Spencer: [ sighs ]
oh!
Andy: oh, my god.
I don't know.
It's like this thing
has a mind of its own.
Peter: so, how's your
senior project coming along?
Sam: so great, in fact,
that staying here
with bitch and doofus
is actually
a total waste of time.
Hey, um...
Do you want to go to the zoo?
I-it could be really good
for your senior project.
-peter: yeah, sure.
-natalia: peter.
Are you ready
for our shopping trip?
Remember, you promised me.
Peter: that's right, yeah.
Fashion assistant.
I forgot.
Natalia:
I booked the whole store,
and I don't want to keep
anyone waiting.
Sam:
of course, you don't.
Have fun.
[ engine turns over ]
[ sighs ]
peter: so they shut down
the whole store for you?
Natalia: of course.
I can't shop
with other people around.
It's distracting.
Woman: let me know
if you need anything, okay?
Natalia:
um, this isn't perignon.
What are you trying to feed me?
Woman: yeah, actually,
my manager says I can't serve
to underage customers anymore.
I'm so sorry about --
natalia: okay, well,
you don't tell your manager,
and I won't tell everyone
that your mom got alopecia
when the housing market crashed,
and then she filed
for bankruptcy,
leaving you guys broke,
so you had to get a job
as a sales girl here.
Now, go get me the real stuff.
[ dog yips ]
woman: uh --
natalia: thanks.
Peter:
um, that was a bit harsh.
Natalia:
she needed a reminder
of where she stands
on the food chain.
Okay, ready?
No, no, no. you know what
would make this picture better?
[ laughs ] me.
One, two, three.
[ camera shutter clicks ]
peter: don't you think
this is all a bit much?
Renting out a whole store
and spending all this money?
Natalia:
what's the problem?
Do you hate the clothes?
Peter:
no, I think it's wasteful.
Natalia: oh?
Today is a special day.
Peter:
is it spoiled rich girl day?
Natalia: [ sighs ]
peter:
look, i-i'm sorry.
Natalia: no, no, no.
No, it's fine.
It is spoiled rich girl day,
and it just happens to be
this spoiled rich girl's
18th birthday.
Peter:
nobody remembered?
Natalia:
none of my friends from school.
Not psychotic jill,
not even my father
who is on a business trip
in reno,
which is just code for
with his skanky casino mistress,
so jackpot.
I'm here spending his money.
Peter: hey, don't cry.
Natalia: my therapist says
that I have ocd or something
or like an addiction problem
or compulsion problem
or whatever.
But really,
it's just daddy issues.
Peter: could we just finish out
the year?
Natalia:
see, that's the thing.
Everybody thinks I'm stupid.
I'm not stupid.
Peter: hey, hey.
Nobody thinks you're stupid.
Natalia:
sam thinks I'm stupid.
I'm sorry I'm not as talented
as her, okay?
Not everybody can be talented
all the time.
[ blows nose ]
[ laughs ]
I snotted on a cashmere.
[ both laugh ]
jill: I hope it's what
you were looking for.
Ms. ghetty: just this once,
you can come over next to me.
Come on.
Jill: really?
Ms. ghetty:
and look at them.
-jill: really?
-ms. ghetty: yeah, of course.
All right, not -- not too close.
All right. yeah, that's perfect.
Great. that's great.
Jill: okay, so this picture --
this is natalia with peter,
and they were
at the sen boutique,
and they were trying on clothes.
Ms. ghetty: oh, it seems
that they're plagiarizing.
-jill: yes.
-ms. ghetty: they can't do th--
-they can't --
-jill: no.
Ms. ghetty: I mean, am I --
am I wro-- am I right?
Jill: no, you're not --
you know, you're not wrong.
Ms. ghetty:
no, I'm right.
Jill: okay,
so she's trying on clothes.
Ms. ghetty: [ gasps ]
oh, this is amazing!
Jill: [ laughs ]
ms. ghetty:
well, excellent.
Would you like to, uh,
stamp my pad?
Go ahead, just -- just --
yeah, just --
oh, it's good!
It feels good.
Do it really hard.
You know, just --
yeah, yeah.
That's it, sister.
Jill: it's just like
what I imagine drugs to be like.
Ms. ghetty: yes, yeah.
Yes, I know.
Spencer: what's up, sam?
Sam: what the hell
are you both doing here?
Spencer: well, we're here
to do the senior project,
considering we didn't do it
at all earlier.
Andy: yo, you guys really sure
you want to do this?
Natalia said
that eco-friendly is --
sam:
can you stop talking about peter
for, like, 30 seconds, please?
You can be such
a royal hemorrhoid some times.
Spencer:
dude, what is up your ass today?
Sam: okay, I just thought
maybe he would be over
the whole bitches
with money thing, but, no,
he fell into natalia's trap,
just like everybody else.
Spencer:
natalia is the master seducer,
and she did
the exact same thing to me.
Andy:
hey, if it means anything,
I think peter digs you
way more than natalia.
Sam: yeah, and you know that
because you're his, what,
supposed best friend?
Andy: uh, duh.
[ chuckles ]
spencer:
oh, guys, I think it's me.
Andy:
who's hitting you, bro?
Who's that?
Spencer:
it says "unknown."
Andy: what is it?
What?
Spencer:
I am in a babbling brook.
I am in a babbling brook.
Andy:
why are you in a babbling brook?
Spencer:
in a babbling brook.
Andy: yo, what happened?
Spencer:
I am a babbling brook.
Andy: yo, y'all are acting
like y'all just seen voldemort.
Sam: [ crying ]
andy: [ knocks ]
sam: you know her goal in life
is to make me miserable
and get in the way
of my happiness.
Andy: yeah,
but spencer downstairs
will tell you that happiness...
Comes from the inside.
Sam: [ laughs ]
[ crying ] well, he --
he's read
too many self-help books.
[ blows nose ]
oh.
Oh.
I just snotted
on a shower curtain.
Thank you.
[ blows nose ]
[ crying ]
andy: listen...
Look, natalia's not
out to get you.
Like, you got to understand,
she's all about image,
and right now,
she's just going insane
because of that crazy debacle
that happened with spencer
last month.
I mean,
he just broke up with her
for no reason
in front of everyone.
She's not over that,
and now she's stuck
in the friend zone.
Well, welcome to my world --
the damn friend zone.
Andy: [ laughs ]
hey, uh...
You know...
This whole thing kind of
makes us best friends, too.
[ chuckles ]
sam:
I'm going to back to work.
You know,
I will never understand
how a guy like you was ever
the apple of natalia's eye.
Andy: so...
Have you been doing yoga
since you broke up with natalia?
Spencer:
yep, to the day, actually.
Andy: really?
Spencer: yes, andy.
Downward dog.
[ knuckles cracking ]
andy: ahh.
Ahh.
[ neck cracks ]
[ groans ]
oh, man, that hurt.
Spencer:
yo, dawg, that's not right.
Andy:
this is right, bro.
This is exactly
what you're doing.
A little sexier.
Spencer:
straighten out your knees.
Andy:
you're gonna break my knee.
Spencer:
straighten out your knees.
Andy: stop it.
Spencer:
just right here with me.
Breathe in.
Andy: hey.
Hey, what is this?
[ back cracking ]
-spencer: come up.
-andy: [ farts ]
sam:
oh, for christ's sake.
Andy: this is --
I don't know if I'm --
-spencer: suck up.
-andy: [ farts ]
I'm not sucking -- all right,
I'm done with this yoga.
Ms. ghetty:
it's come to my attention
that certain students
are utilizing professional help
in their projects,
and it states
in the senior project handbook
you can't do that.
Hit it, jill.
[ students exclaiming ]
ms. ghetty:
all right, the two students
are obviously complicit
in their utilization
of professional help,
namely the designers
at the sen boutique
and planning to plagiarize
their designs.
Natalia:
where did you get this picture?
Who the hell took this?
You've been spying on me.
You psychopathic troll!
Objection!
Jill: overruled, bitch!
-ms. ghetty: language, jill.
-jill: I'm sorry.
Natalia: you never said we
couldn't use professional help.
Ms. ghetty: uh, it says
in the senior project handbook
that you cannot use
professional help.
I'm sorry, miss bell.
I don't make the rules.
Andy:
wait, you wrote the rule book.
Ms. ghetty:
andy, do you want to go down
two letter grades, as well?
Peter: wait, what?
We went down two letter grades!
Ms. ghetty:
that's right, mr. hamster,
and your bug project
better be amazing.
Class dismissed.
Andy: hey, hey.
What's up, buddy?
Peter: not now, andy.
Andy: listen, man.
You're not gonna fail, bro.
That's why you got me, man.
Andy's in the house.
I'm here to help you,
and look, boom, film you.
Close-up. close-up.
Oh. [ laughs ]
peter: um, yeah.
Oh, that's right, your film.
Andy:
yeah, come on, man.
[ whistle blows ]
um, um...
Rolling sound!
All right, set dressing.
Wardrobe.
Your hair -- hair is --
I mean, it looks good.
All right, here we go.
Ready?
And action!
Peter: uh, hey.
My name is peter hammer.
My senior project
is on deceptive coloration
for the sake
of self-preservation.
While they have
brilliant coloring,
nudibranches are famous
for their disposable penises
which allow them to have sex
more frequently.
Andy: wait, disposable penis?
I got to -- I got to see this.
Look at this.
Penis. say it with me.
Penis.
Peter:
I don't have the penis with me.
Natalia: peter!
Shut that camera off before
I shove it down your throat.
Peter:
whoa. natalia, relax.
You're gonna pop a blood vessel.
Natalia:
did you see that picture?
I looked awful.
Peter:
it really wasn't that bad.
Natalia: no, no, it was.
It was humiliating.
And you know
what the worse part is?
Peter:
dropping two letter grades?
Natalia:
no. that I already booked
the performing arts center
for the show,
so it's happening
regardless of her stupid rules.
Why does she have to ruin
my life
just because she's bitter
about hers?
Peter:
what are you talking about?
Natalia: well, legend has it
that ms. ghetty had the nerve
to ask out the hottest guy
at kennedy.
She weighed like 250 pounds.
She was a total shamu.
I checked her yearbook picture.
Oh, no offense, andy.
Andy: oh, it's okay.
I'm not a -- I'm not a whale.
I'm a human, it's -- just --
peter:
did you guys know that --
that ms. ghetty
has these weird pictures
of animals humping each other
in her office?
It's really weird.
Andy: oh, breaking news!
Oh, my god!
She is into beastiality.
I knew it, I knew it.
I'm not surprised.
I'm not surprised.
Natalia:
okay, andy, the camera.
[ whistle blows ]
sam:
is that the flailing monkey?
Spencer:
happy baby pose, actually.
Sam: huh. close.
Spencer:
so what can I help you with?
[ chuckles ]
sam: I was thinking of throwing,
like, a get-together party thing
at my place.
Spencer: really?
The square peg
wants to throw a party?
Sam: my parents are out of town
till wednesday.
Spencer:
so what are you thinking?
Tom cruise,
"risky business" style?
Sam: no, I was thinking more
of like a senior/truce party.
Spencer: a senior/truce party.
Never heard of one.
Sam: it could be
a peace offering with natalia.
And I was thinking you and I
could co-host it together.
Spencer: I mean...okay.
Little weird, but sure.
What do I have to do?
Sam:
can you score some booze?
Spencer:
oh, yeah, easily.
My dad's got a stockpile
in the kitchen.
Sam: really?
I thought he was, like,
a conservative politician
or something.
Spencer: oh, he is.
Sam: it's not a date
or anything weird like that.
It's just two friends
co-hosting a party together.
You're gay, right?
Spencer:
yes. absolutely.
Sam: okay, sorry about that.
Continue.
-spencer: it's all good.
-sam: all right.
Spencer:
I'll see you at the party.
Sam:
find your inner chi or whatever.
Spencer:
thank you. namaste.
Sam:
spicy tuna roll.
Eva: excuse me.
Jill: hi.
Eva:
uh, can I help you?
Jill: hi, hello, yes.
I was just in the neighborhood
collecting signatures
from all the residents.
Eva:
a signature for what?
Jill: oh, well, we are --
we're trying to recall
the mayor.
-eva: really?
-jill: yes, yes.
Yes, apparently,
he has been groping ladies
-at the senior center.
-eva: uh-huh.
Jill: and we need like, pbbt,
20,000 signatures
by the end of the week
to get him run out of office.
Is mr. peter hammer available?
Eva: no, I'm sorry.
He's not.
Plus, he's not of age to vote
or sign anything.
Jill:
so maybe just his father then.
Eva: I'm sorry,
we're not together anymore,
plus we're not even
the homeowners of this property.
Jill: you're not?
Eva: no, my son and I
just live here.
I am the housekeeper.
Jill: oh.
Okay.
I have to go
get more signatures,
so I will thank you.
And, uh, go, women's rights!
Eva: strange.
Peter: sam.
Come on.
Talk to me.
Ms. ghetty:
I know it's not right.
I know it's --
I know it's not perfect.
I wanted to say that you look
really handsome tonight.
Well, here's to us.
[ smooches ]
[ knock on door ]
jill: ms. ghetty?
Ms. ghetty!
[ panting ]
I have news.
Ms. ghetty: oh. what --
what is this? What are you --
what -- who are you?
-jill: oh.
-ms. ghetty: oh!
-jill: see?
-ms. ghetty: jill.
Jill: one, peter hammer
is not who he says he is.
He's not a millionaire,
but a housekeeper's son.
Ms. ghetty: [ gasps ]
oh, that is delicious.
What else do you know?
Jill: there's gonna be
a party tonight --
with alcohol.
Ms. ghetty: [ gasps ]
natalia:
I have the same fridge.
[ beep ]
hello, mr. fridge.
Female voice:
hello, master.
Natalia: [ chuckles ]
that is so funny.
See, this is why
we get along so well.
We like the same things.
Peter: um, I'm gonna get dressed
for the party.
Natalia: okay.
First official party together.
[ chuckles ]
'cause I got to skate
I be showing up
late to the class
Uh, hello. I'm andy.
[ chuckles ]
uh, today is, uh, may 2nd.
Location -- at samantha's house
on breckenridge lane,
and, as you know, graduation
is right around the corner,
so everyone's all crazy.
But luckily,
we find ourselves today
at an underground raging party.
Mm, mm, mm, mm. mm!
[ chuckles ]
so, you know, some couples
are hoping to get "lucky,"
but let's just be real.
Half of 'em are gonna leave
in heartbreak, in tears,
or else they're not
gonna leave at all.
They're gonna wake up here
and not know what happened.
Yo! You good, man?
Young man:
I'm not gonna graduate!
Andy: man!
This is your third time
not graduating
with your failing ass.
All right.
All right, sorry about that.
Okay.
[ clears throat ]
here we go, follow me.
I will show you
how we do it over here.
Let's go.
Hello, ladies.
Can I please get a kiss
for andy?
Aw, you love kissing andy.
Andy will kiss you back.
Young man:
hey, let's play house.
You guys be the door,
and I'll slam you.
Huh? Upstairs?
[ laughter ]
all right.
Spencer: you know, you could
just pretend that I'm peter.
Sam: what?
Why would I have to do that?
I'm so comfortable right now.
Are you not comfortable?
Are you uncomfortable?
'cause I'm comfortable.
I'm real --
spencer: chill, it's fine.
I'm comfortable.
I'm wearing flip-flops.
It's all good.
Sam: huh, right.
Spencer: so when are you doing
your fashion show?
-sam: uh, I booked the gym.
-spencer: mm.
-sam: mm-hmm, yeah.
-spencer: that's a good venue.
Sam: yeah, it works.
It's luxurious enough.
Andy: oh, and now
for the main attraction.
Sam:
what are you talking about?
Ah, you guys came together.
Natalia: yeah, couldn't down
an invite from spencer and...
You. [ chuckles ]
sam: I figured you'd be too
embarrassed to show your faces.
Peter:
no, well, you figured wrong.
-sam: apparently.
-peter: yeah.
Natalia: why are you not wearing
real shoes?
What happened to the pair
that I bought you?
Spencer:
I donated them to africa.
You remember that,
right, natalia?
Natalia:
[ sighs ] africa!
[ laughing ]
god, I really need punch.
-anyone? Anyone?
-spencer: yeah, me, too.
[ both chuckle ]
peter: yeah.
Sam: so you're --
you're actually dating her.
Peter: I am actually dating her,
and you're actually dating him?
Sam: actually, I am.
Peter: that's awesome
because the last time I checked,
he's actually into guys.
Sam: he plays for both teams,
actually.
Peter: fantastic.
Sam:
[ chuckles ] amazing.
-peter: great.
-sam: amazing.
Young man: watch out, bro.
Andy:
oh, man. oh, man.
Isn't that the same dude
that shit himself last year?
Spencer:
tequila. your favorite.
Natalia: you remembered.
Spencer:
of course, natalia.
Natalia: so, you're throwing
a party with her.
Spencer: yes, I am.
Make you jealous?
Natalia: of what?
I thought you turned gay.
Spencer: [ laughs ]
you can't turn gay.
Natalia: spencer grace,
you better be gay.
Why else did we break up?
Spencer: we broke up because
you're a shitty girlfriend.
I mean,
let's be honest, natalia.
All you care about
are handbags and jimmy choos.
And you know
I don't care about shoes.
And don't even get me started on
when I try to talk about my dad
'cause you just ignore me
like I never even said anything.
Natalia: okay, well,
at least you talk to your dad.
My dad didn't remember
my birthday,
like he doesn't every year,
and you know that,
and you didn't bother to text
or call or anything.
You are so self-centered.
You were
a shitty boyfriend, too,
with your self-righteous,
new-age, mumbo jumbo,
but now I have a new boyfriend,
and he is a hot nerd.
Spencer:
that's -- that's great for you.
I guess that makes us even.
Andy: hello, face.
[ laughs ]
spencer: you're editing
that out, right, clown?
Andy:
man, you ain't editing nothing.
-sam: fantastic.
-peter: excellent.
-sam: stupendous. great.
-natalia: peter.
Peter: oh.
Natalia:
so, I was thinking
that maybe
we should get away tomorrow,
go to the beach or something.
Peter: oh, uh, yeah,
t-t-that'd be great,
except I was hoping we'd work on
the senior project tomorrow.
Natalia: god, you're so serious
all the time.
Don't be such a bore.
Peter: mm, that's great,
but, yeah, uh, sure.
Sam: spencer,
I am so sorry about this.
It's not personal.
Spencer: okay, what the --
what the hell was that, sam?
Sam: that was me getting
really turned on by the music.
Spencer: that was horrible.
Why did you just do that?
Sam: no, it wasn't.
I-i did it
because I like you so much.
Spencer: that was like kissing
my cousin,
and now natalia's mad at me
because of you.
Sam: okay, that's great.
Because it all matters
about natalia, right?
Why do you even care?
You broke up with her.
-spencer: because -- [ sighs ]
-sam: because why?
Because you're not
actually broken up?
Because you have a --
spencer:
because I'm not gay.
Sam: what?!
[ groans ]
andy: oh, my god,
shit is getting real.
Spencer just got bitch slapped,
and I knew it was gonna happen,
but it's getting real, man.
Follow me.
Let's see what else happens.
[ hip-hop music playing ]
[ music fades out ]
ms. ghetty: oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh!
What do we have here?
Evidence of teenage drinking.
Sam: uh, ms. ghetty,
i-i-i can explain.
Ms. ghetty:
where are your parents?
Sam:
out of town on business.
Ms. ghetty: tell them
to call me immediately.
The office
just got a request from you
to use the gym
for your fashion presentation.
But guess what?
I'm denying it.
Sam: what?
Ms. ghetty: you're lucky that
I don't call the cops right now.
Young man: [ vomiting ]
ms. ghetty: you just went down
two letter grades, miss.
Young man: my bad.
Jill: what is this, sam?
Are you performing communion?
Sam:
exorcism is more like it.
Just -- just don't --
I can't even --
andy: I think there's some shit
on your shoes.
Sam: there is shit
on my shoes, andy!
Oh! [ groans ]
[ bell ringing ]
[ indistinct conversations ]
sam:
of course she does.
She's a pathetic troll
who hates everybody.
This one time,
I saw her spill her frappuccino
all over
my college portfolio sketches.
Andy: [ laughs ]
sam:
she didn't even say sorry.
She'd do anything to be sure
that I don't go
to fashion school.
You better strike that
from the record, andy.
Andy: "you better strike that
from the record, andy."
[ scoffs ] I know.
Oh, come on.
[ groans ]
[ humming ]
ms. ghetty:
where did you get this footage?
Jill: andy's in
my video production class.
He left his hard drive there.
Spencer: I swear to god,
she hasn't been laid
since at least
the '94 guns n' roses tour.
Andy: [ laughs ]
ms. ghetty:
well, that's just not true.
Sam: she's a pathetic troll
who hates everybody.
Ms. ghetty:
I hate some people.
Andy: this just in --
ghetty is into the beastiality,
[ laughing ]
and I have nothing to --
jill: they're all supposed to be
meeting at peter's house next.
Ms. ghetty:
well, that's where we're going.
Natalia: oh, my god.
Is that your car?
Peter: yeah.
I mean, not yet.
My dad said he'd give it to me
when I graduate.
Natalia: get the keys!
[ tires squealing ]
peter: whoa!
Uh, yeah.
[ both laugh ]
natalia: I feel like
I'm in the batmobile.
And I'm your bad batgirl.
Whoa-oh-oh
People try to --
[ gate buzzes ]
spencer:
wow, andy, you know a code.
Good for you.
Let's go.
Andy:
we're best friends.
Yo, I'm telling you
right now, man.
This ice cream,
bro, best flavor I've ever had.
Ever, ever, ever.
Spencer: you don't think you're
exaggerating just a little bit?
Just a little bit?
Andy: no, no, I'm not
exaggerating a little bit.
Spencer: yo, if you keep eating
that much ice cream,
you're gonna have cardiac arrest
before we even finish
our projects.
Andy: all right,
who has cardiac arrest nowadays?
All right, listen, okay?
Like, in life,
certain people need,
you know, certain things to get
them through certain things.
It's, like,
all those different yoga poses
that gets you through the day.
See, me?
Me, on the other hand...
Mm!
What you know
about these 32 flavors?
Ooh!
One, you're about to try
this one right now.
Look at that.
Look at that.
[ ringing ]
let it simmer.
Let it soak.
Let it just melt.
Just -- just savor it.
Put it back in there.
Just -- there you go.
You got to -- [ growls ]
-spencer: you try one.
-andy: no, I don't want it.
Unh-unh. it already hit your --
hit your --
mnh-mnh.
That's all you.
Natalia:
this is so romantic.
Peter: i-i need to get back home
to my bugs.
I think I accidentally left them
out in the sun,
and I don't want them
to be shriveled up raisinets
by the time I get back.
Natalia: [ laughs ]
you're so tense.
Just relax, okay?
[ horn honks, tires squeal ]
peter: [ chuckles ]
i-i am relaxed.
Sorry about that.
[ dialing ]
andy: you love it.
I see you --
[ cellphone dings ]
[ cellphone dings ]
peter: oh, shit.
We need to get back.
Natalia: what?
Sam:
where the heck is he?
Spencer: with her.
Where else?
Sam: you know, he's the one
who's always freaking out
about this project.
Now he can't keep his bratwurst
in his pants.
Andy: yo, man,
your neck is red, bro.
-spencer: yeah?
-andy: yes.
Spencer: do you think
it's the tofu marsala?
Andy: definitely.
Jill: so what's, like,
your deepest fear?
Ms. ghetty: I don't think
that's an appropriate question.
Jill: mine's manatees.
Peter: oh, no.
Ms. ghetty: we have action.
Natalia: w-what is going on?
W-where are you going?
Sam: oh, well,
thank you for gracing us
with your presence,
your majesty!
Peter:
what are you guys doing here?
Spencer:
the senior project, dude.
Peter:
what is wrong with your face?
Spencer:
is it still messed up?
Sam: what is going on?
Spencer:
what's wrong with you, man?
-is he crawling?
-sam: why are you crawling?
Peter:
guys, please pack up right now.
I-i'll explain later.
Just pack up, pl--
-spencer: did you drop a tab?
-sam: what are you doing?
Natalia:
what are you doing here?
Sam: oh, I could ask you
the same question.
Peter:
guys, you have to get out now.
Sam: are you serous?
Peter: yes, I'm serious.
I'll explain everything.
Sam: okay, you want a quickie
with your new girlfriend?
Fine, I get it.
Go right ahead.
Peter: no, no, no, no.
Not that way. this way.
Sam: are you kidding me?
Really?
Right now, are you serious?
-peter: I'm serious, let's go!
-spencer: what is going on?
Peter: come on.
Down the hall, down the hall!
Jill:
that must be schneidelberg.
Ms. ghetty:
jackpot. let's roll.
-natalia: peter.
-peter: you guys, come on!
Go, go, go, go, go!
Go, go, go! Go, go, go!
Go, go!
Victor:
hello? Anyone home?
Eva?
Eva, my luggage is in the car!
Spencer: where are we --
peter:
right here, right here.
Sam: oh!
Peter: just -- just go.
-natalia.
-natalia: I am not doing that.
Peter:
spencer, come on, let's go!
Andy, you're up.
Andy: um, all right.
Peter: you're up.
Andy: ahh!
Ow.
Help me, help me.
Eva: hello.
Uh, can I help you?
Ms. ghetty:
you must be peter's mom.
Jill: she is.
-andy: oh, my god!
-peter: andy!
Eva: oh, excuse me.
Oh, my god, peter?
Peter:
uh, it's not what it looks like.
Andy: oh, god.
I think I broke my spleen.
Eva:
what is going on here?
Peter:
uh, i-i can explain.
Ms. ghetty:
what would you like to explain?
About how you all talk about me
behind my back
like venomous tarantulas?
Jill showed me the footage.
Andy:
hey, that was my hard drive.
Ms. ghetty:
or would you rather explain
to all your friends here
about your living arrangement
on this property?
About how you've been lying
about who you are
this entire time.
Sam: peter,
what is she talking about?
Ms. ghetty: tell them.
Andy:
don't tell them shit, bro.
[ groans ]
peter: my mom's
a live-in housekeeper here.
We get to live
in the maid's quarters.
This house belongs
to victor von schneidelberg.
Natalia: who the hell
is victor von whatever?
Victor: I am
victor von schneidelberg.
Why is my lamborghini
out in the driveway?
Who -- who are all these people?
Natalia:
so this isn't your house.
Peter:
I swear I was going to tell you.
Spencer: [ gasping ]
spencer: spencer?
Victor: is he on drugs?
-natalia: spencer!
-andy: yo, call 911.
-he can't breathe.
-natalia: spencer.
Andy:
let's get him to the hospital.
Dr kaplan:
spencer grace's father?
Henry: yes, what happened?
Dr. kaplan: I'm dr. kaplan.
Your son had an attack,
a severe case
of allergic angioedema.
Eva:
what does that mean?
Dr. kaplan:
he's allergic to shellfish.
Andy: oh, my god.
I gave him
lynch's lobster ice cream.
Sam: that's okay, andy.
You didn't know.
Dr. kaplan: we will
have to keep him overnight
in the hospital
to monitor his vitals,
and he should be able to go
in the morning.
Henry: can I see him?
Dr. kaplan: yes, sure.
Right this way.
The adult onset is usually
the first time we have...
Peter: are we gonna have to move
again, mom?
Eva: I don't know.
I don't know
what he's gonna say.
Meet you back in the car.
Sam:
so where were you two?
Peter:
we were headed to the beach.
Natalia:
in your fake car.
God, you make me sick.
I need to get some air.
Peter: natalia.
Natalia:
I told you things about me
nobody else knows.
And you lied to me.
We thought we could trust you.
Un-freaking-believable.
Peter: [ sobs ]
peter: sam.
[ crying ]
andy: if you're just gonna
throw me out like that, like...
At least just pick a window
I can fit through, all right?
Peter: I'm sorry, andy.
I wasn't thinking.
I-i panicked.
Andy: [ sighs ]
it's all good, bro.
It's -- it's crazy what food
can do to your body, right?
It's just...
I got to cut it out
with all the chips and ice cream
and all this junk food, man.
Peter: maybe you should try
spencer's lactose stuff
when he gets better.
Andy: [ chuckles ]
oh, yeah, for sure I will.
Yeah, definitely try that.
Hey, how funny would it be
if -- if he was in there
right now on the bed,
just in --
in the "shavusavakava" pose.
Peter: [ laughs ]
it's shavasana.
Andy: what do you think
the doctors would tell him?
Peter: [ laughs ]
it's shavasana.
Andy: "shavakasavanasa."
-peter: say it right.
-andy: I said that.
Eva: your lie
almost lost us this opportunity.
But he said we can stay.
Peter:
I didn't want to lie.
Eva:
then why did you?
Peter: the senior project
is killing me.
Eva: you'll find a way
to make up those missing points.
That scholarship
is not running away.
You worked too hard for that.
Peter: mom.
You know, all this time,
I never made an effort
to get to know anybody
or make new friends.
I messed it up.
They hate me.
They probably won't graduate
because of me.
Eva: I know it's hard to see
the light
at the end of the tunnel,
but it's there
if you keep looking.
Just don't make an anthill
out of a molehill.
Peter:
wait, don't you mean
don't turn a molehill
into a mountain?
Eva:
you know what I mean.
Put these away.
Peter: [ knocks ]
ms. ghetty: look who it is,
mr. von schneidelberg iii.
Peter: I'm really sorry
we said those things.
I know you don't have it
in your heart to fail us.
Ms. ghetty:
you don't know me at all.
Peter: I do.
You were just like us
at one point in your life.
You wanted to belong.
Ms. ghetty:
you said what you came to say.
Peter:
actually, I have something else.
Natalie: [ scoffs ]
peter:
look, I know you both hate me.
Just hear me out.
Look, there's a way we can still
pass the senior project.
Natalia:
we don't have enough time.
It's due tomorrow.
Peter:
I worked out a deal with her.
Sam:
what are you suggesting?
Peter:
that you combine fashion shows.
-natalia: absolutely not.
-sam: no.
Peter: look,
I know you guys hate each other,
but you've both said things
that the other should hear.
-sam: like what?
-natalia: like what?
Peter:
well, like my first day here,
sam said that natalia looked
perfect and pretty all the time.
Natalia:
you think I'm pretty?
Sam:
maybe I said a version of that.
Peter:
and when we were in sen,
you said that sam
was incredibly talented.
Natalia: okay, what happens
in sen stays in sen.
Peter:
either you guys work together,
or you spend another year
in kennedy.
Sam: I think you got
the necklace happening,
and we're fine.
Don't overpower.
Natalia:
you have to finish this.
This is the top priority.
Andy: listen, man.
You're not gonna fail, bro.
Natalia: I kind of can't stop
thinking about spencer.
Peter:
I have to graduate.
Andy:
y'all will see it.
Sam: he didn't even know.
Don't beat yourself up
about that.
He had literally --
his dad didn't know.
Peter:
I came to apologize, man.
Eva:
it's really nice of you, peter,
making spencer's new recipe.
Spencer:
you're my brother, man.
Peter:
give this a try.
How does it taste?
Eva:
that's pretty good.
Peter: now we have to make
100 more of these.
Natalia: it is so much easier
to accessorize prada
over this eco stuff.
Sam: you're gonna have to stop
complaining.
-the show's tomorrow.
-natalia: tomorrow, wow.
Sam: it is tomorrow.
That is why I said
the words "tomorrow."
Natalia: you're making me laugh.
That's weird.
Sam:
have you gone to see him yet?
Natalia: no, not yet.
Peter:
please do not try this
if you have any food allergies
whatsoever. thank you.
Mr. grace, I thought spencer
was in the hospital.
Henry: he sent me here to
check up on his senior project.
Peter: oh, please, by all means,
try his recipe.
Henry: thank you.
This looks delicious.
Peter: andy, you ready?
Andy: what?
Bro, I was born ready.
Peter:
please, enjoy the food.
I have to go check up
on some things.
Enjoy.
Henry: thank you.
Andy: [ clears throat ]
ladies and gentlemen,
I would, uh, like to welcome you
to the newest, um, brainchild
of samantha willow
and natalia bell.
[ chuckles ]
sam: [ hyperventilating ]
peter: are you okay?
Sam: i-i-i'm gonna
go to the bathroom.
Andy: as you know,
our eyes can sometimes
play tricks on us,
but if you're smart,
you will always see
the true colors.
Natalia:
she's gonna be okay.
So...friends?
Peter: friends.
Go get ready.
Natalia: oh, okay.
Andy: and today,
we are here to celebrate
the differences between us all.
[ chuckles ]
okay.
But ladies and gentlemen,
I give you...
Deception!
[ cheers and applause ]
here comes peter.
Look at him,
the hottest hot nerd
to ever grace hot nerdom.
We're all nerdy tadpoles about
to have an incredible makeover.
Uh-oh, hot nerds.
Whew!
Hot nerds get all the hot girls.
You feel me?
So confused,
we made ourselves think.
Natalia!
Show 'em how to do it, baby.
Now, sometimes
we didn't get along.
Take that, nerd.
[ laughs ]
but sometimes, we party hard.
Ooh!
Show 'em how to do it, baby.
That's right.
Yes.
This is my favorite job.
Everything you see was designed
by sam and natalia, fyi.
Now, as we leave
the high school nest,
we realize that innocent kids
can be dangerous.
Yes, work it.
There's just so many
great-looking people on stage.
[ cheers and applause ]
whoo, she'll show you
how to do it.
Look at that,
a dress inspired by a reptile.
We have transformed
like all animals in nature.
Camouflage was our best weapon,
but now,
we have turned a new leaf.
Look at her,
sizzling like a snake.
We have shed our past,
and we will try our luck
for a better tomorrow.
Oh, look at the lady bug.
Peter, you're the man.
Everyone give it up for peter.
If you're not clapping, get out.
[ cheers and applause ]
embrace life's thorny side.
Especially if you trip up.
And now, give it up
for our beautiful ms. ghetty!
[ cheers and applause ]
she's killing it.
Work it, ghetty, work it.
Yes. oh, man.
Be who you are.
There's no need to deceive.
Be the magnificent, beautiful --
[ cheers and applause ]
you all look amazing.
Oh, I thank everyone
for coming out.
You ain't got to go home.
Get your ass out of here.
Ms. ghetty: I guess you
could call this a huge success
and a "pass"
on all your projects.
Congratulations.
You're graduating.
Peter: we did it.
Sam: we did it!
Natalia:
thank you so much.
Andy: all my best friends
are on stage.
I want to get on stage
with you guys.
[ cheers and applause ]
jill:
great show, andy.
Andy: whoa.
That's really weird.
[ chuckles ]
that's like
the first whole sentence
that you've, like,
ever said to me in life.
How awkward is that?
Jill: I used to hang out
with natalia.
You know, now they just call me
a psychopath?
Andy: psychopath?
That's crazy 'cause my friends
call me a creeper.
[ both laugh ]
jill:
we're, like, the same.
Andy:
psychopath and creeper.
You know, but I didn't like --
I didn't like the fact that you,
you know, stole my hard drive,
and then you gave it
to ms. ghetty.
Jill: no, I know.
Look, I'm really --
do you maybe, um...
Do you maybe want to go --
go to a movie with me?
Andy:
we can go to a movie.
-jill: really?
-andy: yeah.
Jill: do you want to see, like,
a slasher movie
where they cut people's throats?
-andy: yeah, let's go.
-jill: okay.
Oh, that's why they call you
a psychopath?
Oh, psychopath in the building.
Uh-oh.
Jill: [ laughs ]
I'll bring my knife collection.
Andy: oh, shit!
Natalia:
I got you something.
Spencer:
you did? [ laughs ]
natalia: yeah.
Spencer: okay.
Natalia: okay.
It's for when you're better.
Ta-da!
Spencer: wow.
[ laughs ]
these are actually amazing.
Natalia: I know that you don't
usually like material things,
but I thought
you might like these.
Spencer: hey.
I'm so sorry
about how everything happened.
And tomorrow at school,
I promise I'm gonna tell
everyone that I was faking it.
You know, and patch things up
with my dad, as well.
[ laughs ]
he's gonna let me go to india
for a whole year.
Natalia: india.
Spencer:
you could always come.
Natalia: only if you promise
to wear shoes.
Spencer: done and done.
Natalia: [ laughs ]
sam: you know,
now that we've all officially
are about to graduate,
I think I might
actually miss you a little bit.
Peter: who knows?
Maybe we'll end up together.
Sam:
yeah, I don't see that happening
'cause I don't date hot nerds.
I mean, if only you had some
sort of creepy bug collection,
then I'd be into it.
-natalia: hi.
-spencer: what's up, man?
Sam: hi.
Peter: I guess this is it.
Off to the real world.
Natalia: I know.
It's depressing, isn't it?
Spencer: I mean, come on.
We still got
the summer together, right?
Andy:
yo, yo, yo, check this out.
I just finished
editing the video.
-y'all ready to see?
-natalia: oh, yeah.
Andy:
ready? Are you ready?
Check this out.
Peter:
[ laughs ] oh, god!
[ laughter ]
andy: amazing.
Sam: I know.
It's like, we did that.
We did that.
[ laughter ]
[ bell rings ]
andy:
oh. let's go.
Come on. let's go.
See the light again
Man: marker!
Natalia:
you are so self-centered!
You were a shitty boyfriend,
too, okay?
When --
[bleep]
I am so sorry, everyone.
Jill: you know, mine is death,
but it's death by gummy bears
'cause I always thought,
if you were gonna kill someone,
you would replace, like, those
chewable gummy bear vitamins
with actual gummy bears.
Andy:
I literally picked up dog shit
from two neighborhoods over!
Dog shit colors
they ain't never even seen.
Green dog shit, brown dog shit,
tan dog shit, red dog shit.
I don't even know
where that's at,
but it's covering me right now.
You know how that is.
They'll never find me.
I'm a ghost.
I'm a shitty ghost.
[ laughter ]
Come party,
come party with me, girl
Bring a friend, better yet,
make it three, girl
Baby, this your world,
and you got it, girl
This should be a crazy night,
so, baby, dance for me
Tell me,
do you want to dance?
Baby, dance for me
Tell me,
do you want to dance?
Baby, dance for me
Baby, this your world,
and you got it, girl
This should be
a crazy night, night
Baby, dance for me
My girl want to see me,
so she told me she's alone
She got something to tell me
but can't say it on the phone
I think she knows
exactly what to do
And what to say
When I kiss her
all my problems go away
Ooh, baby,
we going to party, baby
I hope that you're ready
Grew up on the tv,
now we dominate the radio
That's right, the radio
Over and over
Man, I live
one hell of a life
Baby, dance for me
Come party,
come party with me, girl
Bring a friend better yet,
make it three, girl
Baby, this your world,
and you got it, girl
This should be
a crazy night, night
So, baby, dance for me
Tell me,
do you want to dance?
Baby, dance for me
Tell me,
do you want to dance?
Baby, dance for me
Baby, this your world,
and you got it, girl
This should be
a crazy night, night
Baby, dance for me
Tell me you love me
When we're
on the dance floor
Tell me you love me
When we're
on the dance floor
Tell me you love me
Ooh, girl, I love you
Tell me you love me, baby
Baby, dance for me
Come party,
come party with me, girl
Bring a friend, better yet,
make it three, girl
Baby, this your world,
and you got it, girl
This should be
a crazy night, night
So, baby, dance for me
Tell me,
do you want to dance?
Baby, dance for me
Tell me,
do you want to dance?
Baby, dance for me
Baby, this your world,
and you got it, girl
This should be
a crazy night, night
Baby, dance for me