SUPPORTED BY
UKRAINIAN STATE FILM AGENCY
AND MINISTRY OF CULTURE & TOURISM
OF THE REPUBLIC OF TURKEY
Producers
OIENA YERSHOVA, M. BAHADIR ER
PRESENTS
A FILM BY MARYNA ER GORBACH
AND MEHMET BAHADIR ER
LOVE ME
What a fantastic goal!
Your fiance's friend
looks like a Slavic.
Look how she is dancing, it's obvious
she also wants to get married.
Let me meet her by inviting her
to your place to watch match.
Which team does
your fianc support?
- Are you joking?
- I don't know, I didn't ask.
- Don't you even know which team she is for?
- We never talked about this.
So what did you talk about then?
- Cemal, brother...
- What's the matter?
Your mother ask you
to come henna ceremony, come on.
- What do I have to do there?
- You are gonna make henna...
- Ok, tell her I'm coming.
- Come on!
Your mother found
and brought girl to you.
But you can't even ask
which team she is for?
Why I should talk
to a woman about football?
Your mother is great.
You wouldn't have found a girl like this.
Just if she would realized this is
your engagement party not the circumcision.
It is enough.
- Stop, stop...
- My mother called.
Bro, why you getting anger so easily?
We have decided to
you a favor with Uncle Ergun.
- What kind of favor?
- A travel. - Where to?
We take you to Ukraine.
No brother, I know what
my uncle does over there.
I wouldn't go to Ukraine.
Cemal, come please,
your mom gets angry.
Right, I'm coming.
Look at your face and
you are still chasing women.
Don't dump us, be a man.
- Be a man.
- I will think about.
- Promise?
- We will see.
- Just like a man.
- Let me see.
- (IN RUSSIAN) How are you?
- Quite good. - Yes, I see.
- How's Alexander?
- Fine.
What kind of style are
we going to make today?
I want something unusual.
- Let's make a stork.
- A stork?
Let's make...
No, a stork will be very unambiguous.
Let's make a kitty.
A kitty! Again a kitty!
It is a well-tried option,
Verochka, let's...
Ok! Let's make... a kitty.
- Don't afraid. - I don't...
- Relax everything is ok...
You have such tender skin...
Hold it.
You love your husband
very much, don't you?
Do you love?
Yes, I do.
Hold it a bit.
I love him very much.
Hush, hush! Don't fool me.
- Help me...
- Hush!
Mummy...
So how about a stork?
(IN TURKISH) Dear friends!
Please, distribute this among everyone.
Here we have all
necessary information...
greetings, the words that you will
use in communication with a women.
Dear passengers of Vural Turizm!
Welcome to Kyiv!
Dear friends, let me tell you
about the history of this city.
Once upon a time, there was
a psychopathic King of Vikings.
As he hated ugly women.
So, he was killing all the ugly ones
on his way from Scandinavia until here,
ugly women jumped into the
Black Sea and swam to Turkey.
Beautiful ones remained in Ukraine.
The other ones - in Turkey.
Slow down!
Bro, let's go to the city and see.
So many beautiful women
lived here, of course...
the Polish, the German Nazis
and the communists attacked these lands,
they killed all the men, and after Chernobyl
exploded, they were almost no men here,
those who survived drank vodka.
Now, I am not a pimp...
but there are two types of women.
The first type is a simple one: One shot
is 100 dollars, double shot is 150 dollars.
This is the most wished one,
you fuck and you go.
One minute, bro, what happens if
you make more than a double shot?
One goal on a foreign field
counts as 2 goals.
The second type of women is dangerous.
They are looking for husbands.
It is not our type.
They want kindness,
tenderness, romance.
New Year eve... Valentine's Day...
msn, twitter, Facebook etc.
Are you ready to deal with it?
If you say: "Yes, I will!
I am sentimental... I want to be in love..."
Ok, invite her for dinner,
for a drink, do it!
Just don't come to me and cry:
"Vural bro, she didn't want me".
She has the right not to give.
She is a human being too!
Now, friends, you will have
great time in Kyiv.
Vural Turizm, try our best.
But, please remember,
you never know who will give to whom.
Don't forget that we should represent
our country in the best possible way.
Look, son, here you will get
the knowledge of woman.
When you return home, you will
be the head of your family.
If you do something wrong, you will
find me the first against you.
Don't worry, uncle,
what happens here, stays here.
He got it on the first try.
Congratulation, son...
(IN UKRAINIAN) Hello, mum, hi!
Thanks, mum.
Thanks for reminding
me of how old I am.
Ok, mum, I will call you
back later, ok?
Yeah, kisses.
(THE USER ALEXANDER IS BUSY)
"I will call you back, my wife is here".
This is life, this is it...
Follow me, they are just talking.
- Put it in your mouth.
- No, thanks, bro.
- Take it, you will fuck until morning.
- I can do it by myself.
I am desperate for a fuck tonight,
even if I'd be the one who gets shagged.
I booked a lodge upstairs,
we can watch from there.
At the time of communism
here was a theatre.
After privatization they
decorated it to a night club.
Bro, they did it very well.
If our theatres were used
like this, I would live there.
The golden rule here is to show
that you are very rich man.
If you would be a bit better looking than
monkey here then life gets better for you.
Has your father talked to you
about these issues before?
Which issues?
About whipping up some sour cream
and going on date with Pamela Handerson.
Uncle, stop it.
There is nothing shameful
to talk about these things.
Look, this is woman! Very beautiful.
You take her to the hotel
having in one pocket
100 dollars, in the other
- 150 dollars, ok?
But you don't give it until
you finished, or she will be very fast.
Don't be shy, my nephew,
you will learn this things.
Bro, you are lucky with Uncle,
we got all this through hand experience.
Ok, ok, I have enough of you!
You're ashamed of me, but it's much better
than if you are ashamed of your wife.
- Do you have a condom?
- Uncle, enough! - I have one for you.
The girl is watching.
(IN RUSSIAN) Thank you.
I will give you a special one.
What are you talking about?
This is a ribbed one
with strawberry flavour, 2 in 1,
together with yours, 3 in 1.
- She is watching again.
- They all know everything.
Did you like her?
- Do you like her?
- Should we take her?
No, we don't want... don't...
They are not sad,
they are professionals...
Some are like white gold,
some - like yellow gold.
Are you sad if someone leaves your
shop without buying anything? No.
There will be somebody
who will buy, for sure.
Ergun uncle, each two months
you are coming to Kyiv for business...
and now you make a show of it to us.
Don't change the topic, you, monkey!
What are you talking about?
Of course, I am coming and going.
I am a businessman.
Water, please.
Are there any foreigners?
Bro, stand up, come on, stand up!
Stand up, my son, don't miss
this partridge, run, go on!
Take care of your money,
don't lose all to her!
Thanks.
Take the flowers, please.
- Take a shower, wash yourself!
- The shower?
- I am ok.
- Go!
Why?
Ok.
Uncle, can you hear me?
My boy, why are you calling so early?
Have you finished already?
No, uncle.
We came home to her place,
she is very rich,
and she doesn't seem like a...
If you give me 200 dollars per hour,
I will also be rich!
Uncle, you don't understand me,
she wanted me to wash myself.
Perhaps, they are organs' mafia?
Organs' mafia?
He thinks that she is organs' mafia!
Look, my boy,
they are mafia of other organ...
My tiger, dispersed and shoot!
Kisses, see you later, my boy!
Thank you very much, uncle!
Hi! Sorry.
Is he at your place?
Granny was frightened by fireworks again
and ran away from the hospital.
I cannot find her anywhere.
Sasha, why are you staring?
Can you hear me?
Granny ran away from the hospital.
We must find her... I don't have a car...
Let's wait.
Waked up, finally.
- Hello!
- Hi?
Does he understand?
Does he understand?
Mum, please, go
and see at this metro station.
Sorry, please,
have you seen my grandmother?
No.
Can you call the other stations?
- I cannot call. I can't.
- But why?
Because, firstly, it is late, secondly,
don't keep me from work!
Please, would you be so kind
to call the other station once
to ask whether she is there or not?
So, my dear, you should look after
your grandmother better...
Is it so difficult to dial
a number and just ask?
Difficult, because the life
must teach you a lesson.
Wait!
Ok, sister, ok, one minute.
Take your Georgian and go away!
Don't keep me from work!
- You've find a fur coat?
- Be calm, ok, we will go.
You'd better look after grandmother!
Hoity-toity! I have to phone everyone
at the metro stations.
Smart aleck!
Lovely sister, if you just
listen for one second...
It is useless to knock.
Listen, it'll be a good lesson for you!
But you helped me
to find her last time!
- I don't want to help you this time!
- But why?
- You should have a conscience she's old.
- I will pay you, please!
What?
There are only Georgians and
fur coats in your head.
You need to have a bit
of intellect here!
- I will teach you a good lesson now!
- Ok, do your job, come on!
What a boor!
(IN ENGLSH) Grandma... run,
run... here...
- She is beautiful.
- Face?
- Beautiful as you.
- Face? Thank you.
Don't worry, we will find her.
- You help...
- I help.
Be faster, the train leaves!
Grandma...
Beer, please.
Hello, Auntie Luba.
Good evening.
Sashka, how's it going?
- It's fine. How are you?
- Any children?
Bye!
Yeah, good-bye.
Stop it.
Are you there?
Okay, okay, wait a minute.
Somebody, help!
Why are all these befalling me
thought I am not even a sinner?
Somebody, help!
Help! Come on,
come on, a bit more!
Be careful with hand, be careful!
Let's help granny!
Mother, stand on the knee,
only be careful.
On the knee! Hold, hold him!
Be careful! Careful with the leg!
Ok, we are here. Good night!
Aleksandra, can I have you
for a minute?
Do you love Sasha?
Do you love her? (Lubish?)
You? Love?
Do you love her? (Lubish?)
Do you want some kombucha drink?
Is he at least rich?
Mum.
What "mum"?
And do you think about your "mum"
when you bring this wog to our house?
At your age, you should think
about the future.
You should think about your parent.
You are selfish!
Couldn't hold a real man?
Is he your prince?
Mum, but you don't know this person!
Sasha, and do you know?
Do you?
Let's get out of here!
It's for you!
Happy Birthday!
Thank you, mum.
(IN ENGLSH) What is your name?
Name?
I am Cemal.
I am Sasha.
Vovochka!
Ira, I am telling you -
that's it, I am sick of you!
Ira, I told you, go away!
Vovochka, please!
Ira, do you understand
that I am sick of you?
- Enough!
- Vovochka...
Ira, do you understand
that I am so sick of you?
Ira, bitch, you ruined my life,
do you understand?
- Hop, hop, brother, what are you doing?
- Who are you, creep?
Are you a maniac, does your
power only work against women?
Who are you, cheapskate?
- Go away!
- Don't touch my husband!
Are you ok?
Don't touch my wife, bitch!
- Come to me!
- Ok, don't shout!
Come here, I said!
What do you want?
- Don't touch him!
- My sister, I am trying to help you.
All of you! Leave me alone!
Stop, stop, stop!
Ok, hush! Calm down!
What happened?
- Oh my God! It's horrible!
- So, what happened?
He was beating my husband!
Your husband was beating you,
and he was defending you!
- No one called you here!
- But you lashed out at him like crazy!
Insane!
- None of your business!
- What a rabid. Don't be an idiot!
- Calm down!
- None of your business!
He defended you, and...
- Your documents?
- He has a passport.
- It's ok.
- You alright? - Yes.
Your documents? Passport!
- Is this your car?
- Yes, it's mine.
- Your documents, too.
- He is a foreigner.
- Ok, here is the passport.
- He is a foreigner.
Why do you release them?
Give the passport to me.
You release them,
but he was beating her.
- Hand me your passport.
- Wait, guys, for a minute!
- Your documents?
- Mine, they are just fine.
- Your passport?
- I have a passport.
Listen, he is a foreigner. He just saw
that a woman was being beaten...
So, what?
And started to defend her.
Take him!
Ok, ok, brother, one minute, slowly!
The man was beating the woman!
- We'll find out everything now.
- The lady can tell you! Listen her!
Do not interfere or we'll take you too,
do you understand?
Go to the car. Go!
I didn't do anything!
Ok, let me, I can go on my own!
Shut up! Get into the car.
- Thank you darling.
- Get in!
Passport, cell phone,
wallet, metallic items.
Everything on the table!
On the table!
Passport, cell phone, wallet...
Cell phone should also
be put down on the table.
Ok, everything goes here,
on the table. Metallic items?
- My commander, I cannot take it out.
- Metallic items, too.
My chief, it's not possible
to take it out. Look!
- Do you have a cell phone?
- I have a phone... but...
- Do you have a phone?
- Ok, I will call somebody.
Put your phone down here, or I...
- Put the phone down!
- Ok, bro...
Valera! Come here!
Ok, ok, sms, sms.
- Put the phone down!
- Ok, brother, one sms.
- Put the phone down!
- Ok, bro... - Take his phone, Valera!
- Put the phone down!
- Ok, brother, one sms.
- Put down the phone!
- May I send an sms?
Don't push me!
You son of a bitch!
Take away your dog!
We are street children,
do you know? Go to hell!
Well done, well done.
I will put this telephone in your ass!
Get your ass off here!
Open the door.
Where is the money?
Ok, ok, no problem,
I hope it sticks in your throat.
Get him out of here!
And this is for your girlfriend.
Can we go now?
- You are free to go.
- Have a good day! - Take care!
"Teekkr ederim" means
"thank you" in Turkish.
How to say "thank you"
in Ukranian?
- Dyakuyu.
- How? - Dyakuyu.
Super! Grandma is also here.
What a shameful morning!
- Grandma! Cold?
- Hello, grandma!
Lubish! (IN UKRAINIAN)
This is my friend.
One minute, one minute.
Can you move the car there?
- Hi, are you Turk?
- Come, come, come in!
Wait, I am coming!
- I almost froze.
- Welcome!
- Can I wash my hands?
- Sure, you can!
- Thank you very much!
- You are welcome!
Do you have something to eat?
I made some fresh tea just now. You can
also eat the toast that I made for myself.
You can eat - there is no pork,
it is helal meat. - Thanks!
So, what are you
doing here so early?
We brought the grandma of a friend
to the hospital.
Turk? What's the matter?
No, Ukrainian.
I don't know what the matter is.
I just came, actually, yesterday.
I also can't speak the language,
just drive the car.
- So, love affair?
- Let's hope for all the good.
Look, if women are honest,
they are very honest,
if they are bitches,
they are real fucking bitches.
I also followed such one.
Look - Olga. I came and
stayed here because of her.
Did you marry her?
What marriage?
No, I didn't.
She is now in Antalya
working as prostitute.
How would you know!
Is it written on her face?
It is not written, but, you know,
I sold everything for her.
We lived together for 2 years
with lots of fun and travelling,
but as the money was gone,
love was also gone.
She kicked my ass and was gone.
Brother, don't be sad,
not all five fingers of a hand
are the same,
there are also people who came here,
married and have a happy life.
I have 2 children in the country.
- God bless them!
- Thank you.
I let their mother and them
to my father and came here.
God will forgive me,
but I am not sure whether
they will forgive me or not.
It is said: If you love someone,
you will let her go.
If she came back, she was yours,
if not - it means that she was never yours.
Good said: She was never yours...
I will write it on my wall.
Wait, wait. Come on!
Won't you be cold like that?
Ok, go to bed. Rest, rest.
He told me that he loves you.
Let's sleep.
If you wait for your love
with a pure heart...
the destiny find you.
- Good morning, Luda.
- Good morning, Sasha. - Hello!
Luda, can you please,
be more attentive to her?
And, if something like that
happens again, please, call me!
Sasha, you should
just visit more often.
- Because she is always lonely.
- Please, it's for you.
Sashenka, I will definitely call you.
- Ok.
- Goodbye!
She is beautiful!
Let me go.
How much should I pay?
- No! You don't have to pay anything.
- Please, brother, let me pay. - Surely not.
- Please, brother!
- t is helal.
- Thank you! I am Cemal.
- Suleyman.
Is there any good restaurant
that we can go to?
- So, you didn't like here?
- Sorry, but I didn't mean this way.
No, I am also joking.
All Turkish people invite
their guests to this restaurant.
Thank you, brother,
hope to see you in Turkey!
- I hope so, too!
- Thank you!
There is a scarf near the door,
take it with you, don't feel chilly!
This one? Thank you, brother.
Goodbye!
What did you make, Olga!
- Let's go. - Who's driving?
- You. - Me? - Yes.
- I'm driving?
- Yes, go.
Let's go...
Dyakuu (Thank you).
What does it mean "lubish"?
Love.
Love?
You, love - you.
Then, dyakuyu (Thank you).
Oh, it appears apparatus.
Keep going until the turn
and than, to the right.
Ok, does "right" mean "left"?
Turn, turn now. Come on, wind up!
You didn't turn!
This way?
Yes, I told you,
but why didn't you turn?
Do you know how long
it's going to take us now?
Just tell me and I will understand:
Right or left?
Turn, turn now.
Come on, wind up!
But you told me too late!
Timing!
You should say it at the right time,
how can I know?
If you drive, then
you should be attentive.
Look, say it at the right time.
I set navigation for you.
You don't listen to me, to anything.
Born with navigation?
Take it and just tell me.
Where are we going?
I don't understand.
- Look on road!
- I do.
This is Lenin museum, look!
You know, Lenin?
We had a bold guy.
A small one, a leader of the proletariat,
you know, revolution in 1917?
How beautiful You are laughing!
O, Dynamo (Kyiv)?
- Do you know Dynamo (Kyiv)?
- Shevchenko!
- Football. Do you like it?
- Sure, football.
Dynamo (Kyiv) kicked us
out of the Cup, shameful people!
- Stop, stop, stop!
- Dinner?
Sorry. Can I ask you
for your sledge?
You go!
Now I'll teach you. Come on!
Sit down, don't be afraid!
Oh, what is it?
- Humus.
- Humus. - Please!
I'll try it!
Tasty?
Tasty.
Yeah, thank you. Oh, a tomato.
Tasty? Do you like it?
Dolma...
What a dolma!
- And this? - Adjika.
- Adjika? Let's try!
Let's try...
Hot?
- It's so spicy!
- Djajk, djajk.
It's so hot! Ouch, Djajik.
(IN UKRAINIAN) Smachno! (Tasty).
Don't stare at me, I can't eat.
(IN UKRAINIAN) Dyakuu! (Thank you).
That's what we want to see
on the green fields,
you see: A smiling face,
a rested body
and a company working for its
clients' complete satisfaction.
Vural turizm dot com.
Vural turizm - connecting people!
Baby, you found the chick
until morning and shot-shot?
- Are you relaxed now?
- Go to your table.
- Let me see if you're relaxed.
- Don't be rude.
We wish the sequel of your
success with the national uniform.
What are you talking about?
National uniform.
- He is joking, my son, he is joking.
- Is national uniform a bad thing?
Go to your table, come on.
- Bro, don't play with us.
- Don't be a jerk, go to your table.
Yldrm, go to your table!
No problem, no problem!
Yldrm, go, altogether!
Don't we understand!
Ok, no problem!
(IN RUSSIAN) Sorry, he was joking.
He didn't want to offend you.
- You are a good girl.
- He is also good.
He has a wedding soon.
We came to celebrate wedding.
- His wedding. - Wedding?
- Yes, wedding.
Wedding.
No problem, no problem.
Uncle, what did you say to the girl?
I only said that we are sorry about
our friends being disrespectful.
- Did you really say only that?
- Yes, yes.
Uncle, I will not come to Istanbul.
- What do you mean?
- I'm not coming back.
One minute, my son,
don't cause any trouble.
Look, this woman can
so easily play with you.
- Uncle, it is not like that.
- What do you mean "it is not like that"?
Don't be so naive, as if we were
not together last night,
she is a professional, my son.
If she does not have you,
she will have another one.
- You pay and you have it, that's it.
- Uncle, uncle.
Will you take a girl from a night club
and fall in love with her?
- Uncle. - What "uncle"?
- Don't push me to break your heart.
Wait.
Look, don't create a chaos by
exaggerating the situation.
We came here and
we will go back to Istanbul, ok?
If we are back in Istanbul, we'll forget
everything that happened here,
everybody has wives, children,
we just came here for business,
don't spoil our pleasure.
- Is it done?
- Done. - Good!
Wait a minute, do you have money?
- I do. - Should I give you more?
- I don't want.
Sasha.
Sasha, I...
Sasha, I am sorry. I...
I am sorry.
Sasha...
What are you doing? Calm down.
Don't do it.
What are you doing? Don't do it!
This is what you wanted.
This is what you wanted yesterday!
Calm down.
I'll call back, I will, yes.
I'll call back,
I am not in Moscow right now.
Hello!
Hello...
Did you miss me?
It's so stuffy in here!
Open a small window!
So, come on, come to me!
Come to me!
Give me your hand.
What's up?
What's up? Give me your hand.
Give me your hand.
It is for your birthday.
I don't need anything.
Are you sure?
- Stop it.
- Come here!
- Stop it.
- Did anything happen? Come here!
I don't need anything.
- Easy...
- I do not want.
I do not want.
Stop...
I don't need anything. Stop it.
Come here...
Stop it.
- Easy...
- Stop it!
Fuck, what are you doing?
Who the fuck are you?
I will kill you!
Who the fuck are you?!
Don't touch him! Calm down!
Calm down, come to me!
- It hurts!
- Calm down! Ok.
- Come to me...
- Don't...
Come to me...
Put the keys down.
Nastya!
Nastya!!
Nastya...
Nastya!!!
I'll show you! Go home!
Where have you been?
Bro, stop, stop, stop.
Come, come!
He is running separately
from the team.
Are you a psychopath, bro?
Cemal?
Cemal, my boy, are you ok?
- Fuck off!
- He got drunk heavily.
What happened, my boy?
- Fuck you!
- Cemal, my boy!
Come on, my son,
let's wash your face, come on!
I hate you!
Bro, relax... Don't be rude!
Come here!
Why did you bring me here? Why?
- God damn it!
- Cemal, don't curse!
God damn it! Fuck off!
Sashka.
Everything will be fine.
Mum...
Just don't tell anything to Aleksandr.
Live as you've lived before.
One minute, one minute,
I will ask you something.
Fuck off!
Why are you looking at me?
Fuck you all!
I hate all your snow!
Come, my boy!
Come, my boy! It is time to go.
Hello!