This story begins
as all stories begin.
It was a dark and stormy night.
Lightning streaked the sky.
The clouds rumbled ominously.
And a man named Bipin...
...was coming home
with a little orphan.
Bipin lived with his
termagant of a mother.
And his wife who was
even more of a terror.
In her world,
every relationship was a deal.
Her world was a marketplace.
And in her marketplace, a child with
no antecedents counted for nothing.
Bipin's mother and wife rejected
the child at first glance.
But thanks to her survival instinct...
...the little one would not be budged.
- Alert! Alert!
- Danger!
Bipin never told anyone where the girl
came from or why he brought her home.
Never. And the termagants
asked quite often.
One day, Bipin found out...
...that his motherless
tyke was a baby owl.
Her friends were bats.
He tried everything he could...
...but he could not get her to sleep,
perchance to dream.
She stayed awake all night.
But all day, she was awake too.
But Bipin was not one to give up.
One day, he gave his princess a box.
It was a dream box.
Dreams?
Every day, he drew her a new dream,
just for her.
All this in the forlorn hope that
his princess would one day sleep...
...and learn the joy of dreaming.
But every princess needs a prince
to coax her to the Land of Nod.
"Riding a whim, I'm on my way..."
"We were meant to meet,
some day, some way..."
"Riding a whim, I'm on my way..."
"We were meant to meet,
some day, some way..."
"Riding a whim, I'm on my way..."
Who is this numbskull'?
Sorry, Daddy-O, I'm...
What d'you mean 'sorry'?
Can't you look where you're going?
Blind turn back there, right'?
Didn't see it.
You aren't blind, are you'?
I said, sorry, innit'?
Hey, blind bat,
what are you looking at'?
Look at me and talk.
You didn't see my car when you had to.
Now look at me and talk.
Yo, I said sorry three times.
What more do you want'?
C'mon give one back.
What'?
Return a sorry.
What'?
Until you return
one of my 'sorries', I won't move.
Who returns apologies?
You do. Give one back or I stay put.
- I've dealt with his kind before.
- Stay in the car.
Let me deal with this.
Get this bike out of the way.
Won't. Whatcher gonna do about it'?
- Hey
- Hey-e'!
- Hey-ey-e'!
- Hey-eV-QWQV
You wanna make something of this'?
Do you know who I am'?
Who are you'?
Why would I tell you'?
Do you know who I am'?
Why would I want to know?
Bipin!
Bipin ? Who's the hot broad'?
Down, boy.
Geetu, wait in the car.
Let me handle this.
Where are you going, Eesha'?
- To help?
- But Eesha...
Can I help?
Eesha, it's okay.
I'll manage. Wait in the car.
Hey, Eesha!
Hi.
Hey!
Wow! !
Triumph Thunderbird Storm,
270 degree firing interval.
Really? I thought it was 250 degrees.
270, Beeps. Parallel Twin.
You know so much about so much.
Interested in bikes, are ya'?
In everything.
Alia.
Ooh la la. Alia.
Jagjinder Joginder.
- Who is this'?
- it's me, sir.
So you had to tell me in the end.
Whatever, dude.
Look, lemme move my belly-shover.
That's right, move it along.
You lot, get in the car.
You, get that out of the way.
One sorry on your account, Daddy-O.
Move!
Love you too!
It's a fairy-castle!
It's beautiful!
Are you happy, kiddo?
Yes Dad, it's perfect!
Why wouldn't it be'?
Mummyji has paid for it.
And now if you're done with
your little lovefest, can we go in'?
Mummyji will be waiting.
My picture small?
That small?
That small?
OMG!
This is like K3G!
Totally!
Hi, Ria, Pia.
- Hi, FTB.
- Hi, FTB.
Oh sorry...FTB?
- Father of the bride!
- Father of the bride!
Father of the bride is in trouble.
Why is my photograph so
small on this magazine cover'?
Give me answers!
Tell her, no'?
I want answers!
- Bipin will know, Mummyji.
- Where is he'? Get him here. Now.
I've emptied my pockets
for this wedding and this ingrate...
- They're right when they say...
If you meet a snake and an
Arora on the road, kill the Arora.
Mummyji, you're also an Arora.
Straighten that pink paw.
You should have been
squished out at birth.
Snakelet!
Yes, Mummy.
Snake in my bosom!
Yes, Mummy.
Cobra.
Yes, Mummy.
What do they call that snake,
which coils about you and kills you'?
A boa constrictor, Mummyji
Boa!
Bipin! Thank God!
Bipin, where are Eesha and Alia'?
Waiting for you.
Bipin, you should know...
- What?
- Take it off.
Take what off'?
Your shades.
Bye, Mummyji
Good morning!
Where were you'?
I've been waiting for you forever.
Look at this magazine. Why
is Fundwani's photo bigger than mine'?
Fundwani paid for the photo.
We paid for the article.
But now we'll all be one big happy
family so what's the difference, Nlummyji'?
It makes a difference! I don't care
if he's paid for the entire magazine.
Who's paying for this wedding?
You are, Mummyji. Who else can'?
Explain that to him.
Why do you think I've
brought that fatso up'?
When you sacrifice the goat,
you eat the meat.
- Come on... come on...
Come on, BTB! BTB!
BTB!
Deep breaths, deep breaths...
What is BTB'?
- Come on!
- Bride-to-be!
- Breathe in... breathe in.
I can't. You've cut
it way too small, Uncle.
Shut your face. I opened it out
four inches in Delhi and then it fit.
But now you've come
here and swelled up again.
This is a brilliant
sketch of your Robin.
Very nice.
Thanks.
They' re for Eesha.
- You can do it.
Try the upper hooks.
- Hi baby.
- Hi Mama.
Say no.
Do you know?
The average chocolate has
the legs of eight insects in it.
Eight!
As they make the chocolate,
the bug feet fall in.
This is no average chocolate, Alia.
It's a fact.
Have another one, after this, okay'?
How much are you going to stuff her'?
This won't fit her.
So what'? Make a new one.
This is one of my best, okay'?
Okay guys,
it's time for the breakfast rehearsal!
Breakfast rehearsal?
Mummyji is waiting.
Babla, who are you shooting?
Auntie Geetu.
No...
Boom...boom...boom
Boom...boom...boom
Eggs Benedict with Hollandaise,
caviar on omelette
Eggs Benedict with Hollandaise,
caviar on omelette
Beans on brisket,
eggs fried sunny side-up
Sausages on the side,
hash browns and sun-dried tomatoes.
And my parathas ?
And my parathas ?
And my parathas ?
Mummyji! Parathas, here ?
Do you want me to starve to death'?
Who's going to make parathas here'?
Will an aaloo paratha work for you,
Kamlaji'?
And don't forget your
blood pressure medication.
Your pressure's been a bit high,
hasn't it'?
"What a hottie-hottie!"
"What a hottie-hottie!"
"Yeah!"
You!
How are you, sir'?
This is Jagjinder Joginder
from Biji's.
Your friendly wedding organizer.
Up to now, you've been talking
to my CEO, Khushwant Kaur.
YOU!
You must be Eesha'?
The happy bride?
We've got Eggs Benedict for you.
- Thank you.
- Your favourite, right'?
- You!
- And you are'?
Ooh la la'?
Alia!
Ooh la la Alia. Of course.
Nice to meet you, Alia.
You?
What is this you-you-you'?
You whistling or something?
Not whistling,
Mummyji, it's just that he's who...
If you're through with
the you and the who...
Ladies, are we ready
for the dance rehearsal?
Kamlaji, if you need anything,
just let me know.
- OMG.
- So hot.
Like, totally!
Great. Okay?
What are you up to'?
On the right, white flowers.
- Okay, JJ, we got it.
- Hey, Tenthouse.
How may I help you, sir'?
Who do you think you are'?
No one sir.
Just a creature. No special features.
Oh yeah'? And out there,
you were all muscles and machismo.
Outside, you were also a
different man, weren't you, Daddy-O'?
What do you mean?
Outdoors'? He roars!
In his house, he's a mouse.
So I changed as well.
Take it or leave it.
- Take what'?
- Hey JJ, check those flowers.
Perfect...
Hey!
A for apple, B for ball,
C for Come, D for Dance.
Bye.
Hey!
One...two...three...four...
five...six...seven...eight.
One...two...three...four...
five...six...seven...eight.
One...two...three...four...
five...six...seven...eight.
"I wanna be with you" - Come on, one...
two...three...four...five...six...seven...eight.
So much work.
Four...five...six...seven...eight.
Beeps.
Magnum 44.
Hey Vipul?
- Yes, Mummyji?
- I want one of those.
What'?
A gun!
I want to fire one too.
Before the wedding.
What, Mummyji'?
"This is the crazy..."
"This is the crazy..."
This is the crazy...
Life is a btch!
"This is the crazy..."
it's a beach, sir.
I am rich
All is well, all is well.
Come.
Welcome, sir.
You, Chinese?
No, sir, Japanese.
"This is the crazy..."
The Fundwanis are here.
"Crazy, man!"
Welcome! It is a pleasure
to do business with you, Mr. Fundwani
This is the funtastic,
but Mummyji please call me the Harry.
This partnership is my pleasure...
...for the whole Sindhi community,
pleasure, pleasure...
...pleasure!
Funtastic family.
Welcome, welcome to the family.
We are already family.
Every Sindhi is the family.
The Harry,
may I tell you a custom of our family?
Sure.
On the happy occasion
of this wedding...
...we would like to gift you
as much gold as Eesha's weight.
25,000 x 90 = Oh. My. God.
- Come fast, my bro!
"Robin, my bro, Robin!"
"Robin, my bro, Robin!"
"Robin, my bro, Robin!"
"Robin, my bro, Robin!"
"Robin, my bro!"
PP.
PP.
PP.
PP, Mummy-ji.
What is PP'?
'Pairi pauna' (I touch your feet).
'Pairi pauna'!
Touch his feet.
Nice. Nice. Must buy this property.
Hey no flirting now.
You can do all that after marriage.
Marriage reminds me:
is everything organized?
Yes, sir.
Karan is coming, isn't he'?
Hiroo simply insisted.
Hiroo'?
Are you the crazy'?
You don't know Hiroo Aunty'?
She's Karen's Mumma.
Oh Karan Johar.
Yes sir. He was inquiring after you.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Of course, of course. He's my fan,
my fan, y'know.
- All the rich people are my frands.
- All ?
- And the rich people are all Sindhi.
- After all, I am the Chairman of
the UN Sindhi Association.
- Oh, UN'?
That's why we couldn't
have the wedding there.
Or we'd have to invite Lilibet, see'?
Too much publicity.
Don't like
Lilibet?
Queen Elizabeth'?
Queen Elizabeth'?
Queen Elizabeth!
Is she Sindhi too'?
Of course, she's Sindhi.
Her son's pushing sixty
but he still lives with her.
You're looking good.
I know.
The world's best people are Sindhis.
That explains this locket.
S for...'?
Let me guess. Let me guess.
S for Superman?
No!
One more chance.
S for Scarface.
Not at all!
Last chance.
S for Son-in-law?
No, ya loser, S for Sindhi
The sunny Sindhi, the Sindhi as suns.
For me'?!
Come, come, come.
Baby doll!
Bipin, I love you!
What a welcome!
- How dare you touch my brother'?
- Sir...
- No, let it be. Don't want
to spoil the celebration.
Sir...
- I'm talking to you. Look at me.
- How did you dare'?
- Sir!
Hold on.
I'll look after this.
Hey you!
Won't you fight'?
- Talk to me.
Not for four hours after a work out.
- What you think of yourself?
Why'?
Your muscles tend to be tender, right!
- How did you dare'?!
That's my Dad.
You want to fight'?
Come.
Let it go.
What happened'?
Beeps.
Kiddo, you stay out of this.
Look, what you're doing is not right.
- What'?
- Hey!
- Let it be, brother.
Hey!!!
Dishoom!
What's happened'?
What's going on'?
Nothing, Daddy-O.
You lot enjoy yourself. I will resign.
You will do no such thing.
I said I would resign
and I will resign.
Who are you to resign?
We're going to sack you.
And who are you to sack him'?
Mummyji, he pushed me and I fell down.
No, Uncle, you...
Shut up.
Orphans shouldn't open their mouths.
- Mummyji, this man gave me a shove.
- He's had a drop too much.
- Mummyji, I warned you about this...
Mummyji, I withdraw my resignation.
I was going to come to you
to ask about tomorrows programme.
- Everyone, come and meet me.
I have something important to say.
- Mummyji, he was rude to Vinay.
He shoved him about.
If he had given you and
Vipul a couple of good ones,
I would have given him a bonus.
- You doofoids...
...if JJ goes, this wedding stops.
And if the wedding doesn't happen,
you know what will happen?
If the wedding doesn't happen,
the business deal falls through.
Right.
She has more brains than
the three of you put together.
She is the only one
who can take my place.
I don't want your place.
Give your company to whom you want.
Give it to Vinay. Give it to Geetu.
But after this,
don't call Alia an orphan.
Ooh, did that bother you'?
I'm your mother.
Can't you do that much for me'?
Bear with it for a few days more.
You know we haven't
a red cent in the bank.
And under the Companies Act,
all of you are already bankrupt.
We've put the leavings
and scrapings into this deal.
If Fundwani breaks off the deal,
you'll spend the rest of
your lives paying off the debt.
So go.
Enjoy the wedding. Make it happen.
Your dream for tonight.
You're a fine one!
A bomb! Another bomb!
Is she dead'?
Not so easy.
We'll kill her slowly...
I was thinking.
We should put a time bomb
under her wheelchair.
Not a word to a living soul.
- You going to stay there all night?
Another bomb in the next room.
That one might go off any time.
Okay, these dreams that I give you'?
Do you save them up or
do you ever actually dream them'?
As soon as I get to sleep,
I'll dream them all.
Promise?
Promise.
If someone were to get you to sleep,
I'd be able to sleep well too.
Beeps, you know the visually
challenged can't see their dreams...
...they only feel them.
Okay Miss Google.
Anything else'?
No, that's all for today.
Is the class over'?
Ting ding ding ding.
Okay, thank you, Miss.
Beeps...
...let's just run away.
- I want to.
One day, we'll just take off.
Promise?
Promise!
"Ooooh, sleep eludes me"
"My heart deludes me."
"Someone comes a-creeping"
"And wakes the love that's sleeping"
"But I'll be up all night."
"My heart deludes me. "
"Someone comes a-creeping "
"And wakes the love that's sleeping"
"But I'll be up all night."
Sonia?
Sonia?
- What?
- My bike keys, please?
- Can't sleep again?
- Yeah.
Where you off to'?
Nowhere particular.
In this darkness?
Hey, I'm not scared of the dark.
Boo!
Don't do that. Go to sleep.
- Goodnight.
- Goodnight.
"Ooooh, sleep eludes me"
"My heart deludes me."
"Someone comes a-creeping"
"And wakes the love that's sleeping"
Hey!
Hey...suicide...
Stop right there. Hey jumper...
I'm on way. Oye, excuse me.
Don't go under. Hang on.
Almost there. There, Gotcha.
You' re safe now.
Saved ya.
You?
What are you doing in my bathroom'?
I was saving you.
From what'?
From drowning.
- Aren't you drowning?
- No.
Are you wearing anything?
Do you wear clothes to bathe'?
Huh?
- Are you still looking at me'?
- No.
Sorry...
No, it's cool...
May I sit here'?
Yeah...sure...
Thanks.
Come on, who swims
in the middle of the night?
I do.
The water is very wet, no'?
A cup of tea would make this perfect.
Just a minute. Here you go.
Here are two cups.
And now here's the tea.
Sugar?
Two spoons.
Two spoons?
As you wish.
These days, I'm cutting back.
Tea!
Thank you...
What was that'?
What'?
That'?
Oh him.
Scaredy cat. it's only a frog!
- Hold on to this.
- Give it here.
Who is he'?
Meet Ashok.
Why Ashok'? Why not Anarkali'?
He's a male frog.
This mark, here'?
it's bigger in male frogs.
- Nice.
- Ashok'?
Hi.
I'm gonna take you home with me!
Alia.
This habit of bathing in
waterfalls...how did this start'?
That one.
Actually I'm an insomniac...
ls there a cure'?
Don't you know what insomnia is'?
No.
I don't get sleep at night.
What are you saying?
I don't sleep. I can't sleep at night.
What did you say, that word'?
Night'?
Before that. Some big word.
- Insomnia...
- That. I have that too.
Shut up.
I swear upon my mother's head.
I can't sleep either.
So what do you do all night?
I try but when I can't sleep.
You know when I was a kid,
I'd make kheer.
All nightlong.
Oh, you're a Sikh'?
- How do you know?
- I just saw you. In the flashback.
Well-spotted.
All nightlong'?
Right up to sunrise.
Why'?
There was a bulb in the kitchen.
It was kept on.
You afraid of the dark'?
Yes...
- No.
- Yes.
- Not at all...
- You are afraid of the dark.
Not at all.
Fraidy cat.
Stop it.
In the morning, you were
growling at Papa like a tiger.
And now you're afraid of the dark.
I'm afraid of the night,
not of monsters.
Hey?
What scares you about the night?
The night scares me about the night.
The night is the best time of the day.
Look, look, what's that'?
- Look, Fraidy Cat.
- Not a Fraidy Cat, okay'?
It's a horse and I want to go riding.
- You like riding'?
- Have you ridden a horse'?
Of course,
I've ridden herds of horses.
I'm really good.
- Oh really?
- Yeah.
- Since when have you been an insomniac?
- My mum could always put me to sleep.
Mama's boy.
"And sunny side upside eggs... "
"And sausages on the side... "
"Hash brown & sun dried tomatoes... "
Lovely... bravo...
The ladies,
the gentlemen and the Mummyji.
Where were you'?
- Today I have an important
announcement... - Your shoes'?
- ...for the merger of Fundwanis
and Aroras. - Meet Ashok. Say hi.
This is the first sample
of our Splendiferous perfume.
- That's so exciting!
Pass the baatle darling.
Pass the smell, pass the smell.
It's nice.
- Cheers to that...
- Cheers, cheers...
Mummyji, cheers...
Cheers!
Cheers, Mummyji!
Would you pass it, please.
Thank you.
Are you very hungry?
No, Why'?
- Just like that.
- 10:40...
Pass the bacon, darling.
If she breaks it, she pays for it.
Babla, who are you shooting now?
- Mummyji.
- Why'?
Good morning, everyone.
"What a hottie-hottie."
Good morning, Kamlaji.
Ca me Karma.
Of course.
Kamla, for you aloo puri
with a fiery chilli on the side.
That's more like it.
And this is the list of the
arrangements for the next few days.
Could you check it, please?
Now if you've checked it,
why should I bother'?
Please. Just for me'?
Then of course I will take a look.
Thank you.
- Grand picnic.
- Black & White Night!
- A night of songs!
- The henna ceremony with Karen...
- Very good.
Everyone will remember this...
...business deal!
Won't you have some'?
- Nice perfume, isn't it'?
- It's made by exotic flower!
- Perfume is okay
but where the sausages?
The lovebirds!
What's going on'?
Whatever you say, sir.
What is this: news
for the hard of hearing'?
Sorry, you said something?
- What's going on here'?
- I wasn't doing anything, sir.
What's all this twiddling'?
Twiddling'? I was just...asking
Kamlaji if she would like to dance'?
Yes, why not'?
I too shall dance.
You'll...dance'?
Of course Jackie
and I are best friends.
Jackie?
Michael Jackson.
Is Jackie a Sindhi too'?
Are you the crazy'?
Oh..sorry.. sorry..
Of course, he's Sindhi.
Those short pants he wears?
Keeps the cloth bills down.
He has diamonds on his gloves.
He dyes his hair black
and makes his face whitemSindhi!
He hasn't called in a while.
MJ... isn't he like D-E-D...
...dead?
RIP, man!
- Waltz..
The waltz is my favourite dance.
Hey you, what's your name... JJ.
- Come here.
- Jagjinder Joginder..haha
Take that.
Thanks, bro!
Jagjinder Joginder
Yeah dude...
What's the dope on the bachelor party'?
It's not on my list.
Hmmm... list...
The thing is Kamlaji said...
Kamlaji is from the girl's side.
We're the boy's side.
And what we say has to happen,
has to happen.
Bachelor party has to happen.
- Has to happen!
- Has to happen!
I'm off to marry a buffalo.
Let me have some fun first.
Eesha is very sweet.
Exactly.
She's so sweet,
she's a whole flaking patisserie.
- Laddoo!
- Laddool!
Ta-da!
Sis'? What happened'?
Alia, I'm fat. I'm obese.
- Nonsense
- I'm a balloon.
No.
You're so pretty. You're beautiful.
No. Why would a boy like
Robin marry a girl like me'?
Because he got lucky?
Their business is doing well...
...and I'm just a clause in
a business deal. A big fat clause.
Did Robin say something, Sis'?
Then don't marry him.
Just don't.
Up to now, no one's
rebelled against Mummyji.
Not Papa. Not Uncle Vipul.
Not Uncle Vinay. No one.
How am I going to do it'?
No. Let the show go on.
I'm lucky I got a boy like Robin.
Sis, don't.
- Sis, stop crying-
- Go to sleep, now.
- Come on.
- I'm trying.
- All alert, all alert, all alert.
- All ready for Eeshafs Bachelor's Party'?
- We've kidnapped Eesha.
- Eesha on the way.
- Everyone's moustaches in place?
Eesha's here.
Guys be ready.
Three...
Two...
one!
GO!
That made her happy.
Thank you.
You're welcome,
Mr. Alia.
I must say you're
looking rather handsome.
Beeps thinks so too.
Who?
That villain'?
Hey!
- He's very special.
- Specially villainous.
He was the one who took me in.
I was adopted.
So he chose me.
Other kids'? They just come along.
I'm very special, Mr. JJ!
JJ. Sorry but this name of yours.
Jagjinder Joginder.
Jagjinder Joginder.
What kind of name is that'?
There's a long story
behind my name.
Would you like to hear it, Mr. Alia'?
There you were saying you can't sleep.
What did you say you were'?
An lnsomaliac'?
So my dad's name was...
...Joginder Singh...
...and my mother's
name was Jagjinder Kaur.
Good morning.
Good morning.
Where's Alia'?
Alia'?
Oh she and l...Last night...
That is...JJ and I...
Alia'? You know she
can't sleep at night.
She must be here somewhere.
Jagjinder Joginder...
Jagjinder Joginder...
"What a hottie-hottie."
Hello?
- Alia. Where are you'?
I fell asleep?!
What'?
I fell asleep.
Wow.
How....?
- Okay, but now get up.
Get up and run.
Papa's hunting for you.
Oh shit.. okay.
This...'?
Where were you'?
I was sleep...Uh sorry...
I went for a walk, Beeps.
Like this?
Like this.
Where?
Here and there.
Here or...'?
I will shoot everyone.
Sir...
What happened, Mr. Fundwani'?
They've thrown my bro into jail.
- What?
- Good.
What'?
God. Robin.
Come to jail, Sir.
What'?
Police station, Sir.
- Come let's go.
- Come please.
Let's go, let's go.
- He took his clothes off in a public place.
- Calm down, please.
No, no, he couldn't have done that.
Somebody else must have done it.
Look at his face.
Idiot...l mean...innocent.
- Bipin, bribe him!
- I'm sorry he broke the law..
Please, if we could quicken
up this whole thing...
...and you can release this
boy and we can leave from here.
Because the entire
family is over here.
Daddy-o, you're getting nowhere.
Let me handle this.
Let me talk to them.
Everybody relax. Don't worry.
It's gonna be all right. We'll
handle it. Come here. Give me a hug.
Irritated?
Keep the old man outside.
What happened, Baby'?
They told me to go out.
He's gone in.
JJ my man...
JJ my man...
Jagjinder Joginder...
Jagjinder Joginder bro...
I swear on God, I didn't do anything,
bro. I didn't do anything.
I've been telling them all night,
I did nothing.
I didn't touch any of those chicks.
Hold on!
What did you do'?
What did you do'?
I swear I didn't do anything.
I swear on Eesha's head,
I did nothing.
All night long,
I've gone bananas telling them...
I did nothing.
I didn't even touch those girls.
- Did I touch those girls?
- No.
Didn't touch those girls.
You shook your booty in golden
chuddies and you say you did nothing.
I was just moving them aside.
- I swear on Eesha. I swear on Eesha.
- Let me talk to them.
I can't tell you how
much I appreciate it..
JJ I must tell you...
the glass is soundproof..
Oh right. of course..
How much longer can
you keep him there'?
We have to let him go JJ..
No James no. You have to
keep him for a bit longer.
You have to make him suffer.
You have to..
you have to make him cry..
Can you do that thing in Rambo?
You know where they take
that water hose and then they just...
...do stuff like that to him.
May be we could open...
Things that will cause him pain!
What happened'?
It's 12:35.
Ok...
Yeah I think we should
keep him in for longer.
He should suffer.
Suffer some more because he's a creep.
Could you like give
him like life imprisonment?
Alia, are you mad'?
Life imprisonment. . seriously'?
Why not'?
For strutting his stuff in a bar'?
Why not'?
I only got a one-day deal, kiddo.
Calm down Alia...calm down.
We have to let him go now..
Jagjinder Joginder,
my bro, my homie...
I have spoken to the officer.
Yes, yes'?
He'll let you go on one condition.
I'll do anything, anything.
He says you're not to so
much as look at another woman.
- You won't feel them up.
- You won't touch them.
You won't even look
at them on Youtube.
Or on Twitter.
Or Whatsapp...
What'?
I promise I won't.
I won't.
You will never again take
your clothes off in a club.
You will never work out again.
You will abstain from protein shakes.
And eggs.
You just won't eat any food.
And never take off that shirt.
Or your trousers.
I agree. Whatever he wants.
No eggs. The devil take all eggs.
Officer, he's agreed
to your conditions.
You will never wear gold again.
Bro?
Cool down, Bro.
They're not Sindhis, Bro.
Forgive them.
- And you know what'?
I even had a dream.
You know snails can
sleep for three years.
Three years'? Okay.
I think I'm now a snail.
Why'?
I can sleep now, Sis.
Last night?
I was out like alight. Right out.
- Out!
- Like real sleep, sleep-sleep'?
With bells and bobtails on.
Wow.
And you know,
he acts all big and macho...
...but he's afraid of the darkness.
- Really?
- Really.
- Afraid of the night?
- Afraid.
Go away, choo, choo!
- Yesss...
Want some'?
Oh no!
OMG!
OMG to you too!
Want some'?
Yeah!
Let's go skydiving'?
You know, you may never
get another chance at life.
Why not'?
But you know, if we go together...
...I'm sure we won't ever
get another chance at life.
Just kidding babe.
- Flight, listen up, everyone.
- Are we ready'?
- All set, everyone ready?
Let's go!
- John'?
- Yes, sir'?
- Get the parachute ready.
- Ready, sir!
Let's jump.
I'm dying to jump.
Haven't done it for years.
Shall we, Daddy-0'?
You?
Ye-e-e-s!
I haven't got my parachooooot!
- What are you doing here'?
- Hanging. Checking tickets!
- What'll you do if I don't have one'?
- What'll I do'? I'll let you go...
Let's party in mid-air!
Entry is free for you, Daddy-o.
- Fancy something special?
- I don't want your stupid free entry!
- You are a fallen angel!
You're the one who's falling, Daddy-o!
I don't have a parachoooooot!
How are you liking it, daddy-0'?
I was loving it!
Don't take me on, Daddy-o!
I will. What'll you do about it'?
Really? Deal done'? Then
congratulations on the match, Daddy-o.
- What match'?
Gosh, he's piggy-backing on me now!
Now up we go, don't lose it, Daddy-o.
Idiot!
Cheers, cheers, cheers!
Oh my boy, cheers!
- I'm starving.
This is all non-vegetarian.
- So what's wrong, sister?
- On Tuesdays I'm vegetarian.
Me too.
Me too.
This is so badly organised!
Non-veg on Tuesday?
Boy! Cheers.
It's Tuesday and there's non-veg only.
This is the crazy.
it's my Tuesday also.
Guys, vegetarian food!
Mushrooms & brownies.
Like totally veg...
- Like organic.
- Like totally...
Like...where did you get them'?
Such sweet chaps.
They gave them to us totally free.
Hello everybody.
Hello...hello, hello...
Really very sorry for the delay.
Delay? Delay? Delay?
What's going on'?
It's our veggie Tuesday.
And all this is non-veg.
No, no, today is Monday.
it's Monday today.
In India, it's Tuesday. And we
choose not to eat non-veg on Tuesday.
All meat, no eat.
All meat, no eat.
What are you eating?
Mushroom.
Show me that.
Your attention, please.
These narcotropic substances...
...can have an unexpected
and euphoric effect upon your body.
Do not think of them
as innocent things.
When they get in you, they reform
your mind and transform your system
This cocktail will
set your blood a-leaping.
Yes, you heard that right.
Your innards will be blown.
Each bit of your body
will become a celebration.
Here. Flock and roll will play!
And there the bhangda breaks out!
The clouds from the
skies begin to speak.
Your fine-tuned mind
turns into a minefield.
Your moods turn into floods.
Inside, it's technicolour stereophonic.
Outside, it's a family picnic.
For the next few hours, you will
enter a new zone of experience.
Please enjoy the ride.
This is not for the weak of heart.
Meat no eat.
Meat no eat.
This is the crazy.
This is so not...
So badly organized.
On Monday, it's Tuesday.
And the food's on the wrong day.
If it is Tuesday,
it must be vegetarian...
So badly organized.
On Monday, it's Tuesday.
And the food's on the wrong day.
- So badly organized.
- On Monday, it's Tuesday.
And the food's on the wrong day.
- On Monday, it's Tuesday.
- On Monday, it's Tuesday.
- On Monday, it's Tuesday.
- On Monday, it's Tuesday.
- On Monday, it's Tuesday.
- On Monday, it's Tuesday.
- On Monday, it's Tuesday.
- On Monday, it's Tuesday.
- On Monday, it's Tuesday.
- On Monday, it's Tuesday.
- On Monday, it's Tuesday.
- On Monday, it's Tuesday.
Have you seen my legs'?
I've lost my legs.
Find my legs.
Let's go look there.
Everybody follow me.
Hello?
I can't get a signal here.
Hello...
- Straighten those paws.
Hello!
Hello? Hello! Hello?
Hello.
Is this a celebration?
Yes, Mummy.
Shut your gob.
This is no celebration.
it's a business deal.
Go find out if we have
the new logo for Splendiferous.
Yes, Mummy.
Hey, she's got even fatter.
And this we're going
to have to weigh in gold'?
- Mr. God'? Take this monster to
your breast or I might do your job.
- Yes, Mr. Bhatia'?
Bipin Arora here.
One second, one second please.
Okay, that logo. Is it ready'?
So please send it to me.
Thank you.
Hello?
Prabha'?
Hello!
Prabha, my love.
Hey, our daughter is
twenty-five years old now.
Alia.
I gave her the name you chose for her.
Her nose is just like yours.
And as she gets older, she shows
the same streaks of craziness as you.
But she's also weirdly wise.
When I'm with her,
I feel you around me.
She's a happy thing.
But ever since you went away...
...the moon doesn't look the same.
I never told her about you, but I made
sure she never missed out on a mother's love.
Sorry...
We met in flying school.
Looking at the deal
between Bipin and Geetu...
...it didn't seem like there
was a romantic bone in his body.
He was capable of love
but only for his daughters.
No one could ever dream...
...that Bipin was once a lover-boy.
That he once had dreamed
of becoming Tom Cruise.
- Then Papa died and I had
to take over the family business.
- I couldn't bring Prabha home to
Mummyji, she had a 'deal' for me.
- I had to marry Geetu
for the business.
By then I was not aware that
Prabha is Pregnant.
This is so cool.
I'm illegitimate.
Alia'?
This is so cool, Beeps.
I'm illegitimate!
This is so much better
than being adopted.
Alia'?
I'm illegitimate.
This is so cool...
Oh, nowl get it.
I always had real-dad
type feelings for you...
...but no real-Mum type
feelings for your wife. Right?
Real Papa.
I look like my Mum'?
Your eyes are the same.
Yeah'?
Your hands.
Really, hands?
Yes, hands.
Hmm, hands.
I think...nose too'?
No, nose looks like your mums.
Nose looks like my mum.
- Ears.
- Ears.
So cool.
Tomorrow, a real father-daughter
team is going to party.
What happened'?
One thing I don't get.
Why did Tenthouse keep
this bit of the video a secret'?
If he wanted, he could
have exposed this to everyone.
He didn't. Why didn't he'?
He must have had his own agenda.
What reason could he have'?
No, no...
He was protecting you.
Because he was protecting me.
That's it.
He was protecting you
because he was protecting me.
Because he loves me.
What'?
You cracked it Beeps.
You really cracked it there.
I said nothing of the kind.
No you just said it. You cracked it.
Nothing. I said nothing of the kind.
What did I say'? I said nothing.
You said he loves me.
No
- You said that.
- No
He loves me.
- Alia, Alia.
- You're so smart.
Kiddo, I said nothing of the kind.
Alia, Alia.
Alia!
Kiddo, he's a hornswoggler.
Soniaaa!
Ketchup!
Papaji!
Alia'?
Yes?
You wanted to go riding, no'?
Yes.
Tomorrow.
Morning. Six am.
You, me and a horse.
Okay.
- Great.
- it's not necessary.
You don't only do what is necessary.
You also do some things
because they make you happy.
- Like deep.
- Like totally.
Okay?
What's with this 36'?
What is it'?
Think about it.
Okay.
- Good night.
- Good night.
It's different.
It's different?
Hey, Tenthouse!
You think you're going
to take her horse riding'?
I am. What will you do about it'?
I am going to take her horse riding.
Sure. Do that.
You watch your step.
Daddy-o, this is only a rehearsal.
One day, I'm going to get me
on a white horse and whisk her off...
...and whafre you going to do then'?
You come with your white horse
and I'll show you what I'll do.
Okay!
" Okay!
" Okay!
- Oye
- Oye
- Oye
- Oye
Good night then.
- Sleep well.
- Okay.
Hold on, excuse me, one moment.
Yes?
What's that about 36'?
Think about it.
Thirty-six.
Think.
Good night.
- He's not going to
get anywhere near Alia.
Oh God!
Looks like I'll have
to go riding with Beeps.
It's cute.
Array Tenthouse'.!
Oh no!
...yikes...
...Tenthouse!
Nothing like that is going to happen.
No?
Hmmm...
Okay, let's go.
Let's indeed.
So get on with it.
Come let's go.
Yes. Come on then.
And we ride. I mean, we gallop.
Clippety-CWP-
Indeed.
Right.
- Come on.
- Let's go.
- Come on.
- Let's go.
Come on.
What's up'?
You don't know how to ride, do you'?
No.
- Sweet.
- No.
Let's go.
Tenthouse, hold your horses!
You know,
Beeps was going to come riding.
He only told me to take you riding.
We're being kidnapped.
We're being kidnapped.
Jagjinder, Jagjinder...
Alia!
- My friend!
- Namaste!
Namaste, India!
Friends!
Are we'?
We both Sindhi.
Sindhi-Sindhi!
Nobody's perfect.
- Shall we'?
- Please, please, please.
Yes please, come.
He's so fake!
Cut it. I want my face to look thin.
All good, Sir'?
- Is the cheque where I want it'?
- Of course.
And You'?
Kidding.
Right then.
Right then, let's begin.
Mehendi with Karan!
All right, then.
You look beautiful and you look cold.
Are you okay'? All right.
Shall we begin?
- Yes
- Are you set'?
Are you ready, both of you'?
Where did you first meet'?
We met on Jan 22,
after a party at Malhotras.
Sweet.
No.
All right.
And when did you get engaged?
Ummm December...
...No, no, no...January.
December or January'?
December December, yeah yeah.
Oh Mr. Muscles doesn't remember.
3. December 3.
December 3.
Correct.
What was written
on the engagement cake'?
Happy engagement, what else'?
No.
No, actually it was,
'Together for each other'.
'Together for each other"?
With him'?
Anyway, these are the minor details.
Shall we start the
exciting buzzer round'?
Come on...go for it...yay...
One second, one second, how will you
use the buzzer? Your henna is wet.
Alia.
Alia come and help.
- Alia'?
- My little sister.
She'll press the buzzer for me.
- Okay, all right, okay.
- Thank you.
Let's begin.
Each other's favourite colour?
Brown. Yellow.
No.
- Gold.
- His favourite colour is gold.
Yes.
- Yeah.
- Okay, right then.
Favourite place?
Kitchen.
Kitchen!
His is...uh...Hong Kong.
- You like Hong Kong'?
- Yeah.
Looks right.
- Favourite movie'?
- Rambo
Rambo
Brainless Rambo.
Favourite food'?
Anything-
Anything?
He likes egg whites and he's right.
I like anything as long as it's tasty.
Me too. Just like me.
All right.
Hobby'?
Sketching.
Sketching.
I think gymming maybe.
Gymming, don't be silly no.
And I'm sure you
know the answer to this.
I hope you do.
Your favourite moment together?
When I got my eight packs
and half is on its way.
Half what is on the way'?
Half pack'?
Eight-and-a-half'?
This is your favourite
moment together?
When you got eight-and-a-half packs.
- Yeah'?
- No, Robin.
When I met Robin.
- How sweet.
- Who is Robin'?
This is Robin.
This is Robin'?
On which note, I have to
say: the bride gets the hamper.
Thank you.
Now who's next'?
Alia.
Alia.
Come on then, Gorgeous.
Let's have you on the couch.
Yeah.
All the best.
- Thank you.
- Bye darling.
Bye.
Take this man away.
All set, Alia'?
Who would you like to call'?
Jagjinder Joginder.
- Okay...
- And Beeps.
Go brother.
Beeps?
My Dad.
Oh!
Papa and boyfriend.
Scandal. I like it.
Why did you have to call him'?
Ready'?
Shall we'?
It's a buzzer round'?
Get set'?
Go.
Alia's favourite colour?
- Blue.
- Ooh in tandem.
Alia's favourite snack?
- Bananas.
- Bananas.
Correct.
What kind of boy would Alia like'?
The kind with whom she
could fall asleep with and dream.
Interesting, I like that.
The kind with whom
she could sleep with and dream!
Correct.
On that note again,
what is Alia's favourite number'?
Thirty-six.
Why thirty-six'?
Think about it.
What's to think?
You've got to figure it out.
What is Alia's favourite hobby'?
Horse riding.
Uncle, you're falling behind.
Last question.
Who is Alia's favourite person?
Let him answer that one too.
Her Beeps.
- Correct.
- Idiot.
You're the best.
So you got a daughter's love but
the hamper goes to Jagjinder Joginder.
I'll take the girl.
You keep the hamper.
I love that!
Love that, love that!
On that note, we'll call it a night,
that was a good fight, keep it tight.
Thank you.
It's all about loving your parents!
Baseborn brat!
One same, one same.
- All right, ok.
- Come on, all right, pose.
The Firecracker?
I love you.
I'm missing you.
Where are you'?
He's a fool.
Look, how he chases
everything in skirts.
Womaniser!
Which girls have you
seen him with, Beeps'?
Which girls have I seen him with'?
Look at him, just look at him.
Even Mummyji isn't safe.
He's even got his eye on her.
If I don't stop him,
he might be my step-father one day.
Look, look, his next target.
Look, he's so sweet to Eesha.
So sweet to Eesha, my tush!
Flirt!
Roadside Romeo!
Don't believe me, do you'?
I'll show you. I have proof.
Hard evidence.
Hello hello, hello, one two three, one
two three, testing, testing, testing.
Ladies and gentlemen.
There's been another romance
brewing in this romantic atmosphere.
A romance that has
been kept hidden from us.
Just a second, ladies and gentlemen!
Presenting, his firecracker!
One second.
Here you are.
OMG...she's like old.
I am younger than her!
- What's happening, Tenthouse'?
- Love you firecracker.
- What's happening?
- A marriage is happening.
Here too.
Namaste-ji, Sat Sri Akal, CC to all.
Hey Mr. Nora, remember we met'?
I' m Khushwant Kaur.
Your daughter's the
one getting married, right'?
A hundred thousand
blessings on her sweet head.
Thank you.
Daddy-O, meet my CEO.
I told you.
Everything under control, Gran'?
Not bad, not bad.
We've got too much chole.
But no one can make kheer like you.
Tell me what's with you'?
The balloon boy went missing
so I'm blowing these up myself.
I've got to go.
The band is here but the boy's side
want hip hop songs, the silly berks.
Gran, gran, hold on a moment.
MY phone'?
I want to talk to my grandmother.
Gran, I think I could sleep now.
- What are you saying?
That frog girl'?
You're a wonder, Gran!
Bring her to me.
Of course.
"As they rise in the morning"
"Through layers of sleep."
"A story is woven."
"A story so deep."
"it's tough as steel"
"it's gentle as a feather."
"it's drawn these two hearts together"
"it's slow, it's subtle."
"it's soft as a feather"
"it's not to be felt"
"It can only be sensed."
"This feeling of security."
"This feeling of closeness."
"These eyes are a river"
"These eyes are a fountainhead"
"What flows from them?"
"A river of hope."
"This is what eyes have always done."
"They say the unsayable,
they tell the truth."
"Two shadows have begun to play"
"They merge,
they melt, they fade away"
"They slip and slide through the air."
"Now they have wings"
"These hearts can fly."
- What is this we are doing, Alia'?
Wait, it has to dry.
Then we peel it.
I can't believe you've never put glue
all over your hands and let it dry.
- Right.
- And what happens now?
Wait. Peel and see.
Oh wow.
- Do it, do it.
- Oh God, that's disgusting.
My skin is peeling away, doctor.
Please help me, doctor.
I know. You want a puff.
What's this'?
One minute, I'll show you.
Useless.
Thumb'? It says: good luck.
This one points.
Point.
Pee-Pee!
You want to go'?
Fling finger.
What's this'?
Useless.
This finger has no use.
- No use at all.
- it's useless.
No use.
Are you sure'?
Useless.
Two-thirty.
No use at all'?
Nothing?
So let's break the darned thing.
Mummy and I would dunk
this in warm milk and eat it.
Where...she'?
Eh'?
What'?
Didn't get that'?
Where is she'?
Where is she'?
Where is she'?
Mummy'?
One night,
we were playing hide-and-seek.
I counted to hundred.
When I went to look,
they weren't there.
They were picked up,
made to vanish, in the riots.
I never saw them again.
After that, did you ever play'?
What'?
Hide-and-seek'?
Let's play then'?
Let's.
Hello, wrong number!
ATTAC K!
Mummyji agreed to...
Do you know?
Alia sleeps with him.
Mr. Choksi, I'll come to your room.
Sir, whatever happens here stays here.
Run along.
I'll come to your room.
Okay, sir, as you say.
What rubbish!
It's not nonsense, Dad.
Alia sleeps with Jagjinder Joginder.
How dare he!
I'll kill him if he so
much as lays a hand on her.
Shut up, Papa.
Alia goes to sleep now.
She can sleep because of Joginder.
Alia didn't even know
what a dream was up to now.
Isn't that what you always wanted'?
That she should sleep,
perchance to dream?
Please don't separate them, Papa.
But he's not good
enough for her, my girl.
Maybe not.
But who will be suitable for Alia'?
Who will love her more than you'?
That means whoever comes along
will always be second-best, right'?
But you won't get a better
second-best than Jaginder Joginder.
What rot you talk.
There are much better boys.
Like the one you found for me'?
Like the one Grandma found for you'?
Will you let that happen to Alia too'?
If you stop her today, Dad,
Grandma will turn her into a deal too.
Will you be able to do anything then'?
Or even say anything?
You've never said a thing
but do it now. For Alia.
She's your favourite, isn't she'?
Okay, Dad, just come with me.
Come no'?
- Where?
- Come on.
Where, kid'?
Please.
Just look at them.
- Look at this empty theatre.
- That's what you call
conspicuous consumption
In a hall which can seat
two thousand, twenty people sit.
Look at that gang of gold-diggers.
- Robin, you're the man!
"Girls are fundamentally sentimental"
"That drives them mental"
"Girls are fundamentally sentimental"
"That drives them mental"
"One small step from sentimental"
"To fundamentally mental."
"One small step from sentimental"
"To fundamentally mental."
"If a mosquito bites Ma'am,"
"She takes a same of it."
"And then off it goes"
"to lnstagram".
"She knows nothing of the world."
"Into herself she stays curled"
"May the Lord protect us from girls"
"From their curls
and whorls and pearls."
I'm in love!
"They're a bundle of fake notes"
"They're a lot of cancelled votes."
"One small step from sentimental"
"To fundamentally mental."
"One small step from sentimental"
"To fundamentally mental."
"Words of love come
from a man's mouth"
"But his true feelings
lie somewhat south."
"it's not his heart that's beating."
"it's his trousersnake
that's bleating."
"Words of love come
from a man's mouth"
"But his true feelings
lie somewhat south."
"it's not his heart that's beating."
"it's his trousersnake
that's bleating."
"His biceps may be
big but what of it?"
"His brain is pea-sized
and totally full of it."
"Oh Lord, Lord, show them
what they look like."
"Men are mistakes"
"That women make."
"Men are mistakes"
"That women make."
"They call us mental
when they're the same."
"They call us mental
when they're the same."
"All this make up that
you slap on your face"
"If a man won't turn round,
it's a disgrace"
"Just a disgrace"
"Just a disgrace"
"Oh right, and as if your big car"
"Doesn't tell me what a prig you are."
"it's not just a symbol of your money"
"It tells me what you
don't got down there, honey."
"The world's a bus-stop"
"Girls come and go."
"If you miss one "
"Another will show"
"Be careful how many buses you drop."
"You may end up sleeping
at the bus stop"
"You'd better stop such silly talk"
"Or you might be forced to walk."
"Even God was rather
startled with His creation."
"Women are His miracle,
men are his fraud"
"A daughter is someone
else's property"
"Better that than being
black money as a man can be."
"Better that than being
black money as a man can be."
"Better that than being
black money as a man can be."
"Our case is strong,
our point is made"
"Our case is strong,
our point is made"
"Go wash your face,
your rouge may fade."
"Men are only footwear
for women's use."
"Men are only footwear
for women's use."
"They say we're mental"
"But these aren't gentlemen"
"They're mistakes, these mental men"
"I may be the sandal but
I have to take your weight"
"I would try to be your beloved hero"
"No size zero!"
"No size zero!"
"Look at the match made for me."
"The bride's not a patch on me."
"I'm a medium and my
bride is an extra large."
"As big as a barge."
"Do you think you
have the gait of a deer?"
"You're the entire
herd in kilotons, I fear."
"Your waist is a waste of space"
"It takes up all the space."
"This isn't a match."
"it's a scam."
"And I've been stuck"
"In a jam."
"This isn't a match."
"it's a scam."
"And I've been stuck"
"In a jam."
"Now that things have
come to this pass."
"I'm begging you:
let's end this farce."
"You have nothing in
you of the wife I seek"
"You'll make my future
look very bleak."
"Such a deal will make me feel"
"a total heel"
"Marrying a woman who's a disgrace"
"To the entire feminine race."
"Get thee to a nunnery."
"Here's what I would like to know?'
"What makes you so keen on size zero?"
"And take one look at your own face."
"You're not the Brad
Pitt of the Sindhi race."
"If your mother were
a little overweight"
"Would you change her
for someone who looked great?"
"Or would you end your
relationship with her?"
"Would you let your
love simply wither?"
"What's fat?"
"A workout can deal with that."
"You'll still be a misogynistic prat."
"A man who disses women"
"shames the entire nation."
"A man who disses women"
"shames the entire nation."
"He who shames a woman"
"shames his mum by implication"
"You're a shame to
your constellation."
"So what if your
face makes babies cry?"
"You can say nice
things and make a try"
"At pretending to
be part of humanity."
"I offer my condolences
to the house of your birth"
"They must regret your
turning up on the earth."
I won't let them insult me like that.
Are you mad'?
We're on the rocks now.
I don't want to marry.
If the Arora deal is called off, your
protein shakes will also be called off.
Go, ask for pardon.
Do it for your bro.
Come on.
That's it.
Go, Bro!
"I'm wrong and I confess."
"Girls are perfect, I'm a mess."
"I'm wrong and I confess."
"Girls are perfect, I'm a mess."
"Gods ultimate creation is a woman."
"Girls represent the
link between man and God"
"Girls are perfect
and I'm a stupid clod."
"I'm wrong and I confess."
"Girls are perfect, I'm a mess."
I'm over here, you imbecile.
Yes.
I have this to deal with
here and Bipin over there...
He almost ruined the deal yesterday.
What are you doing?
The air-conditioning
is on so the fan...
Always arguing.
Let me get this wedding done...
...and then I'll get you married,
my boysie-woysie.
Never mind. Show me the saris.
Can't do anything right.
How do you like this, Mummyji'?
I wouldn't give it to the servant.
This is something else, Mummyji.
Heaven forefend.
This one is the best, Mummy.
What is this manure'?
Mummyji, why talk about
such things when you're eating.
It's my mouth and I'll
use it the way I like.
Sloppy designer!
Yuck, Mummy.
Don't you yuck me, you upstart.
Come here and get yours. Come here.
Come here, you.
Come here, now.
MummYJ-i-
- Come here. Now.
- You're disobeying me'?
My lovely prince.
- Come here.
- No
- You coming or not'?
- No, Mummyji
- You coming or not'?!
- Mummyji
MummYJ-i-
Sorry Mummy.
Mummyji'?
Mummyji'?
Mummyji'?
Mummy. . .tee hee heel
Nonsense. Stop it.
Enough of this.
First we have to tell the Fundwanis.
No. Never.
A death in the family
means the wedding is off.
If the wedding is off,
the deal is off.
If the deal falls through,
you know what happens?
The lawyer is right.
We can't stop the wedding.
And then...think about Eesha.
What do we do'?
Shall we make a dash for it'?
This is our chance.
The decision is yours.
Whatever you decide, I'm with you.
Look, kiddo...
...you don't have to compromise...
Looking very pretty-
Your father talks a lot of rot.
Didn't we compromise?
And we're still happy.
Girl, marriages work
only on compromises.
One second.
Just because Mummyji is gone doesn't
mean we abandon family tradition.
Right'?
We need the Fundwani funds.
And that Robin big-chest'?
He isn't so bad.
Get those bangles on.
I'll be right back.
You do not have to compromise.
Six...seven...eight.
Eight-and-a-half.
Eight-and-a-half!
What do we do with her'?
We keep her alive.
What'?
Not too dark.
This looks sexy.
The ladies, the gentlemen,
I present to you...
...the flying marital mare!
- Love you, bro!
Ma'am, red wine'?
Or white wine'?
Ma'am'?
Mummyji, he's asking red or white?
Last chance. Last time. You're sure'?
Think about it.
Guys, the family needs this to happen.
And maybe Robin will
change after we get married.
Smile, Mummyji!
Everything under control'?
Mummyji, just because you're
dead doesn't mean you can't smile.
Come on, Mummyji...
One two three...smile...
PP.
How are you, Kamlaji'?
Mummyji what a joke!
Come on, Mummyji, smile!
Hey JJ!
Let me take a photo, me, me.
Now Mummyji will smile.
Really'?
- One...two...three...
- Come on, Mummyji, smile.
"Come my friends and sing for me,
for this night, I am a bride."
"The guests have arrived
and the fire has been lit."
"I am to marry this night."
Oh my God!
Chill, Robin!
Alia, just unhook this'?
Huh?
Help me get this off.
The d u patta'?
Yes.
Are you sure'?
Yes, I'm sure.
Uncle, unhook that please.
- Eesha'?
Eesha, stop it.
- Unbutton me.
The ones at the back too.
Yes.
Please, get me out of this.
What are you doing?
Eesha?
God, I'm so hungry.
Hang on to this, Alia.
Look at me, look at me.
You're marrying me but
you can't even look at me'?
This is howl am.
And I am perfect the way I am.
I'm fat and I like it.
I love it actually and
I'm not even that fat, am I Alia'?
No!
I have lots of people in my
life who love me as I am, right Dad'?
Me.
Me too, Sis.
I love you.
So I'm going to live
my life as I like.
I'll marry someone
I choose or I won't marry.
I'm fat and if I choose I'll stay fat.
Or I'll lose weight.
Got it bro
But as of this moment,
I reject you, Mr. Eight-Packs!
Eight and a half.
What is going on'?
Put this on, Kiddo.
If my daughter doesn't
want to get married...
...no force in the world
is going to get her married.
Just shut up, Bipin.
You shut up too, Geetu.
Excuse me, excuse me please.
Full respect, boss.
Put this on, Daddy-O.
This is an insult.
- And what about Splendiferous'?
- One minute, please.
Eesha, Eesha my girl,
life is like this.
We often have to do
things we don't want to.
Please, Eesha, listen to me.
Eesha, child, please accept.
Why'?
Don't interfere, Vipul.
Why'? Do I not have feelings?
Don't say yes.
Because of all of you,
I've been living a lie.
What happened'?
- What happened, Uncle'?
- I'm... I'm...I'm...
- I'm gay!
- We know.
- You know?
- Yes.
I want to say something too.
Fm Pfeggers.
Preggers'?
Pregnant, Beeps.
The tutor'?
- Ramesh
- Ramesh
- OMG, this is like
so awesome...
- Like totally.
All that work down the drain.
- Excuse me.
Now that everyone's telling
the truth: I'm illegitimate.
- Alia.
Come on Beeps, let me tell
it like it is. I am Beeps' daughter.
With another woman.
- Wow, Dad!
And by the way,
Sis, I'm older than you.
- Really.
- Yeah.
Yes.
And I'm not even a priest.
- No. I'm not.
I'm a cricket commentator.
Ever since Sidhu has taken
to commentary, I've been out of work.
So I developed this spiel.
How'?
The pitch puts a damper on play, the
weather will hamper the way the boys play.
The Lanka batsmen are on the heavy
side but they show no playing pride.
India bats next, the bowlers
are hexed and the batsmen are vexed.
Swaha...
Enough of this nonsense!
This is no joke. it's business.
This marriage will happen.
Or I shoot to the kill.
Bro, I don't want to
marry as a business deal.
Shut up, Robin.
Mummyji, what is this Mummyji'?
Today no smiling, no talking?
Someone stop him.
Mummyji come on say some-
What'?
Mummyji is dead.
What'?
Whaat'?'?
Whaaat'???
Whaaaat'?'?'?'?
Now that Mummyi is officially dead,
this wedding cannot happen.
We regret to announce
the cancellation...
This wedding will happen,
Mummyji or no Mummyji.
The show must go on.
But The Harry, this man is no priest,
he's a cricket commentator.
How will he marry them'?
- Makes no difference.
Once they've walked around the fire
seven times, they will be married.
Come on Eesha, move it.
Hansa, move. Robin.
Move!
Move, move.
At the feet of Muthaiya,
lies Murlidhar.
Oh Sanghkara, why hit so hard'?
And our little man is a tub of lard.
Your daughter's getting married.
Be happy.
And Sachin is stumped
for a way forward.
What is this'?
Good going, Robin.
I'm going to fire a few shots too.
Before the wedding.
Before the wedding.
Mummy your cannon,
the hope of the nation.
I didn't shoot.
I fired.
No no no, not my bro.
Hands up. No one moves.
- I've always wanted to say that line.
Another one: we have you surrounded.
- That's just dialogue. Stay focused.
One more.
One more dialogue.
If you value your lives,
throw down your guns!
One more.
What would you know
of the value of marriage?
Superb.
That itty-bitty pistol?
Daddy-O, take it away from them.
No, please don't. This is...this is...
...family possession. This is...this
is... my property, ancestral property,
...my great grandfather
gave me this gun.
This is the crazy,
you are the Harry, I'm the Bipin.
We're all Sindhi and we speak
Sindhi and the world is Sindhi.
We have nothing in common.
- Keep it here.
- Yeah, thanks.
Only Sindhi.
Like the peach!
- Daddy-o, let's get out of here.
Shall we flee'?
Really'?
- Shall we run for it'?
- Let's.
Let's go!
Let's go!
Let's go!
Bro-bro-bruhhh.
One minute, hold on.
Run!
Uncle, come with us.
You go on ahead.
I'll cut them off here. Go.
A he-man
- Thank you brother.
Come on, Beeps
"Until night fell,
the night, the night."
"Then they opened a bottle of liquor"
"The whole thing became a mess."
Harry Fundwani,
I'll just fire on you right now.
No, no, no.
It is rather heavy.
That's why I'm telling you,
darling, give it to me.
There was only one bullet in it.
- Come on chase them
- Bro!
"One more peg, more or less"
"And everything became a mess."
"Just that bottle of liquor made everyone's
heart beat that much quicker."
"The relatives were
hugging each other"
"They were acting just like brothers."
"The relatives were
hugging each other"
"They were acting just like brothers."
"The relatives were
hugging each other"
"They were acting just like brothers."
Daddy-o, Daddy-o!
Daddy-O, the helicopter.
What better moment will you get'?
- Fly that chopper.
- Yes, come on!
Yes.
"This was no marriage, it was a deal.
And the deal was quite a steal."
"The whole thing became a mess."
"The whole thing became a mess."
"The whole thing became a mess."
- Okay, let's go.
- "The whole thing became a mess."
Ashok
"What was supposed to be a sweet deal
Turned out to be a total steal."
"What was supposed to be a sweet deal
Turned out to be a total steal."
"Everyone's true nature was revealed."
"Everyone's true nature was revealed."
Who's going to pay me back'?
- Hey...wow.
- We're good.
We made it.
Alia, it's Uncle Vipul.
Safe.
I'm sorry.
Sorry.
it's ok, it doesn't matter, chill.
Set me down anywhere you like.
- Where do I set you down'?
- I'll throw you out.
Your bro isn't going to be happy.
Bro will be busy paying his debts.
- Huh'?
- Debt'?
My bro is bankrupt.
- Bankrupt?
- He's skint.
What we had left,
we put into the wedding.
Now he won't even be able
to pay for my protein shakes.
So you lot were in
the same state as we were.
Shut up!
Look straight ahead.
The fool wants protein shakes.
Where to, Beeps'?
Far far away.
What'll we do there'?
We'll live!
And sleep.
Oye .
A dream'?
Beeps did this one'? Show me'?
It's between us.
Thank you, Papaji
Mention not.
And that was how Bipin took
his two daughters, one son-in-law...
...and one eight-and-a-half packs
specimen and managed a clean getaway,
He got away from a Splendiferous deal
and flew away to a splendiferous life.