1
( coughing )
( groans )
( heavy equipment rumbling )
( clattering )
( coughing )
( hammering, stapling )
( power saw running )
( thudding )
CHARLIE?
Man:
ACTUALLY, TELL JEFF
TO COME HERE NOW...
YEAH, UM,
HAVE YOU SEEN
MY ASSISTANT?
HE'S ABOUT THIS TALL,
DARK HAIR.
NO.
HE CAN'T HIDE FROM ME,
NOT IN MY OWN HOUSE.
( phone ringing )
Woman:
HEY, THIS IS CHARLOTTE.
I CAN'T GET TO THE PHONE NOW.
LEAVE A MESSAGE,
AND I'LL CALL YOU BACK.
YEAH, WHERE THE HELL
ARE YOU?
IT'S 1:00 ALREADY.
( stapling,
saw whirring )
GIRLS' NIGHT OUT?
OR WERE THERE
BOYS TOO?
SOME BOYS,
SOME GIRLS.
YEAH.
FIGURES.
DID YOU HAVE FUN?
YEP.
HOW IS IT THAT, UM,
THAT YOU DON'T RETURN
A SINGLE CALL?
I DON'T KNOW.
SERVICE?
RIGHT.
THERE'S NO FOOD IN THERE.
FUCK THE FOOD.
WHERE'S THE FUCKIN' ICE?
GODDAMN IT!
WHERE'S KARLA?
IF I ASK HER TO DO
ONE FUCKING THING
FOR ME,
IT'S JUST TO MAKE SURE
I'M WELL-STOCKED
WITH ICE.
I MEAN, GOD!
KARLA'S OFF.
WHY ARE YOU SO UPTIGHT?
I'M NOT UPTIGHT,
JUST THIRSTY.
WHAT?
WHAT?
YOU KNOW, I, UM...
I DON'T MIND THAT YOU
GO OUT EVERY NIGHT.
IT'D JUST BE NICE
IF YOU RETURNED A CALL
NOW AND AGAIN.
YOU KNOW?
JUST SO I KNOW
YOU'RE ALL RIGHT.
HERE. SHAKE IT.
ENOUGH?
FILL IT UP.
COME ON.
COME ON.
OH, IT'S MAKING
ME SICK.
WELL, HERE.
COME ON. VITAMIN C.
IT'LL HELP YOU
WITH THE HANGOVER.
ARE YOU FUCKING
KIDDING ME?
TRUST ME.
I DON'T WANT IT.
OKAY.
AH, YOU'RE MISSING OUT.
I MAKE ONE HELL
OF A MARTINI.
BY THE WAY,
WHO TOLD YOU
YOU COULD BORROW MY CAR
EVERY SINGLE NIGHT?
WHAT IF I HAVE TO
GO SOMEWHERE?
WHERE ARE YOU GONNA GO?
SOMEWHERE. ANYWHERE.
WHERE ARE YOU GONNA GO?
YOU LOS YOUR LICENSE.
NO, I DIDN'T.
I HAVE MY LICENSE.
OKAY, WHATEVER.
DID YOU GET LAID
LAST NIGHT?
THAT'S FUNNY, HUH?
FUNNY. WHY, DID YOU?
WHAT, LADIES NEVER TELL?
I HAVE TO SHOWER.
YEAH, THAT'S
PROBABLY A GOOD IDEA.
YOU KNOW WHY?
'CAUSE YOUR FACE
IS STARTING TO
RUN OFF YOUR FACE.
WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?
( hammer pounding,
saw whirring )
( groans )
YOU KIDDING ME?
SHIT!
UH-HUH. UH-HUH.
I UNDERSTAND.
HOW MANY OF THESE
DO I HAVE TO SIGN?
THE WHOLE BOX?
WHY?
OH, GOD.
I'M TRYING TO SWITCH
GENRES, PATTY.
I NEED NEW MATERIAL.
THE FUCKING WATER'S OFF.
PATTY, I NEED TO
CALL YOU BACK.
YES, YES.
I'LL SIGN THEM.
I'LL SIGN THEM.
ALL RIGHT, BYE.
WHAT?
THE WATER IS OFF.
WELL, GO USE
MY SHOWER THEN.
AND AFTER THAT,
I NEED YOU TO HELP ME
SIGN THESE BOOKS.
THE WATER
IS GOING TO BE
OFF IN YOUR
BATHROOM TOO.
WHAT IS THAT, ANOTHER
REX STEPHENS CLASSIC?
I WROTE THIS
BEFORE YOU EVEN
HIT PUBERTY.
AND, YES, SOME PEOPLE
CALL IT A CLASSIC.
OKAY, NOW, HEMINGWAY
WAS A CLASSIC.
STEINBECK.
NOT REX STEPHENS.
I MEAN, EVEN BUKOWSKI,
IF YOU ASK ME.
I LIKE THOSE PEOPLE TOO.
I'M SURE YOU DO.
WHAT, DID YOU THINK I WAS
GONNA WALK ALL THE WAY
DOWN HERE NAKED?
WHY'D YOU MAKE ME GE OFF THE PHONE, CHARLOTTE?
THAT WAS BUSINESS.
BECAUSE THE FUCKING
WATER IS OFF.
WHO WAS THAT?
YOUR PUBLISHER?
AGENT, PUBLISHER,
BLOODSUCKING BOTTOM-FEEDER.
WHICHEVER YOU PREFER.
DID YOU READ
MY BOOK?
I'M IN A PERIOD
OF TRANSITION.
I'M LEAVING THEM.
THEY JUST DON' KNOW IT YET.
RIGHT.
SO...
YOU DIDN'T READ
MY BOOK, DID YOU?
COME ON. LET'S NO GO THROUGH ALL THIS AGAIN.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY WRITER
IN TOWN, YOU KNOW.
OKAY, LOOK.
WHY DON'T YOU GO
TAKE A SWIM,
AND I'LL BE DOWN
IN A FEW MINUTES--
GET ME AN AGENT.
OKAY. I WILL.
AND I AM THE ONLY
WRITER IN TOWN.
( groaning )
ALL RIGHT,
ALL RIGHT.
GOT IT.
CHARLOTTE.
GOT IT.
SEE?
THERE IT IS.
YEAH? YEAH?
DID YOU WIPE
THE DUST OFF FIRST?
ALL GONE.
YOU DIDN'T READ
MY STORY.
I'VE BEEN BUSY
WITH THE HOUSE
AND ALL THIS BULLSHIT.
I'M SPENDING MILLIONS
ON THIS PLACE.
GOT THE PAINTERS
COMING NEXT WEEK.
HAVE YOU ANY IDEA
HOW MUCH IT COSTS
TO PAINT A WHOLE HOUSE?
PUT LOTION
ON MY BACK?
A FUCKING SHITLOAD.
WHICH REMINDS ME...
I NEED YOU TO PICK
A COLOR FOR YOUR ROOM.
WHATEVER YOU WANT.
NO.
IT'S WHATEVER
YOU WANT.
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT COLORS
GIRLS LIKE.
THAT'S WHY
I'M ASKING.
IT'S YOUR ROOM.
HAVE SOME FUN
WITH IT.
READ MY FUCKING
STORY, BRADY.
OKAY, THAT IS ALL I ASK.
JUST READ IT.
I WILL,
AS SOON AS
YOU PICK A COLOR.
PLUM.
PLUM. PAIN MY ROOM PLUM.
PLUM-- YOU MEAN,
UH, PURPLE?
PURPLE, PLUM,
PINK, LAVENDER,
WHATEVER.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN,
"WHATEVER"?
YOU KEEP USING THAT WORD.
I HATE THAT WORD!
IT'S NOT EVEN
IN THE THESAURUS.
IT'S IN THE DICTIONARY.
LOOK IT UP.
YOU'RE NOT GONNA READ
MY STORY, ARE YOU, BRADY?
IT'S NOT ABOU WHO READS IT, CHARLOTTE.
IT'S ABOUT THE WRITING.
WHO CARES
WHAT I THINK?
I DON'T EVEN LIKE
MY OWN STUFF.
REX STEPHENS
IS A FAKE.
PAINT MY ROOM PLUM.
OKAY, FINE.
I CAN'T WORK
OUT HERE EITHER.
IT'S TOO FUCKING HOT.
HEY, DUDE,
THAT GIRL'S BACK OU IN THE POOL AGAIN.
ARE YOU SERIOUS?
YEAH.
OH, THIS IS GONNA BE
A GOOD DAY!
WORKING HARD?
SORT OF.
HOW ABOUT YOU?
SORT OF.
DO I KNOW YOU?
I'VE BEEN HERE
EVERY SINGLE DAY
FOR THE PAST MONTH.
I WATCH YOU GUYS
FROM RIGHT HERE
ALL THE TIME.
YOU SHOULD COME IN.
I THOUGHT THE POOL
WAS OFF LIMITS.
WHATEVER.
IT'S HOT.
COME ON.
IT FEELS GOOD.
YOU CAN BLAME IT ON ME.
COME ON,
TAKE YOUR CLOTHES OFF.
ALL RIGHT.
( growling )
THANK YOU.
GOOD, RIGHT?
COME HERE.
OKAY.
COME ON.
THIS IS NICE.
THANK YOU.
ARE YOU NERVOUS?
NO, I'M NOT NERVOUS.
WHY WOULD I BE?
YOU SEEM NERVOUS.
SO, HOW DO YOU KNOW
MR. OLINSON THERE?
HE CAME IN AND SPOKE
AT ONE OF OUR CLASSES.
YOU KNOW WHO
REX STEPHENS IS?
NO.
ARE YOU SERIOUS?
THE WRITER, REX...
REX STEPHENS,
THE WRITER,
REX STEPHENS,
THIS IS HIS HOUSE.
OH!
THE FAMOUS...
YEAH.
REX STEPHENS.
"FAMOUS"--
MORE LIKE "INFAMOUS."
RIGHT.
CRAZY.
THAT'S COOL.
SO YOU, LIKE,
"WORK" FOR HIM OR...
I AM KIND OF LIKE
HIS EDITOR.
HIS EDITOR?
MM-HMM.
YOU'RE HIS EDITOR?
MM-HMM. I AM.
REALLY?
CAN I GO DIVING?
YEAH.
( laughing )
SHUT UP! SHUT UP!
Charlotte:
GO!
HEY, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
YES?
WHAT THE HELL WAS
THAT ALL ABOUT?
WHAT?
THE POOL PARTY.
NOTHING.
PLEASE.
DON'T PULL THA WITH ME.
YOU THINK YOU CAN
DO THAT UNDER MY NOSE
AND GET AWAY WITH IT?
DO WHAT?
I SAW YOU
SCREWING AROUND
WITH SOME KID
IN THE POOL.
OKAY, WE WERE
JUST SWIMMING.
I DON'T LIKE STRANGERS
IN MY POOL, CHARLOTTE.
HE'S NOT A STRANGER,
HE'S WORKING FOR YOU,
YOU IDIOT.
WELL, SWIMMING ISN' PART OF THE DEAL.
HE WASN'T HIRED
TO SWIM!
( indistinct conversation )
GUYS? GUYS?
I JUST WANT TO MAKE IT CLEAR,
THE POOL IS OFF LIMITS.
OKAY? ALL RIGHT?
ARE WE CLEAR?
ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I WOULD PREFER I IF YOU ALL JUS LEFT FOR THE DAY.
I'VE BEEN TRYING TO WORK
ALL MORNING, AND THE NOISE
IS FUCKING DISTRACTING.
EARLY DAY FOR US.
I'M-- I'M SORRY.
WHATCHA READIN'?
NOTHING SPECIAL.
YOU KNOW,
I'VE BEEN THINKING.
HAVE YOU EVER THOUGH ABOUT GRAD SCHOOL?
YOU SAID IT WAS
A WASTE OF TIME.
I NEVER SAID THAT.
YES, YOU DID.
NO, NO, I SAID
THERE ARE OTHER OPTIONS.
I REMEMBER EVERYTHING
YOU SAY, BRADY. I DON' FORGET THINGS EASILY.
WELL, GRAD SCHOOL'S
NOT A WASTE OF TIME.
NO, I'M SERIOUS.
YOU MIGHT FIND
SOMETHING
YOU MIGHT LIKE
TO DO, YOU KNOW?
SOMETHING ELSE
YOU MIGHT LIKE TO DO.
OTHER THAN WRITING?
NO, JUST SOMETHING
TO GIVE YOU
ANOTHER OUTLOOK
ON LIFE.
YOU KNOW?
ARE YOU SICK OF ME?
OF COURSE NOT.
WHY WOULD I BE
SICK OF YOU?
JUST, LIFE...
LIFE OF A WRITER
CAN BE A REAL DRAG.
I MEAN, LOOK AT ME.
I'M MISERABLE.
OKAY, SO WHY DO YOU
KEEP ME AROUND, THEN,
IF YOU'RE SO...
WHEN I FIRST GOT HERE,
YOU SAID YOU WERE GONNA
START A NEW BOOK.
YOU HAVEN'T.
YOU SAID YOU WERE
GONNA READ MY BOOK.
YOU HAVEN'T.
WHAT DO YOU THINK
I'M DOING?
YOU KEEP SAYING
YOU'RE SO MISERABLE.
YOU DON'T EVER TALK
TO ME ABOUT ANYTHING.
EVEN WHEN I ASK YOU,
YOU JUST AVOID IT.
YOU MAKE ME HAPPY.
YOU'RE SUCCESSFUL.
PEOPLE KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
EVERYBODY WANTS WHAT YOU HAVE.
WHAT,
YOU MEAN LIKE
WRITING A FEW
CRAPPY NOVELS
THAT EVERYONE BUYS
AND SPEAKING
AT UNIVERSITIES
A COUPLE TIMES
A YEAR...
YES. YES.
THAT IS WHAT I WANT.
I WANT TO SLEEP
ALL DAY
AND WORK ALL NIGH AND DRINK THE MOS EXPENSIVE CHAMPAGNE
AND HAVE A LEGACY.
A LEGACY.
YOU'VE ONLY WRITTEN
ONE STORY.
"LEGACY."
IT'S A NOVELLA.
WHATEVER IT IS,
IT'S STILL JUS A STORY.
DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING.
ANYONE CAN WRITE A STORY.
OH!
YOU'RE SO FRUSTRATING.
YOU'RE SUPPOSED
TO BE PASSIONATE
AND ENCOURAGING.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE
SUPPOSED TO INSPIRE ME.
YOU'RE LOOKING
FOR VALIDATION?
WELL, YOU'RE NEVER
GONNA BE SATISFIED.
OKAY?
IT'S JUST A MYTH--
SATISFACTION.
DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING.
EVEN MICK JAGGER
SAID SO HIMSELF.
IT'S ALL BULLSHIT.
BESIDES,
YOU KNOW HOW
PASSIONATE I AM.
VERY PASSIONATE.
WAIT. DO YOU THINK
I'M GOOD ENOUGH?
HUH?
AM I GOOD ENOUGH?
I DON'T KNOW,
CHARLOTTE.
GOD, YOU'RE GORGEOUS.
GORGEOUS.
I CAN'T.
WHAT?
I CAN'T.
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
I CAN'T DO THIS.
WELL, WHY?
HIS NAME IS DUSTY REYNOLDS,
AND HE'S COMING OVER
FOR DINNER TONIGHT.
( sputtering )
TONIGHT'S OUR DATE NIGHT.
YOU CAN'T INVITE ANYONE.
THAT'S OUR RULE.
WHATEVER.
CHARLOTTE!
CHARLOTTE!
SHIT!
( classical piano plays )
YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
YOU SURE YOU WANT TO
GO THROUGH WITH THIS?
( doorbell rings )
( door opens )
Man: HI.
WOW, YOU LOOK
INCREDIBLY GORGEOUS.
THANKS FOR
INVITING ME.
HI.
HI.
BRADY OLINSON.
DUSTY REYNOLDS.
DUSTY, DUSTY.
HOW DO YOU LIKE THE POOL?
REFRESHING, ISN'T IT?
YEAH, I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
HOW OLD ARE YOU?
UH, 25.
IS THAT SO?
REALLY?
HE'S DRUNK.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT HIM.
THANK YOU FOR
INVITING ME, SIR.
YEAH. I HEARD THAT.
Brady:
SO, DUSTY,
IS THIS A SUMMER JOB,
WORKING AT MY PLACE?
I'VE SEEN YOU AROUND,
JUST NOT IN MY POOL.
YEAH, I'M WORKING
FOR MY DAD.
BUT I REALLY WANT TO
BE A LAWYER, ACTUALLY.
OH?
JUST HAVEN' MUSTERED THE GUTS
TO GO TO
LAW SCHOOL YET.
I WOULDN'T BOTHER.
OH, YEAH?
WHY'S THAT?
ALL THE LAWYERS
I KNOW ARE
GOOD DRUNKS.
( chuckles )
THAT'S FUNNY.
MY GRANDFATHER
WAS A LAWYER,
A WELL-RESPECTED ONE,
AND HE NEVER DRANK.
SMART MEN, THOUGH.
GOOD WITH WOMEN.
ARE YOU GOOD
WITH WOMEN, DUSTY?
YES.
EXCELLENT.
YOU MAY FI RIGHT IN.
SO WHAT TYPE OF LAW
IS IT THAT YOU'RE
TRYING TO STUDY?
UH, FAMILY LAW.
COOL. WHAT DOES
THAT ENTAIL?
IT'S KIND OF BROAD.
BASICALLY...
ANYTHING THAT DEALS
WITH MAINTAINING
PEACE AND,
YOU KNOW, HAPPINESS
IN DOMESTIC
RELATIONSHIPS.
WOW.
THAT'S COOL.
YOU HEAR THAT, BRADY?
THIS GUY COULD
ACTUALLY HELP YOU.
I DON'T REALLY
THINK THA ALL LAWYERS
ARE DRUNKS.
IT'S JUST...
NO.
HE JUST GOT REALLY
SCREWED OVER BY ONE.
OH. SORRY
TO HEAR THAT,
MR. OLINSON.
THERE'S A LO OF SHARKS OUT THERE.
YES.
THAT IS SO INSPIRING,
WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
I THINK THAT'S
REALLY, REALLY GREAT.
REALLY?
THANK YOU.
UM...
I'D LIKE TO
PROPOSE A TOAST.
TO YOUR NEW BOOK,
MY DARLING.
MAY IT BECOME
AN ACADEMIC PERENNIAL.
YOU WROTE A BOOK?
THAT'S AWESOME.
THAT'S REALLY COOL.
I DID.
THANK YOU.
YES, I READ IT TODAY.
IT'S REALLY SOMETHING.
WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
YEAH, BRADY.
WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
WELL, IT'S-IT'S, UH...
IT'S VERY GOOD,
FOR A FIRST DRAFT.
THAT WAS MY THESIS.
IT'S BEEN REWRITTEN
A THOUSAND TIMES.
IT'S FINISHED.
HE JUST HASN' CRACKED IT OPEN YET.
SO, UH...
( clears throat )
DO YOU READ, DUSTY?
YEAH. I MEAN,
YOU KNOW.
OH, GOOD.
WHAT'S YOUR
FAVORITE BOOK?
LAUGHTER IN THE DARK.
AH. NABOKOV?
MM-HMM.
MM.
OH.
SO, CHARLOTTE,
WHAT IS YOUR BOOK ABOUT?
UM, MY BOOK IS ABOU A GIRL WHO'S
LEFT ALONE WHILE
HER FATHER WORKS
THE NIGHT SHIF AND HAS TO DEAL
WITH LIARS
THAT MAKE
EMPTY PROMISES.
MAY I ASK YOU
A QUESTION?
Brady: CERTAINLY.
FIRE AWAY.
WHY DO YOU WRITE
UNDER A DIFFERENT NAME?
A PSEUDONYM?
YEAH.
WELL, LET'S JUST SAY
I, UH...
I SUFFERED A LOT OF REJECTION
EARLY ON IN MY CAREER.
HE HAD TO
REINVENT HIMSELF.
A LOT OF WRITERS DO IT,
ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY SUCK.
THANK YOU FOR THA VERY KIND REVIEW,
MY DEAR.
BUT EVERYONE KNOWS
IT'S YOU, RIGHT?
I MEAN...
I CERTAINLY
HOPE NOT.
ARE YOU
QUITE FINISHED,
MY DEAR?
YES.
SORRY.
WHY ARE
YOU SORRY?
HE'S HILARIOUS.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I LIKE HIM.
NO, DON'T LIKE HIM.
COME ON.
HMM?
LET'S GO.
FUCKING LIAR!
OH! YOU KNOW,
HE HASN'T READ
MY BOOK, RIGHT?
HE HAS NO READ MY BOOK.
DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG
I'VE BEEN HERE?
DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH
TIME I'VE SPEN I HAVE NO IDEA.
IN THIS HOUSE
FOR HIM,
WITH HIM, DOING...
YOU KNOW THAT I'M NO STAYING HERE LONG
AND LEAVING SOON.
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
YEAH, I'M GOING
TO NEW YORK.
I AM NOT STAYING HERE.
YOU'RE GOING TO NEW YORK?
YEAH, NEW YORK'S
THE PLACE TO BE.
YES, IT IS.
PUT THE BOOK DOWN.
THAT'S CRAZY.
SO WHY DON'T YOU
JUST LEAVE?
WELL, BECAUSE
EVERY TIME I TALK
ABOUT LEAVING,
BRADY MAKES IT SOUND
LIKE I SHOULD REALLY
BROADEN MY HORIZONS
AND ALL,
AND THEN IT'S LIKE
A FUCKING THREA IF I WANT TO TAKE OFF.
I MEAN, I CAN'T.
IT'S NOT THAT SIMPLE
TO LEAVE HERE.
REALLY?
NO.
YOU GUYS CLEARLY
HAVE A PRETTY
INTERESTING RELATIONSHIP.
YEAH, WHATEVER.
I...
COME HERE.
IT'S YOUR, YOU KNOW.
COME HERE, TOWNIE.
"TOWNIE"?
YEAH, YOU LOOK
LIKE A TOWN BOY.
YOU WORK IN OUR POOL.
OH, OKAY, CITY GIRL.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
WHAT'S UP?
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
KISS ME.
KISS YOU?
MM-HMM.
ALL RIGHT.
THANK YOU.
PEOPLE SAY
HE'S A CRAZY OLD
WASHED-UP WRITER.
I BELIEVE
THE "CRAZY" PART.
HOPEFULLY, I CAN
FIX EVERYTHING ELSE.
HOW DO YOU MEAN?
I'M HERE TO HELP HIM.
GET HIM BACK
ON HIS FEET.
GOOD LUCK.
THANKS FOR THE TIP.
OKAY.
IT'S A LONG DRIVE
OUT HERE.
BYE, LADY.
( doorbell rings )
( rings )
WHO ARE YOU?
HELLO, I'M MARCY MARTIN.
I'M HERE FOR A MR. OLINSON.
WAIT THERE.
MR. OLINSON.
MARCY MARTIN.
NICE TO FINALLY
MEET YOU.
OH, RIGHT, RIGHT.
WELCOME.
WOW. THIS...
IS SOME HOUSE.
THANK YOU.
WERE YOU
EXPECTING ME?
PATTY SAID
YOU WERE COMING.
I HAVE YOUR INFO
IN AN E-MAIL SOMEWHERE.
I CAN GE A ROOM IN TOWN
IF IT'S NOT CONVENIEN FOR ME TO STAY HERE.
WHAT'S THE POIN OF HAVING 14 BEDROOMS
IF I CAN'T PUT MY
NEW PUBLICIST UP
WHEN SHE COMES TO TOWN
TO STRAIGHTEN ME OUT?
OKAY.
CAN I FIX YOU A DRINK,
OR DO YOU WANT TO GO
STRAIGHT TO YOUR ROOM?
UH, IT'S A LITTLE EARLY.
NONSENSE.
DO YOU WAN ONE OR NOT?
I GUESS
I'LL HAVE A DRINK.
SORRY IT TOOK ME A WHILE
TO GET TO THE FRONT DOOR.
OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
I'M SURE IT WAS A LONG WAY
FROM WHEREVER YOU WERE.
EXACTLY.
MARTINI?
WHATEVER YOU'RE
HAVING IS FINE.
MARTINI IT IS.
CHEERS.
CHEERS.
TO IMPENDING
SUCCESS.
SURE.
NO WORKMEN TODAY?
I RAN OUT OF MONEY.
IS THA THE MISSISSIPPI?
IT IS.
IT'S NOT HOW
I IMAGINED IT.
OH?
WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?
TO SEE HUCK AND JIM
DOWN THERE?
MAYBE.
OR A RIVERBOAT.
I GUESS THOSE ARE
DOWN BY NEW ORLEANS.
THAT'S FAR SOUTH
OF HERE.
HUCK AND JIM
STARTED OU IN TWAIN'S HOMETOWN
OF HANNIBAL,
WHICH IS A FEW HOURS
NORTH OF HERE.
I THOUGHT MARK TWAIN
WAS FROM CONNECTICUT.
MOST EAST-COASTERS DO.
PLEASE,
HAVE A SEAT.
( coughing )
ARE YOU OKAY?
FINE.
LISTEN,
THE NEW BOOK
IS GREAT.
THANK YOU.
IT'S NOT GONNA
SELL ITSELF.
WE'RE GONNA NEED
TO PEDDLE IT.
UH-HUH.
WE HAVE TO
CLEAN UP OUR IMAGE.
IF I'D KNOWN YOU WERE
THIS GOOD LOOKING,
I WOULD'VE
SHOWERED AND SHAVED.
I HAVE NO DOUB THAT YOU CAN LOOK
HANDSOME AND PRESENTABLE.
I HAVE NO DOUBT EITHER.
IT'S BARELY 5:00,
AND YOU'VE ALREADY
BEEN DRINKING.
YOU CAN'T DO THA WHEN WE'RE ON
YOUR BOOK TOUR.
FUCK THAT.
WE'RE REBUILDING
YOUR BRAND.
PEOPLE DON'T LIKE
ALCOHOLICS.
WHAT ABOU F. SCOTT FITZGERALD
OR WILLIAM FAULKNER
OR JOHN CHEEVER?
NEED I GO ON?
IF ANY OF THOSE GUYS
WERE SELLING A BOOK TODAY,
IT WOULD HAVE TO
BE A BOOK ABOU THEIR RECOVERY.
WHAT ABOUT CARRIE
WHAT'S-HER-NAME?
PRINCESS LEIA?
ALL HER STUFF IS
ABOUT HER ADDICTIONS.
YEAH,
UNDER THE AUSPICES
OF RECOVERY.
THEY'RE ALL ABOU HOW SHE STRUGGLES
TO GET BETTER.
EDGAR ALLAN POE
WAS LOADED FROM
SUNUP TO SUNDOWN.
AND YOU'VE WRITTEN
A COMING-OF-AGE STORY
ABOUT A YOUNG GIRL.
DOROTHY PARKER SPEN MOST OF HER TIME
UNDER THE ROUND TABLE.
WAIT, I SHOULDN' HAVE WRITTEN THAT.
NO. IT'S BRILLIANT.
OH.
80% OF THE FICTION
MARKET IS WOMEN,
AND IT'S
A FATHER-DAUGHTER
STORY.
THE FATHER RESISTING
HIS DAUGHTER'S MATURING.
IT'S A BRILLIAN COMMERCIAL CHOICE.
I KEPT TELLING PATTY
I WANTED TO WRITE
A NEW GENRE.
AND WHAT A GREA COMEBACK.
"COMEBACK."
I DO SO DETES THAT PHRASE.
THE MAN WHO CALLED HIS WIFE
A MONEY-GRUBBING COW
ON NATIONAL TELEVISION
HAS CHANGED
AND WRITTEN
A COMING-OF-AGE NOVEL
SHOWING THAT HE UNDERSTANDS
HOW WOMEN STRUGGLE.
HE WAS DRUNK WHEN
HE SAID THOSE THINGS,
BUT NOW HE'S CLEANED UP.
CUTE.
IT'S A TOTAL DEPARTURE
FROM ANYTHING ELSE
YOU'VE WRITTEN.
YOU, UH...
YOU THINK
IT'LL MAKE MONEY?
PATTY DOESN' WANT ME TO TELL YOU,
BUT THERE'S A BIDDING WAR
HAPPENING OVER THE FILM RIGHTS
RIGHT NOW.
I... LOVE PATTY!
SO, GET SOBER,
GET A NEW SUIT,
KISS SOME BABIES.
THIS'LL BE EASY.
WE'LL SKIP OVER THE PAR WHERE I ADMIT I HAVE
A PROBLEM,
BECAUSE, YOU KNOW...
THEN WE JUST HAVE TO
TALK ABOUT ME.
YOU NEED A REFILL?
ONE IS MY LIMIT.
THANKS.
DID YOU SAY WE HAVE TO
TALK ABOUT YOU?
YES.
MY FEE.
I KNOW WHO WROTE
YOUR BOOK.
ME. I WROTE IT.
CHARLOTTE WROTE IT.
( scoffs )
DON'T BE ABSURD.
ARE YOU SURE
I CAN'T FIX YOU ANOTHER?
I'VE READ EVERYTHING
YOU'VE EVER WRITTEN.
I KNOW YOUR WORK,
INSIDE AND OUT.
HOW IS CHARLOTTE?
SHE'S GREAT.
SELLING HER BOOK
COULD'VE BEEN THE BIGGES MISTAKE IN HER LIFE.
HOW SO?
WHAT IF SHE'S
HARPER LEE?
WHAT IF SHE'S ONLY
GOT ONE BOOK IN HER?
HARPER LEE WAS A LESBIAN,
AND CHARLOTTE IS, WELL,
SHE'S CERTAINLY
NO HARPER LEE.
SO, DID YOU, UM...
DID YOU SHARE
YOUR REVELATION
WITH PATTY?
NO.
CHARLOTTE'S BOOK
CAME IN
A WHILE AGO.
THEY PASSED ON I WITHOUT EVEN
READING IT.
BUT SOMEHOW
IT ENDED UP
ON MY DESK.
HER BOOK,
WITHOUT A NAME
BEHIND IT,
WON'T MAKE ANY MONEY.
BUT WITH YOUR NAME,
AND A COMEBACK...
IT'LL MAKE ENOUGH DOUGH
TO MAKE ME WORTH BLACKMAILING.
IT'S VERY CLEVER.
LET'S SEE, NOW.
I'M ALREADY
PAYING ALIMONY,
WHICH IS...
BLACKMAIL, THE STUFF
EVERYBODY ALREADY
KNOWS ABOUT.
TO ONE MONEY-GRUBBING COW.
"COW" WAS NO THE "C" WORD
I WAS THINKING OF
AT THE MOMENT.
COULD I HAVE
SOME WATER?
CERTAINLY.
YOU KNOW, JUST BECAUSE
HARPER LEE NEVER GOT MARRIED
DOESN'T MEAN
SHE WAS A LESBIAN.
UH-HUH.
( laughing )
HERE HE IS NOW.
I JUST WANTED
TO LET YOU KNOW
I GOT HERE SAFELY.
YEAH.
DO YOU WANT TO SAY
HI TO HIM?
HI, PATTY.
THANKS FOR THE WATER.
MARCY SAYS THERE'S
ALREADY A BIDDING WAR
FOR THE FILM RIGHTS.
( mouths words )
WELL, THAT'S GREAT.
THAT'LL BE GOOD
FOR EVERYBODY, RIGHT?
YEAH.
SHE'S TERRIFIC.
WE'RE GONNA
REALLY ENJOY
WORKING TOGETHER.
I WILL.
ALL RIGHT.
THANKS, PATTY.
BYE.
BOURBON?
SCOTCH.
NO MORE MARTINIS?
THEY TAKE TOO LONG.
SO, I'M THINKING
25% OF WHATEVER
COMES IN
FOR THE FIRS FEW MONTHS,
AND 20%
OF THE FILM DEAL.
HOW DO YOU FIGURE
THOSE NUMBERS,
IF YOU DON'T MIND
MY ASKING?
SHE WROTE
A REALLY GREAT BOOK.
I THINK IT'S GONNA
BE VERY BIG.
BIG PIE,
BIG PIECES.
AND IF I DISAGREE?
I'M HANDLING
ALL YOUR PRESS.
I'LL GIVE AN EXCLUSIVE
ON HOW BETRAYED I FEEL
THAT YOU LIED
ABOUT THE AUTHORSHIP
OF YOUR LATES BLOCKBUSTER.
THAT YOU BOUGHT I FROM YOUR PROTEGE.
IT WILL CALL
INTO QUESTION
EVERYTHING
YOU'VE EVER WRITTEN.
I SEE.
AND AS A BONUS,
I'LL HANDLE CHARLOTTE
IF SHE BECOMES A PROBLEM.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT CHARLOTTE.
WE ALREADY HAVE AN AGREEMENT.
SHE WON'T BE A PROBLEM.
WHAT'D SHE GET?
MONEY TO MOVE
TO NEW YORK
AND A PROMISE FROM ME
TO WRITE A GLOWING REVIEW
OF HER NEXT BOOK,
WHATEVER IT IS.
THAT'S REASONABLE.
IS IT?
WOULD YOU EVEN KNOW
WHAT "REASONABLE" IS?
BRADY, THIS IS
GOING TO BE GOOD
FOR EVERYBODY.
YEAH...
IT'S BUSINESS.
MM.
OF COURSE,
I COULD TAKE
THE WHISTLE-BLOWER
OUT MYSELF.
WHO, ME?
MM-HMM.
YOU'RE ATTRACTIVE,
BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN
I WOULDN'T KILL YOU.
YOU'VE WRITTEN
SO MANY MYSTERIES.
YOU THINK YOU CAN
GET AWAY WITH MURDER?
YOU KNOW HOW FUNNY
PEOPLE GET ABOUT MONEY.
IT'S THE LEADING CAUSE
OF MURDER AND DIVORCE.
IT'S NOT IN YOUR NATURE.
AND IT WOULD RUIN
YOUR CAREER,
OR AT LEAST ANY CHANCE
AT A COMEBACK.
I WISH YOU'D
STOP SAYING THAT.
GOD!
YOU'RE EVERYTHING
A MIDWESTERNER FEARS
A NEW YORKER WILL BE.
( chuckling )
THANKS.
I'M GONNA...
I'M GONNA GO
GET CLEANED UP.
IT'LL GIVE ME SOME TIME
TO START WORKING ON AN ALIBI.
THAT'S THE SPIRIT.
I KNEW YOU'D AGREE.
AND... I'LL DRIVE.
YOU'RE IN NO SHAPE
TO GET BEHIND THE WHEEL.
I'LL BE DOWN IN 20.
DON'T WORRY
ABOUT ME.
TOO LATE FOR THAT.
HELLO?
BRADY?
HELLO?
EXCUSE ME?
AH! SHIT!
THAT WAS A '97 BRUNELLO.
I'M SORRY.
IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
I DIDN'T KNOW
ANYONE WAS HERE.
YOU SCARED ME.
YOU HIS DATE
FOR THE EVENING?
HE SAID WE WERE
GOING OUT FOR DINNER.
YOU'RE NOT HIS DATE.
I'M HIS PUBLICIST.
WELL, LOOKS LIKE
MY EFFORTS HAVE BEEN WASTED.
NAH, YOU'RE NO WEARING ENOUGH MAKEUP
TO BE ONE OF HIS DATES.
HAVE YOU READ
HIS NEW BOOK?
I'M NOT MUCH
OF A READER.
I READ THE PAPER
SOMETIMES.
OH.
I HELP BRADY
KEEP THIS PLACE CLEAN.
MUST BE A BIG JOB.
HA! YOU GO THAT RIGHT.
( chuckles )
CAN I HELP?
NO.
ANYTHING ELSE?
I'M SORRY?
BRADY?
YOU SEE HIM?
YEAH, HE WEN UPSTAIRS TO SHOWER.
WE'RE GOING OU FOR DINNER.
WELL, THAT'S GOOD NEWS.
YOU KNOW,
I HAVE SEEN HIM
GO WITHOUT A SHOWER
FOR A WEEK.
HAS HE BEEN
DEPRESSED?
PROBABLY.
I'M JUST WAITING.
IT'S BEEN A WHILE.
OVER AN HOUR.
PROBABLY...
HE PASSED OUT.
WOULD YOU GO
CHECK ON HIM?
AND DO WHAT?
WAKE HIM.
NO!
MY SUITCASE
IS IN THE HALL.
WOULD YOU MIND SHOWING ME
WHICH ROOM I'M STAYING IN?
IF MR. OLINSON
SAYS SO, THEN YES.
OTHERWISE,
YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN.
YOU'RE JOKING.
LADY, MY JOB
WAS TO BRING DINNER.
HERE IT IS.
THAT'S IT.
MR. OLINSON
DIDN'T TELL YOU
WE WERE
GOING OUT TO DINNER,
I DID.
THERE.
I'M DONE.
THERE.
I'M DONE.
THANK YOU.
ENJOY YOUR
FUCKING WEEKEND.
( screams )
( humming tune )
HUSH, LITTLE BABY
DON'T SAY A WORD
PAPA'S GONNA BUY YOU
A MOCKINGBIRD
AND IF THA MOCKINGBIRD DON'T SING
PAPA'S GONNA BUY YOU
A DIAMOND RING
AND IF THA DIAMOND RING IS BRASS
PAPA'S GONNA BUY YOU
A LOOKING GLASS
( singing continues )
MARCY! MARCY!
MY GOD,
WHAT HAPPENED?
OH, GOD!
KARLA? KARLA!
OH, JESUS.
OH. GOD.
KARLA!
KARLA, WHAT HAPPENED?
I WAS JUS CLEANING THIS UP.
I'M MAKING
SOME TEA FOR US.
CALL 9-1-1!
( laughing )
BRADY, SHE'S DEAD.
I KNEW SOMETHING
LIKE THIS WOULD HAPPEN
TO ONE OF YOUR DATES.
YOU DID THIS?
YOU DID THIS!
CALL 9-1-1!
YOU SAID IT YOURSELF:
FOR YEARS THESE PEOPLE
HAVE BEEN SUCKING YOU DRY.
ALL THESE BIG-CITY FOLKS
LIKE HER IN TOWN.
JUST STEALING YOUR WEALTH
AND YOU PROSPERITY.
WHAT?
OH, I WAS NO GONNA LET HER
BLACKMAIL YOU.
IT'S OKAY, OKAY?
I WAS HELPING YOU.
BUT... YOU DON'T CARE.
I DO CARE.
I CARE VERY MUCH.
OKAY?
DON'T YOU LIE TO ME!
( screaming )
CRAZY BITCH!
FUCK! FUCK!
( screams )
( screaming )
( screaming continues )
HAILEY, LUKE,
HEY. HEY.
LOOK AT ME.
YES, BETH?
WHAT, BETH?
FUNNY.
VERY FUNNY.
YOU CALL ME "MOM."
I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG
I'LL BE, BUT NOBODY
GETS OUT OF THE CAR.
CAN'T YOU PARK UP FRONT?
THERE'S NO SIGNAL HERE.
NO. THE HOUSE LOOKS BETTER
WITHOUT A CAR IN FRONT OF IT.
LUKE. LUKE!
WHAT?
STAY IN THE CAR.
UH-HUH.
IF I MAKE THIS SALE,
ONE OF YOU MIGHT GE TO GO TO COLLEGE.
IF YOU DON'T,
I'LL JUST GE A JOB AS A STRIPPER.
NOBODY'D PAY TO SEE THAT.
STOP.
WHAT IS THIS?
Both:
THE HAND OF GOD.
DON'T MAKE ME
BRING IT DOWN ON YOU.
LOVE YOU.
BRADY, WHAT ARE
YOU DOING HERE?
YOU KNOW I HAVE A SHOWING
THIS MORNING, RIGHT?
GOOD MORNING.
I'VE TOLD YOU
A MILLION TIMES,
IF THE BUYER SEES
THE OWNER HANGING
AROUND THE HOUSE,
IT MAKES IT HARDER
FOR THEM TO IMAGINE
IT AS THEIRS.
EXCUSE ME.
THEY'LL NEVER KNOW
I'M HERE.
LIKE THE TIME YOU WERE
PASSED OUR IN THE BUSHES
OR THE TIME YOU WERE
NAKED IN THE POOL?
I WASN'T NAKED.
I HAD A SHIRT ON.
YOU STILL DOING
THE COOKIE THING?
COOKIES SMELL
LIKE HOME.
FIRES SMELL HOMEY.
WHY DON'T WE
BURN THE HOUSE DOWN,
COLLECT THE INSURANCE?
YOU DON'T MEAN THAT.
THIS HOUSE IS TOO BIG
FOR ONE PERSON.
NEEDS A FAMILY.
THEN WHY DID
YOU BUY IT?
I THOUGHT MY FAMILY
WOULD BE WITH ME FOREVER.
( doorbell rings )
CRAP, SHE'S EARLY.
MOVE, MOVE.
YOU CLEANED
YOUR ROOM, RIGHT?
YEAH.
STAY OUT OF SIGHT.
HI. AMY?
HI, YES.
HI, I'M BETH LESCOVITZ.
NICE TO SEE YOU.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
WOW. THIS PLACE IS HUGE.
IT'S REALLY LOVELY.
ALL THIS WOOD.
THE PICTURES DON' EVEN COME CLOSE.
ALL THE WOOD PANELING
IS ORIGINAL.
IT'S BEAUTIFUL,
ISN'T IT?
YES.
IT'S AMAZING.
THE OWNER
STILL LIVE HERE?
YES, I DO.
AMY, THIS IS
BRADY OLINSON.
HE WAS JUS ABOUT TO LEAVE.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
I'M AMY.
HI.
YOU MAY KNOW HIM
AS REX STEPHENS.
OH, THE RIVER GAMBLER.
I READ THAT. IS THAT YOU?
MM-HMM. DON'T TELL
ANYBODY, THOUGH.
THE THRONGS WOULD
RUIN MY AZALEAS.
IT WAS VERY POPULAR
WHEN IT CAME OUT.
YEARS AGO.
BUT YOU KNOW
WHAT THEY SAY--
IT ONLY TAKES ONE HI TO MAKE A NAME.
BUT IT TAKES A FEW HITS
TO MAKE A CAREER, RIGHT?
BINGO. I LIKE
THIS ONE ALREADY.
I LOVE MYSTERIES,
ALL THAT SORT OF
PROBLEM-SOLVING STUFF.
PEOPLE LIKE
A GOOD PUZZLE.
AMY, DID YOU SEE THE GARDENS
WHEN YOU DROVE UP?
YES, I DID,
AND THERE IS
A LOT OF LAND.
THAT IS SOMETHING
TO CONSIDER.
IS THERE A GROUNDSKEEPER?
I COULD ALWAYS
COME BACK.
YOU'D THANK ME
WHEN THE MUMS BLOOM.
I KNOW SOME
EXCELLENT GARDENERS.
THANK YOU.
I WAS JUST ABOU TO GIVE AMY
THE GRAND TOUR,
SO...
AH, OKAY, GREAT.
WELL, DON'T TELL HER
ANY REAL-ESTATE
LIES, BETH.
THE HOUSE SPEAKS
FOR ITSELF.
I WANT TO MAKE SURE
SHE KNOWS WHA SHE'S GETTING.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
ENJOY THE TOUR.
I'LL CALL YOU.
OKAY.
HE SEEMS NICE.
HE USED TO BE
REALLY GRUMPY.
HOW LONG HAS THIS PLACE
BEEN ON THE MARKET?
ABOUT A YEAR.
PUT THINGS
IN PERSPECTIVE,
THE ESTATE
ACROSS THE STREET--
FIVE YEARS.
WHY IS HE
SELLING IT?
HE HAD A REALLY HARD TIME
AFTER HIS DIVORCE.
APPARENTLY,
THE EX-WIFE WAS
JUST REALLY AWFUL.
AND SO AFTER THAT,
HE TRIED TO STAR WRITING AGAIN.
THE POOR THING
HAD 10 YEARS
OF WRITERS' BLOCK.
AND NOW THE NEW
BOOK'S NOT SELLING.
I JUST THINK HE WANTS
TO START A NEW LIFE.
RIGHT. THERE WAS
A MURDER HERE.
THINK I CAN
GET A DEAL?
EVERYTHING YOU SEE
COULD BE INCLUDED.
I LIKE THE CHANDELIER.
NEEDS A LITTLE WORK.
IT'S VENETIAN.
FROM VENICE.
HERE'S THE MASTER
BEDROOM.
IS THERE CENTRAL AIR?
YEAH, OF COURSE.
IS THAT ROOSEVELT?
OH, YEAH. HE'S ONE
OF THREE PRESIDENTS
TO STAY IN THIS ROOM.
WHO ELSE DID?
UM, "W."
BUSH?
AND THAT'S
THE LAST NAME...
WASHINGTON?
UM... WILSON.
WOODROW WILSON.
YEAH, YEAH.
AND THE BUILDER,
JOHN CONWAY, WAS...
A WORLD WAR I
PROFITEER.
I LOOKED THAT UP.
GUN MANUFACTURER.
DO THEY STILL HAVE
A SHOOTING RANGE
IN THE BASEMENT?
OH, NO.
IT'S A THEATER
AND A GAME ROOM
AND AN EXERCISE ROOM.
THE PLACE IS SO BIG,
EACH DIFFERENT OWNER
HAS EITHER ENDED UP
REDECORATING ROOMS
OR THEY JUS LEAVE THEM ALONE.
REALLY?
AND MR. CONWAY WAS
QUITE THE HUNTER.
OH, MY GOD.
Beth:
TROPHY ROOM.
Amy:
THIS IS A 1920s
MAN CAVE.
1927, TO BE EXACT.
WOW.
DON'T GET ANY IDEAS.
ALL THESE HEADS
ARE GOING WITH ME.
MR. OLINSON,
THAT IS GOOD NEWS.
CALL ME BRADY, PLEASE.
SOME OF THESE WERE HERE
WHEN I BOUGHT THE PLACE,
BUT THESE TWO
I BAGGED MYSELF.
I LIKE THE OLD FURNITURE.
YOU DO?
WELL...
THAT IS A WILD COW
THAT YOU'RE SITTING ON.
THIS IS A COMFY COW.
BETH SAID ALL YOUR
FURNITURE WAS AVAILABLE.
SHE DID?
NOT MY RED ANGUS.
NO, NO, NO.
THIS ONE I HAD
MADE SPECIAL MYSELF.
GO AHEAD, FEEL IT.
OH, YES, IT'S NICE.
NICE, HUH? YEAH.
ONCE I WRESTLED HER
TO THE GROUND, I KNEW.
I WAS SPLAYED OU ACROSS HER,
THINKING TO MYSELF,
"THIS IS MORE COMFORTABLE
THAN MY EX-WIFE.
I'M GONNA MAKE
A SOFA OUT OF YOU."
DID YOU HOGTIE HER?
MY WIFE OR THE ANGUS?
BRADY!
YOU CAN'T HOGTIE A COW.
THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
YES, OF COURSE.
SORRY.
THIS ROOM WAS
MY OFFICE FOR A WHILE.
I WROTE MOS OF THE RIVER GAMBLER
HERE AT THIS DESK.
FUN.
YEAH.
AMY, WE STILL HAVE
THE KITCHEN TO SEE
AND THE BACKYARD
AND THE POOL, SO...
LET'S GET GOING.
YOU'RE JUST GONNA LOVE
THE UPSTAIRS GUEST SUITE.
I WILL LOVE IT.
( mouths words )
WHAT?
SHE'S CUTE.
HE'S VERY CHARMING.
ARE YOU MARRIED?
( women talking faintly )
OH, THERE'S
BRADY AGAIN.
DID YOU ENJOY
THE TOUR?
YES.
YOUR HOUSE IS
REALLY BEAUTIFUL,
REALLY SOMETHING.
THANK YOU.
I HOPE WE CAN
WORK SOMETHING OUT.
STILL HAVE A LO TO THINK ABOUT.
I'LL WALK YOU OUT.
GREAT.
IT WAS SO NICE
MEETING YOU.
THANKS, YOU TOO.
BOY, WHEN IT COMES TO
BEING A THIRD WHEEL,
YOU'RE REALLY A FLAT.
I'M SURE I WOULD
FIND THAT FUNNY IF
I KNEW WHAT YOU MEANT.
( car alarm blaring )
( stops )
BRADY, YOU ARE
GOING TO RUIN
ANY POTENTIAL OF
FINDING A GOOD BUYER.
SOME SELLERS
DON'T WANT TO SELL.
DON'T BE ONE OF THOSE.
( car alarm blaring )
GUESS THE KIDS
ARE RESTLESS.
FORGET IT.
I WANT TO SELL THE HOUSE.
HEY! I WAS
EATING THOSE!
I KNOW!
AMY LIKES THE HOUSE,
BUT IT CERTAINLY
DOESN'T HELP TO
HAVE YOU LURKING
WHILE I'M TRYING
TO SHOW IT.
I WASN'T LURKING.
I WAS WANDERING AROUND.
HEY, DOES SHE
HAVE A HUSBAND?
NO. YES.
I DON'T KNOW.
WHICH IS IT?
IT DOESN'T MATTER.
WHY ARE YOU UPSET?
I'M NOT UPSET.
YOU JUST--
Hailey: HEY.
WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?
I'M NOT THE ONE
WHO SET OFF THE ALARM.
NO, YOU'RE THE TATTLER.
AT LEAST I DIDN'T DO IT.
HEY, HAILEY.
HEY, MR. OLINSON.
I TOLD YOU,
CALL ME BRADY.
IT'S OKAY.
MOVE, MOVE,
MOVE, MOVE.
OKAY, OKAY.
STOP MESSING UP
MY LIFE.
DID YOU
ASK HIM OUT?
I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU JUST ASKED
ME THAT.
HE'S A CLIENT.
SO? HE'S A HOTTIE.
I MEAN, FOR HIS AGE.
I AM MORTIFIED.
GET IN THE CAR.
GIVE ME THAT KEY.
ARE WE GOING
TO COLLEGE?
YOU'LL BE LUCKY
IF I LET YOU
LIVE TO 16.
I'M 14.
IT'LL BE A SLOW DEATH.
THERE'S NO DEAL.
PAY UP.
THIS PLACE IS PROBABLY
HAUNTED BY CREEPY KARLA,
THE KILLER MAID.
WHAT DO THE STRIPPER
AND GAMBLER WANT TO EAT?
I DON'T CARE.
WHATEVER.
( scribbling )
( Brady sighs )
( phone ringing )
HELLO?
AMY, IT'S BRADY.
FROM TODAY?
UH, YEAH,
I REMEMBER.
I WAS JUST CALLING
TO THANK YOU
FOR PUTTING UP
WITH ME TODAY,
AND, UH,
I WANTED TO SEE
IF YOU WERE FREE
FOR DINNER TONIGHT.
BRADY, I'M ENGAGED.
OH. REALLY?
BETH SAID
YOU WEREN'T ATTACHED.
WELL, SHE MISUNDERSTOOD.
WELL, I-I-I DIDN' SEE A RING.
OH, WELL, I'M
A CARDIAC SURGEON,
SO I DON'T WANT TO RISK
LOSING ANYTHING
NEXT TO A MAJOR ARTERY.
DON'T YOU WEAR GLOVES?
OF COURSE I DO.
I JUST DON'T WEAR
A LOT OF JEWELRY.
THAT'S ALL I'M SAYING.
WELL, THE ONLY
REASON I ASK
IS THAT YOU WERE
KIND OF GIVING ME
THE "SINGLE" VIBE TODAY.
THE "SINGLE" VIBE?
WHAT IS THE "SINGLE" VIBE?
YOU KNOW--
FREEWHEELING, OPEN.
OH, GOD.
NO, NO, NO, NO.
IT'S NOT A BAD THING.
LOOK, YOU'RE
VERY FUNNY,
AND I LOVE YOUR HOUSE,
AND I'M THINKING ABOU MAKING AN OFFER.
WELL, THEN, DO YOU WAN TO DISCUSS IT OVER LUNCH?
SAY, TOMORROW, 1:00?
SURE.
GREAT. OKAY.
HOW ABOUT THA LOCHLAVEN
COUNTRY CLUB PLACE?
YEAH, I LOVE THAT PLACE.
OKAY.
YOU'RE NOT GONNA INVITE
YOUR FIANCE, ARE YOU?
NO, HE'S IN EUROPE
FOR THREE WEEKS.
SEE, THAT'S WHA I'M TALKING ABOUT.
THE "SINGLE" VIBE AGAIN.
IT'S JUST LUNCH, BRADY,
AND I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.
OKAY.
BYE.
BYE.
BRADY.
SORRY I'M LATE.
HAD A LITTLE TROUBLE
GETTING THE TOP DOWN
ON MY CAR.
PORSCHE. I SAW THA IN YOUR DRIVEWAY.
YOU LIKE IT?
I PREFER MY OLD MIATA.
SO, I'M LOSING MY HOUSE
TO A BEAUTIFUL HEART SURGEON.
SELLING, SELLING.
SELLING.
RIGHT, SELLING.
CAN I GET YOU
SOME DRINKS TO START?
AN ICED TEA.
JUST WATER
FOR ME, PLEASE.
BE RIGHT BACK.
NOT A DRINKER?
WELL, IT'S 1:00
IN THE AFTERNOON,
AND I QUIT.
I'M A FRIEND OF BILL'S.
A SOBER WRITER.
HOW DOES THAT WORK?
WELL, I SPEND MORE TIME
CORRECTING MY STUDENTS'
PAPERS THAN WRITING.
WELL, I DON' DRINK EITHER.
TRYING TO DO
A TRIPLE BYPASS
WITH A HANGOVER--
NOT MY BEST DAY.
DEATH CAN BE
A LITTLE SOBERING.
YES.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THANK YOU.
READY?
YES, I WILL HAVE
THE GRILLED
VEGETABLE SALAD.
NO CHEESE.
THANKS.
AND I'LL HAVE
THE STEAK SANDWICH
ON RYE
WITH A HALF CAESAR'S
PLEASE. THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
VEGETARIAN?
IF YOU'D SEEN
AS MANY HEARTS
AS I'VE SEEN,
YOU'D EA MORE PLANTS TOO.
I'VE NEVER SEEN
A REAL HEART UP CLOSE.
WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE?
LIKE A FIST OF MEAT,
SOMETIMES WITH GRISTLE.
REALLY?
MM-HMM.
WOW.
YEAH.
THAT DOESN'T SOUND
VERY APPETIZING.
NO.
MISS?
YES?
I'M GOING TO
CHANGE MY ORDER.
I WANT TO GE THE GRILLED VEGETABLE
SALAD AS WELL.
THANK YOU.
YOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL SMILE.
YOU KNOW THAT?
WELL, THANK YOU.
I'M SORRY THAT YOU
HAVE TO SELL YOUR HOUSE.
AH, DON'T BE.
HAVE TO, WANT TO,
DON'T NEED IT ANYMORE.
IT HAS BAD MEMORIES?
THAT, AND...
I HAD THIS STUPID THING
OF THINKING THA WHEN THIS THING HAPPENS,
I'LL BE HAPPY, RIGHT?
AND THAT THING WOULD HAPPEN,
AND I STILL WOULDN'T BE HAPPY.
I SOLD MY FIRST BOOK,
GOT MARRIED.
SOLD MY SECOND BOOK,
BOUGHT EVERYTHING
I EVER WANTED.
AND THEN GOT DIVORCED.
( chuckles )
CHILDREN?
ONE. A SON.
HE MADE ME HAPPY,
UNTIL HE BECAME
A DRUMMER
IN A GOTH BAND.
THEN THERE WAS
THE TATTOOS,
THE PIERCINGS,
THE WHOLE THING,
YOU KNOW.
AND YOU?
UH, I HAVE A DAUGHTER.
SHE'S FINISHING COLLEGE.
AND JULIAN HAS TWO SONS.
AND JULIAN IS
YOUR FIANCE?
YES.
RIGHT, RIGHT.
YES.
MY SON MADE ME
REALLY HAPPY.
THAT AND MY FIRST BOOK.
I THINK HAPPINESS IS
A MADISON AVENUE MYTH.
YOU'RE NOT HAPPY?
I'M HAPPY.
I LOVE MY DAUGHTER,
I LOVE MAKING
MY PATIENTS FEEL BETTER,
I LOVE MY FIANCE.
AND YOU LOVE YOUR MIATA.
I ENJOY MY MIATA.
I LOVE MY FIANCE.
RIGHT.
PEOPLE VERSUS THINGS.
I GET IT.
WILL YOU EXCUSE ME
JUST A MOMENT?
SURE.
( Brady chuckling )
ARE WE GONNA CLOSE
THE DEAL HERE OR WHAT?
MAYBE.
AT THIS MOMENT,
I FEEL LIKE I COULD
OFFER YOU ANY
AMOUNT OF MONEY
AND YOU'D ACCEPT IT.
THEN BETH
WOULD KILL YOU.
I FEEL CONFUSED
AND RELIEVED,
ALL AT THE SAME TIME.
I CAN UNDERSTAND THAT.
WANT TO GO FOR A RIDE?
EXCUSE ME?
I WANT TO SHOW YOU
WHY MY PORSCHE
IS MORE FUN
THAN YOUR MIATA.
OKAY, LET'S GO.
OKAY.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
THIS IS BETTER
THAN MY MIATA.
WHAT?
I LOVE IT!
DO I GE THE PRIVATE TOUR NOW?
ABSOLUTELY.
WHERE DO WE START?
DO YOU LIKE SUNSETS?
OF COURSE.
YOU LIKE MOVIES?
Man:
SHALL WE
TAKE A WALK?
YES, LET'S.
Man:
WHERE IS HE NOW?
THIS IS
A GREAT MOVIE.
EASILY THE BES ADAPTATION OF
HEMINGWAY'S WORK.
YOU SEE,
THE WORLD IS FALLING
APART AROUND THEM.
AND THEY'RE STILL
FALLING IN LOVE.
YEAH.
YOU DO REALIZE...
YOU'VE COMPLETELY LOS YOUR NEGOTIATING POWER.
SHUT UP
AND KISS ME.
SO...
THIS IS THE BED.
ALSO AVAILABLE.
OH, IT'S NOT INCLUDED?
HMM-MM.
BUT I'LL FLIP YOU
FOR IT.
ME, OR A COIN?
IS THIS A MISTAKE?
PROBABLY.
YOU WERE REALLY GOOD
AT THIS MISTAKE.
REALLY.
BRADY...
I ENJOY YOU, AMY,
BUT I'M NO IN LOVE WITH YOU.
BRADY...
BRADY?
BRADY?
HUH?
BRADY!
HMM?
WHY DO I FEEL LIKE
I'M THE ONLY PERSON
INTERESTED IN THIS HOUSE?
UH, I DON'T KNOW.
YOU TELL ME.
WELL, THE ESTATE
ACROSS THE STREE HAS BEEN FOR SALE
FOR OVER FIVE YEARS.
YEAH, BUT THEIR GARDEN
NEEDS WORK, AND, UH,
THEY DON'T HAVE
ALL THE GOOD STORIES.
NO TROPHIES,
NO FIRING RANGE,
NO DEAD BODIES.
SEE? THAT DOES
SOUND BETTER,
DOESN'T IT?
YOU KNOW, I'D GIVE UP
MY HOUSE IN A SECOND
FOR A WOMAN LIKE YOU.
ME? I'M--
I'M TAKEN.
I KNOW.
YOU JUST WANT TO
TALK ABOUT MONEY.
"MONEY."
YOU KNOW BETH
WOULD DO ANYTHING
FOR YOU, RIGHT?
YOU MEAN FOR THE SALE
OF THE HOUSE?
NO, DUMMY.
FOR YOU.
YOU DON'T GET IT,
DO YOU?
I'M-I'M NOT SURE.
IT'S AMAZING.
WHAT IS?
NOTHING.
FORGET IT.
LOOK, IT'S A TOUGH
MARKET FOR SELLERS.
WELL, IN THE PRICE RANGE
WE'RE TALKING,
THINGS TEND TO BE
CONSTANT, YOU KNOW?
YOU'RE CUTE.
SO ARE YOU.
NO, PLEASE, PLEASE.
I GOT IT.
THANK YOU.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
YOU REALLY ARE
A HEARTBREAKER,
YOU KNOW THAT?
I'VE NEVER HEARD
THAT ONE BEFORE.
GOOD LUCK, BRADY.
NO. NO, DON'T.
YES.
NO, PLEASE.
( music swells )
( explosion )
BRADY!
BRADY OLINSON,
GET YOUR ASS UP!
BRADY!
( snoring )
OW!
MORNING TO YOU TOO.
WHAT DID YOU SAY TO HER?
WHO?
WE LOST AMY.
SHE'S MAKING
AN OFFER ON THE HOUSE
ACROSS THE STREET.
OKAY.
AND SHE'S GONNA
GET A STEAL.
SHE'S GETTING THE DEAL
OF THE CENTURY ON THA SLAB OF STONE!
SO YOU'LL GE THAT COMMISSION.
WHAT ARE YOU GETTING
ON MY CASE FOR?
EXCUSE ME?
GETTING ON YOUR CASE?
IS THAT ALL
YOU HAVE TO SAY?
IT'S NOT EVEN YOUR HOUSE.
WHY DO YOU EVEN CARE?
BECAUSE!
OW! STOP THAT!
BECAUSE I CARE
ABOUT YOU!
I'VE GOT SOME GRASS
I NEED TO GO CUT.
YOU'RE GONNA GO
CUT SOME GRASS?
THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE
GONNA DO RIGHT NOW,
GO CUT SOME GRASS?
I LIKE CUTTING GRASS.
I HAPPEN TO
LIKE IT A LOT.
LOOK,
IT'LL BE FINE.
EVERYTHING HAS A WAY
OF WORKING ITSELF OUT,
YOU KNOW?
WE NEED TO RE-THINK
OUR RELATIONSHIP.
WHAT, YOU DON'T WANT TO
BE MY REALTOR ANYMORE?
I CAN'T DEAL
WITH YOU ANYMORE.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
HEY.
HEY...
COME ON.
COME ON, COME ON,
COME ON.
IT'S NOT AS BAD
AS ALL THAT.
I MEAN,
IT'S JUST A HOUSE.
WHO CARES?
IT'S NOT ABOU THE HOUSE.
IT'S ABOUT ME?
I THOUGH YOU HATED ME.
NO.
YOU HATED YOU.
BETH, BETH, BETH.
LOOK AT ME.
I'M DAMAGED GOODS.
YOU KNOW?
I'M BARELY GETTING BY
ON TEACHING.
BEEN A DRUNK,
A WOMANIZER...
BAD WOMANIZER.
AND AN ASSHOLE,
AND YOU'RE A SLOB,
RIGHT. RIGHT.
AND YOU'RE
IRRESPONSIBLE.
OKAY. OKAY.
ALL RIGHT.
CLEARLY,
I'M NOT SOMEONE
YOU WANT TO TIE
YOUR LIFE TO.
BUT I DO.
THEN YOU'RE CRAZIER
THAN I AM,
BETH LESCOVITZ.
YOU'RE A JERK.
( guitar strumming )
Woman:
I'M THINKING I LOVE YOU
BUT I'M NOT SURE
YOU SEEM TO HAVE
SHOWN UP AT MY DOOR
AND IT'S WIDE OPEN
IN FRONT OF ME
OUTSIDE
THE GRASS IS GREENER
THAN IT'S BEEN IN YEARS
OR SO IT SEEMS
THAT THIS COULD BE
A PERFECT, BEAUTIFUL DAY
BEAUTIFUL DAY
OH, I WONDER
HOW THE CLOUDS
MADE THOSE DESIGNS
AND LOOK,
THAT ONE IS YOU
AND OVER THERE,
THAT ONE IS ME
THAT'S WHAT I SEE
ON THIS BEAUTIFUL DAY
ON THIS BEAUTIFUL DAY
IN THE AFTERNOON,
LOVE IS IN FULL BLOOM
THE SUN FEELS GOOD
ON MY SKIN
WITH THE PERFECT SKY
SUNLIGHT IN OUR EYES
RUNNING INTO THE WIND