I guess it began when
we were about eight years old.
Right from the start, we both
wanted exactly the same thing.
Samuel, show the class...
where you'd most like to live
when you grow up.
I'd like to live in a house...
in fields
with trees and flowers.
Very good.
How about you, Antonia?
I'd like to live
in a big black shoe.
Right, like the lady
in the nursery rhyme. I see.
Hmm. Good.
What about you, Jeremiah?
Show us where you would like
to live when you're grown up.
Now, Jez--
that's my business partner--
has always put in
that extra 10%.
Where did you get this,
Jeremiah?
I made it.
Are you sure
you didn't steal it?
- No.
- Who made it, Jeremiah?
I did.
And I made the lights.
How did you..
And I made the people.
But how did you--
I used the electric hole.
Bullshit.
Now, Dylan...
for the last time...
tell this nice man from the IRS
exactly what you were doing...
at the Chase Manhattan Bank
this afternoon.
I was checking my account.
- You're dyslexic.
- Yeah, not innumerate.
I know, but you
don't have a bank account.
You're not allowed
to have a bank account...
and you know why that is?
Because you're eight!
Let me handle the kid.
This isn't getting us anywhere.
Even from an early age,
I could handle accountants.
Now, you little brat,
we're all gettin' real tired...
so why don't you tell me,
man to man...
what was going on
in the bank today?
I'm saving up for this.
Not the writing.
It's on the other side.
A mansion like
this will cost a hundred grand.
Yeah. And where's
an orphan--no offense--
gonna find that kind of money?
I first met you
hangin' knickers on the line.
From that moment on...
I knew that
there could only be...
One outcome, me and you
against the world forever.
You have no folks,
and I'm just a joke...
But we made a vow...
That we would never sell
each other out.
A lie detector wouldn't
make me doubt you.
Now we know that it's us
versus the world now.
Me and you
against the world now.
Look up there in the sky now.
See the stars, well,
they're shining just for us.
Hey, now, me and you
against the world now.
Look up there in the sky now.
See the stars, well,
they're shining just for us.
We hitched a ride that would
turn out suicide.
I had my .45 replica gun.
I didn't think
we'd ever need it.
Didn't know he had
a real one loaded.
You went in first,
took the worst...
Couldn't hear me
shouting you to stop...
Above the busy traffic
passing by.
We promised that together
we would--
Now we know that it's us
versus the world now.
Me and you
against the world now.
Look up there in the sky now.
See the stars, well,
they're shining just for us.
Hey, now, me and you
against the world now.
Look up there in the sky now.
See the stars, well,
they're shining just for us.
Eighteen yea rs later...
and my charm and wit had run dry
with the great American public.
Lowed a lot of money...
to a gang of big guys
with hairy shoulders.
It was a choice between losing
some of my vital organs...
or going to England.
I went to England.
There, I met Jez,
and right away...
I knew he had things
I'd never have--
social incompetence
and technical wizardry--
so we became a team
and together started...
a good old-fashioned
family business...
fleecing rich guys.
Mr. Greenway,
do you know why you're here?
You're here to see technology
at its most advanced.
You're here to buy
a seventh-generation computer.
A human voice
recognition computer.
A computer you can talk to.
A computer that'll talk to you.
Are you at all familiar...
with the Cymbelline
mainframe computer?
Mmm.
The Cymbelline can understand
just 3,000 common words.
It has to be housed
in an air-conditioned cabinet...
the size of this table.
Mr. Greenway, this is useless.
It's a scientist's toy.
I'm going to keep things simple
for you...
like our designers did
on our Verbitec VT 88.50...
Or Johnson,
as we like to call it.
Ladies and gentlemen,
can you stand up, please?
Can you come to this side
of the desk?
This is Johnson.
It's the first computer
to be truly free of a keyboard.
Mr. Greenway,
nobody likes to type.
Everybody likes to talk.
You like to talk?
I like to talk.
You like to talk?
I like to talk.
Johnson here doesn't
just understand 3,000 words...
not just 6,000 words--
the common everyday
vocabulary of you or me--
Johnson understands
Johnson here will type,
file, word-process...
do your accounts--
the only thing
you're gonna have to do...
is buy your lady's
birthday present...
although Johnson here
will remind you of the date...
and also if she's not your wife.
Am I giving away secrets here?
Enough of this chitter-chatter.
Let's see this baby work.
Johnson, good afternoon.
How are you today?
It's great, huh?
Johnson--
You want to try this out?
Here. Come here.
I'm gonna introduce you
to Johnson.
Johnson, key...
Introducing Greenway.
We need a little voice
recognition sequence.
Try "I'm A Little Teapot."
What?
The nursery rhyme
"I'm A Little Teapot."
It contains all the vowel sounds
Johnson needs.
Oh, right.
Um... I'm a little teapot.
Short and stout.
Short and stout.
Where's your handle?
Here's my handle.
And?
Here's my spout.
That is remarkable.
It is incredible.
I'm interested.
Good. Good.
Eh--Oh, God.
Look, we've run over.
I gotta call you
in a couple of months.
No, no, no.
I really am interested.
Don't get me wrong.
I think that's good.
There's another group coming in,
and I've got to set up.
We might want eight.
Right. Um...
Look. OK. Here's the thing.
This next company,
if this works out...
they're gonna want
this month's entire delivery.
Twelve. We want twelve. Now.
They're gonna hate me for this.
OK, here's the deal.
If you can give me
a 10% deposit now...
I think I can hold them for you.
Skippings, the checkbook.
It's a pleasure doing
business with you, Mr. Wolford.
We did it!
Ooh!
Bastard!
Jez! What is this?
- You are really--
- You!
A genius!
Whoo!
Fantastic finger work,
um...
Georgie.
Thanks. I can't tell you
what that means to me.
You can take five.
This is going so well.
Listen, before we carry on,
can I ask you something?
You are sure this is all
aboveboard, aren't you?
There's nothing for you
to worry about.
This is all completely
as it looks.
Or did I not explain this
properly to you before?
No, you didn't, actually.
Oh, well, my mistake.
Um... OK.
Uh... what we're doing is...
I gotta go.
I will talk to you
later, I promise.
Dylan, sixth generation
computer, not seventh.
Right.
Georgie, Georgie, Georgie.
We are good guys, I promise.
You have to trust me, OK?
OK.
- OK?
- OK.
OK.
No, never trust a man
with woman's hips.
Jesus, I'm freakin'.
I've had such a weekend.
I think I must be
turnin' to God...
You... know why we're here.
You're here to buy a seventh--
sixth--heh heh--
generation computer.
You're here to witness
the birth of the sixth...
This computer stinks.
And it sucks.
I hate this computer.
Come on over here.
Can I introduce you
to my Johnson--
Uh, to Johnson?
- Nice tie.
- Thanks.
That's just a joke.
It can't really see.
Do you know how many words
this understands?
Take a guess.
Just take a guess.
Eighty-thousand
and forty-eight words.
Good grief.
And the infinity sign.
Can you do the nursery rhyme
"I'm A Little Teapot?"
No, I can't.
- Is that a real beard?
- Yeah, it is.
- It is?
- Yeah.
Here's my handle,
and here's my spout.
That's my handle here.
This is my spout.
All right.
When you lift me up,
you pour me out.
I'm leaving. I want my money.
What?
Look, I'm sorry.
But your advert.
"No job is too big,
too small, too difficult."
Give me that card a second.
Nope. Can't find
"No job too dodgy."
Hello.
Please, I'm begging you!
I don't mean to be rude,
but you're con men, aren't you?
Can I come in?
- In many ways--
- What?
- No!
- Pardon?
- No.
- What are you, then?
We're Nineties Robin Hoods.
It's just I was expecting to--
Where is your team?
It's probably much easier if you
just talk to me, isn't it?
Yes, of course it is.
Do you want to come in
and have a seat?
All the money's
going to the poor people.
Scout's honor.
It's all right. Get up.
Mrs. Ross,
do you know why you're here?
You're here to see technology
at its most advanced.
You're here to buy--
Mr. Wolford, cut the hard sell.
If the machine works,
I'll buy it.
I'll buy your company.
Absolutely, Mrs. Ross.
Do you want to stand and come
to this side of the table?
Where's your handle?
Here's my handle,
and here's my spout.
Spout.
Thank you, Ross.
Incredible.
What's the platform?
The, uh--the platform...
Our--our engineer is
due back from the factory...
just about now, actually,
so I'm gonna have you ask him.
If I could just see it.
This is Verbitec--otherwise
known as Mr. Pinkworth.
He's a little strange.
Mr. Pinkworth, Mrs. Ross
wanted to see the platform.
I've got to make a few calls.
Why don't you two talk?
So?
What's the platform,
Mr. Pinkworth?
What's the platform,
Mr. Pinkworth?
Unix.
Actually,
it's a beta version of Unix NT.
Advanced OS.
Can it make format view files?
Uh... yes. Yes, it can.
Mm-hmm.
Format View file--
Uh, what is this?
How do you spend the money?
Key, setup format view file.
DYLAN, AS COMPUTER:
I'd love to. Hold, please.
Oh, Jez.
Don't freeze up on me, Jez.
What do you spend it on?
Fast cars? Women?
- Do not--
- Sun beds?
Recognize format view file.
Searching data banks
for possible match.
Georgie, please,
you have to help me.
I am alphabetically illiterate.
I don't even know
why I'm looking at this.
- What do you spend it on?
- Orphans.
- Orphans?
- An orphans housing project.
You know, those poor people
without families?
Come on. Give it to me.
DYLAN, AS COMPUTER:
Closest match--view format file.
Match correct?
Amazing.
Can I have a look inside?
I'd be really interested
in the circuit layout.
Jez, bullshit her.
- What?
- What?
Bullshit her. You told me
the thing would work in theory.
It does work in theory.
What do you mean "in theory"?
In theory, it's always worked.
In theory, it's always worked.
But now it's here in practice.
But now it's here in practice.
Working.
Working.
Draw her a diagram.
Draw--
Let me just draw you a diagram.
There's a series of
Nan gates controlled by pin six.
It would be much easier
if I could just see it.
Dylan,
are you feeling all right?
I'm--I'm cool.
Jez has the problem
with pressure, not me.
I'm going to open it myself.
Oh, God!
Here.
Breathe into this steadily.
I've really got to go.
Please don't go. Please--
Please don't go.
Anyone own a red Audi?
License P304-RGF?
Yes, me.
It's about to get clamped.
Whoo!
That was amazing, Georgie.
Could I have my check now?
Have I asked you this before?
Have you done some modeling?
Yes, you have, actually.
Can you believe it back there?
We shot some fish.
- Fat fish.
- With money to burn.
It was like they wanted
to give us their cash.
When I said the CPU had a
built-in 64-bit AST converter...
she didn't even blink.
Wow. We are so close.
I know.
One more,
and I think we're there.
Good afternoon, sir.
I'd like to clear these checks
and close the Verbitec account.
I'm going to be back on Tuesday.
Could you have the money ready
for me then? In fifties?
In fifties?
Cash. Fifties.
Hi.
Um...
All right. 25 bucks.
No. 60.
All right, 30 quiddos now
and 30 more on Friday.
Payday.
This is quite normal
for secretarial work.
It's funny, but normal wasn't
a word that sprung to mind...
during the course
of my employment with you.
Maybe I should ask those
nice people at Verbitec...
if they thought it was normal.
That kind of attitude
is so uncharitable.
Did Live Aid mean nothing?
Get the computer! Come on!
Hey!
Hey! Hey!
What are you doing?!
My notes! My notes!
I don't believe this.
Oh, God.
They've ruined your typing.
And they've got my keys.
Don't worry about this.
We'll sort out the notes.
Why don't you come back with us,
make a call about your keys...
and we'll make you
a nice cup of tea?
And we'll make you
a nice cup of tea?
Who lives in a house like this?
Who lives in a house like this?
In number 69 there lives
a transvestite.
He's a man by day,
but he's a woman at night.
There's a man in number four...
Who swears he's Saddam Hussein.
Says he's on a chore
to start a third world war.
Oh, if you find the time...
Please come and stay a while...
In my beautiful neighborhood.
In 110, they haven't
paid the rent...
So there goes the TV
with the repo men.
In 999, they make
a living from crime...
Excuse the smell.
It's, um...
Gas?
That's right.
Do you have
your own peddle, then?
No. The water--
it's used in the gas.
We use it to seal in the gas.
Oh, God. It's amazing.
Thanks.
We sort of think of it
as post, uh, apocalyptic.
What the world...
- Tea or coffee?
- Coffee, thanks.
Love, sweet love.
It's the only thing...
That there's just too little of.
What the world needs now...
Is love, sweet love.
No, not just for some...
But for everyone.
Lord, we don't need
another mountain.
There are mountains
and hillsides...
Enough to climb.
There are oceans and rivers...
Do you want to sit down?
Thanks.
Enough to last...
Hi. DVLC?
Hi. I'm just calling to, um--
The Zimmer frame
is in the corner, honey.
Hi. Sorry about that.
I'm expecting the registration
documents for my van.
Yeah, it's A-T05-OF.
Hold the walker steady, darling.
There you go. That's great.
Sorry about that.
Can you tell me if you sent it
to my old or my new address?
Can you tell me if you sent it
to my old or my new address?
Yeah.
S.W. 19.
Yeah, that's right.
Thank you.
Is that the West End Theater?
Yes, you can. I want to talk
to the manager, please.
Non-dairy cream in your coffee?
Non-dairy?
No cows. Stays fresh.
Um, no. Black's fine. Thanks.
Yes, you can.
I booked four tickets
for Mr. Andrew Lloyd Webber's...
How about a Bourbon biscuit?
No. Best not.
Trying to keep off them.
And there was
no record of our booking.
As a result...
we had to stand in the rain
for 45 minutes, which--
No, I am not done!
My youngest, Jessica,
caught a throat infection.
Her glands are now
dangerously high...
and she is a goddamned
asthmatic!
What do you intend
to do about that?!
No, I will not go on hold!
Four complimentary tickets
for Saturday night.
OK, sure. Two in the stalls,
two in the boxes.
Yeah. Ricky Lee Hasselhoff.
Umlaut on the "0."
Jez, Jez, Jez.
Show her
that Van der Graaf thingy.
Would you like to see?
Let me at it.
Operator?
The crackle
is still on the line.
Can you hear it?
I'd like a refund
for the last two calls I made.
Could you pass me
the strip light?
Yes, of course
I'll confirm that in writing.
Is it free post?
Ah! Ha ha!
This is how it works.
The static electricity activates
particles in the tube...
causing molecular friction,
and it lights up.
Wow.
And--if you'll take...
Oh.
If we make a connection,
the static will travel through.
Hee hee! That's wonderful.
Oh, look. Ha ha.
What are we doing?
Oh! Neat.
Would you allow me the pleasure
of taking you...
to the theater
on Saturday night?
Do you ask
all your secretaries...
to go to the theater
on their first day?
Actually,
it's something of a tradition.
Who am I
to deprive an American...
of what little tradition
he can get?
I'd love to come.
Listen, thank you very much.
Hello. It's me.
About the rest of my money...
- I'll have it at the theater.
- Better, or it's curtains.
Bye.bye.
Bye.
Bye.
That is a thing of beauty.
Who you're flirting with.
Have you fallen?
No, I haven't.
You got a little bit
of a crush?
- You're wasting your time.
- I know.
You're good-looking,
and I'm too technical.
You've got
to stop punishing yourself.
You're not too technical,
just ugly--gross ugly.
But why do I have
to talk about diodes...
resistors, parallel interface?
I mean, I can see them
start to drift off...
begging me to stop.
I try and be like
I am with you, but--
You gotta relax.
You're too nervous.
Don't think Virgin Madonna.
Think Madonna Madonna.
Oh, shit! It's a gearshift.
Well...
Ah. Just there.
That's fine.
I know it's been a long day...
and it's very late, but you
must remember, students...
that without a thorough
grounding in anatomy...
no future doctor
can hope to have...
any knowledge
of the parts of the body...
or to be able to...
This arrived after you left.
I'm sorry. Could you open it?
It's from Roger.
"Darling Georgie,
the deeds are completed at last.
"I'm buying the foundation...
"so the staff, the patients,
and your brother are safe.
"My gift to you in the merry
month of September...
"on our wedding day."
The foundation
isn't going to the tax man!
I know!
Sorry.
I rang Robin.
He was really excited.
You read the telegram?
Of course.
For Christ sake,
you're my sister.
I was just really looking
forward to us doing that.
You know, letting Robin
know it's all right.
Oh, shit. That was bad,
wasn't it? I'm sorry.
Georgie, are you OK about this?
Yeah. No, Roger's lovely.
He's handsome...
generous... punctual.
And punctuality is important.
Yes, it is.
Robin and I are going to be
living with you in the house.
Yeah, you better had be.
You'll be shocked
by what's to try on...
when you shop at World of Nylon.
Is that good?
Yes, yes, yes.
Yes, fine. That's good.
Uh-uh-uh-uh. One more.
OK. How about this one?
"In not more than eight words...
"explain why you buy
Zappy Nappies."
I buy Zappy Nappies
for my kids...
Shit. I've run out of words.
We could try just that.
What, I buy Zappy Nappies
for my kids?
Shit.
I've got it!
Weighs less than a bun,
holds more than a ton.
Completely disgusting.
But it's honest.
And honesty gets you...
A year's free supply
of Zappy Nappies.
What do we want with
a year's supply of diapers?
In one of those
baby care CD-ROMS...
it says a baby relieves himself
eight point two times a day.
Eight point two?
That means
he gets his nappy changed...
once every three hours
to avoid chapping.
Isn't that a little rash?
Which is 2,920 nappies a year.
A pack of 50 costs,
what, eight pounds?
Four-hundred
and sixty-seven pounds, twenty.
We sell them half-price to Gary,
who'll collect.
And we make...235.
Come on. Get up.
We gotta go out.
Out.
We go...
To places...
Where everything feels amazing.
No need to pretend.
We know we're good friends...
Start up.
Oh!
Sorry. Hi.
My notes,
I left them in your car.
You look tired.
I am. I'm exhausted.
I didn't get any sleep
last night.
I didn't get any sleep
last night.
I'll get your notes.
Thanks.
So, nice van.
Oh, um, yesterday,
with that paper bag...
how did you know that?
You, what, you hit first aid
in high school or--
No. Medical school.
Oh, right. The notes.
You're a typist
in medical school.
No.
I'm training to be a doctor.
You're--Oh, wow.
A doctor.
Wow. With secretarial skills.
Hey, Jez, did--Doctor.
Doctor.
- Your notes.
- Thank you.
Oh, Jez,
I meant to ask you yesterday...
what was the name
of the orphanage you donate to?
It's, um...
We give, but we really
don't like to talk about it.
We're very much like
Phil Collins in that respect.
I can see why you
don't like to talk about it.
We'll see you Saturday?
See you Saturday.
Hey,
what are you doing today?
I have to study.
Would you allow us
the pleasure of...
feeding you breakfast first?
Yeah, I guess you owe me one.
What are we doing here?
Insulation.
Insulation?
Insulation.
Third prize
in the DIY competition.
Insulation?
I can see it now.
She's a stunningly
attractive woman.
It means
she's relaxed in our company.
If she relaxes any more,
it could get very messy.
Don't. She might hear you.
Jez, look at her.
She's wrecked.
God only knows
what she was up to last night.
You're twisted.
She's got charm and warmth and--
And neat little sit-up breasts.
Right. Cranworth Crescent.
It's hardly a crescent, is it?
All right. Number 57.
What is this?
James Stratton-Luce.
Hello. Can I help you?
Hello, Mrs...
Stratton-Luce.
What do you want?
James asked us to come round...
and slot insulation
for your lovely new abode.
Did he?
Yes, he did.
Hundred pound down payment
for today.
Right.
Well, you'd better come in.
He did leave you
the 50 balance?
No, he didn't.
Oh, right.
Well, we could come back--
Could we come back later
this week?
Yes, but lose the down payment.
You'll lose your down payment.
I'll scrape something together.
Great. Thwartman,
let's get the hardware in.
Thwartman?
That's the worst English Accent.
Why are we insulating
this woman's loft?
Trust me.
Mrs. Stratton-Luce!
We've just laid
the insulation...
we won from All In One DIY.
We made less than we could've
from flogging the stuff.
Is this public relations?
Is there a problem?
Not at all,
Mrs. Stratton-Luce.
The job, as you can see,
is complete.
Hmm.
Thank you. Regards to James.
I'm not doing another one.
Uh-huh.
We don't have enough.
Trustingness
is next to godliness.
Lofttec.
I can't believe
we're doing this.
I mean, we earned a small
fortune yesterday.
We only need one more grand.
Dylan?
Jez.
Dylan.
Look behind you.
Brilliant.
Jesus, I'm freakin'...
I've had such a weekend...
I think I must be turnin'
to gold...
Mr. Marcus Black.
Mrs. Rumbalow-Pierce?
Mrs. Pat MacGroyne.
Sil's dead?
Dead. Right.
Mrs. Cum m ins.
Robert asked us to come around
and slot in some insulation.
Oh. I wonder where he
got the money for that?
How much is it?
Fifty pounds.
Well, I know Robert
thought we needed insulation...
but I'm surprised he thinks
we can afford it.
I'll see if I can find 50.
Thin fish.
Mrs. Cummins, why don't
we come back another day?
We might be running
a special in a few weeks' time.
Oh, thank you.
I think that would be better.
Bye.
Penis.
Why didn't I see you bringing
the insulation in?
Insulation...
without the aggravation.
That's our motto.
Well, I hope you're going
to tidy up this mess.
Give us 10 minutes.
- She doesn't want a mess.
- I think we can help.
Have you got glass fiber
in between your bum cheeks?
There's nothing here now.
But they said you'd ordered it.
They may have gone next door.
Were they foreign?
I think
one of them was Australian.
Have you checked your loft?
Mr. and Mrs. Cummins,
may all your winters be warmer.
Insulation today.
Hello, young men?
Is there a problem?
Not at all, Mrs. Furnival-Jones.
And have you tidied up?
Yeah.
We were coming down.
Thirty-five... forty...
You don't have any
50 notes by any chance?
I find these smallish bills
so easy to spend.
You've done such lovely things
with your abode.
Run.
Run!
That's all right.
We forgot something.
Thwartman?
Oh!
Are those workmen still here?
They're upstairs.
Aah!
Oi! There they are!
Where?
Where's the keys?
I gave them to you.
We stole the van!
Georgie!
Georgie, start the van!
Jez, get inside!
Dylan!
You little bastards!
I love revenge.
"Dear van owner,
I was rushing back...
"to an ailing relative
when my car broke down...
"and not wishing to be delayed,
I took your van.
"I have now returned the van
with a full tank of petrol...
"and two theater tickets...
"to Andrew Lloyd Webber's
exciting new musical..."
Let's have a look.
"which I hope will go
some way to righting my wrong."
You two are risk
takers who thrive on danger.
Absolutely.
There's one thing
I can't figure out.
You spend lots of time with
a complicated computer scam.
And that pays you
what, say, 50 grand?
More or less.
Then you work
just as hard for 800.
You get free tea and coffee...
and sneak back
the cost of your phone calls.
- That's very perceptive.
- Why?
We're raising money
for this orphans project.
When the checks clear,
we'll have the necessary funds.
This is scary.
I'm starting to believe you.
Dylan!
That's great, Jez.
That's what we need.
Are you really giving
to an orphans housing project?
The orphans?
Yeah, we really are.
Do you two ever spend
any money at all?
In the last three years,
we've spent...
- 2,337.
- And sixpence.
Factory seconds.
Oh, hey.
Oh, beauty.
He's got an "A" in
the psychology of electronics.
The psychology of electronics?
What's that?
It means I can't get a job.
What've you got besides herpes?
I've got dyslexia.
It means I can't get a job,
either.
- Dylan.
- No. No more.
Can you fix toasters?
No, but he can tell
you how they were feeling...
when they decided to break down.
- What's the problem with it?
- The bread won't turn to toast.
I'd have to see it.
I didn't mean you
to come fix my toaster.
No, he could come by.
He'll take a look at it.
- Really?
- Of course.
- Tomorrow before lunch?
- Yeah. Thanks.
God, am I tired.
Pediatric Anesthesia.
I can't bear it.
Hi.
I said I'd come.
Your toaster.
Oh, yeah. I'm sorry.
Come in, come in.
- Have you just got up?
- No. I just got in.
I'm sure he'll pull through now.
Go in.
Nice place.
It's not ours.
My sister and I
are borrowing it from a friend.
Is this your sister?
Yeah, and little brother.
Right.
It doesn't pop out,
or it won't stay down.
I'm not promising anything.
It's usually
a triresistal malfunction...
with the thermostatic control.
As simple as that?
Sorry. I'm getting technical.
It's all right.
I'm only joking. Sit down.
Dylan says I must
never forget the pain...
my scientific knowledge
can cause other people.
Dylan says that to you?
Well, technically, he's right.
You two have
a bizarre relationship.
- How did you meet?
- Do you really want to know?
Why, is it technical?
I turned up for a day's work--
ages ago now--
it was about five years--
replying to an advert...
which asked
for anti-corrosion specialists.
I turned up,
and there he was--Dylan.
We were asked by the foreman...
to paint over every spot of rust
with a red lead mixture.
My heart sank.
Those things are huge.
And, you see, the great big
streaks of rust were OK...
but every little pinprick
had to be dabbed.
It was gonna take weeks.
So, Dylan worked out...
that as long as we
cover the big stuff...
and the man sees little dobs
of paint everywhere else...
we're gonna get paid.
When lam sad and weepy...
When all my hope is gone...
And I can't put my finger...
On the time things
first went wrong.
I have a little secret...
I like to tell myself...
And until now I haven't
told anybody else.
You may not see things my way...
Am I disturbing something?
No, nothing.
This is Jez.
Jez, this is Floss, my sister.
It's a very interesting model.
The Morph-Richards TUID-three.
Your toaster?
The Morph-Richards TUID-three.
Your toaster?
Yes. A lot of people
have told us that.
I better be off. Free lunch.
- Bye, Georgie, Jez.
- Bye-bye.
Would you excuse me?
I have to get changed.
- Sure.
- Thanks.
Hello? I've finished.
My God, you look...
Did you get it working?
What?
The Morphy... um, the toaster.
- I should go.
- Yeah, me, too.
Thanks, Jez. You're wonderful.
Bye.
If I could catch a star...
Before it touched the ground...
I'd place it in a box...
I'm sorry. I didn't
realize you were this lonely.
I missed the signs.
What are these?
Never a wrinkle, never a crease.
Make it thin, or make it obese.
Blenson's pack-away mannequins!
And so useful.
These are mannequins?
I guess someone lost
their girlie store license.
Lucky for us...
they're nice girls.
...With you by my side.
How fast the shadows fade.
And there is hope
inside my heart...
I'd rather do her.
For I have
something wonderful to live for.
The world's a better place
with you to turn to.
I'm a better man
for having loved you...
See you home at 11:00.
Yeah, maybe.
Are you gonna try it on
with Georgie?
"Try it on"?
Your slang baffles me.
Look, 11:00, please?
Please, please?
Dogs: The Musical will
be starting in three minutes.
- Here's your 30 bucks.
- Thank you.
- Won't you have a program?
- No.
Can I ask you
how long you've been in England?
Sure, babe.
- How long have you been here?
- Five years.
And you still say
"bucks" and "babe"?
It's sad, isn't it?
Jez, they're here.
OK. I'll see you at 11:00.
"Dear van ..
Oh, laptop...
We missed you.
Arf! Arf!
Arf! Arf!
What are you doing?
Phone now?
- Is that Geoff?
- Yeah. Hello, Terry.
Just make sure
it's not the old theater trick.
All right. Catch you later.
Come on.
Recording.
Stop. Rewind.
Hello, International Operator?
Could you put me through...
to the talking clock in...
Sao Paolo?
Mm-hmm. Thank you.
Go on. In.
Hello, mate.
I've got you now, boy!
I've got you now!
All praise to
my quick-release trousers.
Ugghh!
They were lovely.
When those puppies
went, "Oh, oh, oh!"
Oh, it made me cry.
What's going on?
I'm just not
that keen on nightclubs.
Don't be a Jez.
It'll be fun.
I'm not dressed right,
and I hate loud music.
You're troubled, and
this'll make you feel better.
What makes you
think I'm troubled?
I'm emotionally sensitive.
You're the least
sensitive person I've ever met.
Hey. This is Georgie.
Nice to meet you.
What insulation?
Listen, I'm the one
who's been burgled here.
Sir, so far, the only
proof of a burglary...
is that somebody stopped
your videotaping Blind Date.
- Bastards!
- Oh, shut it.
Oh, yes... and these.
Look, I haven't done
anything wrong.
Look, I haven't done
anything wrong.
You're gonna sleep
with her, aren't you?
You're gonna romance her
at the club...
and then sleep with her.
You know, most men...
Only look for the surface thing
in a woman.
And when it comes to you...
I find that it's more than
just looks and things.
What you do have to offer,
baby.
Yeah, but it's more than that.
I need you so deep, baby.
You're my...
I want to...
pleasure you with my tongue.
- Hello.
- Hi.
- This is a surprise.
- Yeah, isn't it?
What are you
doing here? Scouts tonight?
No. I was just passing.
You--you OK?
Yeah.
Did he try to pleasure
you with his tongue?
Is it that obvious?
It's a kind of compulsion
with him.
He has to exchange fluids
with everyone he meets.
That's why we never have pets.
Do you like nightclubs?
- No, I hate them.
- Me, too.
The sound pressure level
of the high frequency...
can really damage your cochlea.
Jez, you don't
have to be nervous with me.
Oh, it's beautiful up here.
Not many people have a pond
on their roof.
No one ever comes up here
apart from me.
- Why?
- I don't know.
What's the matter?
Oh, nothing.
Fleas?
No, heh.
We got a bulk shipment
of these t-shirts...
a while back from
a multi-entry competition.
"Give your cat Glitz.
It's like dining at the Ritz."
- And it hurts you?
- The label's scratchy.
Oh, well, I'll have a look.
- No?
- No.
I think
you're gonna need scissors.
Scissors.
Be prepared.
There you go.
Um... I should go.
Yeah.
Your bag.
Thanks.
It's a really lovely place.
Really special.
Bye.
Run, my beauty, run!
Vacuum Pack
is bringing up the rear.
Out front as they
go for the line...
it's Marty's Choice,
followed home by Ski-N-Do...
then Baby Mine third...
The favorite, Vacuum Pack,
is a distant last.
How is Vacuum Pack
doing at the moment?
He's the best horse
in the field.
No, it's, um--
it's tactical racing, darling.
Every time he loses,
his odds improve.
If he wins the Challenge Cup...
his sperm will be worth
A spurt?
Uh... yeah, exactly.
It'll all be yours
when we're married.
Oh, how romantic.
Horse sperm is forever.
You just don't deserve me.
You're right.
God, I adore you.
What are you doing for
the rest of your life?
I always like what you do.
It's lovely,
but I'd like to see it smaller.
I'd like to see it smoother,
and I'd like to see it working.
Good-bye. Next?
So, come on... impress me.
Mr. Gilzean, clear
your head of all the detritus...
all the flotsam and jetsam
of the day, if you will...
and allow me to introduce you...
to the future
of mobile lighting.
The Krypton Hand-0-Lite
is a lighting device...
the like of which you
have not seen before.
Treasure this moment, sir...
for you will recall it
to your children...
and to your children's children.
Mr. Peewit,
the Krypton Hand-0-Lite, please.
Huh?
Huh?
That... is amazing.
You want to try it?
Just grasp it in either hand,
give it a squeeze...
and let a little light
into your life.
Ohh...
Oh... oh...
Jenny! Jenny! Marcus!
Come in here, please.
I've something to show you.
Jenny, Jenny, Jenny...
Hold this. Huh?
Marcus! Come here.
Marcus... try this.
Mr. Peewit, please.
Are you OK?
Ha ha ha!
How much for 1,000 of these?
Uh...5,000.
OK, you've got a deal.
Come and see me again
in two days.
Right. Put it there.
That wasn't so hard, was it?
Thank you, sir.
Thanks.
Bye-bye, then.
Take some biscuits with you.
I have enough for now.
Thank you very much, indeed.
Bye.bye.
- Jez.
- Georgie!
Just rob the bank?
Look, I'm sorry about
the other night on the roof.
it's OK.
Take this
to the finance director.
Let's do business.
All right. Pleasure, sir.
Sorry to rush through
your deposit...
but cash flow is always a--
Problem during expansion.
That's not the problem,
Mr. Deanus.
I've got the check right here.
I'll just sign it for you.
There we are.
Thank you very much.
- What are these?
- The coffers.
Why don't you
keep it in the bank?
Help the rich get richer? No.
Anyway, it's not safe there.
Of course. Silly me.
This is the 2 million, is it?
- Uh-huh.
- Can I see it?
Sorry.
I've got the key for the safe.
Dylan's got the key
for the cases.
Can you trust him?
Dylan's completely trustworthy.
He's just a bit unreliable
in some areas.
Like I told him
I thought you were unique...
and he tried to tongue you.
Oh, gorgeously put,
but point taken.
Do you know
the way to San Jose?
I'm goin' back to find
some piece of mind...
Hi. I--
What are the cases doing out?
We can trust her.
You can trust me.
I think I should go.
Yeah, I think so.
Jez, I wanted
to tell you something.
It's not a good time.
I'll call you later, then.
- Yeah.
- Bye.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Jez, you don't show
the cases to anybody.
I know.
Nobody.
I'm sorry.
You're sorry,
or you're sorry sorry?
I'm sorry sorry.
I picked up the money for...
for Verbitec.
Nobody.
I know.
- Oh, Lord.
- Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
Whoo!
Whoo!
Whoo!
Hello? 1212? Scotland Yard?
Jez...
you know we've got no family.
And you're--you're my...
We've come a long way.
We did it.
We did it.
- Dylan?
- Yeah?
Who gave you the check?
I--I don't know.
Some guy at Accounts.
What was his name?
Stratton something.
Did he have big black ears
and a wiggly nose?
Did he what?
"Mickey Mouse."
Maybe that's his nickname?
You said "Stratton something."
Could it be Stratton-Luce?
Yeah, that's it.
Oh, shit, shit, shit!
Jez, open it up. Jez!
Jez, hurry up!
Can we help you?
Dylan Zimbler
and Jeremiah Quinney...
before I impose sentence,
have you anything to say?
Your Honor, I'm not
concerned for my own welfare...
but I would very much like to
say a few words about this man.
Go ahead, but make it brief.
Jeremiah Quinney
is the nicest...
kindest, most decent person
I've ever known.
He was brought up an orphan,
an outsider.
No home, no family,
nowhere to run to.
When the going got tough...
"Mummy, it's cold outside.
Can I come in now?"
There was no Mummy.
This man
has been pushed around...
laughed at, humiliated,
failed miserably with women...
All right.
Why does this man
find himself in a courtroom?
Because there was never anyone
there to make a difference.
Today, Your Honor,
you can make that difference.
Three months
for the pair of you.
That made a difference.
What are
your financial circumstances?
We're broke.
I order you to repay
the sum embezzled...
and costs at the rate of...
Next!
How about
a drink and a chat?
Absolutely.
You know where they live?
Darling, what about...
"All Things
Bright And Beautiful"?
Yeah. Good.
She's getting married.
Why didn't she just tell me?
Oh, no.
Oh. no, no, Jez.
Yeah.
No, no, Jez.
What does this say?
"Fifty pound..."
"The palace
won its High-Court claim...
"that the queen's likeness
is unflattering...
"and therefore defamatory.
"In an emergency measure...
"the courts ordered
the Bank of England...
"to immediately
withdraw the 50 note...
"making it non-legal tender
after...
"June 19,1300 hours G.M.T."
That's one day
before we're released.
What?
We are about to become
the proud possessors...
of two million quid
of useless notes...
because the queen
doesn't like her picture?
Jesus Christ!
It's self, self, self
for some people!
No, no, no.
You take two million
to a bank...
they're going to ask questions,
talk to the police.
OK. What about buying
something expensive?
Great thing about prison.
The shopping's excellent.
We play our cards right,
we get 2 million of tobacco...
and Pamela Anderson posters.
I meant get someone
to spend it for us.
Mickey the fence
is out this week.
Let's ask him to do it.
Hey, Mickey!
Georgie.
Georgie.
- No.
- No, Jez--
She mustn't know I'm here.
Jez, this is us.
Search!
Ohh...
Tangy and hollow
and easy to swallow.
- Please, Dylan.
- It goes down, or we do.
Oh, I'm so proud
you're doing this, Robin.
I'm going to be
your father for a day.
- Yes, you are.
- You nervous?
Nervous?
God, no. No.
Are you sure?
No. I feel amazingly calm.
If you're happy, then so am I.
Well, thanks.
I feel like Wedding-Day Barbie.
I couldn't be happier.
That's good.
I'm scared stiff.
- A letter for you from Jez.
- Where from, Brazil?
- He's in prison.
- Why?
I don't know.
He wants you to meet him today.
Today? Oh, God!
What am I going to do?
You're getting married.
It's going to be OK.
Yes, it is.
- Are you not coming?
- I'll answer the phone.
It's sorted.
I've secured the eviction order
for closing the foundation.
As soon as you sign
the register, let me know.
Who is this?
Roger?
You know we told Georgie
we're Nineties Robin Hoods?
Yeah.
Well, how would you feel
if she found out the truth?
The bottom
would drop out of my world.
Seriously.
Seriously? Don't tell her.
Love, honor,
and keep him in sickness...
and in health...
and keep thee only unto him
so long as ye both shall live?
I--
Hello?
I need to speak to her now.
Right.
For you.
- Hello.
- Oh, Georgie, thank God!
Listen, don't marry him.
- Where are you?
- Outside in the Rolls.
He's selling the foundation.
Some shady businessmen involved.
Oh, I see.
Before I say this,
I really am terribly sorry.
You bastard!
At least we know
we can count on Georgie.
I'm going to the toilet.
I'm going to the toilet.
You came.
Well, you know,
I was just passing and...
You're married?
No, I'm not.
So, how can I help?
Spend 2 million?
That's every girl's dream.
Georgie,
I want to be honest with you.
What's the matter?
The money we've saved--
But you were dishonest
getting it.
Yeah, but... Well, yeah.
But it's OK.
It's for a good cause
from people who could afford it.
I could get it direct
to your orphans project for you.
You could, but, you see,
the orphans project is, well--
That would affect their tiny
government handout...
that they're getting this year.
Hi, Georgie.
Actually, there is sort
of another small problem.
The key?
It's like rush hour in here.
Gridlock.
Georgie, could you get the cases
and keep them with you...
and then come back
for Dylan's key?
Yes, of course.
They've got an explosive
security system.
Do you know anything
about high explosives?
Jez, I won't open them.
OK.
Great.
Thanks.
Bye.
She's not coming back
till the day before our release.
She's not coming back
till the day before our release.
It's too late.
We've gotta get hospitalized.
- We escape from there.
- Hospitalized?
Just hit me.
We gotta rough each other up.
Hit me. Come on.
Oh, shit.
Come on, boys, what do you
think you're playing at?
Ah!
- Aah!
- Whoaah!
Are you lads all right?
Yeah, OK.
Thanks.
Hey, you forgot your book.
Ow.
- We just need some time.
- Yeah.
There he is.
Desperate times, Jez.
Hey, you!
Aah!
Hold it!
Jeez, break it up!
- Come on!
- Hey, fight!
You crack me up. You do.
Haul him into the ward!
Secure him!
Oh, God...
Come on.
I can't.
Look, you've got to try.
Oh, Jez, come on.
I've tried. Believe me.
Listen, if we don't
get that money changed...
all our plans are over.
Finished.
No key, no stately home.
- No stately home?
- No stately home.
No stately home.
Oh...
Uh-oh...
Oh, oh, turn around,
turn around.
Oh.
Guard?
Guard!
What's with this?
No, they haven't...
They have a gap,
they always have...
For crying out loud...
- Hi, Georgie.
- Georgie, I can't help us.
Tell her
how to disarm the cases.
It's not possible.
She needs the key.
- What about a saw?
- Too risky.
I'm a broken man.
You have to help me.
Us. You have to help us.
OK, I'll try.
I'd like to be alone.
Georgie...
the money in the cases,
it's not...
What?
The money--the money,
it's not--
Jez, calm down.
The orphans.
Remember I told you
about the orphans?
Well, the orphans...
Look, what I'm trying
to say is that--
is that the money,
the money in the cases...
The Poor people!
The poor people are--are"
are we.
Are we. We.
We're the poor people.
You kept all the money
for yourselves?
You lied to me.
We're the orphans.
We never had a home.
Jez, you told her?
Well, just--just...
Come on, just--
You told her.
Yeah.
I cannot believe you told her!
Jez!
She hates me.
Of course she hates you,
because you're a schmuck.
Here's why: She's poor,
she's got our cases...
and she's been dicked by you.
We're never going
to see her again!
I don't care
if you're sorry sorry.
If Roger
had got eviction orders...
where would he have
got them from?
Any lawyer.
Oh, that's helpful.
If I wanted to save the house,
the foundation...
and the grounds,
what would I need?
It's getting
a little late for that.
- How much?
- 1.5 million.
But, with death duties
and my fees, about two million.
- By when?
- Next week.
Biscuit?
Thank you.
Governor wants
to see you in his office.
Jeremiah...
Dylan...
Lesley has died.
Lesley? Oh, no...
Who?
Lesley!
Lesley's dead!
Who's Lesley?
Our Lesley is dead?
Governor...
Lesley was so young
and so fresh.
Eighty-four.
The most sprightly
pensioner I ever met.
Who's Lesley?
Sir, Lesley was like an auntie.
Uncle.
Uncle, auntie, guru
to this man...
and, look, he's become
emotionally detached.
Hey, Lesley is dead, man!
Lesley's gone!
Ohh!
OK, buddy.
Oh, Lesley! No!
I think it's starting
to get through to him.
Let it out, buddy.
Let it out. OK. Let it out.
The cremation is this morning.
I'm so sorry.
I, too, am sorry
to hear of your loss.
I've taken into account
you're to be paroled tomorrow...
and I have decided to allow you
to attend the ceremony.
- Thank you, sir.
- Thank you.
Thank you, sir.
Thank you. Thank you.
Happy to be
with you in the sun...
In the summertime.
So glad to be here
and now we're done.
Kneel down. Kneel down.
Could you leave us
for a few minutes?
Oh...
- I'm sorry I lied.
- Don't be. Open the boot.
Wait. Put the money in here.
The cases are great,
but they're hardly subtle.
Stately...
home.
Come on.
I should check.
Just give them
another couple of minutes--
- I should look.
- I don't think you--
Can we move this along, please?
Are you all right?
Just a few more minutes, please.
They've gone out.
Where are we going?
There's a chess set expected
to take 1,800,000 at auction.
We buy it, then we resell it.
Amazing, Georgie.
Oh...
Oh, no...
We're never going to make it.
We'll be too late.
Oh, I can't...
- We get back, make a plan.
- Back? No.
- Dylan, back.
- Back or forwards?
- Back.
- Forwards.
- Back!
- Forwards!
- No!
- We have to go--
- You shut up!
- Back!
I'm sorry. That's it.
I'm going in.
I don't think--
You must have noticed--
Ohh...
I think she's fainted.
Oh. Hide the money.
No... oh!
No... oh!
No, quit...
No. No. No!
'No!
'No!
"Hereby commit
his body to the..."
If you loved him, let him go.
"Dust to dust,
in the sure and certain hope..."
I'm really sorry.
I'll pick you up
tomorrow at 12:00.
Here's Georgina.
Got everything?
Thanks.
You made a great Vicar.
Well done, Mikey.
Thank you, Hilda.
This should benefit all of us.
I think we pulled it off
rather well.
- I'm here to see Mr. Collyns.
- I'm afraid he's busy--
Mr. Collyns--Roger.
I have the money
for the foundation.
I'm sorry, I held him off
as long as I could.
- What have you done?
- I had to sell him your house.
And that means the foundation
will sadly have to be shut.
You sold him my house?
Well, I--
You buggered a property deal
that could've made us richer...
than you could have
possibly imagined.
A property deal?!
Christ, Roger, you've known me
since I was a child.
Has money ever meant
anything to me?
And I honestly thought
our marriage could work.
I didn't love you.
You knew that.
I thought I understood you,
what little there was...
but you surpassed yourself,
keeping a secret for--
Christ, you've been
proposing to me for years.
Is that what you had
at the back of your mind?
Of course not.
I met the businessman...
a few months ago?
It was
a once-in-a-lifetime deal.
You.
I suppose there had to be some
brains behind this deception.
We trusted you!
You've been our family lawyer
since the Dark Ages.
Just sell me the house.
What use is it to you?
You made me look a bloody fool
in front of all my friends.
That's very kind
of you to say so...
but in all fairness, I think
some groundwork was done for me.
Mr. Collyns, you're sacked.
From dealing with your poverty?
Hello.
You bought the horse.
Roger.
I have, and I want the house
and the foundation back.
Georgie, there's something
I must explain to you.
I authorized the sale.
What?
You just paid two million quid
for some dog food and wood glue.
Ha ha ha!
Excuse me.
I want a word with you.
Do you know the whereabouts
of Mr. Pinkworth?
Um...
Oh, Daddy!
Stratton-Luce.
Maybe.
Oh, God, what happened?
Um...
the money didn't burn
in the coffin.
The what?
My father converted one wing
of our family house...
into a foundation for children
with Down's Syndrome.
My brother was born Down's.
Where's the money?
Father died and the house
went into receivership...
because we couldn't pay
the death duties.
You've spent our money
on people with Down's Syndrome.
We thought
we'd lost the money.
I wanted to buy
the house, but I was too late.
So what did you buy?
I think you better come outside.
I feel sick.
We could've had a mansion
and all lived in luxury...
albeit with a bunch of loonies--
disadvantaged children.
Instead, we've got a horse
whose only value is as sausage.
Sorry, Vacuum,
it happens to be the truth.
This is my sister Floss
and our brother Robin...
and this is Jez.
And Dylan.
Hi.
Hi.
Both lost for words.
That's pretty unusual.
I got a call and Robin
has to be out by midday.
I can't believe
Roger's doing this.
He's angry
and doesn't like my friends.
We're going to save
your brother... Robin...
and your house.
How?
Ma'am, don't you worry.
It's got to win, Jez.
Yeah. I got it.
What makes a horse win?
- Speed?
- What else?
- Fitness.
- Yeah. What else?
- Balance.
- Yeah. What else?
Fancying the horse in front.
What else? Come on, Jez.
A light jockey.
The next race on your cards...
ladies and gentlemen,
is the feature race of the day:
the 57th running...
of the Group-One K.P.M.G.
Challenge Cup.
And the highlights
of the race now...
OK, the more you turn this...
the stronger the magnetic field
will pull you down.
- Down.
- Down.
Jez, you want
to get that sleeve?
OK. Thank you.
Afternoon, Panties.
Afternoon, sir.
Right.
Too many big lunches, eh?
Yes, you can
take four pounds off.
- Thank you.
- Certainly.
Next, please.
All the runners
are down at the start now.
They're going behind for
the big race of the afternoon.
It won't be long
before they're underway.
In the betting ring, Old Whiskey
is favored at six to four.
Wackerjack
is a three-to-one shot.
Louie's Boy
has gone out a point.
Here we are.
Look who's here.
Good luck, you old filly.
...to 16-1 from 12.
Loading's going fairly smoothly.
Most of the runners in stall.
Last one's coming forward.
It's over to Peter O'Sullevan.
They're under
starter's orders and off!
In the 57th running
of the K.P.M.G. Challenge Cup...
Mr. Henry's gone out
very quickly...
followed by Wackerjack
and Tender Moments.
Back behind the leaders
is the favorite Old Whiskey...
who looks ready for anything.
Then comes King's Wood
and Canjalopie.
They've traveled
about a furlong...
and it's Mr. Henry making
the running from Louie's Boy...
then Wackerjack, Tender Moments,
on the outside of Vacuum Pack...
running a very strong race
at this stage.
So it's Louie's Boy
and Mr. Henry...
Tender Moments behind these two,
then the gray Vacuum Pack.
Vacuum Pack's an old puffer.
I can't bloody believe this.
Nothing to choose
between the leaders.
You told me to sell him!
Louie's Boy battle it out...
but Vacuum Pack
is threatening them both...
and he's started...
- Come on, baby!
- Whoo!
...and Vacuum pack,
the 16-to-1 shot...
is moving easily and comes
within a length of the lead.
But coming up very fast
is the favorite Old Whiskey...
who looks full of running.
And now, Vacuum...
Shit. Come on, Vacuum.
Old Whiskey is coming up
very fast, indeed...
Come on!
It's Vacuum Pack
still from Old Whiskey...
and now Old Whiskey
has taken it up.
Please, do it.
And helium.
Old Whiskey from Vacuum Pack.
He looks like the favorite...
but Vacuum Pack's
coming back to the leader.
Vacuum Pack--
Well, it's amazing!
Vacuum Pack's
found something extra.
I don't know what
he's packing in his Vacuum...
but he's certainly got
the wind in his sails now.
As we head for the line,
Vacuum Pack, Old Whiskey.
There's nothing
to choose between them.
Vacuum Pack, Old Whiskey.
And as they come to the line...
Vacuum Pack
gets there for the...
Whoo!
What a performance
by the gray Vacuum Pack.
Let's get some champagne.
Oh, don't start.
Ohh!
And so,
ladies and gentlemen...
the winner of the 57th
K.P.M.G. Challenge Cup...
Vacuum Pack,
and a warm hand, please...
for the winning jockey,
Bobby Panfield.
We'll pay a stud fee
of 150,000 guineas.
I know Vacuum's
a recent purchase.
I'm sure we can pay you
more than you laid out.
I want that horse.
Name your price.
Thank you, ladies, gentlemen.
Roger, any offers?
All right.
I'll give you the house back.
I'll top that.
Whatever he offers, I'll better.
And 100,000.
Three.
Five hundred thousand.
OK.
Oh, and the Rolls.
I just need you to sign...
Here.
Five hundred...
I knew if we
got the right conditions...
we'd be flying.
Well done.
Marvelous race, Lady Georgina.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, uh...
I forgot to mention that.
Lady Georgina?
You're not cross, are you?
No, you're pleased.
A doctor, a peer of the realm,
and with secretarial skills--
Who'd be cross?
Whoo!
"Pinkworth"?!
What is this?
It's from Mrs. Ross.
I think it's a writ.
It's for Jez.
The circuit diagram
you drew worked.
She wants to license
the Verbitec chip.
Jez, you're a genius.
Doo, doo, doo doo,
doo doo, d-d-d-doo...
Doo doo,
doo doo, doo doo...
Wah wah wah wah,
wah wah, wah wah wah...
Do you know the way to San Jose?
I've been away so long.
I may go wrong and lose my way.
Do you know the way to San Jose?
I'm going back to find
some peace of mind in San Jose.
L.A. is a great big freeway.
Put a 100 down and buy a car.
In a week, maybe two,
they'll make you a star.
Weeks turn into years.
How quick they pass.
And all the stars
that never were...
are parking cars
and pumping gas.
You can really breathe
in San Jose...
They've got a lot of space...
There'll be a place
where I can stay...
I was born and raised
in San Jose...
I'm going back to find
some peace of mind in San Jose.
I was wondering, would you...
Perhaps
you might consider...
Or--or think about...
Possibly...
I think he's trying to ask
if you'd like to kiss him.
Oh, go on, then.
Has the British aristocracy
lost all sense of decency?
I certainly hope so.
I certainly hope so.
Hey, I'm not the type...
To say one thing and do another.
And if it's all right...
I'd kind of like
to be your lover.
'Cause when you're with me...
I can't help but be...
So desperately...
Uncontrollably...
Happy.
And, hey, I'm not the kind...
To fall in love
without good reason.
And if that's a crime...
Then, baby,
I'm committing high treason.
'Cause when you're with me...
I'm absolutely...
And totally
quite uncontrollably...
Happy.
And, hey, I'm not so blind...
That I can't see
where we're all going.
And it's no fault of mine...
If humankind
reaps what it's sowing.
Just as long
as we are together forever...
I'll never
be anything other than...
Happy!
Ohh!
Hey, don't be surprised...
If millions
die in plague and murder.
True happiness lies...
Beyond your fries
and happy burger.