Are you a top or a bottom?
I beg your pardon?
I mean in real life.
This is real life.
Let me put it this way:
Do you think we should get out of Iraq?
Is your daddy paying for this?
No.
You're taking a picture of yourself at Ground Zero --
do you smile?
Get on the fucking bed!
If you could have any superpower,
what would it be?
The power to make you interesting.
Do you think you'll ever have kids?
You only have an hour.
It's my money.
Well, you fucking trust fund piece of fetish shit!
I'm sorry!
I'm sorry what?
I'm sorry, Mistress Severin.
But I'm serious.
What are your thoughts on procreation?
I want to do it by myself,
in the dark.
Like a worm.
Can you describe your last orgasm?
It was great.
It was like time had stopped
and I was completely alone.
Let's go, partner.
I'm gonna miss my fucking train.
Oh, God, oh.
Oh, easy, easy.
Were you sad afterwards?
Yeah.
Why?
Cause time hadn't stopped.
And I wasn't alone.
Hey hon, I'm home!
Hey.
You doing yoga?
Yeah.
Sorry, I would have been here sooner.
Somebody threw themselves in front of the L train.
Hey.
- Hey.
God, you're so sweaty.
I love it.
Wow!
- I just jerked off, actually.
You did?
Did you think of me?
I'll go put on some clothes.
This is recording!
Fuck!
When are you going to let me see
what you're working on?
Soon.
Thank you.
Thank you...
cutie.
That was--
oh God, that was incredible.
Definitely.
Look, I do feel sorry for people who don't have what we have.
Like Brad and Cheryl.
Brad and Cheryl?
Yeah, the couple I've been working with.
Can you keep a secret?
Of course I can keep a secret.
Yesterday Cheryl told me
she's been faking her orgasms.
She won't tell Brad because
she's afraid he'll break up with her.
So I finally told her what I think she should do.
What should she do?
She should keep faking.
It's a completely legitimate strategy to buy time.
Really?
Cause the thing is, if she tells Brad,
he's gonna think it's all his fault.
You know?
And the thing is, an orgasm
isn't something Brad can give her.
She has to claim it for herself.
What do you think?
What do you mean with,
what do I think?
Hi.
Jamie and Jamie.
Actually, I just started to call myself James again.
I'm sorry. I keep forgetting.
- It's all right.
Jamie and James.
Tell me about yourselves.
Well, I'm Jamie Mitchell.
I was a child actor. I was on a
TV show called "One of the family".
Where the rich black couple
adopted the poor white trash kid,
and they didn't have the heart
to tell him he's not black?
"I'm an albino!"
I'm Canadian.
Well, Jamie and I met
when I was doing research
for "Take him from the streets".
I paid a street hustler.
And -- James was -- well, he was --
escorting at the time.
James, what do you do now?
Well, I don't hustle any more.
Um, I guess I'm a...
He's a lifeguard.
Yeah, at a...
a gym jacuzzi.
Can you tell me why you're here?
Recently we started about opening up our relationship, you know.
Sexually.
I was a little surprised when Jamie mentioned that he wanted to do this,
and then I thought, well, we've been together five years,
and -- I mean, let's face it,
monogamy's for straight people.
But we thought we should get an impartial opinion from a sex therapist.
Dr Lin?
Actually I prefer the term "couples counselor".
Although I have a great deal of experience in sex therapy.
Jamie, I'm wondering --
can you do me a big favor?
Sure.
Leave us alone.
'K...
Thanks.
All right.
Why are you here?
Well, something did happen at work last week.
Um, would you mind if I taped myself talking about this?
See, I'm making this little film, and
I want to tape myself telling this story.
Just me.
Sure, OK.
So I was at the gym last week...
Oh, Jesus!
There's something in there!
Something's on the bottom there!
Can you help me?
What was that?
It must have been a brownout.
Are you OK?
Yeah, yeah.
Everything's fine.
You know, we're making some progress.
I got to hear from James,
and now I'd love to hear from you, Jamie.
Tell me what you need in your life right now.
Well, I need Jamie.
Besides James.
We love each other so much.
I just...
I don't want to lose him.
And I think about him and other guys,
and then I think about me and other guys,
and I think, maybe there's an opportunity here.
I mean, there's a lot of good and cute people in the world who don't have any love in their lives,
and I think we could help them.
I mean, I love cute people.
Tell me what you need, in one sentence.
I love everybody.
That's not a need.
I need to love everybody.
Wait! Did you just hear me?
"I need to love everybody"?
How can I love everybody?
I can't even meet everybody!
Wow! You're good!
Thank you!
- Jamie...
Thank you!
I'm having a breakthrough!
Jamie, that's actually called a "false epiphany".
Come on, give me a break!
Did you give him a breakthrough?
You don't just dole out the breakthroughs.
Well, you can!
Don't you give yourself a breakthrough?
I don't need a breakthrough.
You're not gonna give me the breakthrough?
I do not need a breakthrough.
We all need breakthroughs.
Well shut up and sit down!
You shut up! And I...
Sit down!
Oh my God. I...
I am so sorry.
I'm not gonna charge you for this session.
It's a...
I'm preorgasmic.
Does that mean you're about to have one?
No.
I've never had one.
Get the hell out of here.
Everybody hates you.
Do you know who I am?
Yes, I know who you are.
Dr Donuts.
Eat my twat, Dr Donuts!
Fuck you!
I hate carbs!
What are you looking at?
Nothing. Um--
Jamie and, um, James told me to come here.
What's your name?
Sophia.
Oh, Sophia! I'm Justin Bond.
I'm the mistress of Shortbus.
Come on.
Do you know what a shortbus is?
No.
You've heard of the Big Yellow School Bus?
Well, this is the short one.
It's a salon for the gifted and challenged.
Hi-ha!
That's Alice. She's got a cunt like a wizard's sleeve.
This place has really taken off in the last few years,
since all these young people started flocking to the city.
Why would they come to New York?
It's so expensive to live here.
It's the only thing real that's ever happened to them.
Now in here is our performance room.
But tonight we're having a film festival.
They're boring as hell, but I've found the more boring they are,
the more intelligent people think they are. But watch.
"I'm an albino!"
Oh, there's the Jamies.
Hey. Mmm. Good to see you.
Hi James.
- Hey.
I'm so glad you came.
I said to switch the films. We're gonna do
a three-hour Gertrude Stein documentary.
That sounds like a real weenie shrinker.
Come on, let's go get laid.
You're gonna be all right?
Yeah.
What's the matter?
Nothing.
Are you sure you wanna try this tonight?
No, that's too late.
It'll be good for us.
Are you OK with it?
Yeah...
If you find somebody and I don't,
you know, that's totally cool.
But if I find somebody and you don't,
that's a dealbreaker for me. I can't do that.
No, don't do that.
I spend half of my time blowing the NYPD to keep this place open.
I barely have any time for myself.
Here's the sex room.
This is where it all happens.
Aren't they beautiful?
It's not your average sort of Friday night event,
but people seem to be enjoying themselves.
Last week we had some people in here,
I had to throw them out,
'cause you know, this is my house...
Oh, this is Creamy.
She's your matre d'.
Pleased to meet you.
Can I help you with some condoms or lube?
No, I'm fine, thank you.
Well, then maybe some blondies.
These are cannabis-free,
the pot corn isn't.
Excuse me.
Pot corn.
These are actually not all for me.
Thank you so, so much.
Why don't you come in and have a look?
After all, voyeurism is participation.
Well?
Now come on.
These bitches in there. Eating asses and sucking cock,
and then they show up at the buffet and say they're vegan.
Hi.
Any bites?
No.
I love these little gadgets.
Oh, this is Sophia.
She's a friend of the Jamies.
You know the Jamies?
I love the Jamies!
They're like the cutest couple in the whole world.
Do you think you could introduce me to them?
Yeah, probably.
I'm Ceth, with a C.
- Justin...
Hmm?
- Someone just came on your cat.
It's not funny!
Why can't they leave my pussy alone?
What is that?
That's the "yenta 650".
It's supposed to find me a husband.
How does it work?
I put in my profile...
"I got a match for you!"
Hi.
- I'm Magnus. And you are Keth?
That's actually Ceth. So you're 1.9 meters tall?
What's that in feet and inches?
Do you know?
Where are you from?
Canada. - Oh really?
- 6 1/2 feet.
a 15 cm dick...
Oh my God!
Maybe we can talk about this if we sit?
Yeah, I'll be right there.
- Great.
Is my hair OK?
Yeah, it's fine.
Thanks.
Sophia, come sit with us.
OK.
You make it sound like the Loch Ness monster.
It doesn't seem like it should be so hard to find.
It is so elusive, you know.
I'm starting to wonder if it's even natural.
It's not necessary for procreation, is it?
It only seems to appear in a handful of species
like the rabbit, the ferret,
the bottle-nosed dolphin, the macaque, the bonobo,...
"I'm an albino!"
Thanks.
Well I am, so it meant a lot to me.
Oh, that means a lot to me, actually.
Hey.
Hey.
You gonna be around later?
Sure.
Sorry. Go on.
You know, I feel like we're inundated by images
of these super deluxe babes in the throes of the ultimate orgasm...
I think it's just some myth to sell more magazines.
Whoa, myth? Did you just say that
female orgasms are a myth?
Yeah.
I'm here to tell you, sister, they're not.
- Here we go.
I've seen them happen before.
They're completely real.
Shabbos, Sophia.
Sophia, Shabbos.
Hey kids.
Nice to meet you.
I'm Shabbos Goy,
and if you're Jewish
I can help you turn on your lights.
I'm agnostic.
Do you like performance art?
Yeah, I do.
OK, I'm gonna do a show soon, and I think that you should come to it.
Might be a sort of therapeutic for your little problem.
Excuse me?
I have to say I find the fact that you can't have an orgasm completely unacceptable.
I would really like to work with you.
Shabbos!
Maybe I can help her!
You know, I'm sort of like a orgasmic superhero.
"Have I got a match for you? Oy, ! Oy, sheyne ponim! Sheyne ponim at 11 o'clock! Come on, just get off and go! Why so picky?"
Shit!
Sir, I'm so sorry. Are you OK?
My pacemaker. This odd vibration.
I'm so sorry.
No, no...
I think that was my Yenta.
Your-- your who?
Don't I know you from somewhere?
Well...
I used to be the mayor of New York.
Oh my God.
It's called "Ode to the female secretion",
and it works in five different movements:
Lubrication, Lactation,
Ejaculation --which is my favorite--,
then Urinatinon and Menstruation.
I think my throat's closing.
I can't use the last two.
Are you a really heavy bleeder?
On my second and third days.
That's so hot.
You know, I use menstrual blood as makeup in my show.
Tampons. Just pull them right out, fresh from the fruit, and use it as lipstick.
It's a period piece.
You're kidding.
I should really use that in the show.
That's the first funny thing you've ever said in your life.
Would you be interested in doing that?
You mean, donating... my...
Some of your menstrual blood for my face.
Oh, come on now!
What?
Join the line!
Did that make you...
I think it just made you uncomfortable
because you're a little baby homo.
- What are you doing?
Does this really have to do with an orgasm?
It comes from her fucking pussy,
why are you so fucking uncomfortable about it?
I can deal with pussies!
I'm around them all the time!
I'm not talking about your fucking boyfriend.
Get off of me!
You got a boner!
That's my cellphone, you fucking albino butch faggot!
Want to fuck me there with your mangina?
just for cockfucking me, you fucking dick.
Hi.
Are you OK?
There's just, uh...
lots of, uh...
Men?
Yes.
- Jesus.
My name is Bitch.
Hi Bitch.
You are?
Sophia.
Hey, sister. Sit down.
You're in the right place.
You're in the Pussy Palace.
So you're a sex therapist
but you've never had an orgasm?
Actually I prefer the term "couples counselor".
Have you ever been with a woman?
Uh, no, you know--
I'm not sure if I'm wired that way.
Rob's the only person I've ever been with.
Wow.
- It's cool.
My god.
You must have some major blue clit.
Did you do those PC muscle exercises?
You know, the PC muscle that controls your pee?
So when you're peeing next time,
just, you know,
squeeze it up and then let it go.
Squeeze it up, let it go.
That's good for your orgasms.
I'm doing it right now.
Can you guys tell from my face?
May I ask you a question?
I wanna know what did your very orgasm feel like.
Welcome to Lifetime Television.
It's all about your pussies.
This is gonna sound really cheesy, but
I felt like I was shooting out creative energy into the world,
and it was merging with other people's energy,
and then there was no was. There was peace.
Wow.
Well, mine was definitely with Little Prince.
We had this incredible connection.
We just like made it really slow and still,
and I felt like I was finally not alone.
Mine felt like I was talking with the gods or something.
You know, they were--
Shut the fuck up.
Excuse me?
Sophia, if you've never had an orgasm,
then how does it feel like
for you to have sex?
Great.
Yeah. Sex is really awesome.
I love sex.
Sex feels terrific.
- That's great.
I love it. A lot.
It's a great workout.
It feels good.
And I love loving my husband.
It's just, there comes a point sometimes where it gets a lot of pressure
and kinda like,
it feels a little bit,
kinda like, um,
like somebody's gonna kill me,
and I just have to smile
and pretend to enjoy it.
And that way I can survive.
Fuck, Severin.
Excuse me, that was totally inappropriate.
Don't mind her.
- Freak.
But you know what's the most wonderful thing about New York?
What?
It's where everyone comes to get fucked.
It's one of the last places where people are still willing to bend over
to let in the new.
And the old.
New Yorkers are... permeable.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
You sure are?
Therefore we're sane.
Consequently, we're the target of the impermeable.
And the insane.
And of course, New York is where everyone comes to be forgiven.
What have you done wrong?
Tell me, how have you sinned?
I'm sure it's nothing serious.
How would you know?
Well, I'm-- I'm sure you did your best.
Imagine if you grew up here like I did.
Home can be very unforgiving.
It's true.
People said I didn't do enough
to help prevent the AIDS crisis
because I was in the closet.
That's not true.
I did the best I could.
I was--
I was scared
and--
impermeable.
Everybody knew so little then.
I know even less now.
Chip?
No, I'm OK.
Who's that?
If he's wearing a blue shirt, it's me.
It's you.
I made that for him.
Oh yeah?
That's Jamie there on the back.
Oh my God.
Shut up, that's so cute!
How old are you guys?
Seven.
Six.
Somewhere around there.
I think I'm actually gonna go.
What? No!
Yeah.
No, it's OK. It's cool.
Are you sure?
No.
Yeah.
Hang out for a while.
OK.
Come on.
How do I be a model?
A lot of it's instinct, to be honest.
But there are some basics.
The way I like to think about it, it's like geometry.
Like lines and angles.
I like that.
That's perfect. That's like an ad right there.
See, you got it.
Whatever, I hate it. It totally sucks.
James?
Yeah?
Can you actually use your other hand?
'Cause I usually command it from a different angle.
Sure.
How's that?
That's fine.
That feels really good.
What?
Huh?
Just say something.
- What are you talking...
Make more sounds.
"I'm an albino!"
"I'm an albino!"
"I'm an albino!"
"O say, can you see"
"by the dawns early li-i-i-i-i-ight"
"O say, does that
star-spangled banner yet wave"
"Oer the land of the free-e-e-e-eee"
"and the home of the b-rave?"
Is that the first time somebody sang the National Anthem in your ass?
No.
OK, rotate.
Carpet burn.
Jamie, can I watch you fuck him?
I want you.
You. You. You.
That's it.
Fuck...
Fuck!
Rob!
What?
It's too loud!
No, it's not.
It is!
It's not!
It is!
It's not too loud!
I can't concentrate!
I'm looking for a job, OK?
What kind of a job, a hand job?
For Christ's sake, turn the fucking music off!
And look at this place.
I just got the fucking cleaners in here yesterday!
These are my dried cranberries--
And you bought everything in this house!
Fuck - you!
We agreed to come from a place of love.
I feel your warm and loving hands.
And I feel worried that you think I'm ugly.
Because why else would you be doing that on the computer.
I'm squeezing your perfectly round shoulders,
following to your clavicle and your collarbone,
so you know that you're incredibly attractive.
I think you're incredibly sexy.
And I'm just distracting myself.
I feel the sleeves of your T-shirt.
They're dry against my clammy hands.
Your skin is perfect
like I could never get this on a computer.
'Cause I'm just-- blocked.
Totally. We're both blocked, and--
Oh god, that feels good.
Really?
Shit, I'm so crunchy up there.
How about you unblock these beautiful breasts?
Your pertinent nipples.
"Pertinent"?
Very relevant.
Aw! Jeez!
I am not a cow!
I know you're not a cow, baby--
It felt that way.
It felt like I was a cow.
You wanna know why?
- That's what you felt.
- Yes. I own that.
Can we try it again?
I'm feeling your strong biceps.
They're so tender and smooth.
Oh god, when you flex them,
they're just like breasts.
I feel the delicate wisps of your receding hairline...
I'm not balding.
Yes you are, honey. You are.
And I love your balding, virile head.
I feel really small.
That's because we are small.
We're so very small.
No!
I'm saying that I feel small.
I feel like I can't take up enough space.
I feel like my cock isn't big enough for you.
This is your issue, and you have to own it.
Because I am not a size queen,
and I don't care about...
I can't bring home any money.
I feel like I'm not contributing.
I love the fact that you deliver Meals on Wheels.
You volunteer. It's beautiful.
Why would you...
Bullshit. I can't even give you an orgasm.
Yes, you... many times you have.
Bullshit!
I think we can get over this.
We can work this through. We've been through a lot of stuff together.
I can't give you an orgasm!
Hello?
Hi. Is this Severin?
Yeah.
Hey. It's Sophia.
So, do you like to jerk off?
Of course I do.
What are you doing with the cigarette in here?
Please, put that out!
This is a non-smoking environment.
That's totally absurd.
We're completely surrounded by water.
It's like a dream smoking environment.
You're gonna kill us in here.
That feels good.
Thank you.
What about your husband, has he ever tried to get you off?
This is not about Rob?
He's not an asshole, he's a great guy.
If it wasn't for Rob, I'd still be a bank teller.
He totally changed my life around.
He's my best friend.
Why is it so important for you to have an orgasm anyway?
I mean, it feels good, but it's not gonna save your life.
I wanna be welcomed into the secret society of women.
I was never a brownie.
I haven't had an orgasm.
God, I want to be able to save my marriage.
What does it have to do with your marriage?
It has a lot to do with--
- I think it has nothing to do with the other person.
Like, I can only come if it's my own hand.
It has everything to do, because
you need two people to make love.
No you don't.
Have you even had a relationship?
So were you like, abused as a child?
No.
Were you?
No!
I come from a very traditional Chinese Canadian family.
I love Chinese Canadian food, but what does that have to do with it?
Chinese families are very strict.
My mom was a disciplinarian,
and my father... was...
my father was a great guy.
Did he touch you?
- No.
No, he didn't touch me.
He didn't touch anyone, ever.
Oh I see. Like, "My father wasn't there,
I can't feel anything between the legs."
You are so far behind you think you're first.
God, he was alway there for me.
It's just-- he was always there for me, that was the problem.
He was always watching me.
He was always watching me.
Watching you how?
You want me to say he raped me without touching me?
Well, did he?
Did he?
You don't know what the fuck you're talking about.
I'm sorry.
Domination, black and white-- it's not as simple.
Relationships are more complex than that?
Are you saying that I can't understand your relationship with your father who "watched you",
because I'm a dominatrix?
Well, yes!
That's really funny, because you're a sex therapist
and you can't have an orgasm.
You should be in...
Where are you going?
I am not one of your clients who pays to be dominated!
Sophia, this is like the best conversation I've had over years.
Let go of my arm!
I won't grab you.
Please, I'm--
I'm sorry, OK? I just--
Sometimes when I get uncomfortable, I get mean.
You are not gonna keep me keen by treating me mean.
Look, I know I can help you have an orgasm.
And maybe you can help me having a real human interaction with someone?
Maybe we could meet here every week for an hour.
I'm in a crisis.
All right, every night this week, starting tomorrow.
You're sitting all by yourself.
And you look up, and there he is.
With his lunch tray.
What's his name again?
Phil.
Phil Mudd.
Severin's not my real name.
What is your real name?
So Phil Mudd says, "Is anyone sitting here?"
And you say, "No one's ever sat here."
OK, I'm going down.
Feel the thought first.
Then get on the bus.
Just whisper it to me.
Whisper it in my ear.
I can't do it.
Oh, Phil!
I want you to see his lunch tray.
It's got a carton of homogenized milk.
Pour that all over you.
Look at his Converse.
He markered them all up.
OK, if you can't say it,
then just simply write it down.
Feel the thought first.
Then get on the bus.
All right. You gotta pull the bus over.
You're not riding safely. Park.
Jennifer.
That's a lovely name.
Oh Jennifer.
What's your last name?
Aniston?
Jennifer Aniston.
There's room for two in this world.
Good going! It's OK! It's all right!
Good work today, Jennifer.
It's a remote-controlled vibrating egg.
Where'd you get this?
That's not important.
OK, so here's the plan:
We'll mingle separately to see what we can experience safely,
and once in a while, I want you to check in with me
with this.
Jesus Christ, Sophia!
I want you to have control.
So if you're feeling threatened or horny
or if you just wanna check in and say "Hey",
buzz me, OK?
Come on, it'll be fun!
It'll be hot.
Come back, bitch!
That's "Bumble bee kisses".
Oh, that's nice.
It's just like the 60s, only with less hope.
See anything you like?
Oh Jesus. It's a lot of stuff that I'm seeing. It's incredible.
For a minute I thought that man didn't have an arm.
So, how's the big O coming?
Oh, everybody's talking about it.
Everybody here knows.
"That's the girl that can't have orgasms."
You're sitting up here in your corner
with your flower choking your throat.
I mean, sweetheart, you gotta loosen up a little bit.
I mean, you have nice boobs.
You've got what it takes, sweetheart, what's the holdup?
I think I have some sort of clog in my neural pathways
somewhere between my brain and my clitoris.
That's disgusting.
No, I'm serious.
Don't think of it as a clog.
Think of it as some sort of magical circuit board.
A motherboard, filled with desire, that travels all over the world.
That touches you, that touches me, that connects everybody.
You just have to find the right connection, the right circuitry.
Look at all these people out there.
They're trying to find the right connection.
And I personally expect a few blown fuses
before the night is over.
And maybe one of them will be yours.
Are you suggesting that Rob and I aren't compatible sexually?
Who the hell is Rob?
My husband.
Well, where is he right now?
I don't know.
Well, then it's time to play.
You've got the whole world. It's your playground. What do you think it will take?
Maybe somebody who's just starting to explore their sexuality, somebody...
Like a child?
No.
Not a child.
I'm not recommending it. I'm just asking.
I'm just trying to help you, dear.
You're touching my thigh.
Oh, I'm sorry.
It's OK.
I don't mind.
Hey-- OK. What if I asked you, um-- if I can kiss you?
Well, I don't know, I mean...
I get really scared sometimes, but...
all right, if you want to, but...
just real gently.
OK.
Wow. That was fast.
No, it's my husband.
- Oh.
He's trying to communicate with me.
- Oh.
Oh my godness, how sad! Do you want a hug?
- I just want--
- Can I use your leash for a second?
Jesus, do you have a cellphone in your twat?
No, it's-- um, he's got the remote control.
It's... this... vibrating, uh...
OK, lady. Well, you know, best of luck, thanks for everything,
as my dear departed friend Lotus Weinstock used to say:
"I used to want to change the world.
"Now I just want to leave the room with a little dignity."
Excuse me while I crawl out of here.
- Um...
That's fun.
Are you guys hard?
I get something to drink. I'll be right back.
Wow. So weird.
He's awesome.
Do you think that...
What?
I don't know, I mean,
I've heard of three-way relationships,
but they're mostly in Berkeley.
What do you think?
I don't know.
He's great.
And I think we'll learn to do a lot, you know.
That's good. It's a good thing.
What?
It's a good thing?
Yeah!
What's a good thing?
I just think...
Do you hear yourself?
Do you even know what you're saying any more?
'Cause I don't.
I'm sick of having to drag every little thing out of you.
I mean--
I know you get depressed, but come on!
I'm trying!
Do you love me?
You don't love me any more?
Severin! Wait up!
Wait!
Ohhhhh!
How's it going?
Pretty great.
You had an orgasm?
No, but-- I made out with somebody.
Who?
Justin Bond.
He's an homosexual!
Apparently not.
Oh my god.
Well, he's really cute.
Yeah, he is.
I saw Rob, by the way.
Yeah. What was he up to?
He was getting fucked up the ass.
It was really intense.
Oh god.
I'm just kidding.
You brat!
- No, seriously, though-- he was.
I should probably go find him.
What's with him?
That fucking trust fund muppet Jesse is
like the longest relationship I've ever had.
You deserve so much more, Jennifer.
Thank you, but I can't respond to that name yet.
I'm sorry.
I can't do it any more.
I can't...
I just like...
wanna have like a house, a cat,
a pet, you know what I'm saying?
I'm sorry.
No, you shouldn't apologize.
I'm glad that you're telling me these things.
I want to hear you say these things.
I'm gonna save up all my money,
and then I'm just gonna make art for a year. Nothing else.
I know you can do it.
But everything's so fucking expensive!
I don't even know if I can afford to live in New York any more.
Where would I go, Fresno?
It's OK.
Your skin is so soft.
Jesus.
Rob.
Hi, Rob.
Oh my god.
Oh, man.
Oh god.
Don't move.
I'm so sorry.
It's OK.
I'm sorry.
Don't apologize.
- Fuck.
I just-- I'm like, so sensitive.
I should find Rob.
You can tell me all about it tomorrow.
Actually, um--
I can't make it tomorrow, but I will give you a call.
I'll give you a call. Later this week.
Christ.
Truth or dare?
Truth.
Out of everyone here, who would you want to make out with the most?
No one.
What?
- Bus cow.
OK, spin.
Dare.
You and Severin have to go in that closet.
You do whatever the fuck you want to to her, for five minutes. While we take a pee break.
Oh my god.
I'm not gonna make out with you, OK?
I'm James.
Severin.
What is that?
It's my film.
What is it about?
I have a hard time saying.
Are you showing it here tonight?
I don't know.
What are you guys doing in there?
I hate him.
He can be a lot worse.
At least he's cute.
That's pretty unusual.
What's pretty unusual?
I never had a john that cute.
You know how we got started?
How?
After watching "My own private Idaho".
I grew up in a small town, so I didn't know where to go.
So I waited outside the theater where it was playing.
I waited for somebody to come out.
And that's where I met my first john.
So was it choice?
Yeah.
I loved it actually.
I knew exactly what I was worth.
You know?
Exactly what I had to contribute.
What was like, the most you ever made in a day?
Well, with cab fare--
$389.
That's pretty good for a small town.
You're with that guy who looks just like you, right?
Yeah.
He's cute. He looks like a jelly bean.
Yeah.
He's great, actually.
I never let him fuck me.
I never let anybody fuck me.
What are you guys doing in there?
You're an artist.
No. I suck.
Hey, me too.
Do you take that camera everywhere you go?
Yeah, something like that.
Are you OK?
Why are you crying?
I look back to things that were when I was 12 years old.
I'm still looking for the same things now.
Time's up.
Hey, what are you doing?
I'm looking for my husband.
I just found mine.
Both of them. I'm totally in love with them.
But together. Not so much separately.
I hope they know it's gonna have to be a monogamous relationship.
- Excuse me.
What the fuck do you think you're doing?
Who are you?
Who the fuck are you?
I'm Ceth. Is there a problem?
You're not funny.
I thought it was kinda funny.
No you're not. And you're a horrible therapist.
Listen to me: James and Jamie are perfect.
Just leave them alone.
I think you need to leave.
No. I think you're fucking with something very pivotal to them and to me.
Just walk away!
Fuck you!
You motherfucker!
OK, OK.
Timeout, timeout.
Sorry, I--
Are you OK?
I've got an egg vibrating between my legs!
What the fuck is going on in here?
Hey. Are you OK?
You gave it away?
I just misplaced it.
I know you're hurt.
I am not hurt. I am furious!
I totally honor your feelings, but I want you to own them.
Shut up with your "honoring your feelings".
And do not tell me what to own.
Because I know what I own,
you balding impotent liar!
Right, sister!
All right, show's over.
We're gonna be processing to the next room now.
Hey.
Fuck! Fuck!
Yes. I--I need an ambulance.
I'm at the Palestra Gym. It's on 99...
Hello?
Who is this?
Oh. Hey. How are you?
Do I know you?
No.
Did you follow me?
Why would you wanna do that to yourself?
James-- Yes, I followed you to the gym.
Why?
Let's not talk about this on the phone.
What does your afternoon look like?
I'm looking for a friend. His last name is Baysin.
B-A-Y-
What do you mean, he checked himself out?
So what do you want?
I want to be restrained, but I don't want to totally lose control.
Good.
'Cause I can't be bothered to tie you up.
Turn over and hold the headbar. If you let go, I'll leave.
You never asked your wife to do this?
I guess she wouldn't understand.
All right.
This one's for her.
And I told Brad, "I think you're confusing me with someone who hurt you."
And he said, "No, Cheryl, you're hurting me."
Right?
And that was an eye opener for me.
And whenever I brought up my gastrointestinal problem...
When did you start watching me?
Um, a couple of years ago.
I work right out of here.
I proofread for a living.
I don't have cable.
I remember watching Jamie cut your hair.
It just seemed like fun.
And you were always my favorite,
because you were sad.
Do you have a boyfriend?
Look, James, please, you have to call Jamie, OK?
Just call him.
You can use my phone.
Why won't he come home?
Wouldn't you wanna go home?
What are you doing?
I don't understand?
What are you doing here?
Explain it to me, please.
First you bring Ceth into the relationship--
What's wrong with you?
I didn't want Jamie to be alone.
How long have you been planning this?
What, so you've been making a suicide tape for the last six months?
I just wanted him to know it wasn't his fault.
Jamie loves you.
You have so much.
I know.
I see it all around me.
But it stops at my skin.
I can't let it inside.
It's always been like that.
It's always gonna be like that.
I can feel it in little moments with Jamie,
because he loves me so hard.
He loves me as hard as the people who treated me like shit.
I can't feel it.
Don't.
Don't. Don't. No.
No. No.
Go! Go!
Don't you see that I don't wanna be this!
... if that makes people uncomfortable, then it makes us uncomfortable.
But at least it's truthful.
I don't want to lie any more.
Because that isn't who I am, and it isn't who I'm trying to, who we're trying to be.
I have to get some sort of information,
because the patient that was there checked himself out.
Ceth!
Are you sure?
Be glad you followed me out into the fucking cold
and bucked a date
so you could feel something?
It's hard not to feel anything in your life.
Do you feel it now, you little faggot?
Don't you fucking look at me.
Don't fucking look at me!
It's OK.
"... is doing everything possible to get some power back,
"and he's advising calm, which seems unnecessary,
"because there's been no reported incidents of looting or violence of any kind.
"So far, no explanation for what caused the...
I'm out to get some fruit and some batteries.
I'll be back in five minutes.
"... no reason to believe that this is the result of terrorist acts..."