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Signature Move (2017)
(upbeat music)
Hina, can you get them started on the visa process? Of course. Line one. It's Dr. Hassan. Dr. Hassan, don't tell me you've been arrested for possession again. I understand that, but just because you didn't intend to turn it into opium doesn't mean that importing poppy from Pakistan looks good. (TV sounds) (Pakistani drama dialogue) (headphones blasting rap music) I think I can help you. Okay, awesome. But there is one thing. I'm not in a position to pay you in dollars. Go on. Do you take other forms of payment? (grunting) (yelling) (Pakistani drama dialogue) Uh, no, but they, uh, they had some other mangoes, Mom. They looked real good. I don't know, a Desi husband-wife couple, newlyweds. You know, typical... Visa issues. Well, you could go back, Mom. Or at least, I don't know, leave the house? It was good. Epileptisical...? Yeah, I did. I did that, I ran a few miles. I, uh, worked out with the weights. I did a lot of crunches. I'd prefer to be out. Maybe that should be enough for today, Mom. Why don't we do something else? Let's go for a walk. Mom, your knees are just going to get worse if you don't use them. That's how it works. This is so dumb. You know this is dumb, right? This, this doesn't happen in real life. People don't randomly get saved by strangers. And they definitely don't fall in love at first sight. He's dead. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. (motor running) Mm. What is all of this? Mm, new arrivals. 50 Ways to Eat a Beaver. That is literally about beavers. Okay. What's all this? New arrivals. Hey, so what can I get you? Oh, can I get a whiskey soda, but in two separate glasses. And a wedge of lime. We don't have a wedge of lime. Okay, no lime, but a straw. Okay. Nice stack. Thanks. Uh, you too. Salud. Uh, salud. You're supposed to take a sip. Salud, hey, uh, look a person in the eye. Are you a writer? Oh, gosh no, I'm a lawyer. Oh. Are you a writer? Uh, no. I own a bookstore. Hmm, and you like to eat beavers. I do. I'd like to buy the counselor here a shot of my favorite tequila. You sure got a lot of favorites. Reel it in, Milo. [Milo] (laughs) Okay. This is for you, dear. This is for me. To new arrivals. Salud. Salud. To new arrivals. Salud. Salud. That's, um, that's hot. It's very hot. Mm! Whoo! Okay, eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes. Mm. - Woo. - Woo. This could've been something This could've been something baby This could've been something How you gonna stay Where you gonna be somebody Once you go away I won't be needing anybody My nights are turning (Pakistani TV playing) Girl They don't know your worth Tell 'em you're my girl And anything you want is yours Passion, burning Causing a rapture of laughter Pressure building Falling faster and faster If I told you that you rock my world (groans) (man on TV sings in Urdu) (water running) There's a bathroom down the hall if you need some privacy. You just can't use my toothbrush. I'm just gonna go home now. It was nice meeting you. Thank you. Don't get up, I'll just let myself out. [Woman] Mm-hmm. Hmm? Nuh-uh, that way. (door creaking) (floor creaks) (helmet thuds) Shit. Where were you last night? Yeah for real, I didn't even hear from you. Out with a couple of friends. With who? (laughing) Ay. [All Men] Ooh. Menudo? (laughing) Who is that? That's, um, we'll talk about it later. Mm-hmm, she's cute. You better watch out. Save your strength. Watch your feet. Step in the direction you're going. Drop, and pop. Drop! And pop. Here we go. (yelling) Ahh. Where are you today? Don't get me wrong, I like this whole lion spirit animal thing. But you seem distracted. I had a long night. Who is she? Shh. I don't know why you date women. I don't know why you date men. With men, I have no expectations. I just assume they'll be emotionally stunted. Women are so emotionally available. It's a lot of work. I have a hearty work ethic. Be straight with me. How many women have you been with? Define been with. Sexed, dated, loved. Sexed, four? Dated, two... Ish. Loved... Zero. Ow. Get over it. [Zaynab] Thanks again. Oh, and you, um, you have my ID, so give me a call? Oh, this is Zaynab. She's cute. In a Dr. Zhivago kind of way. You gonna call her back? Maybe. Maybe. Wow, so does that mean you're going to see her again? I don't know. Ooh. How'd you find me? Uh, the bartender. I asked how I could find that girl from last night. You. Her. She. Pronouns are so weird. What's my name? Hmm, what? You don't remember my name, do you? Give me five to choose from. Jennifer, Marielle, Carolina, Jackie, Cruz. Could you repeat the choices? It's Alma. Alma, yes! Did I do that? Uh, no, it's my coach. It was an accident. Thought you were a lawyer. I am a lawyer. One of my clients is this former pro wrestler, she's my coach. No, like, like, we have an arrangement. Jolt, yeah, that's her former pro wrestler name. Got the belt and everything. Uh, Luna Peligrosa. Luchadora Mexicana. Is that your wrestling coach? 'Cause you've got some pretty good moves. I came out of her. I don't know that move. No. That's my mom. They're gay? They're real gay. Not a potential. Remember, if you freak out, I'll get hurt. And I don't want to get hurt. Ah. (grunting) (groaning) What's my signature move? How do I get one? Mm, you don't need a signature move. Besides, the right one can take years to develop. Oh. It's got to come from your soul. Ah. You're so good. Why'd you retire? Well, wrestlers never really retire. In fact, I'm supposed to compete again in a few weeks, but my knee's killing me. Huh. And I don't have the right outfit. Oh. (claps) Oh. (claps weakly) Okay, Mom, it's either an instant message, or an email, it's not both. Hm. So, what did it, uh, What'd it say? Okay, so what should we do? (gasping) Ah! Mm, gracias. Thank you, gracias. Spicy. So that one's chicken, and this one's steak. There's no pork, right? I don't eat pork. Me neither. You don't? Nope, I'm half Jewish. Which half? That's for me to know, and for you to find out. So, how did your whole family get here? Well, my mom traveled a lot with the luchadoras. She stopped wrestling when I was born. She wanted to go back to school, but my dad didn't want her to, so she left him after my brother was born, and then we came here. Hm. How about you? How'd you end up here? They came for the same reasons as your family. Money, jobs, opportunity. What's funny is, my mom, back in Pakistan, used to be way more moderate. And then she moved here, and she became more conservative. Like, more Muslim, even? I would've loved to have met her then. You don't talk to her about it? Mothers and daughters aren't friends in our culture. Well, not in my family. We love each other, we care for each other, but even wanting to be friends, my mom would say, Zaynab, that's a very American concept. Zaynab... Does that mean anything? Precious flower, or one who glorifies her father. [Alma] Wow, how's that going? My father died a little over a year ago. Oh god, I'm sorry. Yeah, he, um, died of a heart attack. And then my mom moved in with me. Now I'm her caretaker. Are you and your mother friends? Oh yeah, God, I tell her everything. Luna Peligrosa. You remember her name? (laughing) I do. What does it mean? [Alma] Dangerous moon. [Zaynab] How did she get that? You know, I don't know, actually. So what about you? Alma, what does that mean? In Spanish, it means, soul. [Zaynab] Soul. [Alma] Yeah. [Zaynab] So, tell me something else I don't know about you. Hmm, I was in a telenovela. Come on. Yeah, really, back in Mexico. I was a kid, literally, a child. And actually terrible. They didn't use my cut for broadcast. I would be so much better, now. (Zaynab laughing) Sh, sh. I know you're supposed to be good for us, because you eat all the bad bugs. Mom, I can't, I'm, uh, meeting my friend. Okay, well, I want to meet your friends, so... My mother wants to meet you. Oh no, I don't want to meet your mother. You don't? Okay, cool. Wait a minute. Why don't you want to meet my mother? I want to meet your mother. The reason you want to meet my mother is very different from why I don't want to meet your mother. Mother meeting means a relationship. I'm not in this for a relationship. Me neither. (percussive music) Yeah, focus on technique! Alright. Shoot out. Double leg takedown, let's go. Yes. Headlock, headlock, get in there. Use your hips, use your hips! Use your, whoa. Okay, this... Is... Hey, this is not a move. What, it's that girl? The only way to get the girl is not be afraid of losing her. Because it is not about winning. It is about everything else. What you're feeling right now, you need to learn to harness it, channel it, and use it to your advantage. Ow. [Jayde] Again. I'm asking myself a lot of questions And searching for all the wrong answers I'm staring in the mirror I see a broken girl who looks a lot like me Half lost can you accept it No one's perfect That's expected That's expected Wish I could rewind the time When I wasn't stressed out my mind I can't be your superhero And fly across the seas everyday I can't be your perfect angel With a halo on my head all day I'm trying to tell you that I'm only human That I'm only human Bye, Mom. I'm, uh, going to go meet a friend. Friend, does he have potential? What about me, Mom, do I have potential? Are you sure? Yeah. I don't know. I promise you. [Bouncer] Hey, pretty. Where's your girl? (club music) (bell rings) She is known as the queen of chaos, Lucy Vicious. (audience cheers) And her opponent, she is known as the Appalachian Assassin. It's Darcy Dixon. (bell rings) (grunting) Whoo, yeah, augh, woo. Get on there, woo. Here, break it up. [Announcer] Oh, ref is down. Woohoo. [Announcer] Keep it pumped up, chica! Yeah, get her down! Lucy, we love you! [Announcer] Lucy Mendez coming back! Woo, okay, I'm going to be right back. [Announcer] Keep it going y'all, for your champion, Lucy Mendez. Woo, here, put this on. Okay. Lucy, you're a goddess! Woohoo! You should do this. I could never do this. Yeah. I wrestle for existential reasons. Immigration and codependency. (street noises) Ooh. Okay, my mom's going to go through that in a day. Maybe we should skip the papaya. (laughs) There are also some, uh, mangoes back there, if you wanted to get some. Nah, the Mexican ones just aren't as sweet. That's not what you said last night. (Parveen humming) Alli, ma. [Rosa] Gracias, mijo. De nada. (festive music) You like Carlos? Mama, ay. (laughing) Ay, Carlos reminds me of another man I knew. Who? (spits) So what happened? Ay, no. Peligrosa. Luna Peligrosa. Huh. (Pakistani pop music) I feel like you're keeping me secret. It's not about you. I mean, it is about you, because it's about my personal life. But, it's not about you, you know? Well, I don't keep secrets. Hold still, Mom. Come on. Sorry, sorry, sh. Just one more, one more, come on, come on, come on. Uh, she should be here soon. A couple years. Not that I know of. One more, one more, one, one. [Zaynab] Okay. Can I go now? [Parveen] You eat meat? Yep, you know, I tried veganism once, but it kind of felt like it was going against my roots. I also tried once. You did? Oh, oh, that's too much filling. Remove it, remove it. And fold it properly. Here, let me show to you. This reminds me of making tamales at home with my family. He is fan favorite in Pakistan. Hmm. You know like, that, um, that star, what is his name. Um, sound like a baby animal, Zaynab? Ryan Gosling. Hmm, Goose-ling. (laughing) So handsome, Zaynab's father was not so handsome. Mom. But, but very intelligent. Hmm, he used to read every single book. Aw, did Zaynab tell you that I owned a bookstore? No, Zaynab has not told me anything about you. Well, I was thinking it would be nicer, but... Mm, mm, drama. Drama. This is totally like a telenovela. Like what? Oh, um, tele-no-vela. Tele-no-vela. Mm-hmm, Spanish-speaking soap operas. May I? [Parveen] Uh. (chuckling) (dramatic Spanish dialogue) That's just like my dramas. Yeah, minus the kissing and the cleavage. Hmm, what did you say? Nothing. Just, Mom, you don't even, like, know what they're saying? How can you even, like, enjoy it? You don't need to understand the language. You just feel it. These two love each other. Are you married? Oh, no. We should find you a husband. But before that, we must find Zaynab a husband. Do you know any potentials? No. I don't know anyone who would want to marry your daughter. Hey, hey, I am so sorry about my mother, okay? That was so awkward, you were right. Meeting mothers, terrible idea. Maybe this is a terrible idea. If you're actually looking for a husband, then, I mean... Uh, I'm not looking for a husband. You don't understand. No, I understand. I understand perfectly what's going on here, and I don't want anything to do with it. I don't want to do this anymore. Do what? This, any of this, you, me. There's always a thing, with every girl. With you, it's secrets and lying. I have never lied to you. You are lying to your mother. And a lot of other people in your life, about what you like to do in private. Look, I'm just trying to figure it all out. It's hard. You don't know the way I was raised. No, we're not that different. I get the whole mother, and respect, and family thing. And you're not in high school. And clearly, your mother knows nothing about you. Honestly, I don't even know what we're arguing about. I mean, you do realize that we don't know each other well enough to be doing this, right? I mean, I don't know you well enough to be this upset. This is so lesbian, this is, this is so lesbian. I mean, seriously, this is the gayest thing we could be doing right now. You buzz around like you know everything there is to know about women, because you're so experienced and you're so much better at this than I am. I am. Look, I am my mother's person. I am her person. She doesn't go out. She doesn't do anything. She doesn't see anybody. I am her everything. I'm her friend, her, her companion, her mother, her chef, her, I'm her fucked up daughter. Well, I don't go backwards for anyone. I'm not gonna do it for you either. Yeah. She left. Mom, can you stop? Moving these, they don't go like this. It's not your flow. It's my flow. I can flow however I want. [Zaynab] Whoa! (groaning) I need you. Oh. No... No. You were right. Women are the worst. Stick with the emotionally unavailable. Ugh, no. I need you to compete in the Lucha match. I can't do it, my knee's blown. I'll train you. Do you think I have a shot at winning? Oh, no, absolutely not. You're gonna get creamed. No, no, I'm a lawyer. I'm not a wrestler. Objection, you're not a wrestler, yet. Oh. Objection overruled! Why does she keep hitting me? Yeah, tell me about it. No. Yes. No. No, I mean, yes. I mean, well, kind of. She's secretive. No. No. Yeah, but that was a different time. It was a different place. Things are different now. You never wrestled after I was born? Was I worth it? Mija... You. Gym. God, why does everybody keep... It's a wrestling mask. I wrestle. Wrestle? No, I wrestle with women. It's just this thing that I do. You know, like you pray and watch Pakistani dramas. I'm just trying to live my life. Maybe you should go live yours. I am living my life! Live my life. I saw you with your friend. I have a right to know. Zaynab? Zaynab? Zaynab? Zaynab? All right, now this one? This is Hopewell's cold brew coffee beer. Now it's just like having a full cup of coffee, except it's better, 'cause it's beer. (laughing) All right, I'm gonna start with this one. I don't trust him. You. You are awesome, and I like you a lot. Your path is your path, and it's a beautiful and inspiring path. But, your path isn't better than my path. It's just different. And, my mother and I, we do have a weird and dysfunctional relationship maybe. Okay, definitely. But that doesn't make it wrong. I have to live my life, my way. And that does not mean that I'm moving backwards. (slow clapping) - Ooh. - Ooh. I'm fine. Is that your signature move? Whose side are you on? Well, Erik Astrada does have a good point. Yo, this girl has gotten to you. She likes you, and you like her, I know this. But, she's right. She's got her own path. I'm not gonna compromise for someone else. I am who I am. Please, I am who I am. You've been felt up. You're just feeling your feelings. It's not compromise. Hey, what, what, what are you doing? Hey, you've got to cleanse your palate. Exactly, you've gotta cleanse your palate. So you can really taste this one. She's pretty sweet. I'm just speculating. (Jayde grunting) Train me. No, no, no, you were right. You're a lawyer. I need this. Are you, are you gonna cry? All right, I'll do it. Uh. Rah. (upbeat Pakistani music) (grunting) (roaring) I always wanted to be your girl I always wanted to be your girl I always wanted to be your girl I always wanted to be your girl Okay, now don't get distracted by the crowd. They're supposed to pick sides. And if they're booing, you're doing your job. [Bouncer] Name? Uh, Parveen. Ma'am, you're not on the list, you VIP? Very important Pakistani. Okay, seriously, you're not on the list. You're holding up the line, ma'am. But my daughter is inside. She's with me. Ah. [Alma] Mrs. Qadir, what are you doing here? [Parveen] I don't know. Where is Zaynab? [Alma] I don't know. Mrs. Qadir, this is my mother, Rosa. [Rosa] Your daughter is Zaynab? Yeah. [Rosa] (shouting in Spanish) Woo! (bell rings) Yeah, woo. Welcome to this month's all lady lucha libre! Introducing, we got a first-timer, y'all. A lucha virgin. Coming to you from Rogers Park, it's Jasmine Z. Oh. Zaynab? All right, all right, representing the... (environmental noise) it's Ragina Cruz! Yeah, ha ha. Get ready, ring the bell. (bell rings) (grunting) Zaynab. [Regina] How do you like me now? It's not real, you know, it's like our dramas. It's not real. No, it's real. Mom. She's doing very good. Yes, Zaynab! Get her. Oh, oh, ooh. Zaynab? No, no, just stay here. She's doing great. Oh, oh. Careful. (grunting) One, two, three. No. Ring the bell, that's match over. I have a crazy daughter. You do, she's the worst. (bell rings) Mom. Zaynab? Thanks for coming, Mom. Ah. - Hey. - Hey. What was that? That's my signature move. Mom! I just want to dance among the stars These after hours got me (Pakistani pop music) |
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