The last full moon
of that spring...
came a little more than a month
before school let out...
came a little more than a month
before school let out...
for summer vacation.
Our town's long nightmare
began that night.
My beer is Rheingold
The dry beer
Think of Rheingold
whenever you buy beer
It's not bitter, not sweet
It's a real frosty treat
Won't you buy
Won't you buy
Rheingold Beer
Won't you try
Won't you buy
Jesus, Arnie.
What are you afraid of,
the boogeyman?
God. Come on outta there, buster,
and give me a hand.
All right. What is it
that you want, Arnie?
I want some Rheingold.
When do you want it?
As soon as I get
that dirt outta there.
There.
Rheingold time, Arnie!
Oh, shit.
The killing had begun.
But at first,
no one knew it.
You see, Arnie Westrum
was a chronic drunk...
and what happened
seemed like an accident.
The county coroner concluded that
Arnie had passed out on the tracks.
There wasn't enough evidence
to conclude anything else.
- Yeah.
- Did you remember the deviled ham?
It's such a wonderful day.
This is Tarker's Mills,
where I grew up...
and this is how
it looked that spring...
a town where people
cared about each other...
as much as they cared
about themselves.
I was nearly 15 years old,
and my brother Marty was 11.
We'd like to get things
started now.
Can I have
your attention, please, everybody?
We'd like to get things
started now if we could.
Lotta chairs down here.
Come on right down and sit down.
All right,
without further ado...
I'd like to turn things over
to our own Reverend Lester Lowe.
I'm gonna go, okay?
- All right, but stay close.
- Thank you, folks.
And make sure
your brother's all right.
"Make sure your brother's
all right."
Marty's a booger.
Wow.
Marty was the cross
I had to bear.
- That old garter snake?
- Hell, no.
- He wasn't so bad, actually.
- Let me hold him.
He was just constantly
thrown in my face by my parents.
- I have an idea.
- What?
Oh, you wouldn't.
Oh, you would.
Only, let's not, you know,
go bananas or anything.
Who? Me?
An endeavor like this
seems to me...
to be the very definition
of community.
Marty?
Now I know you all
are probably tired...
of listening to me
flap my jaws...
Aw, Janie!
Goddamn it!
Come on, Jane.
It was just a garter snake.
Look at my hose!
Ooh, I hate you!
- Jane! I'm shocked at you!
- Thank you, Reverend Lowe.
Stop it, Brady.
As mayor,
I just wanna say...
that I hope we can raise
that money before Christmas!
Look alive!
Hey, Jane,
did you wet your pants?
- Jane, I'm sorry.
- Oh, yeah! Sure!
- I didn't mean to.
- Oh, no!
You never mean to!
I hate you, you booger!
- I hate him!
- Well...
sure looks like we got
her goat that time, didn't we?
Shut up, Brady.
You're warped.
Come here for a minute.
I have to talk to you.
I told you, babe.
It ain't my baby, and don't
drag me off like that again!
- You know it's your baby.
- We had this conversation before.
- Sorry, babe.
- I need help.
It's your oven, but it ain't
my bun you got bakin' in there.
- You have to help me!
- Remember the good times.
You know what I mean?
I want you two
to bury the hatchet.
You're being very silly, Jane.
Did you see my knee?
Did you see my outfit?
Marty has apologized...
and you know he couldn't
have climbed that tree...
to stop Brady anyway.
You always take his side
'cause he's crippled.
Well, it's not my fault
he's crippled!
You be quiet,
or I'm gonna smack you!
Now, I mean it.
Come on, Jane. I'm sorry.
Brady wouldn't stop.
Hey, pumpkin. Don't forget
to help your brother.
- Bob, I don't have my keys.
- Just a minute, sweetheart.
Now don't sweat
the small stuff, Janie.
Honey, where do you want this?
Come on. Hurry up.
Is Uncle Red
still coming to visit?
Mom told Dad that Uncle Red's
getting a divorce.
Another divorce.
And she said he was drunk.
Yeah, that's your great uncle,
a chronic drunk.
- He is not!
- He is so!
Janie?
You awake?
What's the money for?
New pair of panty hose.
Is it enough?
Please take the money.
It was Brady's idea.
Honest to God.
I wanna make up.
I can get a pair of L'eggs
down at the pharmacy for $ 1.49.
Here.
Is it true what you said
about Uncle Red?
Yes.
I'm sorry I told you
the way I did. It was mean.
It's okay.
I never did
much like Sheila anyway.
Maybe I'll like
the next one better.
Suicides go to hell...
especially if they're pregnant,
and I don't even care.
You have to understand, this is
not a normal situation down here.
That's what he told me
this morning.
I'm happy to hear that. You think
it will be sometime this week?
That's good.
When and how many?
Hey, fuck off!
What'd he say, Joe?
He said they'd be here by noon.
Maybe that wasn't
such a good idea...
telling that Smokey Bear
from the detective division...
to fuck off.
I waited till he hung up.
Jesus Christ, what a mess.
Joe Haller couldn't find
his own ass if somebody...
rammed it full of radium,
gave him a Geiger counter!
Could be I know a fella...
who's still P.O.'d about being
fined a couple of hundred bucks...
for that little
fender bender he had...
back on Ridge Road last year?
Well, could be
I know a fat old fella...
oughta take care of his mouth
before someone comes along...
and turns it inside out.
We pay our taxes
to keep this town safe...
and Joe Haller ain't doin' it.
Last town report said you were
in arrears in your taxes, Andy.
Guess you caught up, huh?
What are you,
trying to be smart?
Now you boys better turn down
your thermostats...
or you can both
get the hell outta here.
You got me?
Now, who's drinkin'?
- Bye, kids!
- Bye!
Have a wonderful summer.
Hey, it's Madman Marty
in the Silver Bullet!
So, Marty,
glad to be outta jail?
- No, I like school.
- Booger.
Be careful.
Not bad, huh?
Uncle Red took off the regular
muffler, put on a cherry bomb.
- What's that?
- Blast pack.
He said he's making me
a new wheelchair, a custom job.
But now I don't know.
He's getting a divorce, and he's
in the doghouse with my mom.
- For getting a divorce?
- Well, it is his third.
Come on, Tammy.
Thanks for coming home
with me, Marty.
I was scared to go past
her house by myself.
Yeah, it is a little scary.
I mean, I saw her all the time.
Hey, take it easy.
I know how you feel.
There's something else scary.
- What?
- That.
I've been hearing noises
out there.
Tammy!
Get on in here!
Help your mama with the laundry.
Well, I would go
take a look myself...
but I think the Bullet
would get stuck in the mud.
You would, wouldn't you?
Yeah, sure. No sweat.
Tammy!
I gotta go.
Thanks again
for coming home with me.
Damn cripple.
Always end up on welfare.
I'd electrocute 'em all.
Balance the goddamn budget.
Come on, baby.
Hey, Mr. Cuts.
Well, Marty, I see
you lucked out again.
Yep. Would you
fill her up, please?
Want me to check the oil?
- Yeah, sure.
- Wipe the windshield...
and check the driver's
bullshit level?
There's a guy sittin'in a bar.
To the bartender he says,
"Jackass, gimme a drink."
The bartender pours him a drink.
He drinks it.
Sits there for a while and says,
"Jackass, pour me another drink."
So he pours another drink.
The guy gets up and leaves.
The guy that's
sittin' there says...
"Why do you let him
call you jackass?"
The bartender says,
"Oh, hee-haw, hee-haw!
He always calls me that!"
- Good, isn't it?
- Yeah.
You might as well fold,
because you don't stand a chance.
Yeah. I'll see ya...
and I'll raise ya this.
You can't bet managers.
You can't bet managers.
We said time and time again,
"You can't bet managers."
- So I'll bet you a Yankee.
- Piss on the Yankees.
Piss on the Indians,
piss on the Phillies!
Come on.
- Mom, come on.
- Whoa, Nan.
Let him finish the game.
Okay?
- Make it quick.
- Okay.
Did you say Yankees?
I'll see your Yankee...
and I'll call ya.
I got three kings.
Read 'em and weep.
I got a straight to the queen.
That's bullshit luck.
- That's enough.
- I'm dealin' this one.
Hey, whoa. Can I
at least say good night?
Good night.
- Good night.
- Good night.
See you in the morning.
Wake me up.
No, I'll wake you up.
Honey, ask your sister
to help you.
- I'll be up.
- I will.
Good night.
I don't want you
drinking around Marty.
Don't be tellin' me what to do!
You been tellin' me
what to do all my life!
Red, I don't care
how you live...
but he is a very impressionable
little boy.
You think your
only responsibility...
is gettin' his butt
outta the chair and into the tub...
and outta the chair
and onto the toilet.
You ought to realize
there's more to Marty...
than him not being able
to walk.
- It's so easy for you, isn't it?
- Yeah, it is!
You blow in here
once a month...
tell a few jokes,
have a few beers...
and then you want to lecture me
about how to raise my son.
Well, I am the one
who is responsible...
for how he feels
when he sees you like this...
and how he feels when you leave.
Red...
Marty has enough
strikes against him as it is.
He doesn't have
any strikes against him.
I am scared to death
that someday he'll give up.
He's not gonna give up!
Well, he doesn't need you
showing him how to do it!
Another wonderful night
here at Sister Nan's.
Welcome to the very best
in professional wrestling...
World Wide Wrestling... and, John,
we've got a very exciting match.
We have one of
the young lions in there.
Come on, Rebel!
We're gonna bust him up tonight.
We're gonna kick some ass!
Ow!
Bust him up!
Bust his chops!
Those ki...
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah,
Rebel airplane.
Ow! That's it.
Oh, that hurts my parts.
Goddamn.
I'm just gonna have to do
something about this.
Let's see if you wanna come back
and bust up my pots and crap...
I'll put this rock salt
up your ass.
Come around, bust up my pots.
I'm gonna bust up your ass,
sons of bitches.
I hope you're in there, 'cause
I'm gonna blow your ass off...
with this salt.
Shit!
Ain't that a hell of a note?
Isn't that something?
... please observe
Sheriff Haller's curfew.
After 5:00 p.m.,
please stay indoors.
Haller?
Well, you got any leads?
I'm working on it, Mayor.
Mayor.
David!
Get inside.
- Brady, I got it.
- Great.
Marty Coslaw,
you get outta that tree!
Supper was ready
an hour ago, dumbo.
Aw, jeez. I forgot.
She mad?
Yeah, at me
for not finding you sooner.
- Help me with the Bullet, please.
- I oughta let you fall.
Come on.
Hey, Brady, you comin'?
In a while.
Come on, Marty!
Marty, it's getting late!
We oughta make
Joe Haller dogcatcher.
You know, nothin' big.
Just the little poodles.
Andy, lighten up.
Let Joe handle the investigation.
- Investigation?
- Yeah.
This whole investigation
has been about as efficient...
as a submarine with screen doors!
I've heard enough
outta you, Andy Fairton!
- Come on, Pete. It's not worth it.
- No, let him go.
If you don't shut your mouth,
I'm gonna shut it for ya.
What'd you say?
You heard what I said,
motormouth!
You wanna dance, dough boy?
Come on.
Has anybody in here
seen my son, Brady?
Hail Mary, full of grace,
the Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women...
and blessed
is the fruit of thy womb...
Holy Mary, Mother of God...
pray for us sinners...
now and at the hour
of our death.
Herb?
Wait up, Herb.
- Herb...
- Is it my boy?
- Don't go up there.
- Is it Brady? Brady!
Mr. And Mrs. Kincaid
have asked...
that I say a word of comfort
to you if I could.
If there is any word of comfort
I can give you...
it's just this...
that the face of the beast
always becomes known...
and the time of the beast
always passes.
Nan, how about
if I take the boy home?
Okay.
Thank you. Come on, Marty.
You're going with me.
- Bob, Jane, see you at the house.
- All right.
- How do you feel?
- How would you feel?
They better get that guy.
- Uncle Red?
- Yo.
What if it's not a guy?
What do you mean?
Well, what if it's
some kind of monster?
Yeah, what if
it's some kind of monster?
You know, like a werewolf
or something.
That's a good one. Yeah.
Here we go.
Tammy told me she'd been hearing
noises in the greenhouse.
Growling noises.
Her father was killed that night.
Listen, Marty. You have got to get
this idea out of your head.
Psychotics are more active
when the moon is full.
And this guy's a psycho.
When they catch him,
you're gonna find out...
he's just as human
as you and me.
- Get the show on the road!
- Okay. Okay!
You know what groups you're in,
what areas you'll be covering.
- Right.
- Damn straight!
Groups 1 through 4, in the woods
north of the Sturmfuller place.
- Right.
- Five and six...
west of Carson Creek.
Now, if he comes out in the
moonlight tonight for a stroll...
we're gonna get that sorry...
I want all of you people
to go home!
I don't remember deputizing
a single one of you!
That's right, Joe!
The only deputy you got
is that fat shit-bag beside you...
and neither one of you has done
anything about solving this case!
We'll catch him.
You couldn't catch a cold!
The law has a name
for what you people are planning.
It's called
"private justice"...
and private justice is about
a step and a half away...
from lynch mobs and hang ropes.
Now, I may be
no J. Edgar Hoover...
but I am the law
in Tarker's Mills.
I want all of you people
to go home.
Don't let this guy scare you!
What's he done
since this whole thing started...
but hang his face out?
He ain't got
so much as a fingerprint.
- Shut up, Andy.
- No, don't tell me to shut up.
Yes.
Shut up.
I just came
from my boy's funeral.
Herb, I know how upset...
how grief-stricken you must be.
He was torn apart.
I know that. L...
Upset?
Grief-stricken?
You don't know
what those words mean.
My son was torn to pieces.
Pieces!
My son was torn to pieces!
You come in here
and talk to these men...
about private justice?
You dare to do that?
Why don't you go out
to Harmony Hill...
Sheriff Haller...
and dig up what's left
of my boy Brady...
and explain to him
about private justice.
Would you want to do that?
As for me...
I'm gonna go out and hunt up
a little private justice.
You heard him. Let's go!
- Yeah, let's go!
- Come on!
Let's go! Come on!
- Outta the way, Reverend!
- Stop!
- Sorry, Reverend.
- Andy!
Please listen to me!
Don't do this!
- Joe...
- Let 'em go, Reverend.
This is that community spirit
you've been talking about.
Great, ain't it?
Come on, boys!
Let's go!
Billy! Stop, stop.
This is a bad idea.
- Don't do this!
- We'll see you, Reverend.
David, no!
- Men, listen to me!
- Get outta the road!
Please, please!
It's about friggin' time!
- Come on!
- Total disorganization.
- What was that?
- It's over there.
- Don't point that at me!
- Hey, Aycock!
- Yeah!
- Over here, Bob.
If you see anything moving,
let us know which way it goes!
Okay. Come on up here.
Come on. This way.
- Damn, Jack! Turn the light!
- All right.
- Point it the other way.
- I'm sorry.
Jesus, that was close.
Come on. Be careful.
- You gotta help me!
- What is it?
My foot!
Get it off me!
I'm coming. Sure.
Oh, careful.
- Okay?
- Hey! Over here!
Hold on.
I'll get it.
Right behind you.
Stay calm.
Watch each other's back, now.
Andy, there ain't nothing here.
Let's go back to the car.
Bobby, come on.
- Careful, Maggie.
- Damn...
All right.
We're gonna go through here.
- You follow me one at a time.
- Right behind you.
- It came from over there.
- Far as I could tell...
it came back of us.
It ain't down there, Andy.
We'll spread out
in a skirmish line.
That son of a bitch
tries to come around us...
we'll get him.
Okay, Edgar.
Oh, shit.
Come on.
I don't know.
What's the matter? You gonna
make lemonade in your pants?
I ain't scared.
Let's go.
Where's it coming from?
Over there?
No, it's behind us.
I told you
you couldn't trust this fog.
It's under the fog.
What are you saying?
It's right here with us!
I can't move!
Start backing up, Andy.
- Yeah.
- Real slow.
- Run for it!
- My God!
Bobby! Come on! Come on!
You son of a bitch!
I'll get...
Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch
Like me
I once was lost
But now am found
Was blind
But now I see
It's hard...
at a time like this
to find the words...
to offer you any comfort.
There is no comfort.
There is only private justice.
The Bible...
tells us not to fear...
the terror
that creepeth by night...
or that which flyeth
by noonday.
And yet we do. We do.
Because there's so much
we don't know...
and we feel very small.
Reverend!
He was torn apart!
Let it end, dear God.
Let it end.
They cancelled the fireworks.
It's no fair.
Aw, look out, world.
Marty the Great
didn't get something he wanted.
Stop it, Jane.
I don't see why everybody
breaks down and cries...
whenever Marty doesn't get
what he wants.
What did your mother say?
It's about time
you backed off, young lady.
It's always my fault.
- Jane, you won't let up.
- Come on, now. Let's get home.
I don't believe it.
Residents can insure
their safety by observing...
the sheriff's curfew
and not by leaving town.
And a personal note, folks...
this is the time to be pulling
together, not to be bailing out.
Now let's hear
from Sue Ann Eckersley.
I need a Phillips screwdriver.
It's not enough that the monster
killed all those people.
He killed Brady.
Now he's got them
to cancel the fair.
- And the fireworks.
- Yeah, and the fireworks.
That's another thing.
Where's your mom?
She and Dad are out back
lighting a barbecue.
And Jane's walking around in new
clothes showing off her tits...
acting like nobody
ever had tits before her.
Let me see
if I got this right.
The guy killed
your best friend...
drove your best girl
out of town.
Now he's responsible...
for cancelling the only carnival
you got.
Am I lying?
No, you're not lying, Uncle Red.
Well, it just so happens...
I've got something
that might cheer you up.
- You mean I can see it?
- Yeah. It's time.
- Now?
- Yeah, now. Cover your eyes.
- Come on.
- Cover your eyes.
- Aw, jeez.
- Been bustin' my ass on this deal.
Wow!
It's an ass-kicker, isn't it?
- Is that for me?
- Hell, yes, it's for you!
Damn. Looks good.
Wow! It's beautiful!
- Do you have a pilot's license?
- Do I need one?
- Red?
- Hey!
Hey, Red.
One more game.
Okay, the coast is clear.
- Are you ready?
- Oh, yeah.
I feel like a virgin
on prom night.
Now, here's how you start it.
- You remember what I told you?
- Yeah.
- Now, be damn careful.
- Okay.
Now, you start it.
Put your hand on the brake.
- Push?
- Push.
- Sounds good, doesn't it?
- Oh, yeah!
- You ready?
- Yes.
Shake.
Go get 'em.
Go ahead.
Be careful!
Oh, yeah!
Stop! Brake!
The kid's dead meat.
Oh, yes!
All right!
Yeah!
That was wicked.
I hope you're happy.
You're looking at
a dying man here.
- This thing goes super, super fast.
- I know it goes super fast.
And you better watch it...
'cause if your mother finds out
just how fast it goes...
I'm gonna end up singing soprano
in the Vienna Boys' Choir.
I don't get you.
I know you don't,
but listen to me.
I built that for you
'cause I love you...
right from my heart...
and I want you
to be careful on it.
'Cause if you got hurt on it,
it'd kill me.
Let's get some barbecue, okay?
Boy, I tell you, after every
pork tartare dinner I eat...
- Come on. One more piece of pie.
- Are you sure about that?
- Would anybody else like some?
- No, thank you.
- Well, go ahead.
- Listen... No, put it down.
- I've got to go.
- Okay.
- And I've had a wonderful time.
- So have I.
I wish it could always
be like this.
Maybe it will if you invite me
when you cook these pork dinners.
- Garbanzo. Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you, Uncle Red.
- See you later, Janie. Bob.
- So long, Red.
- Oops.
- A little accident.
Okay. Why don't you
walk me around to my car.
Walk me to my car and see if I can
stay out of trouble that long.
- Thank you very much.
- Bye-bye.
Nan, some more coffee?
Did I tell you I'm gonna open up
a reptile farm...
and get a roadside diner
in the country?
- You're nuts!
- That'd be some kind of barbecue.
Here we go.
Now, I said I had
something for you...
as I believe you do recall.
Yeah. What is it?
You're gonna have
Fourth of July...
but you're gonna have it
in September.
Now, remember.
It isn't just the fireworks.
It's so no crazy shithead
can stop the good guys...
if you can dig that.
- Yeah, I can dig it.
- Stay near the house.
- Yeah, sure.
- Okay.
Save this for the last.
It's a rocket.
You'll like it.
- Thanks a million, Uncle Red.
- You're welcome a million, Marty.
Stick 'em in the bushes
for right now, okay?
All right.
Now, remember,
stay near the house. Okay?
Promise. All right.
That's good. I want you
to have a good time.
Thanks a lot, Uncle Red.
- Watch out for the werewolf.
- Bye.
All right.
This is for the good guys.
Yeah!
Oh, shit.
- Hello.
- Uncle Red, it's me, Marty.
I saw the werewolf last night.
- Oh, Marty...
- I saw the werewolf!
- Hey, buddy, you had a bad dream.
- It wasn't a dream.
I saw the werewolf with
the firecrackers. He was there.
There are no such things
as werewolves.
There is. I saw it!
Uncle Red, it was a werewolf!
Have some pity
on your poor uncle, okay?
- What?
- Who was that?
Obscene phone call.
Marty? You okay?
You've just been
sitting here all morning.
- Where's Mom?
- Out shopping.
- Why?
- Jane, I gotta talk to you.
About what?
Uncle Red won't believe me,
and if you don't help me...
What is it?
He told me something
that was clearly unbelievable...
and yet somehow
I believed most of it.
And I understood one thing
with total clarity...
Marty himself believed it all.
Marty had seen where the rocket
had struck home, he said...
and I went out that day looking for
more than just cans and bottles.
Hi, Mrs. Thayer.
I'm collecting returnable bottles
and cans for the Medcu drive.
I was wondering
if you had any.
I was looking for a man
or a woman...
with just one eye.
Hello, Jane.
- Who is it?
- It's Jane Coslaw.
Hello, Jane.
I know what you're after, Jane,
and you're out of luck.
Little Toby Whittislaw
come in here yesterday...
and I give 'em all to him.
That's okay.
Is that you, Mr. Fairton?
Got any bottles or cans?
- Good-bye, Mr. McLaren.
- Bye, Jane.
Jesus.
Gentlemen,
I'm sorry to disturb your lunch.
I'm collecting bottles
for the Medcu drive.
I was just wondering if any of you
had seen Mr. Robertson?
Oh, hi, Mr. Robertson.
I was wondering if you had any.
I guess not. Thanks.
It's my own fault,
believing Marty.
Little asshole.
Hi, Reverend Lowe.
I'm ready to turn my bottles in.
Hi, Janie.
And how are you?
All right, I guess.
It's just my little brother
gets me so mad sometimes.
Well, Jane, little brothers
sometimes do that.
Take your cart around to the garage.
Then bring me your tally sheet.
Having some trouble?
Why, Jane, you're trembling.
I don't feel well.
I think maybe I got too much sun.
Would you like to come in
the parlor and lie down for a bit?
Or have a cold drink.
I have some soda.
I should get home
and help my mom with dinner.
I'll give you a ride.
Give my best
to your brother, Jane.
I will.
Jeez! What did you do then?
I ran faster
than I've ever run in my life.
By the time I got back here,
I thought I was gonna faint.
Marty, what are we gonna do?
If we tell anyone...
grown-ups, I mean... they'd laugh.
Well, what are we gonna do?
I think I know.
I mailed another letter
from Marty the next day...
a third the day after that.
Then on Saturday, we told Uncle Red
what we'd been up to.
His reaction was less than serene.
Holy jumped-up baldheaded
Jesus palomino!
- Uncle Red!
- From him I'd expect it.
Sometimes I think your common sense
got paralyzed along with your legs.
But from you, Jane...
You're Miss Polly Practical.
- You don't understand.
- I understand that my niece...
and my nephew are sendin' little
love notes to the local minister...
suggesting that he gargle
with broken glass...
or eat a rat poison omelette.
It came for me,
I shot it in the eye.
Now he's wearing
an eye patch.
I wish I had a tape recorder so
you could hear what you sound like!
What about the baseball bat
Jane saw in his shed?
What about it?
You know who used to have
a baseball bat like that?
- Mr. Knopfler.
- So?
It looked like Bigfoot
had used it for a toothpick.
Do you wanna know what I think?
No. We just called you out here
to admire your pretty little face.
You better watch your mouth.
You're on thin ice with me, son.
I think you had a hallucination.
Thing is probably a broomstick
or somethin'.
It was not!
Do you want me to show it to you?
I'm not afraid.
I'll show it to you right now!
No, no, no.
I'm too old to be playing the
Hardy Boys meet Reverend Werewolf!
- Jane, forget it.
- Yeah, forget it!
Probably have gotten rid of it
by now, anyway.
This is the dumbest thing
I've ever heard!
Just forget it!
It's crazy!
You see your suspect yet, Marty?
Yes, I see him.
Are you telling me that a man
who took a rocket in the eye...
three nights ago is out here
paintin' a thermometer?
He'd either be in the hospital
or he would be dead.
I didn't shoot him when he
was a man. I shot him when he was...
What, a werewolf?
Oh, Jesus!
Jane, you don't believe
this madness, do you?
I don't know
exactly what I believe.
But I know that what I saw was
a baseball bat, not a broomstick.
And there was something strange
about the way the garage smelled.
It smelled like an animal's den.
And I believe in Marty.
You used to believe in him too,
Uncle Red.
Kids!
Hey, Marty, you wanna go
to Robertson's for a soda?
No, thanks.
I think I'm gonna go home.
- Okay, see ya.
- Yeah, see ya.
Oh, shit!
Oh, my God!
Come on! Jesus!
Come on!
Come on!
I'm very sorry about this, Marty.
I don't know if you believe that
or not, but it's true.
I would never
willingly hurt a child.
Please. I won't tell anyone.
You should have left me alone.
I can't kill myself.
Our religion teaches that suicide
is the greatest sin...
a man or a woman can commit.
Stella was going
to commit suicide...
and if she had done so, she would
be burning in hell right now.
By killing her,
I took her physical life...
but I saved her life eternal!
You see how all things serve...
the will and the mind of God.
You see, you meddling little shit!
You're gonna have
a terrible accident.
You're gonna fall in the river.
Mr. Zinneman! Help me!
Please, help me!
Mr. Zinneman! Please!
I'm on the bridge!
Help me, please!
Is that you, Marty?
Spooky in here, isn't it?
Well, I tell you,
it's a lot easier to swallow...
without the foamin' jaws
and the hair and the teeth.
- Did you talk to the sheriff?
- Yes.
After Marty's latest
thrilling tale of wonder.
But he's had no complaints
of poison pen pals.
- See? Told you.
- Shut up, Marty.
What color is Lowe's car?
Blue.
This blue.
Jesus.
That is the craziest goddamn story
I have ever heard in my life.
I know.
Do you believe any of this?
You do, don't you?
Well, let's just say that I believe
Reverend Lowe oughta be checked out.
That can be arranged.
Thank you, Joe.
Reverend Lowe?
Can I help you, Joe?
I think you'd better
come along with me, Reverend.
But it's not my fault!
Sheriff Haller
said he'd check him out.
And guess what.
No one sees him again.
Well, what do you suggest
I do about it?
I want you to turn this
into a silver bullet.
You won't let go of it, will you?
I saw what I saw.
Marty, the moon wasn't even full.
In the made-up stories,
the guy who's the werewolf...
only changes
when the moon is full.
But maybe he's like this
almost all the time...
only as the moon gets fuller...
The guy gets wolfier.
- Shit.
- Here.
- Take mine too.
- Why don't you guys tell me...
how this guy Lowe
became a werewolf.
I don't know.
Maybe he doesn't know either.
I think he's
going to come after me.
Not just because
I know who he is...
but because I hurt him.
And I think he'll wait
till the moon's all the way full...
and there's no
Reverend Lowe at all...
only the monster.
You've gone
right out of your mind.
Will you do it?
Boy!
Stay!
Hello.
My nephew has just discovered
the Lone Ranger...
and I wondered
if you could help me here.
You want a silver bullet, huh?
The man Uncle Red had gone to see
was more than a gunsmith.
He was, Uncle Red said,
an old-world craftsman...
a sort of wizard of weapons.
He confirmed the high-grade
silver content...
of my crucifix
and Marty's medallion...
melted them down...
and molded them
into a silver bullet.
Marty had read all the legends
about werewolves...
and though they differed
on several minor points...
they all agreed on one.
It takes silver
to kill a werewolf....
and we were taking no chances.
There it is.
Nicest piece of work
I ever done, I think.
It's got a low-grain load,
so it won't tumble.
Oughta be pretty accurate.
Oh, well, shoot, it's just a gag.
I mean, what the heck you gonna
shoot a.44 bullet at, anyway...
made out of silver?
How about a werewolf?
The night of the next full moon
came on Halloween...
and a happy coincidence left us
in the sole care of Uncle Red.
You'd think we were going
to London for a month...
instead of New York
for a weekend.
At least it seemed
like a coincidence.
- Remember, we'll be at the Plaza.
- And I got the number.
Right. Let's see if
I've got everything.
- Well, good-bye.
- Good-bye.
- Bye, honey.
- Bye.
Thank you so much.
Whoa, sis.
It's just my luck to win a romantic
trip for two after Sheila leaves me.
That's all this is.
You got the tickets?
- Yeah.
- Okay. Go and have fun.
- Bye.
- Have fun, Bob.
You too, Red. Don't let
those kids run you ragged.
- No, they won't run me ragged.
- And listen...
don't let any trick-or-treaters in,
even if they come.
- We won't.
- We won't.
- Bye, Dad. Bye, Mom.
- Bye-bye.
- Have fun.
- And you kids go to bed early!
You're gonna hurt your head,
poppin' it in and out like that.
- Be good, kids!
- Yeah, we will.
- Can I tell you kids something?
- Sure, Uncle Red.
Me and Nan were just like you guys
when we were growin' up.
And the bitch of it is,
we still are.
Did you really win a trip
from Publishers Clearinghouse?
But the moon is full...
and your parents are gone...
and I did win a subscription
to Popular Mechanics.
God!
Damn it.
You're gonna burn yourself up
sometime doing that, Uncle Red.
I probably will.
If that had gone off, that would've
been the end of our silver bullet.
This is too much.
You guys are goin' to bed.
- But, Uncle Red, you said.
- I know what I said.
But it's 2:50 in the morning,
and it's not comin'.
- The moon's not down yet.
- Well, it's damn near down.
I'll sit up the rest of the night
with a gun in my lap...
because I promised I'd do that.
But you're going to bed,
and so are you!
What happens if I say no?
Then I'm gonna kick your ass.
- It's a werewolf! I saw him!
- Wait! Wait, wait!
- What did you see?
- The werewolf.
- What did you see?
- I was lookin' at you.
All right, now.
It's okay. I'll go look.
That's all.
A very familiar feeling
is beginnin' to come over me.
What?
I'm beginnin' to feel
like a horse's ass, that's what.
He's out there! I saw him!
I know you did, Janie.
Why don't you just go upstairs?
Now, don't panic!
He's here.
Marty, it could be just a fuse.
Shit!
Uncle Red, watch out!
Jane, get the gun!
Hurry, Marty!
Leave him alone!
I got it!
God.
Holy jumped-up Jesus palomino.
It's okay. I gotcha.
Don't worry. He's dead.
Marty, are you all right?
All except for my legs.
What?
I don't think I could walk.
I love you, Jane.
I love you too.
I wasn't always
able to say that...
but I can say it now.
I love you too, Marty.
Good night.