Humanity.
Only humanity.
Humanity with subordinates serves as a
reminder that they are human beings also.
I must admit, Ivan Illich,
I still can't understand what
you are getting at.
You are extolling humanity.
Does it mean love of fellow men?
Let it be love of fellow men.
Love of fellow men has always been there.
But reforms cannot amount solely to it.
Different issues have arisen:
legal, economic, financial, moral ones.
And there is no end to those issues.
And all of it
together can engender significant,
I would say, unrest.
That is what we are worried about,
not just humanity.
The issue is much more profound.
I do understand.
But I daresay, Semyon Ivanovich,
that I will not fail to keep up with your
understanding of profoundness of things.
However,
I daresay, Stepan Nikiforovich,
that you too have not understood me.
I haven't?
Exactly.
Let's take a syllogism.
I'm humane,
therefore I'm loved.
I'm loved, therefore
I'm trusted.
I'm trusted, therefore I'm believed in.
I'm believed in, therefore...
What I mean is that reforms
will also be believed in.
They will be embraced,
their very essence will be grasped.
We can't take it.
What do you mean?
I mean,
we can't take it.
We can't take it, you say.
At least, I can be sure about myself.
We have been here for too long.
It's time to leave.
This ugly story
happened exactly at the moment
when began with such uncontrollable power
and with such touching naive impulse
the renewal of our beloved motherland
and its valiant sons' urge
towards new destiny
and new hopes.
Damn! Where is Trifon with my carraige?
Varlam,
have you seen the carriage
of His Excellency?
It was standing right there,
and the next moment it was gone.
What a git. He begged me
to allow him to go to some girl. Rascal.
Somewhere around here,
on Petersburg Side.
I strictly forbade him to leave.
And I bet that's where he has gone.
That's right, he's gone there,
but he promised to be back in time.
I had a feeling this would happen.
I'll show him.
Have him flogged a couple
of times in the barracks.
That will teach him to follow orders.
Don't worry, Semyon Ivanovich.
I can give you a lift if you want.
Good night.
Merci.
No, thanks.
I will show you.
Git.
I will go on foot to spite.
Then you will feel...
Then you will have, so to say,
guilty
conscience.
He will come back and discover
that his master had to go on foot.
What retrogrades they are,
those people.
We can't take it.
What did he mean by that?
The main thing is that
I'm deeply convinced -
if I'm humane, then the man
is mine, he is caught...
whatsitsname... in the net.
And then I can do with him
anything I want, I mean...
for his own good.
And this Semyon Ivanovich,
what an ugly mug he has!
No way!
Flog him yourself, I will not flog anyone.
I will punish
Trifon with word.
Then he will feel...
humanity...
Go away, beggar!
Listen, brother.
Whose house is it, brother?
Official Pseldonimov's, the registrar.
Pseldonimov?
Ah, that Pseldonimov!
Is he getting married?
He is, Your Excellency.
With titular counsellor's daughter.
Titular counsellor Mlekopetayev
served in the town council.
This house is a part of the bride's dowry.
So it's Pseldonimov's and not
Mlekopetayev's house now?
It is indeed, Your Excellency.
It was Mlekopetayev's.
Not it's Pseldonimov's.
I'm asking you, brother, because
I'm his superior.
I'm the general of the place he serves in.
Given present relationships
within the society,
for to me visit my subordinate would mean
defiance of the ideas, confusion.
Your Excellency!
Hello, my dear friend.
I was passing by and thought, "Why
don't I pay a visit to my subordinate?
Why don't I see how my officials
entertain themselves
and get married?"
It's an honour, Your Excellency.
Wish me something, Your Excellency.
Be happy, my child.
Bravo!
Maman.
Papa.
Staff captain, retired.
The nephew of His Highness.
Why has the music stopped?
I wouldn't like in the least
to interrupt the fun.
Carry on dancing.
Mr Mlekopetayev, the staff captain,
and I will look at you.
Music!
Well,
it's time for me to leave.
Your Excellency, don't go.
Business.
Business.
I will come back in nine months
to be a godfather.
He is strict as a boss,
but as a person he is an angel.
To His Excellency -
hurrah!
Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah!
What can be easier
and more elegant than such a deed.
For I will morally restore the humiliated,
I will return him to himself.
He will tell his children
about how the general himself
feasted
and even
drank at his wedding.
This is the crux of the matter,
Stepan Nikiforovich.
Yes, Your Excellency!
So we can't take it? We'll see.
What is it, Lord?
Nowadays, the dead
are sent by railway.
There are people whom it doesn't
suit to wear clean underwear.
I'm one of them.
Gentlemen! Gentlemen!
Gentlemen! Let's play!
I'm begging you,
let's play!
All their "female question"
is nothing but lack of originality.
The female question was invented by men.
He told me the day before
that I had complications.
And suddenly I realized.
How do you like it?
Gentlemen!
You have a distinct
disposition to hydrophobia.
Mesdames!
Messieurs!
Geneva lake gives you toothache.
It's such a quality.
His Excellency
has been called His Excellency
for only four months.
Renewing Russia winked at him
and beckoned.
His Excellency
liked to assume parliamentary postures,
and every now and then he dreamt about
monuments,
especially when his haemorrhoids
became acute.
Parasites!
Damn spongers!
Parasites!
Hello,
Pseldonimov,
do you recognize me?
Your
Excellency.
Exaclty.
I, brother, have got here completely by
accident, as you probably imagine yourself.
You will not banish me,
surely?
Whether you like it or not,
you have to receive the guest.
Have I interrupted something?
I can leave.
Your Excellency,
for goodness' sake,
it's an honour.
Have a seat, please.
Akim Petrovich Zubikov
served as a head of department
in the office of His Excellency.
It was a man meek as a chicken,
a man of the old school,
raised on the idea of servility.
To Pseldonimov's wedding
he was invited as a guest of distinction.
Please.
There's no need, for goodness' sake.
I'd better stand.
Do have a seat.
You needn't worry.
I will sit here.
Can you imagine?
I have just been to
Stepan Nikiforovich Nikiforov's.
You may have heard of him.
He is a privy councillor in the committee.
He is your neighbour now.
Anyway, I am walking,
and the night is so beautiful
and quiet.
And suddenly I hear
music
playing
and stomping of feet.
Dancing!
I inquire of a policeman.
It's Pseldonimov's wedding.
You, brother Pseldonimov,
give balls on a truly large scale.
What now? Is he a fool or something?
All I need here is a smile, and
everything would go like a dream.
So I think to myself, "Why don't
I pay a visit to my subordinate?"
He will not banish me, after all.
Whether you like it or not,
you have to receive the guest.
Porfiri Petrovich, introduce me
to your young wife,
to your bride-to-be, as it were.
Come on, brother.
Very, very pleased to meet you.
Especially on such an occasion.
The bride has wanted
to get married for a long time.
She has never had any girlfriends,
as well as brains.
Although she once attended
some German school,
she didn't learn almost
anything except the basics.
She especially enjoyed pinching.
Pseldonimov!
She is very pretty.
Quite a couple!
Although,
she could at least get embarrassed.
Then I would be able to tell a joke.
Instead, I have come up
against a brick wall.
Gentlemen!
Have I, by accident, interrupted
your entertainment?
We will start in a moment. And for now...
we're just having a rest.
Don't be hard on us, Your Excellency.
As you haven't shuned us
and did us the honour of
attending our son's wedding,
then, please, be so kind as
to congratulate the newlyweds.
Don't shun us, do us the honour.
So you are...
your son's parent?
She is indeed,
Your Excellency.
I wish you, madam,
and you, my friend Porfiri,
I wish you absolute
and long happiness.
Our old women are simply fabulous.
She has enlivened everybody.
I have always loved
the people.
Porfiri...
Un homme trs mal lev.
Oui, oui.
Porfiri, tell me please -
I have wanted to ask you about it
in person for a long time -
why
your surname is
Pseldonimov
and not Pseudonimov.
It must be Pseudonimov.
It's must be that his father
made a mistake in papers
when taking service.
And so he remained Pseldonimov.
It happens.
Exaclty. Exactly.
Because, judge for yourselves,
Pseudonimov comes from the literary word
"pseudonym".
While...
While
Pseldonimov
doesn't make any sense.
Sheer foolishness.
Sheer foolishness what?
The Russian people
sometimes out of sheer foolishness
change letters
and pronounce
in their own way.
For example, they say "nivalid"
instead of "invalid".
Right, nivalid.
They also say
"niss",
"niss" instead of "miss".
Stop badgering him.
What? I'm only talking.
Or, maybe, I can't even talk?
His Excellency has got loaded.
The general is out of sorts.
What do you mean out of sorts?
I mean exactly that,
in a drunken state of mind.
Our general is drunk.
Who is it?
I don't know.
The general is drunk.
...They float in the air just like this.
And all that was discovered
by captain Cook,
the seafarer.
Music!
Gentlemen, please! I have
news, gentlemen.
One moment. One moment, gentlemen.
Can I have your attention, please?
One moment, please. I have news.
You Porfiri,
don't have to be shy.
If you have some issues
concerning orders and so on,
then please...
So, Your Excellency?
I don't really know...
I don't really know whether...
After all,
I have got here by accident.
Allow me to introduce myself...
And, of course...
some might consider it
inappropriate, as it were, for me
to be present at such
a gathering.
But
I hope, you understand why I am here.
I have not come here
to drink wine, after all.
I am here to encourage, as it were,
to show, as it were, the moral,
as it were, purpose.
Your Excellency, I...
Porfiri!
Bravo!
Porfiri!
Lend me 2 roubles, please.
Mesdames!
Messieurs!
Lend me 2 roubles, please.
Oui.
Not a single centime.
You don't have a life line.
Do I exist?
Very strange indeed.
Listen, are you my friend or not?
Am I your friend?
Haven't I proved it by being here?
In that case, lend me 2 roubles.
What for?
I absolutely have to buy
champagne for my general.
So will you give it to me or not?
I won't give it to you
because I don't have it.
But even if I did,
I still wouldn't give it to you.
Because your general is a retrograde.
Louise!
Louise!
Attention! I have news!
News, gentlemen!
I have no money.
Not enough.
Thief! Bitch!
Maman! Maman!
For Christ's sake, maman,
I need two more roubles!
What?
Two roubles...
It's an honour...
To buy champagne.
Champagne then?
Champagne is good.
It turns out, you have good taste.
You just can't live without champagne.
I'm not asking it for myself.
It's for the general.
Parasites!
Damn spongers!
Your friend Pseldonimov is raging,
he demands money.
Where would I get any?
What money, for God's sake?
Hush!
You, womenfolk!
Too much talk.
Step aside.
Dad.
Porfiri.
Two steps forward.
So then, Porfiri,
you receive generals.
That's what it is about.
It appears,
you are trying
to put yourself
above me.
You say you're better than that,
you don't want to know us anymore
since you've befriended a general.
Mlekopetayev is not good enough for you.
Dad...
Shut up!
I am your general! Not him!
I am! You hear? I am!
Dad!
I will pray for you day and night.
I need two roubles, please.
Dance for me.
No, not good enough.
We need music.
Sing for him. Go ahead!
Dad...
Dad.
They are dancing, let them dance.
But don't even think about feeling
too sorry for him, gentlemen.
Of course, he is suffering,
but at the same time, he feels some
base shameful delight
and, horribile dictu,
enjoyment.
Yes, gentlemen, enjoyment.
And I stand by that.
The need for this secret
and disgraceful enjoyment of slavery
is a trait of each Pseldonimov alone
and all Pseldonimovs of all times.
The Tree of Good has the good fruit.
The Tree of Evil has
the evil fruit.
The tree shall be known by its fruit.
How can viperous brood
tell the word of good?
Bravo!
Let's take a syllogism.
Morality...
Madam!
Akim Petrovich.
I'm here.
Porfiri!
Your Excellency,
do us the honour, come to the table.
I'm don't really know...
I was going to leave.
Do us the honour.
Gentlemen!
Gentlemen!
Do come to the table.
Enough.
Your Excellency, do us the honour,
do not shun us, poor people.
Do come to the table, Your Excellency.
I have become older not by the quantity
of the years gone by, but by their quality.
You told me to shave off my whiskers
because they lack patriotism, and I did it.
Gentlemen, allow me to propose a toast.
Gentlemen!
Now a kiss!
Excuse me, but I am, as it were,
a fanatic of love of fellow men.
I'm writing a will.
What and to whom do you bequeath?
Due to the impossibility of
being Russian, I've become...
They wanted to take him to court,
but then noticed he was insane...
I think that tomorrow I might
suffer a stroke of falling sickness.
I like philosophizing.
I love speaking and I'm good at it,
but I warn...
No, that's no good.
And not appropriate as well.
I should have left.
And not just left, I should have fled.
No, I won't leave.
I have to discover the moral purpose.
I will talk about issues,
reforms
and about the greatness of Russia.
I'm writing a will.
I've discovered it.
The moral purpose.
I will engage them.
Maybe, nothing is lost yet.
But what should I say to engage them?
What method can I devise?
I'm simply at a loss.
What do they want?
What are they demanding?
And what do I want? Why am I here?
Why am I not leaving?
What am I trying to achieve?
Why
don't people dare to kill themselves?
What keeps them from doing it?
Two things.
Only two reasons.
One of them is very small.
Other one is very big.
But even the small one is also
very big.
It is
pain.
And the big one
is
God.
Do you know
what God is?
God
is pain in the fear
of death.
But that doesn't matter.
My friend,
I got off the ground and started moving.
Where I was moving - this I don't know.
The only thing I know for sure
is that I was moving.
Champagne, gentlemen!
At first, it seemed to me
that before that there
could have been a lot.
But then I realized
that even before
there was nothing as well.
It only
seemed that way.
Little by little,
I came to know...
And to the left.
...that never
nowhere and nothing
will be.
Then
I stopped being angry.
My dear
good friends.
Of course, His Excellency thought that
as a gentleman he is on
equal footing with them
and he needs no special signs whatsoever.
But at the right moment he will remind
that between him and them
there is a difference.
Like heaven and earth.
Because he is father
and they are children.
Yes, gentlemen, he is father
and they are children.
Yes, I'm a funny man.
They now call me
insane.
But it's
a promotion
in rank.
I think it was very good,
and pretty scary too.
I bequeath my skin for a drum.
I will get what I want by sincerity.
I will reveal everything to them.
I will amaze them.
Please, help yourself.
They will fill their glasses to the brim
and drink for my health with a cry.
Yes, Your Excellency!
I am an officer.
I am sure about it.
He will break his glass with a spur.
One could even
cry "Hurrah!"
Hurrah!
Even if
they wanted to chair me
like hussars do, I wouldn't object to that.
It would be absolutely fine with me.
But
they don't
have this
high-society lustre,
they don't have this,
as it were, cordial delicacy.
But I...
I will tell them...
I will tell them about
the destiny of modern Russia.
I will also mention the agricultural issue.
And...
And they will all
love me.
They already love me.
And I will
be famous...
Why do you stick cotton into your ears?
Are you hard on hearing?
On the contrary, I like silence.
I already told...
Gentlemen, I already told
Akim Petrovich just now
that Russia...
Russia, only Russia
at the moment
is going through...
Only Russia...
Gentlemen!
To cut the long story short,
you know what I mean.
...is going through, I am deeply
convinced in that,
a period of humanity.
And what if
I spoil their shoes
to get to know
how people
feel about me,
and what facial expressions
they have up there.
What if I stay here?
What if
I'll never get out of here?
Despite
shame and disgrace,
I'll sleep right here.
Gentlemen! Gentlemen!
Gentlemen!
Gentlemen!
Your Excellency!
All our lives all we do
is respect you unconditionally.
We say this on the part
of the whole community.
Thank you.
Music!
Humanity...
Love of fellow men...
To return the man to himself...
To revive, as it were,
one's sense of dignity.
And then,
with the material ready
at hand, get to work.
Gentlemen! Let's take a syllogism.
All night I dreamt of a monkey.
And only in the morning I dreamt of a rope.
Quite a significant dream.
I've decided to bequeath my skeleton
to the Academy, but only on condition
that on its forehead
there will forever...
Humanity...
...be stuck a label.
Recently...
Recently, I've already said...
Recently...
...that humanity,
as it were, the revival of things...
Your Excellency!
Your Excellency!
What do you want?
Nothing at all, Your Excellency. Go on.
...as it were, the revival of things...
Stop shouting! Or I'll have you thrown out.
Just like that... Do go on.
I'm listening to you. And I
couldn't agree more. It's laudable.
They are just drunken boys.
I can see they are drunk.
It's a conspiracy to bring
disgrace on the wedding.
Your Excellency, I've just been
talking about one lieutenant
who used to add "It's laudable"
to every word of his superiors.
Anyway, he's trying to imitate him now.
They wanted to bring him to court,
but then noticed he was insane.
They proved it medically, Your Excellency.
So they conducted an autopsy?
He was absolutely alive.
Gentlemen!
Gentlemen!
I...
I
totally
understand that they don't dissect
a live person.
I just assumed that in his insanity
he wasn't alive anymore.
I mean, he died.
Porfiri, I...
I see that
all of you...
I'm asking all of you,
what have I done to abase myself?
Your Excellency!
Have mercy!
Porfiri!
Porfiri, I'm asking...
I'm asking you, tell me...
I've come to the wedding...
It's an honour.
I've come to the wedding
and I had an aim.
I wanted to morally restore...
I wanted you to feel...
I'm asking everybody...
Have I abased myself
in your eyes or not?
Yes!
Yes!
You have.
Yes, your are a retrograde!
Young man,
come to your senses!
Who do you think you are talking to?
I'm talking to you!
And besides,
I'm not a young man.
You've come here to put on airs
and seek popularity.
Yes, you've come to boast your humanity.
I suspect that
you are one of those bosses
who are lustful for young brides
of their subordinates.
Pseldonimov, what's going on?
You are not a general, you are nothing!
Pseldonimov!
One moment, Your Excellency! Don't worry!
Bastards!
Scoundrels!
Creatures made for ridicule!
Bastards!
I'm grateful, but independent!
Bastards!
It's servility, gentlemen!
How spectacular, gentlemen.
Even risky. And what did you expect?
For the malignant employee of a satirical
column was partly even a romantic.
But that's the snag, gentlemen.
The main characteristic of
the romantic of our contry
is undoubtedly denying everything,
reconciling oneself to nothing
but also yielding to and evading
everything, treating everyone politicly,
never losing sight of a useful
practical purpose, namely
government housing, pension,
rewards and medals,
seeing this practical purpose through
all the enthusiasm and lyrical poetry.
Our romantic is the first
cheater of all cheaters.
Numerous romantics with time
get promoted to the highest ranks.
Rascals.
They suddenly manifest
such a flair for reality
that astounded superiors and public
are left gaping at them
with their mouths open.
Your Excellency!
I'm ruined.
Your Excellency!
I wanted, as it were, to christen...
Your Excellency!
And now it's over...
Stop laughing!
Wait! Listen!
Vanya, wait!
We need a doctor, Vanya!
Forget about a doctor!
Quick!
Go get a cab.
I bequeath my skin for a drum.
...and those to whomsoever
the Son shall reveal.
Come unto Me all ye that labour
and are heavy laden,
and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you,
and learn of me;
for I am meek
and lowly in heart:
and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
For my yoke is excellent,
and my burden is light.
Then was brought unto him one
possessed with a devil, blind, and dumb:
and he healed him, insomuch that the blind
and dumb both spake and saw.
And all the people were amazed, and said,
Is not this the son of David?
But when the Pharisees
heard it, they said...
Careful!
Do as you please, Porfiri Petrovich,
but he has to be taken away from here.
Carry him.
I'm ready to serve under
your flattering command.
What is it?
Everyone's asleep in the coaching inn.
They say in this hour even 5 is too little.
But we eventually agreed on 3.
Quiet! Don't shout.
We don't need a cab.
His Excellency is in bed.
But my friend! We have to pay!
I don't have any money.
I don't! I don't!
You will have to pay yourself.
How can I pay? I've never
had a penny in my life!
The cab is here.
Get out of here! Move!
Gentlemen!
Gentlemen!
Gentlemen!
Gentlemen!
Gentlemen!
Gentlemen!
It's all right.
You'll be ok, dear.
You'll be ok.
Just don't drop him.
It's all right.
What kind of husband are you
after what happened?
You are good for nothing
after such a disgrace.
I'm dead.
Who are you?
I don't know.
Where am I now?
There's a draught.
Pseldonimov.
Bravo!
Your Excellency!
Music!
It's an honour.
Pseldonimov!
Your Excellency!
Pseldonimov!
Your Excellency!
Whoa!
Go away, beggar!
Go away!
Mr Pseldonimov is getting married,
he doesn't like your kind.
Merci,
Monsieur.
But he's
a beggar!
And drunk too.
Give him a penny.
No way. He'll squander it
on drink right away.
Who are you?
You're nonentity compared to me.
Nobody.
Humility, humility.
Humility.
Don't be afraid, my friend.
It's too early.
Go to sleep.
Wash your face.
You can't go out
without washing your face.
Come on, get out of here.
Here's also a request for a transfer
to a different department
from official Pseldonimov.
I'm asking for your kind assistance,
Your Excellency.
So he is getting transfered.
Well, for my part, I have no objections.
Tell him...
Tell Pseldonimov
that I have no hard feelings towards him.
None at all.
On the contrary, I am ready to forget
everything that happened.
Absolutely everything.
Strictness.
Only strictness
and more strictness.
All that happened already seemed
to His Excellency to be nonsense.
He has already forgotten that
he dreamt of himself as a beggar.
What rubbish!
On the contrary,
he felt total harmony of spirit
and moral balance,
and somehow everything
suddenly fell into place.
Once and for all, gentlemen.
Firmly.
What have you done?
What?
You've killed him.
Who?
Pseldonimov.
He killed him. It's a murder, gentlemen.
But it's a fly.
No.
It's him.
Don't you see it's Pseldonimov?
I object.
It's a fly.
Don't argue, gentlemen.
Let's call the mother.
She will identify the body.
I object.
Here you are. You see?
What about the wedding?
It's not a wedding.
There's been a mix-up, gentlemen.
It's a funeral.
No, it's a wedding.
No, it's a funeral.
No, it's a wedding.
It's a funeral. But, anyway,
laugh, gentlemen. It's very funny.
It's very funny,
I assure you.
Maman, I'm alive!
Stop laughing!
Don't you see, I'm alive!