Daddy.
Daddy, are you home?
Maybe he isn't.
Of course he is.
Daddy!
Find him?
Does it look like I found him,
Stanley? Well, I just thought...
Dad!
Daddy.
Don't worry about your father,
Barbara. I'm sure he's all right.
Oh, I don't know.
Honey, I'm sure...
Daddy!
Daddy, are you there?
We shouldn't have
left him alone.
He wanted to come here. Don't
get yourself all upset. Daddy!
Honey. What...
Stanley!
Okay, I'm coming. I'm coming! Daddy!
I told you he should not be left alone.
It's too big for one man in his
condition. He wanted to be left alone.
You always take his side.
Daddy! Dad!
Aaah!
Who are you? Your outfit? Where you going?
I don't know. You don't know? How come?
I just moved up. Let me see your dog tags.
Where are they?
L... I can't find them.
He's a Kraut!
He don't look like one.
I'm not! I'm an American.
Prove it!
Prove it?
Who plays third for the Tigers? The Tigers?
The Detroit Tigers.
Who is it?
I don't know.
Why ask him?
It came into my head.
You guys go on without me.
Where's your weapon?
I don't have one.
Everybody's got one!
I'm a chaplain. Assistant
chaplain. What's your name?
Pilgrim. You know why
this got three sides on it?
Makes a slit that don't
close up. Gee, that's great.
A G.I. Knife makes a slit. Right.
Slit closes up, right? Right.
This makes
a three-sided slit.
It kills you.
What's that?
Chaplain's assistant.
No shit! What's your
name? His name's Pilgrim.
You know how to pray?
Start praying!
Where are we, Corp? Belgium, stupid.
You tell Paul Lazzaro where we
are! We're in the middle of Krauts!
You got us here.
Get us out!
"Our Father who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name.
"Thy kingdom come. Thy will be
done on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily... "
Just beyond those trees
there's a farmhouse.
Go on without me.
I'll be all right.
I'm gonna
scout that farmhouse.
And if it's clear, I'll fire
my carbine three times spaced.
Got it!
That son of a bitch
ditches us, I'll kill him.
We could surrender.
What?
We could surrender,
couldn't we?
We'd just
have to stay here...
Me and the corporal and the dago, we're
Americans! We don't surrender! Got that?
He's took off.
That corporal.
He'll get back home
after the war.
He'll be a big hero.
Dames'll be climbin'
all over him.
Couple of years go by, and one day
there's gonna be a knock on his door,
and there'll be this stranger.
"Paul Lazzaro sent me," the stranger
will say and shoot his pecker off.
Stranger will give him a couple of seconds
to think about who Paul Lazzaro is...
and what life's gonna be like
without a pecker,
then he'll shoot him once
in the guts and walk away.
Yes.
Billy, you time tripping again?
I can always tell, you know,
when you've been time tripping.
You were back in the war,
weren't you?
Time travel's a bitch for you,
isn't it? Particularly the war.
I can't help it.
Why don't we see if old Mother Montana
can't keep you stuck right here for awhile.
How about a little kiss? A little kiss?
- A little ki...
- A what?
A little kiss.
- You fuckin' faggot!
What's the matter?
You fuckin' fairy!
What's the matter, faggot?
I was thinkin' of a girl.
He wanted to kiss me.
I was imagining things
and I was...
Krauts!
Stehen Sie auf.
Billy, you're wonderful.
I'm so glad I waited.
I'm glad
we waited too.
Otherwise, it wouldn't have seemed
the same tonight. No, it wouldn't.
It starts the whole marriage off
on the right foot.
Yeah. Yeah.
I know when you were in the war
you must have had experiences.
Well... No, don't tell me
about them! It was wartime.
Anyway, it's different for a man
than for a woman. I understand.
Just so glad we waited.
So am I.
And you know what? I'm gonna
lose weight just for you, Billy.
See.
Before I needed a reason,
and now...
I have one!
Hey, Billy. I think we've
begun the life of a new hero.
How can you tell?
Because I'm a woman.
Huh!
And you know what, Billy? What?
I never thought
anybody would ever marry me.
I did.
Oh, Jesus!
Stay off my feet, will ya?
Oh, walk right, will ya?
Gee, I'm sorry.
You step on his feet again, you son
of a bitch, and I'll break your ass!
You hear me?
Die blonde Haar.
Bringen Sie Marine.
Over here.
Schnell!
Good. Hold it. Look out here
now. Can you get the sign in?
The sign's in good. Okay, smile.
Looks good.
Hold it.
Big smile now.
Big smile!
Ja! Lacheln.
Lacheln. Lacheln. Ja.
Hey, that's good.
Hold that kiss.
We got it!
All you dog faces
from the 451 st over here.
Fall in here. It's your old
colonel, boys. It's Wild Bob.
Four-fifty-first.
You from the 451 st?
Some of you boys
must be from the 451 st.
I know you, don't I?
What's your name?
Pilgrim, sir. Pilgrim.
Of course! I remember you.
Damn fine rifleman.
Fine rifleman, Pilgrim.
One of the best
in the 451 st.
First in peace,
first in war, and first...
Get your hands off me! An
officer's place is with his men!
My men need me, and I'm stayin' with
'em! Don't worry; it's your old colonel.
Wild Bob is with you.
No formalities. At ease.
By God, Wild Bob's
proud of you.
There are dead Germans all over the
place wishin' to God they'd never...
I'm stayin' with my men.
All right. All right.
God bless you, boys.
Bless you, boys.
By God, boy,
you're a good soldier.
You'll come
through this all right.
And when you get to Cody,
Wyoming, just ask for Wild Bob.
We'll have one hell
of a reunion.
God bless you, boys!
Bless ya, boys!
A fag frolic in Wyoming. I'll be
there, Pilgrim, waitin' for you.
Come on.
This ain't so bad. I been in
a lot worse spots than this.
Troy. Winter of'37.
Cold?
I'll tell you!
Or take the time Watkins and me decked
the yard bull at White River junction.
Had us in the pen
for three weeks in our Skivvies.
Would have had pneumonia
if we hadn't jumped the place.
They took us up to Burlington
to check us out.
Last I heard, Joe
was somewheres on the Alagash.
You try that sometime, pal.
You try that sometime
in February in 1934,
then see
if this is so bad.
There are plenty
of worse places.
Plenty of worse places.
He was at the top ofhis class
in optometry when this happened.
I don't doubt it,
Mrs. Pilgrim.
The doctor says
it's nervous exhaustion.
Oh, I'm sure
that's all it is.
I think it's the war.
That certainly could
have a lot to do with it.
But he had
some awful experiences.
He was in Dresden
when it was bombed.
His closest friend
was killed there.
Oh, dreadful.
Dreadful.
And his father passed on
while Billy was in training.
But I knew God would send
Billy home safe to me.
I prayed every night,
Mr. Rosewater.
Even though we don't
belong to a church.
We're all
in God's hands, dear.
Billy!
Billy, Mama's here.
You can come out now.
He's engaged
to a very rich girl.
Her name's Valencia. Valencia
Merble. Her father's Lionel Merble.
He owns the Ilium School of
Optometry where Billy was going.
He's building a brand-new home for
them on the lake for a wedding present.
It's a surprise.
Billy. Billy,
sweetheart.
The war is over.
You can come out now.
Pilgrim!
You killed me, Pilgrim.
You son of a bitch.
You call my mom and dad
in Pittsburgh, see.
You tell them I died
and that you killed me!
Weary.
This is Paul Lazzaro, Weary.
I'll get revenge for you.
Lazzaro.
Yeah.
Did I ever tell you what
happened to the dog? It's hot.
Son of a bitch dog bit me.
So I got some steak,
and I got this spring out of a clock, and
I cut that spring up into little pieces.
I stuck it into the steak. Way inside. I
went to where they had that dog tied up.
I said, "Hey, boy. I'm not mad.
Come on. Let's be friends. "
And I threw him the steak, and I
waited around for around 10 minutes.
And he started cryin', and the
blood spilled out of his mouth.
He tried to chew out
his own insides, and I said,
"Hey, boy.
That's me inside there
with those knives. "
Anybody ask you
the sweetest thing in the world,
it's revenge.
Weary's dead, Pilgrim.
The patient has been
suffering from trauma...
which we think can be
treated by electric shock.
Hello, Billy.
Hello.
We've prescribed a series of 12,
and we're up to number seven.
The patient was a prisoner of
war in Dresden when it was bombed.
He claims that well over 100,000
people were burned to death in the fire.
Worse than Hiroshima. And
since Billy was actually there,
it's natural to assume that this has had a
contributing effect on his present condition.
He's ready, Doctor. You're
going to sleep now, Billy.
Aufstiegen.
Was is los?
Arouse!
Arouse!
Schnell!
Name?
Paul Lazzaro.
That's two z's.
Parents? I don't got no
family. I said two z's.
To whom we send the number in
case of death? Send it to him.
This is your tag.
Don't forget it.
Ja, wohl.
Name?
Parents?
You want it now, Pilgrim? Or in
the morning? What do you want?
- Hey, hey! Why me?
- Aufstehen!
Oh, you're
on my list, pal.
- Aufstehen!
- Aufstehen.
Gear it down, fella. These
Germans can be awfully mean.
Oh, yeah? Well, they don't know Paul Lazzaro.
Listen. We Americans
have got to stick together.
Who are you, pop?
I'm Edgar Derby.
Yeah? Well, I got somethin'
for you to stick, Derby.
All right. All right.
Hey, you fuckin' goon! All
right. I'm takin' 'em off!
Leave me alone! I'll take
'em off! I'm warnin' ya, pal.
All right, son.
Over here.
Here we go, Billy boy. I'll take
you out. Time to sink or swim!
That's the way to do it,
Pilgrim. Best thing for him.
By God, Pilgrim.
You're really gonna do it.
You bet your boots I'm gonna do it. His
mama's not gonna keep him all of his life.
My old man did the same to me.
Done me a world of good.
Oh, you betcha!
It's the only way!
Well, this is it, Billy boy.
It's sink or swim!
And don't...
Billy?
Billy?
Billy!
Who are they?
They're Russian prisoners.
# Hail, hail
the Yanks are here #
#Join the men from Dover
till the war is over #
#We bid you welcome here #
# With a little food and cheer
you're welcome here #
#To share our food #
#And cheer ##
Evening.
Come along inside.
We've organized
a little welcome.
We had a couple of days notice
of your arrival.
That gave us
an opportunity to prepare.
Hear you had a pretty beastly time
in Bondem. Jerry put on quite a show.
It can't last forever,
can it?
- Where'd you get all this?
- Red Cross. Clerical error.
They've been sending us 500
parcels a month instead of 50.
Three years now. We've
got rather a lot, actually.
Shouldn't you tell 'em?
Shouldn't you
give it back?
Oh, Yank. You haven't been in
the fight very long, have you?
Come along. I keep forgetting wars
have always been fought by children.
Where did you get this absurd
garment? They gave it to me.
Who?
The Germans.
They didn't give you a coat, Yank, they
gave you an insult. Hey, son. Over here.
Do you understand
what I'm saying?
Jerry tried
to humiliate you.
Now you must wear that coat as if you
were proud of it. Teach him a lesson.
It's terribly important
that you understand that.
It's been almost four years since I was
taken prisoner. True of most of us here.
We haven't seen a woman or a child in all
of that time. Think about that for a minute.
Want to know
how we survived?
Well, I'll tell you.
The day that I was captured,
I made a promise to myself:
I vowed each day I would
brush my teeth, shave my beard,
wash my hands and face before each
meal, evacuate my bowels with regularity.
And do you know why?
Because the war consists of
continual petty humiliations.
And I for one was going to treat myself
with a good deal of self-respect and survive.
Do you think
you can do it?
#Johnny Fedora met
Alice Blue Bonnet #
#In the window of a
department store # Get it!
#It was love at first sight #
Come on! Come on!
#And they promised one night #
- # They'd be sweethearts forevermore #
- Billy. Lunchtime, hon.
Okay, I'll be right there.
#Johnny would serenade Alice #
# Too ra lei, too ra lie Too
ra loo # Spot, sit. Sit. Stay.
Spot, sit. Sit! #He sang
of a beautiful palace #
# Of a beautiful hatbox
ofblue # Heel. That's right.
Billy. Billy. Want a snack? #ButJohnny
Fedora lost Alice Blue Bonnet #
Be right in. # To a patron
of the department store #
#Her beauty was sought by the
girl she was bought by # Spot!
#For $23.94 ##
Come on, Spot.
You can do it.
Come on, boy!
Come on, Spot.
Come on!
Come on, boy!
Come on. Jump in.
Come on. Jump!
Attaboy!
Good dog, Spot.
Good.
Billy!
- Billy!
- Yeah?
- Supper time, hon.
- Be right in.
Spot, sit up.
#He looked for her uptown #
You think so?
Come on. Look at that!
Now, roll over, Spot.
Atta, boy. Isn't he great?
Where's daddy?
That's right.
Where's mommy? Where's
mommy? Wh-Where's mommy?
That's right.
Hi, Spot. Spot!
Oh, Billy! Get that goddamn mutt
out ofhere. Get him out ofhere. Out!
Oh, poor Bobby.
I can't stand that animal! He's ruined
three carpets, two pairs of shoes...
He's driving me crazy.
#For true love will come smiling through ##
You're okay, Spot.
You're okay.
You make a little mistake
now and then, but you're okay.
You got heart.
Yeah. Old Spot.
Pilgrim.
Pilgrim.
Pilgrim!
Can ya hear me, Pilgrim?
Huh? Can ya
hear me, Pilgrim?
When do you want it?
When do you want it?
You'll never know when it's gonna
happen. Maybe years. What's goin' on?
- All right, son.
- This pork chop killed a friend.
- I didn't. I just...
- This man is sick.
Yeah? Well, he's gonna be dead. Out.
You wanna make the list?
Outside, Lazzarino.
Lazzaro! L-
a- z... Out!
You threaten this man again,
I'll break you in half.
Don't ever answer the door.
You tell 'em what happens.
Nobody fucks around with
Paul Lazzaro. You tell 'em!
Boy's all twisted up inside.
Feelin' better?
Yes, thank you.
What's he got against you? He's got this
crazy idea I caused his friend's death.
I didn't, I...
I'm sure you didn't.
I'll talk some turkey
to that boy.
- What happened to me?
- You passed out, and I brought you in here.
Here. Try some of this.
This will fix you up.
Kinda hot.
Thank you.
- Attaboy. Taste
pretty good? - Uh-huh.
You don't have to stay.
What the heck. Might as well.
I got some food
back there.
I don't mean to be impolite,
but how come you're in the army?
I couldn't stay out. Not
with the Nazis and Japanese...
threatening
to conquer the world.
I've got a boy your age seeing
action in the South Pacific.
Hey, that's really something. Yeah.
I used to tell my students there's
a monster loose in the world.
I got tired of telling them, and I joined up.
I thought you were a teacher. Oh, come on.
You have that confidence
and a very good way with words.
I'll tell you one thing. We don't mince
phraseologies at Boston Trade and Industrial.
Oh, boy.
I wonder if my father
were still alive if, uh...
I don't think he would of.
Don't you ever
sell him short, son.
Mom would never
have let him.
You couldn't
blame her, could you?
But then
I'm lucky, I guess.
Margaret's a very
understanding woman.
We were
childhood sweethearts.
Hey, that's nice. You got a girl back home?
No one special.
Margaret's the only woman
I've ever known.
There's Margaret.
Aw, she looks awful nice.
She's just about everything
a man could ask for.
Oh, oh. What's this?
That's my mom
in our backyard.
Oh, you have
a very nice-looking mother.
Yeah, she is.
Very nice.
That's a nice house too.
That's the back.
It's a nice yard.
Nice.
When did you enlist?
It wasn't quite like that. I was drafted. Oh?
It's not that I didn't want to go,
I just wanted to finish school first.
Where were you in school? First year
of the Ilium School of Optometry.
An optometrist.
That's a very good field.
Yes, 'cause you're doing things for people,
and there'll always be a need for optometrists.
Boy, what you just said...
is a very good
philosophical way of life.
What? I mean about filling
a need and helping people.
Why, that's self-determination and free
enterprise backing itself up all the way.
That's why we're in Europe
stopping Hitler.
My name's Edgar Derby, son.
What's yours?
Billy Pilgrim. Billy, it's
nice to have you aboard.
Thank you. You had enough of that?
Yes, I did.
Thank you.
The English gave me
these boots for ya.
Don't mind the silver paint. They
did that for a skit about Cinderella.
It was darn funny. It was a lot of
singin' and dancin' and crazy stuff.
Yeah, I admire the English.
They have a great
philosophical way of life.
Keep themselves going. Putting
on shows. Gilbert and Sullivan.
What's this?
#She's his sweetheart #
#He's her vow #
Happy anniversary.
#He's her Billy #
#She's his Val #
Oh, Billy!
# They were married # Your
diamond! Why did you do it?
#Never to part ## When I go
on this diet just for you,
I'm going to be so sexy.
I'll make you so happy.
Just wait and see.
Look. Isn't it divine?
Goodness!
This diamond
has a story to it.
Billy actually found it
in Germany during the war.
Billy, tell 'em about it. Oh,
go ahead, darling, tell them.
No. Billy's too modest, so I'll tell you.
When he was a prisoner
in this...
Good boy, Billy.
Thanks.
They gave him
an awful coat to wear.
Congrats, Billy.
What was his name, hon?
Who? The one that was killed in Dresden.
- Edgar Derby.
- Oh, that's right.
Poor old Edgar Derby.
Oh, that was really awful.
They shot him for, uh...
What was it, Billy?
Well, anyway,
before that,
they found this diamond right
in the pocket of Billy's coat.
Lord knows how it got there, and Lord
knows why somebody didn't find it before.
It probably came
from some poor old Jew.
So many of them
have their money in diamonds.
Jesus, Dad!
I'm on the john.
My, God, Robert. There's a party
downstairs. Why don't you lock the door?
'Cause Mom broke the lock
the last time I locked it.
Can't I have any privacy?
What have you got there?
Where?
There.
Shouldn't be reading
that kind of junk, Robert.
Jesus!
Lads. Lads.
Hey, Billy!
- Billy. Over here.
Can I have your attention?
Please, please, please.
You're being transferred
to a camp in Dresden.
You're going to be leaving
for there this afternoon.
Actually, I'm
quite envious of you.
Dresden is a beautiful city.
Paid a visit there myself
before the war.
Besides being quite lovely,
it's quite safe.
It's an open city without war
industries or troop concentrations.
It's by far the safest place to
be until we get this all over with.
Now then, you must elect a leader. He's
going to be in charge of all this group.
You'll all be under
his direct orders,
and he will be your line of
communication with the Germans.
Nominations are now open.
You need a leader.
I nominate
Paul Lazzaro.
Lazzaro. Right.
Anyone else?
Well, then...
I nominate Edgar Derby.
Anyone else?
You'll be responsible,
to this man you elect,
and he'll be responsible
to the Germans.
So if you mess him up, he's
the one they're gonna be after.
Oh, yeah? Hey, pop, you
want it so bad; you got it.
I un-nominate Lazzaro.
I don't think it will come
as a surprise to anyone...
when I introduce our Lion's Club
president for the coming year.
Our own Billy Pilgrim.
- The floor's all yours. Good luck.
- Oh, shut up, will ya?
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Thank you. Mr. Walters. Fellow Lions.
I want you to know I will do
my best to live up to the...
Confidence you've showed by "chosing"...
choose... by having chose me here today.
- Uh, and I know that
my first responsibility...
Is to see that each of you
gets through this safely...
and are reunited
with your loved ones.
I'd like to ask you... I know
we're all of different faiths,
but we're all Americans...
Oh, God.
To bow our heads together
and pray.
Oh, go take a flying fuck!
If that isn't
the most obscene vulgar... Oh!
Is my bath ready,
Silvio?
Yes, Miss.
My robe, Silvio.
Honestly, to show this kind of junk
at a family drive-in. It's disgraceful!
Why do you avert your eyes
from me, Silvio?
Why you wanted to take
the children to it is beyond me.
Massalina can give you
salvation from... Oh, Robert!
You shouldn't see that! Mom! Hey!
Do you find Massalina
unattractive?
- Oh, gross!
- Wow!
- That's enough!
- Jesus, Mom! They show more in health class.
Take us home. I don't want
to hear another word.
- Silvio. - Did
you hear me? - Shit!
I will not tolerate that kind of
language in front of me, goddamn it!
I am not going to subject
myself to that filth...
or allow my children
to be subjected to it.
Billy, I am talking to you!
Come on.
Silvio. Silvio.
Billy!
Billy. Billy!
Come here.
See how you like this one.
"Dear Meg,
"We're on our way to Dresden where we'll
have to do some work for the Germans.
"It won't be war work because the
Geneva Convention prohibits that,
"and besides, there isn't
any war production in Dresden.
"Dresden is the town where our
little dancing figure came from.
Remember the one thatJohnny
knocked off the table and broke?"
"Dresden's never been bombed
because it isn't a military target,
"so we'll be safe there.
"Please write toJohnny
and give him all my love,
"and tell him I know we'll all
be back together again soon.
Tell him how proud
I am of him. "
Where is he? Your boy's
in the car, Mr. Pilgrim.
He's the only one
we actually caught.
They knocked over 14 gravestones, all told.
I can't understand
why he'd do such a thing.
Has he ever said anything
about Catholics?
- I mean, has he anything against them?
- We've got Catholic friends.
What will the McNalley's think? What
are we going to say to the McNalley's?
Mr. Pilgrim,
if I could see you up here.
My, God!
Why did he do it?
I don't want to take the
boy down to the station.
It might be
embarrassing to you.
- Maybe we could handle it in some other way.
- Thank you, Officer.
If you can get the damages from
the church, I'd pay for that.
I'll see what I can do.
And I'd like to show my appreciation by
giving you this for the policeman's fund.
You don't have to do that, Mr.
Pilgrim, but it's very generous of you.
I'll call you after we've been able
to determine the extent of the damages.
What's the matter, Billy?
You must be the greatest father in the world.
I love my son, Billy.
Guess that's all it takes.
Hey, you guys.
We're there.
It's beautiful.
I never saw anything like it. It's lovely.
It's the Land of Oz.
Herr Kommandant.
Where's kommandant?
I'm the American kommandant.
These men...
I'm the American...
Guess you better go.
Okay, men. Everybody
on the other side.
Ich bin
the American kommandant.
Perhaps you
understand English.
Back at the camp, the men
chose me... Go back in line.
I was told
to take charge.
Okay, fellas.
Move out. Move out.
Don't fool around
with any oo-la-las.
How can I cheat
with your old man around?
That won't be so hard.
We just make an agreement.
You don't talk, and I don't
talk. Daddy, shame on you!
Hey, come on, Billy.
We're on our way.
- Bye-bye, Barb. - Bye,
Val. - Have a good time.
Bye, sweetheart. Have a good
time. Bye. Bye, hon. Okay.
Bye.
I know there's
gonna be meetings,
but I really mostly
want you to enjoy yourself.
By God, you deserve it.
You really do.
Want me to tell you
a secret, huh?
I wouldn't tell anybody this,
of course, but...
when Valencia brought you home and wanted to
marry you, to tell you the honest-to-God truth,
I thought she'd brought home
a first-class loser!
I really thought that.
But you proved me wrong.
I'm the first
to admit it.
You proved
old Lionel wrong.
Dad?
Fine family man,
and I'm...
The plane's gonna crash.
Oh, come on, Billy-boy!
In 25 minutes,
the whole thing cracks up.
You can't get out
of your seat!
Stop the plane. No one's
allowed in the cockpit, sir.
It's gonna crash. I organized this charter;
I'm responsible... Do you want to be removed?
But you don't understand! We've
got our clearance for the takeoff.
Everything's going to be all
right. Leave the driving to us.
Lousy drunk son of a bitch! God,
I hate these charter flights.
# Oh, there's a change in the weather,
there's a change in the scene #
# Bum, bum, bum, bum So from now
on there'll be a change in me #
# Bum, bum My walk will be
different My talk and my name #
# Bum, bum, bum, bum
Nothin' about me #
# Will be the same #
You feel all right?
That sure was a lousy joke you pulled
back there about the plane crashing.
I'm sorry, Dad.
Forget it.
Stewardess, bring this
young fella another drink!
#Bum, bum, bum, bum
There'll be some changes #
# Made today ##
Schlachthof-funf.
This is Schlachthof-funf.
Funf is English five.
Schlacht is slaughter.
Hof is house.
Schlachthof-funf:
Slaughterhouse-five.
No, the rules of the Geneva Convention
prohibit... Haltes mal! Haltes mal!
You must learn the address
for your own well-being.
In event of emergency,
you will say Schlachthof-funf.
Say it, please. Schlacht.
Schlacht.
- Hof.
- Hof.
- Funf!
- Funf.
- Schlachthof-funf.
- Schlachthof-funf.
Schlachthof-funf.
Funf.
Schlacht... hof...
funf.
Schlacht...
hof.
Schlachthof-funf.
Schlachthof-funf.
Hof... funf.
Schlachthof-funf.
I'm coming, Billy!
I'm coming!
I'm coming to you!
For God's sakes, lady! Why'd you jam
on your brakes? Look what you've done!
My Billy fell out
of a plane!
You all right? I was on my way to
the hospital! I missed my entrance!
I'll drive you there. No!
It's in Vermont, stupid!
Billy.
Hey, let me see your
license! I haven't got time!
You can't leave the scene
of an accident, lady!
Your exhaust is shot to hell! Damn it, lady!
- You're goin'
the wrong way!
Get out of the way!
Goddamn!
Get outta the way!
First she backed into me. Then
she went the wrong way and...
Oh, my God,
here she comes again.
I'm coming to you,
Billy. I'm coming!
- Sweetheart. Honey?
- Hmm.
Huh? What? Wake up, wake up. Wake up!
What?
Here.
What is this?
Billy! What is this?
Follow it and find out.
Billy!
Come on. Oh, Billy. You're
always up to something.
You're wonderful.
Thank you. Beautiful!
But did you make this bow? Never mind
the bow. Follow the yellow-brick road.
Follow the yellow-brick road!
Follow the yellow-brick road!
Oh, Billy! Come on. Follow it.
Billy!
Come on, Mama! Follow.
Follow the yellow-brick road!
Mom! Come on down, Mom.
Did you really make this bow?
Never mind.
Mom! Hurry!
I'm coming.
Robert!
Mom, hurry.
Billy! Billy,
I can't go out like this.
Of course you can.
Follow the golden thread.
A Cadillac!
Oh, Billy!
Happy birthday, hon.
Happy birthday, Mom!
A Cadillac!
A white Cadillac!
It's what I've
always wanted!
Come on, Robert!
I've always wanted
a white Cadillac!
Oh, Billy. Oh, sweetheart.
And now you've got it.
Oh, it's a little tight. You can
adjust the seat with this, see?
Oh, no, no! That's too tight! Or backward.
You can make it go up...
Oh, no! It's squishing me!
Or down.
It's wonderful!
I'm gonna lose weight! Oh, I'm really
gonna, Billy. I love you. I love you.
Get the stretcher! Quick!
- Was he alert in the emergency room?
- No, not very.
His right eye was dilating
and his blood pressure was up.
He seemed pretty drowsy.
He's shaved
and prepped, Doctor.
Let's get the pressure off. Are
the instruments ready? Yes, Doctor.
Better get in quickly, Bill. His
right pupil no longer reacts to light.
Scalpel.
Cautery.
Electric burr.
Let me have some saline.
Each day, you will recite your number
so we'll know how many men are here.
There'll be no talkin'
to Germans unless talked to.
When the war is over,
we'll talk.
Let's make another
burr hole right here.
Each day, you will be given
a working assignment...
for factory,
cleaning or mail.
But there is not going to be
any talking to German.
When you talk, you talk
to your guards only.
Blood pressure is falling off.
Eins, zwei!
Eins, zwei! Eins, zwei!
What are you giving him?
I'm still giving him D5W.
It looks like the pressure's
coming up now.
Let's see how we do in
the next five or 10 minutes.
Mrs. Shaw?
I'm Doctor Ellenbogen. Your
father's gonna be all right.
It was very difficult, but
he came through in good shape.
Stanley, he's gonna
be all right!
Wonderful.
Did you find Mother?
Well, it... it's crazy,
Barbara. L... I don't understand.
What's crazy, Stanley?
Where's Mama?
Come on, honey.
L- Let's sit down.
Listen. I think we'll take care of your
father till he's able to take care of himself.
What are you talking about?
Well, I looked all over
for your mom,
and then I asked
one of the nurses.
And they said that...
that she died about
three hours ago.
So I had to find out
if it was the right one.
And it was.
She was.
How?
I don't know, uh...
She had some kind of
accident with the car...
and got carbon monoxide
poisoning.
But she drives a Cadillac!
Honey, I don't know.
That's what they told me.
Oh, God.
I know. I know.
Hi, darling. How you feeling?
Dirty sons of bitches.
Bureaucratic bastards.
They have the audacity to put me
in a room with a basket case.
- Theyjust don't have a private room, sweetheart.
- Well, I don't know...
Goddamn it, Lily!
I'm gonna pepper your Radcliffe ass with
buckshot if I catch you smoking again!
You better stay in condition
to keep up with B.C. Rumfoord.
- You guys go on without me.
I'll be all right.
Christ. All he does
in his sleep...
is quit and surrender
and apologize.
Shoot. I could carve
a better man out of a banana.
Did you bring me those
books from Widener?
The boys at the Harvard Crimson
have a beautiful bit about you. Oh?
They call you the Red Baron
of military history...
And want you
to get well soon.
Those little bastards!
The Truman statement
about Hiroshima is in here,
and those eight
Army Air Force documents.
Oh, yeah.
And the Irving book on Dresden. I was there.
Honey, why did they keep Dresden
a secret for so long?
Oh, hell. For fear
a lot of bleeding hearts...
would say bombing it
was a chickenshit thing to do.
My book's gonna lay it
on the line, sweetheart.
Nobody's gonna weep and wail over
Dresden after they read my book.
I was there.
What's he saying?
He said he was there.
Says he was where?
Dresden.
At Dresden, B. C!
The hell with him.
Let him write his own book.
Schlachthof-funf.
What the hell is he saying now?
Ich bin Amerikanische soldat.
Dresden.
Schlachthof-funf. You wanna know something?
We didn't start the last war;
the Nazis did.
And 135,000 people
dying in Dresden...
does not seem so very much when put against
over five million Allies who had to die!
And you just might remember that
when we were bombing Dresden,
the Germans were sending V-1
and V-2 rockets into London,
killing men,
women and children.
Don't get so uptight.
Jesus!
It gives me a pain:: Weeping over Dresden
and not give a damn about our own losses!
Hey, what about Coventry?
What about Rotterdam?
What about the extermination
camps the Germans were running?
Gassing millions?
I want your attention.
Attention, please.
You are having a visitor.
Howard Campbell, Junior.
I have just come back from the
Russian Front, so I'll make it short.
I know how hungry you are.
Food's not much though, is it?
Food's terrifiic!
Almost as neat as your outfit!
Men, I have a proposition for you.
How would you like to come back to
America after this war as heroes?
Great, as long as I could
wear that fag outfit!
Since you're so interested in my
outfit, I'll tell you what it's about.
Blue is for the American sky.
White is for the race that
pioneered that continent,
cleared the forests, drained the
swamps, built the roads and the bridges.
And the red is for the blood
of fine American boys...
that's been shed
in defense of your freedom.
I don't see you shedding
any blood, Campbell.
You all know that communism
is out to enslave the world.
And who's out there
trying to stop them?
The Germans! They're not your
enemies. They're your allies!
Communism is the enemy
of all of us!
- I want volunteers for
the Free American Corps.
- Men who are willing to stand up to these commies.
- Sit down, Lazzaro!
I didn't vote for you,
Derby. Good. Now, who's next?
- If we don't stop them...
- Everybody to the air shelter.
Move. Let's go!
Get outta my way.
There'll be no bombs. Churchill's
nephew lives in Dresden.
Don't worry, soldier.
Well, men, do I have
only one volunteer?
Listen, pal. I only stood up back there to tell
you that one day your doorbell's gonna ring,
and there's gonna be this guy
in a trench coat...
We'll eat German craw for so
long, Campbell, because we have to.
But we'd rather die
than eat your dung,
which is sick and lousy
and foul!
History will prove you
an ass.
Oh, shit.
No bombs,
eh, Campbell?
You can't trust
theJews.
Daddy, you should really
stay with us.
And you shouldn't talk
about Mama...
or the accident,
or even the war.
I just wanna go home.
But we want you with us!
I'll be fine.
Just for one night?
No.
Oh, Daddy. Honestly!
Daddy, you should
consider yourself lucky.
Practically every optometrist
in Ilium was wiped out.
Stanley's been working
night and day for you.
Stinking old dog.
Hello, Spot.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Daddy, honestly!
Won't you please change your
mind and come stay with us?
You'll be in this empty house
with that old dog.
I'll be all right.
But, Daddy, be realistic.
You just turned middle-aged. You've
got your whole life ahead of you.
Good night, dear.
Ja, schweine!
Verfluchen schweine!
Mama!
Mama!
Mama! Mama!
- Dad? Dad?
Papa!
Dad?
Robert?
Hiya, Dad.
Hi, Spot.
How did you get here?
Well, they... They gave
me leave to visit Mom.
But you know...
Sure, Dad. I know.
That's why I'm here.
And to see you.
How are you, Dad?
I'm fine.
God, Dad. To think that
you lived. It's a miracle.
Like one time when a chopper
got hit by Charlie,
just outside our camp.
It came down like,
like a stone.
But the door gunner
walked away.
Dad?
Dad, I-I did the right
thing, joining up.
I'm sure you did, son.
Aah, it's a lousy war, but sooner or
later it's gonna be us or the communists.
We've gotta stand up
to them somewhere.
Dad?
Dad?
I know you and Mom
worried about me a lot.
I guess I haven't been
the best of sons.
You've been just fine, Robert.
No, I... I know I was pretty wild,
and I want to make up
for it.
Remember that stuff
in the cemetery? Geez!
I'm so ashamed of that now.
Really, I am.
But I've changed
a lot, Dad.
And I just hope I can make you
real proud of me from now on.
You already have, Robert.
Dad, will you come
to Mom's grave with me?
I'm not ready yet.
I know how you feel, Dad.
I'm just not ready.
Okay, Dad.
What's happened?
Where am I?
Welcome to the planet
Tralfamadore, Mr. Pilgrim.
Tralfam...
Tralfama...
Tralfamadore.
Oh.
How did I get here? There is no
"how,"Mr. Pilgrim. There is no why.
The moment simply is.
I don't understand.
Where are you? Oh, you
can't see us, Mr. Pilgrim.
We live in the fourth dimension.
But we can see you,
and there are many important
Tralfamadorians here to welcome you.
Oh. Well, uh,
how do you do?
We hope that you'll find your
accommodations here suitable.
I have to stay here?
I'm afraid so.
You mean, I can't leave
of my own free will?
Mr. Pilgrim, we have visited 31
inhabited planets in the universe.
We have studied reports
on a hundred more,
and only on Earth
is there any talk of free will.
Well...
What'll I do?
You will aid in the removal
of the bodies.
Those that are identifiable...
will be tagged.
Their personal effects will be
tagged and given to an officer.
There will be
a classifiication...
according to the degree...
that the victim
can be identified.
Any looting or stealing...
will be dealt with
by a firing squad.
Follow me.
It looked like
the end of the world.
What looked like the end
of the world, Mr. Pilgrim?
Dresden, after the bombing.
Don't be so egocentric.
We know how the world ends, and
it has nothing to do with Earth,
except that it
gets wiped out too.
Really? How does it end?
While we're experimenting
with new fuels,
a Tralfamadorian test pilot
panics, presses the wrong button,
and the whole universe
disappears.
But you have to stop him!
If you know this, can't you keep
the pilot from pressing...
He has always pressed it,
and he always will.
We always let him,
and we always will let him.
The moment is structured
that way.
Mr. Pilgrim, a pleasant way
to spend eternity...
is to ignore the bad times
and concentrate on the good.
It's... It's all right!
It's all right!
Will you be quiet, please?
Will you please be quiet?
Can't you see
you're frightening her?
Who are you?
Who are you?
My name's Pilgrim.
What's this scene?
- Where are we?
- We're on a distant planet.
Are you mating now?
What?
Have you mated?
Who are you?
I'm a Tralfamadorian,
Miss Wildhack.
A what? You're on the planet
Tralfamadore, Miss Wildhack,
423 billion miles from Earth.
Oh, Jesus.
Hey, hey. Hey.
You're okay?
Yes, thank you.
When were you born? What month? What month?
What month?
July.
What day? The fourth. The fourth ofJuly.
You're practical, straightforward,
with a belief in others...
based on your own integrity
and almost compulsive honesty.
You're a moon child!
Oh, you're a moon child.
I'm a what?
A moon child. That's your sign.
Were you born in the morning or the afternoon?
It doesn't matter. I don't have my charts.
Miss Wildhack? Would you
like something to wear?
Oh, yes.
Thank you very much.
Um...
I was, uh...
I was down in Palm Springs at a
home of a producer friend of mine,
sunning myself
by the pool.
That's why I'm like this.
I don't want halter marks.
Naturally. And...
all of a sudden,
it was like a... a ray...
This is all I can offer. Thank you.
And... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt.
Th-That's all there is.
And the next thing, I was...
I was here.
What's it like up here?
I don't know because
we can't leave the dome.
The atmosphere of Tralfamadore
is cyanide.
It would be fatal to you
if you left the dome.
This is it?
I'm... afraid so.
How long will they keep
us here? I don't know.
You are here,
you have always been here,
and you will
always be here.
Is he trying to blow
my mind?
No, no, no.
It all makes sense in a way.
You see, in Tralfamadore...
Would you please mate now?
Look. We're not going to put on
a show for you. That's one thing.
Another is I demand you get
Miss Wildhack some clothing.
If she's cold, we can always
regulate the temperature.
Now, you get down to Earth
and get Miss Wildhack...
a complete wardrobe,
and one that fits!
What's your size?
I take a 10.
But I have to take it in here
and let it out a little here.
So, they'll have to bring a needle
and thread. Did you hear that?
And remember, Miss Wildhack
is used to the best.
Thanks! Uh...
- Billy.
- Billy.
Now we would like
the night canopy.
Why do you wish
the night canopy?
Because we want it!
Will you mate?
We hardly know each other! Do you mind
if we take time to get better acquainted?
You are acting very unnaturally.
We would like
the night canopy.
Oh, very well.
Would you like to sit
on the couch?
Where is it?
Here. Just take my hand.
Ooh!
Ooh! I'm sorry.
Um, that's all right.
Careful.
Get away, Spot.
He's not bothering me.
I like dogs.
Come here, Spot.
Come on.
It's pretty comfortable, isn't it? It's fine.
They got everything
from Sears and Roebuck.
I appreciate what you said
to them about me.
Thank you, Miss Wildhack. Montana.
Montana. You don't meet many gentlemen...
in the entertainment
business.
I'm an optometrist.
Oh.
Would you like
to kiss me?
Yes.
You kiss nicely.
Thank you.
Oh! Did I hurt you?
Oh, no!
Oh!
Mr. Pilgrim?
Miss Wildhack?
Are you mating now?
Billy!
Billy, look at this!
Look at this! Perfect.
There's not a chip on it.
It's exactly like the one we had at
home. The one your son Johnny broke?
Yeah! How'd you
know about that?
The letter you wrote home. Of
course. It's a miracle, isn't it?
This little dancer survived
all this destruction.
Wait'll I bring it home. Can you
imagine how Meg's eyes will light up?
Arbeit!
She'll love it.
Diener?
Was haben sie da?
Oh, uh, look at this.
I found this down there. There's not
a chip on it. It's pretty, isn't it?
We had one like it.
Used to sit... Oh!
What's the matter?
Feuer!
Stop! Stop!
Billy. Billy?
Billy?
Where were you, honey?
Billy? Do you like this?
- It's nice.
- It's, uh, not too tight?
A little, maybe.
I'm so big here.
I like it.
That's 'cause you're a man.
- I'm gonna have to let it out.
- I really think...
Give me something to do.
Oh. You like it too,
Spot. Huh?
He always growled
at my wife.
Do you miss her?
She died. Somebody smacked
into the rear of her car...
and the exhaust fell off.
She died of carbon monoxide
poisoning.
Wow. Like what
they have out there?
No. That's cyanide.
That's worse.
Oh, wow.
What did you love most
about her?
Her pancakes.
If we had a real stove,
Billy,
I'd make you an out-of-sight
macrobiotic souffl.
I'd like that.
And then...
we could think
about having your baby.
Could we have
the night canopy, please?
Oh, Daddy! There is no such
planet as Trilaflamaduke!
Dad, I think what Barbara and
I would really like to know...
Would you be willing
to see a psychiatrist?
Listen, I have a friend
who's not only a doctor,
but he's interested
in outer space.
Why don't the three of us
have lunch together today?
I'm not going to commit myself to
an institution. Dad, I wasn't...
If it weren't for Tralfamadore, I
might have needed an institution.
I don't need a doctor, Stanley.
On Tralfamadore you learn
that the world...
is just a collection of moments all
strung together in beautiful, random order.
And if we're going to survive, it's up to
us to concentrate on the good moments...
and ignore the bad.
Besides, I'm in love up there.
You know, Dad, I'd really like
to have lunch with you today.
I'll be very busy.
Montana's pregnant.
What's her name?
Montana Wildhack.
That's the Hollywood starlet
who disappeared, isn't it?
Oh, my God.
Dad! Hey, w-wait
a minute, Dad.
Dad, listen.
L
- If you go back and forth in time, do you go into the future too?
- Mm-hmm. Frequently.
- Well...
I mean, h-how far
do you go?
Do you actually go... All the way
to my death. I've seen it many times.
I died in Philadelphia, where I was giving
a speech on the subject ofTralfamadore.
You see, in Tralfamadore,
where I presently dwell,
life has no beginning,
no middle and no end.
For example,
many years ago...
a certain man promised
to have me killed.
He's an old man now,
living not far from here.
He's read all of the publicity
associated with my appearance.
He's insane, and tonight
he'll keep his promise.
If you protest,
if you think that death
is a terrible thing,
then you have not understood
what I have said.
You see, it's time
for you to go home...
to your wives and children.
It's time for me to be dead
for a little while...
and then live again.
I give you
the Tralfamadorian greeting:
"Hello. Farewell.
"Hello.
"Farewell.
"Eternally connected,
"eternally embracing.
"Hello.
Farewell. "
Nobody fucks around
with Paul Lazzaro!
Do you hear me,
Pilgrim?
Pilgrim?
Pilgrim?
Hey, Pilgrim!
You hear me?
Pilgrim, get your ass over here
and give me a hand!
What are you gonna do with
that? I'm gonna make a fortune!
Are you kidding?
Haven't you got enough
stuff? What if we get caught?
We ain't gonna get caught.
The Krauts have all left.
If we don't steal it,
the Russians will.
Let's get the fuck outta here! Wait!
Wait! Wait!
Wait! Wait!
I surrender!
I surrender!
I surrender!
I surrender!
I don't know.
Billy? Billy?
Wejust had a baby!
Billy. We've just had
a baby boy!
Look at him!
Isn't he beautiful?
Ahh. Yes. Isn't he incredibly beautiful?
He's perfect.
Every bit of him.
What shall we call him?
Billy, of course.
Anyway, even if he doesn't look too
much like you, he's got your name.
Hello.
Are you hungry? I think
he's hungry now. Mm-hmm.
You hungry? Huh?
Here. There it is.
Take it, take it.
Ouch!
Oh. Ah.