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Slingshot Cops (2016)
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- All right all right, eh. - True Willie John, true. What's cracking in Woodsville Center? - Oh business is booming, Cashmere. People love them some works. - Don't call them works. - I told you. Sorry, Cashmere. - The contents in this box oughta keep business booming. Get it to Kimmy and Pitt right away. They still operating the back, 27 Foster Street? - Right-o, boss. - Cops? - In Woodsville Center we sell with impunity, them cops don't care. - Hey, three Brawny Beast 2000s! - Yeah, and you better get a good price for them. - Snickerdoodle! Hey Snickerdoodle! Excuse me, sir! You hiding behind the boxes! Have you seen my cat Snickerdoodle? Hey Snickerdoodle! Come come, Snickerdoodle! - What do you know, a copper actually on the beat in this town. - Energetic fellow. - Later, copper! - You just interfered with official police business, by mandate of the Woodsville Center Criminal Concern Center I command you to wait here until I have time to come back and arrest you for inadvertent aiding and abetting of a crime! Stay! - Woo! You getting your morning exercise, copper? - More like exercising my duty to arrest illegal fireworks traffickers. - Mayhaps I direct your attention to this little sign. We're in Kisson's Crossing now. Looks like someone's out of his jurisdiction. - And by someone he means you. - Office Rusty Sinclair, searching for a feline does not constitute inadvertent aiding and abetting. Not in my jurisdiction. - Purrrfect work, Rusty. Looks like you meowed up the wrong tree again. - It used to be a man could look for his cat in an alley all day. Sans interference. - Those days haven't past, Myron. It's just that some of our officers need readjusting from time to time. - Like I said, I wasn't aiding any crime. Nor abetting. - Myron, I'm gonna release you on your own recognizance. You neither aided nor abetted. - Thanks, Commissioner. - Not so fast, Rusty. You're an energetic officer Rusty, but that energy keeps getting you into quirky predicaments like this. - You haven't exactly been hitting it out of the park lately, Rusty. - I'm scheduling an evaluation with Doctor David Mercer to make sure you're fit for duty. - You'll be the guinea pig for the town's new doctor. - Once you're deemed fit, you'll be paired up with Officer Wolf. - What? The Slingshot Cop? - That's right Rusty, you've got a partner. - Well Commissioner, I guess we're gonna have to play it your way. You know, they might make for fun sidewalk drawings, boys and girls, but real life fireworks are an explosive disaster just waiting to happen. - We love fireworks, they're fun! We love fireworks, we love fireworks. - Sorry for the confusion regarding the appointment. My assistant Eugene has made yet another error. - But Doctor, I was told-- - Enough! Leave us! Some say that shaking hands is old fashioned, but we doctors are nothing if not formal. Doctor David Mercer. General practitioner. - I'm Rusty Sinclair, I'm a cop. Always have been, always will be. - Not if I don't find you fit for duty. - Oh I'm fit. - What was that? - I said I'm fit. Fit as a fiddle! - Simmer down. Now why don't you explain your latest incident. - Okay Doc, we'll play it your way. - The commish told me to give you this. Now that you're on a beat, you gotta clock in at the checkpoints. - This is an insult. - Just play it their way for a little while, things will work themselves out. Why don't you take some java to your new partner. Maybe it'll get him going. No promises. - Sleeping on the job is dereliction of duty, Officer Wolf. - Yeah yeah, partner. Don't hassle me so early on the morning, or ever. Let's keep doing the job. - Come on. - Little Denny, take my card. Take my partner's card too. - I can't believe this lethargy. I'm punching my own card. My Criminal Concerns Officer's oath is to fight crime, not to find the easy way out. You can abandon your duty Wolf, but I'm gonna walk my beat. - Here you go, kid. - King-sized, thanks! - Lunch time! How was the beat, kid? Any crimes to report? - No, things are peaceful. - Two hours of walking, two hours of sleeping, six of one, half dozen of another. Please bring my partner of cupcake. - Coming right up, Officer Wolf. - We officers have to relax a bit. And stay regular. - Thanks. - Take it easy, kid. All that walking must've tuckered you out. - I'm not looking to cut any corners, I just wanna be a good cop, Wolf. - The commissioner doesn't care if you're a good cop. So long as you don't rock the boat. - Can I get two vanilla bean cupcakes? - Sure. - So how come I never see you with your slingshot? - Will that be all? Sir, you need to pay for your two vanilla bean cupcakes! - I refuse to pay. Nothing tastes better than free cupcakes. Ha! - Help, cupcake larceny! Oh wow. - Curse these thrill-seeking preppies. Thrill-seeking preppies always return to the scene of the crime. I'm going out the back door. Good. Looks like somebody's gonna spend a night in the Iron Bar Hotel. - Please officers, I'm just a thrill-seeker. All the preppies are doing it! It's a right of passage! - You've got a right of passage to the town jail, preppy. Let's go, Wolf. - Here you go, Pip. Come on and get it. You should've seen me today Pip, you would've been so proud, it was expert police work the way Wolf and I took down that thrill-seeking preppy. All right Pippy, time for you to eat up. You have to stay in top physical condition if we're ever going to convince the commissioner to make you the next crime pup. Come on, eat your food. - Hey Rusty, I heard about your arrest today. Nice work. - I suppose you're here for your tuning fork and your sheet music. You can come in. - Rusty, why do you have to be so cold? - Here it is. Tuning fork's right here. - Come on Rusty, keep your head up. - Yeah Rusty. Hey maybe this will cheer you up. Vance here's running for mayor. Every vote's very important. I should know, being his campaign manager and all. - Oh Pippy, what a good girl. How I missed you. - Well she hasn't missed you. Pippy, stay with me. - Sure looks like she missed me. - Rusty, I know you're probably not very pleased with me right now what with my current situation dating your ex and all, but I'd still really like to give you a hug. - I don't think so, man. - Hugs are the key component of Vance's campaign, Rusty. - All polls indicate the importance of the personal touch. - Yeah, my goal is to get votes with hugs. I'll get you next time, pal. - What are you doing hanging out with a sleazy politician, Keira? - He's not sleazy, he's genuine and he has time for me. You never had time for anything but criminal concerns. - I'm a Criminal Concerns Officer, Keira. You can't just turn that off. - I need someone who values spending time with me, and Vance is that someone. I hope we can still be friends. - Hey Rusty, how about being a contributing constituent and allowing us to display this sign in your lawn? - Yeah, the power of hugs, man! Some slogan, huh Rusty? - Not now, Vance. - Okie dokie! - Greetings, vagabond man. - I find your accent incongruous. - I am from Eastern Europe. I believe your people would use the vocabulary term vigilante to describe me. - Ah, say, I have a fierce hunger in my gut. - Some cheese? - I'm an American, I don't eat stinky cheese. - Say vagabond man, which way to the town called Woodsville Center? - Follow the path, Eastern European. Off to the left. - Then I must bid you adieu, my dear fellow of the woods. - My hearing! My hearing! Where did it go? Where did it go? - Hey Wolf, nice arrest yesterday. - We put that preppy in his place. - Preppies. - Woodsville Center, Criminal Concerns Department. - Hello, I'm little Billy. I'm just seven years old. - Well hello, little Billy. How can we help you today? - I need the phone number to call my great grandpa. - Okay sweetie, where does he live? - He lives in Heaven with the angels. - Awww, that means he's an angel too. Angels don't use phones. Just fold your hands and say I believe in you, great grandfather. Then maybe Saint Peter will allow him to visit. Thanks for calling. That preppy should've known better than to try to rip off that cupcake shop. Your home away from home. - You know, we might have done a better job stopping that preppy if you still carried your slingshot. - Let me tell you a story. About a Criminal Concern Officer. Hard working. Good with a slingshot. Then he stuck his neck out and then he got beat up something fierce. - Are you this officer? - After that day, I put my slingshot in this drawer and it hasn't come out since. - But you're the original Slingshot Cop. The lone wolf of law enforcement. - Long wolf, slingshots, those days are behind me, Rusty. Come on, there's a park bench with my name on it. - You can nap Wolf, I got an address I gotta check out. 27 Foster Street. - Hello, Doctor David's office. - Please put me through to Doctor David. - One moment please. Doctor David, it's for you. - Who is it? - I didn't ask. - You didn't ask, you nincompoop? Remind me why I pay you, Eugene. Doctor David Mercer, may I help you? - Doctor David, this is Commissioner Adabato. I just wanna thank you for getting Rust back on the straight and narrow. - Just doing my job, Commissioner. - Can I tempt you to join the undersheriff and me for lunch at Debby's. - I wish I could, but I'm sure I have an appointment. Bye now. Eugene, if I'm wearing my eye mask, it means that I do not want to be disturbed. My rest periods are of the utmost importance to me. - I'm sorry, Doctor David. - And these crackers. What have I told you about my intense dislike for parmesan? - But sir, these are the French onion flavored crackers you requested. I can show you the box. - Never mind. Leave me be. - Over three continents I've roamed under golden suns and inky black night! All in the name of stopping the great, eternal, evil entity known as Sensefoot! Thank you, good citizen! I am on a mission seeking justice! Hello good sir, officer of the law I take it. Over three continents I've roamed, under golden suns and inky black nights, traveling the world in search of the great and eternal evil is the Sensefoot entity. - Entity? Is that an Eastern European word? - Sir, take this pamphlet! Read, read about Sensefoot! - Good luck, buddy. - You madam, you madam, you must... - Gotcha! The jig is up, punks! Hands where I can see them! - We're just carrying a box here, copper. You wanna catch us, you go get yourself a warrant. Until then, get out of our hair. - I got news for you bud, I don't need a warrant when I got certainty. You got fireworks in there! - Don't touch him, we'll press charges and you'll be off the force. - I got news for you honey, some of my best work's been done off the force. - Gentlemen, lady, what do we have here? - Caught these two lowlifes trying to sell some fireworks, Wolf. - Wolf, come on, how long have we known each other? - A while. - Right, a long while. Now you know Kimmy and me would never go against the laws of our fine town. - That's a technicality. - Pitt and Kimmy know exactly what they can get away with. Rusty, let's get going. - You heard your boss, flatfoot, get moving. - You two are nothing more than a couple of low rent circus grifters playing all the angles! Come on Wolf, get your blood up. You and me, we can take down this fireworks syndicate. - Cool your jets, kid. You don't know how high the syndicate goes. - Boils me blood to see you on good terms with Kimmy and Pitt, Wolf. They're fireworks dealers, the lowest of the low. - I'm done trying. You've seen that photo of my face. I'm finished with the Criminal Concerns racket. - You can't be. I wanna see you go out on top Wolf, on top! - I don't know. - But you were the lone wolf back then. Now you got a partner, we're a team. Together we can bring down any challengers. What do you say, Wolf? You with me? - You know what? A little action might be fun before I hang it up. - That's right! - I'm in! Not today, little Denny. The Wolf is back in the game! - We got the goods on all the principles in this fireworks racket, Commissioner. Requesting permission for a search and seizure. - Now Rusty, let's not get carried away here. - Code 604-A of the town constitution clearly bans all personal explosives designed for amusement and/or atmospheric aesthetics. - Rusty, we're not going down this road. Like the mayor says, discretion is the foundation of a good Criminal Concerns officer. - What did I tell you? They never wanna get their hands dirty around here, Rusty. - So Mayor Dobson is the puppet master in this high stakes game of personal explosives? I'm disgusted. I don't care of it's a sparkler, a popper, or a bottle rocket, fireworks bring an unnecessary danger into our town. Sure, hooligans might like the light and the noise, but it terrifies babies and dogs. I'll fight for the rights of babies and dogs 'till my dying day. Every Fourth of July I have to swaddle poor Pippy just to prevent her from having another fireworks-induced panic attack. - Looks like you boys have too much free time on your current beat. Robbie, any cases that'll keep them busy? - Vagabond Man McMurtry. Says he woke up from a little nap, couldn't hear anymore. - Sounds like a job for The Slingshot Cops. - Commissioner, we've got an urgent call from the mayor, he's got a prowler at his house. - A prowler at the mayor's? Slingshot Cops, go check it out. Robbie, you can go check on Vagabond Man McMurtry. That fella's been going deaf for years. - Vacate my premises, you crazy man! - But I have given the, how you say, runaround from your horde of underlings. And now I have no choice but to bombard your homestead in this-- In the interest of the public, Sensefoot must be stopped! - Finally. Now you officers, you do something to get this Eastern European out of my hair. - What seems to be the problem, sir? - Don't waste your time getting his side of the story, Officer Wolf. Bring him to the station in chains. - All right, all right, you're coming with us. - No! I will stay and have my point heard! - Sir, you are trespassing on private property. - "Private property." Ha, in my country, birds, sheep, man, woman, baby all share the land. - Well you're in America now, buddy. - Just come with us, we'll sort it out. - I'll go away this time. - I'll be coming down to the station to talk to the commissioner and read your full report. - You're a lot more pushy than the average pamphlet pusher. - I take umbrage at that moniker, Detective. - You Eastern Europeans are all the same with your big words and your loud ways. - My Judeo-Christian values do not permit me to make the same generalizations about you. - Don't you know you're in big trouble, pal? Disturbance of the peace, trespassing. - I was taught as a child that Americans celebrated acts of civil disobedience. - What's gotten you so fired up? - I was but a young lad when Sensefoot struck my village. He stole my sister's friend's sense of touch just before the homecoming ball. She was unable to feel the touch of her betrothed embrace as they danced. - Shame. - And then the cantor, Edwin the Good, had his sense of hearing taken away. The village was under siege! - Just like Vagabond Man McMurtry. - I've tracked him ever since. - And you think this man is here in Woodsville Center? - Oh he's here. But he's far from a mere mortal. Sans intervention, he'll continue to use his powers to rob senses. - You talk all fancy, just like Doctor David. - Who is this gentleman? - Eh, new police shrink. Don't get me started, fancy guy. Before I even walked in his office he made me take off my shoes and socks. - Eastern European, there's no way the commish will let us help you. - But I am free to continue my pursuits? - All right pal, we're gonna let you go on your own personal recognizance. Don't make us regret it. Ugh! We're in America, pal! We don't eat stinky cheese around here. We eat cupcakes. - Cupcakes are okay, but we in Eastern Europe have a more sophisticated palette. Citizens, protect your senses! My research indicates that Sensefoot has taken route in your town! He knows no mercy! - That Eastern European sure has a proclivity for justice. - You bet his does, Wolf. - See you tomorrow, partner. - It's okay, it's okay. Calm yourself, Pippy. These noisy hooligans. I've had enough of them. Pippy, it's time for you to earn your crime pup badge. Howdy, what's shaking lady? Just getting back from booting with the fellas and haven't been on the fireworks scene for a minute, but my little pup here wants to see some bright lights tonight. Don't you, Chomps? So is the super secret codeword still "boom boom?" - You look like you wanna do business, good sir. Let me get my associate, wait right here. - I can dig it, lady. - Well the demand is way up on Woodsville Center. Why don't you consult with your piggy bank and get back to me later. - That cop Rusty Sinclair is here. - Come on, this guy just doesn't give up. - This is our newest customer, Pitt. He's ready to do some big time business. - You betcha. Today was payday and I'm itching to spend some bread, if you know what I mean. - I know what you mean, but I don't do business with just anybody. I need to know that I can trust you. - Your lady friend can attest, I am a cool cat. - I don't know you from Adam. - I am Pebo Jenkins, and there here is my pup Chomps. We are in the mood for some boomsticks. Extra loud, if you know what I mean. - Yeah yeah, I know what you mean, but I need you share a swig of this moonshine with me just so I know I can trust you. - Oh, moonshine. Well oooh, that's strong stuff. I'm more of a milk drinker myself, gotta stay in shape for the ladies. I'm all set. - No one turns down Pitt's moonshine. - Well of course there was a time in my younger years where I did imbibe in the devil's juice, so why not another swig of it for good ol' Pebo? - That's more like it, Pebo. You know what, I'm starting to actually take a shine to you. - Yeah, you're a genuine tough guy. - Woo! Little stronger than what grandpa used to make for me, but thanks so much. Now I'm ready to do some business. - Not just yet, Pebo. Pitt may trust you now, but I don't trust a man until I've seen him do the southside shuffle. - The southside shuffle? Oh yeah, yeah, the southside shuffle. Goes by a different name depending on the turf, but I know what you're talking about. And a one. It's the southside shuffle It's the southside shuffle - Sweet moves. It's the southside shuffle It's the southside shuffle Pebo, Pebo, Pebo won't you do that southside shuffle Pebo, Pebo, Pebo won't you do that southside shuffle It's the southside shuffle - Guys? Perhaps I confused the southside shuffle with the northside shuffle. I didn't bring my compass. Could you come back, I wanna buy some boomsticks. Forget it, Pippy. - For all I know, that Eastern European could've been hired by Vance Scanlin to get some dirt on me. Thankfully there's no dirt to be found. - Rusty, Wolf, it's an election year. The mayor can't have undesirables derailing his campaign. - Undesirables? What about the fireworks dealers? They run around town with carte blanche to peddle their wares! - You're off that case, Rusty. - Let the people have their fireworks. - If a mob of concerned citizens expressed their concern about fireworks, we'd have a different story here. - What is it, Annabelle? - Sorry to interrupt. The courier said this was urgent. - Tsh, nice dance moves, Rusty. - Why has a concerned citizen sent in these photos of you on an undercover, unauthorized mission? - What I do on my time is my business, Mayor. - I'll let you deal with this, Commissioner. I have to take care of, what do they say, "pressing business." - Our job is to keep the peace, not to get things riled up. Now get out of my sight. - Ah, preppy, glad to see you're back to being a law abider. - That's right officer, I neither commit nor abid crime anymore. - Yeah, he's one of our best customers now, Rusty. - Preppy. - I'm gonna get a vanilla bean and Wolf here's gonna go with the double caramel. - I can't smell anything. Not a scent! - What's he doing here? - Apparently our cupcake lady summoned him. She's had trouble tasting things lately. - Amelia, where are your crime fighting friends? If you have a problem you should just call us. - Her concerns are within my jurisdiction, Rusty. This is a medical matter. - I thought you were a counselor. - I have multiple doctorates from several prestigious institutions, Rusty. Now go on, Amelia. - Like I said, I woke up from sunning myself, took a sip of my ice coffee, and couldn't taste it. I haven't been able to taste anything since. Tasting things, doctor, that's my raison d'etre. My dishwasher, Ethel, has been working double duty as cupcake taster. - It's true, I both wash and taste. - I'll write you a prescription. Eugene, which one of these is my prescription? - It's this one, Doctor David. - Thank you. And this little appointment will be free of charge for an exchange of one of your cupcakes. - Sounds fair. - Madagascar vanilla, clove. A soupcon of nutmeg... And a hint of of cardamom. - Amazing, what a nose. - I am somewhat of a connoisseur. La la la la la La la la la la La la la la la - Criminal Concern Center of Woodsville Center. - Emergency! A dark figure! In Keira's yard, the singer! - Okay, pull yourself together man, we're on the way. Sheesh, what a nervous ninny. Rusty, you better get over to your old girlfriend's house pronto. I just got a tip on the Criminal Concerns line about a prowler. - I'm on it, Annabelle. Keira. - Who's there? Get your evil foot away from me! - Evil foot, Officer Rusty. That's a clue. - Get her some water, man! - Rusty, it's you. Why can't I see you? - Keira, did I hear you say something about an evil foot? - Used to be a person could live in Woodsville Center and not get his senses stolen. Time for me to rally the citizens. - Keira, I'm Doctor David Mercer. - Doctor, please come in. - The doctors down at the hospital have asked that I come check up on you after last night's ordeal. - Oh that's so thoughtful of you. - People ask me how can this immortal Sensefoot creature be stopped. There is only one way. All of his senses must be inundated simultaneously. - Okay, okay, show's over. - Nothing to see here. - Go, move. - Gentlemen, why have you interrupted my pontification? - We need a Sensefoot expert. - Well sign me up. - Yeah! - This way. - Keira, you must keep up your nourishment during this healing process. Speaking of, any dinner plans tonight? - Doctor David, don't you know I'm spoken for? - Yes, of course, Vance Scanlin. An acceptable mayoral candidate. But does he really know how to treat a woman? - Doctor David, don't you know that's extremely unprofessional of you? Please show yourself out. I need to get to the Criminal Concern Center to give my statement. - Doctor David is pleased, she's beginning to identify shapes. - That's a good sign. - After being stricken by Sensefoot, a victim will regain his or her senses within approximately a fortnight. - You hear that, Keira? You'll be 20/20 again in no time. - Can you describe the foot in anymore detail? - An ugly foot. Evil. I know it sounds crazy, but it seemed to have a purple aura. - Commissioner, there's a mob of concerned citizens making its way towards the station! The citizens are really concerned about this foot menace! - Sounds like the public's ready for some change. - When you say change you mean a new mayor, don't you Elden? - Sure do. - Rusty, you and the Easter European have to hold down the fort here. The lone wolf is breaking away from the pack. - Citizens, citizens, I understand your concern, but let's wait to see what the commissioner has to say about this, all right? - Passing the buck, eh Mayor? - Polls indicate that the public has low confidence in a mayor who passes the buck. - We abide no menace in our town, foot or otherwise. The Slingshot Cops are on the case. - Slingshots are no match for this Sensefoot being. - Yes, she's right. - Yeah, what she said, Mayor! - I can't see anything. - She has been blinded. - What are you gonna do? - Yeah, come on! - My vote depends on how this foot menace is handled. - I agree with what everybody's saying! I should be the mayor! - I can live in a state of terror no more. - I also can't live in a state of terror anymore. - Citizens, trust in your local leaders. - We demand satisfaction. - Fix this. - Petty. Petty, like some villagers squabbling with the barrister over the potato tariffs. This is an eternal menace that has come to roost in your precious little American town. What is it? - Woodsville Center. - Ah yes, how quaint. But so much less quaint when your town is under siege from the greatest thief of senses the world has ever known! You, if your eyesight was taken, what would you care for the beauty of the business district? And you, the bluebird's song will not delight you if you cannot hear it. And what good is a cupcake shop if one cannot taste its delicacies? Not to mention Sensefoot can even steal your very life by placing his bare foot on your own. - The Eastern European speaks the truth! - Yeah he does! - Yeah, he does! - The Eastern European speaks the truth! - He's not lying, he's honest and true! - Darn right he does. Mayor, Commissioner, I hereby request that you grant us permission to set up a three men task force to bring down Sensefoot once and for all. - Yes, we need a task force. - I agree, we need a task force. - If that's what the people want, let's give it a go. - I can't wait to tell Wolf. - Doctor David, an officer approaches. - Code red, Eugene. - What the heck? Get back here, you shoe thief! - You know not the forces with which you meddle. - Why don't you come over here and fight like a man, you supernatural charlatan. - I'm no charlatan, officer. 100% pure and honest evil. - The people of this town trust you, and you have the nerve to steal their senses? The lone wolf's still got the touch. - I'll give you the touch. - Doctor David! - Eugene, drag his carcass into the woods. Then call the Criminal Concern Center. Tell them Detective Wolf attempted to attack you with his bare foot, but you were able to fight him off and he died in the struggle. - Doctor David, no one would think I'm strong enough to fight anybody off. - Of course you are, Eugene. You have great strength. And even though you annoy me at times, I am grateful for you. - You have no earthly right to run me out of town, Mayor. - Go stir up trouble somewhere else, hooligan. I have my annual free throw shooting competition to worry about. - I am no hooligan! Rather, a seeker of justice. - Justice has been served. Officer Wolf is dead, he can no longer run rampant around this town stealing the senses from my constituents. - I am a Sensefoot expert. Detective Wolf never displayed any of the telltale signs. - He had us all fooled. Now get out of town and peddle your hokum elsewhere! - But he'd been a crime fighter for so many years, how could Wolf lead a double life as Sensefoot? - Well he sure had you fooled. - Think about it Rusty, he left the station claiming to have "lone wolf" activities to accomplish. - Just because he called himself a lone wolf doesn't mean he's Sensefoot! - Well we received a report that Doctor David's assistant Eugene was assaulted in the woods. Luckily Eugene was able to fend Wolf off until his life force expired. - It's an open and shut case. There's no arguing the scientific evidence. Isn't that right, Doctors Uski and Bowana? - True, the radioactive burns were clearly found in the epidermal pad region of the metatarsals. That's the bottom of the foot, officers. These findings clearly match those on the victim. - Do you mean to tell me you have indisputable scientific evidence that Wolf was Sensefoot? - That's exactly what we're saying. - Well doctors, I guess we'll have to play this your way. I wander over land and sea Near and far over the country No place that I'd rather be Than home with the rising sun Under a clear blue sunny sky Valleys low and mountains high Then too many years gone by Away from the rising sun - Rusty. Good news, Rusty. Annabelle here is gonna be your new partner. - Excited to start solving crime with you, Rusty. - I knew you'd saddle me with a partner before long, Commish. - Oh Rusty. - No need for preamble, Commish. Don't worry, I'll play things your way. Come on. - This is so great, walking a beat. - Wolf used to have a contact who'd punch his card for him. Wish I could get a hold of that kid, then I could take a nice nap. - No way, silly. Let's look for some action on Canal Street. It's. Let's go see if Vance and Elden have the proper permits for this rally. Come on. - Maybe if more of us took the time to give the poor guy a hug, he wouldn't have felt the need to terrorize our town with his evil foot! - Vance Scanlin for mayor. - As your next mayor, I promise to hug each and every one of you! And hugs stop crime! - Vance Scanlin for mayor! - Hello gentlemen. May we please see your permit? - We're new age campaigners, officers. Once Vance Scanlin's elected to office he's gonna rid city hall of red tape. - Well he's not in office yet and rules are rules. - We finished spreading our love here, officers. No need for a citation. We're on our way. Like I always say, live in the now. Let's adjourn to the swing set, shall we? Now now Rusty, don't be so glum, man. Who here wants me to cheer up this sad officer with a hug? - Ladies and gentlemen, please witness the power of Vance Scanlin as he hugs the sadness out of this Criminal Concerns Officer who's still mourning his partner's bitter betrayal. - Yeah, for those of you who don't know, Officer Rusty here, his former partner Officer Wolf was in fact the evil Sensefoot of which I just spoke! Let's hear it for Rusty Sinclair everybody! - Rusty! - Eh, new police shrink, don't get me started, fancy guy. Before I even walked in his office he made me take off my shoes and socks. - They're selling fireworks. How brazen. Come on Rusty, let's bust them. - Who cares, Annabelle? The people like their fireworks, let them have them. - Hey yo, Rusty, Annabelle, you guys wanna buy some fireworks? - We heard the commissioner told you to get off our backs. Beat it, chumps! - Que sera, sera. - I believed you. I believed you were a wise veteran with one last lone wolf mission left in you. I bought into the way of the slingshot, played things your way, and you were just playing me all along, weren't you Wolf? Why? Why would you do it? Why would you steal the senses of the people of Woodsville Center? Why, Wolf, why? - There there, Rusty. You've reached your nadir. Now let's go get a cupcake. - I recognize that stinky cheese. Eastern European, how goes your vigilante quest? - Greetings, vagabond man. The mayor ran me out of town, but I had an epiphany. - I love epiphanies! - Hello folks, this is MC Michelle coming to you live from the mayor's backyard courts. I'll be your host at the event today which will also be simulcasted on AM 1370, facts, fun and folk for Woodsville Center. Today's the day, dear listeners. Yes, that's right, we've waited all year and it's finally arrived. It's the mayor's annual free throw contest. Now let's hand things over to Mayor Dobson. - Welcome. Welcome, people, to my annual free throw shooting contest! Let the basketball commence! - Eastern European? I thought they ran you out of town on a rail. - Yes, they did such a thing. But I have returned. Too much to tell right now. You get back to the athletic competition. Meet me tomorrow at Robot City Games. I hear they have fine amusements there. - With 16 out of 25, it looks like Doctor David will be challenging Sure Shot in the finals, how exciting. - Now before we proceed with our final round between Doctor David and Sure Shot, I have a very special announcement. We have our very own singing sensation Keira Steadley! Now she recently suffered a violent Sensefoot attack to the eyes, but her voice remains as pure as an angel. So please rise, and take off your hats, as we sing our town anthem. Woodsville Center How do I love you I'll never tell You'll always have good friends here And you'll never have anything to fear Woodsville Center How do I love you I'll never tell Woodsville Center - Sorry, Sure Shot. I didn't see you there. - Bingo! Nice, a superb 22 out of 25 for our very own Doctor David. Now let's see what the three time champ Sure Shot can do. He's as cold as ice, folks. - Got no touch. - Ladies and gentlemen, your champion, Doctor David Mercer! - Hello? - Was that an angel singing the town anthem this afternoon? Or was that you? - Doctor David? - That's free throw champion Doctor David. Were you impressed by my performance today? - If this isn't pertaining to my medical condition, I'll have to say goodnight. - I did that for you, Keira. - Well I never asked you to win an athletic competition for me. I have to go. - Psst, Eastern European. - Can't you see I was only 3,500 points away from the high score? - But Eastern European, you told me to meet you here. You said you had important news. - Detective Wolf is no more a Sensefoot creature than you, or I, or Undersheriff Robbie Funt. - Believe me, more than anything on Earth I wanna believe that. - Well quit wanting and start believing! This town has a major Sensefoot problem and its name is Doctor David. - But the town scientists, Doctor Uski and Doctor Bowana, found traces of radiation on Wolf's foot. That's empirical evidence. Something you can see, hear, or touch. - Well touch this. Gently, gently, and look, look at the photograph. - Doctor David is Sensefoot. That explains why Sure Shot lost his touch. - Correct, he used his evil foot to kill Wolf, leaving those traces of radiation. - Why did Wolf die but not Sure Shot? Or any of his other victims? - Oh you Sensefoot novice. Sensefoot can only kill with direct foot to foot contact, his most concentrated form of attack! Otherwise, he's just stealing the sense of the body part he touches. Mouth for taste, nose for smell, and so forth with other similar associations. - Looks like I was wrong to doubt Detective Wolf. - Oh yes, you were completely and utterly wrong. - Well now I believe in Detective Wolf again. - It's about time you believed in your old partner. - I also have belief in you, Detective Wolf. - Saint Peter just granted me three earthly hours to help you guys. - I missed you, Wolf. I'm sorry I didn't declare my belief in you sooner. - That doctor and his lackey did a pretty good job of framing me. Eastern European, how can we kill Sensefoot? - Complete inundation of all his senses should do the job. - Well inundate him we will. But first I'm gonna see what Sensefoot is up to. - Cancel my afternoon appointments, Eugene. - But Doctor David, the senior center at 3 PM. - Surely they can wait 'till tomorrow. - You got a whole group of seniors ready for their checkup. - I'd rather make a surprised house call to the lovely Keira Steadley. - But Doctor David, considering your feelings for her, that's highly unprofessional. - You dare question my professionalism? I will make that house call, and she will reciprocate my feelings of love. Otherwise she'll suffer the same fate as you, Eugene. - Keira's in danger. I gotta go warn the others. - We'll be back. - Rusty, what's that Eastern European doing in my station? - No dogs in the station, Rusty. - I told you to leave town, you Eastern European you! - This Eastern European is here to save your skin, Mayor. - His status as a temporary officer ended when the mayor ran him out of town. - Yeah, send him on his way or we'll send you on your way, Rusty. - You have no idea what kind of trouble your town is in. - Listen up, Wolf wasn't Sensefoot, Doctor David is Sensefoot. He killed Wolf and he's still a threat to our town! - And now we're going to take him down. - That case is closed! - Sure, you don't care about it anymore 'cause you've quieted your concerned citizens and you used our best cop as a scapegoat! - Like the mayor said, this case is closed, Rusty. Now you either escort your Eastern European friend out of the station, or you turn in your badge and your slingshot. - It used to be my life's dream to carry this badge. But if it means serving politically-minded bureaucrats, then I'm out! - This is insulting! - I've towed the line for too long. It's time to play things my way. You can keep the badge, but the slingshot stays with me. - You're off the force, Rusty. - Right on. - You talk tough Robbie, but let's see if you can fight tough, Robbie! I no longer work for the town. I work for justice, pro bono. Let's go, Eastern European. Thanks man, let's go, Pippy. Let's solve a crime. - I wanna fight for justice too, Rusty. How can I help? - You wanna fight for justice, Annabelle? Well here's how, go to the cupcake shop and pick up a chocolate salted caramel cupcake. - But I thought my days of providing you guys with coffee and baked goods were in the past. - Trust us, we've got a plan and that cupcake is a vital part. - Don't speak to him Annabelle, he's no longer on the force. - Annabelle, we don't want you to lose your job for us. - Eh, it's not like these two are ever gonna get reelected. I'm out too. - Bring the cupcake to Keira Steadley's house, let's go. - Fireworks proprietors, I need your most brilliant explosives! - Yo who do you think you are running up here like that? - I am a champion of justice on my way to dispatch one of the most vial scourges to ever stalk the Earth! - We've seen you around town with that knucklehead cop Rusty, we're not falling for this. - Rusty, what are you doing here? - Keira, you're in grave danger. Doctor David's on his way to get you. - What do you mean? - The ghost of Officer Wolf told me that Doctor David is Sensefoot and he's on his way to your house right now! - Rusty! Hey, do I have to, yeah, okay, no, okay bye. Sorry, I was on the phone. You're in quite a state. Sounds like you need one of Vance's trademark bear hugs. Vance, get in here! - Come on, get in here Rusty, man. - Hug, touch. Vance, we're gonna need you on this mission too. Keira, time to start warming up your vocal cords, to the kitchen now! - You folks might not want to help me, but would you help your old friend Detective Wolf? - I guess so, but the point is moot. Detective Wolf is gone. - Not if you declare your belief in him. - Oh come on, that's just an old tale told in schoolyards. - Just declare your belief in him. - Okay, I believe in Detective Wolf. Whoa. Do it, Pitt! - All right, I believe in Detective Wolf. - Hey guys. - Whoa, unreal! - Grab your brightest, loudest explosive and come with us. - It's time to pull out the Brawny Beast 2000. - I know it sounds crazy, but you gotta believe me. - Heck Rusty, if Doctor David shows up I'll give the guy a hug. Probably would've hugged him anyway. - Excellent, Vance. - Rusty, what if I contributed to your plan by simultaneously hugging Doctor David? - That's the spirit, Elden. Keira, will you be able to get him onto the deck and sing to him? - This plan is ridiculous. - Come on honey, you broke the poor guy's heart, the least you could do is lower your doctor onto the deck and sing a few notes to him. - Okay, I'll do it for you, Rusty. - The scourge is upon us. Quick, Vance, Elden, come with me outside. Keira, lure him to the deck. Let's go. - Hello there, Miss Steadley. - Oh man, we're putting Keira in a lot of danger here, Rusty. - Yeah, good point, Vance. - With Sensefoot loose, all of Woodsville Center is in danger. - Also a good point, Rusty. - I was concerned about the results of your retina test today. Hence the unexpected visit. By the way, you are looking quite lovely today. - Okay, well I have noticed that in bright sunlight my eyes have trouble focusing. - Yes, yes, let me examine you. - How about you take a look at me on the deck in the sunlight? - With a patient as lovely as you I'd prefer a candlelight over a gourmet dinner. Perhaps with smooth jazz. - Oh Doctor David, the deck's right over here. - Ugh, what's that smell? - That would be this hunk of stinkin' bishop cheese. A delicacy in my homeland, it's sure to overwhelm Sensefoot's olfactory system. - Well Kimmy, Pitt, I never thought I'd say this, but at this moment, in our desperate hour, Woodsville Center needs your fireworks. - And we brought just what you need, the Brawny Beast 2000. - Nice. - Now what, Rusty? We'll play your way. - Now Keira, why don't you recline in this chair. I'll have a look at those beautiful blue eyes. - All right Vance, Elden, time for you two to do your part. Now if only Annabelle could get here with that cupcake. - Doctor David! Get over here, buddy! Let me give you one of my patented bear hugs. - Say guys, can I get in on that bear hug? - Sure, buddy! - By the way, congratulations on the free throw shooting contest, Doctor David. - Oh that was the day Keira delighted everyone with her singing. Hey why don't you sing some more of us, honey? Woodsville Center How do I love you I'll never tell You'll always have good friends here And you'll never have anything to fear - Sounds even better than the angels in Heaven. Woodsville Center How do I love you I'll never tell Woodsville Center - Enough of that singing. It's too much for my senses. And what's that wretched odor? - I just don't know which one I wanna get. They all just look so good. Apple pie is good. It's like an apple pie, but in cupcake form. - Just pick a cupcake, Myron. - Fireworks ready guys? - You betcha. - The plan's working, I'm so happy. - Aw man, look what you did, you broke the Brawny Beast 2000. - Don't panic, it'll still explode right? - Well yeah, it'll explode, but we can't aim it at anything, it's not gonna go straight. - We don't have any time. This explosive needs to explode right away. You're a brave girl, Pippy. You know what to do. - It's all too much. Inundation. Inundation! - Time is short, if we don't overwhelm his tastes soon this is all for naught! - Rusty! Sorry I'm late, there was a long line at the cupcake shop. - With cupcakes that delicious of course there was a long line, Annabelle. - Well also they were out of chocolate salted caramel. Had to get vanilla. - Vanilla's just as good. We're gonna do this, Annabelle. - We did it! - Oh man, that cheese stunk to high heaven, man. - You Eastern Europeans. - Nice singing, Keira. You really belted it out. - It was my pleasure. - You know, Vance isn't such a bad guy. He's got my vote in November. - That's my time, folks. Saint Peter's summoning me back to Heaven. - Goodbye, Wolf. I wish you could stay longer on Earth. - You got Annabelle now, Rusty. Teach her everything I taught you about being a slingshot cop. Cupcake. Pippy, what are you doing in Heaven? You died in the line of duty, just like me. Those darn fireworks. Rusty's right, they're dangerous. It's not your time, Pippy. This may be out of my jurisdiction, but I order you back to Earth. Rusty needs you. Go, Pippy, go to Rusty! - Pippy! Pippy, you did such a good job, Pippy. - Pippy. - A cop and his pup. - And their partner. - I wish. Remember Rusty, we're off the force. - That's true. - Hey what are you gonna do next, Rusty? - What am I gonna do next? I'm gonna campaign like heck for this guy, Vance Scanlin, to be our new mayor! He is gonna sweep city hall clean of corruption! - You bet he is, Rusty. - I sure am. - Once Vance takes office, one of his first initiatives is to get you guys back on the force. - Yeah, that's right, man. And I'll start a work program. Something to get miscreants like you two off the streets and into productive roles in society. And you, Eastern European, you're gonna be my new commissioner. - Excellent! In fact I have already obtained all the proper working papers. - Yeah, man. - Hey Vance, you know what I'm thinking? - No, what's that Rusty? - The Woodsville Center's Ladies Club is having their annual get-together over at Braswell Park. - A wealth of potential votes. - You guys wanna head over there and give those ladies some hugs? - Only after this task force gets together for a group hug. - Bring it in, everybody! - All right, now let's go hug some ladies. - I love this town. Little Pippy's in a fright when the sound goes pop And you know they're on the case when the trail goes hot Stop in the name of the law boys You wanna run the other way When you run into the slingshot cops Chase those boys through town to the county line And the world's a bit brighter Just to know that they're out there Not your average men in blue But they don't really care They're the slingshot cops They're always there to lend a hand To protect and serve their fellow man And they're never gonna quit, gonna pull all the stops Never ever gonna die, gonna give it all they got Stop in the name of the law boys They're coming for you Are you ready for the slingshot cops Chase those boys all night to the county line And the world's a bit brighter Just to know that they're out there Not your average men in blue But they don't really care They're the slingshot cops They're always there to lend a hand To protect and serve their fellow man On patrol far and wide until they cross the great divide They got soul to make up for heat they don't pack So join our refrain, all you people everywhere All hail the slingshots cops, they got your back The don't taste much Sure Shot lost touch Now the world will be brighter And true justice will be served Sponsored by the Center for all Criminal Concerns They're the slingshot cops And they'll live to fight another day They won't let the Sensefoot get away Shake and move with the slingshot cops Dig that groove 'till the crime wave stops Slingshot cops, yeah they're always there to lend a hand To protect and serve their fellow man |
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