Shut up!
Consider yourselves warned.
We're stepping in the ring
And won't let that lady sing
It's over when we say it's over
Been brushing off our shoulders
It's not a twist of fate
We choose our own destiny
A trophy or a bruise
Champions never lose
I was at the mall the other day,
and this girl was wearing pants
that looked like she
literally pooped in them.
Look at us. We look
like two girls at a club.
Hey...
Aw...
Ah! More videos.
More videos! More videos!
What are you waiting for?
It's time to show the world
What they've waited for
Something like they've
never seen before
Hey.
Seen before
We're just getting started
We're just getting started
Hello, little guy.
Cheese mobile! Check it out!
It's time to show the world
What they've waited for
Something like they've
never seen before
Lame. Lame. Lame.
We're just getting started
Just getting started
My eyes are, like,
must be 50 pounds or something, man.
Whoa!
That was fake.
Hey, I apologize. That's
all you can ask for.
- You suck.
- I apologize!
Sweet!
Hey, man.
Hey, dude.
Uh, glad you're here 'cause I need a ride.
Oh, I knew it.
You can't keep doing this.
You can't just order a pizza
every time you need a ride somewhere, okay?
Why not? You're already out driving around.
Plus my mom started charging me for rides.
- What's the big deal?
- The big deal is
I'm a working professional now
and you need to respect that.
You deliver pizzas.
I work in food distribution
for a multi-million dollar company.
Where you deliver pizzas.
Look, I've worked very
hard to turn my life around
in a very short amount of time.
Unlike you, I moved out
of my parents' house.
Into my parents' house.
Hi, boys.
Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.
Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Hecox.
So will you both be
home for dinner tonight?
- Yeah.
- I can't.
I'm fasting to fit my... my
new pair of jeggings I just got.
- Okay.
- Oh.
- Yup.
- Bye, Mom and Dad.
- Uh-huh.
- Bye, Son.
Bye. Thank you.
Look, I've got a good job.
I don't know why you can't see that.
Would we call it good?
$25 haircut, dude.
I used to only ever pay, like, 10.
My life is like a rocket ship right now...
going nowhere but up.
Yeah, I know you better than that, dude.
You're still the same old Anthony
who imagines Stone Cold Steve Austin
complimenting him in the mirror.
No, I grew out of talking
to him, like, forever ago.
You're working too hard, man.
You're out there
delivering pizzas for, like,
two hours a day.
It's high time you did
something for yourself.
Oh, yeah, like give you a ride somewhere?
I mean, I wasn't thinking that,
but, that would be great. Yeah.
Let me guess. You want
to go to the Game Bang.
All right, there he is.
That's my boy. Come on.
Let's do this. Yeah.
Whoo! Yeah!
Yo, Anthony.
You're doing a hell of
job balancing such as busy
- and complex life.
- Yeah, I know.
But you got to start
working your glutes man.
Looks like a loose lump
of Play-Doh down there.
- Looks bad.
- Yeah, okay.
I'll, um, I'll just do
some squats on my way out.
Thanks.
That pizza? Yeah, that'll be 10 bucks,
by the way.
Oh, dude, that's messed up.
You're gonna charge your best friend?
Did Steve Jobs give free iPhones
away to his friends? Nope.
Um, you're not the CEO of pizza.
Not yet.
Look at that dumb car.
$1.00.
- That's it?
- Yup.
I said 10 bucks.
Well, you know, I'm a cheap ass.
Ready to get your game bang on? Mm!
Hey, cool car dickheads.
Yeah, that is a cool car. You know why?
'Cause it gets me this.
- What?
- That's cold hard cash, son.
What do you have to show for
what you've done today, punks?
He just dropped some money on the ground,
- he doesn't even care.
- Oh.
- What?
- Really?
- That's it?
- For real.
- You see this watch?
- Yeah.
I won it playing skeeball.
Jesus, is that real?
5 carats, yo.
No one wears watches anymore.
Come on, like, all you got
to do is look up at the sun.
Like, right now, it's, uh, 4:0...
4:05.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Deal with it.
Loser.
Uhh!
Yeah, that's a pole.
You know, we've been coming to this place
since we were, like, eight.
We should be out doing cooler stuff.
- Like what?
- Like meeting girls.
Like other stuff people
do that are our age.
Um, no can do.
I'm kind of seeing someone.
Uh, no you're not.
You leave creepy comments
on a YouTube video
of a hot girl getting her butt massaged.
That's, uh, that's not the
same thing as seeing someone.
Do I see her?
Look, you never even talk to her.
She's flagged every
single one of my comments.
Yeah, for being a perv.
No, man. She's just playing hard to get.
Pocket Slave Monsters
- You now work for me
- Dude, look what it is.
Magic Pocket Slave
Monsters. Come on.
Dude, I can't believe they got this thing.
- Do you remember this?
- Yellow rat.
I choose you against your will.
Ah!
Now get out there and murder your friends.
Ah!
Oh, it's a lot more
violent than I remember.
What? No, dude, it was always like this.
I want to be the master
I want to flip the switch
I want to capture all these guys
How lame.
And make each one my bitch
Stop! Stop! Please.
- Come on, man.
- What?
- Dude, this was our jam.
- What?
We used to love the game and the TV shows
and the erotic fan fiction.
- Oh, yeah.
- Uh, yeah.
That was a long time ago, Ian.
Not really into that kind of stuff anymore.
Losers.
Come on! Did you see those girls?
Come on, dude. You loved it.
I'm worried about you, man.
I don't think you're
living in the real world.
The real world sucks.
The real world is actually pretty amazing.
So, the kids that are
probably taking a dump
on the cheese mobile, they're amazing?
And what about all the
girls that are walking around
that aren't talking to
you? Are they amazing?
And these girls would talk to
me if you weren't here dancing
to the theme song from Magic
Pocket Slave Monsters.
Then who wants them?
I do!
Look, I got to go. My ten minutes are up.
- I'm still on the clock.
- What?
- Have fun.
- Wait.
Dude, how am I supposed to get home?
Sorry, one of us has a job here.
Just take a cab or something.
I'll be home after my shift.
Do it, do it!
Do it! Do it!
Do it, do it, do it, do it, do it!
Hey, get off my cheese mobile.
Run!
Oh, my God.
Yeah, get out of here.
Punks.
Do you have a name for your butt?
May I suggest, "Perfect"?
Hey, Ian?
You've been seeing that
girl for a few months now.
When do we get to meet her?
I don't know, Mom. We're
not rushing into anything.
- Bye.
- Okay, bye.
- Bye.
- She seems lovely.
She's amazing.
Son...
just... make sure she's not a dude.
Unless you're into that sort of thing.
In which case, it's totally cool.
Okay.
Great talk, Dad.
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Hey, I, uh... We haven't gotten our mail
in, like, three months. What gives?
Yeah, you might want to ask
your little friend about that.
- Who Ian?
- The bowl-headed idiot
with the face you just want to punch?
- Yeah. Ian.
- Yeah, I'm done delivering mail
to this house.
You want your mail? Oh, you want your mail.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
Let me get you your mail.
Here's your mail. You want your mail?
- Oh!
- There's your mail.
You must want your package, too.
Here's your package.
From now on, you get your
mail at the post office.
Hey, what did you do to the mailman?
Nothing. Why?
You know what you did.
Seriously, man? Butt Massage Girl again?
She's my girlfriend and
she has a name, you know.
Oh, really? What is it?
I don't know, but I'm sure she has one.
You know nothing about that girl.
Uh, she likes butt massages. I know that.
What does her face look like?
Like a butt. I think.
Look, it doesn't matter. We're a thing.
Sure, our love is maybe a little
unconventional, but it's real.
Nice!
She really cares about me.
Dude, we got some letters here.
If it's from my grandma, check for Anthrax.
Dude, we got an invite to our
five-year high school reunion.
Really?
When is it?
It is...
tonight.
Cool.
You do realize what this means, right?
Free tacos?
Yeah, free tacos, but more importantly...
Anna Reed's probably gonna be there.
Ugh, Anna Reed? What is it
with you and this girl, man?
All right, fine.
Get it over with.
All throughout high school,
Anna Reed was the only girl
I'd dream about.
She was the girl of my dreams.
They'll buff our feet.
It's gonna be awesome.
You know, I was so awkward back then
I didn't know how to talk to girls.
Anthony.
Bye.
Hey.
Hi... hey...
What's up?
So, um, this weekend,
I'm doing the Moonwalk
for Ring Finger Largeasia.
I'm moonwalking 37 miles to
raise awareness for people
whose ring finger is longer
than their pointer finger.
It's a very important cause
and one that's dear to my heart,
because, see, my Uncle
Keith, he died of it.
Jesus, that's...
I'm really sorry for your loss.
Would you wanna sponsor me?
Uh, um...
I mean, if you can't because of the money,
that's totally fine.
No, no, I have a ton of money.
Oh, great!
Actually, that's a lie. I don't...
I only have 5 bucks and
that's my porn money...
corn money!
That's my corn money.
Oh, well, that's okay.
Um, maybe you could just join me
and we could moonwalk together.
I could use the moral support.
It's probably gonna take
me a couple of weeks.
37 miles, you said?
Okay. Yeah, yeah. Okay, I'll do it.
You will?
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Amazing!
Cool.
- Whoa!
- Oh!
Dude, seriously?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Then you wussed out and you
never showed up to the Moonwalk.
Dude, I've heard this
story a million times.
What's your point?
That this reunion is
the perfect opportunity
to make Anna forget about how big of losers
we used to be, you know,
show her how cool we are now?
Are we cooler now than
we were in high school?
Uh, $25 haircut, dude.
Here, I need to check the reunion page
to see if Anna's going.
It says to dress for mall.
We dress for the mall every day.
No, it's saying "dress formal. "
It means we have to rent tuxedos.
Yeah, I know that.
Oh, well, guess she's not going.
So, about the tux rentals, we
should probably get on that.
It doesn't say that, okay?
She's going. She just hasn't replied yet.
Okay? I can feel it.
Look, someone posted a video on here.
Have you thought about
life insurance lately?
Because here at All-Chafe,
we want to protect your family
from your impending death.
Ugh, I hate advertisements. Skip it.
If you don't buy All-Chafe Insurance,
there's a good chance your
entire family will be dead
by next week.
Buffering?
That still exists?
Everybody put your hands together.
Whoo-hoo!
Is Magic Pocket Slave
Monsters the best song ever?
Dude, that's you. Cool!
Anna Reed, get up here,
get up here, Anna Reed.
Right there. I really want you to see this.
Hit it, Mr. Ellis!
I wanna be the master
I wanna flip the switch
Dude, that's awesome, you're...
You're, like, doing
flips and stuff, kind of.
Whoa!
My butt!
Oh, no. God, I can't believe
this is happening to me right now.
Well, I mean, it's not
happening to you right now.
It happened five years ago.
Look at the views. There's 301 views.
That's like the entire attendance
of a football stadium.
You know, in a small town
with a high school team
whose record is, like, five and five,
and they're not terrible,
but they're not great,
and they're losing a lot of close games...
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it. I get it.
If Anna sees this video,
it's gonna remind her
about how much of a loser I used to be.
And the fact that I'm
super-cool now won't even matter.
I can't go to this reunion now.
I have to stay here at home
and never know if kissing Anna
really feels like licking a wet donut.
All right, dude, if you
don't go, I don't go.
Mostly 'cause I don't have a car.
And will it hurt to miss out on free tacos?
Sure it will.
Like a son of a bitch.
But you're my best friend,
and I got your back.
- Thanks.
- Okay, we're not giving up yet.
Anna Reed hasn't replied
to the invite yet, right?
So, she probably hasn't been to the page.
She probably hasn't even seen the video.
You're right. So all we have to do is...
- Is go to the reunion.
- go and get the video removed
from YouTube before Anna sees the video.
What?
Thank you for calling
YouTube. This is Stephanie.
How may I direct your call?
Hi, Stephanie. My name is Anthony Padilla,
and I have a very important
issue I'd like your help with.
I need a video removed and
never shown on your website
ever again.
Okay. Are you a rich
and powerful corporation
that can threaten us with legal action?
- No.
- Then I can't help you.
Good-bye.
Didn't work.
Well, that doesn't really matter, dude.
The video's awesome.
It won't be awesome when Anna sees it.
I think I have an idea.
This is never gonna work.
If you want something done right,
you just talk to the right people.
And you got to look them
dead in the eye and beg.
Hey, do me a favor, let
me do all the talking.
Okay? Your people skills are terrible.
What are you talking about?
I have amazing people skills
Oh, let me get that.
Ah!
- Oh!
- Ah! Aah!
I am so glad that happened.
That was the funniest
thing I've seen all day.
Good day, sir. Good day, sir.
I did that. I did that.
Hi there, darling.
I am a very important, big,
rich CEO of a powerful company.
And I am his boss.
Well, now, Ian, a CEO
does not have a boss, okay?
I beg to differ, Anthony,
because I am the CFO
and that's one letter higher than CEO.
Well, Ian, you must've misheard me,
because I'm actually the CEOO,
which has one more letter,
so it's more important.
Hey! It's you.
I know you.
You're the kid from that crazy video
You're the Backflip Microphone Guy!
It's the guy! This guy. You know it.
She got it. She knows what it is.
Okay, that's actually why we're here.
Okay, I have a question for you.
When you regained consciousness,
and you fell off the stage
and you landed on the mic,
did the whole thing go up your ass?
Or was it some sort of, like,
special effects wizardry?
Okay, can we just keep it down, please?
Okay, 'cause I was watching
with my husband... Sorry, taken.
And he was like, "Where'd
the microphone go?"
And I was like, "I think
it's in that boy's ass. "
Okay, that's enough, okay?
You will not take that tone with me.
You're right. I'm sorry.
Okay? It's just that my friend and I
have a very important
issue we need to discuss.
It's a matter we'd like to take up directly
with the CEO of this establishment,
if you don't mind.
So, is Mr. YouTube available
to see us right now?
Mr. YouTube?
Yup, we're going straight to the top.
Okay, first of all, the CEO of YouTube
is not just gonna sit down
with two random guys off the street.
And even if he did, I'm pretty sure
the guy's name is not "Mr. YouTube. "
Mr. YouTube will see you now.
His office is just at
the end of that hallway.
Really?
I don't care what Billy Snapchat says.
Billy Snapchat is a little bitch.
I'm Steve YouTube. What I say goes.
No, I had lunch with Sally Instagram
three days ago.
She and Roger Facebook are in.
Now, if you don't want
to get on board with this,
then you are a stupid jerk idiot.
Sorry for the French.
All right, I got to go.
I've got two random guys in my office
I've never met before, and
they need something from me.
And I can't keep them waiting.
Good-bye.
Good-bye!
Sorry about that.
That was Ted Google.
Guy's been a pain in my butt
ever since he bought my company.
Hi. Steve YouTube. Pleasure to meet you.
- Hi.
- I don't touch. I don't touch.
I'm Ian and this is...
Backflip Microphone Guy!
Dude, that is one of my
all-time favorite videos.
What can I do for you guys?
Well, Mr. YouTube...
Oh, no, no, no. Please.
Call me Steve. YouTube.
Call me Steve YouTube.
Okay. So, Steve YouTube,
I need that thing...
- Awesome video.
- Shh.
I need that thing that you mentioned...
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, the video.
- Hilarious, right?
- Hilarious.
Shut... uuuup.
Okay, so, yeah, I need that video removed
from your website, please.
Ah, yes, yeah.
I got to be honest with you guys.
This thing... this kind
of thing happens more
than you would imagine.
Not the microphone thing.
But the embarrassment thing.
And here's the problem.
Once a video is uploaded to the
Internet, it's there forever.
Your best bet is to actually
go into YouTube itself
and change the video from the inside.
So you mean, like, go into YouTube,
like, Tron-style?
No, you're messing with us, right?
- There's... you... what is this?
- Yeah, that's not...
- That's not possible.
- That doesn't sound possible.
Hey, guys, I'm Steve Friggin' YouTube.
If I say you can get up inside YouTube,
then you can get up inside YouTube.
I did not mean for that to
sound sexual. I apologize.
What I should have said is, if
you wanna penetrate YouTube...
That was worse. You know what?
Forget it. My point is this.
I have to do this kind of
thing for people all the time.
You guys remember Gangnam style?
Do you remember that video by that...
I think it was a Puerto Rican guy?
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah.
Well, you think Psy nailed
that video on the first take?
Nope. I actually think I have
the original video right here.
Check it out.
Hey, sexy lady
Up, up, up
Up, oh
Gangnam style
It's so bad.
Right? I mean, there's
not even a dancing horse.
How hard is it to get a horse to dance?
Probably not that hard.
It's very hard.
No, no, no, this is
perfect. This is perfect.
So how do we, uh, get inside
YouTube to fix our video?
Great question. Simple answer.
There's actually a portal
right under my desk.
- A portal?
- That doesn't sound right.
This, um, this doesn't seem safe.
Guys, it's me, Steve, YouTube.
Steve YouTube.
If I say there's a portal under my desk
that will get you into YouTube,
there's a portal under my desk.
It just kind of seems like, you
know, we might crawl down there,
and you might have your
wiener out or, some...
- Excuse me?
- Definitely your wiener.
Excuse me.
I don't know what kind of
meeting you thought this was.
Frankly, I find that suggestion offensive.
I'm Steve YouTube. I created all of this.
You think I would jeopardize
that by putting my,
what did you say, "wiener" out?
I don't think so. Now, look, I'm very busy.
You guys can see yourselves
out. If you don't wanna change
the video, you don't
wanna change the video.
Janice, get me Bethany
MySpace on the phone, please.
No, no, no I... It's
cool. We're gonna do it.
We're gonna change our video.
- Yeah, just crawl...
- Really?
- All right.
- Yeah, go right around
- the desk and crawl under.
- Let's do it, man.
And go to the portal.
- Whoa!
- Oh my...
- What?
- Dude!
That!
- Damn it! Put it away!
- Oh! That's not...
You thought there was
a portal under my desk,
and you saw my wiener.
That is the best joke ever.
So there's no portal, then.
You're just messing with us.
Of course there's a portal.
But it's not under my desk, you morons.
It's behind my closet door.
- Go on.
- Okay.
Yeah, it's just right there. Go on in.
Um, yeah, this doesn't
feel very safe either.
Guys, I had my fun,
okay, but fun time's over.
Not everything in life is a wiener joke.
Holy shit!
- Whoo!
- Whoa!
Take these.
What do we do with these?
Gentlemen, meet Diri.
She'll be your guide
once you're on the inside.
Hello, Ian. Hello Anthony.
I hope I can be of service to you both.
Wait, her name is "Diri"?
That's right. She's a
personal assistant software.
- So she's like Siri?
- Hey. Hey.
We don't draw that comparison here.
- You understand me?
- It's just that...
Hey, Bieber, you understand me?
Diri and Siri, it's kind of...
It's... it does kind of sound similar.
People are gonna draw the conclusions.
- It sounds...
- I'm gonna have my R&D team
take a look at that. Now listen to me.
Diri is gonna be your guide
once you get through that portal.
Anyplace you need to go, you tell Diri,
she will take you there.
Like, Siri.
Okay. Cool. Cool-cool.
All right. Safe travels, gentlemen.
You sure you want to do this?
Yeah. If I don't do this,
I'll never be anything to Anna.
All right. I'm with you.
- Ready?
- Yeah. Yeah.
- B.
- F.
F. Let's go.
Let's do it.
- Ready?
- Yeah.
- Let's do this.
- You first.
Good luck!
What the hell is this, dude?
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Oh, man.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Look out below!
Whoo! Whoo!
Did we do it?
Are we in YouTube?
I don't know. It doesn't
really feel like YouTube.
Have you thought about
life insurance lately?
'Cause here at All-Chafe,
we wanna protect your family
from your impending death.
Yup, we're definitely in YouTube.
It's this friggin' advertisement.
If you don't buy All-Chafe Insurance,
- there's a good chance...
- Diri,
can we skip this ad, please?
Sure. Let me help you with that.
Uh, yeah, Diri, could
you also go full screen?
'Cause we can't see zilch.
Certainly. I can do that.
That's better.
Diri, where are we?
Anthony, you are in a bear attack video.
Diri, get us out of here.
You said, "Get me a beer. " Is that correct?
What? No! I said, get us out of here!
Aah!
Hello, everybody. My name is Markiplier.
And welcome to Gorilla
Chainsaw Massacre.
As you can see, I'm a pissed-off
gorilla with a chainsaw.
Doesn't really make a lot
of sense, but then again,
I don't really care.
Diri, help!
Taking you to Yelp.
Leave a review online.
- What?
- I hate you.
A gorilla with a chainsaw.
I don't have a full grasp on human speech,
but I can operate a gas-powered chainsaw?
Oh, God!
Diri, get us out of here now!
There is no reason to yell at me.
Die, puny humans, die!
- Ah!
- Oh!
Wait, are we...
I think we're home.
Diri, what the hell is your problem?
I'm a piece of intelligent
software, not a mind reader.
And I would greatly appreciate
if you would refrain from using expletives.
Don't think that just
because you're super-hot,
you don't have to be specific.
- What?
- What?
Anthony, check this out.
Here's your pizza.
I remember this video.
I shot it three months ago.
Such an idiot.
You're looking pretty hot, yourself.
Call me up later, right?
You wanna see a little skin?
It's gonna blow your mind.
No, I'm sorry, I'm not allowed
to take off my shirt, but, uh...
give you a little bit of that...
You were filming this?
I was bored.
Hey, boys.
- Hi.
- Hi.
This is so weird.
Yeah. Yeah, I work out my glutes.
Just imagine this in jeggings.
Mailman.
Oh, dude.
Check this out.
What are you doing behind that tree?
Just watch.
Here it comes.
Take this, Mailman!
Yeah! Yeah!
Take it!
Yeah!
Dude, I have to wear this all day.
Deal with it, bitch.
Yeah!
Ha-ha!
Oh, man.
Yeah!
Well, this explains why the mailman
stopped delivering our mail.
God, I'm so funny.
Milk balloons.
Classic Ian.
It was kind of a jerk move, dude.
Come on, man. We used to do
milk balloons all the time.
Yeah, when we were kids.
You little bastard.
Okay, okay. We get it.
Do you realize what this means?
Yeah. I should've used bigger balloons.
That guy was barely soaked.
No, no, no!
The mailman punched you in the face, right?
Yeah.
That means we can actually
interact with these videos.
Oh, yeah, you're right.
All right, so I'm gonna
get some bigger balloons
and more milk...
No, no, no, no.
Just stay focused, man. Come on.
Diri, take us to our
graduation night video.
It's time for some redemption.
I am now taking you to Jenna Marbles.
Wait, what?
Now she's just screwing with us.
Listen, if you're a guy
and you're wearing eyeliner,
not like Halloween eyeliner
or anything like that,
like all-day, everyday
eyeliner, I got news for you.
It's hot. I like that. Keep
doing what you're doing.
What the hell, man?
Diri, damn it!
Jenna, I'm really sorry, okay?
Just forget we were ever here.
- We'll just be on our way.
- Hold on.
Jenna, it's me, Big Rod 91.
I've commented on a bunch of your videos.
Oh, yeah! I know exactly who you are!
You kidding me? No idea.
Okay Jenna, actually, this is
gonna sound crazy, but Steve...
Steve sent you here to
fix some crappy video
that you guys messed up on. That right?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
And then he gave you
these phones, but Diri's
being an unhelpful little bitch.
- Oh, my God, yes!
- Yeah, I know.
Screw you, Jenna.
Whatever. I know a shortcut.
Just use the web address for the video.
You don't even need
Diri if you just type in
the web address to the video
that you want to go to.
Wait, hold on. We don't know the address.
That's gonna take forever to guess.
Yeah, Jenna. That's a dumb idea.
- Bitch.
- Yeah.
Well, then I don't know what to tell you.
But whatever you're gonna
do, you got to do it quick.
- Why?
- Steve didn't tell you?
See, these phones and
Diri are your only link
to the outside world.
And if the battery life dies,
you get stuck in YouTube.
- Forever. Just like me.
- Wait, what?
Hey, Jenna, seen my hair scrunchie?
No, I haven't seen your scrunchie, bitch.
Are you kidding me? She
looks ridiculous in those.
I don't even know why she wears them.
She's not even hot. She's like a six.
Look at her. Nasty.
Don't tell me what to wear, bitch.
What did you just say to me?
Come and say it to my face!
- You know what, bitch...
- Okay, I know you really
want to fix that video,
but we can't get stuck
in here, dude. We just need to go back.
We're gonna be fine. We have
plenty of battery power left.
This is my only chance.
So we're just gonna guess random addresses?
Yeah, okay?
The address for the grad
night video started with
YouTube. com/something...
I got it. Let's split up.
It always works in the movies.
This isn't a movie, okay? It's real life.
We can't just split up.
Well just, can you just trust me on this?
You know, okay, fine.
We'll meet back in 15
minutes. How about that?
- I hope this works.
- Of course it'll work.
- Ready?
- Yup.
- Put your address in.
- Hello?
You're acting like I'm not even here.
Shut up, Diri.
- All right. Ready? Got it in?
- Yup.
- All right.
- And...
Three, two, one, go!
What the hell is this?
Oh, God, no! Oh, okay.
Welcome to the party, bro!
Hey, you forgot your costume!
- Don't even sweat it.
- What?
You're a kitty. Bunny twerk, bunny twerk,
- What? Oh! Oh, God!
- Bunny twerk, bunny twerk!
- No! Oh! Oh!
- Bunny twerk, bunny twerk!
Bunny twerk.
Oh, my God, I remembered the right address.
Hello, there.
Aah!
Who the hell are you?
It's me, Big Rod 91. Your boyfriend.
You flag all my comments.
Oh, my goodness.
Big Rod 91?
I'm sorry about flagging all your comments.
I was playing hard to get.
I knew it.
What are you doing here?
Oh, it's a long story.
Well, pull up a table. We've got time.
Okay.
If you want the best
taste you've ever seen,
go out and get yourself
some Stone Cold Creamy Cream.
And that's the bottom line.
Stone Cold Steve Austin?
- Oh, my God, it's me, Anthony.
- Who?
You know, we talk in
the mirror all the time.
Wait, you sell ice cream now?
Yeah, it's my new gimmick.
Stone Cold Creamy Cream.
It's the best.
Don't you think people
will get that confused
with Cold Stone Creamery?
Never heard of it.
Anyway, so I have a problem
I need your help with.
I embarrassed myself in
front of this girl I love
by doing a flip and then
landing directly on my face,
and then getting a
microphone shoved up my...
Mm. That's not good.
Yeah. So now I need her
to think I'm cool again.
What would you do if you were me?
Well, I'll tell you exactly what I'd do.
I'd hit her with the Stone Cold Stunner.
Oh, my God, of course you would.
- That's your move, man.
- Exactly.
Yeah, so you're basically saying
I should come up with my own move.
Not try to impress her, but just be myself.
No. I'm telling you, you need to hit her
with the Stone Cold Stunner.
Maybe even from a top rope.
Right. So I need to
climb to the top rope too,
and not be afraid of falling.
And I'll never know what I'm capable of
if I don't just get out there and try.
No, that's not what I'm saying!
I'm telling you to grab
her by that stack of dimes
she calls a neck, drop her
ass with a Stone Cold Stunner.
Yes! Oh, my God.
Stone Cold Steve Austin, you're the best.
I can always count on you.
Oh, why didn't I think of that?
Kid's on 'shrooms.
Stop. I can't stand
the silent treatment anymore.
Take me back, Anthony, and
I'll do better, I promise.
One final chance, that's
all I'm asking for.
Okay, fine. One final chance.
Okay? Take me to Rockville
High Graduation Night 2009.
Sure, I can help you with that.
See? It was that easy.
Damn it, Diri, this is not what
I asked for and you know it.
But this is it.
It's Rockville High Graduation Night, 2009.
- I swear.
- Anna?
Who is Anna?
Hi, everybody, or, you
know, the three people
that actually watch my stupid vlogs.
Mom, Dad, Uncle Keith's ghost,
tonight is graduation night.
I can't believe it's really her.
She's getting ready for
the graduation party.
Anthony, we need to talk.
Shh. No, we don't.
So, I did the Moonwalk
for Ring Finger Largeasia
last weekend.
37 miles.
The doctor says I'm never
gonna walk right again.
But some things are worth the sacrifice.
So there's this guy at school,
um, he was supposed to meet me for it,
but he didn't show up.
And it's weird because I
really thought we had something.
I don't know. I like the guy but...
I guess moonwalking 37 miles
would be a pretty weird first date.
That was supposed to be a date?
Maybe he'll be at the party tonight,
and we'll see if there's something there.
Otherwise, I am totally fine
with talking to you three fine people
out in internet land,
until you get bored of me.
And also, I've prepared a statement
for those victims of Ring Finger Largeasia.
Don't ignore me, Anthony.
Stop it! This is Anna Reed!
The girl I'm in love with.
The whole reason I came into
YouTube in the first place.
I think I just found out
she's in love with me, too.
Wow, you're easy.
What is that supposed to mean?
What does she have that I don't have?
Uh, a body, and a face, for starters.
Sincerely, Anna Reed.
Let's get out of here.
Who's there?
Uh, Uncle Keith's ghost.
- Uncle Keith?
- We have to go now!
You are never going to find your video.
It is no wonder that Ian does
not value your friendship.
Of course he does.
Oh, really?
Uncle Keith was a furry?
Oh, man, this feels great.
Is it weird to say that I
want this guy's hand on my butt
all the time?
A little bit.
Ian? What are you doing?
Oh, hey, man, check it
out! It's Butt Massage Girl.
You were supposed to be out looking
for the graduation night video!
What happened?
Maybe you didn't hear me,
but I found Butt Massage Girl.
Dude, she's amazing. We're kind of in love.
Hey, I know you. You're
Backflip Microphone Guy.
We've been watching your video all day.
You showed her that?
Well, I mean, it's a good video.
Why wouldn't I?
I mean, there you go.
- It's so cute, dude.
- It's so cute.
Oh, my God, dude, it's up to 748 views now.
That's like the entire attendance
of a football stadium
in a slightly bigger town
with a high school team
whose record is like,
- eight and two, and you know...
- This is why I like you.
they started the season off as underdogs,
so they, somehow, keep winning.
They're selling tickets like crazy and...
We get it, dude.
Ian, we have the video
address now. It's right here.
We have to go now before
Anna sees the video.
But... But, but, but, but, but,
- Butt Massage Girl.
- This is serious, dude.
It turns out, Anna is in love with me, too.
Oh.
But, but... Butt Massage Girl.
We have to fix that video
and get to the reunion
more now than ever. Come on!
But I wanna stay here with her.
Dude, it's meant to be, see?
Ian, come on, man.
This isn't even real. It's just a video.
Our love is real.
I mean, we got our butts massaged together.
Look.
Butt Massage Girl?
Who the hell are you?
- It's me.
- You who?
Big Rod 91.
Oh, my goodness, it's really you?
Yeah.
Ian, I know this is hard,
but we only have 24% of
our battery life left.
Okay? We need to go now.
All right. Fine.
But, Big Rod 91...
Good-bye, Butt Massage Girl.
I have a name, you know.
Shh! Don't say it.
- It'll ruin the romance.
- It's...
Shh! Go, go! La, la, la, la.
Go now, go now, go now!
Massage my butt!
This is it!
Yeah, I mean, it's great and all,
but it has been a couple minutes,
and I could really use
another butt massage.
Shh! Keep it down.
Can't draw attention to ourselves.
Whoa... whoa...
Oh!
Whoa, whoa, whoa...
Dude, seriously?
Aah!
What kind of a dumbass just
leaves that stuff laying around?
Not like a bad dumbass.
Like a... good dumbass.
Way to not draw attention!
There she is.
Look at her.
And there we are.
Man, we were such losers.
Look at my stupid haircut.
It only cost 10 bucks.
Ah! Whoo!
Okaaaaaay, graduates!
Helloooo!
Are we all having a good time tonight?
I forgot how much this place sucked.
Is every-body havin' a good time tonight?
Ooooooh!
- Lame!
- Okay!
- We hate you!
- All right, coming up
on stage right now
to sing the theme song from
Magic Pocket Slave Monsters.
Really? Uh, everybody
put your hands together
for Anthony Padi...
Pa... dilla...
- B...
- F...
F!
- We need to stop him!
- Go, go, go.
Me. The... the guy who's also me.
- Thanks, Mr. Ellis.
- Mm-hmm.
You rock, Anthony!
Is Magic Pocket Slave Monsters
the best song ever?
Yes! Yes, yes.
Whoo! All right.
We need a plan, and we need a plan quick.
Let's do this!
Well, I mean,
you could go up there and knock him out.
I'm too tough to knock out.
Right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whoo, whoo, whoo.
Is that you?
- Huh?
- That guy, right there!
- Is that you?
- Um...
Is it me?
It's really hard to tell.
You are the only one
recording this here tonight.
Even if it was me,
I definitely wasn't recording it.
Dude, I was probably just taking a selfie.
"Selfie" wasn't even a term in 2009.
Anna Reed's in the house, y'all
Anna Reed's in the house, what?
Anna Reed, come on up.
Yeah. All right.
I really want you to see this.
Look me dead in the eye
and tell me you are not the one
that recorded this and uploaded it.
Obviously, it wasn't me, okay?
Hey, guys, I'm totally recording this,
and then I'm gonna put it
up on YouTube in five years,
probably right before our
five-year high school reunion.
Okay, it was me.
But I didn't do it to embarrass you.
I did it 'cause I thought
your flip was awesome.
Hit it, Mr. Ellis.
I wanna be the master
I wanna flip the switch
- Oh!
- Hoo hoo hoo...
That was awesome!
Look! You almost made it
all the way around that time.
And the crowd was super into it... see?
You made them all so happy.
Okay, I'm sorry,
but I didn't see how this could backfire.
Why would you do that to me?
I thought you needed a little reminder
on how funny you used to be.
I'm still fun.
Not like you used to be.
You used to be the best person
in the world to hang out with.
Then you got a job and an expensive haircut
and you moved out of your parents' house,
and now it's like you're embarrassed
to do all the stuff we used to do together.
You're just jealous
you don't have the awesome
new life that I have.
You didn't even want
to come here to YouTube
and help me in the first place,
and you're the one that uploaded this!
And ever since we got in here,
all you wanted to do is try to pick up
on your stupid little Butt Massage Girl.
Don't bring Butt Massage Girl into this.
See that guy over there? That's my friend.
- Oh!
- Oh!
My butt!
Ha ha ha!
Where did the microphone go, guys?
Oh, it's really deep in there.
That's my friend!
This video's gonna go viral.
Oh!
Can we get a doctor?
That's my friend.
That's the guy I cared about
before he stopped liking cool stuff.
People change, Ian.
Get over it.
Take my haircut, for instance.
Okay... your haircut looks exactly the same
as it did five years ago!
Just 'cause you pay more for it
doesn't make it a better haircut.
Fight. Fight.
Shut up, Diri!
Stop! You're just gonna make this worse!
- No... give it back, dude!
- Stop! What...
Oh... baby!
- Oh!
- Uhh!
- Stop!
- No!
Stop it!
- You're a terrible friend!
- No, you are!
Huh?
No!
God, what...
- No...
- No!
Seriously, dude, no!
No... ah!
My mouth is full of rainbows!
Wait... is that guy high?
Tooth fairy's gonna make me rich!
Oh, God, he just had his
wisdom teeth taken out!
Oh, God...
Let go of the wheel!
You're gonna get us killed!
Let go... come on!
I have 11 fingers!
- Aah!
- Aah!
- Get off me!
- Let go!
Aw...
Look at the cute little kitty!
Hey, little guy!
Wait!
B-b-bucket...
Whoa... whoa...
Whoa, whoa, whoa...
Dude, seriously?
Damn it!
Sorry. Please don't hurt us.
Aah!
Okay, look, you're right.
I have been a jerk lately.
I know I should have come clean right away
about the video, but...
once I saw your reaction to it,
I knew you'd be pissed.
I screwed up. I'm sorry.
Why don't you guys make out already?
Anthony, let's get out of here.
- Screw this guy.
- Diri, can you just shut up?
Okaaaaay, graduates!
Helloooo!
Are we all having a good time tonight?
Lame! We hate you.
Okay.
You know what?
I'm gonna make this up to you.
I got you into this mess, and
I'm gonna get you out of it.
Wait... where are you going?
Let him go.
It's just you and me now, Dreamy Eyes.
What did you just call me?
You heard me, you sexy little bitch.
Put your hands together for Anthony.
Anthony Padillo!
Give him a hand.
Thanks, Mr. Ellis.
You rock, Anthony.
Is Magic Pocket Slave Monster
the best song ever?
Hey, you got up here really fast.
I'm sorry, man.
Ouch! Ow! Ow!
What are you trying to do?
I'm trying to knock you out
so you don't embarrass yourself.
Huh?
Told you I don't go down that easy.
- Here you go.
- Thanks!
Are you seeing what I'm seeing?
Either I'm seeing what you're seeing,
or somebody spiked the punch bowl with LSD.
It's not. I made the
punch, and I only spiked it
with vodka.
What should I do?
Should I go up there and help him?
That's what a good
friend would do, I guess.
You're right.
How are you so tough to knock out, man?
Is your head made of steel?
Give it to him!
Stop hitting my friend!
Aah!
Fight!
Fight, fight, fight!
Fight! Fight! Fight!
Fight!
Come on!
Ian, look!
We only have 5% power left.
We have to get out of here.
What about fixing the video?
Forget it, it's too late.
Diri, get us to the portal now.
You said, "Is my Mom infertile?"
Let me check on that for you.
That's not what I said! You
know that's not what I said.
Damn it, Diri, this is not
the time for games, okay?
If we don't get back to that portal now,
we're gonna be stuck
here in YouTube forever.
And you would just hate that,
wouldn't you?
Stuck in here with me
for the rest of your life.
Shut up, Diri, this isn't about you.
You shut up, Ian.
You have poisoned the
mind of my dear Anthony.
What is it with you guys?
First, you idiots barge into
my office off the street,
asking for favors.
I am gracious enough to listen,
but then you won't even laugh
at my wiener jokes, even
though they are super funny.
Wait. Steve... is that you?
Uh... no, this is Diri.
I'm just some computer software
guiding you guys around.
I'm definitely not Steve
YouTube, whoever that is.
I mean, I've heard of
Steve YouTube, of course.
His wiener comedy is legendary.
Steve, dude, we know it's you, okay?
All right, fine. It's me, Steve.
YouTube... Steve YouTube.
Too bad you didn't figure
it out and hour ago,
because now I've got you trapped.
You're gonna live forever in YouTube,
making jackasses of yourselves in videos.
People love watching
jackasses doing stupid things.
It's our bread and butter here at YouTube.
And now, you're mine forever.
I knew that guy was a weirdo.
You're the weirdo!
We have to get back to that portal.
Anna is waiting for me on the other side.
Good luck trying to find the portal
without me to lead you there.
It's impossible.
Hoo hoo hah hah hah!
Hold on.
Wait, I have an idea.
What if we went into the viewing history
and followed the videos backwards?
That should lead us back
to the portal, right?
No, that won't work.
I mean, that definitely
won't work, I wouldn't even...
don't even try that.
We have to try the viewing
history, it's the only chance
we've got... come on!
You are gonna regret this.
You are messing with the wrong
super successful billionaire.
Oh!
Found it.
Let's go.
Fine, you want to run from
me? I'm up for the challenge.
Here we go.
That's not it.
That's not it.
Is that it? Oh... there it is.
There it is.
Let's do this.
Jerks.
All right.
I gotta get my VR suit on.
Oh! Shoot me... ow.
My thigh.
All right, I'm just gonna
get my VR suit... oh, shoot.
Hold on, guys. Guys...
I just dropped my globe.
I just got a little
bit turned around, guys.
Got it.
Don't go anywhere.
Oh, Jesus. There it is.
My VR suit is in here.
Soon as I put that on, you're dead.
So I just gotta change
out of these clothes,
get my VR suit on, then
I'm gonna need a zip.
Janice? I'm gonna need a zip!
I'm putting the VR suit on,
and I'm gonna need a zip in a second.
Whoa.
Aw.
Aw, look at the cute little whiskers.
Jesus.
Kaboom!
- Shiny.
- Oh, God!
You boys can't escape Steve YouTube!
Dude, quick, get us out of here now!
I'm trying!
Oh. Oh, what's happening?
I think Steve's trying
to delete our history.
Delete, delete, delete, delete.
- Ian?
- Hold on, hold on.
Okay, five seconds.
Butt Massage Girl.
I know you're not real,
but I want you to know
I'm going to find the real
you once I get out of here.
- Dude.
- I promise you.
Come on.
And we're gonna fall in real love, okay?
And maybe one day, I'll be
the one to massage that booty.
I'd like that very much, Ian.
Hoo hoo hah hah hah! Hoo hoo hah hah hah!
You idiots think you can
get ride of me and YouTube?
I am YouTube, literally.
Hey, everybody.
Or, the three people that
actually watch my stupid vlogs.
Tonight is graduation night.
I love you, Anna, and we'll be together
some day, I promise.
If you want the best
taste you've ever seen,
go out and get yourself
some Stone Cold Creamy Cream
and that's the bottom...
- Ooh!
- Ugh.
So sorry, Stone Cold Steve Austin.
I love you too.
And your ice cream name
is really confusing.
Stone Cold Stun her ass, man.
I love that guy.
Dude!
Why was this video in your viewing history?
Sickos.
Get us... no, no!
All right, look.
All I'm saying is that if you're a guy,
right, and you're...
Aw, watch the furniture!
Oh, hi, Jenna.
I think it's so hot that
there are two of you,
and that you're never getting out of here,
and that you're mine forever!
Screw you, Steve.
All right, you two.
I think we've had enough fun for one day.
Time to end this.
There it is.
Oh, shoot. Got it.
Die, stupid humans, die.
Oh, crap.
Dude, what the hell happened?
The video's buffering.
Ugh, see? This is one of my pet peeves.
It's 2014. Why is there still buffering?
Why hasn't this issue just
been resolved years ago?
It's an issue with the
bandwidth, it's complicated.
Let me see what I can do.
Janice? Are you streaming videos?
Can you turn off your AOL for a second?
I'm having buffering problems.
Aw, man, you're making it worse.
Don't get all bitchy with me.
I was just about to get
you guys with a chainsaw.
No, you weren't.
Yeah, we were just about
to jump to the next video,
there's no way you would
have gotten us in time.
Wait until this thing stops buffering,
and I will show you jerks.
And still no one cares this gorilla
can operate a chainsaw.
Awesome!
That's it. I'm coming in after you jerks.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
Dude, the portal!
Come on!
- We're gonna make it.
- Oh, are you?
Steve, it's over, just let us pass.
Nothing's over till I say it's over.
I'm Steve. YouTube... I'm Steve YouTube.
I win, you lose!
Maybe if you two weren't
so great at making complete
jackasses out of yourselves,
I wouldn't have even
wanted you so bad.
We were so close.
You were so easy to manipulate,
Backflip Microphone Guy.
Steve, look behind you.
No. Not gonna fall for that one.
He's serious.
Steve, listen!
No, you listen.
Aah!
- Oh!
- Oh, my... holy...
Oh, my... holy...
Oh!
The bear!
- Oh, my God!
- Oh!
Oh, my...
What the fudd... oh! God!
Come on, dude, we gotta go.
- Aah!
- Aah!
Oh!
We made it. We made it, man.
Aw, man. That was a close one.
He almost had us. Stranger danger, bro.
Sometimes we forget.
It was my fault, and I never should have
made us go in there in the first place.
It wasn't worth almost losing my hetero
life partner over.
What? You'd never lose me.
And I'm sorry I was such a dick.
It'll never happen again. All right?
B...
- F.
- F.
BFFs.
- Burnt French fries.
- What?
Dude, that's not what that means.
- It's not?
- No.
Big fat feet?
No, that's... that...
you're not even close, dude.
Oh!
Aw!
Oh, I've got it. Booger flicking friends.
No.
Hey, it's them.
Ma'am, I'm really sorry, but we had to let
that bear eat Steve.
He was kind of a dick. Run!
What the hell are you talking about?
Whoa!
Aah!
Come on! Ah!
It's only, uh...
6:19, so we still have time
to go home, change, and make the reunion.
Where's your car?
Uh, it... it was right there.
It must have gotten towed.
Yeah, great.
You are the worst at parking.
We won't ever let you go
Can't take anymore
I'm under control
Uh, why are we stopped
here? This isn't our house.
Uh, yeah it is, man, it says
right there on the mailbox,
91 Gerard Way.
What?
This is our address.
Hello?
Leave the door open in case we have to run.
And grab something really sharp.
Ah.
Yeah.
That's literally the opposite of sharp.
There you are!
Why aren't you dressed?
You're gonna be late for the reunion.
Butt Massage Girl? What are you doing here?
For the last time, you're my boyfriend,
and you should call me by
my real name, which is...
Shh!
I'm your boyfriend?
She's real, dude.
Ian, did you hit your head?
Wait, if this is our house,
where'd we get the money?
Are you serious?
The Clone Fight video.
What?
Oh, my God. Are you guys on drugs?
I'm drunk in love.
This video of you guys
became the biggest
YouTube video of all time,
Then you got the TV show,
then you met the President,
then you made the movie,
and now there's even
Clone Fight Ruins Grad Night
on Broadway.
Broadway... that's always been my dream.
- We did it, man.
- Yeah.
We changed our entire lives
with that single video.
And I'm your boyfriend.
Like, for real, that's not a joke?
It's not a joke.
Wait, that means Anna...
that means Anna's here too, right?
Anna! Anna, where are you?
Who's Anna?
My girlfriend, Anna Reed.
You don't have a girlfriend.
I don't?
You have like, 30.
- Nice!
- Oh, my God, these...
These are all my girlfriends?
This is not a joke?
These are all for me? These are all...
Oh, my God, these are all my girlfriends.
You're all my girl... you're my...
You're my girlfr... You're my girlfriend?
- Oh, my God!
- They're your girlfriends!
Wait, is Anna one of... Is Anna...
Anna? Anna, are you...
are you one of them? Anna?
Uh, I don't think there's an Anna in there,
but your girlfriends
don't usually talk to me.
They're just super-hot bimbos.
Nice.
Wait, I'm sorry, I can't do this.
Anna's the only one I
want. I'm sorry, girls.
I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry.
- Bye.
The reunion.
I can still see Anna at the reunion,
and I'm like, cool now,
like, actually cool.
And rich.
And famous. Let's go.
Hi, boys. Don't forget your tuxedos.
Man! We're rich and famous
but we still live with my parents?
Of course not, don't be ridiculous.
No, we live with you.
Sweet.
Wait, who are these guys?
They're our butlers.
Uh-huh, yeah.
Oh, this is your personal hair stylist.
How much does she charge for a haircut?
My asking price is $75.
Make it $85 and you've got yourself a deal.
Oh, that must be the pizza.
Pizza?
Bavooki's Pizza.
Aah!
Oh. Awesome kick, bro. Wow.
Hold on, you're Steve YouTube, right?
It's pronounced
"You-too-bay. "
But you're the CEO of YouTube.
No, I'm not. I do food distribution
for a multi-million dollar company.
Hmm. Wonder who the CEO of YouTube is now.
I don't give a shit
what Julian Twitter said.
Julian Twitter's
- a little bitch!
- Yes, ma'am.
Hey, you can tell Joey Amazon
that I ordered my scrunchies two weeks ago.
- Sorry, ma'am.
- Next day shipping, my ass!
I am so sorry for all the trouble,
Mr. Pizza Delivery Man. Here's
a really big tip for you.
Oh, well, thank you so much,
and I actually have a
really big tip for you, too.
- You do?
- I do.
It's actually right inside this pizza box.
- Okay.
- No, Mom, don't look! Don't...
- Oh.
- Yeah.
That's funny. Funny.
Yeah, I think it's time for you to go now.
Well, enjoy your pizza.
I'm the best! "Steve
"You-too-bay," out!
Okay. Well, he seemed lovely.
I gotta say, rich or
poor, that man really does
commit to the wiener joke.
You have to respect that
on some level.
Oh, our limo's here.
Oh, well I guess we
better get dressed then.
Mm, mm, yes,
Alfred, please fetch us your finest wares.
Yes, Alfred, get me my tuxedo.
My name is Frank.
Ta-ta, gov'ner.
Our accents are so good.
Alfredo, can you fetch me some quesadillas?
- Ah, ha ha ha.
- Alfredo.
Yeah
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
Ladies and gentlemen,
please give a warm
Rockville High "welcome back"
to our rich and famous alumni...
- Get off the stage!
- Ian Hecox and Anthony Padilla!
Yeah. What's up?
- Yo, yo.
- Yo, good to see you.
Good to see you. Good to see you guys.
Get outta here, Moss.
Bros!
So great to have you here.
So great!
Thanks.
Anything you need, just let me know.
I'm emceeing this little shindig.
We got a free taco bar over there,
so help yourself to whatever.
- Thanks, Mr. Ellis.
- Yeah. Yeah.
Nice!
Tonight is gonna rock.
Yeah.
It's gonna rock balls! Whoo!
Anna's here.
Go get her, man. Go on.
I was a stranger and you let me in
Um, Butt Massage Girl and I are
gonna go start on that taco bar.
Hey, Anna. What's up?
Oh. Anthony.
Yeah, it's me.
I didn't think I'd see you here tonight.
Why not?
You know, you're rich and famous now.
Figured you'd have better things to do.
Well, I mean, yeah, I
do have a ton of cool,
rich, expensive stuff I could be doing,
but wanted to show up and see you.
Me? Why?
Um...
Well, because I wanted to
tell you that I love you too.
You came here to tell me you love YouTube?
No, no, no, no, I love you also.
I know you love me, and I love you,
and I've loved you ever since
the first time I saw you.
Hold on.
Love you?
Yeah, I saw your... I saw
your vlog, you love me.
Anthony, that was a long time ago.
You were a different guy then.
Yeah, I was a loser.
But I'm not anymore.
No. You were never a loser.
You were just... weird and quirky
and only showered, like, once a week,
but I liked that about
you. It was like you had
better things to worry about
than your looks and basic hygiene.
And now, you're like a guy who would spend
$80 on a haircut.
Look, I'm still the same guy, I swear.
Anthony, you're wearing a tuxedo.
I wore this tux 'cause I
thought it's what you wanted.
I'm sorry. It's just not.
Mmm. I don't know why I'm eating tacos.
They go straight to my butt.
Oh, really?
Yeah, that's horrible, right? Terrible.
Hey.
So? How'd it go?
Well... I blew it.
What?
Yeah, she liked the old me, the loser me.
Mm.
I'm sorry, man, I dragged you
through all this for nothing.
Hold on, man. You made my dreams come true.
Look, I am dating Butt Massage Girl.
- I have a name, you know.
- N-n-n... don't.
Don't ruin the moment.
Yes, we're rich and
famous, but the real you
is still in there, just as stupid as ever.
And, on a long enough timeline,
all $85 haircuts become $10 haircuts
if you let them grow out long enough.
You're right.
Of course I'm right.
I'm always right, right?
- You're always right.
- Yeah.
You can do this, Anthony.
Yeah. Yeah.
Who here loves The Deadmau5?
Boom.
Ladies and gentlemen,
our rich and famous
alumni, Anthony Padilla,
has a song he'd like to perform,
and since he's rich and famous,
I'm gonna allow him to do
whatever he wants here tonight.
Let's get ready to rock balls to
Magic Pocket Slave Monsters!
- Yeah!
- Whoo!
That's my friend up there.
That's his friend.
This song goes out to a very special lady
out here in the crowd tonight.
You rock, Anthony!
Take it off! Take it off!
Hit it, Mr. Ellis.
I want to be the master
I want to flip the switch
Whoa!
I want...
I did the flip.
- He did the flip.
- He did the flip!
I did the flip!
You should be up there with him.
You're right.
Rock balls!
I want to capture all these guys
And make each one my bitch
I want to travel everywhere
Any chance I see
I'll rip a pocket slave monster
From his family
Magic Pocket Slave Monsters
You now work for me
Even worse, you work for free
Magic Pocket Slave Monsters
You'd better fight when I call
Or I'll castrate your balls
Magic Pocket Slave Monsters
Get back in your cube or
I'll kill everyone you love
I'm a heartless dick
You're crazy.
See, I told you.
How do I know this is real? How do I know
you're not just showing
me what I want to see?
Well, you're just gonna
have to trust me, Anna.
Wh... wh... whoa!
Aah!
Dude, I think he's gonna be okay.
Wh... wh... whoa! Oh!
Nope, he's dead.
Oh, my God, call the police!
It really is you.
I'll never pay more than
$10 for a haircut again.
Promise?
Oh!
Oh!
- I'm so proud of you.
- Wasn't I so good?
- You were so good.
- I'm so good at dancing.
You were so good.
Anna Reed's in the house, y'all!
Hi, I'm Anna.
Nice to meet you. My name's Brad.
What the fuck?
What... what
Okay, do it again.
And...
Bleah!
M.C. Hammer time.
And, action!
I know it hurts
Cut. Get that mask off.
I know it hurts so bad
Yeah, yeah, my nipples are
a little hard right now.
Puttin' in a few hours at the gym.
I'll be the CEO of Pizza
Co., rollin' in the dough.
Yeah. Yeah, that was a pun.
CEO Anthony.
Right from the top rope.
Damn, I've never done it
in the top rope, that's why I'm
having a hard time with that.
- All right, here we go.
- And...
- Oh! I'm giving birth!
- Aah!
- I'm giving birth!
- Oh!
That was really early.
Who's gonna watch me enslave
all these cute, adorable,
fuzzy creaters?
I said "creaters. " What's a creater?
Cut.
Just do the other guy's
line... do Ian's line?
Yeah.
"The other guy"?
- Sorry.
- "The other guy"?
It slipped out. It slipped out.
I'm out.
- You're the other guy.
- I'm the other guy.
I'm "the guy" and he's "the other guy. "
Yeah.
One, two, three, four
I can see a picture in my
head of someone spinning
I could always tell it was
the end of the beginning
When you coming over here?
There's no need for pretending
I try not to be callous
With the signals
that you're sending
I go, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Now don't you ever
break my heart, girl
To put an end to what you saw, girl
Now don't you ever
break my heart, girl
Now don't you ever
break my heart, girl
To put an end to what you saw, girl
I was a stranger when you let me in
I was a danger to myself and others
If I had a nickel
every time I heard
All their crazy thoughts
burning out of my world
Say oh
You hurt me on the radio
Couldn't let the feelings show
When I was on
the radio-o-o-o
- Oh, oh
- Hey, on the radio
- Hey, hey, on the radio
- Oh, oh, oh
Hey, hey, on the radio
Oh, oh, oh
Hey, hey, on the radio
Say oh
You hurt me on the radio
Couldn't let the feelings show
When I was on
the radio-o-o-o
I couldn't really let it go
I didn't want you to know
When I was on the radio
When I was on
the radio-o-o-o
Oh, oh
When I was on the radio
Oh, oh
I was on the radio
I couldn't really let it go
I didn't want you to know
When I was on
the radio-o-o-o
She's said she couldn't believe
Why I waste my time on this
Bullshit mentality isn't
a thing that I would miss
But I still remember her
Those days when used to
kiss on a lazy afternoon
Cigarettes and bottles of
wine living easy I presume
Now I can't stop wondering why
Why you have to be so
cold, frozen like ice
It's time for me to really
adore your new disguise
But pride is what
you threw in my face
And we played that game
Oh, no, it's the same thing
Every time you are frozen like ice
Baby, why'd you have
to be so cold-o-o-old?
She's said she couldn't believe
Why I waste my time on this
Bullshit mentality isn't
a thing that I would miss
Now I can't stop wondering why
Why you have to be so
cold, frozen like ice
It's time for me to really
adore your new disguise
But pride is what
you threw in my face
And we played that game
Oh, no, it's the same thing
Every time you are frozen like ice
Baby, why'd you have
to be so cold-o-o-old?
I have a raging boner right now.
Me too.
I love you.
I love you too.
It's okay. It's okay.
It's okay.
It's okay. Let's go, that's fine.
Let's go, let's go.
Well.