1
Once upon a time,
there was a beautiful princess
who lived in a big castle.
Actually, the princess was a nice girl
who lived in a huge house
that she had inherited,
and half of her salary went
to maintaining it.
The princess was full of optimism,
dreams, hopes, and tons of carbohydrates.
But now, all that's left are the carbs.
How does a nice, good-hearted princess,
who is capable of eating
a family-size pizza by herself,
end up like this?
Just like everything
that's wrong with the world,
it's the fault of...
a man.
THE DAY BEFORE
No!
- Hi, lovebug!
- Hi, Fe.
Finally, my love!
I wasn't able to talk much these days,
but I promise I'll make it up to you!
Listen,
I want to talk to you about something.
I know that last time we were talking
about how the distance sucks.
It really sucks.
We both get weird.
Yes, yes.
I want to talk to you about that.
And it's clearly making us feel weird.
Of course we're going to feel weird.
Though I have to say
the phone sex hasn't been bad.
Though I get nervous
about the United States listening
to our calls because...
that's embarrassing!
- Fe.
- What? What do you want to say?
I've been thinking. I don't know...
I'm sorry to say this here, okay? But...
I think that we need...
a break, okay?
A break?
- When? How?
- A break.
Look...
I think that we need more space.
More space?
Ten-thousand kilometers
isn't enough for you?
Fe...
you know what I mean.
No.
Damn...
I'm really sorry.
I didn't want it to be like this.
I don't get it. Are you break--
Are you breaking up with me?
I think it's for the best.
Seeing as I'm not--
- Yes? What?
- I think--
- I think we need--
- No. Hello?
- ...space.
- Hello? Hi?
- It's not me...
- Hello?
Matas? Hello, Matas?
Hello?
They say that grief has five stages.
I went through all of them in one night.
And over WhatsApp.
Hey, lovebug, honey.
How are you? Listen...
I understand what you're going through,
okay?
It will pass.
DENIAL
Besides, Mercury's in retrograde,
the Moon's waxing,
and we're all basically water!
So take it easy, rest up, and call me
when you're better so we can talk.
Kisses. I love you. Take it easy.
Are you seriously not going to reply?
Really?
ANGER
Do you think this is what I deserve
after six years in this relationship?
Huh? No!
Well, I have news for you, Matas.
You're not the ideal size. Okay?
You're far from it!
The ideal size is big! You idiot!
You screwed up! I'm never going toMadrid,
and it's all your fault!
Who the hell buys a board game
in Portuguese?
Fucking hipster!
You'll never play me like this again!
Listen, Matas, I've been thinking.
This can't happen again, okay?
We can't disrespect each other like this.
It's a line we can't cross, okay?
BARGAINING
Now, I understand there are things
that you don't like about me.
I don't know what they are.
You never told me.
There are things I don't like about you,
but I'm not throwing them in your face.
And if you want me to change, well,
we'll talk about it.
Everything in life is change.
Then there's resistance to change,
and then change again.
So if you want me to change, I will.
I'm willing to eat pineapple pizza,
Matas.
WON'T YOU REPLY?
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS
Pineapple pizza.
DEPRESSION
I SEE THAT YOU'RE ONLINE
ACCEPTANCE
NETFLIX PRESENTS
If there is something positive
about waking up
in an empty bathtub, hungover,
and with pizza in your hair...
it's the deceptive feeling that,
from here on,
things can only get better.
Mara Fe Palacios,
you will not be that kind of girl.
She's not opening the door?
No, she already opened it.
It's just that I love standing here,
waiting to grow gills
with this lovely humidity, Santiago.
I love the humidity. Mexico is too dry.
Lima's climate is perfect.
You say that because you've only
lived here for 45 minutes.
No, I've been here for three years.
And you still can't get rid
of your accent?
We haven't seen each other
since that time, right?
It's been ages! Go figure.
- Since Fe's party?
- Since your ex-boss's going-away party.
You have such a good memory.
Fe!
So, are you here to have breakfast
with my friend?
Or what?
Yes, you, with a penis...
Tell me, what do you have in there,
where your heart is supposed to be?
I guess you received one of these, too.
Seven, and the last two were
of her singing Alejandro Sanz.
Alejandro Sanz from the 2000s
or the 1990s?
From the '90s.
Hey.
Hey, friends!
What are you doing here? How are you?
We've been calling you all day.
I didn't hear because of my headphones.
- Can I borrow this?
- Sure.
Did you come to take me to work?
We were worried,
because of what happened last night.
Matas and I broke up, but don't worry.
Everything's fine.
But thanks for coming, my friend.
You're the best. I love you.
But I'm not gonna get dramatic
like a 16-year-old girl, right?
Life goes on.
- It's a new day. Let's go and get to work.
- Hold on.
Are you sure you don't need
to stay in bed, cry a bit,
or eat some ice cream?
Or fuck somebody?
No, I really don't need any of that.
What I need is to get to work.
Let's go. Think fast.
I got it. Okay, go with him. It's fine.
- All right, that's the spirit.
- Right!
I'll call you later so we can talk.
- I could sleep over.
- I'm fine, my friend.
- Okay, don't drive fast.
- Bye, beautiful.
Sure you're okay?
- Stop it, I'm fine!
- Okay.
I'm sure he likes you,
he's always smiling...
Santiago, here's your decaf latte.
You're the best person in this office.
- After you!
- My friend!
Don't kid yourself, it's not gonna happen.
You never know.
- Let's go.
- We're flanning. Flanning.
Let's get flanning.
Flan-tastic.
- Flan-atic.
- Flan-atic.
Let's start creating. The word flan.
Look at what I have, Ramiro.
If we want intrigue,
we could launch something like...
- Flan, flan, flan, flan...
- I like that.
- Flan, flan, flan!
- More of the same.
Wouldn't you like some delicious
flan-ch toast for breakfast?
Good!
Give us this day... our daily flan.
- Fluorescent.
- Yes, fluorescent.
- Fluorescent doesn't have "flan" in it.
- The young lady's killed our creativity.
- What? Fine, I won't say anything.
- Let's wrap this up.
Charly has something to say.
I was saying that, once again,
- we have exceeded expectations.
- Exceeded!
The cocktail potato campaign
has reached 50,000 views.
And not just that,
the hashtag that we created is trending.
Trending topic!
- Gastn himself shared it.
- Gastn!
Very good! Congratulations, genius!
Thanks, Rami.
A round of applause.
- Applaud.
- Give him a hand.
We're working on something for Cannes.
Diego, make sure
that account planning inflates the results
to show more sales potential.
Mafe, what are you up to?
I've just finished the campaign
for the cream, Smoothness.
You did what I said, right?
You used women's empowerment and all that?
Yes, "smoother skin, stronger women."
Add some color to it, add some flowers,
make it look more feminine.
He can help you.
Nobody makes fun of them here.
It's not contagious.
Just joking, okay?
- You're doing the pads?
- Yes. I finished the campaign.
A small one for Facebook,
but it's ready.
- So you can take the cooking oil campaign.
- The cooking oil!
It's a good one. It has flavor,
it's got personality. You'll like it.
It's also street-smart.
Great. Let's do this, babe.
Let's make it tasty.
Give it some spice.
Now, I have to choose...
which of you will be in charge
of our new client's campaign.
The annual and regional campaign.
Who's up for it?
Rami,
Charly and I are very busy right now.
No, we're not very busy.
In advertising, you can't be too busy.
There's no such thing.
I'm going to tell you a story.
The year was 1994,
and I thought I was too busy.
I was assigned
Coca-Cola's regional campaign.
Coca-Cola, okay?
I created it while I was in the shower.
Boom! It was a hit.
Five Golden Lion Awards.
I thought I was too busy.
Excuse me, Ramiro,
but I'd like to do that campaign.
You're too busy with the cooking oil.
- Who can do it?
- I can.
- But you're...
- No, I'm done. I just finished it.
That's enough!
- Mafe will do it.
- Great. What's the product?
Tissues.
It's what women like. Time to cry, honey.
Sound good?
There is one thing
you can always count on,
and that is the universe's
twisted sense of humor.
Fe...
I left six months ago,
and you still haven't fixed that door?
Are you waiting for me
to come back and fix it?
I like it like this.
Yeah, it gives it an air of...
I saw it on Pinterest.
This isn't happening. He's not here.
He's in my head.
In my head...
It's in my head.
Are you watching Game of Thrones
without me?
- That's sacrilege.
- Listen...
You've got some nerve.
You broke up with me.
I can watch any series I feel like.
Yeah, but this is like pure hate.
Are you declaring war against me?
Sorry, there's nothing you can do.
I can show up
every time there's a sex scene.
So I can remind you of when we...
This is the best bed in the world.
Holy shit...
Remember the first night
we slept in this house?
There was only this mattress.
There wasn't anything else here.
Not even a table for us to eat on.
But I opened a bottle of wine...
and we just talked for three hours.
And then I couldn't stop laughing
because we spilled the wine.
We spent hours cleaning that up.
We threw salt on the rug, right?
I always remember that, too.
You've been getting me
out of bed for two weeks at 11 p.m.,
and you make me come over.
I can't do this anymore. I'm serious.
I'm sorry.
Look, I know you're going
through a rough patch.
It's shitty, I know.
But, know what I think?
You shouldn't live here by yourself.
This house is too big.
That's why you're like this.
Why don't we look for a roommate?
- Move in with me.
- No.
- Please.
- No way.
We'd kill each other.
We wouldn't last one week.
Besides, I've just renewed my lease.
I can't.
Fine.
I can help you find a roommate
if you'd like.
We can set up interviews. How about it?
No, I'm fine like this, really.
I'll get over it.
Okay, help me find a roommate.
Yes, tomorrow.
- Are you serious?
- Yes, please.
Hi, Romina, how are you? I'm Natalia.
- Hi!
- Nice to meet you.
- Honey, no...
- What?
You have something on your face.
Are you two...
a couple?
- No!
- No.
20,0000! #ILoveEveryone.
#BlessedAllTheWay.
Because we owe it to our audience.
Right? It's super crazy.
They pay you to post photos on Instagram?
Of course!
And they give me free clothes.
Like these.
Don't you love them? I can give you some.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I don't think they'll fit you.
There's, like, a leak here, right?
- What?
- Look at my hands. My hands got wet.
- There's no pipe here--
- Oh, isn't this dishcloth a bit sticky?
- Maybe...
- I'll wash it.
So which of you would move in here?
- Both of us.
- Both of us.
Oh, honey, we said it at the same time.
I'm sure a brand
could get confused one day
and send me an XL or large.
I'd be happy to give it to you.
You have to wash this now, or else...
Watch out!
Didn't you see that fly?
- Is he your husband?
- No.
What's this? How crazy!
You're so funny.
- Wait.
- Hey.
There was something dead there.
Now there are living things. Name them.
We'll have to use your room
so we're more comfortable.
- Isn't that right, my love?
- Yes. Whatever she says.
So you lived together,
but weren't married.
Yeah, that's normal, right?
Yes, don't worry. I'm not judging you.
But God is.
What is this? It's cute.
The parties here have to end before 8 p.m.
I have to go to bed on time.
We don't throw a lot of parties.
- Hey. She stole my magnet.
- What?
- She stole the magnet!
- I swear.
- Tell her to give it back.
- You tell her!
Okay. Well...
It's fixed. You won't have any more issues
with your pipes.
Thank you, Santi. That's great.
I love you. Thanks, you're the best.
Why the long faces?
Was it really that bad?
Yeah, looks like I'm gonna live alone.
So I'll have to adopt birds
and be the crazy bird lady.
Don't exaggerate,
some of the candidates were okay.
- Which ones?
- The guy from the gym, for example.
- The one who wanted a threesome?
- I like him.
The rich girl who has a yacht.
She asked what time breakfast is served.
Well, Fe, what do you want me to say?
Our parents are right.
Our generation is screwed.
- It's social media.
- Totally.
- Come in, please.
- Thank you.
Hello.
- Hello.
- Are you Mara Fe?
- Yes.
- You look like a Mara Fe.
- Hi, how are you?
- Good, good.
Hi.
- Santiago.
- You're a Libra.
This is a nice place.
It's really beautiful.
Good vibes. Oh, except for this couch.
Somebody cried here.
That's powerful.
- I'm Natalia, Mara Fe's best friend.
- Sorry. How are you?
How are you, beautiful?
- Good. And you are?
- Caro, Carolina.
Caro or Carolina, either is fine.
I'm a vegetarian.
Sometimes I eat chicken,
but I'm a vegetarian.
I do yoga every day at 7 a.m.
I wake up super early.
Except Wednesdays.
They're yellow, so I can't.
Of course.
I don't believe
in long-term relationships.
But I do believe Paul McCartney is dead
and the man who passes for him
is a double. Just like Avril Lavigne.
- I'm going.
- It's a...
We're having a problem with the pipes,
but he'll fix it.
Everything happens for a reason,
no worries.
How beautiful.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I brought you all something to try.
Thank you.
- They're the best brownies in town.
- Thank you.
- Did you make them?
- Yes, I made them.
Don't worry, there's no pot in them.
I have pot for later if you'd like,
- but that doesn't have any.
- Okay.
I'm having a mouthgasm.
These are definitely
the best brownies I've ever tried.
That's another thing about me,
I always tell the truth.
- And...
- And...
Caro, when could you move in?
Carolina...
Everything's fine.
I'm fine with moving in now.
I think you guys need help, right?
You're so good at that.
Plants always die on me.
- But you paint furniture beautifully.
- Thanks.
This whole gardening thing
gets me very nervous.
- But do you paint?
- No.
I've never followed
Dr. Miyagi's practices.
Mr. Miyagi.
Miyagi was a mister, not a doctor.
- It's Mr. Miyagi.
- I'm sorry.
Could you help us
- and paint the walls?
- No.
You could ask your boyfriend to help.
You can relax a bit
and get off the computer.
Hey, how many of these have you smoked?
Who said I have a boyfriend?
Isn't the Mexican your boyfriend?
The one who curses with a Mexican accent.
There's no way I'd be with him, carnal.
He's a cute guy, isn't he?
I mean, he's got good energy
and all that.
Yeah, but don't insist.
She doesn't like those things.
She's like that.
He's a player.
Anyway, I think he's kind of dumb.
- You liked him the first time you saw him.
- Caro, are you seeing anyone?
Yeah, two or three people,
depending on the situation.
I like connecting
with as many people as possible.
And you? How long have you been
with your boyfriend for?
No, we're not together anymore.
We lasted six years.
- Oh, six years?
- Yes.
That's how long a squirrel lives.
What happened?
He's an architect.
He helped me fix the house up.
And he went to Spain
to get his master's degree.
And distance always gets in the way.
But I think it's a phase,
and he'll get over it.
- Are you okay?
- Yes.
Let's take a selfie
so people can see we're doing things.
- Great!
- Yeah.
Okay. We're all happy, right?
Okay.
- Great, thanks.
- We're done.
Be careful, this leaves a horrible stain.
- I'm going to tag you, okay?
- Okay.
TOUGH SEMESTER,
BUT WORTH THE REWARD
DANIELA GARCIA
ARCHITECT AND ANIMAL LOVER
THE BEST PART OF THE SCHOOL YEAR
Thanks.
Another one.
Stupid!
We're here with a very special guest.
His name is Matas.
How are you, Matas?
You're with a really, really cool girl.
And she's very beautiful.
Her name is Mara Fe. Please, tell us...
What do you like most about her?
Her ass.
But tell us about better things,
qualities.
My qualities as a person.
You make an amazing breakfast.
Scrambled eggs are my specialty.
You have no idea
how she scrambles my eggs. It's delicious.
Are you going to miss me a lot?
- A lot.
- Yeah, you promise?
I'll finish my MA
and come right back.
It was at that exact moment
that I understood what I had to do.
Remember how I told you
that I wanted to handle this
in a mature way?
That I wanted to calm down...
- Yes, an admirable decision.
- No, it was really stupid.
It's not right.
Who needs to be mature right now?
Do you know what we need?
- To sleep for eight hours.
- No.
Tequila is what we need, sisters!
Tequila, sisters!
Stay away from me, Satan!
You know you want it, grab it.
Let's do the ritual. Grab the salt.
- Start thinking about your...
- Thanks, start there.
- Okay, concentrate.
- Concentration.
To all the women...
who have made a mark on our lives.
My Aunt Monique.
- To Susy, my inspirational muse.
- And to La Tigresa del Oriente.
- Cheers!
- No, wait.
To Britney.
She is overcoming all the damage
Justin did to her.
You're doing good, sister. Keep at it.
We've got your back.
- Cheers.
- No, wait!
For that day to come...
That wonderful day when we'll learn
to reproduce by ourselves,
like the amoebas.
- Cheers!
- Wait!
I'm almost done.
And for that other day to come...
when we'll only need men
for the little things.
Which means minimal things.
For example, opening jars,
reaching for things
when you don't have astep stool,
killing small insects that scare us.
They scare us so bad, sisters!
Cheers!
That's it, we're ready.
Never have I ever had sex
with two best friends.
Drink!
Never have I ever had sex with girls
and guys
and vibrators, and stuffed animals.
I've never edited a nude photo
before sending it to a guy.
Never have I ever...
sent an email and had it bounce back.
Never have I ever pooped
in someone's bathroom,
had the toilet not flush,
and had to grab the poop with my hand
and throw it in the trash.
Drink!
I never hooked up with a teacher.
- I never did that!
- Yes! In the parking lot!
He was my math teacher from prep school.
I asked him to explainsquare roots.
And how he took me
to the millionth power!
Drink!
- Does a yoga instructor count?
- Yes, it does. Cheers!
You know what we should do? Dance.
Yes, where should we go?
There was this one place.
Isn't there a place close by...
Was it Teatriz?
- It was over here...
- I think it was Zoom.
I'll just type in "Barranco."
And we'll look around there.
Where are all my people
from the Bridge of Sighs?
What's up?
No!
Idiot!
Who knows how to party better,
men or women?
- Women!
- Women!
#HOWYOUTHINKYOULOOK
#HOWYOUREALLYLOOK
- Excuse me.
- Sorry.
- Sir.
- Sir, please.
I'd like the same drink.
- Just what we need.
- Can we have that?
Excuse me. Go take care of your kids.
"Go take care of your kids"?
- That was so disrespectful.
- That was too much.
I'm getting a chilcano cocktail.
No, you know what pisco does to you.
No way...
- Rum?
- No.
- Vodka?
- No, get some water.
- Come on.
- No.
I'll be right back.
Oh, we lost her.
It sucks that it's daytime in China.
- I have to get this.
- Are you serious?
Stay here, don't move. I'll be back.
I need to play sober.
Remember when we danced to this song?
Sir, a pisco, please.
- Chilcano?
- No, a shot!
You know that's going to be bad for you.
Mara Fe? Mara Fe, are you there?
Hey, don't cut the line!
- Don't cut the line!
- Don't cut the line!
My best friend is
in that bathroom calling her ex.
Go ahead.
Mara Fe?
- I'm sorry. Mara Fe?
- Fe!
- Oh, shit.
- What happened?
Mara Fe, drop that phone.
Fe, don't text him.
- Give us the phone.
- You'll regret this tomorrow.
When you're sober, you'll regret this.
Tequila: six. Whiskey: two. Pisco: one.
Calls to your ex: one. Dignity: zero.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Did the tequila help?
Here you go.
It has no sugar.
I sweetened it with dates.
Those are coconut flakes on top.
No flour, either.
There's nothing in it.
I mean, it has other things.
- Thanks.
- Help yourself.
It's delicious.
I know it doesn't seem like it, but...
I also know what it's like
to have a broken heart.
Let me guess, a guy?
It doesn't necessarily
have to be a guy, right?
When I was 19...
I had to go back to my mom's house.
I lost my job and had to go back
to my mom's house.
And she was married to an idiot.
To a disgusting drunk.
And one day, I was asleep...
and he came home drunk, as usual.
And he got into my bed.
No, I'm fine. Nothing happened to me.
What I mean is...
That's not what matters. What matters is
that I went to tell my mom, and...
and she didn't believe me.
So I left.
- I feel silly now crying over a man.
- Don't worry.
All sadness hurts, right?
It's just a different hurt.
Your six-year relationship ended
over Skype.
It sucks, but it'll pass. You'll be fine.
I think that, right now, you should focus
your energy on something else.
When this happened to me,
I started doing yoga.
- The yoga was awesome.
- Yeah.
Einstein said
that life is like riding a bicycle.
To keep your balance,
you need to keep moving forward.
- That's it!
- Yep.
So, should I ride a bicycle or do yoga?
No, do pole dancing.
- Pole dancing?
- Yeah.
Let's start with a beautiful move,
the witch.
We have to think about it,
have it clear in our minds.
We visualize it in...
three... two... one.
And we have the witch. That's it.
That's it. We hold our beautiful witch.
Hold that pelvis, keep your smile.
And now, the angel.
If we can't remember how to do it,
we can look at the advanced students.
Yes, good.
That's it.
One... and dolphin. That's it.
Feet together, with a princess smile.
And exponential self-love.
That's it, beautiful. Let's keep trying.
- I got it!
- Yes, there you go.
We hold it for ten... nine...
eight... seven... and smile...
That's it.
Chess player, that's my thing.
The queen
is the most important piece here.
And the only one that can move
wherever she wants to.
How about that?
For you, the Beyonc of chess.
There are few games
in which I've learned as much
as I have from most of my mistakes.
Well, of course my queen was captured
by a pawn!
So typical...
This is wonderful and addictive junk.
I don't get why you don't sell them.
It's not junk, and it's not addictive.
It has coconut milk,
and it's healthy, so help yourself.
I'm sorry, but you'd be a millionaire.
Thanks, I'll pass.
I'd rather cook for you.
With love. That's it.
I want to see Matas's face
when he sees that I-by-myself.com
fixed that cabinet door.
My God, how much longer
do I have to hear that name?
Fine, I'm sorry.
- Want some?
- Thanks.
You should keep yourself busy
with something else.
For your own good and for ours.
Carolina, defend me.
I'm keeping myself busy.
- Really?
- Yes. I'm doing a bunch of things.
- Like what?
- I colored mandalas,
I painted the walls,
I just fixed that cabinet.
What else did I do? I played chess.
- Wow.
- I read Don Quijote again.
I tried pole dancing.
Oh, please, tell me how that went.
Humiliation is not the best therapy.
She did well.
She just has to keep practicing.
Thanks.
Usually, you're a smart slacker,
but now, you're just a slacker.
Keep insulting me, please.
You empower me.
I'm not insulting you.
I'm making a dessert. I'm inventing it.
- Should I continue?
- Please.
Fine, I'm insulting you.
Hearing you makes me grumpy.
- Sorry.
- Thanks. Please continue.
You have to stop, Fe. I'm serious.
- Enough.
- What's your problem?
You're not a kid anymore.
We're adults now. Life is passing by.
When will you do
what you've always wanted to?
You know what I want? I don't. Tell me.
What?
When did you decide to spend your life
writing commercials? I don't get it.
- Are you making fun of my job?
- No!
In high school,you wanted to be a writer.
She was the only one who knew
what she wanted to do.
I had no idea, but she did.
And she won at everything.
Now you say
you don't know what to do with your life.
- I don't.
- You say you're sad, you're going to die.
You want to play chess...
All because that dwarf left you.
You can't be serious.
I don't know what to write about, Natalia.
I don't know where to start.
Well, start by sitting
in front of a computer.
Like this,
because things won't write themselves.
So, I just sit at the computer,
and a masterpiece will happen.
You always said you wanted a blog.
Where's the blog? Huh?
- Blogs aren't even trendy anymore.
- Of course they are.
- So write one, for fuck's sake!
- I don't know what to write about.
- I don't know.
- Of course you do!
I don't know! I swear, I have no idea.
The only thing I have in my head
is that unnamable insect.
And how I want his intestines to rot
and pus to come out of them.
And for him to haveto call me
to take care of him
and make him hot chamomile tea
so he can sleep well.
After that, I feel bad
and I lose all my dignity
for wanting something bad
to happen to him.
I wanted him so much,
I loved him so much.
And then I feel worse
because I'm the protagonist
of a shitty comedy.
Where God and the Devil,
and all the people or beings
in charge of making me feel bad
spit at me with their black humor
and make fun of me.
And you can handle all of these things.
You have this wall around you
that won't let you feel anything.
But I'm going to end up alone.
And I'll go crazy.
I'll end up crying
in the street somewhere.
If you see me in the street crying,
please pick me up.
At least do that.
If all of that was in a blog,
I'd definitely read it.
WRITE A NAME
CREATE BLOG
Have you ever gone out
with one of those insecure idiots
who aren't acrylic or oil paint?
Well then, you've had the pleasure
of meeting a watercolor.
This kind of man requires a lot of work.
The cup with water, the paintbrush,
and in the end,
it's not even decent paint.
"Sex and Ceviche."
I don't know
if that's genius or disgusting.
No.
"A Crisis of Fe."
That sounds
like a Christian channel show.
No.
HOLLYWOOD'S NEWES AND MOST DESIRED BACHELORETTE
"Soltera Codiciada."
No, I'm not available. I'm sorry.
Oh, thank you.
How's that presentation going, beautiful?
Very good. Good.
Don't forget,
I want a presentation like...
- I hate him. I don't get it.
- Me neither.
He talks like he's Argentinian,
then Peruvian.
- He sucks.
- Totally.
I really don't like him.
What is it, Natalia? I'm working.
Excuse me,
am I speaking to Soltera Codiciada?
How do you know?
First, because you write how you speak.
Second, because the watercolor idea
came up when I broke up with stupid Nico.
And third, because it's all over Facebook.
What are you talking about?
Wait, I'm going to look.
I'll call you back.
Friends, I need to tell you something.
I started a blog.
- What?
- A blog?
Yes, "Soltera Codiciada."
What are you saying?
Wait. Apparently I have...
What? My blog has 300 views!
I don't even have 300 friends!
Sorry. I don't even have 30.
I might not even have three,
but I have you two.
- Oh, my friends!
- What's going on? Is this a market?
Do you want your paychecks or not?
Let's get to work.
- Share it with me.
- I want to share it.
"I think I've only been
with crayons in my life."
"I love you, Soltera." I love you, too.
"You should talk
about the guys you meet on Tinder."
Well, first,
you need another profile picture.
This one's horrible.
What's wrong with you? This one is fine.
I look fun.
Tinder is not a place for fun people,
Mara Fe.
- No?
- That's what Twitter is for.
Tinder is a place for people to have sex.
- It's sexual.
- Oh, that's gross.
- Come here.
- Okay.
I'd suggest you change it to...
- My God.
- Don't make fun of me.
- This one.
- Don't look.
- Don't look at it.
- It's perfect.
Listen, it's from three years ago.
I'm dressed as a sexy nurse, no.
That's what we want.
You should look sexy.
- This is the one. Do you trust me?
- Okay. Yes.
- Okay.
- Okay, let's see. Look at our options.
- That one with the beard!
- He's gay.
Really? Okay.
This one. Oh, I super liked him!
What will happen?
Will he know my address?
It's okay.
- Relax a bit.
- I'm relaxed.
- Relax more.
- It's for research.
It's normal,
I'm just getting to know the app.
Another one. That one, Fernando!
No? Which one is Fernando?
If it's a group photo,
it's always the ugliest one.
- This one, right?
- Him?
- Sure. Let's see.
- Okay.
- Look him up.
- Lorenzo, 27 years old. He's a surfer.
- He doesn't look like a psychopath.
- No, he won't hurt me too much.
- No.
- Okay.
- It's a match!
- Chat with him and have fun.
Okay, and what should I write?
I usually go right to the photo.
- A photo?
- Yes.
- A selfie.
- A selfie?
- Naked?
- Step by step.
Let's say you start with your face.
- The face?
- Then the neck.
Then you keep going down.
That's so kinky!
- It works for me.
- Don't be like that!
Being single is an eternal search
for the...
the perfect balance.
Shaving just in case it happens.
Or not shaving so it doesn't happen.
Putting enough makeup on to look great.
But not enough to make it look
like you tried too hard.
Thank you.
You're so sweet. No...
I had no time to dress up.
I'm just so busy. But thank you.
And above all, look like
you have everything under control.
Even though you have no idea
what you're doing.
#CANDYMODE
#HIPSTERMODE
#DESPERATEMODE
Lorenzo?
How are you? Hi.
I didn't recognize you.
You look different in your profile photo.
Yes, it was my best photo and my best age.
- Mara Jos.
- Mara Fe.
Sorry, I confuse those Christian names.
Mara Jos, Mara Fe, Magdalena...
- I got you a caramel macchiato.
- Thanks.
My female friends love it,
so I got you one.
Caramel macchiato?
Once, I put milk in your coffee.
You almost killed me.
He doesn't know.
- I don't know what?
- Oh.
- I don't know what?
- No...
I was saying I don't know
what kind of work you do.
But now I remember your profile photo,
and it looked like you enjoy surfing.
That's so great! It's so cool.
I'd love to go surfing one day.
It's amazing.
I loved it the one time I did it.
You don't do it all the time?
No, you have to wake up at 5 a.m.,
buy your own board,
and know how to swim.
- Well, you're not a nurse either, are you?
- Shut up.
- Should I shut up?
- No, not you. What I meant is that...
If you don't like surfing,
what do you like doing?
- What do you do?
- I'm working on an app with a friend.
Cool, and what's the name?
That doesn't matter, she's a know-it-all.
She's annoying and fat.
I was asking about the app's name.
- Tostadapp.
- Tostadapp?
Yes, "Tostada App."
- They share the a. It's "Tostadapp."
- Tostadapp.
What's Tostadapp about?
It's an app you can download
for free.
You have three options
to put on your tostada.
Butter, jam, and honey.
You must be thinking
that it makes no sense.
I was wondering if it's a joke or not.
The money comes later.
You get hooked on the app,
you can buy another upgrade,
but it costs $20.
Then, you have whatever you want.
Avocado, ham, cheese, turmeric...
And if you're really hooked,
then you can add...
Do you like muscle relaxants?
No, I'm allergic.
Are you serious?
You want to forget me with this idiot?
BALANCE
Yes, you haven't forgotten him.
And in this exact moment,
you have this overwhelming feeling
that you won't be able to.
You know he's a poor idiot
and you shouldn't miss him.
But you do miss him,
and that makes you feel
like a poor idiot.
And, damn it, your friends told you
it was a matter of time.
So why the hell does it hurt
as if it happened yesterday?
Oh, shit!
How was your Tinder date?
- Tostadapp.
- What's that?
It's a long story. Too long.
- Know who's getting married?
- Who? Besides everyone on my Facebook...
What an ugly envelope. Let me see.
Oh, Laura Rivas. It was obvious.
- Are you okay with this news?
- I'm fine. Why should this get to me?
- You've always been jealous of her.
- Don't exaggerate.
You cried in a bathroom for three hours
when they gave her the graduation speech
instead of you.
We were just kids. I'm fine now.
While she's picking out tablecloths
and changing diapers,
I'll bepicking investment funds
and negotiating with China.
It's obvious who made better use
of the last five years in economics.
Someone has to practice
their radical forgiveness.
- I don't get it.
- Me neither.
- There's one for you, too.
- Let me see.
Mara Fe and Matas.
Oh, it's just a small detail.
You're going, right?
I'll go. It's against my religion
to pass up a table of chocolate.
- I'm proud of you! Amen to that.
- Hallelujah.
Your life is a wardrobe.
And it doesn't matter
how badly you want to buy clothes.
If you don't get rid of your old,
ugly clothes
that drain your energy,
you'll never have space for the new ones.
Get out of there! Go home!
I'm not exactly sure how to finish it,
but I think this is the right direction.
Simplicity will help to tell the story.
I don't want to discourage you, but...
I feel that your idea lacks emotion.
It's missing that boom. Do you understand?
- Of course.
- Think bigger.
I understand, it could be more...
attention-grabbing.
But because it's such a personal subject,
Ramiro, I think that less is more.
In advertising, there's no such thing.
- "Less is more" doesn't exist.
- It doesn't exist.
Don't repeat everything I say, Mini-Me.
Less is more doesn't exist in advertising.
I'm going to tell you a story.
It was the year 1998, I had just returned
from studying in Buenos Aires.
They offered me the launch
of Vir Paints in all of Peru.
Seven supermodels,
the biggest at that time.
Beautiful girls, all painted in colors...
San Martn Square... Lights...
Vir.
It was shown everywhere.
So you need me to use blonde models,
wearing high heels...
Not models, I want something powerful.
Do you understand?
Anyone want to add anything?
That's what I get for showing something
with sensitivity
to my idiot, caveman, creep of a boss.
I hate him with all my heart.
I hate men...
No, you're not allowed
to kill yourself in my office.
I wasn't going to kill myself.
It's just a joke.
Hey, at least you don't hate me.
- Because we haven't had sex.
- Good for us.
By the way, there's a party
with everyone from the office.
Maybe it could give you ideas
for "Soltera Codiciada"?
Let's go.
You can invite your friend.
- Which friend?
- Your only friend.
Very funny. Fine, I'll tell Natalia.
But she'll ignore you.
You're not her type.
You'll never be her type.
Hey, I'm the universal type,
just so you know.
- He said we should wait by the bar.
- Where?
- Was that a good entrance?
- On fire.
- Really?
- There he is.
- I saw him.
- What a nice guy.
- Two cosmopolitans for the ladies.
- Thank you.
So, since we're women,
we should like Barbie drinks.
I like this drink.
Do you want something else?
- What are you having?
- Whiskey.
I want the same.
I'm fine, thanks.
- What's wrong?
- What?
- You love girly drinks.
- Let me have some fun.
I don't get why you're so mean to him.
He's the nicest heterosexual man I know.
I'm not being mean.
This is how we treat each other.
I don't know, we like it.
Hey, isn't that Carolina?
- Where?
- Over there.
- How are you?
- Hey! I'm great.
- How long have you worked here?
- I just started. Check this out.
Santiago is calling us. Come on, let's go.
- Be back soon.
- Okay.
Wait. That guy is looking at you.
- He is?
- Yes.
- He's not.
- He's still looking.
- What should I do?
- Keep walking.
She's got a fan.
- Yes!
- Yes!
Come on, get over there.
No, I don't know how to flirt anymore.
I'm serious, I don't remember how to.
Why don't you try the lonely technique?
What is that?
Oh, come on.
It's when a woman is alone on purpose,
and she makes this face
like she'd love to talk.
- And what comes next?
- Yeah.
You kiss him! Men like that.
If the conversation doesn't flow,
you kiss him, and that's it.
You can't talk
if you're using your tongue.
Oh, don't be a caveman.
You should use the trick
where you ask to try his drink.
You go towards him, and say,
"Can I try your drink?"
But instead of grabbing the drink,
you kiss him
and say, "It's delicious."
I'll do both.
- Okay.
- Go.
- It'll work.
- I'm going.
- You can do this.
- Let's go.
What happened? They left.
Do you think it'll work?
I know him. He's my friend.
I told him to go over.
Nice one!
Hopefully she'll stop talking
about Matas for a while.
- Hi.
- Hi. How are you?
Good, and you?
- I'm all right.
- Just all right? Because you look great.
Thanks.
My friends just left me here.
I mean...
- Isn't it better this way?
- It is, right?
Of course.
- Yeah, but my drink is... gross.
- Do you want me to buy you a drink?
No, I meant to ask...
Can I try your drink?
Yes, of course.
- Cheers to our friend!
- Cheers to her.
Good for you, Mara Fe.
Can I try your drink?
No.
It's delicious.
- You mean the kiss?
- Both.
But you haven't tried the drink. Try it.
- Well, this is my house. The kitchen's--
- Nice place.
Wait a second.
- Upstairs.
- Hurry up.
Holy Christ! Oh, God!
SLACKER
INCOMING CALL
LOVEBUG
Hello.
Hello? Fe?
Matas?
- How are you?
- Um...
I'm fine. Well, I was sleeping,
but now I'm wondering
why you called me.
Listen... I was thinking about you.
And I just called to see
how you're doing.
When your ex... Yes, your ex...
With e for egotistical, for evasive...
for small dick...
Okay, that doesn't start with e,
but good point.
...calls you in the middle of the night
to tell you that he misses you,
such a crappy gesture
deserves only one response.
Look, I have good news and bad news.
The good news is
that I know what I want.
And the bad news is
that sure as hell isn't you.
So if you feel like chatting,
call your psychologist,
your 16 booty calls,
or your mother, because I'm not available,
buddy.
As the saying goes,
"I sold my sack,
so I didn't have to carry it."
Unfortunately, it's always harder
to do it than to say it.
Fe? Are you not going to say anything?
I...
I don't know what to tell you.
Things are the way they are
because of you.
What do you want? What's going on?
I know. But something funny happened
to me today,
and I wanted to tell you,
but I realized we don't talk anymore.
I don't like things to be this way.
You were my best friend.
And you were mine.
Come on, stupid woman. Hang up.
Come on, you can do it. Hang up!
And...
What happened
to make you want to call me?
Brain-dead.
REST UP, BEAUTIFUL.
I'LL CALL YOU TOMORROW.
TALK TO YOU TOMORROW
HI, LOVEBUG!
IT WAS GREAT TO TALK LAST NIGH - Hey!
- Hey!
I have to go.
I have a work meeting,
but I can't find my sock.
Oh, it's somewhere here.
They always hide around here.
- Here it is. Here you go.
- Thank you.
Were you cooking breakfast?
- I had a great time. Your house is nice.
- Thank you. It is, yeah.
- Thank you for everything. Bye.
- No, thank you. Bye.
- Have a good day. I'll call you.
- Sure, we'll talk.
Bye, you beast.
You, Mafe, are a cool girl. You are chill.
That's what you are. A cool, chill girl.
People have told you that you are.
And you know you are, deep down.
If he calls you, fine.
And if he doesn't, it's fine, too.
Chill. Cool.
That's how life goes.
There's an eight-hour difference.
No need to get all worked up.
You do you. You--
INCOMING CALL
UNKNOWN CALLER
Shit!
Hello, lovebug.
Hi, is this Mara Fe?
Yes. Who's calling?
Jaime Castro,
editor at Patrimonio magazine.
Santiago gave me your number.
I'd like to interview you.
- Me?
- Yes.
You run the "Soltera Codiciada" blog,
right?
Yes, it was supposed to be anonymous.
I'm going to kill Santiago.
It's okay,
I'm not going to reveal your identity.
I wanted to ask you some questions.
INCOMING CALL LOVEBUG
Sorry, I'm not interested right now.
Maybe another time.
But--
Hi, lovebug.
RECORDING AUDIO
Fe? Hi. I called you,
but you didn't answer.
But it's for the best.
I'm sorry I called you yesterday.
I shouldn't have. It was a mistake.
You were right,
we shouldn't let things get messy again.
It won't happen again.
Bye, have a good one.
That guy better have kidnapped you.
That has to be why you're not answering.
Yeah.
I need to know if you're okay
and if you'll havethe tissue presentation
ready for next week.
An insistent guy, huh?
Holy shit! Not you again, please!
So, you watch series
where men are to blame for everything.
You are to blame for everything.
- You've become one of those girls.
- What kind of girl?
Tell me, what kind of girl am I?
- The type that says all men are the same.
- Not all men are the same.
But you, and specifically you,
you're a pain in the ovaries.
What did I do?
You, with your fucking strategy of trying
to keep me close enough
so that you don't miss me,
but far enough so that I don't interfere
in your new life.
What strategy, Mara Fe?
Don't you see it's all in your head?
What about my plans, Matas?
I could be traveling
around the world right now.
Or writing a book, or having babies.
How could you have babies?
Your cactuses die.
But I'm here, stuck and feeling miserable
because the person that I tried
to make happy for six years
keeps putting me in second place,
over and over again.
You are where you want to be.
Mafe?
I'm leaving.
Could you buy me
a banana cupcake, please?
Or a... No, a banana cupcake.
A cupcake.
The six months will be up in a week.
The contract will end.
- Here are the keys. Thank you.
- What? No. What?
Lucy and Pollock are on the balcony.
Okay? Water them just twice a week,
or they'll drown.
And they're very sensitive,
so talk or sing to them, or something.
You said you'd renew it
for six more months.
Right, but not anymore.
Why not?
- I'm going on a trip.
- Where to?
To a country.
- To which country?
- A country.
Which one?
It doesn't matter. I have this.
I can sleep anywhere. I'm fine.
What?
You do realize what you're doing, right?
- What?
- You're repeating.
The pattern.
- What pattern?
- The bad pattern.
No.
Where you do the same thing
over and over again.
So, you're in a place,
and then you get antsy and want to leave?
Why? What's the problem? What's going on?
I don't likegetting too comfortable
in a place.
So I get bored and have to leave
and go somewhere else.
I can make you feel more uncomfortable
if you'd like.
I can be dirty.
I'll stop showering for weeks.
I have before.
It's cool. I mean it.
Want me to clog the shower drain
with my hair?
It's not necessary.
What's so bad about staying here?
You're not going anywhere. Are you crazy?
No. This is your house.
Look at everything you've done.
Look at how beautiful, organized,
and clean it is.
You taught me to take care of the plants,
to paint, and all of that.
It's our house.
And you're my sister now.
And I love you, and all of that.
I also... love you.
- Well, you're screwed, then.
- No, you're screwed.
- Don't run away, coward.
- I'm not.
- My suitcase is over there.
- What's that?
It's nothing. It's a towel.
I'm going to the store.
Didn't you want a cupcake?
- Yes.
- Okay, then.
But we need to talk about this, Carolina.
I'm just saying, okay?
These repetitive patterns concern me.
- No. We're going to talk.
- Come on.
- We have to eat first.
- Okay.
The last question,
and I'll leave you alone, Mara Fe.
Why the name "Soltera Codiciada"?
Well, because "Almost 30
and Having an Existential Crisis"
was already taken.
Don't spit it out.
I'm going to turn this off.
I'm not recording anymore.
Thank you so much.
It was a nice interview.
I had a great time.
- Thank you.
- I have valuable information.
Don't worry,
your name is my best kept secret.
That's very important.
Thank you. These have been
the best 30 minutes of fame
that I've ever had.
My only minutes of fame.
The only ones? Come on,
you'll be famous for a while.
Your blog will be a big hit, I'm serious.
The women in my office get together
on Monday mornings.
- It's like a gossiping ritual.
- What?
- They read your blog together.
- Really? That's awesome.
Yes, and I must admit that I take a peek
and read it with them.
I'll keep your secret if you keep mine.
- Yes, please.
- Cheers.
Listen, would it be too... unprofessional
if we continued this somewhere else?
Maybe take a walk
and get coffee or something?
A little bit, yes.
But I told my boss
that I have a doctor's appointment.
So who am I to judge? Right?
- Okay, great.
- Okay.
We're on the same page, then.
- Sure.
- Should I ask for the check so we can go?
- Yes.
- Is that okay? Great.
Thank you.
As the saying goes, "When one door closes,
another one opens."
And now some advice for me.
Look, a year and a half ago,
I broke up with my ex...
Cool.
And I still can't get her off my mind.
I don't know what to do.
I'll pass.
Tell me, you're the single blogger.
Well, sometimes, behind that open door,
an ex is hiding.
Well, the first thing I did
was delete her from my phone.
- Bye, contact info.
- Bye, WhatsApp.
Bye, WhatsApp, photos,
and audio messages.
- Then Iunfriended her on Facebook. Bye.
- Bye-bye.
What I can't do is stop following her
on Instagram.
Instagraham!
Norton Bell, man!
And she insists on posting every day.
Every day she has a photo of whatever.
Well, you can't get over her overnight.
One day at a time.
Like the day when the smallest thing
makes you feel empty inside.
Or the day when somebody asks you
about that person,
and you don't know what to say.
Or the day when your head betrays you
with old habits.
But there are also days when
you surprise yourself by doing new things.
And days when you can laugh at yourself.
So each tear is one more step forward.
Each day is a day closer
to you being well.
Live it, one tissue at a time.
This is a draft, so it can change.
We can always improve it, right?
But why would we change it?
I think it's good.
There's a connection,
it makes the brand relevant.
I think it's in tune
with what I want to communicate.
But we can do it. We could--
No, leave it like this.
I'm really very pleased.
I think you've done a great job.
Congratulations.
I knew you'd like it. She's the best.
That's great.
Let me show you the ideas
I have for outdoor ads
and social media.
GENIUS!
It's great.
Cut that long hair.
Kill those dreads.
And wash that hair.
The clients loved the campaign.
Really?
That's a success because they're a part
of a gigantic corporation.
What we have to do is win
their brands one at a time.
- Okay.
- What they want...
is for you to head all of their jobs.
Really?
So given the huge workload that's coming,
what you deserve...
is a promotion.
- A promotion?
- Yes.
Really?
- Congratulations.
- Thank you.
Thanks.
I have to talk it over with my associate,
but my decisions are always final.
You're in.
That's great. Thank you so much.
Well, let's get to work!
Don't distract the genius.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
- Caro?
- Hey there.
Caro, you won't believe the day I had!
The presentation was amazing.
You should've seen Ramiro's face.
I should've posted it on FB, I'm serious.
We have a problem.
Natalia?
What's wrong?
Okay.
So you don't have a dress
for the wedding? I'll lend you one.
There's a full moon today,
people get weird.
I just had some bacon.
I called the girls from school
to see if we'd get her a present
between all of us.
They told me there's no wedding list,
because after the wedding,
they're moving to New York.
Okay.
They're moving to New York City.
She got the grant
that I've been denied three times.
- And?
- She has everything.
The perfect body,
the perfect face, the perfect boyfriend.
The perfect job.
I...
I thought it was necessary
to sacrifice something.
I thought you had to focus
on only one thing to...
- I feel so stupid.
- Okay.
Honey.
Listen to me, honey. Listen.
To start, you're an incredible woman.
You are so successful.
- But...
- Yes, there's a but.
Maybe it's time for you
to stop focusing only on work,
and start thinking about yourself.
Maybe it's time for you to relax a bit.
Listen to me, you're 29 years old.
You're not 89 years old.
You have all the time in the world
to do things differently
if you feel like it.
- I love you.
- I love you, too.
Everything will be fine.
Can I keep saying that I'm a feminist,
if I cried over Laura getting married?
No, hand me your gun, your badge,
and your vibrator, please.
- No, not my vibrator.
- Okay, let's toast.
- What are we celebrating?
- She got a promotion.
- What?
- Yes!
That's great.
Well, let's celebrate.
- Let's celebrate.
- With our favorite drink.
I'm going to celebrate for real.
- Everyone can get married.
- Who cares?
I got married to a tree once.
Yes, it was a very beautiful ceremony.
But then they cut him down.
Cheers anyway.
Here's to the tree
moving on to a better life.
To paper and notebooks!
Hello. Hi, how are you?
Girlfriend...
Don't be offended, but it's a great idea
to come to a wedding without a date.
- Why is that?
- The suit effect.
All men look better in a suit.
The ugly ones become okay,
the okay ones become hot,
and the hot ones become
"let's go have sex now."
The Powerpuff Girls have arrived.
Yay!
And you're Blossom.
- Blossom was the redhead.
- Yes.
She should be Blossom.
You're the redhead. And you'd be Bubbles.
- I'd be the green one.
- You all look beautiful.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
I'll never understand how you get invited
to all the events in Lima.
- I'm the life of the party. You know that.
- We know it.
There is Laurita!
- She looks strange.
- She's too tall.
- It's too...
- It doesn't look good.
What's that about?
- Ouch.
- I'm sorry.
Listen, tell me if it's my imagination,
or if the guy over there is Matas.
Don't turn around. Don't look worried.
On the count of three,
we'll laugh naturally at something.
Then turn around
and tell me if it's him.
- Okay?
- Yes.
One, two, three.
Shit, it's really him.
- Really?
- Yes.
Fe...
If dogs attack when they smell fear,
exes come back when they sense calm.
- Don't start crying or get depressed.
- Don't leave the party just to avoid him.
But above all, don't hook up with him.
Everything will be fine. Take it easy.
There is a survival plan for this.
- First, no alcohol.
- No alcohol.
To survive this situation,
there are three basic rules.
One, don't drink alcohol
because it makes you weaker.
Two, talk
to the most attractive guy there.
That's great.
- Here he is.
- Hey.
- How are you?
- Good, very good.
- Javi, this is...
- Mafe.
- Mafe.
- How are you?
- This is my boyfriend, Javi.
- Great, nice to meet you.
Three, act indifferent
when you run into him.
If none of that works,
you can dive into the chocolate table.
Hey.
If I don't come over,
you won't congratulate us?
Laurita, forgive me.
- Congratulations.
- Thank you.
- Everything's beautiful. Congratulations.
- Thank you.
Do you remember Natalia?
- No.
- Oh, come on.
She's my childhood friend from school.
You never mentioned her.
Oh, please.
We've known each other for ages.
She's so funny.
Listen, she is Cupid's
number one mortal enemy.
You can't imagine. They hate each other.
Can't stand the sight of each other.
She's like Pennywise the Clown.
Terrified of love. Always alone.
- I wouldn't say that.
- It's true.
Did you bring a date today?
- Yes.
- Oh, come on.
- Come on, Natalia.
- I'm serious, I brought a date.
- Really?
- Yes.
- Where is the poor guy?
- The bathroom. I'll introduce you later.
- My love.
- There he is.
There he is.
Here he is.
This is my boyfriend, Santiago.
- Hi, Santiago.
- How are you?
I'm great. Congratulations.
Well, we have to move on.
- Enjoy.
- You, too.
- Let's go.
- Congratulations.
That was good, right?
It wasn't too much, right? Or was it?
Some chocolates for later?
Are you sure I can leave you here
by yourself? Will you be okay?
Yes, I'll be fine.
- Okay.
- It's fine.
I'm going to leave soon.
My feet really hurt.
Okay.
Why are you speaking
with a Spanish accent?
It's because I met this amazing guy.
He's so handsome, he makes me horny.
So he asked me if I speak Spanish.
I said yes, but with a Spanish accent.
Now I have to keep the act up,
or else he'll think that I'm a fake.
And actually, I am.
But he doesn't know that.
I feel possessed.
Infatuated.
You still wear those heels
that hurt your feet?
You should throw them away, it's silly.
I'm not silly.
What do you want?
Can I stay here for a bit?
You're already here. What's going on?
I've been meaning to talk to you.
I don't have any missed calls from you,
Matas.
I'd have one if you wanted to talk to me.
I don't want to talk.
Just let me tell you what I wanted to say.
I'll say it, and I'll leave you alone.
I wanted to apologize for being an idiot.
I miss you a lot.
I've thought a lot about you.
It's been so hard for me
to be over there by myself.
Getting used to everything...
I had to stop myself
from texting and calling you.
- You're drunk, right?
- No.
I'm telling you how I really feel.
Who else would I tell?
It hasn't been easy for me.
There were times when I thought,
what am I doing here?
What am I doing with my life?
I was confused.
I screwed up, Fe.
I didn't want to fuck things up.
I'm really sorry.
You don't have to apologize to me,
it's not necessary.
Just stop dragging me
into your problems.
If you're confused...
You have no right to come here
and mess with my head.
I messed up, I know that.
I want to apologize for that.
I've been thinking a lot.
I read your blog.
I think it's great.
I'm glad you're writing.
It was what you wanted, right?
I arrived in Lima,
and I wanted to go see you.
I wanted to know how you're doing,
meet up.
Why are you telling me all this?
Because it's the truth.
Okay.
Do you still pay attention to signs?
Today, the moon lines up with Mars, and...
and your aura is, like, orange or red.
Do you realize that what you're saying
makes no sense?
One song?
I came to this wedding
just because of you.
I missed you a lot, Fe.
No.
No, I'm sorry.
- Fe.
- What?
- What's wrong?
- What do you mean?
Do you not love me anymore?
I have too much alcohol in my blood
to have this talk.
- I can't now.
- I need an answer.
What do you want to know?
Matas, we'll talk tomorrow, okay?
- It'll be better.
- No, I need to know.
Fe...
I'm here.
For you.
SLACKER
It was hot and there was fire
between us
and all of that,
but we're not husband and wife.
So he left. He took the bus and left.
I don't get
why you talk like a Spaniard to them.
Come on, it's hot.
Don't accents turn you on?
- I don't know.
- It's romantic.
Imagine the rose petals and the stud.
Oh, come on!
You've never had sex
in a different language?
- In Chinese once.
- Oh, no.
- What? Chinese can be very sensual.
- Good morning.
- Hey.
- Sleeping Beauty woke up.
What are you doing here?
- So much love, good morning to you, too.
- Good morning.
You left yesterday
without saying anything. I was worried.
- You forgot your purse.
- Oh, thank you.
I'll put it away now.
- How delicious.
- Thank you.
- Hi, good morning.
- Hi.
- Hi, Natalia.
- Good morning.
My roommate Carolina. This is Matas.
- Hi.
- Hi, I'm Caro.
- I'm Matas.
- How are you?
- Fine.
- Do you want to eat anything?
Carolina is a great cook.
She makes some things like...
- What did you make?
- Oatmeal and yogurt.
- How delicious.
- And chia seeds and stuff.
- She makes it from scratch.
- It has no sugar.
- Do you like it?
- It's good.
Why don't we ask tomorrow?
Maybe he'll change his mind.
- Natalia...
- What?
Shut up.
- You live in Madrid, right?
- Yes.
How is it?
- It's beautiful.
- What about the Spanish women?
Enough.
I prefer the Peruvian women.
- I'll head out now.
- I'm sorry.
I'll talk to my aunt today
about the tickets.
Okay, we'll talk later.
Nice to meet you, Caro.
- Bye.
- Take care.
- Bye.
- Bye.
So, you're going to Madrid.
Just to make things clear,
this is the news:
Matas has asked me
to go live with him in Madrid.
But I told him I need to think about it.
Okay? Are we good?
We're good, thanks.
Will you continue with the blog?
You were really happy about that, right?
Of course,
I'll continue writing my blog.
I'm not going to move to a cave
in the forest.
Are you sure?
You didn't write one word
during your six years with him.
I remember. I don't know if you do,
- but I remember.
- What is it?
I'm telling you the truth.
When he's here,
everything revolves around him.
You disappear.
That's not a healthy relationship.
What do you know about relationships?
Based on your vast experience with love,
what do you know?
Girls, why don't we have breakfast,
and then...
- Shut up, Carolina!
- You're right.
Maybe I don't know about relationships.
But I do know you.
This is not a good idea, and you know it.
How is it not a good idea?
Natalia, you've seen me without him.
- How did I feel? Like shit.
- Yes.
I felt like shit.
Now he shows up, he regrets what he did,
he apologizes, he asks me
to move to Madrid with him.
I'm happy with him. What's the problem?
You can't be happy if you only focus
on making him happy.
I don't get it. Please explain it to me.
Tell me, how can you be happy like that?
- You're so dense, so insensitive.
- You can't handle hearing the truth.
- No!
- Yes, look at yourself.
I'm like this because you can't stand
that I'm happy.
LESSON 29: LEARN TO UNLEARN
WHERE IS THIS WEEK'S POST?
THERE'S NO NEW POST?
SOLTERA, DON'T LEAVE US!
WE NEED YOU
2018 CALENDAR
ANTI-PRINCESSES AND ANTIHEROES
Hey, you should've told me
the elevator wasn't working.
I had to go up hundreds of steps.
When I came up, it was working.
Like this shitty camera
that stopped working.
- What's wrong with it?
- Something with the lens.
Everything looks beautiful.
- I spoke with my aunt.
- Did you?
She'll book your flight
for the last week in July.
After you resign, you'll need a month
or two to prepare for the move.
That sounds about right.
I have a colleague there
who works in advertising.
He's really great,
and I told him about you.
He'll let you know if he has any projects.
Cool, right?
Cool.
It looks like you've done many things
without me.
That's enough with the camera.
I want a nice photo before we leave.
Okay, I'll let go of the camera.
We're going to relax and have some wine.
Great.
Will you pass me the wine opener?
- Oh, shoot.
- What?
I forgot it.
- I'll go get it now.
- No, no, don't worry.
What?
Listen.
What is it?
Only in Lima can an alarm go off
at this hour and go all night.
In Spain, they fine you.
This idiot's probably so far away
that he can't hear the alarm.
Well, it'll turn off soon enough.
We should just leave.
I'm tired of living here.
I like Lima.
- Really?
- Yes.
Of course.
I like my neighborhood.
I like my house.
Walking around, going to the market,
I don't know, stuff like that...
See? It turned off.
Matas.
I think...
I think that I want to stay here.
I don't think I want to go to Madrid.
You're joking, right?
I told you I was going to think about it.
It was an obvious yes.
Not really.
You wanted to move eight months ago.
What happened?
We haven't spoken in eight months.
Everything has changed.
No, things are the same.
It's you and me.
No.
No, it's not the same.
It's like...
To be with you,
I have to be where you are.
Would you drop your master's degree
to be with me?
- It's not the same thing.
- Yes, it's the same.
Matas,
when you decided to be without me
I thought I'd die from the pain.
I mean it.
Now you show up with this proposal,
and I...
I'm scared to death.
Because...
Because by being without you,
I've found myself.
On my own.
Just recently.
I don't understand you.
You don't want to travel?
So that's it?
I think so.
Really? Just like that?
Not just like that.
Not just like that.
And you know that.
Now what?
Well, now...
SLACKER
No.
- The darker one.
- The darker one?
Yes, with the gray scale.
No, the darker one...
- Ramiro.
- Hey, genius!
I was about to ask you
to sign the contract.
I quit.
Excuse me?
I am truly thankful for the opportunity.
But there is something
I need to do right now.
I want-- I'm going to write a book.
You'll write a book.
You want to write a book here in Peru,
where nobody reads.
Yes.
Has anyone read a book in the past month?
So everyone reads books now.
So we're all readers now.
Okay, is this a move
to ask for more money?
- Or what?
- No, not at all.
I just need to do this now.
I can't put it off any longer.
Don't worry about the tissues.
I'll leave everything ready for you.
- I'll take care of it.
- Don't worry.
Really, don't worry about it.
If you want to leave now, go ahead.
No problem, I won't go after you.
- Okay, thanks.
- But let me give you some advice.
Maybe the offer and the contract
made you think you can play
in the big leagues.
But don't fool yourself, really.
I'm being honest here.
You're not a good writer.
You need a lot more to be a good writer.
Don't risk what you have.
I'm serious. You could lose it all.
I know.
And maybe you're right.
Maybe I still have a lot to learn.
And maybe nobody will read what I write.
But I would rather do that,
even if I make a ton of mistakes,
than continue working for a misogynist,
sexist, racist,
and homophobic man like you.
I don't know if I impressed you,
or if I needed more...
Take that, dumbass!
Stop talking with an Argentinian accent!
You're not from Argentina.
You spent four months in Argentina!
Why are you here?
- Mara Fe...
- What?
I'm fixing the pipes.
Oh, so that's what they call it now!
Fixing the pipes.
Look at you.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- I can't take this anymore...
- I'm sorry...
- I feel so sad...
- I'm serious...
- I overstepped...
- No, you didn't.
- I have to face that...
- No, I was wrong...
I broke up with Matas.
- What did you say?
- She broke up with Matas.
Are you okay?
Yes.
And I want to make my blog into a book.
- Really?
- Yes.
- It's going to be a hit.
- Yes!
You're already a hit.
- Let's never fight again.
- Never.
- It was horrible.
- It was horrible.
- I had stomach pains.
- I couldn't sleep.
Will you tell me what's going on?
- Where?
- So is he really...
Is he really fixing the pipes?
- Or is it a joke?
- It's true.
He's fixing other things, too.
Is he fixing other things?
What else is he fixing?
You're being affectionate!
Did you just call her baby?
Are you all sweet now?
- I don't know.
- Like a little girl?
- I don't know.
- Are you little Natalia?
- She's blushing.
- She is blushing!
PATIENCE
And then that day arrives.
There's no way to predict the exact dates
and no formulas that take you there.
- Friends...
- What's up?
- I think I finished.
- What?
The book.
- What?
- Yes!
- No way!
- Oh, my goodness!
I was referring to the structure.
I still have to write the book.
- Well, cheers.
- Yes, cheers!
- Cheers!
- Cheers.
Cheers to you!
- Let's take a look.
- Want to?
So, I want to make fun of fairy tales.
So each color represents a chapter.
You'll have this strange feeling of peace.
And you'll smile thinking,
"Good for you, slacker!
It was about time!"
We've been taught that we're the princess
in the fairy tale.
But we can also be the fairy godmother
if a friend needs our help.
Or the genie in the lamp
when we try
to meet everyone's expectations at once.
And above all,
we can also be prince charming.
Because a princess who respects herself,
rescues herself.